So, if you ever find yourself
in the bowling alley parking lot craving a sloppy joe,
visit Gary's Food Car.
It's like a food truck,
but it's a car.
Okay. So today's segment is all about that little voice inside your head
that tells you when you're doing something wrong.
I think mine's broken.
So, the question is,
would you rather have your inner voice
sound like a classically trained opera singer...
♪ Ollie! ♪
♪ It's been a week ♪
♪ You really should brush your teeth ♪
Oh, you and I are not going to get along.
Or have your inner voice sound like that virtual assistant lady,
thanks to our custom-built speaker.
Female Robot Voice: Fred, I don't think anyone smelled that.
You're in the clear.
Sleep, Evelyn. Sleep!
And the winner is...
-(dings) -Opera voice!
Jenna: What is all that noise?
Yay, it's 7:00 a.m.,
and there's a man with a cape in my backyard.
♪ Should I tell Mom to fetch a brush ♪
♪ Because her head looks like a nest ♪
♪ Attacked by angry squirrels? ♪
Yeah. You're done.
(theme song playing)
♪ Would you rather lose your phone ♪
♪ Or give up pizza for a month? ♪
♪ Share your diary with the world ♪
♪ Or have to eat it for your lunch? ♪
♪ Sing out of tune to your friends ♪
♪ Or trip and fall into your crush? ♪
♪ Shave your head, paint it red ♪
♪ Or use your dog's toothbrush? ♪
♪ We need a little Q and A ♪
♪ Come on, Wratherheads, play along ♪
♪ Would you rather do this? ♪
♪ Would you rather do that? ♪
♪ Don't matter what we do ♪
♪ We're doing it with you ♪
♪ I'd rather do that ♪
♪ Ask the world! ♪
♪ Would you rather do this? ♪
♪ Or would you rather just dance? ♪
♪ No matter what we do ♪
♪ We're doing it with you ♪
♪ I'd rather do that ♪
Ask the world!
♪ Would you rather do that? ♪
It's too hard. I can't decide!
Ugh.
What's up?
Delaware has to write a paper on her future career choice.
I have it down between a doctor and a carnival worker.
Of course, my parents are pressuring me to follow in their footsteps.
But I also really like the idea of being a doctor.
Your parents are carnival workers?
Whoa! Those are the people who figured out how to deep-fry ice cream.
Thank them for their service.
-Hey, Joelle. -Hey.
So I'm taking pics for our yearbook. Do you mind?
Not at all.
I'm feeling chin-in-hand pose.
Three, two, one.
Actually, this is only for people in our middle school.
Fine. But if you want that yearbook to pop,
I'll give you a casual, over-the-shoulder laugh pose as I leave.
(laughs)
-Sorry about that. -That's okay.
But I'm still supposed to just get people in our school.
Could you scoot over?
Um, Delaware goes to our school.
Oh, my gosh. I am so sorry. Okay.
(camera shutter clicks)
That's great. Thanks. Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet me? I'm in two classes with her.
-It's no big deal. -It's not the first time.
I've been going to our school for a year, and...
I still feel invisible.
-Delaware, you have friends. -I know.
Great ones.
Just not a lot.
Yet. Just be patient.
Bye, Cami! Again, so sorry, Alaska.
Hey, Mom. What's for dinner?
The one, the only,
sloppy joes!
You didn't buy them from a guy in the bowling alley parking lot, did you?
(huffs): How dare you?
I am a good mother. I made them.
But why do you ask?
Good day, fair maiden.
Sweetie, I love your outfit!
Oh. (chuckles) Thanks.
Got it from the roller rink lost and found.
You... make my daughter happy.
So, a raven's brought news.
I've been selected to head this year's school Renaissance fair!
Ah, man. Sorry about that.
It's a good thing.
Oh.
Yay...
Under my leadership,
this year's fair is going to be the best ever,
but I'm going to need a lot of help.
Whatever you need, just ask.
Thanks, but I know you're not really into this,
so I'm gonna let you off the hook.
-Okay. Would have been happy to help. -Mmm.
No dancing.
It's going to be a lot of hard work, but I've already lined up a food booth.
"A" food booth? I think you mean "the" food booth.
So, what's the one thing every Ren fair has?
Lots of lonely people?
Turkey legs.
Now, everyone out. I need to perfect my recipe.
Uh, shouldn't you do this at your own house?
Hmm. You'd think someone who bought mystery meat out of a car trunk
might want to pick up some pointers?
I will go get a pen and paper.
Whatcha up to, Ollie?
Just doing my homework.
(both laughing)
We have fun.
So whatcha really doing?
Just doodling. It relaxes me.
I got lady problems.
Don't worry. Luckily there's a person here
who can give you some expert advice when it comes to the ladies.
The mailman's here?
No. Me.
There's a reason I'm called Button-nose McStudly.
Does it count if only you call yourself that?
Just tell me what's going on.
Fine.
You know how I've always said girls are gross?
Well, I talked to one today, and it wasn't gross.
Ollie, you have your very first crush?
I don't know about that.
I just know she's cool, even though she's in a grade above me.
That's no big deal.
Especially to The Brothers McStudly.
Don't make me a part of that.
Anyways, the problem is, I'm scared to talk to her.
What you do is, you write her a letter, but don't say who it's from.
That way, you can say what you want without being nervous,
because she won't know you wrote it.
-That's not a bad idea, Buttons. -(chuckles)
Come on. Grab the laptop. I'll even help you write it.
(clears throat)
"What up, girl? How you doin'?"
That's gold.
Just wait till I show you my cool walk that all the girls love.
Whoa!
That's double gold.
Charlotte, I know the planning meeting hasn't started yet,
but I'm gonna need security for my turkey booth.
People may start overturning cars to get to my succulent legs.
Which is why I'm not wearing shorts.
(both laugh)
We got you covered.
Hey, did you hear we're doing a jousting booth this year?
Knights can play-fight on toy horses.
It was all Caleb's idea.
Good morrow, Princess.
The villagers and I await her majesty's royal orders.
Okay, what is Caleb doing here?
He volunteered.
Unlike my family and boyfriend, he loves this stuff.
Well, un-volunteer him.
Working alongside your ex never ends well.
Fred, it's fine.
No. Remember how ugly it got
when Neve and I tried cheerleading together?
Yes. Security dragged you off the field
because you weren't a member of the cheerleading team.
The point is, it can get awkward.
Fred, Caleb and I are just friends now.
Trust me. We're cool.
(royal trumpet blaring)
The stage is yours, my lady.
Hello, family.
Hello, table.
Hello, couch. I can't forget about you.
Well, you seem happy. Or have you been eating crayons again?
Yes, and yes.
Did you get another letter?
I leave one in her skate locker at the rink,
she tapes one for me on the door.
It's not ideal, but what relationship is? Am I right?
Wha-- There's a girl? Is there a play date on the books?
I am thinking of asking her to go play air hockey,
but only if the expert tells me I'm ready.
Thumbs up, buddy.
Nice. I'm gonna go work on my next letter.
Well, look at you, Mr. Big Bro, stepping up for Ollie.
I'm proud of you.
That's why they call me Button-nose McStudly. (chuckles)
What? Who calls you that?
Do you want me to talk to their parents?
No, I like it.
You shouldn't.
I am so glad you're not upset about Joelle's comment anymore.
Nope. 'Cause someone else is definitely noticing me.
What's going on?
Delaware's been talking to a guy.
A romantic guy.
He's been leaving letters in my skate locker.
Listen to this.
(clears throat)
"What up, girl? How ya doin'?"
Cooper, what is the problem?
Delaware's secret crush is Ollie.
What?
How do you know?
Because I helped write those letters.
"What up, girl? How ya doin'?"
That's straight from the pen of Button-nose McStudly!
Me!
So many disturbing things to process.
Do we tell her?
She seemed so moved by my poetic charm.
Yes, we tell her, Buttface McGoober!
Okay, that's not even close.
Are you noticing how I'm walking?
I am.
Did you pull a muscle?
So you think I have muscles?
Ollie, Mom says to go to your room right now for a time-out.
Oh, man. She found the broccoli.
It may be a while.
(whispers): Wait for me.
Delaware, we need to talk about your secret crush.
Wait. Do you know who he is?
(gasps): Tell me, tell me, tell me!
No. We, uh, just wanna say how happy we are for you.
Thanks, Cami. I'm happy for me, too.
Well, I should go. See you guys.
Why didn't you tell her about Ollie?
You saw how excited she is.
This is a delicate situation, and I don't want to hurt her feelings.
(door opens)
Sorry, I forgot my--
Get out, get out, get out of here now!
I mean, what do you need, bestie? (chuckles)
A little birdy told me you're still crushing on someone.
Is it that beady-eyed sparrow who sits outside my bedroom window?
He's got it coming.
Does your little gal pal have a name?
Yes. Delaware.
Delaware? As in Cami's friend. As in...
13-year-old Delaware?
Yep. We're totally vibing.
And it's all thanks to Coop.
-I gotta get something in the fridge. -Hold, please.
You and I both know there is nothing edible in that thing.
Start talking!
It's a hilarious misunderstanding...
that I promise I will fix right now.
Ollie.
Why didn't you tell me your crush was on Delaware?
You didn't ask.
Plus, you said a grade above was no big deal.
Yeah, I meant one grade. Not four.
But she's really cool!
And her parents work for the carnival.
-So? -So...
Free rides on the roller coaster,
VIP access to the puke bucket,
and if I'm really lucky, I might get to meet a merman.
Half man, half mer.
Ollie, I'm sorry, but Delaware is too old.
This ends now.
Sorry. I already wrote a note asking her to meet up in person.
I can't let you do that. Give me the note.
Too late. It's in her locker.
If she gets it tomorrow, my true identity will be revealed.
Bye, Button-butt!
It's Button-nose!
(upbeat harpsichord music playing)
Hey, Darryl, how are those liver pies moving?
Not so good, huh?
What? Are you kidding me?
Let's go.
Lonnie, take off your headphones and look alive.
We need to move!
Ketchup on my bird thigh?
Why not just cover it in my own blood?
Drumstick denied.
(laughing)
(laughing continues)
Hey, guys. Did I miss something funny?
Oh, we were just laughing about what happened in orchestra practice today.
(both laughing)
Hey, speaking of laughter, you want to hear a joke?
-Sure! -Knock, knock.
-Who's there? -Dixon.
Dixon who?
Oh, so you did forget the name of the guy you're dating.
Fred, may I speak to you, please?
Back it up, Lonnie.
Beep, beep, beep.
Okay.
I really need you to stop.
There's nothing going on between me and Caleb.
I'm just looking out for Dixon. We've really started to bond.
We call each other bros, Charlotte. Bros!
And I appreciate that, but I can look out for myself.
I am a powerful woman, and respected school leader.
Third time today, Jeffrey!
You're goin' in the cider barrel!
So what were you two talking about?
Nothing. We were just...
Wait a second.
(sniffs, then sighs)
You're making me very uncomfortable.
I know that cologne.
And there's only one reason a man would wear Summer Stallion.
You do want Charlotte back.
I'll deny it if you say anything,
but of course I do.
Charlotte and I have way more in common than she has with that simpleton, Dixon.
Charlotte will never take you back.
I thought that, too.
Especially after the scene I made during our breakup.
I think we should break up.
I feel we're just better off as friends.
Darn.
I was an animal that night.
But I've won back Charlotte's trust.
And soon, we'll be a couple once again.
Sorry, Caleb.
I can't let that happen.
Oh, really? Well, good luck stopping me.
Say hello to my "A" game.
See you around, Freddy.
Dixon, bro. Get down here.
There's a summer stallion on the loose.
Fred. This is Fred!
-Hey. Did you write the note? -I did.
I crafted the perfect letter to Delaware about how we can never be.
But to me, she'll always be the coolest girl in school.
She'll feel good about herself, and we'll be out of this mess.
Great. Now we just have to throw out Ollie's letter,
and replace it with yours.
Delaware: Hey, guys!
I decided to come skating early.
You dropped your...
letter to me?
Oh, no. That's a letter I wrote to another Delaware.
The... state.
"To the coolest girl around"?
Cooper, you know I'm good friends with Peyton, right?
The girl you're seeing?
Oh, yeah. Peyton. I remember her.
You're disgusting!
Okay, I suppose I deserved that.
Cami, can you believe your brother?
No.
This is all so upsetting.
Cooper, how could you sneak behind Peyton's back?
You monster!
I think that's enough now.
Seriously?
So that's what you were up to!
You wanted me to stop crushing on Delaware,
so you could have her for yourself!
Ollie, that's not what happened.
Betrayed by my own flesh and bones!
That's not the expression!
Wait a second.
So this whole time, my secret admirer's been Ollie?
Delaware, let me explain.
No. I get it.
I was stupid to think that someone from my own class would notice me.
All right, Fred.
Where is this girlfriend-stealing--
(gasps): Giant turkey leg!
I'll take four, and a carton of milk.
Dixon, focus!
Caleb means business.
He's going around saying he has more in common with Charlotte than you.
(scoffs): Please. Charlotte and I have plenty in common.
Like...
We both have fingers!
Darn it. That's all I got.
Oh, man. Maybe this guy's right.
Maybe he is a better fit for Charlotte.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Hat guy!
He came out of nowhere!
No. You just didn't hear me walk over.
I'm wearing my 16th-century pixie boots.
Dang it! He is the total package!
What do I do, Fred?
You fight for her, bro.
You're right.
All right, Mr. Elf.
You can't have Charlotte without going through me, first.
I accept your challenge.
Do you agree to adhere to the medieval rules of battle
and joust for the hand of the maiden?
Dude! Stop trying to confuse me by speaking French!
It's a duel on horseback.
We battle when the bell tolls three.
(chuckles)
Delaware.
Look,
I know it felt good being someone's crush,
but you should also feel good about just being you.
I guess.
How many people at school can play guitar upside-down?
Or... make up an entire language only they can speak?
(speaking gibberish)
That means "How many?"
Just you.
So who cares if you don't have a secret crush at the moment,
or some girl at school doesn't remember your name.
You don't need anyone else to make you happy.
You're Delaware.
Hey, Cami. Hey, Delaware.
Hey! She got your name right!
Nice try. How much did you pay her?
I didn't. I promise.
She really knew who you were.
(chuckles)
(makes strange noises)
That means "Yay!"
What's all the commotion about?
Oh, I don't want to be "that guy,"
but I was totally right.
Caleb is trying to win you back.
Drumstick drop.
My baby!
What are you talking about?
The good news is
I got my bro, Dixon, to come down here and fight for you.
-(royal trumpet blares) -Are you kidding me?
This isn't a real horse!
What a rip.
Enough talk.
It's time to battle for the maiden Charlotte.
(royal trumpet blares)
Here are our tickets.
Oh, it's on, bro.
Did he just call him "bro"?
Wake up, Fred. He calls everyone "bro."
Get him, Caleb!
(motors whirring)
(bell dings three times)
I'm comin' for you!
I think.
Prepare to taste defeat.
Eventually.
(dramatic music playing)
(clattering)
Charlotte?
M'lady?
Listen up, you two. And, Fred.
I am not a prize to be won or lost over some stupid joust!
I'm a person who makes her own decisions.
So, here it is.
Caleb, you and I are just going to be friends.
Period. End of story.
And Dixon, you're my boyfriend, and have no reason to feel threatened.
Unless it's from me. Got it?
Now, everyone, please go back to enjoying the fair.
I'm sorry, Charlotte.
I get what you're saying,
but Caleb was right about us not having as much in common.
So what? I like the fact that we're different.
Maybe that's what makes us so interesting to each other.
You might be right.
Peanut butter and jelly don't have much in common, either.
But they sure make a good sandwich.
They sure do. (chuckles)
See that kid over there in the cider barrel?
I did that.
Noice!
Ollie. I need you to know that
I wasn't trying to steal Delaware away from you.
I was trying to protect you.
From what?
From getting hurt.
Delaware isn't the right girl for you.
I'm sorry, but...
it's sometimes a big brother's job to do what's best for you,
and not what makes you happy.
You sound like Mom.
Guess I deserve that.
Anyway, uh, Delaware felt really bad about the mix-up, too, so...
she got you these.
Two tickets to the carnival?
At least one good thing came out of today.
Actually, two.
I found someone I can talk to whenever I have a girl problem.
Thanks, Ollie.
I do have two tickets. You want to come?
Sure. (chuckles)
Hey. Instead of the carnival, do you want to go to the Ren fair?
(both laughing)
We have fun.
And in a surprise to absolutely no one,
the winner of this year's best Renaissance booth is...
Fred's Turkey Leg Tavern!
(crowd clapping and cheering)
Thank you.
Thank you, good people of the north.
I humbly accept this massively huge trophy!
That's my bro up there.
He truly is "Lord of the Leg"!
Crowd (chanting): Lord of the Leg! Lord of the Leg!
Lord of the Leg! Lord of the Leg!
Lord of the Leg!
Wake him up!
He's getting turkey grease all over my couch.
Aw! But look how happy he is.
Ollie: Half man, half mer.