- You can get up now, Mr. Worsley. - Yeah, okay, thanks.
Nah, actually I don't think I can, sorry.
Fuck me.
Cheers. Just get... And my legs, thank you.
- There you go. - Fuck.
- Sorry, but... - It's fine.
I'm suddenly 96.
Thank you.
BREEDERS
- Can't sleep? - No.
What if my scenario is the worst-case scenario?
- It won't be. - Well, it might be, mightn't it?
Fused vertebrae... can't walk.
Hip replacement. Maybe both hips.
- New knees. I don't want new knees. - You'd be like Robocop.
Or the fucking Tin Man when he hasn't been oiled.
Hey, I've been Googling your condition.
Well done. Show me.
No, don't show me. No, don't.
Come on, it's okay.
Just need to stretch.
There's no fucking cure, I know that much.
Just varying degrees of fuckness,
from "pretty fucked" to...
"totally fucked." That's medical jargon.
You've got physiotherapy and your painkillers.
Oh, man. I love my painkillers.
This doesn't have to be as bad as you've decided, it's going to be.
- Lie down. - Okay. Just give me half an hour.
I'm like a fucking silverback.
Okay?
I've been finding sleep pretty impossible, too.
Right.
Useless dickhead patch. Why don't you work?
- Why is everything in fucking German? - Mum?
Ava, can you come back in one minute, please?
Sorry, are you putting on your estrogen patch?
Oh, Christ. Everyone's here. Why don't we get Carl in from next door?
- Hi. - Is Dad okay?
I found this letter on the table about a hospital appointment.
That's not your letter to read, Ava. You shouldn't be snooping.
- Should we be worried? - No, no.
Your dad is gonna be fine, I promise, okay? Okay, come here. Come on.
And you, missy. Come on.
Going to make Dad a "get well soon" card on one of those photo sites.
I think he'll like that.
Ava.
I know I've changed.
- You haven't. - I have.
They even call it "the change."
I felt crazy when I was on my proper meds, and I feel crazier without them.
I am a crazy woman. And I'm a danger to society.
- Sorry, Mum. Must be horrible. - Thank you. Yeah, it is.
- Can I go to my... - Yes, of course, sure.
It's good to chat.
- Hi. - Hi.
Yeah.
- You must be very proud of Ava. - Yeah. We really are, aren't we?
We really are. She's definitely one of our favorite children.
You coming, Jay? We've seen Bella's teacher.
No, it's okay. I'll walk back in a bit.
- I'm keeping Luke company. - Okay.
It's nice to hang out.
We haven't just hung out, the two of us, in weeks.
Yeah, like weeks and weeks.
- Ruby's just leaving her drama group. - Right.
My dad's not very well.
- I'm sorry to hear that. - Yeah. Thanks.
It's a condition called--
Ruby is the best actress, sorry, actor, in her drama group.
She always gets the lead roles, but she often likes to take the smaller roles
so she can show her range.
Amazing.
Do you want to come back to mine tomorrow after school for tea?
- I'm taking Ruby out to dinner. - To dinner?
We're 13, Jacob, where do you go for dinner?
Actually, there's a sweet little tapas place on Church Street. Ruby loves it.
The star of the show for us are the Padrón peppers.
We are obsessed.
Fewer than 10% of applicants get into St. Margaret's each year,
but I'm pretty certain Ava will be among that percentage.
- They'd be lucky to have her. - That's so brilliant.
Well, she really is the perfect student, and not just focused and dedicated,
but she always helps her peers when they need it.
- That's Ava. - I'm sorry.
- Are you okay? - Yes, I'm sorry.
Yeah. Please carry on.
You just seem like you're in quite a lot of pain.
No, I've been...
I've been diagnosed with ankylosing spondylitis.
Oh, gosh. I'm so sorry.
And I've got early menopause, not that it's a competition. But...
My mum is going through the menopause as well, and it's awful. She's a mess.
And no one talks about it.
Not a lot of people talk about ankylosing spondylitis, either, to be fair.
That's mainly 'cause it's so hard to say.
Holy hell.
So Ms. West is your biggest fan.
I'd hate to have to go to a new school without all my friends.
- Friend. - Thanks.
- Ava. - Thanks.
Sorry. I'm sorry, Luke.
You'll make loads of new friends at St. Margaret's, Ava.
Yeah, and you could still be friends with your old friends.
It's not like we're gonna murder them.
After school, weekends, you'll probably see more of them
than if you're at the same school.
- Fucking hell. - I thought your back wasn't that bad.
No, it isn't. It's just seized up, I think, in those plastic chairs.
Can I get off on this corner?
- Why? - I need to talk to Susie. Vicar Susie.
Sure, no worries. And do you want me to pick you up in a bit?
It's five minutes away.
Okay.
Hi.
- Hello, there. - You got a minute?
Maybe 30 seconds. Talk fast.
I just feel like being here for a bit.
- You need any volunteers this week? - I don't think so.
Thank you, though.
- But you'll be at youth group on Friday? - Yes, definitely.
Honestly, Ava, I can finish up here.
- I don't mind. - No, no, really.
Go home and relax. I remember how exhausting school was.
Wasn't that long ago.
Yeah.
Well, I'll leave you alone.
Oh, God.
Hi, my name's Ally Grant. Yeah, yeah.
Me again.
I'm just wondering, I know that you said that you would text me
if you got any more estrogen gel in, but just on the off...
Yeah, yeah. Okay, yeah. Right, got it.
Sorry, it's just that without it I'm in a lot of distress and discomfort.
And my heart is going crazy. And my anxiety is off the scale.
And I've got headaches and joint aches and...
Yes, yeah, yeah, no. Yep, tried the patches. They don't work.
They're not for me. So please, please. If you could just call me, whatever the hour.
8:30 to 5, understood. Right.
Thank you, I really appreciate your time. Bye.
Cunts.
- Who are cunts? - Everyone. Every cunt.
Fair enough.
- Let me help you. - Please.
- I'm sorry. - Okay...
- Oh, good. My wife is now my carer. - Do you need the toilet?
Don't joke. We might be weeks away from that.
Have you been exercising at all?
I don't really know what I'm supposed to do
till I get the results back from the scan, you know.
Don't wanna... move it in the wrong way and make it worse.
It's Darren.
"Are you free for dinner? Big, big news. The Wilton Bankside, 7:30."
"Big news" sounds exciting.
Do you think he's sussed out a way to keep the London office afloat?
Well, if he has, he's done it by accident.
True.
- You all right, Dad? - Yeah, tip-top, mate.
- I'm worried about you. - Well, don't. 'Cause I'm not... at all.
- Don't stress about it. - Have you met me?
- It'll get sorted, mate. I promise you. - Okay.
Why do I only have one friend, Dad? Is it because I'm stupid?
I mean, Ava, she's good at everything.
She's going to get into Oxford... and Heaven.
And she's got like three million friends.
One friend is all you need, and don't call my son stupid.
Jacob's in love with Ruby. In love!
I put everything into that friendship and now it's gone.
It's not gone, Luke. It's just changed.
I have no one to hang out with.
I could tell they really don't want me there tagging along,
but Jacob's too nice to say anything.
Well, maybe you need some new friends, Luke.
Do you know what I mean? There are loads of people out there your age,
and many of them aren't as batshit weird as Jacob.
I don't want to lose Jacob. I like that he's weird. And I like Ruby.
So invite them round then as a couple and accept them as a couple.
- You make it work, yeah? - Yeah.
Oh, man.
Yeah, that can wait.
Hello. You look very...
Just gonna warn you that I get drenched in sweat every 45 minutes,
and it's gross as all fuck.
Copy that.
I've ordered Porn Star martinis.
I don't use pornography myself, it's degrading,
but Rom-Com martinis sadly aren't a thing.
Here we are.
Thank you.
Thanks.
- Cheers. - Cheers.
Sandpaper dry. It's perfect.
Well, Darren? Come on. What is the big news?
- Come on, tell me. - Okay.
- Come on! What? What? - Well...
Come on, just say it.
So the London office is liable under UK and EU tax laws,
for all of the Berlin office debts.
We don't have any money to pay the staff or our rent.
Wait. Sorry? That's your big news?
Yes.
Sorry, I wanted to sweeten the pill with a nice dinner, and you look really angry.
I'm wearing fucking silk, Darren. Fuck you.
And it does look terrific.
- No. No. No. - No?
I refuse to believe that we are ruined. I absolutely fucking refuse.
I am gonna fix this, okay? Watch me.
- This will be fixed. - Great.
You might need to fire a few people.
I'm not very good at firing people. I want people to like me.
Well, then you need to try a lot fucking harder.
Touché.
Oh, fuck.
See, look at them all, mate. A world of possibilities.
Should I make friends of those lads?
- Yeah, if you want, I'll ask them. Boys-- - No, I was joking.
Don't actually ask them.
What about this lot? They look harmless.
They're the Warhammer kids.
They look like child accountants.
They've started a band called The Nomads of Chaos.
They actually auditioned for a bass player, but no one showed up.
- Why don't you have a go? - No way. I can't be in a band.
I can't even eat a baguette in front of other people.
That's the point, mate. Your hands would be occupied, right?
You get to stand at the back with the drummer,
The back line. Fuckin' effortlessly cool.
- I can't play the bass. - So YouTube it.
There's loads of stuff on there for beginners.
Like with actual proper teachers.
I'm not sure.
No, because no one's sure about anything except fucking morons.
Listen, mate.
If I can turn up for my appointment, absolutely shitting it,
then you can go and speak to the anarchy gang.
- The Nomads Of Chaos. - Exactly.
Right, come on. In you go. We'll see you later.
- I'll be thinking about you. - I know you will. Thank you.
Okay, so... how are you?
You tell me.
Well, it does look like we found this at a very early stage,
which means it's definitely manageable.
Thank Christ for that. Thank you so much. Oh, man, that is such a weight off.
Can I shake your hand? Fuck it. I'm gonna shake your hand.
So, I'm going to write you a prescription for some anti-inflammatories.
Hi, how was it?
It sounds like it's manageable as long as I'm careful.
Fantastic. What does that mean?
I have to go to the gym regularly and give up smoking.
Okay. Can you stop smoking?
- Yeah, of course I can. - Yeah, no. Yeah, yeah...
It's just that your history of quitting is...
No, but this is different, isn't it? It's medical.
Okay, well, great. Can you go to the gym?
Yeah, of course I can. Hon, none of this is a problem.
I've just had my It's a Wonderful Life moment, and I'm bang up for all of it.
How are you?
Usual.
- Well, sorry to hear that. - Thanks.
Okay, listen, I'll see you later, okay?
So...
Okay. Let's have you lying down on the mat, Paul.
So, what I'm gonna ask you to do first, Paul,
is if you could raise your right knee.
Great. And then if you could rest your left foot on top of that knee.
Great.
It's gonna be a bit uncomfortable to begin with.
Now if you could drop your weight to your right-hand side,
and look to your left.
And go very slowly, and try and keep your back as straight as possible.
Slower than that, Paul?
- Really? - Yeah, yeah.
- Really slowly. - Well, yeah.
Thought I was, but... Yeah.
Slower than that, Paul. Slowly.
- Really slowly. - I mean, that's about my limit.
That's it? All right. Let's swap legs.
And do the same thing. Drop your weight to your left-hand side,
look to your right.
- But again, very slowly. - I will, yeah.
- Slower. - I mean... you...
Yeah, slowly.
Slowly.
That's great.
- How's that feeling, Paul? - Okay, thanks.
Right, let's do another five on each side. And then...
Do you think you'll be able to manage these?
- Yeah. - Yeah?
- Yeah, I do. - Great.
Did you hear that show last night about Stevie Nicks?
Oh, my God, no. What channel?
- 6 Music. - Let me make a note.
Are you still readingTrainspotting, Jacob?
No, actually. I just finished The Handmaid's Tale.
Ruby is playing Aunt Lydia in her theater group.
- Meet my agent. Yeah.
- Hey, folks. - Hello, Mr. Worsley.
- Hiya, Dad. - Hi Paul.
Should we go?
- I think we're going to bounce, Luke. - Okay, no worries.
- Hey, are you okay? - Are you okay?
-No. -No.
Merci.
- See you later. - Cheers, folks.
- Bye. - Home safe, please.
I don't wanna talk about it.
- How was the gym? - God. I'm never going back.
I've never felt so ashamed and emasculated in my life.
- But you need to exercise-- - No, I know, but I'll do it here, Luke.
I can't go back to the gym again. And that's enough about my back.
I think, mate, I have got you a really good bass online.
It's coming in a few days, and an amp.
- Dad... - No, no. Seriously, mate.
I'm telling you, The Nomads of Chaos. It's where it's at.
See, I even remembered the name. It shows it's catchy.
I don't think people say "catchy" anymore.
Yeah, I know. I was being deliberately old-fashioned.
I wasn't, obviously.
You all right, Avs?
Mum, have you asked Suzie to see less of me?
No. Why?
Promise?
I haven't. Why?
She's been different with me. Not rude, but just different.
And if you have told her to ignore me, then...
Well, then that would be dreadful. But I swear, I... I haven't.
- Hello, my girls. - Hi.
- Hey. - I've got homework.
- Okay. Hi, darling. - Hey.
- You all right? - Yeah.
No, actually. No, no. No, I'm not.
This gonna be a menopause chat?
Are you fucking joking me? No one gives a fuck!
Ava's teacher was more sympathetic than you lot.
Ally, I'm sorry. I do feel that I've tried to talk to you about this.
Do you really? Do you?
Okay, maybe not. Maybe not.
No, when my mum had it, she didn't discuss it, right?
She just got angry for a while and ate lots of KitKats.
Well, women talk about this shit now, I'm afraid.
I didn't think I was an anxious person, you know? But now I am.
I'm permanently terrified.
And I'm exhausted. I'm on my way to osteoporosis.
You're not the only one with knackered joints.
I am so sorry, mate. It's just been one shitshow after--
Could you not call me "mate," please? I don't like being called "mate."
- I'm your wife, not the fucking plumber. - All right, I...
I think I've been calling you that for years, haven't I?
You can stop now 'cause I don't like it anymore.
Shit. This was gonna be happening in ten years' time, Paul.
I'm still in my forties, for fuck's sake, and Darren bankrupted the business,
and I'm worried about Luke and Ava now.
But it's a different kind of worry. Like I might... die from worry.
And then you not living here and then living here again.
- I mean that has not helped anything. - No, no.
And basically, I... I hate myself, and I think that Ava hates me, too.
Oh, Christ. Ava does not hate you, she's not capable.
Can you not immediately defend her, Paul?
Everyone is capable of everything sometimes
and nothing at other times or even the same time.
- No, right, yes. - Yes.
And just to be heard in this house,
I do not want to have to do a menopause monologue, okay?
Because the kids don't have to give a shit, but you do.
Absolutely, I know.
- "Menalogue." - I really wanted to say that.
- Hey. What are you wearing? - Gym clothes.
No mate, no.
- No, that is not happening. - It is happening.
- I'm coming with you. Covering fire. - "Covering fire."
Okay, fuck it. Give us a hand. Thanks, mate. Cheers.
Yeah...
Nice and slow, Paul.
There you go. Nice and slow.
Christ, this spinach smoothie.
Who actually enjoys that stuff, apart from vegans and fucking Popeye?
I've said I'll audition for the band.
That's great.
I'm going to wear the jacket you bought me.
- Well, the Harrington? - Yeah. So they think I'm cool.
- Well, you are cool, mate. - As if.
Listen, what you think is cool at 13, really isn't that cool.
Promise you.
Hey, this could be your thing, Lukey. The thing you've been waiting for.
- Or I could be terrible. - True.
It'd be good to find out, though.
Do you know, you look like a man at the gym.
- What do you mean? - Well...
When I was doing my gentle lunges,
I look over at you and you were like a grown man.
Didn't mind it, actually, the gym.
I'm going to need to get ripped now that I'm gonna be in a band.
Well, quite, yeah.
- You can take it. - Nah, it's all right.
Ava.
Just look at it, right? You've got Bruce Foxton, you got Bootsy Collins,
you got McCartney, for Christ's sake. Need I say more?
Oh, man, it's the best instrument.
Then, in about five years, we're gonna have, "And on bass, Luke Worsley!"
No.
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