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PODCASTER: [over headphones]
Sight, touch, smell

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00:00:10,160 --> 00:00:12,640
are animal senses we need to connect.
[car horn honks]

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00:00:12,640 --> 00:00:16,000
We are chronically disconnecting
our empathy muscles.

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We are becoming these meaty robots

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who are bypassing the spirit...
‐ Hiya.

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‐ ...of who we are. Humans.

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In this week's episode...
‐ God!

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I'll be talking
to Professor of Anthropology‐‐

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[phone ringing]

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‐ Oh, fuck.

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Hiya, James, you all right? What's up?

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‐ Hey, Aine, um,
you're not at your desk.

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AINE: [over phone]
Uh... No, it's lunch.

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I'm out. Wait, are you at my desk?

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‐ Uh...

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Yeah, no, it's just
you always eat your lunch at your desk.

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‐ No, I don't.

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JAMES: [over phone]
Yes, you do.

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‐ I mean, yeah, I do,
but you don't have to point it out.

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You know, sometimes I...

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go to the loo or...

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Um, anyways, do you need me?

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‐ Any chance you could come back early?
I'd really love to talk to you.

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Also, do you nap under‐‐
‐ Um...

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JAMES: [over phone]
Never mind. Are you nearby? Uh...

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‐ No, I've, uh...
I've‐‐ I've got an appointment.

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JAMES: [over phone] What time
will you be back? Before your class?

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‐ Not really 'cause it's a...

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gynecologist's appointment.

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So I don't really want to...

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‐ [stammering] Wow, um...

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‐ ...rush it.
JAMES: Yeah, no, no, no. Please.

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Please don't‐‐ don't rush.
No, no, of course, um...

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‐ Yeah, just 'cause it's my health, James.

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JAMES: [over phone]
Without a shadow.

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Uh, I hope everything's, uh, good...

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uh, uh, there.

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‐ Right, okay.
Well, you are okay, aren't you?

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‐ Yeah, no, great.

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‐ Yeah, okay. Bye.

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[phone ringing]

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Huh?

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[knocking on door]

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[chuckles] Your arse just called me.

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‐ Aine, nice to see you.
[Aine chuckles]

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‐ This is very good acting, Richard.

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WOMAN:
Oh, Aine, is that you, love?

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‐ Oh! Hiya, Marcia.

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‐ Oh, oh, ho, ho.
RICHARD: I, uh, completely forgot
that you, uh...

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00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:52,920
you were coming around for coffee.

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‐ You forgot that I was coming for coffee?
RICHARD: Yeah.

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‐ So you wh‐‐ wh‐‐ He's an idiot.

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What's he like?

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‐ Silly egg.

55
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Go on, give us a hug.
‐ Oh, what an idiot!

56
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‐ Aw.

57
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‐ Oh, this is nice. It's new?

58
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‐ Oh, yeah, do you like it?
Well, it's, like, kind of new.

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I robbed it off my sister.

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Bit old‐fashioned... [humming]

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‐ Lovely, that figure.

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‐ Oh, now, come on, look at this.

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Figure year round.
‐ Oh, well, you know, you know...

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‐ Well, you...

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both look great.

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MARCIA:
Aw.

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‐ So, um...

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Yeah, I should probably
make those forgotten coffees.

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‐ Oh, yes, please.

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‐ Oh, do you have time, Marcia?

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‐ Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

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‐ Great. Oh, God.

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But my mother actually loves
the royal family,

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but she'd only admit to Diana.

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‐ Oh, don't. Don't, no, no, no.
You know what, she was a bit of me.

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You know,
when you see yourself in someone?

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‐ Yes.
RICHARD: Oh, Aine.

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Uh, recyclable pods.

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‐ Oh, very good. Good boy!
I'm very proud of you.

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Oh, lunch breaks are just so short.

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RICHARD:
Yeah.

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You know, you're supposed to, like,
down it like a shot.

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So... So...

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‐ We know what an espresso is, Richard.

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Let us live.

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[laughing]

87
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Someone in a rush?

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[laughing]
[Richard clears throat]

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Ah! Bloody delicious.

90
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Ooh.
‐ Christmas come early?

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‐ Oh, I feel like I've come early,
to be honest.

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[both laughing]

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Right, I'm off.
AINE: Oh.

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‐ I've got a color booked.

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I look like bloody Worzel Gummidge
with my roots.

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AINE:
You do not.

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‐ Oh, aye, and I got a really good go
at Etienne's room,

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and the good news,

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no crackly socks, it seems,

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which should be a relief
for us all because‐‐
‐ Jesus!

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‐ Well, I'm sorry,
I was keeping an eye out.

102
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Well, I've got two sons, haven't I?

103
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‐ Oh, God, that's quite...
‐ Yeah.

104
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My two when they both suddenly,

105
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"It's all right,
I'll wash my own sheets, Mum."

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Disgusting.
AINE: Oh, gosh.

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MARCIA:
Anyway, all ahead of you.

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Your school's
right by Shepherd's Bush, ain't it?

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‐ Yeah. Yeah, it is, yeah.

110
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‐ All right, would you want
a lift back then?

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My salon's right there.

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‐ Ohh! Yeah‐‐

113
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Oh, do you know though, um...

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I'm gonna finish my coffee.

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‐ Well, just knock it back like a shot.

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‐ Oh, yeah.

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I got to have a wee as well.

118
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And a walk. Do you know what?
I'm gonna walk. I'm gonna do it.

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I'm gonna walk.

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‐ Well, don't just have that
for your lunch, will you?

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AINE:
No, I won't.

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MARCIA:
All right, love. Okay, I'm off.

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Lovely to see you, darling.

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And you, Aine.

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[laughing]

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‐ Bye.
MARCIA: Bye, love.

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‐ Bye.

128
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Sorry.

129
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[door closes]

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‐ I feel bad.

131
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‐ Hey.
‐ Hey.

132
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♪ up‐tempo music playing ♪

133
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‐ Hey, could you set a time
for Charlotte to come in and talk to me?

134
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‐ Can you not just go in to her?

135
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‐ Yeah, no, I'd like her
to come in and‐‐ and talk to me.

136
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‐ Yeah, I mean, you could just text‐‐

137
00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:19,560
‐ Julie, can you just...

138
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sort that? Thank you.

139
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Thank you.

140
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‐ Fine, fine.

141
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[loudly] Charlotte!

142
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Shona wants to speak to you.

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♪

144
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‐ Hmm.
‐ No, but‐‐

145
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Honestly, I don't‐‐ I don't‐‐ It's fine.

146
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I don't want you to be, you know,

147
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more frustrated than I am.

148
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‐ No, it's‐‐ I just feel like
it's unfair on you.

149
00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:56,040
You know? Has it happened‐‐ Like does it‐‐

150
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Would it happen, like, with other‐‐

151
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Like, does it happen‐‐

152
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‐ I mean, yeah. Sure.

153
00:06:03,320 --> 00:06:05,520
Yeah, sometimes, I mean‐‐
‐ Yeah. Yeah.

154
00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:08,840
‐ You must have had times,
you know, where you didn't...

155
00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:11,360
come‐‐
‐ Oh, God, yeah!

156
00:06:11,360 --> 00:06:12,640
'Course. Oh, my God, yeah.

157
00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:17,480
Like, 90% of all of the times of always.

158
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You know, for most of every...

159
00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:22,640
every woman ever.

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Always. But...
‐ Right.

161
00:06:25,640 --> 00:06:27,680
‐ ...I am determined. [chuckles]

162
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It will happen.

163
00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:32,800
Ay, ay, ay, ay.
‐ You got to go?

164
00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:33,720
‐ Yes, yes, yes, yes.

165
00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:36,000
Hey, do you know what I, um...
Do you know what I love in movies?

166
00:06:37,320 --> 00:06:39,240
‐ Uh, no. What do you love in movies?

167
00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:40,720
‐ Um... Uh...

168
00:06:40,720 --> 00:06:43,280
I love when, you know‐‐
when you see two characters in a scene

169
00:06:43,280 --> 00:06:45,960
who've clearly just had sex
and obviously seen each other naked.

170
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But clearly an actor isn't comfortable

171
00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:50,520
and they've got something
in their contract, so they're like,

172
00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:53,680
"Okay, well, I'm just gonna slip
to the bathroom."

173
00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:55,560
And then they're like... [grunting]

174
00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:57,160
‐ Uh, no! Aye!
[Aine laughing]

175
00:06:59,760 --> 00:07:01,400
‐ When was your last relationship?

176
00:07:01,400 --> 00:07:03,600
‐ Wow, that's a gear change.

177
00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:04,720
[Aine chuckles]

178
00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:07,760
Uh... about a year ago.

179
00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:08,520
[gasps]
[urinating]

180
00:07:09,160 --> 00:07:11,800
Yeah, it, uh, ended around the time

181
00:07:11,800 --> 00:07:14,240
that, um, Etienne dropped from the sky.

182
00:07:14,240 --> 00:07:14,880
‐ Oh!

183
00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:16,960
So not that long ago.

184
00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:17,640
‐ No.

185
00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:19,880
‐ And, uh...

186
00:07:19,880 --> 00:07:21,560
[ripping toilet paper]

187
00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:23,520
what was her‐‐ their job?

188
00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:25,240
‐ Uh, she was a human rights lawyer,

189
00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:27,000
of all things.

190
00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:29,280
‐ Wow, what, um, uh...

191
00:07:30,080 --> 00:07:31,600
a cunty job, eh?

192
00:07:32,320 --> 00:07:34,440
It's a bit try hard, you know, Richard?

193
00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:35,320
Nothing like me,

194
00:07:35,320 --> 00:07:37,800
your humble, old English teacher,
you know?

195
00:07:38,360 --> 00:07:40,680
‐ Well, you're more useful to me.
[toilet flushes]

196
00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:43,720
‐ God, you know,
I actually love my job, though.

197
00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:45,360
Like, I know you're
not supposed to say that,

198
00:07:45,360 --> 00:07:47,480
but I actually love teaching.

199
00:07:47,480 --> 00:07:48,640
‐ That's great.

200
00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:52,920
‐ I, um... I did a session with Etienne
this morning over the Internet.

201
00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:54,400
That actually went surprisingly well.

202
00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:57,120
‐ Oh, yeah? Uh, how‐‐ how‐‐ how was he?

203
00:07:57,120 --> 00:07:58,480
‐ Oh, have you not spoken to him?

204
00:07:58,480 --> 00:08:01,000
‐ Uh... No. Um...

205
00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:05,320
‐ Oh, uh, yeah. 'Cause we have
this scheduled in for school anyway.

206
00:08:05,320 --> 00:08:06,920
So it's probably, you know‐‐

207
00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:07,560
‐ Yeah.

208
00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:09,520
‐ Yeah, but he seemed good.

209
00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:11,960
‐ Good.

210
00:08:14,200 --> 00:08:15,160
[chuckles]

211
00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:19,320
What are you, uh...
What are you doing this evening?

212
00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:20,760
‐ [sighs] Wedding dress shopping.

213
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:22,600
[laughing]

214
00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:24,920
‐ You Catholic girls move fast.

215
00:08:24,920 --> 00:08:26,320
‐ Yes.

216
00:08:26,320 --> 00:08:28,280
Right. Next time.

217
00:08:28,280 --> 00:08:29,280
Yes, we can.

218
00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:34,080
♪

219
00:08:36,920 --> 00:08:37,800
CHARLOTTE:
All okay?

220
00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:39,320
‐ Yeah, yeah. Hi. Come‐‐ come in.

221
00:08:39,320 --> 00:08:41,120
Uh... Um...

222
00:08:41,880 --> 00:08:43,360
We‐‐ we should close the door.

223
00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:47,560
CHARLOTTE: Julie can still lip read
through the window but fine.

224
00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:48,800
[Shona clears throat]

225
00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:50,800
‐ Right, um...

226
00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:54,360
‐ Yeah?

227
00:08:55,440 --> 00:08:56,760
‐ Um...

228
00:08:56,760 --> 00:08:58,520
Yeah. Are you in a snot with me?

229
00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:00,760
‐ I'm not in a snot.

230
00:09:00,760 --> 00:09:02,640
‐ Okay, 'cause it‐‐
It just feels like you're in a snot.

231
00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:03,480
CHARLOTTE:
I'm not.

232
00:09:04,640 --> 00:09:06,280
‐ Right, well, as long as you're not.

233
00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:08,880
‐ A snot would be if you stole my stapler
and didn't give it back.

234
00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:10,240
This is more...

235
00:09:10,240 --> 00:09:11,560
"The woman I was seeing sent me

236
00:09:11,560 --> 00:09:13,440
a save‐the‐date
for her wedding through the post."

237
00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:15,680
That feels a little bit more than a snot.

238
00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:18,040
‐ Okay, Vish did that.

239
00:09:18,040 --> 00:09:18,960
Not me.
‐ Oh.

240
00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:21,320
‐ I would never have done that. Obviously.

241
00:09:21,320 --> 00:09:22,560
‐ So I'm not invited then?

242
00:09:22,560 --> 00:09:23,360
‐ Oh, do you want to come?

243
00:09:23,360 --> 00:09:25,400
‐ I'd rather be set fire to in a bin.

244
00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:27,440
‐ Well, I'm sorry to hear that but‐‐

245
00:09:27,440 --> 00:09:28,960
‐ "I'm sorry but." [scoffs]

246
00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:31,040
‐ I knew you were in a snot.

247
00:09:31,040 --> 00:09:34,160
And just, you know, practically speaking,

248
00:09:34,880 --> 00:09:36,880
we‐‐ we have a ton of pitches
to get through.

249
00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:38,960
And even, like, that aside...

250
00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:41,400
Okay, forget all that, moving forward...

251
00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:45,840
I want us to be, uh, friends, you know.

252
00:09:45,840 --> 00:09:47,160
I want us to be colleagues.

253
00:09:47,160 --> 00:09:49,600
I want us to build a business

254
00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:51,200
together‐‐
‐ Have you made notes?

255
00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:52,560
‐ No, I haven't made‐‐

256
00:09:54,240 --> 00:09:55,360
I've made a few...

257
00:09:56,640 --> 00:09:58,200
notes because, you know,

258
00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:00,400
I'm fucking frazzled

259
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:02,440
by‐‐ by‐‐ by this energy.

260
00:10:02,440 --> 00:10:04,520
And do you know what?
You've seen them now, so why don't I‐‐

261
00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:07,120
So why don't I just... I'll just‐‐

262
00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:09,640
[exhales]

263
00:10:09,640 --> 00:10:10,640
‐ Read away.

264
00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:14,240
‐ "Charlotte.

265
00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:15,920
[sighs]

266
00:10:15,920 --> 00:10:17,440
After our situation‐‐"

267
00:10:17,440 --> 00:10:18,960
‐ "Situation"?

268
00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:21,000
Shona, are you actually a robot?

269
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:23,240
We were sleeping together.

270
00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:23,880
‐ Can you‐‐

271
00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:25,720
We've been over this.

272
00:10:25,720 --> 00:10:26,720
‐ No, don't do that.

273
00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:28,600
Don't‐‐ Don't write off my feelings

274
00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:29,680
'cause they don't suit you.

275
00:10:29,680 --> 00:10:31,240
SHONA:
Great! She's looking.

276
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:33,760
They don't suit me,

277
00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:36,520
and they don't suit you either.

278
00:10:36,520 --> 00:10:38,320
We've‐‐ we've gotten over all this.

279
00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:40,400
And now just because of a piece of paper‐‐

280
00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:41,640
‐ It's hard not to be in a snot with you

281
00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:44,400
when you talk about us
like you were on a week‐long gay safari

282
00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:46,760
and left with a nice, fucking rug
from the gift shop.

283
00:10:51,120 --> 00:10:53,440
It's fine. Sorry, I'm not trying...

284
00:10:55,560 --> 00:10:57,480
Keep reading your notes.
‐ No, I'm not gonna read the notes.

285
00:10:57,480 --> 00:10:58,720
I feel stupid now.

286
00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:00,480
Don't read the last line.

287
00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:03,640
‐ I read it.

288
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:10,040
"We're in business together.
We need to not have feelings."

289
00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:13,200
That's fair.

290
00:11:17,560 --> 00:11:20,760
‐ You deserve to be with someone great
because you're great.

291
00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:21,440
‐ I know I'm great.

292
00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:23,920
I am fine. We're fine.

293
00:11:23,920 --> 00:11:26,440
You're great too, and so is Vish.

294
00:11:26,440 --> 00:11:28,200
‐ Yeah. Yeah, he is.

295
00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:32,480
‐ I've actually
started dating someone great, so...

296
00:11:32,480 --> 00:11:33,240
‐ Oh!

297
00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:36,560
Who? Great. Who?

298
00:11:36,560 --> 00:11:37,320
That's great.

299
00:11:37,880 --> 00:11:39,040
‐ Just a great woman.

300
00:11:39,040 --> 00:11:40,000
Not suddenly a guy.

301
00:11:42,280 --> 00:11:43,120
Bad joke.

302
00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:45,800
I'll be great and not in a snot

303
00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:47,560
by the time
we need to work on the pitches.

304
00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:50,680
We're clear.

305
00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:52,840
[door opens and closes]

306
00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:00,240
‐ [mouths]
You okay?

307
00:12:00,680 --> 00:12:01,560
‐ [mouths]
Yeah.

308
00:12:02,920 --> 00:12:03,720
Thank you.

309
00:12:05,560 --> 00:12:06,280
Can I get coffee?

310
00:12:09,080 --> 00:12:11,240
♪

311
00:12:15,920 --> 00:12:17,240
‐ What, start a school together?

312
00:12:17,240 --> 00:12:19,600
‐ Yes! Online mostly at first.

313
00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:22,360
But, you know, still keeping
that one‐to‐one in person.

314
00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:23,160
‐ Oh, God!

315
00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:24,600
‐ And as much as it pains me to say it,

316
00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:26,480
and despite your terrible personality‐‐

317
00:12:26,480 --> 00:12:27,200
‐ Thank you.

318
00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:28,680
‐ The students love you,

319
00:12:28,680 --> 00:12:30,280
and the parents love you.
‐ Oh!

320
00:12:30,280 --> 00:12:33,000
‐ All the feedback stuff you've been
sending me over the last couple of months,

321
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:35,480
it's, uh... It's so good, Aine.

322
00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:36,120
‐ Oh!

323
00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:38,200
‐ I don't want
to be sat at my desk all day,

324
00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:40,560
just filling out forms
for someone else's business.

325
00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:42,680
‐ We could properly start
our own education service.

326
00:12:42,680 --> 00:12:44,720
‐ Build on what I've already set up.
‐ Yes!

327
00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:46,160
‐ So we're no longer working for the man.

328
00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:49,360
‐ Yeah! I mean, I work for you,
so I always thought you were the man but‐‐

329
00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:50,560
‐ No, no, no, the main man, the big man.

330
00:12:50,560 --> 00:12:52,360
You know, the man, man. You know?

331
00:12:52,360 --> 00:12:53,400
‐ That's Jesus!

332
00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:54,560
[both laugh]

333
00:12:54,560 --> 00:12:56,280
‐ Look, I know you have to think about it.

334
00:12:56,280 --> 00:12:57,720
‐ No, of course, but I'll do it.

335
00:12:58,200 --> 00:13:00,040
‐ Really?
‐ Yeah, of course.

336
00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:01,880
‐ Oh! Yes!
‐ James, I do.

337
00:13:01,880 --> 00:13:03,400
It feels a little bit magical.

338
00:13:04,680 --> 00:13:07,520
Must be how Bill Gates felt
when he discovered that first Window.

339
00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:09,920
‐ I mean, he had to discover 94 bad ones

340
00:13:09,920 --> 00:13:11,160
before Windows 95.

341
00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:13,640
‐ Ayyy. This is why we work.
This is why we work.
[James laughing]

342
00:13:13,640 --> 00:13:15,080
[school bell ringing]

343
00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:17,680
‐ We can't tell anyone here
until we have it set up, okay?

344
00:13:17,680 --> 00:13:19,760
‐ God, yeah. Wow, so many secrets.

345
00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:21,280
‐ What do you mean?

346
00:13:21,280 --> 00:13:23,120
‐ Uh...

347
00:13:23,120 --> 00:13:24,320
Life, James.

348
00:13:25,040 --> 00:13:26,840
As Des'ree once said, "Oh, life."

349
00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:28,920
[both laughing]

350
00:13:28,920 --> 00:13:29,800
‐ Yes!

351
00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:32,240
‐ I'm getting fierce
Wolf of Wall Street vibes
off you right now, James.

352
00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:33,080
Fierce!

353
00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:34,960
Oof.
‐ You hear that?

354
00:13:34,960 --> 00:13:36,440
[laughing]

355
00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:37,840
‐ Yeah. Ooh.

356
00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:38,800
Tough on the tits, that one.

357
00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:41,040
Oh, my God.

358
00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:43,720
This might literally be
one of the best days of my life.

359
00:13:47,520 --> 00:13:49,400
SHONA: Starting a business with James?
AINE: Mm‐hmm.

360
00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:50,520
SHONA: Like, setting up a business?

361
00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:53,600
Aine, this is huge.
‐ I know.

362
00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:55,680
‐ No, but I mean, it might be too big.
‐ Fuck off!

363
00:13:55,680 --> 00:13:57,600
‐ No, but starting a business...

364
00:13:57,600 --> 00:14:00,440
‐ Yeah, I'll be a business woman.
Just like my hero, you.

365
00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:03,320
‐ Do you even know what HMRC is?
‐ Yes, bitch.

366
00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:05,200
‐ Oh, God, this lemon one is shite.

367
00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:06,440
‐ His Majesty's...

368
00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:08,880
Royal Casino.

369
00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:11,880
[laughs] Casino Royale. HMRC.

370
00:14:11,880 --> 00:14:13,920
‐ I mean this in a nice way, okay?
‐ Uh‐oh.

371
00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:16,400
‐ So don't get all‐‐
But why is he asking you?

372
00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:18,920
‐ Oh, actual fuck off now, Shona.
‐ I said I meant it in a nice way!

373
00:14:18,920 --> 00:14:21,040
But does he know
you got no money to invest?

374
00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:22,400
Are you gonna have to leave your job?

375
00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:25,000
You know, is he gonna be your boss?
Are you working together?

376
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:27,320
‐ Shona, these are
all meaningless questions.

377
00:14:27,320 --> 00:14:30,400
Oh, my God, this lemon macaron
tastes like actual pure cock.

378
00:14:30,400 --> 00:14:33,560
‐ What do you mean, "macaron"? Macaroon!
‐ Macaroon. My fault.

379
00:14:33,560 --> 00:14:35,680
‐ Did you get that on the fuckin‐‐
Jesus, what‐‐

380
00:14:35,680 --> 00:14:38,560
‐ [clears throat] Dressing rooms
are set up for you ladies.

381
00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:40,240
‐ Oh, thank you very much.
‐ Thank you.

382
00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:42,760
‐ Oh, my God, these are delicious.

383
00:14:43,280 --> 00:14:44,240
Whatever they are.

384
00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:48,400
SHONA: What do you think
about a white trouser suit?

385
00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:49,800
‐ BigFatNo.com

386
00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:51,080
SHONA:
Why?

387
00:14:51,080 --> 00:14:54,800
‐ Because people won't know who is the boy
and who is the girl at the wedding.

388
00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:56,480
Especially not
with your big, manly shoulders.

389
00:14:56,480 --> 00:14:58,720
‐ I don't have manly shoulders.

390
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:02,400
Well? [sighs]

391
00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:04,920
‐ No, yeah.
‐ Yeah, no.

392
00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:06,400
The top of that one's nice though.
Just the...

393
00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:07,440
‐ Yeah.

394
00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:09,520
‐ Oh, maybe I could wear a trouser suit

395
00:15:09,520 --> 00:15:11,440
as a professional business woman
going to the wedding.

396
00:15:11,920 --> 00:15:14,080
‐ No. Trouser suit's my idea.

397
00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:16,560
I'm gonna try a different dress.

398
00:15:16,560 --> 00:15:19,080
‐ That color is nice though.
SHONA: [sarcastically] Ha!

399
00:15:19,880 --> 00:15:22,360
Also, you know,
sleeping with one of your clients

400
00:15:22,360 --> 00:15:26,320
is not the best move
for a professional business lady.

401
00:15:26,320 --> 00:15:29,320
‐ God, shut up.
Anyways, you slept with someone at work.

402
00:15:30,040 --> 00:15:30,680
‐ No.

403
00:15:31,520 --> 00:15:32,760
What? No, I didn't.

404
00:15:32,760 --> 00:15:37,360
‐ You're saying that you and Vish waited
until after you'd finished working at

405
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:40,680
De... Belnm... Belabenham.

406
00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:43,320
SHONA:
Balanem Brothers Finance.

407
00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:45,600
‐ [speaking gibberish] Finance, yeah.

408
00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:47,600
‐ Yeah, but that was... different.

409
00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:50,120
I was working with him,
not for him like you.

410
00:15:50,120 --> 00:15:52,840
‐ More like under him, am I right?
Hey‐oh!

411
00:15:54,280 --> 00:15:56,000
Aw, she's so pretty!

412
00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:02,520
‐ I feel like a sad old ghost bride.
‐ Aaah.

413
00:16:02,520 --> 00:16:05,200
‐ I feel stupid. Do I look stupid?
‐ No, you don't look stupid.

414
00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:08,080
You‐‐ Honestly, you look stunning.
You could wear anything.

415
00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:09,760
I mean, you looked stupid
in the dress before,

416
00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:11,480
and in your normal,
daily, regular clothes‐‐

417
00:16:11,480 --> 00:16:13,720
Ow! Shona!

418
00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:16,280
That's my skin! Please!

419
00:16:16,280 --> 00:16:17,880
‐ This is all we have left.

420
00:16:17,880 --> 00:16:19,080
‐ Aww!
‐ Aww!

421
00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:20,560
‐ Okay, thank you.
‐ Oh, thanks anyways.

422
00:16:21,520 --> 00:16:22,520
[whispering] Scabby!

423
00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:28,040
‐ Maybe with, like, a jazzy shoe.

424
00:16:28,880 --> 00:16:31,040
You know, then you got,
like, hair and makeup, so you have to‐‐

425
00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:32,760
‐ Yeah, obviously,
hair and makeup.

426
00:16:32,760 --> 00:16:34,160
I don't‐‐ Yeah,
you could go with jazzy shoe.

427
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:35,800
I just sort of feel
with that one, it's sort of,

428
00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:37,200
I dunno, neither here nor there.

429
00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:38,320
Well...

430
00:16:38,320 --> 00:16:39,440
‐ Okay, I'm gonna FaceTime Mam.

431
00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:42,520
‐ Oh, no, please.
‐ I just wanna involve her, you know?

432
00:16:42,520 --> 00:16:43,960
‐ Oh, my God, shall I try one on?

433
00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:45,840
Oh, my God. Oooh!

434
00:16:45,840 --> 00:16:47,360
‐ Hey, Mammy.
AINE: Hi, Mammy.

435
00:16:47,360 --> 00:16:48,120
MAMMY:
Hi!

436
00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:50,680
‐ Put your whole head in the‐‐
‐ Oh.

437
00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:51,960
‐ Yeah, yeah, that's it.

438
00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:55,480
Okay. What do you think?

439
00:16:55,480 --> 00:16:57,680
‐ Maybe‐‐ Maybe with a brooch?

440
00:16:57,680 --> 00:17:01,400
‐ [sarcastically] Yeah, a brooch.
Or maybe, like, a peacock feather or?

441
00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:03,200
‐ Yeah. Yeah, maybe a feather.

442
00:17:03,200 --> 00:17:05,760
Otherwise, it's sort of
neither here nor there.

443
00:17:05,760 --> 00:17:06,680
AINE:
That's what I said!

444
00:17:06,680 --> 00:17:08,840
‐ Unless, of course,
that’s the look you’re going for.

445
00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:10,960
[Aine laughs]
‐ Well, no. I mean, clearly,

446
00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:14,760
"neither here nor there" is not the look
I'm going for for my wedding.

447
00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:17,480
I want it to either be really here
or really there but‐‐

448
00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:20,320
‐ Maybe with a tan,
you wouldn't look so washed out.

449
00:17:20,320 --> 00:17:24,600
‐ Yeah. What? But, yeah,
like a light winter tan.

450
00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:27,920
‐ Now, I have been talking to Kavita.
SHONA: Uh‐oh!

451
00:17:27,920 --> 00:17:29,920
‐ And I think I'm going to wear a sari

452
00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:32,000
out of respect for Vish.
[Aine laughs]

453
00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:32,680
‐ A sari?

454
00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:36,280
‐ And she's going to get me one
in green, white, and orange for Ireland.

455
00:17:36,280 --> 00:17:39,040
‐ Fuck off, Mammy. A‐‐ a tricolor sari?

456
00:17:39,040 --> 00:17:42,120
‐ Jesus! Shona,
do not speak to me like that.

457
00:17:42,120 --> 00:17:46,200
‐ No, sorry. But, Jesus, what‐‐
[sputters] An Irish flag sari?

458
00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:49,480
You'll look like
an Irish‐Indian Geri Halliwell.

459
00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:52,160
‐ Who is Geri Halliwell?
I never heard of Geri Halliwell.

460
00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:53,720
AINE:
She's a Spice Girl, Mammy.

461
00:17:53,720 --> 00:17:55,440
‐ What? An Indian woman?

462
00:17:57,880 --> 00:18:00,760
‐ Well, Mammy.
Dress for the job you want, am I right?

463
00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:03,680
‐ Take that off.
It's Shona's day. That's bad luck.

464
00:18:03,680 --> 00:18:05,160
AINE: Bad luck?
‐ Take it off if it's bad luck.

465
00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:06,520
‐ Oh, what does it do?

466
00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:08,120
MAMMY: It brings an early death.

467
00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:09,640
[line disconnects]
‐ What? Mammy?

468
00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:12,120
That was quick.

469
00:18:12,120 --> 00:18:13,480
[both laugh]

470
00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:16,440
Shall I call her back?

471
00:18:16,440 --> 00:18:18,520
‐ Oh, no. God, don't.
It's too annoying. Please.

472
00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:21,560
‐ A fucking tricolor sari?

473
00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:26,040
‐ This is kinda nice on me, isn't it?

474
00:18:26,040 --> 00:18:28,280
Like, obviously, with my hair and makeup
and stuff like that, but‐‐

475
00:18:28,680 --> 00:18:29,520
Look!

476
00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:32,880
‐ I really worry
about you getting carried away.

477
00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:35,960
‐ Shona, come on.
Carried away? Don't be silly.

478
00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:38,920
Oh, Ow! Ugh. God, my nose!

479
00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:41,160
Sorry. Sorry. [chuckles]

480
00:18:41,160 --> 00:18:45,080
Hiya, um, do you have this,
um, tiara in just, like, a smaller size?

481
00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:46,160
'Cause I've got quite a petite head.
‐ No.

482
00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:47,360
‐ Oh.
‐ No.

483
00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:49,200
‐ That's...

484
00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:51,480
All right, okay.
Well, thanks for trying anyways.

485
00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:54,160
‐ What a bitch!

486
00:18:55,280 --> 00:18:56,920
‐ [whispering]
She's right there!

487
00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:04,160
SHONA: You never told me
how it went with Richard the other night.

488
00:19:04,160 --> 00:19:06,400
Was it good? Was it awful?
‐ Shona!

489
00:19:07,120 --> 00:19:09,560
God! No, it wasn't awful. Ugh.
‐ What?

490
00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:12,480
I wasn't‐‐
I was asking about the date, not the sex.

491
00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:14,200
But go on then, now that we're here.

492
00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:16,040
‐ Ugh.
‐ What?

493
00:19:17,320 --> 00:19:18,240
Did he upset you?

494
00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:22,480
Aine, did he cross a line?
‐ Cross a line? Shona, come on.

495
00:19:22,480 --> 00:19:24,040
No, he didn't cross a line.

496
00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:27,320
If anything, it was the opposite,
you know? Because he's just‐‐

497
00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:29,160
Like, because he's a bit older,

498
00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:32,680
he really knew how to... [sighs]
You know...

499
00:19:32,680 --> 00:19:34,120
‐ What?
‐ Oh!

500
00:19:34,120 --> 00:19:38,080
Well, it was more that, like, he didn't.

501
00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:41,680
You know, I think it‐‐
Just in the middle of it,
it sort of went...

502
00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:43,200
‐ Oh, my God, it went soft.
‐ Oh!

503
00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:44,600
‐ His penis went soft.
‐ Shona!

504
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:48,640
‐ It was soft? That's normal
for, you know, older guys.

505
00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:50,400
It used to happen to Vish sometimes.

506
00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:52,000
Actually, when‐‐
‐ Um, stop. Vomit.

507
00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:55,000
‐ When his granny died,
he couldn't get it up for two months.

508
00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:57,040
We just had to do other stuff.

509
00:19:57,040 --> 00:19:59,360
‐ What, Vish could only get the horn
when his granny was alive?

510
00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:04,480
‐ Shut up. It's just it's‐‐
You know, it's up and down, isn't it?

511
00:20:04,480 --> 00:20:08,360
Attraction in a relationship
is like a scale. Spectrum.

512
00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:10,400
‐ Have you ever fancied someone else?

513
00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:11,360
‐ What?

514
00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:12,640
No.

515
00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:14,360
Don't be stupid.

516
00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:17,080
I gotta go. Whoops, bye!

517
00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:18,080
‐ Love you, bye!

518
00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:20,120
♪

519
00:20:22,360 --> 00:20:24,320
SHONA: Do you want both
or do you want the good one?

520
00:20:24,320 --> 00:20:25,640
VISH:
Ah!

521
00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:26,320
‐ Sorry.

522
00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:28,080
Here's both.

523
00:20:28,880 --> 00:20:30,840
‐ Yeah, yeah, yeah, they look really big.

524
00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:32,680
‐ Yeah, I'm due my period, so‐‐

525
00:20:32,680 --> 00:20:34,080
‐ Are your hands down your pants?

526
00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:35,960
‐ Uh, they are now.

527
00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:37,240
[chuckles]

528
00:20:38,880 --> 00:20:40,760
VISH: Oh, drop that camera a bit.
Drop it down.

529
00:20:40,760 --> 00:20:43,000
‐ Okay, uh... I'm gonna put it‐‐

530
00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:45,760
Is that okay? Does that work?

531
00:20:45,760 --> 00:20:47,040
‐ Yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's good.

532
00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:50,320
Oh! You're so beautiful!

533
00:20:50,320 --> 00:20:51,760
Oh, I love you.

534
00:20:51,760 --> 00:20:52,760
‐ I love you too.

535
00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:55,640
‐ Oh, oh, I love you.
Oh, I wish I was there now, baby.

536
00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:56,360
SHONA:
Me, too.

537
00:20:56,360 --> 00:20:57,560
VISH:
Okay, yeah, yeah.

538
00:20:58,360 --> 00:20:59,160
Oh, yeah.

539
00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:04,920
[softly] Oh, fuck.

540
00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:10,560
[breathing heavily]

541
00:21:17,360 --> 00:21:18,320
VISH:
Oh! Oh!

542
00:21:19,080 --> 00:21:20,680
Uh, what happened?
‐ Oh, God!

543
00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:23,480
‐ Um, uh, Shona, where are you?

544
00:21:24,360 --> 00:21:25,280
‐ What?

545
00:21:25,280 --> 00:21:28,200
I'm here, I'm here. Sorry.
Where are you?

546
00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:30,880
‐ You just‐‐ You just‐‐
It's fine, it's fine.
‐ Sorry.

547
00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:33,640
‐ Just quick‐‐ Just sh‐‐ show me‐‐
show me your tits again.

548
00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:36,360
‐ Yeah.
VISH: Your ass. Your ass, actually, yeah.

549
00:21:36,360 --> 00:21:38,240
‐ Oh, uh, really?
It's just I haven't waxed there.

550
00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:40,920
VISH: Baby, just turn around.
‐ Okay, hang on.

551
00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:42,120
‐ Uh...

552
00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:44,760
[Vish moaning]

553
00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:47,760
Okay. Oh, oh! I'm gonna come, baby.

554
00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:49,920
Oh, where do you want me to come?
Where do you want me to come?

555
00:21:49,920 --> 00:21:51,240
‐ Um, just, uh...

556
00:21:52,240 --> 00:21:54,360
All over, just everywhere.

557
00:21:54,360 --> 00:21:55,840
All over my‐‐ all over my back.

558
00:21:55,840 --> 00:21:57,160
VISH:
Oh, here I come. Oh, God!

559
00:21:57,160 --> 00:21:58,280
[exhales]

560
00:21:59,160 --> 00:21:59,960
[Vish grunting]

561
00:21:59,960 --> 00:22:02,400
[panting]

562
00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:04,840
Oh! Oh, I love you.

563
00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:07,880
‐ I love you too.

564
00:22:09,920 --> 00:22:13,520
[both panting]

565
00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:14,480
I really love you.

566
00:22:17,080 --> 00:22:19,080
♪

567
00:22:29,520 --> 00:22:31,520
♪

568
00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:44,200
♪

569
00:22:50,800 --> 00:22:52,760
‐ ♪ Work it, baby ♪

570
00:22:52,760 --> 00:22:54,200
♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa ♪

571
00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:56,440
♪ Free your mind! ♪

572
00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:58,320
♪ Hey, ai, ai, ai, ai, aa ♪

573
00:22:58,320 --> 00:23:00,160
♪ Work it, baby ♪

574
00:23:00,160 --> 00:23:01,800
♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa ♪

575
00:23:01,800 --> 00:23:03,960
♪ Free your mind! ♪

576
00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:05,560
♪ Hey, ai, ai, ai, ai, aa ♪

577
00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:09,080
♪ Do what you wanna do
Be who you wanna be ♪

578
00:23:09,080 --> 00:23:12,920
♪ Live like you're about to die
Break hearts and make them cry ♪

579
00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:16,800
♪ Dance to your favorite tune
Shaking that thing with attitude ♪

580
00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:18,480
♪ Work it, baby
Work that room ♪

581
00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:20,600
♪ Live it like you know you should ♪

582
00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:22,680
♪ Work it , baby ♪

583
00:23:22,680 --> 00:23:24,400
♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa ♪

584
00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:25,720
♪ Free your mind! ♪