[roars]
[tense music playing]
I just got the town rebuilt, and it's destroyed again!
And the only police work you did was sing "Pump Up The Jam"?!
You know what?
You're fired! And so are the rest of your idiot cops.
[Bullet] Oh, shit!
[screams]
Randall! The baby is coming! Now!
Oh, I was wondering how long it would take to make this about you, Karen.
[music continues]
-[Fitz] No! -[Hopson] Ah, no!
[both scream]
Dobby, what the hell is the matter with you, boy?
We didn't raise you to swallow dogs, grown men, and perverts.
He learned that from watching you, Robby.
Well, that's different. When I do it, I get a nickel.
Dobby, get your little ass to the house.
[Dobby whines]
[victim screams]
Phew. Well, I'm glad everything got resolved.
Randall! The baby!
All right, we gotta book you an Uber to the hospital, don't we?
Ah, surge pricing. Shit.
Well, since someone just fired me, we better make that an UberPool.
Did one of you fellers order a UberPool? [mutters]
This is coming up in therapy.
And as your therapist, I reckon I recommend you attend your child's birth.
You're the doctor, Dr. Earl.
Yoop!
[screaming]
[breathing heavily]
Ugh… H-How are you feeling, Doc?
A little off. I pooped after my shower again.
About the baby!
Oh! Don't worry, Randall.
Like I always say, "Stillborn is still born."
[screams]
Push, Karen. Push.
-[groaning] -[pop]
Oh!
Oh, look at him. [kisses]
He's got my face.
[sniffs]
Ooh! I just can't get enough of that new baby smell.
[sentimental music playing]
[music ends]
[steady beep]
Randall. I shit on the table, you fucking idiot!
Fuck you! I'm keeping him!
Where's my little baby brother? I can't wait to meet him.
Allow me to introduce the newest member of our family,
Kevin Crawford.
Hey. That's my name.
Was your name.
We only called you that 'cause we thought you were gonna be a boy.
He's a doody head.
[laughs] That's right!
He got you, cocksucker! [laughs]
Okay. He's already asserted dominance over me.
Anyway, I-I brought you something…
[inhales] …Kevin.
Yeah, that phone is bullshit, AFKAK.
AFKAK?
AFKAK. A-F-K-A-K.
"Asshole formerly known as Kevin." Try to keep up, huh, AFKAK?
Randall bought me an iPhone 11.
I already hooked up with a smoking piece of ass on Bumble.
Who's gonna get stank on his hang low?
Yes, baby's gonna get stank on his hang low.
You're a little fuckboy. Yes, you are.
It's time for a snack, little Kevin.
Hey! You never breastfed me.
I tried, but you made too much eye contact and kept getting erections.
I never did that.
Ugh. You're doing it now.
You're not missing much. I can't drink this stuff straight.
This is gross as fuck, but it's still pretty cool that he made it.
Hey, AFKAK. Even you have to admit he's way better than you are.
So what, I'm the second favorite son now?
No. Third.
[Robby] I'ma whip your little ass
for going all goddamn Godzilla on our town.
We just got that Quiznos. Go break me off a switch.
What the fuck kinda switch is that? I can't lift that shit!
You know I'm on fake disability. Now, you go to your room.
What the fuck?!
Your son crushed our house!
Oh, he's my son when he does something bad,
but when people compliment his abnormally large penis, he's your son.
[thunderclap]
Oh, great. Where we gonna find a new shithole to live in, huh?
Hey, Delbert, are you, uh, thinking what I'm thinking?
We should go to trade school, get real jobs,
save up for a down payment on a nice home in the suburbs,
maybe a Craftsman Bungalow or a Tudor Revival?
I was gonna say climb up our son's asshole and live inside him.
Yeah. Your idea is better.
Hey, Karen. Guess you thought we'd be upset because you fired us,
but we're not, because the PD now stands for Party Dudes,
and this station is now called The Brozone Lair.
We're all gonna be playing board games and-- and eating Sun Chips and, uh…
[sobs] God, Karen! Please, give me my job back!
[disco music playing]
[sad music playing]
[cell phone clicks]
Morning!
What you doing, AFKAK?
I've called every fight club and fat camp in the state. None of them have seen Gina.
Does it look like I give a goddamn?
Jesus, Dusty! You used to be so nice. When did you become an asshole?
It's called character development. You should try it sometime.
I'm just gonna try to forget that Gina is missing
and that my bullshit baby brother stole my name.
Morning, Brozone-ites.
First off, a moment of silence in remembrance of Bullet and Fitz.
What about Hopson?
Oh, I didn't forget Hopson.
["Astronomia" plays]
I'd also like to call for a moment of silence for the police force.
It's weird. The town seems better off without us.
Yeah, well, we did a shitty job.
The PD is over. But at least we don't have to smell Hobo-Cop anymore.
Hey! [stutters] I'm a f-- a fan favorite.
Wait, Karen let you remain a cop?
Yep. She said she couldn't fire Hobo-Cop.
I guess she likes the name.
She says it's the most clever joke this show's ever made.
Well, fuck the police. We're banning cops from the Brozone!
Well-- well, your loss!
Good luck having a scene without a z-zinger from me!
[muttering angrily]
Hey, AFKAK. Go sell all this police stuff on eBay.
Next time somebody tries that peekaboo bullshit on me,
I'll be fucking ready.
You can't have a gun!
Don't worry. Daddy taught him how to use it.
[screams]
Yep. Just like Daddy taught him. He's a crack shot.
We're gonna win that father-son deer-hunting competition.
You're taking him?
But that's the one thing we do together every year.
Of course I'm taking him. You're against hunting.
And I'm against spending time with you.
Randall says, when we win this competition,
I'll be his favorite son, and you'll be dead to him.
Bet those stakes really chap your vagina, AFKAK.
Uh, if I had a vagina, it would be chapped,
because I'd lick it all the time.
Na-na, na-na-na!
Well, I guess it's up to AFKAK
to make sure that baby Kevin doesn't win that competition.
Using the ancient Beastie Boys art of sabotagey!
[laughs]
That was hilarious!
You fucking assholes.
Hello, sir.
I would like to exchange these 25 defective kitty cats I got here last week.
Turns out they ain't got nine lives. They only got one.
You killed 25 cats in a week?
Thirty, counting the ones I ran over on my way here.
[cats meowing]
It says here, last year, all your cats starved to death.
Well, there's a perfectly rational explanation for that, sir.
I hired a drug addict dog to cat-sit
while I was on death row for murdering Santy Claus.
You are cut off, mister. There is no way we are ever giving you another cat.
Just 'cause I'm a little clumsy?
Plus, look at all them poor kitties that wanna come home with me.
That's the same way Garfield went.
Ironically, he did it on a Tuesday.
Get it? 'Cause he hates Mondays?
Garfield humor.
Oh! A fucking gut buster! Great job!
Robby, man, this just ain't right.
[yelps]
You gotta wipe your damn feet before you go inside.
See, man? I told you this would be better than our old place.
Well, there is less shit on the walls.
Oh. Shit. Wow.
[magical music playing]
[piccolo playing]
Dob-maste, my brothers.
Welcome to Dob-topia.
That's right. Dob-salamu alaikum, my brother.
I've never been happier since I connected with the natural world of Dob-topia.
It's the perfect place to raise our son.
I finally feel fulfilled, since I became a sperm rancher.
-Hyah! -[sperm whinnies]
This is how we were meant to live,
in a true paradise untouched by human hands.
It truly feels like home.
At least it will.
Back that shit up right here, Delbert.
What the hell?
Did you bring every white trash thing you could think of?
Yes, we did.
Ladies and gentlemen, Kid Rock!
Hey, y'all! Who's ready to hear some shitty music?
[Karen in baby-talk voice] My sweet little man.
Mommy's gonna miss you so much when she's at work. Yes, she is.
Phew. Good thing you aren't having that terrible postpartum depression
like you did with AFKAK.
-Nope. Happy as a clam. Bye. -[cell phone beeps]
I fucking hate you! Fuck my family!
[sobbing]
Oh! This will pass, Karen.
When I was a baby, my mother had postpartum depression.
On the bright side, I learned to swim.
Out of a car that had been pushed into a lake.
Well, thanks for trying to cheer me up, Anton,
but my life sucks, and my legacy has been ruined. [sniffles]
I spent a year rebuilding Paradise, and now it's destroyed again.
You know what? Fuck it!
[alarm blares]
No!
Before you unleash the bitch-krieg, listen to this.
I found a way to save the town and your legacy.
Elon Musk is looking to move Tesla's headquarters.
I think Paradise has a shot,
because Elon Musk is highly committed to ruining his company.
"Call a heroic cave diver a pedophile," check.
"Endorse a bipolar rapper for president," check.
"Spend six billion on tunnels to nowhere," check.
"Name your son using Wingdings," check.
Pretty good day, Elon, check!
Who's the new guy? Seems like a weirdo.
He seems fine to me.
[AFKAK humming]
That judgmental attitude is why you're divorced, bro-bro.
Attention, fellow… uh, deer!
How many of us have lost loved ones at the father-son hunting competition?
I'm gonna make sure that this year, none of us get killed.
The buck stops here.
[giggling] "The buck stops…"
Yeah. That's hacky, man.
These will protect you.
Wait. What is this?
Oh, that-- that's a gun. You don't want that. Those are dangerous.
Instead of making sure they don't kill us, why don't we just kill them?
I-I don't-- I don't think we wanna do that. [chuckles]
Where'd you get horses?
Attack!
[roars] Whoa! Yeah!
Sumbitch tell me I can't have a kitty? I'll show him!
Ooh! [munches] Yum! [laughs]
Oh, that's juicy. [munching]
Definitely not a trap.
[munching]
[screams] What the hell?
You gonna be my new cat.
I ain't no cat!
-Do you shit in a box? -Yes, sir.
-Do you eat mice? -Yes, sir.
Do you have a bank account?
-No, sir. -Then you a cat.
Holy shit. I'm a cat.
Ooh! I will name him George,
and I will hug him and pet him and squeeze him!
[groans]
Let me go! You're killing me!
[hisses]
[screams]
[Hobo-Cop yowls]
I knew I should have declawed you, you son of a bitch!
[engine revving]
[country music playing]
All this noise is stressing out my babies.
[gunshot]
[sizzling]
That's it! I hereby call a meeting of the Dob-topian council!
[spiritual music plays]
Okay. We've gotta deal with--
Oh, hey. Hold on.
We didn't do the Dob-topian handshake.
Fuck the handshake!
I once fucked a hand and a shake,
and then I got fired from Dairy Queen.
Well, since Mr. Grump is in such a little hurry,
I guess we'll just skip straight to the ceremonial council song.
[singing incoherently]
Stop it!
Listen! These rednecks are destroying Dob-topia.
All in favor of kicking them the hell out…
Are you serious? No ceremonial voting song?
[screaming incoherently]
[suspenseful music playing]
-[music stops] -You gonna finish your supper?
Shut the fuck up.
Well, damn. That's the last time I'm making you Lobster Sperm-idore.
Baby Kevin, I can't wait to bring home that trophy this year.
You sit there and look pretty, Dad. I'll do all the heavy lifting.
Oh. Did you hear that? He called me pretty.
Nuh-di-di-di-di-di-di! Not so fast, Edward Finger-Hands.
Jerry and I are winning that trophy.
Hey, you guys can't even hold guns.
Who needs a gun?
Huh. Strange we haven't seen a deer yet,
but I'm sure we'll stumble across those poor,
dumb, defenseless animals soon enough.
[suspenseful music playing]
[hunter screams]
What the fuck?
[deer roars]
Oh my God, the deer are killing off all the ancillary characters!
Run, Judge Judge! Run!
[both panting]
[sobs] Where the fuck did they get a plane?
Hey, there. I'd like to speak to Elon Musk, please.
What's that? I've got the wrong number?
You know what? Fuck it!
[alarm blares]
I haven't seen someone so eager to push a button on a desk
since I interned for Matt Lauer.
[laughs] Zinga-ding-ding!
[musical theater music playing]
♪ I'm such a lonely boy ♪
♪ My catless life feels small ♪
♪ Don't see why I can't have one ♪
♪ Just because I killed them all ♪
♪ I bet my cats are looking down right now Missing me so much ♪
♪ No, we don't miss you, fatty We just hate your fucking guts ♪
♪ Remember when we cuddled On those long rainy weekends? ♪
♪ I remember when you starved us And you made me eat my friends ♪
-♪ Our bond can't be corroded ♪ -♪ You hugged me till my head exploded ♪
-♪ You gave me tongue baths every day ♪ -♪ You gave me hepatitis A ♪
♪ I never heard a cat complain ♪
♪ You crushed my face With your fat taint ♪
♪ I deserve another chance… ♪
Bro, you literally just killed me with that dance.
♪ I made a loving home for you It was like a feline Ritz ♪
♪ Your apartment is a death camp It's a kitty-cat Auschwitz ♪
♪ Will I ever find Another furry feline friend? ♪
[sobs]
♪ No, I swear, you'll never find a cat ♪
♪ Depraved enough to live with you ♪
♪ Again ♪
Oh, I beg to differ, baby!
♪ You drugged me at the VFW And turned my butthole inside out ♪
Ugh. I think you're looking for the Hopson song, sir.
[all yelling]
Run, Delbert!
The council has spoken.
You two must leave Dob-topia at once. The way you came in.
That ain't gonna be possible.
[fart-splosion]
Call me Woody Allen 'cause I just blew up my kid's asshole.
Ooh! Zinga-ding-ding!
Allegedly.
You idiots have destroyed the delicate balance of the Dob-osphere.
Dob-damn it! Dob-topia is Dob-doomed!
Ugh. Sorry. I'm having an aneurysm.
[low rumbling]
[all screaming]
♪ It's our first day together And we'll be best friends forever ♪
Dinner is served, my little furry friend.
Your favorite meal. Fried fish!
Mm-mmm! I could get used to this, baby.
I don't understand why those other cats are scared to live with you. That's crazy.
You know, I don't have the slightest.
Now pardon me while I go dump this boiling hot grease down my bathtub drain.
Oh no!
Huh. Looks like you got a little burn there, huh?
[screams] God damn!
You mad at me?
Mad? Hell, I came three times!
I'm gonna like it here.
Boil up another pot and throw it right in my pussy.
[tense music playing]
We're all gonna die!
Quick! Let's climb up Dobby's throat and escape out of his mouth!
Have you seen this fucker's mouth?
We'll never get past all those rows of jacked-up teeth.
And this inbred idiot blew up the other exit.
There's no way out of here!
I know of another.
[rhythmic drum sounds]
Hopson, what the fuck you doing, man?
He's working your son's prostate.
Our son's prostate.
[rhythmic sounds continue]
That should be enough.
Now saddle up!
So, what's the plan?
The plan?
We'll be riding six white horses when he comes!
-Hyah! -[sperm whinnies]
[epic music playing]
[hoarsely] Oh, fuck yeah.
And that is why I think Paradise would be the perfect spot for Tesla's headquarters.
You're going to come see the town yourself?
Well, that's wonderful news, Mr. Musk. I-I can't wait to meet you in person.
Ah! He's coming here!
Feel better now?
I really do.
I got you your favorite coffee drink to celebrate.
Why does it say Karen on my cup?
Uh, because it's your name.
Bullshit! You think I'm a Karen.
That is the worst slur you could call someone!
[alarm blaring]
You know what? Fuck it.
[in Dobbinese] Great Scott!
I sure am dehydrated after ejaculating those six individuals.
[gulping]
My dear God, if you don't want me to touch children anymore, give me a sign!
Do you have any Vietnamese signs?
[menacing music playing]
Don't shoot him in the face. I wanna mount him.
Please don't kill me. I'm the proud father of a brand-new Brozone.
It's a Brozone layer but spelled L-A-I-R.
Think about it. It's the best pun I ever came up with.
Stop! Don't kill him!
Why? They're overpopulated.
Because you think getting revenge will fulfill you,
but once you've got it, you'll realize that this was wrong.
You'll just feel empty.
That was beautiful.
I'm still gonna kill this fucking guy, though.
[grunts]
[suspenseful music playing]
[grunting]
No!
[sobbing] No.
The only sons I have left are a piece of shit… [sniffles]
…and a turd baby!
Holy shit. My kid's immortal!
The buck stops here.
Wow. Best fucking one-liner I've ever heard.
I made that joke first!
Holy shit! A talking deer!
An immortal baby saves the Earth
from a Planet-of-the-Apes-style deer uprising
and wins a cheap plastic trophy.
Here to explain the baby's immortality,
which will probably be important later in the season,
is the only graduate of Trump University Medical School.
Hmm… Upon examining the baby,
it seems his immortality likely has something to do with the fact
that he originated from a 15-year-old sperm
that refused to die.
[sinister music plays]
In other news, a senile, geriatric pervert has lost his mind
and opened a ranch for giant sperm.
Yeehaw!
Eh. C minus.
[musical theater music playing]
[Dusty] ♪ I bet my cats Are looking down right now ♪
♪ Missing me so much ♪
[Mr. Meowgi] ♪ No, we don't miss you, fatty ♪
♪ We just hate your fucking guts ♪
[Dusty] ♪ Remember when we cuddled On those long rainy weekends? ♪
[Mr. Meowgi] ♪ I remember when you starved us ♪
♪ And you made me eat my friends ♪
[Dusty] ♪ Our bond can't be corroded ♪
[cat 1] ♪ You hugged me Till my head exploded ♪
[Dusty] ♪ You gave me Tongue baths every day ♪
[cat 2] ♪ You gave me hepatitis A ♪
[Dusty] ♪ I never heard a cat complain ♪
[cat 3] ♪ You crushed my face With your fat taint ♪
[Dusty] ♪ I deserve another chance… ♪
[cat 4] Bro, you literally just killed me with that dance.
[Dusty] ♪ I made a loving home for you It was like a feline Ritz ♪
[Mr. Meowgi] ♪ Your apartment is a death camp… ♪
[screams]