I know, I know.
It's destiny that decides when and where friendships strike.
But I think I played a small role in their crazy friendship.
Your response will be, Lord graciously hear us.
Let us pray with confidence...
...to our saviour Jesus Christ...
...who shared our earthly exile...
...in order to bring us to our heavenly home.
Your response...
... to the fullness of that life... -Julie Didi!
...Christ won for us will be earned back...
Give a huge round of applause for Damini Rizvi Roy!
Thank you! Thank you!
What a story!
Undressing the homophobic minister.
I got a call from STC Finance.
Just some last minute final hygiene checks.
I'm really hoping this will happen.
Wow!
Excited?
Really overwhelmed actually.
Thank you Uma.
You don't have much experience.
Ma'am, I was a PT teacher in a government school.
C'mon.
Managing village children is a lot more different than...
...training high profile clients.
Darling, this is SoBo.
You know it's two very different worlds.
Ma'am, you can pay me less.
I'll settle for fifteen grands a month.
Grands...
Also ma'am, Ludhiana is not a village.
Here's a tip.
Join an English-speaking course.
And...
...you might want to buy some...
...proper training gear.
You remind me of a background dancer from a...
...nineties Bollywood film.
Woah!
Yes!
Hi baby!
Hi Anjana.
Fuck! -I told you!
They'll reach the finals...
Varun,
she's soaking wet.
When did you change the diaper?
Like just...
...some five minutes ago I changed the diaper.
Baby,
why do you pee so much!
Goal!
Yes! -Yes!
Varun!
What happened? You okay?
Look at this mess.
Is this our home or a railway station?
It's not the end of the world.
Well, it sure as hell looks like it.
And what about dinner?
You guys finished everything?
Fuck!
These morons finished everything.
I'm so sorry.
There are eggs in the refrigerator.
Will you make yourself an omelette?
Sure.
Thanks...
Oh shit!
What are you doing?
Making a mess.
Ok, I think you've lost it right now?
Hmmm.
Baby,
we'll share the load.
Share the load my fucking ass!
Match with the boys!
Beer with the boys!
Script session with the boys!
And I, like a fucking fool,
bust my ass every single day!
Feeding Arya!
Pumping for Arya!
Taking care of this house!
Going to work! -Okay.
Doing every god damn thing!
Chill, chill, chill.
The boys are outside, okay?
Now this is seeming like some scene from a sitcom.
It's...
I mean...I'm going to put it in my new work.
But...game's on.
I will deal with it later, okay?
Jeh, listen to me.
Myra, I saw you with him.
That wasn't a kiss.
It was fucking tonsil hockey!
It meant nothing!
Okay?
I panicked after you proposed.
It felt like a door closing on my face.
So I'm a door now?
Jeh, that's not what I meant.
I just mean you're so...
...perfect all the time!
It's really suffocating, okay?
Oh my God, who are you?
Who are you?
Was I drunk this entire relationship?
You know what Myra?
Go.
Go break down all the windows, doors and walls.
C'mon Jeh...
Myra...
C'mon, are you serious? -Myra...
It was just a kiss! -Myra, get the fuck out of my life!
Mistakes happen Jeh...
It could've been you too.
Fuck you.
And get the fuck out of my life.
Well, fuck you too!
You fucking loser!
These troll centres in Russia and China...
...their social media marketing company is just a façade.
Actually, they are just working for the highest bidder...
...to eliminate competition and dissent.
Ya.
But how do we prove that political parties are funding them?
Remember that EVM hacking story we did a few months back?
Yes...
Still in touch with the hacker?
I could be.
Good.
What about Akanksha?
We'll cross the bridge when we get to it.
Ya Uma?
Seriously?
Akanksha?
Editor-in-Chief?
You can't replace me.
It was a majority decision.
And that trolls story?
That you were going to do behind our back?
You should've thought twice before doing that.
Akanksha was an intern in New York...
...for crying out loud!
She has no experience!
She can't tell me what stories I can or cannot do!
This month's profits are already higher...
...than last quarter.
All thanks to her.
So yes, she can tell you what to do and what not to.
This is my news site, built by me,
on my reputation, Uma.
This is not your news site.
Alone, over here, like this...
So I don't make a scene in the office?
And if I don't agree?
You'll push me down the stairs?
Please!
Stop being so overly dramatic, Damini.
Did you see what Nisha sent? -I did.
Did you see the picture of Sandeep shit faced?
I have them open right here.
You can't do that.
Sandeep, how many drinks did you have?
Just one.
Oh shit!
Ouch.
Oh my God.
Ms. Menon?
Stud.
Not you, my earring just fell, so...
Ya...
Ouch.
Are you okay?
Let me help you up.
I'm okay, I'm okay.
Are you alright?
Yes, I'm fine. -Let me just...
Are you okay?
Yes, I'm fine, I'm fine.
I'm fine, thanks. Thanks.
Please get back to work.
Cool.
Fuck!
Shut up Ms.VeeVee!
Come here baby...
Don't be shy...
Take off your clothes...
Get on top of me...
And kiss me...
Move your hand!
-Move your hand! -Undress me...
Move your hand!
-Move your hand! -Take off my blouse...
Do me harder...
Harder...
C'mon baby, harder...
Porn in a theatre and public make out session.
Check and check.
What's next on your wish list?
I fucking love you!
What exactly did your friend say?
I FUCKING love you or...
...I fucking LOVE you?
You tell me...
Both sound the same to me.
Oh.
Ok, but why're you asking?
I told you, remember?
My friend's friend said this to her.
Okay.
Ask your friend,
did she say...
...I love fucking you by any chance?
Very good.
Thank you.
Hey Dee! -So much help.
Hey Dee, what's up?
Dee?
That fucking board.
They're trying to replace me with that fucking Akanksha.
They can't, can they?
Anj?
If they have majority votes,
then yes.
I'm the founder!
Do I or don't I have any rights?
Dee, the contract always sides with the majority...
...incase of a deadlock...
...or differences that...
...cannot be solved amicably. -Don't business ethics count?
Ethics is a very subjective idea, Dee.
Everyone feels they are right,
that they are ethical.
Legally, though, the board is right.
Are you my lawyer or theirs?
Dee, I am your lawyer and your friend.
I would hack them to pieces for you.
I have enough rage for that.
But facts are facts.
You said the agreement was fair.
Yes! It's fair but...
...but not one-sided right?
Fuck.
Dee...
Let's have a drink?
You'll feel better...
Hi guys!
Why are all these sad emojis hanging together?
You seem very happy.
Have you smoked a joint?
Life is a high, my dear Umang.
Listen,
a friend of Sneha's...
...also has OCD.
And she keeps a diary of the colour,
shape and consistency of her poop.
Do you also do that?
Tell us.
Do you do that too? -I'm sure she does.
Do you do that too? -You have a diary in your bag.
Should I check? Should I check?
Should I pull it out?
Do you guys remember when we met for the first time?
Oh God!
The three of us were so low!
Oh man!
I was the only one on a fucking high.
What are you staring at, asshole!
Fuck Bar.
Wow! What a name!
Just like this fucking city!
Ingenious.
Hi, can I get a martini please?
We don't do cocktails.
Because you don't give a 'Fuck'?
Excuse me?
G&T?
Sure.
Thanks.
Also, please take that off the counter.
Where do I keep it then?
Floor. Lap.
What?
It's an award. Just keep it behind the counter.
This is a bar.
Not a shopping mall.
And you aren't a security guard either.
Just a bartender. Keep it.
It should be called 'Fuck This Bar' instead of 'Fuck Bar'.
He's just frustrated. Must've wanted to be an actor.
Or a musician.
What's the award for?
Fearless journalism.
Oh.
You're on TV? Which channel?
No, I write blogs.
I don't come on TV.
You should.
You have a good face cut.
Thanks.
Waiting for your date?
No.
Are you single?
Yes.
Umang. From Ludhiana.
Damini, from Delhi originally.
Nice to meet you.
I had heard about such bars.
What kind of bars? -You know, P joints?
Huh?
You know, the name of the bar has 'Fuck' in it.
This is such a To-The-Point city.
Like meet people,
have a few drinks and then...you know.
Oh!
P joint as in....
...pick-up joint?
Oh God, no!
No!
Mumbai isn't that liberal and open yet.
Also, a word of advice...
...if a guy is trying to pick you up in a place like...
Who's talking about guys?
Oh.
Right.
I'm not...
Not that you're not...
I would if I were...but I'm not.
Not that I'm prejudiced.
I take part in the pride parade every year.
But I'm...
...straight.
When I complimented you on your face cut,
why did you blush?
Sorry...
That's five hundred.
Start a tab?
No. Pay as you drink.
Ok then...here you go.
Let's go, let's go...
Sorry, sorry, sorry!
Oh fuck!
Serendipity?
Let's go!
Let's park this there.
Come, come, come.
Two seconds, two seconds.
Calm down, calm down.
What the fuck!
Dude!
What the hell is going on here man?
Ma'am, are you...
...are you feeding the baby here?
Yes, I am.
But don't worry,
I'm not ordering any alcohol okay?
Actually, I haven't had any alcohol...
...since I heard of my pregnancy.
Except for that...
...one glass of champagne I had at my promotion party.
And that one...
...beer at my baby shower.
Can I have a beer please?
Not for her, for me?
Give me a minute please...
Why don't you go to the ladies room and do your stuff!
Do my stuff?
How would you feel...
...if you had to go to the toilet and drink?
I take a dump every morning...
...with my tea! -Alright...
Disgusting!
Ma'am...I'm really...
I'm really sorry but... -No c'mon, please...
Where am I...where am I supposed to go?
Excuse me...washroom?
Washroom?
Over there.
Oh shit.
Oh shit!
Oh shit! I'm...I'm so sorry. Oh shit!
One second baby! One second! One second!
Hey! Hey! No self-service! -Shit! Shit! Shit!
Hey! Hey! Hey! Didn't I tell you no self-service?
What do you think you're doing?
We can't keep our stuff on the counter.
We can't take beer.
If you're not going to serve me,
I have to serve myself!
What do you think you're doing?!
What the hell! -Are you crazy?!
Let me drink! Let it go! -What the hell!
Let it go! It's my beer! -What the fuck!
Are you guys insane?!
Idiots!
Oh my God!
Fucking idiots!
I only have a hundred and twenty.
And the rest?
Four hundered for two beers? I mean...
Is this a bar or a jewellery shop?
I mean...I promise...
I had three thousand in my pocket this morning.
Taxi fare, six hundred.
Phone recharge, five hundred.
One bottle of water, fifty.
You know what the taxi driver said to me?
He said...
"Madam, I'm also from a small town."
I said, "Wow, that's great!"
He kept on blabbering...
...and going round and round in circles!
What the hell does small town mean anyway?!
I mean either you're from a town or a village!
The price of one beer...
...is on the menu.
Ladies night? Discount?
Something? Anything?
I'll wash dishes for you!
I mean...
Owner won't be bankrupt for three hundred.
I'm the owner.
Oh.
You?
Can I use the washroom?
I have some change too.
One second baby. One second! One second!
Oh my God!
Please don't panic!
Turn of the tap!
Stop!
Please stop it!
Shit hit the ceiling. Like literally!
It wasn't that much.
I still haven't understood...
...how babies produce...
...so much poop and pee?
Alright...
Oh God!
What happened?
-Thank God you called!
I was getting so worried!
My little baby...
I've parked just around the corner...
There are two bags of pumped milk...
...in the freezer in case she needs a night feed.
Defrost it.
What do you mean?
I mean...
...I'm taking the night off.
Ya.
Cool. Of course.
Mamma's taking the night off, okay?
Also Varun,
just pack your bags tomorrow morning...
...and leave.
C'mon Anj...
Why're you being so melodramatic?
Let's discuss this tomorrow?
Varun, I have place for just one baby in my life and...
...that's her.
Please take care of her for the night.
Freedom!
Hey!
Weaning 101 done!
Hey bartender!
Four shots please...
It's on me girls.
Thanks.
Cheers, ladies. -There you are.
Thank you.
To freedom.
Four more shots please!
To freedom again!
Cheers ladies...
That'll be four thousand.
Oh.
Do I pay right away?
Yes.
I don't trust you lot.
You're saying that?
The owner of 'Fuck Bar'?
Jeh was such a dog!
God!
Because of?
Myra!
Jeh...
You forgot about this.
You can have it back!
A little bigger and maybe she wouldn't have returned it.
The diamond.
It's so small I can't even get a grip on it.
Here you go.
You know I don't share.
Try it, seriously.
It's from the mountains, you will not regret it.
Trust me.
Go for it.
You know what?
I had completely forgotten about this Myra...
Hey, give me that.
Oh my god! Oh my god!
Hello there friend.
It's been a long time.
What are the happening places out here?
My office.
I don't even have time to brush.
Listen, why don't you guys come with me for...
...Falguni's Dandiya Night at GD Somani?
All of SoBo will be there.
What's SoBo?
SoBo?
South Bombay.
Where we are right now.
Isn't this South Mumbai?
Shouldn't it be SoMu?
SoMu?
SoMu.
Try telling all the fancies that.
Hey, can I try that?
Sure.
Careful...
Water?
First time?
By the way,
everyone tells me to...
...dress appropriately but...
You are also dressed in full pink so...
I mean...
I had gone to someone's funeral.
In that?
It was Julie Didi's funeral.
She had given me a similar dress on my 12th birthday.
Your sister passed away?
I'm so sorry. -No, she was my nanny.
You address your granny as sister?
No.
Nanny. Like Farida Jalal in K3G?
The nanny?
She's the one who raised me.
My actual mom is a witch.
Everyone needs a...
...witch in their life.
Otherwise, how would we appreciate...
...the rest of our lives?
It's locked.
It's locked guys! I have to pee!
Really?
Hang on, one second...
Oh shit, it's actually locked. -Open the door!
I have to go to the bathroom!
Open the door!
Hello!
Hello, Jeh?
Anyone there? -I have to pee!
Shit!
Hello!
I really have to pee...
I cannot die!
Woah...
Oh my God!
Ooh...
That was interesting.
You guys...
Party time!
Go Anjana!
Go, go, go!
This night shall be immortalized.
The night we said...
...fuck you to the whole world...
...in Fuck Bar!
Whoo!
Oh wait...
Hello?
Yes?
Yes...
Of...of course.
Thanks Uma.
Thank you!
I got it! I got it! I got it!
What did you get?
The funding for my start-up!
Oh my God!
I need a lawyer!
I'm a lawyer.
Are you good?
The best one!
You're hired.
Hey, what the fuck is going on here?
I'm a start-up founder as of thirty seconds.
I'm getting divorced!
And I hope you have a...
...super, super, super strong floor cleaner 'cause...
Does anyone know of a decent place...
...where I can spend the night?
502, Sagar Samrat, Nepeansea Road, Bombay 36.
I just need to spend the night.
Not apply for a PAN Card.
I'm charging you girls for all of that.
On the contrary,
under section 498A and 509...
...of the Indian penal code for women's safety...
...we could sue you for physical and mental torture.
It's an unsafe...
Fuck Bar!
What the hell!
What's your problem?
Why are you calling my bar Fuck Bar?
This is what we want to ask you.
Why did you choose this name?
It's...
...Truck Bar.
That's not what the sign says.
Fuck!
Exactly!
Myra!
Oh.
It's the smell of henna.
There's a wedding going on around here somewhere.
Sure.
Jeh...
What happened to that Myra?
Deleted.
From my phone book, my Facebook,
my bar accounts book.
Everything.
So many books...
And memory?
Why Myra suddenly?
We were just discussing how we met.
Ah right!
That night when I locked you girls out here.
What?
Fucking crazy drunk girls.
It was you?! Jeh! -What did you say?!
Hey hold on, hold on.
Later I realized that crazy drunk girls are the best.
Big hearts...
...and big bills.
I can't believe this guy!
Jeh! How dare you!
Where do you think you're going!
Stop!
It was you!
I fucking love you too.
Arjun.
Fuck.