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In America, we rewrite history
2
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by erasing it.
3
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What are you doing? Stop!
Crazy fucking bitch!
4
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Okay, you need locking up!
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What are you doing?
6
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You need to be fucking locked up!
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Let go of me! Please.
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There you go, honey.
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"This is Apollo. Leave a message."
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I've been calling you for three days.
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I don't know where you are, Apollo.
I don't know where you are.
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People wash up in New York. Literally.
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The Elk Hotel has been
in business for over 100 years.
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Built to serve immigrants
passing through Ellis Island.
15
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I'm here to unmake a deal.
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One hundred years is quite
the American success story...
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considering this is the shittiest hotel
in the world.
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...Mozart symphony has been discovered.
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The Bavarian State Library,
where it was found,
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said the complete symphony was put
in manuscript form by Mozart's father
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to save the cost of a note copier.
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The newly discovered symphony
will be performed in public May 17th
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- at a concert in Bavaria.
- He got you good.
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External investigators
are still trying to verify
25
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the authenticity of the document.
26
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However, a spokesperson for the library...
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I remember this.
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How long?
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All of this.
30
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- How long?
- I want Room 205.
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No. Look at the rates.
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The whole night.
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- All night?
- Lester was weary.
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For 20 years he'd worked this desk.
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00:03:25,247 --> 00:03:29,126
His job was to differentiate
between gang member and murderer,
36
00:03:29,126 --> 00:03:32,880
versus whore, drug dealer, john, or pimp.
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He'd watched gangs wage war
outside this very door.
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Teenagers-- Nay, babies,
senselessly killed on the sidewalk.
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How long?
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00:03:41,847 --> 00:03:44,808
At first, he'd gone out there
and scrubbed at the cement.
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Now it was rust-red.
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Seventy-five.
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Gang members
and murderers were denied a room.
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You get your receipt when you check out.
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Everyone else was welcome.
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00:03:58,947 --> 00:04:01,867
Of course, his deciphering skills
weren't always up to par.
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Like the time a trans woman was strangled,
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stuffed under the bed
in a gold sequined dress,
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and left undiscovered for two weeks.
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00:04:12,336 --> 00:04:14,379
- How many of you?
- Just me.
51
00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:15,589
You alone, huh?
52
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No one to claim her, buried unnamed.
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Alone.
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00:04:23,180 --> 00:04:24,890
There are centuries of names in that book.
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Storm coming.
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Yes, there is.
57
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Excuse me. You move for a lady.
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We cast our dreams as a play.
59
00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:07,015
Who fills each role so we may bring
the unconscious to consciousness?
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00:05:17,234 --> 00:05:18,819
Who plays each role?
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And why?
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Hey! Don't touch. It's contagious.
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Lillian didn't need Apollo's forgiveness.
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She needed her own.
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And it laid behind this very door.
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00:06:07,242 --> 00:06:10,037
1981 was a bloody year in New York.
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Even Lillian could not escape
the violence.
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She had seen something that day.
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No, Daddy!
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Something she could never unsee.
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Daddy! No!
72
00:06:43,946 --> 00:06:45,989
And it had changed her once more.
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I know what you did, Lillian. I know.
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So, you're really just gonna make me wait, huh?
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Yeah.
You really make me crazy, you know that?
76
00:07:01,630 --> 00:07:03,882
Yeah, sweetie. Yeah.
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See you later.
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She had been here before.
That night. That long ago, terrible night.
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This room that held a secret
she swore she'd never tell.
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00:07:24,111 --> 00:07:28,907
But secrets want out,
and prices will be paid.
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That was your father's box.
82
00:07:38,250 --> 00:07:39,626
Someone left it at the door.
83
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So, tell me something else.
84
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What should I tell you?
85
00:08:03,317 --> 00:08:05,652
Well, you can't know
anything until you know everything.
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So, everything it is.
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It was unimaginable
what had become of her.
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What now, Lillian?
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What now, Lillian? What then?
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Tell me your story,
and I will tell you who you are.
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It wouldn't be the last time
she'd hold a dying man.
92
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If you're a stickler for numbers,
then this would be the first of three.
93
00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:03,669
It is a tremor leading to the quake.
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00:09:04,253 --> 00:09:06,505
One person moves away, breaks free,
95
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creates a seismic shift in a family
and in the land.
96
00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:14,304
But what is the cost of freedom?
97
00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:18,976
Had she been responsible for
all that happened after she fled Uganda?
98
00:09:20,143 --> 00:09:21,895
Could she have changed the course
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00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:24,648
of her family's history had she stayed?
100
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But she had left.
101
00:09:28,402 --> 00:09:31,738
And after, The Butcher had seized power
from Obote
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00:09:31,738 --> 00:09:34,449
and delivered a massacre to her people.
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- ...they have to die.
- All were gone now. All gone.
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00:09:39,538 --> 00:09:41,748
What god would make people suffer so?
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00:09:42,249 --> 00:09:45,711
What god would bring her all this way
to smite her now?
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No god of mine.
107
00:10:00,475 --> 00:10:01,602
Arthur.
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00:10:50,526 --> 00:10:53,153
Lillian had known for a long time
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00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:56,782
that there were realer things
than the King of Kings right here.
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She remembered the hope.
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The unbridled hope that everything
could be different in America.
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New York had opened a crack in her,
and the light had crept back in.
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She found room to dream.
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Her grandmother had always said
she had a lovely voice.
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Maybe she could be a lounge singer
in a sparkling dress,
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belting out torch songs
in some dusty saloon.
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Maybe she would meet someone,
fall in love, have a bunch of kids.
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America the Great. The promised land.
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Apollo, I loved the place.
I believed in it.
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I could see what America wanted to be,
and I would kill to be American.
121
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But sometimes, most times,
122
00:12:03,974 --> 00:12:06,727
it made me feel
a little bit like I had to get smaller.
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Watch my words and my smiles.
Can't get too big, can't be angry.
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Don't you see?
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Can't be visible.
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That's not our baby!
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00:12:18,030 --> 00:12:23,327
Apollo, have you heard me say
"I love you" enough times?
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I've made some mistakes in this world.
You are not one of them.
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But I layered onto you,
even at your young age,
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my own... dis-ease.
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Unease.
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Fear.
133
00:12:44,723 --> 00:12:47,893
Don't get big. Don't speak loud.
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Don't tell a joke.
Don't be too serious either.
135
00:12:51,939 --> 00:12:54,024
Don't draw attention to yourself.
136
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Don't throw a tantrum in the store.
137
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Just don't do that.
138
00:13:02,366 --> 00:13:07,955
Apollo, at four years old you already knew
what it felt like to live life afraid.
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00:13:09,915 --> 00:13:13,752
When I was four,
my favorite thing in the whole wide world
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00:13:14,545 --> 00:13:21,093
was finding my jajja outside, hunched
over a big iron pot, turning mandazis.
141
00:13:23,470 --> 00:13:28,892
You never tasted those.
Soft, fluffy doughnut clouds.
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Hot and spiced
with a little bit of cardamom,
143
00:13:31,395 --> 00:13:33,981
a little bit of cinnamon
and a lot of coconut milk.
144
00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:38,902
Can't make a mandazi
without getting an oil burn.
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00:13:39,653 --> 00:13:42,322
To make it taste perfect in the mouth,
146
00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:47,160
you must add
the too, too, too important ingredient.
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- Love.
- Love.
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00:13:50,873 --> 00:13:55,085
She was an oracle. Had a life lesson
for every minute of the day.
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00:13:56,170 --> 00:14:01,800
Lillian, the important thing in
life is what we do for the ones we love.
150
00:14:02,968 --> 00:14:08,557
Lillian, don't let a man make you crazy,
'cause he will try.
151
00:14:20,319 --> 00:14:26,033
Lillian,
if you decide to eat a dog, eat a fat one.
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00:14:35,709 --> 00:14:39,630
If we're lucky,
each of us has the memory of a kitchen.
153
00:14:40,214 --> 00:14:44,843
The warmth and aroma
of something being cooked with love.
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00:14:46,970 --> 00:14:49,306
Regardless of who we are,
where we're from,
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00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:54,645
kitchen stove or iron pot,
we are all gifted this heirloom.
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If we're lucky.
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The pot is all that's left.
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There you go, honey.
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00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:26,844
Lillian, ask help from the spirits
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00:15:26,844 --> 00:15:29,555
when you have used all your strength.
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00:15:30,931 --> 00:15:35,644
Apollo, I never made you mandazis. Why?
162
00:15:36,311 --> 00:15:39,523
Because I wanted you
to like regular American kid food.
163
00:15:39,523 --> 00:15:42,860
I wanted you to fit in
with your mac and cheese diet
164
00:15:42,860 --> 00:15:45,696
and your hot dogs
and your white bread PBJs.
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But I made them with love.
166
00:15:54,830 --> 00:15:56,373
I know what you did--
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00:15:57,916 --> 00:15:59,042
Storm is coming.
168
00:16:01,503 --> 00:16:03,088
Leak! Bucket!
169
00:16:05,257 --> 00:16:08,719
It's pissing through the ceiling,
Lester. I got a fucking guest, man.
170
00:16:08,719 --> 00:16:10,679
Is that what we're calling them now?
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00:16:10,679 --> 00:16:14,266
You'll have to wait your turn, Angelica.
I'll get there when I get there.
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00:16:14,266 --> 00:16:17,686
Just like you, Lester.
You'll get there when you get there.
173
00:16:17,686 --> 00:16:20,022
Take your snail-ass fucking time.
174
00:16:20,022 --> 00:16:21,565
Si tu savais, cher.
175
00:16:21,565 --> 00:16:24,568
I know what those words mean, asshole.
176
00:16:30,991 --> 00:16:33,327
- I want children.
- Excuse me?
177
00:16:33,327 --> 00:16:35,704
I want the chance to be
a good husband and a great father.
178
00:16:35,704 --> 00:16:38,332
I think I could do that. You know?
179
00:16:43,629 --> 00:16:44,922
There you go, honey.
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00:16:47,508 --> 00:16:50,511
Used to be advice passed
from woman to woman,
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00:16:51,178 --> 00:16:56,058
drawn from the well of her knowledge,
how we do this hard, hard thing.
182
00:16:56,558 --> 00:16:58,227
I reach back to my mother
183
00:16:58,227 --> 00:17:00,020
and she holds my hand,
184
00:17:00,020 --> 00:17:02,898
and she reaches back
to her mother before that.
185
00:17:02,898 --> 00:17:06,818
A human chain of information
back and back and back.
186
00:17:06,818 --> 00:17:07,819
Lillian.
187
00:17:15,993 --> 00:17:19,164
There was some cracked magic
in the air when I met your dad.
188
00:17:21,415 --> 00:17:27,923
We'd come from far-flung places,
me from Uganda and he from Syracuse,
189
00:17:27,923 --> 00:17:30,008
so we could fall in love in New York City.
190
00:17:30,717 --> 00:17:31,718
Correction.
191
00:17:32,261 --> 00:17:33,512
I loved your dad.
192
00:17:34,304 --> 00:17:35,305
Correction.
193
00:17:36,306 --> 00:17:39,643
I can't tell you
what being in romantic love is.
194
00:17:40,853 --> 00:17:43,480
I never felt true happiness
or contentment.
195
00:17:44,064 --> 00:17:48,652
All those tummy things people talk about?
I never felt those.
196
00:17:49,152 --> 00:17:52,406
Just blank spaces.
197
00:17:53,991 --> 00:17:58,078
Only from my son were those holes filled.
198
00:18:01,498 --> 00:18:05,460
I know that was no good either, Apollo.
199
00:18:06,545 --> 00:18:08,714
Putting all that pressure on a child.
200
00:18:09,590 --> 00:18:13,051
Burdening you with the weight of
all of my happiness.
201
00:18:13,051 --> 00:18:15,637
Loving you more than
I can ever love myself.
202
00:18:15,637 --> 00:18:18,015
And sometimes...
203
00:18:22,019 --> 00:18:24,730
hating the burden of loving you too.
204
00:18:26,523 --> 00:18:31,278
But us mothers mustn't speak of
such matters.
205
00:18:31,278 --> 00:18:33,655
The divine inconvenience.
206
00:18:35,407 --> 00:18:38,577
The grief, the sorrow, the regret.
207
00:18:45,083 --> 00:18:47,628
The anxiety of caring for a child.
208
00:18:52,758 --> 00:18:53,926
Am I enough?
209
00:18:59,598 --> 00:19:02,726
You are a burrowed tick in my mind.
210
00:19:03,727 --> 00:19:08,982
And it occurs to me, a mother is something
I can never not be again.
211
00:19:13,153 --> 00:19:14,571
Can I be mother enough?
212
00:19:17,115 --> 00:19:19,910
Well, now there is no choice.
213
00:19:19,910 --> 00:19:22,704
'Cause, kid, I'm all you've got.
214
00:19:27,793 --> 00:19:31,713
Of course, I had hopes and dreams.
215
00:19:34,299 --> 00:19:39,555
Don't we all grow up wishing on a star?
216
00:19:43,684 --> 00:19:45,602
I gave all my dreams to you.
217
00:19:48,438 --> 00:19:52,860
Okay. Before I tell you what I don't want
to tell you, let me first give him color.
218
00:19:57,489 --> 00:20:01,910
He was wounded deeply
by a mother who hated him.
219
00:20:03,620 --> 00:20:07,124
I think of it,
and I wrap him in my mind's arms.
220
00:20:08,959 --> 00:20:10,627
The dad was worse.
221
00:20:12,796 --> 00:20:18,218
But the betrayal of the mother
was something he could never get past.
222
00:20:23,807 --> 00:20:26,101
Should have served as a red flag.
223
00:20:29,646 --> 00:20:30,814
I was color-blind.
224
00:20:34,735 --> 00:20:39,907
Your dad loved you with fire,
but he also got satisfaction
225
00:20:39,907 --> 00:20:43,952
from achievements and other worlds
that didn't orbit you.
226
00:20:44,620 --> 00:20:47,956
- I was-- I am jealous of that.
- Officer West, congratulations
227
00:20:47,956 --> 00:20:49,583
and thank you
for an outstanding performance.
228
00:20:49,583 --> 00:20:51,668
Your father kept a lot of stuff.
229
00:20:52,252 --> 00:20:54,129
Stuff, stuff, stuff, boxes of it.
230
00:20:55,172 --> 00:20:58,217
As if things were proof
he led a meaningful life.
231
00:20:59,051 --> 00:21:01,929
Things filled the void left by parents
who couldn't love him.
232
00:21:03,180 --> 00:21:06,808
They say we are destined
to repeat our patterns.
233
00:21:06,808 --> 00:21:10,729
And ta-da, he chose a woman
who couldn't love him either.
234
00:21:11,980 --> 00:21:13,398
But I needed him.
235
00:21:14,608 --> 00:21:16,610
Needed him to cover my mistake.
236
00:21:27,037 --> 00:21:32,376
There would be times I would look
at him and think, "I hate you."
237
00:21:34,711 --> 00:21:39,424
And other times, he was the guy I chose.
238
00:21:39,925 --> 00:21:44,096
Because, boy, I knew he would love you.
239
00:21:48,100 --> 00:21:50,602
Pushing away all those gut warnings
240
00:21:51,103 --> 00:21:53,564
that told me something
wasn't quite right with him.
241
00:21:55,274 --> 00:21:56,275
Something.
242
00:21:57,776 --> 00:22:01,405
I didn't see the fissures
that led to the quake.
243
00:22:03,740 --> 00:22:06,243
I didn't see the reasons he chose me.
244
00:22:12,457 --> 00:22:13,458
Perfect fit.
245
00:22:15,919 --> 00:22:16,920
Wouldn't you know?
246
00:22:30,475 --> 00:22:31,560
He tells me--
247
00:22:31,560 --> 00:22:35,772
You make me so angry I wanna punch
the walls till my fingers are powder!
248
00:22:38,150 --> 00:22:39,318
He also tells me--
249
00:22:39,318 --> 00:22:42,738
You shine a light on me so strong
that I am blinded by it.
250
00:22:43,488 --> 00:22:48,118
We live day-to-day
somewhere between those two extremes.
251
00:23:29,076 --> 00:23:32,996
Fucking cheap-shit broken city.
The hell we paying taxes for?
252
00:23:32,996 --> 00:23:35,958
You never paid a cent
to the taxman in your life.
253
00:23:37,292 --> 00:23:38,293
Lady!
254
00:24:11,076 --> 00:24:12,494
That's someone's son.
255
00:24:15,330 --> 00:24:16,331
I know.
256
00:24:30,971 --> 00:24:32,764
Who fills each role?
257
00:24:38,729 --> 00:24:39,730
And why?
258
00:24:48,113 --> 00:24:52,534
Thank you. I'm scared of the dark.
259
00:24:53,535 --> 00:24:55,287
The morning always comes.
260
00:24:56,205 --> 00:24:58,832
I was beginning to think I didn't exist.
261
00:25:03,128 --> 00:25:04,129
Is this heaven?
262
00:25:06,340 --> 00:25:07,841
The exact opposite.
263
00:25:08,342 --> 00:25:09,927
I want my money back.
264
00:25:09,927 --> 00:25:13,096
I ain't paying for no goddamn room
with holes in the ceiling.
265
00:25:13,096 --> 00:25:14,973
Light and heat from candles?
266
00:25:14,973 --> 00:25:17,643
No one else would have you
in their place, Angelica.
267
00:25:17,643 --> 00:25:22,481
Fuck you, Lester. Fuck you
and your shitty-ass excuse of a hotel.
268
00:25:22,481 --> 00:25:23,565
Where's your mama?
269
00:25:24,149 --> 00:25:25,734
She's in Massachusetts.
270
00:25:25,734 --> 00:25:27,361
I'm done with this place.
271
00:25:27,361 --> 00:25:30,697
I'm telling you,
I'm taking my business to The Duchess.
272
00:25:30,697 --> 00:25:33,283
- I won't miss you.
- The Elk Hotel is a haven
273
00:25:33,283 --> 00:25:35,285
for roaches and rat shit.
274
00:25:35,285 --> 00:25:36,870
If you get sick at The Elk,
275
00:25:36,870 --> 00:25:40,457
it's from dope smoke and mold inhalation.
276
00:25:40,958 --> 00:25:43,710
The service is nil. You come here to die.
277
00:25:44,211 --> 00:25:46,547
- She never leaves.
- This here? This is a no-tel.
278
00:25:46,547 --> 00:25:51,844
That's my review. Zero stars! You asshole!
279
00:25:52,511 --> 00:25:56,723
Where I come from, when you get sick,
your family takes care of you.
280
00:25:57,349 --> 00:25:59,977
Where I come from,
they used to burn witches.
281
00:26:02,312 --> 00:26:03,355
How you end up here?
282
00:26:04,439 --> 00:26:06,358
Series of wrong turns.
283
00:26:07,192 --> 00:26:08,318
You shouldn't be alone.
284
00:26:10,529 --> 00:26:12,072
I haven't slept in so long.
285
00:26:14,575 --> 00:26:18,537
When I can't sleep,
I pretend my bed is a boat.
286
00:26:19,913 --> 00:26:22,457
And the bed is drifting off to sea.
287
00:26:23,292 --> 00:26:28,380
I have to lie right in the center,
no limbs hanging over the sides,
288
00:26:29,089 --> 00:26:34,219
because otherwise a shark might jump up
and snatch a foot or an arm.
289
00:26:35,387 --> 00:26:37,598
That doesn't sound very relaxing.
290
00:26:40,017 --> 00:26:41,018
Maybe not.
291
00:26:43,020 --> 00:26:44,188
Why are you staying here?
292
00:26:44,688 --> 00:26:46,064
I know what you did.
293
00:26:53,363 --> 00:26:54,573
Can I get you some water?
294
00:26:57,910 --> 00:26:58,911
Anything?
295
00:27:00,579 --> 00:27:01,830
I miss my mom.
296
00:27:09,171 --> 00:27:10,631
I'm gonna die tonight.
297
00:27:20,390 --> 00:27:21,391
Me too.
298
00:27:25,938 --> 00:27:26,939
Came here with Bill.
299
00:27:29,399 --> 00:27:32,236
I told my mom that it was
a bunch of us sightseeing.
300
00:27:34,321 --> 00:27:36,198
And Bill told his wife it was business.
301
00:27:37,574 --> 00:27:40,369
We'd heard about it. This thing
that had been affecting our people.
302
00:27:40,369 --> 00:27:41,453
Bill was scared.
303
00:27:42,913 --> 00:27:45,707
I didn't tell him
that I'd started to feel bad.
304
00:27:47,084 --> 00:27:51,380
Badder, because, well,
we had tickets to see Lena.
305
00:27:53,465 --> 00:27:56,552
Third row. Right up front.
306
00:27:57,344 --> 00:28:00,806
And the idea of not experiencing
her "Stormy Weather," I don't know.
307
00:28:02,516 --> 00:28:04,101
The end of the dream was coming anyway,
308
00:28:04,101 --> 00:28:07,855
and not seeing her would somehow
mean that it had all meant nothing.
309
00:28:07,855 --> 00:28:10,232
All the anger
and the hiding and the confusion.
310
00:28:12,401 --> 00:28:13,819
We came in on a bus.
311
00:28:13,819 --> 00:28:16,613
People must've thought that he was my dad
or something.
312
00:28:19,283 --> 00:28:20,284
Then it happened.
313
00:28:22,202 --> 00:28:25,455
It was really sudden,
like a change in the weather.
314
00:28:25,455 --> 00:28:27,082
Just, the cough got bad,
315
00:28:27,082 --> 00:28:29,459
and the people started staring at me, disgusted.
316
00:28:29,960 --> 00:28:32,754
I was running a fever, sweat dripping.
317
00:28:33,547 --> 00:28:35,340
I could see the look in his eyes.
318
00:28:36,842 --> 00:28:37,843
That was two months ago.
319
00:28:37,843 --> 00:28:40,846
We stayed at a nice place
and then his wife called.
320
00:28:40,846 --> 00:28:44,266
An emergency.
He had to go back, but he would return.
321
00:28:44,266 --> 00:28:46,226
He was gonna come back in time for Lena.
322
00:28:48,020 --> 00:28:49,021
And when he didn't...
323
00:28:51,064 --> 00:28:53,692
I just-- I tore that room apart
like a loaded rock star,
324
00:28:53,692 --> 00:28:55,027
looking for those tickets.
325
00:28:56,945 --> 00:28:58,447
Couldn't find them anywhere.
326
00:28:58,447 --> 00:29:01,074
I didn't have much money.
I kept having these blackouts.
327
00:29:01,074 --> 00:29:02,993
I know I should have used what I had left.
328
00:29:02,993 --> 00:29:04,077
I know I should've.
329
00:29:04,077 --> 00:29:06,038
I should've got a bus back home.
330
00:29:06,622 --> 00:29:07,748
But I couldn't do it.
331
00:29:08,749 --> 00:29:09,750
I couldn't.
332
00:29:10,459 --> 00:29:12,085
I couldn't do that to my mom.
333
00:29:14,254 --> 00:29:16,131
Just imagine what that would do to her.
334
00:29:16,632 --> 00:29:20,260
You know, seeing the perfect body
that she delivered into the world
335
00:29:20,260 --> 00:29:21,845
all rotted and ruined.
336
00:29:25,974 --> 00:29:28,977
So I found this place,
and I gave Lester the rest of my cash.
337
00:29:32,439 --> 00:29:34,650
I get that he has a wife
and all that stuff.
338
00:29:36,276 --> 00:29:37,319
I get it.
339
00:29:37,945 --> 00:29:38,946
But I wish...
340
00:29:40,697 --> 00:29:41,990
I just wish I could...
341
00:29:43,951 --> 00:29:46,578
I don't even mind it all ending
up here in this room.
342
00:29:47,162 --> 00:29:49,790
But I wish I could have seen her sing
"Stormy Weather."
343
00:29:51,416 --> 00:29:53,877
I wish I had that image in my mind...
344
00:29:55,504 --> 00:29:58,549
so that I could just picture it
at the exact last moment.
345
00:29:59,383 --> 00:30:00,384
You know?
346
00:30:02,094 --> 00:30:05,055
Like I could just imagine
Lena just holding that last note
347
00:30:05,055 --> 00:30:06,723
as the curtains finally close.
348
00:34:30,152 --> 00:34:31,196
Sleep tight.
349
00:35:27,044 --> 00:35:29,505
No. She would not pray.
350
00:35:29,505 --> 00:35:30,881
No god of mine.
351
00:35:37,429 --> 00:35:38,430
Angelica!
352
00:35:40,057 --> 00:35:41,058
Angelica!
353
00:35:42,684 --> 00:35:44,728
Help me.
354
00:35:44,728 --> 00:35:46,563
- Hey, man! Get outta here!
- Hey! Let go now.
355
00:35:46,563 --> 00:35:48,482
- Let her go right now.
- This has nothing to do with you.
356
00:35:48,482 --> 00:35:50,150
No one's ever gonna see you again.
357
00:35:50,150 --> 00:35:51,652
- You're gonna find yourself...
- I paid.
358
00:35:51,652 --> 00:35:54,112
...stuffed in a suitcase
at the bottom of a river. Get up!
359
00:35:54,112 --> 00:35:56,073
- Get up!
- Hey.
360
00:35:56,073 --> 00:35:57,741
Hey, man. Come on.
361
00:35:57,741 --> 00:36:00,494
Hey. Dude! Put it down!
362
00:36:00,494 --> 00:36:01,954
I'm gonna give you a shot
to get outta here.
363
00:36:01,954 --> 00:36:04,873
If you don't take it,
you see that stain on the wall over there?
364
00:36:04,873 --> 00:36:06,708
That's gonna be what's left of you too.
365
00:36:06,708 --> 00:36:08,335
Now, go! Go!
366
00:36:10,838 --> 00:36:12,881
Angelica. It's okay.
367
00:36:12,881 --> 00:36:14,800
It's okay. I got you.
368
00:36:14,800 --> 00:36:17,177
It's okay. He's gone.
369
00:36:17,177 --> 00:36:18,262
I got you.
370
00:36:19,096 --> 00:36:22,558
Who's gonna come find me?
371
00:36:24,101 --> 00:36:25,477
I don't exist.
372
00:36:25,477 --> 00:36:29,022
You do. I'm looking at you.
You're right where you need to be.
373
00:36:30,899 --> 00:36:33,735
I got you.
374
00:36:42,327 --> 00:36:43,745
What would happen to her?
375
00:36:44,246 --> 00:36:45,789
What would she tell Apollo?
376
00:36:45,789 --> 00:36:47,165
How would she tell him?
377
00:36:51,211 --> 00:36:52,421
I'm coming for you!
378
00:36:54,214 --> 00:36:56,133
Who's gonna help you shoot a basket?
379
00:36:57,926 --> 00:37:01,471
Who's gonna teach you the rules of
American sport games?
380
00:37:01,471 --> 00:37:03,724
Sandcastles I can do.
381
00:37:04,308 --> 00:37:05,767
Changing light-bulbs.
382
00:37:05,767 --> 00:37:08,187
Removing spiders from tubs.
383
00:37:08,187 --> 00:37:11,690
But handmade Father's Day projects
at school?
384
00:37:11,690 --> 00:37:13,317
What if something happens to me?
385
00:37:14,651 --> 00:37:16,236
What if I die in the night?
386
00:37:16,862 --> 00:37:18,530
No one will come for you.
387
00:37:19,031 --> 00:37:21,241
Because no one knows you're alone.
388
00:37:28,624 --> 00:37:31,877
How do you tell a child
his daddy isn't coming back?
389
00:37:37,758 --> 00:37:41,762
Apollo, you felt he didn't want you,
390
00:37:42,721 --> 00:37:44,681
but it was precisely the opposite.
391
00:37:45,766 --> 00:37:47,184
He wanted you too much.
392
00:37:54,316 --> 00:37:58,278
You shine a light on me so strong,
I am blinded by it.
393
00:37:58,946 --> 00:38:00,239
I need to explain.
394
00:38:00,989 --> 00:38:02,199
I need an explanation.
395
00:38:02,866 --> 00:38:04,243
It was a really hot day.
396
00:38:04,826 --> 00:38:05,827
Humid too.
397
00:38:06,870 --> 00:38:10,499
We took the tramway to Roosevelt Island
to have a picnic by the water.
398
00:38:11,917 --> 00:38:13,168
Tuna salad.
399
00:38:15,254 --> 00:38:16,338
Kinda boring, huh?
400
00:38:18,090 --> 00:38:19,007
What did you say?
401
00:38:19,007 --> 00:38:20,509
I ain't say nothing.
402
00:38:20,509 --> 00:38:23,554
And it was the first time
he didn't say anything that wasn't,
403
00:38:24,054 --> 00:38:25,722
"Oh, Lillian, you're so beautiful."
404
00:38:26,223 --> 00:38:28,767
"Lillian, you are a rose in a landfill."
405
00:38:28,767 --> 00:38:31,812
Hey, Lillian, you know this whole island
used to be an insane asylum?
406
00:38:31,812 --> 00:38:33,772
- No.
- Yeah.
407
00:38:34,273 --> 00:38:35,649
Luxury apartments now.
408
00:38:36,441 --> 00:38:37,442
Probably haunted, huh?
409
00:38:38,735 --> 00:38:39,820
Hey, you see that right there,
410
00:38:39,820 --> 00:38:41,405
the-- that lighthouse?
411
00:38:41,405 --> 00:38:42,614
That lighthouse right there,
412
00:38:42,614 --> 00:38:45,242
that used to light the way
for the ships bringing in the wackos.
413
00:38:45,826 --> 00:38:47,202
You know, you're pretty crazy.
414
00:38:47,703 --> 00:38:49,288
You are certifiable.
415
00:38:49,788 --> 00:38:51,790
I'd get you put in there. I could.
416
00:38:51,790 --> 00:38:52,875
You know, back in the day,
417
00:38:52,875 --> 00:38:56,712
husbands, they would have their wives
put in that place for, like, masturbation
418
00:38:56,712 --> 00:38:58,922
or menstrual problems, or even smoking.
419
00:39:00,632 --> 00:39:02,176
Except it's not funny, is it?
420
00:39:03,177 --> 00:39:04,720
If you're one of those women?
421
00:39:04,720 --> 00:39:08,599
Novel reading,
ill-treatment by a husband, laziness,
422
00:39:08,599 --> 00:39:12,186
political excitement, asthma, bad company.
423
00:39:12,686 --> 00:39:16,899
You know, if something like that
ever happened to you, no one would know.
424
00:39:18,108 --> 00:39:21,111
Like, your family and that,
you know, because they're all gone.
425
00:39:21,987 --> 00:39:22,988
So sad.
426
00:39:24,990 --> 00:39:26,575
And it felt like a threat...
427
00:39:27,826 --> 00:39:30,037
and I felt a door shut inside of me.
428
00:39:31,538 --> 00:39:32,998
It's my fault...
429
00:39:35,042 --> 00:39:38,086
that I didn't listen to words
said over tuna salad
430
00:39:39,713 --> 00:39:41,632
on the banks of Roosevelt Island.
431
00:39:42,341 --> 00:39:43,342
His and theirs.
432
00:39:43,342 --> 00:39:46,512
A storm is coming. A storm is coming.
433
00:39:46,512 --> 00:39:48,096
A storm is coming.
434
00:39:49,473 --> 00:39:50,891
A storm is coming.
435
00:39:52,226 --> 00:39:53,685
A storm is coming.
436
00:39:56,313 --> 00:39:58,190
If I could teach you anything,
437
00:40:00,067 --> 00:40:01,485
it's to look for the signs.
438
00:40:03,779 --> 00:40:04,780
He said...
439
00:40:04,780 --> 00:40:05,948
You don't exist.
440
00:40:05,948 --> 00:40:07,199
Excuse me?
441
00:40:08,075 --> 00:40:10,327
And I started living in a kind of fear.
442
00:40:11,662 --> 00:40:14,122
He really didn't do anything wrong though.
443
00:40:15,249 --> 00:40:16,583
Apollo, know that.
444
00:40:17,876 --> 00:40:21,964
Not until he said...
445
00:40:37,271 --> 00:40:39,022
Apollo's finally sleeping.
446
00:40:39,857 --> 00:40:40,941
Knock, knock.
447
00:40:40,941 --> 00:40:42,025
Who's there?
448
00:40:43,360 --> 00:40:44,361
Banana.
449
00:40:44,361 --> 00:40:45,904
- Sometimes when I was sad...
- Banana who?
450
00:40:45,904 --> 00:40:48,323
- Knock, knock.
- ...he would tell jokes, make me smile.
451
00:40:48,323 --> 00:40:49,908
- Who's there?
- Banana.
452
00:40:49,908 --> 00:40:50,993
Banana who?
453
00:40:50,993 --> 00:40:52,911
He was funny and sweet like that.
454
00:40:52,911 --> 00:40:54,162
Who's there?
455
00:40:54,162 --> 00:40:55,497
Orange.
456
00:40:55,497 --> 00:40:56,582
Orange who?
457
00:40:57,499 --> 00:40:59,251
Orange you glad I didn't say banana?
458
00:41:01,920 --> 00:41:02,921
Hey, Lillian.
459
00:41:05,841 --> 00:41:07,885
I will know you until we are dust.
460
00:41:09,094 --> 00:41:11,138
Why does that sound like a threat?
461
00:41:11,638 --> 00:41:13,724
He'd found the receipt and confronted her.
462
00:41:13,724 --> 00:41:15,267
She'd sworn up and down
463
00:41:15,267 --> 00:41:19,479
she didn't know where that bill for a stay
at The Elk Hotel on 9th and 42nd
464
00:41:19,479 --> 00:41:20,564
had come from.
465
00:41:20,564 --> 00:41:23,275
- We'd just got together, Lillian.
- I don't know what this is.
466
00:41:23,275 --> 00:41:25,277
An affair in this shitty hotel?
467
00:41:26,111 --> 00:41:26,987
Laughable.
468
00:41:26,987 --> 00:41:28,655
He thought it was her boss.
469
00:41:28,655 --> 00:41:29,740
Charles Blackwood.
470
00:41:33,243 --> 00:41:34,244
As if.
471
00:41:34,953 --> 00:41:38,081
As if she would deign
to spend time in a place like this
472
00:41:39,291 --> 00:41:40,918
with a man like that.
473
00:41:40,918 --> 00:41:42,294
He's married.
474
00:41:42,294 --> 00:41:43,504
With two children.
475
00:41:43,504 --> 00:41:45,797
Oh, yeah?
You sure know a lot about him, huh?
476
00:41:45,797 --> 00:41:48,258
He keeps their pictures on his desk.
477
00:41:49,593 --> 00:41:51,970
You started saying
he was knocking at the door.
478
00:41:51,970 --> 00:41:53,096
Knock, knock.
479
00:41:53,889 --> 00:41:55,641
I go back to work
when you are two months old.
480
00:41:55,641 --> 00:41:56,725
I have to.
481
00:41:57,351 --> 00:41:59,937
I'm shattered from getting up
through the night to feed you,
482
00:41:59,937 --> 00:42:01,563
and then working, and then home.
483
00:42:03,023 --> 00:42:04,066
I got angry.
484
00:42:04,775 --> 00:42:05,817
I scolded him.
485
00:42:06,818 --> 00:42:07,945
I withdrew.
486
00:42:08,862 --> 00:42:11,281
I planned. I plotted my escape.
487
00:42:12,407 --> 00:42:15,202
Apollo, if you ever have a child,
488
00:42:15,827 --> 00:42:19,456
the cruelest act
is to rip him from his mother, months old,
489
00:42:19,957 --> 00:42:21,542
and have her go back to work.
490
00:42:22,960 --> 00:42:24,419
Don't ever do that, Apollo.
491
00:42:24,419 --> 00:42:26,046
Unless you wanna see crazy.
492
00:42:26,046 --> 00:42:27,214
Knock, knock!
493
00:42:27,756 --> 00:42:28,757
We split up.
494
00:42:29,258 --> 00:42:30,634
That part's obvious.
495
00:42:30,634 --> 00:42:32,594
And now I see him in every color.
496
00:42:33,554 --> 00:42:35,222
You are screwed now, girl.
497
00:42:35,222 --> 00:42:37,474
- You're going to wake my baby.
- "My baby"?
498
00:42:37,474 --> 00:42:39,643
I'm petrified
he will take my child from me.
499
00:42:39,643 --> 00:42:41,270
And I will never see you again.
500
00:42:41,270 --> 00:42:42,813
Everything seems lost.
501
00:42:43,897 --> 00:42:45,858
He's the American I would kill to be.
502
00:42:47,025 --> 00:42:48,068
He has all the power.
503
00:42:49,611 --> 00:42:51,029
You're just like my mother.
504
00:42:51,029 --> 00:42:52,489
That's a stinging cut.
505
00:42:52,489 --> 00:42:56,285
I take the little scar, and I add it
to my collection of little scars
506
00:42:56,285 --> 00:42:57,369
and I'm panicking.
507
00:42:57,870 --> 00:43:02,249
He speaks to me in this wary tone,
because he's convinced himself I'm crazy.
508
00:43:02,249 --> 00:43:05,878
He has to believe it,
so he can amputate me and take you.
509
00:43:06,420 --> 00:43:07,629
I would like to say...
510
00:43:07,629 --> 00:43:09,923
Fuck you! Who do you think you are?
511
00:43:09,923 --> 00:43:11,008
But I can't.
512
00:43:11,508 --> 00:43:13,468
I would like to smash him
in the fucking face,
513
00:43:13,468 --> 00:43:15,053
but he's the American.
514
00:43:15,053 --> 00:43:17,306
No one's coming to get you, Lillian.
You understand that?
515
00:43:17,306 --> 00:43:20,851
It is simple. Nobody's coming to get you
because no one who loves you is left.
516
00:43:23,187 --> 00:43:24,646
And then the earthquake erupts.
517
00:43:25,314 --> 00:43:29,902
He's come to visit you. It's a Saturday,
and he finds this hotel bill.
518
00:43:30,444 --> 00:43:34,448
And I can't imagine where he found it
unless he planted it on me himself.
519
00:43:34,448 --> 00:43:36,783
He's raging,
even though we're not together anymore.
520
00:43:36,783 --> 00:43:38,285
He's out of his mind.
521
00:43:39,203 --> 00:43:42,748
The vein bulging in his neck.
His eyes on fire.
522
00:43:42,748 --> 00:43:45,918
He's saying if he can't have me,
no one can.
523
00:43:45,918 --> 00:43:48,378
No other man is raising my son!
524
00:43:48,378 --> 00:43:49,505
Your son?
525
00:43:49,505 --> 00:43:51,632
My son. I will take you to court.
526
00:43:51,632 --> 00:43:53,008
I will finish you, Lillian.
527
00:43:53,008 --> 00:43:55,511
You say goodbye. It is all over.
528
00:43:55,511 --> 00:43:58,805
I would never! Could never! Have never!
529
00:43:59,723 --> 00:44:01,266
When would I even have the time?
530
00:44:01,767 --> 00:44:04,520
What do you imagine sleeping with my boss
would actually do for me?
531
00:44:04,520 --> 00:44:07,856
Liar!
532
00:44:08,440 --> 00:44:09,900
You're all glamour, Lillian.
533
00:44:09,900 --> 00:44:12,986
You only appear as you wish to be seen!
534
00:44:16,323 --> 00:44:18,033
And then I come home one day.
535
00:44:20,160 --> 00:44:21,870
I've bought a Happy Meal for you.
536
00:44:22,788 --> 00:44:24,414
You always ate the fries first.
537
00:44:26,917 --> 00:44:27,918
I come home...
538
00:44:31,129 --> 00:44:34,258
and I see something I can never unsee.
539
00:44:38,136 --> 00:44:40,180
And so I turn off the light.
540
00:44:41,723 --> 00:44:44,434
Our bed was a boat when we cannot sleep.
541
00:44:44,434 --> 00:44:48,438
But you, Lillian, you were the shark.
542
00:44:49,731 --> 00:44:50,732
A cop?
543
00:44:51,400 --> 00:44:53,777
A white American cop, of all people?
544
00:44:54,653 --> 00:44:57,489
They would burn her for what she'd done.
They would vanish her.
545
00:44:58,073 --> 00:44:59,658
You are a fucking liar!
546
00:44:59,658 --> 00:45:00,909
But he's the American.
547
00:45:00,909 --> 00:45:04,371
Like the women before her
and the witches before them.
548
00:45:05,038 --> 00:45:06,373
I'm coming for you!
549
00:45:17,968 --> 00:45:18,969
The answer is no.
550
00:45:20,846 --> 00:45:22,222
I can never be enough.
551
00:45:23,891 --> 00:45:27,269
The mom I want to be is not the mom I am.
552
00:45:31,023 --> 00:45:32,900
What I've taken from you, Son.
553
00:45:32,900 --> 00:45:34,193
Mommy!
554
00:45:35,986 --> 00:45:37,404
What I've erased.
555
00:45:46,163 --> 00:45:47,873
The mom I am is just like he said--
556
00:45:49,416 --> 00:45:51,126
The mom I am--
557
00:45:51,126 --> 00:45:53,045
- The mom I am--
- Hey!
558
00:45:54,922 --> 00:45:55,797
No.
559
00:45:56,715 --> 00:45:58,926
No.
560
00:45:59,510 --> 00:46:01,803
This is not how Lillian's story ends.
561
00:46:02,971 --> 00:46:05,432
She came inside and closed the window.
562
00:46:07,559 --> 00:46:10,771
Imagine the cheek of asking someone
to scrape you off the sidewalk.
563
00:46:10,771 --> 00:46:13,273
I can't.
564
00:46:13,273 --> 00:46:15,442
She came inside. Oh, my God.
565
00:46:27,246 --> 00:46:28,413
Who are you?
566
00:46:28,413 --> 00:46:29,831
Bad things in this world.
567
00:46:30,874 --> 00:46:32,709
But nothing so bad is worth that fall.
568
00:46:33,627 --> 00:46:35,128
Brian West doesn't win!
569
00:46:37,881 --> 00:46:39,591
Just a dark night of the soul.
570
00:46:39,591 --> 00:46:42,553
Lillian had lost her connection
to anything higher.
571
00:46:44,972 --> 00:46:48,517
A dark night
calls for a spiritual response.
572
00:46:49,893 --> 00:46:51,186
Are you God?
573
00:46:53,355 --> 00:46:54,356
A lady God?
574
00:46:56,817 --> 00:46:57,818
I knew it.
575
00:47:00,988 --> 00:47:02,447
Are you here to punish me?
576
00:47:03,198 --> 00:47:07,369
Lillian, ask help from the spirits
577
00:47:07,369 --> 00:47:10,247
when you have used all your strength.
578
00:47:15,085 --> 00:47:17,296
Do you think
you should be punished, Lillian?
579
00:47:19,464 --> 00:47:21,133
Haven't you always felt that?
580
00:47:22,968 --> 00:47:23,969
Because you left.
581
00:47:27,264 --> 00:47:30,350
Because you survived.
582
00:47:32,186 --> 00:47:34,771
Because of the lie
you told to your husband and child?
583
00:47:37,107 --> 00:47:38,609
For all you've done?
584
00:47:39,359 --> 00:47:40,569
Should you be punished?
585
00:47:42,196 --> 00:47:43,572
I'll believe.
586
00:47:44,281 --> 00:47:46,950
I promise I'll believe.
587
00:47:48,035 --> 00:47:50,370
Hail Mary, full of grace.
588
00:47:51,955 --> 00:47:52,956
The Lord--
589
00:47:53,498 --> 00:47:54,791
Blessed is--
590
00:47:55,876 --> 00:47:57,044
I don't know this one.
591
00:47:57,044 --> 00:47:59,922
Attempting to leave your son
alone in this world?
592
00:48:01,173 --> 00:48:02,341
Should you be punished?
593
00:48:06,929 --> 00:48:08,138
I'll make a deal with you.
594
00:48:10,057 --> 00:48:12,809
Please, I'll do anything.
595
00:48:15,187 --> 00:48:16,813
Are you here to tell me what to do?
596
00:48:17,731 --> 00:48:21,944
Lillian wondered,
was there another woman somewhere
597
00:48:21,944 --> 00:48:23,237
on her knees,
598
00:48:24,071 --> 00:48:27,950
making a deal
for the son that was lying in room 200?
599
00:48:30,911 --> 00:48:31,954
I won't leave.
600
00:48:34,164 --> 00:48:35,165
I am his mother.
601
00:48:37,793 --> 00:48:39,253
That's all I ever need to be.
602
00:48:40,921 --> 00:48:41,922
I'll be a good one.
603
00:48:43,465 --> 00:48:44,466
I promise.
604
00:48:44,466 --> 00:48:46,093
I'll be the best one I can be.
605
00:48:49,096 --> 00:48:50,138
I'll do anything.
606
00:48:53,392 --> 00:48:56,270
If you let me get away with this thing.
607
00:49:00,482 --> 00:49:04,152
If you make it go away, somehow.
608
00:49:06,989 --> 00:49:08,490
These deals we make,
609
00:49:10,325 --> 00:49:11,326
they're real.
610
00:49:14,037 --> 00:49:19,543
What Lillian didn't know
was that 35 years from this very day,
611
00:49:20,127 --> 00:49:22,754
Apollo Kagwa would pay the price
612
00:49:22,754 --> 00:49:25,132
for the bargain
his mother made in this room.
613
00:49:29,219 --> 00:49:30,804
What did you say?
614
00:49:31,471 --> 00:49:32,472
Nothing.
615
00:49:32,973 --> 00:49:34,683
The gods will take what they are owed.
616
00:49:35,225 --> 00:49:37,269
You're gonna find yourself
stuffed in a suitcase
617
00:49:37,269 --> 00:49:38,604
at the bottom of a river.
618
00:49:45,611 --> 00:49:46,945
And then it came to Lillian.
619
00:49:47,613 --> 00:49:51,742
The answer to her problem
had been in this room all along.
620
00:49:53,035 --> 00:49:54,661
She didn't need to confess.
621
00:49:55,621 --> 00:49:57,372
She didn't need to call the police.
622
00:49:58,624 --> 00:50:00,542
She didn't need to tell Apollo.
623
00:50:01,126 --> 00:50:04,338
She can make it go away all herself.
624
00:50:04,338 --> 00:50:06,381
I know what you did, Lillian. I know!
625
00:50:06,381 --> 00:50:07,633
Do be quiet!
626
00:50:07,633 --> 00:50:09,635
You don't get to win, asshole.
627
00:50:12,429 --> 00:50:13,680
Lillian realized
628
00:50:15,015 --> 00:50:19,561
that no one in the whole wide world
needed to know.
629
00:50:19,561 --> 00:50:20,771
Ever.
630
00:50:21,647 --> 00:50:24,942
She would go carefully, thoroughly.
631
00:50:26,068 --> 00:50:27,778
She had decided to eat the dog,
632
00:50:28,987 --> 00:50:32,533
and it was indeed a fat one.
633
00:50:35,953 --> 00:50:37,996
But for all his talk,
634
00:50:37,996 --> 00:50:44,628
Brian hadn't anyone who cared
whether he was alive or dead either.
635
00:50:50,843 --> 00:50:52,928
There is nothing we will not do...
636
00:50:52,928 --> 00:50:54,763
For the ones we love.
637
00:51:01,228 --> 00:51:05,524
Lillian remembered a long-ago promise.
638
00:51:07,025 --> 00:51:08,777
One she'd forgotten she made.
639
00:51:12,656 --> 00:51:15,158
I will never let anything happen to you.
640
00:51:17,995 --> 00:51:21,790
I will protect you
with my breath and soul.
641
00:51:23,333 --> 00:51:25,252
With every molecule.
642
00:51:44,271 --> 00:51:45,898
And she kept that promise.
643
00:51:49,151 --> 00:51:51,737
She was the mother she had vowed to be.
644
00:51:55,032 --> 00:51:58,619
And look, the sun is peeking through.
645
00:52:01,288 --> 00:52:03,081
Time to turn the light back on.
646
00:53:54,026 --> 00:53:58,113
Lillian could finally believe
that things were going to be better
647
00:53:58,113 --> 00:54:02,618
than they'd been since the day
she stepped foot on this country's soil.
648
00:54:03,202 --> 00:54:06,163
She felt American.
649
00:56:01,778 --> 00:56:05,282
It would be accurate to say
that Lillian's first child--
650
00:56:05,282 --> 00:56:06,533
and only child--
651
00:56:07,284 --> 00:56:10,913
was conceived
in the beautiful blur of 1977.
652
00:56:16,084 --> 00:56:20,088
In America, we rewrite history
by erasing it.
653
00:56:25,928 --> 00:56:27,930
But history will not stay buried,
654
00:56:29,014 --> 00:56:30,724
deals cannot be unmade,
655
00:56:32,017 --> 00:56:33,852
and gods will take their pay.