1 00:00:01,163 --> 00:00:01,963 - Where's the girl? 2 00:00:01,963 --> 00:00:03,123 - What girl? 3 00:00:03,123 --> 00:00:03,963 - Where's the girl? 4 00:00:03,963 --> 00:00:05,683 - What girl? I really don't know 5 00:00:05,683 --> 00:00:07,003 what you are talking about. 6 00:00:07,003 --> 00:00:10,043 - How come we found one of her shoes out your chimney? 7 00:00:10,043 --> 00:00:12,923 And there's a lock of her hair in your top pocket. 8 00:00:12,923 --> 00:00:15,003 - I've never seen this before! 9 00:00:15,003 --> 00:00:17,643 Oh please make this stop. 10 00:00:17,643 --> 00:00:19,443 - Look what you've started Jeeve. 11 00:00:19,443 --> 00:00:21,923 I'll lug you around like a fuckin' toby jug! 12 00:00:21,923 --> 00:00:23,203 Where's the girl? 13 00:00:23,203 --> 00:00:26,843 - All right! I'll say anything! Please stop. 14 00:00:28,603 --> 00:00:31,243 - And that's just one of the things policemen do all day. 15 00:00:31,243 --> 00:00:34,723 Thank you very much indeed Mr Milsom for helping us. 16 00:00:34,723 --> 00:00:35,963 Now, who wants to see how we fish 17 00:00:35,963 --> 00:00:38,803 opium out of sailors assholes? 18 00:00:41,603 --> 00:00:41,643 (Theme music) 19 00:00:41,643 --> 00:00:44,323 (Theme music) 20 00:00:44,443 --> 00:00:45,683 - London Fog 21 00:00:45,683 --> 00:00:47,003 Toppins in a jar 22 00:00:48,043 --> 00:00:48,843 London Fog 23 00:00:48,843 --> 00:00:50,203 Toppins in a jar 24 00:00:51,763 --> 00:00:55,283 - All over murders fucking pictures and everything. 25 00:00:55,283 --> 00:00:59,603 - Oye! It's a penny each you thievin' God Bless you Sir. 26 00:01:06,723 --> 00:01:09,723 - Boy have you reached that smell. 27 00:01:09,723 --> 00:01:11,963 On the happy source already are we Rabbit? 28 00:01:11,963 --> 00:01:13,763 Trying to stop the voices in your head? 29 00:01:13,763 --> 00:01:17,363 Oh me old lady they found in three suitcases 30 00:01:17,363 --> 00:01:19,363 Why didn't you save me Rabbit? 31 00:01:20,283 --> 00:01:23,043 I'm the flower girl what got dismembered in the alley way. 32 00:01:23,043 --> 00:01:24,203 - Rabbit! 33 00:01:24,203 --> 00:01:26,163 My office now! 34 00:01:26,163 --> 00:01:28,243 - It's funny Tanner, your mates' reckon that hat 35 00:01:28,243 --> 00:01:30,563 makes you look like an asshole. 36 00:01:30,563 --> 00:01:32,403 I reckon it suits you. 37 00:01:34,563 --> 00:01:36,043 - What did you say? 38 00:01:36,043 --> 00:01:37,043 - You heard. 39 00:01:38,923 --> 00:01:41,803 - What the cockaded goes through your head? 40 00:01:41,803 --> 00:01:42,643 What happened? 41 00:01:42,643 --> 00:01:43,483 - What? 42 00:01:43,483 --> 00:01:44,603 - Shut your pipe! 43 00:01:44,603 --> 00:01:47,363 You put a teacher in hospital you div. 44 00:01:47,363 --> 00:01:50,283 This came today, know what it is? 45 00:01:50,283 --> 00:01:52,083 - I don't know, a letter? 46 00:01:52,083 --> 00:01:56,603 - Dear Inspector Rabbit, your visit yesterday 47 00:01:56,603 --> 00:01:57,963 really inspired me. 48 00:01:57,963 --> 00:02:00,203 When I grow up, I want to kick wrongings 49 00:02:00,203 --> 00:02:02,483 in the bollocks then string the wankers up. 50 00:02:02,483 --> 00:02:04,683 Signed Lily, aged nine 51 00:02:04,683 --> 00:02:05,603 Nine. 52 00:02:05,603 --> 00:02:08,763 - Just working together for a safer city. 53 00:02:08,763 --> 00:02:11,323 - You made me look a proper tit! 54 00:02:11,323 --> 00:02:12,923 Remember to watch your ass! 55 00:02:14,363 --> 00:02:15,203 In you come lad. 56 00:02:18,523 --> 00:02:20,363 - Who the fuck is that? 57 00:02:20,363 --> 00:02:22,643 - I need you to play the game Rabbit. 58 00:02:22,643 --> 00:02:23,963 So you're getting a partner. 59 00:02:23,963 --> 00:02:26,283 - Sergeant Wilbur Strauss, delighted to meet you sir. 60 00:02:26,283 --> 00:02:27,763 - I bet you are boy. 61 00:02:27,763 --> 00:02:28,963 I don't want a partner. 62 00:02:28,963 --> 00:02:32,363 - He's from Cambridge, top of his year in Criminology. 63 00:02:32,363 --> 00:02:35,003 - Full disclosure, I also came bottom 64 00:02:35,003 --> 00:02:36,123 It's a brand new course you see 65 00:02:36,123 --> 00:02:36,963 and I was the only one in the class. 66 00:02:36,963 --> 00:02:39,403 - You've got something on your shirt. 67 00:02:39,403 --> 00:02:41,243 He even fell for that old gag. 68 00:02:41,243 --> 00:02:44,123 - I want you to stick to this boy like shit to a blanket. 69 00:02:44,123 --> 00:02:45,923 Or you're out on the cobbles. 70 00:02:45,923 --> 00:02:49,883 - Father you forgot your sandwiches and did I get the job? 71 00:02:49,883 --> 00:02:52,843 - Mabel, Darling, a woman can't be police. 72 00:02:52,843 --> 00:02:53,683 - When you adopted me, you said 73 00:02:53,683 --> 00:02:55,163 you wanted the best for me. 74 00:02:55,163 --> 00:02:57,203 - I was merely talking about hats. 75 00:02:57,203 --> 00:02:59,963 - If a woman can be a nurse or a novelist 76 00:02:59,963 --> 00:03:02,203 then why can't she find the stolen jewels 77 00:03:02,203 --> 00:03:05,043 or drown a nonce because a child's too good for him? 78 00:03:05,043 --> 00:03:06,523 - Because it's never been done 79 00:03:06,523 --> 00:03:09,163 and for other socioeconomic reasons. 80 00:03:09,163 --> 00:03:10,803 - The only opportunity for a young woman 81 00:03:10,803 --> 00:03:13,603 in this field is strangled girl in fog. 82 00:03:13,603 --> 00:03:15,123 I'm aiming higher, I'm going to be 83 00:03:15,123 --> 00:03:16,523 the first female copper 84 00:03:16,523 --> 00:03:20,243 or fopper or lady filth or 85 00:03:20,243 --> 00:03:21,803 - Bacon Dolly 86 00:03:21,803 --> 00:03:22,643 - Femmie Plod? 87 00:03:22,643 --> 00:03:24,243 - Shut your holes! 88 00:03:24,243 --> 00:03:25,563 - We have not been introduced, 89 00:03:25,563 --> 00:03:26,843 I'm Strauss the new police chair 90 00:03:26,843 --> 00:03:27,883 - Fuck off! 91 00:03:27,883 --> 00:03:31,083 - Watch your saucepots madam, now be off with you. 92 00:03:34,443 --> 00:03:35,443 - Kids today 93 00:03:35,443 --> 00:03:38,803 - Aye, oh this one's yours, now skidaddle. 94 00:03:44,043 --> 00:03:45,923 - This is so exciting, I've only 95 00:03:45,923 --> 00:03:47,883 ever read about East End in pamphlet. 96 00:03:47,883 --> 00:03:50,363 It truly is the gateway to Solomon. 97 00:03:50,363 --> 00:03:52,523 Oh a pub! 98 00:03:52,523 --> 00:03:54,403 This is our first case, the Case of the Pub. 99 00:03:54,403 --> 00:03:56,963 - Back already Rabbit, what you having? 100 00:03:56,963 --> 00:03:58,403 Gin's literally blinding 101 00:03:58,403 --> 00:03:59,803 you better take it with a mixer. 102 00:03:59,803 --> 00:04:00,883 - I'll have a whiskey Gwen. 103 00:04:00,883 --> 00:04:02,603 - What about your fancy pal? 104 00:04:02,603 --> 00:04:03,603 - He'll have the same. 105 00:04:03,603 --> 00:04:06,563 Gwen, why is there a sewing machine hanging from your roof? 106 00:04:06,563 --> 00:04:08,483 - It's a push bike you mutton button. 107 00:04:08,483 --> 00:04:10,443 It's a talking point, makes the place nice. 108 00:04:10,443 --> 00:04:12,323 - Oh I bet it does girl. 109 00:04:17,923 --> 00:04:21,723 - I'd say Mr Rabbit, I'm having the most tremendous time. 110 00:04:21,723 --> 00:04:23,723 - You aren't cut out for this are you boy? 111 00:04:23,723 --> 00:04:25,003 I'd quit while you can. 112 00:04:25,003 --> 00:04:25,843 - Quit? 113 00:04:25,843 --> 00:04:29,443 You and I are working together for a safer city. 114 00:04:29,443 --> 00:04:32,123 - This is a rat eating it's own babies, 115 00:04:32,123 --> 00:04:34,363 babies made of shit. 116 00:04:34,363 --> 00:04:37,443 And once it's eaten it's own shit babies, 117 00:04:37,443 --> 00:04:40,803 it shits them out again and then it noshes them 118 00:04:40,803 --> 00:04:45,043 and that goes on and on until the sun turns cold 119 00:04:45,043 --> 00:04:47,403 and the sea goes back up into the sky. 120 00:04:49,723 --> 00:04:52,083 - How come you've only got one eyebrow? 121 00:04:52,083 --> 00:04:54,923 - The dog chewed it off last year. 122 00:04:54,923 --> 00:04:57,083 - Murder! Horrible Murder! 123 00:04:58,523 --> 00:04:59,363 - Good. 124 00:05:03,443 --> 00:05:05,763 Get out of the way for health reasons 125 00:05:05,763 --> 00:05:07,483 by that I mean if you don't I'll kill you. 126 00:05:07,483 --> 00:05:08,683 Get out of the way. 127 00:05:08,683 --> 00:05:09,603 - So sorry. 128 00:05:11,643 --> 00:05:13,203 - What's going on here fishface? 129 00:05:13,203 --> 00:05:15,643 - Found her in a river, she drowned. 130 00:05:15,643 --> 00:05:17,123 - Not before someone shot her. 131 00:05:18,043 --> 00:05:19,203 - She's very beautiful. 132 00:05:19,203 --> 00:05:20,723 - She's dead mate you can't say shit like that 133 00:05:20,723 --> 00:05:22,123 when a bird's a brown bread. 134 00:05:23,003 --> 00:05:25,123 - Excuse me, excuse me please, okay what have we got? 135 00:05:25,123 --> 00:05:27,683 - None of your biz, just some old docker blow 136 00:05:28,763 --> 00:05:29,963 - It's another young woman isn't it? 137 00:05:29,963 --> 00:05:32,203 Can't you cockneys be a little more original? 138 00:05:32,203 --> 00:05:35,803 - Stand aside underclass wretches 139 00:05:35,803 --> 00:05:37,723 Tanner of the Yard is here. 140 00:05:37,723 --> 00:05:40,203 - Why don't you bugger off Tanner, I've got this. 141 00:05:40,203 --> 00:05:42,403 - Oh yes, like all those cases 142 00:05:42,403 --> 00:05:45,483 he failed to solve ladies and gentlemen 143 00:05:45,483 --> 00:05:48,403 because he was so tit ripped on booze. 144 00:05:49,483 --> 00:05:52,043 He couldn't tell his ass from a hole in the ground. 145 00:05:52,043 --> 00:05:53,763 (crowd laughing) 146 00:05:53,803 --> 00:05:55,603 better leave this to the real police. 147 00:05:57,083 --> 00:05:59,523 All gathered here pray silence 148 00:05:59,523 --> 00:06:02,323 that I may solve this mystery. 149 00:06:07,683 --> 00:06:09,323 (loud groan) 150 00:06:09,363 --> 00:06:10,203 - Fuck's sake. 151 00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:11,043 - Second it. 152 00:06:12,883 --> 00:06:15,603 (choking noises) 153 00:06:16,803 --> 00:06:20,283 - That's it, the victim wore blue gloves 154 00:06:20,283 --> 00:06:23,723 that man over there has a blue hat 155 00:06:26,243 --> 00:06:29,883 Blue and blue inclination's clear 156 00:06:29,883 --> 00:06:33,483 You sir are the murderer. 157 00:06:33,483 --> 00:06:34,963 (crowd gasps) 158 00:06:35,003 --> 00:06:36,243 - Hold on! 159 00:06:36,243 --> 00:06:37,083 No, wait! 160 00:06:38,203 --> 00:06:39,483 - They didn't fall for that. 161 00:06:39,483 --> 00:06:40,963 - I've heard Londoners are famous for their savvy. 162 00:06:40,963 --> 00:06:43,323 - [Someone In Crowd] Three cheers for Inspector Tanner 163 00:06:43,323 --> 00:06:44,163 Hip hip 164 00:06:44,163 --> 00:06:44,963 - [Crowd] Hooray! 165 00:06:44,963 --> 00:06:45,803 - [Someone In Crowd] Hip hip 166 00:06:45,803 --> 00:06:46,643 - [Crowd] Hooray! 167 00:06:46,643 --> 00:06:47,483 - [Someone In Crowd] Hip Hip 168 00:06:47,483 --> 00:06:48,403 - [Crowd] Hooray! 169 00:06:48,403 --> 00:06:49,763 - [Tanner] Don't touch me. 170 00:06:49,763 --> 00:06:51,403 - Nine hundred times Rabbit, 171 00:06:51,403 --> 00:06:53,963 "Killer in Blue Caught by Boys in the Above" 172 00:06:53,963 --> 00:06:55,123 the papers love it. 173 00:06:55,123 --> 00:06:57,243 - But the wrong man's gonna swing sir. 174 00:06:57,243 --> 00:06:59,763 Give me two days, I'll bring him in by his ball sack. 175 00:06:59,763 --> 00:07:02,643 - The case is solved Rabbit, so drop it 176 00:07:02,643 --> 00:07:04,883 and remember who wipes your ass. 177 00:07:04,883 --> 00:07:06,003 - Does he actually? 178 00:07:06,003 --> 00:07:07,363 - No I think it's a northern expression. 179 00:07:07,363 --> 00:07:08,563 Can you stop saying it? 180 00:07:08,563 --> 00:07:11,123 - I should say what I bloody like, now move! 181 00:07:15,963 --> 00:07:18,403 - Good day officer, Sir Giles Linley 182 00:07:18,403 --> 00:07:20,843 standing for re-election as your member of parliament. 183 00:07:20,843 --> 00:07:23,363 You caught a right ugly brut there. 184 00:07:23,363 --> 00:07:24,803 Where can I find your inspector? 185 00:07:24,803 --> 00:07:28,283 I'm here donating books to the inmates, improves them. 186 00:07:28,283 --> 00:07:30,643 What you think for this repulsive savage? 187 00:07:30,643 --> 00:07:34,043 I've got amputation, a cure for masturbation, or 188 00:07:34,043 --> 00:07:38,883 do Irishmen have souls, the twist is, they do. 189 00:07:38,883 --> 00:07:39,723 - But he- 190 00:07:39,723 --> 00:07:40,603 - Illiterate, not surprised. 191 00:07:40,603 --> 00:07:42,883 He probably eats with his feet. 192 00:07:42,883 --> 00:07:44,083 What happened to his eyebrow? 193 00:07:44,083 --> 00:07:45,483 - His dog chewed it off last Christmas. 194 00:07:45,483 --> 00:07:47,243 - Is that a fact? 195 00:07:47,243 --> 00:07:49,803 Look at his skull, criminal bone structure 196 00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:51,763 a swirling vortex of lust and rage 197 00:07:51,763 --> 00:07:53,763 which judging by the look on his face 198 00:07:53,763 --> 00:07:56,883 has damaged his brain rendering him mute. 199 00:07:56,883 --> 00:07:57,723 What's he called? 200 00:07:57,723 --> 00:08:00,083 - I'm called Detective Inspector Rabbit. 201 00:08:01,243 --> 00:08:03,883 - We thank you for your service. 202 00:08:10,043 --> 00:08:10,883 - What are we doing? 203 00:08:10,883 --> 00:08:13,323 - If anyone asks, we're snoring in our beds. 204 00:08:13,323 --> 00:08:14,683 - Which one's the beautiful maiden? 205 00:08:14,683 --> 00:08:15,923 - You can't be saying shit like that 206 00:08:15,923 --> 00:08:17,763 about the dead birds. 207 00:08:17,763 --> 00:08:19,083 - But you have to admit it sir, she's adorable. 208 00:08:19,083 --> 00:08:22,163 - She WAS adorable, I won't fucking tell you again. 209 00:08:23,723 --> 00:08:24,563 Here we go. 210 00:08:26,563 --> 00:08:27,363 Give me a hand. 211 00:08:29,083 --> 00:08:32,083 Good Lord I can see all her privates, oh do excuse me madam. 212 00:08:32,963 --> 00:08:34,683 And we've revealed her lady pantry. 213 00:08:34,683 --> 00:08:35,963 - Help me turn her over. 214 00:08:39,363 --> 00:08:41,923 - I've done some things, Heaven take me Inspector Rabbit 215 00:08:41,923 --> 00:08:43,643 I feel the Devil is into my bridges 216 00:08:43,643 --> 00:08:46,483 - A second bullet hole, that's a bit bloody odd. 217 00:08:46,483 --> 00:08:46,523 (clanging) 218 00:08:46,523 --> 00:08:49,523 (clanging) 219 00:08:49,523 --> 00:08:52,043 - Whoever you are you want to step out now 220 00:08:52,043 --> 00:08:53,603 or I'll smack your head so hard 221 00:08:53,603 --> 00:08:56,563 they'll find it on the fucking moon! 222 00:08:56,563 --> 00:08:57,403 The MOON! 223 00:08:59,723 --> 00:09:00,563 (loud sighs) 224 00:09:00,563 --> 00:09:01,563 Mabel what are you doing? 225 00:09:01,563 --> 00:09:03,563 - I'm solving this crime because unlike you 226 00:09:03,563 --> 00:09:04,923 I won't spunk it up at wall. 227 00:09:04,923 --> 00:09:05,763 - [Rabbit] What's your problem? 228 00:09:05,763 --> 00:09:06,963 - You have an awfully fruity mouth for a lady. 229 00:09:06,963 --> 00:09:09,563 - I'm not the one with an erection Sergeant Fucksicle 230 00:09:10,643 --> 00:09:11,643 They shot her twice. 231 00:09:11,643 --> 00:09:12,603 - I just said that. 232 00:09:12,603 --> 00:09:13,443 - Checked her clothes? 233 00:09:13,443 --> 00:09:14,563 - In my own time. 234 00:09:14,563 --> 00:09:15,403 - Sorry Love 235 00:09:17,603 --> 00:09:18,883 - I know what that is, it's one of those 236 00:09:18,883 --> 00:09:21,803 little round things for the ladies' toilet money. 237 00:09:21,803 --> 00:09:22,643 - A compact for make-up. 238 00:09:22,643 --> 00:09:23,963 - A compact for make-up? 239 00:09:23,963 --> 00:09:25,443 - A symbol could be a clue. 240 00:09:25,443 --> 00:09:26,283 - I doubt it. 241 00:09:26,283 --> 00:09:27,563 - You don't mind me having it then? 242 00:09:27,563 --> 00:09:28,403 That's mine! 243 00:09:28,403 --> 00:09:30,003 - Its police evidence now bugger off! 244 00:09:30,003 --> 00:09:32,003 - I'm buggering nowhere. 245 00:09:32,003 --> 00:09:33,523 - What time does that library open boy? 246 00:09:33,523 --> 00:09:36,483 We should go and find out what this symbol means. 247 00:09:36,483 --> 00:09:38,043 - If anyone's going to the library it's me. 248 00:09:38,043 --> 00:09:39,043 - Just you try. 249 00:09:39,043 --> 00:09:40,403 - Just you try and stop me! 250 00:09:43,403 --> 00:09:44,243 - We didn't stop her. 251 00:09:44,243 --> 00:09:45,843 - I know, I was mugging her off. 252 00:09:45,843 --> 00:09:47,363 - Of course you were. 253 00:09:47,363 --> 00:09:49,443 - We my boy, are off to the slums. 254 00:09:49,443 --> 00:09:50,283 - The what? 255 00:09:50,283 --> 00:09:53,123 - That rancy shitpit syphilitic craphole 256 00:09:53,123 --> 00:09:56,243 known as Limehouse 257 00:09:56,243 --> 00:09:57,283 - Fantastic! 258 00:09:57,283 --> 00:09:59,883 - Lambs! Buy a lot! 259 00:09:59,883 --> 00:10:01,203 - This place is extraordinary 260 00:10:01,203 --> 00:10:02,763 does it always smell like this? 261 00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:06,483 - I'll have a garden salad, no it's a treat day 262 00:10:06,483 --> 00:10:08,403 I'll have jam squares 263 00:10:08,403 --> 00:10:11,083 - Absolutely Mr Merrick, I'll get some pronto. 264 00:10:12,043 --> 00:10:14,363 - Stare all you like but it will cost you thrivens 265 00:10:14,363 --> 00:10:16,203 Merrick don't freak for free. 266 00:10:16,203 --> 00:10:17,043 - I'm dreadfully sorry sir. 267 00:10:17,043 --> 00:10:18,883 - Joe, I need you to take a shift against something. 268 00:10:18,883 --> 00:10:21,843 - You saved my life once, I was set upon and nearly killed 269 00:10:21,843 --> 00:10:25,163 by a cruel and vicious mob afterwards I said to him 270 00:10:25,163 --> 00:10:29,123 "Rabbit I say, if ever you need any help 271 00:10:29,123 --> 00:10:31,483 come and see the elephant." 272 00:10:31,483 --> 00:10:33,443 But he's been pushing it, haven't you love? 273 00:10:33,443 --> 00:10:35,643 - Nonsense, he loves it, we go way back. 274 00:10:35,643 --> 00:10:37,283 - I traveled the world young man. 275 00:10:37,283 --> 00:10:40,603 FIVE STARS in the New York Times! 276 00:10:40,603 --> 00:10:44,203 If you see one hideous deformity this year 277 00:10:44,203 --> 00:10:47,483 - Clearly I'm very well on it, good living suits you sir. 278 00:10:47,483 --> 00:10:49,283 - What do you make of this, it's called a compact. 279 00:10:49,283 --> 00:10:50,683 - Oh I know Ducky. 280 00:10:53,763 --> 00:10:55,643 Solid silver, worth a pretty penny. 281 00:10:55,643 --> 00:10:57,003 - Yeah what about the symbol? 282 00:10:57,003 --> 00:10:58,323 - Jam squares Mr Merrick. 283 00:10:58,323 --> 00:11:01,763 - Oh thank you dear, black currant? 284 00:11:01,763 --> 00:11:04,123 What the Hell have you done? 285 00:11:05,203 --> 00:11:07,003 I am terribly sorry boys. 286 00:11:07,003 --> 00:11:07,843 - Quite all right. 287 00:11:07,843 --> 00:11:08,683 - We've eaten. 288 00:11:08,683 --> 00:11:10,003 - You young freaks, they think they don't have to 289 00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:12,763 put in the brav, well you DO! 290 00:11:16,163 --> 00:11:17,803 - I don't know what this is 291 00:11:17,803 --> 00:11:22,803 but yes this is theatrical. 292 00:11:25,763 --> 00:11:27,923 (licking) 293 00:11:28,843 --> 00:11:31,723 There's only one outfit in town uses make-up this cheap. 294 00:11:33,243 --> 00:11:38,003 Go here and Rabbit, my debt's paid. 295 00:11:38,003 --> 00:11:40,003 - Your debt's paid when I say it's paid. 296 00:11:41,323 --> 00:11:42,683 The sooner you get that into your massive head 297 00:11:42,683 --> 00:11:44,603 the better for everyone but believe me 298 00:11:44,603 --> 00:11:46,763 I wouldn't intentionally mock your appearance 299 00:11:46,763 --> 00:11:48,603 but your head is fucking massive. 300 00:12:00,443 --> 00:12:01,843 He doesn't mind. 301 00:12:07,643 --> 00:12:10,083 - I know this gaff, it's one of those peepholes 302 00:12:10,083 --> 00:12:10,883 - Beg your pardon? 303 00:12:10,883 --> 00:12:13,763 - A peephole, tom shop, knock knock hide your cock 304 00:12:13,763 --> 00:12:15,203 somewhere you go and see a bit of Jack and Danny 305 00:12:15,203 --> 00:12:16,963 and maybe a bruman who tickles your pickles. 306 00:12:16,963 --> 00:12:18,603 - It all sounds very creative Inspector but- 307 00:12:18,603 --> 00:12:19,803 - An erotic cabaret 308 00:12:19,803 --> 00:12:20,843 - Oh, I see 309 00:12:20,843 --> 00:12:22,483 - Total filth they say 310 00:12:23,603 --> 00:12:24,643 - Interested room straight away? 311 00:12:24,643 --> 00:12:27,163 - We could do or we could watch the whole show first 312 00:12:27,163 --> 00:12:28,003 - For clues 313 00:12:28,003 --> 00:12:29,363 - Now you're talking my language 314 00:12:33,523 --> 00:12:35,083 - Do you like it? 315 00:12:35,083 --> 00:12:37,683 - Oh yeah, that is so good 316 00:12:37,683 --> 00:12:40,043 - Would you like to see my other ankle? 317 00:12:44,363 --> 00:12:46,963 - Oh yeah, that is good 318 00:12:46,963 --> 00:12:48,203 - Do you like it? 319 00:12:48,203 --> 00:12:50,563 - I do like it, it's so good 320 00:12:50,563 --> 00:12:53,403 - Do you want to see the first ankle again? 321 00:12:53,403 --> 00:12:55,323 - Throms for this knobwhack? 322 00:12:58,603 --> 00:13:00,443 This is bollocks, it's usually much better than this 323 00:13:00,443 --> 00:13:01,283 - [Lady On Stage] Do you like it? 324 00:13:01,283 --> 00:13:02,123 - What do you mean? 325 00:13:02,123 --> 00:13:03,163 - Well they get in the role for a start. 326 00:13:03,163 --> 00:13:04,283 - The what? 327 00:13:04,283 --> 00:13:06,243 - I'm gonna jump up, just do exactly what I say. 328 00:13:06,243 --> 00:13:07,243 - All right. 329 00:13:07,243 --> 00:13:10,283 - One, expect very bad word of mouth 330 00:13:10,283 --> 00:13:13,163 Two, we're the Met and you're fucking nicked 331 00:13:13,163 --> 00:13:14,123 - I'll cover the stairs gov 332 00:13:14,123 --> 00:13:16,723 - Nobody move unless you're putting your hamptons away 333 00:13:16,723 --> 00:13:18,283 - Speaking french 334 00:13:18,283 --> 00:13:19,843 - Put that away me old mate 335 00:13:19,843 --> 00:13:21,083 STOP 336 00:13:21,083 --> 00:13:24,283 Sit down, what's your name? 337 00:13:24,283 --> 00:13:27,163 - Claudette (long french name) 338 00:13:27,163 --> 00:13:31,643 - Bloody Nora, I'll just call you french lady. Who is this? 339 00:13:31,643 --> 00:13:33,683 - Edith Bates, she's in the show 340 00:13:33,683 --> 00:13:35,643 but we haven't seen her for a week. 341 00:13:35,643 --> 00:13:36,763 - I have seen her. 342 00:13:36,763 --> 00:13:38,203 - Thank God 343 00:13:38,203 --> 00:13:39,483 - She's dead 344 00:13:39,523 --> 00:13:40,283 - (gasps) 345 00:13:40,323 --> 00:13:43,483 - I probably should've started with that. 346 00:13:43,483 --> 00:13:47,323 - I can't believe she's gone, she could do anything 347 00:13:48,323 --> 00:13:53,323 Bored housewife, naughty housewife, limitless range 348 00:13:53,443 --> 00:13:58,363 - Right, tell me who would want Edith out of the picture? 349 00:13:58,363 --> 00:14:00,003 - All she had was admirers. 350 00:14:03,803 --> 00:14:05,603 Somebody ici ce soir. 351 00:14:07,083 --> 00:14:10,283 - Does that mean they are here this evening? 352 00:14:15,283 --> 00:14:16,803 - Of course it is. 353 00:14:17,683 --> 00:14:19,123 - I told you to put that away 354 00:14:20,523 --> 00:14:22,403 - Hold your horses. 355 00:14:22,403 --> 00:14:24,123 - (remembering) Get out of the way. 356 00:14:24,123 --> 00:14:26,963 - [Someone In Crowd] Murder, horrible murder. 357 00:14:26,963 --> 00:14:28,483 - Get out of the way. 358 00:14:28,483 --> 00:14:29,323 - So sorry 359 00:14:31,923 --> 00:14:32,763 - You 360 00:14:34,043 --> 00:14:34,883 - Oye! 361 00:14:35,803 --> 00:14:37,563 - Stay where you are. 362 00:14:44,923 --> 00:14:46,443 - Come on, closer! 363 00:14:47,683 --> 00:14:48,523 Come back! 364 00:14:50,203 --> 00:14:52,763 - (loud groan) 365 00:14:54,283 --> 00:14:56,323 I need you to punch me in the chest boy. 366 00:14:56,323 --> 00:14:57,163 - Punch you? 367 00:14:57,163 --> 00:14:59,763 - My jammed heart stopped, Come on you Wally! 368 00:15:01,883 --> 00:15:04,243 (loud groan) 369 00:15:05,483 --> 00:15:07,003 - Yeah, yeah it's going again. 370 00:15:09,563 --> 00:15:10,923 - Dead end! 371 00:15:10,923 --> 00:15:12,243 - Hold still you bastard. 372 00:15:16,603 --> 00:15:17,683 - You're gonna pull through. 373 00:15:17,683 --> 00:15:18,523 - He's dead. 374 00:15:19,563 --> 00:15:21,683 - You're not gonna pull through, I'm sorry if I mislead you. 375 00:15:21,683 --> 00:15:23,403 - Whoever did this ain't gone far. 376 00:15:27,963 --> 00:15:28,923 - French lady! 377 00:15:30,443 --> 00:15:32,563 - We can't arrest you if you keep running. 378 00:15:36,643 --> 00:15:38,563 - Well, we've got a suspect. 379 00:15:38,563 --> 00:15:39,403 - Name? 380 00:15:39,403 --> 00:15:42,323 - French lady, she's in the same show as Edith. 381 00:15:42,323 --> 00:15:44,523 French gets jealous so she kills her 382 00:15:44,523 --> 00:15:46,803 And she offs the vicar cuz' he knows it. 383 00:15:46,803 --> 00:15:48,163 - One thing doesn't add up. 384 00:15:49,243 --> 00:15:50,083 - What? 385 00:15:50,083 --> 00:15:53,483 - You, you leg of fuckwit ham, I told you to leave it 386 00:15:53,483 --> 00:15:55,123 - She'll kill again Wisbech 387 00:15:55,123 --> 00:15:57,443 she's got the taste, the TASTE! 388 00:15:57,443 --> 00:15:59,723 - Them upstairs, they want to let this lie. 389 00:15:59,723 --> 00:16:02,483 - But if you want me to stop, you'll have to fire me. 390 00:16:02,483 --> 00:16:05,323 - Rabbit I've wiped your ass for long enough. 391 00:16:05,323 --> 00:16:07,363 But no matter how many times I wipe 392 00:16:07,363 --> 00:16:09,163 you can't keep a clean crack. 393 00:16:09,163 --> 00:16:10,963 - Can you please stop saying that? 394 00:16:10,963 --> 00:16:15,003 - You leave me with no choice, you've nowhere left to run. 395 00:16:17,963 --> 00:16:19,003 Rabbit. 396 00:16:19,003 --> 00:16:20,643 - Well don't fire Strauss, he's a good boy 397 00:16:20,643 --> 00:16:21,723 He tried to stop me 398 00:16:21,723 --> 00:16:24,203 - I certainly did not, I supported you at every turn. 399 00:16:24,203 --> 00:16:25,043 - You tit 400 00:16:25,043 --> 00:16:26,163 - Oh tit 401 00:16:26,163 --> 00:16:27,923 - Rabbit, you are fired from the Met 402 00:16:27,923 --> 00:16:31,203 Strauss, you are demoted to missing cats. 403 00:16:31,203 --> 00:16:32,163 Give me your guns 404 00:16:34,003 --> 00:16:35,203 and the rest. 405 00:16:42,963 --> 00:16:43,963 Bloody Nora. 406 00:16:44,923 --> 00:16:47,603 - Inspector, Inspector don't go 407 00:16:47,603 --> 00:16:48,763 I've got so much to learn from you. 408 00:16:48,763 --> 00:16:52,803 - I've got nothing to offer you boy but pain and poison. 409 00:16:52,803 --> 00:16:55,003 - He'll drunk himself to death my midnight. 410 00:16:55,843 --> 00:16:58,643 There is nothing a stray pube like you can do about it. 411 00:17:00,083 --> 00:17:02,443 Why don't you go back to your mummy little boy, 412 00:17:03,283 --> 00:17:05,323 cuz' you're way out of your league here. 413 00:17:17,763 --> 00:17:19,443 - (Burp) Gwen! 414 00:17:22,363 --> 00:17:24,683 - You've had enough whiskey Rabbit 415 00:17:24,683 --> 00:17:27,003 I have a rum to take the edge off. 416 00:17:27,003 --> 00:17:27,843 - Only Eyebrow! 417 00:17:30,803 --> 00:17:32,163 - You think I'm funny do ya? 418 00:17:33,843 --> 00:17:35,283 Well how funny am I now? 419 00:17:46,603 --> 00:17:48,883 Oye that's mine you cheeky- 420 00:17:55,483 --> 00:17:56,563 - All right girl 421 00:17:56,563 --> 00:18:00,483 - Keep still, last time I'm patching you up 422 00:18:00,483 --> 00:18:01,323 - Marry me 423 00:18:02,283 --> 00:18:03,763 - Stop it! 424 00:18:03,763 --> 00:18:04,603 - I say. 425 00:18:05,483 --> 00:18:07,323 - Oh all right boy, come and have a drink. 426 00:18:07,323 --> 00:18:08,843 - There's no time sir 427 00:18:08,843 --> 00:18:12,923 I swiped your weapons from the station, And some extra ones 428 00:18:12,923 --> 00:18:14,963 - Bloody Hell, you've gone rogue 429 00:18:14,963 --> 00:18:17,403 You might look like a ghosty's dolly but you're a good boy. 430 00:18:17,403 --> 00:18:19,763 - This is big, bigger than all of us. 431 00:18:19,763 --> 00:18:21,203 I am not exaggerating when I say 432 00:18:21,203 --> 00:18:23,363 that I have blown the lid off of all crime. 433 00:18:23,363 --> 00:18:24,163 - At the library? 434 00:18:24,163 --> 00:18:26,363 - Look what I found choir boy. 435 00:18:26,363 --> 00:18:28,083 I took this book from the reference section. 436 00:18:28,083 --> 00:18:28,923 - You stole it? 437 00:18:28,923 --> 00:18:30,323 - From the reference section? 438 00:18:30,323 --> 00:18:32,243 - Sometimes coppers have to break the rules 439 00:18:32,243 --> 00:18:34,483 The symbol on the compact is hundreds of years old 440 00:18:34,483 --> 00:18:36,483 I think it's the sign of a criminal society 441 00:18:36,483 --> 00:18:38,763 so secret, nobody knows it's name. 442 00:18:38,763 --> 00:18:41,123 - Good effort, but bullshit 443 00:18:41,123 --> 00:18:42,323 - Inspector Rabbit and I deduced 444 00:18:42,323 --> 00:18:43,563 it was the French lady that did it 445 00:18:43,563 --> 00:18:45,043 - Looks like women can be killers. 446 00:18:45,043 --> 00:18:46,123 - But it wasn't her! 447 00:18:46,123 --> 00:18:47,483 - She's got the taste! 448 00:18:47,483 --> 00:18:50,203 We need to find her before she kills again. 449 00:18:50,203 --> 00:18:54,683 - Or performs any more piss poor erotica. Both unforgivable. 450 00:18:54,683 --> 00:18:58,043 - I care about people, especially the hard working ones 451 00:18:58,043 --> 00:19:00,363 I would like nothing more than to see alumni (trails off) 452 00:19:00,363 --> 00:19:02,083 - Oh not him again, get out of the way 453 00:19:02,083 --> 00:19:03,363 we've got a murderer to catch. 454 00:19:03,363 --> 00:19:04,763 - And fairer for everyone 455 00:19:04,763 --> 00:19:06,923 - Next Prime Minister they say 456 00:19:06,923 --> 00:19:07,763 - God help us. 457 00:19:07,763 --> 00:19:10,803 - I will improve the lot of every man here 458 00:19:10,803 --> 00:19:12,323 and if there's a bit of time at the end of the day 459 00:19:12,323 --> 00:19:14,523 I'll improve the lot of some of the women. 460 00:19:16,203 --> 00:19:17,043 Inspector! 461 00:19:18,163 --> 00:19:20,523 I fear I made quite a fool of myself yesterday. 462 00:19:20,523 --> 00:19:22,963 Let's say we shake hands and forget all about it? 463 00:19:29,403 --> 00:19:31,203 - What's up with you? 464 00:19:31,203 --> 00:19:33,403 Are you trying the mouth the word symbol? 465 00:19:33,403 --> 00:19:34,203 What does she mean? 466 00:19:34,203 --> 00:19:35,483 - Oh no, no, no. 467 00:19:36,403 --> 00:19:38,123 - Why are you mouthing the word symbol dear? 468 00:19:40,203 --> 00:19:42,203 That's the same symbol that's on that compact! 469 00:19:42,203 --> 00:19:43,523 - Yes! 470 00:19:43,523 --> 00:19:45,083 Ah-ha-ha, what's your game gungadin? 471 00:19:45,083 --> 00:19:47,683 - It's just the old family crest, I'm sorry gentlemen 472 00:19:47,683 --> 00:19:49,283 I feel the call of nature. 473 00:19:49,283 --> 00:19:50,243 - You need the toilet, do you? 474 00:19:50,243 --> 00:19:51,083 - Well indeed. 475 00:19:51,083 --> 00:19:53,123 - Sir Giles Linley, you've got the right to 476 00:19:53,123 --> 00:19:55,123 a bunch of (raspberry) anyway, do you want to nick him? 477 00:19:55,123 --> 00:19:56,163 - Can I? 478 00:19:56,163 --> 00:19:58,763 - Sir, now if you would like to turn around while I- 479 00:20:00,363 --> 00:20:01,363 - After him! 480 00:20:02,483 --> 00:20:05,203 Whoa! It's gone again! 481 00:20:05,203 --> 00:20:07,123 - We need transportation, if you wouldn't mind 482 00:20:07,123 --> 00:20:08,563 would you restart the inspector's jammed heart? 483 00:20:08,563 --> 00:20:09,963 - Come on! 484 00:20:09,963 --> 00:20:10,803 - Now girl. 485 00:20:10,803 --> 00:20:11,603 - Okay, okay, ready? 486 00:20:11,723 --> 00:20:14,243 (groan) 487 00:20:14,283 --> 00:20:17,083 - Oye! What the bleedin' Hell you think you're doing? 488 00:20:17,083 --> 00:20:19,323 - Madam, I'm commandeering your talking point. 489 00:20:20,483 --> 00:20:22,043 - Whoa! Where do I sit? 490 00:20:23,683 --> 00:20:24,603 How does it work? 491 00:20:24,603 --> 00:20:26,123 - I think it's to do with the foot pistons. 492 00:20:26,123 --> 00:20:26,923 - What? 493 00:20:26,923 --> 00:20:27,763 - He's heading to the docks! 494 00:20:27,763 --> 00:20:29,923 - C'mon boy, to the docks! 495 00:20:31,803 --> 00:20:33,163 Fucking things doesn't work. 496 00:20:33,163 --> 00:20:33,963 - Jesus! 497 00:20:33,963 --> 00:20:34,803 - Come on! 498 00:20:39,563 --> 00:20:41,803 - Sir Giles we can't arrest you if you keep running. 499 00:20:46,043 --> 00:20:48,163 - Show yourself Linley, you'll make a noise by mistake 500 00:20:48,163 --> 00:20:49,603 - I think I found him sir. 501 00:20:50,523 --> 00:20:51,723 - Drop it. 502 00:20:51,723 --> 00:20:53,523 - I want passage to South America. 503 00:20:53,523 --> 00:20:54,643 - Don't be a fool Linley. 504 00:20:54,643 --> 00:20:56,483 - Yeah come on Linley don't be a cunt. 505 00:20:56,483 --> 00:20:57,323 - From a lady. 506 00:20:57,323 --> 00:20:58,163 - You watch your gob. 507 00:20:59,763 --> 00:21:01,283 - I didn't want to kill Edith. 508 00:21:02,323 --> 00:21:04,203 I fell in love with her at the cabaret, 509 00:21:04,203 --> 00:21:07,963 gave her love tokens, she could do anything 510 00:21:07,963 --> 00:21:10,923 bored housewife, naughty housewife 511 00:21:12,283 --> 00:21:15,843 I proposed, but so did the vicar 512 00:21:15,843 --> 00:21:18,323 we fought a duel for her hand 513 00:21:18,323 --> 00:21:19,483 she tried to stop us. 514 00:21:21,243 --> 00:21:22,243 - Bloody Men 515 00:21:24,443 --> 00:21:26,123 We threw the body in the Thames 516 00:21:26,123 --> 00:21:29,563 but I couldn't trust the vicar to keep his mouth shut. 517 00:21:29,563 --> 00:21:30,483 - It's over Linley. 518 00:21:30,483 --> 00:21:31,283 - She's right. 519 00:21:31,283 --> 00:21:32,923 - I will not be arrested by a woman. 520 00:21:32,923 --> 00:21:35,203 - I'm arresting you and I won't tell you again 521 00:21:35,203 --> 00:21:37,723 you poshcock, drop it! 522 00:21:37,723 --> 00:21:39,203 - And if I don't? 523 00:21:39,203 --> 00:21:40,043 Oh God! 524 00:21:41,683 --> 00:21:43,283 - Skull of an ugly Bru aye? 525 00:21:44,243 --> 00:21:45,843 Well how's that you bastard? 526 00:21:45,843 --> 00:21:47,283 You took a bullet for me today boy. 527 00:21:47,283 --> 00:21:50,603 - Anytime, working together for a safe city. 528 00:21:50,603 --> 00:21:52,083 - Who are the society, tell us! 529 00:21:52,083 --> 00:21:54,123 - There's no such thing. 530 00:21:54,123 --> 00:21:54,963 - No! 531 00:21:56,643 --> 00:21:58,323 Out of bullets, that's embarrassing. 532 00:21:58,323 --> 00:22:00,403 - It's all right, try mine. 533 00:22:00,403 --> 00:22:01,243 - Thank you. 534 00:22:03,163 --> 00:22:04,963 - Get out. 535 00:22:04,963 --> 00:22:09,403 - Yeah, Yeah, that's exactly where I wanted it. 536 00:22:09,403 --> 00:22:11,723 - So Claudette followed us to warn us about Linley 537 00:22:11,723 --> 00:22:13,603 but when she saw the dead vicar she panicked. 538 00:22:13,603 --> 00:22:15,403 - Very good Strauss, I'm getting out 539 00:22:15,403 --> 00:22:19,163 my loose ends book I'm writing, tied up. 540 00:22:19,163 --> 00:22:20,723 - And as I helped solve it 541 00:22:20,723 --> 00:22:22,963 I assume that I get to be the first official fopper. 542 00:22:22,963 --> 00:22:24,003 - Filly Fuzz 543 00:22:24,003 --> 00:22:25,323 - Bobby Dolly 544 00:22:25,323 --> 00:22:27,843 No sweetness, you know I'd do anything for you 545 00:22:27,843 --> 00:22:31,243 anything, but it's never gonna happen 546 00:22:31,243 --> 00:22:33,603 And what about that secret society carry on 547 00:22:33,603 --> 00:22:34,443 - Total bollocks. 548 00:22:34,443 --> 00:22:35,603 - Absolute bullshit. 549 00:22:35,603 --> 00:22:39,803 Can I just say I've had the most incredible time. 550 00:22:40,643 --> 00:22:44,563 - Good boy, Come on Mabel, you may not be a fopper yet 551 00:22:44,563 --> 00:22:46,243 but I'll let you walk down the street with us. 552 00:22:46,243 --> 00:22:48,923 - Wow, what an amazing reward. 553 00:22:48,923 --> 00:22:51,443 - I know, but I go in the middle. 554 00:22:53,883 --> 00:22:57,643 - Mud, shit and mud, punch it for a penny. 555 00:23:11,323 --> 00:23:12,243 I see them. 556 00:23:13,403 --> 00:23:16,883 - Good, have them followed 557 00:23:16,883 --> 00:23:19,043 and then have them killed. 558 00:23:25,243 --> 00:23:27,723 (theme music)