- Papa, let's go! - We're going, we're going, son.
- Papa! - Yes, yes! We're going.
- Papa, let's go! - Son, please. Papa is trying to talk.
Tell me about the car features.
When your kid calms down...
...I'll explain everything.
Mr. Gill!
Papa, let's go.
Son, this car is for you. Go, play with it.
Mr. Gill.
Varun Batra, CEO.
I spotted you from my office.
And I'm not surprised your son doesn't like this car.
Even I think this car is not suitable for your family.
Go home, Akash.
Allow me to show you the right car. Come.
The Volkswagen Tiguan.
A car that oozes perfection from every angle.
I won't bore you with describing all its amazing features.
But yes, the sunroof...
...and drive-mode selector makes this a sporty SUV.
A perfect combination for your family's journey.
It's not my job to advise customers but I took one look at you...
...and, honestly, I can't see you behind the wheel of any other car.
You can have a look.
Papa! Let's go home.
I don't want that car, Papa!
- One second, sonny. - Papa, I wanna go home!
Sorry. My son's upset. I'll come back later.
Sir...
Varun, you go home too.
You need a drink.
Come on, guys. Cheers!
First time in my career, a one-foot nothing ruined a deal.
"Don't want it."
How can anyone be scared of a wife or a kid?
Deepu's on the line. Hello, Deepu!
"How can anyone be scared of a wife or a kid?" The proof!
- Yes, Deepu? - Where are you, Varun?
At the showroom. Darling, it's a very, very busy day.
What's the date today?
- When's our anniversary? - October.
And Deepu's birthday?
- She's your wife! - How should we know?
Darling, sorry, that was a customer.
Today's the 12th of January. Why?
What's special about the 12th?
The 12th of January?
I'm ovulating, Varun.
I stuck a note on your cupboard to remind you.
It clearly said:
"On 12th January, we're trying for a child."
Darling, I have so much work. So many deliveries.
- Get the invoice ready. - Yes, sir.
Why don't you ask your customers to give you a baby?
Let them do the delivering.
Listen carefully, Varun.
If you want this baby to look like you, be home in half an hour.
What do you mean by that? Deepu!
What did she say?
She's ov...overreacting.
- Is your helicopter here? - Parked right outside!
See you later. Bye.
Where are all your clothes?
I gotta poop.
You've been drinking.
And smoking.
My friends insisted, so I had one root beer.
Liar! You were drinking with your pals.
You know we're going to Delhi tomorrow.
Today's an important day for us.
How can you be so irresponsible?
Must I keep reminding you? Drinking and smoking damages sperm.
I had one drag.
If one drag can weaken my sperm count, then shame on it!
This isn't about sperm, it's about your promise.
Don't I want to go out drinking with my friends?
But I know what's important. Show some maturity.
Look who's talking!
Remember the doctor's advice? "Make sure you get plenty of sleep."
And who was watching "Baby's Day Out" till 3am?
So mature of you!
Richa said seeing images of cute kids puts one in a good mood.
And a good mood means healthy kids.
I can't believe it.
You're a leading journalist and Richa's a top lawyer.
Is this what you two talk about?
Great! Keep staring at cute kids. Maybe that'll get you pregnant.
- Don't you want children? - Of course I do.
But not if it turns the bedroom into a battlefield.
Think of the pressure on me.
I don't even win video games. How do you expect me to score in bed?
Gone off pooping?
It's my poop. Poop or not poop, what's it to you?
I'm sorry. I want a kid so badly.
I've been pressuring you too much.
I'm sorry, baby.
I'm sorry too.
Here we go to battle again, Comrades!
Planning a moon jump?
This boosts my chances of conceiving.
Chances of you losing your mind are far greater.
I'm still mad at you.
How could you lie to me and go boozing with your friends, Varun?
You just apologized. Why stir it up again?
You should say sorry to me.
I faked it because you were play-acting.
I can't waste my precious fertile days.
You mean...
...you weren't really sorry?
You're disgusting!
Let's have dinner. Then we'll do it again.
Do it again?
- Do what again? - What we just did.
Have you no pity on me?
My insides are drained. I'm just blowing smoke rings.
I can't do it. No chance.
No. Can't be done.
- Varun... - I...
I've had it.
Thank you.
I'm sorry to keep forcing you, but it's so important.
This time I've got really positive vibes. I can feel it.
Deepu, put your legs down, please.
Don't try your yoga poses. No point.
Why?
Nothing happened.
I was just faking it.
I made the right noises, that's all.
What?
You guys can fake it too?
It's not rocket science.
All we do is make weird faces and grunt.
This is wrong. Unfair. Deepu!
I can't do it.
If I try any harder, I'll end up with a hernia.
What now? You're drinking water?
What are you doing, Deepu? Deepu!
- Where do I sleep? - On the sofa.
Mister, if we go any slower, we'll be rolling backwards.
Faster, please.
We're gonna miss our flight.
What's come over you?
The idea of kids scared you two years ago and now...
Your career was top priority then.
Can't I want something too? Unbelievable.
I'll be the one delivering, putting my career on hold.
Can't believe it.
You were at it again at dawn.
No tea, coffee or breakfast.
"Baby, let's try again."
If you get pregnant this time, we'll tell the baby:
"Papa created you on an empty stomach."
I'm ovulating, Varun.
There's a party at our Delhi home this evening. Be reasonable.
We have a flight to catch and Mummy keeps calling 24/7.
She won't stop texting either. Does it have to be today?
Oh! I'm sorry.
I'll tell my ovaries not to release any eggs when there's a family do.
They can release eggs any time, but must I slog?
Sir, sorry to interrupt.
Ovulation takes place about 14 days before the expected date.
Females can conceive only then.
But we men...
...can produce millions of sperm every day.
So it's important to try on the right date.
I should know. My kids...
Tia and Aryan.
Keep using Uber! Looks like their drivers are qualified doctors.
Ladies and gentlemen, you may now unfasten your seat belts.
You may now use the washroom and your electronic devices.
- Let me help you. - It's fine.
- Excuse me? Could you help me? - Sure.
The brown one.
Thank you.
I'm really sorry, but I have to ask.
Don't you write a column in "Entertainment Magazine 60mm?"
Deepti Batra?
Yeah.
- I thought only I read my columns. - No, not at all.
Every time I read your column, I thank God I'm not illiterate.
Do you mind a selfie?
- Sure. - Thanks.
Excuse me. You're photobombing us.
Thanks.
Thank you.
My Insta's gonna go off the hook!
- Excuse me. Could you sit over here? - No, we're fine, thank you.
She's my wife.
Sit here then.
Excuse me. What are you doing?
I think madam is angry.
It happens.
Maybe she asked you for something you couldn't give her.
May I be of any help?
Stick to selfies.
You were right.
We won't get a chance in Delhi with our relatives around.
Our only chance is to do what we have to before we land.
My wife is ovulating.
What's wrong, Deepu?
Now I know how a cricket team feels...
...when they return home without a trophy.
Meaning?
We're seeing your parents again without any "good news."
My parents know you're the ace batsman Virat Kohli.
One day you'll bring the trophy home.
Virat Kohli has a team of ten, all I have is you.
I'm trying. What about the flight...?
- Here comes the Mumbai family! - Mama!
Welcome, welcome!
God bless you with a healthy child.
- Where's Papa? - Buying peanuts for Lohri.
You two must rest now. We'll leave at 5pm.
Son, how's your slip-dicks?
It's "slipped disc." Ma!
This is a disc.
- OK! Your backache. - It's fine.
- Where are you going? - To the beauty parlor.
- We'll be ready by 5. - Don't be late. See you.
My brother is here.
Thank you for coming. I'm so glad you're here.
You've lost so much weight. Give me some dieting tips.
It's time to gain weight, not lose it.
Why explain it to the children? They never listen.
- Why are you so skinny? - I've been working out, Mom.
Look, what a cute kid!
Why did you call him "Holaram?"
Granny insisted on the name.
Grandpa's name was Ram...
...and our son was born on Holi.
So she named him "Holaram."
Good job he wasn't born on Lohri, he'd be called a peanut!
- Why must you put your foot in it? - I didn't do it deliberately.
I didn't even realize it.
Come.
Now say sorry to everyone.
Sorry. Sorry, everyone.
Never mind!
I'm changing Holaram's name before he starts school...
...before he changes his parents.
Congratulations!
Congratulations on Hole's first Lohri.
A gift for you.
It's "Hola" and not "Hole".
As if either name made any sense. By God!
Is that your Mumbai sister-in-law?
I'll say a quick hello.
Hello! Do you recognize me?
Yes, of course.
You're looking gorgeous. Where's your husband?
He's actually at the bar.
- How long have you been married? - Seven years.
Seven years? Children?
Actually, I'm really busy with my job, so...
That's just an excuse.
You're at the right age to have kids, make the in-laws happy.
So they'll have a little toy to play with!
Yes, of course, aunty.
- Glass of wine? - Yeah!
- See you later. - No problem.
Relax, sister-in-law. Ignore these silly aunties.
- How are you, Deepu? - I don't have kids!
I came to wish you Happy Lohri.
Sorry, aunty. Happy Lohri!
- Happy Lohri, aunty. - Happy Lohri. Bless you.
As I was saying, don't pay attention to them.
Tell you what...
...if you're having trouble conceiving, I have an idea.
I know this amazing healer.
He just has to take one look at you and your work is done.
Shall I talk to him?
Aunty! Mom's looking for you.
She phoned you three times. She's over there, waiting.
I'd better go to her.
Think it over.
I swear! If I hear the word "baby" again, I'll punch someone in the face.
- Ma'am, you want a baby...? - No, I don't want...
What happened?
He meant "baby corn".
I know, but...
We're sorry, baby.
Girls and boys, get ready to dance the bhangra
We'll dance all night
How it teases me
Takes my breath away
Your red flowing skirt
It robs me of sleep
Sweetheart, your red flowing skirt
My fair skin, dark kohl in my eyes
You keep waiting for me, I won't be vain
When you dance, everyone dances You set hearts on fire
No one is safe when you sway your hips
Let's get crazy!
How it teases you
How it steals your heart
My red flowing skirt
I can't sleep at nights
My red flowing skirt
Sweetheart, your red flowing skirt
Hola is such a cutie!
I told you, I only watch kiddy TV when I'm pregnant.
He's the result!
What Channel did Vivek's parents watch? Animal Planet?
Keep your trap shut, please!
We called you here to discuss something important.
No prizes for what that is.
We're trying to have kids.
But he makes me feel like he's doing me a big favor.
- Don't start that again. - Relax, brother. We're family.
If you can't talk to us, then who can you talk to?
Deepu is right. Keep trying.
We were at it three times a day. Ask him! We tried every position:
- Missionary, spooning, dog and... - That'll do.
Spare us the details.
Frankly, I'm sick and tired of this subject.
Sometimes I get confused. Do we really want kids...
...or is it because society wants us to have them?
Facebook and Twitter are full of images of celebrity kids.
If you have kids, keep them out of sight.
Stop making us jealous. Don't show off.
What about old age?
Our children will take care of our needs.
That's what they all say.
But we're not gonna produce the next billionaire!
We'll have kids with funny pet names. We'll turn grey wiping his nose.
And when relatives come over and say, "So sweet!"
He'll poop his pants.
They'll hand him back to us saying: "Clean him up and bring him back."
Then they'll make gurgling sounds at the kid.
We feed him, he'll poop again.
- Another beer? - Let me finish this one.
Who is Dr. Joshi? Why are you texting me his number?
He's Mumbai's top fertility specialist.
No harm in seeing him once.
I don't want to see him.
I don't want to see a sexologist. No chance.
Varun, which century do you live in?
Just a minute, sister-in-law. Varun, remember Cherry?
Aunt Anu's daughter?
She and her husband tried for five years.
Five long years.
Finally, they went to Mumbai and met Dr Joshi.
And a year later, guess what?
She had two healthy kids.
One kid every six months?
Hell, no, idiot! Twins.
- Be more precise. - They had twins.
There's no shame in meeting the doctor.
Dr Joshi's the best, brother.
Just go and see him.
OK, we'll see him.
Happy now?
Much obliged.
Nothing makes her happy.
Why are test tube babies only white?
Doesn't the doctor do Indian babies?
Mr and Mrs Patra? Dr Joshi will see you now.
It's Mr and Mrs Batra.
I'm sorry, my bad.
Thank you, Puzie.
It's "Suzie."
Sorry. My bad.
Hello.
Please have a seat, Mr and Mrs Batra.
I've read your reports.
Tell me something.
How are your relations with your wife?
We're fighting now, but we're good.
He means "relations".
- You mean our sex life? - Yes. Frequency?
- 16. - 2.
How often?
- Every week. - Every month.
I'm sure you know there's a big difference between...
...sixteen times a week and twice a month.
Anyway, the reports are not that great.
Your egg count is rapidly decreasing.
What does that mean?
Whatever we do, we need to act fast.
Doctor, is everything OK with me?
Well, let's just say you have a few good swimmers left.
- Swimmers? Oh! Sperm? - Yes.
Now listen to me carefully.
You have strong swimmers.
But they faint the minute they enter her universe.
Faint? Why?
Don't worry. It's very common at your age.
Now listen to me carefully.
What we'll do is - we'll take Deepti's eggs and your swimmers...
...and fertilize them in our lab.
One of the finest labs in India.
Sure.
And when the embryo is formed, we'll put it into your body.
This process is called "In vitro fertilization."
IVF.
Perfect, let's do it.
Doctor, during the process, will I need to take time off work?
If you two are serious about wanting a child then...
...I'd suggest you put your work on hold. Focus on getting pregnant.
But I can work, can't I?
- I can go? - What?
Of course Mr Batra, you can work.
Good.
Please have a look at this and I'll see you in a minute.
What's wrong with you?
Wrong with me? What's wrong with him?
Weirdo! Charging us a fortune...
...and making out like he'll conjure up a baby for us from heaven.
We're legally married. Why was he embarrassed to use the word "sex"?
Relations! He must talk to his wife like that.
"Darling, let's have 'relations' tonight."
Just shut up!
What was that nonsense? 16 times a week!
Where was I the other 14 times?
I got nervous.
I'm used to doctors asking where I hurt. But he asked me about my relations.
Not something I discuss every day.
Varun, stop annoying me.
- He's a very good doctor. - Look at him. A very good doctor.
Please come.
Come on, let's go.
This lab is 12,000 sq. ft. They must be minting money here.
So this is where we create life.
Wow!
All new machines. Absolutely fresh!
Doctor, who's she?
She is my wife, Dr Joshi.
Oh, OK.
Why?
Nothing, just...
May I ask something, doctor?
What if my eggs don't fertilize?
Then we can use donor eggs.
Meaning?
We can use the eggs of a young lady and fertilize them with your sperm.
Then plant them in Deepti.
You guys are really stubborn. Good.
Turning couples into parents is an art.
Do you really believe these celebs who become parents in old age...
- ...use their stardom to have kids? - True.
But isn't it easier just to adopt?
Then why didn't you?
The obsession of carrying forward one's genes is an old deep-rooted one.
Please come.
Ask something. Take some interest.
Doctor, I have a question.
I was just thinking, we're so medically advanced now...
...is there a way for a man to get pregnant?
Of course.
In fact, in 2017, a man in the UK gave birth to a healthy baby girl.
The man was a woman first.
Her ovaries and private parts had been removed.
Got it! Spare us the details. That's amazing. Thank you.
The nurse will explain everything to you.
You'll be administered hormone injections till your next cycle.
You may have major mood swings.
Let me warn you.
The process is draining, emotionally and financially.
So be prepared.
Mr Batra, can you give us a semen sample?
And Deepti, I'll see you on day two of your next cycle.
- This is yours. - Thank you.
- All the best. - Thank you.
Bobby, bet 13,500 rupees for me.
All on India. OK?
Sh**! Amateurs!
Call for a run! Come on!
Where's my match gone?
Why?
You're giving your sample today. You can't be stressed.
You know how stress upsets sperm.
Aren't you overdoing it? Please, it's the semi-finals.
My sperm want to watch too. Don't upset them.
If they get upset, we'll never have children.
You find this funny, Varun?
Stop talking rubbish. Go! Do it properly.
Properly?
Feed me some honey for good luck! This is not an exam.
I'm so tense as it is. What'll happen there?
Please go, Varun.
Another wicket down.
- Varun? - Going!
Going!
I'll watch on the phone. Do as you please.
My team's losing.
- Excuse me. - Yes, sir?
I have an appointment.
For what, sir?
Sample.
Sorry, sir?
Check my name in your system.
Your name?
Varun Batra.
You're here to give a semen sample.
Don't be embarrassed. They're all here for the same reason.
Here's your bottle.
Sit in the waiting area.
Could you put it in a plastic bag?
Sir, plastic is banned.
So is this made of metal?
Mr Pendekar, please come.
Now listen to me carefully. If you want to entrust your dreams of parenthood...
...to safe hands, then don't hesitate coming to us.
Look at the clock above your head.
You'll know how many healthy kids we've brought into this world.
We can guarantee you one thing...
Good news!
Please help.
Mr Batra!
Please come. Your super-deluxe room is ready.
I say! Super-deluxe?
Varun, all done?
Deepu, it's very tough.
It's like a gun is pointed at my head and a voice booming: "Do it now!"
It's biologically impossible.
Varun, I seriously can't do this right now.
I have an interview with the star Katrina.
You don't care what I'm going through.
They gave me magazines and DVDs to get me started. Seriously!
Am I a teenager?
Baby, at your granny's memorial service...
...while everyone was mourning, what were we up to?
This is nothing.
Stop agonizing! Just do it.
Can you help me? Talk dirty to me.
You nuts? Stop behaving like a kid!
- Then give the phone to Katrina. - Shut up!
It seems we're all ready to go.
Now listen to me carefully.
This is the last stage of the IVF procedure. The embryo transfer.
The most delicate and critical procedure.
They're interns.
- Shouldn't they be more experienced? - They're just kids.
Understand?
Sir, the swelling on the outer lining? Is it normal?
Absolutely normal. It could be a reaction to the medication.
Doctor, please administer anesthesia. I want to be unconscious.
Relax, Mrs Batra.
I've done this a thousand times.
Now listen to me carefully. I want you to shake off that negativity.
It just upsets the embryo.
And now I'll say a little prayer.
So listen carefully.
Close your eyes. Let your positive energy flow into this embryo.
You too.
Not you two, idiots!
- Focus your mind here. - Sorry.
"O Mother of Life..."
Doctor, should I repeat after you?
No, just listen!
"O Mother of Life. O Father of the Universe.
"Bless us...
"...with the gift of a child.
"With the gift of generations.
"With the gift of love."
Congratulations!
The procedure has been successful.
We'll do a pregnancy test in 14 days.
Till then take extra care of yourself.
Remember...
...the greatest enemy of an embryo is stress. So no stressing.
Don't set your expectations too high.
The next 14 days are the most difficult and...
...crucial.
Crucial time.
So be absolutely calm.
Thank you.
It feels so good to fall in love
But how I fell I'll never know
The way we kiss, the way we touch
My heart will never know
We kept talking as the evening turned to night
Dreams like sparkling stars weaved a story for us
Eyes spoke innocent words
What did they say? We listened mesmerized
Where is the wind carrying us?
How unaware we were...
...when our hearts embraced each other
Can't say when it happened
It feels so good to fall in love
But how I fell I'll never know
The way we kiss, the way we touch
My heart will never know
Dr Joshi's on the line.
It's been only 12 days.
Hello?
Mrs Batra, can you both come to the clinic for a minor check-up?
Right now?
Say no.
We're leaving for work. Tomorrow?
Please come straight away. It's an emergency check-up.
Dr Joshi would also like a word.
An emergency checkup?
I guess they know we aren't stressed.
So they want to see us.
We can guarantee you one thing...
Good news!
What news on star Alia's interview? See you later.
This commercial makes me think twice about having kids.
Why can't they show something decent here?
- Like? - "Lethal Weapon."
- It's a hospital for children. - "Baby's Day Out?"
But don't show this. Look at him selling parenthood.
Keep coming, keep coming. Carefully!
Greetings, madam.
Put them down.
Hey, bro! Keep them here.
What's all this, sir?
A gift, madam.
This isn't a hospital. It's the house of God...
...where human beings are made.
You bless unlucky couples like us.
That's very thoughtful of you, sir. But gifts aren't allowed.
No gifts?
- No gifts in God's house? - No.
You're kidding me.
I brought Chandigarh's sweetest delicacies.
They're for couples blessed with good news. Give them a box...
...from me.
What's this?
Diapers. Give these away too.
I'd like to sponsor those cute little poops.
So babies can let it flow free.
Poop reminds me. Why did you call us?
Actually, I feel blessed to have a medical problem.
It has given me a reason to visit God's house.
By the way, ma'am...
...God wrote this prescription, but no one can read it.
Here you go.
Just look at the prescription on the front. Ignore the back.
Amazing! God's handwriting is the same, back and front!
- The baby has arrived! - The baby's here.
The baby has arrived!
She's made a baby in 12 days.
- No, not our baby. Someone else's. - Hear that?
Dr Joshi let me watch. The cutie was born in front of my eyes.
O Mother Goddess, give us a cute baby girl too.
If it's a boy, you can dress him in a frock.
Fine by us. Girl or boy. As long as it's our blood.
What excuse do they have extending their family line?
Mr and Mrs Batra.
- Yeah. - Yes.
- You also Batras? - Yeah.
- Wow! We also! - Wow!
So which Batras do you want?
All four.
I think all the Batras will hear good news today.
- Batra Day coming up! - Come.
- Sir... - Please come.
Hello.
Please sit.
Varun and Deepti, please meet the other Batras.
Myself Honey Batra.
And she's my dear wife, Monika Batra.
And here's my card.
You keep it.
Doctor, you called us here. Is it urgent?
- I should be at the office. - Yes, yes.
Take your time, doctor. We're in no hurry.
Sorry, sir.
I'll get to the point.
We have a small problem.
What problem?
Well, the problem is...
It's not the first time. It has happened in the US before.
But it's the first time for us.
What is it, doctor?
Well, the thing is...
...there has been a sperm mix-up.
What?
What do you mean "sperm mix-up?"
Mixer? Fruit mixer?
Doctor, explain in Hindi.
You see Mr Honey, our highly experienced embryologists...
...were processing two sets of semen at the same time.
Since you share the same surname, Batra...
...there was a mix-up.
Mix-up? Will someone tell me what's going on?
You're kidding me?
You mean my wife has this baboon's sperm inside her?
- What? - Don't call me a baboon.
Whose child am I having?
What the hell is he saying? Explain in Hindi.
I'll explain.
This man has put my sperm...
...into her.
And your sperm went here.
I mean inside her.
You're saying our seeds got mixed up?
- Seeds? - Our spam!
Impossible! Spam isn't like luggage you can mix up.
- Call yourself a doctor! - Please be civil.
- Stay calm.
Just shut up, guys!
I'm going to sue you. I will sue you.
- I'm going to sue you guys. - That's nothing!
You don't know my sister and her husband. They're Delhi's top criminal lawyers.
My wife's a leading journalist.
Who cares! My uncle is Haryana's CM's father-in-law.
I'll get you both 15 years in jail.
A minimum of 15 years.
Calm down. Please.
- Is this some joke? - Spam is not a song you remix.
Calm down.
We're very embarrassed. It's our fault.
Our technicians made a blunder. I'm very sorry.
- So sorry. - Now listen to me carefully.
Say that again and I'll punch you!
Now you listen to me.
Fix this mess now! Right now!
Give me back my spam, madam. Doctor, give me back my seed.
No stress. You two will have to undergo a minor procedure.
So there's no chance of implantation.
Plantation? Why doesn't he speak in Hindi?
Hindi, please!
So your wives don't get pregnant.
- There's no chance of pregnancy. - What if she's already pregnant?
Just tell me what happens then?
We can terminate.
It's like a grain of sand. A minor DNC will do it.
DNC? How's the "Delhi Noida Corporation" mixed up in this?
We go for an abortion.
Abortion?
Are you bloody nuts?
Mrs Batra, your chance of pregnancy are low.
- Because your ovaries are way too old. - Hey! That's not right.
My head's splitting! Let's just go.
- Deepti. - You wait and watch.
That's the wrong door.
As if you got the right woman!
Moni...
Can we get a refund?
Yes?
Negative.
I'm so relieved.
Deepu, let's forget all this.
- It's fine if we had children naturally. - But?
Aren't we good enough for each other?
Being a parent is fulfilling, but restrictions come with it.
We can't plan a holiday without thinking where we can buy baby food.
Worry about school holidays.
Now we can just take off. Books our tickets and fly!
Do you realize freedom is priceless?
Varun, I can't believe you're saying this.
- Goodnight, Varun. - Goodnight.
Don't switch the light off.
Push.
Deepu, push.
Push!
Say Moosa!
Just relax.
Think of a valley, a mountain, Mahabaleshwar.
- OK, no Mahabaleshwar. - Push!
That's good. Good.
It's here!
Hello-ji!
What's wrong? Are you OK?
Deepu!
Deepu, are you OK?
Yeah, I'm OK.
I had a bad dream. Now that I'm awake, I'll go for a walk.
Go back to sleep, honey.
"Honey!"
Right, left. Up and down.
Yes, like this.
Zumba's the coolest
Young girl, filling water at the well
Don't wash your delicate feet
The champa flowers have blossomed, make your wedding garland
The world's a dry crust of bread. My heart's a buttery paratha
Baby, choose what you will. Sway your hips
Dance the bhangra with me. Shake your booty!
Zumba's the coolest
Even cooler when a Sardar wiggles the Zumba
My dancing feet will shake the earth today
Young girl, filling water at the well
Don't wash your delicate feet
The champa flowers have blossomed, make your wedding garland
Zumba!
Move your feet
Sway your hips
Shame's like cholesterol. Get it out of your system!
Come with me, shake your booty. Why stand frozen like a pillar?
You'll lose weight, you'll look younger if we all did the Zumba!
Zumba's the coolest
Even cooler when a Sardar wiggles the Zumba
Zumba's the coolest
Even cooler when a Sardar wiggles the Zumba
Zumba's the coolest
Moni! Moni!
Excuse me.
Madam, the medicines.
Are Moni's reports in? Monika Batra.
- Is she your wife? - Yes.
Sir, don't you recognize me?
It's me, Lalita.
I was at your wedding.
Remember the buffet?
The chole-kulcha? The food counter?
That tasted rotten. The cook was arrested.
You mean my husband? We came to your wedding together.
- I made the... - Moni, are you OK?
- What does the report say? - I'll get it.
Are you OK?
I feel more comfortable with you.
That's why I asked for you.
Me too.
I'm glad.
If we can undo our mistake, we'd be very happy.
The endometrium lining seems a little thick. But it's normal.
What's wrong, doctor?
I think I see the sac.
What do you mean?
I think she's pregnant.
Time to celebrate. It's good news!
We can guarantee you one thing:
Good news!
How can you be so irresponsible?
You're always playing Hitler with me.
Why didn't you take the pill?
The test results were negative.
So I didn't want to tamper with my system.
Tamper? It's one tiny bloody pill. How's that tampering?
- Varun, you're so insensitive. - I'm insensitive?
Someone up there must be laughing.
"They tried so many times in vain.
"But when they weren't trying..." We got good news!
Go!
It's a hospital zone. No honking.
Let's abort.
What is it?
What's wrong?
I was just thinking.
What if Monika is carrying your child?
Impossible! Remember what Dr Joshi said.
My sperm faints when it enters your universe.
They would've fainted entering Monika. Or died on the spot.
Stop scaring me. She can't be pregnant.
She can't be, right?
- Don't tell anyone. - Why not?
Don't tell the family now.
Here come my children with good news!
Bless you!
My sweet future father. Let's celebrate.
A beautiful day for good news.
I had arranged a prayer meeting, then we heard the good news.
- Who told you? - Lalita.
- The receptionist? The wedding cook? - Yes.
She told her mother.
Her mother told her mother-in-law. And her mother-in-law told me.
And you told all of Chandigarh.
They're here for the prayer meeting.
OK.
Come, son. Go, distribute gifts to the married ladies.
Your turn, Mummy. Don't drag me into this ladies business.
Have mine.
What's wrong with him?
Wait!
- Congratulations! - Scoot!
Take this.
What's come over you?
I've been practising this line for six years.
"Listen..."
"I'm going to be the mother of your child"
I've been dying to hear you say those words.
But basically...
- You're not carrying my child. - Then whose is it?
Don't you remember?
- Spam mix! - You still on about that?
What mix-up? It's not funny.
It's Mother Goddess's blessings.
So why didn't She bless us before?
What's so special about me now?
Sit over there.
Sit down!
Tell me something.
We lived in different cities. Who brought us together at Aunt Pinky's?
- Aunty Pinky. - Rubbish! It was Mother Goddess.
You went quiet when you saw me.
Who gave you the sense to say hello to me four days later?
Mother Goddess.
She saved your business, our crops and even saved you...
...when you had pneumonia.
She made Mummy's knee surgery go well. Who did?
Mother Goddess.
When She performed miracles for us, you never doubted Her.
She has blessed our lives.
Doubting Her miracles is doubting Her.
- Sorry, Moni. - It's OK.
I should not doubt Her blessings.
It's OK.
Glory to the Goddess!
Hello?
Hello, brother. It's Honey.
Honey, who? Wrong number.
I dialed the right number. It's Honey Batra.
Remember our spam mix-up at Joshi's hospital?
I want to know. Is your wife pregnant?
Hello, have you no sense of decency?
Talking nonsense at this hour.
Time has nothing to do with talking nonsense.
I'm serious. You see my wife Moni is pregnant.
- What? - Yes. Your wife, too?
What's it to you if she were?
It has everything to do with me. The kid will have my qualities.
What qualities?
I wouldn't even buy ice-cream of your quality!
Don't you dare call back!
Hello...
He wouldn't even buy ice-cream of my quality.
Moni.
What's going on?
You're pregnant, she's pregnant. Imagine the soup we're in now.
What if they don't let us abort?
Why not? They're not ruling the country.
It's your body, do what you like.
- Are you sure? - Sure? Hell, I'm no expert.
This is a first for me too.
Yes, but his wife is carrying your baby...
- It's not a baby yet. - I know that.
What now, Varun?
Where's your phone?
Password?
00...
0000.
How innovative!
Go to sleep, please. Let us sleep.
Hola, please be quiet!
I told you, Richa, don't call him Hola.
- Please. - OK, OK.
- What's wrong? - Yes, Varun?
Sorry to call so late.
Is your hearing on Friday in Mumbai?
That's right.
- Can you come on Thursday? - What's wrong?
Just come, I'll tell you.
Take this monster, please.
Listen, I gotta go. I'll talk to Richa.
Don't call him a monster.
Varun, please, not my phone.
OK. Sorry.
What's wrong?
Moni...
...she's definitely pregnant.
Who?
- That snooty chick? - Yep.
You should be happy.
You'll have two kids.
Ours and theirs.
That's all very well.
But I'm scared they'll drop the kid.
Not if they hold it firmly in their arms.
I mean...
...I think he wants his wife to have an abortion.
Why would they do that? Don't they fear Mother Goddess?
He said he will not have a baby with my qualities.
Are they crazy?
As if they knew your fine qualities.
What's on your mind?
Pack our bags, Moni. We can't let them abort our child.
What the f***!
I mean if we let things run their course...
...then nine months later she'll deliver your child.
And you'll be delivering his child.
You recommended that guilty quack.
I'm thinking of suing them.
They're making a franchise out of my sperm.
We're not suing anyone. This is not America...
...where you'll get a two million dollar settlement.
He's a famous doctor. If the media finds out...
...they'll have a field day.
Our families will learn the truth. We'll be screwed.
So what have you decided?
What's there to decide? We're going for an abortion.
We need your advice. Could it be legally tricky?
No, you're married.
On a doctor's advice, you can have an abortion within 20 weeks of pregnancy.
If we go for an abortion...
...can that clown Honey sue us?
Technically, yes. But he won't win the case.
In pregnancy cases, the mother's rights are greater than the father's.
So your decision will be final.
But I suggest you go back to that doctor.
He knows your case. It'll save you from gossip.
Let's abort.
Are you OK?
Are we ready?
While your husband fills in the form, let's get a quick scan done. Come.
Deepti.
See that grey dot on the screen?
That's the baby's heart. It's beating.
Why show it to me?
Because I know how desperate you are to be a mother.
The final decision is yours.
I don't want to influence you, specially not in this case.
It's a very sensitive case.
But I do want you to forget everything and think about the heart...
...that's beating inside you.
The baby's alive and kicking.
Think of everything you've tried.
It's a blessing for any woman to get pregnant.
But believe me, in your case...
...it's a miracle!
Deepu.
Before you decide to keep the baby, imagine that baboon's face.
His IQ is lower than a toddler's.
And we're having that man's baby!
It's not his baby, it's ours, Varun.
It'll grow up to be just like us.
Assume 5% of the baby is like him, what ditch do we jump into?
Look, Deepu, I realize you're feeling very emotional.
Rest for a few days. Then we'll go for an abortion.
No, Varun.
There's a life growing inside me.
I saw its heart beating with my own eyes.
Do you realize what a terrible thing we're doing?
We're killing a child. We can't be murderers.
Stop being so dramatic!
Deepu!
- It's them. - What?
The baby's father.
Hush! They'll ring the doorbell a few times and go.
- Stop talking like a kid! - They're here to talk about a kid.
"Deepu and Varun's home"
See that? Snooty show-offs!
We call our home "paradise." They call it "home."
How obvious can you get!
Go inside, I'll handle them.
- Let me see. - They're dangerous.
Deepu, please.
Hello, sister-in-law. How are you?
All good. Yes?
- We want to talk to you. - Go on.
Out here? Let's talk inside. Come, Moni.
- Thank you, sister-in-law. - Come in.
Wow! Our home is better than theirs.
Hey, you! Hello, brother! Prefer saying hello the Indian way?
I knew you were old world when I read your doorplate.
Some delicacies for you.
Bet it's a bomb.
Varun!
- Excuse me. - Can we get a water, please?
Thank you so much.
- Here. - Straight from the bottle?
He treats us like family, not like guests.
- What news, brother? - Water for you.
How's work?
What do you want?
You really cut to the chase.
I want to talk about this weird mishap... the seed mix-up.
- Seed? - Spam.
We just want to know if my baby is safe.
Your baby? It's ours.
- But it's my spam. - And she has mine.
- How so? They're my eggs. - My eggs too.
But the spam's mine!
Enough of this egg-spam! Are you both nuts? What do you want?
I just want the baby inside her, with my spam, to be safe.
In return, I guarantee your spam is safe inside my wife.
Who cares if it's safe or not!
We want you to stop disturbing us.
Disturb? Please tell him.
We must know what happens once the baby is born.
You said you didn't want a child with my qualities.
Sir, we want you to give us the baby.
We'll take care of both children.
Best idea! One minute.
- What month are we? - March.
9 months means November. She'll deliver in November.
Just shut up!
- I'll talk to you later. - It's settled!
And you guys, get up and get lost.
If you ever talk such rot again... just get out!
Get out? Why?
She's the boss. If she can ask me to shut up...
...why can't she ask you to get out?
So get up and go! Move it!
Crazy people.
Rubbish people!
I'm sure there's a bomb in that box.
- What was that, Varun? - Meaning?
We're a team. I was showing them our teamwork.
You want me to carry the child for 9 months, endure pain...
...deliver the baby and then give it to them?
Do you even know how insensitive you are?
Insensitive? Me?
You're the insensitive one.
Who decided against abortion without consulting me?
Now handle the uncouth twosome.
They stink of mustard oil.
From now on I won't let the father of your child barge into my home.
The father of my child?
Your home?
I can't believe you, Varun.
So enjoy your home alone!
Great, I will. Now who's being sensitive?
Go away!
I'll be happy alone.
Love it. Wonderful.
Deepu!
Deepu.
Varun, let me go.
- Where you going? - Don't know. Let go of the door.
I'm sorry. It just slipped out. I'm really sorry.
No, Varun. It wasn't a mistake.
You were accusing me of having an affair with him.
That's enough. You don't want to be a parent.
- Clearly I'm forcing you. Let it be! - Not true.
Listen to me. Relax. Just cool down.
What's this?
Pardon me?
- What's going on? - What does it look like?
We're renting the flat above you.
Bunty! Unload all our things.
Come, Moni.
Slow it down!
Sister-in-law.
Good morning. Off to work?
Have a "Good Day" or a "Krackjack."
Both super biscuits!
But the boy's too stubborn
He won't cut me any slack
Be friends with me
Give your heart in return of mine
What a trade-off!
A golden deal
Oh my God!
Richa, I don't trust that Honey one bit.
He's a pest. We must do something.
Like what?
Legally we can't stop them from living in your building.
But we can stop them from claiming rights to the child.
Why don't we make a contract?
It'll say post-delivery...
...they'll have no rights to our child, nor will we to theirs.
No contact either...
...regardless of whose spam is involved.
I'll check the legalities and get back to you.
- I need a little time. - Bye.
You like the deal. But I don't
This love trade-off
Don't get too comfy
Move aside
Don't spoil my mood
When you touched my heart
This Jatt became all sentimental
Be friends with me
Give your heart in return of mine
What a trade-off!
You must rest. Take time off. To hell with work!
You're in your third month.
Have a safe lift, sister-in-law.
These ladies...!
A golden deal
Sister-in-law.
Hi! The contract's here.
I think we should call them.
Varun!
Varun, open the door!
Work in progress.
That's good.
Forgot to flush?
I'm so stressed, nothing happened. Is that OK by you?
I knew you smoked but now you're smoking a ***?
Yes, Miss Sherlock Holmes. OK. I smoked a ***.
- It's your fault. - My fault?
It's your fault they barged into our lives.
If you had taken my advice and had an abortion...
- ...we wouldn't have to see this day. - Relax.
We need them to sign the contract. Then we can go our separate ways.
Sh**! They're here.
- Relax, Varun. It's fine. - Relax?
It'll be all over today.
We've got this.
Teamwork?
Teamwork!
- Will you get the door? - Sure! I'm the man of the house.
Hello, brother. How are you?
Very well. Come in.
- Should I take my shoes off? - No need. Barge in.
We'll take our shoes off.
The less bacteria entering the house the better. Think of the babies!
Can't stop all the bacteria.
Pulling my leg! Wanna try the other leg?
Brother, I must thank you.
I know it's for the contract, but at least you invited us home.
- Thank you. - Sit down.
Come, Moni. Thank you, sir.
He's in a good mood.
Easy.
Listen. Ask where the toilet is.
But you just went. How many times in a day do you go?
I'll make you a portable toilet.
A kind of takeaway.
I can't control it.
- Ask! - Be patient. Let them come back.
Who can I ask? The walls?
His laugh makes my whole body shake with disgust.
I'm dying to punch him.
Relax!
Namaste.
Tea? Coffee? Juice?
Nothing, thank you.
Can I get a beer, please?
Varun.
Coming up.
Beer is basically barley water.
Rewires your gut.
Hear that?
Good shot, sister-in-law.
Isn't she cute?
My wife breaks wind.
In pregnancy, the belly's like a soda spraying gas bubbles.
I'm sure you fart too.
Varun!
The toilet, please?
Good idea.
Hello?
- Come. - Easy does it!
Careful. You might fart again.
Varun's in a good mood today.
Come, Mrs Batra.
The toilet. The light switch is to your left.
If you need anything, call.
I forgot! Sister-in-law, some laddoos.
My mother made them.
- Does your Mummy know? - No. She made them for Moni.
I thought I'd give you some.
Put them down.
All well?
Could you call my husband, please?
OK.
- Never mind. - What is it?
Your 'flesh' isn't working.
It's not like our 'flesh.'
What's so funny?
'Flesh!'
Sorry.
You have a nice library.
If you prefer Hindi books, they're over there.
No, I read English novels too.
I did my English Horrors at Guru Nanak Dev University.
If you'd like to have one of my books, it will be my 'horror.'
- Sister-in-law, are you OK? - Yes.
You have strong arms. My child will have them too.
- Varun! - The police are here.
He was just helping me.
So helpful, isn't he?
Can I borrow this book?
"Sweaty Nights."
Forget it. Actually, I've already read it.
- I'll be off. - "Sweaty Nights!"
That clown was trying to feed me homemade laddoos...
...and you're smoking a *** and flirting with his wife.
I wasn't flirting. But I can't stop laughing.
She's so darn funny.
Varun, I don't want us to kill each other in front of them.
So let's get it over with. Where's the contract?
Above "Sweaty Nights."
And listen...
Don't talk in front of them.
Ridiculous.
Doesn't he look weird today?
Here's the contract. Varun mentioned it.
Yes. That's why we're here.
When your husband told me about it...
...I asked my lawyer to make us a contract too.
We read yours, you read ours.
Moni, give them.
Here you go.
Moni will read it.
Moni's done her 'Horrors' in English.
- Good. Good. Good. - Thank you.
What's this nonsense?
That many English words can only mean the contract's dodgy.
Should've written it in French.
No, sister-in-law. We can't sign something we don't understand.
Shut up! What's this?
If it's a girl or boy, it'll go to a convent school and college in Canada.
When it grows up, it'll be an athlete or rapper.
So?
His father is sprinter Milkha Singh's fan.
We're rapper Honey Singh's fans!
Is this a prank or a contract?
A prank?
Just because we're a cute couple, you're accusing us of the worst.
Varun, will you say something?
I was wondering about that kid's future.
Don't worry. Our minds are made up.
- Tell them! - Athlete or rapper.
Shut up, guys!
You want to know what's in this contract?
Our contract says you will not come anywhere near our child.
No more contact with us.
We'll have no rights on your child, nor will you have on ours.
Take the pen.
Here's a pen. Sign it.
We wanted to be friends with you, but you want nothing to do with us.
- Just sign it now. - Moni...
Wait, let me show them.
The pen's covered in earwax.
Here's my angry signature.
If you don't care about your child...
...it doesn't mean we don't care about ours.
Get out!
Varun!
- Get out! - You get out, my friend.
- This is our house. - Then get in!
All they can say is "Get out!" We're not coming back.
I don't get this guy.
Sister-in-law, how about a selfie? My 'flush' is on.
- I'll selfie you. - My 'flush' is on.
- Varun, just stop it! - Sister-in-law...
I read their contract last night.
It tells us how to raise the kid.
It even says that until he's 16...
...we must feed him clarified butter to make his bones strong.
What a character, man!
You really chose a weirdo for the sperm swap.
I keep seeing the Sardar's face in my dreams.
Who's that Sardar behind you?
- Not funny. - Just look!
Sir, the meeting...
I'm coming. Tell them I'm watching 'Kesari'.
What's Honey's problem?
What does he want from us?
Not from you. He wants the kid growing inside your wife.
You know, blood is thicker than water.
Shut up!
Don't tell me you don't feel emotional when...
...you see Monika's bump. That's your child.
Your biological child.
No. I don't.
I have a meeting. Talk to you guys later. Bye.
I'm seven months pregnant...
...but there's been no movement, doctor.
The baby should've kicked by now.
Maybe it has. But you were too busy to feel it.
What are you saying, doctor?
The baby is all I think about.
When I'm at work, I think about it all the time.
I won't miss it for anything at all.
I'm glad.
Good you're busy and not stressed out like other moms.
Actually...
...may I see the file of the baby's biological father?
His medical history.
I'm sorry, Deepti, that's confidential.
Relax! Your child's perfectly healthy.
If there was a problem, I would've told you.
It's just that I don't know anything about those people.
It scares me.
So get to know them.
If you made this journey together, It would be easier on everyone.
You're not the only one who's scared.
Monika's scared too.
Really?
She looks so relaxed like she was pregnant every year.
Hello, aunty. How are you?
Are you at a kitty party?
No problem. I just called.
We'll come to see you with your grandchild.
OK. Bye.
Sister-in-law?
- Come in, sister-in-law. - Want some street food?
Street food?
What's wrong?
- It reminds me of... - What?
Chandigarh street food.
Yes, madam?
Two sour, two sweet. Two mixed 'gol gappe.'
You have dry ones too?
How long have you tried for a child?
- Six years. - Are you serious?
I was pregnant twice.
But I had two miscarriages.
And you kept trying?
Are children more important than your health?
Why didn't you adopt?
Blood's thicker than water.
Hello, brother!
Sorry, I'm a little late.
Mumbai traffic! Cars now double up as second homes.
Why call me here?
Leaving everything aside...
I want to thank you for coming.
We moved here seven months ago...
...but we've never talked, man-to-man.
So meeting here is good.
Because it's 'get out' when we visit you!
You know all that.
What's happened to us is beyond belief. No doubt.
But I'm glad my spam swam into good people.
My spam was running in the wrong race but it won.
So what will you drink? Sonny!
Two large whiskeys. Soda or water?
It's only 6:30.
That's why I ask. Soda or water? Otherwise it's neat, no?
Get me a strawberry Daiquiri, a virgin.
A what Daiquiri?
- Never mind. - Alright.
I can't say cheers with a Daiquiri.
No way. Just look at the color.
- Have a proper drink. - No.
- Don't say no. - No, no.
Please, my brother.
A small one.
We won't get sozzled. Same for him.
Brother...
Cheers!
Is your husband attached to the child?
I don't know.
And Honey?
He's attached, but he's more concerned about you.
Don't you feel bad?
I do.
- Oh no. - What's wrong?
The baby kicked again. It's getting naughty.
Come on, brother. Please.
You're the talk of the town, my Chandigarh boy!
The cop at the crossroads sighs when he sees you
You with the mole on your chin
It's like the spot on the moon
Those black shades of yours
Boy, do they look cool on you!
They stand out on your fair skin
- Brother, one kiss! - No, no.
- Brother, one kiss. - Are you nuts?
All the tension has gone now!
Can I say something?
That doctor...
Joshi is not a doctor, he's just shifty.
Yes, shifty.
He said, "Mr Batra, we'll take the eggs, the sperm, no, spam...
"...you sit at home and your baby will be born in our lab."
I was blown away.
The miracles of modern science!
The parents lazing at home...
...and this character's creating lab babies.
95% success.
I've learned words I never thought existed.
Like 'ovary.' It reminds me of that song...
Ovary! Dancing wildly in the garden at midnight
By the way, it's not 'ovary!' It's 'morni,' a peahen.
Ovary sounds better.
By the way, tell me...
Has my...I mean, your kid started kicking?
I have no idea.
You people are great, but something's bothering me.
Don't mind, brother. God has done what He had to.
But what worries me is your negligence might harm my child.
- Excuse me? - Nothing to excuse you about.
Sister-in-law is seven months pregnant and she's still working.
She won't stop. You can't take the money with you.
It's her decision.
- Don't get personal. - Personal?
My spam is inside your wife, your spam is inside Moni.
What's more personal?
What's this nonsense?
You called me here for this?
Brother...
I wouldn't lie to you.
I called you here 'cos I'm worried about my baby.
What with your wife working, if anything happens to my kid...
...I'll teach you a lesson.
Who are you to teach me a lesson?
I've put with your clowning, but don't talk rubbish.
Sir, please.
- We have other customers. - To hell with the customers!
I haven't started yet.
You don't even know if your child has kicked.
And you want me to sign a contract giving you my child...
...and never meet the baby.
If my spam ends up with reckless people, wouldn't it worry me?
I shouldn't have come here.
I'm disgusted at the thought the kid will look like you.
Hear that?
His kid will look like me!
Why are you laughing?
Your child will look like me!
- So? - So what?
Sir! You're disturbing the other customers.
Please leave or I'll call the police.
I'm the real Batra, I don't budge.
And this Batra won't go till he's finished his drink.
That's the real Batra for you. Call the cops if you want.
Useless!
You English-talking smartass! Get out!
He loves saying "Get out."
Bring me my peg.
- What you staring at? - Hello, police?
- Baby, are you OK? - Yeah, I'm fine.
I saw Monika today.
Her child has started kicking.
But ours hasn't.
Dr Joshi said everything was fine.
It's the seventh month. It should've kicked by now.
Kick. Kick. Kick!
My sperm was mixed up with Honey's sperm, not Ronaldo's.
That's all you can talk about.
Can't breathe in peace without hearing about those clowns.
I'm exhausted.
I'm sorry.
It's OK.
Mom and Dad are coming next week.
They wanted to give you a surprise.
They sounded so excited.
I didn't know how to stop them.
You don't need to.
They're your parents after all. Of course they'd be excited.
Don't behave like everything's normal.
Everything could be normal, Varun.
Don't you feel attached to this child?
No, I don't.
I don't. So hang me.
You'll be carrying it for nine months.
Naturally you'll feel attached. I get it. But I don't feel it.
Let those clowns have the baby. Makes no difference to me.
You've said that before, but you're right.
It wouldn't affect you if I gave them the baby.
Getting pregnant, carrying a baby? No big deal.
One has to endure a little pain.
Minor problems. Falling hair, facial boils, body rash, endless injections.
Your bladder can't hold your pee because of the baby's weight.
Fever, cold, cough.
And under no circumstance take any medicine. It'll harm the baby.
That's no big deal either.
Can't wear your favorite clothes, nothing fits.
Can't eat your favorite food, not allowed.
Depression, mood swings. We endure it all...
...so no one gets upset.
A mother sacrifices her body for those nine months.
And you can't even imagine the labor pain.
But we take it all with a smile.
Because we know...
...when we see the baby for the first time...
...it'll all be worth it.
But a man's contribution during pregnancy?
A cool "Ah, baby, I've come."
I'm sure none of this ever crossed your mind.
Because you were never on the same page, Varun.
You were busy thinking about how to get them off your back.
You call this good news, Varun?
Since we heard the news, there's been nothing good between us.
Take me to the hospital. He isn't at home.
His phone is switched off.
I'm dying.
Deepu!
O Mother Goddess, help me...
Varun, hurry up.
What happened?
A kick!
Careful, sister-in-law. Deepu's pregnant too.
Our baby kicked.
Oh...OK.
Congratulations, sister-in-law.
- Brother, please be quick. - Varun, hurry up.
- She's gone into labor. - It's only her seventh month, doctor.
The baby's premature.
She has a history of miscarriages.
Anyway, complete the formalities. Try and contact her husband.
I have. He isn't answering.
Has the pediatrician come?
I suggest you go home. Try and relax. OK?
Will it be alright?
Everything will be fine. Don't stress.
I'll wait till Honey shows up.
Drive carefully.
Mr Batra?
Are you the father?
No, he's on his way.
Send him in as soon as he gets here.
How's the child?
It's serious. She's in an incubator.
She?
Do you want to see her?
Follow me.
Mr Batra...
Come.
Some premature infants cannot swallow or breathe properly...
...so they're fed intravenously.
Will she make it?
Can't say.
It seems difficult.
We'll keep her in the ICU.
Brother, you have a girl.
Moni...
Have you seen her?
Let me see Chuhiya just once.
You named her without me.
She's so small. So tiny. Like a little mouse.
Will she be alright?
Take me to her.
- Please tell the nurse. - Sure.
You're still up?
How's the baby?
She's still in the incubator.
Sorry.
Deepu, I'm sorry.
On this bleak morning
Darkness lingering
The waves shall meet the shore
Though the near seems so far away
I know my heart is to blame
May all be spared this suffering
Whatever you've lost you shall find
Whatever is broken shall be restored
The baby is critical. Let's just pray.
Whatever you've lost you shall find
Whatever is broken shall be restored
Who knows where my journey has led me
All our dreams are now shattered
I know my heart is to blame
May all be spared this suffering
What's happened, brother?
Baby! The alarm's gone off.
- It has not. - Varun, it's time. Come on.
S***!
Mama, Papa!
It's time.
The grim reaper's here?
Grim reaper? No! It's time to take Deepu to the hospital.
Varun, where's my maternity bag?
Under the bed. Drag it out!
What? Are you crazy?
You get it out! Fast.
I'm coming. Don't bend.
Oh sh**!
- What's wrong? - My back.
My son's slip-dicks.
No, Ma! My disc.
- Come on, guys. - I'll drive. Don't stress.
Shut up, Mom. You're a bad driver.
- I can drive too. - Please...
Where's your phone?
A cab will take 11 minutes to get here.
- Password? - It's the same!
Varun, come on.
Hurry up, son.
It's an emergency.
Coming, sister-in-law.
Hurry up!
- Open the door. - Hurry up.
Mama...
We're taking Monika with us. Bring her child and Papa in an Ola.
- Hola? - Not Hola. Hire an Ola!
How can Hola be in Mumbai? Close the door!
- Let's go. - Wait!
Give me the maternity bag.
- Where to? - This way.
- Varun! - Coming.
Sister-in-law, hurry!
Varun. Varun!
I'm here.
- Where were you? - Changing.
Though it sounds pretty primitive...
...but squatting is an excellent position...
Don't talk rubbish!
You will not deliver my child.
- Where is Mrs Joshi? - Where is she?
She's gone to the US for further studies. She'll be back in a year.
By the way, relax. Let me and these two idiots do our job.
Varun, get this damn thing out of me.
Yes, calm down. Just calm down!
Yes, good.
That's eye drops.
I know. This is for me.
- He's rinsing his eyes with eyedrops. - Relax, Mrs Batra, I got this.
We've got this. OK, now please...
"O Mother of Life, O Father of the Universe.
Doctor, this is not a temple. Get the kid out.
Get the kid out! What you doing?
Mrs Batra, please. It takes a bit of time.
I got this. Trust me. Breathe.
Careful!
Mr Batra.
She's ready to see you.
She's so pretty. She's just like Varun.
Her eyes and her forehead are just like Varun's.
Come!
Come in.
Get me a home
Make it feel like home
Oh my God. This is original.
You called me lovingly, here I am
We look like a cool couple
You called me lovingly, here I am
We look like a cool couple
A sign from you is all I need
Now I want to spend my life with you
Make all your wishes come true
Just say yes, sweetheart
Get me a home
I'll get you a home in Chandigarh
Make me a home in Chandigarh
Your dreamy eyes, your Punjabi clothes, you ask for my heart
I'll get you anything you ask for. Swear to God
I'll spend every rupee on you
Empty my wallet
Get me a home
I'll get you a home in Chandigarh