1
00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:14,055
Listen up, my mutant brothers.
2
00:00:14,139 --> 00:00:16,766
Now that we've destroyed
Gerald Fitzgerald's marriage,
3
00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:19,811
it's time to move on
to phase three of my plan.
4
00:00:19,894 --> 00:00:23,606
Publicly shame him
and destroy his reputation.
5
00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:26,443
Yeah, all this seems like
a lot of extra work
6
00:00:26,526 --> 00:00:28,069
when we really could just kill him.
7
00:00:28,153 --> 00:00:32,365
Yeah, we're all sick of these stupid,
overly complicated plans.
8
00:00:32,449 --> 00:00:35,118
What is this, a mutant-ny?
Pause for laughter.
9
00:00:36,786 --> 00:00:41,082
I assure you, this next plan
is not stupid or overly complicated.
10
00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:46,463
["2001: A Space Odyssey" theme playing]
11
00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:05,690
Now, who is the single
most beloved figure on earth of all time?
12
00:01:05,774 --> 00:01:06,858
Jesus Christ?
13
00:01:06,941 --> 00:01:08,151
Mother Teresa?
14
00:01:08,234 --> 00:01:09,402
Close.
15
00:01:09,486 --> 00:01:13,615
Pee-wee Herman.
You will contact Pee-wee Herman's agent
16
00:01:13,698 --> 00:01:15,938
and hire him to shoot
a fake commercial for the alphabet.
17
00:01:15,992 --> 00:01:21,456
Meanwhile, I will join the Paradise PD
and gain Gerald Fitzgerald's trust.
18
00:01:21,539 --> 00:01:26,795
I will then lure Fitzgerald on set,
where four robot arms will restrain him
19
00:01:26,878 --> 00:01:29,422
while another robot arm unzips his pants,
20
00:01:29,506 --> 00:01:31,925
and even more robot arms
submerge his hands
21
00:01:32,008 --> 00:01:35,220
in two goldfish bowls
full of lukewarm water.
22
00:01:35,303 --> 00:01:38,515
Just then, Pee-wee Herman,
who is singing the alphabet song,
23
00:01:38,598 --> 00:01:41,059
hits the letter "O,"
24
00:01:41,142 --> 00:01:45,063
and Gerald Fitzgerald pees in his mouth.
25
00:01:45,146 --> 00:01:48,233
This will be broadcast live
around the world,
26
00:01:48,316 --> 00:01:51,653
after which the most hated man
in human history will be...
27
00:01:51,736 --> 00:01:53,613
Gerald "Piss-gerald."
28
00:01:53,696 --> 00:01:55,115
Pause for laughter again,
29
00:01:55,198 --> 00:01:58,576
but also don't,
because it's very dramatic.
30
00:01:58,660 --> 00:02:00,829
Just a real quick question.
31
00:02:00,912 --> 00:02:02,747
How do you know Pee-wee Herman's agent?
32
00:02:02,831 --> 00:02:06,334
How are we going to convince him to come
to a podunk town to do a commercial?
33
00:02:06,417 --> 00:02:09,254
How will we be able to afford robot arms?
34
00:02:09,337 --> 00:02:13,299
How will we be able to broadcast
a live commercial across the world?
35
00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:16,845
We're in a cartoon, motherfucker!
36
00:02:16,928 --> 00:02:18,847
- [theme music playing]
- [Crawford grunts]
37
00:02:20,849 --> 00:02:21,891
[Fitz grunts]
38
00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:22,976
[Gina shouts]
39
00:02:23,643 --> 00:02:25,228
- [shouts, groans]
- [growls]
40
00:02:32,861 --> 00:02:36,531
Sorry again for getting high and eating
your tail off in the Forbidden Forest.
41
00:02:36,614 --> 00:02:39,826
But if it makes you feel any better,
it got stuck on the way out.
42
00:02:40,785 --> 00:02:42,787
No, it doesn't fucking
make me feel better.
43
00:02:42,871 --> 00:02:45,039
Thanks to you,
now, whenever I get excited,
44
00:02:45,123 --> 00:02:47,792
it looks like I'm shaking my ass
like Shakira.
45
00:02:48,376 --> 00:02:49,919
[Latin dance music playing]
46
00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:52,547
Ooh, yeah! Your hips don't lie, Bullet.
47
00:02:53,214 --> 00:02:56,092
But I can assure you, I hated being high,
48
00:02:56,176 --> 00:03:00,388
and I am never ingesting
that evil marijuana again.
49
00:03:00,471 --> 00:03:02,932
You know what?
To show there are no hard feelings
50
00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:05,935
and that I have no plans
to seek revenge whatsoever,
51
00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:09,105
I have some totally normal brownies
from the evidence room for you.
52
00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:10,523
Brownies? Ooh!
53
00:03:12,567 --> 00:03:15,007
Kevin, I think you and I
should take things to the next level.
54
00:03:15,069 --> 00:03:16,196
- Really?
- Yeah.
55
00:03:16,279 --> 00:03:18,031
Level five cock crush!
56
00:03:18,114 --> 00:03:19,157
[screams]
57
00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:22,285
[laughs] I can't wait to fuck
you LARP nerds up this weekend.
58
00:03:22,368 --> 00:03:23,411
[gasps] Can't wait.
59
00:03:24,579 --> 00:03:28,374
Dad, I could really use some advice
about Gina.
60
00:03:28,458 --> 00:03:31,628
- Hmm. Level five cock crush?
- Yup.
61
00:03:31,711 --> 00:03:35,089
Ernest Borgnine was my first cock crush.
62
00:03:35,173 --> 00:03:38,468
His dong made me giddy as a schoolgirl.
63
00:03:38,551 --> 00:03:42,096
One time, I broke into his trailer
on the set of McHale's Navy
64
00:03:42,180 --> 00:03:44,515
and made tea with his tighty-whities.
65
00:03:45,016 --> 00:03:46,184
Pause for laughter.
66
00:03:48,728 --> 00:03:51,231
Anyway, I... I really like her,
67
00:03:51,314 --> 00:03:54,442
and I feel like I got rid of
all the obstacles to us being together.
68
00:03:54,525 --> 00:03:56,069
Even my little Eskimo kids.
69
00:03:56,152 --> 00:03:59,405
They kept saying they wanted ice,
but I guess I ordered the wrong kind.
70
00:03:59,489 --> 00:04:03,159
All right, you drug-dealing rapists
are going back to Canada.
71
00:04:04,994 --> 00:04:07,330
Anyway,
the secret to getting a date with Gina
72
00:04:07,413 --> 00:04:09,415
is to ask her dad for permission.
73
00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:12,627
I still ask your grandfather
before I do anything with your mother.
74
00:04:12,710 --> 00:04:13,753
Oh, which reminds me...
75
00:04:13,836 --> 00:04:17,048
Mr. Culpepper, sir,
may I ask for your daughter's hand
76
00:04:17,131 --> 00:04:18,591
to go in my ass tonight?
77
00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:20,551
[chuckles] Of course. Bye.
78
00:04:20,635 --> 00:04:22,762
Whoo! I got the go-ahead.
79
00:04:22,845 --> 00:04:26,266
What if I don't get the go-ahead?
What if Gina's father rejects me?
80
00:04:26,349 --> 00:04:29,060
Hey, you just go in there
and impress him with all of your...
81
00:04:29,143 --> 00:04:31,330
Well... All right, you're gonna
have to make some shit up.
82
00:04:31,354 --> 00:04:33,481
I'm Officer Clippers, your new cop.
83
00:04:33,564 --> 00:04:36,401
They transferred me
from Bullshitsburg, North Dakota.
84
00:04:36,484 --> 00:04:38,111
Get out of here, you fraud!
85
00:04:38,194 --> 00:04:41,072
There is no Bullshitsburg, North Dakota!
86
00:04:41,572 --> 00:04:42,490
[police music plays]
87
00:04:42,573 --> 00:04:44,617
I'm Officer Kloppers, your new cop.
88
00:04:44,701 --> 00:04:47,620
They transferred me
from Bullshitsburg, South Dakota.
89
00:04:47,704 --> 00:04:50,248
Welcome aboard!
You can be partners with Fitz.
90
00:04:50,331 --> 00:04:52,750
You're putting us together
because we're both Black!
91
00:04:52,834 --> 00:04:55,044
Yeah, you two will be very happy together,
92
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:57,880
complaining about how basketball
isn't as good as it used to be.
93
00:04:57,964 --> 00:04:59,841
Psh. Racist motherfucker.
94
00:04:59,924 --> 00:05:01,884
When two middle-aged Black men
get together,
95
00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:05,930
they don't automatically reminisce
about the glory days of basketball!
96
00:05:13,062 --> 00:05:14,939
I mean, what happened to the skyhook?
97
00:05:15,023 --> 00:05:16,524
Right? [laughs]
98
00:05:16,607 --> 00:05:18,401
I say that all the time.
99
00:05:18,484 --> 00:05:20,653
Man, I miss '80s basketball.
100
00:05:20,737 --> 00:05:22,280
Finger roll, the scoopity doop,
101
00:05:22,363 --> 00:05:25,950
Wilt Chamberlain raw-dogging Milwaukee,
and the short shorts.
102
00:05:26,034 --> 00:05:29,120
[chuckles] Man, those booty shorts
were half the fun!
103
00:05:29,203 --> 00:05:32,123
Mm-hmm. My fondest childhood memory,
104
00:05:32,206 --> 00:05:35,418
1985, courtside,
Knicks versus SuperSonics.
105
00:05:35,501 --> 00:05:38,796
I could see the bottom half
of Patrick Ewing's shiny balls
106
00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:40,298
the entire game.
107
00:05:40,381 --> 00:05:43,134
Man, you were some lucky kid.
108
00:05:43,217 --> 00:05:45,595
Mind if I put on a little music?
109
00:05:45,678 --> 00:05:49,515
You got any Bublé, Celine Dion,
or the Mortal Kombat theme song?
110
00:05:49,599 --> 00:05:52,226
How about all three at once?
111
00:05:52,310 --> 00:05:56,022
Oh my God.
I thought I was the only one who did that!
112
00:05:56,105 --> 00:05:58,775
[music of all three artists playing]
113
00:06:09,285 --> 00:06:11,120
Oh...
114
00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:13,373
[phone ringing, connects]
115
00:06:13,456 --> 00:06:14,874
[operator speaking]
116
00:06:14,957 --> 00:06:16,459
[Dusty speaking]
117
00:07:04,674 --> 00:07:07,510
[gasps] Randall, look, the baby's kicking!
118
00:07:07,593 --> 00:07:09,679
Oh! What a wonderful...
119
00:07:09,762 --> 00:07:10,888
[Randall screams]
120
00:07:10,972 --> 00:07:12,974
He punched me, the little son of a bitch!
121
00:07:13,057 --> 00:07:15,560
It's a fetus, Randall.
It did not punch you.
122
00:07:15,643 --> 00:07:17,437
[static buzzing]
123
00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:18,646
What? Did you see...
124
00:07:18,729 --> 00:07:20,898
The little bastard
just gave me the stink eye!
125
00:07:20,982 --> 00:07:23,901
Randall, stop making this about you.
How does the baby look?
126
00:07:23,985 --> 00:07:26,696
Like a creepy, shriveled,
waterlogged alien.
127
00:07:26,779 --> 00:07:28,699
But luckily,
that's how they're supposed to look.
128
00:07:28,781 --> 00:07:30,658
[sinister music plays]
129
00:07:30,741 --> 00:07:33,119
Did you see that?
He just flipped me the double bird,
130
00:07:33,202 --> 00:07:34,078
that little fucker.
131
00:07:34,162 --> 00:07:36,122
- Randall!
- Oh, keep looking at that monitor.
132
00:07:36,205 --> 00:07:37,665
Do not take your eyes off it.
133
00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:44,714
Aw! He's reaching for something.
134
00:07:46,257 --> 00:07:48,885
Hey! You got a problem with me,
you little shit?
135
00:07:48,968 --> 00:07:51,095
- Randall!
- Excuse me, Randall.
136
00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:52,555
I need to examine the fetus.
137
00:07:52,638 --> 00:07:54,724
Everything okay in there, you little shit?
138
00:07:56,809 --> 00:07:58,978
[laughing, snorting]
139
00:08:00,521 --> 00:08:02,565
[laughs]
140
00:08:02,648 --> 00:08:04,275
Cooter, we got company!
141
00:08:04,358 --> 00:08:05,693
Oh, sorry.
142
00:08:05,776 --> 00:08:08,738
May I offer you a nose crayon, sir?
143
00:08:08,821 --> 00:08:09,697
Gimme those!
144
00:08:09,780 --> 00:08:11,532
Thanks for bringing the fancy salad.
145
00:08:14,952 --> 00:08:17,371
Definitely a good use of $45.
146
00:08:17,455 --> 00:08:20,208
Sir, I'd like to ask your permission
to date your daughter.
147
00:08:20,708 --> 00:08:21,959
[unintelligible mumbling]
148
00:08:22,043 --> 00:08:23,252
Bo's right.
149
00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:25,171
We Jabowskis have standards.
150
00:08:25,254 --> 00:08:27,381
Breeding's especially important to us.
151
00:08:27,465 --> 00:08:30,092
Cooter here's so smart,
we pulled him out of school.
152
00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:31,886
We wanted him to be challenged.
153
00:08:32,470 --> 00:08:34,263
[electrical crackling] Look at me.
154
00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:36,557
I'm eating the house's pussy.
155
00:08:36,641 --> 00:08:38,809
He... definitely seems challenged.
156
00:08:38,893 --> 00:08:40,311
Cooter, you dumb shit!
157
00:08:40,394 --> 00:08:43,147
That's the house's asshole!
You gonna get sick.
158
00:08:43,231 --> 00:08:45,316
I, uh, brought a video
of my accomplishments.
159
00:08:45,399 --> 00:08:46,651
Here's me in the Olympics.
160
00:08:46,734 --> 00:08:49,028
This is me during a bullfight in Pamplona.
161
00:08:49,111 --> 00:08:51,113
And here I am destroying Tokyo.
162
00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:54,325
[roars]
163
00:08:54,408 --> 00:08:57,912
I'm very impressed, Kevin,
but I don't want you dating my daughter.
164
00:08:57,995 --> 00:08:59,747
Well, it's not just my physical prowess.
165
00:08:59,830 --> 00:09:02,416
I'm... I'm also the son of the mayor
and the chief of police.
166
00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:04,168
I'm... I'm basically royalty.
167
00:09:04,252 --> 00:09:05,545
Ooh!
168
00:09:05,628 --> 00:09:08,965
Then it sounds like you come from
a caring family that would pay...
169
00:09:09,048 --> 00:09:12,677
Uh, um... I mean,
do anything to protect you.
170
00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:13,844
Exactly.
171
00:09:13,928 --> 00:09:14,928
Karate!
172
00:09:17,723 --> 00:09:19,016
[stammered groaning]
173
00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:23,396
Ow! Mama, the house nutted in my mouth.
174
00:09:25,856 --> 00:09:29,193
Randall, I've got
that second-trimester sex drive.
175
00:09:29,277 --> 00:09:32,321
- Come here!
- [disgusted grunt] No can do, Karen.
176
00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:35,658
I just don't want my dick
anywhere near that evil fetus.
177
00:09:35,741 --> 00:09:38,452
Uh, well, maybe we could do anal. Hold on.
178
00:09:38,536 --> 00:09:39,954
[key clicks, whoosh]
179
00:09:40,037 --> 00:09:41,789
Yep! Your dad says it's all right.
180
00:09:41,872 --> 00:09:42,999
Oh, of course.
181
00:09:43,082 --> 00:09:45,376
You made up this whole thing
about an evil fetus
182
00:09:45,459 --> 00:09:47,211
just to try to get me to have anal.
183
00:09:47,295 --> 00:09:51,382
- [gasps] Karen, I would never.
- What about when we closed on the house?
184
00:09:51,465 --> 00:09:53,509
And in order to finalize the sale,
185
00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:57,138
the new owners must have anal intercourse
on the property.
186
00:09:57,638 --> 00:09:59,015
Oh man...
187
00:09:59,724 --> 00:10:03,894
Okay, I admit the Squatter's Clause
was an elaborate scheme
188
00:10:03,978 --> 00:10:07,565
that required changing state legislation,
but this time I'm serious.
189
00:10:07,648 --> 00:10:10,818
Randall, you're probably just worried
about becoming a father again.
190
00:10:10,901 --> 00:10:13,738
You need to relax.
Now, are you gonna make me beg?
191
00:10:13,821 --> 00:10:15,906
All right, I guess I'm being silly.
192
00:10:15,990 --> 00:10:17,992
[romantic music playing]
193
00:10:20,995 --> 00:10:22,038
So far so goo...
194
00:10:22,121 --> 00:10:24,999
[screams] He's got me! I can't get out!
195
00:10:25,082 --> 00:10:28,336
- [Randal grunting] Oh! Oh! Oh!
- [Karen yelling] Ah! Ah!
196
00:10:28,419 --> 00:10:30,338
He's twisting it! Karen, help!
197
00:10:30,421 --> 00:10:32,590
Oh, he's giving it an Indian burn!
198
00:10:32,673 --> 00:10:35,343
Oh! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
199
00:10:35,843 --> 00:10:36,969
Whew! Good. It's over.
200
00:10:37,970 --> 00:10:39,055
[screams]
201
00:10:39,138 --> 00:10:40,765
He broke my dick!
202
00:10:41,849 --> 00:10:44,435
What do you mean you won't pay the ransom?
He's your son!
203
00:10:44,518 --> 00:10:46,687
I'm too busy paying for this damaged dick
204
00:10:46,771 --> 00:10:49,690
to worry about that other damaged dick
that you kidnapped.
205
00:10:49,774 --> 00:10:53,110
Hey, Gina,
your stupid, inbred family kidnapped Kevin
206
00:10:53,194 --> 00:10:56,072
and tried to get me
to pay a ransom for him. [laughs]
207
00:10:56,155 --> 00:10:58,991
Can you imagine?
I don't even pay for electricity.
208
00:10:59,075 --> 00:11:02,370
See, I have these extension cords
that run to the neighbor's house pussy.
209
00:11:02,453 --> 00:11:03,913
My family did what?
210
00:11:04,413 --> 00:11:06,207
Hey, you didn't sign my cast!
211
00:11:10,586 --> 00:11:12,922
Aw, she dotted her "I"
with a little heart.
212
00:11:13,005 --> 00:11:14,507
Wow, boy!
213
00:11:14,590 --> 00:11:19,345
That's the biggest dick I've seen
in a cast since Tim Allen in
214
00:11:19,845 --> 00:11:20,845
everything.
215
00:11:24,975 --> 00:11:26,936
- [gun cocking]
- Honey, you came for a visit.
216
00:11:27,019 --> 00:11:28,729
I'm here because you kidnapped Kevin,
217
00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:30,940
and I'm about ready
to blow your fucking heads off!
218
00:11:31,023 --> 00:11:32,983
Well, nice to see you either way.
219
00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:34,735
Sweetie, we weren't gonna hurt him.
220
00:11:34,819 --> 00:11:37,530
It's just, well, your daddy
will be too proud to tell you this,
221
00:11:37,613 --> 00:11:40,825
but we need that ransom money
because he needs a new kidney
222
00:11:40,908 --> 00:11:41,909
or he's gonna die.
223
00:11:41,992 --> 00:11:43,661
[melancholy music playing]
224
00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:47,998
Gina! Thank God you're here.
225
00:11:48,082 --> 00:11:49,875
Phew. Thanks for untying me
226
00:11:49,959 --> 00:11:52,545
and replacing the ropes with chains?
227
00:11:52,628 --> 00:11:54,797
Sorry, Kevin. I'm on their side.
228
00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:58,300
My dad's sick and needs the ransom money,
so we need your dad to take us seriously.
229
00:11:58,384 --> 00:12:01,721
I promise you won't get hurt.
Now, which toe do you like the least?
230
00:12:01,804 --> 00:12:03,681
Uh, I guess the sixth one?
231
00:12:03,764 --> 00:12:05,516
Just don't touch the seventh one.
232
00:12:06,016 --> 00:12:07,768
Meh, that one's my favorite.
233
00:12:07,852 --> 00:12:09,603
[sinister music playing]
234
00:12:10,312 --> 00:12:11,188
Finally!
235
00:12:11,272 --> 00:12:13,816
We've been trying to get ahold of you,
Clappers.
236
00:12:13,899 --> 00:12:17,236
- Where've you been?
- I was playing round ball with Fitz.
237
00:12:17,319 --> 00:12:20,489
So, here's the bullseye
which Fitzgerald will land on
238
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:24,285
when he comes into the room.
Then, the first set of robot arms...
239
00:12:24,368 --> 00:12:26,537
[laughing]
240
00:12:26,620 --> 00:12:29,957
Oh, sorry.
Fitz just sent me a Mike Tyson deepfake.
241
00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:32,084
Have you ever fucked on cocaine, Nick?
242
00:12:32,585 --> 00:12:35,880
I... I'll fuck you till you love me, bitch.
243
00:12:36,380 --> 00:12:38,466
[laughing]
244
00:12:38,549 --> 00:12:40,676
Oh, that's a goddamn masterpiece.
245
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:43,304
Boss, you joined the PD
to gain Fitzgerald's trust,
246
00:12:43,387 --> 00:12:45,181
not to become his best friend.
247
00:12:46,098 --> 00:12:48,058
- [grunts]
- Do not question me.
248
00:12:48,142 --> 00:12:51,854
He is not my best friend.
So what if we have everything in common?
249
00:12:51,937 --> 00:12:55,524
The bottom line is, he mutated me,
and my family thinks I'm dead.
250
00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:59,028
I hate that lovable motherfucker.
251
00:12:59,695 --> 00:13:03,407
Who did you hire to direct the commercial?
I've never seen that mutant before.
252
00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:05,993
Shh. That's not a mutant.
That's Tim Burton.
253
00:13:06,076 --> 00:13:09,580
[suspense music plays]
254
00:13:12,166 --> 00:13:13,834
[operator speaking]
255
00:13:13,918 --> 00:13:15,586
[Dusty speaking]
256
00:14:00,047 --> 00:14:01,882
Come to bed, Randall.
257
00:14:01,966 --> 00:14:06,262
Oh no. Last time I did that,
that evil fetus snapped my dick's neck.
258
00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:10,724
Randall, Dr. Funtlichter said your injury
was related to aggressive sex.
259
00:14:10,808 --> 00:14:11,934
Oh yeah, Karen,
260
00:14:12,017 --> 00:14:15,437
like I'm really gonna trust a doctor
who asked us how to spell "WebMD."
261
00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:17,815
- I'm sleeping out here.
- Suit yourself.
262
00:14:25,823 --> 00:14:27,825
[dramatic music playing]
263
00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:42,923
[grunting]
264
00:14:43,007 --> 00:14:44,508
[whimpering] What the fuck?
265
00:14:46,927 --> 00:14:49,221
Oh! Motherfucker!
266
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:54,685
Oh, why, you get back here!
267
00:14:58,439 --> 00:15:00,566
[grunts] Where'd he go?
268
00:15:00,649 --> 00:15:03,068
Come on out and fight me,
you fucking baby!
269
00:15:03,152 --> 00:15:04,820
Randall! What the hell?
270
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:07,907
[grunts] That fetus is the spawn of Satan!
271
00:15:07,990 --> 00:15:10,784
If you won't believe me,
I'll find someone who will.
272
00:15:10,868 --> 00:15:12,786
[operator speaking]
273
00:15:12,870 --> 00:15:14,788
[Randall speaking]
274
00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:30,638
[phone vibrating]
275
00:15:30,721 --> 00:15:31,889
What?
276
00:15:31,972 --> 00:15:34,266
We're tired of waitin' on you
to pay the ransom,
277
00:15:34,350 --> 00:15:37,353
so we started dismembering your boy.
278
00:15:37,436 --> 00:15:40,397
Oh my God, you cut off my son's toe.
279
00:15:40,481 --> 00:15:42,566
Not just any toe. His sixth?
280
00:15:42,650 --> 00:15:44,443
Oh, now he'll be a freak.
281
00:15:44,526 --> 00:15:47,154
Whatever you do,
don't put braces on his jacked-up teeth
282
00:15:47,237 --> 00:15:49,239
or paint over his see-through eyelids.
283
00:15:49,323 --> 00:15:50,658
Chief, this is serious!
284
00:15:50,741 --> 00:15:53,118
Gina? Oh my God, they kidnapped you too.
285
00:15:53,202 --> 00:15:55,663
I'll pay anything for you,
my precious angel of death.
286
00:15:55,746 --> 00:15:57,289
We can't run the PD without her.
287
00:15:57,373 --> 00:16:00,125
We'll get you that money.
We just need a better plan.
288
00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:02,378
Or a better hostage. Karate!
289
00:16:02,461 --> 00:16:03,629
[groans softly]
290
00:16:04,838 --> 00:16:07,841
Wait, why are you kidnapping me?
I was helping you!
291
00:16:07,925 --> 00:16:11,220
Is it true that you're even sick,
or is that just another lie?
292
00:16:11,303 --> 00:16:12,721
I never said I was sick.
293
00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:15,224
Mama said you need a new kidney,
or you'll die.
294
00:16:15,307 --> 00:16:18,560
I do need
a new kidney-shaped aboveground pool
295
00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:19,645
or I'll die
296
00:16:19,728 --> 00:16:20,854
of sadness.
297
00:16:20,938 --> 00:16:22,982
I'm gonna call that dumb-fuck police chief
298
00:16:23,065 --> 00:16:26,527
and tell him I have you both kidnapped.
Maybe we can even get your granny
299
00:16:26,610 --> 00:16:28,779
a new heart-ley Davidson motorcycle,
300
00:16:28,862 --> 00:16:32,074
and a new pan-creas. Pancreas.
301
00:16:32,157 --> 00:16:34,201
Your granny's dying. She's fucked.
302
00:16:34,785 --> 00:16:37,663
Can't believe I let my guard down again
with my dirtbag family.
303
00:16:37,746 --> 00:16:39,707
Should've known they'd just manipulate me.
304
00:16:39,790 --> 00:16:41,834
I guess we both have shit families.
305
00:16:41,917 --> 00:16:46,255
That sounds like something two people
could bond and fall in love over?
306
00:16:46,338 --> 00:16:48,590
Sorry. I've lost a lot of toe blood.
307
00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:50,009
Let me see that wound.
308
00:16:50,676 --> 00:16:52,803
- [Gina grunts]
- [Kevin screams]
309
00:16:52,886 --> 00:16:55,389
My seventh toe! What the hell?
310
00:16:57,224 --> 00:16:58,225
[lock clicks]
311
00:17:00,936 --> 00:17:02,396
- [Cooter groans]
- Shit.
312
00:17:04,773 --> 00:17:06,191
Have to find a way out of here.
313
00:17:08,152 --> 00:17:09,820
Hey, Cooter. Over here.
314
00:17:09,903 --> 00:17:12,406
My nose crayons!
315
00:17:13,991 --> 00:17:15,159
[Cooter grunts]
316
00:17:16,827 --> 00:17:17,827
[Cooter] Ow.
317
00:17:18,537 --> 00:17:19,913
What the hell happened here?
318
00:17:20,456 --> 00:17:21,373
[snorting]
319
00:17:21,457 --> 00:17:22,457
Wait a minute.
320
00:17:22,499 --> 00:17:25,419
[sniffs] These are my ass crayons.
321
00:17:25,502 --> 00:17:27,087
She tricked me.
322
00:17:27,171 --> 00:17:31,300
That means I got nose crayons in my ass!
323
00:17:31,383 --> 00:17:32,968
Oh my God!
324
00:17:34,344 --> 00:17:37,014
- [whimsical music playing]
- ♪ La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la ♪
325
00:17:37,097 --> 00:17:38,974
La! Ha ha! Ah!
326
00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:40,684
[knocking on door]
327
00:17:40,768 --> 00:17:42,895
La-la-la-la. La-la-la-la-la-la.
328
00:17:42,978 --> 00:17:48,233
Oh! We're simply overjoyed you agreed
to do this commercial, Mr. Herman!
329
00:17:48,317 --> 00:17:52,321
- Ha ha! That's my name. Don't wear it out.
- Ha ha! In character already, huh?
330
00:17:52,404 --> 00:17:53,906
I know you are, but what am I?
331
00:17:53,989 --> 00:17:57,951
[chuckles nervously] Oh! Yeah, no,
that's not gonna get old or anything.
332
00:17:59,453 --> 00:18:02,956
Kloppers, thanks for the 92-ounce
Mountain Dew Big Gulp,
333
00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:05,667
but I'm gonna have to
piss like a racehorse.
334
00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:06,877
That's the plan.
335
00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:09,755
You are the best partner I've ever had.
336
00:18:09,838 --> 00:18:11,381
These last few days with you
337
00:18:11,465 --> 00:18:14,551
have been the first time I've been happy
since my wife left me.
338
00:18:14,635 --> 00:18:16,804
Well, I know how you feel.
339
00:18:16,887 --> 00:18:19,306
I haven't seen my family in months.
340
00:18:19,389 --> 00:18:22,059
Actually, I'll never see them again.
341
00:18:22,142 --> 00:18:23,060
Why?
342
00:18:23,143 --> 00:18:24,603
I'm too ashamed to go home.
343
00:18:24,686 --> 00:18:28,190
I was exposed to radiation
that mutated my gargantuan gonads
344
00:18:28,273 --> 00:18:30,692
into these bing-bang baby balls.
345
00:18:30,776 --> 00:18:32,945
Man, you're ding-dong delirious.
346
00:18:33,028 --> 00:18:34,446
Those things are huge!
347
00:18:34,530 --> 00:18:37,116
Besides,
you've gotta get your family back.
348
00:18:37,199 --> 00:18:40,035
Trust me,
they love you for what's in your heart,
349
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:41,161
not your Hanes.
350
00:18:41,745 --> 00:18:45,165
I think I'll take that advice... friend.
351
00:18:45,249 --> 00:18:49,253
[Randall] We got a report of a disturbance
at the Super Seedy Motel, room 143.
352
00:18:49,336 --> 00:18:51,296
Let someone else take that call.
353
00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:52,380
Someone else?
354
00:18:52,422 --> 00:18:54,675
Room 143 is right there.
355
00:18:54,758 --> 00:18:57,219
[dramatic music plays]
356
00:18:57,302 --> 00:18:59,221
[singing] ♪ H, I, J, K ♪
357
00:18:59,304 --> 00:19:00,639
♪ L, M, N ♪
358
00:19:00,722 --> 00:19:07,688
♪ O... ♪
359
00:19:11,608 --> 00:19:13,152
Paradise PD!
360
00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:14,403
What the fuck?
361
00:19:14,486 --> 00:19:16,572
Look out, Fitzgerald! [grunts]
362
00:19:17,698 --> 00:19:19,116
[electronic buzzing]
363
00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:27,583
♪...O... ♪
364
00:19:27,666 --> 00:19:29,918
[Pee-wee gargling]
365
00:19:35,090 --> 00:19:37,009
Big Top Pee-wee's awesome.
366
00:19:40,095 --> 00:19:42,306
[phone ringing, connects]
367
00:19:42,389 --> 00:19:44,099
[operator speaking]
368
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:46,018
[Dusty whispering]
369
00:19:48,395 --> 00:19:49,980
[Dusty speaking]
370
00:21:00,217 --> 00:21:01,218
[screams]
371
00:21:02,469 --> 00:21:04,805
Thanks for calling 911.
372
00:21:04,888 --> 00:21:06,556
[chuckles] And... we're even.
373
00:21:09,643 --> 00:21:13,480
I'll stay awake all night if I have to,
you little...
374
00:21:13,563 --> 00:21:15,565
[snoring]
375
00:21:19,695 --> 00:21:21,488
[choking, gasping]
376
00:21:21,571 --> 00:21:24,491
[strained] What are you doin'?
Why do you hate me?
377
00:21:24,574 --> 00:21:31,290
Because you murdered 250 million
of my innocent sperm brothers and sisters!
378
00:21:31,790 --> 00:21:36,253
I survived in that scorched wasteland
for 15 years,
379
00:21:36,336 --> 00:21:39,047
driven only by my thirst for revenge.
380
00:21:39,548 --> 00:21:41,883
Now, I shall have it!
381
00:21:41,967 --> 00:21:43,593
[gasps] Wait!
382
00:21:43,677 --> 00:21:47,514
I'm not the one who murdered
your siblings. It was your brother, Kevin.
383
00:21:47,597 --> 00:21:50,392
He's the one who took out
the twin testicles.
384
00:21:51,310 --> 00:21:53,520
This whole time, I thought it was you.
385
00:21:53,603 --> 00:21:57,107
No, I did everything I could
to protect them little sperm sacs.
386
00:21:57,190 --> 00:21:59,276
It was him. It was Kevin.
387
00:22:02,070 --> 00:22:03,989
I'm sorry I almost killed you.
388
00:22:04,531 --> 00:22:07,034
Wait. Well,
now that we've squashed our beef,
389
00:22:07,117 --> 00:22:09,661
do you wanna stay
and hang out for a little?
390
00:22:10,370 --> 00:22:12,372
[TV playing]
391
00:22:16,043 --> 00:22:18,920
And now you've seen
all the Tarantino movies.
392
00:22:19,004 --> 00:22:21,882
Uh-oh, you're starting to get all white
and dried out,
393
00:22:21,965 --> 00:22:23,675
just like when E.T. got sick.
394
00:22:24,217 --> 00:22:25,385
There you go.
395
00:22:27,220 --> 00:22:30,932
I enjoyed this time with you, Father,
but I must go.
396
00:22:31,016 --> 00:22:32,225
Oh, already?
397
00:22:32,309 --> 00:22:34,978
I'll have to wait six months
before I see you again,
398
00:22:35,062 --> 00:22:37,856
and I still got a lot
of ass-to-mouth pornos to show you.
399
00:22:37,939 --> 00:22:39,524
Maybe when I'm one.
400
00:22:39,608 --> 00:22:42,819
[melancholy music playing]
401
00:22:42,903 --> 00:22:45,864
That fetus ain't such a bad guy after all.
402
00:22:50,619 --> 00:22:54,039
[grunting]
403
00:22:55,832 --> 00:22:57,751
[fast rock music playing]
404
00:23:00,629 --> 00:23:02,589
You've gotta keep up, Kevin.
405
00:23:02,672 --> 00:23:06,593
Uh, remember, I'm only operating
with five toes on my right foot.
406
00:23:09,846 --> 00:23:10,931
[squirrel squeaks]
407
00:23:16,686 --> 00:23:18,397
Oh shit! Squirrel bombs!
408
00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:19,564
This way, Kevin.
409
00:23:19,648 --> 00:23:21,233
[Kevin screams]
410
00:23:22,818 --> 00:23:24,027
[chain saw buzzing]
411
00:23:25,570 --> 00:23:27,823
[screams, wails]
412
00:23:27,906 --> 00:23:31,159
[screams] Ow! Oh! Ah! Ah! Ah!
413
00:23:33,995 --> 00:23:36,540
You know you could've just
walked around, right?
414
00:23:38,291 --> 00:23:40,293
[music continues]
415
00:23:47,426 --> 00:23:49,177
Love you, Kevin.
416
00:23:49,261 --> 00:23:51,513
It's my dad! I knew he'd come.
417
00:23:52,139 --> 00:23:55,684
It's a trap, you idiot.
Haven't you ever been outside before?
418
00:23:57,769 --> 00:23:59,146
Classic Dad.
419
00:24:01,356 --> 00:24:03,358
[sinister music playing]
420
00:24:05,152 --> 00:24:08,572
All right. We got ya.
You two are coming with us.
421
00:24:08,655 --> 00:24:10,699
We are not going anywhere.
422
00:24:10,782 --> 00:24:13,243
[screams]
423
00:24:13,952 --> 00:24:15,662
You just assaulted an officer.
424
00:24:15,745 --> 00:24:18,540
That was a big mistake.
I'll handle them. You take the baby.
425
00:24:18,623 --> 00:24:20,041
- [Gina] Ah!
- [Cooter]- Ooh!
426
00:24:20,542 --> 00:24:21,585
[Cooter grunts]
427
00:24:21,668 --> 00:24:23,462
[all grunt]
428
00:24:24,337 --> 00:24:25,964
[all grunt]
429
00:24:27,424 --> 00:24:29,092
Looks like I got the easy job.
430
00:24:30,635 --> 00:24:32,471
[screams]
431
00:24:32,554 --> 00:24:33,972
Please! Stop!
432
00:24:34,055 --> 00:24:35,056
The baby!
433
00:24:35,140 --> 00:24:36,683
Oh, please stop, baby!
434
00:24:36,766 --> 00:24:39,186
Stop the fight. The kidnapping is off.
435
00:24:39,269 --> 00:24:41,980
Kevin, the reason I said no
when you asked to date Gina
436
00:24:42,063 --> 00:24:46,151
is that you seemed like such an alpha male
in that badass video you made us watch,
437
00:24:46,234 --> 00:24:47,861
fucking up Tokyo and all.
438
00:24:47,944 --> 00:24:51,239
But now, it's as straightforward
as Bo's eyeline.
439
00:24:51,323 --> 00:24:52,741
[unintelligible mumbling]
440
00:24:52,824 --> 00:24:55,202
You are 100% beta.
441
00:24:55,285 --> 00:24:56,661
And if you two have kids,
442
00:24:56,745 --> 00:24:59,664
the Jabowski genes
will dominate the shit out of yours.
443
00:24:59,748 --> 00:25:01,917
So, you may date Gina.
444
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:05,462
Wait, did you come here
to ask my dad's permission to date me?
445
00:25:05,545 --> 00:25:08,924
I'm sorry.
I... I see how stupid it was now.
446
00:25:09,007 --> 00:25:10,967
Yeah, it was real fucking stupid.
447
00:25:11,051 --> 00:25:13,970
And the nicest thing
that anyone has ever done for me.
448
00:25:14,471 --> 00:25:15,305
[dialing]
449
00:25:15,388 --> 00:25:18,600
Chief? May I have your permission
to ask your son on a date?
450
00:25:20,352 --> 00:25:22,687
You absolutely have my permission.
451
00:25:22,771 --> 00:25:24,898
He's a great guy and a handsome devil.
452
00:25:24,981 --> 00:25:28,109
Hey, big guy!
Already got you a date out here!
453
00:25:30,278 --> 00:25:32,280
[somber music playing]
454
00:25:37,744 --> 00:25:38,744
It's you!
455
00:25:39,287 --> 00:25:40,413
Daddy!
456
00:25:40,497 --> 00:25:41,540
You're alive!
457
00:25:41,623 --> 00:25:43,333
I'm so sorry.
458
00:25:43,416 --> 00:25:45,418
I was too ashamed to come home,
459
00:25:45,502 --> 00:25:47,629
but my new best friend made me realize
460
00:25:47,712 --> 00:25:50,048
nothing could keep my family
from loving me.
461
00:25:50,131 --> 00:25:52,551
Now, let me take off my coat.
462
00:25:52,634 --> 00:25:54,553
I plan to stay awhile.
463
00:25:55,804 --> 00:25:57,013
[screams]
464
00:25:57,097 --> 00:25:58,974
Why do you have baby balls?
465
00:25:59,057 --> 00:26:01,268
What the fuck, man?
466
00:26:01,351 --> 00:26:04,521
[retching]
467
00:26:04,604 --> 00:26:06,815
Why would you do this to your family?
468
00:26:08,066 --> 00:26:09,484
Who are you?
469
00:26:09,568 --> 00:26:11,111
What are you?
470
00:26:11,194 --> 00:26:13,196
[howls sadly]
471
00:26:14,656 --> 00:26:16,783
Get out! Get the fuck out!
472
00:26:17,617 --> 00:26:22,998
I will get you, Gerald Fitzgerald!
473
00:26:28,962 --> 00:26:30,964
[whimsical music playing]