1 00:00:00,118 --> 00:00:01,454 - DAVE: Oh, my God. - Is this garlic hummus? 2 00:00:01,454 --> 00:00:03,091 - DAVE: I like it. - Should we, like, switch 3 00:00:03,091 --> 00:00:04,427 to tahini, or... ketchup? 4 00:00:04,427 --> 00:00:06,064 I think we should, like, uh, 5 00:00:06,064 --> 00:00:08,001 abandon all condiment-based hand jobs just for a moment. 6 00:00:08,001 --> 00:00:09,504 - You could be right. I don't know. - We can reconfigure, 7 00:00:09,504 --> 00:00:10,874 come up with something new fun to do. 8 00:00:10,874 --> 00:00:12,209 What do you want to do next? 9 00:00:12,209 --> 00:00:13,880 Uh, wash my hand? 10 00:00:13,880 --> 00:00:15,516 Right this way. 11 00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:17,453 - Yeah. - You think you know my home, right? 12 00:00:17,453 --> 00:00:19,057 - I think I do. - You think you know me. 13 00:00:19,057 --> 00:00:20,694 You think you know what I stand for? 14 00:00:20,694 --> 00:00:22,096 - Where you going? - Turns out you don't know anything 15 00:00:22,096 --> 00:00:23,666 about my home. 16 00:00:23,666 --> 00:00:24,868 Shut up! 17 00:00:24,868 --> 00:00:27,373 Turns out... I'm a little bit of a mystery. 18 00:00:27,373 --> 00:00:29,344 As is this secret passageway. 19 00:00:29,344 --> 00:00:31,749 This is so much cooler than a hummus hand job. 20 00:00:31,749 --> 00:00:33,820 - DAVE: Yeah, we should probably wash up. - ♪ Hi, I'm Dave ♪ 21 00:00:33,820 --> 00:00:34,955 ♪ I'm Lil Dicky ♪ 22 00:00:34,955 --> 00:00:36,024 ♪ Hi, I'm Dave ♪ 23 00:00:36,024 --> 00:00:37,193 ♪ Who's Dave? ♪ 24 00:00:37,193 --> 00:00:38,362 DAVE: I got her right here. 25 00:00:38,362 --> 00:00:40,099 Yup. I have her. I have... Huh. 26 00:00:40,099 --> 00:00:41,636 No, I got her. She's a half-white, 27 00:00:41,636 --> 00:00:43,171 - half-Chinese Jezebel. - (laughs) 28 00:00:43,171 --> 00:00:44,975 Beautiful. Yup, got her. 29 00:00:44,975 --> 00:00:46,812 Really dainty tattoos. Yeah. 30 00:00:46,812 --> 00:00:48,415 I don't know what to do with my body right now. 31 00:00:48,415 --> 00:00:50,019 Oh, you're doing all the right shit. 32 00:00:50,019 --> 00:00:52,290 This is like The Notebook, but, like, way grittier 33 00:00:52,290 --> 00:00:53,726 and way less idealized. 34 00:00:53,726 --> 00:00:55,864 Is she gonna actually see this footage? 35 00:00:55,864 --> 00:00:57,266 - Who's she? - Oh. Emma. 36 00:00:57,266 --> 00:00:59,170 Oh, I don't know. She just left this here. 37 00:00:59,170 --> 00:01:00,607 Look at you. 38 00:01:00,607 --> 00:01:02,009 You know, The Notebook is such a basic... 39 00:01:02,009 --> 00:01:03,546 You're basic for saying 40 00:01:03,546 --> 00:01:05,049 - The Notebook is basic. - You're better than that? 41 00:01:05,049 --> 00:01:06,284 No, you're just a contrarian, you know? 42 00:01:06,284 --> 00:01:07,486 Come here. I'm gonna shut you up. 43 00:01:07,486 --> 00:01:10,192 Oh, what the fuck is this? 44 00:01:11,729 --> 00:01:12,864 What? 45 00:01:12,864 --> 00:01:14,802 That's my bear mace. 46 00:01:14,802 --> 00:01:17,206 - Your bear mace? - Mm-hmm. 47 00:01:17,206 --> 00:01:18,508 (laughs): To be fair, 48 00:01:18,508 --> 00:01:20,714 that was supposed to go next to the bed. 49 00:01:20,714 --> 00:01:22,450 Yeah, look, we'll put it in the closet, 50 00:01:22,450 --> 00:01:24,354 'cause things like this don't belong out in the... 51 00:01:24,354 --> 00:01:26,191 - This is not how we do it in Los Angeles, okay? - Good call, Captain. 52 00:01:26,191 --> 00:01:27,794 Yeah. And I'm not above what I preach, you know? 53 00:01:27,794 --> 00:01:29,364 We can't have crossbows in the closet, either. 54 00:01:29,364 --> 00:01:32,169 This was from tour. This will be moved. 55 00:01:32,169 --> 00:01:33,606 - Oh, look at this. - (closet door closes) 56 00:01:33,606 --> 00:01:35,009 - Is that my elephant? - Yes, he made a friend. 57 00:01:35,009 --> 00:01:36,846 - Oh, wow. - Look. 58 00:01:36,846 --> 00:01:38,950 DAVE: Oh, which one is he? He's-- Oh, he's the sturdy one. 59 00:01:38,950 --> 00:01:40,987 ROBYN: You know that you don't actually own him, right? 60 00:01:40,987 --> 00:01:43,559 You just-- you finance his survival. 61 00:01:43,559 --> 00:01:45,396 And one day, me and you are gonna go to Africa, 62 00:01:45,396 --> 00:01:46,966 and we're gonna visit our boy. 63 00:01:46,966 --> 00:01:48,536 - Stop. - Yeah, it's our son, 64 00:01:48,536 --> 00:01:51,408 and we deserve to see him, and he deserves to see us. 65 00:01:51,408 --> 00:01:53,512 You're such a good hands-on father. 66 00:01:53,512 --> 00:01:55,950 - Oh, yeah? - We need more of you these days. 67 00:01:55,950 --> 00:01:57,821 - Mamma mia. - (both laugh) 68 00:01:57,821 --> 00:01:59,357 (phone buzzes) 69 00:01:59,357 --> 00:02:00,627 - DAVE: Will you go one day with me? - To Africa? 70 00:02:00,627 --> 00:02:02,363 - Yeah. - Are you kidding? Mm. 71 00:02:02,363 --> 00:02:04,434 DAVE: Little bit of a phone call going on. 72 00:02:04,434 --> 00:02:07,574 Oh, my God. Mike will not leave me the fuck alone. 73 00:02:07,574 --> 00:02:09,477 What is it? 74 00:02:09,477 --> 00:02:11,514 He wants me to get fitted for the Met Gala. 75 00:02:11,514 --> 00:02:14,087 - Uh, I got invited, and I-- - Wait, what? 76 00:02:14,087 --> 00:02:15,422 - Yeah. - Wait, what? 77 00:02:15,422 --> 00:02:17,393 - You're... - Oh, come on. 78 00:02:17,393 --> 00:02:19,097 You got invited to the Met Gala? 79 00:02:19,097 --> 00:02:20,499 (high-pitched): Yeah. Yeah. 80 00:02:20,499 --> 00:02:22,103 Why are you so high-pitched? 81 00:02:22,103 --> 00:02:24,541 - Yeah. Yeah. - That's crazy. Wait, that's huge. 82 00:02:24,541 --> 00:02:26,444 I-I don't get wrapped up in this superficial 83 00:02:26,444 --> 00:02:28,616 Hollywood pecking order bullshit anymore. 84 00:02:28,616 --> 00:02:29,785 That's old me. 85 00:02:29,785 --> 00:02:32,022 New me, way more into... 86 00:02:32,022 --> 00:02:33,559 something like you. 87 00:02:33,559 --> 00:02:35,429 Turns me on thinking of you walking up those steps 88 00:02:35,429 --> 00:02:37,601 - with that ass. (laughs) - Yeah? 89 00:02:37,601 --> 00:02:39,170 - Grab my ass. - Mm. 90 00:02:39,170 --> 00:02:41,274 - I can't believe you're going. - I'm gonna grab your ass. 91 00:02:41,274 --> 00:02:42,811 (school bell rings) 92 00:02:42,811 --> 00:02:44,548 I mean, I asked him to take it down, but he won't. 93 00:02:44,548 --> 00:02:48,055 So, this is Beau Newman's TikTok? 94 00:02:48,055 --> 00:02:50,760 - Mm-hmm. - I'm so sorry, Delaney. 95 00:02:50,760 --> 00:02:54,968 This stuff shouldn't happen, but it does, 96 00:02:54,968 --> 00:02:56,705 because boys are the worst. 97 00:02:56,705 --> 00:02:59,243 Well, there's actually one of you, too. 98 00:02:59,243 --> 00:03:01,414 - Of me? - Yeah. 99 00:03:01,414 --> 00:03:03,351 BEAU (on video): Man, Ms. Wernick, oh, my God. 100 00:03:03,351 --> 00:03:04,721 Look at her titties. 101 00:03:04,721 --> 00:03:06,659 I don't care how old she is, man. 102 00:03:06,659 --> 00:03:08,528 I want to fuck her so bad. 103 00:03:08,528 --> 00:03:09,731 They're popping while I bend her right over. 104 00:03:09,731 --> 00:03:11,869 ♪ ♪ 105 00:03:12,971 --> 00:03:14,273 Beau! 106 00:03:14,273 --> 00:03:17,279 Beau, need to speak with you. 107 00:03:17,279 --> 00:03:18,916 Yeah, what can I do for you? 108 00:03:18,916 --> 00:03:20,419 I just saw your TikTok. 109 00:03:20,419 --> 00:03:21,722 - Dope. - Okay. 110 00:03:21,722 --> 00:03:24,393 I need you to delete the video of me 111 00:03:24,393 --> 00:03:27,533 and of any other faculty members or any other students. 112 00:03:27,533 --> 00:03:28,836 Okay? Or you're taking it up with the principal. 113 00:03:28,836 --> 00:03:30,072 Is that clear? 114 00:03:30,072 --> 00:03:32,677 Yeah, you want me to delete it, Ms. Werdick? 115 00:03:32,677 --> 00:03:36,417 - It's "Wernick," Beau. - Yeah, that's what I said. 116 00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:37,754 Uh, Mrs. Werdick. 117 00:03:37,754 --> 00:03:39,357 - I said it right, right? - (others laughing) 118 00:03:39,357 --> 00:03:41,962 (laughing forcefully): You're so fucking funny. 119 00:03:41,962 --> 00:03:45,837 Funny Beau who wants to bend me over a desk 120 00:03:45,837 --> 00:03:47,406 and fuck me, right? 121 00:03:47,406 --> 00:03:48,776 - Um... - Well, here I am. 122 00:03:48,776 --> 00:03:50,880 Here are my big titties for the taking. 123 00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:52,851 Right? Oh, you want to fuck me, Beau? 124 00:03:52,851 --> 00:03:55,322 - You want to fuck me, Beau? - PETERSON: Ms. Wernick? 125 00:03:56,291 --> 00:03:58,528 My office. Now. 126 00:03:59,731 --> 00:04:01,735 (sighs) 127 00:04:05,142 --> 00:04:07,814 (muffled chatter) 128 00:04:10,052 --> 00:04:12,022 DAVE: Al? Al? Al! 129 00:04:12,022 --> 00:04:13,458 - Yes. Sorry. - Clock in. 130 00:04:13,458 --> 00:04:15,162 You know I don't pick an outfit out without you. 131 00:04:15,162 --> 00:04:17,099 Uh, sorry. 132 00:04:17,099 --> 00:04:19,805 It's... it's amazing. (chuckles) 133 00:04:19,805 --> 00:04:21,508 - It's the Met Gala we're talking here. - Yeah. 134 00:04:21,508 --> 00:04:23,411 We need to make a splash, okay? 135 00:04:23,411 --> 00:04:24,480 - Yes. Yes. - We need to do something big. 136 00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:25,750 Like what Jack Harlow did. 137 00:04:25,750 --> 00:04:27,587 Oh, my God. When he said "I love you" 138 00:04:27,587 --> 00:04:29,157 to Emma Chamberlain on the red carpet, I freaked. 139 00:04:29,157 --> 00:04:30,860 I recorded it, rewound it, recorded it, rewound it. 140 00:04:30,860 --> 00:04:32,831 - I kept watching it ov-- - What is the deal with this guy? 141 00:04:32,831 --> 00:04:34,233 - Oh, my God. - I don't understand. 142 00:04:34,233 --> 00:04:35,603 It just doesn't make sense to me. 143 00:04:35,603 --> 00:04:36,939 It's like, he's tall, he's good-looking. 144 00:04:36,939 --> 00:04:39,678 He makes Gen Z's pussy quiv. Who cares? 145 00:04:39,678 --> 00:04:41,715 - Dave. - JOHN-PAUL: Sounds like this guy cares a little bit. 146 00:04:41,715 --> 00:04:44,320 This is my first reentry back into society 147 00:04:44,320 --> 00:04:46,157 since the whole... 148 00:04:46,892 --> 00:04:48,428 - You didn't hang yourself? - DAVE: Oh, no, not ha-- 149 00:04:48,428 --> 00:04:49,932 - Yeah, yeah. - You know b-- Like, whatever. 150 00:04:49,932 --> 00:04:51,969 Everyone's gonna be wondering, like, 151 00:04:51,969 --> 00:04:53,038 what is he up to? 152 00:04:53,038 --> 00:04:54,407 What's his next move? 153 00:04:54,407 --> 00:04:55,977 Who is Lil Dicky 2.0? 154 00:04:55,977 --> 00:04:57,279 Right? 155 00:04:57,279 --> 00:04:58,481 Are we missing an opportunity to make 156 00:04:58,481 --> 00:05:00,385 some kind of statement here? 157 00:05:00,385 --> 00:05:03,358 You can bring attention to a-a cause, 158 00:05:03,358 --> 00:05:05,062 - you know, that you care about. - A cause. 159 00:05:05,062 --> 00:05:06,632 Use your platform for good. 160 00:05:06,632 --> 00:05:08,201 I used to not care at all about what to care about. 161 00:05:08,201 --> 00:05:09,571 Now I care about what to care about. 162 00:05:09,571 --> 00:05:10,807 I just have no idea what to care about. 163 00:05:10,807 --> 00:05:11,809 Ghosts. 164 00:05:11,809 --> 00:05:13,378 Ghosts, it's ghosts. I'm sorry. 165 00:05:13,378 --> 00:05:14,982 Right now? Right now, it's ghosts. 166 00:05:14,982 --> 00:05:17,721 I've never encountered any sort of ghost issue. 167 00:05:17,721 --> 00:05:19,992 Okay, then I'll fucking kill myself. 168 00:05:19,992 --> 00:05:20,994 What about climate change? 169 00:05:20,994 --> 00:05:22,664 - Climate change? - Hmm. 170 00:05:22,664 --> 00:05:24,735 We have 11 years to stop the temperature 171 00:05:24,735 --> 00:05:27,072 from rising 1.5 degrees Celsius, 172 00:05:27,072 --> 00:05:28,709 and if we don't do that, 173 00:05:28,709 --> 00:05:30,112 it will lead to catastrophic damage 174 00:05:30,112 --> 00:05:31,749 that will lead to the destruction of the Earth's-- 175 00:05:31,749 --> 00:05:33,018 - Are you kidding? - JOHN-PAUL: It is what it is. 176 00:05:33,018 --> 00:05:34,988 How is no one talking about this? 177 00:05:34,988 --> 00:05:36,892 - ALLY: People are talking about it. - Everybody's talking about this. 178 00:05:36,892 --> 00:05:38,428 How is this not, like, leading SportsCenter every day? 179 00:05:38,428 --> 00:05:39,698 Like, breaking news, we have ten years, 180 00:05:39,698 --> 00:05:41,234 364 days left, like we have... 181 00:05:41,234 --> 00:05:42,571 Ooh, I love this for you. 182 00:05:42,571 --> 00:05:44,240 Okay, yes, a look about climate change. 183 00:05:44,240 --> 00:05:46,110 - Okay, okay, okay. Earth. - Save the Earth. Save the Earth. 184 00:05:46,110 --> 00:05:47,446 - I have it. I can't tell you. - DAVE: What is it? 185 00:05:47,446 --> 00:05:49,050 It's got to be a rush job. 186 00:05:49,050 --> 00:05:51,087 - It's gonna cost you five times as much. - Five? 187 00:05:51,087 --> 00:05:53,024 But it's gonna be good, and I really need this right now 188 00:05:53,024 --> 00:05:55,930 - psychologically, like... - Al! Will you be in charge 189 00:05:55,930 --> 00:05:58,134 of making sure that I use my platform for good? 190 00:05:58,134 --> 00:06:00,640 - From here on out? - Wait, are you serious? 191 00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:02,611 Yeah, I need someone to do that. Who better than you? 192 00:06:02,611 --> 00:06:04,313 You're the moral compass of life for me. 193 00:06:04,313 --> 00:06:06,417 Would you take that honor, or do you not have the bandwidth? 194 00:06:06,417 --> 00:06:08,288 (chuckles): Ban-- Bandwidth? Yeah. Yes! 195 00:06:08,288 --> 00:06:10,492 I have bandwidth. I have bandwidth. 196 00:06:10,492 --> 00:06:11,829 - Yeah? - Yes, yeah, please. 197 00:06:11,829 --> 00:06:13,465 - DAVE: Great. - ALLY: Yes. Yeah. 198 00:06:13,465 --> 00:06:15,302 CEO of morality. 199 00:06:15,302 --> 00:06:16,672 Whoo! 200 00:06:17,841 --> 00:06:20,178 - GATA: Yeah. - CATHERINE: Okay, there we go. 201 00:06:20,178 --> 00:06:23,051 - Don't scratch my baby. - No, I promise you I will not. 202 00:06:23,051 --> 00:06:24,153 - All right. - (laughs) 203 00:06:24,153 --> 00:06:26,157 CATHERINE: All right. 204 00:06:26,157 --> 00:06:28,028 - Aw... - All right, Moms. 205 00:06:28,028 --> 00:06:30,065 - You want it back by 4:00 or 5:00? - Oh, it's all good. 206 00:06:30,065 --> 00:06:31,902 Do what you got to do. I'm-a just get a ride from Elz. 207 00:06:31,902 --> 00:06:33,305 Okay. 208 00:06:33,305 --> 00:06:34,741 They really stole your shit straight out the driveway. 209 00:06:34,741 --> 00:06:35,977 I can't believe they took the car. 210 00:06:35,977 --> 00:06:37,681 The whole block is getting worse. 211 00:06:37,681 --> 00:06:39,818 - It's getting tricky over there, Moms. - Yeah. 212 00:06:39,818 --> 00:06:41,722 But don't you worry about me, baby. 213 00:06:41,722 --> 00:06:43,559 You just focus up, okay? 214 00:06:43,559 --> 00:06:45,262 They got me on this panel, just me. 215 00:06:45,262 --> 00:06:46,531 - (laughs) - No LD. 216 00:06:46,531 --> 00:06:48,034 - Can you believe that? - Yes, I can. 217 00:06:48,034 --> 00:06:49,538 - I love you, baby. - All right, I love you, Moms. 218 00:06:49,538 --> 00:06:51,240 You have-- Mm. You have fun, okay? 219 00:06:51,240 --> 00:06:52,577 Ey, pray for me now. 220 00:06:52,577 --> 00:06:54,380 - Oh, child-- Always. - GATA: Whoo! 221 00:06:54,380 --> 00:06:56,852 (laughs) Oh, shoot. 222 00:06:58,154 --> 00:07:00,425 Oh, yeah, look at this here, bruh. 223 00:07:00,425 --> 00:07:01,662 I'm about to get my William Shakespeare on 224 00:07:01,662 --> 00:07:02,697 up in this motherfucker, bro. 225 00:07:02,697 --> 00:07:03,799 Thanks for coming, dawg. 226 00:07:03,799 --> 00:07:04,868 Of course. This is crazy. 227 00:07:04,868 --> 00:07:06,471 This is like a real event. 228 00:07:06,471 --> 00:07:08,241 I know, bro, they got stars coming out, 229 00:07:08,241 --> 00:07:09,878 make a cameo and shit. 230 00:07:09,878 --> 00:07:11,180 Dude, I didn't realize you were like 231 00:07:11,180 --> 00:07:12,249 such a mental health expert. 232 00:07:12,249 --> 00:07:13,485 What? (scoffs) 233 00:07:13,485 --> 00:07:15,122 I'm about to win this shit, bro. 234 00:07:15,122 --> 00:07:16,558 Gata, you know it's a panel. 235 00:07:16,558 --> 00:07:18,461 There's no winners. There's just losers. 236 00:07:18,461 --> 00:07:20,432 Bro, there's always room for some gander. 237 00:07:20,432 --> 00:07:22,302 I'm Black and bipolar, bro, seriously. 238 00:07:22,302 --> 00:07:24,173 - They need a real nigga out here like me giving perspective. - Do they? 239 00:07:24,173 --> 00:07:25,777 What the fuck, dawg? I thought you was out here 240 00:07:25,777 --> 00:07:27,413 - supporting me, bro. - I'm here to support you, 241 00:07:27,413 --> 00:07:29,116 but I'm saying do they need "a real nigga" perspective? 242 00:07:29,116 --> 00:07:30,553 Or do they just need a nigga up there, you know, 243 00:07:30,553 --> 00:07:31,855 to fit in with all the white people. 244 00:07:31,855 --> 00:07:33,158 I'm locked in for this shit, bro. 245 00:07:33,158 --> 00:07:34,527 Cognitive dissonance. You hear that? 246 00:07:34,527 --> 00:07:36,130 Cognitive dissonance. 247 00:07:36,130 --> 00:07:38,134 Took me about a week to memorize that shit. 248 00:07:38,134 --> 00:07:39,503 I'm about to go backstage. 249 00:07:39,503 --> 00:07:41,074 All right, bro. Good lookin'. 250 00:07:41,074 --> 00:07:43,579 - Hey, I'm-a win this shit, bro. - (exhales sharply) 251 00:07:49,523 --> 00:07:51,595 ♪ ♪ 252 00:07:52,429 --> 00:07:54,435 DAVE: Great call on the contact lenses, John-Paul. 253 00:07:54,435 --> 00:07:55,804 I love this shit. 254 00:07:55,804 --> 00:07:57,708 I feel like Bradley fucking Cooper. 255 00:07:57,708 --> 00:07:59,110 Imagine someone walking down the red carpet 256 00:07:59,110 --> 00:08:00,380 with brown eyes? (laughs) 257 00:08:00,380 --> 00:08:01,983 - You look hot. - I'm gonna send 258 00:08:01,983 --> 00:08:03,453 a little pic to Robyn. She's got the house to herself, 259 00:08:03,453 --> 00:08:05,056 she might want to masturbate. 260 00:08:05,056 --> 00:08:06,392 - (camera clicks) - Oh, Dave. 261 00:08:06,392 --> 00:08:08,028 I didn't realize you had a girlfriend. 262 00:08:08,028 --> 00:08:09,565 Eh... not my girlfriend. 263 00:08:09,565 --> 00:08:11,836 Definitely a special person in my life right now. 264 00:08:11,836 --> 00:08:13,506 But she lives in Wisconsin, and we're kind of like, 265 00:08:13,506 --> 00:08:15,142 in this, like, experimental new phase of dating, 266 00:08:15,142 --> 00:08:16,846 I suppose, but, uh... 267 00:08:16,846 --> 00:08:19,150 I'd say it's like casual sex with, like, a fuckton of heart. 268 00:08:19,150 --> 00:08:20,454 But you're thinking about her. 269 00:08:20,454 --> 00:08:21,756 You're thinking about her all the time. 270 00:08:21,756 --> 00:08:23,426 Even when you're not with her, right? 271 00:08:23,426 --> 00:08:26,098 Eh, I don't think about her at every moment, no. Should I? 272 00:08:26,098 --> 00:08:28,503 I don't know, I feel like casual sex is awesome, right? 273 00:08:28,503 --> 00:08:30,072 It's kind of like, like it's loose, it's hippie. 274 00:08:30,072 --> 00:08:31,509 It's freeing, you know? 275 00:08:31,509 --> 00:08:33,680 I mean, the specificity in which they make love, 276 00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,550 it's more than that, it's uniquely intimate. 277 00:08:35,550 --> 00:08:37,020 It's almost primal in its execution. 278 00:08:37,020 --> 00:08:38,623 What the fuck are you talking about? 279 00:08:38,623 --> 00:08:39,892 It's such standard fare with me and her. 280 00:08:39,892 --> 00:08:41,429 It's like, missionary, girl on top. 281 00:08:41,429 --> 00:08:43,600 It's good. I mean, sometimes we sweat. 282 00:08:43,600 --> 00:08:44,635 That's emotional. That's a connection. 283 00:08:44,635 --> 00:08:45,671 There's something deeper. 284 00:08:45,671 --> 00:08:47,040 I look her in the eyes. 285 00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:48,577 - And that means a lot. - I haven't looked anyone 286 00:08:48,577 --> 00:08:50,046 in the eyes before when-when I fucked. 287 00:08:50,046 --> 00:08:52,283 We're the only animals on earth that do that, 288 00:08:52,283 --> 00:08:53,753 other than bonobos and gorillas. 289 00:08:53,753 --> 00:08:56,593 - A bonobo? - Mm-hmm. Like the pants. 290 00:08:56,593 --> 00:08:58,228 You think she's sitting over there, like, thinking, 291 00:08:58,228 --> 00:09:00,400 "When's the day he's gonna ask me to be his girlfriend?" 292 00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:01,936 MIKE: Well, ma-- or-or wife. 293 00:09:01,936 --> 00:09:03,607 Whatever. I can't really focus on that right now. 294 00:09:03,607 --> 00:09:05,242 There's too much potential energy in the Big Apple. 295 00:09:05,242 --> 00:09:06,546 Look at this. I'm getting fucking dolled up 296 00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:08,048 for the Met Gala. 297 00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:10,019 This is your new beginning, a new birth for you. 298 00:09:10,019 --> 00:09:11,656 - This is a big moment for my rebrand, and... - MIKE: Huge. 299 00:09:11,656 --> 00:09:12,791 - Dave. - DAVE: Yeah? 300 00:09:12,791 --> 00:09:14,094 - Dave, my sexy boy. - Yeah? 301 00:09:14,094 --> 00:09:15,430 It's time to see the suit. 302 00:09:15,430 --> 00:09:16,766 - (groans) - I haven't slept in three days, 303 00:09:16,766 --> 00:09:18,035 - but we got this all figured out. - Show me. 304 00:09:18,035 --> 00:09:20,006 - Okay. Well, you wanted big. - Yeah. 305 00:09:20,006 --> 00:09:21,709 I can give you bigger than you've ever seen, baby. 306 00:09:21,709 --> 00:09:23,012 - Okay. - Okay, so, 307 00:09:23,012 --> 00:09:24,080 here we have you. 308 00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:25,684 You're walking down the red carpet. 309 00:09:25,684 --> 00:09:27,621 You're looking cutie, you're looking sexy, 310 00:09:27,621 --> 00:09:29,425 - you're looking gorg-eanica, you're slaying. - Well animated, yeah. 311 00:09:29,425 --> 00:09:31,361 But is that all it is? 312 00:09:31,361 --> 00:09:33,065 No. Not in John-Paul's world. 313 00:09:33,065 --> 00:09:34,568 I don't do shit like that. 314 00:09:34,568 --> 00:09:36,806 So, you're gonna get to your trigger point. 315 00:09:36,806 --> 00:09:39,612 - Trigger point? - And you're going to yank on this chain, 316 00:09:39,612 --> 00:09:41,081 which is gonna be in the back 317 00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:43,420 attached to the accelerator that will fire up, 318 00:09:43,420 --> 00:09:46,191 and then you're gonna inflate. 319 00:09:46,191 --> 00:09:47,661 Holy shit. 320 00:09:47,661 --> 00:09:49,030 - JOHN-PAUL: Big. The world. - DAVE: So... okay. 321 00:09:49,030 --> 00:09:51,134 - You're. The. Globe. - The globe, yeah. 322 00:09:51,134 --> 00:09:53,272 - Yes. Yes. Yes. - Very cool conceptually. 323 00:09:53,272 --> 00:09:55,711 So, big enough to where it's knocking all that... 324 00:09:55,711 --> 00:09:57,113 JOHN-PAUL: We're talking 40 feet. 325 00:09:57,113 --> 00:09:58,650 It's gonna take up the whole entire space. 326 00:09:58,650 --> 00:10:00,353 So if I was here, and I pulled the thing, 327 00:10:00,353 --> 00:10:02,391 and like, he was here, he would... 328 00:10:02,391 --> 00:10:04,094 Not quite like a bomb, but somewhere in the middle. 329 00:10:04,094 --> 00:10:05,597 - Like an airbag? - Yeah, don't say "bomb." 330 00:10:05,597 --> 00:10:07,233 - Like an airbag, exactly, yeah. - Oh. 331 00:10:07,233 --> 00:10:08,803 - Don't say "bomb" to the press. - AVA: Don't say "bomb." 332 00:10:08,803 --> 00:10:09,939 It looks like it's gonna hurt a-a little bit. 333 00:10:09,939 --> 00:10:11,576 - Yeah. - For a few people. 334 00:10:11,576 --> 00:10:13,613 It would hurt more if the world wasn't saved. 335 00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:15,884 - Yeah. - Dave, I just need you to know 336 00:10:15,884 --> 00:10:17,521 that you're gonna get permanently banned. 337 00:10:17,521 --> 00:10:19,859 So? You think I give a shit about... 338 00:10:19,859 --> 00:10:21,396 MIKE: He does not give a shit. 339 00:10:21,396 --> 00:10:23,332 ...the Met Gala and all these goddamn celebrities? 340 00:10:23,332 --> 00:10:24,802 The world is exploding! 341 00:10:24,802 --> 00:10:27,106 - Yeah. - Or... ending or you know... 342 00:10:27,106 --> 00:10:28,877 Whew! Oh, my God, we're gonna be, like, the most... 343 00:10:28,877 --> 00:10:30,914 talked-about people in the world. 344 00:10:30,914 --> 00:10:33,486 - In the world. Yeah. - But for the world. 345 00:10:33,486 --> 00:10:36,124 ("Dies Irae" by Mozart playing) 346 00:10:41,969 --> 00:10:43,238 REPORTER: What are you wearing, Emma? 347 00:10:43,238 --> 00:10:44,340 It's Versace. 348 00:10:44,340 --> 00:10:45,944 Oh, my God, it's fabulous. 349 00:10:45,944 --> 00:10:48,082 ♪ ♪ 350 00:10:55,597 --> 00:10:57,868 ♪ ♪ 351 00:11:01,843 --> 00:11:04,114 (camera shutters clicking) 352 00:11:10,660 --> 00:11:12,163 REPORTER: Megan! Megan! Oh, my God! 353 00:11:12,163 --> 00:11:14,969 - You're so hot! - REPORTER 2: Megan! 354 00:11:14,969 --> 00:11:17,306 Megan, how?! 355 00:11:17,306 --> 00:11:18,777 MGK! MGK! 356 00:11:18,777 --> 00:11:21,281 You got to have a huge cock, right? 357 00:11:21,281 --> 00:11:22,951 Uh... 358 00:11:22,951 --> 00:11:25,089 - Okay. - How big is it? 359 00:11:25,089 --> 00:11:26,224 The people need to know. 360 00:11:26,224 --> 00:11:28,128 ♪ ♪ 361 00:11:32,738 --> 00:11:34,508 MAN: Oh, shit. 362 00:11:34,508 --> 00:11:36,244 Are you Lil Dicky? 363 00:11:36,244 --> 00:11:37,815 Don. 364 00:11:37,815 --> 00:11:39,485 - Hi. - (laughs) Oh, man! 365 00:11:39,485 --> 00:11:40,754 - What's up, man? - Man... 366 00:11:40,754 --> 00:11:42,290 - Nothing much. - Oh, I'm a fan, bro. 367 00:11:42,290 --> 00:11:43,760 Yeah? 368 00:11:43,760 --> 00:11:45,764 Man, I got to tell you, that death shit? Dope. 369 00:11:45,764 --> 00:11:47,801 Oh, it was, uh, you know, no. I mean, yeah, but no. 370 00:11:47,801 --> 00:11:50,674 - It wasn't like that. - Don't let anybody steal your thunder. It was amazing. 371 00:11:50,674 --> 00:11:52,945 - Yeah, oh... - Okay. You're amazing. 372 00:11:52,945 --> 00:11:54,815 Look, I got to go in here and do my thing, but, uh, 373 00:11:54,815 --> 00:11:56,251 you want to hook up later? 374 00:11:56,251 --> 00:11:57,721 I'm meeting Denzel in there and we can, like, 375 00:11:57,721 --> 00:11:59,758 smoke a J and just get fucking crazy. 376 00:11:59,758 --> 00:12:01,863 - It's the Met Gala, right? - Smoke a joint with you and Denzel Washington? 377 00:12:01,863 --> 00:12:03,967 - Yeah, man, you with it? - Uh, yeah, yeah. 378 00:12:03,967 --> 00:12:06,539 - All right, Lil Dicky, good to meet you, bro-bro. - You, too, Don Cheadle, bro-bro. 379 00:12:06,539 --> 00:12:09,177 - Stay up, bro. - (crowd clamoring) 380 00:12:14,187 --> 00:12:16,626 ♪ ♪ 381 00:12:16,626 --> 00:12:18,463 Don! What's next for you? 382 00:12:18,463 --> 00:12:20,700 Uh, you know, some Marvel shit. 383 00:12:23,172 --> 00:12:25,977 (reporters shouting, clamoring) 384 00:12:25,977 --> 00:12:28,148 REPORTER: Who are you?! 385 00:12:28,148 --> 00:12:30,085 REPORTER 2: You faked your death, man! 386 00:12:30,085 --> 00:12:32,658 REPORTER 3: Who are you now? 387 00:12:32,658 --> 00:12:34,829 (shouting, clamoring) 388 00:12:34,829 --> 00:12:36,399 Hey, Dave, are you dead or alive?! 389 00:12:36,399 --> 00:12:38,135 - Over here! This way! - (shouting, clamoring) 390 00:12:38,135 --> 00:12:40,807 We have 11 years to not make it... 391 00:12:40,807 --> 00:12:42,310 (shouting, clamoring) 392 00:12:42,310 --> 00:12:44,214 No, we have 11 years left 393 00:12:44,214 --> 00:12:46,786 to make the world not be 1.5 degrees Celsius... 394 00:12:46,786 --> 00:12:48,523 more temperature-wise... 395 00:12:48,523 --> 00:12:50,794 but can't go over the... 396 00:12:50,794 --> 00:12:52,564 or it's irreversi-- 397 00:12:52,564 --> 00:12:55,069 - Um... - (shouting, clamoring) 398 00:12:55,069 --> 00:12:56,037 ♪ ♪ 399 00:12:56,037 --> 00:12:58,443 REPORTER: Right this way, Jack! 400 00:12:58,443 --> 00:13:00,747 Oh, my contact! 401 00:13:00,747 --> 00:13:02,384 Oh! (grunts) 402 00:13:02,384 --> 00:13:05,657 (shouting, clamoring) 403 00:13:05,657 --> 00:13:07,226 Can we pause for the contact? 404 00:13:08,863 --> 00:13:11,268 Goddamn it. Do you see it? 405 00:13:11,268 --> 00:13:12,971 He can wait his turn! 406 00:13:12,971 --> 00:13:14,875 He'll wait his turn! 407 00:13:16,879 --> 00:13:18,583 (muttering): Fuck it. Fuck. Fuck. 408 00:13:18,583 --> 00:13:20,554 As I was saying, 409 00:13:20,554 --> 00:13:22,925 if we don't get our shit together right now as a world, 410 00:13:22,925 --> 00:13:25,797 we'll never do what we need to do to... 411 00:13:25,797 --> 00:13:28,302 L-Deezy! What the fuck, man? 412 00:13:28,302 --> 00:13:30,440 This blunt ain't gonna smoke itself. You in or what? 413 00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:32,644 What's happening? 414 00:13:32,644 --> 00:13:34,982 Let's go! 415 00:13:49,845 --> 00:13:52,116 ("Requiem in D Minor, Lacrimosa" by Mozart playing) 416 00:13:59,732 --> 00:14:01,268 (grunts) 417 00:14:02,704 --> 00:14:04,975 (indistinct chatter) 418 00:14:13,693 --> 00:14:15,997 (gong clanging) 419 00:14:22,744 --> 00:14:25,817 Please take your seats. 420 00:14:28,856 --> 00:14:31,629 Certainly are the beautiful people. 421 00:14:31,629 --> 00:14:33,433 (chair squeaks) 422 00:14:34,835 --> 00:14:37,407 (groans) Goddamn it. 423 00:14:37,407 --> 00:14:39,678 Welcome... 424 00:14:39,678 --> 00:14:41,949 to the Met Gala. 425 00:14:41,949 --> 00:14:44,354 You are all here because you are 426 00:14:44,354 --> 00:14:47,159 the elite, but... 427 00:14:47,159 --> 00:14:49,197 who is... 428 00:14:49,197 --> 00:14:50,467 most? 429 00:14:50,467 --> 00:14:52,738 Look around. 430 00:14:53,706 --> 00:14:55,744 Who do you despise? 431 00:14:57,581 --> 00:15:00,520 Who is your rival? 432 00:15:01,589 --> 00:15:03,459 Tonight we shall find out. 433 00:15:05,764 --> 00:15:07,199 Olaf! 434 00:15:07,199 --> 00:15:08,469 The ball! 435 00:15:08,469 --> 00:15:12,043 ("Requiem in D Minor, Lacrimosa" by Mozart continues) 436 00:15:15,215 --> 00:15:19,057 ♪ ♪ 437 00:15:27,574 --> 00:15:31,649 ANNA WINTOUR: There is only one Met Ball. 438 00:15:31,649 --> 00:15:34,388 - (gong clanging) - First up, 439 00:15:34,388 --> 00:15:36,392 Travis Barker. 440 00:15:36,392 --> 00:15:39,531 (gong clangs) 441 00:15:39,531 --> 00:15:40,767 - Oh, shit. - WINTOUR: And... 442 00:15:40,767 --> 00:15:42,504 Finneas! 443 00:15:42,504 --> 00:15:44,307 (gong clangs) 444 00:15:44,307 --> 00:15:46,545 - Who is that? - Billie Eilish's brother. 445 00:15:46,545 --> 00:15:48,348 (murmuring continues) 446 00:15:48,348 --> 00:15:50,587 (whispers): Who's Finneas? 447 00:15:50,587 --> 00:15:52,924 (drums playing) 448 00:16:03,680 --> 00:16:05,850 ♪ ♪ 449 00:16:14,067 --> 00:16:17,006 (both shouting) 450 00:16:18,810 --> 00:16:20,980 (both laughing) 451 00:16:22,116 --> 00:16:24,220 You fucking idiots. 452 00:16:24,220 --> 00:16:27,159 WINTOUR: Just a little prank we play for the first years. 453 00:16:27,159 --> 00:16:29,765 Yeah, we just get fucked up and have a good time. 454 00:16:29,765 --> 00:16:32,571 (cheering, applause) 455 00:16:32,571 --> 00:16:35,142 Yeah! Fuck yeah! 456 00:16:36,111 --> 00:16:39,050 WINTOUR: Enjoy yourselves. 457 00:16:39,050 --> 00:16:41,822 Everything's free. 458 00:16:41,822 --> 00:16:44,160 (cheering, applause) 459 00:16:45,630 --> 00:16:47,834 This dude really fucking believed that shit. 460 00:16:47,834 --> 00:16:50,172 (Harlow laughing) 461 00:16:50,907 --> 00:16:53,446 I mean, what world are you living in, dawg? 462 00:16:53,446 --> 00:16:55,149 Uh, hey, youngin. 463 00:16:55,149 --> 00:16:57,253 I'm living in the world that's only got 11 years left 464 00:16:57,253 --> 00:16:59,391 unless we make the three and a half de-- 465 00:16:59,391 --> 00:17:02,363 or two and a half degrees Celsius not reach 466 00:17:02,363 --> 00:17:04,200 that point. What world are you living in? 467 00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:05,837 One that's TikTok-based? 468 00:17:05,837 --> 00:17:08,409 (laughs) 469 00:17:08,409 --> 00:17:11,281 My name's Jack. 470 00:17:12,684 --> 00:17:14,053 What's your name? 471 00:17:14,053 --> 00:17:15,390 Like, my legal government name? 472 00:17:15,390 --> 00:17:17,661 'Cause I know you know my artist name. 473 00:17:19,030 --> 00:17:21,101 The whole reason that you're even here 474 00:17:21,101 --> 00:17:23,305 - is because I came first. - Mm. 475 00:17:23,305 --> 00:17:26,144 Look at how you've modeled your whole physicality. 476 00:17:26,144 --> 00:17:28,983 I mean, surely you must hear it a lot. 477 00:17:30,052 --> 00:17:32,123 I do know who you are, and you're actually... 478 00:17:32,123 --> 00:17:34,628 the worst thing that's ever happened to my career. 479 00:17:34,628 --> 00:17:36,197 Hard to compete. 480 00:17:36,197 --> 00:17:38,335 You know, just being associated with you at all is... 481 00:17:38,335 --> 00:17:40,840 it's tough. I can't lie, but... 482 00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:42,544 I get through it, as you can see. 483 00:17:42,544 --> 00:17:44,815 It's hard to be associated with this level... 484 00:17:44,815 --> 00:17:46,485 of art. 485 00:17:46,485 --> 00:17:48,288 It's a breeze at the end of the day. 486 00:17:48,288 --> 00:17:50,125 - (both laugh) - Don't touch. 487 00:17:50,125 --> 00:17:52,129 You can look, but you can't touch. 488 00:17:52,129 --> 00:17:53,566 I'd rather touch almost. 489 00:17:53,566 --> 00:17:55,370 I'll give it to you, you got hot. 490 00:17:55,370 --> 00:17:56,906 Some people want to be hot, some people don't, I get it. 491 00:17:56,906 --> 00:17:58,409 "Ooh, I put earrings in." 492 00:17:58,409 --> 00:17:59,978 If I wore those, I'd look like a woman. 493 00:17:59,978 --> 00:18:01,448 - (sniffing) - What are you doing? 494 00:18:01,448 --> 00:18:02,918 Mmm. 495 00:18:02,918 --> 00:18:05,088 You stink, bitch. 496 00:18:05,924 --> 00:18:08,396 I like that. 497 00:18:09,832 --> 00:18:12,002 (scoffs) Got beef? 498 00:18:12,002 --> 00:18:14,541 'Cause I got a whole slab. 499 00:18:14,541 --> 00:18:15,810 (Harlow scoffs) 500 00:18:15,810 --> 00:18:18,114 Pussy. 501 00:18:18,883 --> 00:18:21,321 Okay. 502 00:18:21,321 --> 00:18:23,191 "Slab"? 503 00:18:27,064 --> 00:18:30,573 Thank you all so much for joining us here today. 504 00:18:30,573 --> 00:18:33,044 So, Demi, tell us, where do you stand 505 00:18:33,044 --> 00:18:34,815 on the media's portrayal of mental health? 506 00:18:34,815 --> 00:18:38,054 Well, look, I've made my fair share of mistakes. 507 00:18:38,054 --> 00:18:40,125 And I love you, media, 508 00:18:40,125 --> 00:18:42,296 but you love to tear us down. 509 00:18:42,296 --> 00:18:44,601 Still if you've got a platform, 510 00:18:44,601 --> 00:18:46,372 you have to stay open, 511 00:18:46,372 --> 00:18:47,974 keep yourself accountable, you know what I mean? 512 00:18:47,974 --> 00:18:50,112 I agree, you got to put your shit out there 513 00:18:50,112 --> 00:18:51,815 - every day. - Wait, we can curse? 514 00:18:51,815 --> 00:18:53,051 I want a do-over. 515 00:18:53,051 --> 00:18:54,388 (laughter) 516 00:18:54,388 --> 00:18:56,157 Oh, yeah, you a fool, Demi Lovato. 517 00:18:56,157 --> 00:18:58,563 And you got a cold-ass falsetto, but... 518 00:18:58,563 --> 00:19:00,667 that's what it's about though, you know? Share your pain, 519 00:19:00,667 --> 00:19:03,004 and somebody else will share theirs, too. 520 00:19:03,004 --> 00:19:04,708 Lot of people connect with me, honestly, 521 00:19:04,708 --> 00:19:06,110 'cause I am bipolar. 522 00:19:06,110 --> 00:19:07,514 (audience murmuring) 523 00:19:07,514 --> 00:19:08,683 Oh, me, too. 524 00:19:08,683 --> 00:19:10,185 I feel you on that. 525 00:19:10,185 --> 00:19:12,056 I think it's about staying true to your feelings. 526 00:19:12,056 --> 00:19:13,726 For me, at least. You know, 527 00:19:13,726 --> 00:19:15,663 when I was younger, things were a little confusing. 528 00:19:15,663 --> 00:19:18,536 I had to understand my gender identity, 529 00:19:18,536 --> 00:19:20,038 my sexuality... 530 00:19:20,038 --> 00:19:21,742 Sexuality? Oof! 531 00:19:21,742 --> 00:19:23,144 That shit got me going crazy. 532 00:19:23,144 --> 00:19:24,681 Did y'all know that I'm a sex addict, too? 533 00:19:24,681 --> 00:19:26,050 Check this story out. 534 00:19:26,050 --> 00:19:27,687 One time, I was in my car, bored as hell, 535 00:19:27,687 --> 00:19:29,290 so I, you know, slide in a chick's DM, 536 00:19:29,290 --> 00:19:30,526 tell her to come through, she pull up, 537 00:19:30,526 --> 00:19:32,497 whoop-deep-whoop, yada, yada, yada. 538 00:19:32,497 --> 00:19:34,367 But she didn't look nothing like her pictures though. 539 00:19:34,367 --> 00:19:35,937 That's when I realized 540 00:19:35,937 --> 00:19:39,043 I got sucked by a fat bitch just to feel something. 541 00:19:39,043 --> 00:19:41,849 And after I bust, I'm like, "Damn. 542 00:19:41,849 --> 00:19:43,753 Nigga really got a problem." 543 00:19:43,753 --> 00:19:45,456 (audience whispering, murmuring) 544 00:19:45,456 --> 00:19:47,259 What the fuck is Gata talking about 545 00:19:47,259 --> 00:19:48,996 in front of all these white people? 546 00:19:48,996 --> 00:19:50,867 Hey, do you, do you know him? 547 00:19:50,867 --> 00:19:52,904 Uh, unfortunately. 548 00:19:52,904 --> 00:19:54,841 Aw, man, your friend is awesome. 549 00:19:54,841 --> 00:19:56,244 Uh, my name's Ted Shunim. 550 00:19:56,244 --> 00:19:58,081 - I make reality TV. - Elz. 551 00:19:58,081 --> 00:19:59,451 I've got this new show. 552 00:19:59,451 --> 00:20:01,922 It's a mental health show called Nut Haus. 553 00:20:01,922 --> 00:20:04,060 He would be great. 554 00:20:04,060 --> 00:20:05,430 I mean, you could talk to Gata. 555 00:20:05,430 --> 00:20:06,966 He'd do anything to be famous at this point. 556 00:20:06,966 --> 00:20:08,769 What, I'm supposed to be up here keeping it real, right? 557 00:20:08,769 --> 00:20:10,440 No need to whisper. 558 00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:12,577 - Right. - (audience murmuring) 559 00:20:12,577 --> 00:20:14,180 And, um... 560 00:20:14,180 --> 00:20:17,387 uh, Mr. Steer, you've talked about-- 561 00:20:17,387 --> 00:20:19,290 And I never met my dad. 562 00:20:19,290 --> 00:20:21,929 And I call my aunt my mom because she raised me. 563 00:20:21,929 --> 00:20:23,599 Oh. 564 00:20:23,599 --> 00:20:26,438 - GATA: That shit kills me every day. - Mm. 565 00:20:26,438 --> 00:20:28,943 I'm not gonna allow y'all to sit up here and judge me. 566 00:20:28,943 --> 00:20:31,782 Only God can judge me. 567 00:20:31,782 --> 00:20:33,552 That's cognitive dissonance. 568 00:20:33,552 --> 00:20:36,124 - That's beautiful. - (applause) 569 00:20:38,663 --> 00:20:41,435 Thank you so much for sharing that with us. 570 00:20:41,435 --> 00:20:43,773 He's gonna be famous. 571 00:20:45,309 --> 00:20:46,845 I want to save the Earth, too, Al, I really do, 572 00:20:46,845 --> 00:20:49,016 but, like, Don Cheadle's here, Harlow-- (stammers) 573 00:20:49,016 --> 00:20:51,455 It's like, it's a lot. It's an overwhelming situation. 574 00:20:51,455 --> 00:20:53,693 ALLY: Look, it's not a lost cause. 575 00:20:53,693 --> 00:20:56,164 Because the most visible picture at this thing 576 00:20:56,164 --> 00:20:57,967 is always the bathroom selfie. 577 00:20:57,967 --> 00:21:00,373 I have no idea what that means. What is the bathroom selfie? 578 00:21:00,373 --> 00:21:02,377 Every year the coolest celebs 579 00:21:02,377 --> 00:21:03,946 go to the bathroom at the same time 580 00:21:03,946 --> 00:21:05,483 - and take a selfie. - (sighs) 581 00:21:05,483 --> 00:21:07,152 You've got to find out when they're doing it, 582 00:21:07,152 --> 00:21:08,689 get in there and pull that cord. 583 00:21:08,689 --> 00:21:10,393 Well, how does it, how do I do that? 584 00:21:10,393 --> 00:21:11,795 - I don't know how that fucking shit works. - Um... 585 00:21:11,795 --> 00:21:14,735 excuse me, do you, do you mind if I, um... 586 00:21:14,735 --> 00:21:17,674 just, uh, plug in here? 587 00:21:17,674 --> 00:21:20,145 Thanks, Olaf, bye. 588 00:21:20,145 --> 00:21:21,815 - Is that okay? Okay. - Yeah. 589 00:21:21,815 --> 00:21:24,353 - Thank you. Sorry. - Yeah, take a seat. 590 00:21:24,353 --> 00:21:26,458 There's, like, one outlet in this whole place. 591 00:21:26,458 --> 00:21:28,996 - Yeah. - Oh, yeah, I could use a seat. 592 00:21:28,996 --> 00:21:31,300 - Whew! - Whew. 593 00:21:31,300 --> 00:21:33,038 Oh, that feels better. 594 00:21:33,038 --> 00:21:35,308 (exhales) 595 00:21:36,512 --> 00:21:37,814 You okay? 596 00:21:37,814 --> 00:21:39,484 Yeah, just... 597 00:21:39,484 --> 00:21:41,855 - can't see anything with this thing on. - Oh, yeah. 598 00:21:41,855 --> 00:21:43,324 I'm Rachel. 599 00:21:43,324 --> 00:21:44,394 - Hi, Rachel. - Hi. 600 00:21:44,394 --> 00:21:45,463 I'm Dave. Nice to meet you. 601 00:21:45,463 --> 00:21:47,199 Dave, nice to meet you. 602 00:21:47,199 --> 00:21:49,036 You having fun? 603 00:21:49,036 --> 00:21:51,742 Uh, not particularly. 604 00:21:51,742 --> 00:21:53,546 - (laughs): No. - To be frank with you, no. 605 00:21:53,546 --> 00:21:55,917 It's my first Met Gala, and it's just not going 606 00:21:55,917 --> 00:21:57,987 anywhere close to how I envisioned it. 607 00:21:57,987 --> 00:22:00,760 Hey, honestly, these things really stress me out. 608 00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:02,764 - Yeah? - I only came, my publicist forced me, 609 00:22:02,764 --> 00:22:04,935 so I could promote my next movie. 610 00:22:04,935 --> 00:22:07,374 Well, if it makes you feel any better, 611 00:22:07,374 --> 00:22:08,576 I will go see that movie. 612 00:22:08,576 --> 00:22:10,546 So the promotion actually worked. 613 00:22:10,546 --> 00:22:13,719 Tell your publicist you've got one customer locked in 614 00:22:13,719 --> 00:22:15,021 to go see that new film. 615 00:22:15,021 --> 00:22:16,425 - All right, I will... - Yeah. 616 00:22:16,425 --> 00:22:18,294 - I'm gonna let her know, thank you. - Yeah. 617 00:22:18,294 --> 00:22:19,931 My publicist made me come here, too. 618 00:22:19,931 --> 00:22:22,771 - Really? - Yeah, I've got a publicist, as well. 619 00:22:22,771 --> 00:22:24,408 What do you do, Dave? 620 00:22:24,408 --> 00:22:26,812 I'm a rapper. 621 00:22:26,812 --> 00:22:28,582 - Yeah. - A rapper? 622 00:22:28,582 --> 00:22:30,586 - Cool, right? - Very. 623 00:22:30,586 --> 00:22:33,526 - Yeah. - So, like, you could write a rap about us 624 00:22:33,526 --> 00:22:37,132 meeting like losers on the ground. 625 00:22:37,132 --> 00:22:39,003 Couple of people chitchatting, sitting Indian style. 626 00:22:39,003 --> 00:22:40,807 I would knock it out of the park. 627 00:22:40,807 --> 00:22:42,510 (laughing) 628 00:22:42,510 --> 00:22:44,648 I'm really bummed that you're not having fun 629 00:22:44,648 --> 00:22:46,819 - at your first Met Ball. - Uh, well... 630 00:22:46,819 --> 00:22:48,354 What can we do to turn that around? 631 00:22:48,354 --> 00:22:49,925 How can we make it better? 632 00:22:49,925 --> 00:22:52,329 I mean, do you know anything 633 00:22:52,329 --> 00:22:54,434 about this bathroom selfie thing? 634 00:22:54,434 --> 00:22:55,937 I feel so lame asking that. 635 00:22:55,937 --> 00:22:57,306 No, don't feel lame. 636 00:22:57,306 --> 00:22:58,776 I felt the exact same way. 637 00:22:58,776 --> 00:23:00,546 You just need someone to get the ball rolling. 638 00:23:00,546 --> 00:23:02,884 - Okay. - So I'm gonna corral everybody up. 639 00:23:02,884 --> 00:23:05,188 And you're gonna go to the bathroom. 640 00:23:05,188 --> 00:23:08,496 Everyone comes in, and it's gonna down just like that. 641 00:23:08,496 --> 00:23:09,931 You really have that kind of influence, huh? 642 00:23:09,931 --> 00:23:11,602 I got them eating out of the palm of my hand. 643 00:23:11,602 --> 00:23:13,672 - Yum, yum, yum. - Ah! 644 00:23:13,672 --> 00:23:15,977 - Are you gonna be in this picture with me? - No, God no. 645 00:23:15,977 --> 00:23:18,181 No, no, no. I don't take pictures in bathrooms anymore. 646 00:23:18,181 --> 00:23:20,686 The elephant in the room is, like, getting up is gonna be, 647 00:23:20,686 --> 00:23:22,690 like, borderline impossible in this outfit. 648 00:23:22,690 --> 00:23:24,226 - Really? - Yeah, will you help me up? 649 00:23:24,226 --> 00:23:25,997 I can't. 650 00:23:25,997 --> 00:23:27,500 I was hoping you would help me. 651 00:23:27,500 --> 00:23:28,969 Ah, let's combine... 652 00:23:28,969 --> 00:23:31,441 - the inertia of... - Where are our publicists? 653 00:23:31,441 --> 00:23:33,278 I know. Here, we can... 654 00:23:33,278 --> 00:23:35,383 if we just... (grunts) 655 00:23:35,383 --> 00:23:37,420 - (screams) - I got you. 656 00:23:37,420 --> 00:23:39,356 - Sorry, sorry. Yes, I'm up. - You okay? 657 00:23:39,356 --> 00:23:41,127 - (laughs) - Should we do the plan now? 658 00:23:41,127 --> 00:23:42,329 Yes. 659 00:23:42,329 --> 00:23:43,933 - Okay, copy you. - Okay. 660 00:23:43,933 --> 00:23:45,903 - Copying that. - Rachel's on the move. 661 00:23:45,903 --> 00:23:48,041 - Roger, you. - I'm gonna go to the bathroom downstairs. 662 00:23:48,041 --> 00:23:49,377 - Okay, yes. - Across the hall. 663 00:23:49,377 --> 00:23:51,314 - Go get 'em, tiger. - Third door. Okay. 664 00:24:13,057 --> 00:24:16,498 No, that's what I'm saying, I just did it a couple hours ago. 665 00:24:17,467 --> 00:24:20,272 Just handle it, please. Jesus Christ. 666 00:24:20,272 --> 00:24:23,178 So I need you to get in there and-- 667 00:24:23,178 --> 00:24:24,881 Hang on a second. 668 00:24:29,023 --> 00:24:30,626 Okay, yeah. 669 00:24:30,626 --> 00:24:32,730 I need somebody to get in there and get rid of it, okay? 670 00:24:32,730 --> 00:24:35,068 Get it out of there before it opens tomorrow. 671 00:24:35,068 --> 00:24:38,409 Yeah, big red letters right by the crown. 672 00:24:38,409 --> 00:24:40,011 Yeah, on the inside, Carla, you think 673 00:24:40,011 --> 00:24:42,450 I scaled the outside of the fucking Statue of Liberty? 674 00:24:42,450 --> 00:24:44,353 No, you don't yell at me, okay? 675 00:24:44,353 --> 00:24:45,923 This is your fucking job! 676 00:24:45,923 --> 00:24:47,359 It's what I pay you for. 677 00:24:47,359 --> 00:24:49,363 Why do you need to know what it says? 678 00:24:49,363 --> 00:24:50,766 It doesn't matter what it sa-- 679 00:24:50,766 --> 00:24:52,904 It says "fuck white people," okay? 680 00:24:52,904 --> 00:24:54,608 Just get-- 681 00:24:54,608 --> 00:24:57,513 No, I wasn't on fentanyl again. Jesus Christ. 682 00:24:57,513 --> 00:24:59,851 (whispers): "Fentanyl"? 683 00:24:59,851 --> 00:25:01,989 (stammers) 684 00:25:10,238 --> 00:25:12,142 Fuck. 685 00:25:14,079 --> 00:25:15,750 (farts) 686 00:25:15,750 --> 00:25:17,921 (sighs) 687 00:25:18,822 --> 00:25:20,158 (farts) 688 00:25:20,158 --> 00:25:21,360 (sighs) 689 00:25:21,360 --> 00:25:23,264 (door opens) 690 00:25:23,264 --> 00:25:25,368 (door closes) 691 00:25:25,368 --> 00:25:27,473 (sniffs) 692 00:25:34,854 --> 00:25:36,925 (whistles) 693 00:25:39,431 --> 00:25:41,969 - (overlapping conversations) - You crushed it out there. - Thank you. 694 00:25:41,969 --> 00:25:44,006 - So I'm saying it's like, it's like pickleball. - Yeah. 695 00:25:44,006 --> 00:25:45,776 - But it's better than pickleball. - Okay. 696 00:25:45,776 --> 00:25:48,181 CHEADLE: Because you can, you don't have to be dressed. 697 00:25:48,181 --> 00:25:50,051 - Right, that's true. - Exactly. 698 00:25:50,051 --> 00:25:52,724 KELLY: Dude, this has become my favorite part. 699 00:25:52,724 --> 00:25:54,594 - Let's do the selfie. - Up yours. 700 00:25:54,594 --> 00:25:56,097 (indistinct chatter) 701 00:25:56,097 --> 00:25:58,602 Man, that food sucked. 702 00:25:58,602 --> 00:26:00,305 Whoo! We look good, baby. 703 00:26:00,305 --> 00:26:02,009 - Let's do it. - (toilet flushes) 704 00:26:03,512 --> 00:26:05,750 - Selfie time? - What the fuck? 705 00:26:05,750 --> 00:26:07,319 Whoa. 706 00:26:07,319 --> 00:26:09,189 DAVE: No? 707 00:26:09,189 --> 00:26:11,060 Wait... (chuckles) 708 00:26:11,060 --> 00:26:13,231 Are we doing the bathroom selfie, no? 709 00:26:13,231 --> 00:26:15,636 Were you waiting in the stall for the selfie? 710 00:26:15,636 --> 00:26:17,640 - (laughter) - DAVE: No. 711 00:26:17,640 --> 00:26:19,811 If you must know, I was taking a shit. 712 00:26:19,811 --> 00:26:21,147 So... 713 00:26:21,147 --> 00:26:23,117 - Ah. - Ew. 714 00:26:23,117 --> 00:26:25,121 Shitting, he says. 715 00:26:25,121 --> 00:26:27,927 (sniffing) 716 00:26:31,334 --> 00:26:33,839 It's fine, guys. 717 00:26:35,943 --> 00:26:37,613 Yeah, uh... 718 00:26:37,613 --> 00:26:39,951 I don't think this guy was taking a shit. 719 00:26:39,951 --> 00:26:41,087 Wow. 720 00:26:41,087 --> 00:26:42,724 And I'm from Kentucky, so I know shit. 721 00:26:42,724 --> 00:26:44,995 - That's facts. - Yeah. - Yeah, he does. 722 00:26:44,995 --> 00:26:46,665 What? What the fuck does that even mean? 723 00:26:46,665 --> 00:26:48,902 Why would you lie about that? That's so lame. 724 00:26:48,902 --> 00:26:50,906 I'm not lying. 725 00:26:50,906 --> 00:26:52,844 Do you guys want to smell my asshole for proof? 726 00:26:52,844 --> 00:26:55,081 - Uh, what do you want? - No, gross. 727 00:26:55,081 --> 00:26:57,219 - FOX: Ew! - I'm sorry. - Ugh. 728 00:26:57,219 --> 00:26:59,624 Criticism aside, I owe you an apology from Germany. 729 00:26:59,624 --> 00:27:01,895 I am sorry about what happened. 730 00:27:01,895 --> 00:27:03,732 I don't blame you for the Holocaust just 'cause you're 731 00:27:03,732 --> 00:27:05,936 - a tall Aryan guy. - That's not at all what I'm talking about. 732 00:27:05,936 --> 00:27:07,707 I don't know what you're talking about. 733 00:27:07,707 --> 00:27:09,243 I've never even been to Europe, dude. 734 00:27:09,243 --> 00:27:10,513 Oh! You've never been to Europe? 735 00:27:10,513 --> 00:27:12,349 - Wow. - Whoa. - Really? 736 00:27:12,349 --> 00:27:13,585 HARLOW: Oh, God. 737 00:27:13,585 --> 00:27:15,221 You would love Europe. 738 00:27:15,221 --> 00:27:17,259 Okay, you don't know anything about me. 739 00:27:17,259 --> 00:27:19,163 None of us do. 740 00:27:19,163 --> 00:27:22,002 BARKER: You guys, shut the fuck up, let's take 741 00:27:22,002 --> 00:27:24,106 this fucking picture before I lose my mind. 742 00:27:24,106 --> 00:27:25,443 Please, please. 743 00:27:25,443 --> 00:27:26,945 - Let's do this. - Yeah. 744 00:27:26,945 --> 00:27:28,882 Why don't you guys stand right next to me, no, stand 745 00:27:28,882 --> 00:27:30,853 right next to me. Stand right next to me. 746 00:27:30,853 --> 00:27:32,924 - Okay. - DAVE: Right here. 747 00:27:32,924 --> 00:27:34,694 Yeah. 748 00:27:34,694 --> 00:27:37,600 - Okay, remember... Okay. - You're gonna remember this shit forever. 749 00:27:37,600 --> 00:27:40,171 - Whole world's gonna see this shit. - KELLY: All right. 750 00:27:40,171 --> 00:27:42,008 All right, so, uh, 751 00:27:42,008 --> 00:27:43,946 how about "we run this city" on three? 752 00:27:43,946 --> 00:27:44,981 Nice! 753 00:27:44,981 --> 00:27:47,387 CHEADLE: All right, here we go. One, 754 00:27:47,387 --> 00:27:49,591 (distorted): two... 755 00:27:49,591 --> 00:27:51,661 three! 756 00:27:51,661 --> 00:27:53,665 - ALL: We run this city-- - Wait, wait, wait, wait! 757 00:27:53,665 --> 00:27:55,536 Sorry. (grunting) One more. 758 00:27:55,536 --> 00:27:57,139 Oh, sorry. 759 00:27:57,139 --> 00:27:59,243 You said you didn't want to be in the bathroom selfie. 760 00:27:59,243 --> 00:28:00,679 Oh, well, well, 761 00:28:00,679 --> 00:28:02,550 one more for old time's sake. 762 00:28:03,685 --> 00:28:05,556 Does my hair look okay? 763 00:28:05,556 --> 00:28:07,727 It looks perfect. 764 00:28:07,727 --> 00:28:09,464 CHEADLE: All right, all right, let's do this. 765 00:28:09,464 --> 00:28:10,733 One, two, three. 766 00:28:10,733 --> 00:28:12,670 ALL: We run this city! 767 00:28:12,670 --> 00:28:13,939 - (camera clicking) - All right. 768 00:28:13,939 --> 00:28:17,212 - Another one? - KELLY: Yes, sir! 769 00:28:17,212 --> 00:28:18,982 CHEADLE: All right, I'm gonna go hang out with some Black people. 770 00:28:18,982 --> 00:28:21,588 Man, that was an exhilarating mission, wasn't it? 771 00:28:21,588 --> 00:28:22,790 Uh, yeah. 772 00:28:22,790 --> 00:28:24,594 Thank you for, like, 773 00:28:24,594 --> 00:28:26,130 going all out to set me up 774 00:28:26,130 --> 00:28:28,234 - for success. - Oh, yeah, of course. 775 00:28:28,234 --> 00:28:31,040 I mean, you're just... you're so cute. 776 00:28:31,040 --> 00:28:33,111 - And funny and... - Oh, thank you. 777 00:28:33,111 --> 00:28:34,848 Yeah, I, um... 778 00:28:34,848 --> 00:28:36,618 do you live in L. A.? 779 00:28:36,618 --> 00:28:38,354 - Yeah. - Really? 780 00:28:38,354 --> 00:28:39,724 - Yes. - Okay. 781 00:28:39,724 --> 00:28:41,495 Um, do you want to get a meal sometime? 782 00:28:41,495 --> 00:28:43,565 - It'd be fun. Do you want to give me your phone? - Yeah, yeah. 783 00:28:43,565 --> 00:28:45,803 - And I'll put my... - Sure. 784 00:28:45,803 --> 00:28:47,607 Number in the old, uh... 785 00:28:47,607 --> 00:28:49,076 - Digit in the old... - Box of, uh... 786 00:28:49,076 --> 00:28:51,414 - magic box. - That would be... 787 00:28:51,414 --> 00:28:53,184 - everything. - (phone buzzing) 788 00:28:53,184 --> 00:28:55,923 Oh, sorry, you're getting a call here. 789 00:28:57,426 --> 00:28:59,363 Yeah. 790 00:28:59,363 --> 00:29:01,200 Sorry, here you go. 791 00:29:01,200 --> 00:29:03,004 (clucking tongue) 792 00:29:03,004 --> 00:29:04,407 All right. 793 00:29:04,407 --> 00:29:06,277 Well... 794 00:29:06,277 --> 00:29:08,415 - Okay. - Okay. 795 00:29:08,415 --> 00:29:09,851 You'll be hearing from me. 796 00:29:09,851 --> 00:29:11,822 - Okay, sounds good. - Okay. 797 00:29:11,822 --> 00:29:13,759 Oh, and I want to hear that rap about us. 798 00:29:13,759 --> 00:29:15,328 I'm on it. 799 00:29:15,328 --> 00:29:17,667 Good night. 800 00:29:19,303 --> 00:29:21,374 (quiet chatter) 801 00:29:21,374 --> 00:29:23,712 (phone chimes) 802 00:29:46,190 --> 00:29:48,261 ♪ ♪ 803 00:29:50,733 --> 00:29:53,137 (device whirring, beeping) 804 00:29:53,137 --> 00:29:55,141 Oh, fuck! 805 00:29:55,141 --> 00:29:56,411 (yells) 806 00:29:56,411 --> 00:29:58,415 Move! Move! 807 00:29:58,415 --> 00:30:00,185 Oh, no, I'm in flames, ah! 808 00:30:00,185 --> 00:30:02,355 - I'm gonna roll! - (clamoring) 809 00:30:02,355 --> 00:30:03,892 Help! 810 00:30:03,892 --> 00:30:07,199 (shouting, screaming continues) 811 00:30:07,199 --> 00:30:10,104 - (tires screech, horn honks) - I'm sorry! 812 00:30:10,104 --> 00:30:11,841 I'm sorry! 813 00:30:11,841 --> 00:30:13,879 (indistinct shouting, clamoring) 814 00:30:13,879 --> 00:30:15,816 (horns honking) 815 00:30:15,816 --> 00:30:17,687 - (screaming) - (crashing) 816 00:30:17,687 --> 00:30:20,024 ♪ ♪ 817 00:30:40,298 --> 00:30:44,774 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org