1 00:00:03,795 --> 00:00:04,963 - "What a loser. 2 00:00:05,088 --> 00:00:06,089 "I hate ChaseDreams. He sucks. 3 00:00:06,172 --> 00:00:07,465 "Loser. Loser. 4 00:00:07,549 --> 00:00:09,050 "ChaseDreams sucks. Asshole. 5 00:00:09,134 --> 00:00:10,135 Loser. Sucks." 6 00:00:10,260 --> 00:00:11,720 And that's just one comment. 7 00:00:11,803 --> 00:00:12,762 - I'm so sorry. 8 00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:15,974 This is all my fault. 9 00:00:16,099 --> 00:00:17,892 I mean, it's not all my fault. 10 00:00:17,976 --> 00:00:19,769 - It's just, everyone still thinks I'm this bad man, 11 00:00:19,853 --> 00:00:21,146 and I'm not. - Yeah. 12 00:00:21,229 --> 00:00:23,773 - You know, and it's giving me anxiety. 13 00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:25,942 - Hold on. 14 00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:27,193 You have anxiety? 15 00:00:27,318 --> 00:00:28,945 - Yeah, and it's making me depressed. 16 00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:30,447 - What--wait. 17 00:00:30,530 --> 00:00:32,949 You have anxiety and depression? 18 00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:35,118 - I mean, I guess so. 19 00:00:35,201 --> 00:00:36,161 - Oh, my God. 20 00:00:36,244 --> 00:00:38,079 I have a client... 21 00:00:38,163 --> 00:00:39,330 [dramatic music] 22 00:00:39,414 --> 00:00:43,084 Struggling with mental health. 23 00:00:43,168 --> 00:00:45,003 Chase, you beautiful boy. 24 00:00:45,086 --> 00:00:46,546 Do you know what this means? 25 00:00:46,671 --> 00:00:49,174 There's money in singing, but if we can make you 26 00:00:49,257 --> 00:00:52,802 the face of mental health, my gosh-- 27 00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:54,095 - Shuli, no. 28 00:00:54,179 --> 00:00:55,138 This is disgusting. 29 00:00:55,221 --> 00:00:56,639 - Why? He has anxiety. 30 00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:58,016 He said it himself. 31 00:00:58,141 --> 00:00:59,976 I thought you'd be on board with this. 32 00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:02,604 He could do a lot of good. 33 00:01:02,687 --> 00:01:03,897 - Oh. 34 00:01:04,022 --> 00:01:05,147 Yeah? 35 00:01:05,230 --> 00:01:07,901 I mean, he does have anxiety, 36 00:01:08,026 --> 00:01:09,444 so it's not a lie. 37 00:01:09,527 --> 00:01:12,238 And having him talk about mental health 38 00:01:12,364 --> 00:01:14,199 could empower others. 39 00:01:14,324 --> 00:01:17,994 So I could do what I wanted all along: 40 00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:19,120 Good. 41 00:01:19,204 --> 00:01:20,246 [dramatic music] 42 00:01:20,372 --> 00:01:21,664 I could finally do good-- 43 00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:23,416 - Girl, don't just do the thing I did. 44 00:01:23,541 --> 00:01:25,377 - Okay, sorry. How does this help me? 45 00:01:25,502 --> 00:01:27,920 I just want to stop looking bad and go back to being me. 46 00:01:28,045 --> 00:01:29,214 - First things first, 47 00:01:29,297 --> 00:01:30,882 we'll set you up with a therapist... 48 00:01:30,965 --> 00:01:31,883 - Okay. 49 00:01:31,966 --> 00:01:32,926 - App. 50 00:01:33,051 --> 00:01:35,095 A therapist app. 51 00:01:35,220 --> 00:01:36,221 - Hi. 52 00:01:36,304 --> 00:01:37,722 I'm pop singer ChaseDreams. 53 00:01:37,806 --> 00:01:40,265 I used to be bad and want to punch my mom, 54 00:01:40,392 --> 00:01:42,227 but then I went to therapy, and now, I'm all better, 55 00:01:42,352 --> 00:01:43,728 because therapy works, 56 00:01:43,853 --> 00:01:45,521 which is why I've partnered with BetterHealth 57 00:01:45,604 --> 00:01:48,650 to give away $1 million in free therapy to you. 58 00:01:48,733 --> 00:01:51,820 Because we all struggle sometimes, including me, 59 00:01:51,902 --> 00:01:55,198 the new face of mental health, ChaseDreams. 60 00:01:55,281 --> 00:01:57,491 - ♪ I-I-I'm a winner ♪ 61 00:01:57,575 --> 00:01:59,327 - And then we're gonna go shopping on Main Street, 62 00:01:59,411 --> 00:02:01,162 and walk through that little park with the ducks. 63 00:02:01,246 --> 00:02:02,622 Do you remember that park, Cary? 64 00:02:02,747 --> 00:02:04,290 - Uh... - And then we're gonna go back 65 00:02:04,416 --> 00:02:05,750 to Lisa's and order dinner 66 00:02:05,834 --> 00:02:07,127 from El Poncho Taqueria. 67 00:02:07,252 --> 00:02:08,586 Ooh, I can't wait. 68 00:02:08,711 --> 00:02:10,088 - I think you might be the first person ever 69 00:02:10,170 --> 00:02:11,673 to be excited to go to Ohio. 70 00:02:11,756 --> 00:02:12,966 - Well, I am. 71 00:02:13,091 --> 00:02:15,427 Things have been so crazy here. 72 00:02:15,510 --> 00:02:17,887 I just want a simple weekend back home. 73 00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:19,681 Reconnect with the old me. 74 00:02:19,764 --> 00:02:21,266 Are you sure you don't wanna come? 75 00:02:21,349 --> 00:02:23,143 It is your high school reunion tonight. 76 00:02:23,268 --> 00:02:24,436 - Yeah, no, 77 00:02:24,561 --> 00:02:26,228 I am absolutely not going to that. 78 00:02:26,312 --> 00:02:28,189 I just--I don't know. I thought I was gonna be 79 00:02:28,273 --> 00:02:29,482 more successful by now. 80 00:02:29,607 --> 00:02:30,775 Like, if I'm gonna go, 81 00:02:30,859 --> 00:02:32,444 I need to make sure I fully win. 82 00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:34,612 - Sorry. Aren't you so successful? 83 00:02:34,696 --> 00:02:37,281 What about "Night Nurse" and "Emily Overruled" 84 00:02:37,365 --> 00:02:39,659 and the Disney movie? And now "WindWeaver"? 85 00:02:39,784 --> 00:02:41,786 I mean that show's a hit, Cary. 86 00:02:41,870 --> 00:02:43,747 It's number one on Netflix, after that show 87 00:02:43,829 --> 00:02:45,957 where the puppies run the errands. 88 00:02:46,041 --> 00:02:46,958 What else are you looking for? 89 00:02:47,083 --> 00:02:48,376 - Yeah, I know it's a hit. 90 00:02:48,460 --> 00:02:49,793 But I still don't know 91 00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:51,379 if they're gonna do more seasons, 92 00:02:51,463 --> 00:02:52,881 so it's not like I have job security, 93 00:02:52,964 --> 00:02:55,425 and even if they do, my character doesn't talk. 94 00:02:55,508 --> 00:02:57,719 And it's just a dumb wizard show. 95 00:02:57,802 --> 00:02:59,179 It's not, like, important or-- [motor revving] 96 00:02:59,304 --> 00:03:00,805 - Oh, sorry, Cary. My copter's here. 97 00:03:00,889 --> 00:03:02,724 And I gotta get to my plane ASAP, 98 00:03:02,807 --> 00:03:05,226 because all the stores on Main Street close at 3:15. 99 00:03:05,310 --> 00:03:06,478 - Oh, this is my agent. 100 00:03:06,603 --> 00:03:07,771 She wants me to give her a call. 101 00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:09,272 Okay, well, have fun. 102 00:03:09,356 --> 00:03:10,690 Tell no one I said hi. 103 00:03:10,815 --> 00:03:11,900 - Cary... 104 00:03:11,983 --> 00:03:13,151 [line trilling] 105 00:03:13,234 --> 00:03:14,611 - Cary! - Hey, Mackenzie. 106 00:03:14,694 --> 00:03:16,988 - Guess what. Or wait, can you hear me 107 00:03:17,072 --> 00:03:18,073 over the sound of the ocean? 108 00:03:18,156 --> 00:03:19,240 I'm back in the Hamptons. 109 00:03:19,324 --> 00:03:20,450 - Again? 110 00:03:20,533 --> 00:03:22,327 Yes. Yeah, I can hear you. 111 00:03:22,452 --> 00:03:24,245 - Great, because I have incredible news. 112 00:03:24,329 --> 00:03:26,539 Netflix just picked up "WindWeaver" 113 00:03:26,664 --> 00:03:28,333 for three more seasons. 114 00:03:28,416 --> 00:03:29,584 - Wait. What? 115 00:03:29,668 --> 00:03:30,877 - Yeah. I mean, it makes sense. 116 00:03:31,002 --> 00:03:32,504 It's the biggest show Netflix has 117 00:03:32,587 --> 00:03:34,172 that doesn't involve puppies running errands. 118 00:03:34,255 --> 00:03:35,298 Oh, and get this. 119 00:03:35,382 --> 00:03:36,299 They wanna make you 120 00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:37,841 a series regular. 121 00:03:37,926 --> 00:03:40,345 - What? [laughs] 122 00:03:40,470 --> 00:03:41,554 A series regular? 123 00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:43,014 Wait. Is this real? 124 00:03:43,139 --> 00:03:44,516 Like, how? Why? 125 00:03:44,599 --> 00:03:45,517 - Well, you know how "WindWeaver" 126 00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:46,643 is based on those books? 127 00:03:46,726 --> 00:03:47,852 Apparently, the fifth book 128 00:03:47,977 --> 00:03:49,478 is being published Friday, 129 00:03:49,562 --> 00:03:51,523 and in that book, it's revealed that your character, 130 00:03:51,606 --> 00:03:53,900 the little serf elf with no lines, 131 00:03:54,025 --> 00:03:56,861 is actually the one who weaves the wind. 132 00:03:56,986 --> 00:03:59,364 - What? 133 00:03:59,489 --> 00:04:00,782 Holy fucking shit. 134 00:04:00,865 --> 00:04:02,784 My-- my character 135 00:04:02,867 --> 00:04:04,077 is the WindWeaver? 136 00:04:04,202 --> 00:04:06,037 It's my--I'm the WindWeaver? 137 00:04:06,162 --> 00:04:07,914 - It's insane. Right? 138 00:04:08,039 --> 00:04:09,833 Apparently, the books end up being all about 139 00:04:09,916 --> 00:04:12,043 how the least of us hold the most power, 140 00:04:12,168 --> 00:04:15,755 so your lowly, gay elf ends up being the WindWeaver. 141 00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:18,507 Oh, did I mention your character's gay, too? 142 00:04:18,591 --> 00:04:20,760 - So it's also important? - Yeah, and this will all be 143 00:04:20,885 --> 00:04:22,429 on "Deadline" in, like, an hour. 144 00:04:22,554 --> 00:04:24,639 - This is, comically, everything I ever wanted. 145 00:04:24,723 --> 00:04:27,892 I guess--I guess I should go to my reunion. 146 00:04:28,018 --> 00:04:30,895 Shit. Okay, it starts in six hours. 147 00:04:31,021 --> 00:04:32,188 It's an eight-hour drive. 148 00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:33,690 I'm gonna have to race. 149 00:04:33,773 --> 00:04:35,567 Mackenzie, find me a rental car upstate, stat. 150 00:04:35,692 --> 00:04:37,736 - That is not my job-- - Okay. 151 00:04:37,861 --> 00:04:39,988 - Hi, everyone. Hello. Hi. 152 00:04:40,071 --> 00:04:43,450 I just wanna say thank you so much for doing this. 153 00:04:43,575 --> 00:04:46,453 As you all know, Chase, and by extension, me, 154 00:04:46,578 --> 00:04:47,912 are all about doing good now, 155 00:04:48,038 --> 00:04:50,290 and more specifically, all about mental health, 156 00:04:50,415 --> 00:04:52,250 which is why I am so proud 157 00:04:52,334 --> 00:04:55,253 to be producing this telethon for "P!", 158 00:04:55,337 --> 00:04:58,548 which aims to raise $250 million 159 00:04:58,631 --> 00:05:01,426 for mental health awareness. 160 00:05:03,094 --> 00:05:05,764 Clap for me. [applause] 161 00:05:05,889 --> 00:05:08,099 Anyway, note that we're going live in a few, 162 00:05:08,183 --> 00:05:11,603 but I need this to go well, so if you have a prob, 163 00:05:11,686 --> 00:05:13,355 just let me or one of my co-EPs know. 164 00:05:13,438 --> 00:05:15,023 - Hi. - But remember, 165 00:05:15,106 --> 00:05:16,608 this was my idea, not theirs. 166 00:05:16,691 --> 00:05:17,984 - Yep. - Hmm. 167 00:05:18,109 --> 00:05:20,737 - Also, this is Effie, our COVID officer, 168 00:05:20,820 --> 00:05:22,322 here to make sure that you are all 169 00:05:22,447 --> 00:05:23,907 physically safe while working. 170 00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:26,534 And this is Jules, our mental health officer, 171 00:05:26,618 --> 00:05:27,744 who is here to make sure 172 00:05:27,827 --> 00:05:29,412 that you are all emotionally safe. 173 00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:32,624 Okay, I think I have all my bases covered. 174 00:05:32,749 --> 00:05:36,586 So let's go raise some insane money. 175 00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:38,296 - Oh, please, don't say insane. 176 00:05:38,380 --> 00:05:39,339 - Oh, sorry. 177 00:05:39,464 --> 00:05:41,424 Thank you, Jules. 178 00:05:41,508 --> 00:05:43,385 - Welcome to "ChaseDreams 179 00:05:43,468 --> 00:05:45,136 "and BetterHealth present 180 00:05:45,261 --> 00:05:47,389 A Night of Undeniable Good," 181 00:05:47,472 --> 00:05:49,474 an eight-hour event raising money 182 00:05:49,557 --> 00:05:51,476 for mental health awareness, 183 00:05:51,601 --> 00:05:53,311 featuring performances from singers 184 00:05:53,395 --> 00:05:54,813 who get anxious sometimes, 185 00:05:54,938 --> 00:05:57,107 like Lady Gaga, Ben Platt, 186 00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:59,651 and the cast of "Hamilton," still. 187 00:05:59,734 --> 00:06:02,112 Plus a teen mental health town hall 188 00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:03,905 led by Dr. Gregory Neal, 189 00:06:03,988 --> 00:06:06,741 and a powerful speech from Parkland survivor 190 00:06:06,825 --> 00:06:09,285 insert name of Parkland survivor we can get. 191 00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:11,287 - Whoops. - Now here's your host, 192 00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:12,622 ChaseDreams. 193 00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:14,165 - Hello. Good evening. 194 00:06:14,290 --> 00:06:15,667 Thank you for joining me. 195 00:06:15,792 --> 00:06:17,085 As you know, mental health is something 196 00:06:17,168 --> 00:06:19,170 I've cared deeply about for five weeks. 197 00:06:19,295 --> 00:06:20,755 - Hi. Um, sorry. 198 00:06:20,839 --> 00:06:22,549 You know the therapist doing the town hall? 199 00:06:22,674 --> 00:06:23,842 - Mm-hmm. - Apparently, 200 00:06:23,967 --> 00:06:26,094 he's been sexually harassing the crew. 201 00:06:26,177 --> 00:06:28,555 - Wait. What? 202 00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:31,391 - Aw, Lisa, it's so nice to be back. 203 00:06:31,516 --> 00:06:33,018 Everything is just as I remembered. 204 00:06:33,101 --> 00:06:34,853 - And don't you just love these jackets? 205 00:06:34,978 --> 00:06:36,730 Jenny's Jeans really does have the best stuff. 206 00:06:36,855 --> 00:06:38,148 - I know. I love all the buttons 207 00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:40,483 and the studs, and only $9. 208 00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:41,985 - I mean, you really don't need to spend 209 00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:43,528 more than $9 on a jacket. 210 00:06:43,611 --> 00:06:45,113 There's no reason. - Nope. 211 00:06:45,196 --> 00:06:48,575 Aw, and this pond is just as I remember, too. 212 00:06:48,700 --> 00:06:50,326 And I bet these are even the same ducks. 213 00:06:50,409 --> 00:06:51,786 [both chuckling] 214 00:06:51,870 --> 00:06:53,288 - Do you want to feed them? 215 00:06:53,371 --> 00:06:55,040 We could get bread at Benny's Bread. 216 00:06:55,165 --> 00:06:57,207 It's right on Main Street, next to Jenny's Jeans. 217 00:06:57,334 --> 00:06:59,294 - Aw, I'd love to. You know, it's really too bad 218 00:06:59,377 --> 00:07:00,420 that Cary decided not to come. 219 00:07:00,545 --> 00:07:02,088 - Okay, if I keep going 90, 220 00:07:02,213 --> 00:07:04,924 I should be able to make it for at least the last hour. 221 00:07:08,303 --> 00:07:10,555 Aw. Aw. Oh, my God. 222 00:07:10,638 --> 00:07:11,723 Oh, my God. Thank you. 223 00:07:11,806 --> 00:07:13,058 Thank you. That's so nice. 224 00:07:13,183 --> 00:07:14,559 Yeah, I was already planning on coming, 225 00:07:14,642 --> 00:07:15,685 and then the news came out. 226 00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:16,853 And the news came out. 227 00:07:16,936 --> 00:07:18,438 So--Oh, my God. Thank you. 228 00:07:18,563 --> 00:07:20,440 Aw, that's so nice. Thank you so much. 229 00:07:20,565 --> 00:07:21,649 Yes. Thank you. 230 00:07:21,733 --> 00:07:22,734 Thank you. Thank you. 231 00:07:22,859 --> 00:07:24,069 Thank you so much. 232 00:07:24,152 --> 00:07:25,070 [urine streaming] 233 00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:26,404 Out you go. 234 00:07:26,488 --> 00:07:27,781 I was already planning on coming. 235 00:07:27,906 --> 00:07:28,907 Stop. ...the news came out. 236 00:07:29,032 --> 00:07:30,367 Planning on coming anyway. 237 00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:31,409 So nice. Thank you so much. 238 00:07:31,493 --> 00:07:33,411 My God! 239 00:07:33,536 --> 00:07:35,288 Whoa. I did? 240 00:07:35,413 --> 00:07:36,998 I don't even remember that. 241 00:07:37,082 --> 00:07:39,584 [car horn honking] 242 00:07:39,709 --> 00:07:41,461 What the heck? - Hi, um... 243 00:07:41,586 --> 00:07:45,423 You've been throwing piss on me for, like, the last hour. 244 00:07:45,548 --> 00:07:46,758 Oh, wait. 245 00:07:46,883 --> 00:07:48,134 Are you the WindWeaver? 246 00:07:48,259 --> 00:07:49,469 - Oh, yeah. 247 00:07:49,594 --> 00:07:51,054 I am, yeah. Thank you. 248 00:07:51,137 --> 00:07:53,556 - And let me guess: now you're racing home 249 00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:55,767 to win your reunion. 250 00:07:55,892 --> 00:07:57,102 - How'd you know that? 251 00:07:57,185 --> 00:07:58,603 - 'Cause I just found out I'm gonna be 252 00:07:58,728 --> 00:08:00,313 Kamala Harris's new chief of staff, 253 00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:01,690 so I'm racing home to win mine. 254 00:08:01,773 --> 00:08:03,108 - Oh. - And here. 255 00:08:03,233 --> 00:08:04,693 I recommend a diaper 256 00:08:04,776 --> 00:08:06,277 so you can make it in time, 257 00:08:06,361 --> 00:08:08,530 but still show respect for other gays on the road 258 00:08:08,613 --> 00:08:10,073 racing home to their reunions. 259 00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:12,534 - Oh, is it more than just the two of-- 260 00:08:12,617 --> 00:08:14,703 oh, yeah, there's one in front of me. 261 00:08:14,786 --> 00:08:16,788 - Uh, okay, so obviously, 262 00:08:16,871 --> 00:08:18,790 I can't have a sexual predator on my "Night 263 00:08:18,873 --> 00:08:20,332 of Undeniable Good." - No, of course not. 264 00:08:20,457 --> 00:08:22,085 - But I also can't lose my mental health therapist 265 00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:24,462 'cause he's here to do the good. 266 00:08:24,546 --> 00:08:25,714 - Yeah. - Right. 267 00:08:25,797 --> 00:08:27,966 - Was he grabbing girl or guy butts? 268 00:08:28,091 --> 00:08:30,552 'Cause if it's guys, I mean... 269 00:08:30,635 --> 00:08:34,639 - No, I don't know what you mean. 270 00:08:34,722 --> 00:08:35,974 - You know, I think Melanie 271 00:08:36,099 --> 00:08:37,558 and Streeter and I have got this. 272 00:08:37,642 --> 00:08:38,893 But thanks for letting us know, girl. 273 00:08:38,977 --> 00:08:40,477 Love you. - Thank you so much. 274 00:08:40,562 --> 00:08:42,397 - Yeah, love you. Love you. 275 00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:43,606 Okay. How about we just ask 276 00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:44,774 these women not to say anything? 277 00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:47,152 You know, just stay silen... 278 00:08:47,277 --> 00:08:49,988 Well, not stay silent. That's not what I'm saying. 279 00:08:50,071 --> 00:08:51,781 It's just, you know, maybe these women 280 00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:53,491 were flirting with him. Maybe they were asking for-- 281 00:08:53,616 --> 00:08:54,868 eh... - [sighs] 282 00:08:54,993 --> 00:08:57,037 - Not asking for--oh, my God. 283 00:08:57,162 --> 00:08:58,830 Everything people say that gets them in trouble, 284 00:08:58,913 --> 00:09:00,790 I'm actually saying. It's crazy. 285 00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:02,167 Your brain really does go there. 286 00:09:02,292 --> 00:09:03,585 - Please, don't say crazy. 287 00:09:03,668 --> 00:09:04,669 - Jesus. Yes. 288 00:09:04,794 --> 00:09:05,837 Thank you, Jules. - Wait. 289 00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:06,921 I know a Bravo therapist 290 00:09:07,005 --> 00:09:08,465 who might be able to fill in. 291 00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:09,924 But a heads-up: most of his advice 292 00:09:10,008 --> 00:09:11,217 to the teens in crisis will be 293 00:09:11,343 --> 00:09:12,635 to just let Bethenny be Bethenny. 294 00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:13,970 - Fine. Whatever. 295 00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:15,638 If he's a therapist, then call him. 296 00:09:15,722 --> 00:09:17,849 Because the good move is to fire the predator, 297 00:09:17,932 --> 00:09:20,101 so that is what I am doing. 298 00:09:20,185 --> 00:09:23,980 Now I am off to watch more of my goodness. 299 00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:26,316 - Thank you, John Krasinski, for that beautiful poem 300 00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:27,525 while flexing. 301 00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:28,860 When we come back, a message 302 00:09:28,943 --> 00:09:30,570 from a Parkland survivor. 303 00:09:30,695 --> 00:09:32,030 And before that, three performances 304 00:09:32,155 --> 00:09:33,948 from John Legend that will make you say, 305 00:09:34,032 --> 00:09:36,951 "Huh, I think he just doesn't like to be home." 306 00:09:37,035 --> 00:09:38,203 - Okay. 307 00:09:38,286 --> 00:09:40,038 - Hi, um, more bad news. 308 00:09:40,121 --> 00:09:42,165 Apparently, the Parkland survivor 309 00:09:42,248 --> 00:09:43,540 has COVID. 310 00:09:43,625 --> 00:09:46,211 - Oh, my God. 311 00:09:46,294 --> 00:09:47,420 Okay. Okay. 312 00:09:47,545 --> 00:09:49,381 Okay. 313 00:09:49,506 --> 00:09:52,217 [driven march music playing] 314 00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:54,260 both: ♪ The gays are racing home tonight ♪ 315 00:09:54,386 --> 00:09:55,887 ♪ Hurrah, hurrah ♪ 316 00:09:55,970 --> 00:09:58,515 ♪ Our reunions we will crush tonight ♪ 317 00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:00,141 ♪ Hurrah, hurrah ♪ 318 00:10:00,225 --> 00:10:02,185 - ♪ No one will be more successful than we ♪ 319 00:10:02,268 --> 00:10:04,396 - ♪ Or understand Kamala better than he ♪ 320 00:10:04,479 --> 00:10:08,692 both: ♪ Because we are gay and coming to win the night ♪ 321 00:10:08,775 --> 00:10:10,694 - Oh, look, a third gay. 322 00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:12,529 - ♪ At Netflix I run comedy ♪ 323 00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:14,239 ♪ Hurrah, hurrah ♪ 324 00:10:14,322 --> 00:10:16,616 - ♪ And at Google, I'm the new VP ♪ 325 00:10:16,741 --> 00:10:18,243 ♪ Hurrah, hurrah ♪ 326 00:10:18,326 --> 00:10:20,412 both: ♪ And now I am sitting in my own pee ♪ 327 00:10:20,537 --> 00:10:22,455 ♪ So all of my past can compliment me ♪ 328 00:10:22,580 --> 00:10:26,084 all: ♪ 'Cause we four gays are coming to win the night ♪ 329 00:10:26,209 --> 00:10:28,503 - [laughs] - No, but really. 330 00:10:28,586 --> 00:10:31,923 ♪ Think of what they'll say when they see me ♪ 331 00:10:32,048 --> 00:10:34,009 - ♪ See me ♪ - ♪ All my classmates ♪ 332 00:10:34,092 --> 00:10:36,094 ♪ With their sad little lives ♪ 333 00:10:36,219 --> 00:10:38,388 - ♪ Sad little lives ♪ - ♪ Think of what they'll say ♪ 334 00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:40,724 ♪ How they'll swoon and scream ♪ 335 00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:45,020 ♪ When the WindWeaver arrives ♪ 336 00:10:45,103 --> 00:10:47,022 - Holy shit, Cary Dubek? - Oh, my God. 337 00:10:47,105 --> 00:10:48,606 Everyone, stop what you're doing. 338 00:10:48,690 --> 00:10:49,941 Cary Dubek's here. 339 00:10:50,066 --> 00:10:51,192 - This is literally like 340 00:10:51,276 --> 00:10:53,236 if Brad Pitt came to his reunion. 341 00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:55,280 all: ♪ Us gays have not been back in years ♪ 342 00:10:55,405 --> 00:10:56,948 ♪ Like 10, or 12 ♪ 343 00:10:57,032 --> 00:10:59,075 ♪ 'Cause high school for us was full of tears ♪ 344 00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:00,952 ♪ So sad, oh, well ♪ 345 00:11:01,036 --> 00:11:03,121 ♪ But that was the past, and this is the now ♪ 346 00:11:03,246 --> 00:11:04,581 ♪ And look at our résumés ♪ 347 00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:05,623 ♪ Holy shit, wow ♪ 348 00:11:05,749 --> 00:11:07,042 - ♪ The gays are coming ♪ 349 00:11:07,125 --> 00:11:09,085 - ♪ The gays are coming ♪ 350 00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:13,548 all: ♪ The gays are coming ♪ 351 00:11:13,631 --> 00:11:15,759 ♪ Home to win the night ♪ 352 00:11:20,805 --> 00:11:22,057 - It makes it look, like, super clean 353 00:11:22,140 --> 00:11:23,767 or something like that. Oh, my God. 354 00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:26,019 This is gorgeous, Lisa. 355 00:11:26,144 --> 00:11:28,938 - Yep. Finally, have my dream kitchen. 356 00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:30,273 - Oh, I'm so jealous. 357 00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:32,150 I wish my kitchen was bee themed. 358 00:11:32,233 --> 00:11:33,985 - And I saved money on a designer 359 00:11:34,069 --> 00:11:36,196 by buying this little stencil kit at Kathy's Crafts 360 00:11:36,321 --> 00:11:38,114 on the other side of Jenny's Jeans, 361 00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:40,200 and just stenciling the bees on myself. 362 00:11:40,325 --> 00:11:42,285 - I love that you have bees flying around 363 00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:43,578 on every single cupboard. 364 00:11:43,661 --> 00:11:44,829 - I actually did bees flying 365 00:11:44,913 --> 00:11:46,039 around the whole house. 366 00:11:46,164 --> 00:11:48,165 I mean, why not? I had the stencil. 367 00:11:48,249 --> 00:11:49,501 - I'm gonna take a picture. 368 00:11:49,626 --> 00:11:51,336 This is so cozy. - Thanks. 369 00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:52,462 - And aw. 370 00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:53,630 I used to have that sign. 371 00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:54,964 - Don't you love it? 372 00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:56,508 Meg got me that for Mother's Day. 373 00:11:56,633 --> 00:11:58,093 She and Mark know to only ever get me something 374 00:11:58,176 --> 00:12:00,053 with a bee on it now, or else. 375 00:12:00,178 --> 00:12:01,596 - And how are Meg and Mark? 376 00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:02,931 - The same. That reminds me. 377 00:12:03,014 --> 00:12:04,182 How's Brooke? 378 00:12:04,265 --> 00:12:06,101 What's she up to now? - Oh... 379 00:12:06,184 --> 00:12:08,436 - Are you sure he can't stay for seven more minutes? 380 00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:10,313 You know, he's on right after the break. 381 00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:11,523 - Sorry. Protocol. 382 00:12:11,606 --> 00:12:12,565 - Yes, totally. 383 00:12:12,691 --> 00:12:14,317 Safety is so key. 384 00:12:14,401 --> 00:12:15,360 Fuck. 385 00:12:15,485 --> 00:12:16,528 I can't lose my therapist 386 00:12:16,653 --> 00:12:18,238 and my Parkland teen. 387 00:12:18,363 --> 00:12:19,906 Do you know how humiliating it will be 388 00:12:20,031 --> 00:12:21,950 to have an eight-hour mental health telethon 389 00:12:22,033 --> 00:12:24,244 without one Parkland kid in it? 390 00:12:24,369 --> 00:12:25,704 - Ooh, I know. 391 00:12:25,787 --> 00:12:26,830 What if we chloroform her? 392 00:12:26,913 --> 00:12:28,248 - Oh, my God, Streeter, no. 393 00:12:28,373 --> 00:12:29,708 We can't chloroform the COVID lady 394 00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:31,376 on my "Night of Undeniable Good." 395 00:12:31,459 --> 00:12:32,544 - Fine. 396 00:12:32,627 --> 00:12:33,712 - [whispering] This way. This way. 397 00:12:33,837 --> 00:12:35,046 - What? - Hmm? 398 00:12:35,171 --> 00:12:36,214 - Where are we going? - I have an idea. 399 00:12:36,297 --> 00:12:37,841 I saw a broom closet upstairs. 400 00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:40,176 What if we just... lock her in it for ten? 401 00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:41,803 - Are you out of your mind? 402 00:12:41,886 --> 00:12:43,555 - That feels just as bad as chloroforming her. 403 00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:45,056 - No, it's no big deal. 404 00:12:45,181 --> 00:12:46,391 We just lead her in 405 00:12:46,474 --> 00:12:47,726 and let the door shut behind her. 406 00:12:47,851 --> 00:12:49,394 And then we say, "Oh, no. 407 00:12:49,519 --> 00:12:50,729 "We thought this was him. 408 00:12:50,812 --> 00:12:52,397 Our bad. We'll go get help." 409 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:55,692 And then we just let her out right after he speaks. 410 00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:57,068 No harm, no foul. 411 00:12:57,193 --> 00:12:57,902 - Sorry. 412 00:12:57,986 --> 00:12:58,987 Excuse me. 413 00:12:59,070 --> 00:13:00,321 His dressing room's up here? 414 00:13:00,405 --> 00:13:01,322 - I think so. 415 00:13:01,406 --> 00:13:02,282 Almost there. 416 00:13:02,407 --> 00:13:03,908 - You cannot lock a full woman 417 00:13:03,992 --> 00:13:05,827 in a broom closet on our night of good. 418 00:13:05,910 --> 00:13:07,620 - We'd still be doing net good. 419 00:13:07,746 --> 00:13:09,831 It's one woman in a closet for half of "Seinfeld" 420 00:13:09,914 --> 00:13:13,293 so millions of teens can hear this Parkland kid's message. 421 00:13:13,418 --> 00:13:15,045 - I mean, his speech is beautiful. 422 00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:16,921 - Uh-huh. - Yeah. 423 00:13:17,047 --> 00:13:18,423 - Breakdown to the stage. 424 00:13:18,548 --> 00:13:21,176 - Okay, fine. But just ten minutes. 425 00:13:21,259 --> 00:13:23,553 - Okay, hands in. We're doing good on three. 426 00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:24,763 One, two, three. 427 00:13:24,846 --> 00:13:25,930 all: We are doing good. 428 00:13:26,014 --> 00:13:27,515 - Okay. 429 00:13:27,599 --> 00:13:31,603 ♪ ♪ 430 00:13:31,686 --> 00:13:33,271 Let's do this. 431 00:13:33,396 --> 00:13:40,403 ♪ ♪ 432 00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:48,995 [indistinct conversations] 433 00:13:55,001 --> 00:13:56,795 [sighs] 434 00:13:56,878 --> 00:13:57,796 I feel so stupid. 435 00:13:57,879 --> 00:13:58,963 No one here is gonna-- 436 00:13:59,047 --> 00:13:59,964 - Holy shit. 437 00:14:00,048 --> 00:14:01,007 Cary Dubek. 438 00:14:01,132 --> 00:14:02,467 - Oh, my God. 439 00:14:02,550 --> 00:14:04,803 Everyone, stop what you're doing. 440 00:14:04,928 --> 00:14:06,846 Cary Dubek is here. 441 00:14:06,971 --> 00:14:07,847 - Whoa! 442 00:14:07,972 --> 00:14:08,848 This is like if Brad Pitt 443 00:14:08,973 --> 00:14:10,183 came to his reunion. 444 00:14:10,308 --> 00:14:12,477 - Wait. This is literally the song. 445 00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:14,354 - Oh, my God. I can't believe you came. 446 00:14:14,479 --> 00:14:16,272 - Cary Dubes, dude. - Yeah. 447 00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:18,066 - Wait a minute. What's going on? 448 00:14:18,149 --> 00:14:19,651 It kind of smells like piss over here. 449 00:14:19,734 --> 00:14:22,278 - Oh, that's for sure me. 450 00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:24,864 I'm literally covered in piss 24/7. 451 00:14:24,989 --> 00:14:26,157 It's the joy of having a one-year-old. 452 00:14:26,241 --> 00:14:28,034 - Oh. [laughter] 453 00:14:28,159 --> 00:14:30,203 - Wow. Cary Dubek, hi. 454 00:14:30,328 --> 00:14:31,996 - Sorry. Can I get a pic? 455 00:14:32,122 --> 00:14:33,623 My wife and I love "WindWeaver," 456 00:14:33,707 --> 00:14:35,542 and now you're the full star? 457 00:14:35,667 --> 00:14:36,668 - Thank you. 458 00:14:36,751 --> 00:14:37,836 That's so nice. 459 00:14:37,919 --> 00:14:44,676 But, um, uh, ah, are, ew. 460 00:14:44,801 --> 00:14:46,428 - Sorry. What's that, Cary? 461 00:14:46,511 --> 00:14:48,388 - Uh, ow are you? 462 00:14:48,513 --> 00:14:51,016 - Oh. I think he's asking how we are. 463 00:14:51,141 --> 00:14:52,434 - Yeah. Sorry. 464 00:14:52,517 --> 00:14:54,561 - Oh, no. We see each other 24/7. 465 00:14:54,686 --> 00:14:56,146 I'm sick of hearing about these people. 466 00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:58,690 - Yeah. - Seriously. 467 00:14:58,773 --> 00:14:59,983 - So wait. 468 00:15:00,066 --> 00:15:01,818 You just want me to talk about myself 469 00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:03,862 all night? 470 00:15:03,987 --> 00:15:05,613 all: Yes! [laughter] 471 00:15:05,697 --> 00:15:08,658 - I mean, if you insist. 472 00:15:08,742 --> 00:15:11,703 [song concluding] 473 00:15:11,786 --> 00:15:12,871 - Thank you, John Legend. 474 00:15:12,954 --> 00:15:14,539 Another B-plus. 475 00:15:14,664 --> 00:15:17,083 And now, a quick announcement for all you at home. 476 00:15:17,208 --> 00:15:19,461 Starting now, if you tweet about the show 477 00:15:19,544 --> 00:15:22,005 using the hashtag #ANightOfUndeniableGood, 478 00:15:22,088 --> 00:15:23,757 you will get one month of therapy 479 00:15:23,882 --> 00:15:25,091 courtesy of BetterHealth. 480 00:15:25,216 --> 00:15:26,593 So tell all your mentally ill friends 481 00:15:26,718 --> 00:15:28,720 to tune in and tweet, and let's make this 482 00:15:28,845 --> 00:15:31,473 the most-watched telethon ever. 483 00:15:31,556 --> 00:15:33,683 Okay, we'll be right back after the break 484 00:15:33,767 --> 00:15:36,519 with insert name of whatever Parkland teen we get. 485 00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:38,355 - Okay. Set's right this way. 486 00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:39,606 Follow us. 487 00:15:39,731 --> 00:15:41,316 - I'm trying. You're just going really fast. 488 00:15:41,399 --> 00:15:42,734 - Well, we're just eager to get you 489 00:15:42,817 --> 00:15:43,735 out there to tell your story. 490 00:15:43,818 --> 00:15:44,819 - Hello? - Hey. 491 00:15:44,903 --> 00:15:46,029 Is COVID lady still in there? 492 00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:47,697 - Mm-hmm. Help's on the way. Sorry. 493 00:15:47,781 --> 00:15:49,741 We really thought this was his dressing room. 494 00:15:49,866 --> 00:15:51,117 - Okay. - I feel so weird 495 00:15:51,242 --> 00:15:52,118 about this, Brooke. 496 00:15:52,243 --> 00:15:53,244 Like, that Parkland kid 497 00:15:53,328 --> 00:15:54,245 does have COVID. - No. 498 00:15:54,329 --> 00:15:55,747 Do not get cold feet now. 499 00:15:55,872 --> 00:15:58,458 Plus, who can he hurt in the next minute? 500 00:15:58,540 --> 00:15:59,793 - Hi. Sia? 501 00:15:59,918 --> 00:16:01,252 I'm such a huge fan. 502 00:16:01,336 --> 00:16:02,921 "Rolling In The Deep" is one of my favorite songs. 503 00:16:03,004 --> 00:16:05,090 - Fuck. He's giving Sia COVID. 504 00:16:05,173 --> 00:16:06,383 - Hey. Hey, bud? 505 00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:07,592 Let's just keep it moving, okay? 506 00:16:07,717 --> 00:16:08,927 I'm sure Sia is very busy. 507 00:16:09,010 --> 00:16:10,261 - Can I maybe give you a hug? 508 00:16:10,345 --> 00:16:11,429 - No, no. - No. 509 00:16:11,554 --> 00:16:12,764 You know what? It's fine. 510 00:16:12,889 --> 00:16:14,224 Everyone has to be vaccinated, 511 00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:15,725 so even if she does get it, it'll be a cold. 512 00:16:15,809 --> 00:16:16,768 She's young. - Right. 513 00:16:16,893 --> 00:16:18,061 - And is this your grandma? 514 00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:19,104 - I have to give you a hug, too. 515 00:16:19,187 --> 00:16:20,105 - Oh, my God. 516 00:16:20,230 --> 00:16:21,231 We killed Sia's grandma. 517 00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:22,774 We killed Sia's grandma. 518 00:16:22,857 --> 00:16:24,234 - Streeter, quit being psycho. 519 00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:25,694 - Oh, please don't say psycho. 520 00:16:25,777 --> 00:16:26,903 - God, can someone 521 00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:28,321 please put a bell on them? 522 00:16:28,446 --> 00:16:29,823 - Shit. He's on in 10 seconds. 523 00:16:29,948 --> 00:16:31,116 Uh... uh... 524 00:16:31,241 --> 00:16:32,951 [inhales deeply] 525 00:16:33,034 --> 00:16:34,119 Grandma, stay away from the boy. 526 00:16:34,244 --> 00:16:35,286 Step back, Grandma. 527 00:16:35,412 --> 00:16:36,871 - What? What? - Up we go. 528 00:16:36,955 --> 00:16:38,331 No, no. Don't worry. 529 00:16:38,456 --> 00:16:39,958 We're all doing good. We're doing good here. 530 00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:40,959 - This is good. - Okay. 531 00:16:41,042 --> 00:16:42,293 Good coming through. 532 00:16:42,419 --> 00:16:43,461 - What he's doing is good. - It's all good! 533 00:16:43,586 --> 00:16:45,130 - And now, a moving message 534 00:16:45,255 --> 00:16:47,799 from Parkland survivor Cameron Kasky. 535 00:16:49,759 --> 00:16:51,052 - Thank you, Chase. 536 00:16:51,136 --> 00:16:53,054 As many of you may know... [coughs] 537 00:16:53,138 --> 00:16:54,514 - [sighs] - Hi. 538 00:16:54,639 --> 00:16:57,642 We have a problem with Ben Platt. 539 00:16:57,767 --> 00:16:59,644 - What the fuck? 540 00:16:59,769 --> 00:17:00,770 [laughter] - God. 541 00:17:00,854 --> 00:17:02,480 You are just so famous now. 542 00:17:02,564 --> 00:17:04,315 - And it makes sense. I remember in high school, 543 00:17:04,441 --> 00:17:06,984 you won "Most likely to win an Academy Award." 544 00:17:07,109 --> 00:17:08,153 - I did? 545 00:17:08,278 --> 00:17:09,487 I don't even remember that. 546 00:17:09,570 --> 00:17:11,489 - God, I don't know what I won. 547 00:17:11,614 --> 00:17:13,867 - Well, I got "most likely to succeed," which is sad, 548 00:17:13,992 --> 00:17:15,160 'cause now I'm a dentist, 549 00:17:15,285 --> 00:17:16,493 which is nothing compared to Cary. 550 00:17:16,618 --> 00:17:19,539 - Oh, being a dentist isn't nothing. 551 00:17:19,664 --> 00:17:21,833 Yes, it is. It's truly nothing. 552 00:17:21,958 --> 00:17:23,667 [laughter] 553 00:17:23,792 --> 00:17:26,838 - Seriously, I tell everyone I was in "Grease" with you. 554 00:17:26,963 --> 00:17:28,339 - Oh, that's sweet. 555 00:17:28,423 --> 00:17:30,508 Are you still acting? - Oh, no. 556 00:17:30,592 --> 00:17:32,177 I do marketing for a local theater now, 557 00:17:32,302 --> 00:17:34,179 which is nice, 'cause the hours are flexible, 558 00:17:34,304 --> 00:17:35,638 but it's still creative. 559 00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:38,224 God, this must sound so small time to you. 560 00:17:38,350 --> 00:17:41,019 - No. Please, you are not small time. 561 00:17:41,102 --> 00:17:42,645 Yes, she is. She is small, I am big. 562 00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:45,148 - And, hey. I'm so happy you're out now. 563 00:17:45,231 --> 00:17:47,942 I had no idea you were closeted in school. 564 00:17:48,026 --> 00:17:49,152 It must have been so hard. 565 00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:51,946 - No, no. And now, I'm winning. 566 00:17:52,030 --> 00:17:53,698 So let's go back to how I'm winning. 567 00:17:57,285 --> 00:17:58,536 - Hi. - Hey. 568 00:17:58,620 --> 00:17:59,537 - Wow. 569 00:17:59,621 --> 00:18:00,663 - Hey, Owen? 570 00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:02,040 So cool you're here. 571 00:18:02,165 --> 00:18:03,249 Great to see you. 572 00:18:03,375 --> 00:18:04,876 - Yeah. I wasn't gonna come, 573 00:18:05,001 --> 00:18:07,504 but I just got some insane news. 574 00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:09,714 - What? - I'm gonna be... 575 00:18:09,839 --> 00:18:11,841 an understudy on Broadway. 576 00:18:11,925 --> 00:18:14,177 - Wow. That's so cool. 577 00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:15,637 - You should talk to Cary Dubek 578 00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:17,055 since you guys are, like, in the same industry. 579 00:18:17,180 --> 00:18:18,890 Hey, yo, Dubes. 580 00:18:18,973 --> 00:18:20,850 - Wait. You came? Fuck! 581 00:18:20,934 --> 00:18:22,727 I can't be the second most successful gay 582 00:18:22,811 --> 00:18:25,814 at this reunion. That's fucking nothing. 583 00:18:25,897 --> 00:18:28,358 No. Gosh. 584 00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:30,777 [laughs] We're having a great time. 585 00:18:30,902 --> 00:18:32,070 - Jesus. 586 00:18:32,153 --> 00:18:33,905 - This is the best night of my life. 587 00:18:34,030 --> 00:18:36,574 I may need to sing again. 588 00:18:36,658 --> 00:18:38,243 - Shit. But we already announced 589 00:18:38,368 --> 00:18:41,538 their company's $100-million donation on air. 590 00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:43,289 - But that was before the company CEO found out 591 00:18:43,415 --> 00:18:44,874 there was a gay person on the show. 592 00:18:44,958 --> 00:18:47,085 And he's crazy conservative, and he says 593 00:18:47,210 --> 00:18:49,254 that if we let Ben Platt perform, 594 00:18:49,337 --> 00:18:51,089 he'll take their money back. 595 00:18:51,172 --> 00:18:52,549 I'm so sorry. - Well, thank you. 596 00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:54,300 Where are you going? - Fuck. 597 00:18:54,426 --> 00:18:55,635 Doing good is impossible. 598 00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:57,929 No wonder I didn't do it for 35 years. 599 00:18:58,013 --> 00:18:59,264 - Okay, so what do we do? 600 00:18:59,347 --> 00:19:01,057 - Let me just try and go talk to him. 601 00:19:01,141 --> 00:19:02,267 - Right. 602 00:19:02,392 --> 00:19:04,352 - I mean, listen, I hate gays too. 603 00:19:04,436 --> 00:19:06,021 Penises in butts? 604 00:19:06,104 --> 00:19:08,189 How and why, sir? 605 00:19:08,273 --> 00:19:09,774 They're the ones who are mentally ill. 606 00:19:09,858 --> 00:19:11,234 Am I right? 607 00:19:11,317 --> 00:19:13,611 It's just that Ben's already here, you know, 608 00:19:13,695 --> 00:19:18,450 so let's just... let him do his little song. 609 00:19:18,533 --> 00:19:21,619 - Sorry. But I won't budge on this. 610 00:19:21,703 --> 00:19:23,246 - I mean, can you believe it? 611 00:19:23,329 --> 00:19:25,498 He will take his money back if you perform. 612 00:19:25,623 --> 00:19:27,584 - Jesus. That is so shitty. 613 00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:28,376 - I know. 614 00:19:28,460 --> 00:19:32,672 So obviously, you-- 615 00:19:32,797 --> 00:19:34,758 - Are going out there, more determined than ever 616 00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:36,176 to not be silenced. 617 00:19:37,469 --> 00:19:40,221 - Yas, queen. 618 00:19:40,305 --> 00:19:42,599 Fucking gay people. Fuck. 619 00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:44,976 - Okay, I know. What if we chloroform him? 620 00:19:45,101 --> 00:19:46,978 - No. Let's just game this out. 621 00:19:47,062 --> 00:19:48,813 - All right. - We can't tell Ben to leave, 622 00:19:48,897 --> 00:19:50,315 'cause that would look bad. - Yeah. 623 00:19:50,398 --> 00:19:51,858 - Plus, mental health does affect 624 00:19:51,983 --> 00:19:53,360 the LGBTQ community, 625 00:19:53,485 --> 00:19:55,320 so it is good to have a gay person on this. 626 00:19:55,445 --> 00:19:57,155 - Representation is worth so much. 627 00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:58,823 - But is it worth $100 million? 628 00:19:58,907 --> 00:20:01,576 - I don't know. - Like, if it was 5 or 10... 629 00:20:01,659 --> 00:20:03,453 - Brooke, hey. - Hi. 630 00:20:03,536 --> 00:20:05,538 - I had an idea. What if we do a thing 631 00:20:05,663 --> 00:20:07,332 where, every time someone buys my last album, 632 00:20:07,415 --> 00:20:08,708 they get a month of free therapy? 633 00:20:08,833 --> 00:20:10,794 - What? Absolutely not. That's gross. 634 00:20:10,877 --> 00:20:13,046 - But we just said if people tweet about this show, 635 00:20:13,171 --> 00:20:14,547 they get a month of therapy. What's the difference? 636 00:20:14,673 --> 00:20:16,424 - Well, Bud, you'd be doing it 637 00:20:16,508 --> 00:20:18,510 to help album sales, which is bad. 638 00:20:18,593 --> 00:20:20,887 But I'm doing it to help promote this show 639 00:20:21,012 --> 00:20:23,890 that helps the whole world, which is good. 640 00:20:24,015 --> 00:20:25,141 So... 641 00:20:25,225 --> 00:20:26,184 - No, yeah. 642 00:20:26,267 --> 00:20:27,352 Yeah, right. 643 00:20:27,435 --> 00:20:29,646 Sorry for asking. 644 00:20:29,729 --> 00:20:30,563 - Okay. 645 00:20:30,689 --> 00:20:32,232 I know what we're gonna do. 646 00:20:32,357 --> 00:20:33,400 We're gonna accidentally lock Ben Platt 647 00:20:33,525 --> 00:20:34,984 in the broom closet, too. 648 00:20:35,068 --> 00:20:36,444 - Okay. 649 00:20:36,528 --> 00:20:38,238 - Yeah, I mean, I've had an agent for a while, 650 00:20:38,363 --> 00:20:40,448 but now I have a lawyer and a manager. 651 00:20:40,532 --> 00:20:42,450 - That is so crazy. 652 00:20:42,534 --> 00:20:44,244 - I have none of that. 653 00:20:44,369 --> 00:20:45,495 - ♪ It's happening ♪ 654 00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:47,080 ♪ Look how they fawn ♪ 655 00:20:47,205 --> 00:20:49,374 ♪ Hurrah, hurrah ♪ 656 00:20:49,499 --> 00:20:51,584 - Wow. - Yeah, we shoot in Croatia, 657 00:20:51,710 --> 00:20:54,295 but luckily, they have to fly me first. 658 00:20:54,379 --> 00:20:55,714 - Lucky. 659 00:20:55,839 --> 00:20:57,382 - We did a friend trip to Hawaii last year, 660 00:20:57,465 --> 00:20:59,092 and we were in the very last row of coach. 661 00:20:59,217 --> 00:21:00,218 - Aw. 662 00:21:00,343 --> 00:21:01,970 ♪ It's happening ♪ 663 00:21:02,053 --> 00:21:03,304 ♪ I am their god ♪ 664 00:21:03,388 --> 00:21:05,473 ♪ Hurrah, hurrah ♪ 665 00:21:05,557 --> 00:21:08,059 - Hey, would you mind FaceTiming my brother-in-law? 666 00:21:08,143 --> 00:21:09,811 He's a huge fan. 667 00:21:09,894 --> 00:21:11,604 - My brother-in-law's also a fan. 668 00:21:11,730 --> 00:21:13,356 - Girls, girls, there is plenty of me 669 00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:15,984 for every brother-in-law. [laughter] 670 00:21:16,067 --> 00:21:18,028 ♪ Their lives were empty before I came ♪ 671 00:21:18,111 --> 00:21:21,364 ♪ 'Cause they're just people, but I have fame ♪ 672 00:21:21,448 --> 00:21:23,533 all: Aw. - Already? 673 00:21:23,616 --> 00:21:25,243 - But I guess I do need to relieve the sitter. 674 00:21:25,326 --> 00:21:26,619 - And what time is soccer tomorrow? 675 00:21:26,745 --> 00:21:28,079 - Drinks on Thursday, right? - Love you. 676 00:21:28,163 --> 00:21:30,165 - ♪ They'll never forget this epic night ♪ 677 00:21:30,248 --> 00:21:31,708 - It was so great seeing you. 678 00:21:31,791 --> 00:21:34,461 - ♪ I hope when I leave, they will be all right ♪ 679 00:21:34,586 --> 00:21:36,254 - I think we can all safely say, 680 00:21:36,338 --> 00:21:37,922 you won this reunion, bro. 681 00:21:38,048 --> 00:21:39,841 - ♪ Tonight was just how I hoped it'd be ♪ 682 00:21:39,924 --> 00:21:42,093 ♪ Add this to the list of successes for me ♪ 683 00:21:42,177 --> 00:21:44,095 ♪ The gay has come home ♪ 684 00:21:44,179 --> 00:21:46,097 ♪ The gay has come home ♪ 685 00:21:46,181 --> 00:21:50,518 ♪ The gay has come home ♪ 686 00:21:50,602 --> 00:21:57,734 ♪ And won the night ♪ 687 00:21:58,735 --> 00:21:59,778 Ha! 688 00:22:03,531 --> 00:22:05,533 [engine turns over] 689 00:22:33,228 --> 00:22:35,689 Let's see. 690 00:22:38,525 --> 00:22:40,485 - That's why we call it wine o'clock Zumba. 691 00:22:40,568 --> 00:22:43,154 - Food's here from Pat's fave. - Yum-yum! 692 00:22:43,238 --> 00:22:45,865 I have been dreaming about El Pancho Taqueria. 693 00:22:45,990 --> 00:22:49,494 - That's 'cause nobody does Mexican like Tony and Mike. 694 00:22:49,619 --> 00:22:52,330 - Anyway, you have to come back next summer, too, 695 00:22:52,414 --> 00:22:53,873 so you can pontoon. 696 00:22:53,998 --> 00:22:57,002 - Oh, 100%. I will be on that pontoon. 697 00:22:57,127 --> 00:22:59,004 - We thought it was gonna be a hassle having one. 698 00:22:59,087 --> 00:23:00,755 You know, taking it out in the winter. 699 00:23:00,839 --> 00:23:03,508 But you just pay one fee, and the marina does it all. 700 00:23:03,591 --> 00:23:05,343 - Love that. - But if you do go, Pat, 701 00:23:05,427 --> 00:23:08,847 do not let Robin pull you on that tube. 702 00:23:08,930 --> 00:23:12,142 She nearly broke my neck she went so fast. 703 00:23:12,225 --> 00:23:14,352 - You just had one too many Kim Crawfords. 704 00:23:14,436 --> 00:23:15,937 - Uh, it was the weekend. 705 00:23:16,021 --> 00:23:18,898 There's no such thing as one too many Kim Cs. 706 00:23:18,982 --> 00:23:20,859 - I'm on her side. 707 00:23:20,984 --> 00:23:23,611 - And speaking of, I just wanna say, 708 00:23:23,695 --> 00:23:25,697 thank you so much for having me back. 709 00:23:25,780 --> 00:23:27,907 This has truly been the perfect day. 710 00:23:28,033 --> 00:23:29,576 - Melanie, let the COVID lady out. 711 00:23:29,701 --> 00:23:31,202 We need the closet for Ben Platt. 712 00:23:31,286 --> 00:23:32,370 - Wait. What? 713 00:23:32,495 --> 00:23:33,830 Okay. 714 00:23:33,913 --> 00:23:36,166 Hi, ma'am. I am so sorry about the mix-up. 715 00:23:36,249 --> 00:23:38,376 We--wait. Where did she go? 716 00:23:38,460 --> 00:23:40,378 [gasps] Oh, my God. 717 00:23:40,503 --> 00:23:41,880 I think she escaped through the vents. 718 00:23:42,005 --> 00:23:44,341 - What? There's a lady in the vents 719 00:23:44,424 --> 00:23:46,217 on my "Night of Undeniable Good"? 720 00:23:46,301 --> 00:23:48,053 - It absolutely appears so. 721 00:23:48,136 --> 00:23:49,304 - Ugh! 722 00:23:49,387 --> 00:23:50,680 So if we can't throw Ben in a closet, 723 00:23:50,764 --> 00:23:51,890 how else are we gonna distract him 724 00:23:51,973 --> 00:23:53,516 so he misses his performance? 725 00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:55,393 - Well, I know you're gonna be mad, but-- 726 00:23:55,477 --> 00:23:56,853 - Streeter, no chloroform. 727 00:23:56,936 --> 00:23:57,896 Now think. 728 00:23:57,979 --> 00:24:00,190 How else can we distract a gay man? 729 00:24:00,273 --> 00:24:01,191 - Oh, my God. 730 00:24:01,274 --> 00:24:03,568 Brooke, I'm a daddy. 731 00:24:03,693 --> 00:24:06,154 - [humming] 732 00:24:06,237 --> 00:24:07,697 - [pounding on door] 733 00:24:07,781 --> 00:24:09,115 Hey, twink. - Excuse me? 734 00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:10,909 - What do you say we blow off this fundraiser 735 00:24:10,992 --> 00:24:13,244 and I go... 736 00:24:13,328 --> 00:24:16,289 step on your bones, or break your neck? 737 00:24:16,414 --> 00:24:17,665 Or is it legs? 738 00:24:17,749 --> 00:24:18,958 I'm going to-- I'm going to-- 739 00:24:19,084 --> 00:24:21,586 I will break any bone in your body 740 00:24:21,670 --> 00:24:23,463 that you want me to break. 741 00:24:24,881 --> 00:24:27,175 - Well, Ben Platt filed a sexual harassment complaint 742 00:24:27,258 --> 00:24:29,761 against you, so I guess I have to fire you now, too? 743 00:24:29,886 --> 00:24:31,763 - Okay, but this is great. 744 00:24:31,846 --> 00:24:34,224 This means he isn't gay, or he would have loved that. 745 00:24:34,307 --> 00:24:36,393 - Oh, just go. - Brooke! 746 00:24:36,476 --> 00:24:39,187 Sorry, but Ben's on in 15 minutes. 747 00:24:39,270 --> 00:24:40,438 - Fuck. 748 00:24:40,563 --> 00:24:42,565 I can't lose $100 million. 749 00:24:42,649 --> 00:24:44,109 - I know. 750 00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:50,407 Maybe Streeter was right? 751 00:24:50,490 --> 00:24:54,577 Maybe we do chloroform him? 752 00:24:56,830 --> 00:25:00,709 - I actually saw some in the broom closet. 753 00:25:12,804 --> 00:25:14,639 - Refinance today, and your new loan 754 00:25:14,764 --> 00:25:16,516 could save you hundreds of dollars. 755 00:25:16,641 --> 00:25:18,518 - And get one of our certified pre-owns at Akron Auto World, 756 00:25:18,643 --> 00:25:20,645 home of the most enormous American flag you've 757 00:25:20,770 --> 00:25:22,522 ever seen in your goddamn-- 758 00:25:25,734 --> 00:25:28,111 - [sighs] Where is the turnoff? 759 00:26:11,696 --> 00:26:14,115 What the fuck? Did I just miss the turnoff? 760 00:26:14,199 --> 00:26:16,785 And why does it smell like full piss in here? 761 00:26:18,161 --> 00:26:19,788 - Okay, but like... - Uh-huh. 762 00:26:19,871 --> 00:26:21,706 - It's good that we're chloroforming Ben Pratt, 763 00:26:21,790 --> 00:26:23,541 because this money can help a lot of people. 764 00:26:23,667 --> 00:26:26,044 And he said he was tired when he got here, 765 00:26:26,169 --> 00:26:28,254 so he'll just think he slept through his song. 766 00:26:28,380 --> 00:26:30,256 - Plus, I already have the "Hamilton" cast 767 00:26:30,382 --> 00:26:31,758 ready to go on instead. 768 00:26:31,883 --> 00:26:32,801 They're gonna sing "The Room Where It Happens," 769 00:26:32,884 --> 00:26:33,927 but in this version, 770 00:26:34,052 --> 00:26:35,553 the room is a therapist's office. 771 00:26:35,679 --> 00:26:36,680 - Ew. 772 00:26:36,763 --> 00:26:37,681 Maybe it's worth $100 million 773 00:26:37,764 --> 00:26:38,973 to not hear that. 774 00:26:39,057 --> 00:26:40,934 Also, like, what if we kill Ben Platt? 775 00:26:41,059 --> 00:26:43,353 - Oh, my God. We're not gonna kill Ben Platt. 776 00:26:43,436 --> 00:26:44,896 Just focus. 777 00:26:45,814 --> 00:26:47,732 We are doing this for good. 778 00:26:49,025 --> 00:26:51,444 But if you ever say anything about the good 779 00:26:51,528 --> 00:26:54,614 that we did here, I will end you. 780 00:26:54,739 --> 00:26:56,408 - Okay, fine. 781 00:26:56,491 --> 00:26:57,742 Let's do this. 782 00:27:01,621 --> 00:27:03,415 both: Hi. 783 00:27:03,540 --> 00:27:04,749 - Hey. What's up? 784 00:27:04,874 --> 00:27:06,084 - Do you think that-- 785 00:27:06,209 --> 00:27:08,628 - Just stay there, because... 786 00:27:08,753 --> 00:27:10,255 - We just wanna... 787 00:27:10,380 --> 00:27:11,548 [creaking] 788 00:27:11,631 --> 00:27:12,841 - [yelps] 789 00:27:12,924 --> 00:27:14,175 - Oh, my-- - Oh, my God! 790 00:27:14,259 --> 00:27:16,720 - Jesus Christ. Are you okay? 791 00:27:16,803 --> 00:27:18,054 - Oh. - Hey, girl, 792 00:27:18,138 --> 00:27:20,598 aw, we just sent the maintenance man up. 793 00:27:20,682 --> 00:27:21,808 - Who the fuck is this? 794 00:27:21,933 --> 00:27:24,227 - Oh, are you Ben Platt? 795 00:27:24,310 --> 00:27:26,271 - Yes. 796 00:27:26,396 --> 00:27:28,732 - Well, you have COVID and need to leave immediately. 797 00:27:28,815 --> 00:27:30,525 - I--what? - Wait, what? 798 00:27:30,608 --> 00:27:32,652 - Yeah. - Yes! 799 00:27:32,777 --> 00:27:34,404 I mean, no. 800 00:27:34,487 --> 00:27:35,447 He does? 801 00:27:35,572 --> 00:27:36,865 Oh, so he can't perform? 802 00:27:36,948 --> 00:27:38,533 He can't perform, and it's his fault. 803 00:27:38,616 --> 00:27:40,160 - Fuck. This sucks. 804 00:27:40,285 --> 00:27:42,120 I feel like I'm letting the whole gay community down. 805 00:27:42,245 --> 00:27:43,496 - You are. 806 00:27:43,621 --> 00:27:45,707 You are letting them down. 807 00:27:45,790 --> 00:27:49,294 Melanie, girl, we fucking did it. 808 00:27:49,377 --> 00:27:50,337 Fuck! [laughs] 809 00:27:50,462 --> 00:27:51,796 - Okay. 810 00:27:55,508 --> 00:27:57,093 - Hi, can I use your bathroom, please? 811 00:27:57,177 --> 00:27:58,636 - It's out of order. - That's okay. 812 00:27:58,720 --> 00:28:00,805 I just need the bathroom room. 813 00:28:02,140 --> 00:28:04,809 - Why do you need the bathroom room? 814 00:28:04,934 --> 00:28:06,311 - 'Cause I'm wearing a fucking diaper, 815 00:28:06,436 --> 00:28:07,687 and I need to take it off. 816 00:28:07,812 --> 00:28:09,105 Yep. I've been sitting in my own piss 817 00:28:09,189 --> 00:28:10,982 for the last six hours, so may I please 818 00:28:11,107 --> 00:28:12,650 just use your bathroom room 819 00:28:12,734 --> 00:28:14,944 so I can take off my diaper, kind sir? 820 00:28:16,988 --> 00:28:18,323 - Sounds like you had a pretty rough night. 821 00:28:18,406 --> 00:28:19,657 - It's actually one of the best nights 822 00:28:19,783 --> 00:28:20,992 of my entire life. 823 00:28:44,349 --> 00:28:45,725 Ugh. 824 00:28:47,185 --> 00:28:48,353 God. 825 00:28:59,531 --> 00:29:04,035 [phone vibrates] 826 00:29:11,876 --> 00:29:14,212 What? Is there no service in here? 827 00:29:20,677 --> 00:29:22,345 Fuck. 828 00:29:29,144 --> 00:29:33,231 Come on. 829 00:29:33,356 --> 00:29:34,441 Fuck. 830 00:29:36,526 --> 00:29:38,528 What the fucking fuck? 831 00:29:40,196 --> 00:29:42,741 - Well, this night sucked my ass. 832 00:29:42,866 --> 00:29:45,452 - Yeah. That was 100% cuckoo bananas. 833 00:29:45,577 --> 00:29:48,079 - Oh, yeah, please don't say "cuckoo bananas." 834 00:29:48,163 --> 00:29:49,247 Just kidding. Have a great night. 835 00:29:49,330 --> 00:29:50,582 - Okay. [tires squealing] 836 00:29:50,665 --> 00:29:51,916 - Oh! Watch where you're going, 837 00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:53,126 you fucking psycho. 838 00:29:53,251 --> 00:29:54,586 - Oh, my God. - Oh, but hey, 839 00:29:54,711 --> 00:29:55,920 this might cheer you up. 840 00:29:56,004 --> 00:29:57,422 Chase's album is number one on iTunes. 841 00:29:57,505 --> 00:29:58,548 - Wait. What? 842 00:29:58,631 --> 00:30:00,008 What do you mean? - Yeah. 843 00:30:00,091 --> 00:30:01,426 He tweeted he'd give a free month of therapy 844 00:30:01,509 --> 00:30:02,969 to anyone who bought his last album, 845 00:30:03,094 --> 00:30:04,387 and this whole country is sick, 846 00:30:04,471 --> 00:30:06,222 so it went straight to number one. 847 00:30:06,306 --> 00:30:07,891 Kind of smart. Well-- 848 00:30:07,974 --> 00:30:09,309 - Wait. No. 849 00:30:09,434 --> 00:30:11,394 I specifically told him not to do that, 850 00:30:11,478 --> 00:30:14,272 and he just did anyway? Fuck. 851 00:30:14,397 --> 00:30:17,025 The whole reason we pivoted him to mental health 852 00:30:17,108 --> 00:30:19,569 was so that people wouldn't think he was bad anymore. 853 00:30:19,652 --> 00:30:21,613 But then he does this shit thing? 854 00:30:21,738 --> 00:30:22,947 Ugh! 855 00:30:23,031 --> 00:30:26,659 Why is it so hard to do good? 856 00:30:26,785 --> 00:30:28,453 - Okay, if you do think that, 857 00:30:28,578 --> 00:30:31,956 I wouldn't look behind you right now. 858 00:30:32,082 --> 00:30:34,959 [discordant music] 859 00:30:35,085 --> 00:30:38,546 ♪ ♪ 860 00:30:39,631 --> 00:30:43,218 - What in the actual fuck? 861 00:30:48,598 --> 00:30:49,683 - Hi. 862 00:30:49,808 --> 00:30:50,809 Can I use your bathroom, please? 863 00:30:50,934 --> 00:30:52,310 - Another one? 864 00:30:52,435 --> 00:30:54,437 Right. Totally forgot. 865 00:30:54,521 --> 00:30:56,022 It's reunion season. 866 00:30:56,106 --> 00:30:59,025 There's actually another diaper guy in there now, but-- 867 00:30:59,150 --> 00:31:00,860 we should probably check on him. 868 00:31:01,653 --> 00:31:02,612 How are you doing? 869 00:31:02,696 --> 00:31:05,323 - My own piss in my eyes. 870 00:31:05,448 --> 00:31:06,991 - Oh, god. 871 00:31:08,618 --> 00:31:10,662 - I can-- 872 00:31:10,787 --> 00:31:12,205 I can take it from here. 873 00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:17,669 - I don't know. I don't--I'm lost. 874 00:31:17,794 --> 00:31:21,006 I'm, like, fucking lost. 875 00:31:21,131 --> 00:31:23,174 - Yeah, no. I'm lost too. 876 00:31:23,299 --> 00:31:26,011 - No. I think I'm, like, lost lost. 877 00:31:26,136 --> 00:31:27,762 Like, I just had this great night, 878 00:31:27,846 --> 00:31:33,476 and immediately, I don't know, left and just felt unhappy-- 879 00:31:33,560 --> 00:31:35,228 or, like, not happy, 880 00:31:35,353 --> 00:31:36,938 and I don't know why. 881 00:31:37,022 --> 00:31:38,189 Like, I am the star 882 00:31:38,314 --> 00:31:39,566 of the number-one show on Netflix 883 00:31:39,691 --> 00:31:41,109 without puppies shopping. 884 00:31:41,192 --> 00:31:44,779 So why do I feel like I'm about to fucking cry? 885 00:31:44,863 --> 00:31:47,323 - I feel lost lost, too, 886 00:31:47,407 --> 00:31:50,201 which is insane, 'cause I have Kamala's phone number. 887 00:31:50,285 --> 00:31:53,496 Like, if I called her now, she'd answer. 888 00:31:53,580 --> 00:31:56,207 - It's just like I have everything I ever wanted. 889 00:31:56,291 --> 00:31:58,043 So what am I missing? 890 00:31:58,126 --> 00:32:00,128 Like what else am I looking for? 891 00:32:00,211 --> 00:32:02,005 [phone rings] 892 00:32:03,548 --> 00:32:08,386 Oh, one of my classmates is videoing me on Instagram. 893 00:32:08,470 --> 00:32:10,347 [phone ringing] - So weird. 894 00:32:10,430 --> 00:32:13,892 One of my classmates is videoing me, too. 895 00:32:14,017 --> 00:32:15,226 Hello? - Hello. 896 00:32:15,310 --> 00:32:16,394 - Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 897 00:32:16,478 --> 00:32:17,562 He picked up. Shut up. 898 00:32:17,687 --> 00:32:18,563 Hi. It's Alicia. 899 00:32:18,688 --> 00:32:19,939 Sorry. 900 00:32:20,065 --> 00:32:21,232 I don't mean to be a full stalker-- 901 00:32:21,316 --> 00:32:22,275 - Yes, we do. 902 00:32:22,400 --> 00:32:23,276 - We were just talking 903 00:32:23,401 --> 00:32:24,819 about how you won 904 00:32:24,903 --> 00:32:26,404 "most likely to win an Academy Award." 905 00:32:26,529 --> 00:32:27,739 So we got out Jesse's yearbook, 906 00:32:27,822 --> 00:32:29,240 and guess what I won. 907 00:32:29,324 --> 00:32:30,575 - Wait for it. - "Most likely to win 908 00:32:30,700 --> 00:32:32,660 an Academy Award for Best Actress." 909 00:32:32,744 --> 00:32:34,245 [laughter] 910 00:32:34,371 --> 00:32:36,331 So you should feel really good about yourself 911 00:32:36,414 --> 00:32:38,333 because I'm a literal dog walker now. 912 00:32:38,416 --> 00:32:40,418 - [laughs] Thank you. - Wait. 913 00:32:40,543 --> 00:32:41,795 Cary, what are you doing now? 914 00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:42,837 Want to come hang? 915 00:32:42,921 --> 00:32:44,255 I mean, I'm sure, no, 916 00:32:44,381 --> 00:32:45,840 'cause you're fully famous 917 00:32:45,924 --> 00:32:47,300 and we're just, like, watching "Survivor." 918 00:32:47,425 --> 00:32:48,593 - Oh, I thought only gay people 919 00:32:48,677 --> 00:32:50,011 watched "Survivor" now. - What? 920 00:32:50,095 --> 00:32:51,513 - I think everyone does. 921 00:32:51,596 --> 00:32:53,515 Anyway, it's just a cazh friend hang, 922 00:32:53,598 --> 00:32:55,558 if you want to come. - Yes, come! 923 00:32:55,642 --> 00:32:57,268 - Come on, Dubes. - Max, Max, Max. 924 00:32:57,394 --> 00:32:59,270 You gotta come. It's a friend hang. 925 00:32:59,354 --> 00:33:00,397 - Okay, no, let's let him go. 926 00:33:00,480 --> 00:33:01,606 But come if you want. 927 00:33:01,731 --> 00:33:03,191 I'll DM you the address. 928 00:33:03,274 --> 00:33:05,068 - Okay. Great. Great. 929 00:33:05,151 --> 00:33:06,986 I appreciate it. 930 00:33:09,739 --> 00:33:13,576 God, it's so obvious what I've been missing. 931 00:33:14,786 --> 00:33:16,788 - It's so clear what I need. 932 00:33:18,331 --> 00:33:22,585 Hey, would you want to get a drink as frien-- 933 00:33:22,669 --> 00:33:23,837 wait, what? 934 00:33:23,962 --> 00:33:25,255 - Mackenzie, 935 00:33:25,338 --> 00:33:27,340 I need to win the Academy Award 936 00:33:27,465 --> 00:33:29,759 for Best Actor in a Motion Picture. 937 00:33:29,843 --> 00:33:32,095 [engine revving] 938 00:33:35,348 --> 00:33:36,599 - Good night, Pat. 939 00:33:36,683 --> 00:33:38,268 - Good night, Lisa. 940 00:33:43,815 --> 00:33:47,318 [line trilling] 941 00:33:52,032 --> 00:33:54,701 - Wazzup? 942 00:33:54,826 --> 00:33:56,286 I'm not here. Leave a message 943 00:33:56,369 --> 00:34:00,540 after the beep. [voice mail beeps] 944 00:34:00,665 --> 00:34:03,752 - Hey, I tried calling you, but you didn't pick up. 945 00:34:03,835 --> 00:34:06,838 And I just wanted to let you know about my day. 946 00:34:06,963 --> 00:34:08,882 My friend picked me up from the airport, 947 00:34:09,007 --> 00:34:10,675 and we went shopping 948 00:34:10,759 --> 00:34:14,763 and then got ice cream and fed the ducks in the park, 949 00:34:14,846 --> 00:34:16,848 then went back to her house and ordered dinner 950 00:34:16,931 --> 00:34:19,391 with some other friends. 951 00:34:19,516 --> 00:34:21,728 And the whole time, the whole day, 952 00:34:21,853 --> 00:34:24,022 I just kept thinking, 953 00:34:24,147 --> 00:34:26,858 "I am so fucking bored." 954 00:34:26,940 --> 00:34:28,818 [melancholy music] 955 00:34:28,902 --> 00:34:33,156 I just--I was so excited to come back, but I-- 956 00:34:33,239 --> 00:34:36,659 I hated every minute of it. 957 00:34:36,743 --> 00:34:39,079 Everything we did, I thought, "How much longer 958 00:34:39,204 --> 00:34:40,413 do I have to do this for?" 959 00:34:40,538 --> 00:34:42,081 - All afternoon, if you want. 960 00:34:42,206 --> 00:34:45,418 - We walked through town, and I found it small. 961 00:34:45,543 --> 00:34:46,878 We bought clothes I used to wear, 962 00:34:47,003 --> 00:34:48,713 and I felt foolish in them. 963 00:34:48,838 --> 00:34:51,007 - Pat's fave. - And everything we ate 964 00:34:51,091 --> 00:34:52,425 was so awful. 965 00:34:52,550 --> 00:34:53,885 I was embarrassed to be putting 966 00:34:53,967 --> 00:34:56,221 food like that in my mouth. 967 00:34:56,304 --> 00:34:59,391 And the houses were so ugly. 968 00:34:59,474 --> 00:35:00,767 These people should be in jail 969 00:35:00,892 --> 00:35:02,268 for what their houses look like. 970 00:35:02,394 --> 00:35:03,895 I wish my kitchen was bee-themed. 971 00:35:04,020 --> 00:35:05,313 I just-- I kept thinking, 972 00:35:05,397 --> 00:35:06,815 "Thank God I don't think this shit 973 00:35:06,898 --> 00:35:09,776 looks good still." I wanna take a picture. 974 00:35:09,901 --> 00:35:11,361 - Eventually, the day was so long, 975 00:35:11,444 --> 00:35:13,071 I started to get physically mad 976 00:35:13,154 --> 00:35:14,239 it was still happening 977 00:35:14,364 --> 00:35:15,782 because the conversations 978 00:35:15,907 --> 00:35:17,158 were so mind-numbing. 979 00:35:17,242 --> 00:35:18,451 - And the marina does it all. 980 00:35:18,576 --> 00:35:20,203 - And the jokes weren't funny. 981 00:35:20,286 --> 00:35:22,414 - One too many Kim Cs. 982 00:35:22,497 --> 00:35:24,749 - I just-- I was with my friends, 983 00:35:24,833 --> 00:35:26,084 but I wasn't. 984 00:35:26,167 --> 00:35:29,129 I was outside them 985 00:35:29,254 --> 00:35:31,339 because they were the same, 986 00:35:31,423 --> 00:35:34,009 and I was different. 987 00:35:34,092 --> 00:35:35,677 I am different. 988 00:35:35,760 --> 00:35:36,928 And I just-- 989 00:35:37,012 --> 00:35:39,848 I don't think I can come here again-- 990 00:35:39,931 --> 00:35:41,850 not ever again. 991 00:35:43,810 --> 00:35:46,521 Anyway, this is a lot of texts, 992 00:35:46,604 --> 00:35:48,189 and I know we're not together anymore, 993 00:35:48,273 --> 00:35:50,442 but I just wanted to say hi 994 00:35:50,525 --> 00:35:54,362 and that I miss you... and your dick. 995 00:35:54,446 --> 00:35:57,699 God, I miss your big, fat dick. 996 00:36:00,618 --> 00:36:03,204 Oh, my God. Those were all tweets again. 997 00:36:03,288 --> 00:36:04,289 Delete, delete, delete. 998 00:36:04,414 --> 00:36:05,999 [dramatic march music] 999 00:36:06,124 --> 00:36:08,043 both: ♪ The gays are racing home tonight ♪ 1000 00:36:08,126 --> 00:36:09,836 ♪ Hurrah, hurrah ♪ 1001 00:36:09,961 --> 00:36:12,130 ♪ Our reunions we will crush tonight ♪ 1002 00:36:12,213 --> 00:36:13,923 ♪ Hurrah, hurrah ♪ 1003 00:36:14,007 --> 00:36:16,343 - ♪ No one will be more successful than we ♪ 1004 00:36:16,468 --> 00:36:18,219 - ♪ Or understand Kamala better than he ♪ 1005 00:36:18,303 --> 00:36:22,974 both: ♪ 'Cause we are gay and coming to win the night ♪ 1006 00:36:23,058 --> 00:36:24,476 - Oh, look, a third gay. 1007 00:36:24,559 --> 00:36:26,519 - ♪ At Netflix I run comedy ♪ 1008 00:36:26,644 --> 00:36:28,021 ♪ Hurrah, hurrah ♪ 1009 00:36:28,146 --> 00:36:30,315 - ♪ And at Google, I'm the new VP ♪ 1010 00:36:30,440 --> 00:36:32,150 ♪ Hurrah, hurrah ♪ 1011 00:36:32,275 --> 00:36:34,569 both: ♪ And now I am sitting my own pee ♪ 1012 00:36:34,652 --> 00:36:36,488 ♪ So all of my past can compliment me ♪ 1013 00:36:36,571 --> 00:36:41,034 all: ♪ 'Cause we four gays are coming to win the night ♪ 1014 00:36:41,159 --> 00:36:42,827 - No, but really. 1015 00:36:42,911 --> 00:36:45,789 ♪ Think of what they'll say when they see me ♪ 1016 00:36:45,872 --> 00:36:47,415 - ♪ See me ♪ 1017 00:36:47,499 --> 00:36:50,919 - ♪ All my classmates with their said little lives ♪ 1018 00:36:51,002 --> 00:36:54,881 ♪ Think of what they'll say, how they'll swoon and scream ♪ 1019 00:36:55,006 --> 00:36:58,760 ♪ When the WindWeaver arrives ♪ 1020 00:36:58,843 --> 00:37:01,054 all: ♪ Us gays have not been back in years ♪ 1021 00:37:01,179 --> 00:37:02,847 ♪ Like 10, or 12 ♪ 1022 00:37:02,931 --> 00:37:05,100 ♪ 'Cause high school, for us, was full of tears ♪ 1023 00:37:05,183 --> 00:37:06,976 ♪ So sad, oh, well ♪ 1024 00:37:07,060 --> 00:37:09,104 ♪ But that was the past, and this is the now ♪ 1025 00:37:09,187 --> 00:37:10,397 ♪ And look at our résumés ♪ 1026 00:37:10,522 --> 00:37:11,606 ♪ Holy shit, wow ♪ 1027 00:37:11,690 --> 00:37:13,233 - ♪ The gays are coming ♪ 1028 00:37:13,358 --> 00:37:17,362 all: ♪ The gays are coming ♪ 1029 00:37:17,445 --> 00:37:19,322 ♪ Home to win the night ♪