♪♪♪
- Gather around, kids!
Today's lesson is all about
how to clean up after your messy,
dirty little selves! All: (Groan)
- Yay!!!
- Aw, man! Can't we do something exciting instead?
Like building a cannon and blasting outta here?
(Blast) Yeah!
- (Laughing) No!
(Loud pounding)
Wow, that sounds ominous.
Let me go see who it is!
Hello? Huh. Nothing.
I must be imagining things.
General Louse: You imagine nothing human!
- Who was that?
- Look down! Remember me?
- Ahhhh! General Louse!
H-how did you find me?
- You ever heard of the internet?
Plus you're 7 feet tall! Kind of hard to miss.
We demand scalps!
- B-b-but I'm bald!
My scalp would be a barren wasteland to you!
- We don't want your scalp this time.
We want fresh ones!
The children's!
- (Gasp) Not the children!
- And you know what will happen if you resist!
- For the last time doc,
I got beaten up by a louse!
(Sigh) Fine, I'll go tell 'em.
- Ow! - Awwwwww.
- Kids, I need three volunteers.
- Are you doing a magic show? - No.
Did something die? - What? No.
- You're giving away free kittens, aren't you!
(Meowing) - N-n-no. No kittens.
But I guess you can call them pets.
You would get to feed them.
Talk to them, sleep with them.
It'll be lice.
- Did you say lice?
- (Laughing) No, I said nice!
It'll be nice.
(Sigh) Okay, I said lice.
All: (Gasp)
- I knew they'd show up here eventually.
Well, today's the day.
- Why can't you just tell them to go away?
- Because the louse general doesn't just "go away".
This is one tough hombre!
He's toppled governments
and taken down countries like Belize,
Kyrgyzstan, and Zimbabwe.
- (Gasp) Not Kyrgyzstan!
- I know, it's bad!
He's the reason I shaved my head bald.
But at least I've managed to negotiate him down
to 3 scalps. Soooo.... (Chuckles)
I need 3 volunteers.
Look, I'm trying to avoid an all-out-war here!
Those kids will thank me later.
- But I don't want creepy blood suckers on my scalp!
- Me neither!
So how do we decide who gets the lice?
All: Not it! - Awwwwww.
- Well, that didn't work. What should we do?
Owen: We should have a pie eating contest.
That way even if I lose, I win!
- Or... we see who can shove the most fingers up their nose.
My record is eleven!
- Well...I'll get lice.
- No, you don't want that!
I had to fight lice before.
It wasn't pretty!
Crowd: Fight, fight, fight! (Bell dings)
(Attach yell)
You win! You win! You win!
You don't want itchy,
disgusting bugs crawling on your heads, do you?
No! So, we fight back!
We will not get lice!
All: No lice!
- Say it! We will not get lice!
All: No lice!
- I like rice.
(Knocking)
- Wow, that was fast!
So, who will be getting lice this year?
- None of us.
- What are you doing?
We gotta get rid of those signs before General Louse sees them!
- Not gonna happen.
- You don't understand, there was a time
when lice refused to negotiate with humans!
Back then, if you had a head, you had lice!
- Oh! The itching is terrible!
- You think you've got it bad?
- We can't go back to that!
The one upside to losing my luscious locks
is now there's nowhere for the lice to live.
- So that's why you have no hair!
- Yeees. It's not because I'm old.
(Bone cracks) Aahhoooww! My hip!
- Now you go in there and tell them
a school full of children is no place for lice!
All: Yeah!
- (Sighs)
- So, as it turns out...
the kids don't want lice this year. Heh.
Who woulda figured.
But there's a hair salon down the street
where you can make yourselves very comfortable!
- Unacceptable!
We will have your scalps! Soldiers assemble!
(Marching thuds)
- Oh no!
(Evil cackle)
- Ahhhh!
The lice are on the war path!
All: (Gasp)
- I'll hold them off as long as I can!
Mommy.
Aaaahhhh!!!
- Tinfoil hats and soap shooters, go!
- Ready!
- Almost ready!
- Bring it!
Courtney: Okay so here's the plan,
our enemy is creepy, crawly,
and really itchy,
but we're gonna show those bloodsuckers
what we're made of! Everyone locked and loaded?
All: (Cheer)
- Do I get my rice now?
- Hey! - My abs!
- What? I'm just testing out the gear.
They work.
(Pounding)
(Evil laugh)
- We're not afraid of you!
- I'm kind of afraid...
- Ha! You should be afraid!
You kids thought you could fight us?
You're outnumbered millions to a measly few.
- Oh, yeah?
Eat my suds blood suckers!
- I prefer hand to hand combat!
- Lice fist at 10 o'clock!
(Splashing)
- Huh? Well done.
But there's plenty more where that came from!
(Splashing)
- Take cover!
- Whoa! Hey now! Ha! Missed!
My turn!
(Fighting sounds)
- I wonder how the kids are doing.
- Ahhh! - Ahhh!
- (Sigh) I'm gonna get a lot of calls from parents tonight.
Time to bring in the monkey!
- Looks like you need some air support!
- (Gasps)
- Air strike!
Run for your life! Aaaahhh!!
Pilot: Roger that, purple leader!
We have the scalp in sight.
- Look out, duuuuude!
- No! Jude's hit!
Jude's hit!
- Aaaaahhhhhh! It's so itchy!
- (Siren sounds) Weee-oooo! Wee-oooo! Wee-oooo!
- Thanks for saving me, buddy.
- Jude is down!
- You parasites wanna piece of us?!
- Just your scalps! Hahahaha!
- Then come and get it!
(Battle cry)
- Make it stoooooooopppp!
- I will have more scalp, please.
- Right away, sir.
- Weee-oooo! Weee-oooo!
- We've got another kid down!
- Ah gah ah! How do we get the itching to stop?
- (Gasps) Look!
- Hey, a lice monkey!
I have questions about where the monkey came from,
but we're at war so that'll have to wait.
- War's a bummer, dude.
- (High-pitched squeal)
Martin, avenge meeeee!
- Gary? Is that you?!
No! Take me instead!
wait, I didn't mean it! Aahhh!!!
- I'm outta juice! - Me too!
- What do we do? - We're doomed!
- That's right, soldier!
Surrender now and we'll make it as painless as possible.
- We'll never surrender!
Both: Uh, heh heh no.
- I know what this monster needs.
He needs a hug.
Oh. Lice hugs are itchy.
- You kids stink at war!
You should've given up while you had the chance.
- Never!
- Silly children. Your luscious locks
and delicious scalps are mine!
- Luscious locks? Wait! That's it!
- What? What?
- Remember what Chef said? - Oh! Oh! I do!
- Hey kids! It's ice cream time!
Hey kids! It's pizza time!
Hey kids! It's pancake time!
No, Owen! Not about food, about lice!
- Oh yeah, that part.
- The one upside to losing my luscious locks
is now there's nowhere for the lice to live.
- Oooohoohooo!
- Hm.
- Are you going to surrender or what?
- Never! We're going to plan B!
- (Gasp) Clippers?! You wouldn't!
- Oh, we would!
(Buzzing)
- No! Stop! Don't! Ahhh!
Aaaaaah! What have you done!
Heads... all too shiny!
- Now beat it scalp sucker!
(Booms)
- Lice give the worst hugs.
- This war isn't over! I'll be back!
Ahhhh! - (Gulps)
All: Yay!
- Now we will never be bothered by them again.
- I can't believe you guys defeated General Louse!
Good job! Who's up for a party?
- Oh, a pizza party? - A clean up party?
- A wig party? - (Monkey sounds)
Chef: (Laughs) The monkey's right,
let's have an everything party!