- Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com --
Hey, Rob, what do you think of this shirt?
Yo, bro, I like it.
It's a statement, you know what I mean? It says, like,
"Hey, my stepdaughter's teenage friends,
I too am cool and enjoy rock and roll music."
- I was asking Rob. - I don't give a...
- I like it. Yeah. - Really?
I also liked it yesterday and the day before that.
Ohh! You're fucking dirty!
Why do you care what I think about your shirt all of a sudden?
Nothing. Just forget it.
All right. Um... hey, who wants to go to
a "Last Hurrah."
Yeah, no, I gotta go, uh, to the warehouse
to see if I could teach these kids some shiz, you know.
Oh, you gonna go, uh, jam, Cherise?
Oh, no. No, no, no.
I'm just gonna, you know, talk to 'em.
Whatever-whatever, blah-blah-blah-blah.
All right. Simon, let's go.
Sim-on.
- Simon. - Hmm.
Last Hurrah.
- Oh... - Allied. Let's go.
No. Cameron and the mid-life crisis brigade
slamming vodka shots and, like, close-talking at me?
Come on, it won't be that bad.
I, I would, literally, rather listen to Creed.
- Whoa. - So...
All right. I hear you.
Um... cool.
- See you guys later. - All right, y'all. Peace out.
All right.
- Yo, what's up. How you doing? - Chilling, bro.
♪ So, you've been to school for a year or two ♪
♪ And you know you've seen it all ♪
♪ In daddy's car thinking you'll go far ♪
♪ Back east your type don't crawl ♪
Okay, so, normally, I wouldn't have left Rob
hanging like that, but...
I kinda have plans tonight.
A date... well, maybe it's a date. I don't really know.
To be honest with you, I find the whole courtship dating ritual
to be a little bit juvenile.
If I could, I would wake up, ideally,
five years into a healthy relationship.
Skip all the bullshit. Skip all the pain.
What? Think Rob has this monopoly on heartbreak?
Please. She's being dramatic.
You wanna know about real heartbreak?
You wanna know about that real piercing ache in your soul
that will never heal?
The act after act of embarrassing
and desperate desperation?
You wanna know about that knot in your heart,
the, the putrid taste in your mouth that leaves you unable to speak?
All right, well, look no further.
For I am the ballad of the lonesome loser.
♪ It's a holiday in Cambodia ♪
♪ Where the slums got so much soul ♪
♪ Pol Pot ♪
Okay.
My desert island, Top Five, All-Time Most Memorable Heartbreaks.
Number one: Benjamin Young, AKA Ben.
It was the year after I came out.
It was also the year after Rob's and my so-called "break up."
You have your set figured out?
Kenny Rogers.
- The whole time. - The starter.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, I just, I don't know what to open with.
- Any ideas? - Hmm.
Love Bizarre?
A 12-minute song? Come on, man.
Oh, Crazy in Love.
That's DJ suicide.
- Why? It's Beyoncé. - Yeah, exactly. You start with that,
they fuckin' request that shit all night.
But you end with Beyoncé,
and then you jet before the beehive swarms you
and you end up like Macaulay Culkin at the end of My Girl.
- Ooh. I got it. - What?
Okay. It's now my number three, but it used to be number four
on my top five songs with which to get a dance party started.
Guess.
- Pointer Sisters? - Yes!
- Automatic. - Yes!
Yes, young padawan.
It's good. It's good.
- Stop. Stop, stop, stop. - Okay, okay, okay.
- Get out of here. Get out of here. - Hey, kill it, killer.
Thank you, homie.
♪ Automatic ♪
♪ What is this madness ♪
- Can I get a vodka soda? - Yep.
♪ I go from sadness ♪
♪ To exhilaration ♪
♪ Like a robot at your command ♪
Sorry, am I making you uncomfortable?
No, not at all.
I just wanted to stand next to the most handsome man in the room.
Pick-up lines are the lowest form of first impressions,
unless you happen to be extremely attractive.
Hi, I'm Ben.
Uh, Simon.
Do you want to dance?
Uh... dance? No.
I don't, I don't... I'm not really a dancing type of guy.
Okay.
Do you want to go somewhere else? This DJ sucks.
Okay.
Great.
♪ Look what you're doing to me ♪
♪ I'm utterly at your whim ♪
♪ All of my defenses down ♪
♪ There were nights when the wind was so cold ♪
Wow,
this is a song.
Yeah. It's got lyrics and everything.
- Cheers. - Uh... what to?
A cute date and very bad karaoke.
I didn't think you'd be into a place like this.
Why?
I don't know. The haircut. The blazer.
You seem more like Soho House than Drag Queen Karaoke.
Well, you don't really know me, do you?
That's true, I don't.
Okay. Well, tell me things.
Uh... well, I'm a lawyer.
Ugh.
- Check please. - No, I'm a cool lawyer.
- Like Erin Brockovich. - I'm a male Erin Brockovich.
- Derren Brockovich? - Derren Brockovich?
Okay.
Uh, well, do you like it?
Yeah. A lot, actually.
I haven't made partner yet,
which is bullshit...
Yeah, I'm also embarrassingly ambitious.
Partner?
What about you? What does Simon do?
I work in a record shop.
- Hmm. - Down on Bedford.
Championship Vinyl.
- Sounds very cool. - Hmm. It is.
Is music your thing?
Well, I went to grad school for communications engineering.
- Satellites. Broadband. Stuff like that. - Yeah.
But I took a hiatus a couple... many years ago, so...
There's nothing wrong with a break.
So, yeah, I'm not... embarrassingly ambitious.
Or... or like any kind of ambitious.
There's nothing wrong with that either.
No?
Oh, yeah. Nothing at all.
♪ It's all coming back to me now ♪
After I came out, all I'd had was a bunch of one-night stands
with random men who barely remembered my first name.
Ben called me back.
Ben remembered my last name.
He was so confident and attentive.
And he, he liked that I was an outlier.
The way he made me feel was intoxicating.
We spent practically every day together for two months.
I mean, he was smart and successful.
And he just had his shit together.
And I was, you know, me.
So I shouldn't have been surprised.
I mean, why would someone so extraordinary
wanna be with a loser who worked in a record store.
If it's blue, does it mean it was delivered or...
Yes.
If it says delivered, it means it was delivered.
Maybe his grandma was in...
- ... a car accident. - Dude, just give me this.
He's holding her hand in the hospital.
I'm doing this for you.
- What are you doing? - I'm deleting his contact.
- No, no, no. - Yes! You're obsessing.
You're obsessing.
And... fuck that shit, you know what I'm sayin'?
Obsessing over your exes... is a bad look.
Look, I never wanted to say anything about this
'cause I knew you like him, but... never trusted him.
He's such a douche.
He did tell me you suck as a DJ.
Fuckin' douche.
♪ While I've been away from here ♪
♪ You've been messing around ♪
♪ All I need to know ♪
♪ Will you be there when I get home? ♪
♪ When I get home, when I get home ♪
♪ When I get home ♪
♪ Said it'd last forever ♪
♪ Stand the test of time ♪
♪ Now you got me hanging like a baby on the line ♪
These are my roommates:
River, Dallas, and... Link.
Just know that they're a major upgrade from my last roommate,
who literally tried to pray my gay away, so...
Hey, guys, I'm, I'm looking for a shirt.
Oh, is it the shirt with the band that no one likes?
Or the shirt with the band that no one knows?
No, it's just like a, it's just a basic gray button-up.
Short sleeves.
Honey, didn't you wear a shirt like that
to Frannie and Fran's party last week?
Yeah! You don't want it back.
Okay, where was I?
Oh, yeah, number two on the All-Time Heartbreak list.
Yeah. Benjamin Young.
- Sorry I disappeared on you. - What?
- I'm an asshole! - Yeah, you are.
I don't know how he did it but the second I saw Ben,
all was forgiven.
I just edited my memory as if we were never apart.
I mean, I figured we picked up right where we left off.
I mean, I hadn't been with anyone since, so...
Does it hurt?
- Does what hurt? What? - Your penis.
That's, that's not how it works.
Does it hurt if I do... this?
Don't touch me. Stop.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- I'm trying to cheer you up. - Please stop fucking around.
- I'm so nervous. Just... - You're fine.
Hey, look at me. You're fine.
Mr. Miller.
Um...
She's my... best friend.
Yeah, I have good news and slightly bad news.
You are indeed HIV negative.
Negative?
However,
you did test positive for chlamydia.
Chlamy...
That's impossible. I've been with one guy in the last year.
Well, speaking of the realm of possibility,
I can assure you of one thing:
I have never misdiagnosed chlamydia.
But I have a steady boyfriend.
How many steady boyfriends does your steady boyfriend have?
- You know what I'm sayin'? - Fuck!
I'm gonna give you an antibiotic. It should clear it up.
Okay.
Oh, no... Yeah, that's... not where it's going.
Where's it going?
You should probably clear the room.
Got it.
I'm gonna...
Don't go.
You're good. You're good. You got this.
I broke up with him that time,
but the feeling of betrayal was pure misery.
I really thought we were making this all work.
Hello there. How may I help you today?
Hi. I'm looking for a particular shirt.
It's, uh... just like a basic gray,
button-up short-sleeve...
I have a photo, hold on.
Oh, my God.
Yes, that's very old.
- Really? - Yes, we don't carry that anymore.
Here, let me bring you some selections from our current line.
We have some really fun patterns.
Speaking of fun patterns, number three on the list.
Benjamin fucking Young.
- Simon, come on! - Oh, fuck off, Benjamin!
Come on. Open the door, please.
Goddammit, you gave me chlamydia!
I swear to you, I didn't know I had it.
I am so sorry.
- Can we talk, please? - What the fuck are you doing here?
What, did you come here to give me another antiquated disease
with flowers covered in polio?
You have every right to be mad at me.
I promise you I didn't want this to happen.
What to happen?
That I was gonna find out that you were sleeping with other men?
There was one guy,
and I cut it off the second that we started hooking up again.
- He didn't mean anything to me. - And I do?
I wish I could go back and fix this.
I don't want to hurt you anymore.
I really don't want to lose you.
How do I know that any of that shit is true?
- I'll do anything to prove it. - Anything?
- Yes, please. - I want this to be a real relationship.
- This is a real relationship. - No, it's not.
I'm too old to be confused like this, okay?
It's nothing to do with sex, or monogamy.
You have never committed to me. Ever.
You could just disappear at any minute
because I don't know what the fuck we are.
I don't know if it was a sick Jedi mind trick
or if he really wanted to commit.
Let me be clear then, nothing would make me happier
than being your boyfriend.
It doesn't matter now, but then,
I bought it all the way.
The next few weeks, we spent every free moment together.
Ben was finally my boyfriend.
My first real boyfriend.
Uh... I'll have an old fashioned
and a whiskey neat
for the handsome gentleman.
♪ When we're out there dancin' on the floor ♪
- Oh, Sylvester. Nice. - Who?
The song. It's Sylvester.
This is not a woman singing?
No.
Not technically... but in some way, kinda.
Sylvester didn't really care about pronouns.
He was the first openly genderqueer artist to have a radio hit.
I didn't know you were into disco.
Why wouldn't I be into disco?
I don't know. It's so... upbeat.
- Poppy. - I'm upbeat.
Here you go, boys. Enjoy.
Thanks.
I mean, I'm not upbeat upbeat, but I like some pop.
Okay. Shit.
So, mostly I think it's infantile nonsense.
But, but disco is not pop.
Right? Disco is disco.
It's like in the '70s, the only way to get a disco song on the radio
was if the DJs at the gay bars played it.
That was the first time we ever had any say in the record industry.
Disco was the sound of liberation.
I mean, sure, there were some terrible songs.
I mean, nobody should have been forced to listen to Disco Duck.
But you can't dismiss the whole genre.
It made a huge impact.
Like, almost every early hip-hop song sampled a disco track.
Plus, Sylvester was an icon.
He was androgynous, you know,
and he would wear women's clothes on stage.
Not in, like, a '60s rock star, Marc Bolan kind of way
but in a way that felt... complete
and sincere and organic.
It was just a part of him.
His first group was called "The Cockettes."
That is next level not giving a shit.
Listen to that crazy falsetto.
It's, the guy is a legend,
and you have to respect the legends.
Wow.
What?
It's just... when you get this passionate.
It's perfect. You're perfect.
It felt like the right moment.
I love you.
It's work. I gotta...
It was not the right moment.
♪ I don't wanna hear it, all you do is talk about you ♪
I look like a bully in a 1980s movie.
Okay. Number four on the list:
Timothy Marshall.
I'm just kidding. It's Ben.
Of course it's fucking Ben.
I mean, there are a few things more awkward in life
than not having the... "I love you" returned.
But I wasn't ready to give up.
No, I was too afraid to. And then...
one day, he said it, too.
What?
Just thinking how great it is to see your face
and how much I love you.
Say it again.
I was happy.
And I thought he loved me for me.
I love you.
I wish I'd known it wasn't gonna last.
I love you. I love you.
I would've enjoyed it more.
Good.
And I love you, too.
You wanna grab breakfast somewhere?
No, I can't. I have to go open the store.
Again? Does Rob even work there anymore?
Oh, give her a break.
Her fiancé just dumped her. The least I could do
is work some extra hours.
It seems like a lot of effort for a day job.
Don't worry.
She'll be back to her apathetic self soon enough.
- Hey. Before you go... - Hmm?
I got you something.
- What is this for? - Well...
- I made partner. - What?
Holy fuckin' shit, man.
Oh, congratulation. I'm so proud of you.
- You're fuckin' partner. - Yeah.
What are you buying me gifts for, man?
I should be getting you something.
Well, my firm's throwing me a party tonight.
I really want you to be there, and you don't have a shirt
younger than Betty White, so...
That's what this is.
This is the sweetest and most insulting gift
I ever received.
Move in with me.
What?
You won't have to worry about rent,
and you can... quit your job and go back to school
or find your passion, whatever that is.
I just want you to be happy.
I am happy.
No, I... You know what I mean.
Well, just promise me you'll think about it?
Yeah.
Yeah, sure.
What the fuck?
Sam?
- I'll see you tonight, baby. - Yeah.
See, I'd finally figured it out.
The thing that was holding us back this whole time.
Ben was embarrassed by me.
Also, though:
Who the fuck is Sam?
Everybody listen up.
Let's hear it for the newest
and, let's face it, best dressed
partner at Reingold, Smith, and Smith,
Benjamin Young.
Thank you! Uh, I couldn't have done it
without the help of me and only me.
- Congratulations. - Thank you. Thank you so much.
Thank you.
Claudia, thank you so much.
♪ Smoke and fire are burning bright, we'll set the tinderbox alight ♪
♪ Life and death the red flame gives ♪
Fuckin' Sam. Fuck!
♪ Give me fire, on which I feed give me fire, 'cause it's a need ♪
Fuck it!
♪ Real fine, I can tell, real fine really burns in hell ♪
- I can't fuckin' believe you. - Hey, this is...
- Yeah, I know who he is. - What?
I get it, okay.
I'm a loser and you can't fix me,
so you start fuckin' around with this elderly thirst trap.
In retrospect, that might have been over the top.
- I'll give you some space... - Thanks, Sam!
Fuck off! Go mingle, "hotstuff"!
"Sam"?
Yeah, I saw your flirty little text with him.
I really wanted to trust Ben...
You went through my phone?
- But I couldn't. - Wow. Okay.
"Sam" is my co-worker. She has the office next to mine.
You should go.
See, the problem with me is,
I'm pathologically insecure.
♪ Give me fire ♪
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Why are you dressed like it's your first day being gay?
You cannot leave the house in that shirt.
Yeah, no.
Here, take mine.
No, guys, my Uber's here.
- Are you kidding me? I beg of you. - Yeah, seriously.
- We're only trying to help you. - Take the shirt.
You're wearing a kite, baby.
Well, I'm gonna fly high.
Come back.
- Simon, right? - Uh... yes.
And, uh, I'm in a bit of a hurry.
Okay, so, wrapping up here.
Number five, to the surprise of absolutely no one...
I don't have anywhere to be until...
I really didn't think I'd ever see him again.
- But then... out of nowhere... - Yes!
Yes, let's go get a drink.
Roberto?
I'd love to. But, you know, got kids to feed.
Do you, though?
Aside from him.
- You guys have fun. - Killin' me.
- I'm literally dead. - Bye, Cameron.
Anything here or...
I don't think so.
Yeah, me, neither.
Best record store in Brooklyn.
Thanks.
You lost?
No, I'm pretty sure I'm in the right place.
Hey.
Oh!
Oh, shit. Yup.
Mm-hmm.
I was just passing by.
Actually, I've passed by a few times.
Uh-huh.
It's been a while.
It has. It's been about a year.
Yeah, wow, a year.
So, uh,
I've been thinking about you a lot lately.
Really?
Yeah, really.
I just... wanted to see your face.
I miss you.
Okay, here's, here's my face.
Look, we both made mistakes.
And maybe we've already given this thing too many chances.
But I would love to hang out with you some time.
Maybe grab a drink?
And there he was,
standing right in front of me,
saying everything I ever wanted to hear.
And I realized if I wanted a shot at being happy,
I'd have to take a risk...
Five stars for you, my friend.
Yeah, man, you too.
And Ben just wasn't the risk I wanted to take.
Closing up, huh?
Hey.
Simon, right?
Um, you remembered.
I was gonna ask, what are you doing right now?
Uh, just... closing up.
Right. Um,
do you wanna get a drink maybe,
right now?
I was starting to think you'd never ask.
What's with the shirt?
It's a long story.
Do you like it?
Not really. Doesn't really seem like you.
- Hey, Martha. - Hi.
- Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com --