[Cole snoring]
[soothing music playing]
[grunts]
♪ I'll brush my teeth I'll comb my hair ♪
♪ Just let me get out in the open air ♪
♪ I did my chores, so Mom-- ♪
Mom, be cool.
♪ It's Saturday afternoon ♪
♪ That means adventure ♪
♪ Gonna climb every tree Got my best friend with me ♪
♪ I could play here forever ♪
♪ Got no worries at all Out here having a ball ♪
♪ So, catch me if you can ♪
♪ I'm faster than you think I am ♪
♪ It's always my day Saturday! ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah! ♪
♪ What's crawling on that rock? Let's poke it and see ♪
♪ Gonna find adventure Nothing can stop me ♪
♪ No time for a snack No time for a drink ♪
♪ I just wanna be free Ooh! ♪
Hmm. Actually, I am pretty thirsty.
[slurps]
♪ Thirsty for adventure ♪
♪ Gonna climb every tree In the park I can be me ♪
♪ I could play here forever ♪
♪ Got no worries at all Out here having a ball ♪
♪ It's my favorite day I can run, I can play ♪
♪ Not a care in the world I'm as free as a squirrel ♪
♪ It's always my day ♪
♪ Saturday! ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ I could play here forever ♪
♪ Got no worries at all Out here having a ball ♪
-[yelps] No! -[yelps] What?
Don't point that thing at me.
This? Oh, milady, I assure you 'tis but a jagged splinter.
Stay away from me with that thing.
Oh. It-- It's just a toy.
-Ugh. -Oh, I'll get that.
I said stay away from me.
-O-Okay. Um, are you all right? -[golf cart approaches]
Cole, buddy,
why don't you just give this woman her space from your obvious toy?
-Hey, Dad. -Hey, Son.
Well, it's not such an obvious toy
when he's leaping out of the bushes waving it in your face.
He was just playing make-believe. He's harmless.
-Harmless? I'll have your tongue. -Cole.
-Respectfully, it was not in your face. -He jumped out, then he lunged at me--
He didn't lunge,
he bent forward to help you pick up your bag.
Don't worry about my bag.
Just worry about keeping him under control.
"Under control"?
Ma'am, I think we've determined that there was never any threat.
Well, I felt threatened. That was not okay.
Tell you what's not okay,
is you feeling threatened by an 11-year-old boy with a toy.
What's that about? I mean, I think I know.
No, no, no, no, no, no. Now you're trying to--
-Don't make this out to be… -To be what?
-[chuckles] -Ma'am, it would be in the best interest
of all parties involved if you would be on your way expeditiously,
and allow us to continue our vital and important Central Park business.
-[scoffs] -Thank you very much.
Have a nice day. Have a good one.
What was that woman's problem?
You know, maybe she's allergic to squirrels.
Especially squirrel scoundrels marauding around my park!
Or, as I like to call 'em, "squoundrells!" That's what you are.
I wasn't marauding. Sir, I was but gallivanting.
Well, keep it that way.
Love you, Dad. See you at home!
All right. Have fun, Cole! [sighs]
-So, that was the first time? -Yep. Yep, it was.
-So, you probably gonna have to have the-- -Yep. Yes, I am.
[birds chirping]
[clears throat] Usually, I would jump in here
to explain what just happened and maybe give some context,
but this time, I-I think I'm gonna let Owen handle it. Yeah.
[rapping] ♪ Why she acting threatened? What was she expecting? ♪
♪ She's living in the city She should be used to weapons ♪
♪ She should be used to knives She should be used to gauntlets ♪
♪ It's just a battle-ax What is your problem? ♪
♪ This is something you could put Your money on ♪
♪ It'd be a different reaction If he was honey-blonde ♪
♪ He is a Black boy And not a paper tiger ♪
♪ If his name was Tyler If his features were lighter ♪
♪ You got some nerve Running from a young nerd ♪
♪ I'll have you know That your suspicions are unearned ♪
♪ And this is absurd ♪
That this should even continue To be a concern ♪
♪ You're more than likely to be Hurt by a sunburn ♪
♪ Than my son's sword ♪
♪ Somehow he's in the wrong? Well, what for? ♪
♪ Let's put it all on the table Make it aboveboard ♪
♪ Instead of taking Little Black boys' joy ♪
♪ I'm replaying it again and again ♪
♪ Dang It keeps happening again and again ♪
♪ Dang How could this happen to him? ♪
[sighs]
♪ I keep replaying it again and again In my mind ♪
♪ This keep happening again and again ♪
♪ In the world I knew that this would happen to him ♪
♪ You trying to take My little Black boy's joy ♪
♪ So now we gotta talk about Other people's thoughts on how you walk ♪
♪ Don't get to be yourself ♪
♪ 'Cause you gotta care About the color of your skin ♪
♪ Having people scared ♪
♪ Because that person over there If they call the cops ♪
♪ It could be hands in the air Then it's warning shots ♪
♪ We had a whole plan Let him be a boy not a grown man ♪
[groans]
♪ This stuff gets me so mad ♪
♪ See, this right here Is a perfect example ♪
♪ Of why I wanna raise my kids In a literal castle ♪
♪ So they can be superheroes Or pterodactyls ♪
♪ Or pretend to be wizards Without being hassled ♪
♪ This is everybody's park ♪
♪ There shouldn't be different rules For everybody dark ♪
♪ And everybody should look In everybody's heart ♪
♪ Because nobody is free Till everybody LARPs ♪
♪ It's a toy sword Hold it if you want to ♪
♪ Not gonna poison the well 'Cause I don't want to ♪
♪ I'm not going to I shouldn't have to ♪
♪ Take a little Black boy's joy ♪
♪ I'm replaying it again and again Dang ♪
♪ It keeps happening again and again ♪
♪ Dang How could this happen to him? ♪
[sighs]
♪ I keep replaying it again and again ♪
-[Helen] Here's your crème de menthe. -Good, now I don't have to brush my teeth.
Mmm. So, uh, I guess that's it for me for the day.
-What, are you quitting? -No.
It's just, you're leaving for your event which I'm not allowed to go to, so I--
Oh, right, the Help the Help Foundation.
It raises money for domestic workers who assist executives.
Tickets were $10,000 a seat. You can't afford that.
Right, thanks for thinking of me.
You're welcome. God, was that so hard to say?
-Well, see you later. I'm off. -Off to do what?
If you have to know, I'll mostly be doing a lot of nunya.
What is that? A Scandinavian crime drama?
No, it's nunya damn business. Sorry. At least for the next five hours. Bye!
[elevator bell dings]
Was she wearing lipstick? And a scarf? Where's she going?
You know what? Screw the Help the Help Gala.
Looks like I'm going on a walk. Helen! Oh, right, she's who I'm following.
So, yeah, that was it.
And then she walked off like nothing happened,
like she's just racist to children all the time.
Like, "nothing to see here!"
Oh, my God, Owen, I can't believe-- I mean, I can believe it.
-We knew this was coming. -Of course.
It's just so soon. Your mom warned me, but nothing really prepares you.
I have to say, even I was shocked. He's so young.
-Who's so young? -Oh, my God!
Wait, are you talking about
the 12-year-old girl who sailed around the world?
She had a navigation system, so it doesn't really count.
No, Mom and I were just talking about parent stuff.
-Mortgages, deductions, revenue-- -Taxes, earned interest--
Okay, you guys are obviously hiding something.
[sighs] We should just tell her.
Molly, a woman was really racist to Cole in the park earlier.
Are you serious?
Totally unrelated, Dad, can I borrow the golf cart
and something I can use for either slapping or poking?
I like your energy, but we're gonna handle this the right way.
Oh, my God. How did he handle it? Was he freaked out?
Honestly, I don't think he had any idea that woman was being racist.
-Well, so are you gonna… -What?
Talk to him? I mean, I'll obviously follow your lead on this one.
Yeah, [sighs] yeah, yeah. I guess I should go talk to him--
-Hey! Buddy! -Cole! Hi.
Oh, yeah, hi, sweetie.
Oh, give Mommy a big hug. [kisses] I love you.
There's no time! Preparations must be made!
Have you forgotten? Tonight is the Lunar Palaver.
That's right. The Lunar Palaver is tonight.
So, why don't we just focus on that today,
and tomorrow we'll talk about other things.
Wait, what's the Lunar Palaver?
Yeah, what is that?
Silence, womenfolk.
Cole, that's not how you speak to womenfolk--
I mean, uh, women. Oh, great, now I'm doing it.
Okay, this I can explain.
Lunar Palaver is an event that takes place inside The Squirrel Quarrels universe.
It's a triannual get-together under the full moon
that only The Elder can attend.
Proclamations are made, scores are settled,
rivals become friends, friends become rivals.
Cole is super excited because the character he role-plays as,
Mosias the Pilferer, is now an Elder in the Council of Thieves.
So he finally gets to attend the big recreation in the park tonight.
Remember, Dad? You promised to take me shopping for a new
and more mature costume.
Wait, don't you already have a costume? And a weapon?
This thing is a dagger.
Mosias must have a true sword, one befitting his station,
and an outfit that inspires true terror in his adversaries.
I'm gonna put on clean underwear in case I have to try on new costumes.
Wow. So, he's gonna get an even scarier costume?
-With a bigger, more realistic sword? -Mm-hmm. Yep, yep.
To run around at nighttime in the park with?
To be fair, he never brought up the size of the sword.
It's clear he's more concerned with style.
I don't know, I've seen him sketching sword concepts for weeks.
I'm pretty sure he's going big, Dad.
I think we have to talk to him, Owen. Again, I'll follow your lead, of course.
[stammers] I'll do it.
We'll have a nice father-son chat on the way to the costume shop.
Maybe I'll try to sneak in the birds and the bees if we have any extra time.
Maybe don't push it, sweetie.
[patrons chattering]
Hi, do you have a reservation?
No, but I'll need a table in the line of sight of that table,
but also somehow out of view. You get it.
[inhales sharply] I'm sorry, we're all booked up, ma'am.
-Thank you. -Oh, my God! Don't "all booked up" me.
Also, don't "ma'am" me. We're, like, the same age.
Well, we really don't have any tables, ma'a-- person-- miss.
-I-I don't know what to call you now. -Mm-hmm, mmm.
Well, check this out.
Are you giving me a ticket? What's happening?
-It's a checkbook! -A what?
Money! I'm giving you money. God. Here.
Oh! Wow. You know what? It looks like a table just opened up.
Right this way, person.
[Bitsy grunting]
-Your menu. -Less words, more leaving.
Helen, Helen, Helen. It warms my bones just to be in your company.
-Spencer, good to see you again. -Mmm! It's good to be seen.
Order anything you want, my lovely, but I am allergic to shrimp.
Are you bragging about that?
When are you gonna let me make an honest woman out of you?
Maybe after we order some appetizers? Damn it, the shrimp does look delicious.
It's fine, it's fine. A few hives between lovers.
Lovers? Ugh. Lover-Lovers? [gags]
Hey, can I ask you something?
-Is this about your loony cadaver? -Very punny.
No, I was just wondering if you happened to notice
Mom and Dad acting weird about all this SQ stuff.
SQ? Oh, right, Squirrel Quarrels. I didn't know we were doing initials now.
Um, I think they just worry about you.
Oh. Okay, I think I see.
You do? What exactly do you see?
Mom and Dad think I'm getting too old for Squirrel Quarrels.
Cole, you know about racism, right?
Yes, I'm not a child. Can we focus on my problem?
Yeah, right, right. Your problem.
I just think if Mom and Dad had any idea the tribulations
that Mosias suffered to cross the Haunted Forest of Ellerbe,
-they would change their minds. -Uh-huh. Totally.
[Cole] Watch this, Dad! I'm gonna touch that branch. [grunts]
Nope! [strains] Here we go. [strains] Missed it again.
Cole, Son. First, I love you. As a Black man, and as a father, I--
What did you say? Dad, am I jumping higher than normal? Watch!
Yep, solid jump.
Can't tell if it's, uh, higher than normal,
but can you, uh-- Can you slow down a little bit?
I wanted to talk to you about something.
I'm just so excited for Mosias.
He's been planning for this night ever since he was banished.
Mosias was banished?
Yes, because he bears the Mark of the Warlock.
Oh. So, they persecuted him for no other reason
than the way he was born?
-Funny you should mention that. -Oh, no.
You get the Mark of the Warlock
by reneging on your word in dealings with magic-folk.
-[sighs] Okay, I should back up. -No, no, don't back up.
If you haven't read the prequels, none of this makes sense.
So, before The Great Frost, when The Scrolls were first written--
Cole! Let me just-- Let me-- Let me jump in here, bud.
You know how Mosias went through challenges?
Mmm.
Well, sometimes there are real-life challenges,
especially for certain groups of people.
Like how in SQ,
weasels are lower born and must pay their way into the upper caste.
This is more of a non-Squirrel Quarrels point I'm trying to make.
Ooh! Ooh, ooh, ooh. We're here!
Hey! Cole! Wait, before we go in--
Sorry, Dad, I can't hear you over the sound of fun.
Wow! They have costumes from all the famous book series and fantasy shows.
The Plasma Chronicles, Misty Mountain Goat Girls, The Quail Skirmishes.
Ooh! Here we are. Found the SQ section. I'm gonna try these on real quick.
Hey, Cole, uh, wait!
Y-You should, uh, take a look at this one.
It looks like a real showstopper.
Also, no weapons. Oh, never mind. I just took a look at the price.
[Cole] Normally, I would go with a more dramatic option,
but the simple brutality of this one appeals to me. Take a look.
Oh. Wow. That is terrifying and super realistic.
Thanks, Dad.
And are those buttons tiny removable daggers?
You noticed! Can I wear it out?
Yeah, yeah, sure, Son.
[growling]
Wow, it is even scarier than I imagined it would be.
Did you two talk
before you purchased this particular costume?
Well, we-- Uh, we didn't really get the, uh, chance to talk.
It's just, you guys had a nice, long walk, so…
-We talked about other stuff. -Got it. Yeah.
I'm gonna go take it off now.
I don't wanna get it too sweaty before tonight. [hums]
Don't say it! Either of you.
He was just so excited. I didn't wanna rain all over his little parade.
I'm his dad. I'm supposed to be the drum major out in front of the parade.
Or maybe the mayor at the end-- I don't love this metaphor,
-but you guys get it though, right? -Sure, Dad.
Honey, there's a pothole in the parade route,
and you have to warn him about it.
[sighs] Did you just out-metaphor me?
-I'm a professional. -I'll go talk to him.
Okay, Helen's suitor is starting to come on pretty strong,
and Bitsy's suddenly worried Helen could leave her.
So now she's actively trying to sabotage their date.
And by sabotage, I mean day drink
and stare daggers at them from behind a menu.
Helen, just say the word, and I'll take you away from all this.
Why don't we finish eating first? I still have some dessert left.
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
What are you-- No. Stop.
-Stop. Stop that. -♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
Wait. What-- What's happening? What are you--
[rapping] ♪ Yo, girl, what it is? Where you trying to stay? ♪
♪ Let me know how you roll Where you trying to be ♪
♪ Sit back, relax Go and take a ride with me ♪
♪ While I spit this game On the blended harmonies ♪
♪ Ho-Ho-Ho-Hold up Wait a minute ♪
♪ I don't need you to rescue me ♪
♪ I just wanna enjoy your company And have some Brie ♪
Mmm. That's good cheese.
♪ Oh, I want you, babe Put you in a penthouse view, babe ♪
♪ Rather shack up with you, babe ♪
♪ Why you playing, when you keep saying Your boss is a psycho ♪
♪ It's true, babe Let me cut you loose, babe ♪
♪ 'Cause I got everything but you, babe Stick with me-- ♪
♪ Your talk is sweet But this food won't keep ♪
So let's just eat.
♪ No more walking dogs Or plucking her chin ♪
♪ Now, ain't you glad That Mr. Fate stepped in? ♪
♪ Before Bitsy said she's fallen And she can't get up ♪
♪ You don't wanna end up washing her-- What ♪
♪ Oh, I want you, babe Put you in a penthouse view, babe ♪
♪ I'd rather shack up with you, babe ♪
♪ Why you keep playing And you keep saying ♪
♪ Your boss is a psycho ♪
♪ Na na na na no ♪
Ma'am, can I interest you in our dessert menu?
No! I don't want-- Get out of my-- Ooh, crème brûlée.
No, no, no, forget it. I can't even look at them anymore.
♪ I got big, big, big, big, big Plans after Bitsy leaves ♪
Or kicks the bucket.
♪ It's between the dog and me ♪
♪ Respectfully One of us goin' be rolling deep ♪
♪ I'm gonna be filthy, filthy, filthy Filthy, filthy, filthy rich ♪
Like this foie gras. Mmm. That's good.
♪ But I want you, babe Got everything but you, babe ♪
♪ I got a dog named Bentley ♪
That's not helping.
♪ I got neighbors who's hella friendly ♪
-That's super rare for New York City. -Right? Come on.
♪ All I need is you, babe ♪
So, what you say? Together? Forever?
Hmm.
[Owen] Okay. Okay.
-Okay. [chuckles] Okay. O-Okay. -Dad, are you all right?
You've been saying "okay" for the past five minutes.
What's going on?
I'm sorry, buddy, I just-- This is one of the big ones.
I kinda wanna nail it.
You remember that interaction you had? With that woman this morning?
Yeah, she was really riled up.
Do you think she had a phobia of eye patches?
Um, I think what she had was a phobia of Black people.
Oh. But why would that woman be afraid of me? I'm just a little kid.
It's complicated, Son.
Remember when I talked to you about, uh, stereotypes?
-And how Black men are represented? -Yeah.
Well, there's a whole lot of, uh, backstory--
context that I think I still need to fill you in on.
-Okay. -Over time, these stereotypes,
which, again, were just made up by slave owners and Klan members,
became taken as facts
and even influenced official police policy.
They really argued that Black people don't feel pain in the same way,
so choke holds wouldn't hurt us.
-I mean, can you believe that? -That's crazy.
Mom is way tougher than you are, and she's a very white lady.
I know!
It only took a century and the combined efforts
of people like Dr. King, Malcolm X, Muhammad Ali, James Brown,
for Black people to start to challenge the negative imagery of Black men.
Wait, I know all those guys.
Dr. King, peace. Malcolm X, violence if necessary. Muhammad Ali, boxing guy.
Not a test, but good job.
And then along comes the Rodney King video,
which made it impossible to pretend
that this was something the Black community was making up.
Rodney King.
Oh, I know that I'm supposed to know who he is, but I don't know who he is.
It's okay. I'm-- [chuckles] I'm giving you a lot all at once.
And despite all that, sometimes they still see us as threats.
Even you?
Oh, Cole, I've been the scary Black man lots of times.
I had to stop buying garden shears in person.
And actually, the first time I met your mom's family…
[chuckling] What? Grandma said that?
[laughs] Yeah. It was just a harmless slip of the tongue,
and she was so embarrassed
she spent the next two years apologizing for it every time she saw me.
Don't tell your mom I told you that story, okay?
So, [sighs] yeah, that's it.
I mean, that's not it. That only gets us up to the '90s.
But I'll-- I'll-I'll fill in the rest next time.
Wow. I knew there were racist people, Dad,
I just never thought about somebody being racist to me.
I'm so sorry, Cole.
So, are you telling me all of this 'cause it's gonna happen again?
Hopefully not.
But if-- I mean, probably there will be another circumstance or two--
Okay, yes, yes, this will definitely happen again.
I just wanna make sure you're prepared.
Oh. Oh! I probably shouldn't be running around
with two scary swords at night.
Yes! There you go!
This is why you have the talk. But also, it's terrible.
Well, I don't wanna be scaring anyone. That's no fun.
And I don't wanna be endangering myself. Also not fun.
And there are a lot of white people in the park.
Son, there are a lot of white people in life.
Dad, I don't think I wanna go to the Lunar Palaver.
Maybe I'll just stay in and listen to some Rodney King albums.
-James Brown. -James Brown. Right. Sorry, lot of names.
I know, it's okay. Listen, Cole, I really don't want you to miss this.
You've been so excited about it.
What if we could find a costume that isn't scary
but still lives up to your high bar? Uh, stylewise.
-It is high, isn't it? -Very.
Okay. But not camp. I'm not doing camp.
I know. You explained all of this very thoroughly.
But what if I told you I have something else in mind?
A garment this awe-inspiring would be an honor to possess.
But surely for this amount of gold, you would face severe repercussions.
Sir, in a sea of layabouts and ne'er-do-wells,
it would be an honor to help one
with a true adventurer's soul on his quest.
-Cost be damned. -Then the game is afoot. [grunts]
-Argh. I still suck at that snap part. -You'll get it, Son.
[Spencer whistling]
[Bitsy] Psst. Lover boy.
Whoa! Hey, uh, hey there. What you doing with that cantaloupe?
[Bitsy] I'm being inconspicuous. What does it look like?
-And you are? -[Bitsy] Not important.
I mean, I'm very important, but that's not important right now.
You must be Bitsy. Helen told me a lot about you.
Then you know I have Helen's best interest in mind.
-Well… -And it would be in Helen's best interest,
and mine, if you stay out of her life for good.
I don't think that's really something you need to be worried about.
Here's how this is gonna work.
I give you money, you do not stop,
you do not pass go, and you do not collect Helen.
And then, you go bye-bye.
You gonna pay me to never see Helen again?
That's right, Valentino. Au revoir. Ciao. Peace out, ding-dong.
-But Helen and I-- -This is a one-time offer,
-and it expires in three-- -Uh, wait!
-Two-- -Well, hang on now!
-One. -I'll take that money!
Correct. Was that so hard? Now bend over.
-What? -I'm writing a check on your back!
Be still.
Ladies! Introducing Mosias the Ghost Badger.
[Paige] Oh, my goodness. I love it!
Are those gems braided into your hair?
-They're just bobby pins. -Still, that's amazing.
Kind of gives it a reflective quality. Great for visibility.
Yep, yep. That's my favorite part.
And don't worry, that's synthetic badger hair.
So, um, no sword?
Mother, Mosias no longer resorts to crude weapons to resolve conflicts.
He's mastered the luminary arts.
Owen, could you translate?
His guy does magic now. No weapons. See the pouch?
There's, like, crystals or pebbles in there or something.
Got it, got it. Cole, have fun tonight.
[Bitsy hums]
Oh! Hello, how was your day?
You've never once asked me that question.
And yet, here we are.
[sighs] If you have to know, I had lunch with a friend.
-A gal pal? -No, a man.
Well, is romance afoot?
Oh, no, he's just an old friend.
He's always wanted it to be more than that, though.
He's nice. Maybe too nice.
I like the attention. Why am I telling you all this?
Anyway, it all ended today.
Oh, no, that's too bad. So sad.
Yeah, he was pretty upset when I called things off.
[spits, gags]
Is that so hard to believe?
I'm just confused about some of the specifics.
-Like, exactly who broke up with whom? -Does it matter?
I just really need to know.
Uh, I broke up with him after we had dessert.
Anyway, I'm gonna leave this conversation now, and go do job.
Do you happen to have this fella's address?
-In case I need him for any reason. -[Helen] Walking away!
[grunting] We're out of crème de menthe! Helen!
Yep, yep, coming.
I really chose her.
I'm sorry the world is such a messed-up place
that a little Black boy can't pretend to be
an imaginary squirrel thief with huge swords.
Badger. It's okay, Dad. I like my costume. This fur is very cozy.
Well, that's good, Son. Okay, here we go.
Watch out, people! Stand back, Black role-player coming through.
Do not be alarmed.
Dad, stop. Oh! There's Enrique.
-Cole. Have fun. -I will.
-I love you, Son. -I love you too.
Enrique, wait up! [pants]
For the love of-- You scared the snot out of me, kid!
-Sorry, mister! -It's okay. It's okay. Have a good time.
Whew.
[upbeat music playing]