1 00:00:00,703 --> 00:00:03,942 Coming up, we spend the day with Britain's hottest couple. 2 00:00:03,943 --> 00:00:05,622 He's the record-breaking racing driver, 3 00:00:05,623 --> 00:00:08,862 she's the pop star princess turned reality TV star. 4 00:00:08,863 --> 00:00:12,182 Together, they're the Barrons. It's been a tumultuous year 5 00:00:12,183 --> 00:00:14,438 for empress of the red carpet Roxy... Piss off! 6 00:00:14,440 --> 00:00:17,062 ...but she seems to be back on track after a stint in rehab, 7 00:00:17,063 --> 00:00:20,382 a new tell-all book and a turn on Celebrities Go Dancing. 8 00:00:20,383 --> 00:00:23,302 She and British basketball star Kadell James sashayed into 9 00:00:23,303 --> 00:00:27,633 the foxtrot final and won. Earlier this year a very pregnant Roxy 10 00:00:27,635 --> 00:00:31,662 renewed her vows with hubby Darren at a stunning ceremony at home. 11 00:00:31,663 --> 00:00:35,022 We here at VIP Access can't wait to meet baby Barron. 12 00:00:35,023 --> 00:00:39,222 Die! You bastard! 13 00:00:39,223 --> 00:00:40,983 You're doing amazing, babe. 14 00:00:43,343 --> 00:00:46,902 Don't you touch me! Ooh! Is this normal? 15 00:00:46,903 --> 00:00:49,142 Perfectly. Come on, Roxy, nearly there. 16 00:00:49,143 --> 00:00:51,431 Keep going, babe! 17 00:00:51,433 --> 00:00:54,888 You're doing great! Babe, I was doing a video. 18 00:00:54,890 --> 00:00:57,833 Shut up! One more push. 19 00:00:58,983 --> 00:01:02,776 I hate you! 20 00:01:19,703 --> 00:01:21,302 What is it? 21 00:01:21,303 --> 00:01:25,382 It's a boy. I know it's a boy, I can feel it! 22 00:01:25,383 --> 00:01:27,133 Can we see him? 23 00:02:59,364 --> 00:03:02,428 Mr Cole was satisfied with his media training, then? 24 00:03:04,153 --> 00:03:06,532 I remember the first millionaire that I dated. 25 00:03:06,534 --> 00:03:10,646 My... boss at the time took me aside and gave me two pieces of advice - 26 00:03:10,647 --> 00:03:13,052 if you find a millionaire, get married. 27 00:03:13,054 --> 00:03:15,687 If you find a billionaire, get pregnant. 28 00:03:16,452 --> 00:03:20,646 Saying that, she ended up in Belize with the head of a Velcro company 29 00:03:20,647 --> 00:03:23,486 and had a mental breakdown by the time she was 50, 30 00:03:23,487 --> 00:03:26,608 so I'm not sure she's the best person to be getting advice off. 31 00:03:26,610 --> 00:03:28,800 Isn't that the plot of The Bell Jar? 32 00:03:28,802 --> 00:03:30,641 You want my advice? 33 00:03:30,643 --> 00:03:34,625 Be wary of men whose dicks or pockets are too big. 34 00:03:35,235 --> 00:03:37,778 It makes their entitlement untenable. 35 00:03:38,725 --> 00:03:41,129 When the first petal drops, I want them gone. 36 00:03:50,498 --> 00:03:51,985 Hello, Caroline. 37 00:03:55,558 --> 00:04:00,127 Where are you taking that? Hi, Belle. It's me! I'm back! 38 00:04:01,595 --> 00:04:03,798 It's Melody? 39 00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:05,574 I used to work here for, like, 40 00:04:05,576 --> 00:04:08,064 two months, and then I left, and now I'm back again. 41 00:04:08,066 --> 00:04:09,298 Good for you. 42 00:04:09,300 --> 00:04:10,500 Melody? 43 00:04:12,638 --> 00:04:14,926 What are you doing here? I'm back! 44 00:04:14,928 --> 00:04:18,047 Wow. Yeah. I'm gonna be Eve's new assistant. 45 00:04:18,049 --> 00:04:19,249 OK. 46 00:04:19,741 --> 00:04:21,785 Great. Good luck with that. 47 00:04:22,690 --> 00:04:25,137 You moving in, or... The suitcase? 48 00:04:25,139 --> 00:04:28,734 Oh, no, I'm moving house today. Where are you going? 49 00:04:28,736 --> 00:04:30,415 Tottenham. Right. 50 00:04:30,417 --> 00:04:32,080 Football! 51 00:04:33,334 --> 00:04:35,337 Cool. I'm Belle. 52 00:04:35,339 --> 00:04:37,884 Yeah, I know? I'm Craig. 53 00:04:39,025 --> 00:04:43,512 I've worked here for two years. He's in IT. 54 00:04:44,724 --> 00:04:45,924 Ah... 55 00:04:46,553 --> 00:04:48,553 Alright, bitch! 56 00:04:50,646 --> 00:04:51,846 Hi. 57 00:04:52,708 --> 00:04:55,330 Um, sorry. This is Steph. 58 00:04:55,332 --> 00:04:57,851 Steph, this is Melody. 59 00:04:57,853 --> 00:04:59,732 Oh, you're Melody? Yeah. 60 00:04:59,734 --> 00:05:02,280 You're so different to how I pictured you. Hey, Belle. 61 00:05:05,152 --> 00:05:07,501 Well, it was lovely to meet you all, 62 00:05:07,692 --> 00:05:10,193 but I should really get back to my desk, so... 63 00:05:12,873 --> 00:05:14,873 I think she has face blindness. 64 00:05:15,651 --> 00:05:18,025 You moving in? That's what I said. 65 00:05:18,027 --> 00:05:20,684 I was just saying, I'm just moving house. Oh, you've got a small house. 66 00:05:20,685 --> 00:05:23,276 This is not my house. This is just my clothes. 67 00:05:23,599 --> 00:05:26,112 Yeah, I've got like a whole bunch of other stuff. 68 00:05:26,114 --> 00:05:29,233 God knows how I'm gonna get that across London on the Tube. 69 00:05:29,235 --> 00:05:32,120 Might just have to dump half of it. Why don't you give her a lift? 70 00:05:32,578 --> 00:05:34,168 No. Seriously. 71 00:05:34,178 --> 00:05:36,762 He's got an old Volvo Estate. It's hilarious. It makes you feel 72 00:05:36,764 --> 00:05:39,595 like a beleaguered single mother, but it's got shitloads of space. 73 00:05:39,597 --> 00:05:43,236 No, honestly, it's fine. Really, it is massive. 74 00:05:43,238 --> 00:05:44,981 I'd be happy to help. Really? 75 00:05:44,983 --> 00:05:47,642 Go on, let him. It gets him out of my hair for the evening. 76 00:05:48,318 --> 00:05:50,860 Anyway, I'd better get on. Some intern's 77 00:05:50,862 --> 00:05:53,157 trying to use an ethernet cable on her AirPrint printer. 78 00:05:53,159 --> 00:05:54,535 Classic. Right? 79 00:05:55,596 --> 00:05:56,796 Bye. 80 00:06:00,486 --> 00:06:03,786 Right, well, I should probably... Yeah, no, I should too. 81 00:06:12,086 --> 00:06:15,011 Wow, those are beautiful. Ah, perfect. 82 00:06:16,616 --> 00:06:20,316 Deal with them, will you? Are these from the millionaire? 83 00:06:20,318 --> 00:06:22,401 Billionaire, actually, and yes. 84 00:06:22,403 --> 00:06:24,247 Worried I might have given him the wrong impression. 85 00:06:24,248 --> 00:06:26,760 I think you gave him a pretty good impression, if you ask me. 86 00:06:26,762 --> 00:06:28,563 That's the problem. He wants to see me again. 87 00:06:28,565 --> 00:06:31,208 And that's bad because... Because I'm not interested 88 00:06:31,210 --> 00:06:32,531 in anything like that. 89 00:06:32,533 --> 00:06:34,937 I just want a bit of fun. Dicks for hire, one-date wonders. 90 00:06:34,939 --> 00:06:37,218 I'm off boys. All they do is cause problems. 91 00:06:37,220 --> 00:06:38,697 Speak of the devil. 92 00:06:39,939 --> 00:06:43,882 Hi, Robyn. Did those flowers just say hello? 93 00:06:45,847 --> 00:06:47,170 Melody? Hi. 94 00:06:47,172 --> 00:06:48,857 What are you doing here? I hired her. 95 00:06:49,552 --> 00:06:51,769 Right. She's my new assistant. 96 00:06:52,369 --> 00:06:54,249 Does Caroline... Caroline knows, yeah. 97 00:06:54,251 --> 00:06:56,118 She's over the moon. I thought you said Robyn... 98 00:06:56,119 --> 00:06:58,515 Come on, Frodo, my flowers are dying. Spit-spot. Yep. 99 00:07:01,359 --> 00:07:02,838 When did that happen? 100 00:07:02,840 --> 00:07:05,079 The other day. Bumped into her in a coffee shop. 101 00:07:05,081 --> 00:07:07,088 Caroline had mentioned she's going to be looking for a new 102 00:07:07,089 --> 00:07:09,489 junior agent, so we need to be looking at people to bring on. 103 00:07:09,490 --> 00:07:11,524 And were you gonna tell me, or did you just 104 00:07:11,526 --> 00:07:13,607 wanna leave it to be a really weird, awkward surprise? 105 00:07:13,608 --> 00:07:16,249 Did I not? Must have slipped my mind. 106 00:07:16,664 --> 00:07:18,148 Not a problem, is it? 107 00:07:18,150 --> 00:07:20,883 It's nice to have someone you can trust in the office, you know. 108 00:07:36,959 --> 00:07:38,518 So who are the flowers from? 109 00:07:38,893 --> 00:07:41,717 Client. Not Gabriel Cole, right? 110 00:07:42,294 --> 00:07:45,701 Why? It's just... he definitely 111 00:07:45,703 --> 00:07:47,852 dealt with my friend Melissa back in New York. 112 00:07:47,854 --> 00:07:50,369 I texted her. And why would he lie about it? 113 00:07:50,688 --> 00:07:52,980 Don't worry, my love, my eyes are open. 114 00:07:52,982 --> 00:07:55,984 I won't be telling my mother to buy a new hat any time soon. 115 00:07:56,881 --> 00:08:00,021 Ladies, Roxy Barron has had her baby. 116 00:08:00,023 --> 00:08:01,822 Cute. What is it? It's black. 117 00:08:02,531 --> 00:08:05,091 Ah. Well, bi-racial, to be precise, 118 00:08:05,093 --> 00:08:07,277 but whatever it is, it is not Barron. 119 00:08:07,279 --> 00:08:10,153 They're currently holed up at the hospital with a hungry media 120 00:08:10,155 --> 00:08:11,540 outside waiting for a photograph. 121 00:08:11,542 --> 00:08:14,480 Go over there and fix it, will you? Both of you. 122 00:08:34,030 --> 00:08:37,514 This is exciting... the gang back together again. 123 00:08:42,332 --> 00:08:44,531 I can't believe you lied to me. I didn't lie to you. 124 00:08:44,533 --> 00:08:45,652 You promised you didn't sleep with him! 125 00:08:45,654 --> 00:08:47,505 No, I never promised! Roxy! 126 00:08:47,507 --> 00:08:50,346 It only happened once! Once? You promise? 127 00:08:50,348 --> 00:08:52,209 Why do you keep making me promise all the time? 128 00:08:52,211 --> 00:08:54,010 Christ. What difference does it make anyway? 129 00:08:54,012 --> 00:08:56,670 Once, twice, 100 times - once it's been in, it's been in. 130 00:08:56,672 --> 00:09:00,061 100 times? It was a figment of speech, Darren. 131 00:09:00,063 --> 00:09:02,044 He's, like, 12 years old. 132 00:09:02,046 --> 00:09:05,541 He's 23, actually. Do you love him? 133 00:09:05,543 --> 00:09:07,990 Don't be so soppy, Darren. It's just a shag, isn't it? 134 00:09:11,319 --> 00:09:13,436 Daz, don't, please. 135 00:09:13,438 --> 00:09:16,179 You know I always wanted to try it with a black man. 136 00:09:16,181 --> 00:09:17,838 We talked about it. 137 00:09:17,840 --> 00:09:22,040 I thought that were just sex talk. It was. Doesn't mean it ain't real. 138 00:09:22,042 --> 00:09:24,514 What, so you'd be OK if you found out I had a threesome 139 00:09:24,516 --> 00:09:25,758 with a pair of twins, would you? 140 00:09:25,759 --> 00:09:29,324 No, Darren, because they'd be sisters and you know that's weird. 141 00:09:29,326 --> 00:09:33,402 Guys, hi. Ah, good to see you. Congratulations. 142 00:09:33,852 --> 00:09:36,175 He's beautiful. Thank you. 143 00:09:36,479 --> 00:09:37,840 We're very happy. 144 00:09:38,410 --> 00:09:41,415 Look, I know we've all had a bit of a surprise, but how about we just 145 00:09:41,417 --> 00:09:43,506 sit down and figure out where we go from here? 146 00:09:43,508 --> 00:09:46,597 Where else is there to go from here? It's over. 147 00:09:46,599 --> 00:09:49,798 Don't be so dramatic. My baby's not my baby. 148 00:09:49,799 --> 00:09:52,482 It can still be your baby. It's black. 149 00:09:52,484 --> 00:09:54,654 Don't be racist. How is that racist? 150 00:09:54,656 --> 00:09:57,175 OK, time out. I know everyone's emotions are high, 151 00:09:57,177 --> 00:10:00,357 but we've got about 30 journalists camped out front looking for a photo, 152 00:10:00,359 --> 00:10:03,330 not to mention we've already sold the christening pics to OK! 153 00:10:03,332 --> 00:10:05,518 For a lot of money. So... Pay for your new Defender, Darren. 154 00:10:05,519 --> 00:10:07,470 You said get a family car. 155 00:10:07,472 --> 00:10:09,877 I wouldn't have even bought it if I knew it were dirty money. 156 00:10:09,879 --> 00:10:11,530 It is what it is, babe. OK, why don't we... 157 00:10:11,531 --> 00:10:14,132 Is there someone we can point to in the family history, perhaps? 158 00:10:14,134 --> 00:10:16,533 - Say it skipped a generation. - I don't think that's... 159 00:10:16,535 --> 00:10:18,694 It's a suggestion, Robyn. We're not tied to anything. 160 00:10:18,696 --> 00:10:21,207 - We're just throwing around ideas. - OK, sure. 161 00:10:22,098 --> 00:10:25,232 My grandma's second husband was from Saint Lucia. 162 00:10:27,065 --> 00:10:28,265 Yeah. 163 00:10:28,956 --> 00:10:32,476 That's not gonna work. Look, everyone makes mistakes, right? 164 00:10:33,812 --> 00:10:36,282 I mean, come on, Darren, let's be honest - 165 00:10:36,284 --> 00:10:38,718 we've all slept with someone we weren't supposed to, right? 166 00:10:39,140 --> 00:10:41,088 Maybe you've made a mistake in your time. 167 00:10:41,199 --> 00:10:43,718 Golf bitch. I never had sex with Sandy. 168 00:10:44,062 --> 00:10:47,158 She got me handicap down to nine. Don't call her a bitch. 169 00:10:47,159 --> 00:10:49,562 Blow jobs are sex, Darren. 170 00:10:49,564 --> 00:10:53,988 Surely the thing that matters the most is whether you're sorry 171 00:10:54,176 --> 00:10:55,871 or not, right? 172 00:11:02,515 --> 00:11:04,359 But what are we gonna tell everyone? 173 00:11:04,898 --> 00:11:07,010 It's pretty obvious the baby's not mine. 174 00:11:15,452 --> 00:11:17,461 We'll say that you had fertility issues. 175 00:11:17,463 --> 00:11:19,742 You what? You want me to say I'm impotent? 176 00:11:19,744 --> 00:11:21,533 Infertile. Big difference. 177 00:11:21,535 --> 00:11:23,750 Don't do it, Daz. You stay out of it, Tel. 178 00:11:23,752 --> 00:11:25,751 Don't you shout at him! Leave off, Sharon. 179 00:11:25,753 --> 00:11:27,919 Well, she's the one who's been off getting her clocks cleaned. 180 00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:29,797 Oh, come on, Shaz, as if your boy's an angel. 181 00:11:29,799 --> 00:11:31,563 We all know he was off shagging that golf bird. 182 00:11:31,564 --> 00:11:34,323 I never had sex with her! Blow jobs count. 183 00:11:34,325 --> 00:11:35,620 Bollocks. Oi! 184 00:11:35,645 --> 00:11:38,905 Look, all we say is that you were having trouble conceiving and that 185 00:11:38,907 --> 00:11:41,310 you decided to use a sperm donor. It's very common. 186 00:11:41,312 --> 00:11:43,593 Very modern. Why should he be the one 187 00:11:43,595 --> 00:11:46,728 saying his bits don't work when it was her going off and getting 188 00:11:46,730 --> 00:11:49,043 mucky with that other fella? Well, we can hardly say mine 189 00:11:49,045 --> 00:11:51,040 don't work, can we? I just had a bloody baby. 190 00:11:51,042 --> 00:11:53,668 Marriage is about compromise, Terry. 191 00:11:53,670 --> 00:11:56,871 Roxy's had to make her fair share of compromises. 192 00:11:56,873 --> 00:11:58,559 Yeah, like the time I wanted to start 193 00:11:58,561 --> 00:12:01,581 that ceramics brand and you said it was a bad idea, so we didn't. 194 00:12:01,583 --> 00:12:03,419 That's because you know nothing about ceramics. 195 00:12:03,420 --> 00:12:05,789 I wasn't gonna make them, Darren, I was gonna design them. 196 00:12:05,791 --> 00:12:07,810 It was a mental idea. Dinner plates with 197 00:12:07,812 --> 00:12:10,106 pictures of dinners on them is not a mental idea, Darren. 198 00:12:10,108 --> 00:12:12,700 It's fun and it's quirky and I maintain it would be successful. 199 00:12:12,702 --> 00:12:14,645 I could see it as a sort of stocking filler. 200 00:12:14,647 --> 00:12:17,296 Thank you, Dad. Guys, re the baby. 201 00:12:17,298 --> 00:12:20,051 Look, I'm not being funny, but think about how progressive you're going 202 00:12:20,052 --> 00:12:22,298 - to look with a bi-racial baby. - I mean, why do you think that 203 00:12:22,299 --> 00:12:24,903 Brad and Ange adopted all those beautiful little brown kids? 204 00:12:24,905 --> 00:12:28,302 - Focus on what really matters. - The brand. 205 00:12:28,304 --> 00:12:30,722 Don't see the infertility thing as a negative. 206 00:12:30,724 --> 00:12:34,447 You're being a modern man, being open about the issues you face. 207 00:12:34,449 --> 00:12:36,714 It's like when Pele advertised erectile dysfunction. 208 00:12:36,716 --> 00:12:41,702 True, he did. Oh, wonderful footballer, such feet. 209 00:12:42,728 --> 00:12:45,727 You'll be the perfect picture of the modern, progressive family. 210 00:12:45,729 --> 00:12:48,332 Breaking boundaries. Blurring lines. 211 00:12:48,334 --> 00:12:52,596 Also, getting in the race game 212 00:12:52,598 --> 00:12:54,594 could really help you crack America. 213 00:13:13,380 --> 00:13:15,779 Can't believe we got them to go along with that. 214 00:13:15,781 --> 00:13:18,052 Well, you have a talent in deceit, my dear. 215 00:13:26,919 --> 00:13:29,718 What do those things actually taste like? 216 00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:31,840 The dying fart of a Gummy Bear. 217 00:13:35,943 --> 00:13:38,202 So, are we gonna talk about the elephant in the room? 218 00:13:38,204 --> 00:13:40,343 The elephant that fucked my boyfriend, you mean? 219 00:13:42,387 --> 00:13:44,627 Can Tom be the elephant in this idiom? 220 00:13:50,479 --> 00:13:53,359 I am so sorry. 221 00:13:55,486 --> 00:13:58,097 Apologies are strange things, aren't they? 222 00:13:58,239 --> 00:14:00,639 Just expressions of shame. 223 00:14:01,817 --> 00:14:04,928 "I did a thing, didn't go well, 224 00:14:05,633 --> 00:14:07,995 can we pretend it didn't happen, please?" 225 00:14:10,864 --> 00:14:12,264 Why did you do it? 226 00:14:14,349 --> 00:14:16,748 Would it help if I could give you an answer? 227 00:14:17,199 --> 00:14:19,560 You know, I can't figure out what's worse - 228 00:14:20,509 --> 00:14:26,530 fucking up my shit through selfish, vindictive greediness, 229 00:14:27,204 --> 00:14:29,924 or just fucking it up through sheer apathy. 230 00:14:31,539 --> 00:14:33,055 I hate myself. 231 00:14:36,239 --> 00:14:37,475 I know you do. 232 00:14:38,394 --> 00:14:39,929 Sometimes I do too. 233 00:14:42,117 --> 00:14:44,334 I'm getting reporters asking questions. 234 00:14:44,336 --> 00:14:47,242 Oh, I will be just a minute. 235 00:14:52,852 --> 00:14:57,140 Ruth? What do people wear in offices? What? 236 00:14:57,142 --> 00:14:59,076 The women in your office - what do they wear? 237 00:14:59,078 --> 00:15:02,197 Do they wear, like, pant suits? It's not the '80s. 238 00:15:02,199 --> 00:15:04,758 Women wear whatever they want. Why? 239 00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:07,147 No reason. Is everything OK? 240 00:15:07,149 --> 00:15:09,530 Yeah, it's fine. Are you in tonight? 241 00:15:10,091 --> 00:15:12,375 I'm gonna be back a bit later. 242 00:15:12,377 --> 00:15:13,577 Work stuff. 243 00:15:14,778 --> 00:15:17,631 Look, I'm in the middle of something. I've gotta go. OK, bye. 244 00:15:21,581 --> 00:15:23,260 OK, here's what we have so far. 245 00:15:23,588 --> 00:15:26,790 "I'm delighted to announce the arrival of our son, Taron." 246 00:15:26,792 --> 00:15:29,470 Taron Rooney. I don't want him named after a footballer. 247 00:15:29,472 --> 00:15:31,429 Well, I'm sorry, Roxy, but you should have thought about 248 00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:33,030 that before you had an affair with a basketball player. 249 00:15:33,031 --> 00:15:34,750 I'm never gonna hear the end of this, am I? 250 00:15:34,752 --> 00:15:37,227 Come on, Rox, listen to your mother. Compromise. 251 00:15:37,229 --> 00:15:39,213 Isn't Rooney the one that slept with a granny? 252 00:15:39,215 --> 00:15:42,435 He's England's leading goalscorer and the Premier League's 253 00:15:42,437 --> 00:15:44,902 second leading goalscorer, behind Alan Shearer. 254 00:15:45,389 --> 00:15:47,402 So unless you wanna call our kid Alan? 255 00:15:48,089 --> 00:15:50,688 Taron Rooney Barron. 256 00:15:51,564 --> 00:15:55,043 "I would also like to take this opportunity to share with the world 257 00:15:55,045 --> 00:15:58,130 that our son was conceived using donor insemination 258 00:15:58,132 --> 00:16:00,411 and that we hope our story may inspire others who have 259 00:16:00,412 --> 00:16:02,406 experienced similar difficulties." 260 00:16:02,408 --> 00:16:04,392 Aw, that's nice. 261 00:16:04,814 --> 00:16:07,057 Roxy's doing well. Can you say 'Mummy'? 262 00:16:07,059 --> 00:16:09,498 "Mummy is doing well." It's cute when people say that. 263 00:16:09,852 --> 00:16:11,669 "Mummy is doing well, 264 00:16:11,671 --> 00:16:13,710 and I can't wait to get to know the little fella." 265 00:16:13,712 --> 00:16:16,323 Can I say "Daddy can't wait"? Might be confusing, babe. 266 00:16:17,252 --> 00:16:19,949 Alright, Darren, I'm gonna have this printed off for you. 267 00:16:19,951 --> 00:16:22,047 Rox, Eve is gonna get you in hair and makeup. 268 00:16:22,057 --> 00:16:24,837 I'll get the beers in. I'll come with you. 269 00:16:24,839 --> 00:16:27,709 'Ere, couldn't hold him for a sec, could you? 270 00:16:27,711 --> 00:16:28,911 Oh... 271 00:16:45,862 --> 00:16:47,196 You need to take this. 272 00:16:58,203 --> 00:17:00,099 There's a newborn baby. 273 00:17:01,033 --> 00:17:02,233 Cool. 274 00:17:09,932 --> 00:17:11,851 I'm delighted to announce the arrival 275 00:17:11,852 --> 00:17:15,192 of our son Taron Rooney Barron. 276 00:17:15,812 --> 00:17:18,188 I would also like to take this opportunity to share 277 00:17:18,190 --> 00:17:22,036 with the world that our son was conceived using donor insemination, 278 00:17:22,038 --> 00:17:24,770 and we hope that our story may inspire others who have 279 00:17:24,772 --> 00:17:26,891 experienced similar difficulties. 280 00:17:26,892 --> 00:17:29,211 Mummy's doing well, and I can't wait to 281 00:17:29,212 --> 00:17:30,772 get to know the little fella. 282 00:17:32,732 --> 00:17:35,771 Thank you all for respecting our privacy at this time. 283 00:17:35,772 --> 00:17:37,131 We look forward to sharing 284 00:17:37,132 --> 00:17:41,291 our new baby with the world, and we're so in love with him. 285 00:17:41,292 --> 00:17:43,811 Kadell. Isn't that... ..my wife Roxy has been so strong 286 00:17:43,812 --> 00:17:47,531 during what has been a difficult pregnancy, and a long and... 287 00:17:47,532 --> 00:17:49,775 Look at this. 288 00:17:49,777 --> 00:17:52,240 ...arduous journey to get here. 289 00:17:53,012 --> 00:17:56,212 It hasn't been easy, but with the safe arrival of our son we can... 290 00:18:03,172 --> 00:18:06,203 Have you worked as a PA before? 291 00:18:06,205 --> 00:18:08,205 I was married for five years. 292 00:18:10,174 --> 00:18:12,373 Um, no, I haven't officially, 293 00:18:12,375 --> 00:18:15,862 but I'm incredibly organised, some people might say pathologically so. 294 00:18:16,486 --> 00:18:20,685 I worked at a restaurant in New York for a while and the girls kept 295 00:18:20,687 --> 00:18:22,930 taking each other's shifts, so I organised a system 296 00:18:22,932 --> 00:18:24,651 in the restaurant where it just... Ruth? 297 00:18:24,652 --> 00:18:27,474 Yes. OK, you seem like a nice lady, 298 00:18:28,012 --> 00:18:29,971 but I'm going to be totally honest. 299 00:18:29,972 --> 00:18:33,429 You don't have a lot of experience. OK. 300 00:18:33,431 --> 00:18:36,556 I'm looking for someone who I can trust to keep on top of things. 301 00:18:37,012 --> 00:18:39,316 My diary management alone is pretty hectic. 302 00:18:39,624 --> 00:18:41,285 We're not a small company. 303 00:18:41,748 --> 00:18:43,440 OK. 304 00:18:44,169 --> 00:18:48,199 Can I be honest, too, Mr Thornton? Please - Ross. 305 00:18:48,668 --> 00:18:49,931 Ross. 306 00:18:49,932 --> 00:18:52,786 OK, Ross, I have extensive 307 00:18:52,788 --> 00:18:56,162 experience managing a five-year-old who is like catnip for headlice, 308 00:18:56,672 --> 00:18:59,800 an eight-month-old who I think is nocturnal, 309 00:19:00,018 --> 00:19:03,737 a 43-year-old who still does not know where the bin bags are. 310 00:19:03,739 --> 00:19:06,478 I have a sister who is a self-destructive, narcissistic, 311 00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:08,970 sex and drugs addict, and I have two guinea pigs 312 00:19:08,972 --> 00:19:12,257 who I swear nobody but me has seen in the last two years. 313 00:19:12,404 --> 00:19:14,328 And yet they live. 314 00:19:14,879 --> 00:19:20,533 I cook, I clean, I suck snot out of their nostrils - the children's - 315 00:19:20,535 --> 00:19:22,493 I organise everything. 316 00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:26,974 I pay the bills, I do the grocery shopping, I do the homework, 317 00:19:26,976 --> 00:19:31,902 I do the tax returns, I yell at Alexa because she is a misogynist. 318 00:19:31,904 --> 00:19:33,491 I organise their dentist and their 319 00:19:33,492 --> 00:19:35,615 doctor and their optician appointments. 320 00:19:35,617 --> 00:19:38,456 I keep an unnecessarily complicated calendar of 321 00:19:38,458 --> 00:19:40,741 activities and plans and play dates. 322 00:19:40,743 --> 00:19:44,796 I send over 300 birthday cards and Christmas cards and thank you 323 00:19:44,798 --> 00:19:48,202 cards every year, and I make sure that they are personally signed, 324 00:19:48,204 --> 00:19:51,413 because the art of penmanship has been lost. 325 00:19:51,767 --> 00:19:56,455 I am trying to tell you that I organise the crap out of life, 326 00:19:56,457 --> 00:20:01,771 and so I think, with all due, Ross, I can make sure that you've got your 327 00:20:01,772 --> 00:20:04,656 staples and you get to your squash appointment on time. 328 00:20:11,932 --> 00:20:14,346 You don't half like calling me to some weird places. 329 00:20:14,348 --> 00:20:16,348 Well, I have a weird life. 330 00:20:17,772 --> 00:20:21,764 Thanks. You're my hero. Going through 'em pretty 331 00:20:21,766 --> 00:20:24,411 quick, mind. Like you said - tolerance. 332 00:20:24,412 --> 00:20:26,745 Sometimes slowing down works good as speeding up. 333 00:20:27,752 --> 00:20:30,811 Look, I'm not trying to do myself out of a job or anything, but... 334 00:20:30,812 --> 00:20:32,921 Mike, I'm good. You're the boss. 335 00:20:34,212 --> 00:20:36,709 Oh, fuck, I meant to go to the ATM 336 00:20:36,711 --> 00:20:38,689 this morning and then this all kicked off. 337 00:20:41,372 --> 00:20:44,305 You know I don't do credit, Rob. I know. 338 00:20:45,093 --> 00:20:48,331 I know, I'm sorry. Look, I'll pay you back next time, with interest. 339 00:20:48,801 --> 00:20:51,730 Pretty, pretty please? It won't happen again. 340 00:20:54,135 --> 00:20:55,335 Once. 341 00:20:55,949 --> 00:20:58,466 Don't go making a habit of it, pardon the pun. 342 00:20:58,772 --> 00:20:59,936 Course. 343 00:20:59,938 --> 00:21:02,143 Oh, before I forget, 344 00:21:03,252 --> 00:21:05,131 I cut this out of the newspaper for you. 345 00:21:05,132 --> 00:21:08,011 It's an article about hyper- dimensional computing theory, 346 00:21:08,012 --> 00:21:10,491 how it might lead to AI with reflexes and memories. 347 00:21:10,492 --> 00:21:12,052 You know, 'cause we was talking 348 00:21:12,054 --> 00:21:14,539 about whether robots are gonna end up killing us all or not. 349 00:21:14,541 --> 00:21:16,131 I just wish they'd hurry up and get on with it. 350 00:21:16,132 --> 00:21:19,371 Where is she? Oh, come on, come on, come on, don't play with me. 351 00:21:19,372 --> 00:21:22,331 Oh, fuck! I have to go. What level is she on? 352 00:21:22,332 --> 00:21:25,091 Kadell. What are you doing here? That's my baby. 353 00:21:25,092 --> 00:21:28,828 Shh! Kadell! That's my kid, Robyn, 354 00:21:28,830 --> 00:21:30,891 you know it is. They are married. 355 00:21:30,892 --> 00:21:32,651 Oh, don't give me that BS. You're the one that kept 356 00:21:32,652 --> 00:21:35,171 fucking sneaking me in for her. I know you don't give a shit 357 00:21:35,172 --> 00:21:36,659 about that, and neither does Roxy. 358 00:21:36,661 --> 00:21:39,291 You're right. The sanctity of marriage means about as much to me 359 00:21:39,292 --> 00:21:42,140 as a titanium tampon, but you know what does mean something to me? 360 00:21:42,142 --> 00:21:45,820 My work. And you marching in there shouting your mouth off 361 00:21:45,822 --> 00:21:48,200 is bad for my fucking business, OK? 362 00:21:49,016 --> 00:21:50,435 I'm a daddy. 363 00:21:55,075 --> 00:21:56,275 I'm a daddy. 364 00:22:00,010 --> 00:22:03,099 OK. Really? 365 00:22:19,676 --> 00:22:22,192 Guys, this is Kadell. 366 00:22:24,636 --> 00:22:28,104 What the hell is he doing here? That's my baby, blud. 367 00:22:28,106 --> 00:22:29,825 He's a Barron. Bullshit. 368 00:22:29,827 --> 00:22:31,772 Don't fucking swear in front of my wife. 369 00:22:31,774 --> 00:22:33,607 Dad. Alright, calm down. Kadell has 370 00:22:33,609 --> 00:22:36,655 every right to be here, because genetically the child is his. 371 00:22:37,356 --> 00:22:39,077 The child is his, right, Rox? 372 00:22:39,079 --> 00:22:42,640 Yes. What sort of slag do you think I am? Rude. 373 00:22:42,642 --> 00:22:46,731 Fact is, we are where we are, and we need to deal with it, like adults. 374 00:22:46,733 --> 00:22:49,610 You said you loved me. You what? 375 00:22:49,612 --> 00:22:51,211 Rox? No. 376 00:22:51,213 --> 00:22:55,515 I said I loved having sex with you, Kadell. That's different. 377 00:22:55,516 --> 00:22:57,025 Bloody Nora. 378 00:22:57,027 --> 00:22:59,196 Babe, I thought we had something special. 379 00:22:59,198 --> 00:23:01,555 No, babe, I... OK, time out. 380 00:23:02,001 --> 00:23:06,721 Ladies... huddle. Outside. Right now, please. Outside. 381 00:23:15,656 --> 00:23:17,175 OK, so what's the play? 382 00:23:17,177 --> 00:23:19,631 Anyone with an ounce of wit will know that that is Kadell's baby, 383 00:23:19,632 --> 00:23:20,979 so we need to run with it. 384 00:23:20,981 --> 00:23:22,741 What's the outcome that we're looking for here? 385 00:23:22,742 --> 00:23:24,714 Well, professionally, Darren and Roxy play 386 00:23:24,716 --> 00:23:26,315 much better as a couple. The living definition of more 387 00:23:26,316 --> 00:23:28,877 than the sum of their parts. We don't officially rep Kadell yet, 388 00:23:28,879 --> 00:23:30,936 but after this his profile's gonna go through the roof. 389 00:23:30,937 --> 00:23:33,555 So we lock him down? Keep it in the family. 390 00:23:33,556 --> 00:23:36,443 Rinse his 15 minutes. Whilst protecting brand Barron. 391 00:23:36,445 --> 00:23:38,835 OK. So how do we get them all to play ball? 392 00:23:38,837 --> 00:23:40,595 How do we ever get anyone to play ball? 393 00:23:40,596 --> 00:23:42,575 Give them what they want. Right. 394 00:23:42,929 --> 00:23:44,857 So what do they want? 395 00:23:47,036 --> 00:23:52,515 Bradley, baby, it's always such a pleasure to see your lovely face. 396 00:23:52,516 --> 00:23:56,439 Have you lost weight? Keto. I just eat meat and cheese 397 00:23:56,441 --> 00:23:59,057 all day and it's sliding off me like a chemo patient. 398 00:23:59,583 --> 00:24:03,046 Hey man, good job. Yes! 399 00:24:03,367 --> 00:24:06,623 I hear that Nike are looking for new blood. 400 00:24:06,624 --> 00:24:09,334 I have the perfect boy for you. Kadell James. 401 00:24:09,336 --> 00:24:13,638 Never heard of him. Rising star of British basketball. 402 00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:15,516 Top point scorer at the Olympics. 403 00:24:15,518 --> 00:24:17,517 A real rags to riches story. 404 00:24:17,519 --> 00:24:21,745 Caroline, I'm gonna stop you there. No-one gives an orphan's fart 405 00:24:21,747 --> 00:24:24,280 for British basketball. Hey, gimme some. 406 00:24:24,681 --> 00:24:26,920 There must be something you can swing. 407 00:24:26,922 --> 00:24:29,441 I really could do with a favour here. 408 00:24:29,443 --> 00:24:32,965 Angel, you know I would if I could, you know I would, but I can't. 409 00:24:32,967 --> 00:24:36,254 Besides, they've already earmarked Donovan Mitchell for that sector. 410 00:24:36,256 --> 00:24:37,855 The ink is practically dry. 411 00:24:38,213 --> 00:24:40,250 I understand, of course. 412 00:24:40,735 --> 00:24:42,486 Thank you for trying. 413 00:24:42,488 --> 00:24:46,021 Oh, one last thing. Shoot. 414 00:24:46,724 --> 00:24:50,003 Remember that video of you in Vegas, 415 00:24:50,160 --> 00:24:53,283 in the centre of a circle jerk of transgender prostitutes? 416 00:24:54,550 --> 00:24:57,218 Ha-ha-ha, that's funny. 417 00:24:57,220 --> 00:24:59,819 That's funny. She's good - you're good at making jokes. 418 00:24:59,821 --> 00:25:02,743 I was just thinking about it the other day, how I stopped it 419 00:25:02,745 --> 00:25:06,442 from getting to your wife and your boss and being published 420 00:25:06,444 --> 00:25:10,921 on the homepage of the Mail online. I cannot deny 421 00:25:10,923 --> 00:25:12,625 nor confirm that statement. 422 00:25:14,024 --> 00:25:16,584 I'll make some calls. You are a dear. 423 00:25:21,821 --> 00:25:23,020 OK. Look, Kadell, 424 00:25:23,022 --> 00:25:28,098 I know that you're feeling emotional, but you're 23 years old. 425 00:25:28,108 --> 00:25:29,809 You've got a great career ahead of you. 426 00:25:29,811 --> 00:25:32,725 You don't wanna be a full-time dad right now. And let's get real here. 427 00:25:32,727 --> 00:25:35,726 Everyone's gonna know that kid belongs to you, so I'm asking you 428 00:25:35,728 --> 00:25:38,713 to tell the press that, after getting to know Darren and Roxy 429 00:25:38,715 --> 00:25:41,234 during your time working together on Celebs Go Dancing, 430 00:25:41,236 --> 00:25:44,145 you formed a very special bond, and as a result 431 00:25:44,147 --> 00:25:46,915 they asked you to be a sperm donor to help them conceive their child. 432 00:25:46,917 --> 00:25:48,756 Think of it like a backdoor assist. 433 00:25:48,758 --> 00:25:50,439 Why would I do that? 434 00:25:50,441 --> 00:25:53,600 How does being one of the faces of Nike's new inheritance campaign 435 00:25:53,602 --> 00:25:56,020 sound? Full sponsorship. Huge visibility. 436 00:25:56,022 --> 00:25:58,295 And more trainers than you could wear in a lifetime. 437 00:25:58,297 --> 00:26:00,645 And of course you'd get to see Taron any time you're around. 438 00:26:00,646 --> 00:26:02,523 Buy him awesome presents for his birthday. 439 00:26:02,525 --> 00:26:05,404 And maybe every now and then you and Roxy can play a little 440 00:26:05,406 --> 00:26:07,925 game of Mr Wobbly hides his helmet. 441 00:26:08,377 --> 00:26:10,653 Hang on, what do I get out of this? 442 00:26:10,655 --> 00:26:12,755 You get to go back to golf lessons. 443 00:26:13,824 --> 00:26:16,681 Twice a week? Sandy says 444 00:26:16,683 --> 00:26:18,883 you won't see the difference unless it's at least twice a week. 445 00:26:18,884 --> 00:26:22,577 This is all a bit... European. We went on a cruise with a couple 446 00:26:22,579 --> 00:26:24,138 of swingers once. Who? 447 00:26:24,140 --> 00:26:27,419 Paddy and Margaret. Paddy and Margaret were swingers? 448 00:26:27,421 --> 00:26:28,980 Yeah. Look, I don't wanna piss on 449 00:26:28,982 --> 00:26:31,371 anyone's parade, but you two have been married for five years 450 00:26:31,372 --> 00:26:34,322 and I've already covered up at least three affairs for both of you, 451 00:26:34,507 --> 00:26:37,380 but I really do believe that you actually love each other. 452 00:26:37,382 --> 00:26:39,301 So if you're gonna screw other people, 453 00:26:39,303 --> 00:26:41,880 why not just be honest about it and get on with your lives? 454 00:26:41,882 --> 00:26:45,121 Polyamory is actually super on-trend right now. 455 00:26:45,123 --> 00:26:47,077 You get to have your cake and fuck it. 456 00:26:59,695 --> 00:27:01,695 Well done today. You did great. 457 00:27:03,635 --> 00:27:04,835 Um, Robyn? 458 00:27:04,990 --> 00:27:09,480 Um... look, I just wanted to say that I am... 459 00:27:10,716 --> 00:27:12,639 really happy to be back again, 460 00:27:13,389 --> 00:27:15,670 and I appreciate what you were trying to do for me. 461 00:27:16,641 --> 00:27:19,040 So, no hard feelings. 462 00:27:32,628 --> 00:27:36,165 Ready? Yeah. Yeah, just coming. 463 00:27:36,167 --> 00:27:38,097 I'll take your... No, no, that's fine. I'll get it. 464 00:27:38,098 --> 00:27:39,593 Sure? Yeah, it's fine. 465 00:27:51,041 --> 00:27:53,291 Thank you so much for doing this for me. 466 00:27:56,374 --> 00:27:57,658 This is great. 467 00:28:02,359 --> 00:28:04,766 I'll help you bring it up. No. No, no, don't be silly. 468 00:28:04,768 --> 00:28:05,991 I'll be fine. 469 00:28:07,253 --> 00:28:08,453 Come on. 470 00:28:19,374 --> 00:28:21,471 So, Steph seems nice. 471 00:28:21,924 --> 00:28:23,872 Oh, yeah. She's great. 472 00:28:23,874 --> 00:28:27,593 She's gorgeous. Well done. How long's that been going for? 473 00:28:27,595 --> 00:28:29,279 Not that long. Couple of weeks. 474 00:28:29,731 --> 00:28:31,783 But we've known each other for ages, so... 475 00:28:32,323 --> 00:28:36,257 Well, that's nice. Are you... seeing anyone? 476 00:28:36,259 --> 00:28:39,362 Oh, I mean, there's a couple of people, but I'm just keeping it 477 00:28:39,364 --> 00:28:40,654 cazh, you know. 478 00:28:41,194 --> 00:28:43,394 Just playing the field a bit, you know. 479 00:28:45,134 --> 00:28:48,825 Blimey. You'll be fit by the time you've lived here for a bit. 480 00:28:49,389 --> 00:28:52,228 Not that you're not fit now. No, I don't mean - I mean, 481 00:28:52,230 --> 00:28:53,939 fit like strong fit, not fit ...fit. 482 00:28:56,340 --> 00:28:57,619 Oh, oh, god. Oh. What? 483 00:28:57,621 --> 00:29:01,020 Oh, holy mothering Sunday. 484 00:29:01,022 --> 00:29:02,901 What's wrong? Ooh, my back. 485 00:29:02,903 --> 00:29:04,663 Old Judo injury. 486 00:29:05,239 --> 00:29:07,638 Ah. Just need to stay like this for a bit. 487 00:29:07,640 --> 00:29:09,862 Do you want me to rub it? Don't rub it. 488 00:29:14,029 --> 00:29:16,855 Oh, it hurts when I laugh! 489 00:29:18,084 --> 00:29:21,163 Ah! Were you seriously gonna try and do this on the Tube? 490 00:29:21,165 --> 00:29:23,804 I don't know. My parents were gonna come down. 491 00:29:23,806 --> 00:29:26,272 From Scotland? Yeah, they were gonna drive. 492 00:29:26,744 --> 00:29:29,334 My dad didn't really feel up to it. 493 00:29:29,336 --> 00:29:32,136 He doesn't really like travelling much nowadays. 494 00:29:33,963 --> 00:29:36,281 Lung cancer is the cunt, isn't it? 495 00:29:36,283 --> 00:29:37,483 Yeah. 496 00:29:37,925 --> 00:29:40,544 I'm sorry. No, it's fine. He's OK now. 497 00:29:40,546 --> 00:29:42,280 They got it all out, apparently. 498 00:29:42,747 --> 00:29:45,427 It's just... hard, isn't it? 499 00:29:50,853 --> 00:29:53,344 Oh, son of a bank robber. 500 00:29:53,954 --> 00:29:55,927 OK, I'm good. 501 00:29:55,929 --> 00:29:58,369 Yeah? I'm good. Are you sure? Yeah. 502 00:30:05,940 --> 00:30:08,463 I did not know that you did Judo. 503 00:30:08,465 --> 00:30:11,889 Yeah. Blue belt. It's pointless, though. 504 00:30:11,891 --> 00:30:13,807 No kicking or punching. It was just like 505 00:30:13,809 --> 00:30:16,865 2.5 years of wearing pyjamas and learning how to trip people up. 506 00:30:17,192 --> 00:30:21,215 I spent four years trying to learn the treble recorder. 507 00:30:21,217 --> 00:30:23,550 I could have learnt Mandarin in that time. 508 00:30:23,919 --> 00:30:27,460 I don't think that I'm ever gonna fully forgive 509 00:30:27,462 --> 00:30:29,582 my parents for that one. Yeah. 510 00:31:32,601 --> 00:31:34,734 Oh, you gotta be kidding me... 511 00:31:39,293 --> 00:31:40,887 That's a nice touch. 512 00:31:42,923 --> 00:31:44,323 Of course. 513 00:31:48,654 --> 00:31:49,894 Of course. 514 00:32:34,927 --> 00:32:36,414 How're you feeling? 515 00:32:36,641 --> 00:32:40,192 It's fine. Just a little stiff, that's all. Be totally fine. 516 00:32:40,734 --> 00:32:44,075 Thank you so much for helping me. I literally do not know what 517 00:32:44,077 --> 00:32:47,510 I would have done without you. Don't be silly. It's totally fine. 518 00:32:48,308 --> 00:32:51,064 What's the point in having a Volvo Estate if... actually, 519 00:32:51,066 --> 00:32:54,225 I'll just leave that sentence there. Do you want to stay for a drink? 520 00:32:54,227 --> 00:32:56,921 I think I've got a bottle of limoncello that my aunt brought 521 00:32:56,923 --> 00:32:58,842 back from Italy that we could open. 522 00:32:59,813 --> 00:33:01,227 I'd better not. 523 00:33:01,229 --> 00:33:03,009 Driving. No. 524 00:33:03,404 --> 00:33:05,683 Well, I guess I'll see you at work, probably. 525 00:33:05,685 --> 00:33:06,987 Probably. 526 00:33:11,807 --> 00:33:13,007 See you. 527 00:33:45,396 --> 00:33:48,812 How did you know I was here? Melody. 528 00:33:50,624 --> 00:33:53,222 God, that girl's good. I know, right? 529 00:33:53,224 --> 00:33:55,506 Don't ever tell her that. No. 530 00:33:56,627 --> 00:33:59,026 Wanna go get trashed? I already called an Uber. 531 00:33:59,028 --> 00:34:02,945 Victor is on his way. Thanks, though. 532 00:34:03,887 --> 00:34:07,126 Oi! Abortion is murder. Really? 533 00:34:07,127 --> 00:34:08,813 Come on, let's just go. Come on. 534 00:34:10,367 --> 00:34:13,286 No, no. Do you know what? No. No, not OK. 535 00:34:13,287 --> 00:34:16,086 This has literally nothing to do with you. 536 00:34:16,087 --> 00:34:18,006 All life is sacred. 537 00:34:18,007 --> 00:34:20,850 Oh, grow up. If you really thought all life 538 00:34:20,852 --> 00:34:23,405 was sacred, you wouldn't be wearing leather shoes, if you can call those 539 00:34:23,406 --> 00:34:25,006 orthopaedic monstrosities shoes. 540 00:34:25,007 --> 00:34:29,019 There are refugees drowning in boats, families being carpet-bombed, 541 00:34:29,021 --> 00:34:31,860 tiny babies without enough water or basic vaccines. 542 00:34:31,862 --> 00:34:35,376 If you really care so much about life then do something about that 543 00:34:35,378 --> 00:34:37,964 instead of sitting around here on your arse playing Candy Crush 544 00:34:37,966 --> 00:34:41,351 and shouting at women you've never met before. It's the easy way out. 545 00:34:41,353 --> 00:34:45,877 You've clearly never had an abortion. Trust me, I've had two. 546 00:34:45,879 --> 00:34:48,672 And no, that doesn't make me a slut. 547 00:34:48,673 --> 00:34:52,516 It makes me a woman in the 21st century, who as a teenager was 548 00:34:52,518 --> 00:34:55,411 stealthed by a guy four years my senior, and who was stupid 549 00:34:55,413 --> 00:34:58,412 enough to have sex with another man who refused to wear a condom because 550 00:34:58,413 --> 00:35:00,413 it made his willy feel funny. 551 00:35:00,911 --> 00:35:02,240 So deal with it. 552 00:35:02,617 --> 00:35:06,880 Get a life, and mind your own fucking business. 553 00:35:12,082 --> 00:35:13,440 Abortion is murder. 554 00:35:22,738 --> 00:35:24,857 Merciful tit whistles. What? 555 00:35:24,859 --> 00:35:28,011 Nothing. My little brother's just got engaged. 556 00:35:28,013 --> 00:35:30,212 Gives my mother a whole new excuse to tell me 557 00:35:30,213 --> 00:35:33,212 what a dried-up old spinster I'm going to be, with moths 558 00:35:33,213 --> 00:35:36,192 coming out of my foof and only cats to love me, then eat me when I die. 559 00:35:38,364 --> 00:35:41,696 "She said yes." Doesn't it make you want to become a bomb maker? 560 00:35:42,804 --> 00:35:44,004 'Like'. 561 00:35:45,967 --> 00:35:47,167 Thank you. 562 00:35:47,843 --> 00:35:51,310 Are you sure you're... I'm good. Thanks. 563 00:36:02,296 --> 00:36:04,501 Hey there. I'm new to these parts 564 00:36:04,503 --> 00:36:07,251 and I was hoping you might be able to give me some directions. 565 00:36:07,253 --> 00:36:09,412 What are you doing here? I was just in the neighbourhood. 566 00:36:09,413 --> 00:36:11,458 I thought you might want to grab a bite to eat. 567 00:36:11,460 --> 00:36:13,153 How did you find me? 568 00:36:13,155 --> 00:36:15,748 I'm a tech entrepreneur who made his first billion designing 569 00:36:15,750 --> 00:36:19,091 GPS systems for smart drones. Ain't my first rodeo. 570 00:36:19,093 --> 00:36:21,631 That is the creepiest thing I have ever heard. 571 00:36:23,954 --> 00:36:26,593 Absolutely not. I already made us a reservation. 572 00:36:26,594 --> 00:36:28,397 Well, that was awfully presumptuous of you, wasn't it? 573 00:36:28,398 --> 00:36:30,532 I guarantee you that's the best offer you're gonna get all day. 574 00:36:30,533 --> 00:36:33,412 Look, Poundland Tony Stark, if you think I'm getting on that with you, 575 00:36:33,413 --> 00:36:35,615 you've got another thing coming. What's Poundland? Is it good? 576 00:36:35,616 --> 00:36:38,346 Eugh. Come on, it's hella fancy. 577 00:36:38,348 --> 00:36:40,669 How fancy? Schmancy fancy. 578 00:36:40,671 --> 00:36:43,878 It's the sort of place that marinates endangered sea urchin 579 00:36:43,880 --> 00:36:46,399 in a bath of dill foam for 1,000 days fancy. 580 00:36:46,440 --> 00:36:48,959 I had to give the maitre d' a hand job just to get us a table. 581 00:36:48,961 --> 00:36:51,560 You gave the maitre d' a hand job? Pour moi? 582 00:36:51,562 --> 00:36:54,207 It's also the best sushi outside of Sukiyabashi Jiro. 583 00:36:54,209 --> 00:36:56,088 That's a sushi restaurant in Tokyo. 584 00:36:56,090 --> 00:36:58,933 Ah, just ruined it. Ah! Wait, please. 585 00:37:00,796 --> 00:37:03,572 I don't get to meet a lot of people I actually like. 586 00:37:03,573 --> 00:37:06,892 You're smart, you're attractive, you're an asset to my work. 587 00:37:06,893 --> 00:37:09,130 That's the most romantic thing anyone's ever said to me. 588 00:37:09,716 --> 00:37:10,916 I'm sorry. 589 00:37:14,265 --> 00:37:16,413 Only because you gave a man a hand job. 590 00:37:16,939 --> 00:37:18,698 I cannot believe you ride a motorbike. 591 00:37:18,700 --> 00:37:20,793 Could you be any more of a cliche? 592 00:37:20,795 --> 00:37:23,782 Why don't you just pay a sky writer to draw a picture of your dick? 593 00:37:24,449 --> 00:37:27,089 That's not a bad idea. I know a few good pilots. 594 00:38:03,847 --> 00:38:06,612 ...the racing driver has been applauded for speaking so openly 595 00:38:06,613 --> 00:38:09,728 about his fertility woes and paying tribute to sperm donor 596 00:38:09,730 --> 00:38:11,850 and family friend Kadell James. 597 00:38:14,817 --> 00:38:17,332 Here. You don't have to take care of me. 598 00:38:17,333 --> 00:38:20,062 It's just cramps. Robyn, you look like the ghost of 599 00:38:20,064 --> 00:38:22,527 a Victorian prostitute. Take the water bottle. 600 00:38:22,916 --> 00:38:24,116 Thank you. 601 00:38:25,558 --> 00:38:27,821 What's that? It's for Kelly's school. 602 00:38:28,636 --> 00:38:30,636 Are they learning drug trafficking? 603 00:38:31,124 --> 00:38:34,371 That's very funny. No. She has to dress like a pop star, 604 00:38:34,373 --> 00:38:36,412 but I'm not gonna send my five-year-old to school looking like 605 00:38:36,413 --> 00:38:39,412 Miley Cyrus, so I decided to get creative. 606 00:38:39,413 --> 00:38:42,384 Paprika, garam masala, turmeric. 607 00:38:42,853 --> 00:38:44,932 She's a Spice Girl. Get it? 608 00:38:45,195 --> 00:38:48,531 Are you actually trying to get her bullied? What? 609 00:38:48,533 --> 00:38:51,972 She's gonna look like Oscar the Grouch's homeless child bride. 610 00:38:51,973 --> 00:38:53,496 I thought it was cute. 611 00:38:54,143 --> 00:38:57,320 Oh, how'd the interview go? Did you end up wearing your prom dress? 612 00:38:57,322 --> 00:38:59,360 I got it. You are looking 613 00:38:59,362 --> 00:39:03,469 at the personal assistant to Ross at Smolten Luxury Wood Burners, 614 00:39:03,471 --> 00:39:06,131 so you are not the only working girl in this family. 615 00:39:06,133 --> 00:39:07,801 I knew you were gonna get it. 616 00:39:07,803 --> 00:39:10,276 But you might not want to use the term 'working girl'. 617 00:39:10,278 --> 00:39:11,837 Well, you will not be laughing 618 00:39:11,839 --> 00:39:15,474 when you're getting a 7.5% discount on a luxury wood-burner. 619 00:39:15,476 --> 00:39:17,351 No, I will not. 620 00:39:18,813 --> 00:39:21,984 So, what's Ross like? Is he cute? 621 00:39:22,532 --> 00:39:24,571 Robyn, that is exactly 622 00:39:24,573 --> 00:39:27,132 the kind of unprofessional question we are trying to 623 00:39:27,133 --> 00:39:29,494 eradicate in a post-MeToo world. You're right, you're right. 624 00:39:30,421 --> 00:39:32,936 So is he cute? I don't know. 625 00:39:34,293 --> 00:39:36,210 Kind of. He's not, like, 626 00:39:36,813 --> 00:39:39,600 "Oops I dropped my pen and while I'm down there" cute. 627 00:39:39,602 --> 00:39:45,177 He's sort of... I don't know, "I want him to come outside and watch me" 628 00:39:45,179 --> 00:39:46,687 "ride a bicycle" cute. 629 00:39:48,578 --> 00:39:51,012 Do you ever imagine what your life would have been like 630 00:39:51,013 --> 00:39:54,007 if you hadn't had Kelly? Constantly. Doing it right now. 631 00:39:54,009 --> 00:39:55,674 It's my mental screensaver. 632 00:39:56,813 --> 00:39:59,975 Do you think that anyone can be a mother, or that some people, 633 00:39:59,977 --> 00:40:03,915 like Mom, are just not built for it? 634 00:40:03,917 --> 00:40:07,517 No, Mom could have been, if she tried, but she chose not to. 635 00:40:07,784 --> 00:40:11,160 She literally threw herself off of a bridge in order to avoid it. 636 00:40:12,402 --> 00:40:15,239 Do you have regrets, about choosing it? 637 00:40:17,877 --> 00:40:19,295 Honestly, no. 638 00:40:19,807 --> 00:40:22,571 Even when Kelly is lying on the pavement and she's screaming 639 00:40:22,573 --> 00:40:27,123 until she can't breathe, and Teddy is sick, and he hasn't slept, 640 00:40:27,125 --> 00:40:31,083 and my hands smell like puke and my hair smells like puke, 641 00:40:31,085 --> 00:40:32,536 I don't even have the energy 642 00:40:32,538 --> 00:40:35,716 to bathe him properly, so I just stick him under the faucet 643 00:40:35,718 --> 00:40:37,360 like I'm washing a potato. 644 00:40:38,333 --> 00:40:41,063 I know what it feels like not to have a family, and it sucks. 645 00:40:41,948 --> 00:40:43,627 Think I needed them to tie myself to, 646 00:40:43,629 --> 00:40:45,520 or I would have just floated away. 647 00:40:46,815 --> 00:40:49,100 God, I never realised how selfish that is. 648 00:40:51,347 --> 00:40:53,498 Are you OK? Mm-hm. 649 00:40:55,573 --> 00:40:59,612 Do you know what? I like that I get to be 650 00:40:59,613 --> 00:41:02,934 a good mother and do the right thing, so that they can just 651 00:41:02,936 --> 00:41:06,362 go wild and not give a damn because they know that I have their back. 652 00:41:07,592 --> 00:41:09,084 I wish you were my mom. 653 00:41:09,086 --> 00:41:10,526 Oh, don't be silly. 654 00:41:11,366 --> 00:41:12,731 I am your mom. 655 00:41:15,857 --> 00:41:19,073 So, what about Mark? I don't know. 656 00:41:20,877 --> 00:41:22,916 I don't know what I feel. 657 00:41:23,556 --> 00:41:26,360 I... I'm not angry. I'm not even shocked, honestly. 658 00:41:26,362 --> 00:41:30,001 I just feel kind of normal and numb, just like 659 00:41:30,409 --> 00:41:32,263 I'm used to people leaving. 660 00:41:33,259 --> 00:41:34,459 I'm sorry. 661 00:41:35,157 --> 00:41:36,761 Oh, I'm not talking about you. 662 00:41:37,115 --> 00:41:40,860 You drink all of my good coffee and you ruined my marriage, 663 00:41:40,862 --> 00:41:42,360 but you never left. 664 00:41:47,612 --> 00:41:50,541 I'll just replace it with bacon and she can go as Lady Gaga.