[laughter]
[female voice] When it comes to grandparents,
it's always this charming story of persistence,
how your grandparents got together.
You ask your grandma, "How'd you meet Grandpa?"
It's always, "I didn't like him at first,
but he kept turning up and now we're together."
And no one ever asks Nana, "Why didn't you like Grandpa?"
[whispering] She'd be like, "I'll tell you something,
he gave me a real creep vibe."
"Always looking at me, licking his lips."
"I didn't like it." "He made me uncomfortable."
"But my husband died in the war, and your grandpa kept showing up."
"Nine months later, your uncle Ted was born."
- [laughter] - There's a switch in women's brains.
We're like, "He must love me if he keeps bothering me."
"He pulled my hair when I was little, he obviously loves me."
Doesn't go the opposite way.
It's never rewarded for women.
Instantly, you're in the creep zone as a girl.
You text a guy twice, it's like, "Take it easy, psycho."
- "What a fucking psycho." - [laughter]
What a fucking psycho.
["Watch Out" by Clintongore plays]
♪ Go downstairs See what shit I can stir ♪
♪ My friends aren't drinkin' Like they said they were ♪
♪ Grab a seat by the door ♪
♪ Look around for someone to come on to... ♪
Here we are. Charleston.
[crowd murmuring]
[cheering]
[audience] Yeah!
♪ Watch out, it isn't real desire ♪
♪ Watch out, it's only more of the same ♪
♪ Till the day that I finally... ♪
Here in the Dallas suburbs. This is called the cheese line.
♪ At night and wonder How I can behave this way... ♪
I farted.
♪ Watch out I like playin' with fire... ♪
- What's happening? - [man] Permission to squeeze...
[woman] How many hours have we been on set?
♪ Finally say goodbye Lie awake at night... ♪
[woman] Baby, shots.
♪ ...how I can behave this way ♪
- [woman] Thanks, guys. - [cheering]
Yeah.
[woman] That was the third one across. Numerical prefix...
♪ Watch out I like playin' with fire... ♪
[woman] People, move please.
Seven! Seven! Seven!
[woman] Over for the week.
[woman] It is so cold in Syracuse.
- [woman yelling indistinctly] - [cheering]
♪ Goodbye lie awake ♪
♪ At night and wonder How I can behave this way ♪
[music stops]
You said you'd finish law school and you didn't, Jack.
You said you'd open up your own business, Jack, and you couldn't.
Let's get serious. You didn't even finish the dishes this morning, Jack.
- You think you're smarter than me? - It's "smarter than I," and I know I am.
That was great. Thank you.
[woman snorting, chuckling]
What's so funny?
Well, you should list them off quicker. Right? Like,
"Didn't finish law school, didn't open a business."
"Couldn't even finish the dishes." Rule of three, do it quickly.
And we say "Jack" like a billion times. Is that like, a typo?
I think the joke is fine.
Hm. We're using the term "joke" liberally.
- [woman chuckles] - You're a stand-up, right? New to acting?
- No. - You might be a little old for this.
- She's supposed to be 35. - Hm. Yeah.
I'm 34, so...
[men groaning]
[director] Yeesh.
[man] I think we're good.
- Thanks for coming in. - Yeah.
- Okay... - [director] Thanks.
- Thanks so much. - [director] Thank you.
- Thank you. - [door shutting]
- All right, I just had an idea. - Yeah?
What if we change the joke to what she said?
That's good. I like it when you say it. She was rude.
But you're right.
- Thank you. - Thank you.
- Oh my God! Andrea! - [indistinct rehearsing]
- Hi, Serrena. - Hi!
- Hi. - Oh, you sounded so good in there.
- Good luck. - Thank you.
- Give me a hug. So good to see you. - [melodic instrumental music plays]
- So slumming it in TV? - Oh my God.
[Andrea] Know how there's always one girl
you never want to run into when you're feeling your worst?
Or whatever, you know? Blah, blah.
Serrena Halstead, one of my faves!
- Hi! - Bye, Andrea.
[Andrea] Serrena and I moved to LA around the same time.
When I started doing stand-up, she got her break in acting.
And the girl booked everything, like every show.
The way she talked made me wanna rip my ears out.
I mean, your kids on Insta? Adorbs.
- So sweet. - You in the hot suit? Goals. Life goals.
[Andrea] And I know it's not cool for women to judge other women,
but whatever, we all do it.
Hot Neighbor?
[Andrea gagging]
[Andrea] I'm not perfect, and she's annoying,
but, [clears throat] this story isn't about her.
[Andrea] I was terrible, Margot.
The network flew me first class for a five-minute audition,
and I still bombed. I'm gonna eat everything on this plane.
I'm gonna chug a gallon of Cranapple and chase it with a pound of cookies.
Wanna know the best part?
I've been at TSA for 45 minutes
because the woman in front of me lost her boarding pass.
Between check-in and the metal detector, she managed to lose it.
Here's an idea: get the app.
Or get a purse with a padlock on it,
or a fanny pack, or don't leave the house.
You know what it should be? If you hold up TSA, you're the terrorist.
[man] Hey. You dropped this.
Oh, that is humbling.
[man chuckles]
[Andrea] If I'm gonna start from the beginning, I can honestly say that
the story was not about love at first sight.
I thought he looked like a manager at Brooks Brothers.
[melodic instrumental music plays]
Thank you.
[whispering] Shit.
What? No, I dropped my, huh, pants.
[announcer] Flight 1212 to Los Angeles now boarding. Flight 1212 now boarding.
[planes taking off]
[flight attendant bell rings]
[muffled chatter]
- Excuse me. May I please have...? - No, you've already had three juices.
That's enough.
[mutters] My God.
[indistinct conversation]
Hello.
"Scaled relative to the severity..."
Oh. Hi.
Proportionality.
Wait, nope. Wait, yes. Rasp-berry. The P.
- The hidden P. Thank you. - Hidden P.
- [man chuckles] - Hidden P.
- Oh. - I'm Dennis, by the way.
I'm Andrea.
- Hi. - Hey, Andrea. Nice to meet you.
Yeah. Yes, "and you." Sorry, that's the way a person answers.
And nice to meet you. And thank you for the boarding pass.
I don't know what kind of idiot loses their boarding pass
a minute after getting it, but that was ironic.
Airports have horrible effects on people. Bring out the worst.
I feel like my worst is stuck on a casting tape somewhere in Midtown.
[Andrea scoffing]
Wait, you're a comedian, right? Andrea Singer.
- No autographs. - [laughs] I've seen you before. Cool.
I'm sorry. I'm in a mood.
I had the worst audition of my life and I feel like garbage.
Well, you know a career in show business
is an incredibly difficult thing to accomplish, Andrea.
- Yes, Dennis, I do know that. - You should be proud.
The ratio of self-proclaimed entertainers to those who make a living entertaining,
I'd imagine to be incredibly disproportionate.
Talk about proportionality.
This is a valid point.
- [both chuckle] - [call bell ringing]
And what do you do?
Hedge funds.
Is that fun?
It's like acting. You need people to believe in you to sell your character.
I need people to believe that I'd be capable with their money.
- Are you? - Depends on how much I've had to drink.
- [both chuckle] - No.
If you speak well and went to a good school,
most people will give you their money.
What? No way.
Those are reasons to not trust a person. I don't trust you.
Excellent decision.
Your comedic instincts have served you well.
- [both laugh] - [phone buzzing]
Oh, excuse me.
[melodic music plays]
[Dennis] Hello?
[Andrea] I don't usually talk to people on planes, but he seemed nice,
normal, like an accountant who loves missionary.
[Dennis] Talk to you later. Bye. Love you.
[Dennis sighing]
- My girlfriend, Cassandra. She's a model. - Wow. Slipping that right in.
She can't see me later because her shoot got moved.
- Again. [chuckling] - Hate when that happens.
[gentle electronic music plays]
- [attendant] Something to drink? - Oh, whiskey neat.
If you have Blue Label, I'll take it. If not, pour it and don't tell me.
[both laughing]
- Andrea? - Cranapple. Juice.
Got it.
Not drinking before 5:00, huh? Some comic you are.
[Andrea chuckles]
- So you got a husband or a boyfriend? - Oh, wow. Seamless transition.
Um, I have a guy that I asked to pick me up from the airport.
So, we'll see if Cayden can clear his schedule.
Cayden. Sounds like a stimulating conversationalist, Cayden.
Yeah, a formidable opponent to a model named Cassandra, I'm sure.
- [chuckling] Fair play. - [Andrea] Mm-hm.
- So when's your next stand-up gig? - Uh, it's tonight at The Comedy Store.
Aww, drats, tonight?
I got this Yale alumni event I have to go to.
- What's a Yale? - Oh, Yale is a prestigious school...
I'm fucking with you.
- I know what Yale is. - [laughs]
My cousin, Brett Korchran, went. You're like the same age. Know him?
It does sound familiar.
Um, pretty big school.
Plus I spent most of my time golfing and drinking, so...
[both chuckling]
- [attendant] Here you go. - Thank you so much.
- This is for you. - [Dennis] Wow, whole thing.
[indistinct chatter]
Okay. So where were we on your crossword puzzle?
Oh, okay. Um...
[Andrea] And it's difficult to meet a normal guy.
- I'm already labeled too strong as it is. - [laughter]
But why? What about this is so strong?
Because I'm not walking down the street falling over,
calling myself a hot mess on Instagram?
[laughter]
Because I'm not checking my horoscope for life advice, I'm intimidating?
[man] You are.
I'm intimidating?
What's more intimidating to you, sir?
Me, as is, or like the idea of totally shaving your neck beard?
Does that scare you?
"But then they'll know." "I'll be vulnerable."
Welcome to being a woman and doing anything ever.
["Over Here" by Mk Gee playing]
♪ 'Cause you're there I'll be over here ♪
♪ Don't know how to call you So I disappear ♪
♪ I probably can give you what you want ♪
♪ I'm just too Don't know how to be confident ♪
♪ You know my heart beats strong Don't forget it ♪
[Andrea grunting, blowing]
♪ Watching it close to come Don't sweat it ♪
♪ I know if I take that chance I'll regret it... ♪
What is with your energy tonight?
Pfft.
You should be at the club networking and rubbing dicks with writers,
not moping in my bar putting off a shit vibe.
I don't want to network. I like you. I like your bar.
I like being shitty in your bar.
[muffled chatter]
- Here, Andrea. It's on me. - Thank you.
- He is so hot it makes me nauseous. - [woman chuckling]
- He sucks. I'm gonna fire him. - There's that.
Girl, you need to change up the way that you operate.
Stop being so salty about all the things that are coming your way.
You know what I always respected about you?
You weren't obsessed with marriage.
It was okay that you hadn't reached all your goals by the age of 35.
Wow, that compliment started great and just...
- [Andrea makes exploding sound] - I'm saying you're okay.
You're also saying that I'm 35.
- Yeah? - I'm 34.
Really? Because you look 35.
[Andrea gasping]
A salty 35.
- Bite your tongue. - I always speak the truth.
- You speak the truth because you're drunk. - Affirmative.
[chuckling] Thank you, Captain. Whatever you want to call yourself.
Rear Admiral. Love you. I'm going to my show.
- [Andrea giggling] - [upbeat music plays]
- [laughter] - ...and they weren't even there.
Thank you. That's my time. Have a great night.
- [laughs] Thank you. - [applause, cheers]
[male comic] That's all for me tonight.
[cheering, applause]
- [male voice] Hey. - Ahh!
- Sorry. I'm used to that from women. - No. Sorr... No... Um...
- Dennis. - [Andrea] Yeah! Dennis from the plane.
- You're here. - You invited me.
- [laughs] I... I did. - [laughs] Right.
I invite a lot of people. They rarely come.
- Nice to see you. - You too.
- Hey. - Welcome. Uh, is your girlfriend here?
Cassandra, her shoot went late tonight.
She'd love to grab a drink after. In the meantime, can I buy you a drink?
- Okay, sure. Margot's on Sunset. - Great.
- [both laugh] - [Dennis] How's um...
- How's Cayden? - [Andrea] I date a lot of Caydens.
- You'll have to be specific. - Okay...
[laughter]
Andrea, I'm telling you,
until Giles, he throws a wad of money at this guy,
and he goes, "Who cares?" "I'll take both."
[all laughing]
Oh no, dude, that seems impossible.
Oh! My girlfriend has officially stood me up. Great.
- Really? Could've told you an hour ago. - [chuckles]
[synth music plays]
To having it all and wishing there was more.
- Okay. - All right.
- [laughing] Cheers. - Weird toast.
Mm. Oh, wow.
Breug. Impressive.
- Thanks for noticing. - Mm.
My father and I spent our last Christmas together
on a tour of the Jameson Distillery in Ireland.
- Aww. - Oh man, that's so sad.
Yeah. [chuckling]
- So Andrea said you work in hedge funds. - Mm-hmm.
[Margot] I like to dabble in stocks.
I got this tip that One World Communications...
You don't want it. It has the markings of a successful company,
but the underwriters are scum. It's just to save face.
[Andrea] Something about him, he was charming.
I had never seen someone be simultaneously pompous and humble.
He was also definitely a low-key functioning alcoholic.
Um, but I can send you a couple ideas my buddies and I are tossing around.
- Are you sure? - I...
- I think so. I think so. - Okay.
- [laughs] Pretty sure. - I guess so.
- [Dennis] Whoa! - [both laughing]
Where do you live?
I'm in the middle of buying a place. In Beverly Hills.
Oh, that's cool.
[melodic music plays]
[Andrea] Pfft!
- It's my "fuck you" billboard. - That one?
Yeah, it's just... it's the best billboard.
It's in the middle of Hollywood, and it's parallel to the street.
No matter which direction you're driving, you see it.
And it's like you get that billboard and everybody knows who you are, right?
- I'm gonna get that billboard. - I can picture it.
[laughing]
Am I always in the wrong place or are they on the wrong side of the street?
- I doubt very much that it's you. - All right. Have a good night.
Tell Cassandra that she missed a drunken time.
- Will do. - Goodnight.
All right.
- Goodnight! - [Dennis laughs] Okay.
How about that?
- [rock plays] - [Andrea laughs]
[Andrea] I never got to meet Cassandra. He stopped bringing her up.
I'd assumed she sucked, or she dumped him
and he didn't want to talk about it. We started hanging out more.
[Andrea] I was happy to have a friend besides Margot I could be myself around.
There are good and bad ships, the best are friendships.
- Impressive. - [all laughing]
- Cheers. - [laughter]
[Andrea] He wasn't like the guys I'd met in LA.
He was more elegant and refined and unfamiliar,
almost exotic. If something really white can be exotic.
Oh, yeah. These are great.
[Andrea] I'm a comic so I keep weird hours.
Go ahead and take these...
[Andrea] It's hard to find friends as sporadically available as I am.
And he was so patient with me.
"The good kind from the good place. You know."
[Andrea] Maybe Margot had given me good advice for once.
Maybe I needed to change the way I operated.
The more time I spent with Dennis, the better I felt.
We were hanging out all the time.
[with accent] But through it all, I was always right here.
- Are you Australian or British? - Neither.
Okay, and in the description,
it says be sweet, like a Serrena Halstead type.
[angry] Then they can just hire her.
We always had fun together.
We enjoyed each other.
However, to say that I wasn't physically attracted to him
was an understatement.
[indie rock music plays]
[Andrea] It's not that he was ugly per se.
He had a charm to him, when his clothes were on.
Ugh. I'm losing you. How can I be nice about this?
He was tall and not out of shape, not in shape.
He just wasn't, I don't know, great looking.
Come on... That may sound harsh, but men judge women
by those same standards every second.
What I liked about Dennis was Dennis.
You couldn't put a label on us. We were friends. Just friends.
[Andrea grunting, roaring]
What's this show about?
- You hated it. - No, no. I'm just trying to understand.
[sighing] Okay.
It's about a cadet. She's a human, but she lies her way
into an alien space academy, and she ends up being the best one there.
So it's like a fish-out-of-water underdog story.
- Also, I was fighting in space. - Ah.
Hence the slow-motion fighting. Makes perfect sense.
The show is called Space Cadet.
Hm. So somebody wrote this
and sold it to people who thought it was a good idea?
- Yeah, picked it up for 30 episodes. - Wow.
I know it's lame, but I really want it.
If I got it, it would be a game changer.
I would move to Vancouver for five months to shoot this.
I could get off the road and just be around other actors
and create something concrete.
I wouldn't be so alone. It would just be so awesome.
Could we do it once more? I won't keep you here all night.
Yeah. I can't stay that long. I have a date.
Oh, that's great. Awesome. Me too.
We'll get you out of here. We'll just do it again.
And honestly, Dennis, thank you. Thank you for doing this.
Absolutely. Okay, take two.
- [beeps] - [Andrea] Tough question.
Is it okay to hang out with a guy
full well knowing you don't intend to sleep with him?
[men groaning] No.
- [man] No way. - You're saying it's wrong.
But it's all guys. They're like, "I'm rock hard now."
"What am I supposed to do now?"
One girl in the back who's terrified, she's like, "It's okay to do it."
- It is okay. - [laughter]
Because by that same token, so many dudes will date girls,
no intention of marrying them. Happy to waste your time.
I feel that if you have an agreement, if you've been honest, you're like,
"I never want to see you naked, and I'm not into it,"
and he still wants to hang out with you?
We're all adults here, right?
As long as you're honest, that's fair.
Then one night, all bets are off, you get super drunk.
- Like, "I'll make out with you." - [laughter]
Turns out he was a good kisser, but you're still conflicted.
[cars honking, traffic noise]
[indistinct chatter]
Thanks for making me look good on our first date.
It was the only thing I was concerned about,
not that terrible audience.
We got reservations. What are y'all up to?
There's this restaurant, a friend's restaurant.
- He bought it...? - I was at this Yale alumni dinner.
One of the guys is an investor and was begging us to go.
[Andrea] Have to go.
- I gotta go. - It's his friend. Ow.
Hey.
- You were that chick on stage. - Yeah.
Pretty funny for a girl.
There it is. Cool cut and paste job from Reddit.
- Thanks for coming. - Get the fuck out of here.
- Let's just go. - You're so tough.
- Make me, tough girl. - Is there a problem, sir?
- There's about to be. - [chucking] Whoa. You know what?
[Dennis gasps]
You got a boyfriend, and now you feel like you're funny.
- He's not my boyfriend. Fuck you. - Fuck me?
- [Andrea] What is your issue? - You wanna go? You wanna fucking go?
- Margot! Stop. - I'll fight. I love to fight!
[man] You don't think I have a black belt?
[Dennis] That was not cool.
[Andrea] God, every night.
- I ate the whole thing. - Anything else?
- We're all finished. Check please. - Sure.
Mm. I'm gonna keep mine because I'm a pig.
- [Dennis laughs] - Very good.
[Dennis inhaling]
I'm sorry about that back there.
People go to comedy clubs, get drunk and forget how to act,
or that I'm a person.
- I want you to be my girlfriend. - [indistinct chatter]
[muffled music plays]
- Dennis... - I've thought about this.
I make an excellent complement to your life.
I won't see anyone else,
and I think you should stop seeing other fellows and just be with me.
- I made a list of pros and cons. - You made a spreadsheet?
- So? - Dennis, I am not there.
- Yet. - At all.
[chuckles] I know you better than you know yourself at this point.
I'm not giving up having you because you're too dense to see
I'm perfect for you.
You don't get to decide what's better for me
- because you think you're smarter than I... - "Than me."
It's "smarter than I."
And you're not always.
Perhaps not, but I'm better quality than the other guys you date.
The last guy you went out with,
didn't even come to the door when he picked you up.
He couldn't just leave his bicycle in the street.
I know I can make you happy.
I'm good for you, and I got you a gift.
Dennis, no, I can't accept a gift.
Fortunately, you won't have to right now.
When I went to Cartier to pick up your bracelet...
- What? - ...they made a mistake on the metal,
but it is being fixed.
If I want an expensive bracelet, I'll buy it myself,
or a good knockoff.
Which is what's so great about you. You can do everything for yourself.
You put yourself through college, built a career on nothing.
Yeah, and it shows.
You are so witty, and it is so sexy.
If I can just do a little for you, I feel like I'm a part of your life.
You're exquisite.
Thank you. [chuckles]
Oh, you have a little...
- Fuck. - That's okay.
- Let me see. - I am so sorry.
Let me guess. My card.
My Deutsche Bank card I use in Europe. I usually tell the bank I'm back.
- [Dennis] Use this. - Take this.
Do not fight me. Otherwise, I'll cry and make a very big scene.
[sighing]
You heard the woman.
[chuckles]
[Dennis] Thank you.
How was the rest of your date?
Oh, I'm not gonna see her again. Something just wasn't there.
Yeah, I get it. Dennis asked me to be his girlfriend. Woof.
- Oh. Well, that's that. - We're still friends. We'll hang out.
Why? If you keep hanging out with him, he'll think he has a chance.
I'm just hanging out with Dennis. He goes on dates.
When? You're always together.
I don't know, and I don't care.
I'm allowed to go out with any guy and hang out with Dennis,
as long as I'm being honest about it. That's fair. That's feminism.
Oh, don't start that.
Don't say it's feminism just because you're doing something I don't agree with.
- Pfft! Hold on. - [ringing]
It's my agent. Hello? Yeah.
Okay. Thank you. I'll call you back.
- I got the part. - You got the part!
I got the Space Cadet show!
[both screaming]
Oh my God! Oh my God!
Nine years!
- Nine years of auditioning! Fuck yeah! - Woo!
- Somebody finally wants me! - [Margot grunts]
- Ahh! Oh my... Hold on. It's Dennis. - [phone rings]
I'm putting you on speaker. I got the part!
Off the audition tape I helped with?
[gasping] Fuck yes.
I get to move to Vancouver. I'm gonna be a star!
- Guess we're going to Vancouver. - [laughing] What?
I guess you're going to Vancouver. Sorry, the phone is weird.
[gasping] Call me back when you have better reception.
- This is annoying. - Let's celebrate. How about Friday?
Um, Friday I can't, because...
because I have a date, buddy. [chuckles]
- [whispers] So hot. Dennis? - That's good.
I think I lost him.
- Who cares? I got the part! - [Margot] Yeah!
[both screaming]
[upbeat electronic music plays]
[laughing]
- [muffled chatter] - Blue Label neat for the lady.
- [Andrea] Thanks. - Never pegged you as a whiskey gal.
- Yeah, I didn't used to be. - And here you go.
[laughing] Oh my God.
- [man] I thought I ordered a vodka drink. - [bartender] That's what it is.
Can you put your giant arm right in front of this, please?
- Let me just objectify you. - Come on.
- Now flex it. Show the definition. - [snorting]
The drink is pretty. It makes you look pretty.
Don't you wanna be pretty? Can I post this?
Only reason I'm letting you is because you're cute.
Thank you.
[man chuckling]
Uh, can I get another vodka drink that's not this?
[Bartender] Mm-hm.
[phone ringing]
One second. Hi.
[dance music plays in background]
No, you're not bothering me.
What's wrong?
[crying]
- [Dennis gasping] - Here. Here. Here
[crying] Oh.
[sniffling]
- They caught it early, right? - They're still running tests.
- What kind of cancer does your mom have? - [voice cracking] It's got some...
Some weird name like crane... Cranio...
- Craniopharyngioma. - ...pharyngioma?
- Yeah. How did you know that? - Sorry, I don't mean to be smiling.
Um, I was a nurse on an ABC show about medical disorders.
- It was called Special Med. - [laughing] No.
It's horrible.
That's pretty bad. [laughs, gasps]
You always know how to brighten my day. Can't believe I'm crying in front of you.
You know, my family never shows emotion being Irish Catholic, you know.
I don't. I'm Jewish.
- [laughs, cries] - We are very clear about our emotions.
That's right.
[sniffling]
This is silly.
I know you were out on a date tonight. And I'm just gonna go.
No! No, just...
- I should... - Just sit.
Stay.
You're always there for me.
Like anytime I call you, or I want to go out,
or I just need someone to talk to, or my stupid endless fucking auditions.
You are such a good friend. And I don't tell you that enough.
And... And I don't have the money like you have,
or the Downton Abbey old-world advice,
but I know how to have a good time, and that is what I can do for you.
Drink this, eat this.
Well, I don't think we should... Wow.
- [Dennis laughing, sniffling] - [Andrea gagging]
Get on my level. Otherwise, I'll be drunk,
and I'll go out partying and leave you here.
- Good. Yeah. Eat this. - Eat the whole mushroom?
God, no. Not the whole thing.
Thought you said you went to college. Little bit. Come on.
[Dennis] Mm.
Oof.
We're going Downtown.
["So High" by Bonnie X Clyde plays]
♪ When we go ♪
♪ Go, go, go, go, go, go, go ♪
♪ When we go ♪
♪ Go, go, go, go, go, go, go ♪
♪ When we go ♪
♪ Go, go, go, go, go, go, go ♪
♪ When we go ♪
♪ Go, go, go, go, go, go, go ♪
♪ When we go ♪
♪ So high ♪
♪ When we go ♪
♪ So high ♪
♪ Go, go, go, go, go, go When we go ♪
♪ When we go high ♪
[inaudible]
♪ When we go ♪
♪ ♪ Go, go, go, go, go, go, go ♪
♪ Go, go, go, go, go, go, go ♪
♪ When we go ♪
♪ So high ♪
♪ When we go ♪
♪ So high ♪
[Andrea] Maybe it's human to want to be wanted.
Maybe the tipping point was what he told me the night before,
but in that moment, I didn't want to be with anyone but him.
[Dennis sighing]
Hey.
Hi.
I wanna be your girlfriend.
Absolutely.
[grunting, punching]
I kind of feel guilty.
Why? Because you work out but you have no upper arm strength?
No. Because after a decade of struggling,
I finally have a real gig, I have nothing to complain about,
I have a normal boyfriend.
He ain't normal.
- Ahh! - You sound like a bird.
[Serrena] Andrea, up here. Look, like this. Watch.
[inhaling]
Hi-jah!
Hm-suup!
Who the fuck is she bowing to? [sighing]
Oh! And congrats, mama, on Space Cadet.
I read for it too, but the studio thought it was a conflict
with this dark, dramatic, intense role I'm doing, so...
Uh-huh.
- Did she just call me mama? - You haven't been dating him long enough.
Can't see any of the cracks.
You don't really know anything about him.
You know that his mom is sick and he went to Yale.
And you ever notice he always has the perfect answer for everything?
So you don't like him because he's smart? What is with all your questions?
- Yah! - Yahh!
Good job! Way to find your inner warrior!
[roaring]
Woo! [chuckles]
[traffic noise, car honking]
- Did you stretch? - I always stretch. I'm a premier athlete.
Gotta cool down. Can't just go right back into the world with a hot body.
I never stretch.
Did you get a new car?
I drove you here. You're just now noticing?
What kind of horsepower we working with?
I don't care. I'm taking Dennis to Santa Barbara this weekend.
- What is the mpg? Or is it electric? - Stop talking about the car.
He's going to meet my family. He's gonna meet my cousin Brett.
That's a big step.
- It's a big step. - Yeah.
Oh, what are these?
[gasping]
Andrea, these are freaking nice.
They were $500. [squealing]
- What? - Got them this morning. They're Baccarat.
Dennis told me his dad used to drink whiskey out of these tumblers.
But $500?
It's the kind of gift he'd get me, but I got it for him first.
[gasps] Will you come with me to his apartment to drop them off?
- Say yes. - I thought he bought a house months ago.
Oh, he did. He hasn't moved in yet. The contractor's been weird.
It's a nightmare.
You haven't been to his apartment, but he's been inside you?
His apartment's cramped. He uses it for sleep and storage.
- He's always at my place. - Okay. Fine.
Why don't we just go there right now?
We'll surprise him.
We won't call, so he can't not be there.
It'll be fun. Let's go. ASAP.
- Okay. - Let's do it.
- [Andrea] Great. Awesome. - Okay.
- [engine running] - He said it's on Vista and it's white.
Or the apartment's green. Or did he say brick?
- We'll find it. Let's go. - Okay. Great.
[Andrea] 2005 Vista.
This cannot be it.
[mysterious instrumental music plays]
[Andrea] I thought it was an apartment.
- There's just no one. - [Margot] Here.
- Shh. Shh. - What? Are we tracking a bear?
- Shh. - Did you just eat dirt?
Shh.
[Margot] Follow me. [grunting]
- Can you act like a person? - Shh.
- Don't snoop in the window. - We might be at the wrong house.
Snoop fast. Look for preppy things like mallards or plaid wallpaper.
- Oh my God. You're Andrea. - Incoming!
Andrea? This is so exciting. Hi.
And you are Dennis's mistresses?
What? No, we're his roommates. My name is Maggie, and this is...
Leslie.
It's so great to finally meet you.
Is it?
Hi, I'm Margot.
- Hi. - She's not my girlfriend.
- Hi. - Hi.
- Dude, help me. - Oh! Um.
Uh, we just have a gift for Dennis.
Oh, you can just leave it with us.
- Great. - Great.
- Grand.
[Andrea] Oh.
[birds chirping]
This was so much fun. Thank you so much.
Okay.
[Andrea] What the fuck was that?
Who the fuck are those girls, Dennis?
- [Dennis] I'm not doing this with you. - Not doing what?
Telling me why you have roommates? Why do you need roommates?
Yeah, why do you have a hot roommate?
I'm not standing for this scrutiny. Goodbye.
- Did he hang up on me? - Did he hang up?
Oh, I knew that dude was weird. Now it's confirmed.
No, he does not talk to me this way.
Maybe his mom just died, and then I called and handled it wrong.
Handled it wrong?
You bought homeboy $500 cups and found out he has a roommate,
who's not ugly by the way.
Wait, are you saying that because you want to sleep with her,
or trying to plant it in my head that he's cheating?
I meant for me. You know he's not sleeping with anybody else.
- I don't know that. - Oh God, he's so ugly.
- You think all guys are ugly. - So?
- You're biased. That's what's so. - [car starting]
- You packed and ready? - Are you insane?
- What? - You're gonna act like nothing happened?
I'm not spending the weekend with you after that.
- Darling, you're making this hard. - Can you not call me darling?
Can you not talk to me like I'm your WASP-y wife of 50 years, darling?
Do you have any idea how embarrassing that was
to meet two women that you live with who you didn't tell me about?
You're right.
Okay.
So I lied to you about my house.
I have it. I've had it for a long time.
But you decorated it weird, don't want me to see?
Bad wallpaper, weird plumbing?
No.
See, my mother...
- Okay. Just come in. Just come on. - [Dennis sighing]
[Dennis] I moved my mother in.
I don't want to be a grown man living with his mother,
but it's the best way to take care of her.
- I need to be there for her. - Of course.
She doesn't want to feel like a patient, so I leave the house for her.
Saying this, it sounds insane.
No. No, I get it.
Maggie's a friend from Yale, forever struggling with money.
She's never really had any success. Not like you or us.
I pay her to keep my stuff there. I'm helping a friend out.
She's making my life easier. I'm so sorry she didn't explain herself.
And Leslie, Leslie is...
she's weird.
- Very weird. - [laughs]
I'm sorry that I was emotionally immature and I wasn't just honest with you.
I'm an absolute idiot.
- [Dennis sighing] - No. No, it's all right.
Maybe now that your mom is here permanently, um,
- I could meet her, because I... - She would love that.
- Really? - Yes.
- I could bring her flowers. - Yeah.
I could finally see your house. So where is it?
Beverly Hills.
- But like where? - Around Doheny.
- So it's like more West Hollywood. - No, Beverly Hills.
But where is it specifically?
- Doheny and Santa Monica. - That's West Hollywood.
- Palm, 1360 Palm Avenue. - Oh.
Beverly Hills, I assure you.
- Take it easy. - [Dennis] Yeah.
- Let's go. We'll drop in right now. - Really?
- Yeah. - I'm so excited.
She's usually awake right now. If not, we can wake her up.
She'll wanna put out tea, the whole thing. She loves formalities.
No. I don't want to barge in on a sick woman.
Hey. She'll understand that I love you, and this is important to you.
Your needs come first. The traffic's gonna get hard. Let's go.
No, stop. I'm not just some spoiled brat who just barges in on your sick mom.
We'll go after the trip.
- Plus traffic's probably bad. - You're right.
Now that this is all settled, will you please go pack?
- Oh, I've been packed. - What?
I packed a while ago. I just wanted to see how you were gonna handle this.
God, I love you.
- Gonna put this in the car. - Okay.
Wait. Dennis...
did you get the tumblers?
Yes. Thank you so much. They're beautiful.
- Just like the ones your dad had? - Absolutely.
- [Dennis chuckling] Mm. - [phone ringing]
- Yeah? - [Margot] Hey, are you near Dennis?
No. What's up?
Before I tell you this. I want you to know I love you,
and I just want you to be happy.
Duh.
- So I called the Yale Registrar. - [sighing] Why?
The last Dennis Kelly graduated in 1980 and didn't play golf,
but he was indicted for fraud.
Stop. Okay, sorry.
Um, I love you. And yes, I will admit this whole thing is very weird,
and the house stuff is weird, but he explained himself.
[Margot] He did? How?
[sighing] It's got to do with his mom, and it's this really sweet endeavor.
- Hey, babe. - Ahh!
Are you okay?
- You ready? - Yes.
Yes.
[whispers] Call you back.
- Let's go. - Okay, now?
- Yeah. - Okay.
[mysterious instrumental music plays]
[upbeat instrumental music plays]
[indistinct conversation]
[Dennis] Think we put our bags here.
- Thank you. - [indistinct talking]
[Andrea] This is nice. This place had great Yelp reviews.
What's your cousin's name again?
Goes by Dr. Korchran, but it's Brett.
He went to Yale. I told you about him.
And he's kind of a bro. Hey.
[Brett and Andrea laughing]
- D-Dog. Fuck yeah! - [laughing] Hey. Oh!
[Brett] Hey, hey.
[Brett barking]
- Go Bulldogs. - Ah.
- Nice to meet you. - Fuck yeah, dude.
- Fellow Bulldog in the house. - Right?
So great to meet you. Andrea fucking loves you.
Brett, are you ten?
[laughing]
- Oh, this is Alli. - Hi.
Hi.
What do you guys want to do? We could go wine tasting like old people,
or we could hit the bar.
- Wow. He's a doctor? - Mm-hm.
Actually, I have a surprise for us.
Uh, I got us golf. I bought us a round of golf!
Cuz, this is a beautiful course. I could've chipped in.
No way, I've got that TV money.
Plus I wanted it to be a surprise.
- Absolutely. So sweet, babe. - [Dennis kissing]
[Andrea] Alli, I don't like golf,
so I went ahead and got us mini champagne and Doritos!
- Woo! I love golf. - [squeaky voice] I love golf too!
- Let's check in. - Let's do it.
[Andrea giggling]
[Dennis] Hang on.
[melodic music plays]
That was really smooth. [Andrea chuckling]
Andrea said you played at Yale.
- What year were you? - '05.
Oh, okay. I'm '07. I knew some golf dudes.
I didn't play for Yale.
- What? - [Dennis] At Yale, on the club team.
- I don't remember the club team. - We weren't a proud bunch.
Hard to brag about a handicap
when to the real team, you look handicapped.
[Brett laughing] Man, that's pretty ableist, bro.
[Brett] So, what college were you in?
Yale, dude.
[Brett and others laughing]
- This guy's hilarious. I was at Davenport. - [all laughing]
- I was in JE. - [Brett] Yeah, but they suck.
Me too. And they do suck.
Ha-hah! I knew I liked this guy.
[Brett] I think I remember the club team now.
Man, they sucked.
- [men chuckling] - Totally. I got this round. Ma'am?
[Brett] Oh, I got next.
[Dennis] Hi.
- [server] What can I get for you? - We'll take four shots...
We don't serve hard liquor, just beers.
- Oh, where's your flask, bro? Right? - [Dennis laughs weakly]
- [laughs] We'll just take four IPAs. - Great.
There's no handle of Hibiki back there?
[chuckling]
- Are you okay? - Huh? Absolutely.
- You're acting weird. - Wha...?
- You sure? - Here you go.
- Thank you. - For you.
- Thank you. - All right.
- There you go. - A toast.
To higher education and to my even higher pathetic golf scores.
- Such a dork. - [Dennis] Cheers.
- Cheers. - [Andrea] Cheers.
Oh, nice.
Come on.
Why?
♪ Bull dogs, bull dogs ♪ Bow wow wow ♪
Bow wow wow.
♪ Eli Yale ♪
[burping, laughing]
- [Brett] Hell yeah! - Bow wow wow.
- Dennis, you wanna tee off first? - Come on, show 'em how it's done.
[whispers] I hurt my back on the drive up, so I'm not sure I'm gonna swing today.
[mocking] Now your back hurts?
What do you say we make it interesting? Hundred bucks a hole.
Brett, that is so tacky.
- Please, I'm sure he can afford it. - Definitely. How about 200?
- You sure? - Absolutely.
But these clubs look like they were stolen from a public driving range.
[mocking] Oh, sick burn.
It's hot. Someone hit the thing first. Whatever.
Just saying it might not be anyone's best game. Just saying.
[Dennis laughs awkwardly]
- Good luck. - Thank you.
[Dennis breathing deeply]
[sighing]
[Brett and Andrea giggle]
- [Andrea] He loves golf. - [Brett] Right. Heck yes.
[Andrea] Mm-hm.
[Dennis inhaling]
[birds chirping]
- [Dennis sighing] - What do we do?
[electronic beat rises]
- Ah! - [music stops]
- Oh my God! - Shit.
[Dennis groaning]
- [Dennis] Shit. - Dennis!
- [Dennis groans] - God, he's so old.
- This is so embarrassing. Oh! - What happened?
I wrenched something. I told you I hurt my back.
- Let me take a look. - She's a doctor.
- You're both doctors? - [Alli] Yes.
- No, I've done this before. - You have?
My father has a bad back.
- I have a bad back. - It isn't hereditary.
- We got in a car accident together. - You never told me that.
You both hurt your backs in the same exact place?
We both hurt our backs in the same place before he died
of cancer.
- Okay, well, let's get you up. - [Dennis] Ow!
You sure you're okay?
[Dennis gasping]
Absolutely. Absolutely. Thank you.
Oh. Ah.
Last time this happened, I was on the floor for three hours.
I can handle it.
- I'm just gonna go lay down. - Okay.
Should I pay a loser's fee for dropping out?
- Oh God. - [Alli] What?
All bets are off. It was just fun.
No, I insist.
- [Brett] No, next time. - [Dennis] All right.
Well, if it's not too unorthodox, I'll hitch a ride back with...
Chanterelle.
- All right. - No, I got it. Really. Thank you.
[Dennis sighing] Yeah, I'm good.
[Dennis wincing]
[motor starting]
[downbeat melodic music plays]
[Dennis yawning]
[Dennis chuckling]
[Dennis] They seem nice.
Perhaps we'll have more time to chat with them at brunch tomorrow.
[Dennis sighing]
Mua!
[clicking]
[Dennis grunting]
What happened to my bracelet?
What bracelet?
A while back you said you got me a bracelet.
Oh. Yes. [chuckling]
Well, let's say I will not be shopping at Cartier anymore.
I went back and forth with them more times than appropriate for a...
Okay, that's fine. No bracelet.
No. They screwed up three times.
- They got the... - Enamel?
...enamel wrong.
- You said it was metal. - Metal. I mean metal.
You interrupted me, Andrea, so... [chuckling]
I will buy you something from another store.
No. I don't... I don't care about an overpriced bracelet I never wanted.
Okay.
[Dennis wincing, grunting]
Can I see your diploma?
Uh... [snorting]
Sure, maybe it's... It's in my car with my license and registration.
Do you still have it?
What? Sure, somewhere. I don't know.
Because my Texas diploma is in a closet,
and I feel like a Yale diploma is something you would hang on a wall.
[clicking]
Darling, hey, I'm not a dentist. Right? I'm not an asshole either.
I would never have my degree on a wall, especially an undergrad degree.
[Dennis chuckling]
- What's this all about? - I don't know.
- Everything's weird and... - This is still about the house?
Yeah. Yes. Yes.
I am so sorry, not only for how I lied to you, but for how I acted.
It's clear that you're not trusting me, and I can't say I blame you.
I'm so sorry, and this will never ever happen again.
- Okay. - Okay.
[both chuckle]
- How's your back? - I took a hot shower for it.
It's much better. Everything's better when you're around.
- [Dennis sighing] - Mmm.
Why don't I take you by the house this week? Huh?
- Yeah. - We can dig up my diploma.
We can get my birth certificate, my first report card maybe.
- Or we can bring your mom lunch. - Absolutely.
- Put an end to all the mystery. Mm. - Yeah.
- Mm. - Mm.
I'm gonna put the "do not disturb" sign on the door.
What?
Dennis?
Actually, Andrea,
there's something I want to say.
Okay, what is it?
It's hard for me to bring it up because it's not what you think it is.
Okay, you're scaring me.
[Dennis sighing]
[Andrea] For once, everything in my life was on the upswing,
and I just wanted this to work too, you know.
I loved what an odd couple we made.
Come here.
[melodic instrumental music plays]
[Dennis sighing]
[Andrea] It was the ugliest ring I'd ever seen.
This is so sweet.
It looked like a dick.
It was a gift from my father.
- [Andrea sighs] - Mother told me she wanted you to have it.
I can't.
I want you to be my wife one day. This is just a placeholder.
It's a promise ring, something from her to you
for you being you.
[Andrea sighs]
I love you.
I do. I just want you to know no matter what,
you are the realest thing in my life.
Now, put it on.
Here, now?
- Mm-hm. - [Andrea] Oh.
- Maybe we should save it for... - Come here.
[Andrea wincing]
- Wow. - Wow.
Oh.
It's beautiful.
It is on my finger.
Mmm. [chuckling, sighing]
It sure is.
And we're obsessed with telling women not to be picky. Right?
Like, "Don't be too picky." "Take whatever falls into your lap
from the mouth of another woman."
"And be grateful when they give you a ring shaped like a penis."
[laughter]
It's just society's way of making sure
you don't feel as special as they tell you you should feel when you feel unspecial.
It's a tongue twister, but I'm right about it.
[upbeat jazzy music plays]
Just be calm.
[inhaling]
Be grateful.
Just try not to be a bitch when the comedy is bad.
[exhaling]
[phone ringing]
[sighing]
[scoffing]
Are you dying?
Why haven't you been answering your phone?
Because I'm at work.
- Andrea. - Margot.
- Andrea, I have a friend. - Cool brag.
I have a friend from the gym who works at Tiny O'Tips.
She said there was a drunk guy in there. His card got declined,
and he was ranting and raving about how his fiancé is the star of Space Cadets,
and she was gonna pay for it.
Oh my God.
Because homeboy is an assistant at a bank.
He's not a hedgehog,
and I guarantee he doesn't own that house he's been talking about.
Stop. Stop. Stop. This is too insane.
Of course he owns a house. I'm going to see it in an hour.
Fine, your funeral.
[scoffing]
[groaning] Margot!
[sighing]
[upbeat electronic music plays]
[indistinct chatter]
Hey. Hey, how are you?
Hey.
Hey, guys. Sorry to keep you waiting.
We just had to get our last-minute guest a drive-on pass.
[female voice] Oh! Today has been super cray! Hi!
Hi! Hi! Hi!
Oh, I'm so, so, so, so sorry.
- Traffic was insane today. - Oh, come here.
- [Serrena] Oh, Jonathan. - Look at you.
[Serrena squeals]
What's happening?
- [Serrena] Mmm! - Ooh!
The script. You, amazing.
Amazing, sir.
[Serrena] I basically begged Jonathan for a role, right?
I said, "I'll be a waitress, a stump, anything."
[laughter]
Well, hey, we are just so happy to have you here, Serrena.
- [Serrena] Awesome. I am just so... - So excited!
I'm so excited too, Jonathan.
[Andrea forced laughing]
- [others laugh] - [Serrena forced laughs]
Well, great.
Okay. Yeah, that's great.
And grateful.
[bangs the table] So grateful to be here.
- [Serrena gasps] - Let's get started!
[Andrea] Awesome!
Take your seat, guys. Get ready.
[Serrena] Hi.
Hey, mama. Mm!
- Good to see you. - [Jonathan] Good to see you, guys.
- Good to see you. - Great, I'm so excited.
Ooh! Let's do this, huh? [Jonathan] All right.
[indistinct conversation]
- Amazing! All right, you... - [Serrena laughs]
- Thank you, Serrena, for the read. - Thank you.
- Lunch? - Yes.
- Let's do it. - Jonathan.
Hi.
- Oh, hey. - This is bullshit, Serrena.
You're in a million movies and you're on TV shows.
Why did you have to pick the only show that I'm on?
Wow. Okay. Where is that coming from?
Where it's coming from is that you're a faker, Serrena.
- [gasps] - Who goes around long-hugging everyone?
[mocking] "Oh, gratitude." "Oh, the writing." Oh...
- Okay... - I'm nauseous watching you.
That's enough. What do you want me to do?
[mocking] What I want you to do
is fucking stay out of my face for five minutes!
Pick any other show in the universe!
You need help, babe.
That is what people who actually need help always say!
[phone chiming]
"Hey, babe, had to rush Mom to UCLA."
"She wasn't feeling well." "Will call you in a bit."
"We can see the house another time."
[grim instrumental music plays]
Oh, we are seeing this house tonight.
[electronic music plays]
[Andrea] Shit!
Shit! Shit! Shit!
Ahh!
[Serrena] Uh, hey.
- Do you need help? - No, you need help.
No, wait. Yes. No, I do need help. I need a ride.
I meant like the security guard or something.
- I didn't mean me helping you... - Give me a fucking ride, Serrena!
[Serrena sighing]
Seat belt.
Damn it! [grunting]
Okay. Well, good luck.
- This isn't my house. - [muffled ringing]
What? Well, this is the address you gave me.
Shh!
- Okay, but I'm choosing not to talk. - [Margot] Hello?
Margot, I'm in front of your bar. Where are you?
I'm telling you something is up here.
I'm trying to protect you, but I have my own shit to do.
Margot, I need you.
I'm going to see his house. You were right.
Okay? You were right, and I just need to see it for myself.
Don't make me go alone.
- You won't believe who's driving me. - Andrea, I'm sorry. I have to go.
- Where do you have to go? - To a meeting.
Meeting? Where? Quick, before you bullshit.
- In Hollywood. - Great.
- That's where we have to go. - Then I have to go to Beverly Hills...
Awesome. Because somehow his house is also in Beverly Hills,
so this works out.
- This is fucking great. - [door opens]
- Oh. - Wow, Serrena Halstead.
- Big fan. - Oh!
- Yeah, she's great. - Let's ride.
Let's ride.
[fast-tempo electronic music plays]
He said he went to Yale. He even said he got me jewelry and I've never seen it.
So you have no idea if he's lying?
- Oh, I know. - Or what he's lying about?
- That's why we're doing this. - Wow.
Fucking well-equipped too. Mission ready.
- Oh my God. Are you serious with this? - Oh.
You have a ready-to-eat meal and binoculars.
- Mini ones. Yeah. - This is spy equipment.
- Ooh! And snacks. - I got survival guides for everything.
Let's see here. "How to distill one's urine into potable water."
- How long do you think we're gonna be? - I earmarked something for you. Read that.
"The less attractive male cuttlefish can fool rival alpha males
into thinking they are females by pretending to actually be females."
"The dominant cuttlefish don't notice their presence,
allowing them in and giving the lesser cuttlefish
an opportunity to mate with the females under false pretenses."
Dennis is a fucking cuttlefish.
He didn't act like a woman to attract me.
He pretended to be something else.
It's like catfishing, but worse because you fucked a little bitch.
[Serrena laughing]
Cuttlefishing. I love that.
- Enough! - [Serrena] Oh.
We're looking for 1360...
[gasping] There it is.
[mysterious instrumental music plays]
[Serrena gasps]
Wait, what if this actually is his house and he's there?
[whispers] Or worse, his mom is there and she sees us?
Why am I scared?
Because we're in uncharted territory. We're under emotional fire.
This is really spiritually traumatic for me right now.
[gasps] Mind if I take notes?
This could be really good for my role.
It's just like so, like, raw and like grounded, you know?
It's like one of those dreams that's really boring
and it just keeps going, and you just can't get to class.
One of those dreams that ends with us dying.
Of what, the truth?
Yes! With us dying of the truth!
- You go first! - Why do I have to go first?
- Because I need my face for work. - I need mine too, you selfish asshole.
[whining] Margot, please. You're stronger.
You're stronger. Look at my hands. You said I was weak. You go.
Maintain contact, baby arms.
- Don't you have cell phones? - They might be compromised.
- Are you getting off on this? - A little bit.
- [banging] - [all scream]
[Serrena sighing]
Fuck. I'm just gonna go. I'm just gonna go.
- I'm just gonna do it. Just gonna go. - Okay.
[door shutting]
[suspenseful synth music plays]
[Serrena inhaling]
Okay.
Doesn't seem like a house a young guy would own.
Well, he acts old.
That's fair.
"Beware of Pomeranian?"
This isn't the house.
This can't be the house.
Andrea, look! The door! The door! The door!
[feedback noise]
[music stops]
- Are you Dennis's mom? - Hola.
[Andrea] Okay...
[woman speaking Spanish]
Oh! Maybe his mom speaks Spanish. Don't assume race.
Are you always this preachy?
Uh...
[melodic music plays]
Does...? Does Dennis live here?
Denise?
Yes. Sí, Denise.
- [woman] Denise? - Yeah!
[woman laughs] Denise.
- [Andrea gasping] - Denise?
[Andrea panting]
[floor creaking]
I'm Denise.
[Margot on radio] Vive Dennis Kelly aqui? Fuck, "Usted..."
No. You have the wrong house.
[ominous tone crescendos]
[gasping]
[moody melodic music plays]
Fuck. I don't know what that is. It's not his house!
Oh my God, go.
- Okay, go, go, go! - Fuck, Halstead!
- [tires screeching] - [women screaming]
[muffled radio music]
- [Margot] So, what are we doing? - I don't know.
[chewing] I mean, what is this even?
Like, what is happening?
No house, lied about a job, lied about his school.
How far back does this go? Like, is his name even Dennis Kelly?
He told me he went to Yale the day I met him.
- It's a long con. - Goddamn right it's a fucking long con.
- [phone chiming] - Yeah. Oh.
"Hey, babe, assistant left early so I'm stuck at work."
"Also I lost my ATM card..." Poop emoji.
"... and Maggie asked to borrow money so I need to stop at the bank."
"Text you later." "Love you, bye."
Maggie. That's who we have to talk to.
Maggie. She lives with the guy. She'll know everything.
We're gonna go to her house and demand answers.
- We'll kick down the door like, yah! - Yah!
And then say, "Hey Maggie. Wanna go out?"
Why can't you just stalk her on Instagram like a normal person?
- Better idea. - Yeah.
- [Andrea] Less violent. - Right.
- Hey, chicas? - What?
So while I'm so grateful for the trauma that really filled my inner well today,
I also have a 5 a.m. call time.
- Cool. We'll take an Uber. - Yeah.
Oh, okay. I just need ten hours if I'm gonna look fresh-faced.
We get it, you work.
I'm the lead. I set the tone.
One of the weirdest conflicting feelings you can have
is the feeling of wanting to be wrong.
That goes against everything that's in our nature as humans.
You want to be right. You want to prove
your survival instincts are correct.
Your whole life, you're taught, "Stay away from certain kinds of guys."
You're taught, "Trust your intuition."
And then it gets you nowhere, and you're single in your mid-30s,
You're like, "Maybe everything I've been doing is wrong."
"Maybe I should give this motorcycle gang member a chance."
"Maybe I could be a stepmom to his three kids."
- "Maybe I've been too short-sighted." - [laughter]
"It's a homemade skateboard?" "Great."
"We'll put on our Vans."
"We'll get your mom to drop us at the mall."
"Maybe I was wrong." The answer is you weren't.
All of these things are instincts that you've developed to keep you safe.
So just hold out a little longer, because you're not wrong.
We met Dennis online. Like what, two years ago?
I found myself lacking in proper coinage to procure a tenable lair,
so my quest led me to a dark realm.
She means Craigslist. We met Dennis on Craigslist.
Craigslist?
- So, this is your dark arts art studio? - I paint what I see in my dreams.
Your dreams are dark.
All my dreams are nightmares, and I sell my nightmares on Etsy.
It's a passion project.
Dennis isn't helping you out with rent just because you need help with money?
[laughing]
[Leslie sighs]
No, he's a liar.
Like when we met, he said he was starting his own hedge fund,
but he never took the exam.
And there are exams for that. Big ones.
It's not like if you speak well and go to a good school
people will just give you their money.
- I'm a corporate accountant. - You are? Sorry.
I don't even think he graduated college. Where did he go? Was it Florida?
That makes a lot of sense, actually.
He's always late with his rent, he's always asking for money
because of his unquenchable thirst to consume the elixir of capitalist greed.
He wanted to look important.
He was always bragging about the girls he was dating,
and I'm like, "How do you have money to take out all these girls
when you can't pay for your room?"
He's like 200,000 dollars in debt.
I didn't believe he was dating you until you showed up at our door.
Invoking the image of him engaging in lovemaking is horrifying.
I must paint.
He's been bragging about dating you for at least a year.
A year?
He said you walked up to him on a plane and asked for his number.
Gross. Gross, gross, gross.
I wasted so much good whiskey on him.
Whiskey? You're Margot of Margot's on Sunset.
- I've always wanted to go there. - Oh.
You should come by. Anytime.
Can you not hit on her in her own home?
[insects chirping outside]
Can I see Dennis's room? I was gonna do the thing
where I ask to go to the bathroom then snoop,
but lying just feels really hypocritical at this point.
- Also, your house makes me uncomfortable. - Resplendent, isn't it?
Yeah. I'll show you.
[door creaking]
- [eerie instrumental music plays] - [Margot groans]
What adult volunteers to sleep in a twin bed?
I'm sure he'll tell us he's got a bed coming from France.
Who have I been sleeping with?
[music rises]
[Margot] Dude, fuck him.
He is a piece of shit. Let's go. Let's fuck up his bed and go.
Oh no. We can't let you leave.
What?
She's kidding. We'll walk you out.
I was just kidding.
[Andrea sighing]
[somber melodic music plays]
[Andrea sobbing]
Is it possible that he lied to protect his mom?
At this point, I don't even think his mom has cancer.
[gasping] Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!
He lied about his mom having cancer
just to get me to feel bad for him.
- Holy shit. - Hey. Hey, hey.
Let's look at the bright side. Maybe his mom does have cancer.
- [crying] What? - I guess that's being too optimistic.
[gasping]
I knew it! I knew it! I didn't like him!
I didn't like him from the fucking start! There was something wrong with him!
And you were up on me about not being salty,
and being fucking grateful for everything that comes my way,
to appreciate everything that I have, and now look at me!
This is so fucking embarrassing!
I'm dating a serial fucking liar!
I was just trying to help you get out of your own way!
I-I didn't mean don't listen to your own instinct!
It doesn't mean don't listen to your friends warning you!
You had your head so far up your own ass
and his head so far up your ass!
I'm the only one looking out for you!
- That's bullshit! - Fine. You're on your own.
Please don't walk away from me.
[crying] Margot, wait.
Margot! Stop!
The world is only the way that you want to see it.
You compete with Serrena Halstead. She doesn't even sweat you.
And you were so blinded by Dennis because he fed your ego.
And now you're turning on me, your one ally.
I'm sorry.
I love that you're there for me and I want to be there for you.
You're my only best friend.
[both crying]
- [Margot] And fuck him. - Yeah, and fuck Dennis.
- He should pay. - He should fucking pay.
- That's right.
How you gonna make him pay?
You gonna complain to me about him for the rest of your life?
No. I'm gonna take control of my life.
- What are you gonna do? - Take control of my life!
[man] Eat a dick, lady.
[car horn honking]
- I'm gonna do something. - You gotta get in there...
I'm thinking! I'm going to post about him on Instagram and maybe Facebook.
You gotta confront him.
We need more. You gotta get in his face.
You gotta ask him why. Why!
We should... We should get him drunk.
Yes! We should get him drunk and make him confess.
Then make him fuck a goat and take pictures.
What? What?
You know, take pictures of him fucking a goat.
That's where you went? I said get him drunk and you're like fuck a goat?
- I don't know. - That's so weird.
[phone ringing]
- Hello? - [Serrena] Hey, mama.
Your buddy, Margot, left her zombie survival bag or whatever in my car.
It smells like beef.
- I'm vegan and my... - Don't open the front pouch!
- Why? - Just kidding. There's nothing in there.
- Cool. Can someone just come get it? - Yes.
- Yes, I'll... - So you're coming?
- I will come get it. - Okay, coo...
Bring him to me. I got you, girl.
- You got this. - Oh my...
"Hey, babe, I have some good news."
"Let's celebrate and get drunk at Margot's bar."
"Love you."
Wet emoji. Wet emoji.
[grim electronic music plays]
[Margot] Motherfucker!
I could have been rich. Oh, this is personal now.
[Dennis] What's personal?
Nothing. Just celebrating.
Oh.
Wanna get drunk?
I just came from an investors' meeting. I had a steak,
so it's gonna be hard to get drunk.
I have Everclear.
Everclear? Are we at a tailgate party in Florida?
I don't know. Are you?
- What? - Are you Florida?
Am I Florida? I... I don't get it.
Well, you're gonna.
Okay.
- Pour you a drink? - Please. I'm having what you're having.
[bagpipes playing]
[Dennis] Breug? Wow.
[rock music plays]
- It's beautiful. All right. Heavy pour. - Mm.
♪ If you listen close You might hear the sound... ♪
[Dennis] So good.
- Top you off? - Mm.
Go for it. Built quite the iron stomach during my Yale years.
- Okay. - [Dennis chuckling] A lot of drinking.
♪ I thought you were a man of action... ♪
[music crescendos]
[retching]
[crickets chirping]
- Oh. I'm here for the meat bag. - I think I heard it ticking.
Oh my God.
Um...
I am not nice to you.
And I realize it's because I'm mad at myself.
You have everything that I want.
Every time I look at your billboards,
I'm reminded of the fact that there's a girl out there
who started just like me and is the same age...
We're not the same age.
So I just wanted to say thank you for driving me earlier,
because you did not have to do that.
You're welcome. But while you were out becoming Andrea Singer,
nationally renowned comedian...
International. I played Canada once last year, so...
When I look at you, I get a bit jealous.
You're a comic. You can say whatever you want to say.
I can't.
I'm just famous enough that people pay attention only when I fuck up.
- [laughs] - You get to make your own choices.
I have a whole team weighing in on what to audition for,
what workouts to do. Like...
No offense. I did not want to do the Space Cadet show.
- Really? - At all.
I promise I'm not out to get you.
Sorry for how many times I flipped off your billboard.
- Wow. - I do it a lot.
You have a lot of billboards, and I see them a lot.
- [laughs] - I'm so sorry.
- I'm flattered. - [chuckles]
You have a lot of wins ahead.
Try not to lose yourself and what truth means to you.
I wish somebody had said that to me.
I didn't just start, so...
You know what? As I was saying it, it felt bad, and I'm sorry.
Um,
I promise I won't be weird anymore.
Mm. You're one of the good ones, Andrea.
Thanks, mama.
I gotta go.
Nail his ass.
Will do.
You're really pretty. I have to go now.
- It's hard to look at you. - I know.
[Andrea] Margot! Margot!
Holy shit!
[muffled music plays]
[Andrea] I didn't mean get him this drunk.
I made a pillow out of his jacket
and covered him with cardboard so no one would take him.
Take him? Who's gonna take him?
Well, I thought, now that he's here, y'all could work it out.
He's unconscious.
Rule number one of war: keep your enemies close.
He's gonna wake up and run off.
I wish we could get him to sit still and tie him up
and make him confess or something
Oh, you mean kidnap him?
- No, I don't mean kidnap. - Because I heard kidnap.
Nope, I'm sorry. Was that your plan?
Less of a plan, more of a strategy.
[Andrea] Hi! Have a good night! We're closed!
[whispering] Help me get him up!
[suspenseful instrumental music plays]
- [Andrea grunting] Oh my God. - [Margot grunting]
Why does he weigh so much?
Because lies are heavy.
[both gasping]
I am so rock hard for this mission.
I've always wanted to kidnap someone.
Not kidnap. We're not kidnapping. Definitely not kidnapping.
You know how some girls dream of their wedding day?
Shut up, Margot!
[Margo grunting]
I would've had the money to fix this door
if Wall Street here hadn't given me terrible financial advice.
You know that stock he told me not to buy?
It actually went up 40 percent in the last two weeks.
- Oh, the door! - [women screaming]
Help me! He's stuck! Margot, he's stuck!
- [Margot groans] Oh, okay. - What's happening?
- The door. The... Oh God. - [Andrea] What is that?
- [Andrea groaning] - [Margot gagging]
- [Andrea] What is that? - His body.
Oh my God! What part?
His body. I don't... I'll put it back.
[Margot groaning]
Oh. Okay. Ahh!
- [Andrea] What? - Putting it back.
No, he'll get infected!
- [Andrea] He's gonna get sick! - Ah! Ahh!
- Oh my God, help me. He's so heavy. - [Margot] Okay, okay.
[women grunting]
I once watched a buddy pull a ballistic knife out of his butthole
during a camping trip. This is worse.
- All right, put him down. - Okay.
[Margot] Good, good.
Oh my God. We've gotta stop the bleeding. [gasping]
We've gotta cauterize the wound.
Oh, fuck yeah. That's what I'm talking about.
- Where did you learn how to do that? - That Special Med pilot I did.
I played a nurse. My line was,
"We have to cauterize the wound before he bleeds out."
The director was like, "Can you make it funny?"
I'm like, "No, it's not a funny line."
Hold up his arm. I'll show you.
We have to cauterize the wound before it bleeds out.
See? Not funny at all.
- [grunting] - Ooh! Fire in the hole!
[both screaming]
- How is he not waking up? - I don't know! Maybe he's in shock!
Oh my God, I learned so much by playing a TV nurse.
Check his pulse. Make sure he's breathing or something.
[gasping]
JCPenney, I fucking knew it.
That's the evidence needed to prove he's a piece of shit?
- Lord! No. - We gotta keep him upright.
We gotta tie him to the chair. Use his jacket. Like that.
- Keep his head elevated. - Right.
He should be disoriented.
It's better if he doesn't know where he is.
I still think that we should film it.
So that you have his confession in case he tries to mess with you.
If people watch it, they'll see that he's tied up.
So? We'll shoot him from the shoulders up.
Come on, Hollywood. Help me with this tarp.
Fuck.
[suspenseful music plays]
Margot, you can't use a black tarp. It'll look like an ISIS hostage video.
He terrorized you, didn't he?
Whoa, zinger.
Okay, we put the camera over here.
[Andrea gasping]
- [sadly] No, Margot, you can't. - I can't what?
You can't...
You can't put the camera below his eye line.
- He'll look hideous. - So?
I don't want people thinking I dated some guy with a bullfrog chin.
You gotta put the camera here and come in over the eye line
and use a key light. See?
- That is so much better. - It is, look at the thing.
- He looks pretty good. - Yeah, for a liar.
- You should do more directing. - I know, right? I think...
What am I talking about?
I don't want to do this. I don't want to film him. I don't want this. I...
- What do we do now? - We wait.
[suspenseful synth music plays]
Okay. Well, I'm gonna go pee. Are you okay down here alone?
Down here with the body? Yeah.
I'll be right back.
[Margot grunting]
[door banging]
[grim instrumental music rises]
[music crescendos]
[Dennis gasping]
That woke you up?
What's happening? Where am I?
What's...?
What's going on?
- Dennis... - What?
- I have to ask you some questions. - Oh my God, did you steal my kidney?
- [gasping] Why did you...? - Shut up.
Nobody wants your gross, bloated kidney, you fucking alcoholic.
You fell.
[sighing] I did?
No. Goddamn it, you are a liar, and everybody knows it.
- What? - You got drunk, you passed out.
Margot and I accidentally smashed your flank in the door,
then you somehow caught fire.
- [gasps] Am I gonna die? - Probably.
Yeah, you will probably lie to the wrong person one day
and they will actually kill you.
- [Dennis sobs, gasps] - But today is not that day.
And fortunately for you, I just want answers.
Okay. Okay, okay.
[groaning]
Why did you do this? Why did you lie?
Lie about what?
- Why? What did I do to deserve this? - [whimpering]
What? I didn't do anything.
- Fucking everything! - [groaning] My shin!
Ow!
I cared about you so much, and you talked about getting married.
What... What was the end game?
- What was that? - Okay. Okay, stop. Stop!
- What was that gonna be? - Okay, stop. Please stop.
I love you. That is not a lie.
- [panting] - And I...
Yes, I have lied to you.
Basically since the day I met you.
- [melodic music plays] - I am eating everything on this flight.
I'm gonna chug a gallon of Cranapple and chase it with a pound of cookies.
[Andrea] Wanna know the worst part? I was at TSA for 45 minutes
because the woman in front of me lost her boarding pass.
[Andrea speaking indistinctly]
Hey. You dropped this.
- Oh, that is humbling. - [Dennis chuckling]
[sniffling]
Flight 1212 to Los Angeles now boarding.
- Flight 1212 now boarding. - Hi.
- Yeah. - My girlfriend Andrea Singer is in 2A.
Um, I'd like to join her in first. I'm on the upgrade list. Dennis Kelly.
Mm. Unfortunately, you are 23rd on the list, and it goes by status, so...
- It costs 1360 to upgrade. - Okay, absolutely.
- You have to do that in the app. - Okay. The app, jeez. Okay.
- [Andrea] And how did you know who I was? - [Dennis] I didn't.
I looked you up.
Wait, you're a comedian, right? Andrea Singer.
No autographs.
That day, you took a call from your girlfriend. Who was that?
- Oh, excuse me. - Yeah. Sure thing.
- Hello? - [female voice] It's Cassandra.
Mr. Barnes wants to know where the quarterly report is.
Did you email it?
Uh-huh.
Can you re-send it? He's annoyed.
Absolutely.
I'll print it out, but...
That sounds fantastic.
I shouldn't be doing your job.
I hope to see you soon.
I won't be here. I have plans with my boyfriend.
Talk to you later.
Bye. Love you.
She's just a girl from my office.
I know.
I just thought you were so beautiful,
and in a million years, I didn't think you'd talk to me.
But then you did.
You were so down to earth and so nice.
I didn't think you'd like me, so I started lying. You just...
You seem like the type of girl that wouldn't like a guy...
That wouldn't like a guy... what, who was nice to her?
Who was kind? Who was smart? Why?
Why, because I'm blond and not ugly, so I deserve to be judged like this?
Because I'm shallow, I'd go out with guys who went to good schools, have money?
Or someone bigger and better looking with no substance.
You have no substance.
What is wrong with you?
Everything.
But when I'm Dennis from Yale, people respect me.
When I'm a hedge fund manager with money, people are nice to me.
[gasping]
I don't care.
You're nothing.
You're just a guy from somewhere, and
I'm embarrassed how much time I spent on you.
- [door creaking] - [Margot] We got a live one!
You could have untied yourself whenever you wanted.
[Margot] You're just gonna let him get away?
I just want him out of our lives.
I don't want revenge. I don't want any of this.
I just want it to be over.
[groaning]
Goodbye, Andrea.
And...
[somber melodic music plays]
...hopefully next time we see each other,
it'll be under more favorable circumstances.
[Dennis grunting]
You okay?
[inhaling]
I feel unraveled.
[sighs]
[Andrea] I felt stupid.
I ignored my instincts and my best friend
for the chance at a life with a guy I thought I should be with.
I was willing to ignore so much to be happy,
and it all hinged on a man who, deep down,
was just proving to himself that he could get me, or...
[grunts with disgust] ...someone like me.
- [sighs] It hurt like hell... - [knocking]
...but I was gonna move forward with my head held high.
- Are you Andrea Singer? - Yes.
You've been charged with assault and kidnapping. You have to come with us.
[Andrea] And that's how the motherfucker played it.
- [banging] - [grim music crescendos]
[Dennis] I ran for my life.
This woman I loved, I didn't think she was capable of this,
let alone torturing me.
The scars of being treated like this...
[Margot grunting]
...they're gonna last a lifetime.
Mr. Kelly, how did you see your relationship with Miss Singer?
[sighing]
[dramatic instrumental music plays]
I was worried for Andrea. She was desperate, you know.
Her stand-up career was stagnant.
- Her acting career was tenuous at best. - [gasping]
Her goal in life was to have a billboard on Sunset.
It wasn't the main goal.
She was obsessed with other people being better than her,
and she saw me as a way out. It's a lot of pressure on me.
She's a failed actress,
and when she got that TV show,
I was so happy for her.
It's like finally she could focus on something else.
You know? I just wanted to be supportive.
Mr. Kelly, is it true you lied to my client
about having attended Yale?
[sighing]
I am guilty of that.
[Dennis] Yes.
I'll admit it.
I have self-esteem issues.
[chuckles]
I thought, you know, maybe she would talk to me if I seemed worth it.
There's no law against that, right? Lying to a pretty girl over a drink?
Objection, Your Honor.
This is a trial about my client being kidnapped and tortured.
What does it matter where he says he went to school?
He could say he was the king of England and no one would have the right to...
Sustained.
I have to say, counsel, you're gonna need more than a few fibs to make this case.
[sighing]
[somber melodic music plays]
[water running]
[faucet squeaking]
How did I get here?
♪ Bull dog, bull dog, bow wow wow ♪
♪ Eli Yale ♪
[toilet flushing]
I'm sorry.
[quavers] I'm sorry.
[Dennis muffled] I'm sorry.
[quavering] I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
[grunting]
Dennis.
[Andrea muffled] Dennis, it's me.
[Dennis] Andrea?
[grunting]
You're so upset that I was the guy you liked,
but wasn't the guy you wanted.
Then I was the guy you wanted and I became the guy you didn't like.
What are you, The Riddler? Who are you?
Who is anyone anymore?
Are they their Instagram page? Who their parents want them to be?
Are they a bunch of projections?
Are they their dyed hair and their fake tans?
You are used to getting whatever you want.
- What are you talking about? - [Dennis] Shut up!
You're like every other girl in this town
who thinks she's owed something because you showed up.
Women have it so easy. Guys like me deserve better.
That's a convenient way to think, you fucking psycho.
You have the audacity to judge me?
We are the same.
Well, not totally the same.
I'm a better actor,
which is why I'll be okay and you'll be in jail.
[grim synth music plays]
[whispering] Dennis.
[grunting]
[sighing]
[quavering] I'm sorry.
[inhaling]
Ms. Singer, please take the stand.
Torture, by legal definition,
is the act of deliberately inflicting physical or psychological pain
in order to fulfill some desire.
Admit it. You took him inside,
drunk and unaware, with the intention of deliberately inflicting pain.
We saw the images of his body. They were horrific.
Well, try being under him.
[jury laughing]
Your Honor, please instruct the witness
to confine her answers to the questions asked?
Ms. Singer, this is a courtroom, not The Giggle Hut.
- Answer the question. - Apologies, Your Honor.
Did I deliberately try to inflict pain?
No, I did not deliberately try to hurt him.
What were you trying to do?
I don't know, but I didn't want to hurt him.
None of this was intentional.
If you want to talk about intentionally hurting someone,
maybe Dennis is the one who should be on trial.
[male lawyer] And yet you are.
Would you have dated my client if your life was going better?
Objection.
This narrative that my life was in shambles and that I'm insane
is so Dennis won't look more pathetic.
And isn't that what scorned men do
when they don't get what they want from a woman?
They label her crazy.
Would I have dated him? I don't know. I don't know who he is.
But you did date him.
I did. I did.
And what's crazy is that all the things I liked about Dennis
were the things he didn't lie about.
I liked that he was smart,
and I liked the way he was nice to me,
and he was nice to my friends. I think any human can identify with that.
Ms. Singer, this isn't your stage.
Please keep the monologues under an hour.
Okay, I'm sorry.
Um...
- Just one more monologue? - Your Honor?
You may continue your answer, Ms. Singer.
I'm so sorry, but it'll be good.
Dennis and I are similar
in that we were both really frustrated with where we were in life,
and we both felt that we should have had more given where we were.
[somber music plays]
But Dennis woke up every morning,
and rather than work at anything
or try to be something or be better,
he just lied.
He's clearly capable of bad things, of lying without remorse.
Look at his arm. Why is it in a sling?
Doesn't anybody check things like that?
I may be a work in progress,
and I get frustrated with my job,
and I get angry at people,
and I date the wrong kinds of guys,
but at the end of the day, I own it.
[music builds]
I'm honest about who I am, and I'm not ashamed of who I am.
[sighing]
And you can label me
whatever makes vilifying me more convenient for you.
But let's not forget to label Dennis exactly what he is:
a lying, unqualified-for-life coward.
- [male lawyer] No further questions. - [judge] We'll take a five-minute recess.
[gavel banging]
- Andrea. - Hey.
Hi. How are you holding up?
I just can't believe it's dragged out this long.
[sighing] I know. Piece of shit.
Oh, you were so good on Space Cadet, by the way.
- I'm so sorry it only went for one season. - Thank you.
And I'm so sorry they killed you in that star fire
and your whole face melted off and you looked so scary.
Uh-huh. Okay, well, thank you for being here.
[Serrena] Oh my God, of course.
- I'll see you in there. - Okay.
Go, Andrea.
[dramatic synth music rises]
[judge] Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, have you reached a verdict?
[foreman] We have, Your Honor.
[judge] Mr. Foreman, what say you in the matter of Kelly v. Singer?
[music crescendos]
[music stops]
Insecurities are a very personal thing. This epidemic of a specific...
- Not all. Relax, sir. - [laughter]
...kind of guy
who's deeply insecure,
and rather than go out and be better,
you're just forever making whatever woman you set your sights on
pay for your insecurity.
So it's not your problem, but it soon will become your problem,
the fact that he couldn't get any girl to look at his penis
until the age of like 36, because his birthday was last week.
And now it's on you.
[synth music plays]
I think it's bullshit that we got a restraining order.
No way. Like I ever want to see him again.
It's the easiest set of rules I've ever had to follow.
A thousand feet. It's still shooting distance.
Stop.
Still pretty crazy that the judge actually went to Yale.
I felt like she was on our side, like it was personal for her.
Did you ever see him again?
No. He moved out a few days after, and even left all his stuff.
Vanished.
[Margot] Still, it's a big day.
I'm very proud of you.
Thank you.
I never asked you, what'd you do with that hideous ring?
I had it appraised, I sold it, and I used the money to buy this.
[upbeat electronic music plays]
Fuck you.
[laughing]
[Andrea] And in the end,
I got my "fuck you" billboard after all, so...
Thank you so much for coming out. That's my story. That's my time.
[crowd cheering]
♪ But now we're through ♪
♪ I know there's no going back From it, baby ♪
♪ You know where I wanna be ♪
♪ There's no going back from it, baby ♪
♪ Maybe you know how it feels ♪
♪ La la la, la la la, la la la La la la la la la ♪
♪ La la la la la ♪
♪ Yeah, baby, oh ♪
♪ La la la, la la la, la la la La la la la la la ♪
♪ La la la la la ♪
♪ I spend all my days thinking of things ♪
♪ To say ♪
♪ To keep you safe
♪ You playing your games ♪
♪ It's written on my face ♪
♪ I'm feeling strange ♪
♪ I know there's no going back From it, baby ♪
♪ You know where I wanna be ♪
♪ There's no going back from it, baby ♪
♪ Maybe you know how it feels ♪
♪ La la la, la la la, la la la La la la la la la ♪
♪ La la la la la ♪
♪ Yeah, baby, oh ♪
♪ La la la, la la la, la la la La la la la la la ♪
♪ La la la la la ♪
♪ There's no going back from it, baby ♪
♪ You know where I wanna be ♪
♪ There's no going back from it, baby ♪
♪ Maybe you know how it feels ♪
♪ La la la, la la la, la la la La la la la la la ♪
♪ La la la la la ♪
♪ Yeah, baby, oh ♪
♪ La la la, la la la, la la la La la la la la la ♪
♪ La la la la la ♪