The end is nigh.
[Justin] Hey!
The end is nigh. Hi.
How's it going?
[man] Good, and yourself?
[Justin] How's it going, guys? Wait, hold up.
- I got a message to share. - [passerby] Okay.
[passersby] "The end is nigh?"
"Nigh means 'near, ' by the way."
But...
[Justin] Keep going.
"But what is the end?"
"That's a big question."
[Justin] Sure is.
How is he doing that?
"There are a few ways to look at it."
Wait, what?
That's a lot to read.
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
I love fries.
But even when I supersize them... eventually...
they're gone...
which sucks.
Why do things have to come to an end?
Okay, sorry. I want to make something clear.
I'm using fries as a metaphor here
because I'm uncomfortable talking about
what I actually want to talk about, which is... my own mortality.
I use glossy phrases like "kick the bucket"
or "buy the farm" or " meet your maker"
to avoid saying the word "death."
But, why is it so hard to talk about?
After all, nothing lasts forever.
And when I say nothing, I mean nothing.
- How much stuff do you guys get donated? - Uh, that's a hard question.
I imagine you have to sort through it to see if anything is expired.
Expired?
Everything expires.
Food goes bad. And if you eat it, you can get sick.
But every product, no matter what it is, at some point stops working.
- Clothes expire. - Yeah. Rips and things like that?
Not even ripped. It only has a certain number of uses.
Any moving part,
- snaps, zippers, buttons, give out. - Right.
- What size is that? Let me show you. - Alright [laughs].
- The zipper, for example, might look okay - Mm-hmm. Right.
- but there's a certain number of zips. - Okay.
Want to see?
- Yup. - Here we go.
Let's see.
- That looks good, right? - Yes.
[sniffs] Smells used.
- But that's part of the charm. - Right.
- Boom. - Yeah.
Sweet.
Sometimes a zip will have 10,000 zips, sometimes less.
This one's down to five, four, three, two, one...
Oh, yeah, that was it.
I can't even process what you just did.
Now it's this.
- That's fantastic. - Right?
Bowling pins have a certain number of hits,
hockey sticks have a certain number of slaps,
golf balls get hit so much they stop working.
- Bounce one. - How do they expire?
I mean, it's just a golf ball and it bounces.
Oh.
See? You can tell it's close to expiration because it's starting to bounce weird.
That's got under ten bounces in it.
You... Alright. You want to keep doing that?
I mean, if you...
Oh, yeah, that's four... three...
You can hear it.
Two...
one...
Could you hear it? I think that was the last one. Give it a...
Oh, [bleep]. [chuckles]
- Now it won't hit you in the face. - Oh, my god.
- Ah! What the...? - It expired.
Pff! Who'd want to buy one of those?
These things only have a certain number of...
Computer mice have a certain number of clicks.
- Right. - One day it stops working.
I don't know if I 100% agree...
- See, that was the cord's expiration. - Okay.
But sometimes a mouse will become... useless altogether.
Right.
That means it's broken, or... as you say, "expired."
Well, computer mice are a little different.
- Watch the computer mouse, for example. - Okay, mouse.
[woman] Ah! [bleep]
- [Justin] It's expired. - [woman] How in the crap?
Make sure you get it.
I don't want mouse problems in here.
Come here, buddy.
Yeah.
- His name is Bluetooth. - Bluetooth. Get out!
[Justin] Sometimes it's nice knowing how things are going to end.
Other times...
[man] Spoiler alert!
I'm Justin. What's your name?
- I'm Liz. Nice to meet you. - Hi. Nice to meet you.
You're on Spoiler Alert!
Hello!
It's on my car keys.
[man] It's on his car keys!
Now, let's do a little magic with a ring.
- Can I borrow your ring, if that's okay? - Sure.
Yeah, take that off. Pretty. Yeah. Oh, that's gorgeous.
Oh, that's good.
- Beautiful ring. - That's beautiful.
Get a good look at that ring.
- Yes. - Watch the ring.
Where's my ring?
Where is it?
My husband's going to kill me.
- Don't let him kill me. - [laughing]
Where do you think it went?
In your ear.
No.
Where is it?
- It's in your keys. - It's on my car keys.
What in the world?
[woman] How'd it get there? That's insane.
- What? - I'd tell you
- but I don't want to spoil it. - I'm shocked.
That's crazy.
Whoo!
Surprise endings are the best.
[laughs]
[Justin] The older I get, the more I think about death
and all the ways it could happen.
That's why I try to stay prepared and living in California,
that means having an earthquake survival kit.
If I'm pushing daisies one day, I want it to be from natural causes,
not a natural disaster.
You guys ready for the big one? - [woman] What?
Are you worried about the big one?
The big one?
- Are you prepared for the big one? - Depends on what's the big one.
Yeah, I'm fairly prepared.
Emotionally and mentally prepared, not physically.
What do you keep in your bag to sustain life?
Weed.
- So... - Okay.
You need a few basic things to survive. Weed is not one of them.
First up: food.
You know, they say to always carry enough food on you to survive 7 days.
That's why I have this.
[woman laughs]
- Lunchables. - This'll feed you for seven days.
Seven days? I guess, yeah. If you ration it out.
You don't have to.
- Really? - Yeah.
You just have to hit the button. Here.
I'll show you. Do you see the button on my back?
Just push it once.
- Firmly. Fantastic. - [air horn blares]
- See, that's what it does. - Oh, my god.
So, that's for you.
- Thanks. - Bon appétit.
[Justin] Fire.
- You got a lighter? - No.
Oh, man.
You have to light a fire every night.
- Yeah. - You've got to get one of these.
- Take that stuff out. - Yeah.
Ball that up.
Yeah, just pop it in there.
Great.
Here's what you do. You just... do that.
It kind of like...
- regenerates a bunch more lighters. - [bleep]
- [laughing] - [Justin] How many you got?
There.
Just fill your pockets.
I'm here to help.
What would you do without me?
That's hilarious.
That was good.
[Justin] Next: hydration.
- Straw. - No, it's not a normal straw.
You' need one of these. I'll show you what I mean. Just...
Our bodies are mostly water.
And actually have a lot of nutrition in them.
Like, vitamin C, for example. Here, turn your hand sideways.
That's good. Now, squeeze it into a fist. Perfect. Perfect.
And...
You just have a cup ready. And you can actually just stick it in...
and kind of drink your own nutrition.
[man] [bleep]
[gasps]
Orange juice.
Thank you.
[Justin] And money.
You see, when the banks go down...
nothing works, except for one of these.
- You've got to have a disaster card. - A disaster card?
Like a Mastercard,
- but a disaster card. - Okay.
With a disaster card, it instantly turns into cash,
- which is really nice and useful. - Okay.
You just kind of give it a shake...
- Yeah. - I do need one of those.
All you have to do is...
Okay.
- My gift to you. - Thank you.
You're a good guy.
I know they give magicians a lot of crap,
but I think it's a noble profession.
Thank you.
- You're welcome. - Who gives mag... Who's he talking about?
Well, you can't...
You can't just say that and walk away.
- How's it going? - Good. How are you?
I'm good. I'm looking for, uh...
this lady named Susan.
Oh, that's me!
- You're Susan? - I'm Susan.
[man] Magic for Susans!
- Susan... - Mm-hmm.
I have 50 cents to pay you for your time right now.
- I'll make it quick. - Okay.
Um, would you do me a favor and just kind of...
Can you hold your shirt out like this?
That's fantastic.
I'm going to put the quarters on there,
- if that's okay. - Okay.
Okay.
- Watch the quarters, Susan. - I'm watching the quarters.
No way!
No holes!
That's awesome.
- Thanks for your time. Appreciate it. - I'll take the 50¢. See you.
- Can you cover my parking? - [silently] No.
[man] Magic for Susans!
[Justin] I think I'm so uncomfortable with the idea of death
because I don't know what happens afterwards.
If only there was a way to talk to dead people.
Maybe they could provide some answers.
- Spooky night tonight, right? - Yeah.
- Yeah, the moon's out. - The moon is out.
- You ever use one of these? - Ooh, no.
Never?
I've watched people.
I was too afraid to play.
- Really? - I think they're creepy.
And scary.
My mom said never mess with them.
I lost that thing that moves around.
- I've just got the board. Feel it. - Okay.
- Nothing to be afraid of, right? - It does seem cheap.
The way I think about it is Ouija board is, like, the original way...
to text the dead.
Because if you literally texted the dead, you'd get ghosted.
So this is the way, hopefully, to avoid that.
Okay.
We're going to use this to...
ask a dead famous person a good question.
It can be anybody dead and famous.
- Okay. - Okay?
Think of who you'd like to ask a question.
Um, Stephen Hawking.
Stephen Hawking.
Let's ask Stephen Hawking a question.
Hold your hands palms up.
Perfect.
What's your question for Stephen Hawking?
How can we honor your legacy?
[laughs]
- "Send nudes." - That's pretty dope.
Who?
Steve Jobs.
Okay, think of a question for Steve Jobs.
Hold both your hands palm up.
Perfect. Okay.
What do you want to ask Steve Jobs?
Um...
What is the one thing you wish you had taken into the afterlife?
I get it.
Phone charger.
That is crazy.
Who would you like to ask a question to?
God.
You don't mess around.
- Anybody, right? - Yeah.
Think of a question for God.
Hold both your hands palms up. A little higher.
Right like that.
Perfect.
What question would you like to ask God?
What do we do about global warming?
[church organ playing]
No! [laughs] That was an important question.
- Guess we're on our own. - [laughs]
[man] Spoiler alert!
- How's it going, man? - Good.
- I'm Justin. Adrian. - I'm Adrian.
- Nice to meet you. - This is Spoiler Alert.
It's in your pockets!
[man] It's in his pockets!
Let's do something fun.
- I'm ready. - I've got a cup.
Hold on to that.
Dump out what's in there.
Look at that. It's a load of confetti.
- Wow. - I love confetti.
I'm gonna just...
put it all into that cup there.
Would you just stuff it down deep?
- There we go. - Great!
Put the cup flat on your hands.
Put your other hand on top.
Great.
You ready to see something crazy? Lift up your hands.
Pour it into my hands.
What?
It's gone.
Whoa.
Where did the confetti go?
I have no idea.
It's in your pockets!
No, it's not.
What?
No.
- Didn't see that one coming, huh? - No.
Spoiler alert! Someone's got to clean this up.
I do?
Pff. Didn't see that coming. [clears throat]
[Justin] I'm going to kick the bucket one day,
That's why I started a bucket list.
Checking things off has helped me appreciate my time on this planet.
I just wish I'd started sooner.
That was awesome.
So today I'm going to talk to some young people
about living life to the fullest.
[child] Then she was like this... then... - Hey, guys.
- First off, I'm Justin. - Okay, Justin.
- How's it going? - Nice to meet you!
Have you put much thought into your bucket lists?
What's a bucket list?
Um, let me think. How do I put this?
So, a bucket list...
is a list of things you want to do...
uh, before...
Um...
How about this? I imagine... you're visual learners, okay,
and I brought a visual aid. One second.
- What's this? - A bucket.
- It's a bucket.
Caroline, tell me, for example,
um, what's something that you want to do
before you run out of time?
Uh...
- Skydiving! - Skydiving.
You're not scared to jump out of an airplane?
Not really, if I really could do it.
Wow.
Would you like me to give you the experience of skydiving today?
- Yeah. - Yeah?
Do you guys want to see Caroline skydive?
- Yeah! - Yes.
Here's one thing you need if you're going to skydive.
Because you're going so fast...
you're going to need goggles.
- Ahh! - Okay?
Caroline, you want to toss those goggles on?
- [child] Oh, my. - Put them on.
Caroline, take a seat up here.
What else do you need if you're skydiving?
[kids] A helmet!
[child] Helmet!
Oh, my god!
You're ready to go. Take a seat!
[child] Coming 'round.
[Justin] And now...
only one thing missing...
- [leaf blower running loudly] - Wind!
[children scream]
Oh, my god.
[yelling] Feels like I'm skydiving.
How does it feel?
[children laughing, chattering indistinctly]
[sighs] Caroline...
- how did it feel? - Bad.
- Bad? - It feels so bad.
Because the wind is like... [splutters]
And then you're... [groans]
Like that. And it feels bad.
Well then, maybe I helped you discover that you don't really want to skydive.
So... look at that.
Who's next? You, my friend. What's on your bucket list?
I want to have my birthday party with aliens.
Why is that?
Because I want them to show me around the place.
They can get me presents that are cool,
like an alien blaster. [pew pew]
Alright. Well...
- let's go to space. You ready? - Yes.
Okay, here we go.
Let's take you to space.
- [snaps] - [whoosh]
That's what you need.
- What? - [overlapping chatter]
Astronaut birthday cake.
Yeah, here, so we just open up the...
cake there.
You just bake it in a bucket.
It's highly dehydrated and...
Now, as you can see, it doesn't take much,
but...
with the right amount of shaking... There we go.
Look at that. It's mixing with the oxygen and...
[children exclaiming]
Birthday cake.
Oh, my god.
- You want to eat it? - Yes!
It's vegan.
No!
This is for me.
- Who's next? - Me!
My friend, what would you like to tick off your bucket list?
- I would like to tick off scuba diving. - Scuba diving! Why do you wanna dive?
I want to find pirate ship parts and sell them and get rich.
Oh.
You're not afraid of creatures that lurk underwater.
I'm not afraid of anything. I'm only afraid of the...
Kraken.
What's the Kraken?
It's a giant squid that...
- is a fairytale. - Oh.
- It's not real. - It's not.
As you can imagine, scuba diving can get a little wet,
so you're going to want one of these.
There we go.
- A towel. - Yeah.
- A towel. - You need a towel.
[exclaims]
You know what? Actually...
You know what's more important? Because a towel's just going to get wet
if you're taking a towel scuba diving.
What you need more than a towel...
- is a wetsuit. That's more like it. - [kids exclaiming]
- [child] What the... - See?
Nothing scary about scuba diving, right?
[all] Right!
Right.
Whoa, whoa, oh, no.
Oh, my goodness. Oh!
Oh, no! The Kraken awakes!
- [child yelling] - The Kraken awakes!
[Justin yelping] I thought you said it was a legend.
[grunts, pants]
[laughs]
- [children laughing] - [child] How do you do it?
I'm out!
I still don't know why things come to an end,
but... they do.
And because they do,
I think it means that we have to savor every moment...
enjoy every bite.
Because before we know it...
we're out of fries.
Just to be clear... I'm still talking about death.
♪ This is the end, this is the end This is the end, my friend ♪
♪ Don't you worry about tomorrow 'Cause the end is near ♪
♪ This is the end, this is the end This is the end, my friend ♪
♪ Say goodbye to your lover 'Cause the end is here ♪
♪ This is the end, this is the end This is the end ♪
Absolutely.