1
00:00:03,737 --> 00:00:05,373
- Morning.
- Excellent.
2
00:00:05,409 --> 00:00:07,637
Thanks, Paul.
Looking good, by the way.
3
00:00:07,673 --> 00:00:09,592
- Lost some weight?
- Cut out sugar.
4
00:00:10,178 --> 00:00:11,179
Well, it's working.
5
00:00:58,166 --> 00:00:59,364
Wrong room.
6
00:00:59,755 --> 00:01:00,629
As you were.
7
00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:08,186
Hi. I'm sorry
to bother you.
8
00:01:08,222 --> 00:01:10,046
You couldn't just give us a
minute, could you?
9
00:01:10,082 --> 00:01:11,513
Of course.
10
00:01:14,705 --> 00:01:16,036
Hi, Patrick.
11
00:01:16,072 --> 00:01:18,373
Oh!
Thank God you're here.
12
00:01:18,409 --> 00:01:20,659
The lads, they were
having a laugh.
13
00:01:20,698 --> 00:01:23,358
- It's time to go.
- Yeah, of course. Great.
14
00:01:23,425 --> 00:01:24,603
I wasn't...
15
00:01:25,633 --> 00:01:26,932
I thought it was
a normal bar.
16
00:01:26,968 --> 00:01:29,728
You're getting married
in 11 hours.
17
00:01:31,740 --> 00:01:32,741
Yeah.
18
00:01:33,341 --> 00:01:34,707
Wicked.
19
00:01:34,743 --> 00:01:35,901
Outside in five?
20
00:01:35,937 --> 00:01:38,201
I might need a bit
of a hand with the...
21
00:01:44,859 --> 00:01:46,678
Okay, ladies.
22
00:01:46,715 --> 00:01:50,383
I don't need to remind you
that today is a huge day for us.
23
00:01:50,436 --> 00:01:53,336
Footballers' weddings are the
Mogadishu of the PR calendar.
24
00:01:53,372 --> 00:01:56,751
The perfect fucking storm
of brainless overpaid wankers
25
00:01:56,787 --> 00:01:59,087
given the night off from
running around kicking things.
26
00:01:59,123 --> 00:02:00,623
They will fight,
they will drink,
27
00:02:00,659 --> 00:02:02,864
they will try to put their
penises into everything.
28
00:02:06,720 --> 00:02:08,456
Next time
it will be a glass.
29
00:02:09,663 --> 00:02:13,280
Remember, footballers are pack
animals who stay in pairs.
30
00:02:13,351 --> 00:02:15,810
Alongside them will be the
usual array of chair fillers
31
00:02:15,865 --> 00:02:17,414
who would attend
the opening of a fridge
32
00:02:17,463 --> 00:02:19,996
if they thought it would get them
name-checked by Perez Hilton.
33
00:02:20,059 --> 00:02:22,828
It's down to us to ensure
that things run smoothly,
34
00:02:22,888 --> 00:02:25,894
that our clients get the
inches for the right reasons,
35
00:02:25,933 --> 00:02:29,495
and we avoid deaths, rapes
and legal suits.
36
00:02:29,557 --> 00:02:31,374
We control the agenda.
37
00:02:31,448 --> 00:02:34,864
This means everyone on point,
no hangovers, no menstruating,
38
00:02:34,946 --> 00:02:37,764
no substance which might impair
your professional judgement.
39
00:02:37,827 --> 00:02:39,029
You can Speedball
your tiny tits off
40
00:02:39,065 --> 00:02:40,589
if it makes you
better at your job.
41
00:02:40,690 --> 00:02:42,526
But if it affects your work,
42
00:02:42,618 --> 00:02:44,958
and thus, my work,
43
00:02:45,062 --> 00:02:47,829
then when you get home,
you shall find me hiding under your bed
44
00:02:47,912 --> 00:02:50,546
with a garden hose
and a length of razor wire.
45
00:02:50,754 --> 00:02:54,510
Tonight, you will earn
your fucking money.
46
00:02:56,157 --> 00:02:59,841
We are the guardians
of the galaxy.
47
00:03:01,222 --> 00:03:05,487
Don't fuck it up.
48
00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:09,022
Go.
49
00:03:10,201 --> 00:03:14,516
Subtitles by explosiveskull
50
00:03:14,657 --> 00:03:16,638
Okay, make sure you've got
your clothes for tonight
51
00:03:16,674 --> 00:03:18,962
as there'll be none of this
"going home to change" bollocks.
52
00:03:19,024 --> 00:03:21,651
Sexy, not slutty
or you will get touched.
53
00:03:21,721 --> 00:03:23,999
Hard copies of the guest list,
seating plans,
54
00:03:24,070 --> 00:03:25,988
I want faces in full view
of the cameras,
55
00:03:26,024 --> 00:03:27,068
in order of importance.
56
00:03:27,104 --> 00:03:28,419
How do I know
who's more important?
57
00:03:28,455 --> 00:03:30,801
Rate them on a slidey scale
from royals and Olympians
58
00:03:30,837 --> 00:03:34,494
to Made in Chelseas and the exes
of Cheryl Tweedy Cole Fernandez.
59
00:03:34,549 --> 00:03:37,061
Oh, and the Olympians who've won
medals and Winter Olympics don't count.
60
00:03:37,097 --> 00:03:38,300
Unless, of course,
they're super hot
61
00:03:38,347 --> 00:03:39,666
in which case
they get a by.
62
00:03:39,702 --> 00:03:40,845
Got it.
63
00:03:40,981 --> 00:03:43,672
All phones should be taken on
entry, no exceptions.
64
00:03:43,708 --> 00:03:45,146
Plus, any recording devices,
65
00:03:45,182 --> 00:03:47,535
iPads, GoPros,
fucking Etch A Sketches,
66
00:03:47,571 --> 00:03:49,104
metal detector, full frisk,
67
00:03:49,140 --> 00:03:50,987
rubber-glove-and-Vaseline
treatment, if necessary.
68
00:03:51,048 --> 00:03:53,648
It's only gonna take one
Instagram to blow the HELLO! deal.
69
00:03:53,754 --> 00:03:55,086
Last celebrity wedding
I went to,
70
00:03:55,146 --> 00:03:56,997
I ended up doing shots
of Frangelico
71
00:03:57,033 --> 00:03:58,945
in a hot tub
with the Pussycat Dolls.
72
00:03:58,981 --> 00:04:01,117
The redhead, who looks like
a sex robot from the future,
73
00:04:01,153 --> 00:04:03,113
decided to show off
her standing splits.
74
00:04:03,149 --> 00:04:05,401
Kicked Claudia Winkleman
in the face.
75
00:04:05,451 --> 00:04:07,999
Chipped tooth,
she had to have it veneered.
76
00:04:08,072 --> 00:04:09,593
I'm sure there's
a moral there somewhere.
77
00:04:09,645 --> 00:04:10,940
Is Sam coming tonight?
78
00:04:11,002 --> 00:04:11,944
Yes, he is.
79
00:04:11,980 --> 00:04:13,945
He's been a Chelsea supporter
since he was a kid.
80
00:04:13,981 --> 00:04:14,782
Fun.
81
00:04:16,528 --> 00:04:18,531
No, really.
Tom will be there, too.
82
00:04:18,567 --> 00:04:20,576
So, it will be
like a play date.
83
00:04:20,612 --> 00:04:24,650
- So, you two are...
- Well, I'm in love with him so...
84
00:04:26,012 --> 00:04:27,811
I know,
annoying isn't it?
85
00:04:27,863 --> 00:04:30,044
That shit always gets in the
way of a good relationship.
86
00:04:30,109 --> 00:04:32,651
Thank you so much. Bye.
87
00:04:32,687 --> 00:04:33,634
Balls.
88
00:04:33,670 --> 00:04:36,304
- What?
- Stormzy's just pulled out.
89
00:04:36,340 --> 00:04:37,816
That's like the fifth one
this morning.
90
00:04:37,852 --> 00:04:42,572
- What are our numbers at?
- Eleven, that's including three Sky Sports news presenters.
91
00:04:42,608 --> 00:04:45,121
Sky Sports hotties or
Sky Sports hairy old men?
92
00:04:45,167 --> 00:04:47,089
One hottie,
two hairy old men.
93
00:04:48,931 --> 00:04:49,886
Balls.
94
00:05:05,111 --> 00:05:06,343
What's our quota?
95
00:05:06,474 --> 00:05:09,246
HELLO! want 15
with at least six A's.
96
00:05:09,282 --> 00:05:11,281
Melody, make some calls,
round up some more people.
97
00:05:11,317 --> 00:05:12,546
But the wedding's
in four hours.
98
00:05:12,592 --> 00:05:14,291
Why are you still
talking to us then?
99
00:05:14,351 --> 00:05:15,770
What if I can't
find anyone?
100
00:05:15,806 --> 00:05:17,516
Then find yourself
a new job.
101
00:05:17,552 --> 00:05:19,040
Oh, you have to get
paid to call it a job.
102
00:05:19,076 --> 00:05:20,651
Oh, punchy.
I like it.
103
00:05:20,687 --> 00:05:21,655
Has anyone
ever told you
104
00:05:21,691 --> 00:05:23,178
you look skinnier when
you stand up for yourself?
105
00:05:23,214 --> 00:05:24,671
Anyone who has
something to promote
106
00:05:24,707 --> 00:05:25,552
and wants a free dinner.
107
00:05:25,588 --> 00:05:27,022
Tell them that
you made some phone calls
108
00:05:27,058 --> 00:05:28,451
and you managed
to buy them an invite
109
00:05:28,487 --> 00:05:29,636
to the wedding
of the decade.
110
00:05:29,672 --> 00:05:30,875
God, look
at this place.
111
00:05:30,911 --> 00:05:33,433
It's like Patrick Bateman
went on Queer Eye.
112
00:05:33,547 --> 00:05:35,843
- Speaking of which...
- Robyn.
113
00:05:39,310 --> 00:05:41,200
Yes. Right, fellas.
114
00:05:41,236 --> 00:05:42,579
This is Robyn, my PR,
115
00:05:42,615 --> 00:05:45,396
that's Eve,
and that's Melody.
116
00:05:45,432 --> 00:05:48,185
You guys all right to
contribute, like a chat, yeah?
117
00:05:48,273 --> 00:05:49,323
That is sweet.
118
00:05:51,401 --> 00:05:53,338
Thank you for last night.
119
00:05:53,374 --> 00:05:55,101
If it's all right,
can we not discuss this in front of...
120
00:05:55,137 --> 00:05:56,867
Patrick, relax.
121
00:05:56,903 --> 00:05:58,376
Okay, great. Um...
122
00:05:59,569 --> 00:06:00,904
Has anyone got any coke?
123
00:06:00,959 --> 00:06:03,251
- It's 10:10.
- I've got some.
124
00:06:03,317 --> 00:06:05,010
Eve, go check
on the bridesmaids.
125
00:06:05,072 --> 00:06:06,703
Fine.
Come on, Bilbo.
126
00:06:08,480 --> 00:06:10,913
- You excited?
- Yeah.
127
00:06:11,027 --> 00:06:13,072
Have you seen the pagoda
in the garden?
128
00:06:13,158 --> 00:06:15,361
The decorators are getting
swans and shit out there.
129
00:06:15,449 --> 00:06:18,216
- It's gonna be sick.
- I'm sure it is. How's Bianca?
130
00:06:18,685 --> 00:06:19,713
I don't know.
131
00:06:19,780 --> 00:06:21,603
Do you reckon a baby-blue
suit would look good
132
00:06:21,639 --> 00:06:24,789
or is that a bit... gay?
133
00:06:24,851 --> 00:06:26,209
I think it will
be perfect.
134
00:06:26,263 --> 00:06:27,894
Do you remember
everything we discussed?
135
00:06:27,972 --> 00:06:29,807
HELLO! is going to be here
until 5:00 pm.
136
00:06:29,870 --> 00:06:32,112
So, until that moment there
is absolutely no more booze,
137
00:06:32,148 --> 00:06:33,996
no drugs,
no bad behavior,
138
00:06:34,032 --> 00:06:36,715
no Twitter, no Insta.
You are Prince Charming.
139
00:06:36,751 --> 00:06:37,958
And then once
all the press clears out
140
00:06:37,994 --> 00:06:38,886
and we've done
a sweep to make sure
141
00:06:38,922 --> 00:06:40,687
there's no cameras
or recording devices,
142
00:06:40,723 --> 00:06:42,808
we can go back to being
the Prince of Darkness.
143
00:06:42,844 --> 00:06:43,879
Got it?
144
00:06:49,078 --> 00:06:51,044
You've got the speech
we wrote for you?
145
00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:52,421
- Mmm-hmm.
- And the rings are all in place?
146
00:06:52,484 --> 00:06:53,784
It's a big
photo moment, Patrick,
147
00:06:53,883 --> 00:06:54,914
so don't fuck it up.
148
00:06:54,982 --> 00:06:56,103
Yes, all good.
149
00:06:56,165 --> 00:06:58,619
Listen, I need you
to meet someone. Gary?
150
00:07:00,890 --> 00:07:01,866
Yo.
151
00:07:02,474 --> 00:07:04,583
Indecent
images were allegedly found
152
00:07:04,619 --> 00:07:05,693
on the hard drive...
153
00:07:05,729 --> 00:07:07,101
Gary, this is Robyn,
154
00:07:07,187 --> 00:07:08,829
who I told you about.
155
00:07:08,865 --> 00:07:10,798
She can fix anything,
bro, I swear.
156
00:07:10,834 --> 00:07:12,205
I said you'd be able
to help him out.
157
00:07:12,275 --> 00:07:14,735
I'll do what I can.
158
00:07:14,978 --> 00:07:19,065
- Okay, look, you'll keep this to yourself, yeah?
- 'Course.
159
00:07:19,164 --> 00:07:23,066
So, um, I've been suffering with my
crew shit on and off for ages, right?
160
00:07:23,205 --> 00:07:24,613
I spoke to my specialist
last week
161
00:07:24,649 --> 00:07:26,681
and he says
it gets real bad, like.
162
00:07:26,773 --> 00:07:28,756
Says I've maybe got like six
months left in my playing career
163
00:07:28,835 --> 00:07:30,654
but after that I'm shot.
164
00:07:30,724 --> 00:07:32,889
I'm not really sure how
I can help you with that.
165
00:07:32,925 --> 00:07:34,457
Look, I'm 27,
I ain't planned for this.
166
00:07:34,493 --> 00:07:35,725
I thought I had
another 4 years.
167
00:07:35,761 --> 00:07:37,127
I need money.
I'm broke.
168
00:07:37,163 --> 00:07:39,448
You're a footballer.
How much do you earn a week?
169
00:07:39,511 --> 00:07:41,410
Only about 36 grand
but it's all gone now.
170
00:07:41,446 --> 00:07:42,580
You know, living costs.
171
00:07:42,616 --> 00:07:43,734
But I made
some bad investments.
172
00:07:43,770 --> 00:07:45,606
I bought all these
fucking resources
173
00:07:45,716 --> 00:07:46,930
and I owe the tax man
a lot of money.
174
00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:48,520
I mean a lot.
175
00:07:48,556 --> 00:07:50,775
Taxes are hard to understand, man.
it's fucking crazy.
176
00:07:50,811 --> 00:07:53,011
Gary, what is it exactly
that you want me to do?
177
00:07:53,047 --> 00:07:55,033
Look, I've seen
how much Patrick's
178
00:07:55,069 --> 00:07:56,658
getting for
this wedding, right?
179
00:07:56,728 --> 00:07:58,516
I don't mind, like,
wearing whatever,
180
00:07:58,552 --> 00:08:00,224
or doing whatever
or who I go out with...
181
00:08:00,260 --> 00:08:02,355
Look, Gary,
it's not that easy.
182
00:08:02,425 --> 00:08:05,151
It takes a lot
of time and investment...
183
00:08:05,190 --> 00:08:06,558
I'll do whatever
you tell me.
184
00:08:06,746 --> 00:08:07,860
Please.
185
00:08:07,896 --> 00:08:09,828
Well, we could get you
a pop star girlfriend,
186
00:08:10,018 --> 00:08:11,831
send you to a few parties,
187
00:08:11,867 --> 00:08:12,915
but there's almost nothing
188
00:08:12,951 --> 00:08:14,264
that's gonna make you
famous overnight.
189
00:08:14,318 --> 00:08:16,013
This is
a little bit loose, there.
190
00:08:17,100 --> 00:08:19,200
Yeah, oh, yeah.
191
00:08:19,347 --> 00:08:20,575
It's complete now.
192
00:08:20,921 --> 00:08:22,280
It's really nice.
193
00:08:22,382 --> 00:08:25,772
- No fucking way.
- You said you'd do anything.
194
00:08:25,808 --> 00:08:28,319
Yeah, I know but you
can't expect me to do that.
195
00:08:28,384 --> 00:08:29,416
Why not?
196
00:08:29,659 --> 00:08:30,855
'Cause I got
a reputation.
197
00:08:30,891 --> 00:08:33,064
Maybe your reputation
can pay off the tax man.
198
00:08:33,129 --> 00:08:34,585
Ah, come on!
There must be another way!
199
00:08:34,621 --> 00:08:36,710
In the time frame
you're proposing, no.
200
00:08:36,746 --> 00:08:38,097
That's why she's a genius.
201
00:08:38,133 --> 00:08:39,431
Someone's gonna do it.
202
00:08:39,486 --> 00:08:41,176
This is your chance
to get in first.
203
00:08:41,212 --> 00:08:43,146
Listen to me.
If managed correctly,
204
00:08:43,210 --> 00:08:45,598
the first openly gay
Premiership football player
205
00:08:45,634 --> 00:08:47,979
is gonna
make millions. Fact.
206
00:08:48,015 --> 00:08:49,937
Think about the coverage,
think about the exposure.
207
00:08:49,973 --> 00:08:52,284
Look at Tom Daley and he
falls in a pool for a living.
208
00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:54,586
It's monumental.
You're gonna be a role model,
209
00:08:54,633 --> 00:08:55,620
a game-changer.
210
00:08:55,656 --> 00:08:58,460
We're talking endorsements,
ambassador roles,
211
00:08:58,522 --> 00:09:00,792
new year's honors,
chat shows.
212
00:09:00,850 --> 00:09:04,445
You're gonna be inspiring millions
with your bravery and strength,
213
00:09:04,515 --> 00:09:06,399
to stand up in the face
of adversity,
214
00:09:06,435 --> 00:09:08,264
be true to yourself.
215
00:09:08,350 --> 00:09:09,952
To stick it
to the haters.
216
00:09:10,020 --> 00:09:11,121
You'll make
a difference.
217
00:09:11,157 --> 00:09:12,655
But I'm not gay!
218
00:09:12,691 --> 00:09:15,342
So? The Premiership's
riddled with gay footballers
219
00:09:15,378 --> 00:09:17,144
pretending to be straight.
What's the difference?
220
00:09:17,180 --> 00:09:19,146
No, but what about all the
shit I'll get from the stands?
221
00:09:19,182 --> 00:09:20,915
Sticks and stones, babe.
Suck it up.
222
00:09:20,951 --> 00:09:22,788
So you have to listen
to 40,000 neander-wankers
223
00:09:22,835 --> 00:09:24,652
screaming that you take it
up the arse for six months.
224
00:09:24,688 --> 00:09:25,592
It'll be character-building.
225
00:09:25,628 --> 00:09:27,570
You'll be the one laughing
when they give you the captaincy
226
00:09:27,606 --> 00:09:29,124
on A Question
of Sport.
227
00:09:29,160 --> 00:09:30,605
Look, we've got
a truckload of press
228
00:09:30,641 --> 00:09:32,327
showing up in four hours
229
00:09:32,433 --> 00:09:34,802
Opportunities like this
don't come along every day.
230
00:09:35,548 --> 00:09:37,086
Are you in or not?
231
00:09:37,164 --> 00:09:38,299
What do you think?
232
00:09:38,376 --> 00:09:40,845
I don't know, you know.
I mean...
233
00:09:42,526 --> 00:09:44,712
Obviously, I'm straight, so...
234
00:09:45,410 --> 00:09:47,510
it's hard for me to, like...
235
00:09:47,561 --> 00:09:49,386
All I'm saying is that
they know their shit.
236
00:09:50,141 --> 00:09:51,309
No, but, like...
237
00:09:52,362 --> 00:09:53,898
But would I have to do
any, like, gay stuff?
238
00:09:53,944 --> 00:09:55,948
You do a few sweaty shoots
for Attitude
239
00:09:55,984 --> 00:09:57,506
and then tell
the world's press
240
00:09:57,542 --> 00:09:59,158
that you want to keep
your private life private.
241
00:09:59,223 --> 00:10:01,645
And just sit back and start
counting your pink pounds.
242
00:10:02,282 --> 00:10:03,484
What's it gonna be?
243
00:10:08,302 --> 00:10:10,174
I better call me dad.
244
00:10:12,845 --> 00:10:14,477
Yes, I'm pretty sure
there's a vegan option,
245
00:10:14,513 --> 00:10:15,386
but I could check.
246
00:10:15,422 --> 00:10:16,837
Gluten! Oh, okay, yep.
247
00:10:16,873 --> 00:10:19,584
Look, um, I promise you I
will find you something to eat
248
00:10:19,620 --> 00:10:21,860
even if I have to go into the
forest and forage it myself.
249
00:10:21,896 --> 00:10:22,928
Please.
250
00:10:22,964 --> 00:10:25,011
Okay, yes, yes.
Get back to me.
251
00:10:26,308 --> 00:10:27,540
Okay, I'm nearly there.
252
00:10:27,576 --> 00:10:29,746
Um, I'm lacking in quality,
so I've had to plump for quantity.
253
00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:32,590
So far, not including footballers,
I have got four soap stars,
254
00:10:32,626 --> 00:10:34,054
three sports presenters,
255
00:10:34,110 --> 00:10:36,020
five reality TVs,
two celebrity chefs,
256
00:10:36,084 --> 00:10:38,449
a boxer, two
paralympians, one egghead,
257
00:10:38,485 --> 00:10:40,054
two sexy bastards,
Dani Dyer,
258
00:10:40,090 --> 00:10:41,915
and a partridge
in a pear tree.
259
00:10:41,951 --> 00:10:43,613
Great. We need a beard.
260
00:10:43,691 --> 00:10:44,792
A what?
261
00:10:44,828 --> 00:10:46,361
Sorry, not a beard.
A reverse beard.
262
00:10:46,397 --> 00:10:47,762
What's the opposite
of a beard?
263
00:10:48,727 --> 00:10:49,623
A shave?
264
00:10:49,659 --> 00:10:50,601
What are we
talking about?
265
00:10:50,659 --> 00:10:51,791
Melody, this is Gary.
266
00:10:51,827 --> 00:10:53,761
We need a gay man to pretend
to be his boyfriend
267
00:10:53,818 --> 00:10:55,324
so that Gary can
pretend to be gay.
268
00:10:55,360 --> 00:10:56,336
Now you've lost me.
269
00:10:56,372 --> 00:10:58,231
Ooh, what about him from
Coronation Street? He's gay.
270
00:10:58,267 --> 00:10:59,209
He's actually straight.
271
00:10:59,245 --> 00:11:01,184
He just plays gay.
I think it's going to be too confusing.
272
00:11:01,235 --> 00:11:03,201
Can it not be
someone too gay?
273
00:11:03,339 --> 00:11:06,100
You know, uh, what about
that, that rugby dude?
274
00:11:06,136 --> 00:11:09,708
Okay, so you need a gay man to be
the boyfriend of a straight man
275
00:11:09,780 --> 00:11:12,222
so that he can convince the
world that he's not straight?
276
00:11:12,258 --> 00:11:12,972
Exactly.
277
00:11:13,008 --> 00:11:15,055
We need the male
equivalent of Taylor Swift.
278
00:11:15,095 --> 00:11:16,955
But not too famous
to overshadow Gary.
279
00:11:16,991 --> 00:11:19,448
But famous enough that they're willing
to spend six months of their lives
280
00:11:19,524 --> 00:11:21,304
pretending to go out
with a straight footballer
281
00:11:21,378 --> 00:11:22,713
just to get their
picture in the papers.
282
00:11:22,749 --> 00:11:24,568
Oh, no, I think I have
the guy: Jay Burns.
283
00:11:24,625 --> 00:11:26,745
He starred on this reality show
called Holiday Reprobates,
284
00:11:26,781 --> 00:11:29,347
and then he had a brief appearance
on, like, Britain's Got Talent,
285
00:11:29,426 --> 00:11:31,325
X Factor,
Hollywood Front Dating
286
00:11:31,376 --> 00:11:34,699
and a fleeting appearance on This Morning
where he had this live colonoscopy on air
287
00:11:34,735 --> 00:11:37,495
with Dr. Chris. He's calm as Christmas,
and he would literally beat his own mother
288
00:11:37,531 --> 00:11:39,627
to death with a claw hammer if he
thought it would get him on the telly.
289
00:11:39,679 --> 00:11:41,212
- He sounds perfect.
- Really?
290
00:11:41,248 --> 00:11:43,490
Okay. Get him on the phone.
Get him here ASAP.
291
00:11:43,551 --> 00:11:46,639
Eve, you start working on the press
release, and get Gary a Grindr account.
292
00:11:46,694 --> 00:11:49,119
You. Let's go break
the news to your teammates.
293
00:11:49,155 --> 00:11:49,856
Ooh, can I come?
294
00:11:49,892 --> 00:11:51,799
What? Now?
295
00:11:51,847 --> 00:11:55,105
Gary, you're here. You're queer.
Get used to it.
296
00:12:05,773 --> 00:12:06,775
You're what?
297
00:12:07,988 --> 00:12:09,186
Yeah.
298
00:12:09,261 --> 00:12:10,963
I'm like a...
proper gay.
299
00:12:12,098 --> 00:12:13,505
Shit, man.
I shared a bath with you.
300
00:12:13,541 --> 00:12:14,337
We all have.
301
00:12:14,373 --> 00:12:16,290
This is so fucked up.
302
00:12:16,326 --> 00:12:19,392
Okay, guys. I understand that this
is gonna come as a bit of a shock,
303
00:12:19,463 --> 00:12:21,177
but what Gary's done today
takes a lot of balls,
304
00:12:21,213 --> 00:12:23,698
and I'm sure he'd appreciate it
if you all just got behind him.
305
00:12:24,760 --> 00:12:26,114
Bad choice of words.
306
00:12:26,172 --> 00:12:28,497
My point being,
you need to support him.
307
00:12:28,541 --> 00:12:30,109
Don't you think so, Patrick?
308
00:12:30,158 --> 00:12:31,159
Um...
309
00:12:32,859 --> 00:12:33,860
Yeah, I mean...
310
00:12:34,640 --> 00:12:36,273
As a straight man,
311
00:12:36,345 --> 00:12:39,544
obviously, it's not something
I can personally understand,
312
00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:42,168
but, you know, you're still
our friend and everything, so...
313
00:12:43,027 --> 00:12:44,028
Thanks, mate.
314
00:12:44,526 --> 00:12:46,361
Okay, look.
315
00:12:46,445 --> 00:12:49,148
I appreciate it must take
a lot of nerve to come out
316
00:12:49,237 --> 00:12:50,871
and say this to us.
317
00:12:51,942 --> 00:12:54,546
It's just gonna take some
time to get used to, isn't it?
318
00:12:55,564 --> 00:12:56,916
Yeah, I know.
319
00:12:56,979 --> 00:13:00,312
You never like, um,
when we are getting changed and that?
320
00:13:00,376 --> 00:13:01,558
No, of course not!
321
00:13:03,004 --> 00:13:04,005
You're not my type.
322
00:13:04,644 --> 00:13:05,670
What is your type?
323
00:13:05,757 --> 00:13:06,758
I don't know, um...
324
00:13:08,326 --> 00:13:09,594
That rugby dude.
325
00:13:12,004 --> 00:13:13,996
Do you have a boyfriend,
or...?
326
00:13:14,032 --> 00:13:15,876
- Yeah. A guy called Joel.
- Jay.
327
00:13:15,912 --> 00:13:17,188
Jay.
328
00:13:17,224 --> 00:13:20,155
I guess, uh...
Now you say it, it sort of makes sense.
329
00:13:20,191 --> 00:13:20,715
What?
330
00:13:20,751 --> 00:13:23,418
You know, sometimes
you can be a bit, eh...
331
00:13:23,501 --> 00:13:25,994
Okay, right.
This has been hugely inspiring
332
00:13:26,030 --> 00:13:27,759
seeing how supportive
you've all been.
333
00:13:27,795 --> 00:13:28,677
Well done.
334
00:13:28,713 --> 00:13:30,063
What about Samantha?
335
00:13:31,019 --> 00:13:31,815
Who?
336
00:13:31,906 --> 00:13:33,133
His girlfriend.
337
00:13:33,839 --> 00:13:35,037
Excuse me
for just a second.
338
00:13:36,256 --> 00:13:37,855
Samantha's on the market!
339
00:13:37,891 --> 00:13:39,449
You didn't tell me
you had a girlfriend.
340
00:13:39,519 --> 00:13:40,504
You never asked.
341
00:13:40,540 --> 00:13:41,819
Well, how long have
you been together?
342
00:13:41,855 --> 00:13:42,548
Couple of years.
343
00:13:42,584 --> 00:13:44,405
- Oh, fuck's sake.
- Look...
344
00:13:44,452 --> 00:13:46,797
She'll be cool, man.
Serious.
345
00:13:46,833 --> 00:13:48,489
Who do you think spends
all my money for me?
346
00:13:48,525 --> 00:13:49,680
Okay. It's fine.
347
00:13:49,743 --> 00:13:51,603
We'll just have to say
that Samantha was your beard
348
00:13:51,639 --> 00:13:54,524
to cover up your relationship
with your new reverse beard, Jay.
349
00:13:54,560 --> 00:13:57,479
And Jay will have to cover up for
your and Samantha's relationship.
350
00:13:57,515 --> 00:13:59,345
So as far as anyone
else is concerned,
351
00:13:59,451 --> 00:14:01,682
she's now your hag,
and you're her GBF.
352
00:14:02,640 --> 00:14:03,441
Got it?
353
00:14:05,500 --> 00:14:07,612
Okay, well...
This has been a good talk.
354
00:14:07,667 --> 00:14:09,133
I'm sure we all
feel much better,
355
00:14:09,225 --> 00:14:11,572
and get dressed,
'cause the guests will be arriving soon.
356
00:14:12,791 --> 00:14:14,446
Robyn? Jay's here.
357
00:14:14,952 --> 00:14:15,953
Hiya.
358
00:14:25,726 --> 00:14:27,220
I need you to look
after something for me.
359
00:14:27,257 --> 00:14:28,258
What?
360
00:14:29,125 --> 00:14:31,156
Eve...
Are these drugs?
361
00:14:31,192 --> 00:14:34,108
Oh, relax. I'll be handing
them out like canapes later.
362
00:14:34,144 --> 00:14:35,184
Why are you giving
them to me?
363
00:14:35,220 --> 00:14:36,652
Oh, just, you know...
364
00:14:36,862 --> 00:14:39,021
Tom's off it, so I just don't want
him to have to find it in my bag.
365
00:14:39,057 --> 00:14:40,289
It's no big deal.
366
00:14:40,355 --> 00:14:42,802
- Oh, my God. So cute.
- Stop it.
367
00:14:42,871 --> 00:14:44,276
You really like him,
don't you?
368
00:14:44,857 --> 00:14:46,607
Just take the
fucking cocaine, okay?
369
00:14:46,866 --> 00:14:47,789
If you mention
this to anyone,
370
00:14:47,825 --> 00:14:49,314
I will stab you
in your sleep.
371
00:14:49,417 --> 00:14:50,418
Absolutely.
372
00:14:51,379 --> 00:14:53,814
Christ, imagine if
a bomb went off.
373
00:14:53,877 --> 00:14:55,737
We'd knock out the
men online for a week.
374
00:14:58,178 --> 00:14:59,717
All right?
375
00:14:59,799 --> 00:15:02,563
You've got that Tess Daly
dead-behind-the-eyes thing going on.
376
00:15:03,561 --> 00:15:04,452
It's fine. I'm...
377
00:15:05,335 --> 00:15:06,233
We all good?
378
00:15:06,269 --> 00:15:08,564
Well, Bianca looks like
a toilet paper doll
379
00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:11,006
from the '70s,
which I believe is the desired look.
380
00:15:11,049 --> 00:15:13,969
HELLO! are "very happy
with the turnout."
381
00:15:14,005 --> 00:15:15,395
Press are all in place,
and I've prepped them
382
00:15:15,431 --> 00:15:17,649
for an extra announcement
after all the photos are done.
383
00:15:17,685 --> 00:15:19,435
If you were a real woman,
I'd make you my wife.
384
00:15:19,471 --> 00:15:20,873
Don't make promises
you can't keep.
385
00:15:25,861 --> 00:15:27,660
I take it that's Samantha?
386
00:15:27,743 --> 00:15:28,775
Will you deal
with that, please?
387
00:15:28,811 --> 00:15:30,420
We don't need a hysterical
spanner in the works.
388
00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:32,347
On it like a nun
in a cucumber field.
389
00:15:37,388 --> 00:15:39,004
Status update?
390
00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:41,163
I'm scared to say that
I think we're good to go.
391
00:15:42,526 --> 00:15:44,925
I just heard the
news about Calvin.
392
00:15:44,961 --> 00:15:46,428
Did you know
that was happening?
393
00:15:46,565 --> 00:15:48,134
Do you think it would
have happened if I didn't?
394
00:15:48,197 --> 00:15:50,231
The wolves are
ever-circling, dear.
395
00:15:50,267 --> 00:15:52,699
Just need to know when
to throw them the meat.
396
00:15:54,324 --> 00:15:56,824
The company has withdrawn
its services from Mr. Cooper.
397
00:15:56,887 --> 00:15:59,143
We're shocked and appalled
to hear the allegations.
398
00:15:59,206 --> 00:16:01,296
And, prior to the emergence
of these recent claims,
399
00:16:01,352 --> 00:16:04,353
we were unaware of any impropriety
involving Calvin Cooper.
400
00:16:04,420 --> 00:16:05,852
Had we known,
401
00:16:05,903 --> 00:16:07,386
we would never
have represented him.
402
00:16:09,561 --> 00:16:10,854
It's about integrity.
403
00:16:11,435 --> 00:16:12,437
Right?
404
00:16:13,191 --> 00:16:14,772
Karma's a witty bitch.
405
00:16:15,737 --> 00:16:17,948
Thank God for
anonymous tipsters.
406
00:16:22,136 --> 00:16:23,849
He yours? Hmm.
407
00:16:23,885 --> 00:16:25,983
Be careful bringing
him into this world.
408
00:16:26,944 --> 00:16:28,481
It's terrifying
for them...
409
00:16:29,171 --> 00:16:30,593
Seeing the real you.
410
00:16:33,076 --> 00:16:34,379
You look fit.
411
00:16:36,814 --> 00:16:38,343
- Is this all right?
- Great.
412
00:16:38,379 --> 00:16:39,140
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
413
00:16:39,176 --> 00:16:40,842
I was going for
"virgin at school disco".
414
00:16:40,878 --> 00:16:43,295
I'm thinking more
"day in juvenile court".
415
00:16:43,331 --> 00:16:45,763
Oh, edgy.
Yeah, I think I'll go with that.
416
00:16:45,799 --> 00:16:48,970
You know, I've actually not worn
this suit since my Nan's funeral,
417
00:16:49,006 --> 00:16:52,300
and, in fact, yep, here it is.
Order of Service.
418
00:16:52,336 --> 00:16:53,604
Oh, that's not
creepy at all.
419
00:16:54,265 --> 00:16:55,996
This is a bit posh, innit?
420
00:16:56,032 --> 00:16:58,459
Yeah. See, I knew I shoulda
kept up with the football.
421
00:16:58,495 --> 00:16:59,605
This could have been us.
422
00:16:59,641 --> 00:17:01,133
Though, obviously,
if I was a footballer,
423
00:17:01,169 --> 00:17:02,567
I'd probably be going
out with that blonde one
424
00:17:02,603 --> 00:17:04,000
from Little Mix,
and not you.
425
00:17:04,036 --> 00:17:06,379
Oh, my God.
That's Manuel Lanzini.
426
00:17:06,415 --> 00:17:08,415
Isn't he a little short
to be a footballer?
427
00:17:08,451 --> 00:17:11,134
No, all the best
footballers were short.
428
00:17:11,170 --> 00:17:14,286
Maradona, Messi,
Chicharito, "The Little Pea"...
429
00:17:14,322 --> 00:17:15,808
Who the hell is "Chicharito,
The Little Pea"?
430
00:17:15,844 --> 00:17:16,392
Don't say that.
431
00:17:16,428 --> 00:17:17,429
Robyn!
432
00:17:18,351 --> 00:17:19,152
Hey.
433
00:17:19,793 --> 00:17:20,794
Wow.
434
00:17:21,326 --> 00:17:22,266
You look amazing.
435
00:17:22,302 --> 00:17:23,401
Aww, thank you.
436
00:17:23,437 --> 00:17:25,703
Um, Tom, this is, uh...
437
00:17:25,839 --> 00:17:26,635
My boyfriend Sam.
438
00:17:26,671 --> 00:17:29,155
- Uh, Sam, this is Eve's boyfriend, Tom.
- Oh.
439
00:17:29,191 --> 00:17:31,656
Uh, good to...
Uh, Sam, nice to meet you, Sam.
440
00:17:31,692 --> 00:17:34,254
Good to meet you, too.
Yeah, I didn't know Eve had a boyfriend.
441
00:17:34,290 --> 00:17:35,144
I told you that.
442
00:17:35,180 --> 00:17:36,646
It's very early days.
443
00:17:36,682 --> 00:17:38,334
We should probably
grab our seats.
444
00:17:38,419 --> 00:17:39,317
Oh, speak of the devil.
445
00:17:39,353 --> 00:17:40,956
And she will appear.
How you doing, gorgeous?
446
00:17:40,992 --> 00:17:42,359
I'm good.
447
00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:44,276
Ah, so you went
for a blue suit, then?
448
00:17:44,312 --> 00:17:47,165
Which is good, because I do actually
still have some accounts that need doing.
449
00:17:47,201 --> 00:17:49,097
Yeah, what's that?
Fifteen seconds?
450
00:17:49,133 --> 00:17:50,530
That must be
a new record.
451
00:17:50,566 --> 00:17:51,544
So, you two
have met, then?
452
00:17:51,580 --> 00:17:53,153
Tom used to be
a ballet dancer,
453
00:17:53,189 --> 00:17:54,187
and I know
what you're thinking,
454
00:17:54,249 --> 00:17:55,314
but he's actually straight.
455
00:17:55,350 --> 00:17:56,718
Show 'em first position, babe.
456
00:17:57,380 --> 00:17:58,381
Second?
457
00:18:00,207 --> 00:18:01,506
That's pretty
impressive, right?
458
00:18:01,542 --> 00:18:02,763
All sorted
with Samantha?
459
00:18:02,799 --> 00:18:03,557
Sweet as a peach.
460
00:18:03,593 --> 00:18:05,816
For some reason,
when I explained how much money he'd make,
461
00:18:05,852 --> 00:18:07,413
it seemed to calm
her right down.
462
00:18:08,552 --> 00:18:09,812
That's Gary Lowen.
463
00:18:09,848 --> 00:18:10,787
Babe...
464
00:18:10,823 --> 00:18:12,058
He's talking to me.
465
00:18:12,755 --> 00:18:13,987
Shall we?
466
00:18:14,172 --> 00:18:15,660
- Good to meet you, mate.
- You too.
467
00:18:16,154 --> 00:18:17,206
I wanna come out.
468
00:18:17,277 --> 00:18:18,335
Excuse me?
469
00:18:18,371 --> 00:18:20,071
All that stuff
you said to him,
470
00:18:20,145 --> 00:18:21,806
you know,
about being strong,
471
00:18:21,842 --> 00:18:24,411
and true to yourself,
making a difference, I want that.
472
00:18:24,447 --> 00:18:26,356
You're getting married
in 23 minutes.
473
00:18:26,392 --> 00:18:27,621
I don't love her!
474
00:18:27,657 --> 00:18:28,686
- So?
- So,
475
00:18:28,722 --> 00:18:30,656
what happened to inspiring
millions with your bravery?
476
00:18:30,713 --> 00:18:33,129
- I was talking to him, not you.
- Yeah.
477
00:18:33,165 --> 00:18:35,867
Look, back off, man. You got your
own shit going on. I need this.
478
00:18:35,903 --> 00:18:37,634
- So do I!
- Too late. I was here first.
479
00:18:37,670 --> 00:18:39,111
You decided, like,
three hours ago.
480
00:18:39,147 --> 00:18:40,087
Three hours before you.
481
00:18:40,123 --> 00:18:41,204
It's not
a competition, bruv!
482
00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:42,644
I'm coming out, okay?
483
00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:44,540
You're not even gay.
484
00:18:44,613 --> 00:18:45,846
Neither are you.
485
00:18:52,046 --> 00:18:52,846
You're not.
486
00:18:54,362 --> 00:18:55,296
Shit.
487
00:18:57,679 --> 00:18:59,909
Jesus. I've shared
a bath with you!
488
00:18:59,945 --> 00:19:02,362
Oh, for fuck's sake. That's it.
Nobody is coming out.
489
00:19:02,439 --> 00:19:04,242
I can't listen
to this shit anymore.
490
00:19:04,303 --> 00:19:06,670
Come out, stay in, get
married, don't get married,
491
00:19:06,729 --> 00:19:08,661
marry each other.
I don't care.
492
00:19:08,697 --> 00:19:10,730
It's all
fucking meaningless.
493
00:19:10,814 --> 00:19:12,210
We're sacks of meat
collecting shiny things
494
00:19:12,273 --> 00:19:14,332
to make us better
than other sacks of meat.
495
00:19:14,402 --> 00:19:15,717
That's it.
496
00:19:15,753 --> 00:19:18,321
What else do you want?
Happiness?
497
00:19:18,401 --> 00:19:19,768
Well, here's
some insight for you.
498
00:19:19,836 --> 00:19:21,266
The only happiness
that exists in this world
499
00:19:21,302 --> 00:19:23,486
is the happiness you assume
everyone else is having.
500
00:19:23,522 --> 00:19:27,394
So, will you please, for once in your
pampered, emotionally-stunted lives,
501
00:19:27,472 --> 00:19:29,729
make a decision so I can
tell the press to piss off,
502
00:19:29,765 --> 00:19:32,171
and we can all
have a fucking drink?
503
00:19:35,404 --> 00:19:36,799
We are
gathered here today
504
00:19:36,835 --> 00:19:39,858
to celebrate the union
of this woman, Bianca,
505
00:19:39,894 --> 00:19:41,969
and this man, Patrick.
506
00:19:42,009 --> 00:19:44,642
Marriage is the formal joining
of two lives,
507
00:19:44,678 --> 00:19:47,045
and with that,
two bodies of people.
508
00:19:47,167 --> 00:19:51,769
If any person present knows of any
lawful impediment to this marriage,
509
00:19:51,805 --> 00:19:53,972
they should declare it now.
510
00:19:54,008 --> 00:19:55,364
Oh, he's...
He's gonna go.
511
00:19:56,465 --> 00:19:58,400
He's going.
512
00:19:59,434 --> 00:20:00,540
- You all right?
- Yeah.
513
00:20:00,576 --> 00:20:02,324
Just got a lot
to balance.
514
00:20:02,424 --> 00:20:03,892
I need to make sure
it all goes smooth.
515
00:20:06,097 --> 00:20:07,699
Did, um...
516
00:20:07,735 --> 00:20:09,078
Did Ruth get back
to you yet?
517
00:20:10,355 --> 00:20:12,468
She will, babe,
just give her time.
518
00:20:15,033 --> 00:20:17,462
I know this is a load of old
gob, but still...
519
00:20:17,498 --> 00:20:19,665
Warms the cockles, eh?
520
00:20:19,769 --> 00:20:22,135
I mean, if we just look at
it like it's one big party...
521
00:20:22,202 --> 00:20:23,725
What?
522
00:20:23,761 --> 00:20:25,814
Just saying, if we were
ever so inclined,
523
00:20:25,850 --> 00:20:28,484
I think we could do
an amazing wedding.
524
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:30,648
I now
pronounce you man and wife.
525
00:20:30,712 --> 00:20:31,944
You may kiss the bride.
526
00:20:40,177 --> 00:20:42,143
Bianca, put your hand
up on his chest.
527
00:20:42,179 --> 00:20:43,704
No, Patrick, down.
528
00:20:43,740 --> 00:20:45,430
Now, just sort of relax
a bit more into it.
529
00:20:45,500 --> 00:20:47,984
Just like time to enjoy the
rest of your lives together.
530
00:20:48,020 --> 00:20:51,132
Football was my
escape, my identity.
531
00:20:51,168 --> 00:20:55,340
Football hid my secret, gave me more
joy than I could have ever imagined.
532
00:20:55,410 --> 00:20:58,095
But the time has come
to tell the world the truth
533
00:20:58,131 --> 00:21:00,569
that I am a homosexual.
534
00:21:01,511 --> 00:21:03,535
Gary Lowen, gay.
535
00:21:03,691 --> 00:21:05,497
Unbelievable.
Did you know this?
536
00:21:05,595 --> 00:21:06,754
I'd heard rumors.
537
00:21:07,579 --> 00:21:09,694
Yeah, well,
good for him.
538
00:21:09,730 --> 00:21:11,663
Takes a lot
of bollocks, that.
539
00:21:11,699 --> 00:21:13,045
I mean, it shouldn't
even be a big deal
540
00:21:13,081 --> 00:21:14,796
considering we're living
in 2019,
541
00:21:14,832 --> 00:21:16,143
I mean, we know
how to clone dogs,
542
00:21:16,179 --> 00:21:20,572
but I guess some things
progress faster than others.
543
00:21:22,381 --> 00:21:25,482
There's a bad joke in it, something
about Chelsea being tied out the back,
544
00:21:25,518 --> 00:21:26,654
but I'm above that.
545
00:21:28,822 --> 00:21:30,036
Isn't that Jeff Stelling?
546
00:21:30,072 --> 00:21:31,394
- Babe, sorry, one second.
- Yeah.
547
00:21:32,402 --> 00:21:34,536
- This is gonna be huge, you know that?
- Mmm-hmm.
548
00:21:34,572 --> 00:21:36,965
Going to need you in the
office first thing to remit.
549
00:21:37,001 --> 00:21:40,001
Bright-tailed
and bushy-eyed.
550
00:21:40,037 --> 00:21:43,283
Security will get the last of the
press out the door, do a final sweep,
551
00:21:43,319 --> 00:21:47,120
check there are no photographers
hiding behind potted plants, et cetera,
552
00:21:47,242 --> 00:21:50,076
and from then onwards,
we're a media black hole.
553
00:21:50,222 --> 00:21:52,190
Thank Christ for that.
554
00:21:53,631 --> 00:21:54,632
Be good.
555
00:21:56,553 --> 00:21:58,132
Oh, excuse me.
556
00:21:58,168 --> 00:22:01,852
You couldn't, uh, bring over a bottle
of vodka and some lime tonic, could you?
557
00:22:01,979 --> 00:22:03,046
Thanks.
558
00:22:05,189 --> 00:22:06,167
You did great.
559
00:22:06,203 --> 00:22:07,926
It was a great response out there.
560
00:22:07,962 --> 00:22:10,531
I think there's gonna be a huge
pick-up with the press tomorrow.
561
00:22:11,045 --> 00:22:12,175
You should feel good.
562
00:22:12,226 --> 00:22:13,257
You're gonna make
a lot of money.
563
00:22:13,309 --> 00:22:14,777
Great. It's great.
564
00:22:15,516 --> 00:22:16,584
Oh!
565
00:22:20,535 --> 00:22:21,336
Sorry.
566
00:22:21,844 --> 00:22:22,925
Oh.
567
00:22:22,961 --> 00:22:24,905
Uh, why don't you go
get yourself a drink
568
00:22:24,941 --> 00:22:26,482
and I will get this
cleared up.
569
00:22:26,518 --> 00:22:27,586
Okay.
570
00:22:28,333 --> 00:22:29,327
Perfect.
571
00:22:30,599 --> 00:22:32,237
Sick on your shoes?
572
00:22:32,273 --> 00:22:33,662
It's not
even dark outside.
573
00:22:34,551 --> 00:22:35,639
Sign of a good night.
574
00:22:35,678 --> 00:22:36,610
Huh.
575
00:22:36,646 --> 00:22:38,505
Are you enjoying your first
footballer's wedding?
576
00:22:38,622 --> 00:22:41,241
- Honestly?
- Why not?
577
00:22:41,277 --> 00:22:44,478
I am hating
every single second of it.
578
00:22:44,514 --> 00:22:45,677
Why?
579
00:22:45,713 --> 00:22:47,746
It's just weird
being here sober.
580
00:22:47,821 --> 00:22:51,889
I mean, I'd normally have to do a lot of
drugs to get through something like this.
581
00:22:51,932 --> 00:22:54,699
Brings up a lot of stuff.
I could just feel my hand...
582
00:22:54,766 --> 00:22:57,028
Hovering over
the "fuck it" button.
583
00:22:57,081 --> 00:22:58,806
- What?
- The "fuck it" button.
584
00:22:58,884 --> 00:23:01,192
That thing in your head when
every part of your conscious mind
585
00:23:01,228 --> 00:23:03,928
knows something
is a really awful idea,
586
00:23:03,964 --> 00:23:06,932
but this one tiny
little destructive part,
587
00:23:07,084 --> 00:23:09,617
it just goes, "Fuck it."
588
00:23:09,708 --> 00:23:12,041
Hits the button,
game over.
589
00:23:12,077 --> 00:23:14,617
Yep. I've got
one of those.
590
00:23:14,653 --> 00:23:15,788
Your vodka, madam.
591
00:23:22,024 --> 00:23:25,895
I'm gonna get myself...
Another orange juice.
592
00:23:47,893 --> 00:23:51,363
Hi, you've reached Craig.
Leave a message after the beep.
593
00:23:51,537 --> 00:23:53,068
That's not a beep.
594
00:24:05,146 --> 00:24:06,737
- Melody.
- Hi.
595
00:24:07,148 --> 00:24:08,149
Walk with me.
596
00:24:11,386 --> 00:24:12,662
It's the IT boy, right?
597
00:24:14,062 --> 00:24:15,330
How'd you know that?
598
00:24:15,658 --> 00:24:17,196
Melody,
599
00:24:17,232 --> 00:24:19,212
why do you think I get to
sit in the big glass office
600
00:24:19,248 --> 00:24:21,217
and shout at you all
the whole time?
601
00:24:21,871 --> 00:24:23,248
I know things about people.
602
00:24:23,528 --> 00:24:24,555
It's my job.
603
00:24:30,054 --> 00:24:33,022
Hold it between your
fingers, darling.
604
00:24:33,058 --> 00:24:35,314
You're not a shepherd
with a dog whistle.
605
00:24:39,330 --> 00:24:42,133
You're not upset
because you want him back,
606
00:24:42,940 --> 00:24:44,729
you're upset
because you feel guilty
607
00:24:44,765 --> 00:24:46,065
about choosing this.
608
00:24:46,801 --> 00:24:48,649
Well, don't.
609
00:24:48,685 --> 00:24:50,584
You're young, you're smart.
You could actually be good at this.
610
00:24:50,620 --> 00:24:51,987
But there's a choice.
611
00:24:52,053 --> 00:24:53,463
What's the choice?
612
00:24:53,499 --> 00:24:55,632
This job is a cuckoo's egg.
613
00:24:55,668 --> 00:24:57,810
It gets dropped in your nest,
with all the other eggs,
614
00:24:57,846 --> 00:24:59,845
and, at first,
it seems manageable,
615
00:25:00,059 --> 00:25:02,225
but once it hatches
the cuckoo chick
616
00:25:02,292 --> 00:25:04,505
grows faster
than all the others.
617
00:25:04,541 --> 00:25:07,344
It demands more food,
more attention, it begs louder.
618
00:25:07,380 --> 00:25:09,830
Its beak is always open,
619
00:25:09,866 --> 00:25:13,931
screeching at you to bring it more worms
and bugs and insects for it to eat.
620
00:25:13,967 --> 00:25:15,092
Until finally,
621
00:25:15,128 --> 00:25:17,153
all the other chicks have
either been pushed out the nest,
622
00:25:17,189 --> 00:25:19,624
or they've died of starvation.
623
00:25:20,203 --> 00:25:22,883
So, make the choice.
624
00:25:22,919 --> 00:25:24,473
If you don't want it,
then kick out the egg
625
00:25:24,509 --> 00:25:26,776
before it hatches.
But if you do,
626
00:25:26,812 --> 00:25:31,214
then embrace the cold, hard,
brutal ambition in your belly.
627
00:25:32,694 --> 00:25:34,496
Don't be ashamed of it.
628
00:25:35,262 --> 00:25:36,939
Celebrate it.
629
00:25:39,499 --> 00:25:40,913
Do you really think
I could be good?
630
00:25:40,949 --> 00:25:42,032
Sorry.
631
00:25:42,143 --> 00:25:44,496
I thought I already said that,
or did I stutter?
632
00:25:44,582 --> 00:25:48,072
Just so we're clear,
you get one pep talk from me,
633
00:25:48,108 --> 00:25:49,816
and that was it.
634
00:25:49,852 --> 00:25:53,263
This is the nicest
I will ever speak to you.
635
00:25:53,365 --> 00:25:54,366
So,
636
00:25:55,183 --> 00:25:56,142
drink it in.
637
00:26:31,998 --> 00:26:33,433
Fuck it.
638
00:26:37,262 --> 00:26:39,526
I think you need to
keep an eye on your boyfriend.
639
00:26:39,562 --> 00:26:42,896
If he's not careful, he could become
the victim of an aggressive Brummie.
640
00:26:42,932 --> 00:26:45,460
It's a drag
having him up in these things.
641
00:26:45,496 --> 00:26:47,401
It's like having your
little brother at your 21st.
642
00:26:47,437 --> 00:26:50,240
Oh, come on.
I think it's sweet.
643
00:26:50,430 --> 00:26:53,268
He's like a boy with cancer
who's won a competition.
644
00:26:53,304 --> 00:26:54,691
I'm not.
Going straight tonight.
645
00:26:55,272 --> 00:26:56,362
Stop it.
You're freaking me out.
646
00:26:56,398 --> 00:26:58,532
Oh, I just thought
because of Tom's whole...
647
00:26:58,568 --> 00:26:59,636
Being boring thing.
648
00:27:00,570 --> 00:27:01,785
You're gonna
make me kill myself.
649
00:27:01,821 --> 00:27:03,222
Please have a drink.
650
00:27:04,341 --> 00:27:06,073
Okay, fine.
651
00:27:06,109 --> 00:27:08,326
But strictly because your
life is in danger. Okay?
652
00:27:08,891 --> 00:27:10,168
This is mental, right?
653
00:27:10,204 --> 00:27:12,037
Patrick's about to show me
his table tennis room.
654
00:27:12,073 --> 00:27:13,617
Just make sure
that's all he shows you.
655
00:27:13,889 --> 00:27:15,292
- Huh?
- Nothing.
656
00:27:15,328 --> 00:27:16,506
Have fun. Play nice.
657
00:27:16,599 --> 00:27:17,667
Yes, Mum.
658
00:27:18,790 --> 00:27:20,346
Thank you for having
a brilliant job.
659
00:27:20,382 --> 00:27:21,351
What a day!
660
00:27:24,830 --> 00:27:26,870
What's it feel like to have
someone who likes you that much?
661
00:27:27,924 --> 00:27:29,822
There you are.
662
00:27:29,858 --> 00:27:31,694
You're allowed to hang out with me
yet, or do I have to continue
663
00:27:31,730 --> 00:27:34,290
standing alone in the corner,
talking to strangers,
664
00:27:34,326 --> 00:27:36,458
pretending I know
about football?
665
00:27:36,494 --> 00:27:39,328
Um, no,
we are officially clear.
666
00:27:39,364 --> 00:27:42,188
From now on, if I avoid you it's
purely personal, not professional.
667
00:27:45,007 --> 00:27:46,507
Anzo's here!
668
00:27:46,787 --> 00:27:48,933
Anzo is here.
669
00:27:48,969 --> 00:27:50,693
- Who's that?
- Anzo.
670
00:27:50,729 --> 00:27:52,877
He's a professional
party starter.
671
00:27:52,913 --> 00:27:54,509
- A what?
- He makes sure
672
00:27:54,545 --> 00:27:57,906
that people are having enough
fun, drinks, drugs.
673
00:27:57,942 --> 00:28:01,932
Are there enough beautiful people around?
Is the music right?
674
00:28:02,147 --> 00:28:04,798
Give it 20 minutes,
and everyone will be loaded,
675
00:28:04,834 --> 00:28:08,262
half-naked and dancing or
fingering each other in the garden.
676
00:29:10,833 --> 00:29:13,728
So which of the bridesmaids
do you most want to bang?
677
00:29:13,764 --> 00:29:15,420
I don't wanna bang
any of them.
678
00:29:15,456 --> 00:29:17,940
Oh, don't be
so boring, come on.
679
00:29:17,976 --> 00:29:19,645
Play. I'll tell you
which of the ushers
680
00:29:19,681 --> 00:29:20,682
I wanted to fuck.
681
00:29:21,683 --> 00:29:23,519
I'm not really in the
mood, to be honest.
682
00:29:24,520 --> 00:29:25,586
The redhead?
683
00:29:25,622 --> 00:29:27,020
She looks like
she's filth.
684
00:29:27,056 --> 00:29:28,183
Don't you think, Rob?
685
00:29:28,892 --> 00:29:30,142
The kind of girl
that takes you home
686
00:29:30,178 --> 00:29:32,041
and makes you squat
on the coffee table.
687
00:29:33,162 --> 00:29:34,796
- Or... Or...
- Eve!
688
00:29:34,832 --> 00:29:36,965
Or, the tubby one
at the end.
689
00:29:37,001 --> 00:29:38,407
Not the most
attractive, granted,
690
00:29:38,443 --> 00:29:39,673
but, you know,
she put the work in.
691
00:29:39,709 --> 00:29:41,444
She put in like a fat kid
with a lollipop.
692
00:29:42,973 --> 00:29:44,251
Why don't we talk
about something else?
693
00:29:44,287 --> 00:29:45,386
Oh, don't get all,
694
00:29:45,422 --> 00:29:47,643
hashtag,
ThisIsWhatAFeministLooksLike.
695
00:29:47,679 --> 00:29:49,714
Fine. The blond.
696
00:29:51,058 --> 00:29:52,393
- The blond with big tits?
- Mm-hmm.
697
00:29:53,084 --> 00:29:54,288
How dull.
698
00:29:54,324 --> 00:29:56,236
I thought you're
more original than that.
699
00:29:56,272 --> 00:29:57,684
Well, I'm sorry
to disappoint you.
700
00:29:57,720 --> 00:29:59,101
Well, you can take a boy
out of Essex,
701
00:29:59,137 --> 00:30:01,460
but you can't change
his taste for a basic bitch.
702
00:30:01,496 --> 00:30:03,429
For Christ's sake, Eve!
703
00:30:03,465 --> 00:30:05,510
Stop it!
704
00:30:06,009 --> 00:30:07,407
I know
you think it's spiky,
705
00:30:07,443 --> 00:30:10,264
and sexy,
and... French.
706
00:30:10,804 --> 00:30:12,341
But it's not, okay?
707
00:30:12,377 --> 00:30:13,971
It is tedious.
708
00:30:14,007 --> 00:30:15,592
I'm not gonna get
bored of you, okay,
709
00:30:15,628 --> 00:30:17,520
just because
we don't have an argument
710
00:30:17,556 --> 00:30:19,102
every two minutes.
711
00:30:19,138 --> 00:30:20,538
I like you.
712
00:30:20,849 --> 00:30:23,451
Please, I'm trying
to like you.
713
00:30:26,519 --> 00:30:28,146
Please stop
making this hard.
714
00:30:31,760 --> 00:30:32,928
One, five and three.
715
00:30:33,798 --> 00:30:34,550
What?
716
00:30:34,586 --> 00:30:36,189
Those are the ushers
that I wanted to fuck.
717
00:30:36,225 --> 00:30:37,125
In that order.
718
00:30:45,214 --> 00:30:47,643
Why is everyone
so serious the whole time?
719
00:30:51,447 --> 00:30:52,663
Can you deal with that?
720
00:30:56,042 --> 00:30:56,910
Tom!
721
00:30:58,321 --> 00:30:59,853
Jesus, this is stupid.
722
00:31:00,022 --> 00:31:01,424
I know she's
winding me up,
723
00:31:01,460 --> 00:31:02,728
I just can't...
724
00:31:05,072 --> 00:31:07,415
She knows how
to get under my skin.
725
00:31:07,451 --> 00:31:10,852
Of course, she does.
We're evil geniuses.
726
00:31:11,111 --> 00:31:14,773
I'm awful to Sam.
I mean, really awful.
727
00:31:14,827 --> 00:31:17,801
And I love him genuinely
with my whole heart.
728
00:31:17,864 --> 00:31:19,162
But, sometimes,
729
00:31:19,237 --> 00:31:21,374
all I wanna do is just...
730
00:31:22,219 --> 00:31:24,300
Hurt him, profoundly.
731
00:31:24,336 --> 00:31:26,147
- Why?
- Christ knows.
732
00:31:26,796 --> 00:31:27,789
Maybe because his presence
733
00:31:27,852 --> 00:31:29,896
makes me feel
like a horrible bitch.
734
00:31:29,932 --> 00:31:31,535
And that's not because
he's doing anything wrong.
735
00:31:31,585 --> 00:31:34,787
In fact, it's because
he's not doing anything wrong.
736
00:31:35,105 --> 00:31:38,295
And he just lets me get away
with all this shit.
737
00:31:38,338 --> 00:31:39,437
I'm a monster.
738
00:31:39,473 --> 00:31:41,272
And sometimes I just wish
739
00:31:41,308 --> 00:31:42,745
he would fucking stop me.
740
00:31:42,781 --> 00:31:44,532
Just scream at me,
741
00:31:44,568 --> 00:31:46,948
or leave me,
or punch me in the face.
742
00:31:46,984 --> 00:31:50,195
Just anything
to stop me.
743
00:31:51,514 --> 00:31:52,852
We're fucked,
aren't we?
744
00:31:54,491 --> 00:31:56,570
Robyn, you having
a good night?
745
00:31:56,625 --> 00:31:58,058
You've seen that cake
with the cheese?
746
00:31:58,141 --> 00:32:00,909
I don't even like cheese,
but it looks amazing.
747
00:32:01,016 --> 00:32:02,856
Had it first.
Now it's gone, yeah.
748
00:32:02,898 --> 00:32:05,196
Look, um, I just wanted
to speak to you.
749
00:32:05,232 --> 00:32:06,986
I just wanted
to say thank you.
750
00:32:07,022 --> 00:32:09,297
You know, not because
I'm drunk or anything.
751
00:32:09,333 --> 00:32:10,296
But, just, I wanted
to say thank you
752
00:32:10,332 --> 00:32:11,857
for looking aft...
Out for me, and that.
753
00:32:11,893 --> 00:32:13,879
And I spoke to Caroline
754
00:32:13,915 --> 00:32:15,847
she was super nice,
super scary.
755
00:32:15,914 --> 00:32:17,602
But, look, I know you
don't always get things right.
756
00:32:17,638 --> 00:32:19,904
But that's gonna change,
because I'm with you 100%.
757
00:32:19,940 --> 00:32:21,468
So, whatever you need,
whenever you need it.
758
00:32:21,530 --> 00:32:23,204
Okay? Just tell me.
759
00:32:23,240 --> 00:32:25,639
'Cause I'm gonna feed the bird,
and I'm gonna celebrate it.
760
00:32:25,675 --> 00:32:27,457
Is that cocaine?
761
00:32:27,527 --> 00:32:29,744
Yes, yes, yes,
it's a little bit.
762
00:32:29,842 --> 00:32:31,076
It's Eve's.
763
00:32:31,982 --> 00:32:33,981
Oh, God. I'm so sorry.
764
00:32:34,017 --> 00:32:36,351
It's okay. But maybe,
I'll just look after it.
765
00:32:36,387 --> 00:32:38,020
Yes, because
you're really cool.
766
00:32:38,056 --> 00:32:39,647
- Thank you, totally.
- Oh, okay.
767
00:32:39,683 --> 00:32:41,561
I really appreciate that,
Robyn, thank you.
768
00:32:41,622 --> 00:32:42,823
I'm gonna get a drink.
769
00:32:46,372 --> 00:32:47,239
Wow.
770
00:33:09,069 --> 00:33:10,249
Jesus Christ.
771
00:33:10,925 --> 00:33:12,026
There it is.
772
00:33:12,678 --> 00:33:14,072
Oh, easy. It's strong.
773
00:33:17,287 --> 00:33:19,855
- You okay?
- Fuck.
774
00:33:21,508 --> 00:33:22,975
Tom?
775
00:33:26,485 --> 00:33:27,987
Fuck's sake!
776
00:33:33,917 --> 00:33:35,315
Fuck!
777
00:33:35,351 --> 00:33:36,186
Fuck it.
778
00:33:36,807 --> 00:33:38,460
Three fucking years.
779
00:33:41,292 --> 00:33:42,390
I'm so sorry.
780
00:33:42,426 --> 00:33:43,860
Ah, Christ, Robyn.
781
00:33:47,789 --> 00:33:48,924
I knew
782
00:33:49,930 --> 00:33:51,165
you were trouble
783
00:33:52,570 --> 00:33:54,106
the moment
I first saw you.
784
00:34:09,685 --> 00:34:10,983
Well, that was weird.
785
00:34:11,116 --> 00:34:12,386
Patrick kept trying
to help me out
786
00:34:12,422 --> 00:34:13,652
with my ping-pong technique.
787
00:34:13,688 --> 00:34:15,412
He got a bit grabby.
788
00:34:15,448 --> 00:34:16,714
Yeah, they don't tell you
about that stuff
789
00:34:16,750 --> 00:34:18,028
on Match of the Day, too?
790
00:34:18,916 --> 00:34:20,281
Have you seen Robyn about?
791
00:34:20,317 --> 00:34:21,919
She's fixing Tom for me.
792
00:34:42,102 --> 00:34:44,035
- Where is she?
- I don't know.
793
00:34:44,071 --> 00:34:45,276
Eve!
794
00:34:45,733 --> 00:34:46,667
Where is she?
795
00:34:51,530 --> 00:34:52,764
Shit.
796
00:34:54,376 --> 00:34:55,775
Melody!
797
00:34:56,023 --> 00:34:57,758
Hey, have you seen Robyn?
798
00:35:00,022 --> 00:35:01,157
Melody!
799
00:35:06,296 --> 00:35:07,299
Melody, you okay?
800
00:35:10,440 --> 00:35:12,056
Fuck off, Eve!
801
00:35:23,692 --> 00:35:24,958
Yes!
802
00:35:24,994 --> 00:35:26,696
Robyn! Rob!
803
00:35:29,764 --> 00:35:31,432
Jesus,
will you slow down?
804
00:35:32,846 --> 00:35:34,046
Robyn!
805
00:35:44,819 --> 00:35:47,562
- Look, we were...
- Shut the fuck up.
806
00:35:47,598 --> 00:35:49,326
- All right, please.
- Mate, just do us all a favor
807
00:35:49,362 --> 00:35:50,723
and shut the fuck up.
808
00:35:52,730 --> 00:35:53,564
Sam...
809
00:35:58,374 --> 00:35:59,375
You're rotten.
810
00:36:11,259 --> 00:36:12,927
That better not be
my coke.
811
00:36:26,348 --> 00:36:27,148
Sam!
812
00:36:27,741 --> 00:36:29,275
- Miss...
- Sam!
813
00:36:29,311 --> 00:36:30,342
Come let's have a drink.
814
00:36:30,409 --> 00:36:31,672
Not to be funny,
but your man Jay
815
00:36:31,708 --> 00:36:33,133
knows this stuff's
not for real, right?
816
00:36:33,169 --> 00:36:34,908
He keeps following me around,
trying to hold my hand.
817
00:36:35,392 --> 00:36:36,393
Sam!
818
00:36:36,859 --> 00:36:38,055
- Sam!
- Babe.
819
00:36:38,091 --> 00:36:39,923
Babe, babe, you havin'
a good time, yeah?
820
00:36:39,959 --> 00:36:41,691
Listen, listen, can you...
Can you get me more of that here?
821
00:36:41,727 --> 00:36:42,613
Can you call someone?
822
00:36:42,649 --> 00:36:44,195
- Robyn!
- Sam!
823
00:36:45,225 --> 00:36:46,265
- Uh...
- What?
824
00:36:46,613 --> 00:36:48,583
You might wanna keep
an eye on your friend.
825
00:36:52,976 --> 00:36:54,778
Oh, shit.
826
00:37:08,792 --> 00:37:10,060
Um...
827
00:37:13,260 --> 00:37:14,262
Hey!
828
00:37:14,649 --> 00:37:15,581
Get off her!
829
00:37:15,617 --> 00:37:16,722
Get off!
830
00:37:16,758 --> 00:37:17,917
It's cool, all right?
Leave it.
831
00:37:17,953 --> 00:37:20,303
No. You touch her again
and I will kill you!
832
00:37:20,339 --> 00:37:21,357
Now, get out!
833
00:37:23,043 --> 00:37:24,210
Out!
834
00:37:24,824 --> 00:37:25,926
Whatever.
835
00:37:29,696 --> 00:37:30,979
What were you doing?
836
00:37:31,015 --> 00:37:33,169
- I'm fine.
- No, you're not fine.
837
00:37:33,205 --> 00:37:35,086
- I am fine.
- No, no, no. I need to get you home.
838
00:37:35,122 --> 00:37:37,225
Oh, God,
just get off me!
839
00:37:38,458 --> 00:37:42,658
I'm not a little girl.
I am a... I am a cuckoo!
840
00:37:42,694 --> 00:37:44,734
I can do this, Robyn.
I can be like you.
841
00:37:51,998 --> 00:37:53,233
You're fired.
842
00:38:01,495 --> 00:38:02,664
You're fired.
843
00:38:05,971 --> 00:38:07,239
Don't come in on Monday.
844
00:38:09,837 --> 00:38:11,040
Really?
845
00:38:14,429 --> 00:38:15,664
Oh, God.
846
00:38:48,358 --> 00:38:49,344
I'll take her.
847
00:38:50,985 --> 00:38:53,552
I enjoy putting drunk people to bed.
It makes me feel superior.
848
00:38:55,817 --> 00:38:57,319
- Eve...
- No.
849
00:38:59,001 --> 00:39:00,703
You don't get
to say anything.
850
00:39:41,769 --> 00:39:43,038
Robyn, what are you doing?
851
00:39:44,476 --> 00:39:45,928
I need to stay here tonight.
852
00:39:45,964 --> 00:39:47,464
But you can't.
853
00:39:47,500 --> 00:39:49,233
- Get Ruth, please?
- No.
854
00:39:49,269 --> 00:39:50,933
- Ruth?
- Robyn, the kids are in bed.
855
00:39:50,969 --> 00:39:52,136
- Ruth?
- Robyn, just, please.
856
00:39:52,172 --> 00:39:53,273
- Ruth!
- No.
857
00:39:54,371 --> 00:39:55,171
Hey!
858
00:39:58,522 --> 00:39:59,591
Just...
859
00:40:04,771 --> 00:40:05,906
I need to stay.
860
00:40:07,005 --> 00:40:08,073
Sam...
861
00:40:09,235 --> 00:40:09,838
It's...
862
00:40:09,874 --> 00:40:11,376
You'll figure it out.
You always do.
863
00:40:11,794 --> 00:40:12,862
No.
864
00:40:13,845 --> 00:40:14,919
Not this time.
865
00:40:14,955 --> 00:40:16,788
Well, you got
what you wanted, then.
866
00:40:16,910 --> 00:40:18,172
What's that
supposed to mean?
867
00:40:22,183 --> 00:40:23,117
So...
868
00:40:24,666 --> 00:40:25,864
Mark's home?
869
00:40:26,004 --> 00:40:28,675
That is my business.
870
00:40:28,735 --> 00:40:30,304
And if he lies
to me again...
871
00:40:34,674 --> 00:40:37,544
I'm a grown-up, Robyn.
872
00:40:37,580 --> 00:40:38,745
I'm a mother.
873
00:40:38,781 --> 00:40:41,164
And the idea that you and
he need to protect me is...
874
00:40:41,246 --> 00:40:42,645
- Ruth...
- No, listen to me.
875
00:40:42,718 --> 00:40:44,684
You don't have to
look after me.
876
00:40:44,826 --> 00:40:46,264
You cannot
look after me.
877
00:40:46,364 --> 00:40:48,309
You can't even
look after yourself.
878
00:40:53,193 --> 00:40:54,522
I love you...
879
00:40:55,146 --> 00:40:56,768
So much.
880
00:40:58,151 --> 00:41:01,419
And I see what you do with everyone.
It is so clever.
881
00:41:01,526 --> 00:41:03,818
You pull all the strings
and you spin all the plates
882
00:41:03,854 --> 00:41:05,165
and you make it
all work out,
883
00:41:05,201 --> 00:41:07,512
and it's really impressive.
884
00:41:07,612 --> 00:41:08,713
It really is.
885
00:41:09,815 --> 00:41:13,104
But you mustn't do that
with me.
886
00:41:13,141 --> 00:41:14,706
Rob, okay?
887
00:41:15,011 --> 00:41:16,686
Not with me.
888
00:41:16,722 --> 00:41:18,598
I need you
to promise me
889
00:41:18,634 --> 00:41:20,493
that you will never
lie to me,
890
00:41:20,529 --> 00:41:22,593
you will always
tell me the truth.
891
00:41:24,296 --> 00:41:25,865
Mark kissed me.
892
00:41:28,962 --> 00:41:29,618
What?
893
00:41:29,654 --> 00:41:32,190
He was drunk,
and it was stupid,
894
00:41:32,226 --> 00:41:33,201
and it didn't
mean anything.
895
00:41:33,237 --> 00:41:34,483
Why would you
tell me that?
896
00:41:35,275 --> 00:41:36,276
What?
897
00:41:39,203 --> 00:41:40,029
This.
898
00:41:42,026 --> 00:41:44,582
This is when
I see her, Rob.
899
00:41:44,814 --> 00:41:46,703
Mom. In you.
900
00:41:46,739 --> 00:41:52,342
This whirlwind. This spinning and
spinning and sucking everything in,
901
00:41:52,378 --> 00:41:54,655
and the thing is that
when the whirlwind stops,
902
00:41:54,691 --> 00:41:57,758
there's nothing
actually there.
903
00:41:57,794 --> 00:41:59,795
It's just motion.
904
00:41:59,831 --> 00:42:03,596
The only thing that is real is
the mess that you leave behind.
905
00:42:04,088 --> 00:42:05,285
God.
906
00:42:05,321 --> 00:42:08,109
You followed me
here, Robyn.
907
00:42:11,035 --> 00:42:13,422
I just wanted
a boring life.
908
00:42:58,842 --> 00:43:00,910
Cry, you cunt.
909
00:43:04,021 --> 00:43:09,021
Subtitles by explosiveskull