Ever played Steppo as a child? Hopscotch?
You just have to keep jumping from one square to another.
And you get to move forward without any baggage.
If only this could happen in life too.
Yeah, boys!
Everybody wanna taste
My hot sauce
Gonna make your body shake
My hot sauce
Everybody wanna taste
My hot sauce
Do you wanna see me make
My hot sauce
Hot sauce
Hey, good morning.
You want a kale smoothie?
I did a fruit and veg run.
-Sure, yeah. -It's on the counter.
My hot sauce
Let them say what they want Like I care
I will do whatever I want
A little attraction And then some action
Hello Mister, how do you do
Mr. Bartender please
Shake it baby, shake a drink for me
Gimme four more shots For me and my ladies
Let go of formalities
Gimme Four More Shots Please
There's no time to waste now
Gimme Four More Shots Please
Gimme four more shots please
What is this SKFC?
Samara Kapoor Fan Club.
They actually call themselves "Samaratans,"
and their entire Facebook page
is dedicated to me!
I feel so loved!
Listen, we need to file an FIR.
This is just hate speech, it doesn't prove they did it, Siddhi.
What are you doing?
Just replying with a few choice comments of my own.
-Are you mad? Please, there's no point. -Yeah.
Nothing good ever came out of a social media war.
I think we should just wait it out. They're kids, they'll get bored.
Dude, when?
When will this woman stop haunting me?
-Hey. Hi. -Hey.
Not bad.
-You're quite an artist. -Oh, thanks.
-I'll see you inside. -Bye!
See you.
It's barely been a few days since you hired him
and already making him clean up the mess!
You guys, I'm just getting my money's worth, okay?
Okay, enough talking. I have to go prep for my comeback show.
I'm so nervous! What time am I seeing y'all?
It's… it's tonight?
Mangs, you're ditching me?
Sids, I have an accounts review meeting.
I completely forgot.
-Radha is on leave today… -I have a meeting, so…
-So sorry. -I'm sorry.
Wow. Fine.
-Siddhu, sorry! -Sids!
-Sorry! -Sids!
Returning from a long sabbatical,
please welcome the very funny Siddhi Patel!
We missed you, Siddhi!
Okay. So, how many of you have single moms?
And how many of you have single moms who have started dating?
This man in the red shirt was about to raise his hand,
but at the last minute, he changed his mind.
Because we're talking about moms after all.
And we can't just discuss our mom's love life like this,
can we?
Except that's exactly what I'm going to do here today.
What's wrong? You already look scandalized.
Please wait, sir.
This is just the appetizer.
The "mom course" is yet to come.
So, since my dad passed away, my mom seems to have developed
what you may call a "golden vagina."
You know all those boring uncles,
whose wives have sex with them about twice in their whole lives?
Which is, only when they want to conceive?
All those men think that my mom is the gold mine of vaginas.
And everyone knows this, okay?
I know it, they know it.
You know it, the whole colony knows it,
even our building watchman knows it, only my mom doesn't.
She thinks all these men are being helpful.
"Manohar is so sweet!
Do you see how caring Mahender is?"
Yeah, "caring."
In his mind, Manohar has already been to Amsterdam ten times with my mom.
And Mahender is obsessed with her… you know…
So, basically, a 48-year-old single woman has just one option.
To spread her legs for any horny old man.
Sometimes, I feel that we have not moved four steps forward…
but four hundred years behind!
We're still being forced to jump into the fire.
So, ladies, tell me.
What kind of wood would you like for your designer pyre?
Mango wood or rosewood?
All right, thank you guys, that was my time.
Green tea?
I think you deserve something stronger.
Seriously?
That's your pickup line?
Lame.
If I wanted to use a pickup line,
I would've said that you deserve something stronger…
like me.
You're strong, are you?
Actually, I'm Rahul.
-You might have heard-- -Don't say I might've heard it.
Big fan.
This audience was unable to recognize your talent.
Only you did.
And that's why I should sleep with you, right?
-Do you want to? -You forgot.
My mom is the one with a golden vagina.
I just have a normal, boring one.
Breathe out, and Hasta Padasan.
Hasta Padasan.
We come down into Hasta Padasan.
And breathe out.
You don't need that extra slice of pizza now.
Hasta Sanchalanasana.
Great sex is in your power with this one.
Dandasana now.
Hips up, a bit.
But bad sex is also in your power, so choose wisely.
And now, we go to Ashtanga Namaskar.
Have your knees on the floor.
Knees on the floor.
Meher! Hi!
-Good morning. -How about that tour?
-Now? -Yeah!
-See you downstairs. -Sweetie, come. Let's go.
Your love gonna drive me crazy
If you got the flame
Tell me, baby
Hi, Kiana, my mama and dada.
Hi, Arya!
What's up?
Hi, Gautam, my mama and dada.
We all live in the same house!
Baby, this isn't something you need to broadcast.
Why, Mama?
Because Mama says so.
Now, you go and have a great day at school, okay?
-Love you. -Love you.
Finish your lunch, okay?
Bye, Mama. Bye, Dada.
I'm beginning to think
we have irrevocably scarred our child.
You. Not we.
Arya and I were perfectly fine.
Until you dumped your farty ass on my couch.
My ass is not farty.
It's an upside-down heart. See?
-My bum! My bum! -Varun, stop it!
It's a school.
Sorry.
Good morning, ma'am.
Varun.
Hey, listen.
Call Kavya. Please.
I have.
I called her parents too.
They want me to give her some more time.
So, me and my bum…
will have to wait.
-Okay. -Here you go.
Thank you.
This really is a lovely studio.
Thank you.
No, really. I mean…
you can take such risks only when you know that you have it in you.
I mean, starting from square one, all over again and alone!
Takes guts.
Honestly speaking, I didn't do all of this alone.
I had my partner with me, Siddhi.
Mixing love with work?
That's brave.
No, so, Siddhi is my business partner,
but more importantly, she's my best friend.
And she's totally straight, so, yeah.
I'm sorry, my bad.
If she's your best friend, then it's the best partnership.
Yeah. It is.
And I'm very lucky because I don't have just one best friend, I have three.
The four of us are ride or die.
-How perfect. -Have you ever been to Truck Bar?
No? It's our spot.
Like, our safe space.
Do you have a safe space?
My bakery.
My daughter, Tara.
And now, it feels like…
this could be it.
Come! Let's go!
Are you sure this will work?
The Indian youth feel alienated from politicians, not politics.
Focus on their issues because nobody else does.
And you'll be fine.
I'm 15 years older to them.
I mean, do I even speak their language?
The others are 50 years older.
You're their best bet.
-You think so? -I know so.
Even I don't believe in myself that much.
Damini Rizvi Roy really likes me.
Who would've thought?
Hi, Aarav. I missed you, did you miss me?
Nita is doing a great job with Aarav.
I can leave if you don't want me to be here.
Yes, I feel betrayed by you.
But I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at Varun.
He has a problem.
Whenever a responsibility arises, he runs in the opposite direction.
I don't know how I didn't see this coming.
He tried to sabotage his relationship after Arya, and now,
after Aarav, he's doing the same thing!
It's like, he's feeling trapped,
so he's subconsciously trying to ruin it
so that he can be free again.
Kavya,
Varun has…
been ten times a better husband and father to you and Aarav
than he was with me when Arya was born.
But even ten times is not enough.
The bar is so low.
He's trying, he's trying to change.
Really?
-Yeah. -Then, why did he kiss you?
We were getting nostalgic, and I don't know how, but it just happened.
We withdrew immediately.
And it had nothing to do with your pregnancy, or
him wanting to escape.
I don't believe that at all.
I've had time to think about it, and
Varun has issues, and he needs to sort them out.
Aarav is still a baby.
The three of you need each other.
You're saying that?
Look at how well you've done without him.
Arya punched Gautam so many times that we're all in shock.
Have there been any changes at home?
-No. -Yes.
I mean, I am living with Arya and her mother now.
Temporarily. We're divorced.
-Expel that psycho, please! -Excuse me?
You know, my son, Gautam, is traumatized.
Ms. Sheetal, I want to know how this happened.
-So do I. -So do I.
As do I.
Apparently, Arya told Gautam that her mom and dad live with her.
Gautam called her "Liar! Liar!"
His mother told him that her mother is a loose "posstitoot."
-What? -Sorry?
A loose posstitoot.
-Postitute? -A loose posstitoot.
Anjana is a lawyer.
Guess that qualifies as a posstitoot.
The oldest profession in the world.
I have tremendous respect for posstitoots.
Did you know, prostitution is legal in 15 countries,
and technically, it is not illegal in India,
though soliciting and pimping is.
I married a smart woman.
And then divorced her.
But I assure you, it was my sperm that helped create Arya.
She has my ears.
And whatever she might be, she's not a liar.
Let's go?
After you, Ms. posstitoot.
-Ciao. -Thank you, Ms. Sheetal.
Sorry.
Thank you. Toast?
Yes, please.
Eggs?
Yes, please.
Oh, by the way, it's the Sethnas' 40th wedding anniversary.
My parents are coming into town, they wanna have dinner tomorrow at 9:00 p.m.
But I'll be at the Town Hall with Dhananjay, I told you.
Yeah, but that's in the evening.
I'm sure you can come after.
I'm taking a night off from the bar too.
Come on, Dee. They really wanna meet you.
Fine, I'll be there at nine.
Thank you.
What's so funny?
Nothing, just Dhananjay.
Dhananjay, what?
It's a political joke, you won't get it.
And I won't get it because, what, I'm not smart enough?
Because you won't get the context.
It's an inside joke, Jeh!
Three weeks, and inside jokes already?
Our politicians don't even swap parties that fast.
I'm sorry, what's happening here?
Just making a political joke.
Nice! Okay, take five?
Good job.
Hey!
Shall we begin?
-Yes. -Let's go.
Struck by you
Like lightning in a desert sky
Bolt from the blue
I had nowhere left to hide
If only I had known before
This feeling I was looking for
I'd give in without a fight
I'm falling falling falling for you
You're the reason I was waiting
The spark that I was chasing
I'm falling falling falling for you
You're the reason I am shining
You light me up like lightning
Siddhi, darling?
The tourmaline earrings you have?
May I have them, please?
Yeah.
Wow.
Where are you off to?
Oh, just a dance class.
Basic Jive and Ballroom Dancing.
With?
Don't tell me, Hira and Minu Auntie again.
So boring.
You remember the gentleman from the workshop I'd attended?
You met him. Rajan?
Your instructor?
I didn't know he taught dancing too.
No, no, no.
I'm going with him.
What?
Like, on a date?
What?
No, not a date.
Not a date. A very non-date, friendly outing.
What the hell is a "non-date friendly outing?"
Siddhi, please.
Don't make a mountain out of a molehill.
It's Thursday.
Our pizza and movie night.
I know.
Tomorrow night.
Two pizzas, two movies, I promise.
Come on.
Cheer up.
Alright.
Okay.
This is blueberry, this is lemon, right?
Okay.
Alright.
Woman.
You…
are a magician.
There's a foodgasm going on in my mouth.
I haven't been dancing in ages.
To be honest, neither have I.
But you know what?
We're still young, so.
Young, maybe, but not so light anymore.
Rubbish.
You're as light as a souffle.
Hopefully, not a cheese souffle, because
that plays havoc with the stomach and then I can't move.
Okay, then, a strawberry souffle.
In fact, you know what, you look so light,
I could've picked you up easily.
Except for my slipped disc, so.
I have a really good physiotherapist.
-I'll share their number. -Thanks.
And you know what?
I know a very good acupressurist.
I'll share their number.
Well, we're sharing doctors already.
This is moving very fast.
-Shall we? -Thank you.
I don't wanna go back to the feeling
I was in a dark space
How long has this been going on?
-Been baking since I was eight. -Nice.
My father taught me.
-And Meher Bakes? -Three years now.
As soon as I got divorced.
Oh, man.
Marriage!
It takes courage.
Quite a bit.
Actually…
I should've never gotten married in the first place.
It was an error I didn't make right for far too long.
I loved Ayesha.
Ayesha loved me, you know?
We were 18.
Our parents found out.
Oh man, the drama!
The pressure.
Ayesha gave up.
She got married.
I was confused.
Harish just happened to be there.
So, he became my husband.
Wow.
So, your husband knew?
He was my friend then.
He told me he understood.
But after marriage, it was next level.
He wanted a cookie-cutter wife.
He would tell me what to wear, how to look,
what to eat, why not make new friends, why not keep old ones…
et cetera, et cetera.
So, how did it end?
My daughter, Tara.
Thank God for her.
Because when she turned 18,
she just pulled me out of that misery.
She just reminded me of my strengths.
She became that…
best friend I never had.
And she knows?
She knows.
You're so much stronger than you know.
Let's be romantics
Crazy romantics
Maybe we'll be tragic
We may never be the same
Never be the same
Over 35% of the population is under the age of 25.
You are this country's future.
Our party may be old,
but our thinking is new-age.
So tell us something new, sir!
Your party has been singing the same tune for the last 100 years.
This is not a tune, please let me finish.
Do you have anything real to say?
Otherwise, you can just tell your PR to tweet it for you.
-Please, please, listen to me! -Tweet it!
-Please, please, let me finish. -Tweet it!
One second, one second!
Give Dhananjay a chance, at least.
You want him to listen to you, right?
So, then speak to him.
Question him, argue with him, but don't heckle him!
You rightly pointed out that…
what Dhananjay said isn't anything new.
So, here's your chance.
Ask for answers, straight up.
You're serious?
My name is Damini Rizvi Roy and it's often said on social media that I never smile.
I am serious. Ask him.
So, Dhananjay sir…
This isn't a class.
-Call him Dhananjay. -Okay.
-Dhananjay. -Hi.
Hi. What do you think about dissent in universities?
Well, I think dissent is crucial in a democracy.
Sorry, it's a little hot.
And make no mistake about it.
This is a democracy.
You, students, are the leaders of tomorrow. All of you.
If we don't listen to you today,
then tomorrow, the country won't listen to us.
I see you.
Please feel free to grill him.
-You have my full support. -Thank you.
Quite a few outdated courses are being reintroduced in universities.
Your thoughts?
I think it's ridiculous.
I mean, people are saying there's no such thing as global warming.
Others are saying that if life and death are in the hands of the one above,
why should we go to a doctor?
In fact, I spoke about this with the Vice-Chancellor.
He has promised me that all controversial and outdated courses will be dropped.
So, don't worry.
There will be no Diploma in Occult Sciences at your university.
It's crazy.
Just two minutes ago, they were cursing at me.
Now, they want to take selfies with me.
Damini.
You've been extraordinary.
It's you, Dhananjay.
It's all you.
Celebration drink?
Come on.
One drink?
You're going to wear this?
Don't be funny, that's not for me.
That's for Rajan.
I'm helping him out.
Apparently, his wife used to do all his shopping.
And the poor man has awful taste in clothes.
What did you get me?
I haven't bought you anything since 2005.
You hate my taste, please remember.
When did I say that?
Anyway, why would you shop for me when you're so busy with Rajan!
Rajan this, Rajan that! Rajan, Rajan, Rajan, that's all I've been hearing!
Am I anything to you anymore, Mama?
Alright, let's do our four-cheese pizza and a movie?
Keep your stupid pity-party to yourself!
So, now, I've understood the true meaning of self-love.
'Cause it's not like anyone else is getting in line to give me a compliment.
Thank you, guys, for being so silent and unresponsive tonight.
I mean, who cares, right? The world is ending anyway.
Hi.
Rahul?
The one with the famous name?
You killed it tonight!
Is that offer for something stronger still valid?
Let me go down
Okay, say something funny.
Let me go…
Sometimes, I wonder if sex is even worth it.
-So much work and-- -Be nasty.
This wall is just like you.
-Empty. -Nastier.
Do you even know the difference between kissing and slobbering?
Are you a man or a Pomeranian?
Shit.
My standards have really dropped.
Do you put pictures from ten years ago on your dating profile?
Still, no luck with the right swipes though, right?
You don't even look like you could have any enemies.
Bet your colleagues didn't even add you to their WhatsApp group.
What happened?
-You said to be nasty. -Yeah!
But nasty in the bed.
Like, bad girl nasty.
Not nasty to me.
Don't you have a heart?
-Okay, I'm gonna-- -Not so fast.
At least, say you're sorry.
Try to comfort me.
I just want them bad boys Bad boys, bad boys
"The warrior princess won the battle.
She made her village proud.
And she was able to provide for her family.
Protection from the enemies attacking them."
Story over, Dada?
-Okay, sleepy time, come-- -Mama, I want to sleep with Dada.
But Dada sleeps on the couch.
Why?
Because we are divorced now.
Yeah.
But we live together.
Okay, do you want to sleep in the bed with Mama?
With Mama and Dada.
Okay, come on. That's enough.
-You're not the boss of us, okay? -Come on!
Let's go to sleep!
You know, Anj, this is the only thing in my life
that's going well right now.
You, me, Arya.
Kavya loves you and you love Kavya, and I think that's all that matters.
Yeah, but then, why is she not taking my calls?
You know, in my life,
my work, my marriage…
I've only fucked up.
How do you manage this, like, every time?
When will I grow up, Anj?
Adulting is hard, Varun.
Shashank and you? All good?
-What? -As I said,
adulting is hard, Varun.
-Touché. -Mama.
Oh, baby?
Bad dreams.
Let me adult.
Come on.
Let's go to bed.
And scare those crazy monsters!
I'm falling fast
My heart is stolen
Don't bother asking
Everything's right with me
Assholes!
What is "cunty"?
It's a profane word, sir.
-And a "dykay"? -Dyke.
What does it mean?
It's a derogatory word for a lesbian.
"Lesbian"?
What's a lesbian?
Girls who like girls.
Son of a…
Why can't you just say "gay!"
At least, it is not illegal anymore.
Or what?
Would you arrest me?
Are you telling me how to do my job?
Yes. I am!
-Hey! -What do you mean?
-Who do you think you are? -Sir, one minute.
Knock some sense into her!
Seriously, what the fuck, man! Get off me! No, man!
-Okay! -What, why'd you pull me out?
Because otherwise, you'd be in jail,
and I don't know how to do the studio accounts yet.
Do you think this is a joke?
I spent a week in jail because of my rage.
Rage is not the answer, it's the problem.
I can show you something better.
Come on.
Give me a left-right.
That's it, left-right.
Brilliant. Left-right.
That's it. left-right.
Left-right.
That's it, one more.
Harder. That's it.
That's it. Turn.
Move, move, move.
Keep the guard up.
Ready?
Now, give me a right-duck-right.
Come on, keep the guard up.
Hey, keep your guard up.
Okay, okay, okay.
You want more?
Come on!
Harder!
Fighting all my demons
Looking for the end
Freedom is my reason
I'm hanging by a thread
Know my heart is weak
Tear it down piece by piece
Reaching for the surface
I just want to breathe
I just want
I just want to breathe
I'm so sorry.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
-These students… -Hi!
were asking so many questions.
-Hi! How are you? Finally! -Well, work comes first!
I'm so sorry.
So sorry.
The students just wouldn't stop asking questions.
Shall we?
But Damini hasn't eaten yet.
Please order something.
Sure.
Hi, can I have the--
How was the anniversary party?
The Sethnas invited all the Parsis they knew.
But still, such few people came.
Sad, right?
There are only 70,000 Parsis remaining in all of India.
Now…
you two will only have to do something.
-Get married! -Dad, please.
You two have had a fight, or what?
No, no.
-Everything's fine. -Sure?
-Yeah, yeah. -Everything's okay.
The live feed of the Town Hall ended in the evening.
What took you so long?
We were discussing the upcoming strategies.
Over a single malt?
I could smell it off your breath, Damini.
Do you have a problem with single malts?
I have a problem with lies.
I'm sorry.
Why, Damini?
I don't know.
I should've told you. I'm sorry.
You've been saying sorry way too many times these days.
I used to know what you were thinking
Before you said it
But now, I can't see a thing
I used to know what we were missing
And I'd fix it
But now, I don't know anything
How did we get here?
I'm so scared, my dear
'Cause we're lost
Lost, my dear
We're so lost
Lost, my dear
Come here
How did we get here?
I'm so scared, my dear
'Cause we're lost
Lost, my dear
We're so lost