1 00:00:25,552 --> 00:00:27,221 -Hi. -[gasps] Oh. 2 00:00:27,254 --> 00:00:28,858 [laughs] Hello, love. 3 00:00:28,891 --> 00:00:31,196 You and Dad are going out for dinner later, right? 4 00:00:31,229 --> 00:00:33,333 Um, yeah, we've got a table booked for 7:30. 5 00:00:33,366 --> 00:00:34,703 If we were dreadful people, 6 00:00:34,736 --> 00:00:36,707 we might even call it a date night. 7 00:00:36,740 --> 00:00:38,110 Well, before that, there's someone coming around 8 00:00:38,143 --> 00:00:39,445 who I'd like you to meet. 9 00:00:39,478 --> 00:00:42,084 -Her name's Holly. -Holly. Okay, great. 10 00:00:42,117 --> 00:00:44,088 And she's my girlfriend. 11 00:00:44,121 --> 00:00:49,533 Hey! Hey, Ava. That's, uh, that's fantastic. 12 00:00:49,566 --> 00:00:52,471 It is. I thought it was about time. Anyway, she's brilliant. 13 00:00:52,505 --> 00:00:54,442 -You'll like her. -Of course we will. 14 00:00:54,475 --> 00:00:56,514 Don't do anything weird, but you're gonna love her. 15 00:00:56,547 --> 00:00:57,883 -[chuckles] -It's only been two weeks, 16 00:00:57,916 --> 00:01:01,156 but it feels like ages... in a good way. 17 00:01:01,189 --> 00:01:03,493 -Do you remember that feeling? -Just about. Yes. 18 00:01:03,527 --> 00:01:04,863 Well, it's a great feeling. 19 00:01:18,891 --> 00:01:21,196 -[exhales deeply] -[cellphone rings] 20 00:01:21,229 --> 00:01:23,233 [grunts] Hey, hon. 21 00:01:23,266 --> 00:01:26,239 -Paul, Amber alert. Amber alert. -What? 22 00:01:26,272 --> 00:01:27,776 I'm pretty sure Ava just came out. 23 00:01:27,809 --> 00:01:29,847 Wow! 24 00:01:29,880 --> 00:01:32,485 [exhales deeply] Shit. It's happening. 25 00:01:32,519 --> 00:01:35,658 Yes! She wants to introduce us to her girlfriend 26 00:01:35,691 --> 00:01:37,929 before we head out tonight. Holly. 27 00:01:37,962 --> 00:01:38,931 Thought you said her name was Amber. 28 00:01:38,964 --> 00:01:41,704 Oh, Christ. It's good to laugh, isn't it, Paul? 29 00:01:41,737 --> 00:01:44,308 Sorry. Yeah, yeah, all right. 30 00:01:44,341 --> 00:01:46,614 [chuckles] Listen, let's not fuck this one up, shall we? 31 00:01:46,647 --> 00:01:49,485 Noted. I mean, it's nice, though, isn't it? 32 00:01:49,519 --> 00:01:51,456 -Nice that she's including us. -Yeah. 33 00:01:51,489 --> 00:01:52,491 -[Ava] Mum? -[whispers] Oh, fuck. 34 00:01:53,293 --> 00:01:54,930 -Hiya, love. -We're out of peanut butter. 35 00:01:54,963 --> 00:01:56,466 Do we have any more? Because Holly loves peanut butter. 36 00:01:56,499 --> 00:01:57,736 It's, like, one of her things. 37 00:01:57,769 --> 00:01:59,472 Have you checked behind Dad's horrible chutneys? 38 00:01:59,506 --> 00:02:00,742 -[doorbell rings] -[gasps] 39 00:02:00,775 --> 00:02:01,710 Ooh! 40 00:02:03,379 --> 00:02:05,316 You're gonna love her, Mum. 41 00:02:08,490 --> 00:02:10,528 [singsongy] Ta-da! [chuckles] 42 00:02:10,561 --> 00:02:12,397 -Lovely to meet ya, Ally. -Hi, Ava. 43 00:02:14,301 --> 00:02:17,308 -[Ally] Oh. -It's an orange. Wine. 44 00:02:17,341 --> 00:02:19,646 Looks like auld piss, but tastes nothing like it, I promise. 45 00:02:19,679 --> 00:02:21,917 [laughs] "Auld piss." Fantastic. 46 00:02:21,950 --> 00:02:26,660 That's... That's very, very kind of you. Thanks. 47 00:02:26,693 --> 00:02:28,230 [chuckles] 48 00:02:28,263 --> 00:02:30,535 -I'm Siobhan. -Yes, no, yeah, of course. 49 00:02:30,568 --> 00:02:31,737 Darren's told me so much about you. 50 00:02:31,770 --> 00:02:33,407 -Oh, God, how much? -Tons. 51 00:02:33,440 --> 00:02:34,943 In fact, I thought he might have been going 52 00:02:34,976 --> 00:02:37,682 -through your bins. -Uh, Siobhan's building, uh, 53 00:02:37,715 --> 00:02:39,452 actually has communal bins, so-- 54 00:02:39,485 --> 00:02:40,822 -So, were you guys-- -Uh, I wouldn't go through them 55 00:02:40,855 --> 00:02:43,795 -even if they weren't. -No. Yeah. Um... 56 00:02:43,828 --> 00:02:46,734 But were you just passing by 57 00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:49,807 and you sensed that I needed some wine or... 58 00:02:49,840 --> 00:02:51,710 [chuckles] No, we're here for dinner. 59 00:02:51,743 --> 00:02:53,581 You invited us round for dinner? 60 00:02:53,614 --> 00:02:55,718 Yes, but, oh, God, no, no. That's not this week. 61 00:02:55,751 --> 00:02:57,856 -That's next week. -I don't think so. 62 00:02:57,889 --> 00:03:00,360 Mm. Um... 63 00:03:00,393 --> 00:03:01,596 Sorry. 64 00:03:04,468 --> 00:03:06,674 Shit. Shit. 65 00:03:06,707 --> 00:03:09,913 Yes. Oh. Susie and Chris are coming, too. Um-- 66 00:03:09,946 --> 00:03:11,684 Would you like us to bugger off? 67 00:03:11,717 --> 00:03:14,656 No! No, no, no, no. It's fine. Come... Come on in. 68 00:03:14,689 --> 00:03:17,361 I was just about to put on a massive pot of... food. 69 00:03:17,394 --> 00:03:18,531 -Food? -Yeah. 70 00:03:18,564 --> 00:03:20,634 One of my favorites. [chuckles] 71 00:03:22,471 --> 00:03:23,574 [door closes] 72 00:03:23,607 --> 00:03:24,542 [dish clatters] 73 00:03:27,982 --> 00:03:29,686 Is this okay? With Holly coming? 74 00:03:29,719 --> 00:03:32,626 Fine. Nice for her to meet everyone. I want this to be... 75 00:03:32,659 --> 00:03:34,530 well, not a huge thing, but a big thing. 76 00:03:34,563 --> 00:03:37,736 Okay. Right. Drinks. 77 00:03:37,769 --> 00:03:39,372 -Can I just use your bathroom? -I can show you where it is. 78 00:03:39,405 --> 00:03:40,975 Just going upstairs myself. 79 00:03:47,856 --> 00:03:50,895 [lowered voice] Right, uh, one thing. I haven't got any kids. 80 00:03:50,928 --> 00:03:52,933 -Have they died? -They haven't, 81 00:03:52,966 --> 00:03:55,304 but as far as Siobhan's concerned, they don't exist. 82 00:03:55,337 --> 00:03:56,907 So, you haven't told Siobhan about your twin girls? 83 00:03:56,940 --> 00:03:58,511 That's mad. 84 00:03:58,544 --> 00:03:59,980 I just sort of panicked at the start there. 85 00:04:00,013 --> 00:04:00,949 Well, how long ago was the start? 86 00:04:00,982 --> 00:04:02,485 A couple of months back. 87 00:04:02,519 --> 00:04:04,489 Siobhan is child-free, and the twins are, 88 00:04:04,523 --> 00:04:06,961 well, you know, a strong flavor. [chuckles] 89 00:04:06,994 --> 00:04:09,298 I think I love her, Ally. 90 00:04:09,331 --> 00:04:11,069 I think I'd rather have Siobhan than the twins. 91 00:04:11,102 --> 00:04:12,506 You don't mean that. 92 00:04:12,539 --> 00:04:14,543 You know it's their 13th coming up? Birthday? 93 00:04:14,576 --> 00:04:15,845 Do you know what they asked me for? 94 00:04:15,878 --> 00:04:18,016 I thought maybe new phones, concert tickets, 95 00:04:18,049 --> 00:04:20,053 but they asked me if I'd climb into a suitcase 96 00:04:20,086 --> 00:04:22,424 and let them carry me around for 20 minutes. 97 00:04:22,457 --> 00:04:23,961 -Jesus Christ. -I think they just wanted 98 00:04:23,994 --> 00:04:25,698 to see if they could make me do it. 99 00:04:25,731 --> 00:04:27,903 You know, capitulate to their will. I mean, they're 13. 100 00:04:27,936 --> 00:04:29,573 -Did you do it? -Yes, of course I did it. 101 00:04:29,606 --> 00:04:31,442 -[doorbell rings] -Oh. 102 00:04:31,475 --> 00:04:33,714 Please, Ally, just for tonight, until I figure something out. 103 00:04:34,048 --> 00:04:35,049 [lowered voice] Ally! 104 00:04:37,054 --> 00:04:38,690 Susie! 105 00:04:39,258 --> 00:04:42,766 Oh, sorry, it's just me. Chris won't be joining us. 106 00:04:42,799 --> 00:04:44,736 He's busy downloading a dating app. 107 00:04:46,439 --> 00:04:48,076 I broke it off with him on Sunday evening. 108 00:04:48,109 --> 00:04:50,347 Oh, God. Your busiest day and everything. 109 00:04:50,380 --> 00:04:52,017 -[sighs] -Come here. 110 00:04:54,121 --> 00:04:56,325 -Oh, I got you this. -Thanks. 111 00:04:57,027 --> 00:04:59,365 Oh, hey, Ava. How are you doing? 112 00:04:59,398 --> 00:05:01,670 Susie, I didn't know you were coming. It's been ages! 113 00:05:01,703 --> 00:05:02,973 I can't wait to tell Holly 114 00:05:03,006 --> 00:05:04,543 she's about to meet Susie, the vicar. 115 00:05:04,576 --> 00:05:05,811 She's heard all about you. 116 00:05:10,621 --> 00:05:11,556 [mouthing words] 117 00:05:21,543 --> 00:05:24,883 [laughter, indistinct conversation] 118 00:05:24,916 --> 00:05:27,756 Really, I'd never seen anyone taller than me 119 00:05:27,789 --> 00:05:29,760 struggle with the top shelf at the supermarket, 120 00:05:29,793 --> 00:05:34,870 much less a man, as in, you know, a young-ish man. 121 00:05:34,903 --> 00:05:38,076 And I know this is the oddest fucking thing to say out loud, 122 00:05:38,109 --> 00:05:41,917 but there was just something so sweetly pathetic about him. 123 00:05:41,950 --> 00:05:43,788 And here we are. 124 00:05:43,821 --> 00:05:46,994 You know, like, like, in a kid's book when, say, 125 00:05:47,027 --> 00:05:49,131 a crocodile makes friends with a worm. 126 00:05:49,164 --> 00:05:50,768 -Mm. -[cellphone chimes] 127 00:05:50,801 --> 00:05:53,574 Oh. Sorry. [sighs] 128 00:05:55,076 --> 00:05:58,082 Sorry. It's just, um... Uh, won't be a tick. 129 00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:01,088 What do you mean, "something urgent"? 130 00:06:02,892 --> 00:06:05,665 No, sorry. It's your night with them. 131 00:06:05,698 --> 00:06:08,804 I can't have the girls because I'm not at home tonight. 132 00:06:10,841 --> 00:06:12,879 Okay. Right. 133 00:06:12,912 --> 00:06:16,486 Well, your location app is wrong, Karen, 'cause... 134 00:06:16,520 --> 00:06:18,055 yeah, I'm only near Ally's house. 135 00:06:19,959 --> 00:06:23,567 [sighs] I'm actually with one of the guys from Pilates. 136 00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:24,902 Yeah, Julian. 137 00:06:25,269 --> 00:06:28,042 Yeah, we're off out on a big session of booze. 138 00:06:28,409 --> 00:06:30,581 Yeah, so don't come to Ally's. 139 00:06:30,614 --> 00:06:32,585 Not come to Ally's 'cause I'm not here. There. 140 00:06:32,618 --> 00:06:34,656 Just don't go to Ally-- 141 00:06:35,457 --> 00:06:37,529 -[door closes] -You all right, Darren? 142 00:06:37,562 --> 00:06:39,800 Mm-hmm. How do you turn off shared location on your phone? 143 00:06:39,833 --> 00:06:41,770 -I have no idea. -Oh, bugger! 144 00:06:42,639 --> 00:06:44,442 [lowered voice] Are you sure you're all right 145 00:06:44,475 --> 00:06:46,680 about the 40,000 descending here? 146 00:06:46,713 --> 00:06:48,116 Oh, no, it's fine, honestly. 147 00:06:48,149 --> 00:06:49,720 -The more, the merrier. -Okay. 148 00:06:49,753 --> 00:06:51,724 I actually really want Holly to meet Susie. 149 00:06:51,757 --> 00:06:54,161 I didn't know I did, but I do. 150 00:06:54,194 --> 00:06:56,633 -[cellphone rings] -Oh. 151 00:06:56,666 --> 00:06:58,571 [ringing continues] 152 00:06:58,604 --> 00:07:00,875 -Hi, Holly! -But I actually upped 153 00:07:00,908 --> 00:07:03,179 and changed parishes to Reading. 154 00:07:03,212 --> 00:07:04,649 -Oh. -To be with Chris 155 00:07:04,682 --> 00:07:07,154 and his two kids. Two of them. 156 00:07:07,187 --> 00:07:09,659 [exhales deeply] I never had kids, 157 00:07:09,692 --> 00:07:11,930 never wanted them, never once regretted it. 158 00:07:11,963 --> 00:07:15,203 Children are not easy. Right? 159 00:07:17,040 --> 00:07:18,677 So I gather, yeah. 160 00:07:19,478 --> 00:07:22,752 -This is very good wine. -[glass clatters] 161 00:07:22,785 --> 00:07:24,856 -Where's this wine from? -[Paul] Hiya! 162 00:07:24,889 --> 00:07:27,160 Oh, Paul's here. Great. Good on Paul. 163 00:07:28,597 --> 00:07:29,565 -Hey. -[Ally] Hi. 164 00:07:31,837 --> 00:07:33,808 Oh. Fuck me. What's this? Intervention? 165 00:07:33,841 --> 00:07:35,511 -Yeah. -Hi, Paul. 166 00:07:35,544 --> 00:07:37,949 Hey, Sue. Sorry, I won't hug you 'cause I reek a little bit. 167 00:07:37,982 --> 00:07:39,986 Um, sorry. I wasn't expecting to see anyone. 168 00:07:40,019 --> 00:07:41,890 -Yeah, I should have texted you. -[Darren] Paul? 169 00:07:41,923 --> 00:07:43,126 -This is Siobhan. -Is it? 170 00:07:43,159 --> 00:07:44,629 -[Darren] Mm-hmm. -Hello. 171 00:07:44,662 --> 00:07:46,900 -Hi. -I cocked up like a big idiot, 172 00:07:46,933 --> 00:07:48,571 got my weeks in a... in a tizz. 173 00:07:48,604 --> 00:07:50,541 The... The meal out is next week, 174 00:07:50,574 --> 00:07:52,043 and the meal we're hosting is now. 175 00:07:53,079 --> 00:07:54,849 -Is it? -Yeah. 176 00:07:55,483 --> 00:07:58,724 Brilliant. Okay. Uh, I... I need a little shower, 177 00:07:58,757 --> 00:08:01,095 so I'll, um, see you folks in a bit. 178 00:08:01,128 --> 00:08:03,667 -Any more up there? -[laughter] 179 00:08:03,700 --> 00:08:04,770 -Siobhan? -Yes. 180 00:08:04,803 --> 00:08:05,871 Cool. Right. 181 00:08:10,246 --> 00:08:12,685 [lowered voice] Hey. Hey. 182 00:08:12,718 --> 00:08:14,689 So sorry, Paul. It's my balls up, completely. 183 00:08:14,722 --> 00:08:16,125 It's just a bit of a shock, that's all, 184 00:08:16,158 --> 00:08:17,629 coming into a house that looks like 185 00:08:17,662 --> 00:08:19,064 a fucking coach station at Christmas. 186 00:08:19,097 --> 00:08:20,835 -[chuckles] -There's enough of those fuckers 187 00:08:20,868 --> 00:08:22,672 -for a five-a-side. -I know. 188 00:08:22,705 --> 00:08:24,943 I was really looking forward to a nice tagine as well. 189 00:08:24,976 --> 00:08:27,715 -What are you cooking? -A chili. Uh, a sort of chili. 190 00:08:28,917 --> 00:08:30,755 Okay. 191 00:08:30,788 --> 00:08:32,792 Uh, How's Ava? This can't be the evening she was expecting. 192 00:08:32,825 --> 00:08:34,896 She actually seems okay. I think she's quite 193 00:08:34,929 --> 00:08:36,600 looking forward to a big coming out evening. 194 00:08:36,633 --> 00:08:38,604 All right, well, I'll go and say hi 195 00:08:38,637 --> 00:08:41,710 and then get rid of this man-hum. 196 00:08:41,743 --> 00:08:43,179 Mm. Hang on. [sniffs] 197 00:08:45,718 --> 00:08:47,253 Do you know what? I don't hate that. 198 00:08:48,757 --> 00:08:50,193 Sorry, was that, um-- 199 00:08:50,226 --> 00:08:52,264 Oh, Darren hasn't told Siobhan about his kids. 200 00:08:52,297 --> 00:08:54,235 -Very wise. -So, don't mention them. 201 00:08:54,268 --> 00:08:55,805 Not that we ever talk about Darren's kids, 202 00:08:55,838 --> 00:08:57,776 unless we want to feel better about ourselves. 203 00:08:57,809 --> 00:09:00,547 -[chuckles] Fair enough. -[footsteps depart] 204 00:09:03,019 --> 00:09:05,157 -[indistinct conversation] -[exhales deeply] 205 00:09:05,190 --> 00:09:06,693 [Holly speaks indistinctly] 206 00:09:06,726 --> 00:09:08,196 It's just... you know... 207 00:09:08,229 --> 00:09:10,200 No, it's just that I thought that... 208 00:09:10,233 --> 00:09:12,104 It's just a bit much, Ava, 209 00:09:12,137 --> 00:09:14,910 like meeting your parents, their friends, 210 00:09:14,943 --> 00:09:17,782 and, you know, an actual vicar, just like we're getting married. 211 00:09:17,815 --> 00:09:19,686 No, I get it. Sorry. 212 00:09:19,719 --> 00:09:22,692 I just thought... I was just being silly. 213 00:09:22,725 --> 00:09:23,927 I... I'll make sure it's just us. 214 00:09:24,562 --> 00:09:26,365 It was a nice thought. It really was. 215 00:09:28,971 --> 00:09:30,373 It'll be great to meet your mum and dad. 216 00:09:30,406 --> 00:09:32,277 No, it'll be boring. 217 00:09:37,187 --> 00:09:40,060 All right then, folks. Let's get this fucking party started 218 00:09:40,093 --> 00:09:41,930 -[laughter] -Who said pass the parcel? 219 00:09:41,963 --> 00:09:43,199 -[doorbell rings] -[Ava] I'll get it! 220 00:09:43,232 --> 00:09:46,339 Oh. [sighs] 221 00:09:46,372 --> 00:09:47,140 -Hi. -Hey. 222 00:09:48,977 --> 00:09:50,681 Taxi for Darren? 223 00:09:50,714 --> 00:09:52,283 Thanks, Ava. I'll take this from here. 224 00:09:55,256 --> 00:09:58,831 I'd like you to drive my mobile phone around London. 225 00:09:58,864 --> 00:10:00,066 Is this some sort of a joke? 226 00:10:01,468 --> 00:10:04,041 It's 200 pounds there... 227 00:10:04,074 --> 00:10:05,645 or should it... should it be more? 228 00:10:05,678 --> 00:10:07,682 How much to hire you for the whole night? 229 00:10:07,715 --> 00:10:09,218 -This ain't Pretty Woman, mate. -500? 230 00:10:09,251 --> 00:10:11,155 200 now and the rest when I pick up the phone? 231 00:10:11,188 --> 00:10:13,661 Please, just drive it around. My wife is looking for me, 232 00:10:13,694 --> 00:10:14,930 and my children are from The Shining. 233 00:10:14,963 --> 00:10:16,700 Please, I'm desperate. I'm a desperate man. 234 00:10:16,733 --> 00:10:20,874 I mean, I'm paying 500 pounds to give a phone a ride in a car. 235 00:10:22,110 --> 00:10:25,183 -Go on then. -God love ya. Thank you. 236 00:10:28,256 --> 00:10:30,695 I mean, they do sound like nightmare kids. 237 00:10:30,728 --> 00:10:33,266 I tried so hard with them. So hard. 238 00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:35,170 But they... they just wouldn't accept me. 239 00:10:35,203 --> 00:10:36,907 -Oh. -And of course, 240 00:10:36,940 --> 00:10:39,211 Chris refused to take sides, which, of course, meant-- 241 00:10:39,244 --> 00:10:41,249 That he absolutely did take sides. 242 00:10:41,282 --> 00:10:43,085 Oh, I'm so sorry, Susie. 243 00:10:43,620 --> 00:10:45,123 -Thank you. -I bet you won't miss Reading, 244 00:10:45,156 --> 00:10:46,826 -though, will you? -No. 245 00:10:47,595 --> 00:10:50,267 Although I do think Reading had a big part to play 246 00:10:50,300 --> 00:10:52,771 -in why his kids were such... -Fuckers? 247 00:10:53,305 --> 00:10:56,078 Well, obviously I would never say that 'cause that's... 248 00:10:56,111 --> 00:11:00,721 very unchristian language, but, yeah, total fuckers. 249 00:11:00,754 --> 00:11:02,257 -[chuckles] -[knock on door] 250 00:11:02,290 --> 00:11:03,125 [Ava] Come in. 251 00:11:05,063 --> 00:11:08,703 Hey, darling. Just, uh, came to check you're okay? 252 00:11:10,039 --> 00:11:11,375 -Fine. -Yeah? 253 00:11:17,320 --> 00:11:19,491 So, Mum told me about Holly. [laughs] 254 00:11:19,525 --> 00:11:21,162 -[claps hands] -That's... 255 00:11:21,195 --> 00:11:26,138 I'm so excited to meet her. When does she get here? 256 00:11:26,171 --> 00:11:28,409 -Soon, I hope. -Mm-hmm. 257 00:11:28,442 --> 00:11:30,514 I think she's still coming, but... 258 00:11:30,547 --> 00:11:33,186 -[doorbell rings] -Was that the door? 259 00:11:33,219 --> 00:11:34,756 Uh, um... 260 00:11:34,789 --> 00:11:36,058 Yeah, I think so. Maybe. Oh, okay. 261 00:11:36,091 --> 00:11:37,026 Yeah. 262 00:11:41,803 --> 00:11:44,207 -All right, Bagpuss. -Hey. It's the prodigal son. 263 00:11:45,911 --> 00:11:47,381 You should have called ahead. 264 00:11:47,414 --> 00:11:49,786 I'd have slaughtered a lamb or made you, I don't know, 265 00:11:49,819 --> 00:11:51,923 a fucking coat of many colors or something. 266 00:11:51,956 --> 00:11:54,027 -Everything okay? -Uh, no. 267 00:11:57,334 --> 00:12:00,206 -All right. -I've got a big favor to ask. 268 00:12:00,239 --> 00:12:02,344 My friend from the ante-natal group is a bit pissed. 269 00:12:02,377 --> 00:12:04,014 He's very pissed. 270 00:12:05,049 --> 00:12:06,285 Right. 271 00:12:06,887 --> 00:12:08,791 As in he's too pissed to go home. 272 00:12:08,824 --> 00:12:10,493 He's on thin ice as it is with his partner. 273 00:12:10,527 --> 00:12:15,036 Do you think he could just dry out here, just for a bit? 274 00:12:15,069 --> 00:12:16,807 -[sighs] -I can't take him to Maya's. 275 00:12:16,840 --> 00:12:18,076 Where is he now, this pissed man? 276 00:12:18,109 --> 00:12:19,311 I've got him propped up around the back. 277 00:12:19,344 --> 00:12:22,217 I wanted to speak to you first and explain, 278 00:12:22,250 --> 00:12:25,056 but he's waiting for me to let him in. 279 00:12:25,089 --> 00:12:27,361 We've got a bit of a full house, mate. 280 00:12:27,394 --> 00:12:29,298 And as it happens, this is a big night for your sister, 281 00:12:29,331 --> 00:12:31,903 so I don't love the idea of anything distracting. 282 00:12:31,936 --> 00:12:33,941 -[Ally yelps] -[Darren] Paul? 283 00:12:33,974 --> 00:12:35,511 -[clamor] -[Siobhan] Jesus Christ. 284 00:12:35,544 --> 00:12:38,049 [indistinct shouting] 285 00:12:38,082 --> 00:12:39,451 -What's up? -Oh, God. 286 00:12:39,484 --> 00:12:41,222 Hey, hey, what's up? 287 00:12:41,255 --> 00:12:43,594 Look, oh, got you now! Got--Aah! Oh! Oh, oh. 288 00:12:43,627 --> 00:12:46,399 -Aah! Get off me. -What the fuck am I looking at? 289 00:12:46,432 --> 00:12:48,504 [grunting] 290 00:12:48,537 --> 00:12:51,977 Whoa! Hey! Fucking... Oi, oi, oi! 291 00:12:52,010 --> 00:12:54,949 -Get off him, you cunt! -[groaning] 292 00:12:56,986 --> 00:12:59,258 [groaning] 293 00:12:59,291 --> 00:13:00,393 [laughter] 294 00:13:00,426 --> 00:13:02,865 Then the sweaty dicker just 295 00:13:02,898 --> 00:13:06,138 drops down over the wall, like, out of nowhere, 296 00:13:06,171 --> 00:13:08,209 and I yelped 'cause I thought that we were-- 297 00:13:08,242 --> 00:13:09,478 we were gonna be robbed. 298 00:13:09,512 --> 00:13:11,616 Then suddenly, Carl just swooped down 299 00:13:11,649 --> 00:13:14,154 onto him like a big, bald swan. 300 00:13:14,187 --> 00:13:16,358 -You're a hero, Carl. -[Darren] Yeah, Carl. 301 00:13:16,391 --> 00:13:17,995 I just had a fucking fight. 302 00:13:18,028 --> 00:13:20,233 -Yes, you did, mate. -Oh, fucking hell. 303 00:13:20,266 --> 00:13:22,605 Fucking Jesus. Yes! 304 00:13:22,638 --> 00:13:24,542 Oh, I haven't had a fight since Spike Island. 305 00:13:24,575 --> 00:13:27,280 I haven't been this happy since Spike fucking Island. 306 00:13:27,313 --> 00:13:28,951 I... I'm so sorry. 307 00:13:28,984 --> 00:13:30,487 Yes, and so you should be, mate. 308 00:13:30,521 --> 00:13:33,426 Carl, you're a Stone Roses fan? 309 00:13:33,459 --> 00:13:35,430 Spike Island, Paul. 310 00:13:35,463 --> 00:13:37,869 Just, yeah, Spike fucking Island, you know? 311 00:13:37,902 --> 00:13:39,371 [exhales deeply, sniffles] 312 00:13:39,404 --> 00:13:41,375 Jesus Christ, Gaz. Have you just gone and done more? 313 00:13:41,408 --> 00:13:43,179 Listen, folks. Um... 314 00:13:43,212 --> 00:13:44,381 -Oh, oh. -Hey, look, 315 00:13:44,414 --> 00:13:47,020 I'm... I'm all apologies, okay? 316 00:13:47,053 --> 00:13:51,028 But I've got a baby on the way, all right, like Luke here, 317 00:13:51,061 --> 00:13:52,999 -and we're just... -Right. 318 00:13:53,032 --> 00:13:55,036 [sighs] ...we're just coping, you know? 319 00:13:55,069 --> 00:13:58,309 We got a connection, me and Luke, haven't we? 320 00:13:58,342 --> 00:13:59,879 You know, I think some people, they... 321 00:13:59,912 --> 00:14:02,184 they... they come into your life to teach you something. 322 00:14:02,217 --> 00:14:04,021 [sniffles] You know? 323 00:14:04,054 --> 00:14:05,423 And your son has done just that. 324 00:14:05,456 --> 00:14:07,194 Unbelievable. 325 00:14:07,227 --> 00:14:09,164 I think we've both kind of realized, haven't we, Luke, 326 00:14:09,197 --> 00:14:12,236 that we've got to just squeeze the decadence in now, don't we? 327 00:14:14,107 --> 00:14:16,345 "We"? 328 00:14:16,378 --> 00:14:18,550 Are you doing fucking coke, Luke? 329 00:14:18,583 --> 00:14:21,623 No, I'm not! He is. He definitely is. 330 00:14:21,656 --> 00:14:23,459 -I think he's doing a lot. -Well, I'll tell you what, mate. 331 00:14:23,492 --> 00:14:25,698 Maybe the place not to bring 332 00:14:25,731 --> 00:14:27,902 a character like that in that state 333 00:14:27,935 --> 00:14:29,939 is your mum and dad's fucking house. 334 00:14:29,972 --> 00:14:31,910 I've already told you, this is a big night for your sister. 335 00:14:31,943 --> 00:14:33,914 She's bringing her first girlfriend round. 336 00:14:33,947 --> 00:14:36,085 -Ava's got a girlfriend? -Oh, it's... 337 00:14:36,118 --> 00:14:37,555 You're gonna be a parent, Luke, all right? 338 00:14:37,588 --> 00:14:39,358 Make better fucking decisions! 339 00:14:39,391 --> 00:14:42,164 [muffled] Because it's gonna be one thing after another. 340 00:14:42,197 --> 00:14:44,334 Let me tell you... [continues indistinctly] 341 00:14:52,350 --> 00:14:53,953 You know, for what it's worth, I get it. 342 00:14:54,487 --> 00:14:55,724 Fatherhood can be a scary thing. 343 00:14:55,757 --> 00:14:57,160 Sure how would you know? 344 00:14:58,630 --> 00:15:00,700 Uh... Dad told me. 345 00:15:02,738 --> 00:15:06,111 And what have you told her regards where you're at? 346 00:15:06,144 --> 00:15:08,249 Her at home? 347 00:15:08,282 --> 00:15:11,222 Uh, that I'm, uh, caught up at work. 348 00:15:11,255 --> 00:15:12,658 Hmm. 349 00:15:12,691 --> 00:15:17,000 No, fella, don't do that. Don't lie. Go home. 350 00:15:17,033 --> 00:15:19,137 She's laid up on bricks having your baby. 351 00:15:19,170 --> 00:15:21,075 Don't fucking lie to her. 352 00:15:21,108 --> 00:15:22,410 There's nothin' worse than a liar. 353 00:15:22,443 --> 00:15:23,680 [door closes] 354 00:15:23,713 --> 00:15:25,383 -All right, folks... -[claps hands] 355 00:15:25,416 --> 00:15:27,120 After that... after that palaver, 356 00:15:27,153 --> 00:15:29,424 I think the least we can do is get you drunk. 357 00:15:29,457 --> 00:15:32,430 -So, who's for red? -Well, can I get one of those? 358 00:15:32,463 --> 00:15:36,740 No! Fucking bare knuckle Barbie, you can't. 359 00:15:36,773 --> 00:15:39,378 Jesus Christ. What were you thinking? 360 00:15:39,411 --> 00:15:41,415 And why can't you just use the fucking front door 361 00:15:41,448 --> 00:15:42,985 like normal people? Hey? 362 00:15:43,018 --> 00:15:45,356 I mean, look at the state of Carl. 363 00:15:47,193 --> 00:15:49,498 -You all right, Carl? -Fine now, thank you. 364 00:15:49,532 --> 00:15:52,037 -Good. -Yeah, just fine. 365 00:15:52,070 --> 00:15:53,674 It's very nice, you know. 366 00:15:53,707 --> 00:15:56,278 -Hmm? What is? -The inside. 367 00:15:57,347 --> 00:15:58,550 Your house. 368 00:15:59,752 --> 00:16:00,654 Thank you. 369 00:16:02,223 --> 00:16:04,328 -Can I get you anything? -Oh. 370 00:16:04,361 --> 00:16:05,664 Got a cheese sandwich, have you? 371 00:16:05,697 --> 00:16:07,267 -A cheese sandwich? -Ooh. 372 00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:08,068 No! 373 00:16:09,605 --> 00:16:12,009 One cheese sandwich for Carl coming up. 374 00:16:13,445 --> 00:16:16,185 Ah, some fucker been in my chutneys? 375 00:16:16,218 --> 00:16:17,688 Has anyone seen Ava? 376 00:16:21,662 --> 00:16:23,600 [sniffles] 377 00:16:23,633 --> 00:16:26,171 [footsteps approach] 378 00:16:28,777 --> 00:16:31,014 -What's happened? -[sniffles] 379 00:16:32,685 --> 00:16:35,022 Holly's not coming round. 380 00:16:35,591 --> 00:16:37,728 -Okay. -[sniffles] 381 00:16:37,761 --> 00:16:40,266 I wanted to do this big coming out thing, 382 00:16:40,299 --> 00:16:41,602 and she's not into it. 383 00:16:42,771 --> 00:16:44,742 [sniffles] 384 00:16:44,775 --> 00:16:46,211 She thinks all that "meet the family" stuff 385 00:16:46,244 --> 00:16:48,316 is a bit too much. 386 00:16:48,349 --> 00:16:49,619 Well, just... Well, that's fine. 387 00:16:49,652 --> 00:16:51,622 We'll just give her a bit more time. 388 00:16:52,457 --> 00:16:55,229 She says no one really has a big coming out thing anymore. 389 00:16:56,666 --> 00:16:59,204 And I just feel so stupid and naive. 390 00:16:59,237 --> 00:17:01,208 There is not one thing about you that's stupid. 391 00:17:01,241 --> 00:17:02,745 Do you understand? 392 00:17:02,778 --> 00:17:04,515 We've only been seeing each other a couple of weeks. 393 00:17:04,548 --> 00:17:09,091 What was I thinking? What if I've ruined everything? 394 00:17:09,124 --> 00:17:11,362 Break... Breakups are always hard, my darling, 395 00:17:11,395 --> 00:17:13,533 -especially the first time-- -We haven't broken up. 396 00:17:14,702 --> 00:17:16,272 -Okay. -I'm not upset 397 00:17:16,305 --> 00:17:18,543 because we split up. I'm... 398 00:17:18,576 --> 00:17:21,683 I'm embarrassed at being old-fashioned and just stupid. 399 00:17:21,716 --> 00:17:24,388 All right, I... I see. Sorry. 400 00:17:24,421 --> 00:17:25,658 We'll still see each other. 401 00:17:25,691 --> 00:17:28,095 Holly just doesn't wanna come round tonight 402 00:17:28,128 --> 00:17:31,268 to meet you two... and everyone. 403 00:17:31,301 --> 00:17:32,705 Right. 404 00:17:32,738 --> 00:17:34,474 Well, I mean... 405 00:17:35,109 --> 00:17:37,380 You know, at... at least we... 406 00:17:39,184 --> 00:17:40,420 We know you better now, don't we? 407 00:17:40,453 --> 00:17:41,690 Mm-hmm. 408 00:17:41,723 --> 00:17:44,696 You know, we know that you're gay. It's... 409 00:17:44,729 --> 00:17:47,702 It's also not... not a big deal at all, by the way, 410 00:17:47,735 --> 00:17:48,670 in case you were wondering if it was. 411 00:17:48,703 --> 00:17:51,676 No, I want it to be a big deal. 412 00:17:51,709 --> 00:17:53,378 It is a big deal for me. 413 00:17:54,715 --> 00:17:56,452 Maybe that was my stupid mistake. 414 00:17:56,485 --> 00:17:58,557 I wanted you. 415 00:17:58,590 --> 00:18:01,428 I wanted my parents to be a part of this. 416 00:18:01,461 --> 00:18:04,167 I wanted this to be my moment. Mine. Mine. 417 00:18:05,704 --> 00:18:07,608 Some affirmation of me. 418 00:18:07,641 --> 00:18:10,413 Yeah, listen, sweetheart, I think that's absolutely 419 00:18:10,446 --> 00:18:11,850 what we all want as well, isn't it? I think-- 420 00:18:11,883 --> 00:18:13,152 I think that what we're trying to say... 421 00:18:13,185 --> 00:18:14,622 -Yeah. -...is that we will always 422 00:18:14,655 --> 00:18:17,460 love you completely, no matter who you tell us you are. 423 00:18:17,493 --> 00:18:18,563 Well, I want it to matter. 424 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:24,708 I know you're trying to make me feel comfortable, and thank you. 425 00:18:25,409 --> 00:18:27,413 But I want this to matter as much... 426 00:18:29,885 --> 00:18:32,289 ...every inch as much, for once... 427 00:18:32,858 --> 00:18:35,162 ...as anything that's happening in Luke's life. 428 00:18:36,766 --> 00:18:38,235 And it really hasn't helped 429 00:18:38,268 --> 00:18:40,473 that he's dragged in that pisshead downstairs. 430 00:18:40,507 --> 00:18:42,343 Right, okay, tell you what. You stay here. 431 00:18:42,376 --> 00:18:43,613 We're gonna go and clear the house out, 432 00:18:43,646 --> 00:18:45,416 and then we'll be back, okay? Don't move. 433 00:18:50,627 --> 00:18:53,265 -[footsteps approach] -How's she getting on up there? 434 00:18:53,298 --> 00:18:56,338 -Not terribly well. And-- -Your wee girl? Ava, was it? 435 00:18:56,371 --> 00:18:58,710 -Ava, yeah. -Having a bit of an upset? 436 00:18:58,743 --> 00:19:00,614 -First bit of heartbreak. -Yeah. 437 00:19:00,647 --> 00:19:02,618 Just as well. I fucking hate chili. 438 00:19:02,651 --> 00:19:04,789 hate anything to do with cowboys. 439 00:19:04,822 --> 00:19:07,394 Thank you for a lovely evenin'. 440 00:19:07,427 --> 00:19:09,599 You should piss off, too. 441 00:19:09,632 --> 00:19:10,901 You're next door, as I understand it. 442 00:19:10,934 --> 00:19:12,805 -Yeah, he's-- -But you, Snorty Spice, 443 00:19:12,838 --> 00:19:15,243 where is it you call home? We'll drop you in our Uber. 444 00:19:15,276 --> 00:19:17,247 Oh, actually, could I get in on that? 445 00:19:17,280 --> 00:19:18,249 If you don't mind dropping me off at the station. 446 00:19:18,282 --> 00:19:19,384 Yeah, of course. 447 00:19:19,417 --> 00:19:21,790 All right if I stay here, is it, mate? 448 00:19:21,823 --> 00:19:23,527 If I go home in this state, she'll kill me. 449 00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:26,498 What age are you to be hanging out with this child? 450 00:19:26,532 --> 00:19:28,235 You must be near my age and his. 451 00:19:28,268 --> 00:19:29,237 -Move your boney arse. -[exhales deeply] 452 00:19:29,270 --> 00:19:30,406 [mouths words] 453 00:19:30,439 --> 00:19:31,943 [mouths words] 454 00:19:31,976 --> 00:19:34,281 -Thank you, Carl. -[mouths words] 455 00:19:34,314 --> 00:19:36,519 Oh, you're welcome, Paul. 456 00:19:36,552 --> 00:19:38,489 Just trying to be a good neighbor. 457 00:19:38,523 --> 00:19:41,228 Well, next time it's my turn to have a big fight on your patio. 458 00:19:41,261 --> 00:19:43,533 -Oh, look forward to that. -[chuckles] 459 00:19:43,566 --> 00:19:44,936 -Bye, Lukie. -See you, Carl. 460 00:19:44,969 --> 00:19:46,506 Bye, all. 461 00:19:46,539 --> 00:19:47,473 Bye. 462 00:19:48,977 --> 00:19:50,547 [exhales deeply] 463 00:19:50,580 --> 00:19:52,283 Sorry. What... What's happening with Ava? 464 00:19:52,316 --> 00:19:53,753 [door closes] 465 00:20:02,470 --> 00:20:05,375 Could we make a quick pit stop at this wee corner shop, please? 466 00:20:07,881 --> 00:20:12,323 Here, precious. I'm stuck in the middle back here. 467 00:20:12,356 --> 00:20:14,762 Would you mind running in and grabbing me a deck of fags? 468 00:20:25,851 --> 00:20:28,589 That card expired weeks ago. Mate, can we get going, please? 469 00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:34,300 Oh, hello. 470 00:20:36,004 --> 00:20:40,412 Uh... he appears to have dropped his cocaine. 471 00:20:41,348 --> 00:20:44,321 Can you drop us at the nearest pub, please, mate? 472 00:20:44,354 --> 00:20:48,329 I've got twins. Two girls, 13. They're very full on. 473 00:20:48,362 --> 00:20:50,533 -Jesus. What? -I'm sorry, Siobhan. 474 00:20:53,071 --> 00:20:54,875 I think I'm in love with you. 475 00:20:59,484 --> 00:21:00,521 [under breath] Well, you don't get 476 00:21:00,554 --> 00:21:01,856 any of this stuff in Reading. 477 00:21:06,666 --> 00:21:09,004 Got a bit sexy there tonight a couple of times, didn't it, 478 00:21:09,037 --> 00:21:12,477 with the fight and the pheromones? 479 00:21:12,511 --> 00:21:13,780 Or was I imagining it? 480 00:21:13,813 --> 00:21:15,415 No, it did get a bit sexy. You're right. 481 00:21:21,061 --> 00:21:23,331 We should break our drought soon. 482 00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:26,906 -We should, but not tonight. -No, not tonight. Fuck, no. 483 00:21:26,939 --> 00:21:29,044 Christ, I just wanna sleep. 484 00:21:29,077 --> 00:21:30,345 Mm. 485 00:21:31,414 --> 00:21:32,685 [knock on door] 486 00:21:32,718 --> 00:21:35,056 Mum, Dad, I don't really wanna talk right now, 487 00:21:35,089 --> 00:21:36,491 if that's all right. 488 00:21:40,567 --> 00:21:41,502 Just me. 489 00:21:43,438 --> 00:21:44,608 Is it all right if I come in? 490 00:22:01,441 --> 00:22:04,781 I'm sorry for stealing focus again tonight. 491 00:22:06,017 --> 00:22:08,590 I know it's a bit of a habit. 492 00:22:08,623 --> 00:22:10,661 It's just... 493 00:22:10,694 --> 00:22:14,067 There was this 36-year-old man-child chasing me around, 494 00:22:14,100 --> 00:22:17,406 and... this was the tree that I ran up. 495 00:22:20,580 --> 00:22:21,882 [chuckles] 496 00:22:24,755 --> 00:22:29,765 So, listen, I hear that you have a girlfriend. 497 00:22:34,742 --> 00:22:36,077 That's massive! 498 00:22:37,781 --> 00:22:39,651 Do you fancy telling me all about her? 499 00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:42,389 Whoever she is?