[Cap] Ah, thank you.
Yes, I will take that.
No, no, no, no! Come on!
[project manager] Attention, Moonbase 8.
-[sighs] -We've received your answers
on your psychological evaluation reports.
We've left more than four lines per answer,
and we're hoping you can elaborate on your answers
-beyond simple yes or noes. -[Rook] Told you guys,
we rushed through those answers.
We should... We should've spent more time.
We also wish to inform you
that your new base mate will be arriving shortly.
All right, let's clean this place up. We got company.
I would've saved my game. They should give us notice.
Bullshit.
upbeat music
[Rook] Morning, everybody.
Hey, Alisha.
-Morning. -Smells good, Skip.
[Alisha] Hey, Rook, uh, do you know
what the efficiency loss percentage was from last month?
I didn't see it logged.
Oh, yeah. The, uh...
Uh, I should know that. It's 20 per...
I think it was 20, thir... it was like 20 or 30.
-Skip, do you remember what that was? -8.2.
Eight... it was eight point... 8.2.
-[Alisha] Well, thank you. -[Skip] All right.
Beef. It's what's for breakfast.
[chuckles] Like the, uh, old commercial, right?
[Skip chuckles]
I'm still working, but thank you, Michael.
Um, it's Skip.
You can call me that, or you can call me Skippy,
or, uh, Skipson, I don't mind.
Don't call him Skunk, you'll get in trouble. Huh?
[chuckles] Um,
I know you're new here.
We've got, um, a little bit of a-a rule.
Might be silly to some, but it's important to us.
We don't, uh, work during meals.
Well, I'm just trying to fill in some gaps
on these spreadsheets.
-[Skip] Yeah... -[Cap coughing]
[sneezing]
-Hey, Cap, you all right? -[Cap] I'm fine.
[clears throat] Good morning.
-Morning. -[Rook] You're not feeling well?
[coughing] It's probably just allergies.
I get... I get allergies sometimes.
-[coughing] -You, uh, you don't look good.
[coughs, hawks]
I'm fine. I'm fine. [clears throat]
Well, according to the medical protocol of the base manual,
which, I'm sure you guys read, right?
The manual?
-Yeah. -We read it every day.
Yeah, I mesmerized it.
Uh, if you are sick, we need to make sure
-that you're not contagious. -...you're not contagious.
[blowing nose]
If we get sick, the mission fails.
This... You know, the mission fails if we get sick, Cap.
It's in the book.
[sneezes, coughs]
We'll need to quarantine you.
We need to quarantine you.
[coughing] Oh, come on. That's overkill.
[blows nose]
You better listen to her, Cap.
[Skip] You know, um,
I'm a doctor.
Here, I'm the... the team medic, as it were.
You know what? That's really great.
Because you can do the examination on Mr. Caputo
-to determine if he needs to be quarantined or not. -[Cap] Oh, come on.
-Ha, ha. -[Cap sneezes]
[Skip] All right. Cap, we got to go
-do an examination. -It's just... I told you, it's allergies.
-Well, well, let's have... make sure that that's the case. -Can we turn up the heat?
It's freezing in here.
-[Rook] Have fun, you two. -[Cap exhales]
-Those guys, huh? -[Alisha] Yeah.
Those guys are crazy.
[chuckles]
Anyway...
[sighs]
[coughing]
This is a waste of time.
Well, technically, we're supposed to do an examination,
so let me just do it.
-Put this in your mouth. -[sneezes]
Now I got the hiccups.
-[beeps] -Ooh, 104. That's not good.
It's perfectly normal.
[Skip] That's not normal at all.
-There is a little bit of inflammation-- -Why are you doing this, man?
Stop talking, Cap.
That's good.
No, you don't make it tight like that; you make it tight
-with the thing. -I'll do it. Stop.
-You're being impatient. -[groans]
Hawaii, that must be nice, huh?
Yeah.
What's tourism like these days in Hawaii?
I don't know. I've been here.
Mr. Caputo.
Ow. What are you doing?!
-There you go. -[gags]
Don't put it on your tongue; put it on your cheek.
[muffled] Like this.
My cheek?
Ah, ah! That's too much. That's too much.
Why do you need that much blood?
Ow! Ah!
All right, Doc, give it to me straight.
[clears throat] What's the diagnosis?
So this is the designated quarantine area.
Let's keep this an outbreak of one.
All righty. [sneezes]
[Rook] All right, let me know
if you need any magazines, buddy.
I'll be fine here. [groans]
[Skip] You got to drink plenty of fluids, all right?
Don't forget to hydrate.
Will do. [sniffles]
Now, are you sure you don't want to take any antibiotics
-or antihistamines to help relieve the symptoms? -Nah.
I just need to let my body do its thing.
All right. We'll be praying for you.
[chuckles] Not gonna be that drastic, I hope.
[coughs]
atmospheric music
[Cap] Hello? Anybody there?
Rook? Skip?
-[Cap sneezing] -Hey, Cap. Is that you?
[coughing] Ow.
Listen, do we have any lemons anywhere on the base?
Uh...
I think we got some Country Time powdered stuff.
-Will that do it? -Ah, no, no, no.
I need some lemons, and I need 'em piping hot.
That's the thing. That's what's... [coughs]
Yeah. I-I... Like I said,
I don't think we have any, but, uh--
Do you know how much vitamin C is locked in that rind?
And once you heat it up, it just...
-All right. -...blooms like a flower.
All right, man. I just... I got to get back to work, so...
Yeah. Hey, how's your family doing? [clears throat]
-Uh... -You got kids, right?
-Hello? -Yeah, I'm still here,
but listen, I don't want to hang up on you.
I just... I got to go. I got to get back to work.
-We'll talk to you later. -Rook?
-[phone beeps] -Rook?
What are you doing?
I'm washing my dishes.
Doesn't the chart wheel say you're on laundry duty?
-[coughing] -I'm just washing my dishes.
You don't want me washing my own dishes?
No, I mean, I'd prefer you'd just leave them in the sink
so that whoever is on dish duty can get them.
I mean, why have a chore wheel
if we're gonna do everything willy-nilly?
Well, if you want to improve efficiency,
I suggest creating an algorithm based on availability
instead of a rotating pie chart used by kindergarten teachers.
That's not very nice.
[chuckles] You know, everything was working just fine
until you got here.
And by the way, I spent 15 years at JPL
designing efficiency algorithms, all right?
For satellite exploration.
Satellites.
[Rook] Does anybody know if we have any, uh, citrus fruit?
I know we don't,
but I-I got to double-check.
Uh, we have vitamin C supplements.
[sighs] No. He doesn't want supplements.
He wants actual lemons, okay?
He needs the pulp or something.
[coughs]
-Ugh. -[Alisha] Michael?
-Mm-hmm? -It sounds like you've got what Robert's got.
I... don't think I do.
I think I'm okay. [stifles cough]
You don't look too good, Skip. Let me see. Come here.
-Don't... Uh, don't-- -Ooh. Yeah, you're burning up.
Let me see your tongue.
Ugh. Yeah. You don't look great.
[sniffles]
-Cap? Cap, are you there? -[Cap coughing]
This is Caputo. I read you. What do you need?
-[coughs] -[Alisha] Yes, uh, Dr. Henai
has come down with whatever it is you have,
and we're gonna have to quarantine him as well.
Well, I can't have another sick person in here.
I'm already sick.
Uh, Mr. Caputo, this is serious.
Yeah, I know it's serious, believe me.
I'm in here suffering with it.
[clears throat] But he cannot be in here.
I cannot have another sick person in here with me.
Then he gives me his strain, then I got a double strain,
and that's a superbug.
No. [coughs]
There's no way you're gonna kill a double strain with...
-whatever medicine we have on the base. -[coughing]
Has anyone been able to find me any lemons yet?
We will get you your lemons. Go. Greenhouse.
[Cap] I hope so, 'cause,
[clears throat] the only way I see...
-[sniffs, coughs] -Well, I don't know why
Skip keeps coming back here.
[quietly] You cannot be here.
Go back. Here's another idea.
This is what I can do,
is I will make a sweat lodge about two klicks from here,
and then Skip can be in here.
-I-I'm sorry, a-a what? -A sweat lodge.
It's what Native Americans used to heal themselves--
Okay, Mr. Caputo, you know it's a harsh environment out there.
-I wouldn't recommend that. -[Skip coughs]
[Cap] Well, you're talking to...
My father was nearly an Eagle Scout,
-so I think I can-- -This time, he says
I've got to stay here and he's not gonna have me back again.
-Okay, could you back up? -And if I...
If I'm back in my bunk, that's where I'm gonna stay.
-I don't need to be going back and forth-- -Okay. Uh, yes.
-One-one second, yes, yes. -'Cause I don't know who to listen to--
Okay, Mr. Caputo, it's-it's your call.
Copy that. Responsibility... [coughs, sneezes]
...is mine.
[engine running]
[coughs, sniffles]
[coughing]
solemn music
[sneezes]
[groans softly]
[grunting]
[coughing]
[sniffling, babbling]
[coughing] Huh?
Yes? What?
Hello?
[exhales]
[blows raspberry]
[whispers] I'm just gonna...
What's up?
Uh, nothing. Do you mind?
I was gonna...
-get in the kitchen for a minute, just-- -Oh, uh,
you know, actually, can you take a look at this?
So, Rook, I see you've been here
-for over 200 days. -Yeah.
Would you say that the isolation from your friends and family
has had an effect on your mood?
Hmm.
Yeah. I guess so. Yeah, you could say that.
Miss my kids. Not my wife. [chuckles]
Don't know why I said... [stammers]
I miss my family.
-[exhales] -Well, uh, you know, isolation
is a big part of the mission.
-I want to keep track of how you're feeling. -Yeah.
I keep a diary. So, no... no worries there.
What was I even in here for?
Darn it.
You... writing about me or...?
Oh, no.
Just, uh, finishing up my psychological impact study.
Oh, cool. That sounds neat.
[clears throat] Hey, you know what?
I was gonna cook up some beef-style stew
if you're hungry.
Uh, sure. I'll take some stew.
Really?
Should I do two separate packs or combine the pack?
Do you mind if our stews
simmer together?
[exhales] You know what?
Ah! Darn it! I forgot.
I was supposed to, uh, clean up the solar panels.
Darn!
Shoot! [groans]
[sniffles, coughs]
atmospheric music
[sneezes, coughs]
Yeah. There she is.
[sniffles] You gonna keep me company tonight?
[coughs]
It's just you and me. [sniffles]
Let's get this place heated up.
[coughing]
[engine running]
[groaning]
suspenseful music
Alisha?
[gasps]
Help! [gasping]
Look at you.
You're pathetic.
[Skip] That's not true.
We're very proud of you.
-Oh, shut up. -Oh.
That's too negative.
No. [scoffs]
You guys aren't real. This is... [exhales]
This is my fever.
You know, no one's told you this,
but we're very disappointed in you.
You really let everybody down.
You suck. Sorry.
He's lying. You're doing fantastic.
Man, look at Alisha.
She's smarter than you.
That's what you should be.
You're just dead weight.
No, I'm not.
-Don't listen to him. -Yeah.
Don't listen to me. What do I know, right?
Maybe Ms. Lazar should slap you in the back of the head
like she did in second grade. [chuckles]
Don't tell him that.
-[makes whipping sound] -Could we just...
hold on for a minute?
I just want to say, you look great.
Let me tell you, really,
man-to-man...
you're an idiot.
-[sobbing] -Oh, you're gonna cry?
Skip, come on.
-Why are you crying? -Hey, you know what?
I think you look great even when you're crying.
[chuckles]
[Cap coughing]
[Rook] Hey, Cap?
[sneezes, coughs]
Cap, you there?
[Cap] Yeah! Rook?
[Rook] Yeah, I was just checking on you.
Seeing how you're doing.
[Cap] Yeah, come on in.
[Cap grunts]
[exhales] So, how you feeling?
-Any better? -[coughing]
You know... [clears throat]
I'm getting there. [clears throat]
You didn't bring hot lemons with you, did you?
No, I'm still working on that. Um...
I almost got this sickness... I mean,
I just got to sweat a little bit more. I can feel it.
Well, you sure got it hot enough in here.
Yeah? I'll turn one down.
I'll turn it down for you. I don't need to be that hot.
[grunts, groans]
Ah, yeah. That-that should do it.
Oh. What's happening, buddy?
Well, uh, I just wanted to get your two cents on something.
Um...
You know, Alisha and I
are kind of alone at the base right now.
Skip's in the greenhouse and...
[scoffs] There's some sparks flying, Cap.
Yeah?
Uh, I've never been tempted
like this before in my life.
I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do.
Well, you know,
lighting's very important.
And you want to just make her feel safe
and put on some music, nothing with lyrics.
-Just instrumental music. -Oh.
-And then-- -No. I'm...
I'm sorry to interrupt. Um...
I'm not trying to get advice on how to hook up.
I'm just trying to figure out if I should.
You know?
Are you gay?
No. Cap, I've got a wife and kids. I'm--
-Oh. Yeah. -[chuckles]
I just wonder if Christ is
presenting me with a new relationship path,
or is it the devil himself,
-tempting me... -[yawns] Uh-huh.
...to commit the ultimate sin?
Not necessarily the ultimate sin, but one of
the Ten Commandments is: "Do not," uh,
"trespass against thou..."
What is it? "Do not trespass against thou s-spouse."
Well, uh...
I don't know what to tell you, Rook. I...
I got to get some rest here.
I'm getting real tired just listening to you talk.
-Oh. Oh. -No offense, just...
You probably shouldn't have come in here. It's a quarantine...
-[coughing] -Oh, right.
Shoot. Yeah.
-[sneezing, coughing] -Okay, well, yeah,
you're-you're probably right. I better head out.
Yeah.
All right. Get well.
And all the best, for all that.
I'm hot and cold at the same time.
[coughs]
Can someone please unlock this?
[Skip] Skip.
No one can hear you.
Give him a break.
Well, what am I supposed to do?
You're an engineer from MIT.
MIT?
-Yes, MIT. -Skip, come on.
You got brains. Why aren't you using them?
I'm trying. I just got to... figure out a way to do it
within the bounds of protocol here.
You are qualified to really go to the Moon.
These guys are weighing you down.
He does have a little bit of a point. I'm sorry.
You're a real disappointment, you know that?
[Rook] Okay. All right.
[exhales]
eerie, discordant music
[grunts, panting]
[groans loudly]
Dear Lord, what am I supposed to do here?
frantic music
[indistinct whispering]
[skittering]
Hello?
Who's there?
Rook?!
-[rustling] -[gasping]
[screams]
Ah! Help! Help!
Help! Ah!
Dear God, I know you've been quiet on this,
but I lust for her so badly, and...
and I know she does me, as well.
I can feel it.
[yelping, grunting]
Get it off me! [shouting]
Should I just have relations with Alisha
and deal with the consequences later?
[shouting indistinctly]
At least tell me if I should go in there
and tell her how I feel.
[yelling]
Yes, Lord. Thank you. Thank you, Lord.
[breathing hard]
All right, Skip, here's what you're gonna do.
You're gonna walk up to Alisha and tell her your feelings.
Tell her that you're in charge.
And if she doesn't hear you,
I want you to burn down that base. Do you hear me?
Burn down that base.
That's how you show them you're in charge.
Repeat it back to me.
-[gasps] -Skip, what's wrong?
Can't talk?
Oh, I know.
It's your tonsils. They have to come out.
[chuckles]
Burn down the base.
Burn it down!
[giggling wildly]
gentle music
Oh, what have you done
To my heart, Elaine?
[groans]
It just doesn't seem...
[Jeane] Well.
Look who's awake.
You got quite a scorpion sting on your lip, there, guy.
-Huh? -We were out stargazing
and saw your flare and brought you in.
Mm.
[mumbling]
Those are Darren's clothes, by the way, that you got on.
He gave you a bath.
[thickly] Who's Darren?
[toilet flushes]
Oh, hello.
The astronaut's awake.
[Jeane] This is our son, Darren.
This is my husband, Bob, and I'm Jeane.
-Oh. -[Jeane] We're Canadians.
-From outside Calgary. -Yep.
Come down here every year for just about two weeks.
-Mm. -Beats three feet of snow, eh?
-[soft laughter] -[grunts]
[Jeane] Darren's having kind of a hard time lately.
-I-- -Divorce and...
-job displacement. -[Bob] Yeah, well,
Darren had him a metal band back in the--
-[overlapping arguing] -[babbling]
No, no, no, no no, no, no, no.
-[Bob] Oh, no, no. Here, here. -[Jeane] Keep your seat.
-Keep your seat. Keep your seat. -[Bob] We got... we got you
-fully medicated here. -[Jeane] We'll take... We got you.
We're gonna take care of you just the way we did
when we found you out there in the desert
-all by yourself. -Yes.
[thickly] My name is Lieutenant Robert Caputo.
My serial number is six, four, three, sev...
[grunts]
[Jeane] Oh.
[Bob] Oh, he passed out.
-He passed-- -Let him sleep.
-[Bob] Let him sleep. -[Jeane] Let him sleep.
[Bob] We'll take him back in the morning.
[Jeane] Perfect.
quick, optimistic music
[inhales]
[exhales forcefully]
[exhales]
Yes?
Alisha, how do you want to proceed here?
Proceed with what?
There's obviously something going on between us.
Let's not be naive here.
Look, I... I've come here to do a job.
And I would appreciate it if you treated me like a teammate
and not a sexual object.
Totally. Totally.
I-I get it. It's just...
You asked me to think about how I'm feeling
and how isolation is affecting my mood and...
I told you that I was lonely.
But that was a lie.
Ever since you've been at this base,
I have not felt lonely at all.
I've... I've felt warmth.
I've felt something I haven't felt since I was 16.
[sighs]
Look, I know that feelings can get complicated out here.
I know.
But I would really hate to have to report you.
Right. I get it.
It's complicated, and...
Listen, I'm-I'm a father. I've got 12 kids.
I'm-I'm a married man.
But that can change.
That shouldn't change.
All right. Just...
sleep on it, okay?
Okay. Yeah. Go...
-Go... Have a good night. -Okay.
Well, good night.
Good night, Rook.
Can a guy at least get
a good-night kiss before he goes to sleep?
[grunts]
[shouts]
Look here. I've been dealing with this my entire life.
I know exactly who I am.
I'm smart, I'm beautiful,
and I don't give a damn about you,
your penis or anything you got to say
with your pasty, white, chalky,
Bible-thumping nitwit ass.
-[moans] -You don't look at me, you don't talk to me,
you don't breathe the same air as me.
-Are we clear? -Yes.
Great. You have a good night.
[exhales]
quick, optimistic music
You know what? This is fine.
-[Bob] You sure? -Yes. I'll take it from here.
-Thank you. -[Bob] You betcha.
Good luck.
[panting]
[grunts]
[exhales]
[quietly] There's gonna be some big changes around here.
Got a lot of changes.
Really big changes, working very...
Dr. Henai. Feeling better?
Much better. Okay. I've got some new ideas on how things
-are gonna work around-- -You can save it, Dr. Henai.
I just got my orders. I'm going up.
Can you let the guys know
that this has been a very educational--
-[clanging] -Ow.
Um, sorry. I'm just getting some breakfast.
-You're leaving? -Anybody home?
Hey.
Told you. Just needed a little fresh air.
Mr. Caputo, you sound much better.
-I stand corrected. -[Cap] Yep.
Fresh air, a little hot sweat.
Would've been a lot faster with some lemons,
Rook.
Anyway, where you going?
To the Moon, Mr. Caputo.
Maybe I'll see you there one day.
-Really? -Mm.
After four days, you've completed the program?
-On whose orders? -NASA's.
Are you in the August 11 launch?
-I thought there was no more room on that. -[Bob] Hello!
-[Jeane] Hello? -[Bob] Anyone here?
Anyone home?
-Oh, God. -[Jeane] Oh, hi!
We were looking for Mr. Caputo.
-He forgot his Dimetapp. -Hi. Of course. Yeah. Thank you.
Oh, I see.
[Jeane] Wow, look at this. Darren!
-Darren, come here and see. -Come here. Come on.
-Oh. -Once in a lifetime. Come on.
Now, if you boys need anything,
we're just up the road for the next few weeks.
Well, I don't want to break up the party,
so, uh, good luck.
See you up there.
Ah.
-Cool base. -Yeah.
Is she gone?
"Blue Funk" by The PR TV Band