1 00:00:03,863 --> 00:00:05,030 "What a loser. 2 00:00:05,030 --> 00:00:06,198 "I hate ChaseDreams. He sucks. 3 00:00:06,198 --> 00:00:07,616 "Loser. Loser. 4 00:00:07,616 --> 00:00:09,160 "ChaseDreams sucks. Asshole. 5 00:00:09,160 --> 00:00:10,286 Loser. Sucks." 6 00:00:10,286 --> 00:00:11,787 And that's just one comment. 7 00:00:11,787 --> 00:00:12,788 I'm so sorry. 8 00:00:12,788 --> 00:00:16,041 This is all my fault. 9 00:00:16,041 --> 00:00:18,085 I mean, it's not all my fault. 10 00:00:18,085 --> 00:00:19,795 It's just, everyone still thinks I'm this bad man, 11 00:00:19,795 --> 00:00:21,130 and I'm not. - Yeah. 12 00:00:21,130 --> 00:00:23,841 You know, and it's giving me anxiety. 13 00:00:23,841 --> 00:00:26,051 Hold on. 14 00:00:26,051 --> 00:00:27,303 You have anxiety? 15 00:00:27,303 --> 00:00:29,054 Yeah, and it's making me depressed. 16 00:00:29,054 --> 00:00:30,598 What--wait. 17 00:00:30,598 --> 00:00:33,017 You have anxiety and depression? 18 00:00:33,017 --> 00:00:35,269 I mean, I guess so. 19 00:00:35,269 --> 00:00:36,312 Oh, my God. 20 00:00:36,312 --> 00:00:38,230 I have a client... 21 00:00:39,482 --> 00:00:43,194 Struggling with mental health. 22 00:00:43,194 --> 00:00:45,029 Chase, you beautiful boy. 23 00:00:45,029 --> 00:00:46,655 Do you know what this means? 24 00:00:46,655 --> 00:00:49,200 There's money in singing, but if we can make you 25 00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:52,870 the face of mental health, my gosh-- 26 00:00:52,870 --> 00:00:54,205 Shuli, no. 27 00:00:54,205 --> 00:00:55,247 This is disgusting. 28 00:00:55,247 --> 00:00:56,665 Why? He has anxiety. 29 00:00:56,665 --> 00:00:58,000 He said it himself. 30 00:00:58,000 --> 00:01:00,002 I thought you'd be on board with this. 31 00:01:00,002 --> 00:01:02,671 He could do a lot of good. 32 00:01:02,671 --> 00:01:04,006 Oh. 33 00:01:04,006 --> 00:01:05,174 Yeah? 34 00:01:05,174 --> 00:01:08,010 I mean, he does have anxiety, 35 00:01:08,010 --> 00:01:09,512 so it's not a lie. 36 00:01:09,512 --> 00:01:12,389 And having him talk about mental health 37 00:01:12,389 --> 00:01:14,266 could empower others. 38 00:01:14,266 --> 00:01:18,145 So I could do what I wanted all along: 39 00:01:18,145 --> 00:01:19,271 Good. 40 00:01:20,397 --> 00:01:21,816 I could finally do good-- 41 00:01:21,816 --> 00:01:23,526 Girl, don't just do the thing I did. 42 00:01:23,526 --> 00:01:25,402 Okay, sorry. How does this help me? 43 00:01:25,402 --> 00:01:27,988 I just want to stop looking bad and go back to being me. 44 00:01:27,988 --> 00:01:29,240 First things first, 45 00:01:29,240 --> 00:01:30,991 we'll set you up with a therapist... 46 00:01:30,991 --> 00:01:31,992 Okay. 47 00:01:31,992 --> 00:01:33,035 App. 48 00:01:33,035 --> 00:01:35,287 A therapist app. 49 00:01:35,287 --> 00:01:36,330 Hi. 50 00:01:36,330 --> 00:01:37,873 I'm pop singer ChaseDreams. 51 00:01:37,873 --> 00:01:40,292 I used to be bad and want to punch my mom, 52 00:01:40,292 --> 00:01:42,378 but then I went to therapy, and now, I'm all better, 53 00:01:42,378 --> 00:01:43,879 because therapy works, 54 00:01:43,879 --> 00:01:45,548 which is why I've partnered with BetterHealth 55 00:01:45,548 --> 00:01:48,759 to give away $1 million in free therapy to you. 56 00:01:48,759 --> 00:01:51,971 Because we all struggle sometimes, including me, 57 00:01:51,971 --> 00:01:55,266 the new face of mental health, ChaseDreams. 58 00:01:55,266 --> 00:01:57,560 ♪ I-I-I'm a winner ♪ 59 00:01:57,560 --> 00:01:59,353 And then we're gonna go shopping on Main Street, 60 00:01:59,353 --> 00:02:01,230 and walk through that little park with the ducks. 61 00:02:01,230 --> 00:02:02,731 Do you remember that park, Cary? 62 00:02:02,731 --> 00:02:04,400 - Uh... - And then we're gonna go back 63 00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:05,734 to Lisa's and order dinner 64 00:02:05,734 --> 00:02:07,236 from El Poncho Taqueria. 65 00:02:07,236 --> 00:02:08,696 Ooh, I can't wait. 66 00:02:08,696 --> 00:02:10,156 I think you might be the first person ever 67 00:02:10,156 --> 00:02:11,699 to be excited to go to Ohio. 68 00:02:11,699 --> 00:02:12,992 Well, I am. 69 00:02:12,992 --> 00:02:15,452 Things have been so crazy here. 70 00:02:15,452 --> 00:02:17,913 I just want a simple weekend back home. 71 00:02:17,913 --> 00:02:19,832 Reconnect with the old me. 72 00:02:19,832 --> 00:02:21,292 Are you sure you don't wanna come? 73 00:02:21,292 --> 00:02:23,294 It is your high school reunion tonight. 74 00:02:23,294 --> 00:02:24,545 Yeah, no, 75 00:02:24,545 --> 00:02:26,255 I am absolutely not going to that. 76 00:02:26,255 --> 00:02:28,299 I just--I don't know. I thought I was gonna be 77 00:02:28,299 --> 00:02:29,675 more successful by now. 78 00:02:29,675 --> 00:02:30,926 Like, if I'm gonna go, 79 00:02:30,926 --> 00:02:32,595 I need to make sure I fully win. 80 00:02:32,595 --> 00:02:34,680 Sorry. Aren't you so successful? 81 00:02:34,680 --> 00:02:37,266 What about "Night Nurse" and "Emily Overruled" 82 00:02:37,266 --> 00:02:39,852 and the Disney movie? And now "WindWeaver"? 83 00:02:39,852 --> 00:02:41,896 I mean that show's a hit, Cary. 84 00:02:41,896 --> 00:02:43,939 It's number one on Netflix, after that show 85 00:02:43,939 --> 00:02:45,941 where the puppies run the errands. 86 00:02:45,941 --> 00:02:47,026 What else are you looking for? 87 00:02:47,026 --> 00:02:48,527 Yeah, I know it's a hit. 88 00:02:48,527 --> 00:02:49,945 But I still don't know 89 00:02:49,945 --> 00:02:51,447 if they're gonna do more seasons, 90 00:02:51,447 --> 00:02:53,032 so it's not like I have job security, 91 00:02:53,032 --> 00:02:55,492 and even if they do, my character doesn't talk. 92 00:02:55,492 --> 00:02:57,828 And it's just a dumb wizard show. 93 00:02:57,828 --> 00:02:59,204 It's not, like, important or-- 94 00:02:59,204 --> 00:03:00,956 Oh, sorry, Cary. My copter's here. 95 00:03:00,956 --> 00:03:02,791 And I gotta get to my plane ASAP, 96 00:03:02,791 --> 00:03:05,336 because all the stores on Main Street close at 3:15. 97 00:03:05,336 --> 00:03:06,629 Oh, this is my agent. 98 00:03:06,629 --> 00:03:07,755 She wants me to give her a call. 99 00:03:07,755 --> 00:03:09,381 Okay, well, have fun. 100 00:03:09,381 --> 00:03:10,758 Tell no one I said hi. 101 00:03:10,758 --> 00:03:11,967 Cary... 102 00:03:13,177 --> 00:03:14,720 - Cary! - Hey, Mackenzie. 103 00:03:14,720 --> 00:03:16,972 Guess what. Or wait, can you hear me 104 00:03:16,972 --> 00:03:18,140 over the sound of the ocean? 105 00:03:18,140 --> 00:03:19,433 I'm back in the Hamptons. 106 00:03:19,433 --> 00:03:20,559 Again? 107 00:03:20,559 --> 00:03:22,353 Yes. Yeah, I can hear you. 108 00:03:22,353 --> 00:03:24,271 Great, because I have incredible news. 109 00:03:24,271 --> 00:03:26,732 Netflix just picked up "WindWeaver" 110 00:03:26,732 --> 00:03:28,442 for three more seasons. 111 00:03:28,442 --> 00:03:29,693 Wait. What? 112 00:03:29,693 --> 00:03:31,070 Yeah. I mean, it makes sense. 113 00:03:31,070 --> 00:03:32,529 It's the biggest show Netflix has 114 00:03:32,529 --> 00:03:34,239 that doesn't involve puppies running errands. 115 00:03:34,239 --> 00:03:35,407 Oh, and get this. 116 00:03:35,407 --> 00:03:36,450 They wanna make you 117 00:03:36,450 --> 00:03:37,868 a series regular. 118 00:03:37,868 --> 00:03:40,537 What? 119 00:03:40,537 --> 00:03:41,747 A series regular? 120 00:03:41,747 --> 00:03:43,082 Wait. Is this real? 121 00:03:43,082 --> 00:03:44,583 Like, how? Why? 122 00:03:44,583 --> 00:03:45,709 Well, you know how "WindWeaver" 123 00:03:45,709 --> 00:03:46,835 is based on those books? 124 00:03:46,835 --> 00:03:47,836 Apparently, the fifth book 125 00:03:47,836 --> 00:03:49,505 is being published Friday, 126 00:03:49,505 --> 00:03:51,590 and in that book, it's revealed that your character, 127 00:03:51,590 --> 00:03:54,051 the little serf elf with no lines, 128 00:03:54,051 --> 00:03:56,971 is actually the one who weaves the wind. 129 00:03:56,971 --> 00:03:59,515 What? 130 00:03:59,515 --> 00:04:00,808 Holy fucking shit. 131 00:04:00,808 --> 00:04:02,810 My-- my character 132 00:04:02,810 --> 00:04:04,144 is the WindWeaver? 133 00:04:04,144 --> 00:04:06,105 It's my--I'm the WindWeaver? 134 00:04:06,105 --> 00:04:08,065 It's insane. Right? 135 00:04:08,065 --> 00:04:09,984 Apparently, the books end up being all about 136 00:04:09,984 --> 00:04:12,194 how the least of us hold the most power, 137 00:04:12,194 --> 00:04:15,864 so your lowly, gay elf ends up being the WindWeaver. 138 00:04:15,864 --> 00:04:18,492 Oh, did I mention your character's gay, too? 139 00:04:18,492 --> 00:04:20,869 - So it's also important? - Yeah, and this will all be 140 00:04:20,869 --> 00:04:22,454 on "Deadline" in, like, an hour. 141 00:04:22,454 --> 00:04:24,707 This is, comically, everything I ever wanted. 142 00:04:24,707 --> 00:04:28,085 I guess--I guess I should go to my reunion. 143 00:04:28,085 --> 00:04:30,921 Shit. Okay, it starts in six hours. 144 00:04:30,921 --> 00:04:32,256 It's an eight-hour drive. 145 00:04:32,256 --> 00:04:33,757 I'm gonna have to race. 146 00:04:33,757 --> 00:04:35,676 Mackenzie, find me a rental car upstate, stat. 147 00:04:35,676 --> 00:04:37,928 - That is not my job-- - Okay. 148 00:04:37,928 --> 00:04:40,097 Hi, everyone. Hello. Hi. 149 00:04:40,097 --> 00:04:43,475 I just wanna say thank you so much for doing this. 150 00:04:43,475 --> 00:04:46,562 As you all know, Chase, and by extension, me, 151 00:04:46,562 --> 00:04:48,063 are all about doing good now, 152 00:04:48,063 --> 00:04:50,399 and more specifically, all about mental health, 153 00:04:50,399 --> 00:04:52,234 which is why I am so proud 154 00:04:52,234 --> 00:04:55,237 to be producing this telethon for "P!", 155 00:04:55,237 --> 00:04:58,699 which aims to raise $250 million 156 00:04:58,699 --> 00:05:01,368 for mental health awareness. 157 00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:05,914 Clap for me. 158 00:05:05,914 --> 00:05:08,250 Anyway, note that we're going live in a few, 159 00:05:08,250 --> 00:05:11,670 but I need this to go well, so if you have a prob, 160 00:05:11,670 --> 00:05:13,422 just let me or one of my co-EPs know. 161 00:05:13,422 --> 00:05:15,007 - Hi. - But remember, 162 00:05:15,007 --> 00:05:16,759 this was my idea, not theirs. 163 00:05:16,759 --> 00:05:18,135 - Yep. - Hmm. 164 00:05:18,135 --> 00:05:20,888 Also, this is Effie, our COVID officer, 165 00:05:20,888 --> 00:05:22,431 here to make sure that you are all 166 00:05:22,431 --> 00:05:24,016 physically safe while working. 167 00:05:24,016 --> 00:05:26,685 And this is Jules, our mental health officer, 168 00:05:26,685 --> 00:05:27,895 who is here to make sure 169 00:05:27,895 --> 00:05:29,438 that you are all emotionally safe. 170 00:05:29,438 --> 00:05:32,775 Okay, I think I have all my bases covered. 171 00:05:32,775 --> 00:05:36,695 So let's go raise some insane money. 172 00:05:36,695 --> 00:05:38,405 Oh, please, don't say insane. 173 00:05:38,405 --> 00:05:39,490 Oh, sorry. 174 00:05:39,490 --> 00:05:41,492 Thank you, Jules. 175 00:05:41,492 --> 00:05:43,452 Welcome to "ChaseDreams 176 00:05:43,452 --> 00:05:45,162 "and BetterHealth present 177 00:05:45,162 --> 00:05:47,372 A Night of Undeniable Good," 178 00:05:47,372 --> 00:05:49,541 an eight-hour event raising money 179 00:05:49,541 --> 00:05:51,502 for mental health awareness, 180 00:05:51,502 --> 00:05:53,337 featuring performances from singers 181 00:05:53,337 --> 00:05:55,005 who get anxious sometimes, 182 00:05:55,005 --> 00:05:57,299 like Lady Gaga, Ben Platt, 183 00:05:57,299 --> 00:05:59,676 and the cast of "Hamilton," still. 184 00:05:59,676 --> 00:06:02,137 Plus a teen mental health town hall 185 00:06:02,137 --> 00:06:03,972 led by Dr. Gregory Neal, 186 00:06:03,972 --> 00:06:06,809 and a powerful speech from Parkland survivor 187 00:06:06,809 --> 00:06:09,311 insert name of Parkland survivor we can get. 188 00:06:09,311 --> 00:06:11,396 - Whoops. - Now here's your host, 189 00:06:11,396 --> 00:06:12,731 ChaseDreams. 190 00:06:12,731 --> 00:06:14,191 Hello. Good evening. 191 00:06:14,191 --> 00:06:15,734 Thank you for joining me. 192 00:06:15,734 --> 00:06:17,277 As you know, mental health is something 193 00:06:17,277 --> 00:06:19,238 I've cared deeply about for five weeks. 194 00:06:19,238 --> 00:06:20,823 Hi. Um, sorry. 195 00:06:20,823 --> 00:06:22,658 You know the therapist doing the town hall? 196 00:06:22,658 --> 00:06:23,992 - Mm-hmm. - Apparently, 197 00:06:23,992 --> 00:06:26,120 he's been sexually harassing the crew. 198 00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:28,664 Wait. What? 199 00:06:28,664 --> 00:06:31,458 Aw, Lisa, it's so nice to be back. 200 00:06:31,458 --> 00:06:33,168 Everything is just as I remembered. 201 00:06:33,168 --> 00:06:35,003 And don't you just love these jackets? 202 00:06:35,003 --> 00:06:36,839 Jenny's Jeans really does have the best stuff. 203 00:06:36,839 --> 00:06:38,173 I know. I love all the buttons 204 00:06:38,173 --> 00:06:40,509 and the studs, and only $9. 205 00:06:40,509 --> 00:06:41,969 I mean, you really don't need to spend 206 00:06:41,969 --> 00:06:43,595 more than $9 on a jacket. 207 00:06:43,595 --> 00:06:45,305 There's no reason. - Nope. 208 00:06:45,305 --> 00:06:48,642 Aw, and this pond is just as I remember, too. 209 00:06:48,642 --> 00:06:50,435 And I bet these are even the same ducks. 210 00:06:51,979 --> 00:06:53,313 Do you want to feed them? 211 00:06:53,313 --> 00:06:55,190 We could get bread at Benny's Bread. 212 00:06:55,190 --> 00:06:57,359 It's right on Main Street, next to Jenny's Jeans. 213 00:06:57,359 --> 00:06:59,361 Aw, I'd love to. You know, it's really too bad 214 00:06:59,361 --> 00:07:00,529 that Cary decided not to come. 215 00:07:00,529 --> 00:07:02,197 Okay, if I keep going 90, 216 00:07:02,197 --> 00:07:04,992 I should be able to make it for at least the last hour. 217 00:07:08,287 --> 00:07:10,664 Aw. Aw. Oh, my God. 218 00:07:10,664 --> 00:07:11,874 Oh, my God. Thank you. 219 00:07:11,874 --> 00:07:13,208 Thank you. That's so nice. 220 00:07:13,208 --> 00:07:14,668 Yeah, I was already planning on coming, 221 00:07:14,668 --> 00:07:15,878 and then the news came out. 222 00:07:15,878 --> 00:07:17,004 And the news came out. 223 00:07:17,004 --> 00:07:18,463 So--Oh, my God. Thank you. 224 00:07:18,463 --> 00:07:20,549 Aw, that's so nice. Thank you so much. 225 00:07:20,549 --> 00:07:21,717 Yes. Thank you. 226 00:07:21,717 --> 00:07:22,926 Thank you. Thank you. 227 00:07:22,926 --> 00:07:24,094 Thank you so much. 228 00:07:25,095 --> 00:07:26,388 Out you go. 229 00:07:26,388 --> 00:07:27,890 I was already planning on coming. 230 00:07:27,890 --> 00:07:29,099 Stop. ...the news came out. 231 00:07:29,099 --> 00:07:30,392 Planning on coming anyway. 232 00:07:30,392 --> 00:07:31,560 So nice. Thank you so much. 233 00:07:31,560 --> 00:07:33,562 My God! 234 00:07:33,562 --> 00:07:35,355 Whoa. I did? 235 00:07:35,355 --> 00:07:37,024 I don't even remember that. 236 00:07:39,693 --> 00:07:41,653 What the heck? - Hi, um... 237 00:07:41,653 --> 00:07:45,574 You've been throwing piss on me for, like, the last hour. 238 00:07:45,574 --> 00:07:46,950 Oh, wait. 239 00:07:46,950 --> 00:07:48,202 Are you the WindWeaver? 240 00:07:48,202 --> 00:07:49,578 Oh, yeah. 241 00:07:49,578 --> 00:07:51,163 I am, yeah. Thank you. 242 00:07:51,163 --> 00:07:53,665 And let me guess: now you're racing home 243 00:07:53,665 --> 00:07:55,959 to win your reunion. 244 00:07:55,959 --> 00:07:57,252 How'd you know that? 245 00:07:57,252 --> 00:07:58,670 'Cause I just found out I'm gonna be 246 00:07:58,670 --> 00:08:00,339 Kamala Harris's new chief of staff, 247 00:08:00,339 --> 00:08:01,840 so I'm racing home to win mine. 248 00:08:01,840 --> 00:08:03,133 - Oh. - And here. 249 00:08:03,133 --> 00:08:04,801 I recommend a diaper 250 00:08:04,801 --> 00:08:06,428 so you can make it in time, 251 00:08:06,428 --> 00:08:08,597 but still show respect for other gays on the road 252 00:08:08,597 --> 00:08:10,224 racing home to their reunions. 253 00:08:10,224 --> 00:08:12,601 Oh, is it more than just the two of-- 254 00:08:12,601 --> 00:08:14,853 oh, yeah, there's one in front of me. 255 00:08:14,853 --> 00:08:16,813 Uh, okay, so obviously, 256 00:08:16,813 --> 00:08:18,815 I can't have a sexual predator on my "Night 257 00:08:18,815 --> 00:08:20,484 of Undeniable Good." - No, of course not. 258 00:08:20,484 --> 00:08:22,277 But I also can't lose my mental health therapist 259 00:08:22,277 --> 00:08:24,529 'cause he's here to do the good. 260 00:08:24,529 --> 00:08:25,781 - Yeah. - Right. 261 00:08:25,781 --> 00:08:28,158 Was he grabbing girl or guy butts? 262 00:08:28,158 --> 00:08:30,619 'Cause if it's guys, I mean... 263 00:08:30,619 --> 00:08:34,748 No, I don't know what you mean. 264 00:08:34,748 --> 00:08:36,124 You know, I think Melanie 265 00:08:36,124 --> 00:08:37,584 and Streeter and I have got this. 266 00:08:37,584 --> 00:08:39,044 But thanks for letting us know, girl. 267 00:08:39,044 --> 00:08:40,504 Love you. - Thank you so much. 268 00:08:40,504 --> 00:08:42,422 Yeah, love you. Love you. 269 00:08:42,422 --> 00:08:43,674 Okay. How about we just ask 270 00:08:43,674 --> 00:08:44,925 these women not to say anything? 271 00:08:44,925 --> 00:08:47,302 You know, just stay silen... 272 00:08:47,302 --> 00:08:50,097 Well, not stay silent. That's not what I'm saying. 273 00:08:50,097 --> 00:08:51,807 It's just, you know, maybe these women 274 00:08:51,807 --> 00:08:53,642 were flirting with him. Maybe they were asking for-- 275 00:08:53,642 --> 00:08:55,018 eh... 276 00:08:55,018 --> 00:08:57,145 Not asking for--oh, my God. 277 00:08:57,145 --> 00:08:58,897 Everything people say that gets them in trouble, 278 00:08:58,897 --> 00:09:00,899 I'm actually saying. It's crazy. 279 00:09:00,899 --> 00:09:02,150 Your brain really does go there. 280 00:09:02,150 --> 00:09:03,735 Please, don't say crazy. 281 00:09:03,735 --> 00:09:04,820 Jesus. Yes. 282 00:09:04,820 --> 00:09:05,988 Thank you, Jules. - Wait. 283 00:09:05,988 --> 00:09:07,072 I know a Bravo therapist 284 00:09:07,072 --> 00:09:08,448 who might be able to fill in. 285 00:09:08,448 --> 00:09:10,117 But a heads-up: most of his advice 286 00:09:10,117 --> 00:09:11,410 to the teens in crisis will be 287 00:09:11,410 --> 00:09:12,744 to just let Bethenny be Bethenny. 288 00:09:12,744 --> 00:09:14,079 Fine. Whatever. 289 00:09:14,079 --> 00:09:15,664 If he's a therapist, then call him. 290 00:09:15,664 --> 00:09:18,000 Because the good move is to fire the predator, 291 00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:20,210 so that is what I am doing. 292 00:09:20,210 --> 00:09:24,006 Now I am off to watch more of my goodness. 293 00:09:24,006 --> 00:09:26,341 Thank you, John Krasinski, for that beautiful poem 294 00:09:26,341 --> 00:09:27,592 while flexing. 295 00:09:27,592 --> 00:09:29,011 When we come back, a message 296 00:09:29,011 --> 00:09:30,595 from a Parkland survivor. 297 00:09:30,595 --> 00:09:32,180 And before that, three performances 298 00:09:32,180 --> 00:09:34,016 from John Legend that will make you say, 299 00:09:34,016 --> 00:09:36,977 "Huh, I think he just doesn't like to be home." 300 00:09:36,977 --> 00:09:38,186 Okay. 301 00:09:38,186 --> 00:09:40,147 Hi, um, more bad news. 302 00:09:40,147 --> 00:09:42,190 Apparently, the Parkland survivor 303 00:09:42,190 --> 00:09:43,650 has COVID. 304 00:09:43,650 --> 00:09:46,194 Oh, my God. 305 00:09:46,194 --> 00:09:47,529 Okay. Okay. 306 00:09:47,529 --> 00:09:49,406 Okay. 307 00:09:52,326 --> 00:09:54,286 both: ♪ The gays are racing home tonight ♪ 308 00:09:54,286 --> 00:09:55,912 ♪ Hurrah, hurrah ♪ 309 00:09:55,912 --> 00:09:58,582 ♪ Our reunions we will crush tonight ♪ 310 00:09:58,582 --> 00:10:00,250 ♪ Hurrah, hurrah ♪ 311 00:10:00,250 --> 00:10:02,294 ♪ No one will be more successful than we ♪ 312 00:10:02,294 --> 00:10:04,463 ♪ Or understand Kamala better than he ♪ 313 00:10:04,463 --> 00:10:08,800 both: ♪ Because we are gay and coming to win the night ♪ 314 00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:10,719 Oh, look, a third gay. 315 00:10:10,719 --> 00:10:12,596 ♪ At Netflix I run comedy ♪ 316 00:10:12,596 --> 00:10:14,389 ♪ Hurrah, hurrah ♪ 317 00:10:14,389 --> 00:10:16,725 ♪ And at Google, I'm the new VP ♪ 318 00:10:16,725 --> 00:10:18,352 ♪ Hurrah, hurrah ♪ 319 00:10:18,352 --> 00:10:20,604 both: ♪ And now I am sitting in my own pee ♪ 320 00:10:20,604 --> 00:10:22,564 ♪ So all of my past can compliment me ♪ 321 00:10:22,564 --> 00:10:26,276 all: ♪ 'Cause we four gays are coming to win the night ♪ 322 00:10:26,276 --> 00:10:28,653 No, but really. 323 00:10:28,653 --> 00:10:31,990 ♪ Think of what they'll say when they see me ♪ 324 00:10:31,990 --> 00:10:34,117 - ♪ See me ♪ - ♪ All my classmates ♪ 325 00:10:34,117 --> 00:10:36,119 ♪ With their sad little lives ♪ 326 00:10:36,119 --> 00:10:38,580 - ♪ Sad little lives ♪ - ♪ Think of what they'll say ♪ 327 00:10:38,580 --> 00:10:40,749 ♪ How they'll swoon and scream ♪ 328 00:10:40,749 --> 00:10:45,087 ♪ When the WindWeaver arrives ♪ 329 00:10:45,087 --> 00:10:47,130 - Holy shit, Cary Dubek? - Oh, my God. 330 00:10:47,130 --> 00:10:48,715 Everyone, stop what you're doing. 331 00:10:48,715 --> 00:10:50,133 Cary Dubek's here. 332 00:10:50,133 --> 00:10:51,385 This is literally like 333 00:10:51,385 --> 00:10:53,303 if Brad Pitt came to his reunion. 334 00:10:53,303 --> 00:10:55,305 all: ♪ Us gays have not been back in years ♪ 335 00:10:55,305 --> 00:10:56,932 ♪ Like 10, or 12 ♪ 336 00:10:56,932 --> 00:10:59,267 ♪ 'Cause high school for us was full of tears ♪ 337 00:10:59,267 --> 00:11:00,936 ♪ So sad, oh, well ♪ 338 00:11:00,936 --> 00:11:03,313 ♪ But that was the past, and this is the now ♪ 339 00:11:03,313 --> 00:11:04,648 ♪ And look at our résumés ♪ 340 00:11:04,648 --> 00:11:05,732 ♪ Holy shit, wow ♪ 341 00:11:05,732 --> 00:11:09,236 ♪ The gays are coming ♪ 342 00:11:09,236 --> 00:11:13,615 all: ♪ The gays are coming ♪ 343 00:11:13,615 --> 00:11:15,700 ♪ Home to win the night ♪ 344 00:11:20,872 --> 00:11:22,165 It makes it look, like, super clean 345 00:11:22,165 --> 00:11:23,875 or something like that. Oh, my God. 346 00:11:23,875 --> 00:11:26,128 This is gorgeous, Lisa. 347 00:11:26,128 --> 00:11:29,089 Yep. Finally, have my dream kitchen. 348 00:11:29,089 --> 00:11:30,465 Oh, I'm so jealous. 349 00:11:30,465 --> 00:11:32,259 I wish my kitchen was bee themed. 350 00:11:32,259 --> 00:11:33,969 And I saved money on a designer 351 00:11:33,969 --> 00:11:36,388 by buying this little stencil kit at Kathy's Crafts 352 00:11:36,388 --> 00:11:38,181 on the other side of Jenny's Jeans, 353 00:11:38,181 --> 00:11:40,308 and just stenciling the bees on myself. 354 00:11:40,308 --> 00:11:42,269 I love that you have bees flying around 355 00:11:42,269 --> 00:11:43,645 on every single cupboard. 356 00:11:43,645 --> 00:11:44,938 I actually did bees flying 357 00:11:44,938 --> 00:11:46,148 around the whole house. 358 00:11:46,148 --> 00:11:48,316 I mean, why not? I had the stencil. 359 00:11:48,316 --> 00:11:49,568 I'm gonna take a picture. 360 00:11:49,568 --> 00:11:51,445 This is so cozy. - Thanks. 361 00:11:51,445 --> 00:11:52,487 And aw. 362 00:11:52,487 --> 00:11:53,697 I used to have that sign. 363 00:11:53,697 --> 00:11:55,031 Don't you love it? 364 00:11:55,031 --> 00:11:56,700 Meg got me that for Mother's Day. 365 00:11:56,700 --> 00:11:58,243 She and Mark know to only ever get me something 366 00:11:58,243 --> 00:12:00,203 with a bee on it now, or else. 367 00:12:00,203 --> 00:12:01,621 And how are Meg and Mark? 368 00:12:01,621 --> 00:12:03,123 The same. That reminds me. 369 00:12:03,123 --> 00:12:04,332 How's Brooke? 370 00:12:04,332 --> 00:12:06,168 What's she up to now? - Oh... 371 00:12:06,168 --> 00:12:08,628 Are you sure he can't stay for seven more minutes? 372 00:12:08,628 --> 00:12:10,338 You know, he's on right after the break. 373 00:12:10,338 --> 00:12:11,590 Sorry. Protocol. 374 00:12:11,590 --> 00:12:12,674 Yes, totally. 375 00:12:12,674 --> 00:12:14,342 Safety is so key. 376 00:12:14,342 --> 00:12:15,385 Fuck. 377 00:12:15,385 --> 00:12:16,595 I can't lose my therapist 378 00:12:16,595 --> 00:12:18,346 and my Parkland teen. 379 00:12:18,346 --> 00:12:19,931 Do you know how humiliating it will be 380 00:12:19,931 --> 00:12:22,058 to have an eight-hour mental health telethon 381 00:12:22,058 --> 00:12:24,269 without one Parkland kid in it? 382 00:12:24,269 --> 00:12:25,770 Ooh, I know. 383 00:12:25,770 --> 00:12:26,897 What if we chloroform her? 384 00:12:26,897 --> 00:12:28,398 Oh, my God, Streeter, no. 385 00:12:28,398 --> 00:12:29,733 We can't chloroform the COVID lady 386 00:12:29,733 --> 00:12:31,401 on my "Night of Undeniable Good." 387 00:12:31,401 --> 00:12:32,527 Fine. 388 00:12:32,527 --> 00:12:33,820 This way. This way. 389 00:12:33,820 --> 00:12:35,155 - What? - Hmm? 390 00:12:35,155 --> 00:12:36,364 - Where are we going? - I have an idea. 391 00:12:36,364 --> 00:12:37,866 I saw a broom closet upstairs. 392 00:12:37,866 --> 00:12:40,368 What if we just... lock her in it for ten? 393 00:12:40,368 --> 00:12:41,786 Are you out of your mind? 394 00:12:41,786 --> 00:12:43,622 That feels just as bad as chloroforming her. 395 00:12:43,622 --> 00:12:45,248 No, it's no big deal. 396 00:12:45,248 --> 00:12:46,541 We just lead her in 397 00:12:46,541 --> 00:12:47,834 and let the door shut behind her. 398 00:12:47,834 --> 00:12:49,419 And then we say, "Oh, no. 399 00:12:49,419 --> 00:12:50,754 "We thought this was him. 400 00:12:50,754 --> 00:12:52,506 Our bad. We'll go get help." 401 00:12:52,506 --> 00:12:55,800 And then we just let her out right after he speaks. 402 00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:57,093 No harm, no foul. 403 00:12:57,093 --> 00:12:58,053 Sorry. 404 00:12:58,053 --> 00:12:59,095 Excuse me. 405 00:12:59,095 --> 00:13:00,347 His dressing room's up here? 406 00:13:00,347 --> 00:13:01,348 I think so. 407 00:13:01,348 --> 00:13:02,474 Almost there. 408 00:13:02,474 --> 00:13:03,934 You cannot lock a full woman 409 00:13:03,934 --> 00:13:05,894 in a broom closet on our night of good. 410 00:13:05,894 --> 00:13:07,812 We'd still be doing net good. 411 00:13:07,812 --> 00:13:10,023 It's one woman in a closet for half of "Seinfeld" 412 00:13:10,023 --> 00:13:13,443 so millions of teens can hear this Parkland kid's message. 413 00:13:13,443 --> 00:13:15,195 I mean, his speech is beautiful. 414 00:13:15,195 --> 00:13:17,072 - Uh-huh. - Yeah. 415 00:13:17,072 --> 00:13:18,615 Breakdown to the stage. 416 00:13:18,615 --> 00:13:21,243 Okay, fine. But just ten minutes. 417 00:13:21,243 --> 00:13:23,620 Okay, hands in. We're doing good on three. 418 00:13:23,620 --> 00:13:24,829 One, two, three. 419 00:13:24,829 --> 00:13:26,081 all: We are doing good. 420 00:13:26,081 --> 00:13:27,582 Okay. 421 00:13:31,670 --> 00:13:33,296 Let's do this. 422 00:13:56,903 --> 00:13:57,862 I feel so stupid. 423 00:13:57,862 --> 00:13:59,114 No one here is gonna-- 424 00:13:59,114 --> 00:14:00,115 Holy shit. 425 00:14:00,115 --> 00:14:01,199 Cary Dubek. 426 00:14:01,199 --> 00:14:02,617 Oh, my God. 427 00:14:02,617 --> 00:14:04,953 Everyone, stop what you're doing. 428 00:14:04,953 --> 00:14:06,997 Cary Dubek is here. 429 00:14:06,997 --> 00:14:07,956 Whoa! 430 00:14:07,956 --> 00:14:08,957 This is like if Brad Pitt 431 00:14:08,957 --> 00:14:10,292 came to his reunion. 432 00:14:10,292 --> 00:14:12,627 Wait. This is literally the song. 433 00:14:12,627 --> 00:14:14,546 Oh, my God. I can't believe you came. 434 00:14:14,546 --> 00:14:16,423 - Cary Dubes, dude. - Yeah. 435 00:14:16,423 --> 00:14:18,133 Wait a minute. What's going on? 436 00:14:18,133 --> 00:14:19,676 It kind of smells like piss over here. 437 00:14:19,676 --> 00:14:22,387 Oh, that's for sure me. 438 00:14:22,387 --> 00:14:24,889 I'm literally covered in piss 24/7. 439 00:14:24,889 --> 00:14:26,308 It's the joy of having a one-year-old. 440 00:14:26,308 --> 00:14:28,143 Oh. 441 00:14:28,143 --> 00:14:30,395 Wow. Cary Dubek, hi. 442 00:14:30,395 --> 00:14:32,063 Sorry. Can I get a pic? 443 00:14:32,063 --> 00:14:33,648 My wife and I love "WindWeaver," 444 00:14:33,648 --> 00:14:35,609 and now you're the full star? 445 00:14:35,609 --> 00:14:36,735 Thank you. 446 00:14:36,735 --> 00:14:37,902 That's so nice. 447 00:14:37,902 --> 00:14:44,701 But, um, uh, ah, are, ew. 448 00:14:44,701 --> 00:14:46,453 Sorry. What's that, Cary? 449 00:14:46,453 --> 00:14:48,538 Uh, ow are you? 450 00:14:48,538 --> 00:14:51,166 Oh. I think he's asking how we are. 451 00:14:51,166 --> 00:14:52,626 Yeah. Sorry. 452 00:14:52,626 --> 00:14:54,753 Oh, no. We see each other 24/7. 453 00:14:54,753 --> 00:14:56,296 I'm sick of hearing about these people. 454 00:14:56,296 --> 00:14:58,798 - Yeah. - Seriously. 455 00:14:58,798 --> 00:15:00,008 So wait. 456 00:15:00,008 --> 00:15:01,926 You just want me to talk about myself 457 00:15:01,926 --> 00:15:03,970 all night? 458 00:15:03,970 --> 00:15:05,680 all: Yes! 459 00:15:05,680 --> 00:15:08,683 I mean, if you insist. 460 00:15:11,686 --> 00:15:12,979 Thank you, John Legend. 461 00:15:12,979 --> 00:15:14,648 Another B-plus. 462 00:15:14,648 --> 00:15:17,150 And now, a quick announcement for all you at home. 463 00:15:17,150 --> 00:15:19,611 Starting now, if you tweet about the show 464 00:15:19,611 --> 00:15:22,030 using the hashtag #ANightOfUndeniableGood, 465 00:15:22,030 --> 00:15:23,823 you will get one month of therapy 466 00:15:23,823 --> 00:15:25,200 courtesy of BetterHealth. 467 00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:26,743 So tell all your mentally ill friends 468 00:15:26,743 --> 00:15:28,745 to tune in and tweet, and let's make this 469 00:15:28,745 --> 00:15:31,623 the most-watched telethon ever. 470 00:15:31,623 --> 00:15:33,792 Okay, we'll be right back after the break 471 00:15:33,792 --> 00:15:36,711 with insert name of whatever Parkland teen we get. 472 00:15:36,711 --> 00:15:38,380 Okay. Set's right this way. 473 00:15:38,380 --> 00:15:39,756 Follow us. 474 00:15:39,756 --> 00:15:41,424 I'm trying. You're just going really fast. 475 00:15:41,424 --> 00:15:42,717 Well, we're just eager to get you 476 00:15:42,717 --> 00:15:43,760 out there to tell your story. 477 00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:44,886 - Hello? - Hey. 478 00:15:44,886 --> 00:15:46,054 Is COVID lady still in there? 479 00:15:46,054 --> 00:15:47,889 Mm-hmm. Help's on the way. Sorry. 480 00:15:47,889 --> 00:15:49,766 We really thought this was his dressing room. 481 00:15:49,766 --> 00:15:51,267 - Okay. - I feel so weird 482 00:15:51,267 --> 00:15:52,268 about this, Brooke. 483 00:15:52,268 --> 00:15:53,395 Like, that Parkland kid 484 00:15:53,395 --> 00:15:54,396 does have COVID. - No. 485 00:15:54,396 --> 00:15:55,939 Do not get cold feet now. 486 00:15:55,939 --> 00:15:58,441 Plus, who can he hurt in the next minute? 487 00:15:58,441 --> 00:15:59,901 Hi. Sia? 488 00:15:59,901 --> 00:16:01,277 I'm such a huge fan. 489 00:16:01,277 --> 00:16:02,904 "Rolling In The Deep" is one of my favorite songs. 490 00:16:02,904 --> 00:16:05,240 Fuck. He's giving Sia COVID. 491 00:16:05,240 --> 00:16:06,491 Hey. Hey, bud? 492 00:16:06,491 --> 00:16:07,575 Let's just keep it moving, okay? 493 00:16:07,575 --> 00:16:08,952 I'm sure Sia is very busy. 494 00:16:08,952 --> 00:16:10,412 Can I maybe give you a hug? 495 00:16:10,412 --> 00:16:11,621 - No, no. - No. 496 00:16:11,621 --> 00:16:12,789 You know what? It's fine. 497 00:16:12,789 --> 00:16:14,249 Everyone has to be vaccinated, 498 00:16:14,249 --> 00:16:15,750 so even if she does get it, it'll be a cold. 499 00:16:15,750 --> 00:16:16,793 She's young. - Right. 500 00:16:16,793 --> 00:16:18,086 And is this your grandma? 501 00:16:18,086 --> 00:16:19,254 I have to give you a hug, too. 502 00:16:19,254 --> 00:16:20,255 Oh, my God. 503 00:16:20,255 --> 00:16:22,757 We killed Sia's grandma. 504 00:16:22,757 --> 00:16:24,342 Streeter, quit being psycho. 505 00:16:24,342 --> 00:16:25,760 Oh, please don't say psycho. 506 00:16:25,760 --> 00:16:26,928 God, can someone 507 00:16:26,928 --> 00:16:28,430 please put a bell on them? 508 00:16:28,430 --> 00:16:29,931 Shit. He's on in 10 seconds. 509 00:16:29,931 --> 00:16:31,307 Uh... uh... 510 00:16:32,934 --> 00:16:34,269 Grandma, stay away from the boy. 511 00:16:34,269 --> 00:16:35,437 Step back, Grandma. 512 00:16:35,437 --> 00:16:36,938 - What? What? - Up we go. 513 00:16:36,938 --> 00:16:38,398 No, no. Don't worry. 514 00:16:38,398 --> 00:16:39,983 We're all doing good. We're doing good here. 515 00:16:39,983 --> 00:16:41,025 - This is good. - Okay. 516 00:16:41,025 --> 00:16:42,402 Good coming through. 517 00:16:42,402 --> 00:16:43,653 - What he's doing is good. - It's all good! 518 00:16:43,653 --> 00:16:45,155 And now, a moving message 519 00:16:45,155 --> 00:16:47,907 from Parkland survivor Cameron Kasky. 520 00:16:49,743 --> 00:16:51,077 Thank you, Chase. 521 00:16:51,077 --> 00:16:53,163 As many of you may know... 522 00:16:53,163 --> 00:16:54,664 Hi. 523 00:16:54,664 --> 00:16:57,709 We have a problem with Ben Platt. 524 00:16:57,709 --> 00:16:59,669 What the fuck? 525 00:16:59,669 --> 00:17:00,795 God. 526 00:17:00,795 --> 00:17:02,547 You are just so famous now. 527 00:17:02,547 --> 00:17:04,382 And it makes sense. I remember in high school, 528 00:17:04,382 --> 00:17:07,177 you won "Most likely to win an Academy Award." 529 00:17:07,177 --> 00:17:08,303 I did? 530 00:17:08,303 --> 00:17:09,637 I don't even remember that. 531 00:17:09,637 --> 00:17:11,556 God, I don't know what I won. 532 00:17:11,556 --> 00:17:13,933 Well, I got "most likely to succeed," which is sad, 533 00:17:13,933 --> 00:17:15,268 'cause now I'm a dentist, 534 00:17:15,268 --> 00:17:16,644 which is nothing compared to Cary. 535 00:17:16,644 --> 00:17:19,689 Oh, being a dentist isn't nothing. 536 00:17:19,689 --> 00:17:21,983 Yes, it is. It's truly nothing. 537 00:17:23,777 --> 00:17:26,946 Seriously, I tell everyone I was in "Grease" with you. 538 00:17:26,946 --> 00:17:28,448 Oh, that's sweet. 539 00:17:28,448 --> 00:17:30,658 Are you still acting? - Oh, no. 540 00:17:30,658 --> 00:17:32,202 I do marketing for a local theater now, 541 00:17:32,202 --> 00:17:34,329 which is nice, 'cause the hours are flexible, 542 00:17:34,329 --> 00:17:35,747 but it's still creative. 543 00:17:35,747 --> 00:17:38,291 God, this must sound so small time to you. 544 00:17:38,291 --> 00:17:41,002 No. Please, you are not small time. 545 00:17:41,002 --> 00:17:42,796 Yes, she is. She is small, I am big. 546 00:17:42,796 --> 00:17:45,173 And, hey. I'm so happy you're out now. 547 00:17:45,173 --> 00:17:48,009 I had no idea you were closeted in school. 548 00:17:48,009 --> 00:17:49,177 It must have been so hard. 549 00:17:49,177 --> 00:17:51,930 No, no. And now, I'm winning. 550 00:17:51,930 --> 00:17:53,807 So let's go back to how I'm winning. 551 00:17:57,435 --> 00:17:58,520 - Hi. - Hey. 552 00:17:58,520 --> 00:17:59,521 Wow. 553 00:17:59,521 --> 00:18:00,688 Hey, Owen? 554 00:18:00,688 --> 00:18:02,190 So cool you're here. 555 00:18:02,190 --> 00:18:03,358 Great to see you. 556 00:18:03,358 --> 00:18:04,859 Yeah. I wasn't gonna come, 557 00:18:04,859 --> 00:18:07,695 but I just got some insane news. 558 00:18:07,695 --> 00:18:09,697 - What? - I'm gonna be... 559 00:18:09,697 --> 00:18:11,866 an understudy on Broadway. 560 00:18:11,866 --> 00:18:14,202 Wow. That's so cool. 561 00:18:14,202 --> 00:18:15,745 You should talk to Cary Dubek 562 00:18:15,745 --> 00:18:17,205 since you guys are, like, in the same industry. 563 00:18:17,205 --> 00:18:18,873 Hey, yo, Dubes. 564 00:18:18,873 --> 00:18:21,042 Wait. You came? Fuck! 565 00:18:21,042 --> 00:18:22,877 I can't be the second most successful gay 566 00:18:22,877 --> 00:18:25,880 at this reunion. That's fucking nothing. 567 00:18:25,880 --> 00:18:28,424 No. Gosh. 568 00:18:28,424 --> 00:18:30,885 We're having a great time. 569 00:18:30,885 --> 00:18:32,053 Jesus. 570 00:18:32,053 --> 00:18:33,972 This is the best night of my life. 571 00:18:33,972 --> 00:18:36,724 I may need to sing again. 572 00:18:36,724 --> 00:18:38,268 Shit. But we already announced 573 00:18:38,268 --> 00:18:41,604 their company's $100-million donation on air. 574 00:18:41,604 --> 00:18:43,356 But that was before the company CEO found out 575 00:18:43,356 --> 00:18:45,066 there was a gay person on the show. 576 00:18:45,066 --> 00:18:47,110 And he's crazy conservative, and he says 577 00:18:47,110 --> 00:18:49,362 that if we let Ben Platt perform, 578 00:18:49,362 --> 00:18:51,072 he'll take their money back. 579 00:18:51,072 --> 00:18:52,699 I'm so sorry. - Well, thank you. 580 00:18:52,699 --> 00:18:54,450 Where are you going? - Fuck. 581 00:18:54,450 --> 00:18:55,785 Doing good is impossible. 582 00:18:55,785 --> 00:18:57,954 No wonder I didn't do it for 35 years. 583 00:18:57,954 --> 00:18:59,289 Okay, so what do we do? 584 00:18:59,289 --> 00:19:01,207 Let me just try and go talk to him. 585 00:19:01,207 --> 00:19:02,375 Right. 586 00:19:02,375 --> 00:19:04,544 I mean, listen, I hate gays too. 587 00:19:04,544 --> 00:19:06,129 Penises in butts? 588 00:19:06,129 --> 00:19:08,214 How and why, sir? 589 00:19:08,214 --> 00:19:09,799 They're the ones who are mentally ill. 590 00:19:09,799 --> 00:19:11,217 Am I right? 591 00:19:11,217 --> 00:19:13,720 It's just that Ben's already here, you know, 592 00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:18,558 so let's just... let him do his little song. 593 00:19:18,558 --> 00:19:21,769 Sorry. But I won't budge on this. 594 00:19:21,769 --> 00:19:23,271 I mean, can you believe it? 595 00:19:23,271 --> 00:19:25,648 He will take his money back if you perform. 596 00:19:25,648 --> 00:19:27,609 Jesus. That is so shitty. 597 00:19:27,609 --> 00:19:28,526 I know. 598 00:19:28,526 --> 00:19:32,780 So obviously, you-- 599 00:19:32,780 --> 00:19:34,782 Are going out there, more determined than ever 600 00:19:34,782 --> 00:19:36,117 to not be silenced. 601 00:19:37,660 --> 00:19:40,288 Yas, queen. 602 00:19:40,288 --> 00:19:42,665 Fucking gay people. Fuck. 603 00:19:42,665 --> 00:19:44,959 Okay, I know. What if we chloroform him? 604 00:19:44,959 --> 00:19:47,128 No. Let's just game this out. 605 00:19:47,128 --> 00:19:48,963 - All right. - We can't tell Ben to leave, 606 00:19:48,963 --> 00:19:50,340 'cause that would look bad. - Yeah. 607 00:19:50,340 --> 00:19:51,883 Plus, mental health does affect 608 00:19:51,883 --> 00:19:53,384 the LGBTQ community, 609 00:19:53,384 --> 00:19:55,428 so it is good to have a gay person on this. 610 00:19:55,428 --> 00:19:57,221 Representation is worth so much. 611 00:19:57,221 --> 00:19:58,932 But is it worth $100 million? 612 00:19:58,932 --> 00:20:01,768 - I don't know. - Like, if it was 5 or 10... 613 00:20:01,768 --> 00:20:03,519 - Brooke, hey. - Hi. 614 00:20:03,519 --> 00:20:05,647 I had an idea. What if we do a thing 615 00:20:05,647 --> 00:20:07,398 where, every time someone buys my last album, 616 00:20:07,398 --> 00:20:08,816 they get a month of free therapy? 617 00:20:08,816 --> 00:20:10,860 What? Absolutely not. That's gross. 618 00:20:10,860 --> 00:20:13,196 But we just said if people tweet about this show, 619 00:20:13,196 --> 00:20:14,697 they get a month of therapy. What's the difference? 620 00:20:14,697 --> 00:20:16,491 Well, Bud, you'd be doing it 621 00:20:16,491 --> 00:20:18,576 to help album sales, which is bad. 622 00:20:18,576 --> 00:20:21,037 But I'm doing it to help promote this show 623 00:20:21,037 --> 00:20:23,998 that helps the whole world, which is good. 624 00:20:23,998 --> 00:20:25,249 So... 625 00:20:25,249 --> 00:20:26,292 No, yeah. 626 00:20:26,292 --> 00:20:27,502 Yeah, right. 627 00:20:27,502 --> 00:20:29,671 Sorry for asking. 628 00:20:29,671 --> 00:20:30,713 Okay. 629 00:20:30,713 --> 00:20:32,256 I know what we're gonna do. 630 00:20:32,256 --> 00:20:33,549 We're gonna accidentally lock Ben Platt 631 00:20:33,549 --> 00:20:35,051 in the broom closet, too. 632 00:20:35,051 --> 00:20:36,511 Okay. 633 00:20:36,511 --> 00:20:38,262 Yeah, I mean, I've had an agent for a while, 634 00:20:38,262 --> 00:20:40,598 but now I have a lawyer and a manager. 635 00:20:40,598 --> 00:20:42,600 That is so crazy. 636 00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:44,352 I have none of that. 637 00:20:44,352 --> 00:20:45,645 ♪ It's happening ♪ 638 00:20:45,645 --> 00:20:47,146 ♪ Look how they fawn ♪ 639 00:20:47,146 --> 00:20:49,440 ♪ Hurrah, hurrah ♪ 640 00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:51,693 - Wow. - Yeah, we shoot in Croatia, 641 00:20:51,693 --> 00:20:54,487 but luckily, they have to fly me first. 642 00:20:54,487 --> 00:20:55,863 Lucky. 643 00:20:55,863 --> 00:20:57,365 We did a friend trip to Hawaii last year, 644 00:20:57,365 --> 00:20:59,200 and we were in the very last row of coach. 645 00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:00,326 Aw. 646 00:21:00,326 --> 00:21:01,995 ♪ It's happening ♪ 647 00:21:01,995 --> 00:21:03,413 ♪ I am their god ♪ 648 00:21:03,413 --> 00:21:05,456 ♪ Hurrah, hurrah ♪ 649 00:21:05,456 --> 00:21:08,126 Hey, would you mind FaceTiming my brother-in-law? 650 00:21:08,126 --> 00:21:09,961 He's a huge fan. 651 00:21:09,961 --> 00:21:11,713 My brother-in-law's also a fan. 652 00:21:11,713 --> 00:21:13,381 Girls, girls, there is plenty of me 653 00:21:13,381 --> 00:21:16,134 for every brother-in-law. 654 00:21:16,134 --> 00:21:18,177 ♪ Their lives were empty before I came ♪ 655 00:21:18,177 --> 00:21:21,472 ♪ 'Cause they're just people, but I have fame ♪ 656 00:21:21,472 --> 00:21:23,558 all: Aw. - Already? 657 00:21:23,558 --> 00:21:25,226 But I guess I do need to relieve the sitter. 658 00:21:25,226 --> 00:21:26,728 And what time is soccer tomorrow? 659 00:21:26,728 --> 00:21:28,229 - Drinks on Thursday, right? - Love you. 660 00:21:28,229 --> 00:21:30,231 ♪ They'll never forget this epic night ♪ 661 00:21:30,231 --> 00:21:31,733 It was so great seeing you. 662 00:21:31,733 --> 00:21:34,569 ♪ I hope when I leave, they will be all right ♪ 663 00:21:34,569 --> 00:21:36,320 I think we can all safely say, 664 00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:38,072 you won this reunion, bro. 665 00:21:38,072 --> 00:21:39,907 ♪ Tonight was just how I hoped it'd be ♪ 666 00:21:39,907 --> 00:21:42,076 ♪ Add this to the list of successes for me ♪ 667 00:21:42,076 --> 00:21:50,626 ♪ The gay has come home ♪ 668 00:21:50,626 --> 00:21:57,759 ♪ And won the night ♪ 669 00:21:58,760 --> 00:21:59,844 Ha! 670 00:22:33,294 --> 00:22:35,713 Let's see. 671 00:22:38,508 --> 00:22:40,468 That's why we call it wine o'clock Zumba. 672 00:22:40,468 --> 00:22:43,304 - Food's here from Pat's fave. - Yum-yum! 673 00:22:43,304 --> 00:22:45,932 I have been dreaming about El Pancho Taqueria. 674 00:22:45,932 --> 00:22:49,519 That's 'cause nobody does Mexican like Tony and Mike. 675 00:22:49,519 --> 00:22:52,396 Anyway, you have to come back next summer, too, 676 00:22:52,396 --> 00:22:53,981 so you can pontoon. 677 00:22:53,981 --> 00:22:57,151 Oh, 100%. I will be on that pontoon. 678 00:22:57,151 --> 00:22:59,153 We thought it was gonna be a hassle having one. 679 00:22:59,153 --> 00:23:00,822 You know, taking it out in the winter. 680 00:23:00,822 --> 00:23:03,533 But you just pay one fee, and the marina does it all. 681 00:23:03,533 --> 00:23:05,326 - Love that. - But if you do go, Pat, 682 00:23:05,326 --> 00:23:08,955 do not let Robin pull you on that tube. 683 00:23:08,955 --> 00:23:12,333 She nearly broke my neck she went so fast. 684 00:23:12,333 --> 00:23:14,419 You just had one too many Kim Crawfords. 685 00:23:14,419 --> 00:23:16,045 Uh, it was the weekend. 686 00:23:16,045 --> 00:23:18,881 There's no such thing as one too many Kim Cs. 687 00:23:18,881 --> 00:23:21,008 I'm on her side. 688 00:23:21,008 --> 00:23:23,678 And speaking of, I just wanna say, 689 00:23:23,678 --> 00:23:25,763 thank you so much for having me back. 690 00:23:25,763 --> 00:23:28,057 This has truly been the perfect day. 691 00:23:28,057 --> 00:23:29,684 Melanie, let the COVID lady out. 692 00:23:29,684 --> 00:23:31,185 We need the closet for Ben Platt. 693 00:23:31,185 --> 00:23:32,520 Wait. What? 694 00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:33,896 Okay. 695 00:23:33,896 --> 00:23:36,190 Hi, ma'am. I am so sorry about the mix-up. 696 00:23:36,190 --> 00:23:38,442 We--wait. Where did she go? 697 00:23:38,442 --> 00:23:40,361 Oh, my God. 698 00:23:40,361 --> 00:23:42,029 I think she escaped through the vents. 699 00:23:42,029 --> 00:23:44,365 What? There's a lady in the vents 700 00:23:44,365 --> 00:23:46,200 on my "Night of Undeniable Good"? 701 00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:48,119 It absolutely appears so. 702 00:23:48,119 --> 00:23:49,287 Ugh! 703 00:23:49,287 --> 00:23:50,746 So if we can't throw Ben in a closet, 704 00:23:50,746 --> 00:23:52,039 how else are we gonna distract him 705 00:23:52,039 --> 00:23:53,541 so he misses his performance? 706 00:23:53,541 --> 00:23:55,459 Well, I know you're gonna be mad, but-- 707 00:23:55,459 --> 00:23:56,878 Streeter, no chloroform. 708 00:23:56,878 --> 00:23:58,045 Now think. 709 00:23:58,045 --> 00:24:00,256 How else can we distract a gay man? 710 00:24:00,256 --> 00:24:01,215 Oh, my God. 711 00:24:01,215 --> 00:24:03,759 Brooke, I'm a daddy. 712 00:24:07,805 --> 00:24:09,265 Hey, twink. - Excuse me? 713 00:24:09,265 --> 00:24:10,892 What do you say we blow off this fundraiser 714 00:24:10,892 --> 00:24:13,394 and I go... 715 00:24:13,394 --> 00:24:16,397 step on your bones, or break your neck? 716 00:24:16,397 --> 00:24:17,732 Or is it legs? 717 00:24:17,732 --> 00:24:19,108 I'm going to-- I'm going to-- 718 00:24:19,108 --> 00:24:21,694 I will break any bone in your body 719 00:24:21,694 --> 00:24:23,404 that you want me to break. 720 00:24:24,864 --> 00:24:27,283 Well, Ben Platt filed a sexual harassment complaint 721 00:24:27,283 --> 00:24:29,911 against you, so I guess I have to fire you now, too? 722 00:24:29,911 --> 00:24:31,746 Okay, but this is great. 723 00:24:31,746 --> 00:24:34,248 This means he isn't gay, or he would have loved that. 724 00:24:34,248 --> 00:24:36,375 - Oh, just go. - Brooke! 725 00:24:36,375 --> 00:24:39,253 Sorry, but Ben's on in 15 minutes. 726 00:24:39,253 --> 00:24:40,546 Fuck. 727 00:24:40,546 --> 00:24:42,757 I can't lose $100 million. 728 00:24:42,757 --> 00:24:44,175 I know. 729 00:24:47,345 --> 00:24:50,431 Maybe Streeter was right? 730 00:24:50,431 --> 00:24:54,518 Maybe we do chloroform him? 731 00:24:56,854 --> 00:25:00,691 I actually saw some in the broom closet. 732 00:25:12,787 --> 00:25:14,664 Refinance today, and your new loan 733 00:25:14,664 --> 00:25:16,624 could save you hundreds of dollars. 734 00:25:16,624 --> 00:25:18,709 And get one of our certified pre-owns at Akron Auto World, 735 00:25:18,709 --> 00:25:20,753 home of the most enormous American flag you've 736 00:25:20,753 --> 00:25:22,463 ever seen in your goddamn-- 737 00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:28,177 Where is the turnoff? 738 00:26:11,679 --> 00:26:14,223 What the fuck? Did I just miss the turnoff? 739 00:26:14,223 --> 00:26:16,767 And why does it smell like full piss in here? 740 00:26:18,311 --> 00:26:19,854 - Okay, but like... - Uh-huh. 741 00:26:19,854 --> 00:26:21,689 It's good that we're chloroforming Ben Pratt, 742 00:26:21,689 --> 00:26:23,566 because this money can help a lot of people. 743 00:26:23,566 --> 00:26:26,152 And he said he was tired when he got here, 744 00:26:26,152 --> 00:26:28,404 so he'll just think he slept through his song. 745 00:26:28,404 --> 00:26:30,281 Plus, I already have the "Hamilton" cast 746 00:26:30,281 --> 00:26:31,782 ready to go on instead. 747 00:26:31,782 --> 00:26:32,950 They're gonna sing "The Room Where It Happens," 748 00:26:32,950 --> 00:26:34,076 but in this version, 749 00:26:34,076 --> 00:26:35,703 the room is a therapist's office. 750 00:26:35,703 --> 00:26:36,746 Ew. 751 00:26:36,746 --> 00:26:37,830 Maybe it's worth $100 million 752 00:26:37,830 --> 00:26:39,081 to not hear that. 753 00:26:39,081 --> 00:26:41,000 Also, like, what if we kill Ben Platt? 754 00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:43,419 Oh, my God. We're not gonna kill Ben Platt. 755 00:26:43,419 --> 00:26:44,920 Just focus. 756 00:26:45,921 --> 00:26:47,673 We are doing this for good. 757 00:26:49,050 --> 00:26:51,427 But if you ever say anything about the good 758 00:26:51,427 --> 00:26:54,764 that we did here, I will end you. 759 00:26:54,764 --> 00:26:56,474 Okay, fine. 760 00:26:56,474 --> 00:26:57,725 Let's do this. 761 00:27:01,771 --> 00:27:03,481 both: Hi. 762 00:27:03,481 --> 00:27:04,899 Hey. What's up? 763 00:27:04,899 --> 00:27:06,233 Do you think that-- 764 00:27:06,233 --> 00:27:08,736 Just stay there, because... 765 00:27:08,736 --> 00:27:10,321 We just wanna... 766 00:27:12,948 --> 00:27:14,367 - Oh, my-- - Oh, my God! 767 00:27:14,367 --> 00:27:16,827 Jesus Christ. Are you okay? 768 00:27:16,827 --> 00:27:18,162 - Oh. - Hey, girl, 769 00:27:18,162 --> 00:27:20,664 aw, we just sent the maintenance man up. 770 00:27:20,664 --> 00:27:21,957 Who the fuck is this? 771 00:27:21,957 --> 00:27:24,251 Oh, are you Ben Platt? 772 00:27:24,251 --> 00:27:26,420 Yes. 773 00:27:26,420 --> 00:27:28,798 Well, you have COVID and need to leave immediately. 774 00:27:28,798 --> 00:27:30,591 - I--what? - Wait, what? 775 00:27:30,591 --> 00:27:32,802 - Yeah. - Yes! 776 00:27:32,802 --> 00:27:34,512 I mean, no. 777 00:27:34,512 --> 00:27:35,513 He does? 778 00:27:35,513 --> 00:27:36,931 Oh, so he can't perform? 779 00:27:36,931 --> 00:27:38,599 He can't perform, and it's his fault. 780 00:27:38,599 --> 00:27:40,226 Fuck. This sucks. 781 00:27:40,226 --> 00:27:42,144 I feel like I'm letting the whole gay community down. 782 00:27:42,144 --> 00:27:43,562 You are. 783 00:27:43,562 --> 00:27:45,773 You are letting them down. 784 00:27:45,773 --> 00:27:49,318 Melanie, girl, we fucking did it. 785 00:27:49,318 --> 00:27:50,444 Fuck! 786 00:27:50,444 --> 00:27:51,737 Okay. 787 00:27:55,699 --> 00:27:57,201 Hi, can I use your bathroom, please? 788 00:27:57,201 --> 00:27:58,661 - It's out of order. - That's okay. 789 00:27:58,661 --> 00:28:00,788 I just need the bathroom room. 790 00:28:02,248 --> 00:28:04,875 Why do you need the bathroom room? 791 00:28:04,875 --> 00:28:06,293 'Cause I'm wearing a fucking diaper, 792 00:28:06,293 --> 00:28:07,711 and I need to take it off. 793 00:28:07,711 --> 00:28:09,171 Yep. I've been sitting in my own piss 794 00:28:09,171 --> 00:28:11,132 for the last six hours, so may I please 795 00:28:11,132 --> 00:28:12,633 just use your bathroom room 796 00:28:12,633 --> 00:28:14,927 so I can take off my diaper, kind sir? 797 00:28:16,971 --> 00:28:18,472 Sounds like you had a pretty rough night. 798 00:28:18,472 --> 00:28:19,807 It's actually one of the best nights 799 00:28:19,807 --> 00:28:20,975 of my entire life. 800 00:28:44,373 --> 00:28:45,666 Ugh. 801 00:28:47,209 --> 00:28:48,461 God. 802 00:29:11,901 --> 00:29:14,278 What? Is there no service in here? 803 00:29:20,784 --> 00:29:22,411 Fuck. 804 00:29:29,126 --> 00:29:33,297 Come on. 805 00:29:33,297 --> 00:29:34,548 Fuck. 806 00:29:36,509 --> 00:29:38,636 What the fucking fuck? 807 00:29:40,304 --> 00:29:42,723 Well, this night sucked my ass. 808 00:29:42,723 --> 00:29:45,601 Yeah. That was 100% cuckoo bananas. 809 00:29:45,601 --> 00:29:48,145 Oh, yeah, please don't say "cuckoo bananas." 810 00:29:48,145 --> 00:29:49,396 Just kidding. Have a great night. 811 00:29:49,396 --> 00:29:50,564 Okay. 812 00:29:50,564 --> 00:29:52,066 Oh! Watch where you're going, 813 00:29:52,066 --> 00:29:53,234 you fucking psycho. 814 00:29:53,234 --> 00:29:54,652 - Oh, my God. - Oh, but hey, 815 00:29:54,652 --> 00:29:55,945 this might cheer you up. 816 00:29:55,945 --> 00:29:57,404 Chase's album is number one on iTunes. 817 00:29:57,404 --> 00:29:58,572 Wait. What? 818 00:29:58,572 --> 00:30:00,032 What do you mean? - Yeah. 819 00:30:00,032 --> 00:30:01,575 He tweeted he'd give a free month of therapy 820 00:30:01,575 --> 00:30:03,077 to anyone who bought his last album, 821 00:30:03,077 --> 00:30:04,537 and this whole country is sick, 822 00:30:04,537 --> 00:30:06,413 so it went straight to number one. 823 00:30:06,413 --> 00:30:07,998 Kind of smart. Well-- 824 00:30:07,998 --> 00:30:09,416 Wait. No. 825 00:30:09,416 --> 00:30:11,585 I specifically told him not to do that, 826 00:30:11,585 --> 00:30:14,380 and he just did anyway? Fuck. 827 00:30:14,380 --> 00:30:17,049 The whole reason we pivoted him to mental health 828 00:30:17,049 --> 00:30:19,593 was so that people wouldn't think he was bad anymore. 829 00:30:19,593 --> 00:30:21,762 But then he does this shit thing? 830 00:30:21,762 --> 00:30:23,013 Ugh! 831 00:30:23,013 --> 00:30:26,684 Why is it so hard to do good? 832 00:30:26,684 --> 00:30:28,644 Okay, if you do think that, 833 00:30:28,644 --> 00:30:32,106 I wouldn't look behind you right now. 834 00:30:39,655 --> 00:30:43,242 What in the actual fuck? 835 00:30:48,664 --> 00:30:49,707 Hi. 836 00:30:49,707 --> 00:30:50,958 Can I use your bathroom, please? 837 00:30:50,958 --> 00:30:52,501 Another one? 838 00:30:52,501 --> 00:30:54,461 Right. Totally forgot. 839 00:30:54,461 --> 00:30:56,005 It's reunion season. 840 00:30:56,005 --> 00:30:59,133 There's actually another diaper guy in there now, but-- 841 00:30:59,133 --> 00:31:00,801 we should probably check on him. 842 00:31:01,677 --> 00:31:02,636 How are you doing? 843 00:31:02,636 --> 00:31:05,347 My own piss in my eyes. 844 00:31:05,347 --> 00:31:06,932 Oh, god. 845 00:31:08,684 --> 00:31:10,769 I can-- 846 00:31:10,769 --> 00:31:12,229 I can take it from here. 847 00:31:15,024 --> 00:31:17,776 I don't know. I don't--I'm lost. 848 00:31:17,776 --> 00:31:21,113 I'm, like, fucking lost. 849 00:31:21,113 --> 00:31:23,282 Yeah, no. I'm lost too. 850 00:31:23,282 --> 00:31:26,118 No. I think I'm, like, lost lost. 851 00:31:26,118 --> 00:31:27,911 Like, I just had this great night, 852 00:31:27,911 --> 00:31:33,500 and immediately, I don't know, left and just felt unhappy-- 853 00:31:33,500 --> 00:31:35,419 or, like, not happy, 854 00:31:35,419 --> 00:31:37,046 and I don't know why. 855 00:31:37,046 --> 00:31:38,339 Like, I am the star 856 00:31:38,339 --> 00:31:39,590 of the number-one show on Netflix 857 00:31:39,590 --> 00:31:41,133 without puppies shopping. 858 00:31:41,133 --> 00:31:44,845 So why do I feel like I'm about to fucking cry? 859 00:31:44,845 --> 00:31:47,348 I feel lost lost, too, 860 00:31:47,348 --> 00:31:50,225 which is insane, 'cause I have Kamala's phone number. 861 00:31:50,225 --> 00:31:53,604 Like, if I called her now, she'd answer. 862 00:31:53,604 --> 00:31:56,357 It's just like I have everything I ever wanted. 863 00:31:56,357 --> 00:31:58,108 So what am I missing? 864 00:31:58,108 --> 00:32:00,319 Like what else am I looking for? 865 00:32:03,614 --> 00:32:08,535 Oh, one of my classmates is videoing me on Instagram. 866 00:32:08,535 --> 00:32:10,412 So weird. 867 00:32:10,412 --> 00:32:14,041 One of my classmates is videoing me, too. 868 00:32:14,041 --> 00:32:15,292 Hello? - Hello. 869 00:32:15,292 --> 00:32:16,543 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 870 00:32:16,543 --> 00:32:17,628 He picked up. Shut up. 871 00:32:17,628 --> 00:32:18,629 Hi. It's Alicia. 872 00:32:18,629 --> 00:32:19,963 Sorry. 873 00:32:19,963 --> 00:32:21,382 I don't mean to be a full stalker-- 874 00:32:21,382 --> 00:32:22,466 Yes, we do. 875 00:32:22,466 --> 00:32:23,467 We were just talking 876 00:32:23,467 --> 00:32:25,010 about how you won 877 00:32:25,010 --> 00:32:26,553 "most likely to win an Academy Award." 878 00:32:26,553 --> 00:32:27,721 So we got out Jesse's yearbook, 879 00:32:27,721 --> 00:32:29,264 and guess what I won. 880 00:32:29,264 --> 00:32:30,724 - Wait for it. - "Most likely to win 881 00:32:30,724 --> 00:32:32,726 an Academy Award for Best Actress." 882 00:32:34,269 --> 00:32:36,397 So you should feel really good about yourself 883 00:32:36,397 --> 00:32:38,440 because I'm a literal dog walker now. 884 00:32:38,440 --> 00:32:40,609 - Thank you. - Wait. 885 00:32:40,609 --> 00:32:41,860 Cary, what are you doing now? 886 00:32:41,860 --> 00:32:42,903 Want to come hang? 887 00:32:42,903 --> 00:32:44,405 I mean, I'm sure, no, 888 00:32:44,405 --> 00:32:46,031 'cause you're fully famous 889 00:32:46,031 --> 00:32:47,408 and we're just, like, watching "Survivor." 890 00:32:47,408 --> 00:32:48,742 Oh, I thought only gay people 891 00:32:48,742 --> 00:32:50,119 watched "Survivor" now. - What? 892 00:32:50,119 --> 00:32:51,620 I think everyone does. 893 00:32:51,620 --> 00:32:53,622 Anyway, it's just a cazh friend hang, 894 00:32:53,622 --> 00:32:55,708 if you want to come. - Yes, come! 895 00:32:55,708 --> 00:32:57,376 - Come on, Dubes. - Max, Max, Max. 896 00:32:57,376 --> 00:32:59,336 You gotta come. It's a friend hang. 897 00:32:59,336 --> 00:33:00,587 Okay, no, let's let him go. 898 00:33:00,587 --> 00:33:01,630 But come if you want. 899 00:33:01,630 --> 00:33:03,298 I'll DM you the address. 900 00:33:03,298 --> 00:33:05,217 Okay. Great. Great. 901 00:33:05,217 --> 00:33:06,927 I appreciate it. 902 00:33:09,847 --> 00:33:13,642 God, it's so obvious what I've been missing. 903 00:33:14,727 --> 00:33:16,895 It's so clear what I need. 904 00:33:18,355 --> 00:33:22,609 Hey, would you want to get a drink as frien-- 905 00:33:22,609 --> 00:33:23,944 wait, what? 906 00:33:23,944 --> 00:33:25,362 Mackenzie, 907 00:33:25,362 --> 00:33:27,448 I need to win the Academy Award 908 00:33:27,448 --> 00:33:29,825 for Best Actor in a Motion Picture. 909 00:33:35,497 --> 00:33:36,623 Good night, Pat. 910 00:33:36,623 --> 00:33:38,250 Good night, Lisa. 911 00:33:52,139 --> 00:33:54,892 Wazzup? 912 00:33:54,892 --> 00:33:56,310 I'm not here. Leave a message 913 00:33:56,310 --> 00:34:00,606 after the beep. 914 00:34:00,606 --> 00:34:03,901 Hey, I tried calling you, but you didn't pick up. 915 00:34:03,901 --> 00:34:06,987 And I just wanted to let you know about my day. 916 00:34:06,987 --> 00:34:08,947 My friend picked me up from the airport, 917 00:34:08,947 --> 00:34:10,741 and we went shopping 918 00:34:10,741 --> 00:34:14,870 and then got ice cream and fed the ducks in the park, 919 00:34:14,870 --> 00:34:16,872 then went back to her house and ordered dinner 920 00:34:16,872 --> 00:34:19,500 with some other friends. 921 00:34:19,500 --> 00:34:21,752 And the whole time, the whole day, 922 00:34:21,752 --> 00:34:24,129 I just kept thinking, 923 00:34:24,129 --> 00:34:26,882 "I am so fucking bored." 924 00:34:28,967 --> 00:34:33,222 I just--I was so excited to come back, but I-- 925 00:34:33,222 --> 00:34:36,725 I hated every minute of it. 926 00:34:36,725 --> 00:34:39,186 Everything we did, I thought, "How much longer 927 00:34:39,186 --> 00:34:40,562 do I have to do this for?" 928 00:34:40,562 --> 00:34:42,272 All afternoon, if you want. 929 00:34:42,272 --> 00:34:45,526 We walked through town, and I found it small. 930 00:34:45,526 --> 00:34:46,902 We bought clothes I used to wear, 931 00:34:46,902 --> 00:34:48,862 and I felt foolish in them. 932 00:34:48,862 --> 00:34:51,073 - Pat's fave. - And everything we ate 933 00:34:51,073 --> 00:34:52,533 was so awful. 934 00:34:52,533 --> 00:34:53,867 I was embarrassed to be putting 935 00:34:53,867 --> 00:34:56,286 food like that in my mouth. 936 00:34:56,286 --> 00:34:59,498 And the houses were so ugly. 937 00:34:59,498 --> 00:35:00,958 These people should be in jail 938 00:35:00,958 --> 00:35:02,376 for what their houses look like. 939 00:35:02,376 --> 00:35:03,919 I wish my kitchen was bee-themed. 940 00:35:03,919 --> 00:35:05,379 I just-- I kept thinking, 941 00:35:05,379 --> 00:35:06,964 "Thank God I don't think this shit 942 00:35:06,964 --> 00:35:09,925 looks good still." I wanna take a picture. 943 00:35:09,925 --> 00:35:11,426 Eventually, the day was so long, 944 00:35:11,426 --> 00:35:13,136 I started to get physically mad 945 00:35:13,136 --> 00:35:14,388 it was still happening 946 00:35:14,388 --> 00:35:15,806 because the conversations 947 00:35:15,806 --> 00:35:17,224 were so mind-numbing. 948 00:35:17,224 --> 00:35:18,600 And the marina does it all. 949 00:35:18,600 --> 00:35:20,310 And the jokes weren't funny. 950 00:35:20,310 --> 00:35:22,437 One too many Kim Cs. 951 00:35:22,437 --> 00:35:24,731 I just-- I was with my friends, 952 00:35:24,731 --> 00:35:26,150 but I wasn't. 953 00:35:26,150 --> 00:35:29,194 I was outside them 954 00:35:29,194 --> 00:35:31,488 because they were the same, 955 00:35:31,488 --> 00:35:34,074 and I was different. 956 00:35:34,074 --> 00:35:35,701 I am different. 957 00:35:35,701 --> 00:35:37,077 And I just-- 958 00:35:37,077 --> 00:35:39,913 I don't think I can come here again-- 959 00:35:39,913 --> 00:35:41,957 not ever again. 960 00:35:44,001 --> 00:35:46,587 Anyway, this is a lot of texts, 961 00:35:46,587 --> 00:35:48,255 and I know we're not together anymore, 962 00:35:48,255 --> 00:35:50,465 but I just wanted to say hi 963 00:35:50,465 --> 00:35:54,428 and that I miss you... and your dick. 964 00:35:54,428 --> 00:35:57,764 God, I miss your big, fat dick. 965 00:36:00,684 --> 00:36:03,312 Oh, my God. Those were all tweets again. 966 00:36:03,312 --> 00:36:04,438 Delete, delete, delete. 967 00:36:06,148 --> 00:36:08,108 both: ♪ The gays are racing home tonight ♪ 968 00:36:08,108 --> 00:36:09,943 ♪ Hurrah, hurrah ♪ 969 00:36:09,943 --> 00:36:12,154 ♪ Our reunions we will crush tonight ♪ 970 00:36:12,154 --> 00:36:14,031 ♪ Hurrah, hurrah ♪ 971 00:36:14,031 --> 00:36:16,366 ♪ No one will be more successful than we ♪ 972 00:36:16,366 --> 00:36:18,368 ♪ Or understand Kamala better than he ♪ 973 00:36:18,368 --> 00:36:22,998 both: ♪ 'Cause we are gay and coming to win the night ♪ 974 00:36:22,998 --> 00:36:24,541 Oh, look, a third gay. 975 00:36:24,541 --> 00:36:26,668 ♪ At Netflix I run comedy ♪ 976 00:36:26,668 --> 00:36:28,211 ♪ Hurrah, hurrah ♪ 977 00:36:28,211 --> 00:36:30,464 ♪ And at Google, I'm the new VP ♪ 978 00:36:30,464 --> 00:36:32,341 ♪ Hurrah, hurrah ♪ 979 00:36:32,341 --> 00:36:34,635 both: ♪ And now I am sitting my own pee ♪ 980 00:36:34,635 --> 00:36:36,637 ♪ So all of my past can compliment me ♪ 981 00:36:36,637 --> 00:36:41,099 all: ♪ 'Cause we four gays are coming to win the night ♪ 982 00:36:41,099 --> 00:36:42,893 No, but really. 983 00:36:42,893 --> 00:36:45,771 ♪ Think of what they'll say when they see me ♪ 984 00:36:45,771 --> 00:36:47,606 ♪ See me ♪ 985 00:36:47,606 --> 00:36:50,984 ♪ All my classmates with their said little lives ♪ 986 00:36:50,984 --> 00:36:55,030 ♪ Think of what they'll say, how they'll swoon and scream ♪ 987 00:36:55,030 --> 00:36:58,825 ♪ When the WindWeaver arrives ♪ 988 00:36:58,825 --> 00:37:01,119 all: ♪ Us gays have not been back in years ♪ 989 00:37:01,119 --> 00:37:02,871 ♪ Like 10, or 12 ♪ 990 00:37:02,871 --> 00:37:05,165 ♪ 'Cause high school, for us, was full of tears ♪ 991 00:37:05,165 --> 00:37:07,084 ♪ So sad, oh, well ♪ 992 00:37:07,084 --> 00:37:09,127 ♪ But that was the past, and this is the now ♪ 993 00:37:09,127 --> 00:37:10,504 ♪ And look at our résumés ♪ 994 00:37:10,504 --> 00:37:11,755 ♪ Holy shit, wow ♪ 995 00:37:11,755 --> 00:37:13,256 ♪ The gays are coming ♪ 996 00:37:13,256 --> 00:37:17,427 all: ♪ The gays are coming ♪ 997 00:37:17,427 --> 00:37:19,262 ♪ Home to win the night ♪