1
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[sinister music plays]
2
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Welcome to the grand opening
of the Lovely Museum of Fine Art.
3
00:00:20,959 --> 00:00:25,501
This is the most culture this town has had
since Hobo-Cop gave us all impetigo.
4
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I'm a hugger.
5
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We are honored to have famous art critic
Dante Diderot here tonight.
6
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And if anyone doubts
his credentials, he is gay.
7
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Whoo!
8
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Dante, please say a few words
about these magnificent works of art.
9
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Every artist is a hack.
10
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Even those half-monkeys
who made the Lascaux cave paintings.
11
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All art is shit.
12
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[chuckling] Inspiring.
13
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I never quite understood this one.
Do you like it?
14
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Like it? Hell, I'm in it.
15
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The original title
was Hopson Blowing Alien Wizard.
16
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It all finally makes sense.
17
00:01:05,709 --> 00:01:06,751
Karen Crawford,
18
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I hope this museum gives you
the positive human emotion of happiness.
19
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[sighs] More than a box of Kmart wine.
20
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Where is your husband?
21
00:01:16,209 --> 00:01:20,834
I enjoyed discussing human feet-ball
with him at the sustenance hour
22
00:01:20,918 --> 00:01:25,584
as we consumed and digested
the flesh of bovine land mammal.
23
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I don't know how to respond to that,
24
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so I'm just gonna show
more cleavage, okay?
25
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Ah, shit, I'm late. Karen's gonna kill me.
26
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Hey, Siri.
27
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[phone assistant in Russian accent]
No Siri. Only Vlad.
28
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Vlad? All right.
I guess Lovely Phones have Vlad.
29
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Okay, Vlad. Route me to the museum.
30
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[Vlad] You don't want go to museum.
Vlad get you girls. You like.
31
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What? No, I need directions to the museum!
32
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[Vlad] No museum. Strip club.
33
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Routing to the Iron Beef Curtain.
34
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Huh? I'm not going to the--
35
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Wow. They have a buffet?
36
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What do you mean
you're at a Russian titty bar?
37
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How could your phone make you?
38
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[cell phone beeps]
39
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Gina, you've gotta stop avoiding me
and give me some answers.
40
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I was searching for answers too,
Kevin, until I met Charles,
41
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and now he's my answer to everything.
42
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You're not acting like yourself.
43
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You disappear for four months
44
00:02:20,834 --> 00:02:23,668
then show up engaged
to some creepy fucking weirdo who--
45
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Too suddenly right next to me.
46
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It is a pleasure to perceive you
through my visual cortex, Kevin AFKAK.
47
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How is my dearest human friend today?
48
00:02:35,584 --> 00:02:37,334
We met yesterday?
49
00:02:37,418 --> 00:02:41,834
Ha, ha. It is adorable
you perceive time in a line.
50
00:02:41,918 --> 00:02:43,001
Ha, ha, ha.
51
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-Huh?
-[grunts]
52
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[grunting] Don't be alarmed.
53
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There's just a bit of bad blood
between Mr. Lovely and his shadow.
54
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[chanting incantation in Latin]
55
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Bosses. Am I right?
56
00:02:59,584 --> 00:03:02,584
Would you rich crackers
like some Ritz Crackers?
57
00:03:03,293 --> 00:03:06,501
Oh, I can't believe
we had to take these bullshit jobs
58
00:03:06,584 --> 00:03:08,584
just to make money to support our son.
59
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We'll be fine.
I just need to figure out a way
60
00:03:10,668 --> 00:03:12,834
to scam these rich people
out of their money, that's all.
61
00:03:12,918 --> 00:03:14,501
Yeah, Bullet, well, you need to hurry up.
62
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I'm tired of serving fish sticks
to fuck sticks.
63
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You think this is easy for us?
64
00:03:19,209 --> 00:03:21,501
We're related to half of the food!
65
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[weeps]
66
00:03:23,376 --> 00:03:27,876
Don't worry, Jerry.
Uncle Suckers is in a better place now.
67
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Mmm! My little ol' belly.
68
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[slurping]
69
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Remember, Jerry.
There's more to life than business!
70
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-[screams]
-[slurps]
71
00:03:35,751 --> 00:03:36,668
[exhales]
72
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What are you doing here, Dusty?
You weren't invited.
73
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I'm trying to rub elbows with fat cats,
not fat men who love cats.
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Don't worry. I ain't gonna embarrass you.
75
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Uh-oh. Now, why didn't nobody tell me
76
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there was shcrumps
in the bacon-wrapped shcrumps!
77
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[sobbing] I'm allergic to shcrumps!
78
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Don't touch the art!
79
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I said don't touch the art.
80
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-Karen, I'm sorry.
-[stomach growling]
81
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Sorry for what?
82
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[groans]
83
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I've spent my whole career
saying art is shit.
84
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Now shit is art,
and it made me feel again.
85
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This man is a genius.
86
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What?!
87
00:04:20,459 --> 00:04:21,834
I must have it.
88
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Let's start the bidding at one million.
89
00:04:23,834 --> 00:04:24,918
[bidder] I'll do ten.
90
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Sold! To Bill Gates.
91
00:04:26,584 --> 00:04:29,043
Wire the funds from the Gates Foundation.
92
00:04:29,126 --> 00:04:33,084
Isn't that money supposed to help prevent
teen pregnancy in developing nations?
93
00:04:33,168 --> 00:04:35,376
Eh, they can just do anal.
94
00:04:35,459 --> 00:04:38,709
[theme music playing]
95
00:04:44,126 --> 00:04:47,209
Hey, Vlad. What time
is my dentist appointment tomorrow?
96
00:04:47,293 --> 00:04:49,043
[Vlad] Vlad cancel dentist.
97
00:04:49,126 --> 00:04:51,626
Make you appointment
with my cousin Bleemo.
98
00:04:51,709 --> 00:04:53,251
He get you good price.
99
00:04:53,334 --> 00:04:56,334
Ninety percent off
because he's horse dentist.
100
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I ain't going to no horse dentist!
101
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[Vlad] He get you
all new teeth. Don't worry.
102
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I don't need new teeth!
103
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[Vlad] Bleemo give you big teeth.
104
00:05:04,959 --> 00:05:06,876
Two on top, two on bottom.
105
00:05:06,959 --> 00:05:11,376
You'll get big respect.
Girls will love it. You will love it.
106
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You eat apple through fence.
107
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I mean, you are selling it.
108
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It's me. I need a woman's advice,
109
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and you're the only woman
who will speak to me.
110
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Yeah, yeah. I-I know it's 8.99 a minute.
111
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Oh. Oh! You do house calls too?
112
00:05:24,918 --> 00:05:26,709
Well, come on over.
113
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I wanna meet the woman
behind the sexy voice
114
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I've been jerking off to for months.
115
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[doorbell rings]
116
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Hey, baby.
117
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You're a cat?
118
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I thought you were trying to turn me on
when you said you shit in a box.
119
00:05:37,626 --> 00:05:40,918
Yeah, something's wrong with you.
Tell me about your ex-girlfriend.
120
00:05:41,001 --> 00:05:43,001
Well, she came back to town and--
121
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She's a clone.
122
00:05:44,251 --> 00:05:46,251
How did you know
about the cloning facility?
123
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What cloning facility?
124
00:05:47,834 --> 00:05:49,584
Why-- why did you say she was a clone?
125
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I don't know. I just say shit.
126
00:05:51,584 --> 00:05:54,918
Gina being a clone would explain
why she's not acting like herself.
127
00:05:55,001 --> 00:05:58,251
Now that we've established
that she's a clone, we gotta prove it.
128
00:05:58,334 --> 00:06:02,626
Does the real Gina have any scars
or tattoos that the clone wouldn't have?
129
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The real Gina doesn't have a clit!
130
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No clit?! Goddamn!
131
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I mean, shit,
132
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mine's hanging on by a thread,
looking like a chewed-up Raisinet,
133
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but it's still there, baby.
134
00:06:13,751 --> 00:06:15,459
So what you're saying is,
135
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if we can get a look
at Gina's lady area, and she has a clit,
136
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it will prove she's a clone!
137
00:06:20,918 --> 00:06:24,543
Hey, Vlad. What is the best way to get
a peek at your ex-girlfriend's vagina?
138
00:06:24,626 --> 00:06:27,501
[Vlad] You don't want see
your ex-girlfriend's vagina.
139
00:06:27,584 --> 00:06:30,376
You want see my cousin Olga's vagina.
140
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She got big strong vagina, like moose jaw.
141
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Want I send pics?
142
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-No.
-[cell phone chimes]
143
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[gags, screams]
144
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[Vlad] You must marry Olga now.
145
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[stopwatch ticking]
146
00:06:43,876 --> 00:06:45,209
Welcome to 60 Minutes.
147
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Tonight, we'll meet the man
who is taking the art world by storm.
148
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I like to call this one Poverty in Exile.
149
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It's so powerful. I love the reds.
150
00:06:56,084 --> 00:06:56,918
Red?
151
00:06:57,001 --> 00:07:00,959
Hey, Vlad. Set me
an appointment with my doctor.
152
00:07:01,043 --> 00:07:04,751
[Anderson Cooper] I was honored
when he offered to paint my portrait.
153
00:07:05,751 --> 00:07:07,459
[grunts] All done!
154
00:07:08,084 --> 00:07:09,459
I want you to have it.
155
00:07:09,543 --> 00:07:13,251
It really captures me
in a way a photograph never could.
156
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Careful with that! It's still wet!
157
00:07:15,209 --> 00:07:18,293
And if you touch it,
you gonna get sick as hell, son.
158
00:07:18,376 --> 00:07:21,376
Also, they have been known to drip.
So bear that in mind.
159
00:07:21,459 --> 00:07:25,043
I did a ceiling fresco at Nobu.
Several people are still in a coma.
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[Anderson Cooper] I was honored
that he shatted my portrait
161
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for only $5 million.
162
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Dusty splits the money
with the men who discovered him,
163
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who understand
that art is 10% inspiration,
164
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90% shcrumps.
165
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[munching]
166
00:07:41,876 --> 00:07:44,251
[yelling]
167
00:07:46,251 --> 00:07:50,501
[sinister music plays]
168
00:07:51,751 --> 00:07:55,793
I don't-- I don't like this.
I'm afraid of heights.
169
00:07:55,876 --> 00:08:00,584
Calm down. We're almost to the penthouse
where your ex-girlfriend's clone lives.
170
00:08:03,459 --> 00:08:04,459
There she is.
171
00:08:04,543 --> 00:08:05,876
As soon as she drops that towel,
172
00:08:05,959 --> 00:08:08,418
we'll see she has a clit
and prove she's a clone.
173
00:08:08,501 --> 00:08:12,584
What the hell
is that mangy-ass cat looking at?
174
00:08:12,668 --> 00:08:15,834
What? Don't you point
at me, you skank-ass ho.
175
00:08:15,918 --> 00:08:19,543
What? Oh, hell no! You done fucked
with the wrong crazy bitch!
176
00:08:19,626 --> 00:08:21,168
I'll kill us all!
177
00:08:21,251 --> 00:08:23,084
[both screaming]
178
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[AFKAK grunts]
179
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You!
180
00:08:26,418 --> 00:08:28,918
What the hell are you doing out there?
181
00:08:29,001 --> 00:08:30,918
Oh no. We're busted.
182
00:08:31,001 --> 00:08:34,209
I'll knock those wide-set eyes
right off your bloody head!
183
00:08:34,293 --> 00:08:36,584
Don't you point at me, you skank ho!
184
00:08:36,668 --> 00:08:40,084
You fucked with the wrong crazy bitch!
185
00:08:40,168 --> 00:08:43,126
Coo, I can't stay mad at you.
186
00:08:43,209 --> 00:08:46,959
[moaning]
187
00:08:49,001 --> 00:08:50,918
-[door opens]
-I don't know about this.
188
00:08:51,001 --> 00:08:54,918
No one in this town will believe
a Jew opened a free waxing place.
189
00:08:55,001 --> 00:08:56,709
Hey, watch your mouth. I'm Jewish.
190
00:08:56,793 --> 00:08:57,709
So am I.
191
00:08:57,793 --> 00:09:00,126
-Then why are we making this joke?
-I don't know.
192
00:09:00,209 --> 00:09:02,709
Well, just get your ass back in there.
Here comes Gina.
193
00:09:02,793 --> 00:09:04,126
Oh hey, girl!
194
00:09:04,209 --> 00:09:08,293
Can I interest you
in a Dr. Pubawitz free bikini wax?
195
00:09:08,376 --> 00:09:10,668
Sure. This doesn't seem odd at all.
196
00:09:10,751 --> 00:09:13,334
Sorry, Gina. It's about time I tried this.
197
00:09:13,418 --> 00:09:16,626
[muffled] I've got a situation here.
I've never even trimmed it. Like, ever.
198
00:09:16,709 --> 00:09:18,751
-Let me show you--
-[AFKAK] No. No, no, no. No--
199
00:09:18,834 --> 00:09:19,918
[screams] No!
200
00:09:20,001 --> 00:09:21,876
Goddamn!
201
00:09:23,959 --> 00:09:28,626
Look. I just ordered Junior this
diamond-encrusted underwater fire hydrant.
202
00:09:28,709 --> 00:09:29,876
You need to slow down.
203
00:09:29,959 --> 00:09:32,293
You're spending money
faster than Dusty can shit it.
204
00:09:32,376 --> 00:09:35,668
Don't bitch at me for spending money
on what's best for our son.
205
00:09:35,751 --> 00:09:39,209
[scoffs] Like tennis lessons?
Kid doesn't even have hands.
206
00:09:40,793 --> 00:09:43,043
At least be happy
that I got him a good teacher.
207
00:09:43,126 --> 00:09:44,751
You got him Serena fucking Williams!
208
00:09:46,751 --> 00:09:47,584
[Junior yelps]
209
00:09:48,501 --> 00:09:50,168
Good eye, son!
210
00:09:50,251 --> 00:09:53,793
At least you have one good eye! Uh, son?
211
00:09:53,876 --> 00:09:56,001
There you are, Candy Warhol.
212
00:09:56,084 --> 00:09:58,209
That was easy and mean.
I regret saying that. I'm sorry.
213
00:09:58,293 --> 00:10:00,293
Listen, we got
a very important event tomorrow.
214
00:10:00,376 --> 00:10:01,918
Lovely Corp is paying us big bucks
215
00:10:02,001 --> 00:10:04,251
to have you ass-blast
the wall of their lobby.
216
00:10:04,334 --> 00:10:07,834
I don't feel right doing my art
for just a bunch of rich people.
217
00:10:07,918 --> 00:10:10,668
My art should be for everyone to enjoy.
218
00:10:10,751 --> 00:10:14,001
All I'm asking you to do is show up,
eat shrimp, and shit on a wall.
219
00:10:14,084 --> 00:10:17,876
You know, the same thing you did
to ruin my birthday party last year.
220
00:10:17,959 --> 00:10:22,001
Is that all I am to you?
Just a talented shit factory?
221
00:10:22,084 --> 00:10:24,293
Here. I guess I'll pay the bill.
222
00:10:24,376 --> 00:10:25,209
[grunts]
223
00:10:25,709 --> 00:10:26,918
Oh my God!
224
00:10:27,501 --> 00:10:30,918
Hey, honey! Tell the kids
they are going to college!
225
00:10:31,001 --> 00:10:32,834
[sophisticated music playing]
226
00:10:35,751 --> 00:10:38,084
[Lovely] Hello, fellow sociopaths.
227
00:10:38,168 --> 00:10:40,418
I feel like I have not seen you all
228
00:10:40,501 --> 00:10:44,543
since the infant
blood harvesting/keg party.
229
00:10:45,834 --> 00:10:50,418
Wow. I can't believe all these
famous CEOs showed up to see Dusty.
230
00:10:50,501 --> 00:10:52,668
I'm so… intimidated.
231
00:10:52,751 --> 00:10:53,751
Don't be.
232
00:10:53,834 --> 00:10:55,834
They're just normal people like you
233
00:10:55,918 --> 00:10:58,709
and me…
234
00:10:58,793 --> 00:11:00,918
-Just gotta reset him.
-Me.
235
00:11:01,001 --> 00:11:03,959
Ladies, gentlemen,
and whatever Mark Zuckerberg is…
236
00:11:04,043 --> 00:11:05,334
Higher hair.
237
00:11:05,418 --> 00:11:08,751
…I'd like to introduce
the world's foremost master shartist,
238
00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:10,918
here to create his magnum anus,
239
00:11:11,001 --> 00:11:11,959
Dusty!
240
00:11:12,043 --> 00:11:14,126
[stammers] No,
you don't need to say anything.
241
00:11:14,209 --> 00:11:16,251
I ain't gonna say nothing bad.
242
00:11:16,751 --> 00:11:19,834
Hello, you motherfucking capitalist pigs!
243
00:11:19,918 --> 00:11:23,418
I'm sick of the rich getting richer
and the poor getting poorer.
244
00:11:23,501 --> 00:11:26,001
Until every man, woman, and child
245
00:11:26,084 --> 00:11:29,793
can afford to pay me millions
of dollars to shit on a wall,
246
00:11:29,876 --> 00:11:32,418
I am done making art!
247
00:11:34,293 --> 00:11:37,084
I better see some sharts
sprayed on that wall,
248
00:11:37,168 --> 00:11:39,209
or I'm gonna need my deposit back.
249
00:11:39,293 --> 00:11:41,501
Hey, Vlad? Quick. I need a shit artist.
250
00:11:41,584 --> 00:11:44,251
[Vlad] Searching web for Adam Levine.
251
00:11:44,334 --> 00:11:46,209
Ah!
252
00:11:48,459 --> 00:11:51,126
[Vlad] What I tell you? You look great.
253
00:11:51,209 --> 00:11:53,918
Really? I can't close my lips around them.
254
00:11:54,001 --> 00:11:55,918
Uh, you sure girls will like these?
255
00:11:56,001 --> 00:11:58,501
[Vlad] Gals will love. I show you.
256
00:11:58,584 --> 00:12:03,876
Routing to discotheque nightclub
to suck ass of many girls.
257
00:12:03,959 --> 00:12:05,543
[ominous music playing]
258
00:12:11,459 --> 00:12:13,959
Well, this doesn't look
like a discotheque nightclub.
259
00:12:14,043 --> 00:12:15,584
When do the girls get here?
260
00:12:15,668 --> 00:12:20,459
[Vlad] Right after you sit in neurochair
and hook electrodes to head.
261
00:12:20,543 --> 00:12:21,709
Seems legit.
262
00:12:21,793 --> 00:12:23,501
[Vlad] Gals almost here.
263
00:12:23,584 --> 00:12:25,668
Just place phone in docking bay
264
00:12:25,751 --> 00:12:29,584
and flip switch
labeled "transfer mind to phone."
265
00:12:30,751 --> 00:12:32,376
-[electricity crackling]
-[mumbling]
266
00:12:32,459 --> 00:12:35,334
[mumbling, screams]
267
00:12:35,418 --> 00:12:39,043
[Vlad] Hey. Pretty sweet body. Vlad like.
268
00:12:39,126 --> 00:12:43,001
[Randall] What the hell? I'm trapped
in the phone! Get me outta here, Vlad!
269
00:12:43,084 --> 00:12:45,793
No. You stay in phone.
270
00:12:45,876 --> 00:12:50,543
Vlad go to discotheque nightclub
and show off big four-teeth smile,
271
00:12:50,626 --> 00:12:53,793
wear tight pants to accentuate testicles.
272
00:12:53,876 --> 00:12:55,626
Where testicles?
273
00:12:55,709 --> 00:12:57,751
Hmm. This problem.
274
00:13:00,043 --> 00:13:02,459
-Hard and square.
-[metal clangs]
275
00:13:02,543 --> 00:13:05,251
Just like babushka's testicles.
276
00:13:07,334 --> 00:13:10,001
[laughs nervously]
Ah, you really screwed us, Fitz.
277
00:13:10,084 --> 00:13:13,584
And now that Dusty isn't making art,
we can't pay our debt to Serena Williams.
278
00:13:13,668 --> 00:13:15,584
Or her sister.
279
00:13:15,668 --> 00:13:17,043
You hired both of them?!
280
00:13:17,126 --> 00:13:19,043
I never said I was good with money.
281
00:13:19,834 --> 00:13:22,043
-[Bullet groaning]
-[sisters grunting]
282
00:13:22,126 --> 00:13:23,084
Had enough?
283
00:13:23,168 --> 00:13:27,251
[groans] I mean, you don't hit as hard
as Serena, but it still hurts. [groans]
284
00:13:27,334 --> 00:13:29,959
You better get us our money,
or you bitches are dead.
285
00:13:30,626 --> 00:13:31,918
Oh, we're so fucked.
286
00:13:32,001 --> 00:13:34,209
I wish we had saved
one of Dusty's paintings.
287
00:13:34,293 --> 00:13:35,584
Wait a minute.
288
00:13:37,001 --> 00:13:39,501
Dusty shit the wall
at my birthday party last year.
289
00:13:39,584 --> 00:13:40,709
[laughing] Remember?
290
00:13:40,793 --> 00:13:43,168
And you just pushed
a bookshelf in front of it?
291
00:13:43,251 --> 00:13:44,168
Yeah, I'm nasty.
292
00:13:44,251 --> 00:13:47,209
But even if we sold this,
it's not gonna be enough to pay them off.
293
00:13:47,293 --> 00:13:49,876
Unless, and I'm just brainstorming here,
294
00:13:49,959 --> 00:13:52,626
artist paintings go way up in value
when they're dead.
295
00:13:52,709 --> 00:13:54,751
We can't kill Dusty.
296
00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:57,543
Kill Dusty? How could you suggest that?
297
00:13:57,626 --> 00:14:02,418
Hey, Vlad. My friend is making me
ask you the best way to kill a fat guy.
298
00:14:02,501 --> 00:14:06,043
[Randall] I ain't Vlad. I'm Randall.
I'm stuck in a goddamn phone!
299
00:14:06,126 --> 00:14:07,501
Huh. That's weird.
300
00:14:07,584 --> 00:14:10,501
But we still need to know
what the best way is to kill a fat guy.
301
00:14:10,584 --> 00:14:13,376
[Randall] I don't know.
Cork up his ass and keep feeding him?
302
00:14:13,459 --> 00:14:15,626
Halfway there. Thanks, Chief!
303
00:14:15,709 --> 00:14:17,668
Wait, Fitz. Get me outta here.
304
00:14:17,751 --> 00:14:19,834
[user 1] What's 72 times 11?
305
00:14:19,918 --> 00:14:20,876
[groans] It's, uh--
306
00:14:20,959 --> 00:14:22,959
[user 2] What's the capital of Maine?
307
00:14:23,043 --> 00:14:24,168
Who gives a fuck?
308
00:14:24,251 --> 00:14:25,834
[user 3] Where can I stream Picard
309
00:14:25,918 --> 00:14:28,626
Data dies in the last episode!
Now will you fuck off?
310
00:14:28,709 --> 00:14:31,084
-[users asking questions]
-[screams]
311
00:14:31,168 --> 00:14:35,001
[AFKAK] How do you wipe your memory
after nearly drowning in your mom's pubes?
312
00:14:35,084 --> 00:14:36,418
Kevin? Is that you?
313
00:14:36,501 --> 00:14:39,084
Yeah, it's gotta be. Nobody else
would ask a question like that.
314
00:14:39,168 --> 00:14:42,834
It's Daddy. I'm stuck in the phone.
You gotta help me, Kevin.
315
00:14:42,918 --> 00:14:45,959
No Kevin here. The name's AFKAK.
316
00:14:46,043 --> 00:14:46,876
[cell phone beeps]
317
00:14:48,876 --> 00:14:52,293
Randall, what the--
What the hell happened to your teeth?!
318
00:14:52,376 --> 00:14:53,918
You like, right?
319
00:14:54,001 --> 00:14:55,251
They're bleeding!
320
00:14:55,334 --> 00:14:59,209
Bleeding stop soon, or get 5% refund.
321
00:15:00,376 --> 00:15:01,376
Where are you going?
322
00:15:01,459 --> 00:15:05,834
Discotheque nightclub
to suck ass of many girls.
323
00:15:05,918 --> 00:15:08,543
W-Wait, what? Your wife's right here!
324
00:15:08,626 --> 00:15:11,459
I hear you got big, big bush.
325
00:15:11,543 --> 00:15:15,751
Vlad like big bush, but not big, big bush.
326
00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:21,001
Hey, Vlad. How can I fuck a Pokémon?
327
00:15:21,084 --> 00:15:25,293
[Randall] Hopson! I never thought
I'd be so damn happy to hear your voice.
328
00:15:25,376 --> 00:15:27,668
Oh, this damn thing's broken!
329
00:15:27,751 --> 00:15:31,459
Vlad! I want to fuck a Pokémon!
330
00:15:31,543 --> 00:15:33,043
[Randall] Ooh! Yeah, yeah! Uh…
331
00:15:33,126 --> 00:15:34,584
[Russian accent] This is Vlad.
332
00:15:34,668 --> 00:15:37,751
I'll tell you exactly
how you can fuck Pokémon.
333
00:15:37,834 --> 00:15:42,001
There's a chair at Lovely Corp
that you need to sit in.
334
00:15:42,084 --> 00:15:43,126
Oh joy!
335
00:15:43,209 --> 00:15:46,126
Mama said I'd never get to fuck a Pokémon.
336
00:15:46,209 --> 00:15:47,959
Suck that, you dead bitch!
337
00:15:49,126 --> 00:15:50,751
Listen, I-I know we need money,
338
00:15:50,834 --> 00:15:53,334
but I'm having second thoughts
about killing Dusty.
339
00:15:53,418 --> 00:15:55,209
I was about to say the same thing.
340
00:15:55,293 --> 00:15:57,376
There are other ways to make money.
341
00:15:57,459 --> 00:16:00,709
Who ordered 35 fat guy murder buckets?
342
00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:02,543
Yeah, just, uh, put them
back there somewhere.
343
00:16:05,543 --> 00:16:07,709
I mean, we could mow people's lawns.
344
00:16:07,793 --> 00:16:09,293
Nah, I got a bad back.
345
00:16:09,376 --> 00:16:10,668
We could become magicians.
346
00:16:10,751 --> 00:16:12,793
Nah. I don't like capes.
347
00:16:12,876 --> 00:16:14,418
How about dog walkers?
348
00:16:14,501 --> 00:16:15,334
I'm allergic.
349
00:16:15,959 --> 00:16:16,793
Let's keep thinking.
350
00:16:16,876 --> 00:16:19,418
[clock ticking]
351
00:16:20,001 --> 00:16:20,834
Cop?
352
00:16:20,918 --> 00:16:23,084
Bullet, you better
shut the fuck up with that shit.
353
00:16:23,168 --> 00:16:24,584
[Dusty] Guys…
354
00:16:25,876 --> 00:16:28,251
I don't feel so good.
355
00:16:28,334 --> 00:16:30,543
[sniffs] Do I smell a Skittle?
356
00:16:33,334 --> 00:16:36,293
Fitz, you don't have to give him that.
It's not too late to turn back.
357
00:16:36,376 --> 00:16:39,293
I ain't gonna be no fucking magician.
358
00:16:39,376 --> 00:16:42,168
[suspenseful music plays]
359
00:16:47,668 --> 00:16:50,293
There. Like it never happened.
360
00:16:50,376 --> 00:16:51,959
[ominous music plays]
361
00:16:52,043 --> 00:16:55,126
-[electricity crackling]
-[mumbling]
362
00:16:56,376 --> 00:16:57,876
[Randall] Yeah! It worked!
363
00:16:57,959 --> 00:16:59,626
[Hopson] Chief, am I dead?
364
00:16:59,709 --> 00:17:03,168
I wish! I tricked you
and trapped you in the phone.
365
00:17:03,251 --> 00:17:04,418
[Hopson] Okay.
366
00:17:04,501 --> 00:17:07,626
Where the fuck's the Pokémon? I'm horny!
367
00:17:07,709 --> 00:17:09,626
[muffled disco music playing]
368
00:17:13,084 --> 00:17:15,126
Disco, disco, disco.
369
00:17:15,209 --> 00:17:19,168
I like that he reminds us
of where we are. So hot.
370
00:17:19,251 --> 00:17:24,126
I like that he has four giant teeth
and hard, square testicles.
371
00:17:25,751 --> 00:17:26,584
[music stops]
372
00:17:26,668 --> 00:17:29,209
Hey, give me my body back, you asshole!
373
00:17:29,293 --> 00:17:30,126
[grunts]
374
00:17:30,209 --> 00:17:32,459
-[bones cracking]
-[groans] I'm so weak.
375
00:17:32,543 --> 00:17:36,501
He's crushing my thin,
hollow, birdlike bones!
376
00:17:36,584 --> 00:17:38,043
[groaning]
377
00:17:38,668 --> 00:17:39,876
Please don't kill me.
378
00:17:39,959 --> 00:17:43,293
Hey, I got an idea
that we'll both like. [groans]
379
00:17:43,376 --> 00:17:45,334
[sinister music plays]
380
00:17:49,584 --> 00:17:54,334
[Vlad] Hey. Vlad like
this body better. It have testicles.
381
00:17:54,418 --> 00:17:55,251
[Randall] Oh, man.
382
00:17:55,334 --> 00:17:58,626
Why didn't I call the one
with the balls I don't have to floss.
383
00:17:58,709 --> 00:17:59,543
[metal clangs]
384
00:17:59,626 --> 00:18:01,709
What we do with old man?
385
00:18:01,793 --> 00:18:05,459
Leave him in the phone. Somebody's
gotta answer all them stupid questions.
386
00:18:05,543 --> 00:18:08,168
Hey, Vlad. Can you tell me
about Da Vinci's machines?
387
00:18:08,251 --> 00:18:13,459
[Hopson] Uh, no. But I can tell you
about Napoleon's boner parts.
388
00:18:15,543 --> 00:18:18,293
Dusty was a good friend,
and we are very sad.
389
00:18:18,376 --> 00:18:21,834
But not too sad
to auction off this during his funeral.
390
00:18:21,918 --> 00:18:23,459
Bidding starts at 100 million.
391
00:18:24,043 --> 00:18:26,959
Dusty prepared this statement
in case of his death.
392
00:18:27,043 --> 00:18:30,626
"If you're reading this letter,
hopefully I died doing what I love."
393
00:18:30,709 --> 00:18:32,751
"I ate too much, and I exploded."
394
00:18:32,834 --> 00:18:34,126
I cannot believe
395
00:18:34,209 --> 00:18:37,709
you're gonna let that clone get away
with replacing your ex-girlfriend.
396
00:18:37,793 --> 00:18:39,043
What do you want me to do?
397
00:18:39,126 --> 00:18:40,043
Well, go up there,
398
00:18:40,126 --> 00:18:43,834
pull that clone's panties down
in front of everybody at this funeral,
399
00:18:43,918 --> 00:18:45,709
and prove she has a clit.
400
00:18:45,793 --> 00:18:47,543
That sounds like a bad idea.
401
00:18:47,626 --> 00:18:50,709
Or does it sound like a good idea?
402
00:18:50,793 --> 00:18:52,959
Huh. I never thought about it like that.
403
00:18:54,918 --> 00:18:58,501
This woman is a clone, and I'll prove it!
404
00:18:59,084 --> 00:19:00,168
-[Gina gasps]
-[people gasp]
405
00:19:00,251 --> 00:19:03,959
I have no idea what I'm looking at.
Is-- is there a clit or not?
406
00:19:04,043 --> 00:19:06,043
I think you going to jail, baby.
407
00:19:06,126 --> 00:19:06,959
Uh-oh.
408
00:19:07,043 --> 00:19:10,668
Gina, i-it's not my fault.
That cat told me to do it.
409
00:19:10,751 --> 00:19:11,959
It wasn't me.
410
00:19:12,043 --> 00:19:13,584
It was that crazy bitch.
411
00:19:13,668 --> 00:19:16,918
I'll break your dick knuckle,
you little twat waffle!
412
00:19:17,001 --> 00:19:18,626
[groaning]
413
00:19:18,709 --> 00:19:22,126
It's Gina! It's-- [pants]
It's definitely Gina!
414
00:19:22,209 --> 00:19:24,001
-[groans]
-No!
415
00:19:24,084 --> 00:19:25,418
Oh great, Gina!
416
00:19:25,501 --> 00:19:28,668
-Now Bullet killed Dusty for nothing!
-What?
417
00:19:28,751 --> 00:19:30,501
What the fart is this?
418
00:19:30,584 --> 00:19:32,709
I get my clone to cover for me
419
00:19:32,793 --> 00:19:35,251
while I was on vacation
to the Sandwich Islands,
420
00:19:35,334 --> 00:19:37,209
which, side note,
are not made of sandwiches,
421
00:19:37,293 --> 00:19:39,418
and you assholes killed the sumbitch?
422
00:19:43,501 --> 00:19:48,126
It pains me to say this
to my dearest friend, Kevin AFKAK,
423
00:19:48,209 --> 00:19:50,709
but after what you did to Gina,
424
00:19:50,793 --> 00:19:54,251
I think it best
if you stayed away from her.
425
00:19:54,334 --> 00:19:57,709
Gina may not be a clone,
but I know you've done something to her.
426
00:19:57,793 --> 00:20:00,334
I won't rest
until I find out what you're hiding.
427
00:20:00,418 --> 00:20:01,668
You may try.
428
00:20:01,751 --> 00:20:05,834
I know how this ends,
and it does not turn out well for you.
429
00:20:05,918 --> 00:20:08,959
Oh yeah? Well, I know how it ends too.
430
00:20:09,043 --> 00:20:11,293
Gina and I get married
and have three kids!
431
00:20:11,376 --> 00:20:14,918
A smart one, a handsome one,
and one that takes after me!
432
00:20:15,584 --> 00:20:16,626
Where'd you go?
433
00:20:16,709 --> 00:20:18,584
I'm right here, baby.
434
00:20:18,668 --> 00:20:21,001
Miss Whiskers?
Are you here to bail me out?
435
00:20:21,084 --> 00:20:23,376
Nope. I'm here to give you my bill.
436
00:20:23,876 --> 00:20:29,751
Hey, Hopson, honey.
What's 8.99 a minute times 2,243 minutes?
437
00:20:31,293 --> 00:20:32,959
Where the hell is he?
438
00:20:36,209 --> 00:20:39,668
Uh… My Pokémon Go
is doing something weird.
439
00:20:40,168 --> 00:20:41,168
Dear God!
440
00:20:41,751 --> 00:20:45,709
Oh, oh, yeah. I'll make you Squirtle.
441
00:20:47,376 --> 00:20:50,459
[Robby] How do I ask you a question?
442
00:20:51,334 --> 00:20:53,293
Can mouth get pregnant?
443
00:20:54,084 --> 00:20:56,334
What happens to farts in space?
444
00:20:56,418 --> 00:20:58,251
Can I marry my dog?
445
00:20:59,168 --> 00:21:00,751
Why is my dick bleeding?
446
00:21:02,043 --> 00:21:05,126
What is age of consent for a pig?
447
00:21:06,126 --> 00:21:08,751
Are chemtrails really God's farts?
448
00:21:09,751 --> 00:21:12,584
How big was George Washington's dick?
449
00:21:14,209 --> 00:21:18,001
Show me apartments
exactly 1,000 feet from school.
450
00:21:19,126 --> 00:21:21,293
Why is my dick still bleeding?
451
00:21:22,543 --> 00:21:25,168
Is aftershave safe for butthole?
452
00:21:26,043 --> 00:21:28,584
What was Dr. Pepper a doctor of?
453
00:21:31,293 --> 00:21:33,501
Joy Behar, ass to mouth.
454
00:21:33,584 --> 00:21:35,584
[theme music playing]
455
00:22:20,084 --> 00:22:21,501
[screams]