1 00:00:05,163 --> 00:00:07,723 Today, Britain stands at a fork in its crossroads. 2 00:00:09,003 --> 00:00:11,603 And its people are asking questions. 3 00:00:11,603 --> 00:00:15,043 Now we've got our country back what actually is it? 4 00:00:15,043 --> 00:00:17,203 Who are we? And why? 5 00:00:18,323 --> 00:00:21,243 The best way to find out where Britain's heading is to 6 00:00:21,243 --> 00:00:24,603 look behind us into something called "history" 7 00:00:24,603 --> 00:00:27,443 a sort of "rear view mirror" for time. 8 00:00:27,443 --> 00:00:29,163 So that's where I'm going. 9 00:00:29,163 --> 00:00:30,883 Back there. 10 00:00:30,883 --> 00:00:32,803 It's a journey that'll take me the length 11 00:00:32,803 --> 00:00:35,283 and width of the country, 12 00:00:35,283 --> 00:00:37,363 from the white cliffs of Dovver to the 13 00:00:37,363 --> 00:00:40,363 Scottish high lands of the Scottish Highlands. 14 00:00:40,363 --> 00:00:44,523 On my odyssey, I'll be starting sentences in one location, 15 00:00:44,523 --> 00:00:47,243 and finishing them in another. 16 00:00:47,243 --> 00:00:50,243 And looking at some of the biggest faces in British history, 17 00:00:50,243 --> 00:00:52,843 and asking other people's faces about them. 18 00:00:52,843 --> 00:00:57,163 Henry didn't get arrested after he killed his first wife, did he? 19 00:00:57,163 --> 00:01:00,563 What sort of mistakes did the Tudor police make that led him 20 00:01:00,563 --> 00:01:02,043 to kill again? 21 00:01:02,043 --> 00:01:06,043 All of it taking place in this skepterred isle we call home. 22 00:01:06,043 --> 00:01:09,163 So join me, Philomena Cunk, as I take you right up 23 00:01:09,163 --> 00:01:11,643 the history of The United Britain of Great Kingdom. 24 00:01:11,643 --> 00:01:14,763 This...is Cunk On Britain. 25 00:01:28,083 --> 00:01:31,243 Last week we discovered how God invented Britain, 26 00:01:31,243 --> 00:01:35,203 who the Romans were, and why we went to war with the roses. 27 00:01:35,203 --> 00:01:37,403 But that was just the beginning. 28 00:01:40,723 --> 00:01:44,723 By the time the Wars of the Roses ended, Britain was literally 29 00:01:44,723 --> 00:01:48,923 on the map, somewhere near the top, showing how important it was. 30 00:01:48,923 --> 00:01:52,683 The British had a firm grasp of the solid parts of the country, 31 00:01:52,683 --> 00:01:56,683 like this rock, but there was a load of stuff round the edges that 32 00:01:56,683 --> 00:01:58,683 wouldn't do as it was told. 33 00:01:58,683 --> 00:01:59,843 It was wet. 34 00:01:59,843 --> 00:02:01,163 It was full of fish. 35 00:02:01,163 --> 00:02:05,763 And it wouldn't make up its mind how close to the rock it wanted to be. 36 00:02:05,763 --> 00:02:09,763 In this episode, I'll discover how Britain came to rule the waves 37 00:02:09,763 --> 00:02:11,763 and invent the Umpire. 38 00:02:11,763 --> 00:02:15,483 It's a story about events beyond Britain's coastline. 39 00:02:15,483 --> 00:02:18,283 So I'll be using the C-word a lot. 40 00:02:18,283 --> 00:02:19,323 Sea. 41 00:02:27,043 --> 00:02:29,963 HARPSICHORD MUSIC This is Hampton Court Palace, 42 00:02:29,963 --> 00:02:33,643 a building so impressive it has to be accompanied by harpsichord music. 43 00:02:33,643 --> 00:02:37,923 These days Hampton Court is open 10.00 till 4.30 in the winter, 44 00:02:37,923 --> 00:02:39,803 10.00 till 6.00 in the summer, 45 00:02:39,803 --> 00:02:43,203 with last entry to the maze 45 minutes before closing. 46 00:02:43,203 --> 00:02:48,203 Prices start at £18.40 per adult and £9.20 per child. 47 00:02:48,203 --> 00:02:52,923 A family ticket will set you back at least £32.30 - unless you're buying 48 00:02:52,923 --> 00:02:57,123 that ticket in the 15th century, and your family name is Tudor. 49 00:02:58,043 --> 00:03:02,243 But what do we mean by the word "Tudor"? Let's ask an expert. 50 00:03:02,243 --> 00:03:05,003 What do we mean by the word "Tudor"? 51 00:03:05,003 --> 00:03:07,963 Er... The word "Tudor" is quite controversial 52 00:03:07,963 --> 00:03:13,243 because the Tudors, at the time, didn't call themselves "Tudor". 53 00:03:13,243 --> 00:03:17,683 Tudor is the family name, the Welsh family name, 54 00:03:17,683 --> 00:03:22,003 of the ancestors on the father's side of King Henry VII 55 00:03:22,003 --> 00:03:25,163 but the only person who calls Henry VII "Henry Tudor" 56 00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:28,483 is Richard III when he's trying to stop him becoming king. 57 00:03:28,483 --> 00:03:32,043 And he uses the name "Tudor" just to mean "this is some random Welsh 58 00:03:32,043 --> 00:03:36,003 "person, rather than an appropriate person to replace me as king". 59 00:03:36,003 --> 00:03:39,763 So the Tudors don't use the name Tudor very much at all. 60 00:03:39,763 --> 00:03:44,043 Some people refer to it as being their family name later on. 61 00:03:44,043 --> 00:03:45,963 Sorry, I had that thing you know where you just, 62 00:03:45,963 --> 00:03:47,923 your brain stops listening? 63 00:03:47,923 --> 00:03:52,243 If the Tudors were the Kardashians of their time, this was their Kim - 64 00:03:52,243 --> 00:03:55,923 Henry of Eight, the kingiest king who ever kinged over Britain. 65 00:03:55,923 --> 00:03:58,643 If you had to draw a king, you'd definitely draw him. 66 00:03:58,643 --> 00:04:00,963 Although maybe not as well as this, 67 00:04:00,963 --> 00:04:04,243 unless you're a 16th century portrait artist. 68 00:04:04,243 --> 00:04:07,043 But what was so great about Henry of Eight? 69 00:04:07,043 --> 00:04:10,243 Why is he the king we all still remember, unlike, say, 70 00:04:10,243 --> 00:04:11,683 Richard V. 71 00:04:11,683 --> 00:04:16,243 Well, for one thing he was fat, so he takes up more room in the memory. 72 00:04:16,243 --> 00:04:19,803 But Henry's also memorable for his chronic wife addiction. 73 00:04:19,803 --> 00:04:22,923 He had six wives - all called Catherine. 74 00:04:22,923 --> 00:04:24,523 He was a Catherine-aholic. 75 00:04:24,523 --> 00:04:26,723 Or "Catholic" for short. 76 00:04:26,723 --> 00:04:30,483 He got through so many Catherines he actually got bored of killing 77 00:04:30,483 --> 00:04:36,243 them, and had to invent a new way of getting rid of them, called divorce. 78 00:04:36,243 --> 00:04:41,083 The Pope hated divorce, so Henry decided to divorce him. 79 00:04:41,083 --> 00:04:46,123 He took back control, broke with Europe, and made up a new religion, 80 00:04:46,123 --> 00:04:49,163 which it turns out is easier to do than Popes like to pretend. 81 00:04:51,483 --> 00:04:53,963 Henry created the Church of England, didn't he? 82 00:04:53,963 --> 00:04:56,163 And did he have to find a British Pope? 83 00:04:56,163 --> 00:04:58,083 He didn't need to find a British Pope. 84 00:04:58,083 --> 00:05:00,003 You could just have bishops. 85 00:05:00,003 --> 00:05:01,403 You can just use the bishops 86 00:05:01,403 --> 00:05:03,243 and people that you've got in there already. 87 00:05:03,243 --> 00:05:06,403 If you had to find a British Pope now, who would you go for? 88 00:05:06,403 --> 00:05:08,363 You couldn't use the Archbishop of Canterbury? 89 00:05:08,363 --> 00:05:09,763 No. You have to have someone else. 90 00:05:09,763 --> 00:05:11,283 Someone from without the church. 91 00:05:11,283 --> 00:05:13,923 Yeah, like Matt Baker, off The One Show. 92 00:05:13,923 --> 00:05:16,123 Erm...so that... So you... 93 00:05:16,123 --> 00:05:18,843 Matt Baker off the One Show... He's not an obvious choice, you see. 94 00:05:18,843 --> 00:05:20,563 That's why I think he'd be good. 95 00:05:20,563 --> 00:05:23,563 But the more you think about it, the more it makes sense. 96 00:05:23,563 --> 00:05:26,363 Henry of Eight kept having a go on new wives 97 00:05:26,363 --> 00:05:28,483 because he wanted a boy to pop out of one of them. 98 00:05:28,483 --> 00:05:31,083 And eventually one did - called Edward. 99 00:05:31,083 --> 00:05:35,883 When Henry died, Edward became king, aged just nine years old. 100 00:05:35,883 --> 00:05:41,083 Edward died aged 15 - the youngest anyone had ever died of old age. 101 00:05:41,083 --> 00:05:45,003 He was followed as king by Lady Jane Grey. 102 00:05:45,003 --> 00:05:48,963 She ruled for nine glorious days - almost a week. 103 00:05:48,963 --> 00:05:52,323 These were among the fastest royals we've ever had. 104 00:05:52,323 --> 00:05:56,283 After Jane came this woman - Queen Mary. 105 00:05:56,283 --> 00:05:58,963 And there really was "something about Mary" - but not 106 00:05:58,963 --> 00:06:02,923 something funny like Cameron Diaz with all dried spunk in her hair. 107 00:06:02,923 --> 00:06:06,243 Mary's something was religious intolerance. 108 00:06:06,243 --> 00:06:09,363 She had so many Protestants burned at the stake 109 00:06:09,363 --> 00:06:11,523 she became known as Bloody Mary. 110 00:06:11,523 --> 00:06:14,363 Because, like the drink, she was horrible. 111 00:06:14,363 --> 00:06:17,643 The next Queen was Queen Elizabeth, who, in the first of many 112 00:06:17,643 --> 00:06:21,123 such coincidences, appeared just in time for the Elizabethan era. 113 00:06:28,083 --> 00:06:31,163 Queen Elizabeth One got her crown screwed on here, 114 00:06:31,163 --> 00:06:33,083 in West Minister Abbey. 115 00:06:39,083 --> 00:06:42,923 Elizabeth One was a new sort of king, in that she was a queen, 116 00:06:42,923 --> 00:06:46,443 which meant she got paid less and sat on horses sideways. 117 00:06:46,443 --> 00:06:49,563 To stop persecution, Elizabeth allowed her subjects to 118 00:06:49,563 --> 00:06:52,043 practice whatever religion they liked, as long as 119 00:06:52,043 --> 00:06:54,803 they pretended to be Church of England when asked, like middle 120 00:06:54,803 --> 00:06:58,083 class people do when they want their kids to go to a posh school. 121 00:06:58,083 --> 00:07:01,923 During Elizabeth's reign British culture flourished, especially 122 00:07:01,923 --> 00:07:05,683 the world of theatre, which is sadly still with us to this day. 123 00:07:05,683 --> 00:07:10,443 The greatest playwrighter of the age was Will.i.am Shakespeare. 124 00:07:10,443 --> 00:07:13,723 It's often said if Shakespeare were alive today, 125 00:07:13,723 --> 00:07:16,923 he'd be sending his scripts to television and film companies, 126 00:07:16,923 --> 00:07:20,723 who wouldn't make them because they were so long and boring. 127 00:07:20,723 --> 00:07:24,283 But while audiences thrilled to the tedious drama of Shakespeare's 128 00:07:24,283 --> 00:07:28,163 terrible plays, some pioneering Britons were experiencing 129 00:07:28,163 --> 00:07:31,123 real drama - by going out exploring. 130 00:07:31,123 --> 00:07:34,803 It was now the British got really into boats - 131 00:07:34,803 --> 00:07:36,163 by getting into boats. 132 00:07:37,283 --> 00:07:39,363 Sailors of the time were like spacemen, 133 00:07:39,363 --> 00:07:43,283 but on water, exploring the unknown armed only with an engineless 134 00:07:43,283 --> 00:07:45,203 wooden car called a boat, 135 00:07:45,203 --> 00:07:48,643 and a sort of basic paper sat nav called a map, 136 00:07:48,643 --> 00:07:50,163 which had hardly anything on it 137 00:07:50,163 --> 00:07:52,843 because hardly anything had been found yet. 138 00:07:52,843 --> 00:07:56,843 On maps of the sea, do they show the hills? 139 00:07:56,843 --> 00:08:00,603 You know, the little moving hills with the white bit on top? 140 00:08:00,603 --> 00:08:01,763 The waves? 141 00:08:01,763 --> 00:08:06,443 Is that what they call the moving hills with the white bits on top? 142 00:08:06,443 --> 00:08:08,283 I think, I think that's what you mean. 143 00:08:08,283 --> 00:08:12,443 Did an explorer ever try to sail into the sky? 144 00:08:12,443 --> 00:08:15,243 You know, find a bit of sea that's sort of going up and... 145 00:08:16,643 --> 00:08:18,123 No. 146 00:08:18,123 --> 00:08:21,243 Despite the difficulty, King Queen Elizabeth sent 147 00:08:21,243 --> 00:08:24,403 a load of sailors over the sea to nick treasure off the Spanish, 148 00:08:24,403 --> 00:08:27,763 and then to nick whole countries off whichever brown people were 149 00:08:27,763 --> 00:08:29,483 standing on them at the time. 150 00:08:29,483 --> 00:08:32,963 The first British explorer to do this was Sir Walter Raleigh. 151 00:08:32,963 --> 00:08:35,523 Sir Walter Raleigh was a great sailor, wasn't he? 152 00:08:35,523 --> 00:08:38,763 So why is it today we only remember him for his bikes? 153 00:08:40,643 --> 00:08:43,803 Well, there might have been a connection between that 154 00:08:43,803 --> 00:08:46,603 branch of the Raleigh family and the later bike manufacturer, 155 00:08:46,603 --> 00:08:48,163 but I very much doubt it. 156 00:08:48,163 --> 00:08:51,723 People weren't using cycles of any kind in Sir Walter Raleigh's days. 157 00:08:51,723 --> 00:08:52,803 Oh, really? 158 00:08:52,803 --> 00:08:55,243 I think we really have to accept that Sir Walter Raleigh was 159 00:08:55,243 --> 00:08:56,883 really just an expert sailor. 160 00:08:56,883 --> 00:08:59,963 How did Sir Walter Raleigh invent the potato? 161 00:09:01,243 --> 00:09:03,643 Well, he didn't invent the potato, in that 162 00:09:03,643 --> 00:09:07,283 I don't think anyone actually has ever invented a root vegetable. 163 00:09:07,283 --> 00:09:09,483 Because they were obviously being cultivated 164 00:09:09,483 --> 00:09:12,763 and used by people living in the Americas when he arrived there. 165 00:09:12,763 --> 00:09:17,123 When Sir Walter Raleigh first saw potatoes, was he scared of them? 166 00:09:18,203 --> 00:09:21,043 I think that when Sir Walter Raleigh first saw potatoes, not that 167 00:09:21,043 --> 00:09:24,603 we've any documented records on the moment when he first beheld 168 00:09:24,603 --> 00:09:29,203 a potato or a field of potatoes, but I don't think he was scared of them. 169 00:09:29,203 --> 00:09:30,923 This is a buccaneering character. 170 00:09:30,923 --> 00:09:34,203 And I think he probably was able to take on and 171 00:09:34,203 --> 00:09:39,163 manage his emotions whilst engaging with potatoes at first sight. 172 00:09:39,163 --> 00:09:43,643 We still celebrate potatoes to this day - by buying and eating them. 173 00:09:43,643 --> 00:09:46,283 It's amazing to think that Queen Elizabeth was the first 174 00:09:46,283 --> 00:09:49,283 British monarch to be impressed by a baked potato. 175 00:09:49,283 --> 00:09:50,403 And the last. 176 00:09:55,563 --> 00:09:57,683 Walter Raleigh was big news 177 00:09:57,683 --> 00:10:01,883 but he wasn't quite as big news as Sir Francis Drake. 178 00:10:01,883 --> 00:10:05,003 This is Drake's ship, The Golden Hind, which is 179 00:10:05,003 --> 00:10:07,523 Tudor for "Arse of Gold". 180 00:10:07,523 --> 00:10:11,603 It was in this ship Drake became the first person to circumcise the 181 00:10:11,603 --> 00:10:16,083 globe, which is probably why this sort of ship is called a "clipper". 182 00:10:16,083 --> 00:10:19,403 Imagine being on deck in that perilous age. 183 00:10:19,403 --> 00:10:21,283 You're in the middle of the ocean. 184 00:10:21,283 --> 00:10:23,843 A mighty thunderstorm's brewing. 185 00:10:23,843 --> 00:10:25,963 There's a sailor over there. 186 00:10:25,963 --> 00:10:27,963 Another one over there. 187 00:10:27,963 --> 00:10:32,723 The king sailor turning the...the steering wheel thing. 188 00:10:32,723 --> 00:10:37,203 Potatoes and spare wooden legs rolling around the deck. 189 00:10:37,203 --> 00:10:40,443 A seagull up that, er...pole thing. 190 00:10:41,803 --> 00:10:45,883 Someone reading a treasure map through a telescope. 191 00:10:45,883 --> 00:10:49,083 A bloke with a white beard carrying a tray of fish fingers. 192 00:10:49,083 --> 00:10:53,283 Pirates all laughing in that sort of horrible throaty way that they do. 193 00:10:53,283 --> 00:10:54,563 And, at any moment, 194 00:10:54,563 --> 00:10:58,123 the prospect that you might just sail off the edge of the world. 195 00:10:58,123 --> 00:11:00,203 It's a sobering thought. 196 00:11:00,203 --> 00:11:01,803 Which they'd have needed 197 00:11:01,803 --> 00:11:05,003 because they were all pissed to the bollocks on rum. 198 00:11:05,003 --> 00:11:07,723 The British's mastery of the oceans made 199 00:11:07,723 --> 00:11:11,523 Catholic King Philip of Spain furious, in Spanish. 200 00:11:11,523 --> 00:11:14,363 So he sent his secret weapon to attack England - 201 00:11:14,363 --> 00:11:17,043 a woman called Spanish Amanda. 202 00:11:17,043 --> 00:11:19,723 The story goes that Drake was playing a leisurely 203 00:11:19,723 --> 00:11:23,123 game of bowls on Plymouth Hoe when the Spanish attacked. 204 00:11:25,363 --> 00:11:29,003 But Drake didn't let the Spanish attack put him off his stroke. 205 00:11:29,003 --> 00:11:31,843 He just carried on playing with his balls. 206 00:11:32,883 --> 00:11:35,363 According to records, when he'd finished, 207 00:11:35,363 --> 00:11:39,363 Drake changed back into his normal shoes, and thrashed the Spaniards. 208 00:11:39,363 --> 00:11:41,043 At war, not bowling. 209 00:11:41,043 --> 00:11:42,763 England was victorious. 210 00:11:47,083 --> 00:11:50,363 Meanwhile in Scotland there was another Mary on the scene - 211 00:11:50,363 --> 00:11:52,563 Mary Queen Offscots. 212 00:11:52,563 --> 00:11:55,763 Mary and Elizabeth were rivals for the throne. 213 00:11:55,763 --> 00:11:59,763 Catholics loved Mary, because they go mad for anyone called Mary. 214 00:11:59,763 --> 00:12:03,283 So Elizabeth cut her head off, which made it harder for Mary to 215 00:12:03,283 --> 00:12:07,043 take the throne, because she could no longer see where it was. 216 00:12:07,043 --> 00:12:09,243 Elizabeth had ended the rivalry. 217 00:12:09,243 --> 00:12:11,683 The final score was one head, to nil. 218 00:12:13,003 --> 00:12:15,163 Elizabeth died without ever marrying, 219 00:12:15,163 --> 00:12:17,843 so has gone down in history as the Vegan Queen. 220 00:12:17,843 --> 00:12:21,123 She left no heirs, which was the olden word for children, 221 00:12:21,123 --> 00:12:24,483 making her the season finale of the Tudors. 222 00:12:24,483 --> 00:12:27,643 The next top Royal was King James, who luckily 223 00:12:27,643 --> 00:12:29,803 hadn't inherited his mum's missing head, 224 00:12:29,803 --> 00:12:34,283 and so could become King of Scotland and England at the same time. 225 00:12:34,283 --> 00:12:39,803 King James I of England was also King James VI of Scotland, 226 00:12:39,803 --> 00:12:41,283 wasn't he? He was. 227 00:12:41,283 --> 00:12:45,363 Was he also the other five King James' in between? 228 00:12:45,363 --> 00:12:49,003 No, but he was rather conscious of those other five James'. 229 00:12:49,003 --> 00:12:51,923 Do you think he ever forgot which James he was? 230 00:12:51,923 --> 00:12:55,483 No, I'm pretty sure that he knew there'd been all five before him 231 00:12:55,483 --> 00:12:57,083 and they'd had rotten lives. 232 00:12:57,083 --> 00:12:59,443 Oh. The first had been murdered by his subjects, 233 00:12:59,443 --> 00:13:02,603 the second killed by an exploding cannon, the third was murdered 234 00:13:02,603 --> 00:13:06,283 by his subjects after losing a battle, the forth was killed in 235 00:13:06,283 --> 00:13:10,443 battle and the fifth died of nervous exhaustion after losing a battle. 236 00:13:10,443 --> 00:13:13,283 So was it just bad luck being called James then, do you think? 237 00:13:13,283 --> 00:13:16,523 No, the Stuarts are an astonishingly accident-prone family. 238 00:13:16,523 --> 00:13:20,723 King James brought England, Scotland and Wales together, didn't he? 239 00:13:20,723 --> 00:13:24,123 King James brought England, Scotland, Wales, Cornwall 240 00:13:24,123 --> 00:13:25,203 and Ireland together. 241 00:13:25,203 --> 00:13:27,723 So he brought all those together. That's right. 242 00:13:27,723 --> 00:13:31,803 Like Simon Cowell when he brought together... 243 00:13:31,803 --> 00:13:32,883 One Direction. 244 00:13:33,883 --> 00:13:36,283 Yes, except it lasted a bit longer. 245 00:13:36,283 --> 00:13:37,923 Which is your favourite? 246 00:13:37,923 --> 00:13:39,043 Of the kingdoms? 247 00:13:39,043 --> 00:13:40,443 No, of One Direction. 248 00:13:40,443 --> 00:13:42,043 Er...I don't have one. 249 00:13:42,043 --> 00:13:44,043 Yeah, very wise. 250 00:13:44,043 --> 00:13:46,883 Thanks to King James, Great Britain was born. 251 00:13:46,883 --> 00:13:49,683 And with it came a new flag, the Onion Jack - 252 00:13:49,683 --> 00:13:52,963 a sort of megamix of the nations' previous flags. 253 00:13:52,963 --> 00:13:56,563 The Onion Jack has it all - the white and red of England, 254 00:13:56,563 --> 00:13:57,923 the blue of Scotland, 255 00:13:57,923 --> 00:14:00,443 and from Wales, red again, from the dragon, 256 00:14:00,443 --> 00:14:02,043 but not the actual dragon 257 00:14:02,043 --> 00:14:03,963 even though it's the best bit of the flag. 258 00:14:03,963 --> 00:14:06,923 Basically, whoever was doing this probably just had a ruler 259 00:14:06,923 --> 00:14:09,243 and couldn't face doing the dragon. 260 00:14:09,243 --> 00:14:12,603 King James was Protestant, and knew that Catholics wanted to 261 00:14:12,603 --> 00:14:16,283 kill him, so he had all his clothes padded in case he was stabbed. 262 00:14:16,283 --> 00:14:19,443 Unfortunately, he didn't have the Houses of Parliament padded, 263 00:14:19,443 --> 00:14:21,883 and that's where the Catholics chose to attack, 264 00:14:21,883 --> 00:14:23,843 using explosions. 265 00:14:23,843 --> 00:14:27,163 This photo from the time shows the Gunpowder plotters, 266 00:14:27,163 --> 00:14:30,643 in the hats and false beards they used to hide their identities. 267 00:14:30,643 --> 00:14:32,883 What they didn't know is that someone had written 268 00:14:32,883 --> 00:14:36,723 their names on the wall behind - which is why they all got caught. 269 00:14:36,723 --> 00:14:40,763 But one man was about to cause even more explosive changes to Britain - 270 00:14:40,763 --> 00:14:42,843 Oliver Cromwell. 271 00:14:42,843 --> 00:14:46,363 Some of Cromwell's fellow Puritans had sailed away from Britain's 272 00:14:46,363 --> 00:14:49,723 shores, hoping to forge a new life of Spartan misery in the 273 00:14:49,723 --> 00:14:51,923 new-found land of America. 274 00:14:51,923 --> 00:14:55,203 But Cromwell stayed behind to fall out with King Charles One. 275 00:14:55,203 --> 00:14:58,683 He wanted Parliament dissolved, but nobody could find a glass big 276 00:14:58,683 --> 00:15:02,163 enough, so they decided to have a civil war instead. 277 00:15:07,243 --> 00:15:10,563 They called it a Civil War because there was a swear jar, 278 00:15:10,563 --> 00:15:14,843 and people apologised after killing each other, like in tennis. 279 00:15:14,843 --> 00:15:17,483 The Civil War was a clash of styles. 280 00:15:17,483 --> 00:15:20,923 The King's Cavaliers had panache, and weird outfits, 281 00:15:20,923 --> 00:15:25,043 while Cromwell's Roundheads were basic, brutish little bulldog men. 282 00:15:25,043 --> 00:15:27,803 It was like a fight between Wayne Rooney and Noel Fielding. 283 00:15:27,803 --> 00:15:28,963 But not as funny. 284 00:15:30,483 --> 00:15:34,163 Eventually, after many re-enactments just like this, 285 00:15:34,163 --> 00:15:36,203 the Roundheads won, 1-0. 286 00:15:36,203 --> 00:15:38,603 Charles was caught in a big king net, 287 00:15:38,603 --> 00:15:40,843 and executed here, in Whitehall. 288 00:15:40,843 --> 00:15:44,483 A proud man to the last, he wore two shirts so no-one could see him 289 00:15:44,483 --> 00:15:47,523 shiver, to preserve his regal dignity. 290 00:15:47,523 --> 00:15:49,483 And according to witnesses it worked. 291 00:15:49,483 --> 00:15:52,003 His severed head rolled regally along the ground, 292 00:15:52,003 --> 00:15:54,923 pumping blood everywhere and getting covered in hay and dirt 293 00:15:54,923 --> 00:15:57,643 and dried-up flecks of dignified fox shit, 294 00:15:57,643 --> 00:16:00,403 and no-one mentioned the rest of him shivering at all. 295 00:16:00,403 --> 00:16:03,563 Under Cromwell, Britain became less fun than ever before, 296 00:16:03,563 --> 00:16:05,763 including when it was just rocks. 297 00:16:05,763 --> 00:16:09,603 As a Puritan, Cromwell outlawed popular entertainment - 298 00:16:09,603 --> 00:16:13,563 effectively turning the entire country into BBC FOUR. 299 00:16:13,563 --> 00:16:15,683 Little wonder that after Cromwell died, 300 00:16:15,683 --> 00:16:19,043 everyone decided it would fun having a king once more. 301 00:16:19,043 --> 00:16:22,603 Charles II came down from the tree he'd been hiding in and everyone 302 00:16:22,603 --> 00:16:27,803 was happy again until suddenly, in 1665, the plague happened. 303 00:16:27,803 --> 00:16:29,403 Again. 304 00:16:29,403 --> 00:16:32,363 Why did they decide to have the plague twice? 305 00:16:32,363 --> 00:16:35,523 More than anything it must have just been boring. 306 00:16:35,523 --> 00:16:37,963 Well, they had many, many more times than twice. 307 00:16:37,963 --> 00:16:42,363 Did we get the plague because of the European free movement of rats 308 00:16:42,363 --> 00:16:46,403 and fleas and our inability to control our borders? 309 00:16:46,403 --> 00:16:50,323 It certainly looks as though the epidemic came to England by ship. 310 00:16:50,323 --> 00:16:51,563 Mmm. 311 00:16:51,563 --> 00:16:53,923 So in that sense, yes, it's imported. 312 00:16:53,923 --> 00:16:55,923 They are immigrant rats and fleas. 313 00:16:55,923 --> 00:16:59,603 And they wouldn't integrate, except when they bit us. 314 00:17:00,763 --> 00:17:06,403 The Great Plague of London finally petered out in 1666 - just in time 315 00:17:06,403 --> 00:17:10,163 for The Great Fire of London which started here, in Pudding Lane. 316 00:17:12,243 --> 00:17:13,843 It was a hot, dry summer 317 00:17:13,843 --> 00:17:17,523 when a thatched wooden bakery full of highly combustible flour 318 00:17:17,523 --> 00:17:21,403 and flaming ovens inexplicably caught fire for some reason. 319 00:17:21,403 --> 00:17:24,763 How hot was The Great Fire of London? 320 00:17:24,763 --> 00:17:28,323 Could you, like, stand in somewhere like Maidenhead 321 00:17:28,323 --> 00:17:30,203 and sort of warm your hands on it like that? 322 00:17:30,203 --> 00:17:32,603 You couldn't warm your hands but you probably could see it. 323 00:17:32,603 --> 00:17:36,763 How many other cities did The Great Fire of London burn down? 324 00:17:36,763 --> 00:17:39,763 No other cities, it was The Great Fire of London. 325 00:17:39,763 --> 00:17:42,243 But lots of other places were affected. 326 00:17:42,243 --> 00:17:45,763 But how do we know no other cities burnt down 327 00:17:45,763 --> 00:17:47,763 because it would have burnt them down? 328 00:17:47,763 --> 00:17:50,603 Yes, but we know that London was burnt, even though 329 00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:51,803 it was burnt down. 330 00:17:51,803 --> 00:17:54,323 So we would have the same sorts of information about other 331 00:17:54,323 --> 00:17:55,683 places that didn't burn down. 332 00:17:55,683 --> 00:17:57,563 But there might have been another place burnt down, 333 00:17:57,563 --> 00:17:59,043 that just burnt down completely. 334 00:17:59,043 --> 00:18:01,523 And now we don't know cos it's not there cos it was burnt down. 335 00:18:01,523 --> 00:18:04,083 But then that wouldn't be part of The Great Fire of London, would it? 336 00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:06,723 No, it would be outside, wouldn't it? Yes. 337 00:18:06,723 --> 00:18:08,883 So were there any others that burnt down? 338 00:18:08,883 --> 00:18:11,803 There don't seem to have been any other fires at the same time. 339 00:18:11,803 --> 00:18:13,723 Although we don't know cos they burnt down. 340 00:18:13,723 --> 00:18:15,803 Well, that's one way of looking at it. 341 00:18:15,803 --> 00:18:17,723 We know a lot about the plague 342 00:18:17,723 --> 00:18:21,723 and the Fire of London from the diaries of this man - Samuel Pepys. 343 00:18:21,723 --> 00:18:25,643 Samuel Pepys is probably the most famous diarist in the world. 344 00:18:25,643 --> 00:18:29,003 Apart from Anne Frank, but no-one knows what happened to her. 345 00:18:29,003 --> 00:18:32,643 We do know what happened to Pepys, because he put it in his diary. 346 00:18:32,643 --> 00:18:34,483 Pepys was brave, wasn't he, 347 00:18:34,483 --> 00:18:37,603 writing his diary at the time of The Great Fire of London? 348 00:18:37,603 --> 00:18:39,283 You know, all that paper. 349 00:18:39,283 --> 00:18:42,243 He risked his life for us really, didn't he? 350 00:18:42,243 --> 00:18:43,843 I don't think he risked his life for us. 351 00:18:43,843 --> 00:18:45,323 It was for himself. 352 00:18:45,323 --> 00:18:49,403 If Pepys was alive today, do you think he'd be doing Snapchat? 353 00:18:49,403 --> 00:18:50,923 And it's best to say yes 354 00:18:50,923 --> 00:18:53,163 because we're trying to attract younger viewers. 355 00:18:53,163 --> 00:18:56,643 Yes, I'm sure he would be. Yeah. Definitely, yeah. 356 00:18:56,643 --> 00:19:00,323 After the fire was blown out by the King, London was extensively 357 00:19:00,323 --> 00:19:02,443 rebuilt by Sir Christopher Wren - 358 00:19:02,443 --> 00:19:05,603 the most significant bird in British history since Francis Drake. 359 00:19:07,163 --> 00:19:09,403 This is his finest achievement. 360 00:19:09,403 --> 00:19:11,003 Sir Paul's Cathedral - 361 00:19:11,003 --> 00:19:13,723 built on a site of spiritual significance near the 362 00:19:13,723 --> 00:19:17,643 Sainsbury's Local and the restaurant where they do First Dates. 363 00:19:17,643 --> 00:19:19,123 As well as being big, 364 00:19:19,123 --> 00:19:22,683 the Cathedral was the first building in the world with a hat. 365 00:19:22,683 --> 00:19:25,683 It would get ten out of ten in Cathedral Review Monthly, 366 00:19:25,683 --> 00:19:28,763 if that magazine existed, which it doesn't. 367 00:19:28,763 --> 00:19:32,003 Meanwhile, London wasn't the only thing that was being burned - 368 00:19:32,003 --> 00:19:33,803 witches were too. 369 00:19:33,803 --> 00:19:37,083 People genuinely believed witches were amongst them, 370 00:19:37,083 --> 00:19:40,643 their fear fuelled by leaked photos like this. 371 00:19:40,643 --> 00:19:42,763 There wasn't a clear-cut way of telling 372 00:19:42,763 --> 00:19:46,083 whether someone was a witch if they weren't wearing their pointy hat. 373 00:19:46,083 --> 00:19:50,643 So Britain appointed its first and only Witchfinder General. 374 00:19:50,643 --> 00:19:53,643 Who was the Witchfinder General? 375 00:19:53,643 --> 00:19:56,563 The Witchfinder General was a young man called Matthew Hopkins. 376 00:19:56,563 --> 00:19:59,243 Matthew Hopkins?! He went to my school. 377 00:19:59,243 --> 00:20:01,763 This was a different Matthew Hopkins, I hope. 378 00:20:01,763 --> 00:20:04,243 How'd you know? He's an IT consultant now. 379 00:20:04,243 --> 00:20:08,563 Well, the Matthew Hopkins I'm talking about died 350 years ago. 380 00:20:08,563 --> 00:20:11,603 He went on a witch hunt which covered the whole of East Anglia 381 00:20:11,603 --> 00:20:15,123 and resulted in the death of about 100 women. 382 00:20:15,123 --> 00:20:17,603 Yeah, it's not the same Matthew Hopkins. 383 00:20:17,603 --> 00:20:21,483 No. My Matthew Hopkins is going through a divorce. 384 00:20:21,483 --> 00:20:24,043 Well, I think that's pretty harrowing, 385 00:20:24,043 --> 00:20:27,363 but compared with stringing up aged women upon scaffolds 386 00:20:27,363 --> 00:20:30,483 and torturing them into confession, it's probably fairly minor. 387 00:20:30,483 --> 00:20:32,843 Yeah, puts everything in perspective, doesn't it? 388 00:20:32,843 --> 00:20:35,523 That's the great thing about history. Mmm. 389 00:20:35,523 --> 00:20:39,883 Matthew Hopkins devised a method to test if a woman was a witch. 390 00:20:39,883 --> 00:20:42,843 Hopkins' method was absolutely fool-proof. 391 00:20:42,843 --> 00:20:46,563 Which was handy, because it had to be done by village idiots. 392 00:20:46,563 --> 00:20:49,123 The accused woman was lowered into water. 393 00:20:49,123 --> 00:20:51,723 If they floated they were a witch and were killed. 394 00:20:51,723 --> 00:20:53,683 If they drowned they were innocent, 395 00:20:53,683 --> 00:20:55,763 and could go on living a normal life, 396 00:20:55,763 --> 00:20:58,523 underwater, for two to three seconds. 397 00:20:58,523 --> 00:21:00,563 But the irrational world of witches 398 00:21:00,563 --> 00:21:03,323 and wizards was about to be blown away by the rational 399 00:21:03,323 --> 00:21:07,923 world of science - and geniuses like Sir Isaac Newton. 400 00:21:07,923 --> 00:21:12,563 In 1665, Newton ran away from London because the plague was after him. 401 00:21:12,563 --> 00:21:16,123 So he came here, to Woolsthorpe Manor in Lincolnshire - 402 00:21:16,123 --> 00:21:18,683 a National Trust property that he was allowed to live in 403 00:21:18,683 --> 00:21:20,203 because he was famous. 404 00:21:20,203 --> 00:21:23,123 The story goes that an apple fell from this tree 405 00:21:23,123 --> 00:21:25,043 and landed on Newton's head. 406 00:21:25,043 --> 00:21:26,803 Despite his amazing hair, 407 00:21:26,803 --> 00:21:29,723 the force of the fruity blow caused several of his brain cells to 408 00:21:29,723 --> 00:21:34,283 rub together - and just like that he invented gravity. 409 00:21:34,283 --> 00:21:38,203 What was the world like before Isaac Newton discovered gravity? 410 00:21:38,203 --> 00:21:41,203 Was everything just floating up to the sky? 411 00:21:41,203 --> 00:21:44,563 Well, gravity was always there so it just took... 412 00:21:44,563 --> 00:21:46,243 But he just took the credit for it. 413 00:21:46,243 --> 00:21:50,283 Because he had come up with laws of motion and things like that, 414 00:21:50,283 --> 00:21:54,563 gravity was a major part of his understanding of the world. 415 00:21:54,563 --> 00:21:58,403 If gravity's real, as you seem to be claiming, 416 00:21:58,403 --> 00:22:00,483 how come it doesn't work on kites? 417 00:22:01,803 --> 00:22:05,723 In all things there's a balance of forces, and so a kite stays 418 00:22:05,723 --> 00:22:12,243 in the air because of forces that are keeping the kite in the air. 419 00:22:12,243 --> 00:22:15,843 Would you say the best example of gravity today is the game show 420 00:22:15,843 --> 00:22:17,323 Tipping Point, 421 00:22:17,323 --> 00:22:19,563 cos without gravity that wouldn't work, would it? 422 00:22:19,563 --> 00:22:20,803 For sure. Mmm. 423 00:22:20,803 --> 00:22:23,003 But I wouldn't say it's the best example of gravity. 424 00:22:23,003 --> 00:22:25,163 There's way more exciting examples than that. 425 00:22:25,163 --> 00:22:26,883 Go on. Tell me. 426 00:22:26,883 --> 00:22:31,403 Well, there's flight and...there's walking on the moon. 427 00:22:31,403 --> 00:22:35,883 Oh, I thought you meant "what's the best game show version of gravity". 428 00:22:35,883 --> 00:22:37,323 Oh, erm... 429 00:22:38,283 --> 00:22:39,363 Deal or No Deal? 430 00:22:40,403 --> 00:22:42,123 It doesn't really use gravity. 431 00:22:42,123 --> 00:22:45,443 Well, I thought you said everything uses gravity. Erm... 432 00:22:45,443 --> 00:22:48,723 Cos Noel Edmonds would be up in the roof otherwise, wouldn't he? 433 00:22:48,723 --> 00:22:49,963 That's true. 434 00:22:49,963 --> 00:22:53,523 We're all subject to gravity without realising it. Mmm. 435 00:22:53,523 --> 00:22:56,123 But the game would still go on... Mmm. 436 00:22:56,123 --> 00:22:57,523 ...even without gravity. 437 00:22:57,523 --> 00:22:58,843 Or maybe not actually. 438 00:22:58,843 --> 00:23:00,163 I've thrown you now, haven't I? 439 00:23:00,163 --> 00:23:01,323 You have. 440 00:23:01,323 --> 00:23:02,403 Made you think. 441 00:23:03,363 --> 00:23:05,523 But gravity had a dark side. 442 00:23:05,523 --> 00:23:08,803 While everyone in Britain was busy thinking about why things fall, 443 00:23:08,803 --> 00:23:12,403 across the Atlantic an entire nation was about to tumble, 444 00:23:12,403 --> 00:23:13,523 just like an apple, 445 00:23:13,523 --> 00:23:15,043 onto Britain's head. 446 00:23:15,043 --> 00:23:17,643 On 4th July, 1776, 447 00:23:17,643 --> 00:23:21,523 America officially declared a war of independence from the British. 448 00:23:21,523 --> 00:23:23,203 It was a brutal conflict, 449 00:23:23,203 --> 00:23:26,203 with the British eventually suffering a humiliating defeat 450 00:23:26,203 --> 00:23:31,883 a mere 210 years before the premiere of the BBC sitcom Brush Strokes. 451 00:23:41,243 --> 00:23:47,843 # Because of you, these things I do 452 00:23:49,683 --> 00:23:52,803 # Because of you # 453 00:23:54,083 --> 00:23:59,243 # Because of you, oh... # 454 00:24:01,083 --> 00:24:04,363 Losing America was a real knee in the balls for Britain, 455 00:24:04,363 --> 00:24:06,723 but fortunately for national pride, 456 00:24:06,723 --> 00:24:09,683 one great British hero was about to rise - 457 00:24:09,683 --> 00:24:13,083 Vice Admiral Viscount Lord Horrorshow Nelson. 458 00:24:13,083 --> 00:24:15,483 What was Lord Nelson all about? 459 00:24:15,483 --> 00:24:18,723 Why did his parents call him Horrorshow? 460 00:24:18,723 --> 00:24:22,483 Well, I think they probably intended it to be pronounced Horatio. 461 00:24:22,483 --> 00:24:26,483 But it just got mish-mashed up and became Horrorshow? 462 00:24:26,483 --> 00:24:30,883 No, I think that most people still know him as Horatio Nelson. 463 00:24:30,883 --> 00:24:33,883 As well as being a sailor, Nelson found time to 464 00:24:33,883 --> 00:24:38,683 star in lots of old paintings, doing his weird signature pose. 465 00:24:38,683 --> 00:24:42,283 Why did Nelson always have one hand up his jumper? 466 00:24:42,283 --> 00:24:43,763 What was he doing up there? 467 00:24:45,043 --> 00:24:49,043 He'd lost most of his right arm, so it wasn't really trying to 468 00:24:49,043 --> 00:24:52,923 conceal his hand, he was actually missing an arm. 469 00:24:52,923 --> 00:24:54,763 Oh, God. 470 00:24:54,763 --> 00:24:57,323 How do we know that that's true, though? 471 00:24:57,323 --> 00:25:00,123 Cos, you know, Rod Hull, 472 00:25:00,123 --> 00:25:03,563 he used to have his arm round an emu, didn't he? 473 00:25:05,043 --> 00:25:06,883 It might have just been that. 474 00:25:06,883 --> 00:25:08,523 He didn't have it blown off at all. 475 00:25:08,523 --> 00:25:11,723 He was just trying to make his story more interesting. 476 00:25:11,723 --> 00:25:13,683 Well, I don't see why he would bother to do that. 477 00:25:13,683 --> 00:25:15,123 He was already a heroic figure, 478 00:25:15,123 --> 00:25:17,643 so I don't think he needed to sort of feign, you know, 479 00:25:17,643 --> 00:25:22,363 serious injury to, if you like, deepen his growing legend. 480 00:25:22,363 --> 00:25:26,963 So I think we can probably say that, unlike some things, this is true. 481 00:25:26,963 --> 00:25:28,963 Yeah, and the eye was true. 482 00:25:28,963 --> 00:25:30,963 The eye was true as well, yes, he wore a patch. 483 00:25:30,963 --> 00:25:34,043 So he was like a pirate, but like a boring one. 484 00:25:35,323 --> 00:25:38,003 Not being able to clap wasn't the most annoying 485 00:25:38,003 --> 00:25:41,123 thing in Nelson's life, he had an arch-enemy - 486 00:25:41,123 --> 00:25:45,723 the annoyingly similar French pirate Napoleon Cumberbatch. 487 00:25:45,723 --> 00:25:49,003 The fearsome French Emperor had conquered most of Europe 488 00:25:49,003 --> 00:25:51,963 and was on the verge of having a conquer at Britain. 489 00:25:51,963 --> 00:25:53,323 But before he could, 490 00:25:53,323 --> 00:25:56,803 he had to have a Battle of Trafalgar against Nelson. 491 00:25:58,243 --> 00:26:01,323 The Battle of Trafalgar was one of the most famous water 492 00:26:01,323 --> 00:26:03,243 fights in British history. 493 00:26:03,243 --> 00:26:06,923 And it took place, of course, here in Trafalgar Square. 494 00:26:06,923 --> 00:26:08,803 It's amazing to think that back then, 495 00:26:08,803 --> 00:26:10,803 all of this would have been under water. 496 00:26:10,803 --> 00:26:13,483 Only the top of the column would have been visible. 497 00:26:13,483 --> 00:26:16,483 On this side, Nelson's English ships. 498 00:26:16,483 --> 00:26:20,523 On this side, by the Pret A Manger, the French fleet. 499 00:26:20,523 --> 00:26:23,123 And overseeing it all was Nelson, 500 00:26:23,123 --> 00:26:27,683 stranded on top of his stone stick - where he remains to this day. 501 00:26:27,683 --> 00:26:32,083 If Nelson was such a hero, why did we banish him up that big pole? 502 00:26:32,083 --> 00:26:36,283 Well, it's not a banishment, this was a national celebration. 503 00:26:36,283 --> 00:26:39,403 So this was very much, if you like, a symbol of British victory 504 00:26:39,403 --> 00:26:43,203 and pride, and honouring of the man who had been 505 00:26:43,203 --> 00:26:45,923 so intimately associated with delivering victory at Trafalgar. 506 00:26:45,923 --> 00:26:48,723 But he's so high up, isn't he? 507 00:26:48,723 --> 00:26:50,443 He's sort of out of eye shot. 508 00:26:51,683 --> 00:26:54,003 Well... And he's getting shat on by birds. 509 00:26:54,003 --> 00:26:56,123 Yeah, I mean, it's...it's a.... 510 00:26:56,123 --> 00:26:57,883 Couldn't we have had him a little bit lower 511 00:26:57,883 --> 00:26:59,203 so that we can have a look at him? 512 00:26:59,203 --> 00:27:01,643 Well, it's a fair point, I mean... It's just like a joke. 513 00:27:01,643 --> 00:27:02,803 Yeah. 514 00:27:02,803 --> 00:27:06,603 Nelson's great victory at Trafalgar was sadly spoiled for him 515 00:27:06,603 --> 00:27:08,723 when he was shot by a French sniper. 516 00:27:08,723 --> 00:27:12,883 Taken below decks, he was comforted by his Naval colleague Hardy, 517 00:27:12,883 --> 00:27:15,123 who kissed him to death. 518 00:27:15,123 --> 00:27:19,683 If Hardy was kissing Nelson at the exact moment he was dying, 519 00:27:19,683 --> 00:27:23,403 to what extent would that make him a necrophile? 520 00:27:23,403 --> 00:27:25,683 Cos that's a serious offence. 521 00:27:25,683 --> 00:27:30,123 Well, it took him three or four hours to die, and this particular 522 00:27:30,123 --> 00:27:34,403 famous moment took place when Nelson was still very much alive. 523 00:27:34,403 --> 00:27:36,483 So there was nothing dodgy about it? 524 00:27:36,483 --> 00:27:38,563 Nothing dodgy at all. 525 00:27:38,563 --> 00:27:40,083 Nelson may have died, 526 00:27:40,083 --> 00:27:43,963 but a whole new chapter of British history was about to be born. 527 00:27:43,963 --> 00:27:45,963 And it was all thanks to one woman. 528 00:27:45,963 --> 00:27:48,043 Queen Victorian Era. 529 00:27:48,043 --> 00:27:50,603 But that's a story for another time and place - 530 00:27:50,603 --> 00:27:52,243 next week and here. 531 00:27:53,483 --> 00:27:56,243 Next time, I'll be looking at the 19th century 532 00:27:56,243 --> 00:27:57,963 and asking the big questions. 533 00:27:57,963 --> 00:27:59,323 Who was Albert Hall? 534 00:27:59,323 --> 00:28:00,763 Why did Oliver Twist? 535 00:28:00,763 --> 00:28:03,323 And what are Words Worth? 536 00:28:03,323 --> 00:28:07,123 Wordsworth wrote "I wandered lonely as a cloud", 537 00:28:07,123 --> 00:28:10,243 but clouds don't have legs, do they? 538 00:28:10,243 --> 00:28:11,323 No. 539 00:28:11,323 --> 00:28:14,003 So how was he allowed to get away with that kind of stuff?