1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,600 Now, that brings me neatly to point 16. 2 00:00:03,600 --> 00:00:05,760 There is still a great deal of noise going on at night - 3 00:00:05,760 --> 00:00:08,760 laughing, giggling, horseplay. 4 00:00:08,760 --> 00:00:11,600 Now, we all get bored - that's inevitable in our circumstances - 5 00:00:11,600 --> 00:00:15,760 but may I remind you, we are at war. I wo... 6 00:00:15,760 --> 00:00:17,960 Ah. Lieutenant! 7 00:00:17,960 --> 00:00:21,480 Communique for you, sir, from HQ, marked urgent. Ah. Finally! 8 00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:23,640 This'll be my requisition for a service revolver. 9 00:00:25,600 --> 00:00:28,840 Good God! Sir? France has surrendered. My God! 10 00:00:28,840 --> 00:00:30,720 ALL MURMUR 11 00:00:30,720 --> 00:00:31,920 The Germans are coming! 12 00:00:33,680 --> 00:00:35,920 I...don't think they'll be here just yet, sir. 13 00:00:35,920 --> 00:00:37,280 What? Right. 14 00:00:37,280 --> 00:00:41,000 May I suggest we initiate the emergency lockdown protocol, sir? 15 00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:43,480 Yes! Yes, jolly good. 16 00:00:43,480 --> 00:00:46,040 No, it's vital that nothing fall into enemy hands. 17 00:00:47,160 --> 00:00:49,760 You heard the CO. Get to your duties. 18 00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:57,480 Er...exciting times, Havers. 19 00:00:57,480 --> 00:01:00,480 If they do invade, we may get a proper pop at Jerry. Yes! 20 00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:02,800 About that, sir... 21 00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:06,600 ..I know we do vital work here, sir... 22 00:01:07,800 --> 00:01:10,320 ...but I want to get involved in the fighting. 23 00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:12,880 I've put in for a transfer. 24 00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:14,960 You're leaving? 25 00:01:17,080 --> 00:01:19,120 There's talk of a North Africa front. 26 00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:21,440 Yes. 27 00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:25,280 Yes, well, I-I-I totally understand, of course. 28 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:27,800 Carry on. 29 00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:30,760 Thank you. 30 00:01:57,760 --> 00:01:59,400 BIRDSONG 31 00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:02,280 PAT: And seeing as nobody else has volunteered, 32 00:02:02,280 --> 00:02:04,960 I thought that this evening, before Film Club, 33 00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:08,200 I would give you all a little talk on...activity badges! 34 00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:09,440 ALL GROAN 35 00:02:09,440 --> 00:02:10,480 So... 36 00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:13,720 ALL: There are 37 badges that you can collect. 37 00:02:13,720 --> 00:02:17,040 Badge number one, bivouacking! All right! 38 00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:18,560 Clever dicks! 39 00:02:18,560 --> 00:02:20,120 But I'm sorry, I mean, 40 00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:22,560 if anyone else has anything new that they'd like to... 41 00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:26,560 Ooh, ooh, I could do my talk on how to skin a mammoth. 42 00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:28,600 You start at the end... 43 00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:30,720 That's not new! That's not strictly new, is it? 44 00:02:30,720 --> 00:02:32,920 EVERYONE TALKS AT ONCE 45 00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:35,400 I'm ready to talk about the witch trial. 46 00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:37,160 THEY ALL GO SILENT 47 00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:40,000 Witch trial... 48 00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:44,520 If...if it be of interest. 49 00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:48,800 Oh! Oh, Mary! 50 00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:52,600 I mean...if you're sure. I mean, if you feel like you're ready. 51 00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:56,240 Well, I knows it's taken me a whiles to-to talk. 52 00:02:56,240 --> 00:02:57,720 Only about 300 years. 53 00:02:58,920 --> 00:03:01,600 But, yeah, I-I think I'm ready. 54 00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:08,640 Brillo pads. You OK? Can't flipping wait! 55 00:03:08,640 --> 00:03:12,240 And we'll do that before Film Club. Before. OK. 56 00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:15,880 And how many rooms do you have? Well, I think there's, like... 57 00:03:15,880 --> 00:03:18,720 Natural light! So that's a... 58 00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:20,400 FLOORBOARD CREAKS 59 00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:23,120 Ooh! Period stairs - clearly. 60 00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:26,000 Interesting space. 61 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:28,720 Sort of...rustic. 62 00:03:28,720 --> 00:03:30,200 Colonial! 63 00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:32,480 Quite a niche market, wedding-wise. 64 00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:35,480 I heard Isabelle from Belle's Weddings passed 65 00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:36,920 and you were sick on her. 66 00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:39,600 Ah, no, I was sick near her. Mm. 67 00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:42,160 Some went on her. A little bit. 68 00:03:42,160 --> 00:03:44,000 Can I be honest with you? 69 00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:45,240 I don't like it. 70 00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:48,440 I love it! It is a little shabby 71 00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:48,440 round the edges 72 00:03:48,440 --> 00:03:51,640 but with a bit of zhooshing up, this could really suit the right couple. 73 00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:55,520 And do you happen to have any clients who are interested, like... 74 00:03:55,520 --> 00:03:57,440 BOTH: Soon? There is one - 75 00:03:57,440 --> 00:03:59,760 Clare, I'm showing her some other places today. 76 00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:01,880 She wants to book in ASAP. 77 00:04:01,880 --> 00:04:03,880 Shotgun wedding! Ah... 78 00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:06,920 I'm kidding. I think this could work for them. 79 00:04:06,920 --> 00:04:08,160 Piano - tick! 80 00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:09,600 Open fireplace - tick! 81 00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:10,920 Canape room - tick. 82 00:04:10,920 --> 00:04:13,200 Mood painting of creepy old lady - tick. 83 00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:15,200 Kitchen - tick. Perfectly placed 84 00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:17,400 to allow you to flow right through this corridor, 85 00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:19,400 straight into your garden at the back 86 00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:23,160 where you can set up your main marquee right...here!? 87 00:04:24,240 --> 00:04:27,440 Oh, no! Er, yeah. 88 00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:28,600 We can't show people this! 89 00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:31,360 There's rough around the edges, and then there's a bombsite. 90 00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:33,720 We haven't quite got round to clearing it yet. But we will. 91 00:04:33,720 --> 00:04:35,960 By this afternoon? When? What? 92 00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:38,640 I was going to bring Claire round after showing her the other venues 93 00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:40,240 but I can't show her this! 94 00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:42,200 You have to make space for this sort of marquee 95 00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:43,680 if you want to host weddings here. 96 00:04:43,680 --> 00:04:46,760 Without it, you've no catering flow. 97 00:04:46,760 --> 00:04:49,240 No flow, no go. Yeah... 98 00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:52,960 Guys, you've got to get it wedding ready. 99 00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,960 We'll clear it. We will? 100 00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:57,080 Is what I wanted to hear! 101 00:04:57,080 --> 00:04:58,880 THEY LAUGH NERVOUSLY 102 00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:00,480 Let's make this happen. 103 00:05:01,440 --> 00:05:04,640 I'll delay Clare as long as I can. Say...four o'clock? 104 00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:06,080 Ciao-ciao! 105 00:05:10,080 --> 00:05:12,320 MIKE: Five hours? 106 00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:14,400 Loads of time!? 107 00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:18,360 PAT: So, Film Club! Now, I know it's not my turn to choose, but 108 00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:22,160 I would like to lobby hard... for Top Gun. 109 00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:24,000 Not again! 110 00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:26,840 I don't know about you, Mary, but, er, I quite like the look, of, er, 111 00:05:26,840 --> 00:05:29,720 ooh, Chariots Of Fire? 112 00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:36,600 No. Actually, er, how about... Mississippi Burning? 113 00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:40,600 Towering Inferno? 114 00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:45,320 Hmm! Huh! Maybe she is ready. Could be the case. 115 00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:47,960 Anyway, it's my turn to choose this week, so tish-tish-tish... 116 00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:50,760 I don't think so, mate! It's mine. 117 00:05:50,760 --> 00:05:53,760 Faradiddle, sir! You had your turn two weeks ago. You swapped with me. 118 00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:55,680 No, no, I don't recall to that. 119 00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:58,360 Even if I did, it would have been a verbal, non-binding agreement. 120 00:05:58,360 --> 00:06:00,560 You show me your thumb, sir? 121 00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:03,360 I would show you my glove, sir! If I had one. 122 00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:05,360 I would give you a bunch of fives, mate. 123 00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:08,360 I used to box for Cambridge, y'know! Go! Let's go, pal! 124 00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:11,520 Guys, guys, guys, guys! S'il vous plait! 125 00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:13,480 French. Ooh! 126 00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:14,920 Why don't we put it to the vote? 127 00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:17,600 Oh, yeah, put it to the people, like they know what they're doing! 128 00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:18,640 SCOFFS 129 00:06:18,640 --> 00:06:20,280 Hands up who thinks it's Thomas's turn. 130 00:06:21,760 --> 00:06:24,840 I've got my hand up. Probably. Somewhere. 131 00:06:24,840 --> 00:06:28,400 Ra-da-da-da-da! Hang on, not everyone's here. 132 00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:29,720 Well, where are they? 133 00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:32,120 GIGGLES 134 00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:38,880 Ahhh! 135 00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:40,120 HUMS CHEERFULLY 136 00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:47,680 Oh! 137 00:06:49,520 --> 00:06:51,280 Hmm! Ooh! 138 00:06:52,240 --> 00:06:55,440 ALISON: Oh...my...God. 139 00:06:56,480 --> 00:06:59,280 Oh, Martin's right. We're never going to be wedding ready. 140 00:06:59,280 --> 00:07:01,720 Well, let's get redding-wea... redding-ready. Er, wed... 141 00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:03,080 COMMOTION 142 00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:04,240 Oh, no. Ready... 143 00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:05,520 Alison, if you please, 144 00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:07,720 Julian says that it's his turn to choose Film Club, 145 00:07:07,720 --> 00:07:09,040 and it isn't, it's mine. 146 00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:11,640 Please, everyone, we're having a bit of a crisis here. 147 00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:14,320 This is a crisis. You know? I mean, it might not be the Suez Crisis, 148 00:07:14,320 --> 00:07:17,360 but it's a very... Guys, guys, guys, guys, 149 00:07:17,360 --> 00:07:20,400 shut up! Good! Let her speak. 150 00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:21,840 It's all right, you can speak. 151 00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:23,560 We're trying to get this wedding booking. 152 00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:26,600 Oh, there's going to be a wedding? How wonderful! 153 00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:29,760 The dresses, the men, the kissing... 154 00:07:29,760 --> 00:07:31,800 But we need to clear this whole garden by four! 155 00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:33,000 We're never going to do it! 156 00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:35,080 MIKE AND PAT: Hang on a minute. Ooh, jinx. 157 00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:36,760 You go first, Michael. We can do it. 158 00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:39,000 If we clear that... Hmm... 159 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:41,680 ..and then we move this... And I'll help, too. 160 00:07:41,680 --> 00:07:44,680 How, Pat? I could be your wingman! You know, like in Top Gun. 161 00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:46,960 I can be Goose to your Maverick. Yeah. 162 00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:50,480 I'll keep this lot occupied while you do what you have to do. 163 00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:54,560 And Goose dies in the film so, y'know...it works out, doesn't it? 164 00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:57,920 Thanks, Pat. Yeah. Of course we can fit a marquee in. 165 00:07:57,920 --> 00:08:00,240 I mean, how hard can it be? They put a man on the moon. 166 00:08:00,240 --> 00:08:02,480 What? What? What did he say? 167 00:08:02,480 --> 00:08:04,880 Er... Man on moonah? 168 00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:07,080 OK, I'll go get the tools. You check the measurements. 169 00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:09,920 Let's get redding red... Wedding ready. Redding... Wedding ready. 170 00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:12,240 Let's get wedderi... It's wedding ready. Let's do this! 171 00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:13,800 Yesss! 172 00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:17,760 Alison, what was the man doing up there on the moon? 173 00:08:17,760 --> 00:08:19,280 They went to explore. Oh! 174 00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:22,320 And how did he get there? Climb up a beanstalk, did he? 175 00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:24,040 You're dicked in the knob. Wha...? 176 00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:26,320 I don't believe it. No. No! 177 00:08:26,320 --> 00:08:28,280 There's no way it could happen! 178 00:08:28,280 --> 00:08:31,120 WHISPERS: Pat, now would be a really good moment to be a wingman. 179 00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:33,680 Great! OK, everyone, let's turn and burn. 180 00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,400 Oh, sorry, Mary. 181 00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,400 MARY WHIMPERS 182 00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:37,880 It's a quote from Top Gun. 183 00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:40,080 Let's grab the computer that folds. 184 00:08:42,560 --> 00:08:44,000 FANNY: Oh, goodness me! 185 00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:47,400 Ooh! Ohhh! 186 00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:52,400 But he's such a...a ruffian! 187 00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:54,480 CLANKING AND SCRAPING 188 00:08:56,560 --> 00:08:57,640 Oh! 189 00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:03,840 Oh! 190 00:09:13,560 --> 00:09:16,480 Think about it, Robin. Man has always looked up at the moon 191 00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:18,920 and thought... "Can you eat it?" 192 00:09:18,920 --> 00:09:20,840 No, "Can you walk on it?" 193 00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:22,320 Press play. 194 00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:26,280 NARRATOR ON VIDEO: In 1969, the world watched in wonder 195 00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:29,960 as three brave astronauts took off from Cape Canaveral. 196 00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:31,880 Their destination - the moon. 197 00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:34,440 ROBIN: Ooh! It was an amazing moment. 198 00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:39,000 Everyone remembers where they were. I was with Carole, at her parents'. 199 00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:40,080 Fish and chips for tea. 200 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:42,880 It was the first time I ever tried a battered jumbo sausage. 201 00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:44,520 Never looked back! 202 00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:48,520 JULIAN: I missed the whole thing. I was still a student at Cambridge 203 00:09:48,520 --> 00:09:53,240 busy having my own "moon landing" if you know what I mean! 204 00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:54,720 My first threeso... 205 00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:56,080 Moonah! 206 00:09:56,080 --> 00:09:59,560 CAPTAIN: Ah, there you are. What's going on here? 207 00:09:59,560 --> 00:10:01,680 Oh! I'm, er, helping Alison. 208 00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:05,280 Yes, keeping this lot busy while she and Mike dig up the garden. 209 00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:08,000 Which garden? 210 00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:10,280 How are you getting on? 211 00:10:10,280 --> 00:10:13,600 It's going to be a squeeze. First, we have to clear all of this. 212 00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:15,080 CAPTAIN: No! No. 213 00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:17,800 Belay that order, Michael. You can't dig there. That's a negative. 214 00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:19,480 Wait. Sorry, one second, Mike. 215 00:10:19,480 --> 00:10:20,840 Didn't you tell them we're busy? 216 00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:23,640 Most of them are watching YouTube. Jel. 217 00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:24,840 Why can't we dig there? 218 00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:27,680 Because that's a very special part of the garden. 219 00:10:27,680 --> 00:10:30,760 Er, that was where our allotment was, the regimental allotment. 220 00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:32,280 It's fine, Mike, just keep digging. 221 00:10:32,280 --> 00:10:34,160 But, no, it's where we buried our pets. 222 00:10:34,160 --> 00:10:36,840 Er, my dog is buried there, right there, 223 00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:38,520 and he was very special to me. Barry. 224 00:10:38,520 --> 00:10:39,960 Barry? Barry. 225 00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:41,480 Wait, Mike. 226 00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:44,120 So, sorry, you had a dog called Barry? 227 00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:45,680 Mm. 228 00:10:45,680 --> 00:10:48,400 OK. Mike, you can just carry on. No, thank you, Michael! 229 00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:51,480 Ohhh! Oh, that was a deep one. Ohhh! 230 00:10:51,480 --> 00:10:53,640 Call him off! Call him off, I tell you. 231 00:10:53,640 --> 00:10:55,520 OK, just one second, Mike. 232 00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:58,480 When I was at Button House, there was a war on. 233 00:10:58,480 --> 00:11:00,280 I don't think that's ever come up before. 234 00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:03,160 There is something buried down there that is very sensitive. 235 00:11:03,160 --> 00:11:05,120 Captain, the war is over. 236 00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:07,160 Is it, Alison? Is it? 237 00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:08,440 Yes, it is. 238 00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:11,560 Please...don't dig. 239 00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:14,560 There is something down there 240 00:11:14,560 --> 00:11:17,400 that is potentially explosive if it gets out. 241 00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:23,880 Er...Mike, do you think we could clear the other side? 242 00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:26,280 Just the other side, Michael. 243 00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:27,840 Looks like a lot of work. 244 00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:30,280 Sorry. It's a ghost thing. Well... 245 00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:42,200 OFFICER SHOUTING ORDERS OUTSIDE 246 00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:47,240 KNOCK ON DOOR 247 00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:47,240 Come! 248 00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:52,360 Ah! Havers. 249 00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:56,280 At ease, at ease. I was just thinking about you, actually. 250 00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:58,760 How's the emergency lockdown coming? Very good, sir. 251 00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:01,840 Most items have been squared away, as per the order. Excellent! 252 00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:04,560 I see... I've come to tell you that... 253 00:12:04,560 --> 00:12:06,840 Sorry, you first, Lieutenant. 254 00:12:04,560 --> 00:12:06,840 LAUGHS NERVOUSLY 255 00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:11,720 I'm afraid I'm leaving you, sir... 256 00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:16,400 ..at 1800 hours this evening. 257 00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:17,480 So soon? 258 00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:21,400 That would explain your new service revolver. 259 00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:23,080 CAPTAIN LAUGHS NERVOUSLY 260 00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:25,160 I don't suppose they sent one for me, did they? 261 00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:27,600 Only for front-line personnel at this stage, sir. 262 00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:29,240 Of course. Yes. 263 00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:30,840 It's North Africa, sir. 264 00:12:30,840 --> 00:12:33,120 I'll be able to have a proper swing at Fritz! 265 00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:35,240 You make sure you give them a bloody nose! 266 00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:38,880 I shall miss you, Havers. 267 00:12:41,560 --> 00:12:45,560 By which I mean, of course, that we shall miss you. 268 00:12:45,560 --> 00:12:48,760 And I know the Button House XI will certainly miss your cover drive. 269 00:12:48,760 --> 00:12:52,840 Thank you, sir. Well...if that's all? 270 00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:55,160 Yes. 271 00:12:56,760 --> 00:12:58,040 I say, Havers? 272 00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:03,440 It's a bally shame we won't get to finish the operation together. 273 00:13:07,640 --> 00:13:09,000 DOOR CLOSES 274 00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:52,280 NARRATOR ON VIDEO: ..which leads to the question - where next? 275 00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:56,040 Mars, or even the outer edge of our solar system? 276 00:13:56,040 --> 00:13:58,440 Only time will tell. 277 00:13:58,440 --> 00:14:00,120 Well, I never. 278 00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:03,760 Anyway, Film Club. Yes! Now, 279 00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:06,360 I was thinking 9 1/2 Weeks. 280 00:14:06,360 --> 00:14:09,560 Over my already dead body, sir! Fine by me! 281 00:14:09,560 --> 00:14:12,120 Guys, guys, look, why don't we settle this properly, OK? 282 00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:14,640 Quite right. Let's settle this like men. 283 00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:18,680 Would you care to step outside, sir? Yes, I would, sir. Indeed, sir. 284 00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:22,000 Guys, you don't have to do... 285 00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:25,200 Where are you going? I promised Alison that you would... Ohhh! 286 00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:26,640 GROWLS IN FRUSTRATION 287 00:14:28,920 --> 00:14:31,760 MAN ON VIDEO: OK, the moon landings. Everybody says it's real, 288 00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:35,040 but what if that's just what they wanted you to believe? 289 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:37,360 Oh! 290 00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:41,000 Right, you both know the rules, so we're agreed. 291 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:42,920 To solve this once and for all - 292 00:14:42,920 --> 00:14:44,600 on three... 293 00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:46,600 One, two, 294 00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:47,680 three... 295 00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:51,400 What's that supposed to be? Pistol. 296 00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:54,120 Thomas... I always choose pistol. 297 00:14:54,120 --> 00:14:56,280 Yeah, it really worked out for you last time, didn't it? 298 00:14:56,280 --> 00:14:58,800 There were circumstances around my death, I'll have you know, sir. 299 00:14:58,800 --> 00:15:01,360 It's rock, paper, scissors, Thomas. I thought I told you. 300 00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:03,320 No, it's all right, let's play it his way. 301 00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:05,080 One, two, three... 302 00:15:06,320 --> 00:15:08,440 IMITATES MACHINEGUN 303 00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:10,920 What's this now? AK-47 assault rifle. 304 00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:13,960 Sold 50 crates of these bad boys to the Libyans in '83. 305 00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:15,200 Paid for my orangery! 306 00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:16,560 You can have one of these as well. 307 00:15:16,560 --> 00:15:18,400 CLICKS HIS TONGUE 308 00:15:16,560 --> 00:15:18,400 You don't get two weapons! 309 00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:20,280 IMITATES GRENADE EXPLODING 310 00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:20,280 Julian, come on! 311 00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:22,560 And this. Pshhhhh! 312 00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:24,720 You're on fire, mate. Argh! 313 00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:27,440 Sorry, Mary. Well, no, actually, because... Sorry! 314 00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:29,600 Argh! I'm melting! Can't feel it. Nothing happened. 315 00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:35,440 What should we do with all this? 316 00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:38,400 Maybe just pile it up over there and then we'll deal with it later. 317 00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:41,480 I think we might just do this. See? Told you! 318 00:15:41,480 --> 00:15:43,400 Redding red... Redditch... 319 00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:46,960 We got this. Mm. 320 00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:50,120 Oh, great... 321 00:15:50,120 --> 00:15:51,400 How are we going to move that? 322 00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:55,200 I think we might have to break it up with a big hammer or something. 323 00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:57,800 What? We can't do that! Can we? 324 00:15:57,800 --> 00:15:59,280 Yeah, why not? Florence! 325 00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:03,520 Oh...wait. I can already tell this isn't good news. 326 00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:06,800 Who's Florence, Kitty? She was one of my best friends. 327 00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:09,960 I used to play hide-and-seek in the garden with my sister 328 00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:13,040 and I was so good at hiding that often she couldn't find me 329 00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:14,480 for a whole day and night! 330 00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:18,600 I once got so hungry, I had to eat a bit of my purse. 331 00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:19,960 Florence kept me company. 332 00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:22,760 Oh, so you made a statue of her? 333 00:16:22,760 --> 00:16:24,560 No, she is a statue. Eh? 334 00:16:24,560 --> 00:16:26,760 JULIAN: That's enough. We'll sort this out right now. 335 00:16:26,760 --> 00:16:29,080 PAT: Guys! Oh, I'd forgotten all about you. 336 00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:31,800 Zoinks! Where've you been hiding? 337 00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:33,440 Guys, she's a statue! 338 00:16:33,440 --> 00:16:36,400 Pat, you were supposed to be keeping everyone occupied. Yeah... 339 00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:38,680 It's like herding cats! 340 00:16:38,680 --> 00:16:40,760 I'm sorry, Alison, I'm a terrible wingman. 341 00:16:40,760 --> 00:16:42,440 Well, can you at least sort out these two? 342 00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:44,160 SIGHS 343 00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:44,160 Yes. 344 00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:48,800 Oh! Hang on! Guys? I think I've had an idea. 345 00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:52,600 Follow me. Let's turn and burn...again. 346 00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:54,920 So, are we smashing this up or what? Aaargh! 347 00:16:54,920 --> 00:16:57,120 All right, one sec, Mike. No, Kitty, please. 348 00:16:57,120 --> 00:16:58,400 Oh, please stop, please. 349 00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:00,440 We won't...we won't destroy Florence. 350 00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:02,960 We're just going to, er... we could move her. 351 00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:06,600 It's a deal...as long as you play hide-and-seek with me. Ah. 352 00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:10,440 So we're moving her? Yeah. Sorry. 353 00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:13,720 I think you might be an expert at this game. I'm very good at it, yes. 354 00:17:13,720 --> 00:17:17,360 OK. Well, you hide first. Ooh! Ooh-hoo... 355 00:17:17,360 --> 00:17:20,240 One...two... You'll never find me, Alison! 356 00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:22,920 ..three... OK! 357 00:17:25,240 --> 00:17:26,560 Sorry. 358 00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:30,960 MAN ON VIDEO: ..that's why we need to look seriously 359 00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:33,120 at the grassy knoll. I mean, look at those angles. 360 00:17:33,120 --> 00:17:36,640 WOMAN: ..because Elvis Presley did not die that day on the toilet. 361 00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:40,840 MAN: That's how we know the British monarchy was replaced by weasels. 362 00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:42,800 GRUNTS IN AGREEMENT 363 00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:46,040 No, it's fine. I have to say, it's lovely to be included. 364 00:17:46,040 --> 00:17:47,760 Game on! 365 00:17:47,760 --> 00:17:48,920 See what you've got. 366 00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:50,840 HUMPHREY WAILS 367 00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:52,960 Julian, serve! Bring it! 368 00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:57,400 MUSIC: Adrenaline (feat Brian Storm) 369 00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:00,640 Fie! 370 00:18:05,680 --> 00:18:07,160 Whoaaaaa! 371 00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:10,080 Yeah! 372 00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:14,840 SPEECH DROWNED OUT BY MUSIC 373 00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:20,440 # She said I'm ready to go again 374 00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:23,080 # She loves the adrenaline 375 00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:26,840 # Until she feels that sweet sensation 376 00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:28,080 # She loves the adrenaline! # 377 00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:29,440 Whoa! 378 00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:31,880 Hello, Alison. 379 00:18:33,760 --> 00:18:35,040 KITTY CHUCKLING 380 00:18:41,080 --> 00:18:43,920 Oh! Ohhh! You found me! 381 00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:46,440 Oh, I found... Oh, you're playing, too! 382 00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:48,480 I don't know... Yes! 383 00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:51,440 No-one has ever found me before, ever! 384 00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:53,440 You're so good at this. Thank you. 385 00:18:53,440 --> 00:18:58,040 Right, your turn to hide. I'll count, you hide, and I'll seek. 386 00:18:58,040 --> 00:19:01,640 OK... One...! Oh, it's numbers! Two... 387 00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:03,600 Oh, no, it's numbers! Three... 388 00:19:06,360 --> 00:19:07,760 GRUNTS 389 00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:14,400 Ohhh! Ooh! Oh! 390 00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:16,160 CAPTAIN: Fanny! Fanny! 391 00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:18,760 Oh! Oh, Captain! Fanny, are you quite all right? 392 00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:22,040 No. No, I find myself having a, er... 393 00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:25,000 ..a conniption fit. Good Lord! 394 00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:29,040 Er, er, I have become... attracted to someone. 395 00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:31,720 Well, Fanny, I, er...I'm very flattered, er, 396 00:19:31,720 --> 00:19:34,920 but I've got a lot of problems of my own at the moment... 397 00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:36,760 Oh, good heavens, no! 398 00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:38,480 No? Not you! 399 00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:40,920 No, no, no. Never you! Yeah... 400 00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:43,120 No, I-I...cannot say who. 401 00:19:43,120 --> 00:19:45,120 But I know not what to do. 402 00:19:45,120 --> 00:19:47,880 Now, steady, Fanny, steady the buffs. 403 00:19:47,880 --> 00:19:50,600 Now, look here, nothing good will come of it. 404 00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:53,520 You must take that emotion and you must bury it. 405 00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:55,080 Never let it out. 406 00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:21,840 No more, Fanny, no more. Wha...?! 407 00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:27,560 Ooh! Oh! 408 00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:31,320 Any luck? Just can't move... 409 00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:34,600 BOTH STRAIN 410 00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:37,440 THUD 411 00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:37,440 Argh! 412 00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:39,000 It's pointless! 413 00:20:39,920 --> 00:20:41,000 HE GRUNTS 414 00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:45,400 That was my favourite toe! You have a favourite toe? 415 00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:49,080 Don't you have a favourite toe? I've not really thought about it, Mike. 416 00:20:56,320 --> 00:20:58,760 No, no, not fair. The head was out. By a nose! 417 00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:00,560 JULIAN: What?! Tell them, Humphrey. 418 00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:03,000 Oh, don't ask me. I'm just happy to be part of the game. 419 00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:05,000 I feel so alive! 420 00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:05,000 LAUGHS 421 00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:06,640 Right, well, as the judge here... 422 00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:09,200 Oh, yeah. Yeah, let's listen to the judge. 423 00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:10,720 Let's listen to the man. 424 00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:15,360 What? Lone gunman? Do me favour! 425 00:21:15,360 --> 00:21:17,960 And Paul McCartney died in 1966. 426 00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:22,720 I know it. Don't even get me started on the so-called "moonah landings". 427 00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:24,520 GROANS IN FRUSTRATION 428 00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:26,320 HUMPHREY: Whooo! Sorry! 429 00:21:26,320 --> 00:21:28,120 Don't worry. It's quite a nice view. 430 00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:29,160 THUD 431 00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:31,280 GASPS 432 00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:32,520 KITTY LAUGHS 433 00:21:34,480 --> 00:21:36,480 Ha, ha, found you! Ohhh! 434 00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:38,080 How wonderful! 435 00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:40,480 Now, erm, you hide and I'll counting. 436 00:21:40,480 --> 00:21:43,240 Yes. No peeking! No, no peeking. 437 00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:44,520 KITTY LAUGHS 438 00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:46,640 One...two... 439 00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:48,720 ..three...four... 440 00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:52,160 Oh, I'm so done with this. No. No. 441 00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:54,440 You know what? ..14... 442 00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:57,040 We've cleared loads. I'll get rid of the garden waste 443 00:21:57,040 --> 00:21:58,600 and we'll make the best of it. Huh? 444 00:21:59,600 --> 00:22:00,640 Yeah. Alison! 445 00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:02,000 GASPS 446 00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:03,600 There is something I must confess. 447 00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:07,560 It is a matter of moral rectitude, and I can hold it in no longer. 448 00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:08,920 JULIAN: Open your eyes! 449 00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:11,000 Next, you'll be telling me gravity doesn't exist! 450 00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:12,880 Well, you can't see it. How do you know? 451 00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:16,320 Alison, could you explain to Robin that the moon landings were real? 452 00:22:16,320 --> 00:22:18,440 The moon landings! You cannot be serious. 453 00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:21,440 ..97...98... 454 00:22:22,680 --> 00:22:25,400 ..99...100! 455 00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:26,840 Oh. Ah... 456 00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:29,480 SCREAMS 457 00:22:32,200 --> 00:22:35,160 What the bally hell do you think you're playing at? 458 00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:37,400 Alison! Get away from there! 459 00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:39,560 Get down! Get right out of the way. It's going to blow! 460 00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:44,800 It's a bomb! 461 00:22:44,800 --> 00:22:47,600 Mike, Mike, get back! Just get back! 462 00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:48,720 Go! 463 00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:50,640 Get d-o-o-own! 464 00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:56,600 ROBIN GASPS 465 00:22:56,600 --> 00:22:57,760 FANNY: Captain? 466 00:22:59,840 --> 00:23:01,080 Oh. 467 00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:02,880 CLEARS HIS THROAT 468 00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:04,240 KITTY GIGGLES 469 00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:08,000 Yeah, maybe you right about gravity. 470 00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:11,760 Now, I realise that was an utterly futile gesture, 471 00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:13,640 but I was very much caught up in the moment. 472 00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:16,360 Wh...what the hell was that? 473 00:23:16,360 --> 00:23:18,480 Er, I was very clear, Alison. 474 00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:21,200 What? I didn't think you meant literally explosive! 475 00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:23,800 I thought you meant, like, it was scandalous. No! 476 00:23:23,800 --> 00:23:25,440 It was a prototype limpet mine. 477 00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:27,480 It was so secret that only I knew about it 478 00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:31,360 and my second-in-command Lieutenant Havers, but...he left me. 479 00:23:31,360 --> 00:23:33,080 I mean, he left for the front. 480 00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:36,640 So, er, I had to bury it on my own, along with the blueprints. 481 00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:38,760 Operation William, it was called. 482 00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:41,520 CAR HORN HONKS 483 00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:41,520 Oh, that's Martin. 484 00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:43,920 That was a ghost thing? Yeah. 485 00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:45,840 Maybe next time tell me if it's a bomb! 486 00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:47,280 I didn't know! 487 00:23:47,280 --> 00:23:51,960 OK, I'll stall Clare and Martin in the house and you just... 488 00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:53,720 Oh, you just do what you can. 489 00:23:54,760 --> 00:23:57,480 Yeah. Actually, a very clever little device, 490 00:23:57,480 --> 00:23:59,480 a cunning timing mechanism in the housing 491 00:23:59,480 --> 00:24:02,520 allowed the frogmen to exfiltrate safely. 492 00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:03,640 Anyway... 493 00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:05,640 They've gone, haven't they? Good! 494 00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:10,440 Go on. Ah, Robin. Now, so, they had four suckers... Suckers. 495 00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:14,000 ..and they attached the limpet mine underneath the waterline... Oh! 496 00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:17,080 ..blew a hole in the boat and, then, of course, the boat sank. 497 00:24:19,240 --> 00:24:22,800 ..and this is the main common room. Again. 498 00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:25,920 Erm, we thought... It is really nice, but can we...? 499 00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:29,240 Did...did you want to see the library? Again? 500 00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:31,000 I'd really love to see the garden. 501 00:24:34,880 --> 00:24:38,520 Now...Claire, I...I need you to keep an open mind. 502 00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:41,080 We know that the rest of the house can be dressed, um, 503 00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:44,200 and we are working on the garden, believe me. Erm... 504 00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:51,520 ALISON GASPS 505 00:24:58,360 --> 00:24:59,720 Redding weddy! 506 00:24:59,720 --> 00:25:01,280 I love it! 507 00:25:02,920 --> 00:25:04,280 CHUCKLES 508 00:25:02,920 --> 00:25:04,280 Great! 509 00:25:12,680 --> 00:25:14,160 OWL HOOTS 510 00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:18,440 OK, so, really exciting presentation tonight, guys. 511 00:25:18,440 --> 00:25:22,360 As promised, Mary is going to be giving a talk 512 00:25:22,360 --> 00:25:24,240 about her witch trial. 513 00:25:24,240 --> 00:25:28,480 No, sorry, no! I've had, erm, a...a bit of a setback. 514 00:25:28,480 --> 00:25:32,280 OK. OK, yeah, that's understandable, isn't it, given the, erm...? 515 00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:33,680 Sorry. Yes. 516 00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:36,800 So, now, seeing as we technically didn't finish the match, 517 00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:40,240 I'm calling the volleyball game a draw. 518 00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:42,520 What? Are you on drugs? No! I was ahead! 519 00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:45,400 That's enough. That's absolutely enough. I've had a bellyful! 520 00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:47,000 Now, since we can't resolve this, 521 00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:49,720 I've decided that I'm going to choose the film tonight. 522 00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:52,520 KITTY: Is it Love Actually? I love Love Actually, actually. 523 00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:54,560 9 1/2 Weeks. The Notebook. 524 00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:55,920 Please don't shout out, OK? 525 00:25:55,920 --> 00:25:59,040 The film I've chosen has something for everyone - 526 00:25:59,040 --> 00:26:01,560 drama, visual poetry... 527 00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:03,600 It's got some of your lot in it, Robin. 528 00:26:03,600 --> 00:26:07,640 Ooh! And...some pretty ladies for Julian. Yeah! 529 00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:15,200 It is, of course, 2001: A Space Odyssey. 530 00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:21,760 WHISPERS: Thanks, Pat. You can be my wingman any time. 531 00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:23,360 Bullshit, you can be mine. 532 00:26:24,320 --> 00:26:25,720 It's from Top Gun. 533 00:26:28,080 --> 00:26:29,440 ALISON: Just here. 534 00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:36,480 MUSIC: THEME FROM 535 00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:36,480 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY 536 00:26:41,280 --> 00:26:43,440 MOUTH FULL: Ooh, that's got a kick to it, that. 537 00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:45,720 OK. Mm. Mm! 538 00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:47,840 What was it you wanted to talk to me about? 539 00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:50,120 Oh! No, just a passing fancy is all, Alison. 540 00:26:50,120 --> 00:26:52,360 Please don't trouble yourself. 541 00:26:52,360 --> 00:26:54,280 Kitty, I'm sorry about Florence. 542 00:26:52,360 --> 00:26:54,280 CORK POPS 543 00:26:54,280 --> 00:26:58,080 Oh, that's all right. I wasn't really that fond of her, anyway. 544 00:26:58,080 --> 00:27:01,120 You're a much better best friend than she was. 545 00:27:01,120 --> 00:27:02,720 Thanks, Kitty. 546 00:27:02,720 --> 00:27:05,480 Wait. No, that not right. 547 00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:09,160 What? Earth not round. It flat. 548 00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:11,280 You what? It flat. 549 00:27:11,280 --> 00:27:14,280 To our first wedding booking! Cheers. 550 00:27:15,320 --> 00:27:17,240 WHISPERS: Here's to buried secrets. 551 00:27:17,240 --> 00:27:23,040 MUSIC BUILDS TO A CLIMAX