1 00:00:07,720 --> 00:00:10,720 [ominous music playing] 2 00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:20,640 [man] If I could revisit myself that day, 3 00:00:21,240 --> 00:00:24,040 I would wanna tell myself where this was gonna lead. 4 00:00:26,640 --> 00:00:31,280 One split second can determine the rest of your life. 5 00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:38,560 What I did at 16, it scared me. 6 00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:44,440 And I'll always carry the weight of taking somebody's life. 7 00:00:46,360 --> 00:00:48,360 [music continues] 8 00:01:10,920 --> 00:01:14,480 I've been in prison for 27 and a half years. 9 00:01:17,280 --> 00:01:19,480 Do I feel like I deserve to get out? 10 00:01:20,120 --> 00:01:21,000 No. 11 00:01:22,600 --> 00:01:25,240 But would I like to be given the opportunity and the chance 12 00:01:25,320 --> 00:01:29,400 to make something better of myself and not be known as just this? 13 00:01:30,360 --> 00:01:31,480 Yeah, for sure. 14 00:01:34,280 --> 00:01:35,240 [eerie music playing] 15 00:01:35,320 --> 00:01:37,960 [man 1] I think we could all be dangerous people. 16 00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:40,440 [man 2] People say you're a monster. 17 00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:43,800 [man 3] I'm not sitting here saying I'm innocent. 18 00:01:43,880 --> 00:01:46,200 [man 4] I just murdered some guy in cold blood. 19 00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:50,040 [music fades out] 20 00:01:57,040 --> 00:01:59,040 [birds chirping] 21 00:02:01,760 --> 00:02:05,000 [somber instrumental music playing] 22 00:02:13,920 --> 00:02:15,600 I'll get this from behind you. 23 00:02:16,440 --> 00:02:18,360 -It's gonna come over your head. -Mm-hmm. 24 00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:26,840 [music continues] 25 00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:38,960 [Higinio] At such a young age, you don't understand 26 00:02:39,920 --> 00:02:42,800 the ramifications of what you've done 27 00:02:43,760 --> 00:02:44,920 until you're older. 28 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:49,200 It took me a long time to actually look at it from not my perspective, 29 00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:51,720 but his family's, 30 00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:55,600 and that for me was the hardest thing, and it still is. 31 00:02:59,640 --> 00:03:01,240 [music fades out] 32 00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:04,440 [train bell ringing] 33 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,640 [somber acoustic guitar music playing] 34 00:03:10,920 --> 00:03:12,520 [Higinio] I was born in Lovell, Wyoming. 35 00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:16,520 I know I was there for a short period while my mom was going to college. 36 00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:20,800 So we moved from Wyoming to Washington, which is mostly where I grew up. 37 00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:27,800 It was, you know, a normal childhood to an extent on the outside, 38 00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:29,520 you know, for other people. 39 00:03:30,880 --> 00:03:33,200 My mom worked with all the neighborhood kids. 40 00:03:35,160 --> 00:03:37,920 She'd take us and try to teach us right from wrong. 41 00:03:39,120 --> 00:03:41,920 And we would always be held accountable if we did something bad. 42 00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:45,640 [music fades out] 43 00:03:47,880 --> 00:03:50,480 [foreboding music playing] 44 00:03:51,880 --> 00:03:53,800 [Higinio] But my father was different. 45 00:03:56,400 --> 00:04:00,120 He was abusive physically and also mentally and emotionally. 46 00:04:04,240 --> 00:04:07,440 I remember one time, I was seven or eight, he beat me pretty bad 47 00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:09,840 to where I couldn't go to school for, like, three weeks. 48 00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:12,480 My mom dealt with a lot, 49 00:04:12,560 --> 00:04:16,560 but, uh, she stayed because of… You know, she did love my dad. 50 00:04:21,480 --> 00:04:23,560 But in case my dad became very abusive, 51 00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:27,520 we used to sleep with our shoes on so we would always be ready to leave. 52 00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:33,720 Looking back at it now, it's pretty drastic, you know? 53 00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:37,360 To have to do that just to feel like we could be safe. 54 00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:45,800 [music continues] 55 00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:54,600 [Higinio] My dad was into the drug business, you know. 56 00:04:54,680 --> 00:04:57,240 Like, he hid it pretty well from, you know, my mom. 57 00:04:59,680 --> 00:05:02,480 But I remember I went to the bathroom one time, and I walked in there, 58 00:05:02,560 --> 00:05:06,320 and my dad had a bunch of, you know, what I know now were kilos of cocaine. 59 00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:10,240 My dad was a master mechanic. 60 00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:12,680 So we thought that's where the money was coming from. 61 00:05:12,760 --> 00:05:15,360 And I'm sure my older brothers knew more than I did, 62 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:19,960 but I knew then for sure what my dad did, you know, to make all that money. 63 00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:26,800 Eventually, like, my older brothers started getting into the gang lifestyle. 64 00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:30,040 You know, following in my dad's footsteps. 65 00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:32,080 And me being the youngest, 66 00:05:32,160 --> 00:05:35,320 I thought being with my older brothers was the safest place for me. 67 00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:39,560 But growing up that young in that kind of lifestyle, 68 00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:41,360 it's pretty traumatic in itself. 69 00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:47,640 I think I was 12, and I remember standing on a corner one time 70 00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:49,960 next to a friend of our family, 71 00:05:50,040 --> 00:05:53,120 and someone just coming up and shooting him in the face. 72 00:05:53,880 --> 00:05:55,880 [dog barking] 73 00:05:58,000 --> 00:06:02,120 [Higinio] After that was when my mom decided to get us out of Washington, 74 00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:03,320 away from my dad. 75 00:06:04,360 --> 00:06:06,640 [music fades out] 76 00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:10,320 [gentle melodic music playing] 77 00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:16,360 [birds chirping] 78 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,480 [Higinio] We moved to Billings, 79 00:06:21,560 --> 00:06:23,800 and right away, we realized it was different. 80 00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:28,680 It wasn't a big city, and my mom's like, "This is where we'll be from now on." 81 00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:31,280 She told us, "It's to get you guys away from all that stuff." 82 00:06:31,360 --> 00:06:34,360 That was her plan. That's what she thought was gonna happen, 83 00:06:34,440 --> 00:06:36,600 but that didn't work out too good. 84 00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:40,440 [music fades out] 85 00:06:41,040 --> 00:06:43,440 [tense music playing] 86 00:06:54,440 --> 00:06:57,640 [Higinio] Word spread real quick about what my dad did, you know? 87 00:06:58,160 --> 00:07:01,560 Because I looked up to my dad, and I seen the money, that was it for me. 88 00:07:01,640 --> 00:07:04,600 I was like, "You know, this is maybe something I do need to do." 89 00:07:04,680 --> 00:07:08,480 And, uh, yeah, it became the norm, you know, for me and my brothers. 90 00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:12,320 My dad raised us to be men of the street. 91 00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:17,560 Breaking into cars, stealing stereos, and we started getting into fights. 92 00:07:17,640 --> 00:07:19,280 [music intensifies] 93 00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:22,400 And I remember the first fight I got into in school. I got kicked out. 94 00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:25,440 And then I remember I got assault charges pressed on me. 95 00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:30,760 And so that was my first incident actually being in trouble with, you know, the law. 96 00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:35,160 [music continues] 97 00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:45,720 [music fades out] 98 00:07:47,280 --> 00:07:51,600 [Higinio] When I got out of juvenile is when things spiraled out of control. 99 00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:53,320 [pensive music playing] 100 00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:54,960 I went to live with my dad. 101 00:07:55,640 --> 00:07:57,840 He started, you know, giving me 102 00:07:57,920 --> 00:08:01,200 a lot of weed, or a lot of coke, or a lot of meth, 103 00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:03,640 and he was like, "Here, you do what you want with it." 104 00:08:04,240 --> 00:08:05,920 So I started selling meth. 105 00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:11,640 My whole thing was to make money, you know, 'cause that's what my dad did. 106 00:08:12,440 --> 00:08:15,680 But a kid at 14 and 15 shouldn't have people calling him 107 00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:17,360 all the time wanting drugs. 108 00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:20,840 And I didn't realize that what it was leading into was even worse. 109 00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:26,120 [music fades out] 110 00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:29,160 I had gotten to know a couple of… of girls my age. 111 00:08:30,520 --> 00:08:33,720 And they started to come around, ask me if I could get 'em meth. 112 00:08:33,800 --> 00:08:36,000 [somber music playing] 113 00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:41,320 I remember one day, they had came over, and, uh, one of the girls was crying. 114 00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:44,720 I was like, "What's going on?" She's like, "My dad smacked me around, 115 00:08:44,800 --> 00:08:46,280 and he said he's gonna kill me." 116 00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:48,400 She's like, "Can you help us get out of town?" 117 00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:52,120 I knew what it was like, you know, to kind of be around that kind of stuff. 118 00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:53,520 So I was like, "Okay." 119 00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:56,560 I was like, "I can do that if that's what you guys really want." 120 00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:58,200 And they're like, "Hey," they said, uh, 121 00:08:58,280 --> 00:09:00,520 "Are you gonna help us, you know, pay for everything?" 122 00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:02,080 And I was like, "No." 123 00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:06,440 They're like, "There's a convenience store by our house." 124 00:09:06,520 --> 00:09:09,440 "You could go in there, and you can hold up the store." 125 00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:12,600 And they're still crying, and they're like, "Can you help us?" 126 00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:15,600 So I'm like, "Okay, I'll do it then." 127 00:09:17,280 --> 00:09:19,240 [music fades out] 128 00:09:21,880 --> 00:09:24,240 [ominous music playing] 129 00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:49,720 [Higinio] We pull up on the back side of this little complex. 130 00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:53,560 And one of the girls gave me a gun. 131 00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:57,960 It was, like, this old Ruger .22 handgun. 132 00:09:58,040 --> 00:10:01,200 And I remember before I had gotten out of the car, 133 00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:05,280 I checked, you know, to see if the gun was loaded, and it was empty. 134 00:10:06,360 --> 00:10:08,880 And the girls were like, "Don't worry. Nothing's in there." 135 00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:10,960 [music continues] 136 00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:26,520 I remember, uh, walking in the store. 137 00:10:29,840 --> 00:10:31,640 I walked down the candy aisle. 138 00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:35,360 And I grabbed a Butterfinger candy bar, 139 00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:37,520 put it on the counter, 140 00:10:38,040 --> 00:10:40,280 dug some change out of my pocket, and paid for it. 141 00:10:40,360 --> 00:10:42,360 [music builds] 142 00:10:45,680 --> 00:10:48,000 So, you know, I wind up pulling out this gun, 143 00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:50,640 and he just put his hands up. He's like, "Hey." 144 00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:53,160 I was like, "Look, I need you to empty the cash register." 145 00:10:57,000 --> 00:11:01,400 He grabs the money and he hands it over, and I grab it and stick it in my pocket. 146 00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:05,320 And then I was like, "Okay, now I need you to open the safe." 147 00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:08,800 And, like, he wouldn't do it. And he kept saying he didn't have the key. 148 00:11:08,880 --> 00:11:10,640 So I… You know, I kept getting mad. 149 00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:13,600 I was like, "You need to open the safe," I said, "Or I'm gonna shoot you." 150 00:11:18,640 --> 00:11:19,800 I looked at the gun. 151 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:22,800 You know, I went to, like, scare him, like I was gonna pull the trigger, 152 00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:24,320 and I remember it going off. 153 00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:26,400 [gunshot echoes] 154 00:11:27,760 --> 00:11:29,400 And I just ran. 155 00:11:31,160 --> 00:11:32,200 [music ends] 156 00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:34,280 [somber instrumental music playing] 157 00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:05,880 [Higinio] People say you should learn to forgive yourself. 158 00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:08,400 That's not possible. 159 00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:11,280 I'll never forgive myself. 160 00:12:12,760 --> 00:12:15,840 I… I… I can honestly say that, um, 161 00:12:16,520 --> 00:12:19,680 even talking about it now, it's, it's hard. 162 00:12:24,920 --> 00:12:26,120 [sobs] 163 00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:50,720 [music fades out] 164 00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:54,080 [birds chirping] 165 00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:56,120 [gentle piano music playing] 166 00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:09,000 [woman] Higinio turned himself in. That's what it's all about. 167 00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:11,960 Being accountable and accepting responsibility 168 00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:13,640 for what you've done. 169 00:13:14,320 --> 00:13:18,280 Everybody thought I turned him in 'cause I'm the law-abiding parent, but no. 170 00:13:18,360 --> 00:13:20,680 My son decided to turn himself in. 171 00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:24,240 I'm proud of him for being accountable. 172 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:30,920 My name is Carmen Gonzalez. 173 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:35,560 And I'm Higinio Gonzalez's mother, and he is my youngest son. 174 00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:38,960 [music continues] 175 00:13:42,360 --> 00:13:43,920 [birds chirping] 176 00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:46,880 People don't understand. Higinio was the baby. 177 00:13:47,560 --> 00:13:50,080 He had dreams. He had good grades. 178 00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:53,000 He was kind. He was compassionate. He was the good kid. 179 00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:57,000 The other kids, they went the wrong way. 180 00:13:58,200 --> 00:14:00,360 So, of course, when Higinio committed his crime, 181 00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:01,760 I just… I couldn't believe it. 182 00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:05,600 I really went into a lot of emotional, you know, denial and stuff, 183 00:14:05,680 --> 00:14:08,000 but I think I lost them 184 00:14:08,080 --> 00:14:11,360 because I was focused on survival as a single parent. 185 00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:15,320 And something that would have changed my kids going into this life of crime 186 00:14:15,400 --> 00:14:18,000 would have been if I'd have picked a different father. 187 00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:20,080 [ominous music playing] 188 00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:24,120 Higinio's father was an abuser. 189 00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:29,520 It was just so many years of domestic violence and abuse. 190 00:14:29,600 --> 00:14:30,880 I couldn't take it anymore. 191 00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:35,760 So we moved here in 1992. 192 00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:39,080 It was my chance to get away from their dad and split up. 193 00:14:41,040 --> 00:14:43,320 And then, it was two days later, he showed up here. 194 00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:46,440 So I really didn't get any freedom in that. 195 00:14:46,520 --> 00:14:47,480 [music fades out] 196 00:14:47,560 --> 00:14:49,160 Eventually, he stayed here 197 00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:54,640 and continued to be around my kids, and to them, they just… 198 00:14:54,720 --> 00:14:56,680 I mean, he was their father. They idolized him. 199 00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:02,960 For all my kids, I was so busy struggling as a single parent to survive. 200 00:15:03,040 --> 00:15:09,280 I think I got lost in a sense of not realizing that I was losing them. 201 00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:15,160 But I do remember that Higinio was not a problem child for me at all. 202 00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:19,280 So when I heard the police were investigating a shooting, 203 00:15:19,360 --> 00:15:21,040 and it was a young kid that did it, 204 00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:23,640 never did I think that it was going to be my son. 205 00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:30,160 [somber music playing] 206 00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:41,040 He told me he did it. He goes, "It was an accident, Mom." 207 00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:42,840 "I swear to God it was an accident." 208 00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:46,360 I jumped up, and I threw the chair to the side, and I said, "Mm-mm." 209 00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:52,520 "You couldn't have done that. Not you." And I cried. And I was angry at him. 210 00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:55,720 It was just too hard. 211 00:15:56,880 --> 00:15:59,400 He cried, and he just kept telling me he loved me, 212 00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:03,040 and I… I remember him sitting there 213 00:16:04,440 --> 00:16:08,000 in that chair, just looking at me with his big eyes. 214 00:16:08,960 --> 00:16:11,440 I could just see how much he knew he hurt me, 215 00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:14,360 but he also… I could see how much he loved me. 216 00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:20,520 [music continues] 217 00:16:31,280 --> 00:16:33,400 [Carmen] Then everything fell apart for me. 218 00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:36,800 All I could think about was he was too young 219 00:16:36,880 --> 00:16:39,480 or, you know, what was going to happen to him, and… 220 00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:42,240 You know, it's just like my son had just died. 221 00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:48,240 [birds chittering] 222 00:16:51,360 --> 00:16:52,760 [music fades out] 223 00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:54,840 [birds singing] 224 00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:08,120 [Old West-style guitar music playing] 225 00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:10,160 [man] My impression of Carmen Gonzalez 226 00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:13,200 is that she is just a stand-up quality person. 227 00:17:15,240 --> 00:17:18,120 She was widely known as doing the best 228 00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:22,440 that she possibly could do to keep her family on the rails. 229 00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:28,560 But I think that her recollection is not quite correct. 230 00:17:30,680 --> 00:17:36,280 She indicated that Mr. Gonzalez turned himself in after this happened. 231 00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:40,960 But she came to the police station. 232 00:17:41,040 --> 00:17:44,720 She identified Mr. Gonzalez as the shooter, 233 00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:46,760 then the police went and got him. 234 00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:49,800 He did not turn himself in. 235 00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:55,280 [music continues] 236 00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:01,480 My name is Joe Coble. 237 00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:06,240 In 1996, I was a deputy Yellowstone County attorney. 238 00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:09,680 And at that time, I prosecuted the Gonzalez case. 239 00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:15,520 [music fades out] 240 00:18:18,360 --> 00:18:21,320 I've handled a number of homicide cases. 241 00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:24,440 This one really stays in my memory. 242 00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:26,560 It was just so senseless, 243 00:18:26,640 --> 00:18:28,960 and I think the community was shocked. 244 00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:33,640 And I think the reason for that was the clerk, Eric Pavilionis, 245 00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:38,760 was an innocent man who had no blame in any of this at all. 246 00:18:39,720 --> 00:18:42,600 This was a guy who had four children. 247 00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:44,080 [grimly somber music playing] 248 00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:45,880 He had a full-time job, 249 00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:49,560 and he worked in a convenience store a couple of days a week 250 00:18:49,640 --> 00:18:51,560 to help make ends meet. 251 00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:56,000 He was doing everything that he could for himself and his family, 252 00:18:56,080 --> 00:19:00,920 and in the end, he was killed for it. 253 00:19:02,320 --> 00:19:04,240 Mr. Gonzalez shot Eric 254 00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:07,640 because he intended to shoot him from the beginning. 255 00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:10,320 There was no reason to pull that trigger. 256 00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:12,440 That did not have to happen. 257 00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:17,320 Which makes it a prosecutor's job to push for the maximum penalty. 258 00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:21,160 Mr. Gonzalez was a juvenile, 259 00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:25,880 but I still made the recommendation that the court impose life sentence. 260 00:19:25,960 --> 00:19:30,840 And if I were in the same shape today, I would do the same thing. 261 00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:35,400 I thought it was appropriate then. I think it's appropriate now. 262 00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:39,600 [music intensifies] 263 00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:50,040 [music fades out] 264 00:19:52,120 --> 00:19:56,320 [Joe] It's a heavy responsibility to ask for the court 265 00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:59,320 to impose the sentence that you think is appropriate. 266 00:19:59,920 --> 00:20:02,240 One family is going to lose a son. 267 00:20:03,360 --> 00:20:05,640 But you have to look at these cases 268 00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:09,760 from the standpoint of one family lost a father. 269 00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:10,800 [somber music playing] 270 00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:14,200 So we got the maximum sentence possible, 271 00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:17,520 but it doesn't restore that family. 272 00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:19,280 It doesn't make them whole. 273 00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:23,360 [music fades out] 274 00:20:26,480 --> 00:20:28,480 [melancholic music playing] 275 00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:40,600 And there's a picture of Daddy on Christmas. 276 00:20:41,120 --> 00:20:43,200 That was your guys' last Christmas together. 277 00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:49,280 [woman] After Eric was killed, every hour was a struggle. 278 00:20:50,360 --> 00:20:51,840 Going to memorial service 279 00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:54,720 and having my children draw pictures to send with him, 280 00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:57,200 and they each picked out… 281 00:20:57,800 --> 00:20:59,440 [quavers] 282 00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:01,160 …one of their favorite toys 283 00:21:01,240 --> 00:21:03,160 and their stuffed animals to send with him 284 00:21:03,240 --> 00:21:06,040 so that way he wouldn't be scared when he was sleeping. 285 00:21:11,920 --> 00:21:13,920 [music continues] 286 00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:23,240 He's missed all of them going to school. 287 00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:27,240 He's missed every father-daughter dance, every walk down the aisle. 288 00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:29,520 I mean, he missed it all. 289 00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:33,280 And they missed it all. They missed sharing that with him. 290 00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:37,080 Nobody should have to grow up without their dad. 291 00:21:40,040 --> 00:21:42,040 [music fades out] 292 00:21:46,520 --> 00:21:48,520 [gentle music playing] 293 00:21:59,120 --> 00:22:02,680 [Fran] Eric was 27 years old when he was killed. 294 00:22:04,440 --> 00:22:07,040 I had him in my life for eight years and two days, 295 00:22:07,120 --> 00:22:10,080 and we lived a lifetime in those eight years. 296 00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:16,280 I feel we made a life, and then it was taken away. 297 00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:19,600 [music fades out] 298 00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:24,800 The first time I ever saw Higinio Gonzalez at the courtroom, 299 00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:28,960 I was expecting to see… a monster. 300 00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:32,800 I wasn't expecting a nice, clean-cut young man, 301 00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:39,320 but I felt like he did a very senseless, unnecessary act. 302 00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:42,000 So I wanted the punishment to fit the crime. 303 00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:47,520 I actually have to admit I was shocked that he got life. 304 00:22:48,120 --> 00:22:50,160 To me, that seemed like a lot, 305 00:22:50,240 --> 00:22:53,880 but I think as a whole, we were very happy with what the sentencing was 306 00:22:53,960 --> 00:22:56,880 because it seemed to fit what we lost. 307 00:22:57,440 --> 00:22:59,440 [gentle acoustic guitar music playing] 308 00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:06,400 [Fran] I don't know that I really thought about him throughout the years 309 00:23:06,480 --> 00:23:09,440 because I've tried to separate that part of life. 310 00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:14,240 But a couple months ago, when it was first reached out 311 00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:17,760 to let us know that this documentary was gonna happen, 312 00:23:17,840 --> 00:23:18,920 I wondered why. 313 00:23:19,480 --> 00:23:21,280 What does he want out of this, you know? 314 00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:24,760 "Teen admits killing clerk." 315 00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:27,440 "Claims the shooting was accidental." 316 00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:31,240 "Convenience store clerk's killer must serve at least 30 years." 317 00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:34,720 [music continues] 318 00:23:49,840 --> 00:23:53,400 What I think about Higinio Gonzalez being paroled, 319 00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:57,040 I feel that's up to the judicial system to decide. 320 00:23:58,400 --> 00:24:00,320 And if he goes up for parole, 321 00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:05,280 I do believe that myself and my children will attend just to hear 322 00:24:05,360 --> 00:24:06,720 what he might have to say. 323 00:24:09,440 --> 00:24:11,240 [music fades out] 324 00:24:21,320 --> 00:24:22,360 [melancholic music playing] 325 00:24:22,440 --> 00:24:23,640 [device clicks on] 326 00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:27,280 [Higinio] You know, this whole time of me being here, 327 00:24:27,360 --> 00:24:29,320 you reflect on a lot of stuff, 328 00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:34,600 and you reflect on a lot of the loss. 329 00:24:35,120 --> 00:24:38,600 You know, I wish somebody would visit me and tell me, "I love you." 330 00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:42,040 You think about how long it's been since I've had somebody to hug me. 331 00:24:42,120 --> 00:24:46,720 And those are all things that, you know, I want, but it comes with guilt. 332 00:24:47,960 --> 00:24:48,880 And, uh… 333 00:24:50,200 --> 00:24:52,040 the reason why it comes with guilt… 334 00:24:55,200 --> 00:24:59,040 is because whatever I feel deprived of… 335 00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:02,600 I've done that to them. 336 00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:06,800 I did that to his family. I did that to his daughters. 337 00:25:07,320 --> 00:25:11,160 And the reason why I carry so much guilt is, uh… 338 00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:17,440 I'm still here. 339 00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:21,920 But they'll never get a chance to ever experience any of that again. 340 00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:23,920 [device clicks off] 341 00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:31,080 [exhales] 342 00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:35,720 Not what I was expecting to hear. 343 00:25:37,520 --> 00:25:41,400 I didn't think he would take that on himself to feel… 344 00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:46,440 the importance of what he did to my life and to my girls' life. 345 00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:48,200 Not everybody would do that. 346 00:25:51,120 --> 00:25:52,320 And he didn't have to. 347 00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:56,440 But it still doesn't change what happened. 348 00:26:01,280 --> 00:26:03,280 [music fades out] 349 00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:06,480 [discordant violin music playing] 350 00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:14,280 [motorcycle hums] 351 00:26:19,000 --> 00:26:21,000 [music becomes rhythmic] 352 00:26:25,920 --> 00:26:30,040 [man] Does my brother deserve to pay for his crime? 100%. 353 00:26:30,120 --> 00:26:31,120 There's no doubt. 354 00:26:32,720 --> 00:26:35,960 But I don't think his sentence was appropriate. 355 00:26:36,040 --> 00:26:36,960 I just don't. 356 00:26:38,880 --> 00:26:40,760 People say, "You're a monster," 357 00:26:40,840 --> 00:26:43,080 but nobody stops to think what made us that way. 358 00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:46,200 We became a product of our environment. 359 00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:51,360 But it doesn't mean that we can't be reached. 360 00:26:51,440 --> 00:26:53,920 It doesn't mean that we're not worthy. 361 00:26:55,120 --> 00:26:57,400 And it definitely doesn't mean that we can't change. 362 00:26:59,360 --> 00:27:01,200 My name is Jesse Gonzalez, 363 00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:03,760 and Higinio Gonzalez is my younger brother. 364 00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:05,160 [motorcycle engine shuts off] 365 00:27:11,720 --> 00:27:14,000 [music fades out] 366 00:27:14,080 --> 00:27:15,800 [Jesse] We were a tight family, 367 00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:18,720 but, you know, the things that you see on TV for the "perfect family" 368 00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:21,720 were nothing close to what we had. Nothing. 369 00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:25,600 So, my dad was a drug dealer for a long time. 370 00:27:25,680 --> 00:27:31,640 As we got older, me and my older brothers, we were all selling drugs for my dad. 371 00:27:32,360 --> 00:27:35,680 So it was easy for my little brother 372 00:27:35,760 --> 00:27:41,200 to follow me into the streets, into the gangs, into the drugs. 373 00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:43,000 And then, there's no way out. 374 00:27:43,560 --> 00:27:45,640 It's either prison or a body bag. 375 00:27:47,880 --> 00:27:50,520 [tense music playing] 376 00:27:54,360 --> 00:27:55,880 After my brother went to prison, 377 00:27:55,960 --> 00:28:00,280 I had a lot of anger and hate and animosity towards the world. 378 00:28:00,920 --> 00:28:03,480 I directed it out on anybody and everybody. 379 00:28:04,800 --> 00:28:06,520 It was me and my older brothers, 380 00:28:06,600 --> 00:28:09,600 and we got wrapped up into street life, 381 00:28:09,680 --> 00:28:11,680 and… and gang activity, and stuff like that. 382 00:28:13,920 --> 00:28:17,280 We were known for violence, drug dealing. 383 00:28:17,880 --> 00:28:20,760 Anything and everything that was in the streets criminal-wise, 384 00:28:20,840 --> 00:28:22,280 we were known for it. 385 00:28:23,400 --> 00:28:25,120 Out of everybody, I was the worst. 386 00:28:26,280 --> 00:28:30,120 It just became just like a snowball rolling downhill. 387 00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:31,480 It just… It got out of control. 388 00:28:33,800 --> 00:28:34,960 [music stops] 389 00:28:36,800 --> 00:28:38,800 [melancholic violin music playing] 390 00:28:50,240 --> 00:28:52,240 [music fades out] 391 00:28:53,720 --> 00:28:55,720 [birds singing] 392 00:28:55,800 --> 00:28:57,800 [somber music playing] 393 00:28:58,640 --> 00:29:00,160 Every Tuesdays and Thursdays, 394 00:29:00,240 --> 00:29:03,680 they have a new bus coming in with new inmates. 395 00:29:05,480 --> 00:29:07,400 And Boggs, the officer… 396 00:29:09,120 --> 00:29:12,440 he looks in my room and he goes, "I got a… I got a roommate for you." 397 00:29:13,400 --> 00:29:14,920 And I'm like, "Great." 398 00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:18,720 And old Boggs looks at me. He goes… "You'll have a good time." 399 00:29:20,080 --> 00:29:22,240 So I get up. I open the door. 400 00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:28,000 And it's my brother's face. [voice breaks, sobs] 401 00:29:35,760 --> 00:29:37,000 [sobbing continues] 402 00:29:37,760 --> 00:29:41,680 It was like we were five years old again. We just ran. 403 00:29:41,760 --> 00:29:43,960 Ran to each other and hugged. 404 00:29:44,040 --> 00:29:45,320 [breath trembling] 405 00:29:53,320 --> 00:29:54,720 [somber piano music playing] 406 00:29:54,800 --> 00:29:59,160 We stayed up just drinking coffee and eating candy. Just talking. 407 00:29:59,240 --> 00:30:00,080 [sniffs] 408 00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:03,240 Crying, reminiscing. 409 00:30:03,320 --> 00:30:05,320 [sobs, quavers] 410 00:30:06,520 --> 00:30:08,600 There was no violence. [sniffs] 411 00:30:08,680 --> 00:30:10,400 No abuse. [sniffs] 412 00:30:10,480 --> 00:30:12,440 We weren't walking on eggshells. 413 00:30:12,520 --> 00:30:13,480 [sniffs] 414 00:30:15,480 --> 00:30:17,120 Even though we were in prison… 415 00:30:17,200 --> 00:30:18,120 [chuckles] 416 00:30:18,920 --> 00:30:20,920 …those are the best memories I have. 417 00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:21,880 [sobs] 418 00:30:23,800 --> 00:30:24,800 [sobs] 419 00:30:34,280 --> 00:30:35,720 We talked about change. 420 00:30:37,640 --> 00:30:40,280 He would tell me how he wishes he could take it back. 421 00:30:41,280 --> 00:30:45,680 And I was still stuck in being the tough guy and the cool guy. 422 00:30:45,760 --> 00:30:47,720 And he would talk to me all the time. 423 00:30:47,800 --> 00:30:51,680 "Why are you so hot-headed? Why can't you talk things through?" 424 00:30:52,440 --> 00:30:54,080 And his favorite line was, 425 00:30:54,160 --> 00:30:59,080 "I'm doing enough time for everybody in our family." 426 00:30:59,160 --> 00:31:02,600 He said it so I would learn from not just my mistakes, but his. 427 00:31:02,680 --> 00:31:04,680 And he said it so I'd be a better man. 428 00:31:17,040 --> 00:31:19,040 [music fades out] 429 00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:23,800 [acoustic guitar folk music playing] 430 00:31:25,960 --> 00:31:26,960 [Jesse] What's happening? 431 00:31:28,360 --> 00:31:29,560 Good. Good. 432 00:31:30,600 --> 00:31:32,600 After prison, life got better. 433 00:31:33,720 --> 00:31:38,200 Right now, I own two flooring companies and I own Junior's Pit Stop Auto Shop. 434 00:31:38,280 --> 00:31:40,760 It's a body shop for cars, and mechanics, and bikes. 435 00:31:45,120 --> 00:31:48,120 Everybody that I hire is usually a recovering addict, 436 00:31:48,960 --> 00:31:52,720 or an ex-felon, or somebody on probation or parole. 437 00:31:53,680 --> 00:31:57,520 I honestly believe that sitting in prison with my little brother 438 00:31:57,600 --> 00:31:59,680 is why I am who I am today. 439 00:32:00,480 --> 00:32:04,720 He changed his way of thinking, and he pushed it on me. 440 00:32:04,800 --> 00:32:06,600 I learned a lot from that kid. 441 00:32:07,640 --> 00:32:10,000 And I've been around a lot of bad people. 442 00:32:10,080 --> 00:32:13,080 None of them have the remorse, 443 00:32:13,160 --> 00:32:17,760 the compassion, or the will to change while they're in there 444 00:32:17,840 --> 00:32:18,960 the way my brother has. 445 00:32:19,040 --> 00:32:21,200 [motorcycle engine starts] 446 00:32:21,280 --> 00:32:24,840 He went into prison, he owned up to what he did, 447 00:32:25,360 --> 00:32:26,920 and he's changed his life. 448 00:32:28,120 --> 00:32:30,520 He's ready to start over. 449 00:32:34,720 --> 00:32:36,160 [music fades out] 450 00:32:36,240 --> 00:32:38,240 [dogs barking] 451 00:32:39,560 --> 00:32:41,560 [ominous music playing] 452 00:32:59,480 --> 00:33:03,680 [Joe] Deciding Mr. Gonzalez's parole is not my decision. 453 00:33:04,200 --> 00:33:09,640 It's not up to me, but I suspect that a parole board should consider 454 00:33:09,720 --> 00:33:12,680 whether he's taking responsibility for his actions. 455 00:33:15,720 --> 00:33:16,760 [device clicks on] 456 00:33:17,960 --> 00:33:21,080 [Higinio] So, I remember before I had gotten out of the car, 457 00:33:21,160 --> 00:33:25,520 you know, I checked to see if the gun was loaded, and it was empty. 458 00:33:25,600 --> 00:33:28,400 And I remember, uh, walking in the store. 459 00:33:28,480 --> 00:33:30,720 And I never, like, directly aimed and pointed at him 460 00:33:30,800 --> 00:33:33,520 like you would if you were trying to actually hit something. 461 00:33:34,280 --> 00:33:35,200 I went to scare him 462 00:33:35,280 --> 00:33:38,680 like I was gonna pull the trigger, and I thought, "If I pull this trigger, 463 00:33:38,760 --> 00:33:40,120 he's gonna hear it shoot." 464 00:33:40,200 --> 00:33:42,720 "But nothing's gonna happen, but it's gonna scare him." 465 00:33:42,800 --> 00:33:44,240 So I pulled the trigger. 466 00:33:45,280 --> 00:33:46,840 And I remember it going off. 467 00:33:47,880 --> 00:33:49,200 And I just ran. 468 00:33:50,400 --> 00:33:52,200 I remember jumping in the car, 469 00:33:52,280 --> 00:33:55,480 saying, "Why didn't you guys tell me that there was a bullet in this gun?" 470 00:33:55,560 --> 00:33:57,640 I was like, "I just shot that guy, man." 471 00:33:58,200 --> 00:34:02,200 I didn't know they had put, you know, one round in there, 472 00:34:02,280 --> 00:34:03,480 and I didn't know that. 473 00:34:03,560 --> 00:34:06,160 Because when they handed it to me, I checked the magazine, 474 00:34:06,240 --> 00:34:08,360 and I didn't think to check anything else. 475 00:34:08,440 --> 00:34:09,640 [device clicks off] 476 00:34:11,720 --> 00:34:13,240 [music fades out] 477 00:34:13,320 --> 00:34:16,880 [Joe] What I just heard, I had never heard before. 478 00:34:17,520 --> 00:34:20,880 I reviewed the file from 1996, 479 00:34:20,960 --> 00:34:23,840 and… what was said then 480 00:34:23,920 --> 00:34:28,240 is not what was on the recording that I just heard. 481 00:34:28,320 --> 00:34:32,720 He's questioned, "Do you know how many bullets were in the gun?" 482 00:34:32,800 --> 00:34:35,200 His answer, "There was just one." 483 00:34:35,280 --> 00:34:36,560 [tense music playing] 484 00:34:37,760 --> 00:34:39,120 "I put the shell inside." 485 00:34:39,200 --> 00:34:41,440 "I put the clip back in it, 486 00:34:41,520 --> 00:34:45,680 then I looked at it, and I pulled the little thing back and shut it." 487 00:34:48,080 --> 00:34:53,520 Clearly, he put the bullet in the gun and described having one bullet. 488 00:34:53,600 --> 00:34:57,600 And he never mentioned anything about not knowing the gun was loaded. 489 00:34:58,560 --> 00:35:03,200 Also, he says that he never pointed the gun directly at the clerk. 490 00:35:03,280 --> 00:35:04,760 Well, it's just not true. 491 00:35:04,840 --> 00:35:06,960 [foreboding music playing] 492 00:35:09,440 --> 00:35:11,480 When the police arrived at the store, 493 00:35:11,560 --> 00:35:15,560 they found surveillance video which showed the entire transaction, 494 00:35:15,640 --> 00:35:17,600 and it was shocking. 495 00:35:19,720 --> 00:35:25,560 Mr. Gonzalez points the gun at Eric and tells him to give him the money. 496 00:35:26,640 --> 00:35:27,480 [Higinio] Hurry up! 497 00:35:27,560 --> 00:35:29,480 -[Eric] Come take it. -[Higinio] You do it, bitch! 498 00:35:30,680 --> 00:35:33,720 [Joe] Eric cooperated. He tried not to be threatening. 499 00:35:33,800 --> 00:35:38,560 He could have been on a training video for how to handle a robbery. 500 00:35:38,640 --> 00:35:39,720 [Higinio] Open up the safe. 501 00:35:40,640 --> 00:35:42,440 [Eric] I don't have keys to the safe. 502 00:35:42,960 --> 00:35:46,640 -I don't have the keys to the safe. -I'm gonna pump a slug in your ass, bitch. 503 00:35:46,720 --> 00:35:49,920 He tells Eric that he's going to shoot him, 504 00:35:50,000 --> 00:35:53,800 which indicates to me that that's exactly what he intended to do. 505 00:35:55,880 --> 00:36:00,560 When he says that he was only trying to intimidate the clerk, 506 00:36:00,640 --> 00:36:05,360 that just doesn't match what we see in that tape. 507 00:36:06,200 --> 00:36:08,520 [music builds] 508 00:36:10,360 --> 00:36:14,240 Mr. Gonzalez tries to pull the trigger on that gun. 509 00:36:15,360 --> 00:36:16,920 The gun doesn't fire. 510 00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:21,040 Mr. Gonzalez turns the gun towards himself, looks at it, 511 00:36:21,120 --> 00:36:25,680 finds the safety, turns it off, and shoots Eric in the chest. 512 00:36:26,560 --> 00:36:27,960 [gunshot echoes] 513 00:36:29,000 --> 00:36:31,040 [music fades out] 514 00:36:32,240 --> 00:36:37,560 We see a man shot and killed, and it's not Hollywood. It's real. 515 00:36:38,080 --> 00:36:41,120 There's no way that that can be an accident. 516 00:36:41,200 --> 00:36:45,600 He clearly pulls the trigger knowing that there's a bullet in that gun. 517 00:36:45,680 --> 00:36:46,800 He admits that. 518 00:36:49,040 --> 00:36:51,040 [somber instrumental music playing] 519 00:36:53,840 --> 00:36:59,120 I suspect that he's been sitting in prison for years, and years, and years, 520 00:36:59,200 --> 00:37:03,440 and has told himself the same story until he believes it. 521 00:37:04,560 --> 00:37:08,600 But he's clearly not taking responsibility for his actions. 522 00:37:08,680 --> 00:37:12,440 He's clearly not accountable for the things that he did, 523 00:37:12,520 --> 00:37:17,080 and it appears as though he's just trying to distance himself from his murder. 524 00:37:21,480 --> 00:37:24,560 [birds chittering] 525 00:37:25,480 --> 00:37:27,520 [music fades out] 526 00:37:32,320 --> 00:37:34,320 [somber instrumental music playing] 527 00:37:44,680 --> 00:37:48,720 [Higinio] I was 16 going on 17 when I committed my crime. 528 00:37:49,320 --> 00:37:51,480 I pretty much thought my life was over. 529 00:37:53,560 --> 00:37:57,040 And in the state of Montana, there's no guaranteed parole. 530 00:37:57,840 --> 00:37:59,560 I can be here for the rest of my life. 531 00:38:00,080 --> 00:38:03,800 But I'm not who I was when I… You know, when I did what I did. 532 00:38:03,880 --> 00:38:05,360 [birds chirping] 533 00:38:05,440 --> 00:38:07,640 [music continues] 534 00:38:09,520 --> 00:38:12,400 [Carmen] People don't understand. Higinio was the baby. 535 00:38:13,240 --> 00:38:16,480 He had dreams. He had good grades. He was kind. 536 00:38:16,560 --> 00:38:18,520 He was compassionate. He was the good kid. 537 00:38:19,760 --> 00:38:23,720 Everybody thought I turned him in 'cause I'm the law-abiding parent, but no. 538 00:38:23,800 --> 00:38:27,240 My son decided to turn himself in. He decided to come back. 539 00:38:27,760 --> 00:38:30,200 I'm proud of him for being accountable. 540 00:38:33,400 --> 00:38:34,880 I didn't turn myself in. 541 00:38:34,960 --> 00:38:37,920 My mom turned me in, but she won't admit it 542 00:38:38,000 --> 00:38:41,280 because I think she thinks that it's like… I'm gonna hate her or something. 543 00:38:41,360 --> 00:38:44,800 I think that's what she's afraid of, but I don't hold it against her. 544 00:38:44,880 --> 00:38:47,440 I know how hard it was for her to do that. 545 00:38:47,520 --> 00:38:48,840 And I think to this day, 546 00:38:48,920 --> 00:38:51,280 she still doesn't wanna come to terms with it. 547 00:38:51,360 --> 00:38:55,360 And it's never gonna go away, you know, the damage that I did. 548 00:38:57,320 --> 00:38:59,280 [uneasy music playing] 549 00:39:00,080 --> 00:39:01,680 [car engine starts] 550 00:39:02,520 --> 00:39:05,880 [Higinio] I took somebody's life, and it took a while to finally understand 551 00:39:05,960 --> 00:39:09,200 how it made other people feel, especially Eric's family. 552 00:39:09,280 --> 00:39:12,640 And I think that's one of the main things I wanna prove to everybody. 553 00:39:12,720 --> 00:39:16,320 Regardless of how you grew up, you can still change. 554 00:39:19,560 --> 00:39:23,640 [Joe] He is clearly not taking responsibility for his actions. 555 00:39:23,720 --> 00:39:27,160 He's clearly not accountable for the things that he did. 556 00:39:28,280 --> 00:39:31,120 I reviewed the file from 1996. 557 00:39:31,200 --> 00:39:36,600 Clearly, he put the bullet in the gun and described having one bullet. 558 00:39:37,600 --> 00:39:41,640 He pulls the trigger knowing that there's a bullet in that gun. 559 00:39:42,360 --> 00:39:46,200 It appears as though he's just trying to distance himself from his murder. 560 00:39:49,720 --> 00:39:51,320 [music fades out] 561 00:39:51,400 --> 00:39:53,960 I could have sworn that they loaded it. 562 00:39:54,040 --> 00:39:57,960 But he's saying that I said that, you know, that I loaded it. 563 00:39:58,040 --> 00:40:00,800 Like, I honestly don't recollect that part of it, 564 00:40:00,880 --> 00:40:04,240 you know, of me saying that I loaded the gun. 565 00:40:06,040 --> 00:40:06,960 [exhales] 566 00:40:07,560 --> 00:40:08,720 I mean… 567 00:40:10,600 --> 00:40:12,720 I don't know right now. It's kind of like… 568 00:40:13,280 --> 00:40:16,080 I don't know, my head's in all kind of different directions right now. 569 00:40:16,600 --> 00:40:19,720 So I'm trying to, like, wrap my mind around it. 570 00:40:22,960 --> 00:40:25,920 I think that when I thought I could pull the trigger that it would scare him 571 00:40:26,000 --> 00:40:31,360 if he just heard the gun, like, you know, just dry fire, just hear it click. 572 00:40:31,440 --> 00:40:33,440 To try and scare him, you know what I mean? 573 00:40:33,520 --> 00:40:35,960 And that was the intent. You know? But… 574 00:40:36,840 --> 00:40:37,840 Um… 575 00:40:40,600 --> 00:40:41,520 [sighs] 576 00:40:41,600 --> 00:40:43,360 I don't know. Maybe… 577 00:40:44,360 --> 00:40:45,480 I think he's right. 578 00:40:46,440 --> 00:40:48,480 I think he's right. I think I did know. 579 00:40:50,720 --> 00:40:53,440 [somber music playing] 580 00:40:54,040 --> 00:40:56,200 I think I did know, and I just didn't wanna… 581 00:41:09,040 --> 00:41:11,280 I just didn't wanna come to terms with it. 582 00:41:33,040 --> 00:41:35,800 I won't ever be able to heal properly unless I face it. 583 00:41:36,720 --> 00:41:39,800 You know, so coming to terms with it is tough. 584 00:41:42,200 --> 00:41:43,720 I don't like how it feels right now, 585 00:41:43,800 --> 00:41:46,280 but it's probably something that I needed to hear. 586 00:41:53,080 --> 00:41:54,520 You know, I'm trying to… 587 00:41:57,240 --> 00:41:59,480 I'm trying to be the best me I can be. 588 00:42:01,440 --> 00:42:04,520 And that… that makes me feel like I'm not even close. 589 00:42:11,600 --> 00:42:12,440 [sighs] 590 00:42:12,960 --> 00:42:13,960 [sniffs] 591 00:42:16,760 --> 00:42:18,760 [somber orchestral music playing] 592 00:42:41,880 --> 00:42:43,880 [music fades out]