1 00:00:22,884 --> 00:00:25,185 - Where's Giraffe? - He's down here, love. 2 00:00:25,210 --> 00:00:26,741 - He's on the settee. - Did you say settee? 3 00:00:26,765 --> 00:00:29,282 How have I never noticed you say "settee" before? 4 00:00:29,307 --> 00:00:30,667 What should I say then? Couch? 5 00:00:30,692 --> 00:00:33,429 "Couch?" No, twat. Sofa. It's a sofa. 6 00:00:33,454 --> 00:00:35,483 - Is Giraffe alive? - Not really. 7 00:00:35,508 --> 00:00:37,152 - Is Giraffe dead? - Come on. 8 00:00:37,177 --> 00:00:38,654 Let's not be late to parents' evening. 9 00:00:38,678 --> 00:00:41,122 Only people in their slippers are late for parents' evening. 10 00:00:41,147 --> 00:00:42,873 - Oh, bugger. - What? 11 00:00:42,898 --> 00:00:44,553 - Dad's had a fall. - Oh, no. 12 00:00:44,578 --> 00:00:45,767 A bad one? Is he okay? 13 00:00:45,792 --> 00:00:47,329 He says he's all right. 14 00:00:47,354 --> 00:00:50,709 Just bruises and I'm guessing that's "sprained ankle." 15 00:00:50,734 --> 00:00:52,834 It's auto-corrected to "spirit animal." 16 00:00:52,859 --> 00:00:54,779 He's at that age where you don't fall over. 17 00:00:54,804 --> 00:00:56,254 You "have a fall." 18 00:00:56,279 --> 00:00:58,556 No one ever says Lionel Messi's had a fall. 19 00:00:58,581 --> 00:01:00,809 "He's onside. He's in the box. But oh, no, look. 20 00:01:00,834 --> 00:01:02,170 Lionel's had a fall." 21 00:01:02,195 --> 00:01:03,311 - Oi. - Watch it. 22 00:01:03,336 --> 00:01:05,609 Mind the road. Oh, man. 23 00:01:06,486 --> 00:01:10,514 I am not ready to be looking after Mum and Dad, you know? 24 00:01:10,539 --> 00:01:12,519 I mean, I don't mind this sort of parenting thing, 25 00:01:12,544 --> 00:01:14,824 but one where you're actually wiping your own parents' asses, 26 00:01:14,848 --> 00:01:16,217 that's a different ball game. 27 00:01:16,242 --> 00:01:18,506 Luke, careful. Sorry. Sorry. 28 00:01:18,531 --> 00:01:21,756 He thinks he's... oh, I can't think of a famous scooterer. 29 00:01:21,781 --> 00:01:23,698 I don't think there are any. 30 00:01:23,723 --> 00:01:26,350 So will we be seeing Luke in the Year Three production? 31 00:01:26,375 --> 00:01:28,336 - Um... - Um, not on stage, 32 00:01:28,361 --> 00:01:30,257 but he's doing that sort of behind-the-scenes stuff, 33 00:01:30,281 --> 00:01:32,382 - aren't you, love? - I'm doing all the lights. 34 00:01:32,407 --> 00:01:33,958 - Aw. - Oh, well. 35 00:01:33,983 --> 00:01:36,033 Never mind. Maybe next year. 36 00:01:36,329 --> 00:01:37,789 Come on. 37 00:01:40,227 --> 00:01:41,683 Fuck them. 38 00:01:41,708 --> 00:01:42,928 The fucking Hicksons. 39 00:01:42,953 --> 00:01:44,928 And their fucking outfits. 40 00:01:44,953 --> 00:01:46,721 - Ponces. I can't stand him. - Or her. 41 00:01:46,746 --> 00:01:48,274 Do you know that she's having an affair? 42 00:01:48,298 --> 00:01:51,030 Not for the first time either 'cause he's so gray and dull, 43 00:01:51,055 --> 00:01:53,468 and she seems sort of '70s-swinger throwback. 44 00:01:54,482 --> 00:01:56,875 - We're best, aren't we? - We are best. 45 00:02:01,883 --> 00:02:04,983 Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie www.addic7ed.com 46 00:02:05,148 --> 00:02:06,546 He's basically a pleasure to teach. 47 00:02:06,570 --> 00:02:08,013 - Aww. - Aw, good. 48 00:02:08,038 --> 00:02:10,255 He's very happy, joins in. 49 00:02:10,280 --> 00:02:12,092 Well-behaved, usually. 50 00:02:12,734 --> 00:02:13,936 The main thing, really, 51 00:02:13,961 --> 00:02:15,251 is that Luke's happy at Park Grove 52 00:02:15,275 --> 00:02:16,498 and he wants to come to school 53 00:02:16,523 --> 00:02:17,669 - every morning. - Yeah. 54 00:02:17,694 --> 00:02:18,709 Yes. Sorry. Y-You... 55 00:02:18,734 --> 00:02:21,108 you were saying earlier on about Luke's reading... 56 00:02:21,133 --> 00:02:23,045 - Yes. - That it was average. 57 00:02:23,070 --> 00:02:24,522 For his age, yes. 58 00:02:24,547 --> 00:02:25,726 Absolutely where he should be. 59 00:02:25,750 --> 00:02:28,365 Right. 'Cause I thought, um... 60 00:02:28,390 --> 00:02:30,264 I mean, he's not a genius or anything. 61 00:02:30,289 --> 00:02:32,889 - They've extinguished... - Wow. 62 00:02:32,914 --> 00:02:34,319 I didn't know you knew that word. 63 00:02:34,344 --> 00:02:36,179 That's a big word for a seven-year-old to know. 64 00:02:36,203 --> 00:02:37,350 - Yeah? - Yeah. 65 00:02:37,375 --> 00:02:39,187 You're actually reading it. You're not just remembering it 66 00:02:39,211 --> 00:02:40,273 from when I read it to you. 67 00:02:40,297 --> 00:02:42,584 No, I'm good at reading and writing. 68 00:02:42,609 --> 00:02:44,811 Yes, you are, clever sausage. 69 00:02:44,836 --> 00:02:47,170 You know, I wanted to be a writer when I was a kid 70 00:02:47,195 --> 00:02:49,155 or an artist, you know? 71 00:02:49,180 --> 00:02:51,069 Cartoonist, maybe combine the two. 72 00:02:51,094 --> 00:02:52,176 Why didn't you? 73 00:02:52,201 --> 00:02:53,398 Eh, you know, life gets in the way, 74 00:02:53,422 --> 00:02:54,754 doesn't it? You drift. 75 00:02:54,779 --> 00:02:56,655 Then you two came along... 76 00:02:57,359 --> 00:02:59,373 I'm not blaming you. Just, you did ask. 77 00:02:59,398 --> 00:03:01,197 Right. Chapter four. 78 00:03:01,222 --> 00:03:03,381 I mean, obviously I'm not saying he's gifted, 79 00:03:03,406 --> 00:03:04,406 but he's not ungifted, 80 00:03:04,431 --> 00:03:05,964 and if you're saying he's average... 81 00:03:05,989 --> 00:03:07,936 Luke's around about where we would expect him 82 00:03:07,961 --> 00:03:09,522 to be for this part of Key Stage 1. 83 00:03:09,547 --> 00:03:11,116 His reading is bang-on target. 84 00:03:11,141 --> 00:03:12,600 Great. On target is great. 85 00:03:12,625 --> 00:03:14,014 It's great. Luke loves reading. 86 00:03:14,039 --> 00:03:15,467 It's just books, books, books, books, books. 87 00:03:15,491 --> 00:03:17,197 Aw. That's good to hear. 88 00:03:17,222 --> 00:03:18,867 Sometimes I say to him, "Can you just put the book down 89 00:03:18,891 --> 00:03:20,983 and play with the bloody iPad?" 90 00:03:21,561 --> 00:03:23,577 I don't. I don't. That was just a joke. 91 00:03:23,602 --> 00:03:25,756 We don't swear at home or anywhere actually. 92 00:03:25,781 --> 00:03:27,614 Sorry. Uh... 93 00:03:27,639 --> 00:03:29,411 Just two... I'm sorry, 94 00:03:29,436 --> 00:03:31,795 I don't want to bang on relentlessly about this... 95 00:03:31,820 --> 00:03:33,842 I promise you... But are there any 96 00:03:33,867 --> 00:03:35,952 above average readers in Luke's class? 97 00:03:36,378 --> 00:03:40,311 W-we have young learners with a wide range of abilities. 98 00:03:40,336 --> 00:03:42,038 A significant percentage of our pupils 99 00:03:42,063 --> 00:03:43,952 have a first language other than English. 100 00:03:43,977 --> 00:03:45,225 - Right. - So everyone works 101 00:03:45,250 --> 00:03:47,248 towards a target that suits their ability. 102 00:03:47,273 --> 00:03:48,439 And that works? 103 00:03:48,464 --> 00:03:50,538 I mean, in the same classroom, 104 00:03:50,563 --> 00:03:52,522 no one suffers, the gifted or... 105 00:03:52,547 --> 00:03:54,075 We tend not to say "gifted" these days. 106 00:03:54,099 --> 00:03:55,936 - Right. - But no one is at a disadvantage 107 00:03:55,961 --> 00:03:57,998 - in a mixed ability classroom. - Mm. 108 00:03:58,023 --> 00:04:00,014 In fact, all the children tend to... 109 00:04:00,039 --> 00:04:02,217 - Be average. Great. - ... thrive. 110 00:04:05,466 --> 00:04:07,436 Such a lovely vibe about this school. 111 00:04:07,461 --> 00:04:09,405 - Ooh. - Oh, thank you. 112 00:04:09,430 --> 00:04:11,342 And I presume we'll be seeing Ava 113 00:04:11,367 --> 00:04:13,514 in the Park Grove reception class in September. 114 00:04:13,539 --> 00:04:16,014 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. She'll be here. 115 00:04:16,039 --> 00:04:17,203 Oh. 116 00:04:17,594 --> 00:04:19,389 - Excellent. - Right. 117 00:04:19,725 --> 00:04:21,506 Look, I'm just trying to make sure... 118 00:04:21,531 --> 00:04:23,709 Jesus, Paul. Jesus Christ up a tree. 119 00:04:23,734 --> 00:04:25,553 Can't you see how out of order you've been? 120 00:04:25,578 --> 00:04:26,866 Are you two arguing? 121 00:04:26,891 --> 00:04:28,530 No, it's a loud, tense discussion. 122 00:04:28,555 --> 00:04:30,033 Go and get ready for your bath. I'm sorry. 123 00:04:30,057 --> 00:04:32,253 I thought we discussed putting Ava's name down ages ago. 124 00:04:32,277 --> 00:04:33,828 - Bollocks did we. - Look, if she can get 125 00:04:33,852 --> 00:04:35,655 a reception place at West Street School... 126 00:04:35,680 --> 00:04:36,775 But we looked at that school for Luke, 127 00:04:36,799 --> 00:04:38,298 and it was massively oversubscribed. 128 00:04:38,323 --> 00:04:40,335 No, there were less four-year-olds in their catchment this year, 129 00:04:40,359 --> 00:04:42,639 so Ava has a real chance of getting in. 130 00:04:42,664 --> 00:04:43,864 And with the sibling policy... 131 00:04:43,889 --> 00:04:45,171 What, then Luke could be first in the queue 132 00:04:45,195 --> 00:04:46,241 when a place becomes free? 133 00:04:46,266 --> 00:04:47,655 It's the golden ticket, mate. 134 00:04:47,680 --> 00:04:50,209 Hofstede says West Street is outstanding. 135 00:04:50,234 --> 00:04:51,400 It stands out. 136 00:04:51,425 --> 00:04:52,958 Park Grove is adequate. 137 00:04:52,983 --> 00:04:54,728 Now, Luke and Ava are smart kids, Ally. 138 00:04:54,753 --> 00:04:56,366 They need to fulfill their potential. 139 00:04:56,391 --> 00:05:00,178 Uh-oh, my vest is stuck on my ears again. 140 00:05:03,641 --> 00:05:06,038 - I can't get it off. - Oh, Christ. 141 00:05:08,430 --> 00:05:09,827 There's all that amazing music 142 00:05:09,852 --> 00:05:11,280 and drama at Park Grove. 143 00:05:11,305 --> 00:05:13,084 It's meant a lot, the poetry slam. 144 00:05:13,109 --> 00:05:14,428 I love poetry. 145 00:05:14,453 --> 00:05:16,453 I love it, the idea of it. 146 00:05:16,478 --> 00:05:18,277 But what about reading and maths? 147 00:05:18,302 --> 00:05:20,827 West Street is outstanding at reading and maths. 148 00:05:20,852 --> 00:05:22,373 Am I going to a new school? 149 00:05:22,398 --> 00:05:23,692 - No. - Maybe. Not yet. 150 00:05:23,717 --> 00:05:25,123 Don't worry about it. 151 00:05:26,556 --> 00:05:27,788 Let's not pressure them. 152 00:05:27,813 --> 00:05:28,889 It's only primary school. 153 00:05:28,914 --> 00:05:30,156 They should be enjoying themselves. 154 00:05:30,180 --> 00:05:32,281 Yeah, I know. But if they don't pass their SATs, right, 155 00:05:32,305 --> 00:05:33,783 they don't get into the good secondary, 156 00:05:33,807 --> 00:05:35,640 and then they don't get into the good university, 157 00:05:35,664 --> 00:05:37,139 so they can't get a decent job. 158 00:05:37,164 --> 00:05:39,452 They can't afford to rent, let alone buy a flat. 159 00:05:39,477 --> 00:05:41,260 They can't settle down. They can't have kids. 160 00:05:41,285 --> 00:05:42,334 Ava is only four. 161 00:05:42,359 --> 00:05:44,780 How have we got to her having kids already? 162 00:05:45,273 --> 00:05:46,748 Luke is happy where he is. 163 00:05:46,773 --> 00:05:48,572 Plus, it's 13 seconds away. 164 00:05:48,597 --> 00:05:50,851 It would take longer to teleport 165 00:05:50,876 --> 00:05:52,320 because you'd have to plug the teleporter in 166 00:05:52,344 --> 00:05:54,171 or connect it to Bluetooth or however they work. 167 00:05:54,195 --> 00:05:55,640 But what has brought this on? 168 00:05:55,664 --> 00:05:57,113 Nothing's brought this on. 169 00:05:57,138 --> 00:05:58,581 I just want... 170 00:05:58,606 --> 00:06:00,990 Shut the fuck up with the splashing! 171 00:06:01,015 --> 00:06:02,756 Jesus Christ. 172 00:06:02,781 --> 00:06:04,281 I just want what's best for the kids, 173 00:06:04,306 --> 00:06:07,057 and I don't want to set them up to fail this early on. 174 00:06:07,204 --> 00:06:09,444 - There's nothing more to it? - Nope. 175 00:06:14,109 --> 00:06:16,123 I'm so relieved, Nadia. 176 00:06:16,148 --> 00:06:17,717 And really pleased for Helen. 177 00:06:17,742 --> 00:06:20,163 That's a huge weight off my mind and my shoulders. 178 00:06:20,188 --> 00:06:21,387 - Really? - Absolutely. 179 00:06:21,412 --> 00:06:25,194 Because my fear was if I'd got this promotion... 180 00:06:25,219 --> 00:06:26,843 Sideways move, whatever you want to call it... 181 00:06:26,867 --> 00:06:30,405 - It is a promotion. - My fear was that, uh, 182 00:06:30,903 --> 00:06:32,806 it's basically just an admin job, 183 00:06:32,831 --> 00:06:35,022 and that would take me away from... 184 00:06:35,047 --> 00:06:36,257 I don't know, I guess a lot of what I do now 185 00:06:36,281 --> 00:06:38,116 you could call admin, but I still feel 186 00:06:38,141 --> 00:06:41,303 like I'm, if not at the cold face, 187 00:06:41,328 --> 00:06:43,405 then certainly still down in the pit doing mine 188 00:06:43,430 --> 00:06:45,075 with my filthy hands and my coolish pasties. 189 00:06:45,099 --> 00:06:46,452 Sorry, that's tin mining. 190 00:06:47,750 --> 00:06:49,583 Do you want any feedback 191 00:06:49,608 --> 00:06:51,623 as to why Helen got the job over you? 192 00:06:51,648 --> 00:06:52,814 No, I'm all right, I think. 193 00:06:52,839 --> 00:06:54,789 - Oh. - No. Yes, I would please. 194 00:06:54,814 --> 00:06:56,014 Can I hear it? 195 00:06:56,039 --> 00:06:58,373 Well, you're the longest serving employee here, 196 00:06:58,398 --> 00:07:00,983 - hugely respected by everyone. - Thank you. 197 00:07:01,008 --> 00:07:04,343 But you just didn't seem that hungry for this new challenge, 198 00:07:04,368 --> 00:07:06,405 and we needed someone hungry. 199 00:07:06,430 --> 00:07:07,598 - Right. - Mm. 200 00:07:07,623 --> 00:07:09,040 Okay. 201 00:07:10,664 --> 00:07:11,880 That's food for thought. 202 00:07:11,905 --> 00:07:14,322 I appreciate the feedback of the thought food 203 00:07:14,347 --> 00:07:15,459 that I am hungry for. 204 00:07:15,484 --> 00:07:17,567 - Sorry. Thank you. - Hmm. 205 00:07:18,935 --> 00:07:20,608 Uh, yeah. Thank you. 206 00:07:22,629 --> 00:07:24,494 - Cheers. - Bye, Paul. 207 00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:34,194 We inquired about places, 208 00:07:34,219 --> 00:07:36,030 by the way, rang 'em up. 209 00:07:36,055 --> 00:07:38,686 What? Places? Rang who up? 210 00:07:38,711 --> 00:07:40,655 Langham House old peoples' home 211 00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:42,389 or whatever you call it now. 212 00:07:42,414 --> 00:07:43,663 Care facility. 213 00:07:43,688 --> 00:07:46,170 The tier council-funded residence. 214 00:07:46,195 --> 00:07:48,202 There's a Bookie's two streets away. 215 00:07:48,227 --> 00:07:49,514 We'd be happy there. 216 00:07:49,539 --> 00:07:50,819 You don't need to be in a home. 217 00:07:50,844 --> 00:07:53,761 - What are you on about? - Jim's falls made us think. 218 00:07:53,786 --> 00:07:55,678 We're not getting any more nimble, 219 00:07:55,703 --> 00:07:57,545 and you don't want to be looking after us 220 00:07:57,570 --> 00:07:59,561 when we do lally, do you, 221 00:07:59,586 --> 00:08:02,637 or have us staying with you dribbling all over, 222 00:08:02,662 --> 00:08:06,092 the short audible farts, et cetera. 223 00:08:06,117 --> 00:08:08,167 This is daft. Stop talking daft. 224 00:08:08,192 --> 00:08:10,054 You got years till you start thinking about that stuff. 225 00:08:10,078 --> 00:08:11,678 - Ooh! - Hey, steady, Dad. 226 00:08:11,703 --> 00:08:14,413 They gave you a stick. Use your stick. 227 00:08:14,438 --> 00:08:16,413 I don't want to use me stick. 228 00:08:16,438 --> 00:08:18,047 I'll look old with my stick. 229 00:08:18,072 --> 00:08:19,936 You look old with your face, mate, 230 00:08:19,961 --> 00:08:22,108 - never mind your bloody stick. - Sit down here. 231 00:08:22,133 --> 00:08:23,161 I'll put this stuff in the loft. 232 00:08:23,185 --> 00:08:24,483 What is all this crap anyway? 233 00:08:24,508 --> 00:08:27,592 Oh, it's things we buy off the shopping channels. 234 00:08:27,617 --> 00:08:29,083 It's our secret shame. 235 00:08:29,108 --> 00:08:30,224 What's this thing? 236 00:08:30,249 --> 00:08:33,584 It's a kit to turn 8mm cine film into video. 237 00:08:33,609 --> 00:08:34,804 We've never had a cine camera. 238 00:08:34,828 --> 00:08:38,842 No, I know that now, but I forgot in the QVC excitement. 239 00:08:39,078 --> 00:08:41,381 They're very persuasive, those people. 240 00:08:41,406 --> 00:08:43,663 - Mm-hmm. - They could be barristers 241 00:08:43,694 --> 00:08:45,110 or hypnotists. 242 00:08:45,135 --> 00:08:46,768 But we want it all hidden in the loft 243 00:08:46,793 --> 00:08:49,256 'cause a means-test lady's coming to see 244 00:08:49,281 --> 00:08:52,358 if we're eligible for council funding at the care home. 245 00:08:52,383 --> 00:08:54,678 Stop talking about going into a care home, 246 00:08:54,703 --> 00:08:56,536 or I'll put you in a care home. 247 00:09:19,407 --> 00:09:21,157 You like your school, don't you, Luke? 248 00:09:21,182 --> 00:09:22,702 - No. - What, you mean you don't like 249 00:09:22,727 --> 00:09:25,084 your school, or you just don't like going to school? 250 00:09:25,109 --> 00:09:26,274 I like our house. 251 00:09:26,299 --> 00:09:27,585 Yeah, but you can't be homeschooled 252 00:09:27,609 --> 00:09:29,256 because you'll end up on "Only Connect." 253 00:09:29,281 --> 00:09:32,045 - Mommy, I can't find my sneakers. - What? I don't understand. 254 00:09:32,070 --> 00:09:33,498 - Surprise! - Ah! Fuck! 255 00:09:33,523 --> 00:09:34,523 Oh! 256 00:09:35,188 --> 00:09:37,506 Oh, God. Oh, Michael? 257 00:09:37,531 --> 00:09:39,170 Oh, my God. I am so sorry. 258 00:09:39,195 --> 00:09:41,577 - Oh, my balls. - You mustn't say balls. 259 00:09:41,602 --> 00:09:43,788 It's rude. We say "rice-icles." 260 00:09:43,813 --> 00:09:45,834 It's "testicles." It's not "rice-icles." 261 00:09:46,224 --> 00:09:48,795 - Hello. - Hi, honey. 262 00:09:58,825 --> 00:10:00,233 Huh. 263 00:10:00,694 --> 00:10:01,924 You kept all my drawings. 264 00:10:01,949 --> 00:10:04,099 Of course. We're proud of them. 265 00:10:04,124 --> 00:10:05,288 They're in the loft, though. 266 00:10:05,313 --> 00:10:07,086 We're not gonna frame them, are we? 267 00:10:07,111 --> 00:10:09,528 That would be weird to have something up on the wall 268 00:10:09,553 --> 00:10:10,969 that your son drew when he was ten 269 00:10:10,994 --> 00:10:12,546 and now he's 45. 270 00:10:12,571 --> 00:10:15,397 - Yeah, fair enough. - The loft is a halfway house 271 00:10:15,422 --> 00:10:16,755 between having them on the wall 272 00:10:16,780 --> 00:10:18,584 and burning them on the allotment. 273 00:10:18,609 --> 00:10:21,277 I wish you could've carried on with your drawing, Paul. 274 00:10:21,302 --> 00:10:22,858 You were good. 275 00:10:23,616 --> 00:10:24,937 Okay, fine. 276 00:10:26,153 --> 00:10:28,070 Um, Helen, h-hi. 277 00:10:28,095 --> 00:10:29,741 I just wanted to say 278 00:10:29,766 --> 00:10:31,983 huge congratulations on getting the job. 279 00:10:32,008 --> 00:10:34,014 Oh, thank you, Paul. 280 00:10:34,039 --> 00:10:35,647 I've been wanting to say to you that... 281 00:10:35,672 --> 00:10:37,788 No. I know. It's difficult, isn't it? 282 00:10:37,813 --> 00:10:39,038 Is it commiserations? 283 00:10:39,063 --> 00:10:40,522 That seems a bit heavy. No one died. 284 00:10:40,843 --> 00:10:43,334 - Yeah. Bad luck then. - Thank you. 285 00:10:43,359 --> 00:10:44,710 I still think you should've got the job. 286 00:10:44,734 --> 00:10:46,283 You've been here so long. 287 00:10:46,308 --> 00:10:47,905 Well, thank... yes. No. 288 00:10:47,930 --> 00:10:49,595 I have been here a while. 289 00:10:49,620 --> 00:10:51,623 Y-you went to Cambridge, right? 290 00:10:51,648 --> 00:10:53,036 Yeah. Not really. 291 00:10:53,061 --> 00:10:54,157 I mean, I did go there, yeah, 292 00:10:54,181 --> 00:10:55,484 but it was one of the newer colleges. 293 00:10:55,508 --> 00:10:57,257 I didn't deserve to get in at all. 294 00:10:57,282 --> 00:10:58,614 Total fluke. 295 00:10:58,639 --> 00:11:00,662 They probably just let in a couple lucky thickos every year. 296 00:11:00,686 --> 00:11:02,420 - Come on. - You? 297 00:11:02,445 --> 00:11:04,006 No, I didn't really do university. 298 00:11:04,031 --> 00:11:07,655 I thought perhaps I might go to art school, maybe. 299 00:11:07,945 --> 00:11:09,027 Why didn't you? 300 00:11:09,052 --> 00:11:10,498 Life gets in the way, doesn't it? 301 00:11:10,523 --> 00:11:14,639 You drift. Suddenly you find yourself in late 30s, and... 302 00:11:17,780 --> 00:11:19,358 Where do you live? 303 00:11:19,383 --> 00:11:20,881 Wherever I lay my hat. 304 00:11:20,906 --> 00:11:22,420 You haven't got a hat. 305 00:11:22,445 --> 00:11:23,788 Have you lost your hat? 306 00:11:23,813 --> 00:11:25,146 I thought you were in Cape Town? 307 00:11:25,171 --> 00:11:27,358 Well, Cheryl kicked me to the curb. 308 00:11:27,760 --> 00:11:29,092 We were too far apart. 309 00:11:29,117 --> 00:11:31,381 Yeah, by about 40 years. 310 00:11:31,517 --> 00:11:33,623 - Is he really your daddy? - Yep. 311 00:11:33,648 --> 00:11:35,856 You haven't got a daddy. 312 00:11:35,881 --> 00:11:38,100 - Everybody's got a daddy. - Hmm, yes. 313 00:11:38,125 --> 00:11:39,291 Some more than others. 314 00:11:39,316 --> 00:11:41,596 C-could we walk a bit more slowly please? 315 00:11:41,621 --> 00:11:42,621 My balls. 316 00:11:42,646 --> 00:11:44,725 - Rice-icles. - Let's just say "balls." 317 00:11:44,750 --> 00:11:46,100 Balls is fine. 318 00:11:46,125 --> 00:11:47,290 Balls! 319 00:11:49,033 --> 00:11:50,334 Give our love to the little ones. 320 00:11:50,358 --> 00:11:51,573 - Yeah. - Does Luke still want 321 00:11:51,598 --> 00:11:52,931 to be an astronaut? 322 00:11:52,956 --> 00:11:55,027 He told me he wanted to be a rhino. 323 00:11:55,052 --> 00:11:57,196 Oh, well, he can be whatever he wants. 324 00:11:57,767 --> 00:11:59,187 I love it when we say that. 325 00:11:59,212 --> 00:12:00,332 He can't, can he? 326 00:12:00,357 --> 00:12:02,381 No. "Dream big," it's such a lie. 327 00:12:02,577 --> 00:12:05,186 You should try that St. John's wort. 328 00:12:05,211 --> 00:12:06,421 It perks you up. 329 00:12:06,446 --> 00:12:07,707 No, I'm fine. I'm not depressed. 330 00:12:07,731 --> 00:12:08,813 I'm just a realist. 331 00:12:08,838 --> 00:12:11,422 What was I on when I had my episode? 332 00:12:11,447 --> 00:12:12,651 - Lithium. - Lithium. 333 00:12:12,676 --> 00:12:14,083 But they don't do that anymore. 334 00:12:14,108 --> 00:12:15,272 It's like the electric shocks. 335 00:12:15,296 --> 00:12:16,303 I don't need lithium. 336 00:12:16,328 --> 00:12:18,212 Don't knock it till you've tried it. 337 00:12:18,237 --> 00:12:19,904 Fuckin' brilliant. 338 00:12:20,004 --> 00:12:22,255 I didn't know the time of day or who I was. 339 00:12:22,280 --> 00:12:24,795 I just floated from one meal to the other, 340 00:12:24,820 --> 00:12:26,256 no pants on. 341 00:12:26,281 --> 00:12:27,664 Terrific. 342 00:12:27,689 --> 00:12:30,264 I was on the vodka with it, so that helped. 343 00:12:30,289 --> 00:12:31,730 God, you're a lucky woman. 344 00:12:33,697 --> 00:12:36,531 Look, Luke loves his dinosaurs, right, 345 00:12:36,556 --> 00:12:38,623 so we say to him, "You're gonna be a paleontologist." 346 00:12:38,647 --> 00:12:40,786 But he's not gonna be a paleontologist, is he? 347 00:12:40,811 --> 00:12:43,181 Ava loves her ballet, but she's not gonna be a ballerina. 348 00:12:43,206 --> 00:12:44,233 Why not? 349 00:12:44,258 --> 00:12:46,328 Ballerinas exist, Paul. I've seen them. 350 00:12:46,353 --> 00:12:48,603 Mum, lottery millionaires exist. 351 00:12:48,628 --> 00:12:51,635 Conjoined twins exist. Sexy racists exist, 352 00:12:51,660 --> 00:12:52,942 but they're rare. 353 00:12:52,967 --> 00:12:55,538 Ava will most likely become an area manager for Super Drug, 354 00:12:55,563 --> 00:12:56,733 not a ballerina. 355 00:12:56,758 --> 00:12:58,892 You've lost your spark, Paul. 356 00:12:58,917 --> 00:13:01,256 I always blamed that secondary school you went to. 357 00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:02,928 Whoa. Hang on. St. Edmunds was great. 358 00:13:02,953 --> 00:13:04,351 It was the best state school in the area. 359 00:13:04,375 --> 00:13:07,233 I know, but they sucked all the creativity out of you. 360 00:13:07,258 --> 00:13:08,519 You never said that at the time. 361 00:13:08,543 --> 00:13:11,569 You stopped your writing. You stopped drawing. 362 00:13:11,594 --> 00:13:12,710 Before you went there, 363 00:13:12,735 --> 00:13:15,084 you were bursting with creativity. 364 00:13:15,109 --> 00:13:16,678 Then you became a husk. 365 00:13:16,703 --> 00:13:17,752 A husk? Fucking hell. 366 00:13:17,777 --> 00:13:20,881 Not a husk, Jim. He wasn't a husk. 367 00:13:20,906 --> 00:13:22,197 Wrong word. Sorry. 368 00:13:22,222 --> 00:13:24,055 I'm on codeine for me ankle. 369 00:13:24,080 --> 00:13:27,452 They didn't value art or stories at St. Edmunds. 370 00:13:27,477 --> 00:13:30,195 They thought life was a battle and you should knuckle down 371 00:13:30,220 --> 00:13:32,858 and pass your exams and get a good job, 372 00:13:32,883 --> 00:13:35,383 which you did, so there's that. 373 00:13:35,408 --> 00:13:37,429 And you love your work, don't you? 374 00:13:37,454 --> 00:13:39,965 - Yeah. - You still at that charity place? 375 00:13:39,990 --> 00:13:41,797 Yeah, for 22 years now, Dad. 376 00:13:41,822 --> 00:13:43,580 Thought so. 377 00:13:43,605 --> 00:13:44,855 Christ. 378 00:13:45,245 --> 00:13:47,228 - Love you. - Bye. 379 00:13:54,576 --> 00:13:55,978 Oh. 380 00:13:56,487 --> 00:13:57,658 Whoa. 381 00:13:57,683 --> 00:13:59,353 Ooh. 382 00:14:00,098 --> 00:14:02,861 - Whoa! You're a magician. - Mmhmm. 383 00:14:02,886 --> 00:14:05,324 - Have I met you before? - Yeah, you wouldn't remember. 384 00:14:05,349 --> 00:14:07,484 You were tiny when I last visited. 385 00:14:07,509 --> 00:14:11,079 And you, sweet little Ava, barely even existed. 386 00:14:11,104 --> 00:14:13,859 - Was I dead? - No one's ever dead. 387 00:14:13,884 --> 00:14:17,325 Our molecules existed when the universe formed, 388 00:14:17,350 --> 00:14:19,305 and they'll exist for eternity. 389 00:14:19,330 --> 00:14:20,662 We all live forever, 390 00:14:20,687 --> 00:14:23,048 so you never have to be scared of anything. 391 00:14:23,073 --> 00:14:24,572 Really? Nothing? 392 00:14:24,597 --> 00:14:26,275 You've been around since the dawn of time. 393 00:14:26,300 --> 00:14:27,986 What's there to be scared of? 394 00:14:28,273 --> 00:14:29,897 Can you help me with my homework? 395 00:14:29,922 --> 00:14:32,100 Don't do homework, Lukey. 396 00:14:32,125 --> 00:14:34,758 - Rip it up. It's useless crap. - Mmmm. 397 00:14:34,783 --> 00:14:37,773 I used to stop your mother from doing her homework. 398 00:14:37,798 --> 00:14:40,002 - School is nonsense. - No, it's not nonsense. 399 00:14:40,027 --> 00:14:41,384 Pressuring kids to learn 400 00:14:41,409 --> 00:14:44,277 what some dead white dudes want 'em to know? 401 00:14:44,302 --> 00:14:47,713 In 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. 402 00:14:47,738 --> 00:14:50,189 Pythagoras. Oxbow lakes. 403 00:14:50,214 --> 00:14:53,455 Dead kings. It's dull. It's crap. 404 00:14:53,582 --> 00:14:55,713 I dropped out of high school at 14. 405 00:14:55,738 --> 00:14:59,384 Never went to college. Education is for idiots. 406 00:14:59,409 --> 00:15:01,380 Go. Play. Be a human. 407 00:15:04,448 --> 00:15:05,664 That's not helpful. 408 00:15:05,689 --> 00:15:07,830 Kids need an education. It's tough out there. 409 00:15:07,855 --> 00:15:10,884 It's only tough if you let yourself believe it's tough. 410 00:15:10,909 --> 00:15:12,728 Oh, maybe if you fuck off all responsibility 411 00:15:12,753 --> 00:15:14,398 and abandon your family whenever it suits you, 412 00:15:14,422 --> 00:15:16,756 then yeah, maybe it's not so tough. 413 00:15:20,408 --> 00:15:22,384 - Here. - Thank you. 414 00:15:23,009 --> 00:15:25,033 - You got anywhere to stay? - Yeah. 415 00:15:25,619 --> 00:15:27,319 - No. - Got any money? 416 00:15:27,344 --> 00:15:28,916 - Some. - How much? 417 00:15:28,941 --> 00:15:30,588 Very, very little. 418 00:15:30,871 --> 00:15:33,017 Look, if I can sleep here tonight, 419 00:15:33,042 --> 00:15:35,464 I can look up a couple of old friends tomorrow. 420 00:15:35,489 --> 00:15:38,072 Maybe one of them has a mattress and a blanket, 421 00:15:38,097 --> 00:15:40,080 you know, pillow, some sheets. 422 00:15:40,105 --> 00:15:41,105 A bed, basically. 423 00:15:41,130 --> 00:15:42,439 You know, I was foraging 424 00:15:42,464 --> 00:15:45,298 on that railway embankment earlier. 425 00:15:45,323 --> 00:15:47,392 Found some really good mushrooms 426 00:15:47,417 --> 00:15:50,512 and young nettles and some wild garlic. 427 00:15:50,537 --> 00:15:53,788 Now, if you've got cream and a splash of white wine, 428 00:15:53,813 --> 00:15:55,289 I can cook for you and Liam. 429 00:15:55,314 --> 00:15:57,103 - It's Paul. - Sorry. 430 00:15:57,128 --> 00:15:58,908 Paul. Yes. Fuck. 431 00:15:58,933 --> 00:16:00,361 Sorry. 432 00:16:00,601 --> 00:16:01,601 Liam was... 433 00:16:01,626 --> 00:16:03,525 - Shut up about Liam. - Yeah. 434 00:16:05,153 --> 00:16:07,978 So do you want a hunter/gatherer meal? 435 00:16:08,003 --> 00:16:09,581 It's mainly gathering. 436 00:16:09,606 --> 00:16:13,322 The mushrooms tend to not move around. 437 00:16:15,249 --> 00:16:16,525 Yeah. 438 00:16:34,498 --> 00:16:36,125 That was amazing. 439 00:16:36,150 --> 00:16:37,508 I do what I can. 440 00:16:37,533 --> 00:16:39,916 I'm not really a harp player, but it is portable. 441 00:16:39,941 --> 00:16:41,537 Uh, the food was great as well, Michael. 442 00:16:41,561 --> 00:16:42,561 Thanks. 443 00:16:42,586 --> 00:16:44,816 - Free food tastes special. - Mmhmm. 444 00:16:44,841 --> 00:16:47,152 Also when I was on the embankment, 445 00:16:47,177 --> 00:16:48,877 - I saw a fox... - Mmhmm. 446 00:16:48,902 --> 00:16:50,989 And it let me sit with it for a while. 447 00:16:52,730 --> 00:16:55,416 - That's good, isn't it? - We can't sleep. 448 00:16:55,441 --> 00:16:58,492 Can Grandpa Michael read us a bedtime story? 449 00:16:58,517 --> 00:16:59,714 No, I can't. 450 00:16:59,739 --> 00:17:01,573 - Aw. - But I can create one 451 00:17:01,598 --> 00:17:03,752 with you as the heroes. How's that? 452 00:17:03,777 --> 00:17:06,478 Okay, you're ninja alien vampires, 453 00:17:06,503 --> 00:17:08,720 and you're in ancient Greece, 454 00:17:08,745 --> 00:17:10,795 and you've got special animal powers. 455 00:17:10,820 --> 00:17:13,213 - I'm a lion! - I'm Harry Potter! 456 00:17:13,238 --> 00:17:14,838 That's not an animal. 457 00:17:14,863 --> 00:17:16,863 How's it all going with you and Michael? 458 00:17:16,888 --> 00:17:18,455 - Complicated as ever. - Ah. 459 00:17:18,480 --> 00:17:20,728 - Hmm. - Is he staying here? 460 00:17:20,753 --> 00:17:22,701 Yeah, for just one night, apparently. 461 00:17:23,155 --> 00:17:24,593 Okay. 462 00:17:24,827 --> 00:17:28,966 Listen, I've been thinking about schools... rethinking. 463 00:17:28,991 --> 00:17:30,574 Uh, I was wrong. 464 00:17:30,599 --> 00:17:32,028 Ava should go to Luke's school, 465 00:17:32,053 --> 00:17:33,708 and they should do the drama 466 00:17:33,733 --> 00:17:36,341 and the stories and the art and not be pressured. 467 00:17:36,366 --> 00:17:37,498 - Really? - Mm-hmm. 468 00:17:37,523 --> 00:17:38,559 Yeah, bottom line is, 469 00:17:38,584 --> 00:17:40,029 I don't want the kids to turn out like me. 470 00:17:40,053 --> 00:17:42,911 - Oh, don't say that. - No, really, I-I mean it. 471 00:17:42,936 --> 00:17:44,880 You know me, and I'm... 472 00:17:44,905 --> 00:17:47,706 I'm not a happy person, and they should be happy. 473 00:17:47,731 --> 00:17:50,817 Thing is that I've been thinking, well, rethinking, too, 474 00:17:50,842 --> 00:17:52,287 and I've realized that I don't want them to turn out... 475 00:17:52,311 --> 00:17:53,833 - Like you? - Fuck off. 476 00:17:53,858 --> 00:17:55,574 No, like Michael, like my dad. 477 00:17:55,599 --> 00:17:57,542 It would be fantastic if they turned out like me. 478 00:17:57,567 --> 00:17:58,857 - I'm great. - Yes, obviously. 479 00:17:58,882 --> 00:18:01,622 - Fucking hell, Paul. - No, I'm sorry. It's... 480 00:18:01,647 --> 00:18:04,833 The last time my dad paid tax was in 1983. 481 00:18:04,858 --> 00:18:06,898 He's relied on his looks, charm, and charisma 482 00:18:06,923 --> 00:18:09,424 to get by his whole life, and it's got him nothing. 483 00:18:09,449 --> 00:18:11,282 Foraging for fucking mushrooms. 484 00:18:11,307 --> 00:18:13,458 I want the kids to turn out like you. 485 00:18:13,483 --> 00:18:15,333 I mean, the reason that I had kids with you 486 00:18:15,358 --> 00:18:17,825 is because you are the opposite of my father. 487 00:18:18,396 --> 00:18:19,481 So I'm not a charming, 488 00:18:19,506 --> 00:18:20,958 handsome, charismatic maverick? 489 00:18:20,983 --> 00:18:21,983 No. 490 00:18:22,508 --> 00:18:24,200 You know what I mean. 491 00:18:24,225 --> 00:18:26,551 The kids deserve the best start that we can give them, 492 00:18:26,576 --> 00:18:29,645 so let's... let's try and get Ava into West Street school, 493 00:18:29,670 --> 00:18:32,340 and she and Luke can do their drama and stuff on the weekends. 494 00:18:32,365 --> 00:18:34,200 Now, I don't want them to get to 70 495 00:18:34,225 --> 00:18:37,059 and be on a railway line chatting shit to a fucking fox. 496 00:18:39,123 --> 00:18:40,544 Yeah. 497 00:18:42,450 --> 00:18:46,817 See, this will tell us to the nearest centimeter 498 00:18:49,060 --> 00:18:51,510 See, this will tell us to the nearest centimeter 499 00:18:51,535 --> 00:18:54,653 how close we are to West Street School. 500 00:18:54,678 --> 00:18:56,200 Proximity's key, and there can't be 501 00:18:56,225 --> 00:18:58,411 many kids of Ava's age who live much closer. 502 00:18:58,436 --> 00:19:00,056 - Oh, shit. - What? 503 00:19:00,081 --> 00:19:01,380 That house is under offer, 504 00:19:01,405 --> 00:19:03,997 and yesterday I saw the Hicksons looking round it. 505 00:19:04,358 --> 00:19:06,325 - The fucking Hicksons? - Yep. 506 00:19:06,350 --> 00:19:08,554 They couldn't be closer to the school. 507 00:19:08,579 --> 00:19:09,779 They've got the golden ticket. 508 00:19:09,804 --> 00:19:11,199 Their little girl gets into reception, 509 00:19:11,223 --> 00:19:13,673 and then their boy gets the next place in Year Four. 510 00:19:15,723 --> 00:19:18,192 Well, it might not be the Hicksons buying it. 511 00:19:18,217 --> 00:19:20,923 Might be a single man, a eunuch 512 00:19:20,948 --> 00:19:24,750 just enjoying the free-spirited eunuch lifestyle 513 00:19:24,775 --> 00:19:27,223 or a pedophile who just wants to live near a school. 514 00:19:27,248 --> 00:19:29,825 Nah, it's the adulteress fucking Hicksons, all right. 515 00:19:29,850 --> 00:19:31,792 It's got Hicksons written all over it 516 00:19:31,817 --> 00:19:33,162 in dog shit. 517 00:19:34,442 --> 00:19:35,958 You want a coffee? 518 00:19:38,895 --> 00:19:41,552 Hi. Yeah, it's, uh, Greg Hickson. 519 00:19:41,577 --> 00:19:44,207 Yeah, c-calling about 37 West Street. 520 00:19:44,232 --> 00:19:45,564 Yeah, I'm ringing to confirm 521 00:19:45,589 --> 00:19:47,839 that we're good to go ahead with the survey. 522 00:19:49,739 --> 00:19:52,622 Okay. Yeah. No, no. It's all good our end. 523 00:19:52,647 --> 00:19:55,231 Speak to you soon. Thank you. Bye-bye. 524 00:19:55,256 --> 00:19:57,520 Fucking Hicksons are buying the house. 525 00:19:57,545 --> 00:19:59,269 - Shit. - Look. Look. 526 00:19:59,294 --> 00:20:01,918 Greg Hickson is an independent financial advisor. 527 00:20:01,943 --> 00:20:03,809 Of course he is. Fucking wealth manager. 528 00:20:03,834 --> 00:20:06,841 - Prick, more like. - Good. Nice play on words. 529 00:20:06,866 --> 00:20:09,031 - Thank you. - Oh, look. There's an email form here. 530 00:20:09,056 --> 00:20:10,839 You can write to Greg and discuss with him 531 00:20:10,864 --> 00:20:12,997 how he might manage your massive wealth. 532 00:20:16,119 --> 00:20:17,335 - No. - No. 533 00:20:17,360 --> 00:20:19,408 - No, can't do that. - No. Def... definitely not. 534 00:20:19,433 --> 00:20:20,710 Definitely not. Can we? 535 00:20:20,735 --> 00:20:22,268 - No. - No. 536 00:20:22,293 --> 00:20:24,247 Might solve the problem, though. 537 00:20:24,272 --> 00:20:27,022 Anonymous, untraceable. We're on the cafe's Wi-Fi. 538 00:20:27,047 --> 00:20:29,606 No, it's not right or moral. 539 00:20:30,602 --> 00:20:34,604 Or is it a bit right and moral? 540 00:20:34,629 --> 00:20:37,093 I don't know. I'm not here to judge. 541 00:20:37,118 --> 00:20:39,419 Why don't you start typing and see how it feels. 542 00:20:40,132 --> 00:20:41,931 "Dear Mr. Hickson, 543 00:20:41,956 --> 00:20:44,267 we think you should know that your wi..." 544 00:20:44,292 --> 00:20:45,812 Oh, I can't do it. I can't even do it. 545 00:20:45,843 --> 00:20:47,770 Let's see if I can. What were you saying? 546 00:20:47,795 --> 00:20:48,855 "We think you should know that your..." 547 00:20:48,879 --> 00:20:50,294 - Wife. - What's her name? 548 00:20:50,319 --> 00:20:52,241 Mrs. Hickson? I don't know. 549 00:20:52,266 --> 00:20:53,933 "That your wife has..." 550 00:20:53,958 --> 00:20:55,745 "Has been having an affair 551 00:20:55,770 --> 00:20:58,291 "with her hot physiotherapist 552 00:20:58,316 --> 00:20:59,880 for the last 18 months." 553 00:20:59,905 --> 00:21:01,655 Christ. 554 00:21:02,869 --> 00:21:04,119 Should we lose "hot?" 555 00:21:04,144 --> 00:21:05,436 Well, no, 'cause he is hot. 556 00:21:05,461 --> 00:21:07,060 If it's the one I'm thinking of, he's not really hot. 557 00:21:07,084 --> 00:21:08,380 He's more sort of obvious. 558 00:21:08,405 --> 00:21:10,459 Yeah, but you're thinking of him, aren't you? 559 00:21:10,484 --> 00:21:12,022 I wish I could stop. 560 00:21:12,643 --> 00:21:14,536 - I'm losing hot. Lose hot. - Yeah, lose hot. 561 00:21:15,706 --> 00:21:17,269 Okay. Done. 562 00:21:17,294 --> 00:21:18,490 We're not sending this. 563 00:21:18,515 --> 00:21:20,091 No. No. 564 00:21:20,619 --> 00:21:23,139 - Having said that... - Mm. 565 00:21:23,164 --> 00:21:25,143 Could mean the difference between a life of happiness 566 00:21:25,167 --> 00:21:27,653 or misery for our kids. 567 00:21:28,030 --> 00:21:29,669 - Quick! Fuck. - What? 568 00:21:29,694 --> 00:21:31,044 It's Greg Hickson. 569 00:21:31,468 --> 00:21:33,223 Holy shit. 570 00:21:41,330 --> 00:21:42,895 Fucking hell. It sent. 571 00:21:43,140 --> 00:21:44,910 No. What the fuck? 572 00:21:47,094 --> 00:21:49,561 Shit. He's reading it. Oh, no. Fuck. 573 00:21:49,854 --> 00:21:50,970 Fucking hell. 574 00:21:50,995 --> 00:21:52,468 He's getting up. He's going. 575 00:21:52,493 --> 00:21:54,693 - He did? - He looks angry. 576 00:21:54,718 --> 00:21:56,333 Fucking hell, Ally. 577 00:21:56,723 --> 00:21:58,223 Oh, God. 578 00:22:00,498 --> 00:22:02,498 The others were now running back... 579 00:22:02,523 --> 00:22:04,789 I knew I wanted to be either a cowboy 580 00:22:04,814 --> 00:22:06,380 or a rock and roll musician, 581 00:22:06,405 --> 00:22:07,600 and it worked out. 582 00:22:08,982 --> 00:22:10,770 - Oh, did you have a nice walk? - Great. 583 00:22:10,795 --> 00:22:12,215 It was just a walk, really. Nothing happened. 584 00:22:12,239 --> 00:22:13,396 - Where'd you guys go? - Nowhere really. 585 00:22:13,420 --> 00:22:14,991 Just sort of around. Hello, Mum. 586 00:22:15,016 --> 00:22:16,298 Wasn't expecting to see you. 587 00:22:16,323 --> 00:22:18,231 We came by with some more of your art. 588 00:22:18,256 --> 00:22:19,631 - Oh, cool. - Thought you might like 589 00:22:19,655 --> 00:22:21,411 to show Luke and Ava. 590 00:22:21,436 --> 00:22:23,165 - Between us... - Hmm. 591 00:22:23,190 --> 00:22:25,307 I think Jim's a bit jealous with Michael 592 00:22:25,332 --> 00:22:26,965 being on the scene again. 593 00:22:26,990 --> 00:22:29,277 He's used to being the only granddad. 594 00:22:29,302 --> 00:22:31,245 This young man's an excellent reader. 595 00:22:31,270 --> 00:22:33,376 Yeah. Good, isn't he? 596 00:22:33,401 --> 00:22:36,519 Ally, I looked up those guys that I thought might have a room. 597 00:22:36,544 --> 00:22:39,700 - And? - And one is in a graveyard. 598 00:22:39,956 --> 00:22:41,851 And the other is in an open prison. 599 00:22:41,876 --> 00:22:43,622 Right. So do you have a plan B? 600 00:22:43,844 --> 00:22:46,192 I would only be with you guys... 601 00:22:46,217 --> 00:22:48,058 a week, three tops, 602 00:22:48,083 --> 00:22:50,324 until I can find a room or a hostel. 603 00:22:50,349 --> 00:22:51,443 Well, you can't stay in a hostel. 604 00:22:51,467 --> 00:22:52,867 They're for backpackers and drunks. 605 00:22:52,892 --> 00:22:56,098 Yeah, ooh, maybe don't take that thought any further. 606 00:22:57,356 --> 00:22:58,449 Oh. 607 00:22:58,474 --> 00:23:00,417 We had the council chummy round. 608 00:23:00,442 --> 00:23:02,192 - Oh? - Turns out, we're not eligible 609 00:23:02,217 --> 00:23:04,348 for council funding for a home 610 00:23:04,373 --> 00:23:05,955 because we've got a bit of savings 611 00:23:05,980 --> 00:23:08,364 and a few bob in a private pension. 612 00:23:08,477 --> 00:23:10,830 So we've decided on Dignitas. 613 00:23:10,855 --> 00:23:11,871 Dignitas? 614 00:23:11,896 --> 00:23:14,442 When we become an intolerable burden, 615 00:23:14,467 --> 00:23:16,333 we'll head off to Dignitas. 616 00:23:16,358 --> 00:23:19,742 Or if there's a cheaper one by then, easy death. 617 00:23:19,901 --> 00:23:22,872 Or if Little gets into the market, we'll go with them. 618 00:23:22,897 --> 00:23:24,808 But we might not realize, Paul. 619 00:23:24,833 --> 00:23:26,299 We might be all demented, 620 00:23:26,324 --> 00:23:27,847 so we'll leave it to you. 621 00:23:27,872 --> 00:23:29,920 When you think we've become a burden, 622 00:23:29,945 --> 00:23:31,982 just say "Dignitas" 623 00:23:32,007 --> 00:23:35,191 or maybe "Big D," code, 624 00:23:35,216 --> 00:23:36,626 and we'll book our tickets. 625 00:23:36,651 --> 00:23:39,323 They were a maker of peanuts, Big D. 626 00:23:39,348 --> 00:23:41,856 So you basically appointed me as your executioner? 627 00:23:41,881 --> 00:23:43,921 - They were around in the '70s. - Mm-hmm. 628 00:23:43,946 --> 00:23:46,382 They were the best peanuts out there, I thought. 629 00:23:46,407 --> 00:23:48,719 Like Tudor Crisps were the bests crisps. 630 00:23:48,744 --> 00:23:50,447 - Yeah. - We don't want to be a drain. 631 00:23:50,472 --> 00:23:51,829 But you won't be, 632 00:23:51,854 --> 00:23:54,048 so you don't need to call Dignitas, all right? 633 00:23:54,073 --> 00:23:55,930 We'll... we'll work something out. 634 00:23:55,955 --> 00:23:58,392 So much salt on a Tudor Crisp. 635 00:23:58,417 --> 00:24:01,415 Man, they had weight, you know? 636 00:24:01,794 --> 00:24:04,149 Me mouth's bloody watering now. 637 00:24:05,487 --> 00:24:06,517 Ah. 638 00:24:06,542 --> 00:24:07,841 Right? 639 00:24:24,416 --> 00:24:26,062 Are these seats taken? 640 00:24:26,087 --> 00:24:27,651 Oh, no. Please. 641 00:24:27,676 --> 00:24:28,875 Thanks. 642 00:24:32,443 --> 00:24:34,439 So what's your Joshy's role in the play? 643 00:24:34,464 --> 00:24:35,464 He's playing Robin. 644 00:24:35,489 --> 00:24:36,797 - Hood? - Yeah. 645 00:24:36,822 --> 00:24:38,549 - Yeah. - Wow. 646 00:24:38,574 --> 00:24:39,906 Did you have to make the costume? 647 00:24:39,931 --> 00:24:41,852 Oh, the children and I did it together actually. 648 00:24:42,363 --> 00:24:44,613 It helped take their mind off their father. 649 00:24:45,302 --> 00:24:46,890 You've heard, I take it? 650 00:24:46,915 --> 00:24:49,216 Yeah, that Greg is now living elsewhere? 651 00:24:49,241 --> 00:24:50,394 - We're divorcing. - Oh. 652 00:24:50,419 --> 00:24:52,362 I'm sorry. That is a tough business. 653 00:24:52,387 --> 00:24:54,540 It's complicated, who owns what. 654 00:24:54,565 --> 00:24:56,900 We were in the middle of buying property on West Street, 655 00:24:56,925 --> 00:24:58,091 and that's not happening now. 656 00:24:58,116 --> 00:25:00,200 - That's a shame. - Oh, that's a huge sad shame. 657 00:25:00,225 --> 00:25:02,258 - Can't afford it. - Mm. 658 00:25:02,283 --> 00:25:03,540 It was for my mother so that 659 00:25:03,565 --> 00:25:05,093 she could be nearer as she gets older. 660 00:25:05,118 --> 00:25:07,294 - Your mother? - She's not getting younger. 661 00:25:07,319 --> 00:25:10,437 Eh, your mom was gonna live in West Street on her own? 662 00:25:10,462 --> 00:25:11,462 Thinking about it, 663 00:25:11,487 --> 00:25:13,765 would've been a waste of such a big house. 664 00:25:13,790 --> 00:25:15,025 Anyway, Katie Marshall's 665 00:25:15,050 --> 00:25:16,753 just had an offer accepted on it. 666 00:25:16,778 --> 00:25:18,028 That's her there. 667 00:25:18,053 --> 00:25:20,108 Her son's a merry man. 668 00:25:20,133 --> 00:25:22,893 She wants her twins to get into West Street reception in September 669 00:25:22,918 --> 00:25:25,118 so that James can get in on their sibling policy. 670 00:25:25,143 --> 00:25:26,563 Oh, I see. Smart move. 671 00:25:26,588 --> 00:25:28,571 - It's an outstanding school. - I've heard. 672 00:25:30,288 --> 00:25:31,288 Oh. 673 00:25:35,171 --> 00:25:36,788 Is your lad, Luke, doing the lights? 674 00:25:36,813 --> 00:25:38,711 Lighting director, actually. 675 00:25:38,736 --> 00:25:41,079 - Clever boy. - Yeah. 676 00:25:41,337 --> 00:25:42,553 Christ. 677 00:25:42,578 --> 00:25:44,745 Oh, I'm sorry. 678 00:25:47,986 --> 00:25:51,386 Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie www.addic7ed.com 679 00:26:32,967 --> 00:26:34,759 Pulling hair is wrong, mate. 680 00:26:35,400 --> 00:26:38,626 I mean, all violences is wrong, but at least punching's a sport. 681 00:26:38,651 --> 00:26:40,150 - Is it? - Yes, boxing. 682 00:26:40,175 --> 00:26:42,837 Boxing's in the Olympics. Hair pulling isn't. 683 00:26:43,463 --> 00:26:46,470 - It would be funny if it was. - It really would be.