1 00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:14,141 ♪ We face the music together ♪ 2 00:00:16,058 --> 00:00:20,098 ♪ And throw our hats in the ring ♪ 3 00:00:22,273 --> 00:00:25,193 ♪ Facing all kinds of weather ♪ 4 00:00:27,319 --> 00:00:30,949 ♪ And not afraid of anything ♪ 5 00:00:30,990 --> 00:00:32,950 ♪ Hey ♪ 6 00:00:32,992 --> 00:00:36,002 ♪ When the sun comes up we'll be on our way ♪ 7 00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:38,116 ♪ And we don't care where we land ♪ 8 00:00:38,164 --> 00:00:41,714 ♪ And the waves are high, but we won't turn 'round ♪ 9 00:00:41,751 --> 00:00:44,591 ♪ 'Cause your hand is in my hand ♪ 10 00:00:44,628 --> 00:00:46,418 ♪ And, oh-oh ♪ 11 00:00:46,464 --> 00:00:50,344 ♪ You make me feel invincible ♪ 12 00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:53,224 ♪ 'Cause it's you and me ♪ 13 00:00:53,262 --> 00:00:56,892 ♪ Through the wind and hail ♪ 14 00:00:56,932 --> 00:01:01,562 ♪ Setting sail into the world. ♪ 15 00:01:06,734 --> 00:01:09,404 ♪ ♪ 16 00:01:09,445 --> 00:01:12,195 TV NARRATOR: And now, in a scene as old as time itself, 17 00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:14,739 the female, now a mother, presents her baby 18 00:01:14,784 --> 00:01:18,124 to the father. It's a tense moment. 19 00:01:18,162 --> 00:01:20,792 (gorilla growling) 20 00:01:20,831 --> 00:01:23,081 Males have been known to reject their young 21 00:01:23,125 --> 00:01:24,875 if they are in any doubt as to whether or not 22 00:01:24,919 --> 00:01:26,919 -they are the father. -(gorilla screeches) 23 00:01:26,962 --> 00:01:28,342 Or even to eat them. 24 00:01:28,380 --> 00:01:31,010 Oh, please don't eat your baby. 25 00:01:31,050 --> 00:01:33,220 (grunts) 26 00:01:33,260 --> 00:01:37,180 Ooh, fuck. Ugh. 27 00:01:37,223 --> 00:01:39,023 -(knocks) -I'm going to bed. 28 00:01:39,058 --> 00:01:40,308 All right, babe, I'll be in. 29 00:01:40,351 --> 00:01:41,811 I just want to finish this reel. 30 00:01:41,852 --> 00:01:44,902 Do you ever get strong parental feelings? 31 00:01:44,939 --> 00:01:46,359 Overpowering? 32 00:01:46,398 --> 00:01:49,238 Um... No. 33 00:01:49,276 --> 00:01:51,606 Uh, well, I just finished watching this, uh, program 34 00:01:51,654 --> 00:01:53,664 about baby gorillas in the Congo, 35 00:01:53,697 --> 00:01:56,777 and I don't know, I... I started lactating. 36 00:01:56,826 --> 00:01:58,366 That's disgusting. 37 00:01:58,410 --> 00:02:00,080 Well, don't you get bored of yourself? 38 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,710 Of your happiness? 39 00:02:01,747 --> 00:02:03,827 Your mindfulness? Of your running? 40 00:02:03,874 --> 00:02:05,084 Your career? 41 00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:07,665 I get so bored of "me." 42 00:02:07,711 --> 00:02:09,841 Mm-hmm, yeah, I-I know what you mean. 43 00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:12,630 Honey, I feel incomplete. 44 00:02:12,675 --> 00:02:14,835 Well, let's discuss it sometime. 45 00:02:14,885 --> 00:02:17,385 I'll click the kettle. 46 00:02:17,429 --> 00:02:19,179 Well, we could do IVF 47 00:02:19,223 --> 00:02:21,733 -like my friends Charlie and Mike. -What did they do? 48 00:02:21,767 --> 00:02:24,397 They paid some poor lady in India to be their surrogate, 49 00:02:24,436 --> 00:02:26,476 and then they mixed up their sperm 50 00:02:26,522 --> 00:02:29,282 so they wouldn't find out which one of them fertilized the egg. 51 00:02:29,316 --> 00:02:31,776 -Did that work? -Sure, they've got a beautiful 52 00:02:31,819 --> 00:02:33,949 three-year-old who looks exactly like Charlie. 53 00:02:33,988 --> 00:02:35,948 (chuckles) 54 00:02:35,990 --> 00:02:37,830 And what happened to the poor Indian lady? 55 00:02:37,867 --> 00:02:40,037 I don't know. I guess she ate really well for a year. 56 00:02:40,077 --> 00:02:43,287 Mm. Okay, what about adopting? 57 00:02:43,330 --> 00:02:45,080 That makes sense. I have no desire 58 00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:46,665 to bring another human being into the world. 59 00:02:46,709 --> 00:02:48,169 No. Me, neither. So... 60 00:02:48,210 --> 00:02:49,880 Right. Well, what are we gonna do? 61 00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:52,210 Are we gonna really think about it? 62 00:02:52,256 --> 00:02:53,666 TV NARRATOR: And so, Tobin and Andy 63 00:02:53,716 --> 00:02:55,676 begin their reproductive journey, 64 00:02:55,718 --> 00:02:58,348 here in the city of New York. 65 00:02:58,387 --> 00:03:01,767 It will be an adventure full of excitement, disappointment, 66 00:03:01,807 --> 00:03:06,097 laughter, tears, and an astounding amount of paperwork. 67 00:03:06,145 --> 00:03:08,765 So, have you guys thought about open adoption, too? 68 00:03:08,814 --> 00:03:10,484 Um... Do you guys do that? 69 00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:12,074 Everyone does now. 70 00:03:12,109 --> 00:03:14,739 The birth mother has as much or as little access 71 00:03:14,778 --> 00:03:16,988 with the child as the three of you agree. 72 00:03:17,031 --> 00:03:19,121 And you would be legal guardians, of course. 73 00:03:19,158 --> 00:03:21,198 That sounds... awesome. 74 00:03:21,243 --> 00:03:23,043 -I-I think we'd like that. -Okay. 75 00:03:23,078 --> 00:03:26,328 Well, let me give you a little paperwork to fill out. 76 00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:27,923 -Oh. -Oh. -And I'll get you 77 00:03:27,958 --> 00:03:29,338 -in my database. -That is a whole tree 78 00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:30,706 -of paperwork. -(chuckles) 79 00:03:30,753 --> 00:03:32,923 What exactly did you expect 80 00:03:32,963 --> 00:03:34,633 was gonna happen today, Andy? 81 00:03:34,673 --> 00:03:36,223 -He brought a car seat today. -Well... 82 00:03:36,258 --> 00:03:38,638 -Oh... -I-- Shut up, I did not. 83 00:03:38,677 --> 00:03:40,677 ♪ ♪ 84 00:03:48,395 --> 00:03:50,015 -(ringtone playing) -It's her. 85 00:03:50,064 --> 00:03:51,524 -Huh? -It's her. 86 00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:52,935 Oh. 87 00:03:52,983 --> 00:03:54,863 (ringtone continues playing) 88 00:03:54,902 --> 00:03:56,742 -Okay. Hey, Trina. -All right, all right, all right. 89 00:03:56,779 --> 00:03:58,199 TRINA: How you guys holding up? 90 00:03:58,238 --> 00:03:59,778 -We're okay, yeah. -Good. 91 00:03:59,823 --> 00:04:03,543 Okay. So, this one did not pan out. 92 00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:05,367 Yeah, I'm sorry. 93 00:04:05,412 --> 00:04:07,212 She got cold feet. 94 00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:08,997 Was it, was it the gay thing again? 95 00:04:09,041 --> 00:04:10,501 No, I don't believe so. 96 00:04:10,542 --> 00:04:13,132 Jesus, how hard can it be for two employed, 97 00:04:13,170 --> 00:04:15,460 home-owning homosexuals to start a family? 98 00:04:15,506 --> 00:04:17,506 I thought we would have quintuplets by now. 99 00:04:17,549 --> 00:04:19,219 I know. I-I do have one more idea. 100 00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:21,099 -Quintuplets? -Yeah. -It's a long shot. 101 00:04:21,136 --> 00:04:23,506 She came into our office recently and liked your file. 102 00:04:23,555 --> 00:04:25,515 But she's a little... 103 00:04:26,976 --> 00:04:28,516 Little what? 104 00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:30,310 You know what? You should just meet her. 105 00:04:30,354 --> 00:04:32,274 How about Thursday? 106 00:04:33,983 --> 00:04:35,533 -Okay. -Yeah. 107 00:04:35,567 --> 00:04:37,567 ♪ ♪ 108 00:04:40,656 --> 00:04:41,736 -(barks) -Oh! 109 00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:43,162 -Whoa. Jesus. -Holy shit. 110 00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:45,040 -You ready for this? -This is it. 111 00:04:45,077 --> 00:04:47,077 ♪ ♪ 112 00:04:53,335 --> 00:04:54,285 Hey. 113 00:04:54,336 --> 00:04:55,296 -Hey. -Hey. 114 00:04:55,337 --> 00:04:56,417 Are you Karla? 115 00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:57,973 Yeah. Tobin and Andy, right? 116 00:04:58,007 --> 00:04:59,427 -Other way... -Oh. Sorry. 117 00:04:59,466 --> 00:05:01,086 -(Karla chuckles) -Tobin. Andy. 118 00:05:01,135 --> 00:05:03,215 -Oh, sit. Sorry. -TOBIN: Yeah. Yeah. 119 00:05:07,141 --> 00:05:09,561 -Hi. (laughs) -Hi. Hi. -Hey. 120 00:05:09,601 --> 00:05:11,231 Feels like an interview. 121 00:05:11,270 --> 00:05:13,520 -But who's interviewing who? -(all chuckle) 122 00:05:13,564 --> 00:05:15,194 Well, you should be interviewing us, I guess. 123 00:05:15,232 --> 00:05:18,242 (singsongy): I mean, we're the ones who want your baby. 124 00:05:18,277 --> 00:05:19,777 Right. 125 00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:21,450 Who are you? 126 00:05:21,488 --> 00:05:23,238 -Who, me or him? -As a couple. 127 00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:24,913 I don't care about you as individuals. 128 00:05:24,950 --> 00:05:26,620 Who are you as a couple, and... 129 00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:28,830 why are you the ones to take care of my baby boy? 130 00:05:28,871 --> 00:05:31,081 Or girl. I haven't checked. Go. 131 00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:34,042 Uh... 132 00:05:34,084 --> 00:05:36,344 well, when we first met, at a party, 133 00:05:36,378 --> 00:05:38,708 uh, I was coming down with the flu. 134 00:05:38,756 --> 00:05:40,756 I could feel it in my bones. 135 00:05:40,799 --> 00:05:44,339 And I knew I should go home, but he was so interesting, 136 00:05:44,386 --> 00:05:46,346 so we spent the entire night 137 00:05:46,388 --> 00:05:48,558 walking around the city until dawn 138 00:05:48,599 --> 00:05:50,639 on the coldest night of the year. 139 00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:53,484 The next day, my mom admits me into the hospital. 140 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:55,400 -I had double pneumonia. -Fuck. 141 00:05:55,439 --> 00:05:57,109 And he didn't know anything about this, 142 00:05:57,149 --> 00:05:59,399 because I lost his number on the way to the hospital. 143 00:05:59,443 --> 00:06:02,113 So for three days of-of fever and hallucination, 144 00:06:02,154 --> 00:06:04,824 all I'm thinking is, "Oh, no, he's gonna think 145 00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:06,905 -that I don't care." -Right. 146 00:06:06,950 --> 00:06:08,450 Also, he's, like, a decade older than me, 147 00:06:08,494 --> 00:06:10,044 so he's punching above his weight. 148 00:06:10,079 --> 00:06:12,789 But when I came to, he was there, 149 00:06:12,831 --> 00:06:14,791 at my bedside. 150 00:06:14,833 --> 00:06:17,883 Wait. How did you know how to find him? 151 00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:19,960 I got his number from the hostess of the party. 152 00:06:20,005 --> 00:06:22,585 I just had a sense that we'd gotten along so well, 153 00:06:22,633 --> 00:06:25,223 there must be some reason for him not calling me. 154 00:06:25,260 --> 00:06:27,760 He was right. (chuckles) 155 00:06:27,805 --> 00:06:29,305 That is so gay. 156 00:06:29,348 --> 00:06:30,718 And so nice. 157 00:06:30,766 --> 00:06:32,886 -Love is telepathic, right? -TOBIN: Yeah. 158 00:06:32,935 --> 00:06:34,645 I knew you guys were cool. 159 00:06:34,686 --> 00:06:36,806 -WAITER: Lovely. So now... -Oh. 160 00:06:36,855 --> 00:06:38,145 ...can I get you all something? 161 00:06:38,190 --> 00:06:39,780 Uh, yeah. Uh, good idea. 162 00:06:39,817 --> 00:06:41,777 Um, you want another coffee, Karla? 163 00:06:41,819 --> 00:06:43,989 -Or what do you want? -Are you getting this or am I? 164 00:06:44,029 --> 00:06:46,199 -Oh, us. Totally us. Yeah. -Oh, us. Us, us, us. 165 00:06:49,034 --> 00:06:50,794 I'll have the lunch special, 166 00:06:50,828 --> 00:06:52,788 a-and a Coke and another coffee. 167 00:06:52,830 --> 00:06:54,870 And, uh, save me a banana split. 168 00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:56,035 Guys? 169 00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:57,753 -Um... -(Karla clears throat) 170 00:06:57,793 --> 00:06:59,753 Uh, well, could we get two green teas? 171 00:07:01,338 --> 00:07:03,968 TOBIN: So, uh, when are you due? 172 00:07:05,342 --> 00:07:06,682 (clears throat) Eight months. 173 00:07:06,718 --> 00:07:08,178 Is that okay? I mean, a newborn, 174 00:07:08,220 --> 00:07:09,720 is that what you were looking for? 175 00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:10,683 Oh, we don't care. 176 00:07:10,722 --> 00:07:11,682 And how much involvement 177 00:07:11,723 --> 00:07:12,933 do you think you'd like? 178 00:07:12,975 --> 00:07:14,515 It's hard to say. I travel a lot. 179 00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:16,650 But I come through New York twice a year, so... 180 00:07:16,687 --> 00:07:18,557 you know, maybe twice a year. 181 00:07:18,605 --> 00:07:22,025 Okay. Uh, and what's the traveling about? Work? 182 00:07:22,067 --> 00:07:23,437 No, I'm homeless. 183 00:07:23,485 --> 00:07:25,235 Okay. Okay. 184 00:07:25,279 --> 00:07:27,949 -Okay, cool. -Awesome. 185 00:07:27,990 --> 00:07:29,950 Oh, stop pretending that doesn't throw you a little bit. 186 00:07:29,992 --> 00:07:31,412 I mean, maybe... maybe a little bit. 187 00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,871 -Yeah. Yeah. -Yes. Is-is it... 188 00:07:33,912 --> 00:07:36,872 Wait, so... so, who's the father, Karla? 189 00:07:36,915 --> 00:07:38,325 A guy I met on the street. 190 00:07:38,375 --> 00:07:39,625 Yeah, um, he's a good man. 191 00:07:39,668 --> 00:07:41,298 Our paths cross every once in a while, 192 00:07:41,336 --> 00:07:43,126 but, you know, ultimately not a match. 193 00:07:43,172 --> 00:07:46,222 He wants to settle down somewhere. Not me. 194 00:07:46,258 --> 00:07:48,758 -What do you think that's about? -I don't know. I mean, 195 00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:50,052 I don't have any mental problems. 196 00:07:50,095 --> 00:07:52,095 I'm just, um... I just don't like being 197 00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:54,019 in one place for too long. 198 00:07:54,057 --> 00:07:56,267 Oh. Can I have a muffin? 199 00:07:56,310 --> 00:07:57,810 Thanks. 200 00:07:57,853 --> 00:07:59,983 Yeah, and, you know, I-I follow the sun. 201 00:08:00,022 --> 00:08:01,862 Oh, like a... like a James Taylor song. 202 00:08:01,899 --> 00:08:03,479 And houses make me feel claustrophobic. 203 00:08:03,525 --> 00:08:05,395 I think they're a trap we build for ourselves, like... 204 00:08:05,444 --> 00:08:07,204 like cars and smartphones. 205 00:08:07,237 --> 00:08:09,777 Things we think make us smarter but actually make us more dumb. 206 00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:11,623 I think traveling, you see a new city 207 00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:14,618 every week, you totally get to reconnect with the country 208 00:08:14,661 --> 00:08:16,621 and the people that made it great. 209 00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:19,123 Instead of just watching it through a TV. 210 00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:20,706 Thank you. 211 00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:24,052 Can I borrow your spoon? 212 00:08:24,087 --> 00:08:25,917 Yeah. 213 00:08:27,549 --> 00:08:29,589 Hey. Hey. Let me... let me help you with that. 214 00:08:29,635 --> 00:08:31,005 Oh. Thanks. 215 00:08:31,053 --> 00:08:33,143 -Whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah. Whoa. -You okay? 216 00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:34,810 (chuckles) Yep. What's in here? 217 00:08:34,848 --> 00:08:36,098 It's just my world. 218 00:08:36,141 --> 00:08:37,731 (objects clinking) 219 00:08:37,768 --> 00:08:39,138 Hello, darling. Hello, baby. 220 00:08:39,186 --> 00:08:40,766 -I got you a little treat. -(chuckles): Oh. 221 00:08:40,812 --> 00:08:42,612 -Your dog? -This is. This is Homer. 222 00:08:42,648 --> 00:08:44,018 He goes everywhere I go. 223 00:08:44,066 --> 00:08:45,566 Yeah, is that good? 224 00:08:45,609 --> 00:08:47,399 -Hi... -Want to say hi? -Hi. 225 00:08:47,444 --> 00:08:49,454 Homer, say hi. Say hi. 226 00:08:49,488 --> 00:08:51,488 -Hi. -(chuckles): Hi. 227 00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:53,621 -So, are we doing this? -Wait-wait. 228 00:08:53,659 --> 00:08:55,579 Don't you want to know if we, like, own our apartment? 229 00:08:55,619 --> 00:08:58,289 Or-or-or, uh, how much we take home a year? 230 00:08:58,330 --> 00:09:00,790 -What colleges we went to? -Are we on a contract? 231 00:09:00,832 --> 00:09:02,832 -That's a popular one. -No. No, I don't care 232 00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:05,166 about any of that stuff. I just want to see that you're in love. 233 00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:06,512 I think you are. 234 00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:08,216 -Give me that. -Uh... 235 00:09:08,257 --> 00:09:09,757 Well, it's not always happy families with us, 236 00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:11,260 i-it frequently descends into, uh, 237 00:09:11,301 --> 00:09:13,181 Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? 238 00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:16,140 Sure. Okay, so I'm gonna go back to Trina, and say that I think 239 00:09:16,181 --> 00:09:18,231 I found a match, and then, if we all agree to this, 240 00:09:18,267 --> 00:09:20,017 I'm gonna continue my travels for, like, 241 00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:21,810 the first two trimesters, and then come back to the city. 242 00:09:21,853 --> 00:09:23,483 Um, yeah, here's my number. 243 00:09:23,522 --> 00:09:27,652 Oh. Okay. Thank you so much. 244 00:09:27,693 --> 00:09:30,243 It was a real experience meeting you. 245 00:09:30,279 --> 00:09:32,029 This is a really good thing. 246 00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:34,572 You guys are good people, and my baby boy 247 00:09:34,616 --> 00:09:37,156 or girl would be privileged to be looked after 248 00:09:37,202 --> 00:09:39,962 by a couple like you. 249 00:09:39,997 --> 00:09:41,747 Yeah. Bye. Thanks for lunch. 250 00:09:41,790 --> 00:09:44,330 Come! 251 00:09:44,376 --> 00:09:45,626 Bye. 252 00:09:49,464 --> 00:09:51,384 ANDY: So is she good crazy or bad crazy? 253 00:09:51,425 --> 00:09:53,755 TOBIN: I don't know. I'm not sure she knows what she's doing. 254 00:09:53,802 --> 00:09:56,182 But you do know that we advocate for everything 255 00:09:56,221 --> 00:09:57,511 -she's talking about? -Yeah. 256 00:09:57,556 --> 00:09:59,346 Uh, capitalism gone crazy, fear, 257 00:09:59,391 --> 00:10:01,101 -traps of our own making... -Right, I like that about her, 258 00:10:01,143 --> 00:10:02,733 but she's taking it a little far, right? 259 00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:05,649 What? (scoffs) By actually living it? 260 00:10:05,689 --> 00:10:08,439 -(chuckles) Yeah. Yeah, kind of. Yeah. -Okay... 261 00:10:08,483 --> 00:10:09,943 All right, come on, Kipper, take a shit already. 262 00:10:09,985 --> 00:10:12,065 Don't put her under pressure, all right? 263 00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:13,702 -It makes her nervous. -Okay, whatever... 264 00:10:13,739 --> 00:10:15,909 I'm just saying, we don't know anything about this girl 265 00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:17,489 or-or what she's going through. 266 00:10:17,534 --> 00:10:19,454 How do we know that she won't just-- come on-- 267 00:10:19,494 --> 00:10:21,754 she won't just change her mind when she sees the baby? 268 00:10:21,788 --> 00:10:23,498 It just feels really intrusive. 269 00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:27,960 Two creepy gays messing with some young kid's pregnancy. 270 00:10:28,003 --> 00:10:30,423 -Just... Let's just leave it. -(laughs) 271 00:10:30,464 --> 00:10:32,304 Leave it alone. We're not supposed to be parents. 272 00:10:32,341 --> 00:10:33,761 We're not parents and that's all right. 273 00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,180 This is a gift, okay? 274 00:10:35,218 --> 00:10:37,548 It's not some poor woman that's been coerced 275 00:10:37,596 --> 00:10:39,556 by circumstance into having our child, 276 00:10:39,598 --> 00:10:42,268 or bringing a new child into this fucking hellhole. 277 00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:44,939 This is happening either way. Okay? 278 00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,608 And we get to be there to catch it. 279 00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:49,566 No, it just feels like a hell of a lot of time 280 00:10:49,608 --> 00:10:53,568 to spend on something that may not even happen. 281 00:10:53,612 --> 00:10:56,702 And it's a hell of a lot of disappointment, for us, 282 00:10:56,740 --> 00:10:58,030 if she changes her mind. 283 00:10:58,075 --> 00:11:00,075 And that's perfect. 284 00:11:00,118 --> 00:11:04,118 We get to live something that we actually believe. 285 00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:05,964 Yeah. 286 00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:09,419 -Hey, baby, my baby, my baby. -(chuckles) 287 00:11:09,461 --> 00:11:14,171 -(gasps) Yes, good girl! -(gasps) Miracle! Good girl! 288 00:11:14,216 --> 00:11:16,296 -Here you are. -Why is it always me 289 00:11:16,343 --> 00:11:18,353 -that cleans up? -'Cause. It's your dog. 290 00:11:18,387 --> 00:11:20,637 -It's our f-- it's our dog. -Okay, it's our dog, 291 00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:22,220 -but it's your shit. -It's our shit. 292 00:11:22,265 --> 00:11:25,015 -It's not our shit. Aw... -Our shit. Good girl. 293 00:11:25,060 --> 00:11:26,350 -Okay. Okay. -Thank you, honey. 294 00:11:26,395 --> 00:11:28,015 -Can you open the gate, please? -I can open the gate. 295 00:11:28,063 --> 00:11:29,363 -Thank you so much. -Why do you have an attitude? 296 00:11:29,398 --> 00:11:30,568 -I really appreciate that... -You don't need to 297 00:11:30,607 --> 00:11:31,817 -have an attitude. -I don't have an attitude. 298 00:11:31,858 --> 00:11:33,108 -I'm just asking very simply. -I feel like you got... 299 00:11:33,151 --> 00:11:34,611 Considering I've got shit in my hand, 300 00:11:34,653 --> 00:11:36,413 -I would not be talking to me... -It's your dog. 301 00:11:36,446 --> 00:11:38,116 -...in an abrasive manner. -You can have shit in your hand. 302 00:11:38,156 --> 00:11:39,486 -Thank you. -Okay, honey. You know what? 303 00:11:39,533 --> 00:11:41,623 It's fine, I want to watch Fargo. Is that okay? 304 00:11:41,660 --> 00:11:43,160 -You can watch whatever you want. -Okay. Thank you. 305 00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:46,793 Oh, come on, are you-- are you-- are you, like, four years old? 306 00:11:48,250 --> 00:11:50,460 (buzzer trilling) 307 00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:57,428 -Hey! Welcome! -Hi! 308 00:11:57,467 --> 00:11:59,047 Oh, both of you! 309 00:11:59,094 --> 00:12:00,144 -Oh. -(chuckles) 310 00:12:00,178 --> 00:12:02,808 -Hey. -Three of you. Jesus Christ. 311 00:12:02,848 --> 00:12:04,178 -Look at you. -Come in. 312 00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:05,934 You beat the rain. You know, a big summer storm is due. 313 00:12:05,976 --> 00:12:06,936 -I got that. I got-- Oh! -Thanks. 314 00:12:06,977 --> 00:12:08,687 -Oh, oh! -You okay? 315 00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:10,058 Uh, yeah, sorry, I just grabbed it... 316 00:12:10,105 --> 00:12:11,935 -Yeah, thank you. -TOBIN: You okay? 317 00:12:11,982 --> 00:12:13,322 Homer! Bad dog! 318 00:12:13,358 --> 00:12:15,688 (growling, barking) 319 00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:17,985 Your dog seems a little threatened by Homer. 320 00:12:18,029 --> 00:12:19,739 He can get very territorial. 321 00:12:19,781 --> 00:12:22,621 Wow. A territorial dog with no territory. 322 00:12:22,659 --> 00:12:24,289 He makes everywhere his territory. 323 00:12:24,327 --> 00:12:26,787 Homer! Hit the deck. 324 00:12:29,499 --> 00:12:32,339 So, thanks for this, guys. I love your apartment. 325 00:12:32,377 --> 00:12:34,957 -I'm-I'm really excited to stay. -Oh, you're staying? 326 00:12:35,005 --> 00:12:38,505 -In-in-in New York? -Of course she is. 327 00:12:38,550 --> 00:12:39,930 She's staying with us. (chuckles) 328 00:12:39,968 --> 00:12:44,008 Oh. Oh. Um, oh. Cool. Great. 329 00:12:44,055 --> 00:12:45,465 Is that okay? Have you guys discussed that? 330 00:12:45,515 --> 00:12:46,925 -We're discussing it right now. -No. 331 00:12:46,975 --> 00:12:48,595 -It's a live discussion. -It's okay. 332 00:12:48,643 --> 00:12:50,563 It's great. And you're only a couple of weeks out, right? 333 00:12:50,604 --> 00:12:53,064 -You're gonna pop any day, huh? -I'm eight weeks out. 334 00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:55,226 -Eight weeks. Eight weeks. -Mm-hmm. 335 00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:57,985 -Great. -ANDY: We are happy to have you. 336 00:12:58,028 --> 00:12:59,568 It just makes us feel involved. 337 00:12:59,613 --> 00:13:03,913 Yeah. Andy has been preparing for parenthood like crazy. 338 00:13:03,950 --> 00:13:05,160 -Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. -(clears throat) 339 00:13:05,202 --> 00:13:08,212 So I've, um, I've turned Tobin's study into a baby room, 340 00:13:08,246 --> 00:13:10,366 and I've painted it half blue, half pink, you know, 341 00:13:10,415 --> 00:13:12,035 -covering both bases... -TOBIN: Not that we want to 342 00:13:12,083 --> 00:13:14,673 impose our gender stereotypes, God forbid. (chuckles) 343 00:13:14,711 --> 00:13:16,091 ANDY: Let me ask you a question. 344 00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:18,669 -TOBIN: Oh, great. Yup, go. -ANDY: Baby quiz, you ready? 345 00:13:18,715 --> 00:13:19,795 -Baby quiz. -Yeah... (chuckles) 346 00:13:19,841 --> 00:13:21,591 Yeah. That's true. You're hearing it right. 347 00:13:21,635 --> 00:13:24,385 Yeah, so what does it mean when the baby's poo is green? 348 00:13:24,429 --> 00:13:26,309 (buzzes) Pass. I don't know. 349 00:13:26,348 --> 00:13:27,718 Pass? What do you mean, "pass"? 350 00:13:27,766 --> 00:13:29,766 -Pass. I don't know. -Means the baby is sick. 351 00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:30,939 TOBIN: Why don't we just find that out? 352 00:13:30,977 --> 00:13:33,147 -You want us to just find out... -(whistles) 353 00:13:33,188 --> 00:13:34,308 -You all right? -Oh, my... 354 00:13:34,356 --> 00:13:37,476 Yeah. So where's my room? 355 00:13:39,528 --> 00:13:40,948 You're in it. 356 00:13:43,406 --> 00:13:45,696 Sweet. 357 00:13:45,742 --> 00:13:47,372 ♪ Gonna show you what we got ♪ 358 00:13:47,410 --> 00:13:50,580 ♪ We're Indian, so you know we make it hot ♪ 359 00:13:50,622 --> 00:13:52,622 (music continues loudly) 360 00:13:56,670 --> 00:14:00,010 -Whoa. Hey. -Welcome home, dear. 361 00:14:00,048 --> 00:14:03,388 What time do you call this? Gallivanting in some bar, huh, 362 00:14:03,426 --> 00:14:05,216 while I'm slaving over a hot stove! 363 00:14:05,262 --> 00:14:07,182 (chuckles) Nice look. 364 00:14:07,222 --> 00:14:08,182 It's so hot in here. 365 00:14:08,223 --> 00:14:09,183 -(barks) -Oh! Oh, Jesus. 366 00:14:09,224 --> 00:14:10,354 Hello. 367 00:14:10,392 --> 00:14:14,442 -You look fucking beautiful. -Thank you, Andy. 368 00:14:14,479 --> 00:14:16,479 You know, if you want to just, uh, throw your-- sorry-- 369 00:14:16,523 --> 00:14:18,153 your-- throw your, th-throw your clothes in a bag, 370 00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:20,071 I can include them in my next laundry run. 371 00:14:20,110 --> 00:14:23,570 -Why would I do that? -Um, because a-a lot of people do that? 372 00:14:23,613 --> 00:14:25,163 Why would I waste money on a laundromat when I can 373 00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:27,868 wash my clothes in the bath and then dry them here? 374 00:14:27,909 --> 00:14:29,539 Just an idea. Crazy idea. 375 00:14:29,578 --> 00:14:32,158 So I cooked a prawn bhuna. It's been a while, 376 00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:34,865 but I think I got the recipe right... ish. 377 00:14:34,916 --> 00:14:36,786 You didn't have any coconut milk, so I used tap water. 378 00:14:36,835 --> 00:14:38,205 Oh, and I couldn't afford prawns, 379 00:14:38,253 --> 00:14:40,713 so it's little tuna bits instead. You hungry? 380 00:14:40,755 --> 00:14:43,335 ♪ ♪ 381 00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:44,933 Mm. 382 00:14:44,968 --> 00:14:47,098 I just don't understand how you guys can keep going out 383 00:14:47,137 --> 00:14:48,557 to restaurants, like, every night. 384 00:14:48,597 --> 00:14:50,217 Because we can't cook, that's why. 385 00:14:50,265 --> 00:14:52,635 -I cook for you all the time... -No, no, honey, honey, honey. 386 00:14:52,684 --> 00:14:55,104 You prepare food for me, that's what you do. We can't cook. 387 00:14:55,145 --> 00:14:57,015 Cooking-- cooking is an art. 388 00:14:57,063 --> 00:14:59,693 It's an art that we have yet to master. All right? 389 00:14:59,733 --> 00:15:01,863 -Is that fair? -Well, you should learn. You should learn. 390 00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:03,651 You could save so much money by cooking at home. 391 00:15:03,695 --> 00:15:06,695 This is a ridiculous, inexcusable waste. 392 00:15:06,740 --> 00:15:08,740 -Yeah. -You should take a home economics course 393 00:15:08,783 --> 00:15:10,203 and learn the basics. 394 00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:11,543 -(chuckling) -Yeah, I want a full fridge 395 00:15:11,578 --> 00:15:14,408 and freezer, and a roster of good, nourishing meals. 396 00:15:14,456 --> 00:15:16,706 You can't take a screaming baby out to restaurants every night. 397 00:15:16,750 --> 00:15:18,500 You-- It pisses people off. 398 00:15:18,543 --> 00:15:22,093 You know what else pisses people off? Pregnant women who drink. 399 00:15:22,130 --> 00:15:24,090 -Oh, come on... -Wine. What? 400 00:15:24,132 --> 00:15:26,642 Are you joking? Are you joking? 401 00:15:26,676 --> 00:15:29,256 I have given up everything for this kid. 402 00:15:29,304 --> 00:15:32,314 I don't smoke, I don't smoke weed, I don't have spicy food. 403 00:15:32,349 --> 00:15:34,349 ♪ ♪ 404 00:15:40,065 --> 00:15:42,815 ♪ ♪ 405 00:15:58,500 --> 00:16:00,170 Hey, girl. Come on. 406 00:16:00,210 --> 00:16:02,630 Where are you? Good girl, you ready? 407 00:16:02,671 --> 00:16:05,301 -Come on. Hey. -(panting) 408 00:16:06,883 --> 00:16:08,133 You all right? 409 00:16:08,176 --> 00:16:12,006 Huh? Are you panting? 410 00:16:12,055 --> 00:16:15,055 Huh? What's up, huh? 411 00:16:22,399 --> 00:16:24,939 Good girl. Good girl. 412 00:16:31,074 --> 00:16:32,914 I thought you said your dog was neutered, Karla. 413 00:16:32,951 --> 00:16:35,621 I honestly didn't hear you, I thought you said "tutored." 414 00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:38,832 In what way was your dog tutored? 415 00:16:38,873 --> 00:16:40,673 He had some behavioral issues, so he did some classes 416 00:16:40,709 --> 00:16:41,959 with a dog whisperer. 417 00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:43,961 (scoffs) Well, thanks, Karla. 418 00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:45,383 He may have scarred our dog for life. 419 00:16:45,422 --> 00:16:47,172 Oh, stop it. You're being dramatic. 420 00:16:47,215 --> 00:16:49,625 You give her the pills, it goes away; it's fine, honey. 421 00:16:49,676 --> 00:16:51,676 Maybe, but this is my day off. I'm supposed to be having 422 00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:53,890 a leisurely breakfast, and now I'm performing a home-abortion. 423 00:16:55,473 --> 00:16:57,103 You know, it just doesn't make sense. 424 00:16:57,142 --> 00:16:59,892 How could Kipper even accommodate your dog's penis? 425 00:16:59,936 --> 00:17:01,436 (barking) 426 00:17:03,815 --> 00:17:06,525 (muffled chatter) 427 00:17:06,568 --> 00:17:10,358 (barking) 428 00:17:10,405 --> 00:17:11,985 Shh! 429 00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:13,621 (whispering): What? Andy. 430 00:17:13,658 --> 00:17:16,618 -Andy, wake up. Wake up. -What? What? What? What? What? 431 00:17:16,661 --> 00:17:18,911 Shh. Voices. Listen, there's voices. 432 00:17:18,955 --> 00:17:20,705 -Where? I'm asleep. -I hear voices. 433 00:17:20,749 --> 00:17:22,579 -What? I'm asleep. -In the living room. Shh. 434 00:17:22,625 --> 00:17:24,205 -Listen. Get up. -No. 435 00:17:24,252 --> 00:17:25,842 -Get up. -Take Kipper. 436 00:17:25,879 --> 00:17:27,259 I don't want to go. 437 00:17:27,297 --> 00:17:30,467 KARLA: It was smeared across my skin, 438 00:17:30,508 --> 00:17:32,968 -with this ugly face... -MICK: Like, like Alien? 439 00:17:33,011 --> 00:17:34,551 KARLA: Like, yeah, like... (hisses) 440 00:17:34,596 --> 00:17:36,096 -MICK: Like Sigourney Weaver? -Like Sigourney Weaver. 441 00:17:36,139 --> 00:17:37,889 -MICK: I like Sigourney Weaver. -(laughs): You do? 442 00:17:37,932 --> 00:17:39,432 -MICK: Have you seen Avatar? -A long time ago. 443 00:17:39,476 --> 00:17:40,516 (Homer growls, barks) 444 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,900 Oh, shit. Sorry. Oh, my God, did we wake you? 445 00:17:42,937 --> 00:17:45,057 -What the hell, Karla? -Who is this? 446 00:17:45,106 --> 00:17:46,516 I'm so sorry if we were being loud. 447 00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:48,026 This is, um-- fuck, what's your name? 448 00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:49,277 -Mick. -Mick. 449 00:17:49,319 --> 00:17:51,069 -Where did he come from? -He's on the street. 450 00:17:51,112 --> 00:17:53,322 We passed him on the way back from the movies tonight. 451 00:17:53,364 --> 00:17:55,164 -Don't remember that. -Exactly. 452 00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:57,200 So I offered him some food. It's a thing we do. 453 00:17:57,243 --> 00:17:59,083 I've got a roof over my head for a while. 454 00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:01,330 It's cold out. Is that okay? 455 00:18:01,372 --> 00:18:04,332 No. It's not. It's not okay, frankly. 456 00:18:04,375 --> 00:18:06,165 -Why? -Do you know what, I-I get it. 457 00:18:06,211 --> 00:18:07,841 If I had a nice gaff like this, 458 00:18:07,879 --> 00:18:09,419 I wouldn't be letting random blokes in, either. 459 00:18:09,464 --> 00:18:11,844 You should have just asked, run it by us first, 460 00:18:11,883 --> 00:18:14,183 -but it's-it's fine. It's... -It's not. You know what? 461 00:18:14,219 --> 00:18:16,509 It's not fine. We're putting up with you staying here. 462 00:18:16,554 --> 00:18:18,564 That doesn't mean anyone you choose to bring home. 463 00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:19,968 "Putting up" with me? 464 00:18:20,016 --> 00:18:22,556 I didn't realize that was the way you looked at it. 465 00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:23,982 -He doesn't mean it like that. -Don't I? 466 00:18:24,020 --> 00:18:26,110 Do you know what, lads, you guys have some serious issues 467 00:18:26,147 --> 00:18:28,187 you need to work out, so I'm just gonna... 468 00:18:28,233 --> 00:18:29,483 No! No, Mick. While I'm staying here, 469 00:18:29,526 --> 00:18:31,316 any friend of mine is welcome to come in 470 00:18:31,361 --> 00:18:32,821 and share my good fortune, so you just... 471 00:18:32,862 --> 00:18:34,242 you just stay right here. 472 00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:36,120 I was actually just gonna go... toilet, 473 00:18:36,157 --> 00:18:37,777 if that's all right? 474 00:18:38,827 --> 00:18:40,327 It's on the right. 475 00:18:40,370 --> 00:18:42,080 -Oh, okay, sorry. -TOBIN: He's not a friend of yours. 476 00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:44,121 He's a stranger. And this is our apartment, 477 00:18:44,165 --> 00:18:46,455 in which you are a guest, and that doesn't extend 478 00:18:46,501 --> 00:18:49,091 to any random guy you just meet on the street. 479 00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:51,008 So that's how it is with you, Tobin? 480 00:18:51,047 --> 00:18:52,717 All gay and liberal and laid-back 481 00:18:52,757 --> 00:18:54,837 until you actually have to give something up? 482 00:18:54,884 --> 00:18:57,304 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's not what this is about. 483 00:18:57,345 --> 00:18:59,385 And what does my sexuality have to do with anything? 484 00:18:59,430 --> 00:19:00,770 That sounds like homophobia to me. 485 00:19:00,807 --> 00:19:02,517 Anybody would be on my side on this. 486 00:19:02,559 --> 00:19:04,639 Is Andy? Are you, Andy, on his side? 487 00:19:04,686 --> 00:19:06,646 -I am staying out of this, okay? -Oh, great, thank you. 488 00:19:06,688 --> 00:19:08,728 Thank you for that. Welcome back. 489 00:19:08,773 --> 00:19:10,573 Thank you. 490 00:19:10,608 --> 00:19:12,938 Is this the first guy you've brought home here? 491 00:19:12,986 --> 00:19:14,196 -First British guy. -TOBIN: Oh, Jesus Christ, 492 00:19:14,237 --> 00:19:15,947 I didn't know we were running a shelter. 493 00:19:15,989 --> 00:19:17,949 -You are so uptight. -I'm not uptight! 494 00:19:17,991 --> 00:19:20,161 This place stinks of incense! 495 00:19:20,201 --> 00:19:22,501 There's-there's prawn bhuna on the... on the carpet. 496 00:19:22,537 --> 00:19:24,657 It's everywhere you... touch! 497 00:19:24,706 --> 00:19:27,706 You've turned my living room into a... into a-a bedouin camp. 498 00:19:27,750 --> 00:19:29,590 You've forced me into a dog abortion. 499 00:19:29,627 --> 00:19:33,167 And now you're smoking skunk and drinking while pregnant 500 00:19:33,214 --> 00:19:37,054 and having sex, probably, with Mick the stranger on my couch! 501 00:19:37,093 --> 00:19:38,933 Did you say you did a dog abortion? 502 00:19:38,970 --> 00:19:41,390 Oh, stay out of this, Mick. You're just here for a hot meal. 503 00:19:41,431 --> 00:19:44,061 Do you know what, right? 504 00:19:44,100 --> 00:19:47,350 Do you know what? I get it. Right? 505 00:19:47,395 --> 00:19:49,265 But you should try some of her food, 506 00:19:49,314 --> 00:19:52,284 'cause you might learn something. 507 00:19:52,317 --> 00:19:53,857 Thanks, Mick. 508 00:19:53,902 --> 00:19:55,492 See you soon. 509 00:19:58,990 --> 00:20:01,370 You know what? You know what, Tobin? 510 00:20:01,409 --> 00:20:04,249 You are an insufferable bore. You really are. 511 00:20:04,287 --> 00:20:06,247 You claim you're interested in other people 512 00:20:06,289 --> 00:20:08,119 with your documentaries, but there is no evidence 513 00:20:08,166 --> 00:20:09,916 in your life whatsoever of you caring 514 00:20:09,959 --> 00:20:12,709 about anyone but yourself. You read The New York Times, 515 00:20:12,754 --> 00:20:14,594 and you bitch about Trump, but you mean none of it. 516 00:20:14,631 --> 00:20:15,721 You're not interested in your community. 517 00:20:15,757 --> 00:20:17,007 You just like the idea of it. 518 00:20:17,050 --> 00:20:19,800 You're just a... y-you're a hipster liberal! 519 00:20:19,844 --> 00:20:21,474 And you contribute to the community how? 520 00:20:21,512 --> 00:20:23,642 By living off the generosity of other people? 521 00:20:23,681 --> 00:20:25,641 What do you do for other people? 522 00:20:25,683 --> 00:20:27,733 Huh? You're a world of one! 523 00:20:27,769 --> 00:20:29,229 Oh, fuck you! 524 00:20:30,438 --> 00:20:32,978 Can't even take care of your own baby. 525 00:20:33,024 --> 00:20:34,484 (door slams) 526 00:20:34,525 --> 00:20:36,105 Asshole. 527 00:20:39,530 --> 00:20:41,530 ♪ ♪ 528 00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:53,420 Karla? Karla?! 529 00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:57,665 Karla? 530 00:21:13,648 --> 00:21:15,818 Karla?! 531 00:21:21,447 --> 00:21:23,447 ♪ ♪ 532 00:21:26,077 --> 00:21:28,077 (panting quietly) 533 00:21:51,894 --> 00:21:53,904 ♪ ♪ 534 00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:12,710 (horn honks in distance) 535 00:22:12,749 --> 00:22:15,329 I'm sorry I said that. Such an idiotic thing to say. 536 00:22:15,376 --> 00:22:17,836 -I'm ashamed. -Oh, fuck it, Tobin, it's fine. 537 00:22:17,879 --> 00:22:19,629 We don't have to agree on anything. 538 00:22:19,672 --> 00:22:22,382 -Our lives are a world apart. -That may be right, but I... 539 00:22:22,425 --> 00:22:24,045 but I-I shouldn't have said that shit. 540 00:22:24,093 --> 00:22:26,683 You're welcome here, you know? 541 00:22:26,721 --> 00:22:28,721 It's just... 542 00:22:28,765 --> 00:22:30,675 it's hard for me. 543 00:22:32,518 --> 00:22:34,308 You're probably right, 544 00:22:34,353 --> 00:22:37,903 I've never contributed much to anything. 545 00:22:37,940 --> 00:22:41,240 In L.A., I just got so sick of the money and... 546 00:22:41,277 --> 00:22:43,317 and the waste next to the poverty and the suffering 547 00:22:43,362 --> 00:22:45,572 and-and the fucking cars puking out this shit. 548 00:22:45,615 --> 00:22:48,865 I thought if I don't... if I don't change the way I live, 549 00:22:48,910 --> 00:22:50,910 I'm gonna be the biggest hypocrite alive. 550 00:22:50,953 --> 00:22:54,083 -Well, that's admirable. -Yeah, I thought it was. 551 00:22:54,123 --> 00:22:57,343 "Be the change you want to see" and all that. 552 00:22:57,376 --> 00:22:58,876 But then I realized, no one is seeing this. 553 00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:00,840 No one gives a shit. I don't blog. 554 00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:02,880 I-I don't have kids to be an example to. 555 00:23:02,924 --> 00:23:05,514 I'm invisible, like all these homeless people in the park. 556 00:23:05,551 --> 00:23:07,181 Well, you do contribute, you know? 557 00:23:07,220 --> 00:23:09,010 You're-you're-you're... interesting, 558 00:23:09,055 --> 00:23:10,675 and you're... and you're troubled 559 00:23:10,723 --> 00:23:12,143 and you're-you're honest. 560 00:23:12,183 --> 00:23:13,393 You know, actually, I've really... 561 00:23:13,434 --> 00:23:15,564 I've enjoyed coming home to see you in the evenings, 562 00:23:15,603 --> 00:23:17,563 despite how it comes across, you know? 563 00:23:17,605 --> 00:23:20,145 I never know... what to expect with you. 564 00:23:20,191 --> 00:23:22,651 That's good. That's good for me. 565 00:23:31,744 --> 00:23:34,214 The truth is, I'm terrified of this. 566 00:23:36,082 --> 00:23:38,002 I don't know if I'm ready. 567 00:23:38,042 --> 00:23:40,132 I'm so... 568 00:23:40,169 --> 00:23:42,129 anal and-and neurotic. 569 00:23:42,171 --> 00:23:46,471 I can barely stand anybody in my house, never mind a baby. 570 00:23:46,509 --> 00:23:48,799 A baby? I don't know, I don't know. 571 00:23:52,473 --> 00:23:54,813 You better make up your mind, Tobin. 572 00:23:59,897 --> 00:24:01,727 Let's go home. 573 00:24:03,025 --> 00:24:04,435 Yeah? 574 00:24:06,279 --> 00:24:07,819 Fine. 575 00:24:09,866 --> 00:24:11,276 (clears throat softly) 576 00:24:11,325 --> 00:24:13,285 TOBIN: She's so tough 577 00:24:13,327 --> 00:24:15,957 and-and-and resilient and... 578 00:24:15,997 --> 00:24:17,747 But, you know, she lives how she feels. 579 00:24:17,790 --> 00:24:19,750 Well, I think 'cause she genuinely believes it, 580 00:24:19,792 --> 00:24:21,542 and she couldn't live any other way. 581 00:24:21,586 --> 00:24:24,506 That's ballsy, and that's what you want in a kid, isn't it? 582 00:24:24,547 --> 00:24:26,627 Yeah. Let's hope that part's in the genes. 583 00:24:26,674 --> 00:24:30,184 -Mm, just not the cooking. -Jesus. No, not the cooking. 584 00:24:30,219 --> 00:24:31,679 -TOBIN: All right. -ANDY: All right. 585 00:24:31,721 --> 00:24:33,601 I think sex with Mick might have induced me. 586 00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:36,350 What? 587 00:24:36,392 --> 00:24:39,102 Seriously, I think it's gonna happen early. 588 00:24:39,145 --> 00:24:40,895 -Okay, all right. -Okay. Let's go. 589 00:24:40,938 --> 00:24:42,438 -All right. -Okay, are you all right? 590 00:24:42,481 --> 00:24:44,361 -I know what to do. Bag. -Okay, that's all right. 591 00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:45,990 -TOBIN: Okay. -ANDY: I got the bag. 592 00:24:46,027 --> 00:24:47,567 -Do you have a bag? Do you? -I have a bag, yeah. 593 00:24:47,612 --> 00:24:48,952 -You have a bag. Is it... -I'll get the bag. 594 00:24:48,988 --> 00:24:50,238 -Where is it? -You just look out here! 595 00:24:50,281 --> 00:24:51,281 -Okay, okay. -We have to put some clothes on... 596 00:24:51,324 --> 00:24:53,784 I'll put it on when I get out on the street. 597 00:24:53,826 --> 00:24:54,866 Come on. 598 00:24:54,911 --> 00:24:56,791 I... Oh! 599 00:24:56,829 --> 00:24:58,749 -All right... -Get a cab. 600 00:24:58,789 --> 00:24:59,829 -Okay. -Get-get a cab. 601 00:24:59,874 --> 00:25:02,134 -Hey! Hey! -Oh, my God. 602 00:25:03,294 --> 00:25:04,254 You okay? 603 00:25:04,295 --> 00:25:05,835 Ah. All right. 604 00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:08,130 -Thank you. -You get on this side. Come on. 605 00:25:08,174 --> 00:25:11,304 DOCTOR: Okay, these contractions are right on top of each other. 606 00:25:11,344 --> 00:25:13,894 This is your last chance for an epidural, Karla. 607 00:25:13,930 --> 00:25:16,430 Are you sure you don't want me to call the anesthesiologist? 608 00:25:16,474 --> 00:25:18,354 (straining): No, I'm okay. Let's just keep going. 609 00:25:18,392 --> 00:25:20,482 Are you sure? I don't get it. It's just medicine. 610 00:25:20,519 --> 00:25:21,769 -(grunts) -You take antibiotics, 611 00:25:21,812 --> 00:25:23,312 don't you, when you... when you're sick, 612 00:25:23,356 --> 00:25:25,436 or penicillin, or aspirin when you get a headache? 613 00:25:25,483 --> 00:25:27,243 -Come on. -Because I want to experience it! 614 00:25:27,276 --> 00:25:29,736 I want to feel it! Fuck! Jesus fucking Christ! 615 00:25:29,779 --> 00:25:32,109 I don't want to talk about it, I just want to do it! 616 00:25:32,156 --> 00:25:33,736 All right, all right, all right, all right. 617 00:25:33,783 --> 00:25:37,913 -Okay. Okay. Okay, you got this. -(Karla groaning) 618 00:25:37,954 --> 00:25:40,624 Nine centimeters dilated. 619 00:25:40,665 --> 00:25:42,075 Sir, do you need a glass of water? 620 00:25:42,124 --> 00:25:44,924 No. No, no, I'm fine. I'm really good. 621 00:25:44,961 --> 00:25:47,341 -Oh... -Sir, please do not faint in my delivery suite. 622 00:25:47,380 --> 00:25:48,970 If you feel woozy, step outside. Okay? 623 00:25:49,006 --> 00:25:50,586 Both of you, please. 624 00:25:50,633 --> 00:25:52,593 You know, maybe I w-- I'm, I'll get some air. 625 00:25:52,635 --> 00:25:54,755 I'm-a get-- I'll get air. You guys got this. 626 00:25:54,804 --> 00:25:56,684 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We got it, yeah, we'll see you later. 627 00:25:56,722 --> 00:25:58,562 -Okay. -Do you want to go, too? 628 00:25:58,599 --> 00:26:01,019 No. No. No. I'm not going anywhere. 629 00:26:01,060 --> 00:26:03,230 (grunts): Oh, fuck! 630 00:26:03,271 --> 00:26:05,651 -(exhaling rapidly) -Tobin, stop. 631 00:26:05,690 --> 00:26:07,440 Okay, sorry. (exhaling rapidly) 632 00:26:07,483 --> 00:26:09,243 -Tobin, you're still doing it. -Sorry, right... 633 00:26:09,277 --> 00:26:10,817 -It's really, really annoying. -Yeah, yeah. I'll stop. 634 00:26:10,861 --> 00:26:12,571 -I can't concentrate. -All right, okay, got it... 635 00:26:12,613 --> 00:26:14,123 -Fuck. -(exhaling rapidly) 636 00:26:14,156 --> 00:26:15,446 Tobin, just move your fucking head away! 637 00:26:15,491 --> 00:26:17,081 Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 638 00:26:17,118 --> 00:26:18,698 DOCTOR: Good, Karla, you're doing so great. 639 00:26:18,744 --> 00:26:20,914 Looking good. Okay, there's a head. 640 00:26:20,955 --> 00:26:22,955 -Do you want to look at this? -Yeah. 641 00:26:22,999 --> 00:26:24,999 DOCTOR: Okay, Karla, great. Great, great, great, great, great. 642 00:26:25,042 --> 00:26:26,672 You can do this, you can absolutely do this. 643 00:26:26,711 --> 00:26:28,501 I want you to give me a big push, come on. 644 00:26:28,546 --> 00:26:30,836 Take a deep breath and give me a good push, okay? 645 00:26:30,881 --> 00:26:32,841 -(Karla straining) -There you go, keep going, 646 00:26:32,883 --> 00:26:35,093 keep going, keep going, you got it, you got it, 647 00:26:35,136 --> 00:26:37,096 you got it, you got it, you got it! 648 00:26:37,138 --> 00:26:38,928 -Great, great, great. Keep going. -Oh, God! 649 00:26:38,973 --> 00:26:41,353 Okay, great! Great, great. 650 00:26:41,392 --> 00:26:44,312 (laughs): Oh, my God. 651 00:26:44,353 --> 00:26:46,483 -(crying) -Well done, Karla. Good job. 652 00:26:46,522 --> 00:26:50,112 -(baby crying) -Oh, my God. 653 00:26:51,152 --> 00:26:53,612 Oh... 654 00:26:53,654 --> 00:26:55,454 (laughs): Oh... 655 00:26:55,489 --> 00:26:58,659 -Oh, my God. -(Karla panting) 656 00:26:58,701 --> 00:27:00,701 (exhales) 657 00:27:08,753 --> 00:27:10,763 Well? 658 00:27:10,796 --> 00:27:12,376 Girl. 659 00:27:12,423 --> 00:27:15,553 -A girl? A girl? -(chuckles) 660 00:27:15,593 --> 00:27:17,763 Oh, that's fantastic. And she's good? 661 00:27:17,803 --> 00:27:19,643 -Oh, she's beautiful. -Five fingers, five toes, 662 00:27:19,680 --> 00:27:21,310 -all beautiful, all perfect? -All that, all that, yeah. 663 00:27:21,349 --> 00:27:23,269 Oh, my goodness. I can't believe this is happening. 664 00:27:23,309 --> 00:27:25,479 -Oh, my God. Right. -This is happening. 665 00:27:25,519 --> 00:27:26,939 -We're dads. -Uh-huh. 666 00:27:35,404 --> 00:27:39,034 They're just monitoring her for 24 hours and then she'll be out. 667 00:27:39,075 --> 00:27:41,615 We can all start taking care of her. 668 00:27:41,660 --> 00:27:43,410 -You were amazing. -Thank you. 669 00:27:43,454 --> 00:27:47,464 Like... amazing. 670 00:27:47,500 --> 00:27:49,460 How's Andy? 671 00:27:49,502 --> 00:27:51,962 We're giving him liquids, you know. He's stable. 672 00:27:52,004 --> 00:27:54,304 (chuckles) Funny. 673 00:27:54,340 --> 00:27:56,300 -I thought you'd be the fainter. -(laughs) 674 00:27:56,342 --> 00:27:59,892 -Yeah, so did I. -But you weren't. 675 00:27:59,929 --> 00:28:03,519 You stayed there and held my hand 676 00:28:03,557 --> 00:28:07,227 and helped clean up the blood and cut the cord. 677 00:28:07,269 --> 00:28:11,069 It was so amazing, seeing her head emerge, and... 678 00:28:11,107 --> 00:28:15,487 And I like that I was the first guy to see her. 679 00:28:15,528 --> 00:28:18,698 I-I can't wait to hold her. What was it like? 680 00:28:18,739 --> 00:28:20,909 It was beautiful. 681 00:28:20,950 --> 00:28:22,740 Can you take that hat off your head? 682 00:28:22,785 --> 00:28:26,905 -You look ridiculous. (laughs) -(chuckles): I'm sorry. 683 00:28:26,956 --> 00:28:30,126 But yeah, it was beautiful. 684 00:28:30,167 --> 00:28:32,497 So have you thought about reconsidering the whole thing, 685 00:28:32,545 --> 00:28:33,915 since seeing her? 686 00:28:33,963 --> 00:28:36,173 Why, are you getting cold feet? 687 00:28:36,215 --> 00:28:38,875 No. No, the opposite. 688 00:28:38,926 --> 00:28:42,296 I want it now. I love her now. 689 00:28:42,346 --> 00:28:46,386 Just like that, so I can't imagine how you must be feeling. 690 00:28:46,434 --> 00:28:49,774 I'm just saying, if-if you've changed your mind, 691 00:28:49,812 --> 00:28:52,522 that is... i-is, I totally get it. 692 00:28:52,565 --> 00:28:56,025 We're just happy to, to get you here, you know? 693 00:28:58,279 --> 00:29:01,449 Yeah. Well, um... (clears throat) 694 00:29:01,490 --> 00:29:04,240 that's nice of you to offer. 695 00:29:06,287 --> 00:29:08,907 Yeah, I mean... 696 00:29:08,956 --> 00:29:13,956 Mine is a world of one. You were right about that. 697 00:29:14,003 --> 00:29:15,963 I do have issues. 698 00:29:16,005 --> 00:29:19,255 I will smoke skunk and sleep with guys I don't know. 699 00:29:19,300 --> 00:29:21,680 And I just don't know how to say no. 700 00:29:21,719 --> 00:29:25,219 I never have. If something comes my way, I just let it happen. 701 00:29:25,264 --> 00:29:29,024 And I love the road, I feel safe there, but... 702 00:29:29,059 --> 00:29:31,849 it's no place for a kid. 703 00:29:31,896 --> 00:29:37,066 And maybe being a mother will change me, but... 704 00:29:39,111 --> 00:29:43,281 I can't take that risk with her if it doesn't. 705 00:29:43,324 --> 00:29:45,334 I've been irresponsible my whole life. 706 00:29:45,367 --> 00:29:48,197 This is the first responsible thing that I've done. 707 00:29:51,624 --> 00:29:54,544 You know, I can't, I can't stand being around people 708 00:29:54,585 --> 00:29:58,545 for more than a few days, but... 709 00:29:58,589 --> 00:30:01,629 I forgot about that for the last few weeks... 710 00:30:04,011 --> 00:30:07,181 ...'cause you guys are the most amazing people in the world. 711 00:30:07,223 --> 00:30:09,183 Yeah. 712 00:30:09,225 --> 00:30:11,635 You guys are gonna be the best parents ever. 713 00:30:14,813 --> 00:30:19,153 -Well... we'll try. -(chuckles softly) 714 00:30:19,193 --> 00:30:21,363 (sniffles) 715 00:30:21,403 --> 00:30:23,493 Thank you so much. 716 00:30:23,531 --> 00:30:25,821 (crying) 717 00:30:25,866 --> 00:30:28,076 -(laughs) -(laughs): Stop. 718 00:30:28,118 --> 00:30:30,908 My God... 719 00:30:43,884 --> 00:30:45,894 (baby fusses softly) 720 00:30:55,854 --> 00:30:57,864 (chair clatters softly) 721 00:31:06,740 --> 00:31:08,740 Hey. 722 00:31:12,663 --> 00:31:17,043 Uh, I want to tell you a story about your mom. 723 00:31:17,084 --> 00:31:20,754 And I'll tell you now, when you can't talk back, 724 00:31:20,796 --> 00:31:25,376 and you're not all... teenage and entitled, 725 00:31:25,426 --> 00:31:28,466 uh, and in case you don't get to see her 726 00:31:28,512 --> 00:31:31,272 as much as you want in life. 727 00:31:33,726 --> 00:31:36,896 Which would be a shame, because, I am telling you now, 728 00:31:36,937 --> 00:31:41,777 she is fucking... awesome. 729 00:31:41,817 --> 00:31:45,317 She carried you like a trooper, 730 00:31:45,362 --> 00:31:50,992 and she gave birth to you without one moment of fear. 731 00:31:53,037 --> 00:31:58,577 I know, um, you're gonna ask me about why-why she's not around. 732 00:32:00,628 --> 00:32:03,588 A long time ago, before there were cities, 733 00:32:03,631 --> 00:32:07,511 human beings used to constantly move. 734 00:32:07,551 --> 00:32:10,391 They were hunter-gatherers, and their lives were tough, 735 00:32:10,429 --> 00:32:14,639 and-and relentless, but they were also kind of free. 736 00:32:14,683 --> 00:32:17,523 Well, your mom is, 737 00:32:17,561 --> 00:32:20,771 is kind of like, like a hunter-gatherer, 738 00:32:20,814 --> 00:32:24,994 but a little bit born in the wrong time. 739 00:32:25,027 --> 00:32:27,697 So, she can't take you with her, 740 00:32:27,738 --> 00:32:31,738 because this society wouldn't support that. 741 00:32:31,784 --> 00:32:34,294 So you get to hang with us for a, for a while. 742 00:32:34,328 --> 00:32:39,078 Now, we're not hunter-gatherers, by any means. 743 00:32:39,124 --> 00:32:40,924 We're capitalists. 744 00:32:40,959 --> 00:32:45,169 We wouldn't survive a second in the wild because... 745 00:32:45,214 --> 00:32:49,474 there's no restaurants or Whole Foods, 746 00:32:49,510 --> 00:32:54,850 or therapists or hospitals for when you get sick 747 00:32:54,890 --> 00:32:58,480 or, um, books for you to read or movies for you to watch. 748 00:32:58,519 --> 00:33:01,109 Nothing. And we like those things, right? 749 00:33:01,146 --> 00:33:05,816 So you stand to have a-a pretty good time with us, right? 750 00:33:05,859 --> 00:33:07,819 JUNE: My book. 751 00:33:07,861 --> 00:33:10,611 -Huh? -My book, Daddy, stop it. 752 00:33:10,656 --> 00:33:14,656 -Story time is for her, not you. -Sorry. 753 00:33:14,702 --> 00:33:16,412 But it's so good, right, June? 754 00:33:16,453 --> 00:33:19,043 -Yeah. -Yeah. Yeah, yeah. What was I saying? 755 00:33:19,081 --> 00:33:20,671 About cattle pips. 756 00:33:20,708 --> 00:33:24,288 (chuckles): About... about... about capitalists. 757 00:33:24,336 --> 00:33:25,876 -Yes. About... -About capitalists. 758 00:33:25,921 --> 00:33:28,671 -(chuckles): Capitalists, yeah. -That's nice. 759 00:33:28,716 --> 00:33:30,676 -I get ice cream? -Yeah, you do. 760 00:33:30,718 --> 00:33:32,338 And other people make the ice cream for us, 761 00:33:32,386 --> 00:33:34,046 which is great, right? 762 00:33:34,096 --> 00:33:35,596 -Mommy likes ice cream, too. -She does? 763 00:33:35,639 --> 00:33:38,139 Yeah, last time, we got two ice creams. 764 00:33:38,183 --> 00:33:40,143 She gave you...? Mommy gave you two ice creams? 765 00:33:40,185 --> 00:33:41,475 -Yeah. -Last time? Two? 766 00:33:41,520 --> 00:33:43,110 -Mm-hmm. -For such a young child? 767 00:33:43,147 --> 00:33:44,607 -(chuckles softly) Okay. -Okay. 768 00:33:44,648 --> 00:33:46,938 But ice cream's nice, right? 769 00:33:46,984 --> 00:33:48,784 Well, maybe not, maybe not two, 770 00:33:48,819 --> 00:33:51,659 but ice cream is okay, just not two. 771 00:33:51,697 --> 00:33:53,067 Lot of sugar. 772 00:33:53,115 --> 00:33:54,695 -Okay, we're gonna go to sleep? -Yeah. 773 00:33:54,742 --> 00:33:56,122 All right, go to sleep. 774 00:33:56,160 --> 00:33:58,200 Eyes closed. 775 00:33:58,245 --> 00:34:01,615 (whispers): Begin sleeping. 776 00:34:01,665 --> 00:34:04,535 Okay, come on, close your eyes. 777 00:34:04,585 --> 00:34:05,995 (whispers): Good girl. 778 00:34:06,044 --> 00:34:08,054 ♪ ♪ 779 00:34:13,260 --> 00:34:17,310 ♪ Will you stay in our lovers' story? ♪ 780 00:34:17,347 --> 00:34:21,137 ♪ If you stay, you won't be sorry ♪ 781 00:34:21,185 --> 00:34:25,015 ♪ 'Cause we believe in you ♪ 782 00:34:25,063 --> 00:34:27,023 ♪ Soon you'll grow ♪ 783 00:34:27,065 --> 00:34:30,685 ♪ So take a chance with a couple of kooks ♪ 784 00:34:30,736 --> 00:34:34,406 ♪ Hung up on romancing ♪ 785 00:34:34,448 --> 00:34:38,198 ♪ Will you stay in our lovers' story? ♪ 786 00:34:38,243 --> 00:34:41,873 ♪ If you stay, you won't be sorry ♪ 787 00:34:41,914 --> 00:34:45,754 ♪ 'Cause we believe in you ♪ 788 00:34:45,793 --> 00:34:47,753 ♪ Soon you'll grow ♪ 789 00:34:47,795 --> 00:34:51,835 ♪ So take a chance with a couple of kooks ♪ 790 00:34:51,882 --> 00:34:55,302 ♪ Hung up on romancing ♪ 791 00:34:58,597 --> 00:35:02,767 ♪ We bought a lot of things to keep you warm and dry ♪ 792 00:35:02,810 --> 00:35:07,440 ♪ And a funny old crib on which the paint won't dry ♪ 793 00:35:07,481 --> 00:35:11,441 ♪ We bought you a pair of shoes... ♪