♪♪♪
One private bathroom oasis (pats box)
with an Atomic Flush "never clog" toilet!
- (Giggles, claps) Tee-hee-hee!
- And to keep the kiddies out,
a hi-tech E330 Defendo-cator security system!
All you gotta do is activate it.
- You didn't set the security system on my bathroom yet?
(Gasps) No, no-no-no-no!
(Screams)
- Great purchase, Chef!
You can't plug this thing no matter what you flush!
(Splash)
Buh bye, paint can!
- (Gasps) - Sayonara, Computer!
(Splash) - My laptop!
- (reads) "How To Make Friends with Kids
You Don't Really Like?" - I need that book--
(Toilet flushing) - Nope, sorry,
couldn't hear you over that powerful flushing sound,
what were you saying?
- (Groans)
Get outta my beautiful bathroom!
- I've been kicked out of worse places.
- Went with the E330, huh?
Not really "top of the line",
but I guess on a teacher's salary-- (slams door)
(Alarm buttons beep) - There!
Good luck getting past that!
(Sighs) Now to spend the rest of the day in my office
eating red meat and rhubarb,
so I can really give my new baby a test drive!
(Stomach growls, pained groans)
- Harold, was that your tummy?
- I need to get into that private bathroom!
- Why don't you just use the kids bathroom?
- You know why I can't!
- I'm a fishering man!
AHHHH! (Splash, gurgles)
- (Laughs) Fair.
That place is a one way ticket to the emergency room.
- Well, we're gonna have an emergency in this room
if you don't help NOW!
(Grunting)
- This security system can be a little tricky, but...
I've never met one I couldn't BEAT!
(Beeps open, fizzles) Ha! See, all it took was-OOF!
(Door slams) - AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!
- And not so much as a "thank you".
(Crackles, explodes)
♪ Ta na!
(Knocks) Um... you okay in there?
Didn't get sucked in by the Atomic Flush, did'ja?
- All good, Noah!
And WOW this place is impressive.
A whole poo world is opening before my eyes.
Uh, N-Noah? Why-why is the door locked?
- Huh? (Gasp)
Yeah, Harold? We may have a problem.
The security system has melted and...
well, uh, you're locked in. - Ahhhh!
- But the important thing is to remain calm.
(Wild, panicked screaming)
- Breathe, Harold, breathe.
Come on with me. (Harold screaming)
Innn. Ouuut. Innn. Ouuut.
- FREEEEDOOOOMMMMMM!!! (Bang)
- Harold? Harold? C'mon, pal. You okay?
- Ahh! Oof!
(Splash)
- Harold? Did you fall into the toilet?
(Flushing sound)
- Guys! I...I need your help! (Catches his breath)
I broke into Chef's new bathroom
so Harold could poop and that toilet ATE HIM!
- So Harold flushed himself.
This concerns me how?
- Yeah. This sounds like a you problem.
- (Sighs) You're right.
I guess I'll just have to sneak off school property
all by myself.
- Sneak off school property?
- And then slosh through strangers' poop
in a dank sewer all afternoon.
- Strangers' poop?
Both: We'll come with you!
- Whoa! That was... that was really on there!
Noah? N-NOAH?
(Sighs) Guess I might be in here a while.
Oh well, better me than one of my classmates.
A weaker mind would go mad
in this kind of isolation.
Isn't that right... Mister TP?
Noah: Harold?! You in there?
- Where are you, doofus?
- (Gasps) People?
This time it's real!
WELCOME... TO POOPLANDIAAAAAA!
(Crickets chirp)
(Cockroach crunches)
- I'm Sewer Mike.
And you guys... are my new best friends!
Let's get matching tattoos!
All: Um... no. (Tattoo gun buzzes)
- You're right! PFFT! Yeah, totally.
Real besties don't need tattoos.
(Awkward chuckle)
- Yeah... we're just down here to find our friend, Harold.
- Maybe you've seen him?
Nerdy kid? Wedgie rash?
- Sorry. You're the only three people
I've seen in years!
- You poor, poor, alligator!
I can't imagine how lonely you must be!
Everybody needs a friend!
Well! See ya later!
- Wait! I'm sure your friend is fine!
And you've barely seen my pad!
- Yeah, no offense,
but your "pad" looks like it's mostly stuff
people flushed down the toilet.
- Yeah, later gator.
- Come on, Mike. You're blowing it.
Time for... the book.
♪♪♪
Please stay a little longer.
If you do... OH!
I could help you find your friend!
After all, I-I know these sewers better than anyone!
- (Sighs) I guess we can stay for a few minutes.
Like you said, Harold's probably okay.
- And Harold pulls up for the jumper!
No, no-no-wait.
He pulls up for the jump--
Oh.
For the layup. (Thud) OWWW.
Oh. Oh really? I'd like to see you try!
You don't even have arms!
(Emotional) I didn't mean that!
You're perfect just the way you are, Mister TP!
- Okay. Time to make my BFFs!
(reading) "Number one.
I can do that.
So tell me; what makes Beth tick?
- Whoa. - Dude, you don't wanna--
- Hey! I'm making friends here! So...?
What's in that big Beth brain?
- Wow. Nobody's ever asked me that before.
(Snort, laugh)
I guess I should start at the beginning;
back when I was hatched in the lab!
- O-kaaaaaay.
- ...and once I eat the marshmallows
out of everyone's heads,
then I guess I can let all the cats and dogs
come home from outer space.
And that's mostly what I think about. Mostly.
- We tried to tell you, dude.
Full Beth is a lot.
- Yeah. Good luck with the nightmares.
- (reads) "Number two. Do not criticize prospective friends.
Try complimenting instead!"
Yeah! Of course!
Y'know what, Duncan?
I think you're pretty great--
WHAT DID YOU DO?
- Why I thought the couch could use a hot new paint job.
You're not gonna lecture me, are you?
- What? Me? Lecture?
No way!
I mean, friends don't criticize,
am I right?
It looks... awesome!
- Really? So it's cool if I do this?
(Smashes)
- Surrrrre! Yeah!
That's greaaaaat!
- Wow! Okay! And this?
(Water whooshes)
- C'mon, man!
How's Duncan gonna learn boundaries
if his so-called friends can't be honest with him?
- Pathetic.
- (reads) "Number three. A hug and a winning smile
can seal the deal with a new friend."
No way this could go wrong.
HUGGGGGGGSSSSSS!!!!
- Whoa! Ah!
What are you doing?!
- (Gasps) He was trying to eat you!
Is that how you treat all your guests?
- This lizard is a jerk. (Smash)
- Seriously, man.
Way to perpetuate an alligator stereotype.
- (Sigh) I've tried everything.
Why is nothing working?
(reads) "If all else fails... use a cage."
Hmm. Well, if I can't make friends with them the nice way,
I'll do it the mean way.
- Well! She's all set, Sewer Mike!
One Friend Cage complete with top of the line,
E330 Security System!
- That's great! Let me find my cheque book.
- Guys, I think we're gonna be fine.
- There! I can't live on the same side of this bathroom
with someone who thinks toilet paper
should be hung in the underhand position.
(Tense music)
(Record scratches)
I'm sorry! It's not you!
It's this place!
I think it's... it's getting to both of us!
(Gasps) You're right.
We should escape.
- Hey, there's a chili recipe in here
that sounds pretty good. Maybe I'll try it tonight--
- RUN!
- Hey! All: Ahhh!
- If you're not my friends then you're my dinner!
(Screaming) - (Hard thud) OW!
- OH NO! DEAD END!
- HA! GOTCHA!
(Panting) Now quit putting up a fuss!
I'm gonna open my mouth
and one by one you kids climb in.
(Clank) - Aw, come on,
the small pipe?! Ugh.
- Okay, Mister TP, hold on tight!
Once that sink overflows
and fills the room with water,
the pressure will open the door and we'll be FREE!
(Rumbling)
(Water whooshing)
Oh, hey guys! Great timing!
We were just about to set sail!
- HAROLD?! What's with the beard?
Dude, are you okay?
- I don't think any of us are gonna be okay in a second!
MIKE IS RIGHT BEHIND US!
(Loud whoosh) (Big Roar)
- AHHHHHH!!!
(Gasps) MISTER TEEEEEEEE PEEEEEEEEE!
(Water whooshes)
- Oh... oh... we made it!
- Not all of us!
Mister TP?
Where are you, Mister TP?
NOOOOOOOOOOO.
- Sorry pal.
At least he died doing what he loved...
absorbing fluids.
- Where's Mike?
I didn't think he was gonna give up till he found a friend.
- (Laughing)
You said it, Mister TP.
You said it.
- Well, at least things can get back to normal around here now.
- Gotta go-gotta go-gotta go!
(Screams) What happened to my new bathroom?
♪♪♪