Mr. Iglesias was recorded in front of a live studio audience.
Whoo!
Happy January, everybody!
Oh, man, it feels so good to be back together.
Can I get a witness?
Can I get a hallelujah?
Hallelujah!
Did we have a good Christmas?
My Christmas was terrible.
Amazon sent me exactly what I wanted!
- How is that terrible? - I didn't tell anyone what I wanted, man!
Well, I got a lot of presents
to wrap,
working at Lola's Dress Barn.
Ooh, Lola's, I love their commercials.
Yee-haw!
Welcome back, kids.
How Is my ministry of history?
Can I get a pal-elujah?
Y'all did so well last semester.
I can't believe my Academic Decathlon champs
came from what Carlos called the "dum-dum room."
Dum-dum room?
Hey, we're smart.
I took a BuzzFeed IQ test,
and they said I'm qualified to be a dogcatcher.
Mikey, you stay off those BuzzFeed tests.
I took a "Which Member of Destiny's Child Are You?" quiz.
Yeah, Kelly Rowland, my ass.
Anyway, I am so proud of you
and this big-hearted genius right here.
He's done so well with you.
He's got you on track to go to college.
Yeah, and Mr. Iglesias doesn't even grade us on a curve,
but I grade on curves, and you are getting an A+.
I don't know whether to suspend Walter
or hire him as my publicist.
Um...
- Well, keep up the good work, y'all! - Ditto!
Look, your principal has high expectations for you, as do I!
Starting now, everything counts.
The fun part of school is officially over.
What?
The first ten-and-a-half years were the fun part?
Oh, man.
Second semester sophomore year seems a little late to start trying.
I've had a 4.0 since kindergarten.
Nerd alert!
Look, school, up to this point, was just to prepare you
for the next phase of your life.
Phase? Don't tell me there's another puberty coming!
It's just college.
But first, there's an endless series of culturally biased standardized tests,
like the PSATs, SATs, ACTs...
Really all the Ts.
So, uh, who's excited?
Who else?
Look, you're all smart enough to go to college.
Plus, you're gonna have me in your corner,
like Burgess Meredith in the Rocky movies.
Who's Burgess Meredith?
Rocky's trainer.
Okay, well, who's Rocky?
Mr. Iglesias, let me put this in young people's terms, OK?
If Creed is Instagram,
Rocky is a postcard from your grandmom. You feel me?
- You guys wanna hear the funny voice? - Yes!
Okay... All right, Rock, I want you to get in there.
I want you to give it to 'em.
You're gonna get hit with SATs, PSATs
a bunch of Ts.
You gotta apply yourself,
as many applications as you can till your hands fall off.
But I love my hands!
Mikey
it's a metaphor.
I don't care if it's a meta-four, a meta-five or a six!
It sounds scary!
It's not scary till it's Metamucil.
Whoo!
Hey, Abby. So why did you leave my New Year party so early?
Because I was the only one there.
Hey, everyone I invited was there.
Yeah, know what would be a really great New Year's resolution for you?
Less creepy.
Hey, Gaber! How's first day back going?
Not great.
You know, I tried to inspire my homeroom class,
and I think I scared Mikey with my Rocky speech.
A$AP Rocky?
You did listen to my mixtape.
All of my speeches scare kids.
Yeah, they scare adults too.
How do you un-scare a kid?
Ooh! Ooh! You give him the hiccups.
I saw that! That's a violation!
I'm writing you up!
Ugh, Carlos!
That's one voice I did not miss over the break.
Yeah. Makes my wife Gertrude's caterwauling sound mellifluous.
Hey, listen, guys, I got a special trick for dealing with Carlos. Just watch.
I see another Christmas has come and gone, and someone has not gotten long pants.
Yep, still no pantalones from Panta-claus.
Panta-claus!
Oh, that is hysterical.
I am so happy to be back!
Miss Spencer, no! Don't encourage his juvenile high jinks.
So, Carlos, uh... how's the drama department?
Oh, Gabriel, it's glorious!
Introducing young minds to the power of theater.
Such a gift, and not just for me, but for them too.
Would you mind sharing some of your gift with us right now?
Ha! Sir, you have me at a disadvantage. Gabriel, I don't have anything prepared.
Life
is but a walking shadow.
A poor player that struts
and frets his hour upon the stage,
and then is heard no more.
It is a tale told by an idiot!
Yeah, it is.
Full of sound and fury, signifying.
Nothing!
Hear, hear!
- Did you guys see that? - You turned off his D-bag switch!
Yeah!
That was amazing!
Would it work on Tony?
Yeah, even Panta-claus can't help him.
Hey, listen, I'm... I'm really sorry about this morning's pep talk.
It's just that I'm so confident you're all gonna go to college,
I... I forget you might not be as confident in yourselves.
But you will be.
I know I'mma be just fine, Mr. Iglesias.
Ah, look at that. I'm back!
That's right. Like that poem says, "I am walking right beside you."
And when you look down
and see only one set of footprints in the sand,
they'll be mine
"because I will be carrying you."
My grandma has that poster in her bathroom.
My abuelita just has a picture of the Virgin Mary in a Raiders jersey.
Respect.
No need to carry me, Mr. Iglesias.
I got a plan.
Oh, a plan.
Check out Plan-tonio Plan-deras over here!
I'm turning 16 next month.
That's not a plan, Mikey.
That's just math.
Yup,
and I'm dropping out.
Respect.
No! No! No! No respect!
Look, what are you thinking?
No hard road to college for this guy.
My cousin, Little Cricket,
says he can get me a job working at the Amazon Fulfillment Center.
Mikey, we've had this conversation before.
What did I tell you about listening to relatives named after insects?
Okay, no crickets, no spiders, no scorpions, la mosca, that's the...
You can't give up on yourself. You haven't even started trying.
Hey, I may not be good at everything, but if there's one thing I'm great at,
it's giving up on myself.
Balboa down! Balboa down!
Ya gotta get up!
What's the matter with you?
Balboa, that's Rocky's last name?
You win, we're watching the movie tomorrow.
Oh! How is my favorite teacher?
Hmm... Gabriel's having lunch on the quad.
He is awfully nice.
Yeah, well, speaking of nice,
are you enjoying the new Carlos as much as the rest of us?
More.
The administrative wing has never been so peaceful.
- Mm-hmm. - It's just me,
my deaf geriatric secretary, and the World Wide Web.
Unfortunately, no kids have signed up for his class.
Hard to believe no one wants to play dress-up
with the high school po-po.
Well, I need every teacher to tell their kids to sign up.
Oh, come on now. I like my students.
You like them so much you wanna get stuck with the old Carlos?
Give me the clipboard.
There you are!
Jesus, Joseph, and Mary! The hell are you doing here?
- Mr. Hayward, I need your help. - Oh, lucky me!
Look, I was trying to inspire my class about going to college,
and I scared Mikey, and now he wants to drop out of high school.
Mikey?
Oh, no, not Mikey!
Which one is Mikey?
Never mind, listen.
Life's decisions can be hard,
and kids aren't always equipped to handle it.
They need help, and I've got just the answer.
Ooh! A chart!
Are you familiar with the Japanese concept of ikigai?
Uh, no, but a waitress once called Tony an icky guy.
Well, ikigai is a way to find your life's purpose...
- Hmm. - And it's made up of four concepts.
What you're great at, what you love, what the world needs,
and what you get paid for.
Yeah, that's why I'm glad you steered me away from stand-up comedy.
No money in it.
I picked up this little philosophy when I was stationed in Japan.
Picked up something else there too, but
what happens in Okinawa stays in Okinawa.
Yeah, thank God for that, huh?
This circle will help your students
find the things that will make their lives fulfilling.
And right here, where it all comes together, that, that
is your life's purpose.
Mr. Hayward, you... you know the kind of learner I am.
I'm... I'm gonna need a really good example.
Well, what about the acclaimed novelist Toni Morrison?
What about The Rock?
Dwayne Johnson, Gertrude's celebrity hall pass.
Yeah, good call.
He's a great wrestler and actor.
- Clearly, he loves what he's doing. - Mmm.
He gets paid a lot for it, but does the world need him?
Well, unless you want the Fast and the Furious franchise
to end at nine movies.
And... he is a college graduate.
Exactly!
Your students don't need to know what their life's purpose is right now.
They just need to understand that college will help them find it.
Thanks, Mr. Hayward.
Uh... I'm gonna need to be borrowing this.
Are you gonna show it to 'em or smack 'em with it?
Oh, Mr. Hayward, I miss being in your class.
Tony, it is so inspiring teaching the kids
how much Martin Luther King Jr. Did for this country.
He's still doing stuff!
Three-day weekend in January?
I love that guy.
Ms. Spencer, we don't pay you to chitchat, we pay you to teach.
Mr. Ochoa,
not sure why we pay you at all.
A-boom!
Hey, Carlos, I'm so curious about what play you're gonna be teaching.
So many incredible choices, right?
To sleep perchance to dream. Hamlet!
To dream the impossible dream. Man of La Mancha.
Meow. Cats.
Bidi bidi bom bom. Selena.
Huzzah to both of you.
You know, it's not really chitchat if you're learning.
So why don't I teach you guys
a basic acting exercise that I like to call The Mirror?
Ooh, I love mirrors. I'm so great at them!
You ready?
Mirror my movements.
Slowly.
Simply at first, until we become one.
Whoa!
Can I lead?
You already are.
What in the name of black baby Jesus are you doing?
We're acting.
Dwayne Johnson was arrested in his teens.
Yeah, we all done dirt.
True, but then he went to college.
University of Miami!
Hurricane warning, category five!
Easy there, Hurricane Grace.
Sorry, I'm a fan.
Me too.
So four years after graduating, he won his first pro wrestling title belt.
Real belt, fake sport.
How dare you?
Four years after that,
he had the number one grossing movie in the world!
Titanic?
My point is by going to college,
Dwayne Johnson found his center.
- His ikigai. - Exactly.
Where the four major food groups of fulfillment meet,
right here in the warm, creamy center.
Oh, does it work with all famous people?
Here, let me try my dreadlock savior, Bob Marley.
Look, here's the thing, Walt, Bob Marley didn't go to college.
Only his poster did.
Bob loved reggae.
He was great at it.
The world definitely needs it, and he got rich.
Best part of all, he was high as hell the whole time.
I gotta drive.
Wow, it really works.
What about self-made billionaire Kylie Jenner?
What about acclaimed novelist Toni Morrison?
You guys are missing Mr. Iglesias' point.
Bob Marley and Kylie Jenner are successful,
but they didn't go to college.
Thank you, Marisol.
Look, there are different paths for different people.
Did you consider any other paths, Mr. Iglesias?
This ain't about me.
Mikey, why don't you come and give it a shot
with the Amazon Fulfillment Center?
Okay, let's see.
Well, I hate Amazon.
I'm allergic to boxes.
The world doesn't really need it, and the pay is terrible.
Is that it? Did I find my ikigai?
No, but, uh, college will help you find the Mikey Fulfillment Center.
Wait, hold on.
So what about professional Fortnite player?
Mikey, just because you put the word professional
in front of something doesn't make it a real career.
Worked for wrestling.
We're gonna have a talk.
I... I love gaming. I'm great at it.
The world needs it,
and the Fortnite World Cup winner just won four million bucks!
I think this is it.
I found my true calling. Hey, thank you, Mr. Iglesias.
Wait, I get it. Ikigai is Japanese for "college blows!"
Hey guys, look, I went to college, and it worked out great for me!
- Did it? - Yeah, I mean,
it just sent you back to the high school you went to.
Yeah, and you're still here.
I would... I would recommend looking at this diagram.
And you know, like, doing some real soul-searching, Mr. Iglesias.
I could set you up with Little Cricket.
Iki-bye!
Let me guess... That's not how you thought that was gonna go.
No! I was trying to help them find their true calling,
and now... now I'm questioning mine!
Where you going?
To go get some advice from a wise man.
Mr. Hayward's gone for the day.
Tony it is.
Your pep talk scared Mikey,
your apology for the pep talk bombed,
and then you convinced him that college was stupid?
You know what the worst part is?
Is that I put myself through that stupid chart
to see if I was living my life's purpose.
Well, based on today, I'd say you definitely are not.
I know.
Do I love teaching?
I thought I did.
Am I good at it?
Ah, not today.
Do I get paid?
Every other Tuesday, and not a lot.
Does the world need it?
Well, not if these kids don't wanna go to college.
They don't need somebody to help prepare.
So I've been doing it right all along.
I thought I loved teaching,
but, uh, maybe I was just so focused on being good at it,
I never considered any other options.
I hear you. If I were to follow my dream of becoming a professional break-dancer,
I could be divorced from J-Lo.
Man, I could've been an architect.
Remember when I built that Taj Mahal out of egg cartons and Tapatio bottles?
Of course. The Tajín Mahal.
Remember when we were young?
We thought the only way we're gonna see the world
was to become flight attendants.
- Get up, get, up, get up. - All right.
Attention, passengers.
For your safety, please fasten your seat belts,
and note the emergency exits.
If you're traveling with an infant,
you've officially ruined this trip for the rest of us.
Hey, what about for our cousins?
It's party time, baby!
With a tequila!
Whoo!
- Oh, man! - Ahh!
Wow, man, you really did miss your calling.
Yeah, I know.
And I feel like there's so many life options I never really considered.
And I owe it to myself to figure out what they are before it's too late.
Well, maybe you should come with me to the job fair this weekend.
Job fair? You're looking for a new gig?
No, but there's a ton of needy women there.
And when I wear my tie and carry a clipboard,
they think I'm hiring.
Great. Now I'm gonna have to keep an eye on you.
Otherwise, we're gonna be having these conversations through plexiglass.
Oh, I am so good at this game, bro.
Come on, get up.
Mirror my movement.
Y'all keep playing patty-cake, I'mma start drug testing!
Hey, um, Mr. Iglesias.
- You got a sec? - Sure.
I'm having little bit of a crisis.
You and me both.
Okay. Me first.
I entered a Fortnite tournament,
and I got crushed.
You know, Fortnite's the only thing I'm good at, and I'm not even good at it.
Look, Mikey, Fortnite might be your passion now,
but it's not gonna be forever.
I mean, remember when you were all obsessed with those fidget spinners?
Now my collection is worthless!
Look, Mikey, the beauty of college is it's gonna give you time
to figure out what you love more than video games.
Like what? So far, all I've learned in high school
is that I struggle in every subject but history.
Maybe it's the only subject you really like.
Oh, no. I... I hate history.
American history, family history,
credit history.
- It's all terrible. - Yeah.
Worst of all,
browser history.
Those are the only cookies I don't like.
You know, the crazy part is
I like history when you teach it.
- Hmm. - I just...
I got freaked out when you told us about this tough stretch coming up.
Yeah, and I got freaked out when I saw how freaked out you were.
We're both freaking out, Mr. Iglesias!
- What are we gonna do? - I don't know, scream?
Ah!
You always make me laugh.
I don't know what I'd do without you.
Well, not gonna find out yet because, uh, I'm not going anywhere.
You convinced me that I'm right where I'm supposed to be.
So thank you.
Hey, you're welcome, and I wasn't even trying to do that.
Mr. Iglesias.
Good news, I changed my mind, I do want to go to college.
- Oh, because of what we talked about? - Nope.
Turns out there's a college in Santa Cruz with no grades, coed dorms,
and hacky sack is a varsity sport.
Go Banana Slugs!
You were born to be a teacher, Mr. Iglesias!
We're your ikigai.
You did it, Rocky! You went the distance!
That was good!
Hey, maybe doing voices is my true calling.
Eh, doing funny voices for a living? Hmm!
No real money in it.
Carlos's drama class is the best thing that ever happened to us.
Ooh! This calls for a celebration.
Jack in the Box?
I was thinking something a little more upscale.
Ooh! Del Taco?
- I think so. - Mm!
Guys, I've got some great news.
I found a local haberdasher that will donate their old raiments
to my costume department, so...
What!
I feel so alive, finally doing what I was born to do!
Feels pretty good, right? To be living your life's calling?
It really does, Gabriel.
This above all else, to thine own self be true.
Hamlet.
Very good, Anthony!
Yeah, Hamburger Hamlet.
Bad news, Carlos. Your student sign-ups are bogus.
No students, no class.
But I saw the list. It's filling up!
Carlos, read the names.
You really think Lil Nas X attends Wilson?
What about Spooky Dookie?
I had him last semester.
I'm sorry, Carlos.
No, you're not.
But you will be.
All of you will be!
Mwah-ha-ha-ha!
There's our guy!
I wish he wasn't our guy.
Hey, Paula, give me one day, and I'll get some names on that clipboard.
This is my favorite.
Carl O'Sucks.
Oh, Carlos sucks!
Now, who would write something so immature?
Mwah-ha-ha-ha!