1 00:00:17,720 --> 00:00:20,480 - What are you doing? - Well, I didn't want to disturb you. 2 00:00:20,560 --> 00:00:23,240 - What do you mean? - I was gonna come in and eat at the table, 3 00:00:23,320 --> 00:00:25,720 but I didn't know if you was busy so I'm having it here. 4 00:00:26,400 --> 00:00:28,880 But those aren't the only two options, are they, 5 00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:31,440 eat in my house or just outside my house? 6 00:00:31,520 --> 00:00:34,800 - There's the rest of the fucking world. - All right, don't get the hump! 7 00:00:34,880 --> 00:00:36,760 So, did you talk to that bird about me? 8 00:00:36,840 --> 00:00:37,840 Yeah. 9 00:00:38,320 --> 00:00:39,320 She'll meet up... 10 00:00:39,680 --> 00:00:41,200 for a meal, or whatever. 11 00:00:41,280 --> 00:00:42,400 - [Pat] Really? - Yeah. 12 00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:45,680 - And you was honest about me? - [Tony] Pretty much. 13 00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:48,800 What, and she still wants to meet me? What's the catch? 14 00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:53,360 Well, she wanted me to be honest about her to you as well. 15 00:00:53,840 --> 00:00:55,000 She's a sex worker. 16 00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:56,800 - A prossie? - Yeah. 17 00:00:58,000 --> 00:00:59,000 Result! 18 00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:01,000 - [slurps] - You're not bothered? 19 00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:03,000 She ain't got AIDS, has she? 20 00:01:04,240 --> 00:01:05,720 Would that be a deal-breaker? 21 00:01:06,280 --> 00:01:07,280 No. 22 00:01:07,640 --> 00:01:09,000 No, she hasn't got AIDS. 23 00:01:10,040 --> 00:01:14,240 - And she's lovely, and smart, and funny. - She'll earn a few quid for that an' all. 24 00:01:14,320 --> 00:01:15,400 Just split the bill. 25 00:01:17,320 --> 00:01:19,360 - Lovely jubbly. - [Tony] Right, OK... 26 00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:21,360 - [slurping] - Off we go. 27 00:01:21,440 --> 00:01:22,440 Why? 28 00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:26,040 'Cause it's weird, a postman having a picnic in your garden. 29 00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:27,280 What's weird about it? 30 00:01:28,280 --> 00:01:29,400 Get out. 31 00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:31,120 Where's all this coming from? 32 00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:33,200 [gentle music plays] 33 00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:35,760 Out! Fuckin' hell. 34 00:01:39,720 --> 00:01:41,720 [kids laughing and squealing] 35 00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:51,360 You all right, George? 36 00:01:51,440 --> 00:01:52,640 - Yeah. - Yeah? 37 00:01:54,680 --> 00:01:56,520 Are Mum and Dad getting a divorce? 38 00:01:58,440 --> 00:01:59,440 I don't know. 39 00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:02,040 I want them to still be my mum and dad. 40 00:02:02,120 --> 00:02:04,680 Whatever happens, even if they're not always together, 41 00:02:04,760 --> 00:02:06,920 they'll still be your mum and dad, and love you, and... 42 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:08,360 be an even better mum and dad, 43 00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:11,000 you can play them off against each other, get anything you want. 44 00:02:11,080 --> 00:02:12,760 - What toy do you want? - Dunno. 45 00:02:12,840 --> 00:02:16,640 Well, think big. I reckon you'll be able to get a quad bike. 46 00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:20,000 Maybe even a crossbow, if you play your cards right. [chuckles] 47 00:02:20,520 --> 00:02:21,680 You'll be living the dream. 48 00:02:21,760 --> 00:02:24,256 You'll be like, "Mum, Dad, I'm off down the pub. Don't wait up." 49 00:02:24,280 --> 00:02:25,400 [both giggle] 50 00:02:26,440 --> 00:02:27,440 It'll be fine. 51 00:02:31,560 --> 00:02:33,280 - [boy] Hi, George. - [George] Hi. 52 00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:37,960 - Morning. - Oh, happy birthday! 53 00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:40,560 - How did you know? - It's on your records. 54 00:02:40,640 --> 00:02:42,840 - Oh, yeah. - [Valerie] Any plans? 55 00:02:42,920 --> 00:02:44,760 Just a meal at home with my family. 56 00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:47,280 - Who will cook, your mum or your dad? - Me. 57 00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:49,760 Well, happy birthday. 58 00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:51,160 Thank you. 59 00:02:55,440 --> 00:02:56,480 Happy birthday! 60 00:02:56,880 --> 00:02:57,880 Thank you. 61 00:02:58,200 --> 00:03:00,080 - Cup of tea, then? - Yes, please. 62 00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:01,280 No, you make it. 63 00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:02,400 Why? 64 00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:05,520 You're the work experience. You have to start at the bottom. 65 00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:07,440 It's Sandy's birthday, make her a cup of tea. 66 00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:08,520 It's your birthday? 67 00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:09,440 Er, yeah. 68 00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:10,840 - [Tony] Happy birthday. - Thanks. 69 00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:13,160 Is there going to be cake? 70 00:03:13,240 --> 00:03:14,400 Just make the tea! 71 00:03:14,480 --> 00:03:15,600 God! 72 00:03:17,320 --> 00:03:19,600 - Is there gonna be any cake, though? - [snorts] 73 00:03:20,360 --> 00:03:21,720 So, you're a Virgo? 74 00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:23,680 - Yeah. - [Kath] Yeah. 75 00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:25,440 Do your horoscope for you if you like? 76 00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:26,800 Nah, 'cause it's pointless. 77 00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:30,280 - It's not pointless, actually. - How can people born around the same time, 78 00:03:30,360 --> 00:03:33,920 from all over the world, share similar traits just because of that? 79 00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:35,480 - It's rubbish. - It's true! 80 00:03:35,560 --> 00:03:38,000 Virgos are smart, modest, 81 00:03:38,080 --> 00:03:40,320 capable, dedicated. 82 00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:42,000 See? Fits, don't it? 83 00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:44,240 Yeah, everyone likes to think they're those things! 84 00:03:44,320 --> 00:03:47,640 That's why they make it flattering, so you believe it. If it said, 85 00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:52,040 "Oh, you're boring, ugly, thick, and shit at everything," 86 00:03:52,120 --> 00:03:53,400 you wouldn't go back, would ya? 87 00:03:53,480 --> 00:03:56,480 Also, they make it vague so you can make it fit. 88 00:03:56,560 --> 00:04:00,320 I want to see one in the paper that says, "Happy birthday, Rita Wainthrope 89 00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:02,320 of 7 Acacia Drive, Wigan. 90 00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:04,480 You're going to get fired from your job today 91 00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:06,936 'cause everyone hates you and the boss thinks you're a slut." 92 00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:08,040 Then I'd believe it. 93 00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:10,720 - Always have to get silly, don't you? - [sniggers] 94 00:04:15,040 --> 00:04:16,040 You all right? 95 00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:19,040 [glumly] Yeah. 96 00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:21,360 I'm just... feeling a bit... 97 00:04:22,520 --> 00:04:24,960 I dunno... 30. 98 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:31,360 Yeah, I hated 30. 99 00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:33,680 Quite liked 40. 100 00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:35,280 Fifty was all right. 101 00:04:36,600 --> 00:04:39,120 It's not your age, is it? It's what's happening... 102 00:04:39,760 --> 00:04:40,760 in your life. 103 00:04:42,120 --> 00:04:43,120 Not a lot. 104 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:48,600 Do you want to go for a coffee? 105 00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:51,240 - Yeah. - Come on, then. 106 00:04:54,880 --> 00:04:57,440 Do you know what my parents got me for my birthday? 107 00:04:58,160 --> 00:05:00,000 A set of saucepans and a super mop. 108 00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:01,080 [chuckles] 109 00:05:01,280 --> 00:05:02,440 What's super about it? 110 00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:04,760 It's got an ultra-absorbent sponge head. 111 00:05:05,120 --> 00:05:07,600 - It cleans, dries, and absorbs in one go. - Sure. 112 00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:09,000 Do you know how? 113 00:05:09,280 --> 00:05:11,080 - Wring-Max technology. - [laughs] 114 00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:12,800 For maximum wringing. [chuckles] 115 00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:13,960 Good. 116 00:05:16,560 --> 00:05:17,960 I feel bad whinging to you. 117 00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:20,320 My problems probably seem so trivial. 118 00:05:20,640 --> 00:05:21,880 No, not at all. 119 00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:24,440 Also... 120 00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:28,080 I've been wanting to apologize for something I said once too. 121 00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:29,800 What? 122 00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:31,760 When I asked you to be happy. 123 00:05:32,560 --> 00:05:34,480 I realized it's a stupid thing to say. 124 00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:36,480 No, it's... 125 00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:38,320 You wanted me to be happy. 126 00:05:39,040 --> 00:05:40,040 I get it. 127 00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:42,640 People think that... 128 00:05:43,040 --> 00:05:45,440 all those things I miss doing with Lisa, 129 00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:48,480 I could just do them anyway, and it'll make me feel better. 130 00:05:48,560 --> 00:05:50,840 But, um... they're missing the point. 131 00:05:51,320 --> 00:05:53,120 I don't miss doing things with Lisa, 132 00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:55,640 I miss doing nothing... with Lisa. 133 00:05:55,960 --> 00:05:58,680 Do you know what I mean? Just... sitting at home, 134 00:05:58,760 --> 00:06:01,480 wouldn't even have to go out, or do anything, or even talk, 135 00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:02,600 you know, just... 136 00:06:02,680 --> 00:06:04,680 sitting there, knowing she was there. 137 00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:09,480 Sometimes, I'd just look over at her. 138 00:06:12,560 --> 00:06:14,800 - This has turned out well again. - [strained chuckle] 139 00:06:15,680 --> 00:06:17,080 - [Sandy sighs] - Ah... 140 00:06:18,080 --> 00:06:22,040 So, does it do lino, and tiles, and wood? 141 00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:23,200 It does everything. 142 00:06:23,280 --> 00:06:24,480 - Brilliant! - Yeah. 143 00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:29,656 - [laughter] - [Simon] What do you drive? 144 00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:31,400 It's a little Mini... 145 00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:33,520 But I don't drive it now, I'm trying to minimize... 146 00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:34,520 - Hiya. - Hi. 147 00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:36,480 Hiya, just... Simon, isn't it? 148 00:06:36,560 --> 00:06:38,280 - Yeah. - Yeah. Tony. 149 00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:39,960 You're here a lot. 150 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:41,880 - Yeah, my mum's in here. - Oh, right. 151 00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:45,440 Yeah, it breaks my heart. They all break my heart, I love 'em all. 152 00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:47,240 I wish I could take them all home. 153 00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:49,440 - [Simon chuckles] - Aw... That's sweet. 154 00:06:50,840 --> 00:06:53,560 Maybe start with your mum first, take her home, and... 155 00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:57,440 Yeah, I can't, not with my circumstances at the moment. 156 00:06:57,520 --> 00:06:59,440 - [Tony] Oh. - [Simon] I do what I can. 157 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:00,920 Maybe everyone's in the same boat. 158 00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:02,400 - Yeah, sure. - [Tony] Yeah. 159 00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:04,880 Nice to meet ya. 160 00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:06,680 - Yeah. - Okay. 161 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:07,840 See you later, babe. 162 00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:11,400 [Tony] Fuckin' hell! 163 00:07:12,120 --> 00:07:13,120 What? 164 00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:14,920 Him. 165 00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:16,880 What about him? 166 00:07:17,640 --> 00:07:21,080 He's doing his... "sensitive man" thing, isn't he? 167 00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:24,920 He's trying to be all kind and lovely to you, to impress you. 168 00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:26,600 I don't know. Call me old-fashioned, 169 00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:28,760 but it kinda works, being kind and lovely. 170 00:07:29,760 --> 00:07:31,400 - It's fake! - [scoffs] 171 00:07:32,280 --> 00:07:35,480 He probably works in a bank and has people's houses repossessed. 172 00:07:35,560 --> 00:07:37,040 - [chuckles] - He's doing his... 173 00:07:37,680 --> 00:07:41,120 [mockingly] "Oh, you know, I'm so caring in a cruel world, in't I?" 174 00:07:41,640 --> 00:07:44,040 - His... "Oh, isn't famine awful?" - [sniggers] 175 00:07:44,480 --> 00:07:46,520 "I'd like to take them all to McDonald's, babe." 176 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:48,360 - [giggles] - [Tony sniggers] 177 00:07:48,440 --> 00:07:49,440 Stop it! 178 00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:51,120 Oh... 179 00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:55,360 Well... I don't feel the same about him the way I do about you. 180 00:07:55,440 --> 00:07:56,280 Good. 181 00:07:56,360 --> 00:08:00,040 But, well... you're not an option, are you? 182 00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:03,560 I think you're brilliant, Tony, and... 183 00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:06,960 But at least he doesn't go on about another woman the way you do. 184 00:08:07,480 --> 00:08:11,040 And I know... I understand, Tony, I get why you do, and it's... 185 00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:13,520 it's lovely, it really is. 186 00:08:14,280 --> 00:08:16,240 But I don't want to be the other woman. 187 00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:21,040 Oh, did I blow it? Sorry, I... 188 00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:23,920 It's fine, really. There's no need to be sorry. It's... 189 00:08:25,280 --> 00:08:27,920 I like this, though. I love this. 190 00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:30,160 Whatever this is. 191 00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:34,080 Just being with you... all the time, 192 00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:35,160 the same... 193 00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:37,000 forever... 194 00:08:37,080 --> 00:08:38,800 like Groundhog Day. [chuckles] 195 00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:39,920 [chuckles sadly] 196 00:08:41,040 --> 00:08:42,040 Yeah, well... 197 00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:43,880 I get all that, but... 198 00:08:45,040 --> 00:08:46,640 not everyone's the same, Tony. 199 00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:48,760 Right. 200 00:08:50,520 --> 00:08:52,000 [wistful music plays] 201 00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:55,240 [nurse chuckles wryly] 202 00:09:01,880 --> 00:09:03,560 I don't know whether to psychoanalyze you 203 00:09:03,640 --> 00:09:06,000 or take you down the vet and get you fucking put down. 204 00:09:09,840 --> 00:09:11,480 You gotta get out there, mate. 205 00:09:11,560 --> 00:09:12,600 - Yeah? - Yeah. 206 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:14,360 Dunk the monk. 207 00:09:15,640 --> 00:09:17,960 Bang some beaver. Shoot some Schpritz. 208 00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:20,240 What's that? 209 00:09:20,320 --> 00:09:21,680 It's Yiddish for spunk. 210 00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:24,360 Oh, right. 211 00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:27,440 Listen, the offer's still open if you want to come out with me and the boys. 212 00:09:28,600 --> 00:09:30,840 We're actually getting messy tonight, as it goes. 213 00:09:31,240 --> 00:09:33,520 Local pub crawl and a minge hunt. 214 00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:38,520 Um... That's a very kind offer, 215 00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:40,680 but I can't tonight, unfortunately. 216 00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:41,840 Poof! 217 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:46,120 [cat purring] 218 00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:47,840 He's asking who you are. 219 00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:51,720 They're from the local newspaper. [chuckles] 220 00:09:53,040 --> 00:09:54,040 So... 221 00:09:54,680 --> 00:09:57,920 when did you... first discover you could speak to cats? 222 00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:01,680 Well, it was not long after my daughter died. 223 00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:04,040 Um... he was her cat, you see. 224 00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:08,000 And I just started talking to him about missing Jenny, and... 225 00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:10,160 we bonded. 226 00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:13,560 It's nice to have someone who understands. 227 00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:16,520 Yep... [sighs] 228 00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:17,600 ...it is. 229 00:10:19,440 --> 00:10:20,840 Uh... what's his name? 230 00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:22,760 - [woman] Frank. - Frank. 231 00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:25,000 She named him after her dad. 232 00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:27,320 That's my husband. 233 00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:31,320 [inhales shakily] He passed away a couple of years before Jenny. 234 00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:34,840 Would you like another cup of tea? 235 00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:36,600 Uh... 236 00:10:36,680 --> 00:10:38,160 No, thanks. Um... 237 00:10:39,080 --> 00:10:41,280 Uh... can we take a quick picture? 238 00:10:41,360 --> 00:10:42,360 Oh, yeah. 239 00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:44,120 [camera clicks] 240 00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:46,000 - Great. - [woman] Is that it, then? 241 00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:48,360 Yeah. 242 00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:49,280 Um... 243 00:10:49,360 --> 00:10:51,880 Are you hungry? I could make you something to eat. 244 00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:54,720 No. No, thanks. 245 00:10:55,560 --> 00:10:57,000 [sadly] Oh, all right, then. 246 00:10:57,080 --> 00:10:58,600 - [Tony] Thanks very much. - Thank you. 247 00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:01,600 - [Tony] Right, bye-bye. - Bye-bye. Thank you. 248 00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:05,240 [Tony] That's so sad. 249 00:11:05,320 --> 00:11:07,920 - [Lenny] She's happy enough. - [Tony] No, she's not. 250 00:11:08,680 --> 00:11:10,080 She wants to tell her story. 251 00:11:10,880 --> 00:11:13,960 She wants to see her husband and her daughter's name in the paper. 252 00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:15,520 The cat thing's just an in. 253 00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:17,760 She's lonely. 254 00:11:24,160 --> 00:11:26,240 - Did you forget something? - [Tony] Um... 255 00:11:26,320 --> 00:11:29,000 Sorry about your husband and daughter. 256 00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:31,680 - [sentimental music plays] - Oh, thank you. 257 00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:33,360 Frank and Jenny? 258 00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:34,440 Yes. 259 00:11:36,280 --> 00:11:37,160 Bye-bye. 260 00:11:37,240 --> 00:11:38,840 Oh, bye-bye. Thank you. 261 00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:51,280 If I could live till he's 50, that would make me happy. 262 00:11:51,800 --> 00:11:55,280 I don't think he'll live longer than that, to be honest. Think he'd struggle. 263 00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:57,080 He struggles now. 264 00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:00,560 Roger Realms. 265 00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:04,240 Have I told you about him? Roger by name, Roger by nature? 266 00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:06,200 Who's Roger Realms? 267 00:12:06,280 --> 00:12:08,160 Agent. Used to work with him. 268 00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:10,240 Would only sign black lads. 269 00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:13,200 I'd often wander into Roger's dressing room, and there he'd be 270 00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:16,080 with some boy hanging off him, he was basically an arse peg. 271 00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:20,120 Went early doors with AIDS, but good luck to him, you know. 272 00:12:20,680 --> 00:12:22,040 God bless you, Roger. 273 00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:29,200 I've run a few of these little local newspapers 274 00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:32,480 around the country. I know that doesn't make me Rupert Murdoch. 275 00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:35,440 But this is the only one that loses money. 276 00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:37,960 - Is it? - Effectively, yes. 277 00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:42,880 I mean, I own the building, so it's not a massive problem. 278 00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:47,000 Look, the fact is, uh... I'm semi-retired. 279 00:12:48,160 --> 00:12:49,480 And I'm wondering is it... 280 00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:51,400 is it worth the headache? 281 00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:54,600 I mean, I'm just thinking I could throw in the towel. 282 00:12:56,320 --> 00:12:58,520 Sell the property and get a nice lump sum. 283 00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:02,680 Could you give us more time, do you think? 284 00:13:02,760 --> 00:13:04,360 [inhales sharply] Uh... 285 00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:05,920 Just if we could... 286 00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:07,616 - make more money, then... - Look... 287 00:13:07,640 --> 00:13:09,056 - We could find a way, I'm sure. - OK. 288 00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:11,560 I mean, it's going to take a bit of time to sell the property, 289 00:13:11,640 --> 00:13:13,600 get all the paperwork right. Um... 290 00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:15,280 And if you can... 291 00:13:16,320 --> 00:13:20,080 Well, if you can make me an offer I can't refuse, yes, then I'll look at it. 292 00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:22,400 But quite frankly, I... 293 00:13:23,120 --> 00:13:25,520 I'm sorry, but I really don't see that happening. 294 00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:29,840 - Sorry. - No, I'm sorry... 295 00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:33,040 that we're not making much money. 296 00:13:38,720 --> 00:13:41,160 - [Matt] So, speak soon. - [owner] OK, thank you. 297 00:13:47,440 --> 00:13:48,720 OK, everyone? Um... 298 00:13:48,800 --> 00:13:51,680 Listen up. That was Mr. Middleton, Paul. 299 00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:56,280 Some of you know, he, um, owns everything: the paper and the building. 300 00:13:57,240 --> 00:13:58,240 Um... 301 00:13:58,560 --> 00:14:00,320 He wants to stop running the paper. 302 00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:01,880 What, sell it? 303 00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:03,320 [Matt] Well, he wants to... 304 00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:05,280 um... close the paper, 305 00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:07,360 and then sell the building. 306 00:14:07,440 --> 00:14:10,920 He'll sell it to a property developer. This will be luxury flats. 307 00:14:11,640 --> 00:14:13,000 [Kath] Well, I'll be all right. 308 00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:15,760 Tambury Brewery have already said they'd take me on. 309 00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:17,720 Think the boss fancies me. 310 00:14:19,880 --> 00:14:20,880 Right. Well... 311 00:14:21,240 --> 00:14:24,760 Well, that's the end of The Tambury Gazette, kids. 312 00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:25,840 Don't worry, 313 00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:28,720 we'll all just get another shitty job that barely pays enough to live. 314 00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:31,280 [Sandy] This is the only job I've ever liked. 315 00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:33,000 I've got to have a job. 316 00:14:33,480 --> 00:14:35,040 My mum's disabled. 317 00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:36,760 And my daddy can't work. 318 00:14:37,080 --> 00:14:40,680 My brother and sister, they're in school, and they get nothing as it is. 319 00:14:40,760 --> 00:14:42,600 - OK. - So I've got to go find another job 320 00:14:42,680 --> 00:14:45,080 - that I'll hate. Again. - [Tony] OK. 321 00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:48,480 - Well, we'll save the paper, and... - How? 322 00:14:48,560 --> 00:14:52,000 We'll get more revenue. Kath'll get more. 323 00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:54,440 - How? - [Tony] 'Cause you're really... 324 00:14:54,840 --> 00:14:58,240 good at your... job. You'll charge more for advertising, like... 325 00:14:58,320 --> 00:15:00,880 Tambury Brewery, they'll pay more, won't they? 326 00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:02,840 Or we get a loan. 327 00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:05,640 Happens all the time. We get a loan... We'll buy the... 328 00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:10,200 building, and then we'll pay back the loan with the profit from the... 329 00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:12,760 the paper, and pay ourselves a wage, 330 00:15:12,840 --> 00:15:14,840 and that'll be... then, it'll be our... 331 00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:18,000 business to make it... work. 332 00:15:18,920 --> 00:15:20,800 So, don't worry. [taps keyboard idly] 333 00:15:21,360 --> 00:15:23,120 [choking back tears] You promise? 334 00:15:23,720 --> 00:15:24,760 [Sandy sniffles] 335 00:15:27,280 --> 00:15:28,760 You... you'll save the paper? 336 00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:30,880 Yeah, I will. 337 00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:32,240 - [Sandy] OK. - We will. 338 00:15:33,440 --> 00:15:35,440 [mournful music plays] 339 00:15:40,720 --> 00:15:41,760 [Tony] Hmm. 340 00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:44,400 How are you? 341 00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:47,800 [halfheartedly] Yeah... you know. 342 00:15:50,040 --> 00:15:52,840 That's pretty positive coming from you. [chuckling] 343 00:15:53,760 --> 00:15:58,120 I was trying to be all British and not burden you with my... troubles. 344 00:15:59,360 --> 00:16:01,440 Well, us British love gossip. 345 00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:04,560 So, spill the beans. 346 00:16:06,240 --> 00:16:09,080 Same, really. I'm... still a bit mental. 347 00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:12,040 Trying hard to care about stuff. 348 00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:13,400 And then today, 349 00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:16,400 we find out that the owner of the paper, 350 00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:18,600 he's selling up and... 351 00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:20,920 we'll all lose our jobs. 352 00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:21,840 Oh, no. 353 00:16:21,920 --> 00:16:23,720 That's not the bad bit. I was fine with that. 354 00:16:23,800 --> 00:16:27,920 But then Sandy starts crying 'cause it's the only job she's ever liked, 355 00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:31,760 and so, I've got to try and save the paper for her sake. 356 00:16:31,880 --> 00:16:36,000 And my brother-in-law, who was sleeping on the floor of the office, 357 00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:39,400 is now sleeping at Lenny's council house 358 00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:41,440 'cause Lenny's shacked up with June, 359 00:16:41,520 --> 00:16:45,760 who persuaded him to give her fat kid a job at the paper. 360 00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:49,680 Just think, if I'd have killed myself, I'd have missed all this. 361 00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:53,600 [Anne chuckles] 362 00:16:56,760 --> 00:16:57,920 [Matt] Brainstorming session. 363 00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:00,640 How do we turn the paper around? How do we make it more profitable? 364 00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:02,080 We need to go more tabloid. 365 00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:06,600 Gossip, celebrity stuff, fashion. Who looks shit an' that, you know? 366 00:17:06,680 --> 00:17:08,040 "Who looks shit an' that"? 367 00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:09,560 Yeah. 368 00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:12,240 Well, pictures of cellulite, that kind of thing. 369 00:17:12,840 --> 00:17:14,720 You know, amazing stories. 370 00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:16,800 Paranormal, weird stuff. 371 00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:18,160 I love that. 372 00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:19,720 - Right. - [Tony] Right. 373 00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:22,520 You want tabloid, you want to speak to my agent, Ken. 374 00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:24,280 Yeah, we did. He's mental. 375 00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:28,440 Well, we could run the Liberace story. 376 00:17:28,520 --> 00:17:30,240 N-No, we couldn't. 377 00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:31,880 - Well, what is it? - His agent reckons 378 00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:35,040 - he was bummed by the ghost of Liberace. - [Lenny] Mm-hmm. 379 00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:40,320 - Well, it might be true. - How the fuck can it be true? 380 00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:41,440 We don't know everything 381 00:17:41,520 --> 00:17:43,216 - about the paranormal. - Lot of weird stuff. 382 00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:44,840 Right. It's all about belief, isn't it? 383 00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:47,000 You know, that's not up to us, what people believe. 384 00:17:47,080 --> 00:17:50,440 Papers are always covering religious miracles and stuff. 385 00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:53,400 - Yeah, and they're always bollocks. - It's not for us to say. 386 00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:55,040 It is for us to say, we're writing it. 387 00:17:55,120 --> 00:17:57,360 Yeah, but we're only reporting what was said. 388 00:17:57,440 --> 00:17:59,560 - Right. - Ghosts do exist, though. 389 00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:02,320 Loads of people have seen 'em, and there's no other explanation. 390 00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:03,840 Well, there is another explanation: 391 00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:05,760 they haven't seen them 'cause they don't exist. 392 00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:07,200 How about that one? 393 00:18:07,280 --> 00:18:09,360 No one has ever turned into a ghost. 394 00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:13,920 When you die, they burn you or bury you, you never exist again, the end. 395 00:18:17,360 --> 00:18:21,360 [Valerie singing] ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 396 00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:24,600 [all] ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 397 00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:27,600 ♪ Happy birthday, dear... ♪ 398 00:18:27,680 --> 00:18:29,520 ♪ Dear Lisa ♪ 399 00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:33,080 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 400 00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:35,440 - [guests cheer] - All right, thank you so much! 401 00:18:35,520 --> 00:18:37,880 - Right, cake! - [Matt] Yeah! Oh, definitely. Lovely. 402 00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:39,320 - Right. - [Tony] I want some. 403 00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:41,456 - Look at you at the front of the queue! - I bought it! 404 00:18:41,480 --> 00:18:43,720 - It's my birthday. - I know, but I went and... 405 00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:45,680 - Oh, fuck's sake. - What? 406 00:18:45,760 --> 00:18:48,040 - It's off. Yeah, it's fresh cream. - No, it's not. 407 00:18:48,120 --> 00:18:49,200 - It is. - Oh, no. 408 00:18:49,280 --> 00:18:50,536 - Smell it. Look. - It's cherries. 409 00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:52,560 - Oh, you silly cunt! - [shocked squeals] 410 00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:55,160 - Oh, no. You come back! - Don't do it. Don't hit me! 411 00:18:55,640 --> 00:18:56,640 [Matt] Go on, get him! 412 00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:03,920 Ohh... 413 00:19:06,280 --> 00:19:07,440 What'd you do that for? 414 00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:08,520 You look sad. 415 00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:10,680 - Right! - Oh, that's a waste. 416 00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:13,640 Right, OK. I don't think this is helping, though. 417 00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:17,360 - Oh, look, it's all over you. - [Matt] Don't. Kath, please. Stop. 418 00:19:17,440 --> 00:19:19,800 As long as we're working hard to turn things around. 419 00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:22,400 - Some on your face as well. - It's all right. OK. Yeah. 420 00:19:22,480 --> 00:19:24,000 - Fun's over, guys. - [Sandy giggles] 421 00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:27,040 - Can I have a word in my office, please? - [Tony] Oh, God. 422 00:19:28,480 --> 00:19:30,480 [Matt] Don't, Kath, please. Stop trying to... 423 00:19:31,720 --> 00:19:34,080 - [James] Is this for everyone? - [giggling] Yeah. 424 00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:35,320 Good stuff! 425 00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:37,640 - You just had a cake fight? - [Lenny] Yeah. 426 00:19:37,720 --> 00:19:39,040 - Looks like fun. - Mm. 427 00:19:39,120 --> 00:19:40,896 - [Brian] Can I have some? - [Sandy] Go for it. 428 00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:43,960 Thank you. OK, let's dive in. One, two, three. Here we go. 429 00:19:44,360 --> 00:19:46,000 - You like it? - It's so good. 430 00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:47,680 - What? - [James] It's really good. 431 00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:49,400 - [Brian] Huh? - [James] Delicious. 432 00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:52,480 I can't understand a word you're saying, but I love watching you eat. 433 00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:55,920 - Oh! - You're like a fat toad eating a big worm. 434 00:19:56,440 --> 00:19:57,680 A big creamy worm. 435 00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:00,160 Hmm? 436 00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:02,040 Will you come for a drink with me tonight? 437 00:20:02,600 --> 00:20:04,320 - I prefer to drink alone. - [Matt] I know. 438 00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:07,960 I'm just saying as a favor. Please? I still want to talk to people. 439 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:10,680 The only person who listens is my therapist, and I have to pay him. 440 00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:12,600 - And he's an idiot. - Right. 441 00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:14,480 I only want to talk to you. 442 00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:17,000 And Jill, obviously, but that's not possible at the moment. 443 00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:19,320 My life's falling apart, Tony. 444 00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:22,440 I go from sleeping on the floor of my office to taking Lenny's flat, 445 00:20:22,520 --> 00:20:24,200 and in return, I give his fat stepson a job 446 00:20:24,280 --> 00:20:25,840 at a paper that I'm now gonna lose. 447 00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:27,560 It's, like, the final straw. 448 00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:28,640 Well... 449 00:20:30,280 --> 00:20:31,800 actually, being needed is... 450 00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:33,600 is a good thing. 451 00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:35,000 You helped a mate 452 00:20:35,080 --> 00:20:38,240 with his relationship, gave his fat kid a job, you should be... 453 00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:39,960 proud of yourself. 454 00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:43,560 Right. You see, you're making me feel better already. 455 00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:46,120 Come on, please? One lousy pint. 456 00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:47,520 All right. Fuckin' hell. 457 00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:48,600 Thank you. 458 00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:50,400 I'd get changed if I were you. 459 00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:54,160 - [tuts] Yeah. - [door opens] 460 00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:56,000 [sniffs] 461 00:20:56,720 --> 00:20:57,800 [door opens] 462 00:20:59,120 --> 00:21:00,120 [door closes] 463 00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:04,160 All right? 464 00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:06,120 I'm Pat. 465 00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:08,160 Er... Roxy. How you doing? 466 00:21:08,240 --> 00:21:10,600 Yeah, good. Yeah. Do you want to sit down? 467 00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:12,400 - [Roxy] OK. - [Pat grunts] 468 00:21:13,240 --> 00:21:17,160 Oh. Well, you didn't, uh, didn't flinch when you first saw me, that's rare. 469 00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:18,880 - [Pat chuckles awkwardly] - [laughs] 470 00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:21,120 Yeah, and I made you laugh! 471 00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:23,120 - I'm nervous. Nervous laughter. - Oh, sorry. 472 00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:25,080 I didn't mean... Yeah. I dunno why I said that. 473 00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:27,400 I was just a bit nervous. I'm not a rapist or anything. 474 00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:29,480 - Oh, OK! - Shouldn't have said rape. Want a drink? 475 00:21:29,560 --> 00:21:31,200 - Er, yes. - Yeah? What do you want? 476 00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:33,080 - Um... - I'm just having a house red. 477 00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:36,160 It's all right. It's only four pound a glass, so... 478 00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:37,480 Yeah, yeah. Yeah. 479 00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:39,480 [pop music plays] 480 00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:42,320 [Matt] OK. Um... IPA, please. 481 00:21:42,400 --> 00:21:44,440 - And a... - Large whiskey, please. 482 00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:46,040 [therapist] Oi oi! Matt! 483 00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:48,160 How you doing? 484 00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:50,416 - You all right? - I'm all right, yeah. 485 00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:52,640 These are my boys. That's Ratty, the Nonce. 486 00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:53,560 - Hello. - All right? 487 00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:55,440 Yeah. No, I've heard all about you two. 488 00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:58,240 Yeah, he's got loads of other nicknames, not just the Nonce. Pipe up. 489 00:21:58,320 --> 00:22:00,680 Yeah. Fanny-tastic. Minge and Bracket. 490 00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:02,800 - Clitoris Allsorts. - [therapist and Ratty snigger] 491 00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:04,360 [Ratty] Shit Nuts. 492 00:22:04,440 --> 00:22:06,000 - Harold Shitmum. - Queermint Rhino. 493 00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:07,280 [childish snickering] 494 00:22:07,360 --> 00:22:09,200 - The Growler Prowler. Billy the Cunt. - Yeah. 495 00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:11,320 - [Ratty] Michael Parkinbum. - [therapist guffaws] 496 00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:14,256 Look. That's the suicidal one with the dead wife I was telling you about. 497 00:22:14,280 --> 00:22:15,400 - Oh, yeah. - You all right? 498 00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:17,440 Shouldn't you have a confidentiality agreement? 499 00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:19,360 - I didn't say your name, mate. - Right, 500 00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:21,280 but... OK, yeah, no, good point. 501 00:22:21,360 --> 00:22:24,200 So, you took my advice, yeah, come down for a pussy hunt? 502 00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:26,760 - Ooooh! - [Ratty] Oi oi! On a pussy hunt, are ya? 503 00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:30,440 [making shooting and splattering sounds] 504 00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:32,200 [therapist grunting] 505 00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:33,720 Come and join us, man. 506 00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:35,496 - I'm not on duty, it's free of charge. - No. 507 00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:38,720 - Afraid I can't. Just having a couple. - Oh, yeah? Nice jacket. 508 00:22:38,800 --> 00:22:41,240 - [Ratty and Nonce snigger] - Thanks. 509 00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:44,680 Come on! What's the matter with you? 510 00:22:44,760 --> 00:22:46,200 I should go check on Tony. 511 00:22:46,600 --> 00:22:48,480 Go on, then. Bang some beaver for us, yeah? 512 00:22:48,560 --> 00:22:50,320 [Nonce] Yeah, go on. Have a good night. 513 00:22:50,840 --> 00:22:52,920 - Size of that mushroom! - [Roxy chuckles] 514 00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:54,720 It's like a quarter... Only a quarter of it. 515 00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:56,440 It's good value, innit, for you? 516 00:22:57,160 --> 00:22:58,400 This was 13 quid. 517 00:22:58,480 --> 00:22:59,680 [Roxy laughs] 518 00:22:59,760 --> 00:23:02,360 [laughs] No, I'm serious. This was 13 quid. 519 00:23:04,160 --> 00:23:05,520 So, how comes you're single, then? 520 00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:07,520 'Cause I used to be twice this size. 521 00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:08,680 [chuckles lightly] 522 00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:10,200 [Pat] No, I'm serious. 523 00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:11,760 At my heaviest... 524 00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:14,040 about 24 stone. 525 00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:17,160 I lost it all, didn't I, when I became a postman. 526 00:23:17,760 --> 00:23:19,160 I think big blokes are sexy. 527 00:23:19,520 --> 00:23:20,880 No, I was an absolute mess. 528 00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:24,560 I was a car crash under there. I've still got a lot of loose skin, but... 529 00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:27,360 - I'm saving up to get it sorted. - [chuckles] 530 00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:31,080 [laughs] No, I'm serious. It's 'orrible down there. 'Orrible. 531 00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:32,840 Really bad. 532 00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:34,960 I'm loving this. 533 00:23:35,360 --> 00:23:36,680 [Roxy] Risotto? It's good! 534 00:23:36,760 --> 00:23:37,920 No, this... 535 00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:39,640 the date. 536 00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:40,800 I'm enjoying it as well. 537 00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:44,760 You know, I know you're out of my league and that, but... ahh! Yeah. 538 00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:47,120 No, it's good. It's been fun. 539 00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:53,440 - Fuckin' hell. - Maybe he's right, though. 540 00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:55,000 Maybe I should bang some beaver. 541 00:23:55,920 --> 00:23:56,760 Bang some...? 542 00:23:56,840 --> 00:23:58,440 Bang some beaver. His words, not mine. 543 00:23:58,520 --> 00:23:59,880 Yeah, exactly. They're his words, 544 00:23:59,960 --> 00:24:02,560 they should never be said by any other human being. 545 00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:04,800 [Tony] Fuckin' hell. 546 00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:08,440 Can't hurt, though, can it? 547 00:24:08,520 --> 00:24:10,040 - What? - [Matt sighs] 548 00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:11,680 Chatting up a girl. 549 00:24:12,320 --> 00:24:14,120 "Chatting up a girl"? 550 00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:19,800 What about those two over there? Don't look. 551 00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:21,000 No. No. 552 00:24:22,080 --> 00:24:24,920 They've come here for a quiet drink. To talk to each other. 553 00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:28,480 - Not to be chatted up by you. - Why not? Come on, come over with me. 554 00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:29,440 No, no, no, no! 555 00:24:29,520 --> 00:24:30,640 - Please? - No. 556 00:24:30,720 --> 00:24:33,680 Just sit over there with me. Not to make a move, just sit at the table. 557 00:24:33,760 --> 00:24:37,600 So, to talk to each other and drink? Not to bother any... 558 00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:38,680 Yeah. 559 00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:41,640 All right. 560 00:24:42,320 --> 00:24:44,160 [indistinct chattering] 561 00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:45,560 Uh, anyone sitting here? 562 00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:47,440 - Er, no, go for it. - Great. 563 00:24:47,520 --> 00:24:49,160 [funky beat plays] 564 00:24:49,240 --> 00:24:51,160 - This is pretty funky, isn't it? - Sit down! 565 00:24:52,520 --> 00:24:53,520 [Tony] Please. 566 00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:55,200 OK. 567 00:24:56,560 --> 00:24:57,560 Right. 568 00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:01,400 - Um... Are you... - No. 569 00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:06,720 Girls' night out? 570 00:25:06,800 --> 00:25:07,800 Er, yeah. 571 00:25:09,040 --> 00:25:11,160 [women continue chatting indistinctly] 572 00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:17,280 Just to say, you can relax. 573 00:25:17,720 --> 00:25:19,480 Uh... we're not married men... 574 00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:21,200 as such. We're... I am married. 575 00:25:21,440 --> 00:25:24,040 Um, but I'm separated. Getting divorced, probably. 576 00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:25,480 Um... 577 00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:26,920 Tony's wife's died. 578 00:25:27,880 --> 00:25:29,680 Um... of cancer. 579 00:25:34,360 --> 00:25:36,120 So, it's totally, uh, legitimate. 580 00:25:37,360 --> 00:25:38,360 What is? 581 00:25:39,120 --> 00:25:40,760 Just talking to us. It's not... 582 00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:41,840 Sorry. 583 00:25:46,320 --> 00:25:47,640 Yeah, and how's your mum? 584 00:25:51,520 --> 00:25:52,760 [Tony sighs deeply] 585 00:25:56,800 --> 00:25:59,480 - I think I'm out of practice. - You reckon? 586 00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:02,080 - 'Cause that was... - Hi. 587 00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:04,480 - Hi. - [Simon] Hi. 588 00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:08,520 - Oh, you've, uh, met... Tony, I think. - [Tony] Yeah. 589 00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:09,600 [Simon] Yeah. 590 00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:13,320 [Tony] Ah... 591 00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:16,880 - 'Ave a good night. - [nurse] Yes. 592 00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:18,280 - You OK? - [Tony] Yep. 593 00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:20,160 - [Nonce] Just do it. - [grunting] 594 00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:23,640 - Go on, wank yourself off! - [grunting, splattering] 595 00:26:25,120 --> 00:26:28,120 I reckon we've spent about the same, so that's worked out. 596 00:26:28,560 --> 00:26:30,480 We said we was going to go halves, didn't we? 597 00:26:31,240 --> 00:26:32,240 Let me get it. 598 00:26:32,560 --> 00:26:34,000 - No, no, no... - Let me get it. 599 00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:35,360 - I'd like to get it. - No. 600 00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:36,800 Let's go halves. 601 00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:40,040 And I tell you what, how about you pay for the whole thing next time? 602 00:26:40,120 --> 00:26:41,720 [laughs] 603 00:26:41,800 --> 00:26:43,640 Do you want there to be a next time? 604 00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:46,400 - Yes. I mean... - [relieved chuckling] 605 00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:47,440 - Oh, result! - I do. 606 00:26:47,520 --> 00:26:50,640 - I don't know what is happening here. - [chuckles] Oh, smashing. 607 00:26:51,600 --> 00:26:54,080 - You say it all out loud, don't you? - Oh, sorry. Yeah. 608 00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:56,160 Don't be sorry, it's nice. 609 00:26:56,240 --> 00:26:57,920 - Shall we piss off, then? - Yeah. 610 00:26:58,000 --> 00:26:59,000 Yeah. 611 00:26:59,720 --> 00:27:01,440 - [Roxy] Sort of. - [chuckles] 612 00:27:06,320 --> 00:27:07,960 Do you want me to walk you home? 613 00:27:08,280 --> 00:27:11,000 Oh, no. I've, erm... I've got to head off to work now. 614 00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:13,200 Peak time. 615 00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:14,640 Right, yeah... 616 00:27:16,360 --> 00:27:18,200 - It's just a job. - Yeah. 617 00:27:20,960 --> 00:27:22,320 What time do you finish? 618 00:27:22,880 --> 00:27:24,480 Not till early morning. 619 00:27:25,120 --> 00:27:26,560 I might bump into you, then. 620 00:27:27,040 --> 00:27:28,280 [chuckles] Maybe. 621 00:27:28,720 --> 00:27:29,840 Well, have a good one. 622 00:27:33,200 --> 00:27:34,680 - You have a good one. - Yeah. 623 00:27:35,360 --> 00:27:37,320 - See you later. - See you later. 624 00:27:46,800 --> 00:27:47,800 What are you doing? 625 00:27:47,880 --> 00:27:50,040 [Tony] Just filming that little quiff you've done. 626 00:27:50,120 --> 00:27:51,840 - Aw, I like it! It's cute. - It's... 627 00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:55,120 OK, everybody. Shush. Could I have your attention, please? 628 00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:57,360 Uh, we're going to have the first dance now, 629 00:27:57,440 --> 00:28:01,120 so I give you the bride and groom! 630 00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:03,040 [guests cheer and applaud] 631 00:28:05,400 --> 00:28:07,400 ["So Amazing" by Luther Vandross plays] 632 00:28:19,480 --> 00:28:21,400 - [Jill] That's my dress. - [Matt] Sorry. 633 00:28:21,600 --> 00:28:24,320 ♪ Love has truly ♪ 634 00:28:25,360 --> 00:28:27,400 ♪ Been good to me ♪ 635 00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:31,600 ♪ Not even one sad day ♪ 636 00:28:31,680 --> 00:28:35,840 ♪ Or minute have I had Since you've come my way ♪ 637 00:28:36,480 --> 00:28:39,840 ♪ I hope you know ♪ 638 00:28:40,200 --> 00:28:42,360 ♪ I'll gladly go ♪ 639 00:28:44,040 --> 00:28:46,600 ♪ Anywhere you take me ♪ 640 00:28:46,680 --> 00:28:50,240 ♪ It's so amazing to be loved ♪ 641 00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:55,440 ♪ I'd follow you to the moon In the sky above ♪ 642 00:29:04,920 --> 00:29:08,640 ♪ I've got ♪ 643 00:29:10,080 --> 00:29:13,440 ♪ Got to tell you ♪ 644 00:29:13,880 --> 00:29:16,400 ♪ How you thrill me ♪ 645 00:29:17,360 --> 00:29:20,320 ♪ I'm happy as I can be ♪ 646 00:29:20,400 --> 00:29:24,840 ♪ You have come And it's changed my whole world ♪ 647 00:29:24,920 --> 00:29:28,360 ♪ Bye-bye, sadness ♪ 648 00:29:28,840 --> 00:29:31,480 ♪ Hello, mellow ♪ 649 00:29:32,400 --> 00:29:34,960 ♪ What a wonderful day ♪ 650 00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:38,920 ♪ It's so amazing to be loved ♪ 651 00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:45,440 ♪ I'd follow you to the moon In the sky above ♪ 652 00:29:53,400 --> 00:29:56,640 ♪ My girl ♪ 653 00:29:56,720 --> 00:30:00,840 - ♪ And it's so amazing ♪ - ♪ So amazing ♪ 654 00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:03,600 - ♪ I could stay forever ♪ - ♪ Stay forever... ♪