1
00:00:16,123 --> 00:00:21,163
The plan was to move forward
to Alaska
2
00:00:22,163 --> 00:00:26,323
and just finish our lives up there.
3
00:00:26,963 --> 00:00:28,083
That was it.
4
00:00:32,523 --> 00:00:36,883
We always assumed we'd just be together
for the rest of our days.
5
00:00:52,643 --> 00:00:57,203
I didn't know what happened to Leslie.
6
00:01:08,123 --> 00:01:11,763
I thought, "Well, maybe she's okay,
maybe something…"
7
00:01:12,363 --> 00:01:15,043
"It wasn't as bad.
Maybe it was a bad dream."
8
00:01:17,963 --> 00:01:22,003
The nurse, she says,
"Well, honey, she's deceased."
9
00:01:22,643 --> 00:01:24,443
"She's been dead for a while."
10
00:01:28,843 --> 00:01:30,883
And then it all kind of sunk in.
11
00:02:54,283 --> 00:02:59,003
Well, the bullet had gone in
right here
12
00:02:59,843 --> 00:03:03,763
and came out around here.
13
00:03:03,843 --> 00:03:08,283
You can see a scar all the way across
where they had opened it up.
14
00:03:09,323 --> 00:03:13,043
But it looks really odd.
15
00:03:13,603 --> 00:03:17,563
And they said, "You'll probably never
be able to speak again."
16
00:03:32,523 --> 00:03:35,323
My name is Daniel John Paulsrud.
17
00:03:37,323 --> 00:03:40,523
I grew up in Neihart, Montana.
18
00:03:42,843 --> 00:03:48,003
It was a town of 35 people back then.
19
00:03:49,723 --> 00:03:52,443
Everybody knew everybody and their dogs.
20
00:03:55,843 --> 00:04:00,163
I fly fished from the age of five on up.
21
00:04:04,563 --> 00:04:08,043
Did a lot of camping and hunting.
A lot of hunting.
22
00:04:08,923 --> 00:04:10,763
I-- I loved it. It was great.
23
00:04:10,843 --> 00:04:13,563
We didn't have a whole lot of money,
but I didn't care.
24
00:04:30,123 --> 00:04:34,923
I was an infantryman,
in the Airborne Infantry.
25
00:04:35,843 --> 00:04:41,523
Uh… We ended up going to Desert Storm
and Kuwait Liberation as well.
26
00:04:43,523 --> 00:04:45,963
Yeah, it prepared me for a little bit…
27
00:04:47,443 --> 00:04:48,443
of life.
28
00:04:50,283 --> 00:04:55,043
It wasn't all, um, blood and guts. It was…
29
00:04:55,723 --> 00:05:00,643
I think the more horrific things that--
that I saw
30
00:05:00,723 --> 00:05:03,883
was the treatment of people.
31
00:05:05,083 --> 00:05:09,163
I've seen some women
that were beaten almost to death.
32
00:05:11,683 --> 00:05:15,163
Kids that didn't have nothin' to eat,
you know.
33
00:05:17,523 --> 00:05:22,843
Going to combat
with people you've been with…
34
00:05:24,283 --> 00:05:27,883
I don't know how to describe it
other than a brotherhood.
35
00:05:30,683 --> 00:05:32,643
There's a trust. Yeah.
36
00:05:36,403 --> 00:05:39,283
Kept going until it was time to go home.
37
00:05:57,603 --> 00:06:01,083
I always wanted to be involved in artwork.
38
00:06:01,883 --> 00:06:06,683
So I ended up in Durango, Colorado
as a sculptor.
39
00:06:08,923 --> 00:06:13,283
And boy, that lasted
for about five years or so.
40
00:06:14,683 --> 00:06:17,123
I ended up moving back to Montana.
41
00:06:17,803 --> 00:06:20,483
You know, and then
that's where I met Leslie.
42
00:06:23,363 --> 00:06:25,203
She was very good-looking,
43
00:06:25,283 --> 00:06:29,483
and, uh, her personality was, uh…
44
00:06:29,563 --> 00:06:31,163
wasn't so standoffish.
45
00:06:31,243 --> 00:06:32,243
It was more…
46
00:06:32,923 --> 00:06:35,003
more of a friendly type of person.
47
00:06:40,603 --> 00:06:42,803
She had never been the outdoors type,
48
00:06:44,043 --> 00:06:46,043
and I introduced her to that.
49
00:06:48,123 --> 00:06:51,203
And she took to it. She really enjoyed it.
50
00:06:54,043 --> 00:06:57,163
And started hunting…
51
00:07:00,163 --> 00:07:01,323
She was spot on.
52
00:07:02,483 --> 00:07:04,403
She was very safety-conscious.
53
00:07:05,803 --> 00:07:09,123
Uh, she wouldn't shoot
unless she was absolutely sure.
54
00:07:11,523 --> 00:07:12,483
She was great.
55
00:07:29,963 --> 00:07:31,243
Oh, there was
56
00:07:32,043 --> 00:07:33,963
nothing but love at that time.
57
00:07:37,683 --> 00:07:43,003
She has one son and three daughters
from her ex-husband.
58
00:07:45,643 --> 00:07:49,243
Leslie, she had a--
a style of raising her kids
59
00:07:49,323 --> 00:07:54,003
without discipline or…
or consequences.
60
00:07:54,603 --> 00:07:56,723
If we ever had an argument,
61
00:07:57,363 --> 00:08:00,443
it was about her children, usually.
62
00:08:05,603 --> 00:08:10,883
Her oldest daughter liked to take her
to the bars all the time and…
63
00:08:12,603 --> 00:08:14,403
She didn't like me a whole lot
64
00:08:14,483 --> 00:08:20,603
because Leslie was spending her time
with me instead of out with her.
65
00:08:22,003 --> 00:08:25,563
Uh, the youngest, Kailee,
was always with us.
66
00:08:26,923 --> 00:08:29,883
She's a good kid. She, uh…
She is very smart.
67
00:08:47,083 --> 00:08:50,043
So Leslie went ahead, and then I--
I followed.
68
00:08:52,443 --> 00:08:54,763
Did as much moving as I could.
69
00:08:56,243 --> 00:09:00,723
Then right before
we were almost done moved in
70
00:09:00,803 --> 00:09:03,083
is when all this happened. Yeah.
71
00:09:14,603 --> 00:09:19,243
We were hunting that day
right out of, uh, Fort Benton.
72
00:09:22,003 --> 00:09:25,083
But yeah, it was just after daybreak,
I think we went out.
73
00:09:26,683 --> 00:09:29,843
I think she'd gotten several phone calls
from the kids,
74
00:09:29,923 --> 00:09:32,603
and like, "Well, we better just go home."
75
00:09:34,843 --> 00:09:37,123
Started making plans for dinner.
76
00:09:38,323 --> 00:09:40,643
She got a phone call from her oldest
77
00:09:41,483 --> 00:09:43,963
and immediately started arguing.
78
00:09:50,683 --> 00:09:53,643
So I went to the apartment
we were fixing up…
79
00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:59,843
and unloaded the tools and put the--
80
00:09:59,923 --> 00:10:02,443
the guns in the…
81
00:10:02,523 --> 00:10:03,643
in the apartment.
82
00:10:06,563 --> 00:10:09,923
I always unload the guns
before I bring them in.
83
00:10:10,003 --> 00:10:13,123
I just assumed that day I did.
84
00:10:15,883 --> 00:10:20,283
Oh, couldn't have been
an hour and a half later or so,
85
00:10:20,363 --> 00:10:22,323
she came in
86
00:10:23,203 --> 00:10:25,043
and she brought beer.
87
00:10:26,763 --> 00:10:31,803
We sat down
and started enjoying the evening.
88
00:10:32,563 --> 00:10:35,843
I had the pistol on the table.
89
00:10:36,763 --> 00:10:39,203
It was a .357 Magnum.
90
00:10:40,443 --> 00:10:43,483
I carried it, uh…
for hunting season, of course.
91
00:10:43,563 --> 00:10:48,883
You know, if you wound an animal,
you can dispatch them quick and easy
92
00:10:48,963 --> 00:10:51,723
without them suffering and whatnot, but…
93
00:10:52,843 --> 00:10:55,723
And as I was playing with the pistol,
94
00:10:57,803 --> 00:10:58,643
I cocked it.
95
00:11:00,083 --> 00:11:02,523
Let it down, cocked it, and let it down.
96
00:11:03,283 --> 00:11:05,963
She had come back from the refrigerator.
97
00:11:07,043 --> 00:11:08,883
I was sitting down.
98
00:11:08,963 --> 00:11:11,923
I cocked it and was playing with it,
99
00:11:12,003 --> 00:11:13,323
and it went off.
100
00:11:19,483 --> 00:11:24,403
She immediately fell back into the chair
and down on the floor, so…
101
00:11:26,123 --> 00:11:28,123
I knew it hit her.
102
00:11:37,043 --> 00:11:39,723
And it was so fast.
103
00:11:39,803 --> 00:11:42,323
It died… She died so fast.
104
00:11:44,683 --> 00:11:45,523
And it was…
105
00:11:45,603 --> 00:11:48,803
All I could say was "I love you"
and "I'm sorry," and…
106
00:11:50,163 --> 00:11:53,283
There was nothing
that could be done at that point.
107
00:11:57,683 --> 00:12:03,523
I sat back in the chair and thought,
"Well, I'll just have to shoot…
108
00:12:03,603 --> 00:12:07,323
shoot myself in the head
and be done with it."
109
00:12:09,203 --> 00:12:11,043
And I tried.
110
00:12:12,003 --> 00:12:15,683
I couldn't at first, and so I…
111
00:12:16,723 --> 00:12:22,723
I went to the refrigerator
and got a vodka we had in there.
112
00:12:23,643 --> 00:12:25,563
I just drank it
113
00:12:25,643 --> 00:12:28,643
and I was able to pull the trigger.
114
00:12:31,243 --> 00:12:34,563
Well, I guess I don't remember
a whole lot after that.
115
00:12:57,883 --> 00:13:02,923
Because I shot myself, it was assumed
after that, that it was deliberate.
116
00:13:06,483 --> 00:13:10,683
I was convicted of deliberate homicide
117
00:13:11,283 --> 00:13:15,443
and given life without parole,
plus ten years.
118
00:13:26,363 --> 00:13:31,083
I never got the chance to,
to tell the kids,
119
00:13:31,163 --> 00:13:33,603
"Hey, this was not deliberate."
120
00:13:35,163 --> 00:13:37,683
"This was a horrific accident."
121
00:13:38,563 --> 00:13:43,283
And I'll never lose the guilt and the pain
122
00:13:43,363 --> 00:13:46,723
that goes with losing her,
123
00:13:47,403 --> 00:13:50,083
and especially being my fault.
124
00:13:54,483 --> 00:13:58,323
Well, I… I lost my future.
125
00:13:58,403 --> 00:14:00,963
I lost her kids' future and…
126
00:14:04,083 --> 00:14:06,163
…I lost the rest of my life
127
00:14:07,243 --> 00:14:08,203
that day.
128
00:14:10,763 --> 00:14:14,203
I think of Leslie all the time.
All the time.
129
00:38:23,083 --> 00:38:25,963
And as I was playing
with the pistol,
130
00:38:27,043 --> 00:38:31,163
I cocked it and let it down, cocked it,
131
00:38:31,243 --> 00:38:32,643
and it went off.
132
00:38:35,403 --> 00:38:38,003
And she was gone,
133
00:38:39,043 --> 00:38:41,203
almost immediately it seemed like.
134
00:39:47,203 --> 00:39:49,243
We were hunting that day.
135
00:39:49,323 --> 00:39:52,163
Yeah, it was just after daybreak
I think we went out.
136
00:39:52,763 --> 00:39:55,563
I think she'd gotten several phone calls
from the kids,
137
00:39:55,643 --> 00:39:58,243
and like, "Well, we better just go home."
138
00:39:58,843 --> 00:40:01,083
Started making plans for dinner.
139
00:40:01,683 --> 00:40:03,963
She got a phone call from her oldest
140
00:40:04,563 --> 00:40:07,203
and immediately started arguing
141
00:40:07,283 --> 00:40:09,723
'cause she had been at the bar and…
142
00:40:10,203 --> 00:40:13,563
"All right. Just come over whenever
and tell me--"
143
00:41:59,963 --> 00:42:02,363
Leslie is the love of my life.
144
00:42:05,203 --> 00:42:06,643
I miss her a lot.
145
00:42:09,603 --> 00:42:14,403
I have to drudge forward with her in mind
146
00:42:15,803 --> 00:42:19,723
without being stuck in that pit
147
00:42:19,803 --> 00:42:24,283
of grief and shame
148
00:42:25,603 --> 00:42:27,203
for causing that.
149
00:42:31,123 --> 00:42:34,203
I do believe we would still be together
150
00:42:34,683 --> 00:42:37,963
had she not been hit,
151
00:42:38,043 --> 00:42:41,763
or if she had survived, or any of that.
152
00:42:41,843 --> 00:42:44,283
Yes, I think we'd still be together.
153
00:43:09,203 --> 00:43:13,563
That sounds like something
that was written right when…
154
00:43:13,643 --> 00:43:15,803
before I pulled the trigger, I'll bet.
155
00:43:16,283 --> 00:43:19,123
And I had vodka by then.
156
00:43:20,723 --> 00:43:24,523
I'm trying to think
what I was thinking at the time and…
157
00:43:25,883 --> 00:43:28,483
I'm drawing a… a blank.
158
00:43:32,363 --> 00:43:34,083
Oh, ma'am. No, no, no.
159
00:43:35,243 --> 00:43:36,083
No.
160
00:43:37,763 --> 00:43:42,843
I wonder if it was more for closure,
but I wouldn't…
161
00:43:42,923 --> 00:43:46,723
I wouldn't say I killed her deliberately
and then wrote that, no.
162
00:44:04,923 --> 00:44:07,003
I don't think the car was running.
163
00:44:08,043 --> 00:44:10,523
That doesn't sound right to me, but…
164
00:44:10,603 --> 00:44:11,443
I wish--
165
00:44:11,523 --> 00:44:14,323
I wish I could've talked
during the trial.
166
00:44:15,803 --> 00:44:19,003
It seems to escalate
every time with her, but…
167
00:44:20,203 --> 00:44:22,963
I never really got along with Amanda.
168
00:44:24,043 --> 00:44:26,803
I wish I could help her to move on.
169
00:45:00,243 --> 00:45:01,483
That's too bad.
170
00:45:04,123 --> 00:45:06,723
No, we weren't fighting that entire day.
171
00:45:06,803 --> 00:45:08,963
We did go hunting that day.
172
00:45:11,083 --> 00:45:14,043
I feel like she's being influenced
173
00:45:14,123 --> 00:45:16,283
as far as what she is
174
00:45:17,963 --> 00:45:19,123
told to say.
175
00:45:25,203 --> 00:45:28,003
It's not nearly as, uh, horrific
176
00:45:28,483 --> 00:45:31,483
as what some have explained.
177
00:45:36,483 --> 00:45:38,283
It was not intentional,
178
00:45:39,763 --> 00:45:41,003
and that's the truth.