1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:02,068 [Nora] Previously on Nora from Queens ... 2 00:00:02,068 --> 00:00:03,803 Everybody I love is mad at me right now. 3 00:00:03,803 --> 00:00:05,772 My mom, Nora. 4 00:00:05,772 --> 00:00:07,173 Are you breaking up with me? 5 00:00:07,173 --> 00:00:10,043 -Am I dead? -You're in a mystical vision. 6 00:00:10,043 --> 00:00:12,312 These are your alternate lives. 7 00:00:12,312 --> 00:00:16,416 But there's one more version of you that you should see. 8 00:00:16,416 --> 00:00:17,717 Hey, Nora. 9 00:00:17,717 --> 00:00:19,486 And who the hell are you? 10 00:00:19,486 --> 00:00:20,687 I'm Awkwafina. 11 00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:22,355 Who the fuck is Awkwafina? 12 00:00:23,699 --> 00:00:26,702 Okay. Nice. You've been me the whole time. 13 00:00:26,702 --> 00:00:29,638 -You seem unimpressed. -No, no, not unimpressed. 14 00:00:29,638 --> 00:00:31,373 It just--It just seems like a lot, you know, 15 00:00:31,373 --> 00:00:33,342 with the shadowy garb and the-- 16 00:00:33,342 --> 00:00:36,645 And the-- Oh, it's me. 17 00:00:36,645 --> 00:00:39,815 It's not only me, meta. It's me, me, right? 18 00:00:39,815 --> 00:00:41,617 -Mm-hmm. -The real's a lot. 19 00:00:41,617 --> 00:00:44,086 It's all part of the learning journey, Nora. 20 00:00:44,086 --> 00:00:46,522 Literally, all of this is for you. 21 00:00:46,522 --> 00:00:48,090 [laughing] 22 00:00:48,090 --> 00:00:49,959 Sorry. Is there something funny to you? 23 00:00:49,959 --> 00:00:53,596 No, it's just--I'm just excited to see what kind of cockamamie 24 00:00:53,596 --> 00:00:57,166 version of us you are now. Are you the billionaire, 25 00:00:57,166 --> 00:00:59,502 but I don't have any thoughts in my head? 26 00:00:59,502 --> 00:01:02,838 Or are you a famous athlete, but wa-oh Halloween spirit? 27 00:01:02,838 --> 00:01:03,939 Wazzup! 28 00:01:03,939 --> 00:01:05,708 What the fuck? 29 00:01:05,708 --> 00:01:07,176 Nora, chill. 30 00:01:07,176 --> 00:01:09,612 Don't, don't, don't you tell me to chill. 31 00:01:09,612 --> 00:01:11,580 Just shut the fuck up and have a seat, please. 32 00:01:11,580 --> 00:01:13,549 Please. 33 00:01:14,917 --> 00:01:16,652 These goddamn fucking people, man. 34 00:01:16,652 --> 00:01:18,921 Why do I even do this? Why do I even do this? 35 00:01:18,921 --> 00:01:20,022 ♪ Do it, baby ♪ 36 00:01:20,022 --> 00:01:22,024 ♪ Do it, do it, baby ♪ 37 00:01:22,024 --> 00:01:23,659 ♪ Do it, baby ♪ 38 00:01:23,659 --> 00:01:25,294 ♪ Do it, do it, baby ♪ 39 00:01:25,294 --> 00:01:26,629 ♪ Do it, baby ♪ 40 00:01:29,698 --> 00:01:32,234 Thank you, Kelsey. 41 00:01:32,968 --> 00:01:36,472 How's Grandma and Dad? 42 00:01:36,472 --> 00:01:38,974 They're all right, I guess. 43 00:01:38,974 --> 00:01:42,511 You know, when I was younger, 44 00:01:42,511 --> 00:01:45,915 I wanted to spend every second with Grandma. 45 00:01:45,915 --> 00:01:47,316 I couldn't wait to finish school, 46 00:01:47,316 --> 00:01:50,252 so-so that I could come back and hang out with her. 47 00:01:50,252 --> 00:01:53,322 But she was always busy working. 48 00:01:53,322 --> 00:01:58,494 And I used to say, when I grow up and you retire, 49 00:01:58,494 --> 00:02:02,598 I'm gonna hang out with you all the time. 50 00:02:02,598 --> 00:02:05,334 And now I'm the one that's too busy. 51 00:02:05,334 --> 00:02:09,004 So are you, like, Kelly Clarkson level famous? 52 00:02:09,004 --> 00:02:13,542 I just... wish I had more time with them, 53 00:02:13,542 --> 00:02:14,710 like you do now. 54 00:02:14,710 --> 00:02:18,948 You have people giving you lemon water. 55 00:02:18,948 --> 00:02:20,416 I'm the nobody Nora. 56 00:02:20,416 --> 00:02:22,151 Well, we could change that. 57 00:02:22,151 --> 00:02:24,320 Thank you. 58 00:02:24,687 --> 00:02:26,422 Now that you've seen the alternate versions, 59 00:02:26,422 --> 00:02:28,457 which Nora would you wanna be the most? 60 00:02:28,457 --> 00:02:31,427 Hmm. Well, do you have other examples, 61 00:02:31,427 --> 00:02:33,629 or were those nightmare vignettes the only contenders 62 00:02:33,629 --> 00:02:34,863 of choice? 63 00:02:34,863 --> 00:02:36,532 They're the only contenders of choice. Yes. Why? 64 00:02:36,532 --> 00:02:37,766 No reason. 65 00:02:37,766 --> 00:02:40,369 Other than that they were all insane, insufferable, 66 00:02:40,369 --> 00:02:43,172 miserable and selfish. 67 00:02:43,172 --> 00:02:44,840 None of them cared about Dad and Grandma. 68 00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:47,710 And I was literally fucking a Japanese sex robot 69 00:02:47,710 --> 00:02:50,646 -the entire time. -Right. Yeah. No. Yeah. 70 00:02:50,646 --> 00:02:52,314 You have sex with that thing too? 71 00:02:52,314 --> 00:02:56,018 I might have done a little fiddling over the pandemic. 72 00:02:56,018 --> 00:02:58,621 It wouldn't even be a question. 73 00:02:58,621 --> 00:03:02,558 There's no version of me that wouldn't want to choose home. 74 00:03:02,558 --> 00:03:06,228 Even if it's shitty, I'll always be that Nora. 75 00:03:06,228 --> 00:03:08,330 But you could be me if you wanted. 76 00:03:08,330 --> 00:03:11,333 You seem great, but your house is very weird. 77 00:03:11,333 --> 00:03:13,435 It's like a polygamist kind of deal where there is 78 00:03:13,435 --> 00:03:16,138 a lot of people coming in here in cargo shorts and hogas and-- 79 00:03:16,138 --> 00:03:17,873 Do you think I literally live here? 80 00:03:17,873 --> 00:03:20,609 -Well, I don't-- -This is a film set, you idiot. 81 00:03:20,609 --> 00:03:25,381 This is a three-wall room. And there's a camera there. 82 00:03:25,381 --> 00:03:28,684 -Okay. -You want some lemon water? 83 00:03:28,684 --> 00:03:31,920 No? We're good, Tim. Thank you. 84 00:03:32,554 --> 00:03:35,190 So you wouldn't want to be another Nora? 85 00:03:35,190 --> 00:03:37,760 I have a family that loves me 86 00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:39,695 and a job that makes me really happy. 87 00:03:39,695 --> 00:03:41,597 And... 88 00:03:41,597 --> 00:03:44,533 I live in a town that I know and love. 89 00:03:44,533 --> 00:03:47,670 -So you wanna-- -Go home. 90 00:03:47,670 --> 00:03:49,471 Yes, I would love--I would absolutely love to go home. 91 00:03:49,471 --> 00:03:51,140 This has been really exhausting. Oh. 92 00:03:51,140 --> 00:03:53,275 Why? Why would you pull me from the feet? 93 00:03:53,275 --> 00:03:55,177 Yeah. Slink down. 94 00:03:55,177 --> 00:03:57,813 [screaming] 95 00:04:01,083 --> 00:04:02,618 Oh. 96 00:04:04,420 --> 00:04:06,922 Oh. Slip this out of your ass pocket. 97 00:04:06,922 --> 00:04:09,258 It's nice to see your penises. 98 00:04:09,625 --> 00:04:12,428 [music] 99 00:04:13,862 --> 00:04:15,130 Grandma. 100 00:04:15,130 --> 00:04:17,566 Oh, Nora. Are you okay? 101 00:04:17,566 --> 00:04:20,302 I've been trying to call you. Did you get your car? 102 00:04:20,302 --> 00:04:22,838 Grandma, it's been crazy. 103 00:04:22,838 --> 00:04:25,808 I have been robbed. My phone got stolen. 104 00:04:25,808 --> 00:04:29,078 -I met Awkwafina. -Who the fuck is that? 105 00:04:29,078 --> 00:04:31,547 It's too convoluted for me to get into you right now. 106 00:04:31,547 --> 00:04:34,917 But-but I just need you to know that I'm the one 107 00:04:34,917 --> 00:04:36,685 that chose family. 108 00:04:36,685 --> 00:04:39,988 Oh, well, our family is all messed up right now. 109 00:04:39,988 --> 00:04:44,193 Brenda called me. She said that your father broke up with her. 110 00:04:44,193 --> 00:04:45,627 What? Why? 111 00:04:45,627 --> 00:04:47,696 He's going through some kind of midlife crisis. 112 00:04:47,696 --> 00:04:51,266 He won't talk to anybody, not even me. 113 00:04:51,266 --> 00:04:54,837 -He ran away this morning. -Ran away? 114 00:04:54,837 --> 00:04:56,438 To where? 115 00:04:59,575 --> 00:05:03,245 -Dad. Dad. Open up! -Leave me alone. 116 00:05:05,447 --> 00:05:08,283 Oh, my God. With the hanger? Really? 117 00:05:12,421 --> 00:05:17,025 Oh. Oh, no. Oh, my God. 118 00:05:17,025 --> 00:05:20,062 It smells like hamster feed. 119 00:05:20,429 --> 00:05:22,000 Oh man, it's cold. 120 00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:22,231 Oh man, it's cold. 121 00:05:22,231 --> 00:05:24,500 Dad, this is so depressing. 122 00:05:24,500 --> 00:05:27,503 Oh. How did you find me? 123 00:05:27,503 --> 00:05:30,272 You are literally parked outside the goddamn house. 124 00:05:30,272 --> 00:05:31,607 Why are you in here? 125 00:05:31,607 --> 00:05:34,143 I've been hiding from your grandma. 126 00:05:34,143 --> 00:05:35,477 Because you broke up with Brenda? 127 00:05:35,477 --> 00:05:39,248 I didn't mean to break up with Brenda. 128 00:05:39,248 --> 00:05:41,784 I'm such a fuck up. 129 00:05:41,784 --> 00:05:43,218 And now I'm going through some serious 130 00:05:43,218 --> 00:05:46,388 Secret Life Of Walter Mitty shit. You have no idea. 131 00:05:46,388 --> 00:05:48,991 Just letting everybody down. 132 00:05:48,991 --> 00:05:51,160 I guess that's the way it's supposed to be. 133 00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:53,996 A guy my age... 134 00:05:53,996 --> 00:05:55,964 better get used to it. 135 00:05:59,935 --> 00:06:01,970 I've had visions, Dad. 136 00:06:01,970 --> 00:06:04,673 I've seen our alternate lives. I've seen you. 137 00:06:04,673 --> 00:06:06,642 Where you look like shit. You are shit. 138 00:06:06,642 --> 00:06:10,078 Your life is shit. And-and me, I have opportunity. 139 00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:14,416 Sure. I have money. Sure, but I'm empty and sad and tragic. 140 00:06:14,416 --> 00:06:17,386 Kind of like the way that you are now. 141 00:06:19,087 --> 00:06:21,590 I don't want you to... 142 00:06:21,590 --> 00:06:24,793 let your second chance at love walk out the door. 143 00:06:26,995 --> 00:06:28,363 You know what? 144 00:06:28,363 --> 00:06:30,799 -What? -You're right. 145 00:06:30,799 --> 00:06:33,802 -I'm gonna need your help. -Okay. 146 00:06:33,802 --> 00:06:35,304 -Will you help me? -Of course. 147 00:06:35,304 --> 00:06:37,005 Your dad needs help. 148 00:06:37,873 --> 00:06:39,241 [Chuck] You doing okay, Mom? 149 00:06:39,241 --> 00:06:40,476 -Yes. -Yeah? 150 00:06:40,476 --> 00:06:42,110 Yeah, yeah. 151 00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:44,480 You know, you-you like to think that everything is 152 00:06:44,480 --> 00:06:48,116 gonna work out, but, you know, sometimes it won't. 153 00:06:48,116 --> 00:06:50,052 I'm fine. I'll be fine. 154 00:06:50,052 --> 00:06:52,321 For what it's worth, I really liked Wally. 155 00:06:52,321 --> 00:06:55,324 Oh, I know. Me, too. 156 00:06:55,324 --> 00:06:59,528 But it's so exciting. I mean, your deejay set's in the museum. 157 00:06:59,528 --> 00:07:01,330 Yeah. Yeah, it's actually in there. 158 00:07:01,330 --> 00:07:04,666 Oh. Oh, you can play some of my favorites 159 00:07:04,666 --> 00:07:09,738 like Whitney, Mariah. And that guy who sounds like a frog, 160 00:07:09,738 --> 00:07:11,807 but he's really nice. What's his name? 161 00:07:11,807 --> 00:07:13,742 [Chuck] Mom, what are you listening to? 162 00:07:14,977 --> 00:07:17,846 [Brenda] Chuck. Chuck, where'd you go? 163 00:07:18,981 --> 00:07:20,749 [Chuck] Sorry, Mom. Just stay there for a second. 164 00:07:20,749 --> 00:07:24,853 Oh. Oh, no, no. Is this a haunted house? 165 00:07:24,853 --> 00:07:25,621 Oh... 166 00:07:25,621 --> 00:07:30,626 ♪ Hi, sweetheart ♪ 167 00:07:31,393 --> 00:07:32,961 ♪ Yeah ♪ 168 00:07:32,961 --> 00:07:34,630 Edmund? 169 00:07:34,630 --> 00:07:36,899 ♪ I didn't mean it when I said I didn't love you so ♪ 170 00:07:36,899 --> 00:07:38,467 ♪ I should have held on tight ♪ 171 00:07:38,467 --> 00:07:40,702 ♪ I never should have let you go ♪ 172 00:07:40,702 --> 00:07:42,771 ♪ I didn't know nothing I was stupid ♪ 173 00:07:42,771 --> 00:07:48,544 ♪ I was foolish I was lying to myself ♪ 174 00:07:49,144 --> 00:07:51,313 I'm Constantine from Sam Ash. 175 00:07:51,313 --> 00:07:52,848 Yeah, I remember. 176 00:07:52,848 --> 00:07:56,618 ♪ 'Cause baby when you left ♪ 177 00:07:56,618 --> 00:07:59,721 ♪ I lost a part of me ♪ 178 00:07:59,721 --> 00:08:03,225 ♪ It's still so hard to believe ♪ 179 00:08:03,225 --> 00:08:05,761 ♪ Come back, baby, please Come back, come back ♪ 180 00:08:05,761 --> 00:08:10,732 ♪ Cause we belong together ♪ 181 00:08:10,732 --> 00:08:13,569 Oh, shit. I fucked up the last note. 182 00:08:16,171 --> 00:08:18,941 -Hey. -Hi. 183 00:08:18,941 --> 00:08:22,945 I like your haircut. Oh, is this a model of New York? 184 00:08:22,945 --> 00:08:27,082 Look, I'm an idiot for everything 185 00:08:27,082 --> 00:08:29,318 these past few months, 186 00:08:29,318 --> 00:08:31,553 but I love you. 187 00:08:31,553 --> 00:08:35,891 I love the life we're gonna have together. 188 00:08:35,891 --> 00:08:38,026 But I do have one question that I actually never got the chance 189 00:08:38,026 --> 00:08:40,629 to ask the right way 190 00:08:40,629 --> 00:08:42,931 in front of all of New York. 191 00:08:47,869 --> 00:08:50,172 Brenda, 192 00:08:50,172 --> 00:08:52,240 will you marry me? 193 00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:55,344 You really are an idiot. 194 00:08:55,344 --> 00:08:57,379 Yes! Yes! 195 00:08:57,379 --> 00:09:00,082 Come up here! Come on! 196 00:09:01,550 --> 00:09:05,721 Ah, shit. I'm stuck at LaGuardia. 197 00:09:06,288 --> 00:09:10,659 [music] 198 00:09:15,948 --> 00:09:17,182 [Grandma] Let's go, bitches! Chop, chop. 199 00:09:17,182 --> 00:09:20,753 We haven't got all day. My son's getting married. 200 00:09:26,125 --> 00:09:28,227 -Hey. -Hey. 201 00:09:28,227 --> 00:09:29,495 Need some help? 202 00:09:29,495 --> 00:09:30,496 Yeah, sure. That'll be nice. 203 00:09:30,496 --> 00:09:31,563 Yeah. 204 00:09:31,563 --> 00:09:33,899 So... 205 00:09:33,899 --> 00:09:37,336 I wanted to tell you, I am moving to Mexico City. 206 00:09:37,336 --> 00:09:38,570 Oh. 207 00:09:38,570 --> 00:09:39,938 The vibes there are super awesome. 208 00:09:39,938 --> 00:09:42,941 -And tacos, you know. -Nice. 209 00:09:42,941 --> 00:09:47,179 I do have aspirations to one day move out of New York. 210 00:09:47,179 --> 00:09:49,148 I've got it. 211 00:09:49,148 --> 00:09:51,116 Oh. 212 00:09:51,550 --> 00:09:53,685 -There you go. -Thank you. 213 00:09:53,685 --> 00:09:56,155 -Yeah. -Okay. Well. 214 00:09:57,322 --> 00:09:59,291 I just wanted to say it was super sweet of you to get 215 00:09:59,291 --> 00:10:00,759 our parents back together. 216 00:10:00,759 --> 00:10:04,463 Yeah. Yeah. It was super sweet of you as well to help-- 217 00:10:04,463 --> 00:10:07,266 to dually, to help them. Yeah. 218 00:10:07,266 --> 00:10:08,967 We make a good team. 219 00:10:08,967 --> 00:10:14,773 We do. We should do more-- team activities. 220 00:10:14,773 --> 00:10:17,376 Do you know how to play gin rummy? 221 00:10:17,376 --> 00:10:19,111 Oh, oh. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 222 00:10:19,111 --> 00:10:20,379 It was a little garden snake there. 223 00:10:20,379 --> 00:10:21,413 It's okay. It's fine. 224 00:10:21,413 --> 00:10:22,815 -We can't. -Yeah, no. We-- 225 00:10:22,815 --> 00:10:25,017 We absolutely can't. 226 00:10:25,017 --> 00:10:28,187 I mean, we're pretty much blood related now. 227 00:10:28,187 --> 00:10:30,722 Yeah. I'm also... 228 00:10:30,722 --> 00:10:33,692 I'm also realizing I had-- I had garlic bread earlier. 229 00:10:33,692 --> 00:10:34,860 For breakfast? 230 00:10:34,860 --> 00:10:38,797 It was more of a Texas toast kinda. 231 00:10:38,797 --> 00:10:41,900 -Yeah. Yeah. It was. -Have you been to Texas? 232 00:10:41,900 --> 00:10:43,669 -No. -There's the champagne! 233 00:10:43,669 --> 00:10:45,237 -Champagne. -And the guests are arriving! 234 00:10:45,237 --> 00:10:48,273 There is absolutely champagne. And we must go. And we must go. 235 00:10:50,175 --> 00:10:54,179 [music] 236 00:10:55,414 --> 00:10:59,117 -I love weddings. -What business do us old ladies 237 00:10:59,117 --> 00:11:03,755 -have going to weddings anyway? -Why? Hey, come on, guys! 238 00:11:03,755 --> 00:11:06,792 We're the most vivacious bitches in town. 239 00:11:06,792 --> 00:11:08,360 You're right. 240 00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:10,696 We should start group exercises. 241 00:11:10,696 --> 00:11:14,333 Get our dome pieces on point for that D. 242 00:11:14,333 --> 00:11:16,468 You first have to take that dome piece out of that 243 00:11:16,468 --> 00:11:18,971 stupid bucket hat of yours. 244 00:11:18,971 --> 00:11:21,507 Oh, I like my bucket hat! 245 00:11:21,507 --> 00:11:24,309 Ellen, what do you think? 246 00:11:25,878 --> 00:11:26,912 -I'm so sorry. -No, no, no. 247 00:11:26,912 --> 00:11:29,781 You're fine. I didn't mind. 248 00:11:29,781 --> 00:11:31,617 -Oh, we've met before. -Yeah. 249 00:11:31,617 --> 00:11:33,886 -At Sam Ash. -I'm Patrick. 250 00:11:33,886 --> 00:11:37,322 -I'm Edmund. -Hi. 251 00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:38,857 Hey. 252 00:11:38,857 --> 00:11:40,893 I actually have to run because I'm in the band, 253 00:11:40,893 --> 00:11:42,628 but I'll see you around. 254 00:11:42,628 --> 00:11:44,897 -Yeah. -Okay. Okay. 255 00:11:45,597 --> 00:11:48,500 Yo, that dude is totally into you. 256 00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:50,168 What? No. 257 00:11:50,168 --> 00:11:52,704 -You think? -Yeah. I have eyes. 258 00:11:52,704 --> 00:11:54,973 I don't know. I'm trying to be good 259 00:11:54,973 --> 00:11:57,476 and not hook up with random people 260 00:11:57,476 --> 00:11:59,878 and actually get to know them first. 261 00:11:59,878 --> 00:12:02,314 Okay, so-- You can get to know him. 262 00:12:02,314 --> 00:12:04,116 [Man] All right, everyone, please take your seats. 263 00:12:04,116 --> 00:12:07,252 The wedding is about to begin. 264 00:12:07,252 --> 00:12:10,022 -Can I do it this time? -Go for it, man. 265 00:12:10,022 --> 00:12:13,225 A one, a two, skiddly, diddly do. 266 00:12:13,225 --> 00:12:19,164 [music] 267 00:12:46,158 --> 00:12:52,097 [music] 268 00:13:05,344 --> 00:13:08,046 [Nora] All right. All right. Please be seated. 269 00:13:09,414 --> 00:13:13,251 Hello, everyone. Thank you so much for being here today 270 00:13:13,251 --> 00:13:17,322 to celebrate the union of Wally and Brenda. 271 00:13:17,322 --> 00:13:23,462 Like all human beings, we all go through a mind hole of 272 00:13:23,462 --> 00:13:25,597 alternate versions of our lives 273 00:13:25,597 --> 00:13:27,699 where else we could have ended up. 274 00:13:27,699 --> 00:13:30,168 And, Grandma, I did put you in a nursing home in one of them. 275 00:13:30,168 --> 00:13:32,337 And I apologize. I would never do that. 276 00:13:32,337 --> 00:13:33,839 I would never. 277 00:13:33,839 --> 00:13:39,711 Alas, we choose the version that is here and now. 278 00:13:39,711 --> 00:13:43,315 I'm so happy that you guys found each other. 279 00:13:43,315 --> 00:13:47,019 And-and-and-and I support it, no matter if I have to become 280 00:13:47,019 --> 00:13:49,955 a celibate monk. I don't get any ass. 281 00:13:49,955 --> 00:13:52,224 I-I just know that this is where I'm supposed to be. 282 00:13:52,224 --> 00:13:54,693 And this is where you're supposed to be, too. 283 00:13:54,693 --> 00:13:57,696 -So unless anyone objects-- -I object! 284 00:13:57,696 --> 00:13:59,631 -What? -I love you, Nora. 285 00:13:59,631 --> 00:14:01,933 But we were just in the kitchen area. 286 00:14:01,933 --> 00:14:03,802 And I tried to make out with you, and you were like, 287 00:14:03,802 --> 00:14:06,071 no, no, you're my blood sister. 288 00:14:06,071 --> 00:14:10,409 -Brother, but, yeah. -No, I love you, Nora. 289 00:14:10,409 --> 00:14:12,110 I've always been kind of attracted to you. 290 00:14:12,110 --> 00:14:14,379 And ever since you became a minister, 291 00:14:14,379 --> 00:14:15,000 -I'm just gonna shoot my shot. -Melanie, sit down! 292 00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:17,349 -I'm just gonna shoot my shot. -Melanie, sit down! 293 00:14:17,349 --> 00:14:19,351 Shot denied! You're my best friend. 294 00:14:19,351 --> 00:14:21,386 You have a kid and a boyfriend, sicko. 295 00:14:21,386 --> 00:14:24,923 Nora, I flew in from China to say I love you too, 296 00:14:24,923 --> 00:14:26,658 but like a friend's way. 297 00:14:26,658 --> 00:14:28,060 -Thank you, Grace. -Who's Grace? 298 00:14:28,060 --> 00:14:31,163 [Teddy] I just wanna say that I don't love Nora 299 00:14:31,163 --> 00:14:34,366 -and I never have. -That's not necessary, Teddy. 300 00:14:34,566 --> 00:14:37,035 I love you, too, Nora. 301 00:14:37,035 --> 00:14:38,670 Oh, hell no, bitch! 302 00:14:38,670 --> 00:14:39,905 What the hell, Brenda? 303 00:14:39,905 --> 00:14:41,873 Oh yeah? You think you can just do that? 304 00:14:41,873 --> 00:14:42,974 Just go. Retreat! 305 00:14:42,974 --> 00:14:44,810 -Damn, you could see him? -Yeah. 306 00:14:44,810 --> 00:14:46,211 What's going on? 307 00:14:46,211 --> 00:14:49,181 -Nothing. It's absolutely. -I love you, Noboo. 308 00:14:49,181 --> 00:14:51,650 -Oh, my God. -That's not my goddamn name. 309 00:14:51,650 --> 00:14:56,354 You told me we were going to the Empire State Building! 310 00:14:56,354 --> 00:14:58,724 Philandering elf! 311 00:14:58,724 --> 00:15:00,459 What the hell is happening? 312 00:15:00,459 --> 00:15:03,095 Everything's fine. It's just his giant elf wife. 313 00:15:03,095 --> 00:15:07,265 So by the powers vested in me by ordainedministerfast.com 314 00:15:07,265 --> 00:15:09,768 in the state of New York, I now pronounce you man and wife. 315 00:15:09,768 --> 00:15:11,136 And I have to go because she's coming. 316 00:15:11,136 --> 00:15:14,072 [Wedding March playing] 317 00:15:14,072 --> 00:15:17,976 [crowd applauding] 318 00:15:22,323 --> 00:15:23,891 [Nora] Go Grandma! 319 00:15:23,891 --> 00:15:25,493 ♪ Yo, what you know about goin' out ♪ 320 00:15:25,493 --> 00:15:27,995 ♪ Head west, that act's friend in a Lex or a Benz ♪ 321 00:15:27,995 --> 00:15:29,296 ♪ Let's begin ♪ 322 00:15:29,296 --> 00:15:30,931 ♪ Bring the BS to an end Come on ♪ 323 00:15:30,931 --> 00:15:33,868 ♪ Bad, bad, bad, bad boy ♪ 324 00:15:33,868 --> 00:15:36,403 ♪ You make me feel so good ♪ 325 00:15:36,403 --> 00:15:38,973 ♪ You know you make me feel so good ♪ 326 00:15:38,973 --> 00:15:40,174 ♪ That's what we do ♪ 327 00:15:40,174 --> 00:15:43,110 ♪ Bad, bad, bad... ♪ 328 00:15:50,751 --> 00:15:55,589 [laughing] That was crazy, huh? 329 00:15:55,589 --> 00:15:58,125 Yeah. I'm about to pass away. 330 00:15:58,125 --> 00:16:01,295 I had, like, 16 slices of cheesecake. 331 00:16:01,629 --> 00:16:05,266 You know, when you were a baby, you used to walk around 332 00:16:05,266 --> 00:16:10,538 like a little nut. Bumping into things, 333 00:16:10,538 --> 00:16:13,274 yelling at everyone. 334 00:16:13,274 --> 00:16:17,711 The only time we heard silence [laughing] when you would hide 335 00:16:17,711 --> 00:16:21,916 in the corner to poop. 336 00:16:22,883 --> 00:16:24,351 I must have been cute. 337 00:16:24,351 --> 00:16:29,523 [laughing] You know what you used to call me? 338 00:16:29,523 --> 00:16:31,425 What? 339 00:16:31,425 --> 00:16:34,395 Best friend. 340 00:16:37,331 --> 00:16:42,102 You think it'd be all right if I--I don't know. Moved? 341 00:16:42,102 --> 00:16:44,171 Left the city someday? 342 00:16:44,171 --> 00:16:50,077 Oh, Nora. I don't ever want to be an anchor tying you down. 343 00:16:50,077 --> 00:16:55,182 As long as you are happy, I'm happy. 344 00:16:55,182 --> 00:16:57,618 Being with you makes me happy, Grandma. 345 00:16:57,618 --> 00:16:59,987 Me too, Bao Bao. 346 00:16:59,987 --> 00:17:02,556 You always got me. 347 00:17:04,892 --> 00:17:08,929 [music] 348 00:17:20,507 --> 00:17:24,044 [Grandma] Ooh, looks like Li-Wei got herself a young man. 349 00:17:28,449 --> 00:17:31,485 [music] 350 00:17:31,485 --> 00:17:33,821 [bell tinkles] 351 00:17:33,821 --> 00:17:35,289 Anything to quit this place. 352 00:17:35,289 --> 00:17:36,890 You know, my uncle turned one of his corner stores 353 00:17:36,890 --> 00:17:39,660 into a kombucha bar, but for dogs. 354 00:17:39,660 --> 00:17:41,528 Immediately profitable. 355 00:17:41,528 --> 00:17:43,397 You know, this could be my fourth acquisition 356 00:17:43,397 --> 00:17:44,865 here in Queens. 357 00:17:44,865 --> 00:17:47,301 I just love that the rent is so cheap in this neighborhood 358 00:17:47,301 --> 00:17:50,004 because, well, it's such a shithole. 359 00:17:50,004 --> 00:17:51,905 [laughing] 360 00:17:51,905 --> 00:17:54,208 It's not a shithole. 361 00:17:54,208 --> 00:17:55,943 Excuse me. Who are you? 362 00:17:55,943 --> 00:17:57,177 I'm the manager. 363 00:17:57,177 --> 00:18:00,514 Well, uh, looks like shit. 364 00:18:00,514 --> 00:18:03,751 Yeah, sure, but you could fix that up. 365 00:18:03,751 --> 00:18:06,787 Don't sell the deli to this guy. 366 00:18:06,787 --> 00:18:08,989 Why not? 367 00:18:08,989 --> 00:18:11,258 Well, what if I bought it? 368 00:18:11,258 --> 00:18:15,963 What if I went to a Bank of... 369 00:18:15,963 --> 00:18:17,798 -America? -America. 370 00:18:17,798 --> 00:18:20,167 And take out a-- 371 00:18:20,167 --> 00:18:23,170 -Small business loan? -Small business loan, 372 00:18:23,170 --> 00:18:27,274 because I have... I have credit now. 373 00:18:27,274 --> 00:18:30,311 Come on. 374 00:18:30,311 --> 00:18:33,814 You know, a deli is more than just an acquisition. 375 00:18:33,814 --> 00:18:36,250 It's a part of the community. It's a part of the history. 376 00:18:36,250 --> 00:18:37,584 It's the thing in the neighborhood that's not 377 00:18:37,584 --> 00:18:41,322 supposed to leave or change because it's important. 378 00:18:41,322 --> 00:18:43,957 The little people are important. 379 00:18:43,957 --> 00:18:47,828 Even townie losers like me are important. 380 00:18:47,828 --> 00:18:49,296 And I'll love it every day. 381 00:18:49,296 --> 00:18:51,065 I'ma live, laugh, love up in here... 382 00:18:51,065 --> 00:18:52,933 Every day. 383 00:18:52,933 --> 00:18:56,737 And this guy-- 384 00:18:56,737 --> 00:18:58,539 She was definitely too close. 385 00:18:59,606 --> 00:19:02,242 [music] 386 00:19:11,318 --> 00:19:12,753 [Wally] Hey, hey, hey, princess. 387 00:19:12,753 --> 00:19:14,221 -Hey. -Hey. 388 00:19:14,221 --> 00:19:16,590 We brought you a little, uh, grand opening present. 389 00:19:16,590 --> 00:19:19,126 It's a Chinese good luck with your business plan. 390 00:19:19,126 --> 00:19:20,527 Oh, thanks. 391 00:19:20,527 --> 00:19:22,930 I just brought some alcohol from me and Patrick. 392 00:19:22,930 --> 00:19:26,033 Oh, thanks. Oh, I can mark this up. 393 00:19:26,033 --> 00:19:28,969 This place is so nice. 394 00:19:28,969 --> 00:19:30,137 Oh, look at the cat! I love it. 395 00:19:30,137 --> 00:19:32,373 He's got HGH. 396 00:19:32,373 --> 00:19:34,274 Oh, wow. You really made it your own. 397 00:19:34,274 --> 00:19:35,909 Hey, Grandma, you got that new hot sauce? 398 00:19:35,909 --> 00:19:37,811 Yeah! 399 00:19:37,811 --> 00:19:39,012 Hey, Ma. 400 00:19:39,012 --> 00:19:40,581 I didn't know you were working today. 401 00:19:40,581 --> 00:19:44,118 Oh, I just come in whenever I want. 402 00:19:44,118 --> 00:19:46,053 Oh, yeah. 403 00:19:46,053 --> 00:19:48,555 Have you seen the bong display? 404 00:19:48,555 --> 00:19:50,257 Yeah. Show them the bong display. 405 00:19:50,257 --> 00:19:51,492 Go check out the bong display. 406 00:19:51,492 --> 00:19:53,260 There's one that looks like a penis. 407 00:19:53,260 --> 00:19:54,795 [Nora] Oh, yeah, show that dick bong. 408 00:19:54,795 --> 00:19:56,530 Come on, Jessie. 409 00:19:56,530 --> 00:19:58,198 [Wally] Oh, Ma. 410 00:19:58,198 --> 00:20:01,201 Oh wow, that's a lot of bongs. 411 00:20:01,201 --> 00:20:03,404 No, no, no, no. No, no, Ma. 412 00:20:03,404 --> 00:20:05,205 Ma. Hold on. Hold on. I'll do it. I'll do it. 413 00:20:05,205 --> 00:20:06,707 -I'm already getting it. -Just tell me which one it is. 414 00:20:06,707 --> 00:20:08,208 -Let her do it. -No, no, no, no, no. 415 00:20:08,208 --> 00:20:09,777 Don't manhandle the bongs. 416 00:20:09,777 --> 00:20:12,146 Stop. What? We're getting your grandma a bong. 417 00:20:12,146 --> 00:20:13,113 -What? -What? 418 00:20:13,113 --> 00:20:19,253 [music] 419 00:20:31,098 --> 00:20:33,100 -Damn. -Thank you. 420 00:20:33,100 --> 00:20:36,237 -And for you. -Oh, thank you. 421 00:20:36,237 --> 00:20:37,304 Are you ready to watch this thing? 422 00:20:37,304 --> 00:20:38,372 Yes, yes, yes, yes. 423 00:20:38,372 --> 00:20:39,707 -Let's do it. -Okay. 424 00:20:39,707 --> 00:20:41,509 All right. Let's do it. 425 00:20:41,942 --> 00:20:44,445 [Grandma] Wally and Brenda. 426 00:20:46,413 --> 00:20:48,482 -[Nora] Wow. -[Grandma] Sweet. 427 00:20:48,482 --> 00:20:50,351 [Nora] That's a nice angle. 428 00:20:52,019 --> 00:20:53,921 Wally and Brenda, you rock! 429 00:20:53,921 --> 00:20:55,256 You totally rock. 430 00:20:55,256 --> 00:20:57,625 We want to celebrate you two with a jam later. 431 00:20:57,625 --> 00:21:00,161 So what do you think? Maybe When a Man Loves a Woman ? 432 00:21:00,161 --> 00:21:01,796 I don't know if we have a budget for that one. 433 00:21:01,796 --> 00:21:03,464 [Nora] Oh, oh. 434 00:21:03,464 --> 00:21:05,699 We have a very special guest that's going to be doing 435 00:21:05,699 --> 00:21:08,302 the hit song, Mambo Number Five . 436 00:21:08,302 --> 00:21:10,938 [Woman] Oh my God, is it Lou Bega? 437 00:21:10,938 --> 00:21:12,106 No. 438 00:21:12,106 --> 00:21:14,575 ♪ One, two, three, four, five ♪ 439 00:21:14,575 --> 00:21:15,843 [Wally] He can really dance . 440 00:21:15,843 --> 00:21:19,146 [Nora] Oh no. 441 00:21:21,148 --> 00:21:27,288 [music] 442 00:21:33,227 --> 00:21:35,996 [Grandma] Such a good time. Let's do it again. 443 00:21:35,996 --> 00:21:38,199 [Wally] Oh, Ma. 444 00:21:40,100 --> 00:21:41,335 [switch clicks] 445 00:21:42,762 --> 00:21:48,368 [music] 446 00:22:05,451 --> 00:22:06,986 [Man] Who the [bleep] is Awkwafina? 447 00:22:06,986 --> 00:22:09,189 [music] 448 00:22:09,189 --> 00:22:12,225 ♪ MTV ♪