Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull M_I_SForEver
Order in my court.
Mr. Bowers, you're saying the reason why you were speeding
is because you were being chased by a ghost?
Yes, your honor.
Is there a witness to this ghost
that you're talking about?
Well, the cop that pulled me over
said he didn't see anything.
So I'm assuming that the sirens musta scared him off.
Thank you, Mr. Bowers.
You may have a seat.
Mr. Walker.
Your honor.
Oh God.
Your honor, according to the laws of physics and nature
the steep of my car pedal,
when one applies the Pythagorean Theorem,
the steep of my car pedal is at higher rate
than most other pedals in most other cars.
Therefore, when I put my foot upon it,
it's naturally going to speed up at a slightly higher rate
than most other cars.
Does your speedometer work?
Yes, your honor, but Galileo, in 1588,
didn't give a flying fuck about speedometers.
Thank you, Mr. Walker.
You may have a seat now.
The rest of you are guilty with no further explanation.
I've had enough for today.
I swear to God, people are getting dumber,
or more creative with their excuses nowadays.
There's a man who called you, several times, from Greece.
What did he say?
He said it's something regarding your daughter Lisa.
I think he left a text.
Search me flights to Detroit for the day after tomorrow.
Detroit? What's there?
My grandsons live there.
Wait, are you still going to the LA convention next week?
What happened last night?
I don't even remember.
Oh shit!
Shit!
Where's the TV?
Shit, someone stole the TV?
Oh, fuck!
Great.
Jake, I think we have a problem.
What?
There's a naked guy sleeping in our bathtub.
Just wake him up, ya dumbass.
Don't look at the penis.
Dude, wake up.
Come on, wake up.
Wait, what are you?
Fuck this shit.
Hey, Jake.
What do you want?
Nothing.
Did you wake him up yet?
I'm just gonna use the bathroom upstairs.
Hello?
Hey, Jakey, how are you?
Listen buddy, whatever you're selling, I ain't buying.
It's your grandpa, you knucklehead.
Oh shit!
Hey Grandpa.
Are you drunk?
No, no, no, no, no, I'm fine.
Listen, I'm on my way to your place.
Now?
You still live on Temple Street?
Yeah.
: Great, I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Shit.
Joe.
What?
Grandpa's gonna be here in 10 minutes.
Who?
Grandpa.
Grandpa's still alive?
Of course he's still alive, you idiot.
Now help me clean this place up.
What time is it?
Past 12.
Late for work again.
Fuck it.
They're gonna fire me anyway.
Well this is a work of art.
Is this my dick or yours?
Too big to be mine.
What about the TV?
What about it?
Well Grandpa might ask us about it when he gets here.
Grandpa hasn't visited us in five fucking years.
Do you think he cares whether or not we have a TV?
Who doesn't have a TV?
We don't have a fucking TV.
Now will you hurry up.
I mean, what's the big deal
if Grandpa knew we were partying last night.
Joe, sometimes your stupidity even surpasses my thoughts.
Thank you.
No.
Mom just died two days ago.
If Grandpa found out that we had a party,
he'd flip out.
I told you we should've rescheduled this party, Jake.
Hey, we planned this party like three weeks ago.
Mom's the one that should've rescheduled her death.
Is that even possible?
Joe, we don't have time for your stupid fucking questions.
Please help me get this place back together.
She left us when we were kids and moved to Greece.
She's like a stranger to us.
Still, we're her kids.
Now do you want Grandpa to start bitching about this?
No.
Then less talk, more cleaning.
Boys, how are ya doing?
We're good.
How are you?
Sorry about Mom, Grandpa.
Your mom
was a good woman, Jake.
I know she was.
I just wish I had a chance to get to know her more.
She actually wanted to take you with her,
but she couldn't.
After she lost the case against your dad in court,
she had no choice but to escape his unruly behavior.
Dad died two years ago.
Why didn't she just call?
Your mother was in a coma for five years
because of a car accident.
You'd have known if you'd have asked.
Anyway, I'm not here to talk about that.
I'm here to tell you boys
that your mother died a millionaire.
I'm sorry, Grandpa.
Jesus Christ, Jake!
How much money are we talking about?
Four million dollars.
Wait, where did Mom get all this money from?
After Lisa moved to Greece she married a rich businessman
who gave her everything before he died.
Oh, so, basically our mom was a gold digger?
So what you're telling us,
is that we're basically eligible to a cut of her heir?
Yes, but under one condition.
Your mom had a child in Greece
who she gave half of her net worth,
the other half to me.
Whoa, what about us?
Your mom had a will.
She made me promise to give you your share,
only if you'll agree to live with your brother for 45 days.
Why would she want that?
Lisa always had this dream
that all of her kids would come together
after your father died.
So are we going to Greece or is he coming here?
You're not going anywhere.
He's coming here to Detroit.
Now, I suggest that you start preparing a room
because he'll be here tonight.
Wow, Grandpa, thanks for last minute notice.
Where's your bathroom?
Second door on your left.
Hey, Ronny, what's up?
machine.
You know Jake, I'm sick of you being late all the time.
You always come up with these silly excuses
just to explain why your ass isn't here,
which it should be, operating the goddamn espresso machine.
Hey Ronny, how 'bout you shove that espresso machine
up your ass?
I bet it'll fit.
Did you say what?
You heard me, Ronny.
And one more thing, I quit.
Have a nice life.
Hey, boys.
Why is there a naked guy in your bathtub?
- That's. - Joe's boyfriend.
So anyway Grandpa, it was really, really good to see ya.
Thank you so much for stopping by, and I promise you,
we're gonna take real good care of our new brother.
Which reminds me though,
what time is he gonna be here?
About eight.
Are we picking him up?
Nope, he's got a driver.
Fantastic.
Now have a safe trip back to Hawaii.
Ohio.
Even better.
What the fuck, Jake!
You know how homophobic Grandpa is!
Oh is he.
You're an asshole.
What?
What's wrong with being gay?
It's 2019 for Christ's sake.
That's not the point.
All right, I'm sorry.
Can you make me some eggs please?
We don't have any eggs.
Shit.
We gotta go to the grocery store.
Fuck!
Is this really necessary?
Hell yeah, it's necessary.
Didn't you hear Grandpa?
If our new brother doesn't feel welcome
he may change his mind.
What's the plan then?
Plans easy.
Keep him happy until we get our cut of the money.
Fuck that.
Can't Grandpa just give us our money
with all of this family bullshit?
Patience, Joe.
It's only 45 days until we become millionaires.
Whoa, I always wanted to get some of these.
Weights aren't gonna make your fat ass any thinner, Joe.
Fuck you, Jake.
All right, I'm gonna run to the gas station
get a pack of smokes.
If our new brother shows up,
please don't do anything stupid.
You got it.
Just invite him in and try and be normal, will ya?
I'll be right back.
Just do it!
Yes you can!
Just do it!
If you're tired of starting over,
stop giving up!
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
That's okay, just one gentleman.
It's not a bad place to live in.
Except for the color of this wall.
This need to be changed.
Nancy?
Yes, Mr. Anthony?
Make a note to call a painter
to come change the color of this wall.
match the furniture.
Nancy, can you add a new couch as well, on the list.
Copy that.
You must be Joe.
How are you doing?
Who the fuck are you?
I'm sorry, I was caught up with the moment,
I forgot to introduce myself.
I'm Anthony.
Oh.
Before I forget, this is my living schedule.
It has everything you need to know about how I live,
my every activity of the day.
It's very important to stick with
everything mentioned on this paper.
So.
This wine is bad and cheap.
Nancy, need to add a bottle of fine wine as well.
Yes, sir.
So,
Joe,
any questions?
What was that?
What was what?
The guy that just flew through our window.
Oh, the weird looking guy in the suit and fedora?
Yes.
I have no clue.
Hello?
Hey Joe, did Anthony arrive yet?
Who?
Your brother, Anthony.
His name was Anthony?
Yes.
Shit.
Grandpa just told me our brother's name was Anthony.
So?
You know that guy I just threw out the window?
Yes?
His name was Anthony.
Holy fuck, Joe!
Did you just throw four million dollars out the window?
You idiot!
Oh, shit, where'd he go?
I don't know.
Anthony?
Oh, this is not good!
Oh, shit!
Anthony?
Oh boy, eating cereal at night.
That means you're angry.
You fucked up, Joe.
I'm sorry, Jake.
Grandpa said he was Greek,
not a time traveler from the 1900's.
I just thought he was some kind of faggot
trying to play a trick on me.
I swear to God,
if we lose that money Joe,
I'm gonna cut your balls off and feed 'em to Larry.
Hey, did you know that Larry was gay?
The fuck are you talking about?
Do you know about the affair with Larry and I?
Are you hooking up with my cat?
No.
We just watch each other masturbate.
Oh, and sometimes I let him lick my balls.
Let's wash the sin away.
I know.
We gotta wash the sins away.
Good boy, good boy.
Let's wash the sins away.
It's like your own water park.
Hey, Grandpa, what's up?
Jake, did Anthony arrive yet?
Why, did he talk to you?
No, that's why I'm calling.
Uh, yeah, yeah, he just went to sleep early.
He's good.
All right.
When he wakes up, tell him to call me, would ya?
All right, I will.
I'll let him know, Grandpa.
I gotta go now.
Bye.
Oh shit!
So, is Anthony like your boyfriend?
No, Mr. Anthony is my boss.
So you're single?
Joe, there you are.
I've been looking everywhere for you.
Where the fuck'd you go.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm Jake.
Have we met?
I'm Nancy, Mr. Anthony's personal secretary.
Wait, you know where Anthony is?
Joe just told me what happened.
I got off the phone with Mr. Anthony a few minutes ago.
He should be back shortly.
Oh, thank you so much, Nancy.
You just saved our lives.
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
Never let go.
Thank you.
We're gonna be rich.
Sorry again about what happened.
Joe wasn't expecting you,
and apparently he thought you were trying to rob him.
No worries.
I watch a lot of American fights on YouTube,
and I believe stupidity is normal here.
You're absolutely right.
We're surrounded by stupidity.
I mean, look at Joe, for example.
What?
So what do you think of the room?
It's actually very nice.
I want to thank you for your generosity.
Of course.
And if you need anything, anything at all,
just let us know.
What the hell is he still doing here?
I don't know.
Have you guys seen my socks, man?
Sorry, dude, no one's seen your socks.
So, please, can you piss off?
Yeah, shoo, scat!
I need my socks, man.
I'm cold.
No one gives a shit about your socks.
Now get the fuck out of here, please.
You guys make my dick shrivel, man.
A friend of yours, I assume?
That's the.
- Electrician. - Plumber..
So anyway, Anthony, we're gonna let you get some rest.
Make yourself comfortable.
We'll see you tomorrow.
Jack, before you leave.
Do you mind if I build a tepidarium in the bathroom?
Yeah, sure.
Thank you very much.
Have a good night to you as well.
What's a tepiquarium?
I have no idea.
You still here?
Only for a little while.
In case Mr. Anthony needs me.
Would you like a drink?
No, I'm good.
Thank you though.
Are you sure?
I think we have some good whiskey.
Who are you talking to?
Jake, Nancy's still here.
Who?
Nancy.
Oh, hey Nancy.
You stayin'?
Just for a little while.
I mean, if you want to spend the night
you can stay in my room.
Well why your room Jake?
'Cause Anthony's staying in yours, Joe.
If you want, you can sleep on the couch.
That's where I'll be sleeping.
So what do you say?
I should get going.
Thanks guys.
Bye now.
- Bye Nancy. - Drive safe.
What's wrong with you?
I'm angry.
Why?
Because Nancy's so hot,
and I left my Iron Man pajamas upstairs.
So go get 'em.
But what if he's asleep?
He probably isn't, but go before he is.
Didn't mean to bother you,
just came in for my Iron Man pj's.
What pj's?
Ya know, pj's, Iron Man.
I'm a big fan of Mr. Stark.
Anthony did you move all my clothes?
I appreciate the extra generosity, brother,
but I have my own clothes.
Extra...
What extra generosity?
Anthony, those were my clothes!
Oh.
Apparently there's some kind of misunderstanding,
because I gave it all away to the naked guy.
Oh shit.
You gave him everything?
You even gave him my underwear?
What's going on?
Anthony gave away all my clothes.
That's fine, you can just use mine.
I think he took yours as well.
What?
Isn't this guys a friend of yours, of some sort?
No, Anthony, we don't even know that guy!
Is it normal in America
that people let naked strangers mooch around their houses?
Because we don't have such a thing in Greece.
No!
All this screaming and yelling
is not really good for your health.
See, this books here talks about anger management.
It can definitely help you with your problems.
I myself read it like five times,
and every time I read it,
all the intense emotions go away.
Works like a charm.
Now I suggest that you start with chapter seven,
that's when things become interesting.
And so Jack, I have something for you special.
Give me one second.
See, this is here my living schedule.
It has your name on it
so if anyone lose copy doesn't blame the other one.
So if you read it here, I sleep at 10:30 on Fridays,
and I believe today is Friday.
So I wish I could chat more,
but we can do this tomorrow.
Have a good night.
What?
No, this one's yours.
Hey Jake?
What are we going to do about that creature over there?
You talking about Anthony?
Yeah, he is the weirdest person I have ever met.
Joe, Grandpa said.
Fuck Grandpa.
And I can't believe he threw away our clothes!
It's not a big deal.
He's rich.
He'll probably get us new clothes tomorrow.
What about my Iron Man pj's?
Fuck your Iron Man pj's, Joe.
It's like 80 degrees in here.
That's not the point.
As long as we have a bed to sleep on we're gonna be good.
Yeah, sleeping naked.
Half naked.
Joe?
Yeah?
Why do I feel your bare ass?
Because I'm naked.
Get the fuck out of my bed.
Anthony!
All right, on three.
One, two.
No, no, no, no, no, stop!
- Stop! - Stop!
Anthony, what the fuck are you doing?
I'm just building a tepidarium I told you about.
What the hell is a tepidarium?
And I'm pretty sure you need a permit
for something like this.
Do you have one?
Yes, indeed.
How the hell did you get this?
Oh shit, cops.
Oh, shit.
We gotta get out of here, bro.
I can't go back to jail. Fuck that.
Here, take that.
Why, what's going on?
We're not real engineers.
What?
Yeah, well, we were just pretending.
The guy, he was paying a lot,
but we don't know what we're doing to these walls, man.
Yeah, what he said.
What?
What's that sound?
Shit.
Oh no, the walls are collapsing.
Run!
Oh my God!
Save yourselves!
Dammit, Anthony!
Excuse me.
Can either one of you tell me
exactly what's going on here?
Mister police sheriff,
I hired the best construction company
to build my tepidarium in that house.
There was two frauds who deceived me
and pretend to be sent by them.
Do you even know anybody
that would know about your construction?
Well, I.
All you fucking care about.
Mommy, mommy, mommy.
You know, I don't fucking get it Jake.
I don't.
Just stand still, will ya?
We just lost our house for fuck's sake, Jake.
That's all right.
We still got Mom's money.
What?
Mom's money?
- Where is it, Jake? - What are you doing?
You got it shoved up your butthole somewhere?
Cut it out, man.
No.
No one is gonna control my freedom, Jake.
No one.
Joe.
No!
No, no!
I'm leaving, Jake.
And you can't tell me what to do.
I'm gonna take my car and go anywhere I want.
Fuck!
According to my global positioning system
we should reach Grandpa's house in two hours and 36 minutes.
Nancy, stop at the nearest store
so that we can buy some clothes for my dear brothers.
Copy that, Mr. Anthony.
Here you go, Jack.
This is my credit card.
I will make sure you get reimbursed
for all the damage I've caused.
Dude, are you beating off?
Fuck off, I'm stressed.
Whoa, Jake, check this out.
They're giving away free necklaces.
Joe, we don't have time for that.
Jake, check this thing out.
Joe, quit fooling around.
What are you talking about?
I'm buying this bad boy.
You're an idiot.
I know.
Oh, hey Jake, will you hold this while I put these on?
You're doing that right here?
There's a dressing room right around the corner.
Well they've already seen us half naked.
What does it matter?
Is this your jizz?
Maybe.
You sick bastard!
Oh, now it's on my hands.
Oh, God, get off.
Oh my God.
Is this jizz?
He threw it.
It's his jizz.
- It's his jizz. - Oh my God.
It's everywhere!
So gross!
Great, Joe.
Now this lady's been victimized by your jizz blanket.
Hey, if you hadn't a thrown it.
Yeah, if you weren't jerking off in the car
the blanket wouldn't have been all jizzy.
Jizzy?
Is that even a word?
You know what I mean.
Hey!
You two jokers need to get the hell out of this store.
Now!
Can I keep this?
Gimme that.
I can't take you anywhere.
Hey, this was your fault.
You know when I gave you my credit card,
I expected you to buy more than some cheap necklace.
It's Joe's fault.
Hey, don't blame me.
If it wasn't for your fucking man chowder.
If it wasn't for your fucking throw.
Can we just go to another store?
We don't have time.
I'm sure Grandpa provide you with some clothes from his own.
It's a long story.
Don't ask.
Hey Grandpa, do you only have suits?
Well excuse me for being classy most of the time.
Do you happen to have a smaller size or something?
Or a bigger one?
Hey, I wear a convenience size.
It's not my fault that you're too slim and you're too fat.
Hey now.
It really doesn't matter.
It's better walk naked on our fun going out night.
Fun going what now?
According to my living schedule
tonight is our fun going out night.
Good thing you're already dressed.
Please excuse us, Grandpa.
Oh no, don't you worry about me.
You go out and have fun now.
And please, take care of your brothers.
They're idiots, and they don't know what they're doing.
Thanks Grandpa.
I love you too.
I'm gonna go get some rest.
Now you take care of yourself pumpkin.
Try to be safe and don't do anything stupid.
Dickheads.
You look great!
Let's go!
So you come here often?
From time to time.
It's funny, I've never seen you here.
Glad I am.
In your face!
Jake.
Excuse me, Sally.
What?
Anthony wants you.
Where is he?
He's in the alleyway.
What does he want?
I don't know.
Can't you see
I'm trying to hook up with this chick right now?
If I leave, that guy at the end of the bar
is gonna take my spot.
Who?
Bearded guy at the end of the bar.
He's been looking at her all night.
Him and his handsome good looks.
What do you want me to do?
Go tell him I'm busy.
Okay.
No, wait.
What if he gets pissed?
That's great!
We've been looking for a way to get rid of him.
Sounds like a plan.
No, you idiot.
I'm talking about Grandpa.
What if he gets mad?
Who cares.
You want the guy that's holding our new fortune
to be mad at us?
Fuck the money, Jake.
- Fuck you. - Fuck you.
All right, screw this chick.
Money's more important anyway.
I could hold your seat for you.
No you can't, 'cause you're a freak.
You're gonna scare her away.
No, no, no, I won't say a word, I promise.
Promise me you won't say a word?
Swear.
Just don't even look at her.
Play with your phone, order a drink,
and just be a dunce, okay?
Got it.
Sally, I'm so sorry,
but I gotta go take an important phone call.
It might take a while, but I'll be back, I promise.
Okay.
But until then, this complete stranger's
gonna take my spot
and not say a word until I get back.
So, I don't want you to think I'm weird,
'cause I'm not weird,
it's just that I can't talk to you,
and it's not because you're not beautiful or anything,
you are gorgeous, and you have great tits.
It's just, I'm supposed to save this seat
for the hunky guy who just left, and not this fat ass.
I think I freaked her out.
Can I have another?
It's been a fucking half hour.
Where is this cocky bastard?
Fuck it.
Hey, you look really nice.
Thank you, honey.
Free drinks for everybody.
Anthony, what the fuck are you doing?
I've been waiting for you outside.
Jack, how you doing?
Jack, this is Sally.
Sally, this is Jack.
I know, we've met.
And my name is Jake, not Jack.
I kinda like Jack.
Me too.
Maybe you should change it sometime.
You ready to go, Sally?
Yes.
Jake!
Jake.
I think Anthony's trying to steal your girl.
Joe, I thought you were homosexual, not sick.
Get the fuck off of me.
Here you go, Jack.
Sally and I are taking a taxi, and Nancy's on vacation.
You can use my credit card to pay for your drinks.
Please, Jack, don't drink and drive.
It could be very dangerous out there
and I promised Grandpa I'd take care of you.
So, you want anything from me before I leave?
Obviously not.
Have fun. Bye-bye.
Oh shit.
Hey sugar face.
Oh fuck.
It's declined.
It can't be.
Can you try it again, please.
I've already tried four times.
It's not gonna go through, trust me.
Well I have no cash on me.
What the fuck am I supposed to do?
I'll tell you what you could do.
You can work in my kitchen all night
or you can spend the night in jail.
There is a third option, you know?
What's that?
I can beat you up and we'll call it even.
We'll take it.
Shut up, dude.
I'll pay for your drinks,
As long as you spend the night with me.
No thank you.
- Yes. - No.
- Yes. - What, no.
Excuse us for a second.
This might take a, please!
What are you doing?
Joe, this is a golden opportunity
for you to experience your own.
What the fuck are you talking about?
Just pretend he's a chick with a dick.
I know you're into chicks with dicks.
I've seen your pornos.
But he doesn't have any boobs.
Just pretend he's a chick with flat boobs.
Jake, he's got a beard for God's sake.
Joe, you'll bang my cat,
but you won't have sex with a chick
with flat boobs, a dick, and a beard?
No.
Well first time for everything.
Line up the shots.
Comin' right up.
Rule number one, you can't sleep in the living room.
I got three bedrooms upstairs you can rest your ass in.
I hope that wasn't your piss bucket, Grandpa.
Where's your brother?
Upstairs.
I'm going to wake him up.
Oh shit.
Grandpa, you know what?
Joe had a rough night.
Maybe we should let him get some rest.
Bullshit.
Everyone gets up at nine in Grandpa's house.
Grandpa, no, no, no, no, no.
Did you know about this?
Joe, wake up.
Joe, what is this?
Grandpa, it's not what it looks like.
This is just a chick with a dick,
who happens to have a beard.
What?
It was Jake's idea.
I can explain.
So you're gay now?
Omnisexual.
What the hell does that mean?
What the hell do you care?
Nah, you're right.
Why would I care?
You can bang whatever you want.
Yes I can.
Grandpa, I'm so sorry about last night.
Sit down, Jake.
What's wrong with you?
Why are you acting like this?
Because you have no idea how crazy Anthony's making us.
He gave me a bad credit card at the bar last night
to pay for drinks, when he knew
we didn't have any cash on us.
I'm sure that was just an honest mistake.
No, it wasn't, and that's the problem.
I know why you're frustrated Jake.
You're just jealous.
Jealous of what?
He's good looking, rich, and sophisticated.
He's not 30 yet, and he's already accomplished more
than you have in your entire lives.
Grandpa, I'm not.
I'm not changing my mind.
Until the end of next month you two
are gonna do whatever it takes to keep Anthony pleased.
Now, if you'll excuse me.
I have a convention in LA that I need to attend.
Grandpa, can we at least talk about this?
You can talk about whatever you want,
but your mama's will will not be ignored.
Now what?
I don't know.
Did you hear that?
I've been hearing it all night.
Why didn't I hear it?
Maybe it's because you were too busy
stuffing a strange man's member into your fat ass.
Hey, fuck you, Jake.
This is your fucking fault.
If you hadn't got me hammered last night
so that guy would pay for our drinks,
we wouldn't be in this mess.
I'm tired of your selfishness and your fucking attitude.
My attitude?
What about that fucking weirdo up there?
Maybe if you didn't care for Mom's money so much,
we wouldn't be living with him.
Mom wanted this, I didn't.
And I'm not giving away my cut of the money
because of that fucking chode.
I'm not spending 45 days kissing his ass
for Mom's stupid fortune.
Dude, get back here!
Joe!
God damn it!
Hey.
Go away.
What are you doing?
What's it look like I'm doing?
I'm leaving.
Those are Grandpa's suits.
You know that, right?
Yeah, I know.
I figured I could sell them
and still make some money off of him.
I can't do it anymore, Jake.
I just want to live.
You can have it all.
It doesn't work like that, man.
Grandpa said we both need to live with him for 45 days.
I can't take it anymore.
Me either.
But I want, I need you to bear with me.
I know I've been acting like a big douche bag.
Oh, you're always a douche bag.
My point is, I can't do this without you.
Don't worry.
I'll talk to him this afternoon.
I'll tell him that he can't treat us like this.
We're his older brothers, he will show us some respect.
First you gotta check his living schedule,
and make sure he's available.
Oh, yeah, that thing.
You still have it?
Yeah, he gave me another one last night.
Oh shit, what's today?
Sunday?
Sure.
Today's his puffin' nuff' for relaxation day.
His what?
I don't know.
Hello, my brothers.
What's with the Chinese hat?
Light is too bright in here, I can't change it.
It's Grandpa's house, so.
Anthony, we need to talk.
Sure, I'm listening.
First I want to say, we're so happy to have you here,
staying with us.
Actually, where's the magazine?
I want to have magazine back, please.
Yeah, I just want to see something really quick.
Continue, I'm listening.
As I was saying, we're really pleased to have you here.
Just five seconds.
Can you flip that page?
I'm actually done reading this.
Enough of this shit.
What do you want from us, huh?
What are you talking about?
What are you getting out of all of this?
Brother, I can surely confirm to you
that there is no problem, whatsoever.
Why did you give us a bad credit card last night?
It could be an honest mistake.
Bullshit, you did it on purpose.
You know, now is really good time to read that book
I gave you.
It's written by one of the best writers.
Listen to me, god damn it!
Get out of this delusional world you're living in!
And stop fucking with us!
We're you're older brothers, and you will listen to us!
You hear me?
There goes the two million dollars.
Sorry about that, man.
That's okay.
I never dreamed I'd be a millionaire anyway.
Is Anthony hurt?
I think he's fine.
I don't know if he's told Grandpa yet, though.
Joe, we need to come up with a plan.
For what?
A plan to control him.
Lately he's been pulling the strings.
We need to change that.
Without him feeling in control, do you know what I mean?
No.
His living schedule's fucking us up.
He's using it to get on our nerves.
We can't keep an eye on every one of his motions,
we need to change that.
Well, how?
Come up with something smart.
A road trip.
That's your definition of being smart?
I don't know, Jake.
I'm stupid.
Wait, that's actually not a bad idea.
If we go on a road trip, he'd be trapped in a car
like a fucking child.
That way we can guide him.
Joe, it's pretty genius.
I know.
We'll tell him we're going on a road trip,
show him around the state, show him a few places,
show him that we love him, and then throw him in the woods.
Not what I said.
I know.
I'm embellishing a little bit, but let me relish this.
Okay.
Come in.
- Hey. - Hey.
Wow!
This room looks so much better
than the shithole we used to have.
Is this real?
Is there any reason behind your surprising visit,
brother Jack?
Yeah, I just want to talk about what happened earlier.
Listen, I'm really sorry about what I did.
Don't worry about it.
Would you like some juice?
Some juice?
Sure.
Have a seat.
Here you go.
This is a funny looking juice box.
What kind of juice is this anyway?
It's purified monkey's urine, mixed with sweets.
It's good for your brain.
If you drink this everyday, that explains so much.
Pardon me?
So, Joe and I were thinking
about taking you on a road trip.
What do you say?
A road trip?
Yeah, you know, we'll take you around the state.
Take you to a few places here and there,
and kind of show you what we're all about.
Sounds fun.
Let's go tomorrow.
Yeah.
Yeah, we can go tomorrow.
So, is everything good between us?
Jack, you're my brother.
If anything,
I should be apologizing for the way I was acting too.
No hard feelings between us.
All right.
Well, I should probably go get ready then.
Before you go.
Can you give this juice box to Joe.
I'm sure he'll like it.
Here you go.
What's that?
It's apple juice.
It's good for the brain.
God knows you need that.
Where you going?
I'm going to pack,
because we're going on a road trip.
Sweet.
Where's your suit?
I thought you said we were wearing suits?
I'm not wearing a suit on a road trip.
But you told me to wear a suit.
I look stupid.
No, you look fine.
Suits with torn sleeves and pants are a new look.
You're good.
Well, where'd you find those shorts?
I don't see Grandpa wearing shorts.
Pretty sweet though, huh?
Found 'em in the back of one of his closets.
Check out these chicks.
They're really hot.
They must be really into us.
You think it's the suit?
Yeah, it's definitely the suit.
Looking fresh.
Well, watch and learn, my brother.
I'm gonna show you how to pick up chicks Jakey style.
Is that like tiger style?
Now you listen to me.
This deal is going down tonight.
And no, I'm not settling for less than 40 million dollars,
you hear me?
You know I'm not the kind of guy that sells things cheap.
Hey rich guy?
All right, I gotta go.
I'll talk to you later.
Me?
Yeah, you.
Is this your house?
Why yes it is.
Why do you ask?
Can you give me a tour?
Definitely.
Where would you like to start?
How about the bedroom?
I have to warn ya, things get pretty wild in there.
Wow!
That actually worked.
Hey!
Yes, sell the house for 50 million dollars.
Then take that 50 million dollars,
because it is my 50 million dollars,
and put it in the appropriate place,
because it is my 50 million dollars.
What's up sweet things?
- Oh, hey you. - Hey.
Do you want a tour of my bedroom?
Do you have stuffed animals?
Of course I have stuffed animals.
Who doesn't have stuffed animals in their bedroom?
Well let's go.
Hell yeah.
Jakey style's workin'.
Yeah.
Can you get away?
Ready to go? Ready to go?
Where are we going?
Hey!
What the fuck?
Joe, you lost your clothes already?
Why can't you be like your brother Jack?
Who's this guy?
Why'd he just call you Jack?
That's our amusement clown.
I'm Anthony.
This is Joe.
We are Jack's brothers.
These are your brothers?
- No, no, no. - Yes.
This is getting weird.
Yeah, I'm gonna.
- Wait, wait, wait. - Go.
I didn't get your number yet.
Bye.
She sounds like a really nice girl.
So, ready for our fun going adventure?
Whoo.
Well, I guess not.
Well, I'm sure once we start,
this upset will turn to sunset.
Let's go.
Can I get some pants?
Doing all right, little brother?
I'm doing just fine, but this sun is really annoying,
it's hitting my eyes.
Can you raise the window a little bit?
Sure.
How's that?
Not the glass, the metal.
The what?
The metal.
Can you raise the metal little bit?
No, we can't raise the god damn,
son of a bitch frame up.
You okay, Joe?
No, I'm not okay, Jake.
'Cause every time we're in the car,
I'm the one who has to be naked.
Well you're half naked this time, so deal with it!
Gimme your vest.
What are you doing?
I'm frustrated.
Joe, don't you dare cum inside my vest.
I can cum wherever I want.
God stop touching yourself!
You can't tell me what to do!
Get your nasty dick beaters off my vest!
Holy crap, man.
Get your nasty fingers off of me!
Let go of the vest!
Great!
You see what you made me do!
What happened?
I think one of the tires blew.
Don't worry, I'll take care of everything.
Cum on this thing.
Of course he doesn't have a spare.
Where the hell is Anthony?
I have no fucking clue.
Where do you think he went?
I don't know.
I hope to go get a new tire, or get some help for us.
Well, is that what he said?
He said, "Don't worry, I'll take care of everything."
Well, what if he didn't find anyone?
Anthony may be the weirdest fucking kid
I've ever met in my life,
but he's kind of smart in his own way.
I'm sure he'll come up with something.
I'm back, my brothers.
But did you find anything?
I sure did.
Anthony, what are you doing?
Just wait.
Now I can have some sleep.
What was you plan B?
To get rid of him.
Yeah, you wanna do that?
Let's get the fuck outta here.
Are you fucking kidding me?
I need a drink,
Go grab a seat, come on.
I'm telling you Jake, Anthony is dangerous.
Need I remind you that what just happened on the road
was your fault, Joe.
Well, yeah, but forget that.
To everything up to that point.
I'm telling you, in a month's time,
Anthony will have killed us.
We still have time, Jake.
Let's go to Grandpa, and just say fuck the money.
Are you fucking serious right now?
There's no way I'm gonna squander the opportunity
to become a millionaire.
I'm in this no matter what it takes.
Excuse me, sir, we don't allow our customers
to sit in their underwear.
Who are you?
I'm the assistant manager.
Oh, the assistant manager.
Do you see a sign here that says
customers can't sit in their underwear?
- Sir? - 'Cause I don't see.
You're a racist!
What?
How is that racist?
You're kicking me out because I'm fat.
All right, this is ridiculous.
This is America, young sir.
Yep, this is a free country.
Yeah, yeah, do all you see this?
Michael Phelps.
Still being ridiculous now?
Yeah, how's that?
How do you like that?
Mister assistant manager.
All right.
Getting a big tough guy, huh?
Gonna do the back stroke.
All right!
Fuck my ass!
You lost my business.
Was all that necessary?
I'm losing my mind, Jake.
Joe, you're worrying too much.
Like I said, Anthony is harmless.
Anthony, this is the coffee shop you wanted me to stop at?
Yes, according to the internet, it's the best one around.
Okay.
Wait, can I get my wallet from the trunk.
Give me the keys.
I'll just pop the trunk.
Don't bother.
The button does not work.
Fucking leave it.
I'm stuck!
Anthony, this way.
Anthony, tighten the fuck up here.
We're good.
Okay.
Thank you.
Of course, have a great day.
- Hello. - Hello.
Can I get a small coffee with two cream,
a quarter cube of sugar, and five stirs please?
God damn it.
She stir it six times instead of five.
Dog, but I told that nigger
if he got something to say, he can say it to my face,
the punk, for real.
Hey, Jake?
What is a?
Hey, Anthony, don't say that.
That's a racist word man.
What does racist mean?
It means, when a dominant.
It means that only African-Americans can say it.
'Sup bro, suit, man.
Oh, thank you.
Yo, man, you just call me the N-word?
Why is it bad?
The hell you think?
Oh, the two gentlemen over there
told me that the word can only be used on black people.
Oh, is that so.
Hey, where you all from?
We're from Greece.
We don't know what word mean.
No, no, we're American.
This was just a huge misunderstanding.
What I said, it was,
the word could be used between black people,
not on black.
Joe?
- Run! - Okay.
Get back here!
Wait, what about Anthony?
Who gives a fuck about Anthony?
Get in!
Shit, I don't have the keys!
Well, where are they?
Aw, they're with Anthony!
Well, lock the doors.
We don't have a fucking windshield.
Fuck!
- Jake! - Oh shit!
Jake!
Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit,
oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
But I didn't say anything.
That wasn't me, I promise you.
Dude, I would never do that.
Don't worry, my brothers.
I will get help as soon as I get home.
Anthony, fuck you!
Where is he?
Anthony, you'd better be awake,
'cause we're coming to get ya.
What did I say about sleeping in the living room?
Jesus Grandpa!
I have some great news for you guys.
Anthony's dead.
I just came back from the lawyer's office.
We went back over your mother's will.
And?
And he said he made a mistake.
Turns out you guys don't have to live with Anthony
for 45 days.
It's actually 45 weeks.
What?
We misinterpreted the will.
Turns out it's 45 weeks, not 45 days.
Nope, nope, no, no, no, no, no, no!
No, no, no, no!
Grandpa, please.
Please give us our cut of the money already.
We've been through a lot, and I can't take anymore of this.
I mean, look at my face for Christ's sakes.
Anthony did that?
No, but his actions did.
He's driving us crazy, and he's doing it on purpose
to just fuck with us!
I've had enough of that creature already!
Now please, Grandpa, do the right thing,
and give us some of that money.
Jake.
Just enough to get a new house.
I'm sorry, Jake.
I can not ignore your mother's will.
Well then fuck you and Mom's will.
You can keep it all for yourself.
I bet that was the plan from the beginning.
So this is what it takes to get your attention, Jake?
What the hell are you talking about?
I'm talking about the fact that you haven't called me
in five years.
So suddenly I turn up with two million dollars,
and you're ready to do whatever it takes
to spend time with the family.
That's not the point.
What's the point then?
The point is is that you're so god damn stubborn
to commit to Mom's will, when all it is
is a stupid piece of paper.
What if I told you I made this up,
just to teach you a lesson?
Don't fuck with me right now!
Take a look yourself.
Anthony's real name is Carlos Pizarro.
He's an Austrian actor that I hired
just to make you pay for ignoring me for five years.
So you destroyed our house,
made me quit my job,
and ruined our lives,
because I haven't called you in five years?
Well, it has also been kind of fun,
'cause he's had a body cam the entire time.
Well, I hope you were entertained,
'cause you just lost your grandsons forever.
Jake.
Don't talk to me, Grandpa!
Your mom really is a millionaire.
Is?
What do you mean by is?
Look to your left.
Your mom really was in a coma for five years.
When she woke up, the first thing she wanted to see
was you Jake.
So where is Joe, anyway?
Joe didn't take this so well.
No!
There's food out.
I'm sure he'll show up.
What's that?
Two million dollars.
Yeah, but Mom's still alive.
It's my net worth.
Start a business.
You know what?
I don't need it.
I have everything I need right here.
Man, I am starving.
What's for lunch?
Man, I haven't eaten alL day.
What's going on, Ray?
I'm good, Freddy.
How are you?
Same ol' shit, man.
Excuse me there, partner.
I just want to get this dressing.
Steve?
Ricky!
How you doing?
How are you doing?
I'm doing good.
You know, just trying to blow up some more houses.
Hey.
Oh, this food looks great.
Can't wait to dig in.
Thanks Ray.
You're welcome, Ricky.
You're welcome, Ricky?
Grandpa, what the hell's going on right here?
Let's see here.
Ricky and Mitch, I hired them to destroy your house.
Freddy, he's an actor that I hired
to play the angry black man
that you typically see in movies.
So, wait.
You hired all these people to be in on this?
Yeah, pretty much, yeah.
Yes!
What the?
Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull