1
00:00:12,721 --> 00:00:13,638
All right, men!
2
00:00:13,722 --> 00:00:15,181
[clears throat loudly]
3
00:00:15,265 --> 00:00:17,767
All right, I'm sorry. Men and Kevin.
4
00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:19,310
- [Gina] Hm.
- [Kevin sighs]
5
00:00:19,394 --> 00:00:22,188
To ensure you're in good enough shape
to serve on the force,
6
00:00:22,272 --> 00:00:24,357
you're all gonna have to pass
a fitness test.
7
00:00:24,441 --> 00:00:25,942
Now, where the hell is Dusty?
8
00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:27,902
Sorry, I was just warming up...
9
00:00:27,986 --> 00:00:30,113
this lasagna. Y'all want a piece?
10
00:00:30,196 --> 00:00:32,115
Well, fuck off. You ain't getting none.
11
00:00:33,408 --> 00:00:34,284
[gulps]
12
00:00:34,367 --> 00:00:36,161
Just get into your workout gear!
13
00:00:36,244 --> 00:00:37,370
Sure, Chief!
14
00:00:37,454 --> 00:00:38,454
Hi-ya!
15
00:00:38,830 --> 00:00:41,916
Ooh, mama likey.
16
00:00:43,501 --> 00:00:45,670
Uh, Gina?
17
00:00:45,754 --> 00:00:47,338
Yeah, you can't do that here.
18
00:00:47,422 --> 00:00:49,924
Oh, relax. I'm just looking for my keys...
19
00:00:50,008 --> 00:00:51,384
to my masturbation hut.
20
00:00:52,302 --> 00:00:54,387
Ah! Squash me, Dusty!
21
00:00:54,471 --> 00:00:57,140
Crush me like a poor person
on Black Friday!
22
00:00:57,223 --> 00:01:00,852
Okay, for our first fitness challenge,
we're gonna climb this rope.
23
00:01:00,935 --> 00:01:03,480
Dusty, get your John Goodman-lookin' ass
up there!
24
00:01:03,563 --> 00:01:05,273
Dad, John Goodman's skinny now.
25
00:01:05,356 --> 00:01:06,356
He'll be back.
26
00:01:06,399 --> 00:01:07,734
Okay, here goes.
27
00:01:07,817 --> 00:01:09,027
[grunting]
28
00:01:09,110 --> 00:01:10,110
I'm doing it.
29
00:01:10,653 --> 00:01:12,363
Hey, y'all, look! I'm doing it!
30
00:01:12,447 --> 00:01:13,656
No, you're not.
31
00:01:16,576 --> 00:01:19,621
Dusty, I just need
to tick a fucking box here, okay?
32
00:01:19,704 --> 00:01:21,498
But you gotta be able to do something.
33
00:01:21,581 --> 00:01:22,874
Can you touch your toes?
34
00:01:22,957 --> 00:01:24,042
I have toes?
35
00:01:24,125 --> 00:01:28,088
Huh. I thought I just floated around
like Slimer from Ghostbusters.
36
00:01:28,171 --> 00:01:29,005
[sighs]
37
00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:32,675
Okay. Can you just walk
from this cone to that co...
38
00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:33,593
Dusty!
39
00:01:33,676 --> 00:01:35,845
Sorry, I heard "cone," and I got hungry.
40
00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:37,931
That's it, white-trash Buddha!
41
00:01:38,014 --> 00:01:40,975
If you wanna keep your job,
you need to join Weight Watchers!
42
00:01:41,059 --> 00:01:43,728
Hate Watchers? Well, I'm already a member.
43
00:01:43,812 --> 00:01:46,898
We just finished watching
season two of Westworld last night.
44
00:01:46,981 --> 00:01:50,735
It's slightly better than
watching two flies fuck on a turd.
45
00:01:51,236 --> 00:01:54,364
Ugh. You fatties are as stupid
as you are gross.
46
00:01:54,447 --> 00:01:56,658
Chief, that is fat shaming.
47
00:01:56,741 --> 00:01:58,993
Stick to racism.
We can all find that funny.
48
00:01:59,077 --> 00:02:00,078
No, he's right.
49
00:02:00,161 --> 00:02:01,830
I should be ashamed.
50
00:02:01,913 --> 00:02:05,542
I almost wasted this Boom Chocolatta
dripping down on my tits.
51
00:02:05,625 --> 00:02:07,210
[moans]
52
00:02:09,879 --> 00:02:11,881
[Gina moaning]
53
00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:13,842
- [theme music playing]
- [Crawford grunts]
54
00:02:13,925 --> 00:02:15,885
- [gunshots]
- [criminal shouts]
55
00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:16,886
[Fitz grunts]
56
00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:18,138
[Gina shouts]
57
00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:20,223
- [shouts, groans]
- [growls]
58
00:02:27,564 --> 00:02:29,774
Honey, I'm ho...
59
00:02:30,275 --> 00:02:33,444
Did you buy another pair
of expensive designer shoes?
60
00:02:33,528 --> 00:02:36,281
- [Dolphin Queen laughs]
- It's time for you to get a job.
61
00:02:36,364 --> 00:02:37,949
You're spending too much money.
62
00:02:38,032 --> 00:02:41,619
You bought 10,000 bottles of Fiji water
to fill the apartment,
63
00:02:41,703 --> 00:02:44,164
which, may I remind you, you shit in.
64
00:02:44,873 --> 00:02:45,707
[buzzing]
65
00:02:45,790 --> 00:02:49,085
Hmm. This is more entertaining
than season two of Westworld.
66
00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:52,922
My name is Thester.
67
00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:57,051
I got depressed when I realized
I look like Patton Oswalt.
68
00:02:57,135 --> 00:03:00,054
So I started to eat my feelings,
69
00:03:00,138 --> 00:03:03,975
but that just made me
look more like Patton Oswalt.
70
00:03:04,058 --> 00:03:07,687
Thester, no one likes
looking like Patton Oswalt.
71
00:03:07,770 --> 00:03:09,063
Especially me.
72
00:03:09,147 --> 00:03:10,607
I'm Patton Oswalt.
73
00:03:10,690 --> 00:03:15,403
Let's all welcome our newest member
to Weight Watchers, Dusty...
74
00:03:15,486 --> 00:03:17,947
I'm sorry, why do you have a grill?
75
00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:20,533
Uh, to make bang bang bacon balls, silly.
76
00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:23,703
I heard y'all work on a point system,
and I plan on winning!
77
00:03:23,786 --> 00:03:24,621
Who wants one?
78
00:03:24,704 --> 00:03:26,456
- Me!
- Me too!
79
00:03:26,539 --> 00:03:29,626
Remember, guys.
Bigger snacks, bigger slacks.
80
00:03:29,709 --> 00:03:31,461
We're all here to lose weight.
81
00:03:31,544 --> 00:03:33,796
Lose weight? Why would we wanna do that?
82
00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:36,466
People should accept themselves
for who they is.
83
00:03:36,549 --> 00:03:37,842
Big is beautiful!
84
00:03:37,926 --> 00:03:40,970
Except for Patton. That's a face thing.
[shudders]
85
00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:42,764
Dusty! Dusty!
86
00:03:42,847 --> 00:03:44,682
That's the spirit, folks!
87
00:03:45,266 --> 00:03:47,769
Now who wants to do a bang bang body shot?
88
00:03:47,852 --> 00:03:50,104
[licking]
89
00:03:50,188 --> 00:03:54,651
Ah! Oh yeah! You gobble those balls,
you hungry, hungry hippos.
90
00:03:54,734 --> 00:03:58,571
Gina, are you masturbating again?
Listen, I think you got a real problem.
91
00:03:58,655 --> 00:04:00,281
I know an addict when I see one.
92
00:04:00,365 --> 00:04:01,741
You buying this crack or what?
93
00:04:01,824 --> 00:04:05,578
'Course I'm gonna buy that crack!
Seriously, Gina, I think you're a junkie.
94
00:04:05,662 --> 00:04:07,497
You still owe me for this crack, man.
95
00:04:07,580 --> 00:04:10,291
I'll suck you off later.
Can't you see my friend's a junkie?
96
00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:13,294
I am not. I can quit whenever I want. See?
97
00:04:13,378 --> 00:04:14,963
How about your other hand?
98
00:04:16,172 --> 00:04:17,382
Feet too.
99
00:04:17,465 --> 00:04:19,384
[squeaking]
100
00:04:21,302 --> 00:04:22,804
Ooh, I am so excited!
101
00:04:22,887 --> 00:04:25,765
I wait all year for my free birthday meal
from Denny's,
102
00:04:25,848 --> 00:04:27,767
America's white-trash eatery.
103
00:04:27,850 --> 00:04:30,937
I'm sorry, sir,
but we're completely out of food.
104
00:04:31,020 --> 00:04:32,939
Out of food? How could that be?
105
00:04:33,982 --> 00:04:36,484
[gobbling]
106
00:04:36,567 --> 00:04:39,404
Ain't this better than a diet?
A lot of people don't know this,
107
00:04:39,487 --> 00:04:42,240
but Denny's will let you
order off the senior menu
108
00:04:42,323 --> 00:04:44,617
as long as you only got
two years left to live.
109
00:04:44,701 --> 00:04:45,952
[all] Ooh!
110
00:04:46,035 --> 00:04:47,829
[all] Ah!
111
00:04:47,912 --> 00:04:50,039
You think that's something?
Check this out.
112
00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:54,711
Oh my God! He can turn water into wine!
113
00:04:54,794 --> 00:04:57,380
Wine? That's Purplesaurus Rex, silly.
114
00:04:57,463 --> 00:05:00,925
Doctor said my blood sugar's so high,
I'm basically one big Kool-Aid packet.
115
00:05:02,218 --> 00:05:05,013
Great.
More fat people to turn Gina's head.
116
00:05:05,096 --> 00:05:06,848
Why am I doomed to die alone?
117
00:05:06,931 --> 00:05:08,850
Because you cried when Iron Man died?
118
00:05:08,933 --> 00:05:10,560
I loved him 3,000.
119
00:05:10,643 --> 00:05:13,062
Look at these lard-asses
ruining the country
120
00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:14,814
and my birthday breakfast.
121
00:05:14,897 --> 00:05:17,525
Jesus, Randall,
where is this hostility coming from?
122
00:05:17,608 --> 00:05:21,237
I don't know, Karen, maybe from
my acute allergy to tubs of shit.
123
00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:23,448
I mean, could they be any more disgusting?
124
00:05:26,367 --> 00:05:27,994
Ooh, sausage!
125
00:05:29,579 --> 00:05:31,831
Nope, that was a cat turd.
126
00:05:33,833 --> 00:05:35,543
And the answer is "yes."
127
00:05:35,626 --> 00:05:39,047
Don't worry. Denny's always makes me
too big for my britches.
128
00:05:39,130 --> 00:05:41,549
That's why I carry emergency slankets,
129
00:05:41,632 --> 00:05:44,886
the perfect portmanteau
of sadness and blanket.
130
00:05:44,969 --> 00:05:48,348
And it can be used for everything,
except wiping your ass.
131
00:05:48,431 --> 00:05:52,435
Unless you're wearing a flushable slanket,
which I am!
132
00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:57,940
Okay, son. Picc-o-lo.
133
00:05:58,024 --> 00:05:59,942
This is a piccolo.
134
00:06:00,026 --> 00:06:01,486
Huh. Now you say it.
135
00:06:02,987 --> 00:06:05,698
Damn it, this shit must come from
your side of the family.
136
00:06:06,282 --> 00:06:07,825
[squeaking]
137
00:06:08,910 --> 00:06:10,536
You got a job? Where?
138
00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:12,121
[squeaking]
139
00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:15,249
SeaWorld? Oh! We're gonna be rich!
140
00:06:15,333 --> 00:06:17,668
Heh, and I know just how to celebrate.
141
00:06:18,169 --> 00:06:20,421
Fuck you, fuck this town,
142
00:06:20,505 --> 00:06:23,758
fuck these mutants who want to kill me!
I quit!
143
00:06:23,841 --> 00:06:24,842
[groans]
144
00:06:31,474 --> 00:06:35,353
Greetings and salu-tater-tots,
you bony bitches.
145
00:06:35,436 --> 00:06:37,021
What the fuck, Dusty?
146
00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:40,274
I sent you to Weight Watchers,
and you started a fat cult!
147
00:06:40,358 --> 00:06:41,484
It's not a cult!
148
00:06:41,567 --> 00:06:43,903
These are just friends
who do everything I say,
149
00:06:43,986 --> 00:06:47,490
offer me their bodies for sex,
and occasionally kill people in my name.
150
00:06:47,573 --> 00:06:49,200
Does that sound like a cult to you?
151
00:06:49,283 --> 00:06:51,202
Given that you've grown a fourth FUPA,
152
00:06:51,285 --> 00:06:54,831
I see you have no interest in passing
the fitness test and keeping your job.
153
00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:57,083
Nah, I don't need money anyways.
154
00:06:57,166 --> 00:06:58,668
My new non-cult friends
155
00:06:58,751 --> 00:07:01,879
have generously given me
all their life savings,
156
00:07:01,963 --> 00:07:03,005
except Donald.
157
00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:05,341
He's a little bit... Jew-ish.
158
00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:07,885
You're fired, Dusty! Get out of my sight!
159
00:07:07,969 --> 00:07:11,556
And make sure to take all the other
Ranch Davidians. Boom!
160
00:07:11,639 --> 00:07:13,182
Ranch Davidians?
161
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:17,103
I wonder how many clever fat-cult puns
we gonna hear this episode.
162
00:07:17,186 --> 00:07:18,646
And you can't fire me.
163
00:07:18,729 --> 00:07:19,730
I quit!
164
00:07:21,065 --> 00:07:24,819
Oh man, look at all those big,
sexy Pie-entologists.
165
00:07:24,902 --> 00:07:25,902
Boom!
166
00:07:26,362 --> 00:07:29,115
Whoa, Jesus! What's going on down there?
167
00:07:29,198 --> 00:07:31,284
Guess I rubbed it raw,
but it's probably fine.
168
00:07:31,367 --> 00:07:34,370
Fine? It looks like you have
Jon Hamm's crank in your pants.
169
00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:36,205
Google it. He's got a huge pecker.
170
00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:38,875
Orlando Bloom too.
Both of 'em. World-class cocks.
171
00:07:38,958 --> 00:07:40,835
Anyway, you gotta see a doctor.
172
00:07:41,377 --> 00:07:43,087
You know, Dad, I don't think it's good
173
00:07:43,171 --> 00:07:45,006
to have some kind
of fat cult around Gina...
174
00:07:45,089 --> 00:07:47,675
- I mean, around town.
- You're damn right!
175
00:07:47,758 --> 00:07:50,595
We're gonna run these fatties
the hell out of Paradise,
176
00:07:50,678 --> 00:07:53,097
starting with you, John Goodman.
177
00:07:53,181 --> 00:07:54,307
[groans]
178
00:07:54,390 --> 00:07:56,017
I knew I'd be back.
179
00:07:57,268 --> 00:07:58,769
[ominous music plays]
180
00:07:59,770 --> 00:08:04,400
I am sick of society
making us feel bad for being fat.
181
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,027
Even churches do it,
182
00:08:06,110 --> 00:08:08,821
putting skinny little Jesus
up on the cross.
183
00:08:08,905 --> 00:08:12,992
I know Jesus was a fat man
because the Bible's basically a cookbook.
184
00:08:13,075 --> 00:08:14,619
The Garden of Eatin',
185
00:08:14,702 --> 00:08:16,120
the Ten Condiments,
186
00:08:16,204 --> 00:08:17,788
the Arc of the Coconut.
187
00:08:18,539 --> 00:08:22,335
♪ Go lick the chocolate fountain ♪
188
00:08:22,418 --> 00:08:24,962
♪ Let my pizza dough ♪
189
00:08:25,046 --> 00:08:26,881
[all] Praise the Lord!
190
00:08:29,008 --> 00:08:30,008
[screams]
191
00:08:30,051 --> 00:08:32,136
That's a weird-looking milkshake machine.
192
00:08:32,220 --> 00:08:34,472
It's called an exercise bike.
193
00:08:34,555 --> 00:08:36,390
And there's a notice taped to it.
194
00:08:36,474 --> 00:08:41,020
Chief Crawford has declared
a citywide ban on slankets!
195
00:08:41,103 --> 00:08:43,397
That Cardi B butt-chinned sumbitch!
196
00:08:43,481 --> 00:08:45,983
But clothes don't fit us anymore.
197
00:08:46,067 --> 00:08:49,820
What are we gonna do
if we can't wear slankets, O Great One?
198
00:08:49,904 --> 00:08:51,447
Don't worry. I got a solution.
199
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:54,242
In the meantime, let's just hope
Chief don't throw any more
200
00:08:54,325 --> 00:08:56,452
ambiguous exercise stuff
through our window.
201
00:08:57,245 --> 00:08:58,246
Hi!
202
00:08:58,329 --> 00:09:01,457
Come to party off the pounds
with Richard Simmons!
203
00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:04,168
One and two and three! Now heels!
204
00:09:04,919 --> 00:09:07,004
I can see your balls.
205
00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:12,009
Congratulations! Is it a boy or a girl?
206
00:09:12,093 --> 00:09:13,928
It's a clitoris.
207
00:09:14,011 --> 00:09:15,930
Oh, Gina, that's just not possible.
208
00:09:16,013 --> 00:09:18,849
You see, a meteor wiped them all out,
and they went extinct.
209
00:09:18,933 --> 00:09:23,145
A clitoris is not a dinosaur.
It's my female pleasure center.
210
00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:25,189
Oh, you mean your clam buzzer?
211
00:09:25,273 --> 00:09:26,607
Yeah, my clitoris.
212
00:09:26,691 --> 00:09:28,192
Look, Gina, we're adults here.
213
00:09:28,276 --> 00:09:31,195
No need to make up silly slang terms
for your twat toggle.
214
00:09:32,863 --> 00:09:33,863
Ah-ha.
215
00:09:33,906 --> 00:09:36,284
Oh my! I've never seen anything like this.
216
00:09:36,367 --> 00:09:37,367
A giant clitoris?
217
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:38,411
Any clitoris.
218
00:09:38,494 --> 00:09:41,664
Well, it's extremely swollen,
but you're going to be just fine,
219
00:09:41,747 --> 00:09:45,001
as long as you don't pleasure yourself
for the next 48 hours.
220
00:09:45,084 --> 00:09:48,671
What? That's like telling Nancy Pelosi
she can't fart in her hand and smell it.
221
00:09:48,754 --> 00:09:50,923
[farts, sniffs]
222
00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:52,633
Oh, that's skunky!
223
00:09:52,717 --> 00:09:55,094
What happens if I just touch it a little?
224
00:09:55,177 --> 00:09:58,014
Well, then I'm afraid
your clito-saurus will fall off.
225
00:09:58,097 --> 00:09:59,265
[dramatic music plays]
226
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,768
Okay. I can control myself.
227
00:10:02,852 --> 00:10:04,520
There's no reason I can't.
228
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:05,938
[dog barks]
229
00:10:06,022 --> 00:10:07,356
[screams]
230
00:10:08,941 --> 00:10:10,318
[screams]
231
00:10:11,694 --> 00:10:13,404
[screams]
232
00:10:15,239 --> 00:10:16,782
Oh, no, you don't!
233
00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:19,535
[grunts] Oh, no, you don't!
Oh, no, you don't!
234
00:10:20,828 --> 00:10:22,872
[police siren blaring]
235
00:10:22,955 --> 00:10:26,959
Jesus! Why are you and Heaven's Cake...
Boom!...all naked?
236
00:10:27,043 --> 00:10:30,046
You banned slankets, asshole.
It's actually fine with us.
237
00:10:30,129 --> 00:10:32,298
It was time we stopped
hiding our perfect bodies
238
00:10:32,381 --> 00:10:33,883
and expose 'em to the world.
239
00:10:33,966 --> 00:10:36,552
Well, you're all under arrest
for indecent exposure.
240
00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:38,179
Indecent exposure?
241
00:10:38,262 --> 00:10:40,973
Well, I don't see any private parts.
Do you?
242
00:10:41,057 --> 00:10:42,767
Yeah, well, I got a search warrant.
243
00:10:42,850 --> 00:10:45,269
I know you're hiding a dick
in there somewhere.
244
00:10:45,853 --> 00:10:47,563
Oh shit! I'm getting sucked in!
245
00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:49,065
Kevin, grab my legs!
246
00:10:49,148 --> 00:10:52,151
[muffled screams]
247
00:10:52,860 --> 00:10:55,071
Me and your dad are now one, Kevie.
248
00:10:56,864 --> 00:10:59,200
[chuckles] We made it to Florida!
249
00:10:59,283 --> 00:11:02,703
Oh, I can't wait to see
your mother's big SeaWorld debut.
250
00:11:02,787 --> 00:11:05,164
Hey, everyone! Welcome to SeaWorld!
251
00:11:05,247 --> 00:11:07,041
Because fuck whales, am I right?
252
00:11:07,124 --> 00:11:09,877
We're gonna abuse the dolphins
in just a little bit,
253
00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:13,923
but first, who wants to see
a baby otter's nuts get electrocuted?
254
00:11:14,006 --> 00:11:16,550
[through electrolarynx]
Whoo! Florida rules!
255
00:11:17,718 --> 00:11:19,637
Son, stop licking your balls.
256
00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:22,056
If you're hungry, we will get you a snack.
257
00:11:24,225 --> 00:11:25,810
- [barking]
- One, please.
258
00:11:26,310 --> 00:11:27,436
Uh, thanks, honey.
259
00:11:28,562 --> 00:11:29,562
Honey?
260
00:11:29,605 --> 00:11:31,941
This is the job you got at SeaWorld?
261
00:11:32,024 --> 00:11:33,526
Selling cotton candy?
262
00:11:33,609 --> 00:11:35,069
[squeaking]
263
00:11:35,152 --> 00:11:37,905
I quit my job, and we moved cross-country.
264
00:11:37,988 --> 00:11:41,409
And we didn't even get away from mutants
because Florida has even more.
265
00:11:41,492 --> 00:11:43,577
[through electrolarynx]
Whoo! Florida rules!
266
00:11:43,661 --> 00:11:45,830
We... are... fucked!
267
00:11:45,913 --> 00:11:48,124
We can't survive on minimum wage.
268
00:11:48,207 --> 00:11:49,333
Minimum wage?
269
00:11:49,417 --> 00:11:52,920
[chuckles] She owes us money 'cause
she keeps dissolving all the cotton candy
270
00:11:53,003 --> 00:11:54,422
with her wet freakin' flippers.
271
00:11:54,505 --> 00:11:57,425
[dolphin clicking]
272
00:11:57,508 --> 00:12:00,886
Why would you hire a dolphin
to sell cotton candy anyway?
273
00:12:00,970 --> 00:12:02,138
I've done way worse.
274
00:12:02,221 --> 00:12:04,306
Check out my garbage-collecting Seal.
275
00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:05,975
Minimum wage!
276
00:12:06,058 --> 00:12:09,395
This is the most money I've made
in 25 years!
277
00:12:09,478 --> 00:12:11,063
♪ Baby... ♪
278
00:12:11,147 --> 00:12:11,981
[coughs]
279
00:12:12,064 --> 00:12:14,650
All right. Rock and roll!
280
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:16,360
[ominous music plays]
281
00:12:16,444 --> 00:12:19,029
I can't believe the slanket ban backfired.
282
00:12:19,113 --> 00:12:22,074
We have gotta find a way
to rid Paradise of Dusty
283
00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:23,659
and his Jonestown Buffet.
284
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:24,577
Boom!
285
00:12:24,660 --> 00:12:26,746
I can't explain that, but it was awesome.
286
00:12:26,829 --> 00:12:29,832
Well, we need to do something.
They're scaring away investors
287
00:12:29,915 --> 00:12:32,501
and jeopardizing
my Rebuild Paradise Initiative.
288
00:12:32,585 --> 00:12:34,795
So, how do we get the fat people
to leave town?
289
00:12:34,879 --> 00:12:37,256
Narrow the doorways? Impose a gravy tax?
290
00:12:37,339 --> 00:12:38,758
Murder Jimmy Fallon?
291
00:12:38,841 --> 00:12:41,218
Dad, that can't be
the solution for everything.
292
00:12:41,719 --> 00:12:44,847
Prove me wrong, Kevin. Prove me wrong.
293
00:12:44,930 --> 00:12:47,641
We need something
to tip the scales in our favor.
294
00:12:47,725 --> 00:12:50,519
Scales! That's it! Oh, I'm a genius.
295
00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:52,480
I'm taking the credit. Fuck you, Kevin.
296
00:12:52,563 --> 00:12:54,690
[panting]
297
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:56,692
Bullet. Bullet, you were right.
298
00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:59,570
Oh, I know.
I saw the Nancy Pelosi cutaway.
299
00:12:59,653 --> 00:13:02,990
No, I mean that I'm a junkie.
I'm addicted to slappin' my slit skittle!
300
00:13:03,073 --> 00:13:05,159
Wow, someone learned some medical terms.
301
00:13:05,242 --> 00:13:07,745
I got equipment that could
help you shake your habit.
302
00:13:07,828 --> 00:13:10,706
- Because you're an addict?
- No, because I'm a dog.
303
00:13:13,292 --> 00:13:17,046
Okay, there. Now this should keep you
from being sexually stimulated.
304
00:13:18,214 --> 00:13:19,298
Oh God.
305
00:13:19,381 --> 00:13:21,050
[moaning]
306
00:13:21,133 --> 00:13:23,761
- [gobbling]
- Dusty! What the hell are you doing?
307
00:13:23,844 --> 00:13:26,722
What? If I see a cone,
I gotta eat ice cream out of it.
308
00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:28,349
I thought we established this?
309
00:13:32,019 --> 00:13:36,190
[instrumental rock version
of "Amazing Grace" playing]
310
00:13:36,273 --> 00:13:42,029
Follow me, my friends,
for I shall lead you to the promised land.
311
00:13:42,112 --> 00:13:45,491
The Golden Corral buffet!
312
00:13:50,704 --> 00:13:54,166
Aw, I see some of our members
have already arrived.
313
00:13:54,708 --> 00:13:57,962
No, that's just Chris Christie
and his family having dinner.
314
00:13:58,045 --> 00:14:01,715
Huh. I didn't think he ate anything
but Donald Trump's ass.
315
00:14:02,258 --> 00:14:04,051
That's a joke from 2016!
316
00:14:04,134 --> 00:14:05,928
Ah!
317
00:14:06,929 --> 00:14:08,931
Hello there. What's your name?
318
00:14:09,014 --> 00:14:10,057
Skip? Hi, Skip.
319
00:14:10,140 --> 00:14:12,184
We gonna have 12
for dinner slash breakfast
320
00:14:12,268 --> 00:14:14,687
slash whenever the fuck
we decide we've had enough.
321
00:14:14,770 --> 00:14:16,146
Listen, I'm really very sorry,
322
00:14:16,230 --> 00:14:20,442
but there is a new Paradise law that says
we cannot serve anyone over 300 pounds.
323
00:14:20,985 --> 00:14:22,903
Well, that should not be a problem.
324
00:14:26,365 --> 00:14:29,618
I don't suppose it'll go down
when I put my second foot on it, huh?
325
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:33,080
I am sorry, y'all, but I'm gonna have to
ask you biguns to leave.
326
00:14:33,163 --> 00:14:36,834
Well, friends, I guess we have no choice
about what we must do next.
327
00:14:36,917 --> 00:14:38,252
[screams]
328
00:14:38,836 --> 00:14:40,004
[Dusty] Fuck you, Skip!
329
00:14:42,798 --> 00:14:44,216
Oh, I think I see a free table.
330
00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:46,176
[church organ music playing]
331
00:14:46,260 --> 00:14:48,262
[gobbling]
332
00:14:50,264 --> 00:14:51,974
Hey, Christie, you with us or against us?
333
00:15:01,191 --> 00:15:04,194
Okay, I explained to the attendant
how we're completely broke
334
00:15:04,278 --> 00:15:05,821
and need to get back to Paradise,
335
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:08,282
and he said we could
have the gas for free...
336
00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:11,619
if he can have a picture of your vagina.
337
00:15:11,702 --> 00:15:13,287
[squeaking]
338
00:15:13,370 --> 00:15:15,039
That's what I told him!
339
00:15:15,122 --> 00:15:16,832
[laughs nervously] No way!
340
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:18,626
[chuckles nervously] No how.
341
00:15:18,709 --> 00:15:20,461
[squeaking]
342
00:15:21,045 --> 00:15:24,131
I don't know
where this Polaroid camera came from.
343
00:15:25,174 --> 00:15:27,968
Really, honey? You're gonna
douse your husband in gasoline?
344
00:15:28,052 --> 00:15:30,179
[through electrolarynx]
Whoo! Florida rules!
345
00:15:30,262 --> 00:15:34,433
Here you go.
One picture of my wife's vagina.
346
00:15:35,392 --> 00:15:37,937
Oh yeah, baby. Take all the gas you want.
347
00:15:42,191 --> 00:15:45,778
Uh, now that we have a deal,
there's one thing I should let you know.
348
00:15:45,861 --> 00:15:48,614
Um, that's my butthole! [laughs]
349
00:15:50,532 --> 00:15:51,533
[unintelligible grunt]
350
00:15:59,291 --> 00:16:00,501
We have the place surrounded!
351
00:16:00,584 --> 00:16:03,087
Drop your loaded baked potatoes
and come out with your hams up!
352
00:16:03,170 --> 00:16:06,423
Golden Corral's all you can eat,
and we ain't finished yet!
353
00:16:07,299 --> 00:16:08,592
[grunts]
354
00:16:08,676 --> 00:16:10,177
So fuck off!
355
00:16:11,929 --> 00:16:13,764
That's it, men... and Kevin.
356
00:16:13,847 --> 00:16:15,557
Prepare for an all-out assault.
357
00:16:15,641 --> 00:16:18,268
Guns, grenades, tear gas, SlimFast.
358
00:16:18,352 --> 00:16:21,230
Whatever it takes
to obliterate these fat fucks.
359
00:16:21,313 --> 00:16:22,439
- What?
- No way.
360
00:16:22,523 --> 00:16:23,899
- [Gina groans]
- Who am I?
361
00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:26,193
As much as I'd love
to have less competition
362
00:16:26,276 --> 00:16:29,071
in the sexiness department,
I couldn't hurt Dusty.
363
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:32,741
All right, I don't need you.
364
00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:37,997
I'll find a way into the compound myself
and take out those Jehovah's Unfitnesses.
365
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:39,164
That one wasn't great.
366
00:16:39,248 --> 00:16:40,332
Ah, fuck it!
367
00:16:46,380 --> 00:16:48,173
[grunts] Almost there.
368
00:16:48,882 --> 00:16:50,759
Ah, shit. I'm stuck.
369
00:16:53,679 --> 00:16:55,305
[Crawford screams]
370
00:16:57,057 --> 00:16:58,100
[gobbling]
371
00:16:59,768 --> 00:17:00,978
Freeze, or I'll shoot!
372
00:17:01,061 --> 00:17:02,563
[gunshots ricocheting]
373
00:17:02,646 --> 00:17:03,814
Goddamn it!
374
00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:07,401
Don't worry. We gonna pull you out.
375
00:17:09,737 --> 00:17:11,155
[grunting]
376
00:17:11,238 --> 00:17:13,115
Hey, careful. My clothes are coming off.
377
00:17:13,991 --> 00:17:15,492
No, not my Spanx!
378
00:17:16,785 --> 00:17:18,454
[gasps] Oh!
379
00:17:18,537 --> 00:17:20,998
Please don't look at me. I'm hideous!
380
00:17:21,081 --> 00:17:23,459
Chief! I never knew you were so...
381
00:17:23,542 --> 00:17:24,376
Fat!
382
00:17:24,460 --> 00:17:26,754
I'm a closeted fat guy, all right?
383
00:17:26,837 --> 00:17:29,048
I was gonna say gorgeous.
384
00:17:29,131 --> 00:17:30,632
[sniffles] No, I'm not.
385
00:17:30,716 --> 00:17:32,051
Being fat is gross.
386
00:17:32,134 --> 00:17:33,927
Oh, Chief.
387
00:17:34,011 --> 00:17:35,471
You're a self-hating fat,
388
00:17:35,554 --> 00:17:37,765
like one of them homophobic politicians
389
00:17:37,848 --> 00:17:41,226
who turns out to just love
sucking peters all the time.
390
00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:43,896
You know, like Steve Wiles
from North Carolina,
391
00:17:43,979 --> 00:17:46,065
or Randy Boehning from North Dakota,
392
00:17:46,148 --> 00:17:47,941
or Mark Foley from Florida,
393
00:17:48,025 --> 00:17:49,610
or Richard Curtis from Washington,
394
00:17:49,693 --> 00:17:52,488
or Glenn Murphy from Indiana,
or Ralph Shortey from Oklahoma,
395
00:17:52,571 --> 00:17:54,573
or Larry Craig from Idaho.
396
00:17:54,656 --> 00:17:57,367
[gasps] There's more,
but I'm running out of breath.
397
00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:00,913
Why would you act like this, Chief?
398
00:18:00,996 --> 00:18:03,332
Because God hates fats.
399
00:18:03,415 --> 00:18:05,167
Well, I'm God here,
400
00:18:05,250 --> 00:18:07,252
and I love all my childrens.
401
00:18:07,336 --> 00:18:09,338
Yeah, I knew it was a cult the whole time.
402
00:18:09,421 --> 00:18:11,882
Now, get in here
and find comfort in my divine embrace,
403
00:18:11,965 --> 00:18:13,675
you beautiful, pudgy bastard.
404
00:18:19,223 --> 00:18:20,307
Thank you, Dusty.
405
00:18:20,390 --> 00:18:24,728
You lard goblins accepted me
when I couldn't even accept myself.
406
00:18:24,812 --> 00:18:26,688
And you can have your badge back.
407
00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:28,482
But what about my fitness test?
408
00:18:28,565 --> 00:18:32,861
Fuck that. I couldn't pass either.
Come on, pal. Let's get outta here.
409
00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:35,364
[dramatic music playing]
410
00:18:37,574 --> 00:18:40,744
Oh shit.
The FBI must be out there pulling a Waco.
411
00:18:40,828 --> 00:18:43,288
Pulling a Waco? Well, that's Roger's job.
412
00:18:43,372 --> 00:18:45,124
Ah!
413
00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:47,876
The FBI didn't start the fire. We did.
414
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:49,545
Why would you do that?
415
00:18:49,628 --> 00:18:51,463
You told us we had a suicide pact.
416
00:18:51,547 --> 00:18:56,051
I meant a pact that we would all drink
a suicide soda, you fat fucks!
417
00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:58,387
You know, mixing all the flavors together.
418
00:18:58,470 --> 00:18:59,470
[Dusty grunts]
419
00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:03,058
Oh no.
420
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:06,061
We've got to put that fire out
before the fat cult burns to death
421
00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:08,063
and makes the whole town smell like bacon.
422
00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:10,691
Bacon! Bacon, bacon, bacon, bacon!
423
00:19:10,774 --> 00:19:12,818
Oh, sorry. I don't know what came over me.
424
00:19:12,901 --> 00:19:15,154
[grunts] Let me go!
425
00:19:15,237 --> 00:19:18,782
I know you want to save them, Gina.
There's no point risking your own life.
426
00:19:18,866 --> 00:19:21,160
Trust me.
I'm the only one who can save them!
427
00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:25,163
[grunts]
428
00:19:28,667 --> 00:19:29,667
[screams]
429
00:19:33,755 --> 00:19:34,840
[unzips pants]
430
00:19:34,923 --> 00:19:36,341
[Gina] Oh yeah.
431
00:19:36,425 --> 00:19:39,636
Oh... my... God!
432
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:40,720
She gonna squirt.
433
00:19:40,762 --> 00:19:42,139
[screaming]
434
00:19:42,222 --> 00:19:44,016
[death metal music playing]
435
00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:52,399
[all cheer]
436
00:19:54,359 --> 00:19:56,028
Okay, that happened.
437
00:19:56,111 --> 00:20:00,032
I want to thank Gina
for sacrificing her beaver bean
438
00:20:00,115 --> 00:20:02,492
to save her fellow officers.
439
00:20:05,495 --> 00:20:07,789
So, it fell off, Gina?
440
00:20:07,873 --> 00:20:11,126
Oh, yeah, but it's okay.
The doctors gave me a bionic clitoris.
441
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:12,252
So, what does it do?
442
00:20:12,336 --> 00:20:14,796
Everything a normal clitoris does.
443
00:20:15,505 --> 00:20:16,882
So, what does it do?
444
00:20:16,965 --> 00:20:20,093
Oh hey, guys. What did I miss
while I was out on patrol?
445
00:20:20,177 --> 00:20:22,012
Yeah, nice try, Fitz. You quit.
446
00:20:22,095 --> 00:20:24,640
Uh... that wasn't me. [chuckles]
447
00:20:24,723 --> 00:20:26,558
That was... uh... the Kingpin!
448
00:20:28,393 --> 00:20:29,519
Bullshit, Fitz!
449
00:20:29,603 --> 00:20:32,022
You don't work here anymore.
Get the fuck out.
450
00:20:32,105 --> 00:20:33,106
Well, how about this?
451
00:20:33,190 --> 00:20:37,444
You give me my job back, with a raise
so I can support my family,
452
00:20:37,527 --> 00:20:42,115
and in exchange,
I give you a photo of my wife's vagina.
453
00:20:42,199 --> 00:20:44,785
Why didn't you lead with that?
You got yourself a deal!
454
00:20:44,868 --> 00:20:47,079
Just one more thing, Chief...
455
00:20:47,162 --> 00:20:49,748
That's... my... butthole!
456
00:20:49,831 --> 00:20:52,334
[singer]
♪ It's the "That's My Butthole" guy! ♪
457
00:20:52,417 --> 00:20:54,002
[Fitz laughs]
458
00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:56,505
All right, I have no idea
what the fuck just happened,
459
00:20:56,588 --> 00:20:58,966
but at least I can enjoy
this chocolate hole.
460
00:20:59,049 --> 00:21:00,425
Mmm.
461
00:21:00,509 --> 00:21:04,096
Dusty, your message of self-acceptance
has changed my life.
462
00:21:04,179 --> 00:21:07,307
Fat people aren't gross.
There's just more of us to love.
463
00:21:07,391 --> 00:21:09,226
I'll eat to that! Clink.
464
00:21:09,309 --> 00:21:11,144
[gobbling]
465
00:21:11,228 --> 00:21:14,690
Oh, this is what happiness
feels like, right?
466
00:21:14,773 --> 00:21:16,525
Crushing chest pain?
467
00:21:16,608 --> 00:21:17,734
[grunts]
468
00:21:17,818 --> 00:21:21,280
Aww, how cute.
Chief had his first little heart atta...
469
00:21:21,363 --> 00:21:22,363
[grunts]
470
00:21:23,824 --> 00:21:26,493
Myahhh!
471
00:21:40,757 --> 00:21:42,759
[death metal music playing]