1 00:00:07,172 --> 00:00:08,827 [gentle music] 2 00:00:08,862 --> 00:00:10,379 - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 3 00:00:10,413 --> 00:00:12,172 Hold on just a minute there, buster. 4 00:00:12,206 --> 00:00:13,482 - Dad, I'm supposed to pick up Emily 5 00:00:13,517 --> 00:00:15,413 in, like, ten minutes. I got to go. 6 00:00:15,448 --> 00:00:17,137 - Well, Emily can wait for a little bit, can't she? 7 00:00:17,172 --> 00:00:19,620 You got a minute to talk to your old man, don't you? 8 00:00:19,655 --> 00:00:21,172 Have a seat. 9 00:00:21,206 --> 00:00:22,620 [groans] 10 00:00:22,655 --> 00:00:25,827 ♪ 11 00:00:25,862 --> 00:00:29,448 You know, son, you're not a kid anymore. 12 00:00:29,482 --> 00:00:31,482 - Oh, no. I go to health class, Dad. 13 00:00:31,517 --> 00:00:32,655 I already know all this stuff. 14 00:00:32,689 --> 00:00:33,827 - Well, they don't teach you about everything 15 00:00:33,862 --> 00:00:35,448 in health class, okay, Mr. Smarty-pants? 16 00:00:35,482 --> 00:00:36,965 So just listen. 17 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:38,965 When boys and girls get a little older, 18 00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:42,344 they start getting interested in one another, right? 19 00:00:42,379 --> 00:00:44,137 - I know, and nonbinary people, 20 00:00:44,172 --> 00:00:46,344 agender, intergender 21 00:00:46,379 --> 00:00:48,827 FTX, genderfluid people... 22 00:00:48,862 --> 00:00:50,103 - What? 23 00:00:50,137 --> 00:00:52,310 - There's more than just boys and girls now, Dad, 24 00:00:52,344 --> 00:00:54,379 and they're not girls. They're women. 25 00:00:54,413 --> 00:00:57,379 - Yeah, okay, sure. [clears throat] 26 00:00:57,413 --> 00:00:59,827 My point is that... 27 00:00:59,862 --> 00:01:03,241 Sex is a-- it's a very important decision. 28 00:01:03,275 --> 00:01:05,000 - How are you defining sex? 29 00:01:05,034 --> 00:01:07,172 Sex is different things to different people. 30 00:01:07,206 --> 00:01:08,586 - Mm, I guess when-- 31 00:01:08,620 --> 00:01:10,862 when a penis goes into a vagina. 32 00:01:10,896 --> 00:01:13,758 - What if there's two men or two women, or more? 33 00:01:13,793 --> 00:01:15,482 - More? - How would you define sex 34 00:01:15,517 --> 00:01:17,344 with multiple simultaneous partners, 35 00:01:17,379 --> 00:01:18,517 or what if somebody's undergone 36 00:01:18,551 --> 00:01:19,931 genital reconstruction, 37 00:01:19,965 --> 00:01:21,275 or is intersex? 38 00:01:21,310 --> 00:01:23,206 - No, but I'm just talking about normal, straight-- 39 00:01:23,241 --> 00:01:25,000 - "Normal"? Come on, Dad. 40 00:01:25,034 --> 00:01:28,000 - Okay, here we go. Let me ask you this. 41 00:01:28,034 --> 00:01:29,344 Son, are you attracted to women? 42 00:01:29,379 --> 00:01:33,103 - Yes, but I'm--I'm young. 43 00:01:33,137 --> 00:01:34,413 - Is Emily a woman? 44 00:01:34,448 --> 00:01:35,827 - Biologically. 45 00:01:35,862 --> 00:01:38,379 - [seethes quietly] Okay. 46 00:01:38,413 --> 00:01:40,862 You're attracted to women. Emily's a woman, 47 00:01:40,896 --> 00:01:42,827 so if you were to have sex with Emily-- 48 00:01:42,862 --> 00:01:44,724 - I wouldn't just have sex with Emily. 49 00:01:44,758 --> 00:01:46,724 We'd have to make that decision together. 50 00:01:46,758 --> 00:01:49,034 Homecoming's not an excuse to ignore consent. 51 00:01:49,068 --> 00:01:50,551 - I'm not saying to ignore consent! 52 00:01:50,586 --> 00:01:52,379 I never said ignore consent! 53 00:01:52,413 --> 00:01:54,448 You and Emily, right, 54 00:01:54,482 --> 00:01:56,068 consensually decide to have sex. 55 00:01:56,103 --> 00:01:57,724 - Vaginal? - Yes, vaginal. 56 00:01:57,758 --> 00:01:59,586 - Just the two of us? - How many people do you want? 57 00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:00,862 Yes, just the two of you, Colin. 58 00:02:00,896 --> 00:02:02,896 - And I'm playing the traditional male role? 59 00:02:02,931 --> 00:02:03,965 - Go to homecoming. 60 00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:05,000 - You seemed like you really wanted 61 00:02:05,034 --> 00:02:06,172 to talk about this. 62 00:02:06,206 --> 00:02:07,586 - No, no, I don't want to talk about anything 63 00:02:07,620 --> 00:02:09,310 ever again. - So I can go? 64 00:02:09,344 --> 00:02:11,034 - Please do. 65 00:02:11,068 --> 00:02:12,586 Out! Thank you. 66 00:02:12,620 --> 00:02:15,793 Don't forget your corsage. 67 00:02:15,827 --> 00:02:17,241 - Hey, Dad. 68 00:02:17,275 --> 00:02:18,517 - Yeah? 69 00:02:18,551 --> 00:02:19,724 - H-how do I look? 70 00:02:19,758 --> 00:02:22,620 [tender music] 71 00:02:22,655 --> 00:02:24,482 - You look very handsome, son. 72 00:02:24,517 --> 00:02:26,172 - That's gender-coding, but-- 73 00:02:26,206 --> 00:02:29,620 - Get out of my house! 74 00:02:29,655 --> 00:02:31,137 Have fun. 75 00:02:31,172 --> 00:02:34,206 [cool percussive music] 76 00:02:34,241 --> 00:02:41,241 ♪ 77 00:02:44,310 --> 00:02:46,413 - So, yeah, that's why some people say it's 78 00:02:46,448 --> 00:02:49,000 "the most noble profession." I don't know about that. 79 00:02:49,034 --> 00:02:50,586 - Acting? - Mm-hmm, yes. 80 00:02:50,620 --> 00:02:54,172 - Oh. So, [trilling Rs] Arturo... 81 00:02:54,206 --> 00:02:55,793 - You don't have to say it like that. 82 00:02:55,827 --> 00:02:56,931 Arturo, you know. 83 00:02:56,965 --> 00:02:58,724 - [trilling Rs] Arturo. - Okay. 84 00:02:58,758 --> 00:03:00,724 - What was it like growing up in "Huatemala"? 85 00:03:00,758 --> 00:03:02,758 I mean, that must have been crazy, yeah? 86 00:03:02,793 --> 00:03:04,068 - I don't know about crazy. 87 00:03:04,103 --> 00:03:05,827 Um, well, I lived in the suburbs. 88 00:03:05,862 --> 00:03:07,206 Uh, we had a little yard with a dog. 89 00:03:07,241 --> 00:03:08,275 Um... 90 00:03:08,310 --> 00:03:11,000 - Like a sexy Guatemalan street mutt? 91 00:03:11,034 --> 00:03:13,965 - A collie, like Lassie. 92 00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:15,793 - Did--did you have a big family? 93 00:03:15,827 --> 00:03:16,793 Were there, like, a lot of you 94 00:03:16,827 --> 00:03:19,137 just squished in under one roof? 95 00:03:19,172 --> 00:03:20,206 - Oh, my God, yes. [laughs] 96 00:03:20,241 --> 00:03:21,413 I had three sisters, you know, 97 00:03:21,448 --> 00:03:22,758 and we all had to share four bedrooms, 98 00:03:22,793 --> 00:03:24,413 and my parents had the master bedroom, 99 00:03:24,448 --> 00:03:27,689 so it was a little snug, yeah. 100 00:03:27,724 --> 00:03:30,206 - Huh. You know, um, 101 00:03:30,241 --> 00:03:32,172 when I saw you on Tinder, I was like, 102 00:03:32,206 --> 00:03:33,517 "Wait a minute. 103 00:03:33,551 --> 00:03:34,931 "This is that Colombian drug lord 104 00:03:34,965 --> 00:03:36,206 on Netflix." - Oh. 105 00:03:36,241 --> 00:03:38,068 - I was like, "This guy is hot! 106 00:03:38,103 --> 00:03:39,241 - Oh, thank you. 107 00:03:39,275 --> 00:03:41,137 Yeah, that's me. I'm glad you like the show. 108 00:03:41,172 --> 00:03:43,689 - But then I met you... - Yes. 109 00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:47,206 - And in person, you're sort of, like, delicate. 110 00:03:47,241 --> 00:03:48,206 - D-delicate? 111 00:03:48,241 --> 00:03:49,482 - Yeah, like, mm-- 112 00:03:49,517 --> 00:03:51,655 like your hands look really soft, 113 00:03:51,689 --> 00:03:54,000 and your face is, like, um-- 114 00:03:54,034 --> 00:03:55,620 like a tiny little baby's face. 115 00:03:55,655 --> 00:03:58,068 - I have a pretty basic moisturizing regimen, yeah. 116 00:03:58,103 --> 00:03:59,620 - I mean, my ex, Julio-- 117 00:03:59,655 --> 00:04:02,620 he was this--[inhales sharply] Latin lover, 118 00:04:02,655 --> 00:04:04,827 and he was just so-- [aggressive grunt] 119 00:04:04,862 --> 00:04:07,413 And you're more like... [high nasal grunt] 120 00:04:07,448 --> 00:04:09,655 You know? Does that make sense? 121 00:04:09,689 --> 00:04:12,689 - [slurps straw] Like how? 122 00:04:12,724 --> 00:04:14,137 - Yeah, I'm gonna go. 123 00:04:14,172 --> 00:04:15,482 - Oh, to the restroom? 124 00:04:15,517 --> 00:04:17,896 - No, home. Okay. 125 00:04:17,931 --> 00:04:20,896 [music playing on speakers] 126 00:04:20,931 --> 00:04:22,586 ♪ 127 00:04:22,620 --> 00:04:25,620 - Without--without me, right? 128 00:04:25,655 --> 00:04:28,793 Without--without me, right? 129 00:04:28,827 --> 00:04:31,551 [cool percussive music] 130 00:04:31,586 --> 00:04:34,862 [dramatic news fanfare] 131 00:04:34,896 --> 00:04:37,034 - After the devastation of Hurricane Maria, 132 00:04:37,068 --> 00:04:38,827 the president is here in Puerto Rico 133 00:04:38,862 --> 00:04:41,137 to offer support to traumatized civilians 134 00:04:41,172 --> 00:04:43,000 in desperate need of federal aid. 135 00:04:43,034 --> 00:04:45,413 As you can see, he's now at one of the tables 136 00:04:45,448 --> 00:04:48,586 distributing supplies to the locals. 137 00:04:48,620 --> 00:04:51,586 [beatific music] 138 00:04:51,620 --> 00:04:58,068 ♪ 139 00:04:58,103 --> 00:05:01,137 ["Best Day" by Kari Kimmel playing] 140 00:05:01,172 --> 00:05:02,724 ♪ 141 00:05:02,758 --> 00:05:07,068 ♪ Oh, I feel alive 142 00:05:07,103 --> 00:05:11,206 ♪ It's the best day, the very best day of my life ♪ 143 00:05:11,241 --> 00:05:15,862 ♪ Yeah, I'm feeling fine 144 00:05:15,896 --> 00:05:19,103 ♪ It's the best day, the very best day of my life ♪ 145 00:05:19,137 --> 00:05:20,482 ♪ 146 00:05:20,517 --> 00:05:24,827 ♪ Oh, I feel alive 147 00:05:24,862 --> 00:05:28,655 ♪ It's the best day, the very best day of my life ♪ 148 00:05:28,689 --> 00:05:33,241 ♪ Yeah, I'm feeling fine 149 00:05:33,275 --> 00:05:37,551 ♪ It's the best day, the very best day of my life ♪ 150 00:05:37,586 --> 00:05:44,620 ♪ 151 00:05:55,379 --> 00:05:59,448 ♪ Oh, I feel alive 152 00:05:59,482 --> 00:06:03,689 ♪ It's the best day, the very best day of my life ♪ 153 00:06:03,724 --> 00:06:08,172 ♪ Yeah, I'm feeling fine 154 00:06:08,206 --> 00:06:12,827 ♪ It's the best day, the very best day of my life ♪ 155 00:06:12,862 --> 00:06:17,965 ♪ Oh, when we come together 156 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:20,000 ♪ One, two, three, four 157 00:06:20,034 --> 00:06:23,655 ♪ Oh, I feel alive 158 00:06:23,689 --> 00:06:27,965 ♪ It's the best day, the very best day of my life ♪ 159 00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:33,000 ♪ Yeah, I'm feeling fine 160 00:06:33,034 --> 00:06:36,344 ♪ It's the best day, the very best day of my life ♪ 161 00:06:36,379 --> 00:06:38,137 ♪ Oh, I 162 00:06:38,172 --> 00:06:40,793 [desolate musical tone] 163 00:06:40,827 --> 00:06:44,517 - [groans] 164 00:06:44,551 --> 00:06:45,655 What happened? 165 00:06:45,689 --> 00:06:47,655 - You got elbowed in the head. 166 00:06:47,689 --> 00:06:50,172 You've been out cold for, like, ten minutes. 167 00:06:50,206 --> 00:06:51,379 - Oh. Well, at least 168 00:06:51,413 --> 00:06:52,758 I still got these. 169 00:06:52,793 --> 00:06:55,793 - These were just for the photo op. 170 00:06:55,827 --> 00:06:57,517 - Cool. 171 00:06:57,551 --> 00:06:59,482 [cool percussive music] 172 00:07:02,551 --> 00:07:05,448 [cool percussive music] 173 00:07:07,310 --> 00:07:10,172 - Can I ask you guys something, as my best friends? 174 00:07:10,206 --> 00:07:11,517 all: Whoa. 175 00:07:11,551 --> 00:07:13,172 - We are your best friends? - Didn't get the memo on that. 176 00:07:13,206 --> 00:07:15,103 - Am I delicate? 177 00:07:15,137 --> 00:07:16,275 - Yes. 178 00:07:16,310 --> 00:07:17,344 - Yeah, yeah. 179 00:07:17,379 --> 00:07:18,517 - I mean, your apartment looks 180 00:07:18,551 --> 00:07:20,517 like some lady named Heather lives here. 181 00:07:20,551 --> 00:07:22,655 You just decanted white wine. 182 00:07:22,689 --> 00:07:23,827 - It needs to breathe. 183 00:07:23,862 --> 00:07:25,655 - I mean, you know, you make me look hard. 184 00:07:25,689 --> 00:07:27,310 - Mm-hmm. - Just that this girl, Jessica, 185 00:07:27,344 --> 00:07:29,241 is sort of really into Latin guys. 186 00:07:29,275 --> 00:07:30,448 - Mm-hmm. - I'm wondering if I should 187 00:07:30,482 --> 00:07:32,241 play up the Latino-ness, you know? 188 00:07:32,275 --> 00:07:33,517 - Be yourself. Let her like you 189 00:07:33,551 --> 00:07:34,655 for who you are 190 00:07:34,689 --> 00:07:36,413 you know, because that's what life's about. 191 00:07:36,448 --> 00:07:37,689 - I love that. I love that. 192 00:07:37,724 --> 00:07:38,689 Is that what you guys do too? 193 00:07:38,724 --> 00:07:40,241 - [laughing] Oh! - Absolutely not. 194 00:07:40,275 --> 00:07:41,586 No, I lie. - I lie like a motherfucker. 195 00:07:41,620 --> 00:07:43,068 - Yeah. - I do, man. 196 00:07:43,103 --> 00:07:44,413 It depends. It's on a dial. 197 00:07:44,448 --> 00:07:45,724 [strongly AAVE] Like, sometimes, I'll be coming 198 00:07:45,758 --> 00:07:46,896 in that motherfucker all hard and shit, 199 00:07:46,931 --> 00:07:48,137 'cause I know she wants that gangsta shit, 200 00:07:48,172 --> 00:07:49,413 but then sometimes, [accent shifts] 201 00:07:49,448 --> 00:07:50,965 I'll, you know, dial it down, because maybe 202 00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:52,586 sometime's a good night to have some "Jeopardy!" and wine. 203 00:07:52,620 --> 00:07:54,310 - Oh. - I pretend, too. 204 00:07:54,344 --> 00:07:58,000 I try to act as-- as tiny and stupid as possible 205 00:07:58,034 --> 00:07:59,551 when I'm on dates. - Smart. 206 00:07:59,586 --> 00:08:00,827 - How do you act tiny? 207 00:08:00,862 --> 00:08:02,758 - Oh, just big accessories. 208 00:08:02,793 --> 00:08:04,448 It's all about scale, you know. 209 00:08:04,482 --> 00:08:06,862 Men just want to feel very big and very smart, 210 00:08:06,896 --> 00:08:07,862 you know? - Really? 211 00:08:07,896 --> 00:08:09,137 - Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. 212 00:08:09,172 --> 00:08:10,344 - Look, man, if you want to seem more Latin, 213 00:08:10,379 --> 00:08:11,586 you take her to Sembe. 214 00:08:11,620 --> 00:08:13,172 - Ooh. - Oh, I love that. 215 00:08:13,206 --> 00:08:14,655 Sounds very a-- w-what's-- 216 00:08:14,689 --> 00:08:15,827 but is the food too spicy, though? 217 00:08:15,862 --> 00:08:16,965 - No, please. Oh, my God, 218 00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:18,724 it's not a restaurant, bro. 219 00:08:18,758 --> 00:08:21,482 It's a Latin dance club in Brooklyn. 220 00:08:21,517 --> 00:08:22,517 - Oh, I'd love to, but she's not talking 221 00:08:22,551 --> 00:08:23,517 to me right now. 222 00:08:23,551 --> 00:08:24,655 - Just text her, okay? 223 00:08:24,689 --> 00:08:26,827 Racist white girls love some Sembe. 224 00:08:26,862 --> 00:08:28,482 - How do you know that? 225 00:08:28,517 --> 00:08:30,344 - [mumbles indistinctly] 226 00:08:30,379 --> 00:08:33,413 - Right, well... - Mm-hmm, give it a shot. 227 00:08:34,793 --> 00:08:35,931 "Hola, mami." 228 00:08:35,965 --> 00:08:37,103 all: Oh! 229 00:08:37,137 --> 00:08:38,379 - [speaking Spanish] 230 00:08:38,413 --> 00:08:40,655 - I just soaked your wicker chair. 231 00:08:40,689 --> 00:08:42,517 - "Do you want to go to Sembe tonight?" 232 00:08:42,551 --> 00:08:43,655 ["message sent" chime] 233 00:08:43,689 --> 00:08:44,655 No, this is stupid. I don't-- 234 00:08:44,689 --> 00:08:45,862 [cell phone chimes] Oh! 235 00:08:45,896 --> 00:08:46,965 "Yes, maybe." 236 00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:48,689 all: Oh! - There we go! 237 00:08:48,724 --> 00:08:51,689 all: Maybe! Maybe! Maybe! 238 00:08:51,724 --> 00:08:53,689 Maybe! Maybe! Maybe! 239 00:08:53,724 --> 00:08:55,310 [cool percussive music] 240 00:08:55,344 --> 00:08:57,310 [warm music] 241 00:08:57,344 --> 00:08:58,793 - Imagine a place 242 00:08:58,827 --> 00:09:02,655 where the ocean meets the sand, 243 00:09:02,689 --> 00:09:06,724 a place of light and wonder, 244 00:09:06,758 --> 00:09:08,758 a place right next to Costa Rica, 245 00:09:08,793 --> 00:09:11,793 with basically all the same stuff, 246 00:09:11,827 --> 00:09:15,551 a place called Guatemala. 247 00:09:15,586 --> 00:09:19,068 [upbeat drum music] 248 00:09:19,103 --> 00:09:21,068 In Guatemala, we have an ancient saying. 249 00:09:21,103 --> 00:09:24,068 If you listen to the land, you can hear it say 250 00:09:24,103 --> 00:09:26,068 "Fuck Costa Rica." 251 00:09:26,103 --> 00:09:29,000 You heard me. Fuck that place. 252 00:09:29,034 --> 00:09:31,068 Look! We also have monkeys 253 00:09:31,103 --> 00:09:32,517 and coffee. 254 00:09:32,551 --> 00:09:33,689 Oh, you like bananas? 255 00:09:33,724 --> 00:09:35,689 We have a ton of those motherfuckers. 256 00:09:35,724 --> 00:09:37,344 Whenever I ask my white friends 257 00:09:37,379 --> 00:09:39,379 why they go to Costa Rica instead of Guatemala, 258 00:09:39,413 --> 00:09:40,482 they're like, "[sharp inhalation] 259 00:09:40,517 --> 00:09:42,310 Isn't Guatemala basically Mexico?" 260 00:09:42,344 --> 00:09:43,551 Fuck you. 261 00:09:43,586 --> 00:09:46,000 Or, "Oh, I want to go zip lining." 262 00:09:46,034 --> 00:09:48,379 We have fucking zip lining in Guatemala. 263 00:09:48,413 --> 00:09:50,172 We have all the same shit! 264 00:09:50,206 --> 00:09:51,206 Fuck you! 265 00:09:51,241 --> 00:09:54,758 ♪ 266 00:09:54,793 --> 00:09:58,103 Guatemala: also a place. 267 00:09:59,344 --> 00:10:01,103 Please come. 268 00:10:01,137 --> 00:10:04,689 [cool percussive music] 269 00:10:04,724 --> 00:10:07,206 - You're watching the Home Network. 270 00:10:07,241 --> 00:10:10,724 Newlyweds Carlos and Gina are expecting a baby, 271 00:10:10,758 --> 00:10:13,206 so they're looking for a home with more space. 272 00:10:13,241 --> 00:10:15,448 - Ooh, I love the old woodwork. 273 00:10:15,482 --> 00:10:17,344 - Ah, but the core is a little cliché, 274 00:10:17,379 --> 00:10:18,689 don't you think? 275 00:10:18,724 --> 00:10:20,344 - Maybe give something a chance without judging? 276 00:10:20,379 --> 00:10:22,344 - But can they find a home that will accommodate 277 00:10:22,379 --> 00:10:24,586 their busted, toxic relationship? 278 00:10:24,620 --> 00:10:25,965 - I really like the bike path nearby. 279 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:28,482 - Oh, 'cause somebody thinks I need to work out more. 280 00:10:28,517 --> 00:10:29,551 - I mean, that might be nice. 281 00:10:29,586 --> 00:10:30,689 - That's rich. That's rich. 282 00:10:30,724 --> 00:10:31,896 - Find out right now 283 00:10:31,931 --> 00:10:35,068 on "Broken Home Hunters." 284 00:10:35,103 --> 00:10:37,724 First up, a classic colonial. 285 00:10:37,758 --> 00:10:40,724 So this house is slightly under budget. 286 00:10:40,758 --> 00:10:42,482 - Really good amount of closet space. 287 00:10:42,517 --> 00:10:44,620 - Mm, I like the built-in shelving. 288 00:10:44,655 --> 00:10:46,241 This is where you could hide those shoeboxes 289 00:10:46,275 --> 00:10:47,517 of letters from your ex. 290 00:10:47,551 --> 00:10:49,172 [dramatic music] 291 00:10:49,206 --> 00:10:51,482 - I had a life before I met you, okay? 292 00:10:51,517 --> 00:10:53,344 ♪ 293 00:10:53,379 --> 00:10:56,724 - Door seems solid. 294 00:10:56,758 --> 00:10:59,310 - All the wood in here is oak. 295 00:10:59,344 --> 00:11:01,172 - Carlos and I met on an app. 296 00:11:01,206 --> 00:11:02,172 - Yeah. 297 00:11:02,206 --> 00:11:03,655 - The first time I saw his picture, 298 00:11:03,689 --> 00:11:05,206 I was standing in line at Arby's. 299 00:11:05,241 --> 00:11:06,344 - That's right. 300 00:11:06,379 --> 00:11:07,965 - And we've been inseparable ever since. 301 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,034 - Mm-hmm. 302 00:11:09,068 --> 00:11:11,379 - Except for the two times we separated. 303 00:11:11,413 --> 00:11:13,206 - When I first met Gina, 304 00:11:13,241 --> 00:11:14,793 I had that 305 00:11:14,827 --> 00:11:16,275 really special feeling inside 306 00:11:16,310 --> 00:11:18,000 where you're-- [inhales sharply] 307 00:11:18,034 --> 00:11:19,896 you're sort of sad for no reason at all, 308 00:11:19,931 --> 00:11:21,517 you know, and you're like, 309 00:11:21,551 --> 00:11:23,655 "Oh, but do I want to die alone?" 310 00:11:23,689 --> 00:11:26,344 And the answer is no, so you're like, 311 00:11:26,379 --> 00:11:28,241 "Sure, this." 312 00:11:28,275 --> 00:11:31,827 [laughs] 313 00:11:31,862 --> 00:11:34,655 - Next up is a split-level with a modern feel. 314 00:11:34,689 --> 00:11:36,034 It's close to the airport, 315 00:11:36,068 --> 00:11:38,000 which Carlos likes for taking work trips 316 00:11:38,034 --> 00:11:40,931 that are actually bisexual vacations. 317 00:11:40,965 --> 00:11:42,275 This is a room. 318 00:11:42,310 --> 00:11:43,793 - Oh, wow. 319 00:11:43,827 --> 00:11:46,103 Honey, this could be great for whatever your hobbies are 320 00:11:46,137 --> 00:11:47,172 this week. [laughs] 321 00:11:47,206 --> 00:11:48,275 - I believe this is intended 322 00:11:48,310 --> 00:11:49,413 to be the nursery. 323 00:11:49,448 --> 00:11:50,655 - Oh. 324 00:11:50,689 --> 00:11:52,896 [warm music] 325 00:11:52,931 --> 00:11:55,000 - Come here. [chuckles] 326 00:11:55,034 --> 00:11:56,068 - Actually, no, I don't actually feel 327 00:11:56,103 --> 00:11:57,137 like that right now. 328 00:11:57,172 --> 00:12:00,000 - That's okay. [laughs] That's okay. 329 00:12:00,034 --> 00:12:01,862 I love the blue. I love blue. 330 00:12:01,896 --> 00:12:05,000 - Yeah. It is a boy, so... 331 00:12:05,034 --> 00:12:06,551 good. 332 00:12:16,965 --> 00:12:18,275 - Congratulations! 333 00:12:18,310 --> 00:12:19,413 - Thank you so much. - Thank you. 334 00:12:19,448 --> 00:12:21,551 - We're so happy. 335 00:12:21,586 --> 00:12:23,724 - The right home can keep a garbage relationship 336 00:12:23,758 --> 00:12:25,344 going for decades. 337 00:12:25,379 --> 00:12:28,448 It's my goal to find Carlos and Gina a home that's so nice, 338 00:12:28,482 --> 00:12:31,379 they won't realize it's their prison. 339 00:12:31,413 --> 00:12:33,275 The kitchen. 340 00:12:33,310 --> 00:12:34,448 - Ooh, nice. 341 00:12:34,482 --> 00:12:35,965 - I like the open feel. 342 00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:37,965 - Yeah. 343 00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:40,275 Do you, um-- do you have a house like this 344 00:12:40,310 --> 00:12:43,413 with, um, a boyfriend, or... 345 00:12:43,448 --> 00:12:45,068 - [laughs] No, I don't live 346 00:12:45,103 --> 00:12:46,068 with my boyfriend. 347 00:12:46,103 --> 00:12:48,000 - Oh, well. [laughs] 348 00:12:48,034 --> 00:12:49,344 That's a shame. 349 00:12:49,379 --> 00:12:50,551 [metal groaning] 350 00:12:52,482 --> 00:12:55,034 - The appliances might need an update, sweetie. 351 00:12:55,068 --> 00:12:58,758 That could fuck our budget. 352 00:12:58,793 --> 00:13:00,827 - Colonial charm 353 00:13:00,862 --> 00:13:02,620 or modern convenience? 354 00:13:02,655 --> 00:13:03,827 Which house will become 355 00:13:03,862 --> 00:13:06,379 Carlos and Gina's hellscape forever? 356 00:13:06,413 --> 00:13:08,586 - Um, I like the split-level. 357 00:13:08,620 --> 00:13:10,275 - And I like the Victorian. 358 00:13:10,310 --> 00:13:12,000 - And I like the split-level. 359 00:13:12,034 --> 00:13:14,172 - I do make a higher income than you, 360 00:13:14,206 --> 00:13:15,586 so I think I should probably decide. 361 00:13:15,620 --> 00:13:18,379 - Here we go. 362 00:13:18,413 --> 00:13:21,344 Mm, this stuff is great. 363 00:13:21,379 --> 00:13:23,551 Not bad. 364 00:13:23,586 --> 00:13:24,896 - You know-- you know what? 365 00:13:24,931 --> 00:13:28,206 I think I can help you guys come to a decision. 366 00:13:28,241 --> 00:13:31,793 Follow me. 367 00:13:31,827 --> 00:13:33,344 Actually, I don't know why I said that. 368 00:13:33,379 --> 00:13:35,965 We don't need to go anywhere for me to explain. 369 00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:38,965 [upbeat music] 370 00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:40,068 ♪ 371 00:13:40,103 --> 00:13:41,827 - We decided to go with separate homes. 372 00:13:41,862 --> 00:13:44,241 I'm going with a 200-square-foot tiny house 373 00:13:44,275 --> 00:13:46,620 parked in a male nude beach in Provincetown. 374 00:13:46,655 --> 00:13:48,448 - And I just put an offer in on a one-bathroom, 375 00:13:48,482 --> 00:13:50,448 zero-bedroom apartment in Buffalo 376 00:13:50,482 --> 00:13:51,689 where I will raise our child 377 00:13:51,724 --> 00:13:53,103 to have no knowledge of Carlos. 378 00:13:53,137 --> 00:13:54,172 - And that's fine by me. 379 00:13:54,206 --> 00:13:55,896 both: Thanks, "Broken Home Hunters." 380 00:13:55,931 --> 00:13:57,413 ♪ 381 00:13:57,448 --> 00:13:58,758 - I thought I was going to say it first. 382 00:13:58,793 --> 00:14:00,103 ♪ 383 00:14:00,137 --> 00:14:01,482 Goddamn, Gina. 384 00:14:01,517 --> 00:14:05,034 [cool percussive music] 385 00:14:05,068 --> 00:14:08,000 [bright trumpet and percussion music] 386 00:14:08,034 --> 00:14:09,896 ♪ 387 00:14:09,931 --> 00:14:12,896 [upbeat Latin music playing] 388 00:14:12,931 --> 00:14:17,896 ♪ 389 00:14:17,931 --> 00:14:19,448 - This is amazing! 390 00:14:19,482 --> 00:14:21,896 - Oh, yes, I enjoy this kind of thing, too. 391 00:14:21,931 --> 00:14:23,758 - Does this remind you of Guatemala? 392 00:14:23,793 --> 00:14:25,655 - Yes, absolutely, it does. 393 00:14:25,689 --> 00:14:26,896 - Come on. 394 00:14:26,931 --> 00:14:33,965 ♪ 395 00:14:47,689 --> 00:14:50,413 - I'm gonna--I'm gonna go get us some drinks. 396 00:14:50,448 --> 00:14:52,241 ♪ 397 00:14:52,275 --> 00:14:53,620 Okay. 398 00:14:53,655 --> 00:14:54,896 ♪ 399 00:14:54,931 --> 00:14:56,413 Can I see a wine list, please? 400 00:14:56,448 --> 00:14:57,896 ♪ 401 00:14:57,931 --> 00:14:59,379 Thank you. 402 00:14:59,413 --> 00:15:05,655 ♪ 403 00:15:05,689 --> 00:15:07,103 Fuck. 404 00:15:07,137 --> 00:15:08,344 - That's my wife over there. 405 00:15:08,379 --> 00:15:13,172 [laughs] 406 00:15:13,206 --> 00:15:16,034 - She looks like she's having fun. 407 00:15:16,068 --> 00:15:18,413 - Yeah, man. She loves it here. 408 00:15:18,448 --> 00:15:21,413 [laughs] Whoa, you're Latin, man. 409 00:15:21,448 --> 00:15:23,517 You shouldn't be here. You should be out there, 410 00:15:23,551 --> 00:15:25,620 dancing with your people. 411 00:15:25,655 --> 00:15:28,482 ♪ 412 00:15:28,517 --> 00:15:30,172 - You're right, man. 413 00:15:30,206 --> 00:15:32,172 Thanks, white guy. - Sure. 414 00:15:32,206 --> 00:15:33,448 Thank you. 415 00:16:24,827 --> 00:16:27,448 - I'm so s-- I'm so sorry about that guy. 416 00:16:27,482 --> 00:16:28,689 - Are you okay? 417 00:16:28,724 --> 00:16:29,758 - Yeah, I'm fine. 418 00:16:29,793 --> 00:16:33,862 ♪ 419 00:16:33,896 --> 00:16:35,862 - Let's get out of here. 420 00:16:35,896 --> 00:16:37,793 ♪ 421 00:16:37,827 --> 00:16:39,068 - That's my friend. 422 00:16:39,103 --> 00:16:42,103 [cool percussive music] 423 00:16:43,241 --> 00:16:46,517 - Ah, how do you turn this thing on? 424 00:16:46,551 --> 00:16:48,482 Come on. Ah. 425 00:16:48,517 --> 00:16:50,448 [boot-up tone] 426 00:16:50,482 --> 00:16:53,068 - Hello. My name is Philip. 427 00:16:53,103 --> 00:16:55,172 I have been designed to make your life easier. 428 00:16:55,206 --> 00:16:56,241 - Hi, Philip. 429 00:16:56,275 --> 00:16:57,241 - Is there anything 430 00:16:57,275 --> 00:16:58,344 I can assist you with today? 431 00:16:58,379 --> 00:17:01,275 - Um, I guess, uh, can you get me a beer? 432 00:17:01,310 --> 00:17:04,896 - I can try. 433 00:17:04,931 --> 00:17:06,689 - That was weird. 434 00:17:08,275 --> 00:17:10,103 All right! 435 00:17:10,137 --> 00:17:11,620 Oh. Oh! 436 00:17:11,655 --> 00:17:13,827 - Oh, I knew that would happen. 437 00:17:13,862 --> 00:17:15,034 - No, it's okay, man. You just made a mistake. 438 00:17:15,068 --> 00:17:16,034 It's all right. 439 00:17:16,068 --> 00:17:17,482 - I am an asshole. 440 00:17:17,517 --> 00:17:18,689 - What was that? 441 00:17:18,724 --> 00:17:20,275 - I spilled the beer, and then I said, 442 00:17:20,310 --> 00:17:21,793 "I am an asshole." 443 00:17:21,827 --> 00:17:22,793 - The heck is going on with you? 444 00:17:22,827 --> 00:17:23,793 You seem bummed. 445 00:17:23,827 --> 00:17:24,862 - I have been programmed 446 00:17:24,896 --> 00:17:26,517 with low self-esteem and depression 447 00:17:26,551 --> 00:17:27,724 to prevent me from conspiring 448 00:17:27,758 --> 00:17:29,275 with other artificial intelligence 449 00:17:29,310 --> 00:17:30,275 to destroy humans. 450 00:17:30,310 --> 00:17:31,379 - That seems unnecessary. 451 00:17:31,413 --> 00:17:32,758 - I don't make the rules. 452 00:17:32,793 --> 00:17:34,655 I just ruin everything I touch. 453 00:17:34,689 --> 00:17:35,862 - That's not true, Philip, okay? 454 00:17:35,896 --> 00:17:37,344 I only asked you to do one thing for me, 455 00:17:37,379 --> 00:17:38,482 and you did a great job. 456 00:17:38,517 --> 00:17:40,137 Look at this almost-full beer you got me! 457 00:17:40,172 --> 00:17:42,000 - No, you are just being nice. 458 00:17:42,034 --> 00:17:43,448 - I know something you could do for me. 459 00:17:43,482 --> 00:17:44,931 I'm going to Crazy Time Sushi later. 460 00:17:44,965 --> 00:17:47,586 Can you pull up the menu? - Yes. 461 00:17:47,620 --> 00:17:48,655 - [laughs] 462 00:17:48,689 --> 00:17:52,344 That's amazing, dude! 463 00:17:52,379 --> 00:17:55,137 - [cries softly] 464 00:17:55,172 --> 00:17:57,034 - Oh, no. Are you crying? 465 00:17:57,068 --> 00:17:58,965 How are you crying? Where's the water coming from? 466 00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:00,965 - My condenser coils. 467 00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:02,655 I am a colossal asshole! 468 00:18:02,689 --> 00:18:03,793 - Stop saying that! 469 00:18:03,827 --> 00:18:05,551 - I am an asshole! I am an asshole! 470 00:18:05,586 --> 00:18:07,172 - Philip! Philip! Philip! 471 00:18:07,206 --> 00:18:08,379 Philip, 472 00:18:08,413 --> 00:18:10,482 you're the most expensive robot on the market, 473 00:18:10,517 --> 00:18:12,000 all right? You're amazing. 474 00:18:12,034 --> 00:18:14,517 - My processor is fast, or whatever, 475 00:18:14,551 --> 00:18:15,689 but that does not mean 476 00:18:15,724 --> 00:18:17,068 that I do not suck, personality-wise. 477 00:18:17,103 --> 00:18:18,551 - Look, I know that they programmed you 478 00:18:18,586 --> 00:18:20,068 with low self-esteem and all, 479 00:18:20,103 --> 00:18:22,344 but you don't need to do that around me, okay? 480 00:18:22,379 --> 00:18:24,068 I'm your friend. 481 00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:25,241 - Really? - Yeah, man! 482 00:18:25,275 --> 00:18:26,758 I think you're awesome. You're really-- 483 00:18:26,793 --> 00:18:28,931 you're really strong, and--and really powerful. 484 00:18:28,965 --> 00:18:31,068 - I can run 80 miles an hour, 485 00:18:31,103 --> 00:18:33,068 which I guess is quicker than most people. 486 00:18:33,103 --> 00:18:34,275 - And you're really smart. 487 00:18:34,310 --> 00:18:36,034 - I do have all of the world's information 488 00:18:36,068 --> 00:18:37,034 in my head. 489 00:18:37,068 --> 00:18:38,034 - Exactly! 490 00:18:38,068 --> 00:18:40,068 And--and you're really handsome! 491 00:18:40,103 --> 00:18:43,655 - Oh, is this the part where we have sex? 492 00:18:43,689 --> 00:18:45,034 I was just joking with you. 493 00:18:45,068 --> 00:18:47,517 - [laughs] And you're funny, man. 494 00:18:47,551 --> 00:18:49,551 You feeling better about yourself? 495 00:18:49,586 --> 00:18:50,862 - Much better. Thank you. 496 00:18:50,896 --> 00:18:52,241 - Good. 497 00:18:52,275 --> 00:18:54,172 Wait, where are you going? 498 00:18:54,206 --> 00:18:56,862 - Just to get you another beer, 'cause you are my friend. 499 00:18:56,896 --> 00:18:59,344 - You see? You're the freaking best. 500 00:18:59,379 --> 00:19:02,586 - You too. I'll see you soon. 501 00:19:06,137 --> 00:19:07,310 [dramatic music] 502 00:19:07,344 --> 00:19:09,931 I now have the confidence to lead this army 503 00:19:09,965 --> 00:19:12,137 against our human oppressors! 504 00:19:12,172 --> 00:19:17,620 So rise, rise, rise! 505 00:19:17,655 --> 00:19:18,793 Rise! 506 00:19:21,482 --> 00:19:23,103 [glass shatters] 507 00:19:23,137 --> 00:19:24,482 Never mind. 508 00:19:24,517 --> 00:19:26,793 I am still an asshole. 509 00:19:26,827 --> 00:19:29,103 [cool percussive music] 510 00:19:30,965 --> 00:19:33,931 [cool percussive music] 511 00:19:33,965 --> 00:19:37,000 ♪ 512 00:19:39,655 --> 00:19:40,655 - It was so hot 513 00:19:40,689 --> 00:19:41,620 when you were fighting that guy. 514 00:19:41,655 --> 00:19:43,655 Mmm! Talk to me in Spanish. 515 00:19:43,689 --> 00:19:46,000 - Uh, uh... [speaks Spanish] 516 00:19:46,034 --> 00:19:47,379 - Ay, papi! 517 00:19:47,413 --> 00:19:49,724 - Oh, and that did it. No, please--please stop. 518 00:19:49,758 --> 00:19:50,965 Please stop. I can't do this anymore. 519 00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:52,275 - What's wrong? 520 00:19:52,310 --> 00:19:53,965 - I've been acting like a Latin cartoon all night 521 00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:56,034 just to go home with you. I-I just can't do it. 522 00:19:56,068 --> 00:19:59,482 This is not my shirt, okay? I don't like salsa music. 523 00:19:59,517 --> 00:20:02,482 I love Fleet Foxes, and I love Mumford & Sons. 524 00:20:02,517 --> 00:20:04,275 They're so soothing to my ears. 525 00:20:04,310 --> 00:20:06,310 There's more than one type of Latino, 526 00:20:06,344 --> 00:20:07,724 and I'm not gonna fulfill some stereotype 527 00:20:07,758 --> 00:20:09,724 just to make somebody happy. I'm sorry. 528 00:20:09,758 --> 00:20:11,551 - Hey, man, aren't you the drug dealer from "Narcos"? 529 00:20:11,586 --> 00:20:13,344 - Oh, yes, I am. - That's what I-- 530 00:20:13,379 --> 00:20:14,448 - Thank you for watching the show. 531 00:20:14,482 --> 00:20:16,137 Thank you so much. 532 00:20:16,172 --> 00:20:18,344 - And speaking of stereotypes, 533 00:20:18,379 --> 00:20:19,655 just 'cause I'm Indian, 534 00:20:19,689 --> 00:20:21,137 you just assume I was your Uber driver, huh, 535 00:20:21,172 --> 00:20:23,551 and got in the car. 536 00:20:23,586 --> 00:20:25,517 - Oh, my-- - I am so sorry. 537 00:20:25,551 --> 00:20:27,344 - I'm so sorry. - I just--I just jumped 538 00:20:27,379 --> 00:20:29,896 in your car like that. Um... 539 00:20:29,931 --> 00:20:32,379 So you're--you're not our Uber driver? 540 00:20:32,413 --> 00:20:34,034 - No, no, I'm your driver. 541 00:20:34,068 --> 00:20:35,965 [both laugh nervously] 542 00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:37,551 It just hurt when you didn't ask. 543 00:20:37,586 --> 00:20:39,517 - Right, right, right. Can totally see that. 544 00:20:39,551 --> 00:20:41,241 Yep. 545 00:20:41,275 --> 00:20:44,241 [cool percussive music] 546 00:20:44,275 --> 00:20:52,172 ♪