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[foreboding music playing]

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[somber voice] Thanksgiving night of 1999,
I did something really ignorant

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to someone that did not deserve it.

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I let my anger turn to rage.

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But that's not who I am anymore.

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[music intensifies]

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[somber voice] I've had to deal with
reliving that night for almost 24 years.

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I really don't know
what it was that triggered me,

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but I believe the state should release me.

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I'm nowhere near as violent as I was.

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[eerie music playing]

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[man 1]
I think we could all be dangerous people.

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[man 2]

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[man 3]
I'm not sitting here saying I'm innocent.

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[man 4]
I just murdered some guy in cold blood.

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[music fades out]

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[gentle piano music playing]

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[woman] Growing up, I always wondered
what my life would be like

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if my dad was here.

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And how different things would be.

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Hey, get that camera out of my face.
Hey! Hey!

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[chuckling over video]

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[chuckles]

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[indistinct chattering over video]

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[woman] He would be the person
that I could call no matter what,

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and he would be there.

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I feel like if my dad was here,
we'd be best friends.

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There is no excuse
for what Michael Highley did.

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Whether it was drugs,
or just mental illness,

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or a combination of the two,

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I don't think there's any excuse
for killing my father.

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[music fades out]

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[uneasy instrumental music playing]

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[Highley] Since I've been locked up
for almost the last quarter of a century,

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I've had to do a lot of self-reflecting.

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And I still do not understand
why I reacted that way.

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[man] Let's get this one on you.

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[music continues]

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[Highley] It still brings up

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some messed-up feelings
when I think about that day.

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It wasn't something I intended.

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My life should have been so much better.

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[music fades out]

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[gentle mandolin playing]

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[Highley] Growing up
in the south suburb of Chicago,

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I lived with my mother,
my grandmother, my grandfather,

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and a couple of siblings that I had.

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[music fades out]

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The only thing I knew about my father
was he was in the Marine Corps,

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and the only real memory I have

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was watching him in his vehicle
pull out of the yard and drive away.

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[melancholic music playing]

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[Highley] I started drinking
around the age of seven or eight.

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One of the friends that I had growing up
was part of a local gang.

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Him and his friends were always showing up

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with 12-packs of beer, bottles of whiskey.

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And…

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by the time I reached my ninth birthday,
I would say I was a full-blown alcoholic.

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Being intoxicated,
it helped hide some of the confusion

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and anger that I had.

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And it helped me hide some

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intimate details about myself
that I didn't want to face.

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[rhythmic pensive music playing]

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[Highley] It was one of those things
of trying to fit in

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and… make sure that I had, you know,
people I could call friends.

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I was, uh, definitely exposed
to a lot of violence.

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I was kind of a hothead,
and I had a lot of anger.

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Got angry at someone,
you tried to beat him up.

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You were throwing punches,
you were throwing kicks,

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you were headbutting people.

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That was how you proved
you were one of the boys.

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[music fades out]

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[sweeping somber music playing]

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[music fades out]

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[Highley] After moving to Montana,

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I was supposed
to be working for my stepdad,

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but he wasn't paying me.

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So I decided to try and get even
by stealing some rifles.

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I knew some people that… that were willing
to purchase them for… for cash and drugs.

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But some of the individuals
that I did business with

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turned in some of the hunting rifles
to the police.

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So I was, uh, arrested,

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and that was the start of my…

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my prison life.

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[dark, foreboding music playing]

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Prison wasn't the learning experience
that I think they wanted it to be,

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and, uh, even being incarcerated,
I… I was still intoxicated.

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[music becomes sinisterly rhythmic]

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[Highley] Coming out of prison,

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I had buried the issues
with my feelings deep enough

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to where I wasn't dealing with them,

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and my main concern was
where my next 12-pack is gonna come from.

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Where my next quarter gram
is gonna come from.

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I had that attitude,
"Nobody is going to tell me I can't."

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So I kept drinking, kept getting high.

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Unfortunately, that wasn't
a really good attitude to have.

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It was just making me more explosive.

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[dramatic final beat]

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[music fades out]

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[somber acoustic guitar music playing]

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[Highley] The night before
Thanksgiving of 1999,

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I rode my pedal bike to my local bar.

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I brought the bike inside
and left it in the corner.

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An old acquaintance of mine,
Mr. Harris, told me he would be willing

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to keep an eye on it for me.

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So I told him I was going to be
over at the pool table,

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and that was pretty much the start
of a bad night.

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[uncomfortable chuckle]

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One of the bartenders approached me,
and he accused me of being

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one of several people

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that he suspected went back
behind the bar a night or two prior

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and took some money out of what they call
the "shake a day" container.

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[balls clattering]

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-My anger meter was raising quickly.
-[pinball machine clanging]

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If you're going to accuse me of something,
make sure I did it.

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[music becomes suspenseful]

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I wasn't out-of-control angry,
but I was just about there.

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I'm not exactly sure
how much time went by,

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but the bartender
caught my attention and said,

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"I'm sorry, the individual
that did take the money confessed to it."

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But I just kept
thinking about being accused

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of doing something I didn't do.

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I continued to drink.

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I dwelled on it.

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[balls clatter]

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And when I glanced up,
I noticed the bike was gone.

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My… anger level instantly started to boil.

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[music continues]

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I asked Mr. Harris, "Where's the bike?"

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And I slapped his shoulder.

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He turned and looked at me and told me,

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"Even if I knew where it was,
I wouldn't tell you."

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And…

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that… that was it.

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I went from being angry
to being in a full-blown rage.

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I remember the bartender yelling,
"Take it outside."

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I remember
Mr. Harris coming out of the bar,

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walking across the street.

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As soon as he got close enough to me,
I stabbed him three times.

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[music crescendos, steadies]

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[music fades out]

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[sighs]

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I still do not understand
what it was that triggered me.

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I cannot even begin to speculate
what was going through my mind.

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[dramatic sting]

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[gently uneasy piano music playing]

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[woman] Throughout his life,
Michael had a habit.

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He gets angry, he does something,

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and he doesn't think about it
until after he does it.

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I couldn't understand it.

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I'm Carol,
and I'm Michael Highley's mother.

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[music fades out]

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[melancholic music playing]

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[Carol] When Michael was younger,
he was drinking all the time.

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And he was doing drugs,

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but I didn't realize he was doing that
because he didn't do it here.

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I'd come home, he'd be…
he'd be home for dinner,

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and he'd ask to go play with his friends.

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But what he was doing
was actually going to a drug dealer.

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When he got in trouble,
Michael always had this "fight or flee."

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This one incident,
the dope dealer was chasing him home.

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Probably he was getting chased
'cause he owed the drug dealer some money.

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And he went and took
his sister's .22 rifle.

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He just stuck the rifle out the window,
and he shot him.

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[music continues]

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[music fades out]

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[Carol] I thought if I took him away
from this environment,

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that things would smooth out.

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But it seemed like
no matter what we say or what we did,

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somehow or another
it didn't get blocked into his head.

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I think it just went, psst,
one ear and out the other.

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But as far as the anger issue,

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I took him to the doctors
trying to find why he blows up like that.

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Everybody tried to pinpoint it,
but nobody knew what was going on.

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And that's why I always told Michael,

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"Think before you do something.
Just turn around and walk away."

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But he don't listen,

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and that's why this last incident
with the knife happened.

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[somber piano music playing]

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[Carol] When I found out the person
that Michael knifed had died,

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I was thinking… [sighs]

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…"This is something
I can't get him out of."

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I don't know why he was that angry.

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I don't think it ever stuck in his brain
to think about something

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or the consequences of doing it
before he did it.

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[train bell ringing faintly]

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[music fades out]

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[car horn honks]

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[melancholic music playing]

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00:16:05,920 --> 00:16:08,840
[man] When we get these cases,
they're always tragic.

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00:16:10,840 --> 00:16:14,240
There should've been different ways
to handle a dispute than this.

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But now this happened,
and someone is dead.

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00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:23,680
My name is John W. Larson.
I'm a district judge in Montana,

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and I presided over the case
of Michael Highley.

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00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:31,120
[music continues]

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00:16:58,760 --> 00:17:00,360
[music fades out]

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00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:02,840
[John] Prison is generally a last resort.

198
00:17:02,920 --> 00:17:05,960
We have to give them
a chance to change their life.

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00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:09,680
You're not thrown back in jail
for every… violation.

200
00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:14,160
But Highley was given a lot of chances,
and chances can't be unending.

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00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:16,360
[foreboding music playing]

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00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:20,280
[John] Mr. Highley did have
sufficient opportunities to change,

203
00:17:20,360 --> 00:17:22,720
but he had these violent tendencies.

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00:17:24,080 --> 00:17:26,680
And in the end,
someone was stabbed to death.

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00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:28,840
And when there's such violence,

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00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:32,640
we have to make sure
that everybody else is protected.

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00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:37,160
[music continues]

208
00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:51,800
[John] The sentence in Highley's case
is one that is appropriate.

209
00:17:51,880 --> 00:17:56,120
It had enough punishment,
but it wasn't extreme.

210
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,880
It had a component,
uh, for rehabilitation.

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00:17:59,520 --> 00:18:01,520
[uneasy piano music playing]

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00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:16,320
[John] There was a requirement
that before he'd be considered for parole,

213
00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:18,800
he complete rehabilitative programs

214
00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:22,280
both in chemical dependency
and mental health.

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00:18:23,680 --> 00:18:27,080
So Highley needs
to take advantage of his sentence

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00:18:27,160 --> 00:18:30,440
and utilize these chances to change.

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00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:36,880
[music fades out]

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00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:44,920
[gentle mandolin music playing]

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00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:57,160
[Highley] The first few years in prison
were really tough for me.

220
00:18:58,120 --> 00:18:59,480
I shut down mentally.

221
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:03,440
I didn't want to think
about what got me here.

222
00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:08,240
And that was pretty much
what I did for my first few years.

223
00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:12,680
But I had gotten to a point

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00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:17,440
where I was trying
to make changes in my life.

225
00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:21,920
And listening to gay individuals

226
00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:27,200
try to explain how things
are so much different in the world now,

227
00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:30,440
and how things are so much more accepted…

228
00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:35,080
It was 2016 that I came out
as being transgender.

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00:19:37,080 --> 00:19:40,040
And mentally, I have never looked back.

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00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:48,760
And it's helped me move forward
from where I was back in 1999.

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00:19:48,840 --> 00:19:51,120
[somber orchestral music playing]

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00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:16,080
[Highley] I should have faced it
a long time ago.

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00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:20,320
But an individual had to die,

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00:20:20,840 --> 00:20:25,840
and I had to be sent to prison
for pretty close to the rest of my life

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00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:29,720
for me to realize
that facing the world the way I did,

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00:20:31,320 --> 00:20:33,920
it… it wasn't a life I should have lived.

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00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:38,400
And it had me reviewing

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00:20:39,360 --> 00:20:41,760
everything that I have
ever done in my life.

239
00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:43,840
It helped me…

240
00:20:45,760 --> 00:20:51,680
realize that I shouldn't have been ashamed
of who I was.

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00:20:52,720 --> 00:20:53,720
[sniffs]

242
00:20:55,120 --> 00:20:56,520
[music fades out]

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00:20:57,640 --> 00:20:59,640
[melancholic music playing]

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00:21:05,040 --> 00:21:09,960
[Highley] I started wearing
women's clothes at a really young age.

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00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:13,240
It was right around the time
that my father had left.

246
00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:19,040
I did a lot to try and suppress it

247
00:21:19,120 --> 00:21:20,120
because…

248
00:21:22,440 --> 00:21:28,000
the way society looked at people
that were transgender back in them days

249
00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:32,000
wasn't remotely socially acceptable.

250
00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:38,800
And I had been caught a few times
dressed up in women's underwear

251
00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:41,200
when I was in junior high school.

252
00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:47,640
They… caught me in the…

253
00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:51,200
in the boys' locker room
wearing, uh, a teddy

254
00:21:53,040 --> 00:21:57,760
and… my gym shorts around my ankles and…

255
00:21:58,640 --> 00:22:03,880
I was laughed at and made fun of and…

256
00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:10,280
Yeah, it was, uh… it was traumatizing.

257
00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:13,600
[somber music playing]

258
00:22:15,520 --> 00:22:18,840
[Highley] I would have to say
that trying to fit into a man's world

259
00:22:18,920 --> 00:22:21,160
while inside, I felt different.

260
00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:23,600
I didn't process it very well.

261
00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:29,680
The way I dealt with it
was by drinking all the time,

262
00:22:29,760 --> 00:22:33,040
trying to medicate myself
to where I didn't think about it anymore.

263
00:22:33,120 --> 00:22:37,920
And being intoxicated to help deal with

264
00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:40,760
feeling so down on myself.

265
00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:46,960
So I kept drinking, kept getting high,

266
00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:50,440
and there was a lot of violence.

267
00:22:53,760 --> 00:22:55,200
[music fades out]

268
00:22:55,280 --> 00:23:00,560
But since I came out as being transgender,
I've been the happiest I've ever been.

269
00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:02,640
[resolute instrumental music playing]

270
00:23:16,680 --> 00:23:19,000
[Highley] I've been trying for parole

271
00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:23,200
because my thirst
for rehabilitation has never been

272
00:23:23,280 --> 00:23:26,960
so far to the forefront

273
00:23:27,040 --> 00:23:32,320
like it has been since I made the decision
just to accept that this is who I am.

274
00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:41,480
My current name is Ezdeth Antinua Highley.

275
00:23:41,560 --> 00:23:43,640
You can like me or… or not.

276
00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:46,080
I've got to live with me, not you.

277
00:23:50,880 --> 00:23:52,880
[music fades out]

278
00:23:57,240 --> 00:23:59,640
[foreboding melancholic music playing]

279
00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:01,720
[birds chirping]

280
00:24:28,680 --> 00:24:30,360
[woman] We received notifications

281
00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:32,840
that Michael Highley
wanted to change his name.

282
00:24:32,920 --> 00:24:36,680
And they told us what he wanted
to change his name to.

283
00:24:37,480 --> 00:24:40,840
I had the lady on the phone
spell it for me,

284
00:24:41,360 --> 00:24:44,840
and it was E-Z-D-E-T-H.

285
00:24:44,920 --> 00:24:46,720
And I said, "Easy death?"

286
00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:49,040
I was shocked.

287
00:24:49,120 --> 00:24:52,720
That's kind of a slap in the face
to a victim's family

288
00:24:52,800 --> 00:24:54,920
where that's what it looks like
that's what his name is.

289
00:24:55,520 --> 00:24:57,760
Eventually, when they told us

290
00:24:57,840 --> 00:25:01,800
Highley wants to transition
as much as you can in prison,

291
00:25:02,560 --> 00:25:03,760
I… I don't know.

292
00:25:03,840 --> 00:25:07,000
It's a lot to deal with
and to try and understand.

293
00:25:07,520 --> 00:25:10,120
And I'm…
I'm sure it is for him internally,

294
00:25:10,840 --> 00:25:12,160
for what he's feeling.

295
00:25:21,080 --> 00:25:23,080
[music fades out]

296
00:25:25,120 --> 00:25:27,480
[birds chirping]

297
00:25:27,560 --> 00:25:29,560
[gentle somber piano music playing]

298
00:25:29,640 --> 00:25:31,480
[plants rustling]

299
00:25:33,160 --> 00:25:36,120
[Leslie] Paul was hilarious growing up.
A little prankster.

300
00:25:37,760 --> 00:25:40,200
We always had to watch what he was doing

301
00:25:40,280 --> 00:25:43,200
so we didn't get in trouble
and join in in the shenanigans.

302
00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:46,040
He was just fun to have around.

303
00:25:46,120 --> 00:25:47,080
A good brother.

304
00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:52,360
In the late '90s,
Paul was living in Missoula.

305
00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:57,840
And he met
his girlfriend Tracy in about '97.

306
00:25:57,920 --> 00:26:01,040
And then they went on
to have twin baby girls.

307
00:26:01,120 --> 00:26:03,560
And they were born in 1999.

308
00:26:06,200 --> 00:26:09,720
He was really excited about being a dad.

309
00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:13,880
I think it's unfortunate

310
00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:17,760
that he had to pass away
and didn't even get that chance.

311
00:26:18,720 --> 00:26:20,720
[birds chirping]

312
00:26:26,480 --> 00:26:28,880
[music fades out]

313
00:26:28,960 --> 00:26:31,600
I'm not really sure why Highley

314
00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:34,320
thought that he should stab my brother.

315
00:26:34,400 --> 00:26:38,560
But they ended up getting into, uh,
an argument about the bike.

316
00:26:38,640 --> 00:26:41,680
Paul told his friend,
"Put that in the back of your truck,

317
00:26:41,760 --> 00:26:45,520
and it'll be funny
to see him say, 'Where's my bike?'"

318
00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:49,320
You know, it was just
a simple joke that went wrong.

319
00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:52,240
I think that's pretty severe anger issues

320
00:26:52,320 --> 00:26:55,200
that you have if you want to stab somebody

321
00:26:55,920 --> 00:26:59,160
um, over a bicycle
that wasn't even stolen.

322
00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:03,320
[troubling violin music playing]

323
00:27:08,680 --> 00:27:11,880
[Leslie] Highley has been up for parole
multiple times.

324
00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:15,160
But I feel that
when you take somebody's life,

325
00:27:15,240 --> 00:27:18,840
that you should spend
the remainder of your life incarcerated.

326
00:27:19,720 --> 00:27:23,400
At the last parole hearing via video,

327
00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:26,800
Highley said that he felt
like he was a woman,

328
00:27:26,880 --> 00:27:31,440
and maybe that that's where some of his
anger or rage came from.

329
00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:34,480
It's hard to say what you feel about that.

330
00:27:34,560 --> 00:27:38,800
I mean, I feel for people that feel…
feel that way anyways in their life.

331
00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:42,360
But he killed somebody violently,

332
00:27:42,440 --> 00:27:45,680
and it doesn't make it go away
'cause your name changes.

333
00:27:51,040 --> 00:27:53,040
[music fades out]

334
00:27:56,840 --> 00:27:59,040
[gently eerie music playing]

335
00:28:09,160 --> 00:28:11,880
[woman] There's a lot more going on
contributing to Ezdeth's behavior

336
00:28:11,960 --> 00:28:13,760
than just her gender identity.

337
00:28:15,680 --> 00:28:17,280
I think it provides context

338
00:28:17,360 --> 00:28:19,480
for some of the things
that she was going through,

339
00:28:19,560 --> 00:28:21,880
and some of the things
that she was struggling with.

340
00:28:21,960 --> 00:28:25,400
But the vast majority of people
with gender identity issues

341
00:28:25,480 --> 00:28:26,720
do not commit murder.

342
00:28:32,040 --> 00:28:33,160
My name is Laura Kirsch.

343
00:28:33,240 --> 00:28:36,120
I'm a clinical
forensic psychologist in Montana.

344
00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:39,640
And I primarily evaluate
criminal defendants

345
00:28:39,720 --> 00:28:42,280
for the Montana judicial system.

346
00:28:42,360 --> 00:28:44,960
[music continues]

347
00:28:56,000 --> 00:28:59,600
Human behavior
is very hard to parse apart.

348
00:28:59,680 --> 00:29:05,680
Why anyone does anything
is an interaction of so many variables

349
00:29:05,760 --> 00:29:10,640
that are internal to a person
and then external as part of a situation.

350
00:29:10,720 --> 00:29:15,440
I think a large driver
of her behavior at that time

351
00:29:15,520 --> 00:29:19,880
seems like anger, substance use,

352
00:29:20,760 --> 00:29:22,920
and antisocial personality traits.

353
00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:27,000
Is some of that
due to her gender identity? Probably.

354
00:29:27,080 --> 00:29:31,040
But being able to draw a straight line
from her gender identity to the murder,

355
00:29:31,120 --> 00:29:34,360
I think, would be highly impossible to do.

356
00:29:34,880 --> 00:29:37,240
[somber piano music playing]

357
00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:40,000
Based on the information that I've read,

358
00:29:40,080 --> 00:29:45,480
it sounds like she had a pretty antisocial
and delinquent childhood.

359
00:29:45,560 --> 00:29:49,880
And I think when you have someone
who perhaps doesn't start out

360
00:29:49,960 --> 00:29:54,080
with a whole lot of
great emotion regulation capacity,

361
00:29:54,160 --> 00:29:58,400
and they're raised in an environment
where they don't get the extra assistance

362
00:29:58,480 --> 00:29:59,880
that they need with it,

363
00:29:59,960 --> 00:30:02,960
that could certainly lead
to using violence

364
00:30:03,040 --> 00:30:06,760
as a means to solve problems
or as a means to express herself.

365
00:30:07,440 --> 00:30:11,920
But I don't think they provide an excuse
or a justification for her behavior.

366
00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:13,400
[music fades out]

367
00:30:14,280 --> 00:30:16,280
[tense music playing]

368
00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:26,880
[music becomes rhythmic]

369
00:30:28,760 --> 00:30:30,000
[device clicks on]

370
00:30:30,080 --> 00:30:32,000
[Highley]
Since I came out as being transgender,

371
00:30:32,080 --> 00:30:34,840
I've been the happiest I've ever been.

372
00:30:35,440 --> 00:30:41,240
It gave me a body high
like nothing I have ever done before.

373
00:30:42,480 --> 00:30:48,440
The thing that made me decide
to start facing my issue

374
00:30:48,520 --> 00:30:52,160
was remembering the contentment

375
00:30:52,240 --> 00:30:55,600
and freedom it caused me to feel

376
00:30:55,680 --> 00:31:00,400
every time I'd be in the basement
wearing a dress and high heels.

377
00:31:00,920 --> 00:31:06,640
And I had decided I just don't care
what people think anymore.

378
00:31:06,720 --> 00:31:10,080
But an individual had to die,

379
00:31:10,160 --> 00:31:13,600
and I had to be sent to prison
for pretty close

380
00:31:13,680 --> 00:31:19,120
to the rest of my life for me to realize
that facing the world the way I did,

381
00:31:20,640 --> 00:31:23,320
it… it wasn't a life I should have lived.

382
00:31:23,400 --> 00:31:25,880
My life should have been so much better.

383
00:31:26,480 --> 00:31:27,480
[device clicks off]

384
00:31:31,080 --> 00:31:32,560
[music fades out]

385
00:31:32,640 --> 00:31:34,360
[Laura] One of the characteristics

386
00:31:34,440 --> 00:31:37,360
that's pretty consistent
with antisocial personality

387
00:31:37,440 --> 00:31:40,600
is kind of a self-centeredness
or self-absorption.

388
00:31:40,680 --> 00:31:43,520
And I thought it was striking
in all of the material

389
00:31:43,600 --> 00:31:45,520
that she was very self-focused.

390
00:31:45,600 --> 00:31:46,560
So it's possible

391
00:31:46,640 --> 00:31:50,760
that a lot of her behavior was driven
by antisocial personality traits.

392
00:31:50,840 --> 00:31:54,360
And I think it's striking
how much she's focused on herself

393
00:31:54,440 --> 00:31:58,600
and how little she's spoken
of the victims and the victim family.

394
00:32:01,000 --> 00:32:03,000
[somber music playing]

395
00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:10,280
I think if Ezdeth
would like a better chance

396
00:32:10,360 --> 00:32:12,560
of getting paroled in the future,

397
00:32:12,640 --> 00:32:16,520
she needs to show
genuine remorse for what she did.

398
00:32:17,280 --> 00:32:21,680
So part of her journey that she's on

399
00:32:21,760 --> 00:32:26,800
should incorporate really considering
the impact of her behavior

400
00:32:26,880 --> 00:32:29,760
on… her victim's family,

401
00:32:29,840 --> 00:32:31,480
on his young daughters,

402
00:32:31,560 --> 00:32:35,520
who have faced significant obstacles
growing up without a father.

403
00:32:35,600 --> 00:32:38,960
And it's not totally clear
from what I've seen and heard

404
00:32:39,040 --> 00:32:41,960
that she recognizes that and understands

405
00:32:42,040 --> 00:32:45,720
that she was a major factor
in their difficult childhood.

406
00:32:50,840 --> 00:32:52,840
[music fades out]

407
00:32:54,960 --> 00:32:56,960
[birds chirping]

408
00:33:00,160 --> 00:33:02,160
[grim melancholic music playing]

409
00:33:06,520 --> 00:33:07,800
[dog barks]

410
00:33:19,800 --> 00:33:22,480
I have some pictures
of my brother Paul Harris.

411
00:33:23,320 --> 00:33:26,560
There's some in here that my niece Madison
has never seen before.

412
00:33:32,360 --> 00:33:33,560
At the time of Paul's death,

413
00:33:33,640 --> 00:33:35,920
we didn't know
what was gonna happen with the girls.

414
00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:40,040
I was a single mom to a five-year-old,
and I wasn't sure, you know,

415
00:33:40,120 --> 00:33:43,320
could I take two babies,
and all of a sudden have three kids,

416
00:33:43,840 --> 00:33:45,200
and be a single mom.

417
00:33:45,280 --> 00:33:48,760
You know, now I think
I should have just made it work.

418
00:33:52,320 --> 00:33:54,320
[music continues]

419
00:34:08,800 --> 00:34:10,960
[music fades out]

420
00:34:11,040 --> 00:34:14,400
[Leslie] I think this is the first picture
that I saw of you girls.

421
00:34:14,480 --> 00:34:17,720
Look at how tiny you are.
I don't even know who's who. Can you tell?

422
00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:20,640
Yeah, you can tell that's Brianna
because of her dark hair.

423
00:34:21,560 --> 00:34:25,280
After my dad passed away,
my mom was in and out of the picture,

424
00:34:25,360 --> 00:34:30,840
and my twin sister and I were in and out
of group homes for years.

425
00:34:31,360 --> 00:34:33,160
Because of what Michael Highley did,

426
00:34:33,240 --> 00:34:39,040
I was surrounded by drug use, abuse,
neglect, all those things growing up.

427
00:34:39,680 --> 00:34:42,200
I just remember thinking all the time,
like, I would give anything

428
00:34:42,280 --> 00:34:44,400
to just have, like, a regular family.

429
00:34:45,640 --> 00:34:51,000
It does anger me
that we didn't get that chance

430
00:34:51,080 --> 00:34:53,080
because of somebody else's choice.

431
00:34:54,440 --> 00:34:56,720
I definitely feel like if he was here,

432
00:34:58,080 --> 00:34:59,640
things would be different.

433
00:35:07,360 --> 00:35:08,360
[sniffs]

434
00:35:09,440 --> 00:35:14,440
[voice breaks] But I'm just thankful for,
you know, the family that we do have,

435
00:35:14,520 --> 00:35:17,400
and, um, that they stepped in to help

436
00:35:17,480 --> 00:35:18,320
'cause…

437
00:35:18,400 --> 00:35:19,360
[sniffs]

438
00:35:20,080 --> 00:35:24,240
…you know, through everything
that we went through as children…

439
00:35:26,640 --> 00:35:28,560
I think we're pretty okay. [laughs]

440
00:35:30,320 --> 00:35:32,320
[melancholic music playing]

441
00:35:39,560 --> 00:35:42,920
[Maddie] It doesn't matter to me
if Michael Highley has changed or not.

442
00:35:43,560 --> 00:35:47,320
Whether he was suffering
with a mental illness or a drug problem.

443
00:35:48,240 --> 00:35:51,680
I don't think there's any excuse
for killing my father.

444
00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:56,200
[music continues]

445
00:36:03,400 --> 00:36:05,480
[Maddie] They didn't give me
very long to talk.

446
00:36:05,560 --> 00:36:10,280
It was just, "Why do you think
he shouldn't be released early?"

447
00:36:11,200 --> 00:36:12,880
And I just said,

448
00:36:13,840 --> 00:36:17,320
"Because he took my dad
away from our family."

449
00:36:18,160 --> 00:36:22,400
I believe that he should serve
the sentence that he was given for murder.

450
00:36:23,480 --> 00:36:25,800
Any and all future parole hearings,

451
00:36:25,880 --> 00:36:30,040
I will testify that Michael Highley
should not be released early.

452
00:36:30,840 --> 00:36:32,840
[birds chirping]

453
00:36:35,840 --> 00:36:37,640
[music fades out]

454
00:36:37,720 --> 00:36:39,720
[machinery clanging]

455
00:36:42,240 --> 00:36:44,480
[somber discordant violin music playing]

456
00:36:58,240 --> 00:36:59,760
[woman] It feels terrible.

457
00:37:00,320 --> 00:37:03,080
Somebody calls and tells you
your son is dead.

458
00:37:03,640 --> 00:37:07,200
You know, every mother's fear
is losing their children.

459
00:37:10,440 --> 00:37:12,840
But I have forgiven Highley.

460
00:37:15,440 --> 00:37:18,240
You can't keep holding on
to things like that

461
00:37:18,320 --> 00:37:21,240
because they hurt you
more than anybody else.

462
00:37:27,360 --> 00:37:30,360
I'm Cheryl, and I'm Paul Harris's mother.

463
00:37:34,440 --> 00:37:36,080
[music fades out]

464
00:37:36,160 --> 00:37:38,960
[Cheryl] I always run the scenario
through my mind about,

465
00:37:39,040 --> 00:37:41,400
"Well, what if Paul
wouldn't have moved his bike?"

466
00:37:41,480 --> 00:37:42,920
Would he still be here?

467
00:37:44,560 --> 00:37:46,800
If it wasn't for that one little thing.

468
00:37:46,880 --> 00:37:49,120
I mean, there's all these parameters

469
00:37:50,080 --> 00:37:54,320
that we can bring in and try to make sense
of something that happened.

470
00:37:54,400 --> 00:37:58,000
But trust me when I tell you,
I've gone through 10,000 of those,

471
00:37:58,080 --> 00:37:59,280
and they don't help.

472
00:38:00,360 --> 00:38:05,560
Nothing that I could say or do
would bring my son back.

473
00:38:06,400 --> 00:38:07,240
Nothing.

474
00:38:09,200 --> 00:38:11,520
[gentle, uplifting music playing]

475
00:38:11,600 --> 00:38:14,080
[Cheryl] So I decided
that I was gonna forgive him,

476
00:38:15,120 --> 00:38:19,200
and I wanted to at least give him a chance
that he could change.

477
00:38:34,200 --> 00:38:38,320
[Cheryl] I asked about having
Michael's sentence reduced.

478
00:38:38,400 --> 00:38:39,840
I didn't want to punish him,

479
00:38:39,920 --> 00:38:42,800
just lock him in a corner
and leave him there forever.

480
00:38:43,880 --> 00:38:46,680
I asked
if he was gonna be getting any training.

481
00:38:46,760 --> 00:38:51,720
I was trying to find the…
a good side to him being in prison

482
00:38:51,800 --> 00:38:54,800
and taking different classes, and…

483
00:38:56,160 --> 00:38:57,920
one that would help him.

484
00:39:01,040 --> 00:39:03,080
[somber music playing]

485
00:39:03,720 --> 00:39:06,360
[Cheryl] I am glad
that Michael Highley is changing.

486
00:39:07,880 --> 00:39:10,200
I think he is learning the hard way.

487
00:39:12,120 --> 00:39:15,280
But he's coming to terms
with being transgender,

488
00:39:15,360 --> 00:39:18,040
and I think it's hard for him

489
00:39:18,120 --> 00:39:22,240
being in prison and trying to find
those changes and those answers.

490
00:39:22,320 --> 00:39:24,320
I hope he gets out of prison

491
00:39:24,400 --> 00:39:27,400
and can live a life
that everybody deserves.

492
00:39:27,480 --> 00:39:30,400
I would like the best
to happen to him that could,

493
00:39:31,280 --> 00:39:33,480
but he also has to do some of it too.

494
00:39:36,440 --> 00:39:37,880
[music fades out]

495
00:39:41,160 --> 00:39:43,160
[somber piano music playing]

496
00:39:45,720 --> 00:39:50,520
[Highley] Everything I have done
in the last 13 years

497
00:39:50,600 --> 00:39:56,680
has been to better myself,
but I am a work in progress.

498
00:40:06,560 --> 00:40:08,680
[sniffs, exhales]

499
00:40:08,760 --> 00:40:11,840
I shouldn't have put my victim

500
00:40:12,600 --> 00:40:14,800
in the position of being a victim.

501
00:40:15,520 --> 00:40:20,880
But I am always thinking about
his mother and his children,

502
00:40:20,960 --> 00:40:27,800
and it definitely means a lot to me
to hear that she has forgiven me.

503
00:40:28,480 --> 00:40:32,880
That… That definitely takes a…
a strong woman to say that.

504
00:40:42,800 --> 00:40:44,480
[music fades out]

505
00:40:45,800 --> 00:40:48,680
Coming to terms with what I did

506
00:40:49,600 --> 00:40:55,560
Thanksgiving night of 1999
has taken me a really long time.

507
00:40:57,040 --> 00:40:59,880
But that's not who I am anymore.

508
00:41:02,480 --> 00:41:06,960
Transitioning has helped me
maintain my thoughts of rehabilitation

509
00:41:07,040 --> 00:41:10,840
because it gives me
something to strive for.

510
00:41:12,480 --> 00:41:17,800
I'm steps away from being the person
that I've always wanted to be.

511
00:41:17,880 --> 00:41:21,000
I am a woman
trapped inside of a man's body.

512
00:41:21,080 --> 00:41:23,240
I am not this Michael Highley.

513
00:41:23,880 --> 00:41:25,760
My name is Ezdeth.

514
00:41:26,440 --> 00:41:28,440
[tense somber music playing]

515
00:41:31,320 --> 00:41:34,720
[Leslie]
up for parole multiple times,

516
00:41:34,800 --> 00:41:37,080
but I feel that when you take
somebody's life,

517
00:41:37,160 --> 00:41:40,680
that you should spend
the remainder of your life incarcerated.

518
00:41:41,800 --> 00:41:45,000
When they told us
what he wanted to change his name to,

519
00:41:45,080 --> 00:41:48,560
I had the lady on the phone
spell it for me,

520
00:41:48,640 --> 00:41:52,200
and it was E-Z-D-E-T-H.

521
00:41:52,280 --> 00:41:54,080
And I said, "Easy death?"

522
00:41:55,120 --> 00:41:56,320
I was shocked.

523
00:41:56,400 --> 00:41:58,280
That's kind of a slap in the face

524
00:41:58,360 --> 00:42:01,240
to a victim's family
where that's what it looks like

525
00:42:01,320 --> 00:42:02,760
that's what his name is.

526
00:42:05,600 --> 00:42:06,880
[music fades out]

527
00:42:07,560 --> 00:42:13,040
I'm sorry that she sees it that way,

528
00:42:13,120 --> 00:42:17,840
and I really do hope
that she will be open-minded enough

529
00:42:17,920 --> 00:42:20,480
to give me the opportunity to prove

530
00:42:20,560 --> 00:42:23,280
that it is not intended

531
00:42:23,360 --> 00:42:27,520
as a slap in the face
to any of her family.

532
00:42:27,600 --> 00:42:29,680
When I came up with the name,

533
00:42:30,200 --> 00:42:35,280
it was a made-up character
in a role-playing game

534
00:42:35,360 --> 00:42:36,600
that had…

535
00:42:39,280 --> 00:42:42,840
qualities that I appreciated.

536
00:42:42,920 --> 00:42:49,600
She would always try to deal
with situations in a communicative way.

537
00:42:51,280 --> 00:42:53,840
And she always tried to find balance.

538
00:42:53,920 --> 00:42:58,680
It's not supposed to mean anything

539
00:42:59,240 --> 00:43:01,160
to anybody else but me.

540
00:43:03,200 --> 00:43:05,200
[melancholic music playing]

541
00:43:10,480 --> 00:43:11,880
[Laura]

542
00:43:11,960 --> 00:43:15,400
in everything that I've read
and seen about Ezdeth

543
00:43:15,480 --> 00:43:20,080
is that she's got a number
of antisocial personality traits.

544
00:43:20,160 --> 00:43:22,560
And one of the characteristics

545
00:43:22,640 --> 00:43:25,080
that's pretty consistent
with antisocial personality

546
00:43:25,160 --> 00:43:28,960
is kind of a self-centeredness
or self-absorption.

547
00:43:30,640 --> 00:43:32,080
I think it's striking

548
00:43:32,160 --> 00:43:36,120
how little she's spoken
of the victims and the victim family.

549
00:43:36,200 --> 00:43:39,520
And it's not totally clear
from what I've seen and heard

550
00:43:39,600 --> 00:43:42,520
that she recognizes that and understands

551
00:43:42,600 --> 00:43:47,440
that she was a major factor
in the daughters' difficult childhood.

552
00:43:49,160 --> 00:43:50,200
[sniffs]

553
00:43:50,880 --> 00:43:51,920
[sighs]

554
00:43:53,680 --> 00:43:54,640
[sighs]

555
00:43:54,720 --> 00:43:55,600
[sniffs]

556
00:43:57,600 --> 00:44:00,360
How… How… How do you say I'm sorry

557
00:44:01,440 --> 00:44:05,200
for… for… for taking a…
taking away someone's loved one?

558
00:44:06,640 --> 00:44:08,640
How… How do you say you're sorry?

559
00:44:08,720 --> 00:44:09,560
[sniffs]

560
00:44:09,640 --> 00:44:12,160
Maybe that's something I need to do is

561
00:44:12,240 --> 00:44:16,320
learn the fancy words
that people will accept.

562
00:44:17,280 --> 00:44:21,440
I regret the fact that they had
to grow up without their dad.

563
00:44:21,520 --> 00:44:26,760
But to me, actions do speak
louder than words.

564
00:44:26,840 --> 00:44:32,240
Twenty-five years ago,
I was a drunken, addicted jackass.

565
00:44:32,320 --> 00:44:34,280
Everything was about me.

566
00:44:34,360 --> 00:44:36,680
That's not who I am anymore.

567
00:44:37,960 --> 00:44:40,960
It's your actions that have to prove

568
00:44:41,040 --> 00:44:44,520
that you've learned,
that you're trying to change.

569
00:44:44,600 --> 00:44:47,040
You know, I would like
for my victim's family

570
00:44:47,120 --> 00:44:52,520
to find peace in…
in this atrocity that I have caused.

571
00:44:53,400 --> 00:44:54,360
[sniffs]

572
00:44:54,440 --> 00:44:57,520
I want the few remaining family members

573
00:44:57,600 --> 00:45:01,960
that I have to find peace
out of all this bullshit.

574
00:45:02,560 --> 00:45:03,480
[sniffs]

575
00:45:04,600 --> 00:45:07,960
And nobody else
is gonna find it until I do.

576
00:45:09,000 --> 00:45:10,840
And I am doing my best.

577
00:45:12,240 --> 00:45:14,600
That's what I want my actions to show.

578
00:45:15,520 --> 00:45:16,520
[sniffs]

579
00:45:18,560 --> 00:45:20,600
[sighs, sniffs]

580
00:45:22,160 --> 00:45:24,160
[somber violin music playing]

581
00:45:51,000 --> 00:45:52,440
[music fades out]