1
00:00:12,043 --> 00:00:14,376
[sinister music plays]
2
00:00:17,959 --> 00:00:20,918
So, what exactly is the resistance?
3
00:00:21,001 --> 00:00:22,543
The resistance is a team.
4
00:00:22,626 --> 00:00:24,751
I for one love being part of the team.
5
00:00:24,834 --> 00:00:28,709
Shut the fuck up, Norf!
You're not on the team, Norf!
6
00:00:28,793 --> 00:00:30,626
I hired you on Taskrabbit to wear me,
7
00:00:30,709 --> 00:00:33,959
not to speak or think
or tell us stories about your pet lizards.
8
00:00:34,043 --> 00:00:37,834
Actually, they're crested geckos
named Sam and Diane, and they--
9
00:00:37,918 --> 00:00:39,584
Nobody gives a fuck, Norf!
10
00:00:39,668 --> 00:00:43,293
I kinda wanted
to hear the lizard story, baby.
11
00:00:43,376 --> 00:00:44,918
I bet they end up together.
12
00:00:45,001 --> 00:00:47,543
[Cal] Love always win.
13
00:00:47,626 --> 00:00:51,168
Shut up! I'm the boss,
you idiots! I'm in total control!
14
00:00:51,251 --> 00:00:53,334
Oh, uh, Norf, scratch my nose, please?
15
00:00:53,418 --> 00:00:55,001
Oh, that's the stuff.
16
00:00:55,084 --> 00:00:58,418
Now, take three dramatic steps
as I use my intense voice.
17
00:00:58,501 --> 00:01:00,709
We are the resistance.
18
00:01:00,793 --> 00:01:03,459
Our mission
is to ding-dang destroy Lovely Corp
19
00:01:03,543 --> 00:01:06,709
to satisfy all
of our own personal vendettas.
20
00:01:06,793 --> 00:01:11,126
They put Jerry
and my donut shop out of business!
21
00:01:11,209 --> 00:01:14,001
They raised me from the dead, yeah,
22
00:01:14,084 --> 00:01:16,918
and then forced me to learn PowerPoint.
23
00:01:17,001 --> 00:01:21,918
[Cal] Lovely Corp degrades and abuses
people so much that I'm losing work.
24
00:01:22,001 --> 00:01:27,084
It's been weeks since anybody paid me
to turn their stink hole into a sinkhole.
25
00:01:27,168 --> 00:01:29,834
I'm just here to meet Abe Lincoln.
26
00:01:29,918 --> 00:01:31,834
[patriotic music plays]
27
00:01:33,334 --> 00:01:35,918
Somebody better fix that gas leak. Anyway.
28
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I want revenge on Lovely Corp
29
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because they irresponsibly developed
the technology that transformed me into--
30
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[all complaining]
31
00:01:43,918 --> 00:01:44,834
This again.
32
00:01:44,918 --> 00:01:47,876
Nobody wants to know how I became pants?!
33
00:01:47,959 --> 00:01:51,418
I'd rather hear the lizard story, baby.
34
00:01:51,501 --> 00:01:52,834
Shut up, Norf!
35
00:01:52,918 --> 00:01:54,334
I didn't say anything.
36
00:01:54,418 --> 00:01:57,209
You smiled. Cut that shit out.
37
00:01:57,293 --> 00:01:59,876
AFKAK, the Macho Man
took the liberty of compiling
38
00:01:59,959 --> 00:02:03,251
a meticulously researched dossier
on Charles Lovely.
39
00:02:03,334 --> 00:02:07,834
Yeah, the Macho Man
added unicorn stickers, uh-huh.
40
00:02:07,918 --> 00:02:10,834
Yeah, they help me
forget the constant pain
41
00:02:10,918 --> 00:02:13,334
due to my hellish state of existence.
42
00:02:13,418 --> 00:02:15,043
Oh yeah!
43
00:02:15,126 --> 00:02:18,834
And I've devised a plan
to shut down Lovely Corp once and for all.
44
00:02:18,918 --> 00:02:23,043
We're writing a bunch of negative
online reviews of Lovely Corp products!
45
00:02:23,126 --> 00:02:24,459
[rock music playing]
46
00:02:24,543 --> 00:02:26,959
-[clicking]
-[reviews sending]
47
00:02:27,043 --> 00:02:28,459
[typing]
48
00:02:28,543 --> 00:02:29,668
-[clicking]
-[review sends]
49
00:02:29,751 --> 00:02:31,876
[typing]
50
00:02:33,043 --> 00:02:33,876
[review sends]
51
00:02:36,043 --> 00:02:37,168
-[clicking]
-[review sends]
52
00:02:37,251 --> 00:02:39,209
[typing]
53
00:02:39,293 --> 00:02:41,459
-One star. Take that.
-[review chimes]
54
00:02:41,543 --> 00:02:44,376
-Uh, you just gave them five stars.
-Shit!
55
00:02:44,459 --> 00:02:48,209
Not me, kemosabe.
Camaro Bob don't do digital.
56
00:02:48,293 --> 00:02:51,459
Even the dick pics
I send are analog, baby.
57
00:02:54,709 --> 00:02:55,834
[pigeon warbles]
58
00:02:56,584 --> 00:02:57,501
We have a window?
59
00:02:57,584 --> 00:03:01,126
I'm not sure scathing reviews
is the best way to take down Lovely Corp.
60
00:03:01,209 --> 00:03:02,584
You don't like my plan?
61
00:03:02,668 --> 00:03:04,501
Punch him in the face, Norf.
62
00:03:04,584 --> 00:03:07,959
Psych! You're not on the team.
Put your goddamn hand down.
63
00:03:08,043 --> 00:03:11,293
I've got it. What if we kidnap Thester?
He's Lovely's number two.
64
00:03:11,376 --> 00:03:14,459
Which means he must know
all the company's secrets and weaknesses.
65
00:03:14,543 --> 00:03:16,459
Wow. Now, that's a good plan.
66
00:03:16,543 --> 00:03:20,126
Seriously?
I had that exact same idea last week.
67
00:03:20,209 --> 00:03:23,584
I don't pay you to have ideas!
I pay you to do what I say!
68
00:03:23,668 --> 00:03:26,251
I'm the King of the Norf,
and you're just a White Walker.
69
00:03:26,334 --> 00:03:27,834
Now, let's get to work, people.
70
00:03:28,793 --> 00:03:31,043
Why am I suddenly covered in bird shit?
71
00:03:31,126 --> 00:03:32,043
[pigeons warbling]
72
00:03:32,126 --> 00:03:35,751
Sorry, baby.
This group text won't go through.
73
00:03:35,834 --> 00:03:39,084
[theme music playing]
74
00:03:42,501 --> 00:03:44,626
[ominous music plays]
75
00:03:44,709 --> 00:03:46,709
Fitz, this is foosball.
76
00:03:46,793 --> 00:03:47,959
This guy's your goalie.
77
00:03:48,043 --> 00:03:52,168
His name is Pedro, he's a Scorpio,
he likes his carne asada medium-rare,
78
00:03:52,251 --> 00:03:53,959
and he was raised in Ohio.
79
00:03:54,043 --> 00:03:55,626
That explains his fentanyl habit.
80
00:03:55,709 --> 00:03:58,543
You sure I need to know all this
to play foosball?
81
00:03:58,626 --> 00:04:01,376
Fitz, you take this seriously,
or you get the fuck outta here!
82
00:04:01,959 --> 00:04:04,459
[wails] Why, God?
83
00:04:04,543 --> 00:04:09,459
Why? Oh, I'm in so much pain!
84
00:04:09,543 --> 00:04:10,543
[wailing]
85
00:04:16,459 --> 00:04:17,626
[wailing continues]
86
00:04:24,459 --> 00:04:25,543
Christ, Dusty.
87
00:04:25,626 --> 00:04:29,334
I miss the Shamrock Shake too,
but life goes on.
88
00:04:29,418 --> 00:04:30,459
Does it, Randall?
89
00:04:30,543 --> 00:04:32,793
I just found out my dear mama--
90
00:04:32,876 --> 00:04:35,209
Did you tell him
about Pedro's fentanyl habit?
91
00:04:35,293 --> 00:04:37,459
-Dusty! Focus!
-Oh right.
92
00:04:37,543 --> 00:04:39,209
She died! [sobs]
93
00:04:39,293 --> 00:04:43,709
She died! I'm so sad! Why? [sobbing]
94
00:04:43,793 --> 00:04:49,001
Now, I need to get her blessed corpse
down at the funeral home by five o'clock.
95
00:04:49,084 --> 00:04:52,584
Problem is… [sniffles]
…I can't move her by my little ol' self.
96
00:04:52,668 --> 00:04:56,293
We'd love to help,
but unfortunately, we're, uh… b-busy.
97
00:04:56,376 --> 00:05:00,543
Yeah. [chuckles] That's it.
We-- we're busy, uh, making up, uh…
98
00:05:00,626 --> 00:05:01,459
An excuse.
99
00:05:01,543 --> 00:05:04,876
Yeah, we-- we're making up an excuse
so that we'd, uh…
100
00:05:04,959 --> 00:05:06,668
Uh, don't have to help you…
101
00:05:06,751 --> 00:05:07,793
Move your…
102
00:05:07,876 --> 00:05:09,168
Fat dead mom.
103
00:05:09,251 --> 00:05:10,668
Fat dead mom, right.
104
00:05:12,418 --> 00:05:16,084
Rule 571 of the Brozone is, and I quote,
105
00:05:16,168 --> 00:05:19,293
"Always help a fellow bro
move a dead body."
106
00:05:19,376 --> 00:05:22,001
Rule 571 only applies to hookers.
107
00:05:22,084 --> 00:05:25,584
Well, the joke's on you!
'Cause my mama fucked for money plenty!
108
00:05:25,668 --> 00:05:28,668
Her clients said
half the fun was hunting for her teetee.
109
00:05:28,751 --> 00:05:31,459
[laughs] Yeah, that was half the fun!
110
00:05:31,543 --> 00:05:34,209
[clears throat] I mean,
uh, that's what I heard.
111
00:05:36,668 --> 00:05:40,293
Shh. Be very, very quiet.
112
00:05:40,376 --> 00:05:42,501
I'm hunting dick pics.
113
00:05:44,376 --> 00:05:45,626
[laughs]
114
00:05:47,709 --> 00:05:49,501
[sighs] Look at this schedule.
115
00:05:49,584 --> 00:05:52,709
Cutting the ribbon at the Natural
History Museum dinosaur exhibit.
116
00:05:52,793 --> 00:05:56,293
Going on Anderson Cooper to talk
about Paradise's remarkable turnaround.
117
00:05:56,376 --> 00:05:59,334
Delivering the eulogy
at the funeral of the governor's son!
118
00:05:59,418 --> 00:06:04,334
Now, to ensure your reelection,
it's vital that this day go perfectly.
119
00:06:04,418 --> 00:06:05,543
I can take a hint.
120
00:06:05,626 --> 00:06:07,959
I'm taking my anti-crazy-bitch pills.
121
00:06:09,334 --> 00:06:10,918
Whoa! Karen, don't take that!
122
00:06:11,001 --> 00:06:14,168
I think our identical pill cases
got hilariously mixed up.
123
00:06:14,251 --> 00:06:17,293
Impossible. I'm an ultra-successful mayor.
124
00:06:17,376 --> 00:06:19,459
You're a dog.
How would that have happened?
125
00:06:19,543 --> 00:06:24,168
Uh, maybe when the ultra-successful mayor
came over last night to the dog's house,
126
00:06:24,251 --> 00:06:26,668
piss drunk
with a Costco-size jar of Skippy?
127
00:06:26,751 --> 00:06:27,751
Are you sure?
128
00:06:27,834 --> 00:06:30,418
You really put
your illegal drugs in a pill case?
129
00:06:30,501 --> 00:06:33,709
Oh yeah. I'm what you might call
a type A drug addict.
130
00:06:33,793 --> 00:06:38,209
Oh, man. You just took my Monday Molly.
You're gonna be rolling balls soon.
131
00:06:40,251 --> 00:06:44,626
And to reveal the crown jewel
of the Lovely dinosaur collection,
132
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uh, please welcome Mayor Karen Crawford.
133
00:06:48,168 --> 00:06:49,251
[dance music playing]
134
00:06:49,334 --> 00:06:51,959
What up, fam? Who got that good dick?!
135
00:06:52,043 --> 00:06:54,043
Hump! Hump! Hump! Hump!
136
00:07:00,959 --> 00:07:03,043
Can I kiss you? [moans]
137
00:07:03,126 --> 00:07:05,834
-[bones rattling]
-I'm the mama! I'm the mama!
138
00:07:05,918 --> 00:07:07,876
Oh! Yes!
139
00:07:07,959 --> 00:07:12,668
Uh, uh, she's, uh,
fucking the dinosaur, huh.
140
00:07:12,751 --> 00:07:14,668
[sinister music plays]
141
00:07:14,751 --> 00:07:17,793
Don't worry, Mr. Lovely.
I'm perfectly safe.
142
00:07:17,876 --> 00:07:22,126
Remember how Saddam Hussein
had all his bodyguards get plastic surgery
143
00:07:22,209 --> 00:07:24,501
to look just like Saddam Hussein?
144
00:07:24,584 --> 00:07:28,126
Let's just say I borrowed that idea.
145
00:07:31,168 --> 00:07:32,876
Eat pants, motherfucker!
146
00:07:32,959 --> 00:07:34,501
[Thester screams]
147
00:07:34,584 --> 00:07:37,918
[Robby] Ever think it's weird that we got
massive amounts of plastic surgery
148
00:07:38,001 --> 00:07:42,251
to look like Saddam Hussein to protect
someone who ain't Saddam Hussein?
149
00:07:42,334 --> 00:07:44,084
[Delbert] It's a living, Robby.
150
00:07:44,168 --> 00:07:45,751
[Clappers groaning]
151
00:07:45,834 --> 00:07:46,834
[grunting]
152
00:07:47,668 --> 00:07:49,459
[screaming]
153
00:07:49,543 --> 00:07:50,876
[slurping]
154
00:07:50,959 --> 00:07:52,001
Oh no!
155
00:07:52,918 --> 00:07:55,043
Do not help, Norf! You're not on the team!
156
00:07:55,918 --> 00:07:57,126
-[groans]
-Ah!
157
00:07:57,751 --> 00:07:58,876
You fucked up.
158
00:08:00,459 --> 00:08:03,001
[groaning]
159
00:08:05,959 --> 00:08:08,834
[strains] I think my spine is snapping!
160
00:08:08,918 --> 00:08:11,793
[grunts] Hey, Dusty.
You gonna fucking help?
161
00:08:11,876 --> 00:08:14,001
I would, but I'm too sad.
162
00:08:14,084 --> 00:08:18,543
[sob-munching]
163
00:08:19,334 --> 00:08:22,543
It's just like moving a couch.
Twist her clockwise.
164
00:08:22,626 --> 00:08:23,668
Like this?
165
00:08:23,751 --> 00:08:26,584
No! You know
how goddamn clocks work, right?
166
00:08:26,668 --> 00:08:29,168
I never learned! I'm just gonna push!
167
00:08:29,251 --> 00:08:32,543
No! No-- [screams, groans]
You mashed my fingers!
168
00:08:32,626 --> 00:08:35,376
Don't y'all scratch her now.
I want an open casket.
169
00:08:35,459 --> 00:08:38,334
My hands are numb! I'm pushing!
170
00:08:38,418 --> 00:08:39,626
[Randall] No, no, no!
171
00:08:39,709 --> 00:08:41,918
[groaning]
172
00:08:42,001 --> 00:08:46,501
Oh, I found her teetee.
[coughs] I found her teetee.
173
00:08:50,584 --> 00:08:52,751
How dare you ruin my original stitching!
174
00:08:52,834 --> 00:08:54,251
Norf, get in position!
175
00:08:55,584 --> 00:08:56,834
[grunts]
176
00:08:57,459 --> 00:09:00,376
Listen up, you bouncing bag
of bing-bong British bullshit.
177
00:09:00,459 --> 00:09:02,834
We can do this the easy way, or--
178
00:09:02,918 --> 00:09:06,918
Not the easy way! No!
I'll tell you everything!
179
00:09:07,626 --> 00:09:09,751
I never told anyone this, but… [sniffles]
180
00:09:09,834 --> 00:09:12,959
…I secretly star
in a CBS drama about a cop
181
00:09:13,043 --> 00:09:15,168
who works undercover at a deli.
182
00:09:15,251 --> 00:09:18,709
[announcer] Cole's Law.
Where the cases are colder than the cuts.
183
00:09:18,793 --> 00:09:20,876
Tell us about Lovely Corp!
184
00:09:20,959 --> 00:09:23,126
How can we bring it down once and for all?
185
00:09:23,209 --> 00:09:25,001
You can't! It's impossible!
186
00:09:25,084 --> 00:09:28,334
Lovely Corp is completely indestructible!
187
00:09:28,418 --> 00:09:29,918
We're fucked, baby.
188
00:09:31,126 --> 00:09:34,709
With the exception
of one load-bearing support beam
189
00:09:34,793 --> 00:09:36,668
which, for some implausible reason,
190
00:09:36,751 --> 00:09:39,209
supports the entire weight
of the building.
191
00:09:39,293 --> 00:09:41,251
We're not fucked, baby.
192
00:09:42,876 --> 00:09:44,501
But you won't be able to get to it.
193
00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:49,459
The building is patrolled 24-7
by machine-gun-toting security guards.
194
00:09:49,543 --> 00:09:50,918
Fucked, baby.
195
00:09:51,709 --> 00:09:54,251
With the exception of Sunday
196
00:09:54,334 --> 00:09:58,376
when everyone, including the guards,
are going to Charles' and Gina's wedding,
197
00:09:58,459 --> 00:10:01,126
and the building will be left
completely unattended.
198
00:10:01,209 --> 00:10:04,043
All you'd have to do
is open one unlocked door
199
00:10:04,126 --> 00:10:06,418
and gently push on the support beam.
200
00:10:06,501 --> 00:10:09,543
Lovely Corp would literally
come tumbling down.
201
00:10:09,626 --> 00:10:12,376
Good thing I studied art restoration.
202
00:10:14,293 --> 00:10:16,543
Gina's marrying
Charles Lovely this Sunday?
203
00:10:16,626 --> 00:10:18,584
W-We-- we need to stop the wedding!
204
00:10:18,668 --> 00:10:22,293
Uh, shouldn't we take advantage
of everyone being at the wedding
205
00:10:22,376 --> 00:10:25,626
and sneak into Lovely Corp
and take it down once and for all?
206
00:10:25,709 --> 00:10:27,751
Shut your fucking mouth, Norf!
207
00:10:27,834 --> 00:10:30,376
Uh, shouldn't we take advantage
of everyone being at the wedding
208
00:10:30,459 --> 00:10:33,084
to sneak into Lovely Corp
and take it down once and for all?
209
00:10:33,168 --> 00:10:34,751
You're right, Agent Clappers.
210
00:10:34,834 --> 00:10:37,418
I was being selfish.
That's the perfect plan.
211
00:10:37,501 --> 00:10:41,584
So! You're the star of Cole's Law!
212
00:10:41,668 --> 00:10:45,459
I didn't realize
you were that Thester Carbomb IV.
213
00:10:45,543 --> 00:10:46,709
Just between us,
214
00:10:46,793 --> 00:10:51,418
I am also secretly the star
of a deli-based CBS drama, heh.
215
00:10:51,501 --> 00:10:54,668
[announcer] He's a hard-nosed reporter
undercover at a deli.
216
00:10:54,751 --> 00:10:58,001
Matzo Ball Scoop! This fall on CBS.
217
00:10:58,834 --> 00:11:02,709
Raise your hand if you're secretly
starring in a deli-based CBS drama.
218
00:11:06,834 --> 00:11:08,751
[ominous music plays]
219
00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:12,626
Whoo-hoo! I wanna blow
some college Republicans!
220
00:11:12,709 --> 00:11:15,709
Dole-Kemp forever! [vocalizes]
221
00:11:15,793 --> 00:11:19,876
Bullet! She is supposed to be
on Anderson Cooper in ten minutes!
222
00:11:19,959 --> 00:11:21,334
You've got to fix this!
223
00:11:21,418 --> 00:11:24,418
Relax. I got just the thing
to level her off.
224
00:11:25,459 --> 00:11:28,376
My next guest is here
to talk about how she's fighting
225
00:11:28,459 --> 00:11:30,459
against drug abuse in her town.
226
00:11:30,543 --> 00:11:33,668
I'm now joined
by Mayor Karen Craw-- [screams]
227
00:11:33,751 --> 00:11:35,584
So… Wow.
228
00:11:35,668 --> 00:11:38,418
Uh, tell us
about Paradise's new civic model.
229
00:11:38,501 --> 00:11:42,126
[yelling incoherently]
230
00:11:42,209 --> 00:11:47,418
I am the one true devil,
the dark master of the demon phallus!
231
00:11:47,501 --> 00:11:50,084
Mayor, you seem to be a little distracted.
232
00:11:50,168 --> 00:11:51,709
By your own fingers.
233
00:11:51,793 --> 00:11:53,543
Which you now seem to be eating.
234
00:11:54,418 --> 00:11:55,376
Oh God, no.
235
00:11:55,459 --> 00:11:59,584
Whorey host manos,
you shall enslave me no longer!
236
00:11:59,668 --> 00:12:03,209
Uh, to continue
our Women in Politics segment,
237
00:12:03,293 --> 00:12:05,293
my next guest, Nancy Pelosi.
238
00:12:06,668 --> 00:12:07,668
[farts]
239
00:12:07,751 --> 00:12:10,293
[sniffs] Oh, that's skunky.
240
00:12:10,959 --> 00:12:13,334
Now, don't move, Dusty.
You're the counterweight.
241
00:12:13,418 --> 00:12:14,834
[gasps] McDonald's!
242
00:12:14,918 --> 00:12:16,751
Shamrock Shake!
243
00:12:16,834 --> 00:12:17,959
It's October.
244
00:12:18,043 --> 00:12:20,043
Not in Ireland, dumbass!
245
00:12:20,126 --> 00:12:20,959
[grunts]
246
00:12:21,043 --> 00:12:22,501
Shit! Shit! Shit!
247
00:12:22,584 --> 00:12:25,334
[dramatic music playing]
248
00:12:26,793 --> 00:12:28,959
Almost there!
249
00:12:30,459 --> 00:12:32,043
And now it's worse.
250
00:12:35,626 --> 00:12:40,876
Uh, see? See? I told you,
I, uh, know a lot about dinosaurs, uh.
251
00:12:43,459 --> 00:12:44,876
Yes. Yes, yes, yes.
252
00:12:44,959 --> 00:12:48,209
Yes, see, that--
now, that's the chaos theory.
253
00:12:50,293 --> 00:12:52,209
[panting] Run, kids! Run!
254
00:12:55,293 --> 00:12:57,209
Ha! Got my Shamrock Shake!
255
00:12:57,293 --> 00:12:59,709
They'll make you one
if you point a gun at 'em.
256
00:12:59,793 --> 00:13:00,709
Where's Mama?
257
00:13:03,793 --> 00:13:07,293
Thanks to these babies,
this house ain't the only thing that's up.
258
00:13:07,376 --> 00:13:08,918
I wanna go home!
259
00:13:09,001 --> 00:13:10,251
Gah, shut up!
260
00:13:12,834 --> 00:13:15,793
[explosion]
261
00:13:19,418 --> 00:13:21,459
Why would Gina marry this wacko?
262
00:13:21,543 --> 00:13:25,001
"Another beautiful woman
falls for Charles Lovely."
263
00:13:25,084 --> 00:13:28,459
Excuse me, Baby Kevin.
Let the grown-ups handle this.
264
00:13:28,543 --> 00:13:30,168
"Anoh-ther…
265
00:13:30,251 --> 00:13:32,418
be-- boo-- ootiful…
266
00:13:32,501 --> 00:13:34,209
wa-- waoman…"
267
00:13:34,293 --> 00:13:37,459
Here's another one.
And another one. [gasps]
268
00:13:37,543 --> 00:13:39,959
Oh my God. They're all dead!
269
00:13:40,043 --> 00:13:43,209
Christ! This guy's caused
more irreparable harm to women
270
00:13:43,293 --> 00:13:44,418
than Andy Cohen!
271
00:13:44,501 --> 00:13:46,293
You think he killed all his wives?
272
00:13:46,376 --> 00:13:47,459
And look at this.
273
00:13:47,543 --> 00:13:50,251
What do all these women have in common?
274
00:13:51,376 --> 00:13:52,251
Boobies?
275
00:13:52,334 --> 00:13:54,543
Good eye, bud. You see anything else?
276
00:13:55,793 --> 00:13:58,293
-[whispering] Beavers?
-They all look like Gina!
277
00:13:58,376 --> 00:14:02,543
And they're all wearing the exact
same locket she's wearing right now.
278
00:14:02,626 --> 00:14:05,543
Lovely must use that
to control their minds.
279
00:14:05,626 --> 00:14:09,376
How else could that freakwad
score such grade-A ass?
280
00:14:09,459 --> 00:14:11,501
Oh no. What should I do?
281
00:14:11,584 --> 00:14:12,793
You gotta save her, bro.
282
00:14:12,876 --> 00:14:16,543
Before your little girlfriend
winds up dead like all the rest.
283
00:14:16,626 --> 00:14:19,918
You're right. Thanks for the favor,
little brother. How could I repay you?
284
00:14:20,001 --> 00:14:22,251
Hide me from Mom! Quick! She's coming!
285
00:14:23,043 --> 00:14:23,876
[grunts]
286
00:14:23,959 --> 00:14:26,793
[cutesy voice] Baby Kevin? Where are you?
287
00:14:26,876 --> 00:14:29,959
[demonic voice] It's time
for your bedtime story!
288
00:14:30,043 --> 00:14:31,293
[horror music playing]
289
00:14:31,376 --> 00:14:32,918
[demonic muttering]
290
00:14:33,501 --> 00:14:35,584
Whoa. When did Mom turn into Ellen?
291
00:14:35,668 --> 00:14:37,584
[ominous music plays]
292
00:14:38,293 --> 00:14:39,626
[grunting, groaning]
293
00:14:39,709 --> 00:14:44,293
Look what you did! She is almost
as bad as Marjorie Taylor Greene!
294
00:14:44,876 --> 00:14:45,793
Fucking lightweight.
295
00:14:45,876 --> 00:14:50,043
I actually have the perfect thing
to bring her down. Bath salts.
296
00:14:52,043 --> 00:14:56,043
Bath salts that I was going to suggest
she dissolve in a nice, warm tub,
297
00:14:56,126 --> 00:14:58,001
but, uh, happy to see how this goes.
298
00:14:58,084 --> 00:15:00,376
Why? What happens when you eat bath salts?
299
00:15:00,459 --> 00:15:02,376
[solemn music plays]
300
00:15:02,459 --> 00:15:05,584
And now to say a few words
honoring my boy,
301
00:15:05,668 --> 00:15:08,251
the mayor of Paradise, Karen Craw--
302
00:15:09,251 --> 00:15:12,584
♪ If it had not been for Cotton-Eyed Joe
I'd have been married a long time ago ♪
303
00:15:12,668 --> 00:15:14,334
♪ Where'd you come from? Where'd you go? ♪
304
00:15:14,418 --> 00:15:16,334
♪ Where'd you come from
Cotton-Eyed Joe? ♪
305
00:15:16,418 --> 00:15:17,334
Two, three…
306
00:15:23,001 --> 00:15:26,001
See? That's what happens
when you eat bath salts.
307
00:15:27,001 --> 00:15:31,376
That was the most beautiful eulogy
anyone has ever given.
308
00:15:31,459 --> 00:15:35,251
How did you know that "Cotton-Eyed Joe"
was my son's favorite song,
309
00:15:35,334 --> 00:15:38,376
or that his lifelong dream
was to have blood vomited on him
310
00:15:38,459 --> 00:15:40,751
by a half-naked elected official?
311
00:15:40,834 --> 00:15:43,668
Shoo! Well, all's well that ends--
312
00:15:43,751 --> 00:15:45,001
[screams]
313
00:15:45,084 --> 00:15:48,001
Oh yeah. That's also what happens
when you eat bath salts.
314
00:15:48,084 --> 00:15:51,043
[metal detector beeping]
315
00:15:51,126 --> 00:15:52,751
Where'd they take Mama?
316
00:15:52,834 --> 00:15:54,418
Scram, you turkeys.
317
00:15:54,501 --> 00:15:58,293
A UFO landed here, and we've taken it
to our top secret hidden government lab
318
00:15:58,376 --> 00:16:00,793
that no civilian can ever find out about.
319
00:16:00,876 --> 00:16:02,001
Is that it?
320
00:16:02,084 --> 00:16:03,709
Why, yes, it is. Damn it!
321
00:16:03,793 --> 00:16:05,876
I'm sorry, Dusty,
we did everything we could.
322
00:16:05,959 --> 00:16:09,834
But we can't sneak into a top secret
hidden government lab.
323
00:16:09,918 --> 00:16:11,168
I hear you, Randall.
324
00:16:11,251 --> 00:16:14,668
And I certainly respect your concerns,
but… [clears throat, inhales]
325
00:16:14,751 --> 00:16:20,334
[screaming]
326
00:16:23,376 --> 00:16:25,834
Hold on a second.
Where do you think you're going?
327
00:16:25,918 --> 00:16:30,251
Oh, we're, uh, just, uh, escorting
this alien into the, uh, alien place.
328
00:16:30,334 --> 00:16:32,918
I'm an alien! I'm an alien!
329
00:16:33,001 --> 00:16:36,293
Oh, come on. You expect me
to believe that this dipshit is an alien?
330
00:16:36,376 --> 00:16:38,626
Whoa! What the hell
is the matter with you?
331
00:16:38,709 --> 00:16:40,876
Did you not hear
that thing say it's an alien?
332
00:16:40,959 --> 00:16:41,959
Yeah, but--
333
00:16:42,043 --> 00:16:45,584
No buts. That's what aliens say.
"I'm an alien. I'm an alien."
334
00:16:45,668 --> 00:16:47,626
It just seemed
a little suspicious, is all.
335
00:16:47,709 --> 00:16:50,168
Strike two, Barry. Strike two.
336
00:16:50,251 --> 00:16:53,043
Gentlemen, Mr. Alien,
sorry to waste your time.
337
00:16:55,584 --> 00:16:57,584
[ominous music playing]
338
00:17:02,084 --> 00:17:04,293
Hey, Randall. I think I found her.
339
00:17:06,459 --> 00:17:08,001
[laughing]
340
00:17:08,084 --> 00:17:09,501
Dusty, let me out! Let me out!
341
00:17:09,584 --> 00:17:10,834
Quit fucking around!
342
00:17:10,918 --> 00:17:12,918
I'm an alien. I'm an alien.
343
00:17:13,001 --> 00:17:14,751
[screams, groans]
344
00:17:14,834 --> 00:17:16,876
[groaning]
345
00:17:16,959 --> 00:17:18,793
[screaming]
346
00:17:18,876 --> 00:17:20,709
Hoo. I needed this.
347
00:17:20,793 --> 00:17:24,251
You know, it's the first time
I've had a chuckle since Mama died.
348
00:17:24,334 --> 00:17:25,668
Speaking of… [gasps]
349
00:17:25,751 --> 00:17:26,751
There she is!
350
00:17:26,834 --> 00:17:30,293
Giddyap, Fitz! If we leave now,
we can make it to the funeral in time.
351
00:17:30,376 --> 00:17:31,876
What about Randall?!
352
00:17:31,959 --> 00:17:35,626
Aw. Fine. Let him out, party pooper.
353
00:17:36,293 --> 00:17:37,126
[Fitz screams]
354
00:17:37,793 --> 00:17:39,626
-[laughing]
-[blows landing]
355
00:17:39,709 --> 00:17:41,584
-[screaming]
-[alien] I'm an alien. I'm an alien.
356
00:17:41,668 --> 00:17:43,293
Goop! This is gonna be good!
357
00:17:43,376 --> 00:17:45,751
It's such a blessing
to be able to laugh again.
358
00:17:49,209 --> 00:17:51,584
[munching]
359
00:17:51,668 --> 00:17:54,334
Almost there.
It's the next building on the right.
360
00:17:55,709 --> 00:17:57,751
Just a little further.
361
00:17:57,834 --> 00:18:00,709
Okay! You can squeeze her ass
right into that booth.
362
00:18:00,793 --> 00:18:02,626
Booth? Wait a minute.
363
00:18:02,709 --> 00:18:06,334
This ain't no funeral home!
It's Goopy fucking Goobers!
364
00:18:06,418 --> 00:18:11,126
Okay. I maybe told
a teeny, tiny, little white lie.
365
00:18:11,209 --> 00:18:13,668
Mama ain't dead. It's her birthday.
366
00:18:13,751 --> 00:18:16,626
I just tranquilized her
with this here elephant dart
367
00:18:16,709 --> 00:18:18,793
so I could get her to her surprise party.
368
00:18:20,209 --> 00:18:21,084
Mama.
369
00:18:21,168 --> 00:18:22,876
Mama, wake your fat ass up!
370
00:18:22,959 --> 00:18:24,334
-[all] Surprise!
-[party horn blows]
371
00:18:24,418 --> 00:18:26,376
[groaning]
372
00:18:28,084 --> 00:18:29,834
Damn. She's dead as hell.
373
00:18:29,918 --> 00:18:33,418
Okay, now I need you to help me
get Mama back to the house.
374
00:18:33,501 --> 00:18:35,584
She always wanted
to be buried in the basement.
375
00:18:35,668 --> 00:18:37,793
You gotta be kidding-- [screams]
376
00:18:37,876 --> 00:18:41,209
[sinister music plays]
377
00:18:41,293 --> 00:18:43,876
Thester was right. Not a guard in sight.
378
00:18:43,959 --> 00:18:47,001
All we gotta do
is open this one unlocked door
379
00:18:47,084 --> 00:18:50,626
and take out the implausibly
fragile load-bearing beam inside.
380
00:18:50,709 --> 00:18:54,834
Then, Lovely Corp
will come tip-tap toppling down.
381
00:18:54,918 --> 00:18:56,543
Wait. Where's AFKAK?
382
00:18:56,626 --> 00:19:00,376
There's no time! It's now or never!
Somebody, open that unlocked door!
383
00:19:00,459 --> 00:19:01,584
Hey, don't look at me.
384
00:19:02,168 --> 00:19:03,584
-[metal creaks]
-[Cal grunts] Oops.
385
00:19:03,668 --> 00:19:07,168
[sobs] I destroy everything I touch.
386
00:19:07,251 --> 00:19:08,251
I'll do it.
387
00:19:08,334 --> 00:19:09,668
-[sizzling]
-Yow!
388
00:19:09,751 --> 00:19:13,959
Those door handles are pure silver
which the Macho Man can't touch
389
00:19:14,043 --> 00:19:17,209
since he was brought back
from the dead using evil magic.
390
00:19:17,293 --> 00:19:18,584
Oh yeah!
391
00:19:18,668 --> 00:19:20,668
Well, what about Camaro Bob, or Hobo-Cop?
392
00:19:20,751 --> 00:19:22,918
They went to buy beer for the after-party.
393
00:19:23,001 --> 00:19:24,501
-Damn it!
-I could easily--
394
00:19:24,584 --> 00:19:28,459
Shut up, Norf! We need AFKAK.
He's got functioning hands.
395
00:19:28,543 --> 00:19:31,209
-[walkie-talkie beeps]
-Come in, AFKAK. Where the fuck are you?
396
00:19:36,084 --> 00:19:38,459
[on walkie-talkie]
AFKAK, I repeat! Where are you?
397
00:19:38,543 --> 00:19:41,918
[sighs] Sorry, resistance,
but I gotta save Gina.
398
00:19:42,001 --> 00:19:44,168
-[walkie-talkie beeps]
-Confirm break-in at Lovely Corp.
399
00:19:44,251 --> 00:19:46,959
[on walkie-talkie]
All Saddams ordered to headquarters.
400
00:19:48,793 --> 00:19:50,459
["Here Comes the Bride" playing]
401
00:19:50,543 --> 00:19:52,209
-[music stops]
-Stop the wedding!
402
00:19:52,293 --> 00:19:54,668
Gina, you can't marry that man.
403
00:19:54,751 --> 00:19:55,793
Higher hair!
404
00:19:55,876 --> 00:19:58,834
Please! You are upsetting Mark Zuckerberg.
405
00:20:00,084 --> 00:20:02,334
There. Now you're not
under his spell anymore.
406
00:20:04,668 --> 00:20:05,501
[grunts]
407
00:20:05,584 --> 00:20:07,376
What the hell is wrong with you?!
408
00:20:07,459 --> 00:20:11,126
The only reason you were marrying him
is because you were brainwashed by this.
409
00:20:11,209 --> 00:20:13,793
You're insane. You think
the only reason I'm marrying him
410
00:20:13,876 --> 00:20:17,209
is because of some magical
brainwashing piece of jewelry?
411
00:20:17,293 --> 00:20:19,043
Yes. Why else would you do it?
412
00:20:19,126 --> 00:20:20,584
Because I love him!
413
00:20:20,668 --> 00:20:21,876
Since I got back into town,
414
00:20:21,959 --> 00:20:24,584
you have done nothing
but try to sabotage my relationship
415
00:20:24,668 --> 00:20:26,709
with crazy conspiracy theories.
416
00:20:26,793 --> 00:20:28,376
Honestly, with what we had,
417
00:20:28,459 --> 00:20:31,668
I thought you'd at least respect me
enough to let me be happy.
418
00:20:31,751 --> 00:20:35,043
Just go, Kevin.
I never wanna see you again.
419
00:20:35,126 --> 00:20:36,584
[sad music plays]
420
00:20:36,668 --> 00:20:41,876
Ooh. That's classic clone talk, baby.
Better check her clit again.
421
00:20:44,084 --> 00:20:44,918
[groans]
422
00:20:45,001 --> 00:20:46,751
[dramatic music playing]
423
00:20:46,834 --> 00:20:48,584
Guys, wait. It's a trap!
424
00:20:49,501 --> 00:20:50,334
[Frank groans]
425
00:20:52,543 --> 00:20:57,126
Norf, take these motherfuckers out using
anything from your waist to your ankles.
426
00:20:57,209 --> 00:21:02,793
Okay. I-I've got really bad gout
in my knees, but h-here goes.
427
00:21:02,876 --> 00:21:04,126
Take that!
428
00:21:04,209 --> 00:21:06,459
[Robby] Hey! That sumbitch
tried to knee me and missed!
429
00:21:06,543 --> 00:21:07,376
[Delbert] Shoot him.
430
00:21:08,084 --> 00:21:10,293
Norf? Norf!
431
00:21:10,376 --> 00:21:13,209
No! You killed Norf!
432
00:21:13,293 --> 00:21:17,959
He was my best friend!
And I loved him! I loved him dearly!
433
00:21:18,584 --> 00:21:21,168
[grunting]
434
00:21:21,251 --> 00:21:23,918
[dramatic music playing]
435
00:21:25,293 --> 00:21:26,793
[grunting]
436
00:21:27,334 --> 00:21:30,501
Damn you, AFKAK Crawford!
Damn you to hell!
437
00:21:31,084 --> 00:21:33,168
My God. What have I done?
438
00:21:33,959 --> 00:21:36,793
[sad music playing]
439
00:21:40,376 --> 00:21:44,084
My life has been a limp piece of shit
since I shot my dad in the balls,
440
00:21:44,168 --> 00:21:45,793
but this is a new low.
441
00:21:45,876 --> 00:21:49,543
[sobbing] I betrayed my friends,
I lost the love of my life,
442
00:21:49,626 --> 00:21:52,251
and worst of all, I killed Nerf.
443
00:21:53,043 --> 00:21:54,043
Or was it Norf?
444
00:21:54,584 --> 00:21:56,584
[music continues]
445
00:21:56,668 --> 00:21:59,418
Goodbye, Paradise. Goodbye.
446
00:22:02,084 --> 00:22:05,293
[music ends]
447
00:22:55,209 --> 00:22:56,626
[screams]