1
00:00:16,043 --> 00:00:18,003
<i>I should've been dead</i>
<i>a long time ago.</i>

2
00:00:20,643 --> 00:00:23,043
<i>Everybody in my family's dead,</i>
<i>except for me.</i>

3
00:00:25,083 --> 00:00:26,763
<i>I've always wondered why.</i>

4
00:00:28,203 --> 00:00:29,443
<i>Why am I still alive?</i>

5
00:00:31,043 --> 00:00:32,883
<i>I'm the black sheep of the family.</i>

6
00:00:33,883 --> 00:00:35,763
<i>I'm the only one that caused trouble.</i>

7
00:01:05,883 --> 00:01:08,883
I actually think
there's someone else besides me

8
00:01:08,963 --> 00:01:11,283
playing tricks with my mind, or whatever.

9
00:01:12,083 --> 00:01:17,363
But… I can clearly say
that things I've done…

10
00:01:18,883 --> 00:01:22,203
A lot of things I don't remember,
I don't remember how I got there.

11
00:01:26,963 --> 00:01:30,003
It's like I can hear another voice saying,

12
00:01:30,923 --> 00:01:32,203
"Yeah, you did this."

13
00:01:32,283 --> 00:01:33,243
You know.

14
00:01:34,883 --> 00:01:36,883
I'm like, "No, I didn't do this."

15
00:01:37,683 --> 00:01:40,283
And it's like
me playing a game with myself.

16
00:03:04,803 --> 00:03:07,443
My name is Deryl Wayne Madison.

17
00:03:09,043 --> 00:03:12,923
Born August 29th, 1958
in Monroe, Louisiana.

18
00:03:15,243 --> 00:03:18,763
I've been incarcerated
for the last 33 years

19
00:03:20,363 --> 00:03:24,003
for a crime that I committed
in my neighborhood

20
00:03:25,043 --> 00:03:27,043
in the year of 1988.

21
00:03:37,603 --> 00:03:39,323
Well, I grew up in Texas.

22
00:03:40,723 --> 00:03:42,083
My mother was…

23
00:03:43,683 --> 00:03:45,083
a registered nurse.

24
00:03:46,043 --> 00:03:49,003
She was a hard-working woman,
Christian woman.

25
00:03:50,163 --> 00:03:53,483
I got along with my mother
better than I did with my father.

26
00:03:54,123 --> 00:03:57,723
Me and my dad butted heads
from the time I was five years old,

27
00:03:58,243 --> 00:04:00,163
and I never got along with him.

28
00:04:03,523 --> 00:04:05,883
I caught a lot of whippings from my dad.

29
00:04:06,643 --> 00:04:07,883
A lot, 'cause, uh…

30
00:04:09,403 --> 00:04:11,483
Extension cords and boards, mostly.

31
00:04:12,403 --> 00:04:16,123
A lot of times I took off
and I wouldn't come back.

32
00:04:17,523 --> 00:04:18,363
You know…

33
00:04:20,723 --> 00:04:23,163
And it just got…
It just got worse and worse.

34
00:04:30,803 --> 00:04:32,563
The first time I set a fire,

35
00:04:33,763 --> 00:04:36,123
I set a calendar on fire,
it was on the wall.

36
00:04:36,203 --> 00:04:37,083
I set it on fire.

37
00:04:39,803 --> 00:04:42,163
I'd just sit there
and just watch it, you know?

38
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:45,923
And from that point on, it's like…

39
00:04:47,403 --> 00:04:48,883
I was obsessed with fire.

40
00:04:52,323 --> 00:04:55,603
I don't know if it was… aggression,

41
00:04:55,683 --> 00:04:58,923
taking it out on my dad, or a part
of my dad, I don't know what it was.

42
00:04:59,603 --> 00:05:00,683
But it's…

43
00:05:02,283 --> 00:05:03,403
I actually lost it.

44
00:05:07,603 --> 00:05:09,363
Coming into my teenage years…

45
00:05:10,283 --> 00:05:11,883
12, 13 years old…

46
00:05:12,883 --> 00:05:15,163
I set a lot of buildings on fire,

47
00:05:15,243 --> 00:05:16,643
a lot of empty houses.

48
00:05:20,323 --> 00:05:22,483
And while the fires are going,

49
00:05:24,043 --> 00:05:26,923
and some people think I may be crazy, but…

50
00:05:27,003 --> 00:05:29,163
I would masturbate while the fire's going.

51
00:05:29,963 --> 00:05:31,003
And when I'm done,

52
00:05:31,963 --> 00:05:32,843
like, "Okay,

53
00:05:33,763 --> 00:05:35,243
I'm good," and I'd just leave.

54
00:05:36,003 --> 00:05:37,203
You know.

55
00:05:37,283 --> 00:05:38,483
That's kinda weird.

56
00:05:39,243 --> 00:05:41,363
That I'd stand in the middle of a fire

57
00:05:42,283 --> 00:05:44,843
and masturbatin'
while the damn fire's going.

58
00:05:45,363 --> 00:05:46,603
You know, who does that?

59
00:05:47,363 --> 00:05:48,363
Know what I mean?

60
00:05:53,443 --> 00:05:56,683
It's like I can hear another voice saying,

61
00:05:56,763 --> 00:05:57,963
"Fire time." Right?

62
00:05:58,963 --> 00:06:01,083
It's like, "Fire time…"

63
00:06:04,803 --> 00:06:06,843
I want to say it's another person.

64
00:06:08,443 --> 00:06:09,403
I feel like…

65
00:06:10,483 --> 00:06:14,043
there was something else,
someone else inside of me, besides me.

66
00:06:19,723 --> 00:06:21,923
I set my own house on fire one time.

67
00:06:22,763 --> 00:06:24,523
Everybody was gone to church.

68
00:06:26,683 --> 00:06:29,043
I set it on fire and I got back in bed

69
00:06:29,603 --> 00:06:30,603
and I lay down.

70
00:06:31,683 --> 00:06:33,003
I just stayed there.

71
00:06:34,083 --> 00:06:37,043
Before I knew it, the fireman
was snatching me out of bed

72
00:06:37,123 --> 00:06:40,283
and dragged me out of the house,
and I was full of smoke and stuff.

73
00:06:42,163 --> 00:06:45,323
They're like, "Who set the house on fire?"
I'm like, "I don't know."

74
00:06:47,883 --> 00:06:49,363
Come to find out, it was me.

75
00:06:52,483 --> 00:06:54,483
Was it me, or was it someone else?

76
00:06:55,283 --> 00:06:57,123
I don't know, I can't tell you.

77
00:06:59,243 --> 00:07:00,843
I… I don't do that.

78
00:07:01,363 --> 00:07:04,123
It had to be someone else,
it's not me. I don't do that.

79
00:07:13,123 --> 00:07:16,883
Man, I started smoking weed
and drinking wine

80
00:07:16,963 --> 00:07:18,603
when I was, like, 12 years old.

81
00:07:19,643 --> 00:07:22,683
Then I started taking Valium
and white crosses,

82
00:07:24,363 --> 00:07:26,323
walking on top of damn buildings.

83
00:07:28,283 --> 00:07:32,403
It's like… when I'm doing stuff
like that it's like, I'm bold as hell.

84
00:07:32,483 --> 00:07:35,483
I feel like I'm ten feet tall,
and I just start doing stuff.

85
00:07:42,363 --> 00:07:43,803
By the time I was 16,

86
00:07:45,043 --> 00:07:48,043
I was walking
the streets of Houston, you know.

87
00:07:49,043 --> 00:07:51,643
I was just getting off
on all kind of stuff.

88
00:07:53,323 --> 00:07:57,163
I'd go in a store and steal something,
or I have a chance to take some money

89
00:07:57,243 --> 00:07:58,323
from somebody, I'd do that.

90
00:08:10,123 --> 00:08:11,643
I got out in '83.

91
00:08:13,003 --> 00:08:13,883
Hmm.

92
00:08:14,403 --> 00:08:16,803
I had a job
working in an apartment complex

93
00:08:16,883 --> 00:08:17,923
and stuff like that.

94
00:08:20,043 --> 00:08:23,763
It was good while it lasted,
but that's when I started smoking crack.

95
00:08:27,043 --> 00:08:29,283
In order for me to keep that habit up,

96
00:08:30,403 --> 00:08:33,603
I was robbing and stealing like crazy
at that time.

97
00:08:36,523 --> 00:08:38,763
That's when my life
went straight downhill.

98
00:08:55,323 --> 00:08:56,603
This particular day,

99
00:08:58,323 --> 00:08:59,323
it was in April.

100
00:09:01,443 --> 00:09:05,603
I was just walking down the street.
I had, like, 1,800 dollars in my pocket.

101
00:09:06,443 --> 00:09:11,563
And I had, like… three ounces of rock,
coke, in my pocket.

102
00:09:14,043 --> 00:09:16,603
And Miss Jolivet,
she was sitting on her porch.

103
00:09:16,683 --> 00:09:18,683
I waved at her, and she waved back.

104
00:09:19,283 --> 00:09:22,403
I went around, I jumped over the fence
and sat on the porch with her.

105
00:09:24,803 --> 00:09:27,883
We was talking about the weather,
how's everything going,

106
00:09:27,963 --> 00:09:30,083
how's the garden and all that stuff.

107
00:09:30,163 --> 00:09:33,843
I used to help clean out
the garage and stuff, clean the yard.

108
00:09:35,443 --> 00:09:38,163
I didn't need anything that day.
I didn't need nothin'.

109
00:09:38,643 --> 00:09:40,083
I had everything I wanted.

110
00:09:40,643 --> 00:09:42,203
I was just sitting there.

111
00:09:44,043 --> 00:09:47,643
All of a sudden I just snapped,
I just popped off in my mind.

112
00:09:48,723 --> 00:09:51,883
So she got up and she gettin' ready
to go in and I said, "Okay."

113
00:09:52,603 --> 00:09:55,443
I got up and helped her in,
I held the door open for her,

114
00:09:56,363 --> 00:09:57,963
and for some damn reason,

115
00:09:58,643 --> 00:10:01,203
I pushed her all the way--
I pushed her inside the house.

116
00:10:02,483 --> 00:10:03,563
You know…

117
00:10:04,643 --> 00:10:07,123
I pushed her inside the house,
she hit the floor.

118
00:10:09,883 --> 00:10:11,843
I hit her three or four times.

119
00:10:14,123 --> 00:10:15,323
She was screaming.

120
00:10:17,643 --> 00:10:19,403
I drug her to the back,

121
00:10:19,483 --> 00:10:22,443
I ran in and got a knife
out of the kitchen drawer,

122
00:10:23,003 --> 00:10:24,443
and I stabbed her twice.

123
00:10:26,043 --> 00:10:27,643
Just like that, like…

124
00:10:32,043 --> 00:10:35,243
I don't know what that was.
I don't know why I did it.

125
00:10:39,323 --> 00:10:41,003
Then I sat down on the floor.

126
00:10:42,083 --> 00:10:45,283
I just sat there, right next to her,
I just sat there.

127
00:10:51,523 --> 00:10:54,803
I was told I did a lot of shit.
I was told I tore the house up…

128
00:10:55,363 --> 00:10:59,283
I… I really didn't believe none of that,
but I didn't tear nobody's house up.

129
00:11:00,843 --> 00:11:03,523
At least I don't think
I tore the house up. I don't…

130
00:11:05,043 --> 00:11:08,323
I was so full of drugs back then,
there's no telling what I did.

131
00:11:08,403 --> 00:11:09,443
Man, I don't know.

132
00:11:22,523 --> 00:11:25,683
I ran so far, I just ran
till I couldn't run no more.

133
00:11:27,363 --> 00:11:28,923
I sat down on the curb…

134
00:11:30,963 --> 00:11:33,163
of Tuam and Main, I just sat there.

135
00:11:37,523 --> 00:11:40,003
And it dawned on me
that I had killed someone.

136
00:11:42,883 --> 00:11:44,483
No, I didn't kill nobody.

137
00:11:45,523 --> 00:11:47,403
I couldn't kill nobody, right?

138
00:20:04,443 --> 00:20:06,323
<i> I was about 14.</i>

139
00:20:07,643 --> 00:20:08,803
<i>I was in class.</i>

140
00:20:09,803 --> 00:20:12,323
<i>Everybody in the classroom</i>
<i>was staring at me.</i>

141
00:20:12,403 --> 00:20:13,683
So the teacher said,

142
00:20:14,203 --> 00:20:16,123
"Who are you talking to?" I said…

143
00:20:16,883 --> 00:20:19,123
"What do you mean?
I wasn't talking to nobody."

144
00:20:19,203 --> 00:20:22,083
<i>Everybody in the classroom</i>
<i>was watching me, I was talking,</i>

145
00:20:22,163 --> 00:20:24,723
<i>but I was unaware that I was…</i>

146
00:20:24,803 --> 00:20:25,643
talking.

147
00:20:26,203 --> 00:20:27,323
I didn't know I was.

148
00:20:29,123 --> 00:20:31,923
<i>So I know that's another personality,</i>
<i>it had to be.</i>

149
00:20:32,483 --> 00:20:34,763
It just pops up all of a sudden.

150
00:21:01,883 --> 00:21:04,203
<i>I don't know</i>
<i>why I killed Miss Jolivet.</i>

151
00:21:05,363 --> 00:21:06,283
I really don't.

152
00:21:08,443 --> 00:21:10,163
<i>But it was like a rage.</i>

153
00:21:12,243 --> 00:21:14,603
A fit of rage that come out of nowhere.

154
00:21:15,523 --> 00:21:18,643
I mean, she never did nothing to me.
You know, but…

155
00:21:19,643 --> 00:21:21,083
Why did I take her life?

156
00:21:23,123 --> 00:21:24,283
You know…

157
00:25:56,563 --> 00:25:58,123
<i>Believe it or not,</i>

158
00:25:58,203 --> 00:26:01,603
I ain't have no feeling at all
when they gave me the death penalty.

159
00:26:03,083 --> 00:26:06,443
<i>I didn't know what to feel.</i>
<i>It's like, I don't feel anything.</i>

160
00:26:06,523 --> 00:26:08,163
<i>I don't know why it's like that.</i>

161
00:26:08,683 --> 00:26:11,323
It's like when my mom died,
my brothers, my sisters…

162
00:26:11,963 --> 00:26:13,923
I never shed a tear for anyone.

163
00:26:17,043 --> 00:26:18,963
<i>I don't know what it feels like to be…</i>

164
00:26:19,843 --> 00:26:21,283
<i>loved by people.</i>

165
00:26:21,923 --> 00:26:24,403
<i>I don't. I don't know what that is.</i>

166
00:26:25,723 --> 00:26:27,483
I couldn't tell you what that is.

167
00:36:08,603 --> 00:36:11,043
<i>As a sane person,</i>
<i>I wouldn't have done it.</i>

168
00:36:11,683 --> 00:36:12,523
<i>You know?</i>

169
00:36:14,283 --> 00:36:17,283
I actually think
there's someone else besides me.

170
00:36:17,363 --> 00:36:19,563
Maybe, it's me doing drugs

171
00:36:19,643 --> 00:36:23,963
<i>that this… other personality I have,</i>

172
00:36:24,043 --> 00:36:25,163
<i>usually pops up.</i>

173
00:36:26,883 --> 00:36:30,043
It's like I can hear another voice saying,

174
00:36:30,883 --> 00:36:32,883
"Yeah, you did this," you know?

175
00:36:34,723 --> 00:36:36,803
I'm like, "No, I didn't do this."

176
00:36:37,723 --> 00:36:40,443
<i>It's like me playing a game with myself.</i>

177
00:38:55,323 --> 00:38:57,563
During my trial,
after going through everything,

178
00:38:57,643 --> 00:38:59,923
after listening to all the testimony,

179
00:39:00,003 --> 00:39:01,683
and looking back on my life,

180
00:39:03,123 --> 00:39:04,443
and what I've done,

181
00:39:06,123 --> 00:39:09,163
at that time,
yes, I did deserve the death penalty.

182
00:39:10,323 --> 00:39:12,243
You just don't take a life

183
00:39:12,763 --> 00:39:14,883
from someone
that's been living that long, you know?

184
00:39:15,603 --> 00:39:17,563
And you deserve to be punished for it.

185
00:39:17,643 --> 00:39:20,163
I deserved the death penalty
for doing what I did.

186
00:39:20,243 --> 00:39:21,603
Yeah, I understand.

187
00:39:22,523 --> 00:39:25,203
That's how the law works, huh? So…

188
00:39:26,523 --> 00:39:28,643
At the same time,
I'm locked up for the rest of my life.

189
00:39:28,723 --> 00:39:30,163
I'm never getting out again…

190
00:39:33,363 --> 00:39:34,203
you know.

191
00:39:34,283 --> 00:39:35,883
I'm not a monster, right?

192
00:39:36,443 --> 00:39:37,963
But I did commit a crime,

193
00:39:38,603 --> 00:39:39,963
and I am paying for it.

194
00:40:12,003 --> 00:40:14,523
She's the detective
that was in my case, right?

195
00:40:15,403 --> 00:40:17,003
They kept asking me questions,

196
00:40:18,283 --> 00:40:20,763
and I told them exactly what I did.

197
00:40:21,723 --> 00:40:23,043
I didn't lie about anything.

198
00:40:24,003 --> 00:40:26,003
I did take stuff out of the house.

199
00:40:26,083 --> 00:40:30,163
I had no plans of that before,
but when I went in there,

200
00:40:30,243 --> 00:40:34,643
and after she was dead, yeah, I did.
I started just taking stuff out the house.

201
00:40:35,283 --> 00:40:37,403
It was stuff that I sold for crack.

202
00:40:38,003 --> 00:40:41,323
I was thinking like a dope fiend.
I didn't have a clear head.

203
00:40:42,363 --> 00:40:44,443
I was a dope fiend. I wanted drugs.

204
00:40:45,163 --> 00:40:46,443
That's what that was.

205
00:40:49,643 --> 00:40:52,683
I did not plan to murder Miss Jolivet.

206
00:40:53,363 --> 00:40:57,043
That happened while I was there, right?
It just… all of a sudden, it just…

207
00:40:59,003 --> 00:41:00,203
It was a different thing.

208
00:41:00,283 --> 00:41:01,803
Once I was in there,

209
00:41:01,883 --> 00:41:05,283
my whole… my whole mindset changed.

210
00:41:08,003 --> 00:41:10,683
I don't consider myself
an evil person, but…

211
00:41:11,723 --> 00:41:13,003
we have to pay our…

212
00:41:13,923 --> 00:41:16,523
debt to society
anytime we do anything wrong.

213
00:41:19,683 --> 00:41:21,123
I may not like it, but,

214
00:41:21,723 --> 00:41:25,003
as the saying goes, "You make your bed,
you have to lie in it."

215
00:41:29,643 --> 00:41:32,683
Bubba was the name that
my grandmother gave me when I was born.

216
00:41:33,483 --> 00:41:35,843
That's what I call my other personality.

217
00:41:38,923 --> 00:41:40,043
Bubba is…

218
00:41:41,603 --> 00:41:44,043
I wouldn't exactly say my alter ego, but…

219
00:41:46,323 --> 00:41:48,523
Sort of a Jekyll and Hyde type.

220
00:41:49,843 --> 00:41:53,003
You know, he gets me in trouble.
I'll put it that way.

221
00:41:53,723 --> 00:41:54,563
He's…

222
00:41:55,523 --> 00:41:58,483
it's more like me
asking myself questions, right?

223
00:41:59,003 --> 00:42:02,163
You know,
"What the hell did you do that for?"

224
00:42:03,803 --> 00:42:07,083
I'd get up in the middle of night
and walk back and forth in the cell.

225
00:42:08,003 --> 00:42:08,963
He would say, uh…

226
00:42:10,923 --> 00:42:11,923
"Can't sleep?"

227
00:42:13,203 --> 00:42:15,883
It's just crazy, man… I dunno…

228
00:42:18,483 --> 00:42:21,203
I hope he doesn't do anything stupid
one of these days.

229
00:42:24,763 --> 00:42:27,243
It's not scary because I'm in here, huh?

230
00:42:28,123 --> 00:42:30,083
If I was out there, it'd be different.