All right.
-It's a big day for Owen. Huge. -Coming through.
He's been having little informational/fund-raising things
for his "I Heart The Park" promotional campaign.
And they've been pretty successful.
As far as low-budget city-run projects go. Kinda.
Now put up the rest of the words for the sign.
The "I Heart The" in front of the word "park."
-We didn't have budget for that. -How much to park?
So I give you five dollars and I get to name a squirrel?
-That's right. -Then I eat it?
-No. What? -Well, that's dumb.
I think this hole is too small. My head is stuck in the tree!
No--
But today is the day this campaign becomes a "camp-man,"
or a "camp-grown up."
Anyway, it's all been leading up to this.
Owen's biggest event yet. I Heart The Park Fest.
I'm talking food trucks, live music, face painting, information booth.
This one guy Derrick is gonna be here. You don't know him, but he's really fun.
With all this going on,
of course Owen is focused on, you guessed it, tote bag sales.
Birdie, we need you.
Wait. My best friend needs me. I gotta go help him.
Okay, could you get under the tote tent
and see if you can push it up from the center?
Elwood, where's your box of tote bags?
We have two boxes of totes to sell.
I brought one from the office. You were supposed to bring one.
Here's the thing about the box.
When I first opened it, I thought the bottom was the top,
so then I flipped it over and opened the real top,
-but the bottom was already open-- -Just go get the box!
Well, it's not really a box anymore. It's just flat cardboard.
-Elwood! -On it.
Okay, let's just settle down.
Everybody knows the totes are the most important part of the day.
The tote is a walking billboard.
The tote is the thing people use to put other things in.
If I hand you an informational pamphlet about tree resources
and you don't have a tote, that pamphlet is going in the trash.
Without the totes, it's just a bunch of people out on the weekend.
With totes, it's a successfully organized event.
I think I know what I'm getting Dad for Christmas.
An iPad? The print in books is just getting way too small for him.
I just want everything to be perfect.
Tote sales are how we raise money for the park,
and we paid for them out of our budget, so every tote we don't sell,
it's like we're taking money away from a tree.
They were just gonna spend it on drugs anyway.
I wish we would've gone with the double stitch.
I don't know if single stitch communicates "successful campaign," you know?
Honey, I know you're stressed, but you got this. The totes are great.
You planted the seeds of this campaign, you cared for them.
Now it's time to stand back and watch it blossom.
You're right.
And thanks for using all that gardening terminology.
I know what my baby likes. Now breathe.
Already feeling more--
Sorry.
It's the only tone that cuts through the rattling gas pipes in my apartment.
By the way, Abby's on the verge of something big too.
After months of pavement pounding,
she finally got to the last round of auditions for a big role
and she's waiting for a callback. Of course, that was three weeks ago.
-Hello? -Hi, it's your roommate, Mr. Mandelbaum.
You left your raincoat here.
It's not raining, so-- Also, I don't own a raincoat.
Well, whose raincoat is this?
I have to keep the line clear, okay?
Still no word on that callback, huh?
It's totally fine.
That's the spirit, Aunt Abby. You'll get the next one.
What? No, it's totally fine because I'm still gonna get this one.
Oh, right.
I meant you were gonna get this role and the next one.
What a hypothetical hot streak.
After months of buttering up Mayor Leeds,
today I make my move.
First, I gift him this baby, the LaGuardia Chandelier,
which he admired so lovingly last time he was here.
This place is magical. I mean, look at that chandelier.
Then, by the time we meet this afternoon, he'll be in my pocket
and do whatever I ask him to. What's that tinkling?
Shampagne! Stop!
Helen, clean this up! Helen!
-Hi. I'm here. Hi. -Where the "Helen" have you been?
Stuck in the elevator for the past hour.
I tried to call maintenance, but nobody answered.
I also called you. Several times.
My phone was all the way across the table.
So, are you not going to…
Hello? Okay. I'll let her know.
Your meeting with Interim Mayor Leeds is off.
-What? -He wants to keep a little distance
because of the strike.
Wait, what strike?
That strike.
Down with Bitsy Brandenham!
-We want some things -Hoo hoo hoo, ha ha-ah
-That must be done -Hoo hoo hoo, ha ha-ah-ah
-Put your fists in the air -Hoo hoo hoo, ha ha-ah
-The time has come -Hoo hoo hoo, ha ha-ah-ah
What do we want? A lot of things
When do we want them? By this afternoon
What do we want? A lot of things
When do we want them? By this afternoon
No more abuse!
No more joking That I've got a screw loose
-No more saying that I over-sing -Or that I over-pour the vermouth
I make the floor slippery Nothing's as slippery as you
-It's time to hold her to the fire -Come on, Brandenham crew!
-What do we want? -A better optical plan
When do we want them? By this afternoon
-What do we want? -Some human decency, man!
When do we want it? By this afternoon
-Call Other Helen. -Hoo hoo, ha ha-ah-ah
Get her down here!
Oh, Abby
Won't you get down here?
Oh, well, "I Heart The Park" Could be the greatest thing I've done
A way to make Central Park beloved By everyone
But what if I blew it? Tonight I face the music
Either way, I put my all into it I'm about to lose it
Oh, I wanna be an actor Why am I wasting time?
I'm only acting by pretending What is mine isn't mine
I'm supposed to be on stages Under bright pointed lights
But I'll never be anointed Not if I compromise
-What do we want? -My networking to pay off
When do we want it? By this afternoon
-What do we want? -"I Heart The Park" to take off
When do we want it? By this afternoon
What do we want? A lot of things
When do we want them? By this afternoon
What do we want? A lot of things
When do we want them? By this afternoon
My God, what a disappointment.
-Yeah, they seem pretty angry. -I'm talking about you.
-What? Me? -Yes, this is all your fault.
-How? -I don't deal with my employees.
I don't even make eye contact with them. It's too sad.
Plus, didn't I tell you to fire that awful woman
-with the megaphone? -I made a judgment call.
The mayor seemed to like her,
so I thought it would be bad image-wise to fire her.
I didn't hire you for your judgment,
I hired you because you do what I tell you to do.
You're like a robot with skin.
-Miss Brandenham, Helen, hi. -Other Helen.
-Abby. -About time.
Old Helen's made a real mess of things,
so I need you to deliver a chandelier to Gracie Mansion.
Wait, you want me to move this chandelier across town.
But is there like a moving truck?
Am I just supposed to pick it up and carry it?
That's a real "Other Helen" problem. You'll be fine.
Your corn-fed Midwestern thighs should provide plenty of counterbalance.
No corn in these thighs. This is all Skittles, baby.
Why are you still standing here?
Pick it up, carry it, keep your job. Leave!
Right.
Molly, your tote design is really cool.
A giant kaiju rampaging through the city, feasting on human hearts.
What? No.
It's a friendly park, arms wide open in friendship.
Right, of course I knew that. This is very good.
Mayor Leeds.
Owen, wow! Look at all this!
I can't tell you how proud I am of all your work on "I Heart The Park."
Against all odds.
I mean, nobody thought you could do it.
-Not my coworkers, not my wife. -Okay.
But hey,
I wanted to be the very first person to buy an "I Heart The Park" tote.
Are these seams double or single stitch?
They're single.
You know the key to any successful campaign
is a commemorative tote, right?
-I do. -Everybody knows that.
Maybe Parks Commissioner Krantz won't notice.
-Wh-- Commissioner Krantz? -Well, yeah.
She's coming here later to check out how it's going.
But she never comes to the park unless something's very, very wrong.
Like the time that coyote ate Jon Bon Jovi's picnic.
It's not a big deal.
She said she just wanted to see "whatever became of this."
Okay.
Don't panic, sweetie.
Yeah, I'm sure you'll do great. What's she gonna do?
Shut down the program? Fire you?
Kick you out of your home? Tickle you?
Coochie coochie coo, you're fired.
She probably won't do that. That's wildly crossing the line.
And when that two-foot tyrant yells at us at 3:00 a.m.
because she spilled a jar of maraschino cherries
on her chaise lounge, what will we say?
No!
So that's why they wanted me to go through the back.
Sorry. Excuse me. Pardon.
Another employee has joined the strike. And she stole a chandelier!
Yes! Burn it down!
Toss it up in the sky and then let it fall on the ground.
Yeah, no, totally support you guys.
Like, solidarity, but, I don't know, Bitsy's not that bad, right?
She accused you of theft and tried to have you arrested.
Okay, that's a good point. But we cleared that all up.
She made you push her around on a mattress like Cleopatra.
It's all just, you know,
paying your dues to follow your dreams in the big city.
Like renting an apartment space that's zoned as a boiler room,
or going out on 35 auditions per week without landing a gig.
Not one gig?
Listen, I'm still waiting to hear back on a few things, okay?
I mean, one thing.
Somebody answer that. It could be them.
Abby. I have a new Hiney club banger.
Tell me if it's too much funky.
I like it, DJ Hiney, but I have to call you back.
Look! I'm a dragon now. Not a lizard like that kid said.
Anyway, I Heart The Park Fest is getting into full swing.
Lot of fun stuff going on that Owen might never see
because he's still pretty focused on…
Totes. We have 'em. Well, not all of 'em. We're missing a box.
But why don't you want 'em?
Yeah, I haven't really sold any.
We started? I thought we were waiting for something.
Me and Molly sold one. To each other.
So, yeah, none.
My boss is coming. No one's buying. My boss is coming.
I think you're stressing out too much over this totes thing.
I think this is actually the appropriate amount of stress
given the high stakes of the situation.
But maybe if you were less stressed you would actually sell more.
-Really? -I'm back and I don't have any more totes.
Wait, really? Elwood, that's incredible!
See, this is what I'm talking about.
Elwood doesn't get in his own way. He doesn't overthink things.
Sometimes I don't think.
Maybe you should take a break from the tote tent
and de-stress with Elwood for a little bit.
Okay. You know what?
Maybe I could use a little break. Let's do it.
Great. Let's go!
-Wait, what are we doing again? -Perfect.
Look at that mess down there.
Yeah, it's not great.
Plus, every hotel workers union in the city
is standing in solidarity against you.
Guests are leaving. Events are pulling out left and right.
You're such a downer.
Oh, God. They're interviewing people that don't like you.
See? Such a downer.
We are here live at the Brandenham Hotel strike
where a simple list of grievances has grown into a movement
against hotel heiress Bitsy Brandenham. Let's hear from one employee now.
Everyone here has suffered at the withered claw-like hands
of Bitsy Brandenham.
If you at home also hate Bitsy, make a sign, come on down and join us.
We have snacks.
We have snacks, snacks, snack, snack, snack. Snacks.
Powerful words in the face of oppression.
Helen, you broke it, you un-strike it.
-Go fix this. -I'm on it.
-Don't sass me. -I didn't.
Go down there, soak up their abuse and end this.
Or else, I'll end you… working here.
Right away, Miss Brandenham.
Hey! My sandwich was sitting there.
I mean, my bad.
I'll still eat it.
Oop, sorry. Very important call. Possibly. Hello?
Other Helen, I told you to call me as soon as you delivered the chandelier
-to the mayor. -And I will.
I can-- Once I do that.
Lord, I knew you were slow in the head, but I didn't think it affected your feet.
Go!
Sorry, I know it's loud. Hello?
She didn't deliver the chandelier yet.
This is still Other Helen, but actually my name is A--
-Bye. -Okay.
I'll let that go to voice mail.
Pick up your phone! Come on!
Yep. I can see how that's worse. Okay. Yes, Miss Brandenham?
Hi, it's Julia Flan, the casting director. Hi.
Sup? What's-- Hi, this is-- Yeah, this is Abby.
I know it's Abby, you're silly. The team loved you.
It's down to you and one other girl.
Can you be uptown for another read in 45 minutes?
Oh, my gosh!
Wait, I'm actually in the middle of something right now.
No, you know what? Absolutely.
Driver! Stop the bus!
Yep, that still doesn't work.
Every time I feel a little stressed, I have two ice creams.
-Aren't you lactose intolerant? -That's a problem for later.
-All right, what are you getting, Boss? -Let's see.
I'll have an orange creamsicle. No, wait, too hot for a creamy treat.
Maybe something more popsicle based?
No, wait, it'll melt, spill all over my uniform,
the commissioner will see it, fire me or close the park forever.
I'll just have a plain cone with nothing in it.
Wait, is that crazy?
-Boss, you okay? -Yep.
Actually, no.
I feel like I'm worried all the time about everything.
Elwood, how do you not worry? All the time. About anything.
Easy. Things just always seem to work out.
Elwood, no! What are you doing?
The bottom of the cone's my favorite part.
When your mind's going…
And everything is like Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh
When your thoughts are Blah, blah, blah
And the world's like Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey
I tell the noise to stop I let the whole world drop away
And I listen to myself 'Cause myself will always say
The only words I need
-To get me through the day -What are they?
Oh, well Moving on
Anyway
So you were late Who cares?
So you made a mistake? Who doesn't?
Think of how many times Felt like the end of the world
And guess what?
-It wasn't -That's true.
If something really goes wrong You'll deal with it then
Instead of worrying about it all Over and over again
Don't sweat the small stuff
And isn't it all stuff? You can just let go
Because you know
It won't make it better
It'll just make you feel worse today
And in this life Today's all we've got
So when I have a problem I just say
Oh, well Moving on
Anyway
-You try it. -Okay.
Oh, well Moving on
Anyway
-Hey, I'm starting to feel better. -See?
So I didn't pay my taxes
-Who does? -What?
And I ate asbestos as a kid
-Oops. -Really?
One time For undisclosed reasons
I was supposed to go In witness protection
-But never did -Elwood?
If something really goes wrong I'll deal with it then
Instead of worrying about it all Over and over again
Come on, sing with me.
Okay.
Don't sweat the small stuff
And isn't it all stuff? You can just let go
Because you know It won't make it better
It'll just make you feel worse today
And in this life Today's all we've got
So when I have a problem I just say
Oh, well Moving on
Anyway
Hey, yeah
Who cares If I lied on my résumé?
Who cares If I hit the wrong notes?
Who cares If I love to eat raw chicken?
Or only sold three totes?
Wait, you only sold three totes?
Tote, tote, totally totes
What? You said you sold 'em all.
I said I didn't have them.
And then you seemed really excited about that.
-And now you seem really worried. -Elwood, where are the totes?
Let's do this.
It's been a rough couple of months.
Yes, fantastic work, Matilde. Thank you so much for coming in.
Hey, hi there. All About Eve, push you down the stairs!
Just kidding. Sorry, I have a lot of energy.
We're ready for you, Abby.
Where the hell is Helen?
Is that her? No, that's a lamppost.
Is that her? No, those are two pigeons fighting over a pretzel.
-Bitsy-- -Stop sneaking onto balconies.
You're like an old ninja.
-Well? -So, they told me their demands.
-Okay, what's the damage? -It's not just money.
That's adorable.
They'd like better hours, less asbestos, working fire escapes.
-I suppose they want foot rubs too. -They did agree to come down on their asks
and end the strike immediately on one condition,
but I told them there was no way.
Wait, what is it?
They'd like an apology.
Set it up.
Seriously? I've never heard you apologize to anyone for anything.
You think I've never faked an apology?
If it saves me money, appeases the poors, and I get away scot-free,
then of course I'll do it.
Plus, that means my plans with the mayor are back on.
-Got it. -This is why I'm rich, and you're Helen.
Come on. Those totes have to be around here somewhere.
-Dad! Dad, good news. -You found the totes?
What? No. I found the walkie. We lost it for a while.
But you didn't know that 'cause we couldn't tell you,
-'cause we lost the walkie. -That is good news, Son. Good job.
Actually, Dad, I'm the one who found it,
-so I should get the "good job." -Good job.
Don't mention it.
Hey, I'm sorry I lost them,
but I still think everything's gonna work out.
-Owen? -I bet she found the totes.
Did you find them?
No, but the commissioner is standing right next to me,
and she's wondering where you are.
That's great. Perfect. I'll be right there.
-Time to face the music. -Music makes everything better.
So you're telling me I can't do surgery with lipstick on?
Well, then kiss your new kidney goodbye.
And scene.
Very nice, Abby. We will definitely be in touch.
Great! Thank you. Okay.
Yes.
Oh, nuts, the chandelier.
Well, she was pretty good.
She doesn't matter. I just got an email from Matilde's agent.
She's anxious because we had another actress here
and doesn't want to lose. She agreed to her lower rate.
Perfect. I mean, I feel a little bad using that girl, Abby, like that.
She'll be fine. She's super nice.
I forgot my chandelier.
Just got to drag this out of here.
'Cause I like to bring my own lighting to auditions.
Just kidding. It's fine. Everything's fine.
Yes, Bitsy. Hi.
Bitsy? I'm sorry, are we on a first-name basis now?
Because I'm not going to learn yours.
No, I'm sorry, but--
That's it I've had it
I'm fed up with trying to please you
So clean your own mess And your bad attitude
While you're at it
You heard me right
By the sound of your silence I'd have to assume you're surprised
There are no more doormats here
You love crystal, Bitsy So let me make it crystal clear
Nice girls can be tough
When nice girls finally learn
Enough is enough Is enough
Is enough
Ooh, ooh
Enough is enough
Ooh, ooh
It's your loss You're a bad boss
Took advantage of every last one of us And now you pay the cost
I'm done here Carry your own chandelier
It's heavy and you're pretty small
So I think that would actually Be pretty hard
But I digress
No dumb job's worth my self-respect
In fact, I call your bluff
And by the way, you never learned my name.
It's Abby!
Oh, why did I think I could do this?
I've never been one to give up
What if the obvious truth is
That I'm the one who isn't enough?
Enough is enough
Ooh, ooh
Enough is enough
Hello, Bitsy, are you still there?
-I quit. I hope that was clear. -She got bored when you started talking.
But good for you. Not everyone has the guts to get out.
Oh, my God. You saw that?
I was just blowing off some steam. Don't worry, it's gone now.
I loved it! You should have done that in your audition.
Are you serious?
Look, this business can really beat you up, pumpkin.
But the best people don't shut that feeling out, they use it.
If you can bring that into the room, I'll put you up for everything.
Really?
Oh, my gosh, I am so sorry.
I mean, screw you. This sucks and I'm using it in my acting.
Nice! Attagirl. I do need you to clean that up.
Yes. No. Of course, totally. You suck. Just-- Sorry. I'm still confused.
I'm gonna clean this up. And shut your face.
Just kidding. Do you have a broom?
I'm truly sorry for the pain I've caused all of you.
And in order to make up for this trauma, I'm prepared to offer you--
Wait, this isn't what we asked for.
-It wasn't? -No.
We don't want a fake blanket apology that you found on the Internet
and clearly don't mean.
What are you talking about, valued employee?
We want to see you apologize to one person and mean it.
Just one person? That's easier. Who?
-Helen. -What?
I forgot to mention that part.
I didn't think it mattered who you were apologizing to.
What on earth do I have to apologize to you for?
I can't think of one single thing.
But as soon as you do it, this whole strike is over
-and all of this goes away. -Just do it!
Five percent pay increase, one more vacation day,
and an extra 15 minutes for bathroom breaks.
I never want to hear about this apology crap every again.
Now, get out of my sight.
We just got a pay increase and the rest of the day off.
Wait, no. That's not what I-- Fine!
Helen, set up my meeting with the mayor. Tell him the strike's over.
And fix me a drink.
-I'm sorry Bitsy wouldn't apologize. -Save it.
I just got you what you wanted and more. You're welcome.
Wait, you planned this?
Yeah, I have pretty good judgment. I knew she wouldn't apologize to me.
The next time you want something, don't strike. You come to Helen.
Bitsy's the owner, but I'm kind of the boss.
Don't forget that.
There he is. We've been standing here
talking to Commissioner Krantz for a while.
Don't worry, Dad. Molly filled all the silences with nervous laughter.
-Hi, Owen. -Hello, Commissioner Krantz.
-Like that. -Owen,
I just wanted to come down here and--
Before you start, let me just say,
I realize that today's fundraiser isn't going great, okay?
Maybe the whole campaign up to this point hasn't gone great.
A lot of little things just keep going wrong.
So, I'd just like to apologize.
Owen, you want to know the real reason I hardly come down here?
-Sure. -You're allergic to trees?
No, I love trees.
I don't come down here because I know everything is going great.
You do? It is?
I only visit the parks that need my attention.
Like, this morning, I had to go Claremont Park
because somebody's been putting little, tiny knit sweaters on the rats.
-Which is so damn cute, but illegal. -I got to go to that park.
Central Park has Owen Tillerman.
You care about every little thing, and you worry yourself sick.
Look at you, you're a mess. Sweating all over the place.
I'm not that sweaty-- Wait, I kind of am.
I'm just saying. You panic and stress about everything in this park
so whoever walks through here can just enjoy themselves
and forget about all the panic and stress in their lives.
But man, you are really sweating.
You ever see a doctor for that? Seems medical.
But-But what about the tote bags? They're only single stitch.
I mean you really should have gone double.
But, so what? The campaign is a success.
How is it a success?
Take it in.
People are hearting this damn park everywhere you look.
Attendance is up. We've even noticed littering is down.
And what did you think? Everything would change just like that?
These things take time.
When you water a plant, it doesn't sprout up overnight.
I mean, some do, but thanks for the gardening terminology.
I guess I've been a little too stressed to just stop and smell the flowers.
Owen, the reason I came down here today was to say congratulations
on a successful campaign.
-So, congratulations. -Thank you.
Also, I was supposed to meet my friend, Derrick, here.
He's really fun. I should go look for him.
Take care, Owen. There he is! Derrick!
Wow, look at that.
He started it, he hearted it and now he's gonna farted it.
Sorry, it was the only rhyme I could think of.
I'm so proud of you!
Hey, Boss. Look what I found.
-The totes! -They look great.
They must have fallen out of the box, slid down the hill
and landed in the water.
See, I told you, Boss. Everything always works out.
Yep, Elwood, I guess it does.
There's somethin' in the air And it feels so right
It's catching on like a mood
We started With a labor of love and light
Now we're tastin' sweet summer fruit
Held onto hope Our dreams would be bloomin'
Tote bags.
Look around and Look around and see what we found
You know the love that you put out Oh, you know
Hi.
You know that love comes back around
You know the love that you put out Oh, you know
You know that love comes back around
We always had each other In times of doubt
And now we get to let loose
We worked all of our woes And our worries out
And he got bit by a goose
Geese have teeth!
It's time to look out into the future
And set our Set our sights on where we are bound
You know the love that you put out Oh, you know
You know that love comes back around
You know the love that you put out Oh, you know
You know that love comes back around
I'm the Revere of this tea party Dumping the tea like, "Wee"
Outsmarting Bitsy With her fake apology
She's Queen But she will never behead me
Caught on the spot And I gave my demands
Hot on her schemes But I'm making my plans
Finally standing my ground While she pouted and frowned
'Cause what goes around Comes back around
Plant a seed and in the end
Share the bounty with a friend
Even if you're wayward bound The love comes back around
You know the love that you put out Oh, you know
You know that love comes back around
You know the love that you put out Oh, you know
You know that love comes back around
You know the love that you put out Oh, you know
You know that love comes back around
You know the love that you put out Oh, you know
You know that love comes back around
You know the love that you put out Oh, you know
You know that love comes back around
You know the love that you put out Oh, you know
You know that love comes back around