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[somber music playing]
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[man] When I look back at the life
that I've lived…
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it wasn't a life at all.
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I've never been a bad person.
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I've always been misunderstood,
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because I didn't understand myself.
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[somber music continues]
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[man] I've hurt people.
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I've hurt people real bad.
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But I've never killed anyone, before.
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That's something that
I… have to live with every day.
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It took me a few years in prison…
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to accept the fact
that I had killed somebody.
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[theme music playing]
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[slow rhythmic percussion playing]
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[inhales]
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Even though I'm… being punished right now,
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I continue to punish myself for it.
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The individual that is sitting
in front of you right now…
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would not take responsibility
for anything,
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back then.
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I didn't care about responsibility.
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Only thing I cared about was
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eat, sleep, and getting high.
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[percussion fades]
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I was born in 1963 in Rochester, New York.
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[soft piano chords playing]
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It was very urban and challenging.
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During those times, it was really rough
on single parents, and kids in general.
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Me and my brothers and sisters,
we were all close.
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If one of us was missing,
it was like a missing part of the puzzle
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and things just wasn't right.
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And, particularly, that part of the puzzle
that was missing most of the time was me.
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[ominous music playing]
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[ominous music fades]
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[soft piano chords resume]
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When I was enrolled in school,
they were always saying that
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I was aggressive,
or I had a learning disability.
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I had no problem learning.
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I did have a disability though.
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When I was six years old,
they put me on medication
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'cause I had an incident
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where a teacher had took my pants down
in front of the whole class
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and hit me with a ruler.
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This ruler had a brass plate.
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I'm a… I'm a child. I'm crying, whatever.
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And, uh, after she hit me a few times
with the ruler,
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she sent me back to my desk.
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She turned around,
I picked up a chair and I threw it at her.
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And then I ran out of the class.
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And that was the actual first recording
of my blackouts.
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'Cause when my mother
asked me about it, I didn't remember it.
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When I was off medication
is when I was going through the blackouts.
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They would last anywhere
from two hours to three weeks.
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I wouldn't know what I was doing.
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But everybody else would think
that I was acting normal.
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And I would be very destructive.
I would be very violent.
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Very defensive.
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[gentle music playing]
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[James] I would say
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the majority of my life
I spent on the streets.
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I got into a lot of trouble,
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breaking into buildings,
doing what I had to do to survive.
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Every time you're under arrest
or taken into custody,
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you're taken to a juvenile facility.
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I think I went to about ten of them.
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These were places
that were supposed to help me,
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but they did more harm than they did good.
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And this progressed into being a prisoner.
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[ominous music playing]
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Between 20 and 30,
I spent seven and a half years in jail.
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Most of the time it was real petty stuff.
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My habit was somewhere very high.
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I was trying to control my blackouts
with alcohol and drugs.
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One minute you think you're in control,
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the next thing they're in control of you.
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I was scared of myself,
'cause I felt myself getting worse.
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The blackouts were lasting
longer and longer.
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And I just had no control.
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[ominous music continues]
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[James] I was 37 years old
at the time the crime happened.
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I had just got done smoking crack.
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I really don't know what I'm doing,
where I'm going.
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I'm in the bookstore now.
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[unsettling music playing]
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[James] They told me
that I had killed somebody.
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They say I gave them a statement.
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True enough. Yeah, I did kill him.
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I don't remember none of that.
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[unsettling music continues]
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[music fades]
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[horn sounds]
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[poignant music playing]
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[woman] The fact
that he could take a life,
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I couldn't understand it.
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It hurt me because that's my brother.
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It was real devastating.
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My name is Toni Walker-Coleman,
and I am James's sister.
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[locks clicking]
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[tut-tuts]
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This is the only family family picture
we have with James in it.
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We don't have too many pictures
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of James.
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He was our little
chubby teddy bear brother.
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You know, he liked to laugh
and everything.
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My mother made the best
out of what she had.
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Good days were excellent,
but then there were dark days.
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She used to drink a lot.
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Sometimes we just never knew
what person was coming home.
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He was the one
that would get the worst of it all.
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You know, she would get
the extension cord at him,
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or whatever was in front of her.
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You know, but…
When she was under the influence, so…
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And then he would run away.
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Sometimes he would run away
for a week or two.
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Sometimes during that time,
he would get in trouble.
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He went to boys' homes, stuff like that,
until he graduated to jail.
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He just always was locked up.
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I can't remember a time
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when he stayed home a full year
without going back.
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I think they call that institutionalized.
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[birdsong]
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[music fades]
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[James, on recording] As a kid, every time
you're under arrest or taken into custody,
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you're taken to a juvenile facility,
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where in the '70s, early '80s,
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these facilities were ran
by ex-convicts and child molesters.
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You're supposed to be safe,
but you feel like you're being farmed out
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to different families to abuse you.
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I internalized a lot of it,
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'cause at first I thought it was my fault.
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Thought they were doing this because of
whatever bad reasons, whatever I'd done.
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And, uh, first I implode,
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then I explode.
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And the rest I just forget.
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That's where the blackouts come in at.
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It seems like
that's pretty much the pattern for that.
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If I didn't succeed
in hurting myself enough,
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then I would hurt somebody else.
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That was powerful.
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That was powerful.
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And, uh, I heard some things
I never heard before.
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And there was a lot of realization.
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I know he's been through a lot.
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So that was just more added on.
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He was wrong for what he did.
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But who are these responsible individuals
that did not do their job?
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Nobody stepped in.
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Instead, they just let it
just build up and build up inside him,
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and just waited for him
to create his next episode in life,
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that led him to where he is right now.
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And I don't think a lot of people
take notice of that.
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They see a criminal.
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And we see…
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a person that grew up in hard times
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and needed a lot of love…
[voice breaks] …and attention.
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That's what we see.
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[sobs]
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[gentle melodic music playing]
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[man] My name is Joe Dominick.
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I've been involved in
between 200 and 250 homicide cases
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over the course of my career.
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This case makes my top ten.
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It's not just the violence
that was used in the case,
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it's kind of the totality
of the circumstances
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that were involved, so…
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What I can tell you
about the victim in the case, uh…
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Mr. Curry was--
There wasn't a lot of information on him.
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Uh, I would describe him as a loner.
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We actually couldn't reach out
to any family members.
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His last moments
were probably horrendous for him.
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Somebody came up behind him
and took a box cutter,
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and cut him from ear to ear.
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At some point he bleeds out and he dies.
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I can't think of, probably,
a worse death than that, honestly.
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[unsettling violins playing]
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James Walker's demeanor
when we brought him in for the interview
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was-- That was the eerie part
of the case for me.
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Because he was so, like, calm and casual
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about this, like, violent crime
that he had committed,
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and it was just…
It was just an unusual confession.
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[somber music playing]
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[Joe] You know, he asked
for a pack of cigarettes,
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and we gave him some cigarettes
185
00:18:06,523 --> 00:18:11,483
and he kinda just opened up
and started telling us how it came to be
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00:18:11,563 --> 00:18:13,683
that he had killed, uh, Mr. Curry.
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00:18:15,523 --> 00:18:18,603
While I'm sitting there talking to him,
I'm like, "This guy is pleasant enough."
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But it's like I'm looking at pure evil.
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00:18:23,923 --> 00:18:26,283
You know, this guy is pure evil.
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Just to sit there
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and to tell you the details
about how he killed this victim.
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It's just, I don't know.
It was just something
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that always stuck with me
because it was just so bizarre.
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00:18:47,803 --> 00:18:52,763
As far as James Walker saying that he was
emotionally disturbed during the crime,
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00:18:52,843 --> 00:18:56,563
is… is not something that I buy.
I didn't buy it then. I don't buy it now.
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00:18:58,643 --> 00:19:00,963
[somber music continues]
197
00:19:19,643 --> 00:19:25,443
All right, so this video is from the CCTV
that we retrieved from the store.
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00:19:26,163 --> 00:19:30,283
And what it's gonna show is James Walker
getting his courage up to do this robbery.
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00:19:31,363 --> 00:19:32,483
[clicks]
200
00:19:33,323 --> 00:19:35,243
Uh, this is the victim, James Curry.
201
00:19:35,323 --> 00:19:37,003
He's standing behind the counter,
202
00:19:37,083 --> 00:19:40,883
and this person over here
is James Douglas Walker.
203
00:19:40,963 --> 00:19:43,043
[indistinct voices on tape]
204
00:19:43,123 --> 00:19:46,323
So they're just shooting the breeze,
nothing happening.
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00:19:47,403 --> 00:19:49,563
[James, on tape]
Well, tomorrow, I don't have to work.
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00:19:49,643 --> 00:19:52,883
And he's there
for a good part of three hours.
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00:19:54,843 --> 00:19:57,883
I think he's kinda biding his time
until the right moment.
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00:19:58,803 --> 00:20:01,123
I'm gonna fast-forward a little bit here.
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00:20:02,123 --> 00:20:03,403
And you'll see
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00:20:04,563 --> 00:20:06,963
James Curry is going to leave the booth.
211
00:20:08,483 --> 00:20:10,843
And here he goes.
This is Curry leaving the booth,
212
00:20:11,403 --> 00:20:13,483
and then that's when
the murder's gonna occur.
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00:20:13,563 --> 00:20:16,043
[unsettling music builds]
214
00:20:16,123 --> 00:20:18,563
[Joe] This thing happens real quick,
blink of an eye.
215
00:20:19,723 --> 00:20:21,723
In fact, it's happening right now.
216
00:20:21,803 --> 00:20:22,803
[rattling on tape]
217
00:20:23,603 --> 00:20:26,283
[Joe] James Curry's life
just got taken away from him.
218
00:20:32,203 --> 00:20:33,483
Here comes Walker.
219
00:20:38,323 --> 00:20:39,803
He gets into the booth,
220
00:20:40,363 --> 00:20:42,523
and now he's going to go through
the cash register.
221
00:20:43,443 --> 00:20:45,763
So, there must be something
with this cash register,
222
00:20:45,843 --> 00:20:47,803
where there's another drawer
that he can't get in,
223
00:20:47,883 --> 00:20:49,563
because he opens the top drawer.
224
00:20:49,643 --> 00:20:51,803
-And there's nothing in there.
-[rattling on tape]
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00:20:54,283 --> 00:20:55,883
[register beeps]
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00:20:57,643 --> 00:20:59,043
[James] How you open it?
227
00:20:59,123 --> 00:21:02,323
[Joe] Now he yells to James Curry,
"How you open it?"
228
00:21:03,163 --> 00:21:06,843
which… I think James Curry
was probably already dead at that point.
229
00:21:10,523 --> 00:21:12,683
He's wiping down the cash register,
230
00:21:14,003 --> 00:21:15,523
and eventually he leaves.
231
00:21:18,083 --> 00:21:21,883
So to say that, you know, he was deranged
and didn't know what he was doing
232
00:21:21,963 --> 00:21:27,003
at the time that he commits this robbery
is basically BS, right?
233
00:21:28,683 --> 00:21:32,083
It wasn't about anything else
other than committing this robbery.
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00:21:32,163 --> 00:21:34,003
That's it. Plain and simple.
235
00:21:38,483 --> 00:21:42,923
This particular crime wasn't
a one-time thing for James Walker.
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00:21:44,203 --> 00:21:48,403
He's cut people in the past
and that's kind of his MO.
237
00:21:51,363 --> 00:21:53,763
[unsettling music fades]
238
00:22:00,163 --> 00:22:02,163
[seagulls calling faintly]
239
00:22:04,483 --> 00:22:06,483
[ominous music playing]
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00:22:14,243 --> 00:22:15,763
[labored breathing]
241
00:22:15,843 --> 00:22:20,283
[man] It was traumatic. It was horrific.
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00:22:25,643 --> 00:22:27,923
It's something that never leaves you.
243
00:22:31,883 --> 00:22:33,163
[labored breathing]
244
00:22:33,883 --> 00:22:37,563
I learned to deal with it,
but that doesn't mean I'm going to forgive
245
00:22:38,243 --> 00:22:41,883
what happened and how it changed me
and what it took from me.
246
00:22:58,963 --> 00:23:04,203
It was around 7:30, 7:40 in the morning,
and that's when everything happened.
247
00:23:08,003 --> 00:23:12,243
I heard his voice behind me
and it felt like a punch,
248
00:23:13,003 --> 00:23:15,083
like a, you know, light tap or something.
249
00:23:15,163 --> 00:23:19,643
I thought he was joking around
until I looked down and saw
250
00:23:19,723 --> 00:23:22,683
there was a pretty good size
puddle of blood there.
251
00:23:25,843 --> 00:23:28,163
He looked at me
and said he was gonna kill me.
252
00:23:29,643 --> 00:23:32,643
It was just pure coldness and no heart.
253
00:23:32,723 --> 00:23:35,923
No… anything, just,
"I'm going to kill you."
254
00:23:39,763 --> 00:23:42,683
I felt like this was it,
255
00:23:43,883 --> 00:23:46,123
and I just…
256
00:23:48,363 --> 00:23:54,603
I told him that I have a daughter
that's going to be born in October…
257
00:23:55,083 --> 00:23:56,243
[sniffs]
258
00:23:56,323 --> 00:23:58,243
…and I said,
"All I want is to see my daughter."
259
00:23:58,323 --> 00:24:01,523
"Take whatever you want out of the store,
out of the register."
260
00:24:01,603 --> 00:24:03,723
"I don't care.
I just want to see my daughter."
261
00:24:04,363 --> 00:24:06,763
And suddenly, very surprisingly,
262
00:24:06,843 --> 00:24:08,243
and to this day, I still…
263
00:24:08,323 --> 00:24:10,683
It still baffles me,
he just suddenly stopped,
264
00:24:12,043 --> 00:24:16,803
and… told me
to just wait there ten minutes.
265
00:24:19,603 --> 00:24:20,683
Then he just left.
266
00:24:24,203 --> 00:24:26,203
[music continues]
267
00:24:28,243 --> 00:24:31,643
The police told me they caught him
about 15 minutes later,
268
00:24:31,723 --> 00:24:36,963
walking down the street
with a big bag of loose quarters
269
00:24:37,803 --> 00:24:39,363
that was taken from the store.
270
00:24:39,443 --> 00:24:40,323
[sniffs]
271
00:24:41,003 --> 00:24:43,443
[seagulls squawking]
272
00:24:43,523 --> 00:24:46,043
[David] I went to the bathroom
to check the wounds,
273
00:24:46,123 --> 00:24:50,603
and I pulled a rather large piece of glass
out of my throat
274
00:24:50,683 --> 00:24:52,363
from the broken beer bottle.
275
00:24:52,883 --> 00:24:53,843
[clears throat]
276
00:24:56,403 --> 00:25:00,843
I have a very large scar
here on the throat.
277
00:25:02,963 --> 00:25:08,163
I also have another scar on the chest
where the skin was just ripped off.
278
00:25:11,643 --> 00:25:14,723
Uh, all said, about 13 different wounds.
279
00:25:22,123 --> 00:25:24,963
[melancholic music playing]
280
00:25:39,083 --> 00:25:41,803
I just-- I couldn't understand it.
No one could explain it to me,
281
00:25:42,363 --> 00:25:44,203
why he was prosecuted that way.
282
00:25:44,883 --> 00:25:47,443
I got no answers on it
when I questioned it.
283
00:25:49,443 --> 00:25:52,963
I can't help but think that maybe
if he would have been in jail longer,
284
00:25:53,803 --> 00:25:57,483
the guy he killed would have
been alive still, with his family.
285
00:26:05,603 --> 00:26:07,203
[music fades]
286
00:26:19,003 --> 00:26:22,403
[gentle piano chords playing]
287
00:26:49,523 --> 00:26:52,763
[woman] I had a message for Mr. Walker
the first time I met him,
288
00:26:54,803 --> 00:26:59,163
and that's that I was
going to give him every opportunity
289
00:27:00,283 --> 00:27:02,003
to change the path of his life.
290
00:27:02,963 --> 00:27:04,643
But it was still his choice.
291
00:27:17,243 --> 00:27:21,283
My main concern in supervising Mr. Walker
was his substance abuse.
292
00:27:21,963 --> 00:27:25,803
Because that is directly related
to his propensity for violence,
293
00:27:25,883 --> 00:27:28,763
and deeply enrooted
in his criminal conduct.
294
00:27:34,083 --> 00:27:36,683
About a month and a half
into his parole supervision,
295
00:27:36,763 --> 00:27:39,523
he reported to me like he was supposed to,
296
00:27:39,603 --> 00:27:41,163
a routine office report,
297
00:27:41,243 --> 00:27:45,043
and he did disclose to me
that he had relapsed over the weekend.
298
00:27:47,523 --> 00:27:51,403
I told him, "Go right over
to your drug treatment counselor,
299
00:27:51,483 --> 00:27:55,483
come up with a plan,
intensive plan, and call me from there."
300
00:27:55,563 --> 00:27:59,123
And he did it.
He did exactly what I asked him to do.
301
00:27:59,643 --> 00:28:01,603
He went directly to his treatment provider
302
00:28:01,683 --> 00:28:05,683
and they did. They came up
with an intensive treatment plan
303
00:28:05,763 --> 00:28:08,203
to deal with his re… relapse.
304
00:28:10,083 --> 00:28:12,083
And then I never heard from him again.
305
00:28:24,483 --> 00:28:27,083
The next time I saw James Walker
306
00:28:27,163 --> 00:28:29,163
was when he was in custody.
307
00:28:31,443 --> 00:28:35,843
James came across very,
uh, defeated, extremely quiet.
308
00:28:36,603 --> 00:28:42,323
Uh, even his… his body language
was that of just sadness.
309
00:28:43,403 --> 00:28:47,003
Almost as if he had realized
he just destroyed his life.
310
00:28:48,523 --> 00:28:51,403
But again, focused on the fact
that he destroyed his life,
311
00:28:51,483 --> 00:28:52,723
not the life he took.
312
00:28:56,323 --> 00:28:58,843
I can't say that I regret helping him.
313
00:28:59,483 --> 00:29:00,603
I hope I never do.
314
00:29:00,683 --> 00:29:03,963
I hope I never regret
trying to help people.
315
00:29:05,603 --> 00:29:09,243
But he chose
not to accept the help that he was given.
316
00:29:09,323 --> 00:29:10,803
So, that's on him.
317
00:29:11,443 --> 00:29:14,643
I think his blackouts, if they're real,
318
00:29:14,723 --> 00:29:17,003
um, are because he chooses.
319
00:29:17,083 --> 00:29:18,803
He chooses not to address
his mental health,
320
00:29:18,883 --> 00:29:21,163
he chooses not to address
his substance abuse,
321
00:29:21,243 --> 00:29:24,843
and then uses that
as an excuse to, basically,
322
00:29:24,923 --> 00:29:27,203
slash and kill people
and do violent things.
323
00:29:28,003 --> 00:29:31,283
So I don't buy that this is not his fault.
324
00:29:31,363 --> 00:29:34,603
It's completely his fault
and completely up to him.
325
00:29:47,963 --> 00:29:49,443
[music fades]
326
00:29:52,963 --> 00:29:55,883
[somber music playing]
327
00:30:01,883 --> 00:30:04,843
[man] James Walker never had a chance.
328
00:30:07,123 --> 00:30:10,203
Someone who's endured
a childhood full of trauma
329
00:30:10,283 --> 00:30:15,603
and untreated mental illness
and escalating substance abuse,
330
00:30:15,683 --> 00:30:18,363
it affects how they handle stress.
331
00:30:19,443 --> 00:30:23,163
It makes them
susceptible to falling into urges
332
00:30:24,003 --> 00:30:26,803
and committing awful, horrible crimes.
333
00:30:35,843 --> 00:30:38,683
[gentle guitar instrumental playing]
334
00:30:45,643 --> 00:30:46,563
[Bill] I'm Bill Easton.
335
00:30:46,643 --> 00:30:50,083
I'm a lawyer here in Rochester,
and I represented James Walker.
336
00:30:54,403 --> 00:30:57,723
I am definitely a bleeding heart.
Uh, proud of it.
337
00:31:01,163 --> 00:31:04,323
When I met James
and began to represent him,
338
00:31:04,403 --> 00:31:08,163
we immediately, uh,
went out to get as many records
339
00:31:08,243 --> 00:31:10,763
and to dig into his background
340
00:31:10,843 --> 00:31:12,403
as deeply as we could.
341
00:31:14,243 --> 00:31:17,163
And within six weeks,
342
00:31:17,243 --> 00:31:20,923
we had come across just an overabundance
343
00:31:21,003 --> 00:31:24,563
of records showing a childhood
that was just traumatic.
344
00:31:36,483 --> 00:31:40,443
James was one of seven children,
uh, born to his mother
345
00:31:41,323 --> 00:31:42,883
from seven different fathers.
346
00:31:43,763 --> 00:31:49,323
His childhood was marked
by abuse, neglect,
347
00:31:49,403 --> 00:31:52,283
uh, an utter lack of parental guidance.
348
00:31:53,603 --> 00:31:55,883
The details here are frightening.
349
00:31:57,803 --> 00:31:59,803
"When he was 16 months old,
350
00:31:59,883 --> 00:32:04,643
an unidentified adult
placed James on a burning stove."
351
00:32:04,723 --> 00:32:09,443
"James was admitted to the emergency room
with second and third degree burns
352
00:32:09,523 --> 00:32:13,283
branded on his buttocks
in the shape of a grill mark."
353
00:32:18,163 --> 00:32:22,763
And there was just a history of violence
in his family of people being killed.
354
00:32:24,323 --> 00:32:27,243
James's father was
an intimidating, violent man
355
00:32:27,323 --> 00:32:30,323
and was, uh, shot and killed
356
00:32:30,403 --> 00:32:33,003
when James was, uh, 15 years old.
357
00:32:34,363 --> 00:32:40,363
So he grew up in a family that was shaped
and misshaped by violence.
358
00:32:44,723 --> 00:32:46,923
He had what we call mitigation.
359
00:32:47,683 --> 00:32:50,763
It's not a defense
or an excuse to the crime,
360
00:32:50,843 --> 00:32:53,483
but it puts the crime in context.
361
00:32:55,003 --> 00:32:57,723
We set forth why the death penalty
362
00:32:57,803 --> 00:33:01,563
would be inappropriate punishment
for James Walker.
363
00:33:05,243 --> 00:33:08,043
[music turns somber]
364
00:33:12,643 --> 00:33:14,723
You know, there are many people
365
00:33:14,803 --> 00:33:18,243
that are afflicted
with alcoholism or drug addiction,
366
00:33:18,323 --> 00:33:20,963
and many children are the
product of a broken home.
367
00:33:21,043 --> 00:33:23,123
Others are raised by alcoholic parents.
368
00:33:23,203 --> 00:33:27,283
Some experience incarceration of a parent
or violence in their family.
369
00:33:27,363 --> 00:33:29,443
A few lose parents to violence.
370
00:33:30,483 --> 00:33:34,363
But what's extraordinary about this case
371
00:33:34,443 --> 00:33:38,203
is not one single factor,
but James had all of these.
372
00:33:40,403 --> 00:33:44,483
This is a man whose life
was horribly warped,
373
00:33:44,563 --> 00:33:49,003
and he succumbed to factors
that we all would have succumbed to
374
00:33:49,083 --> 00:33:50,683
if we were in his position.
375
00:33:54,003 --> 00:33:57,003
[music intensifies, fades]
376
00:34:07,563 --> 00:34:11,843
[poignant music playing]
377
00:34:38,843 --> 00:34:43,203
[man] I was very disappointed in James
when I found out what he had done.
378
00:34:46,083 --> 00:34:49,963
You don't have the right to take life.
That belongs to God.
379
00:35:02,883 --> 00:35:07,523
I'm Theodore Walker,
and I'm the firstborn of seven siblings.
380
00:35:14,403 --> 00:35:18,523
I was about 22
when I finally gave my life to the Lord.
381
00:35:23,203 --> 00:35:28,643
We didn't have what some folk considered
the best of life.
382
00:35:28,723 --> 00:35:30,603
I mean, we had to make do.
383
00:35:33,203 --> 00:35:37,923
We would put sugar on bread, and, uh,
you know, just to make a meal.
384
00:35:39,643 --> 00:35:41,723
It was a tough bringing-up.
385
00:35:44,483 --> 00:35:51,043
You know, I… I hustled and I sold weed
and cocaine, things like that.
386
00:35:54,443 --> 00:35:58,043
But I think he took it
a little more extreme than me,
387
00:35:58,123 --> 00:36:00,923
far as the robbin' and things like that.
388
00:36:04,483 --> 00:36:08,163
My brother James
always had a physical presence about him.
389
00:36:09,083 --> 00:36:13,003
If he got upset, that young man
was somethin' to deal with.
390
00:36:16,403 --> 00:36:21,803
I would say from the age of eight
is when it really started manifestin'
391
00:36:21,883 --> 00:36:25,603
where couldn't nobody do nothin'
with him when he got angry.
392
00:36:28,443 --> 00:36:32,963
He became a different person,
and he really acted out of control.
393
00:36:33,043 --> 00:36:36,963
Like, you're not stopping him.
He's not hearing you. He's gone.
394
00:36:44,003 --> 00:36:47,883
In the back of my mind, I always felt
James was gonna go too far,
395
00:36:47,963 --> 00:36:49,003
to no return.
396
00:36:51,403 --> 00:36:55,363
I never brought it up front
'cause I didn't want to believe that,
397
00:36:55,443 --> 00:36:58,163
but the signs pointed to it.
398
00:37:06,803 --> 00:37:08,203
[soft footstep]
399
00:37:17,803 --> 00:37:18,723
[click]
400
00:37:20,723 --> 00:37:24,443
[James, on recording] My blackouts was me
and my mother's best kept secret.
401
00:37:27,523 --> 00:37:32,963
She didn't want the other kids to know
that I had these type of problems.
402
00:37:33,683 --> 00:37:37,323
And she didn't want me to think
I'd be treated like I was different.
403
00:37:40,123 --> 00:37:44,403
I always had a home,
but when I'm sliding in my blackouts,
404
00:37:45,283 --> 00:37:46,723
and sliding out of them,
405
00:37:47,923 --> 00:37:49,603
I would occasionally
406
00:37:50,603 --> 00:37:53,083
wake up in places
where I didn't know where I was.
407
00:37:54,203 --> 00:37:58,243
I'm a kid. I'm supposed to be home
with my brothers and sisters.
408
00:37:59,643 --> 00:38:01,683
And I'm waking up behind a building.
409
00:38:03,443 --> 00:38:07,203
And I can't even go home
'cause I don't know where I'm at.
410
00:38:09,403 --> 00:38:14,123
I was afraid. I never knew what was going
to happen or when it would happen.
411
00:38:14,723 --> 00:38:19,723
It took place because somebody
yelled at me, or somebody abused me.
412
00:38:23,283 --> 00:38:26,123
I wouldn't remember anything
'cause I didn't want to remember.
413
00:38:29,803 --> 00:38:31,803
[poignant music continues]
414
00:38:39,803 --> 00:38:43,003
Absolutely phenomenal, what I heard.
415
00:38:44,443 --> 00:38:45,843
He opened up his heart.
416
00:38:47,843 --> 00:38:50,083
That helped me understand now
417
00:38:50,163 --> 00:38:54,123
what I've experienced with him
when he had his blackouts,
418
00:38:54,803 --> 00:38:57,603
you know, because I thought he was just…
419
00:38:57,683 --> 00:39:01,323
That's just James, you know,
'cause he was always a tough character.
420
00:39:04,763 --> 00:39:09,163
But now we know
that he was actually not remembering
421
00:39:09,763 --> 00:39:11,363
what he had just did.
422
00:39:13,963 --> 00:39:17,123
He never shared a lot…
a lot of his personal stuff.
423
00:39:17,203 --> 00:39:18,403
He bottled it in,
424
00:39:19,003 --> 00:39:22,803
but this James here,
that's talking on here now,
425
00:39:22,883 --> 00:39:24,443
he's a changed James.
426
00:39:25,963 --> 00:39:28,163
Yeah. It's a little emotional for me…
427
00:39:30,243 --> 00:39:31,643
to be honest with you.
428
00:39:37,803 --> 00:39:39,003
[sighs]
429
00:39:41,403 --> 00:39:43,883
[James] I'm a better person now
than I was before.
430
00:39:48,203 --> 00:39:51,203
From the day of arrest,
I have been on medication.
431
00:39:53,323 --> 00:39:58,123
I have not committed
a violent act against myself,
432
00:39:59,723 --> 00:40:00,803
or anyone else…
433
00:40:03,163 --> 00:40:04,443
in over 20 years.
434
00:40:05,683 --> 00:40:10,043
I'm gonna need medication and maybe
a therapist for the rest of my life,
435
00:40:11,283 --> 00:40:14,963
and it's not because of the crime
that was committed.
436
00:40:15,883 --> 00:40:18,483
I needed this
before the crime was committed.
437
00:40:19,163 --> 00:40:22,163
[gentle piano music playing]
438
00:40:35,483 --> 00:40:37,563
[Cynthia] He chooses
not to address his mental health,
439
00:40:37,643 --> 00:40:39,923
he chooses not to address
his substance abuse,
440
00:40:40,003 --> 00:40:42,043
and then uses that as an excuse
441
00:40:42,123 --> 00:40:45,443
to, basically, slash and kill people
and do violent things.
442
00:40:46,483 --> 00:40:47,963
The fact of the matter is
443
00:40:49,643 --> 00:40:50,763
when I needed help,
444
00:40:52,283 --> 00:40:53,363
I asked for it.
445
00:40:57,883 --> 00:41:02,043
I'd tell the counselor and the therapist,
"This is what I'm going through,
446
00:41:02,123 --> 00:41:04,043
and I don't have my medication."
447
00:41:05,963 --> 00:41:07,963
"Okay, uh, come back next week."
448
00:41:10,563 --> 00:41:14,323
So it's not like
I turned completely to drugs.
449
00:41:16,523 --> 00:41:20,203
Being off my medication,
I just lost all touch with reality.
450
00:41:23,723 --> 00:41:26,283
But I'm sitting here in front of you now.
451
00:41:27,923 --> 00:41:29,203
I'm not that person.
452
00:41:30,283 --> 00:41:32,283
I will never be that person again.
453
00:41:33,843 --> 00:41:36,963
And I'm no longer ashamed to say,
"Hey, I need some help."
454
00:41:42,843 --> 00:41:45,083
[interviewer] Why do you think
you committed
455
00:41:45,163 --> 00:41:49,283
two near-identical attacks
on men who worked in adult bookstores?
456
00:41:49,843 --> 00:41:52,283
Well, to be totally honest,
457
00:41:52,363 --> 00:41:56,123
because when I was a child
growing up in the streets,
458
00:41:56,203 --> 00:42:00,043
those… those people in those places
were the ones that hurt me the most.
459
00:42:02,363 --> 00:42:03,363
Simple as that.
460
00:42:05,923 --> 00:42:07,963
If you was downtown,
461
00:42:08,043 --> 00:42:09,723
you could find something to eat,
462
00:42:10,243 --> 00:42:12,243
you could find clothes,
you could do whatever.
463
00:42:13,643 --> 00:42:14,963
But it was these people
464
00:42:16,203 --> 00:42:20,683
that use those things as a carrot
to harm children,
465
00:42:21,403 --> 00:42:23,603
and I was one of those children
that they harmed.
466
00:42:27,843 --> 00:42:31,403
Mentally, I see the people that hurt me,
467
00:42:33,523 --> 00:42:35,003
and I did what I did.
468
00:42:36,243 --> 00:42:37,443
[interviewer] Hmm.
469
00:42:43,523 --> 00:42:46,203
[Theodore, on recording] He never shared
a lot of his personal stuff.
470
00:42:46,283 --> 00:42:47,563
He bottled it in.
471
00:42:48,923 --> 00:42:51,883
But this James here,
that's talking on here now,
472
00:42:52,483 --> 00:42:54,203
he's a changed James.
473
00:42:56,083 --> 00:43:00,843
That's progress, and I got
to take every little bit I can get
474
00:43:01,483 --> 00:43:03,163
when it come to my brother.
475
00:43:05,443 --> 00:43:12,123
And I want to give him all of the
positive reinforcement that I can give him
476
00:43:14,483 --> 00:43:18,363
to keep on doin'
what he doin', you know. Don't change.
477
00:43:23,443 --> 00:43:25,643
Well, that was very difficult
to listen to.
478
00:43:27,603 --> 00:43:29,483
That-- Just hearing his voice
479
00:43:30,963 --> 00:43:35,723
made 20 years
of struggle and change worth it.
480
00:43:37,203 --> 00:43:41,643
For me to be the person that I am now,
that was like my reward.
481
00:43:47,003 --> 00:43:49,883
You know, I feared myself
for a very long time,
482
00:43:50,683 --> 00:43:52,203
because I didn't know myself.
483
00:43:52,843 --> 00:43:56,003
But now that I do,
there's nothing to fear.
484
00:44:04,443 --> 00:44:08,483
[music continues]