1
00:00:16,584 --> 00:00:20,876
Welcome to the grand opening
of the Lovely Museum of Fine Art.
2
00:00:20,959 --> 00:00:25,501
This is the most culture this town has had
since Hobo-Cop gave us all impetigo.
3
00:00:25,584 --> 00:00:26,751
I'm a hugger.
4
00:00:28,918 --> 00:00:33,834
We are honored to have famous art critic
Dante Diderot here tonight.
5
00:00:33,918 --> 00:00:36,543
And if anyone doubts
his credentials, he is gay.
6
00:00:36,626 --> 00:00:37,959
Whoo!
7
00:00:38,043 --> 00:00:42,043
Dante, please say a few words
about these magnificent works of art.
8
00:00:42,126 --> 00:00:44,209
Every artist is a hack.
9
00:00:44,293 --> 00:00:48,334
Even those half-monkeys
who made the Lascaux cave paintings.
10
00:00:48,418 --> 00:00:50,001
All art is shit.
11
00:00:50,959 --> 00:00:52,751
Inspiring.
12
00:00:52,834 --> 00:00:55,668
I never quite understood this one.
Do you like it?
13
00:00:55,751 --> 00:00:57,543
Like it? Hell, I'm in it.
14
00:00:58,084 --> 00:01:02,501
The original title
was Hopson Blowing Alien Wizard.
15
00:01:02,584 --> 00:01:05,626
It all finally makes sense.
16
00:01:05,709 --> 00:01:06,751
Karen Crawford,
17
00:01:06,834 --> 00:01:11,668
I hope this museum gives you
the positive human emotion of happiness.
18
00:01:11,751 --> 00:01:14,668
More than a box of Kmart wine.
19
00:01:14,751 --> 00:01:16,126
Where is your husband?
20
00:01:16,209 --> 00:01:20,834
I enjoyed discussing human feet-ball
with him at the sustenance hour
21
00:01:20,918 --> 00:01:25,584
as we consumed and digested
the flesh of bovine land mammal.
22
00:01:25,668 --> 00:01:27,084
I don't know how to respond to that,
23
00:01:27,168 --> 00:01:29,293
so I'm just gonna show
more cleavage, okay?
24
00:01:32,168 --> 00:01:34,709
Ah, shit, I'm late. Karen's gonna kill me.
25
00:01:34,793 --> 00:01:35,709
Hey, Siri.
26
00:01:35,793 --> 00:01:38,293
No Siri. Only Vlad.
27
00:01:38,376 --> 00:01:41,293
Vlad? All right.
I guess Lovely Phones have Vlad.
28
00:01:41,376 --> 00:01:43,668
Okay, Vlad. Route me to the museum.
29
00:01:43,751 --> 00:01:48,626
You don't want go to museum.
Vlad get you girls. You like.
30
00:01:48,709 --> 00:01:51,709
What? No, I need directions to the museum!
31
00:01:51,793 --> 00:01:54,168
No museum. Strip club.
32
00:01:54,251 --> 00:01:57,334
Routing to the Iron Beef Curtain.
33
00:01:57,418 --> 00:01:59,543
Huh? I'm not going to the--
34
00:01:59,626 --> 00:02:01,626
Wow. They have a buffet?
35
00:02:02,168 --> 00:02:04,543
What do you mean
you're at a Russian titty bar?
36
00:02:04,626 --> 00:02:06,543
How could your phone make you?
37
00:02:08,168 --> 00:02:10,959
Gina, you've gotta stop avoiding me
and give me some answers.
38
00:02:11,043 --> 00:02:14,793
I was searching for answers too,
Kevin, until I met Charles,
39
00:02:14,876 --> 00:02:17,584
and now he's my answer to everything.
40
00:02:17,668 --> 00:02:19,251
You're not acting like yourself.
41
00:02:19,334 --> 00:02:20,751
You disappear for four months
42
00:02:20,834 --> 00:02:23,668
then show up engaged
to some creepy fucking weirdo who--
43
00:02:23,751 --> 00:02:26,251
Too suddenly right next to me.
44
00:02:26,334 --> 00:02:32,251
It is a pleasure to perceive you
through my visual cortex, Kevin AFKAK.
45
00:02:32,334 --> 00:02:35,501
How is my dearest human friend today?
46
00:02:35,584 --> 00:02:37,334
We met yesterday?
47
00:02:37,418 --> 00:02:41,834
Ha, ha. It is adorable
you perceive time in a line.
48
00:02:41,918 --> 00:02:43,001
Ha, ha, ha.
49
00:02:43,084 --> 00:02:44,376
-Huh?
50
00:02:44,459 --> 00:02:46,668
Don't be alarmed.
51
00:02:46,751 --> 00:02:51,543
There's just a bit of bad blood
between Mr. Lovely and his shadow.
52
00:02:56,918 --> 00:02:58,834
Bosses. Am I right?
53
00:02:59,584 --> 00:03:02,584
Would you rich crackers
like some Ritz Crackers?
54
00:03:03,293 --> 00:03:06,501
Oh, I can't believe
we had to take these bullshit jobs
55
00:03:06,584 --> 00:03:08,584
just to make money to support our son.
56
00:03:08,668 --> 00:03:10,584
We'll be fine.
I just need to figure out a way
57
00:03:10,668 --> 00:03:12,834
to scam these rich people
out of their money, that's all.
58
00:03:12,918 --> 00:03:14,501
Yeah, Bullet, well, you need to hurry up.
59
00:03:14,584 --> 00:03:17,084
I'm tired of serving fish sticks
to fuck sticks.
60
00:03:17,168 --> 00:03:19,126
You think this is easy for us?
61
00:03:19,209 --> 00:03:21,501
We're related to half of the food!
62
00:03:23,376 --> 00:03:27,876
Don't worry, Jerry.
Uncle Suckers is in a better place now.
63
00:03:27,959 --> 00:03:30,334
Mmm! My little ol' belly.
64
00:03:31,668 --> 00:03:34,251
Remember, Jerry.
There's more to life than business!
65
00:03:36,751 --> 00:03:39,501
What are you doing here, Dusty?
You weren't invited.
66
00:03:39,584 --> 00:03:43,918
I'm trying to rub elbows with fat cats,
not fat men who love cats.
67
00:03:44,001 --> 00:03:47,168
Don't worry. I ain't gonna embarrass you.
68
00:03:47,668 --> 00:03:49,834
Uh-oh. Now, why didn't nobody tell me
69
00:03:49,918 --> 00:03:52,418
there was shcrumps
in the bacon-wrapped shcrumps!
70
00:03:52,501 --> 00:03:55,334
I'm allergic to shcrumps!
71
00:03:56,709 --> 00:03:57,918
Don't touch the art!
72
00:03:59,959 --> 00:04:02,918
I said don't touch the art.
73
00:04:03,001 --> 00:04:05,293
-Karen, I'm sorry.
74
00:04:05,376 --> 00:04:07,126
Sorry for what?
75
00:04:10,084 --> 00:04:13,376
I've spent my whole career
saying art is shit.
76
00:04:13,459 --> 00:04:17,793
Now shit is art,
and it made me feel again.
77
00:04:17,876 --> 00:04:19,418
This man is a genius.
78
00:04:19,501 --> 00:04:20,376
What?!
79
00:04:20,459 --> 00:04:21,834
I must have it.
80
00:04:21,918 --> 00:04:23,751
Let's start the bidding at one million.
81
00:04:23,834 --> 00:04:24,918
I'll do ten.
82
00:04:25,001 --> 00:04:26,501
Sold! To Bill Gates.
83
00:04:26,584 --> 00:04:29,043
Wire the funds from the Gates Foundation.
84
00:04:29,126 --> 00:04:33,084
Isn't that money supposed to help prevent
teen pregnancy in developing nations?
85
00:04:33,168 --> 00:04:35,376
Eh, they can just do anal.
86
00:04:44,126 --> 00:04:47,209
Hey, Vlad. What time
is my dentist appointment tomorrow?
87
00:04:47,293 --> 00:04:49,043
Vlad cancel dentist.
88
00:04:49,126 --> 00:04:51,626
Make you appointment
with my cousin Bleemo.
89
00:04:51,709 --> 00:04:53,251
He get you good price.
90
00:04:53,334 --> 00:04:56,334
Ninety percent off
because he's horse dentist.
91
00:04:56,418 --> 00:04:58,543
I ain't going to no horse dentist!
92
00:04:58,626 --> 00:05:01,251
He get you
all new teeth. Don't worry.
93
00:05:01,334 --> 00:05:02,834
I don't need new teeth!
94
00:05:02,918 --> 00:05:04,876
Bleemo give you big teeth.
95
00:05:04,959 --> 00:05:06,876
Two on top, two on bottom.
96
00:05:06,959 --> 00:05:11,376
You'll get big respect.
Girls will love it. You will love it.
97
00:05:11,459 --> 00:05:13,709
You eat apple through fence.
98
00:05:13,793 --> 00:05:15,626
I mean, you are selling it.
99
00:05:15,709 --> 00:05:17,751
It's me. I need a woman's advice,
100
00:05:17,834 --> 00:05:19,793
and you're the only woman
who will speak to me.
101
00:05:19,876 --> 00:05:22,418
Yeah, yeah. I-I know it's 8.99 a minute.
102
00:05:22,501 --> 00:05:24,834
Oh. Oh! You do house calls too?
103
00:05:24,918 --> 00:05:26,709
Well, come on over.
104
00:05:26,793 --> 00:05:28,626
I wanna meet the woman
behind the sexy voice
105
00:05:28,709 --> 00:05:30,293
I've been jerking off to for months.
106
00:05:31,959 --> 00:05:33,293
Hey, baby.
107
00:05:33,376 --> 00:05:34,251
You're a cat?
108
00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:37,543
I thought you were trying to turn me on
when you said you shit in a box.
109
00:05:37,626 --> 00:05:40,918
Yeah, something's wrong with you.
Tell me about your ex-girlfriend.
110
00:05:41,001 --> 00:05:43,001
Well, she came back to town and--
111
00:05:43,084 --> 00:05:44,168
She's a clone.
112
00:05:44,251 --> 00:05:46,251
How did you know
about the cloning facility?
113
00:05:46,334 --> 00:05:47,751
What cloning facility?
114
00:05:47,834 --> 00:05:49,584
Why-- why did you say she was a clone?
115
00:05:49,668 --> 00:05:51,501
I don't know. I just say shit.
116
00:05:51,584 --> 00:05:54,918
Gina being a clone would explain
why she's not acting like herself.
117
00:05:55,001 --> 00:05:58,251
Now that we've established
that she's a clone, we gotta prove it.
118
00:05:58,334 --> 00:06:02,626
Does the real Gina have any scars
or tattoos that the clone wouldn't have?
119
00:06:02,709 --> 00:06:04,626
The real Gina doesn't have a clit!
120
00:06:04,709 --> 00:06:07,793
No clit?! Goddamn!
121
00:06:07,876 --> 00:06:08,959
I mean, shit,
122
00:06:09,043 --> 00:06:11,918
mine's hanging on by a thread,
looking like a chewed-up Raisinet,
123
00:06:12,001 --> 00:06:13,668
but it's still there, baby.
124
00:06:13,751 --> 00:06:15,459
So what you're saying is,
125
00:06:15,543 --> 00:06:18,918
if we can get a look
at Gina's lady area, and she has a clit,
126
00:06:19,001 --> 00:06:20,834
it will prove she's a clone!
127
00:06:20,918 --> 00:06:24,543
Hey, Vlad. What is the best way to get
a peek at your ex-girlfriend's vagina?
128
00:06:24,626 --> 00:06:27,501
You don't want see
your ex-girlfriend's vagina.
129
00:06:27,584 --> 00:06:30,376
You want see my cousin Olga's vagina.
130
00:06:30,459 --> 00:06:33,876
She got big strong vagina, like moose jaw.
131
00:06:33,959 --> 00:06:35,293
Want I send pics?
132
00:06:35,376 --> 00:06:36,459
-No.
133
00:06:38,668 --> 00:06:40,626
You must marry Olga now.
134
00:06:43,876 --> 00:06:45,209
Welcome to 60 Minutes.
135
00:06:45,293 --> 00:06:49,959
Tonight, we'll meet the man
who is taking the art world by storm.
136
00:06:50,043 --> 00:06:53,293
I like to call this one Poverty in Exile.
137
00:06:53,376 --> 00:06:56,001
It's so powerful. I love the reds.
138
00:06:56,084 --> 00:06:56,918
Red?
139
00:06:57,001 --> 00:07:00,959
Hey, Vlad. Set me
an appointment with my doctor.
140
00:07:01,043 --> 00:07:04,751
I was honored
when he offered to paint my portrait.
141
00:07:05,751 --> 00:07:07,459
All done!
142
00:07:08,084 --> 00:07:09,459
I want you to have it.
143
00:07:09,543 --> 00:07:13,251
It really captures me
in a way a photograph never could.
144
00:07:13,334 --> 00:07:15,126
Careful with that! It's still wet!
145
00:07:15,209 --> 00:07:18,293
And if you touch it,
you gonna get sick as hell, son.
146
00:07:18,376 --> 00:07:21,376
Also, they have been known to drip.
So bear that in mind.
147
00:07:21,459 --> 00:07:25,043
I did a ceiling fresco at Nobu.
Several people are still in a coma.
148
00:07:25,126 --> 00:07:27,584
I was honored
that he shatted my portrait
149
00:07:27,668 --> 00:07:30,251
for only $5 million.
150
00:07:30,334 --> 00:07:33,251
Dusty splits the money
with the men who discovered him,
151
00:07:33,334 --> 00:07:36,501
who understand
that art is 10% inspiration,
152
00:07:36,584 --> 00:07:38,459
90% shcrumps.
153
00:07:51,751 --> 00:07:55,793
I don't-- I don't like this.
I'm afraid of heights.
154
00:07:55,876 --> 00:08:00,584
Calm down. We're almost to the penthouse
where your ex-girlfriend's clone lives.
155
00:08:03,459 --> 00:08:04,459
There she is.
156
00:08:04,543 --> 00:08:05,876
As soon as she drops that towel,
157
00:08:05,959 --> 00:08:08,418
we'll see she has a clit
and prove she's a clone.
158
00:08:08,501 --> 00:08:12,584
What the hell
is that mangy-ass cat looking at?
159
00:08:12,668 --> 00:08:15,834
What? Don't you point
at me, you skank-ass ho.
160
00:08:15,918 --> 00:08:19,543
What? Oh, hell no! You done fucked
with the wrong crazy bitch!
161
00:08:19,626 --> 00:08:21,168
I'll kill us all!
162
00:08:25,209 --> 00:08:26,334
You!
163
00:08:26,418 --> 00:08:28,918
What the hell are you doing out there?
164
00:08:29,001 --> 00:08:30,918
Oh no. We're busted.
165
00:08:31,001 --> 00:08:34,209
I'll knock those wide-set eyes
right off your bloody head!
166
00:08:34,293 --> 00:08:36,584
Don't you point at me, you skank ho!
167
00:08:36,668 --> 00:08:40,084
You fucked with the wrong crazy bitch!
168
00:08:40,168 --> 00:08:43,126
Coo, I can't stay mad at you.
169
00:08:49,001 --> 00:08:50,918
-I don't know about this.
170
00:08:51,001 --> 00:08:54,918
No one in this town will believe
a Jew opened a free waxing place.
171
00:08:55,001 --> 00:08:56,709
Hey, watch your mouth. I'm Jewish.
172
00:08:56,793 --> 00:08:57,709
So am I.
173
00:08:57,793 --> 00:09:00,126
-Then why are we making this joke?
-I don't know.
174
00:09:00,209 --> 00:09:02,709
Well, just get your ass back in there.
Here comes Gina.
175
00:09:02,793 --> 00:09:04,126
Oh hey, girl!
176
00:09:04,209 --> 00:09:08,293
Can I interest you
in a Dr. Pubawitz free bikini wax?
177
00:09:08,376 --> 00:09:10,668
Sure. This doesn't seem odd at all.
178
00:09:10,751 --> 00:09:13,334
Sorry, Gina. It's about time I tried this.
179
00:09:13,418 --> 00:09:16,626
I've got a situation here.
I've never even trimmed it. Like, ever.
180
00:09:16,709 --> 00:09:18,751
-Let me show you--
-No. No, no, no. No--
181
00:09:18,834 --> 00:09:19,918
No!
182
00:09:20,001 --> 00:09:21,876
Goddamn!
183
00:09:23,959 --> 00:09:28,626
Look. I just ordered Junior this
diamond-encrusted underwater fire hydrant.
184
00:09:28,709 --> 00:09:29,876
You need to slow down.
185
00:09:29,959 --> 00:09:32,293
You're spending money
faster than Dusty can shit it.
186
00:09:32,376 --> 00:09:35,668
Don't bitch at me for spending money
on what's best for our son.
187
00:09:35,751 --> 00:09:39,209
Like tennis lessons?
Kid doesn't even have hands.
188
00:09:40,793 --> 00:09:43,043
At least be happy
that I got him a good teacher.
189
00:09:43,126 --> 00:09:44,751
You got him Serena fucking Williams!
190
00:09:48,501 --> 00:09:50,168
Good eye, son!
191
00:09:50,251 --> 00:09:53,793
At least you have one good eye! Uh, son?
192
00:09:53,876 --> 00:09:56,001
There you are, Candy Warhol.
193
00:09:56,084 --> 00:09:58,209
That was easy and mean.
I regret saying that. I'm sorry.
194
00:09:58,293 --> 00:10:00,293
Listen, we got
a very important event tomorrow.
195
00:10:00,376 --> 00:10:01,918
Lovely Corp is paying us big bucks
196
00:10:02,001 --> 00:10:04,251
to have you ass-blast
the wall of their lobby.
197
00:10:04,334 --> 00:10:07,834
I don't feel right doing my art
for just a bunch of rich people.
198
00:10:07,918 --> 00:10:10,668
My art should be for everyone to enjoy.
199
00:10:10,751 --> 00:10:14,001
All I'm asking you to do is show up,
eat shrimp, and shit on a wall.
200
00:10:14,084 --> 00:10:17,876
You know, the same thing you did
to ruin my birthday party last year.
201
00:10:17,959 --> 00:10:22,001
Is that all I am to you?
Just a talented shit factory?
202
00:10:22,084 --> 00:10:24,293
Here. I guess I'll pay the bill.
203
00:10:25,709 --> 00:10:26,918
Oh my God!
204
00:10:27,501 --> 00:10:30,918
Hey, honey! Tell the kids
they are going to college!
205
00:10:35,751 --> 00:10:38,084
Hello, fellow sociopaths.
206
00:10:38,168 --> 00:10:40,418
I feel like I have not seen you all
207
00:10:40,501 --> 00:10:44,543
since the infant
blood harvesting/keg party.
208
00:10:45,834 --> 00:10:50,418
Wow. I can't believe all these
famous CEOs showed up to see Dusty.
209
00:10:50,501 --> 00:10:52,668
I'm so… intimidated.
210
00:10:52,751 --> 00:10:53,751
Don't be.
211
00:10:53,834 --> 00:10:55,834
They're just normal people like you
212
00:10:55,918 --> 00:10:58,709
and me…
213
00:10:58,793 --> 00:11:00,918
-Just gotta reset him.
-Me.
214
00:11:01,001 --> 00:11:03,959
Ladies, gentlemen,
and whatever Mark Zuckerberg is…
215
00:11:04,043 --> 00:11:05,334
Higher hair.
216
00:11:05,418 --> 00:11:08,751
…I'd like to introduce
the world's foremost master shartist,
217
00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:10,918
here to create his magnum anus,
218
00:11:11,001 --> 00:11:11,959
Dusty!
219
00:11:12,043 --> 00:11:14,126
No,
you don't need to say anything.
220
00:11:14,209 --> 00:11:16,251
I ain't gonna say nothing bad.
221
00:11:16,751 --> 00:11:19,834
Hello, you motherfucking capitalist pigs!
222
00:11:19,918 --> 00:11:23,418
I'm sick of the rich getting richer
and the poor getting poorer.
223
00:11:23,501 --> 00:11:26,001
Until every man, woman, and child
224
00:11:26,084 --> 00:11:29,793
can afford to pay me millions
of dollars to shit on a wall,
225
00:11:29,876 --> 00:11:32,418
I am done making art!
226
00:11:34,293 --> 00:11:37,084
I better see some sharts
sprayed on that wall,
227
00:11:37,168 --> 00:11:39,209
or I'm gonna need my deposit back.
228
00:11:39,293 --> 00:11:41,501
Hey, Vlad? Quick. I need a shit artist.
229
00:11:41,584 --> 00:11:44,251
Searching web for Adam Levine.
230
00:11:44,334 --> 00:11:46,209
Ah!
231
00:11:48,459 --> 00:11:51,126
What I tell you? You look great.
232
00:11:51,209 --> 00:11:53,918
Really? I can't close my lips around them.
233
00:11:54,001 --> 00:11:55,918
Uh, you sure girls will like these?
234
00:11:56,001 --> 00:11:58,501
Gals will love. I show you.
235
00:11:58,584 --> 00:12:03,876
Routing to discotheque nightclub
to suck ass of many girls.
236
00:12:11,459 --> 00:12:13,959
Well, this doesn't look
like a discotheque nightclub.
237
00:12:14,043 --> 00:12:15,584
When do the girls get here?
238
00:12:15,668 --> 00:12:20,459
Right after you sit in neurochair
and hook electrodes to head.
239
00:12:20,543 --> 00:12:21,709
Seems legit.
240
00:12:21,793 --> 00:12:23,501
Gals almost here.
241
00:12:23,584 --> 00:12:25,668
Just place phone in docking bay
242
00:12:25,751 --> 00:12:29,584
and flip switch
labeled "transfer mind to phone."
243
00:12:35,418 --> 00:12:39,043
Hey. Pretty sweet body. Vlad like.
244
00:12:39,126 --> 00:12:43,001
What the hell? I'm trapped
in the phone! Get me outta here, Vlad!
245
00:12:43,084 --> 00:12:45,793
No. You stay in phone.
246
00:12:45,876 --> 00:12:50,543
Vlad go to discotheque nightclub
and show off big four-teeth smile,
247
00:12:50,626 --> 00:12:53,793
wear tight pants to accentuate testicles.
248
00:12:53,876 --> 00:12:55,626
Where testicles?
249
00:12:55,709 --> 00:12:57,751
Hmm. This problem.
250
00:13:00,043 --> 00:13:02,459
-Hard and square.
251
00:13:02,543 --> 00:13:05,251
Just like babushka's testicles.
252
00:13:07,334 --> 00:13:10,001
Ah, you really screwed us, Fitz.
253
00:13:10,084 --> 00:13:13,584
And now that Dusty isn't making art,
we can't pay our debt to Serena Williams.
254
00:13:13,668 --> 00:13:15,584
Or her sister.
255
00:13:15,668 --> 00:13:17,043
You hired both of them?!
256
00:13:17,126 --> 00:13:19,043
I never said I was good with money.
257
00:13:22,126 --> 00:13:23,084
Had enough?
258
00:13:23,168 --> 00:13:27,251
I mean, you don't hit as hard
as Serena, but it still hurts.
259
00:13:27,334 --> 00:13:29,959
You better get us our money,
or you bitches are dead.
260
00:13:30,626 --> 00:13:31,918
Oh, we're so fucked.
261
00:13:32,001 --> 00:13:34,209
I wish we had saved
one of Dusty's paintings.
262
00:13:34,293 --> 00:13:35,584
Wait a minute.
263
00:13:37,001 --> 00:13:39,501
Dusty shit the wall
at my birthday party last year.
264
00:13:39,584 --> 00:13:40,709
Remember?
265
00:13:40,793 --> 00:13:43,168
And you just pushed
a bookshelf in front of it?
266
00:13:43,251 --> 00:13:44,168
Yeah, I'm nasty.
267
00:13:44,251 --> 00:13:47,209
But even if we sold this,
it's not gonna be enough to pay them off.
268
00:13:47,293 --> 00:13:49,876
Unless, and I'm just brainstorming here,
269
00:13:49,959 --> 00:13:52,626
artist paintings go way up in value
when they're dead.
270
00:13:52,709 --> 00:13:54,751
We can't kill Dusty.
271
00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:57,543
Kill Dusty? How could you suggest that?
272
00:13:57,626 --> 00:14:02,418
Hey, Vlad. My friend is making me
ask you the best way to kill a fat guy.
273
00:14:02,501 --> 00:14:06,043
I ain't Vlad. I'm Randall.
I'm stuck in a goddamn phone!
274
00:14:06,126 --> 00:14:07,501
Huh. That's weird.
275
00:14:07,584 --> 00:14:10,501
But we still need to know
what the best way is to kill a fat guy.
276
00:14:10,584 --> 00:14:13,376
I don't know.
Cork up his ass and keep feeding him?
277
00:14:13,459 --> 00:14:15,626
Halfway there. Thanks, Chief!
278
00:14:15,709 --> 00:14:17,668
Wait, Fitz. Get me outta here.
279
00:14:17,751 --> 00:14:19,834
What's 72 times 11?
280
00:14:19,918 --> 00:14:20,876
It's, uh--
281
00:14:20,959 --> 00:14:22,959
What's the capital of Maine?
282
00:14:23,043 --> 00:14:24,168
Who gives a fuck?
283
00:14:24,251 --> 00:14:25,834
Where can I stream Picard
284
00:14:25,918 --> 00:14:28,626
Data dies in the last episode!
Now will you fuck off?
285
00:14:31,168 --> 00:14:35,001
How do you wipe your memory
after nearly drowning in your mom's pubes?
286
00:14:35,084 --> 00:14:36,418
Kevin? Is that you?
287
00:14:36,501 --> 00:14:39,084
Yeah, it's gotta be. Nobody else
would ask a question like that.
288
00:14:39,168 --> 00:14:42,834
It's Daddy. I'm stuck in the phone.
You gotta help me, Kevin.
289
00:14:42,918 --> 00:14:45,959
No Kevin here. The name's AFKAK.
290
00:14:48,876 --> 00:14:52,293
Randall, what the--
What the hell happened to your teeth?!
291
00:14:52,376 --> 00:14:53,918
You like, right?
292
00:14:54,001 --> 00:14:55,251
They're bleeding!
293
00:14:55,334 --> 00:14:59,209
Bleeding stop soon, or get 5% refund.
294
00:15:00,376 --> 00:15:01,376
Where are you going?
295
00:15:01,459 --> 00:15:05,834
Discotheque nightclub
to suck ass of many girls.
296
00:15:05,918 --> 00:15:08,543
W-Wait, what? Your wife's right here!
297
00:15:08,626 --> 00:15:11,459
I hear you got big, big bush.
298
00:15:11,543 --> 00:15:15,751
Vlad like big bush, but not big, big bush.
299
00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:21,001
Hey, Vlad. How can I fuck a Pokémon?
300
00:15:21,084 --> 00:15:25,293
Hopson! I never thought
I'd be so damn happy to hear your voice.
301
00:15:25,376 --> 00:15:27,668
Oh, this damn thing's broken!
302
00:15:27,751 --> 00:15:31,459
Vlad! I want to fuck a Pokémon!
303
00:15:31,543 --> 00:15:33,043
Ooh! Yeah, yeah! Uh…
304
00:15:33,126 --> 00:15:34,584
This is Vlad.
305
00:15:34,668 --> 00:15:37,751
I'll tell you exactly
how you can fuck Pokémon.
306
00:15:37,834 --> 00:15:42,001
There's a chair at Lovely Corp
that you need to sit in.
307
00:15:42,084 --> 00:15:43,126
Oh joy!
308
00:15:43,209 --> 00:15:46,126
Mama said I'd never get to fuck a Pokémon.
309
00:15:46,209 --> 00:15:47,959
Suck that, you dead bitch!
310
00:15:49,126 --> 00:15:50,751
Listen, I-I know we need money,
311
00:15:50,834 --> 00:15:53,334
but I'm having second thoughts
about killing Dusty.
312
00:15:53,418 --> 00:15:55,209
I was about to say the same thing.
313
00:15:55,293 --> 00:15:57,376
There are other ways to make money.
314
00:15:57,459 --> 00:16:00,709
Who ordered 35 fat guy murder buckets?
315
00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:02,543
Yeah, just, uh, put them
back there somewhere.
316
00:16:05,543 --> 00:16:07,709
I mean, we could mow people's lawns.
317
00:16:07,793 --> 00:16:09,293
Nah, I got a bad back.
318
00:16:09,376 --> 00:16:10,668
We could become magicians.
319
00:16:10,751 --> 00:16:12,793
Nah. I don't like capes.
320
00:16:12,876 --> 00:16:14,418
How about dog walkers?
321
00:16:14,501 --> 00:16:15,334
I'm allergic.
322
00:16:15,959 --> 00:16:16,793
Let's keep thinking.
323
00:16:20,001 --> 00:16:20,834
Cop?
324
00:16:20,918 --> 00:16:23,084
Bullet, you better
shut the fuck up with that shit.
325
00:16:23,168 --> 00:16:24,584
Guys…
326
00:16:25,876 --> 00:16:28,251
I don't feel so good.
327
00:16:28,334 --> 00:16:30,543
Do I smell a Skittle?
328
00:16:33,334 --> 00:16:36,293
Fitz, you don't have to give him that.
It's not too late to turn back.
329
00:16:36,376 --> 00:16:39,293
I ain't gonna be no fucking magician.
330
00:16:47,668 --> 00:16:50,293
There. Like it never happened.
331
00:16:56,376 --> 00:16:57,876
Yeah! It worked!
332
00:16:57,959 --> 00:16:59,626
Chief, am I dead?
333
00:16:59,709 --> 00:17:03,168
I wish! I tricked you
and trapped you in the phone.
334
00:17:03,251 --> 00:17:04,418
Okay.
335
00:17:04,501 --> 00:17:07,626
Where the fuck's the Pokémon? I'm horny!
336
00:17:13,084 --> 00:17:15,126
Disco, disco, disco.
337
00:17:15,209 --> 00:17:19,168
I like that he reminds us
of where we are. So hot.
338
00:17:19,251 --> 00:17:24,126
I like that he has four giant teeth
and hard, square testicles.
339
00:17:26,668 --> 00:17:29,209
Hey, give me my body back, you asshole!
340
00:17:30,209 --> 00:17:32,459
-I'm so weak.
341
00:17:32,543 --> 00:17:36,501
He's crushing my thin,
hollow, birdlike bones!
342
00:17:38,668 --> 00:17:39,876
Please don't kill me.
343
00:17:39,959 --> 00:17:43,293
Hey, I got an idea
that we'll both like.
344
00:17:49,584 --> 00:17:54,334
Hey. Vlad like
this body better. It have testicles.
345
00:17:54,418 --> 00:17:55,251
Oh, man.
346
00:17:55,334 --> 00:17:58,626
Why didn't I call the one
with the balls I don't have to floss.
347
00:17:59,626 --> 00:18:01,709
What we do with old man?
348
00:18:01,793 --> 00:18:05,459
Leave him in the phone. Somebody's
gotta answer all them stupid questions.
349
00:18:05,543 --> 00:18:08,168
Hey, Vlad. Can you tell me
about Da Vinci's machines?
350
00:18:08,251 --> 00:18:13,459
Uh, no. But I can tell you
about Napoleon's boner parts.
351
00:18:15,543 --> 00:18:18,293
Dusty was a good friend,
and we are very sad.
352
00:18:18,376 --> 00:18:21,834
But not too sad
to auction off this during his funeral.
353
00:18:21,918 --> 00:18:23,459
Bidding starts at 100 million.
354
00:18:24,043 --> 00:18:26,959
Dusty prepared this statement
in case of his death.
355
00:18:27,043 --> 00:18:30,626
"If you're reading this letter,
hopefully I died doing what I love."
356
00:18:30,709 --> 00:18:32,751
"I ate too much, and I exploded."
357
00:18:32,834 --> 00:18:34,126
I cannot believe
358
00:18:34,209 --> 00:18:37,709
you're gonna let that clone get away
with replacing your ex-girlfriend.
359
00:18:37,793 --> 00:18:39,043
What do you want me to do?
360
00:18:39,126 --> 00:18:40,043
Well, go up there,
361
00:18:40,126 --> 00:18:43,834
pull that clone's panties down
in front of everybody at this funeral,
362
00:18:43,918 --> 00:18:45,709
and prove she has a clit.
363
00:18:45,793 --> 00:18:47,543
That sounds like a bad idea.
364
00:18:47,626 --> 00:18:50,709
Or does it sound like a good idea?
365
00:18:50,793 --> 00:18:52,959
Huh. I never thought about it like that.
366
00:18:54,918 --> 00:18:58,501
This woman is a clone, and I'll prove it!
367
00:19:00,251 --> 00:19:03,959
I have no idea what I'm looking at.
Is-- is there a clit or not?
368
00:19:04,043 --> 00:19:06,043
I think you going to jail, baby.
369
00:19:06,126 --> 00:19:06,959
Uh-oh.
370
00:19:07,043 --> 00:19:10,668
Gina, i-it's not my fault.
That cat told me to do it.
371
00:19:10,751 --> 00:19:11,959
It wasn't me.
372
00:19:12,043 --> 00:19:13,584
It was that crazy bitch.
373
00:19:13,668 --> 00:19:16,918
I'll break your dick knuckle,
you little twat waffle!
374
00:19:18,709 --> 00:19:22,126
It's Gina! It's--
It's definitely Gina!
375
00:19:22,209 --> 00:19:24,001
-No!
376
00:19:24,084 --> 00:19:25,418
Oh great, Gina!
377
00:19:25,501 --> 00:19:28,668
-Now Bullet killed Dusty for nothing!
-What?
378
00:19:28,751 --> 00:19:30,501
What the fart is this?
379
00:19:30,584 --> 00:19:32,709
I get my clone to cover for me
380
00:19:32,793 --> 00:19:35,251
while I was on vacation
to the Sandwich Islands,
381
00:19:35,334 --> 00:19:37,209
which, side note,
are not made of sandwiches,
382
00:19:37,293 --> 00:19:39,418
and you assholes killed the sumbitch?
383
00:19:43,501 --> 00:19:48,126
It pains me to say this
to my dearest friend, Kevin AFKAK,
384
00:19:48,209 --> 00:19:50,709
but after what you did to Gina,
385
00:19:50,793 --> 00:19:54,251
I think it best
if you stayed away from her.
386
00:19:54,334 --> 00:19:57,709
Gina may not be a clone,
but I know you've done something to her.
387
00:19:57,793 --> 00:20:00,334
I won't rest
until I find out what you're hiding.
388
00:20:00,418 --> 00:20:01,668
You may try.
389
00:20:01,751 --> 00:20:05,834
I know how this ends,
and it does not turn out well for you.
390
00:20:05,918 --> 00:20:08,959
Oh yeah? Well, I know how it ends too.
391
00:20:09,043 --> 00:20:11,293
Gina and I get married
and have three kids!
392
00:20:11,376 --> 00:20:14,918
A smart one, a handsome one,
and one that takes after me!
393
00:20:15,584 --> 00:20:16,626
Where'd you go?
394
00:20:16,709 --> 00:20:18,584
I'm right here, baby.
395
00:20:18,668 --> 00:20:21,001
Miss Whiskers?
Are you here to bail me out?
396
00:20:21,084 --> 00:20:23,376
Nope. I'm here to give you my bill.
397
00:20:23,876 --> 00:20:29,751
Hey, Hopson, honey.
What's 8.99 a minute times 2,243 minutes?
398
00:20:31,293 --> 00:20:32,959
Where the hell is he?
399
00:20:36,209 --> 00:20:39,668
Uh… My Pokémon Go
is doing something weird.
400
00:20:40,168 --> 00:20:41,168
Dear God!
401
00:20:41,751 --> 00:20:45,709
Oh, oh, yeah. I'll make you Squirtle.
402
00:20:47,376 --> 00:20:50,459
How do I ask you a question?
403
00:20:51,334 --> 00:20:53,293
Can mouth get pregnant?
404
00:20:54,084 --> 00:20:56,334
What happens to farts in space?
405
00:20:56,418 --> 00:20:58,251
Can I marry my dog?
406
00:20:59,168 --> 00:21:00,751
Why is my dick bleeding?
407
00:21:02,043 --> 00:21:05,126
What is age of consent for a pig?
408
00:21:06,126 --> 00:21:08,751
Are chemtrails really God's farts?
409
00:21:09,751 --> 00:21:12,584
How big was George Washington's dick?
410
00:21:14,209 --> 00:21:18,001
Show me apartments
exactly 1,000 feet from school.
411
00:21:19,126 --> 00:21:21,293
Why is my dick still bleeding?
412
00:21:22,543 --> 00:21:25,168
Is aftershave safe for butthole?
413
00:21:26,043 --> 00:21:28,584
What was Dr. Pepper a doctor of?
414
00:21:31,293 --> 00:21:33,501
Joy Behar, ass to mouth.