[piano playing upbeat tune]
[snoring]
-[man moaning] -[audience laughing and cheering]
[man continues moaning]
Get out of my way! I need a sprinkle.
[zipper unzips]
[announcer speaks indistinctly]
[announcer] But now, the putrid little primate, you shelled out your shekels to see,
[drum roll]
All right, looks like you're up, girly.
[ringmaster] And here she comes now.
An hideous curiosity,
captured deep in the icy Yukon wilderness,
where legends say...
she is the cursed progeny
of a witch and a mountain beast.
Bestowed with gifts most unnatural,
and born with looks that will surely stain your memories
for years to come.
The Ape-Faced Girl!
[audience gasping]
[woman laughs]
[audience gasps]
[man] I got something else long and sweet for you, monkey girl.
-[audience laughs] -[ringmaster] Calm yourselves.
Calm yourselves, ladies and gents.
There is much more to see, of this I can promise you.
She just needs a little darkness
to calm herself, concentrate,
and conjure up a very special friend of hers.
Behold! An animal the likes of which you have never seen before.
A beast from a time long forgotten.
I know you don't like it,
but it will be over quickly if you behave.
[ringmaster] A ferocious monster...
tethered to her
deranged mind!
We just have to do as he says.
The Ape Girl's gruesome pet...
-[low growl] -[audience gasps]
[ringmaster] No sudden movements
if you please, ladies and gents,
for this is no tame circus animal.
This is a true wicked conjuring,
with teeth that can rip through a human skull.
-[woman laughs] -Would you like to watch him dance?
[people clapping]
Give us a twirl.
-[creature's feet thumping] -[announcer] Go on, now!
[audience laughs]
[cheers and applause]
[sniffles] We'll be done soon.
I promise.
[ringmaster] Around the other way!
[creature growls]
What's wrong?
-[low snarl] -What are you doing?
Who are you looking at?
-[growls] -I said the other way!
-[whip lashes] -[growls]
-No! -[ringmaster] You will obey me!
-[crowd screams] -[ringmaster grunts]
You little cunt!
Control your animal!
[man] Take it down!
-[thump] -[creature moans]
[repeated pounding]
[sobbing]
[creature] Make stop.
Who is this?
Which one are you?
Help...
girl...
What do you mean?
Help us how?
Make wish.
What?
Ow!
Make wish.
[meekly] I...
Save girl.
[people screaming]
[people continue screaming]
[whimpering]
Girl...
[clattering]
Safe.
[metal creaking]
[sobbing softly]
[creature growls softly]
[creaking]
[Dorothy] With sunrise, another day begins.
So let's be ready for today.
No wicked words,
no teeth,
no claws.
Only fun and laughs and play.
Well, of course we can.
But first we have to say good morning to all our new friends.
Don't we?
[laughs]
You haven't forgotten them, silly. You can't have.
Oh, you're being ridiculous.
[chuckles softly]
All right, all right.
Let's see.
[Cliff] God dammit!
[Dorothy] Tall as a house. Mad as a lion.
[Cliff] Piece of shit!
[Dorothy] The big funny tin man...
[Cliff] Mother... Ugh!
[Dorothy] ...with lots of pretty fast cars.
[Cliff] Stupid bitch ass... Fuck... God damn...
[Dorothy chuckles]
And lots and lots of pretty words.
[Cliff] Fuck, fuck, fuck!
[Dorothy] And there's a sad girl...
who sings out to the dark.
She doesn't sing much anymore.
Well, she doesn't do much of anything these days, really.
Oh, and you must remember,
the boy hero.
[gasping]
That's right.
A proper superhero.
And last of all,
there's the fair princess.
She's got skin made of rubber.
At least... that's what I've been told.
But when she smiles sometimes,
I think she might actually be made of glass.
[sighs in exasperation]
No, I'm not scared of them.
Why would I be?
This is a special place.
It's where we belong now.
And this is who we belong with.
Maybe we're not all friends just yet...
but I just know we will be eventually.
Someday we might even be better than friends.
Maybe someday, we'll be a family.
[gentle instrumental music playing]
[timer ticking]
[exhales]
Perfect.
[bell dinging]
[Niles] Rise and shine, everyone.
Rise and shine.
Must you wake us every morning with that bell?
It's so folksy.
No more bells after today, Rita.
I promise.
[Vic] It's ready?
Larry is completing his final test on the substance
as we speak.
[Cliff] And it's definitely gonna work this time, right?
Unlike every other time?
[timer rings]
[Larry] All right, buddy.
-[ribbiting] -No pressure...
but we're counting on you.
[frog ribbits]
Anything?
[alarm beeping]
Shit!
Shit, shit, shit!
[groans, sighs]
Oh, God!
[exhales]
[Niles] This is important.
The transformation could prove to be very exhausting,
and could take up to several hours.
[Vic] Wait, did you just say "hours"?
[Niles] It's a very delicate and intricate process.
The chemical needs time to permeate each and every cell of the body.
[Cliff] I'm no asshole scientist with a God-complex or anything,
but what about those of us who don't have a body?
Well, my theory is that
the chemical will interact with carbon structures.
-Meaning-- -[Cliff] Nope, not buying it.
What, you guys really think he's just suddenly capable
of reversing this bullshit?
He's had days, weeks.
Nothing's happened,
and it sure as shit ain't gonna happen today.
[Vic] You don't know that.
[Cliff] Yeah, I do.
He's a shitty scientist.
Look around you, Vic.
We are his fucking life's work.
What does that tell you?
You look here, you great big steaming, reeking pile of regurgitated--
[Larry] Pancakes!
Thank God.
-I'm starving. -[Niles] Good. Breakfast.
We'll need our strength.
So everyone, make sure you fuel up before we begin.
[Larry] Uh... Chief.
[Cliff] I called it. I fucking called it!
Thank you, Larry!
Please, everybody sit down.
Let's sit down together.
[Larry] Oh, boy.
[Niles] Jane, Baby Doll's favorite.
Extra syrup.
She's not hungry.
I'm sorry, Rita.
Do you think it might be time to try something else?
If science isn't working,
maybe we should look elsewhere.
After all, what happened to us in that painting
wasn't completely scientific.
Magic.
I'm not exactly overjoyed at the thought of seeing him either,
but Willoughby might have an answer.
-No. -At the very least,
he could point us in the direction
of a book, or a boy,
-or a horsehead. She seemed nice-- -No!
Look, I'm sorry, Rita, but he can't help.
Not with this.
[Cliff] Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
[Dorothy] What are you doing?
[Cliff] Uh... Nothing.
I know what you're up to.
You're going to feed the rats.
-[Cliff] Sure. -Can I come?
[Cliff] Nope.
Cheese delivery.
I know you want it, motherfucker.
[rat sniffing]
Come on.
[rat screeching]
Squeak, squeak, motherfucker!
Oh, yeah!
[Hammerhead] You can't keep doing this.
You see what's it's doing to us, right?
Forgive me if I don't want to deal, Hammerhead.
We're stuck on a toy.
God, I could rip your fucking face off!
It's not about we, or you, or me.
It's about the girl. It's about Kay.
Or have you fucking forgotten that?
Fuck you.
Who did this?
[shouts] Who did this?
[echoes]
[gasping]
[Dorothy] Did I hurt you?
What the hell are you doing in here?
Sorry. I was just trying to help.
I saw it was stuck in and it looked really painful.
So you just barge into my personal space?
-I-- -You can't just walk in here whenever you want.
Fuck.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to blow up at you.
It's okay.
I know being a grown-up is hard,
and sometimes you have to yell to get all the bad feelings out.
Yeah, well...
being a grown-up doesn't give you a pass on being an asshole.
[chuckles]
Shush, you!
I know it's a naughty word.
Who are you talking to?
Darling and Herschel.
-Who? -My friends.
You can't see them right now, because they're inside.
Just like your friends.
The ones inside your head.
[Niles] Dorothy?
Being a little busybody, are we?
It's fine, we were just--
Why don't you go out and play
and let Jane and I have a little grown-up chat?
But Darling was just saying that--
[Niles] Just a moment, sweetheart.
[Dorothy] Okay.
What do you want?
Well, if you're gonna get right to it...
I need the serum.
The one Josh Clay gave you.
I know you've been using it, and I'm not here to lecture.
I just want it back...
for Dorothy.
For Dorothy?
To keep her safe.
That's why it was created in the first place,
as a... safety net.
It's gone.
I used it all.
[Niles clicks tongue]
[sighs deeply] Right.
Jane...
if you need to talk to someone,
or scream and shout at someone, as the case may be...
I want you to know I'm here.
I'll always be here for you.
Wow.
Part of me actually wishes we were back there, you know.
Where that didn't sound like total bullshit.
Show's over, Chief.
You're not my friend.
You're just a scientist who did fucked-up things to a broken girl.
[gentle orchestral music playing]
[woman] I don't think I've seen your son work harder on anything
in his entire life.
Is that right?
Gary, you ready to show Dad what you made?
Okay, bud.
Moment of truth.
Okay, wow!
Will you look at that!
It's an airplane.
Not just an airplane, right, Gar?
It's the X-15.
Get out!
[chuckles] Hey!
Just like the one Dad's flying into space.
Okay, let's see here.
Two wings, check.
Well, there's my cockpit. Check.
Okay. How about you tell me what this is, right here?
[whooshing]
[both laughing]
Okay, I guess you mean this is the rocket engine, huh?
Without this, Dad doesn't go into space.
Which is why,
it's very important to understand exactly where it goes,
and why.
But I liked it where it was.
[Larry] Hold on a minute.
Just watch.
Does it really matter, Lar?
[Larry] I don't know, Cheryl.
Do you want your husband's plane to break the Earth's atmosphere,
or break into a million pieces?
Tell you what.
Go fetch some cardboard, some scissors. We'll start over.
You and me.
It was a present
to show how proud he was of his dad.
And now his dad is gonna teach him how to do it the right way.
[scoffs]
That's funny.
I thought he did do it the right way.
[gasps]
Whoa.
Is there a reason you're showing me that, pal?
[sighs] Maybe it's the universe telling us we need a break.
[door creaking]
Yeah.
You stay right where you are, you bastards.
[grunts]
Where were you?
Why, did I miss anything?
Maybe I would be further along with my training
if I had a consistent teacher.
Hmm?
Is it so wrong to desire simple mastery of one's limbs?
After 60 years of watching myself
puddle into a pool of shame and self-loathing,
to finally ask
not what I can do for my body,
but what my body can do for me?
Sure. What's your end game?
Maybe, eventually, when we claw ourselves
out of this miniature morass,
maybe I can devote myself to the better good.
So you wanna become a superhero.
That's what all this training's about?
[laughs awkwardly] What?
No!
Why?
Is that ridiculous to you?
You've never heard such a foolish thing, have you?
If it were true,
did you think that maybe,
just maybe my only aim here was to keep off the Tiny Town 10?
I was just making sure I'm managing expectations.
You know you could never actually cut it, right?
[liquid dripping]
Try that arm now.
What?
[sighs]
[yells]
[panting]
Now just find a way to do it without being insulted.
Same time tomorrow.
[exhales]
You are Cliff fucking Steele.
And he is a hillbilly piece of shit can't keep his dick in his pants.
[radio playing]
You don't need this.
Not when you are finally starting to hit your stride.
I know.
And with a baby on the way.
I know.
[Kate] I cannot believe your mama stayed with his cheating ass as long as she did.
This is gonna break his heart.
Honey...
[Cliff sighs]
All right.
Why don't you go lie down...
with the burrito,
and, uh, I'll talk to him. I got this.
Fuck him.
[radio continues playing]
Slow down there, Pops.
You're giving my pit boys a run for their money.
When's lunch?
Ready to eat the ass off a low-flying duck.
Kate's inside putting up her feet.
I got beer.
When's she gonna shit that thing out anyway?
Uh...
Listen, Dad, um...
Kate and I have been talking,
and she thinks that-- We think that...
with all the bad blood between you and Mom, that...
We don't wanna create a scene at the wedding,
and we think that...
[sighs]
Well, probably one of you shouldn't come,
and we think it'll be best if that was you.
-Uh-huh. -I mean,
you sort of did fuck the counter girl at the DQ.
I hear you loud and clear, Cliffie.
Okay, uh...
All right, let's drink some beer.
Actually I'm gonna get going.
All right. Well, uh...
How about a road soda?
Hey, do me a favor.
Or, you know what? You can consider this my wedding toast.
Why don't you respect yourself?
You aren't even married yet,
and she's already steering you around by your short and curlies.
She's having my baby.
Which I know is a big fucking deal to you, I do.
But let's see what happens in the next year or two.
What the fuck?
The road is long and twisty, son.
And in the end, whoever you are, or whoever you're with,
all's you got is your self-respect. You understand me?
I know where I will be.
I'll be right here.
Okay.
With my wife and with my baby.
Good luck to you.
You know, you wouldn't know the first fucking thing about self-respect.
[engine starts]
Yeah, and one other piece of advice.
When that baby doctor asks you if you want the husband stitch,
you tell him, "I'll take two."
Hey, get your ass back here!
Asshole.
[bottle shatters]
[Dorothy] Time to feed the rats?
-[Cliff] Fuck! -Sorry!
-Sorry. -Jesus, kid!
What?
[Dorothy] I... I was just...
I thought...
if you were going to feed the rats...
maybe I could go with you.
Which I totally understand if you thought inappropriate or a bother.
[Cliff] Well, I do,
and I'm not, so... Bye.
Going for a drive?
[Cliff sighs] What?
I've never rode in an automobile.
[Cliff] Fuck my life.
This one seems nice.
[Cliff] Kid, you ever just shut the...
[Cliff sighs]
She doesn't stop.
She doesn't fucking stop.
["Working for the Weekend" playing]
Whoo!
[Cliff] Don't get used to it, kid.
This is not gonna be an everyday thing.
Wanna go faster?
All right.
You asked for it.
Whoo!
[Cliff] Whoo! [laughs]
Cliff?
-Cliff! -[screams]
What the fuck?
[brakes screeching]
[gasps] Jesus Christ!
What the hell was that?
I'm sorry, it was just Darling.
Wait, you know that thing?
She's one of my friends from inside my mind.
They only come out when I'm sad or scared,
or happy.
Please don't be mad.
[Cliff] Don't do that.
I am not one of your little weirdo friends.
I'm a grown man, and I don't have time to play with a little freak.
[Niles] Cliff!
What the hell is wrong with you?
You take your anger out on me,
not on an innocent child.
[Cliff] You mean the precious child you locked away for 90 years?
You have no idea what she and I have been through.
[Cliff] Really, Chief?
You wanna play "who had it worse" with me?
Thought so.
Go ahead, pummel some rats. That'll fill the hole.
[instrumental music playing]
[both laughing]
[footsteps approaching]
[Cliff] Hole filled, asshole.
[ominous music playing]
♪ Mrs. Brown you've got A lovely daughter ♪
[ukulele playing]
♪ Girls as sharp as her Are something rare ♪
♪ But it's sad ♪
♪ She doesn't love me now ♪
♪ She's made it Clear enough ♪
♪ It ain't no good to pine ♪
♪ She's so... ♪
[ukulele stops playing]
I do love watching you sing.
And in miniature... Muah!
Cut the crap, Willoughby, we've got work to do.
And we will. It's just, you're adorable.
I'm adorable. The whole thing's just--
Enough, please.
You're on edge.
Dorothy's here.
-Ah! -I know what you're gonna say.
What am I gonna say?
How you told me so.
But this is not her fault.
Right. Just like her imaginary pal
wiping out that freakshow in London wasn't her fault.
It's not. Not this time.
It's mine.
She's perfectly safe under my care.
For now.
And I don't need to hear what you think of her.
I need your assistance in...
fixing this.
They know, don't they?
Your yard-sale science projects know the truth.
Mr. Nobody pretty much painted them a picture, yes.
And I told them the rest.
And how are they taking it?
Well, what do you think? They're pretty pissed off.
But they did save my daughter...
and every attempt I've made to set things right has failed.
That's why I'm totally abasing myself by summoning the likes of you.
Is this supposed to be a grovel?
Will you...
please...
help me get these people big?
That kind of magic doesn't come for free.
Whatever it takes.
I don't carry that kind of juice.
Eismann might.
Eismann? Good God!
Lego figures can't be choosers, Caulder.
What do we got to trade?
There's the painting downstairs.
I saw that.
That is a very extremely powerful piece of magic.
Maybe it once was,
but with those two knob-heads squatting in it,
you might as well have wiped your cock across the Mona Lisa.
[sighs]
How about that thing around your neck?
You're joking.
That plus the painting might just do it.
-No. -Small broker's fee on top?
I told you, no!
Not now, not ever.
At the risk of insinuating that I actually give a fart...
let me help you.
Go.
I'll find a way.
[Rita] So Vic, before tearing me down to build me up...
Very Great Santini of you, by the way.
...I have a question.
What is it exactly that you want when we get big?
What I've always wanted.
Huge world out there to save.
Right, agreed.
We just need to make sure you're in the right place.
Meaning?
Sometimes, the easiest pain to ignore is our own.
What the hell are you talking about?
You may think you're fooling people, you're not.
We hear you.
At night.
The nightmares.
And I'm just saying, perhaps we could help each other.
Yeah.
No, thanks.
[grunts]
[exhales heavily]
You're right, pal.
We need to get out more.
Negative Spirit release.
[grunts]
[whooshing]
What's wrong?
Come on, pal, this is your time. Fly.
[gasps]
[Gary] I was so proud of you, Dad.
What the hell is going on?
Were you ever proud of us?
Gary?
Of course, I was.
My God, I was.
I just wanted you to be as proud of us as I was of you.
But... maybe it doesn't matter anymore.
What's done is done.
Right?
Hey...
What did you do?
I'm here now, okay?
[grunts, gasps]
[stutters] I left all that long ago.
What the hell is going on?
[Cliff] You think Danny will ever grow big again?
[sighs] No clue.
I hope they do.
Nobody deserves to be a brick.
Maybe Danny wants to be a brick.
It's entirely possible
that that is the world's tiniest joint.
[laughs] Yeah.
Larry rolled it for me.
He uses tweezers or some shit.
You still using the other stuff?
What other stuff?
Uh, the... You know.
Come on, the...
The stuff you shot up when you were living on a bus,
when you were homeless.
I was sort of watching you...
some might say protecting you.
Gee, Cliff.
It's entirely possible that you might be the world's tiniest narc.
Get the fuck out of my rice bowl.
We are gonna get big again, right?
I don't know.
Do you want to?
Don't you?
Why the fuck do you think I'm doing drugs?
Fucking Chief!
"Fucking Chief" is a-fucking right!
And what's up with his fucking daughter?
She's just forever 11?
Because that tween shit is gonna grow ancient real fucking fast.
Oh, hey. Those imaginary friends she talks to all night?
I saw one of them.
-Shut up! -Yes.
It was freaky!
It sort of had this mirror thing for a face.
I mean, look, I get it. I'm no prize, but--
You and me both, brother.
But this thing? Gah!
I mean... Okay.
We're basically chemistry experiments, right?
He threw some shit together in a beaker, and out popped us.
-Yep. -We're supposed to be weird.
-Yep. -He fucked somebody to get her.
What the fuck do you have to fuck to get fucking that?
[Cliff laughing] I do not know!
Okay, okay. On the count of three,
we both blurt out what we think he fucked.
Okay?
One, two--
[Niles] I don't expect compassion.
How about decency?
You first.
Dorothy's missing.
Dorothy?
[Vic] Dorothy!
Dorothy!
Anything?
[gasps] My God! What if she fell off the table?
Oh, no!
What is that? Three feet?
That's two Empire State Buildings to a tiny person.
[Cliff] Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
-[groans] Problem! -[Vic] What?
[Cliff] She took my cheese.
-[Vic] So? -So she went to feed the rats.
She thinks I've been feeding the fucking rats!
You've been killing the rats.
[Cliff] No shit!
You think I'm gonna say that to a little fucking girl?
If she goes anywhere near that rat hole, they'll kill her.
Or...
Or what?
She's a very creative little girl.
Find her!
Rats want war...
it's war!
Jane, you wanna go fuck up some rats?
Fuck, yes.
I'm in!
-[Cliff] Rita! -Uh...
[Cliff] Rita's in!
Let's go!
Whoa.
-What the hell? -[Rita] What's going on?
This is a trap.
This is Mr. Nobody.
Do you see Mr. Nobody?
[Rita] Yes.
[Vic] No.
This is a trap.
-Victor... -This is--
Victor!
Mr. Nobody is still in the painting.
It's not a trap...
and I'm not going anywhere.
-Do you hear me? -No, this is a trap.
This is a trap.
Dorothy!
Over there.
[Cliff] Dorothy?
Hey, kid. You okay?
Dorothy?
[rats squeaking]
[Cliff] The fuck?
[rats squeaking]
She's a mommy.
[Cliff] Whoa!
There are so many.
[Dorothy] Aw! What's wrong with that one?
So small.
What if she doesn't see it?
[Cliff] It's okay. See? Look.
Mommy rat's picking it up, and...
[rat screeching]
Oh! Ooh, shit!
[Dorothy] What's happening?
-[Cliff] Uh... -What's happening?
Natural order.
-[bones crunching] -[Dorothy shrieks]
The weakest one is a liability, so it has to go.
[Dorothy sobbing]
It killed the baby!
[screaming]
[Cliff] Uh, it's okay! It's okay!
Jane, a little help?
Jane? Jane!
-[Dorothy continues screaming] -[Cliff] Oh, what the...
[Cliff] It's okay. It's okay.
Everything is gonna be okay.
Just fine.
Everything is gonna be okay.
It's okay. It's okay.
[Niles] Dorothy!
[Cliff] Chief!
What the hell is going on?
[Cliff] She was just...
This... This rat was, uh... Babies...
And then, out of nowhere she just... chop!
I mean, fuck!
[creature growling]
[footsteps thumping]
[creature roars]
No.
Dorothy, listen to me.
Everything is all right.
[shivering] It's not. It's not.
Please, my love.
Just breathe.
[creature growls softly]
Cliff, don't!
This isn't something you can just punch.
[creature growls softly]
[Cliff] Hey! Hey, you!
[metal squeaking]
Whoa!
Fuck!
Dorothy, my darling. I know you're scared.
But you must breathe.
Listen to my voice.
I can't.
-[Cliff] Okay, you wanna go? -[footsteps thumping]
Let's go!
What the fuck!
Hey, whatever you're doing to Dorothy, you better fucking stop!
Okay, weird thing with the face again.
You wanna dance, too? Let's do this.
[Niles] Dorothy...
-[creature] Help... girl... -[Dorothy shudders]
Leave... me... alone!
[loud thudding]
[Cliff] How many imaginary friends do you have in there?
Jesus Christ!
-[metallic crash] -[Cliff screams]
[creature] Make stop.
[Dorothy] He's coming.
-[low growl] -He's coming!
He won't stop, he's coming.
You have to!
[creature] Make wish.
[Dorothy] He wants me to make a wish.
You must keep him back.
-I can't! -You must!
[creature] Make wish.
You have to send him back, you have to!
Don't make me lock you away again!
[Dorothy gasps]
[roaring stops]
[Dorothy sobbing]
[loud crashing]
[sighs]
[Kipling] I can scarcely believe it, Caulder.
Cut-throat, scheming, selfish lone wolf...
giving everything up for his feckless freaks.
Dorothy needs to be kept safe.
Away from any situation that might foster...
Unpleasantness.
And as for the others...
They've suffered enough.
I have to try and make it right...
in whatever small way I can.
"Small"?
It's hardly what I call giving up your life.
Vitae essentia.
No take-backs on a fool's bargain, Niles.
Only a fool...
would consider himself before his family.
What lies before me now is simply...
a riddle I have not yet solved.
[Kipling] Well, you better solve it quick, old man.
Eat up.
Lot of new mouths to feed.
Ha!
[yells]
Vic!
You won't believe it!
Fuck you.
[zipper unzips]
[sighs, sniffles]
[sighs heavily]
[Niles and Dorothy] Tonight another day has passed,
and no matter noise,
no matter dark,
we must sit, and stay, and wait.
[both whisper] Or be quiet,
and be polite,
till tomorrow's at the gate.
[sighs] Good night, my love.
[both chuckle]
[Dorothy sighs]
-Papa? -Hmm?
You will always be with me...
won't you?
I'm not going anywhere.
Dream well.
Night-night, Herschel.
You too, Darling.
[giggles]
I love you, too.
Sleep tight.
[creature] Father...
dying.
It's time for bed.
We have to go to sleep.
All of us.
Must... stop.
He's not dying!
You heard him.
He's not going anywhere.
Make... wish.
No!
[sighs]
Not today.
When?
We'll see.