1 00:00:02,043 --> 00:00:05,403 "Nothing to do." "Nothing to do"? "Nothing to do,"?! 2 00:00:05,403 --> 00:00:07,163 Mm. I mean... 3 00:00:07,163 --> 00:00:09,363 Thank you. There's tonnes to do! 4 00:00:09,363 --> 00:00:12,643 There's lovely little walks and there's that nice pub down the road. 5 00:00:12,643 --> 00:00:13,923 That closed down. 6 00:00:13,923 --> 00:00:16,403 OK, well, there's still that not-very-nice pub 7 00:00:16,403 --> 00:00:17,643 that's a long way away. 8 00:00:17,643 --> 00:00:19,563 OK, not lots to do, exactly, 9 00:00:19,563 --> 00:00:22,523 but, like, whatever happened to the great outdoors? 10 00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:25,363 Climb a tree. Hug a tree. Visit... 11 00:00:25,363 --> 00:00:26,883 ...a... tree. 12 00:00:28,043 --> 00:00:29,603 Sorry. 13 00:00:29,603 --> 00:00:31,843 I'm going on. No, no, no, it's the, erm... 14 00:00:31,843 --> 00:00:33,483 EVERYONE TALKS AT ONCE 15 00:00:33,483 --> 00:00:35,283 There's too much milk, if anything! 16 00:00:35,283 --> 00:00:37,123 It should be the colour of a buff envelope. 17 00:00:37,123 --> 00:00:39,923 No, no, no, we've been through this. It should be brick red, one lump. 18 00:00:39,923 --> 00:00:41,403 A slice of lemon and nothing more! 19 00:00:41,403 --> 00:00:43,283 Well, two lumps, if you're on manoeuvres. 20 00:00:43,283 --> 00:00:45,923 Or a drop of something stronger, if you get the right tea lady. 21 00:00:45,923 --> 00:00:49,043 God, I miss the Commons. No, look, come along, it should be brick red. 22 00:00:49,043 --> 00:00:51,083 We've heard. You're just wrong. 23 00:00:51,083 --> 00:00:53,163 How dare you tell a soldier how to make tea! 24 00:00:53,163 --> 00:00:55,523 I don't have to listen to this. I'm from Yorkshire, mate! 25 00:00:55,523 --> 00:00:56,923 I'm practically made of tea! 26 00:00:56,923 --> 00:00:59,403 FANNY: Well, my family imported tea, and the correct way... 27 00:00:59,403 --> 00:01:00,963 SHE GROANS Yorkshire... 28 00:01:00,963 --> 00:01:03,043 God! SILENCE! 29 00:01:03,043 --> 00:01:05,963 Do you lot ever think you maybe spend a little bit too much time 30 00:01:05,963 --> 00:01:07,723 in each other's company? 31 00:01:07,723 --> 00:01:09,363 Well, we don't have much choice. 32 00:01:09,363 --> 00:01:11,923 Yes, you know what they say - you can't choose your family. 33 00:01:11,923 --> 00:01:15,123 Or the people you're trapped with for eternity in the afterlife. 34 00:01:15,123 --> 00:01:17,083 Do they say that? 35 00:01:17,083 --> 00:01:18,243 No, I said it. 36 00:01:18,243 --> 00:01:21,123 ROBIN: I've never heard anyone... ARGUMENT RESTARTS 37 00:01:27,843 --> 00:01:31,363 Absolutely ridiculous, telling me how to make my tea. 38 00:01:31,363 --> 00:01:34,563 I mean, I can't drink it, but that's not the point. 39 00:01:35,523 --> 00:01:38,563 Ah! DOG BARKS 40 00:01:38,563 --> 00:01:39,723 Ah! 41 00:01:41,043 --> 00:01:42,443 Mm. 42 00:01:43,803 --> 00:01:44,843 Good! 43 00:01:50,323 --> 00:01:52,643 HE HUMS 44 00:01:52,643 --> 00:01:54,723 Mornin'. Good morning. 45 00:01:54,723 --> 00:01:57,283 HE HUMS, THEN SUDDENLY STOPS 46 00:01:57,283 --> 00:01:58,683 EVERYONE TALKS AT ONCE 47 00:01:58,683 --> 00:02:00,483 Attention, everyone! 48 00:02:02,403 --> 00:02:04,043 There's another ghost. ALL GASP 49 00:02:04,043 --> 00:02:05,763 I told you! 50 00:02:27,163 --> 00:02:28,723 {\an8}Just up there, on the border. 51 00:02:28,723 --> 00:02:31,563 {\an8}Ah, the old Asprey estate. Mm. 52 00:02:31,563 --> 00:02:34,243 {\an8}I said ages ago is dead guy over hedge! 53 00:02:34,243 --> 00:02:37,243 {\an8}Yes, well, you say a lot of things, Robin, and your imagination 54 00:02:37,243 --> 00:02:39,523 {\an8}does have a tendency to run away with you. 55 00:02:39,523 --> 00:02:41,283 {\an8}The Queen's out there! 56 00:02:41,283 --> 00:02:43,243 {\an8}Two horses are doing it. 57 00:02:43,243 --> 00:02:45,123 {\an8}They are filming a Carry On! 58 00:02:45,123 --> 00:02:46,723 {\an8}Is dead guy over the hedge! 59 00:02:47,723 --> 00:02:49,923 I know what I saw. CAPTAIN: Come along. 60 00:02:49,923 --> 00:02:51,283 Where's the fire? 61 00:02:51,283 --> 00:02:54,083 Ah! There's another ghost, Alison. Come and say hello! 62 00:02:54,083 --> 00:02:55,923 Yeah, leave that. Repairs are for squares. 63 00:02:55,923 --> 00:02:57,243 I'm all right, thanks. 64 00:02:57,243 --> 00:03:00,443 No offence, but the last thing I need is another ghost. 65 00:03:01,843 --> 00:03:02,923 Annabel! 66 00:03:02,923 --> 00:03:06,043 UNDER HER BREATH: Or another neighbour. 67 00:03:06,043 --> 00:03:08,963 Ah! Isn't she marvellous? 68 00:03:08,963 --> 00:03:10,243 The quad bike, not you. 69 00:03:10,243 --> 00:03:13,043 Thank you. I was hoping to catch you. 70 00:03:13,043 --> 00:03:17,643 A little bird - Mary from the shop - tells me you've started a B&B. 71 00:03:17,643 --> 00:03:20,443 That's right, yeah, up at the Gatehouse. Right. 72 00:03:20,443 --> 00:03:24,563 It's just that there may be voices on the local council 73 00:03:24,563 --> 00:03:27,203 who will worry about... tone. 74 00:03:27,203 --> 00:03:29,603 What voices? Well, exactly! 75 00:03:29,603 --> 00:03:32,403 Saying things like, "Brings down the area," 76 00:03:32,403 --> 00:03:34,763 or, "Turning into Blackpool." 77 00:03:34,763 --> 00:03:37,203 We need the money, so you can tell these "voices" 78 00:03:37,203 --> 00:03:38,603 that it's all very above board. 79 00:03:38,603 --> 00:03:40,443 It's very classy, in fact. Five-star. 80 00:03:40,443 --> 00:03:42,803 Well, it will be. We hope so, at some point. 81 00:03:42,803 --> 00:03:44,123 Well, that's what they all say. 82 00:03:44,123 --> 00:03:46,923 But before you know it, there's a funfair, donkey rides 83 00:03:46,923 --> 00:03:49,403 and a real problem with prostitution. 84 00:03:49,403 --> 00:03:51,323 When did you last leave the area? 85 00:03:51,323 --> 00:03:52,803 All I'm saying is, 86 00:03:52,803 --> 00:03:57,403 is it really worth the risk for the sake of a couple of quid? 87 00:03:57,403 --> 00:03:59,683 200 quid a night. Well, exactly. 88 00:03:59,683 --> 00:04:03,123 Pin money! 200? 89 00:04:03,123 --> 00:04:05,563 Well, there's something to think about. 90 00:04:05,563 --> 00:04:07,443 ENGINE STARTS Toodle-pip! 91 00:04:13,043 --> 00:04:14,683 "Nothing to do." Can you believe that? 92 00:04:14,683 --> 00:04:17,123 OVER PHONE: Well, you are a bit out in the sticks. 93 00:04:17,123 --> 00:04:20,363 Maybe you need to offer some activities, like bungee jumping. 94 00:04:20,363 --> 00:04:23,403 Off what? The roof? All right, then, archery. 95 00:04:23,403 --> 00:04:24,683 Ooh, yeah! That's a great... 96 00:04:24,683 --> 00:04:28,123 No. Actually, not archery. 97 00:04:28,123 --> 00:04:29,803 Well, wine tasting, then. 98 00:04:29,803 --> 00:04:32,963 Or baking. Or cookery! 99 00:04:32,963 --> 00:04:35,683 Not cookery. What is that?! 100 00:04:35,683 --> 00:04:37,803 Fridge bap. You still eat fridge baps? 101 00:04:37,803 --> 00:04:39,883 Mm-hm. Mate, you're not 21 any more! 102 00:04:39,883 --> 00:04:41,923 You need to look after yourself. 103 00:04:41,923 --> 00:04:43,683 Ohhh! 104 00:04:43,683 --> 00:04:45,963 Open a health farm! 105 00:04:45,963 --> 00:04:47,723 A spa! A hotel! 106 00:04:47,723 --> 00:04:50,203 That's already the plan. 107 00:04:50,203 --> 00:04:53,043 Well, I don't know! People need something to do. 108 00:04:53,043 --> 00:04:55,963 Doesn't need to be much. Just a bit of fun. Hmm! 109 00:04:57,803 --> 00:05:00,083 When you die, can I have your decks? 110 00:05:00,083 --> 00:05:02,723 ALL EXCLAIM CAPTAIN: Exciting. 111 00:05:02,723 --> 00:05:04,363 Hello! Here we are, of course! 112 00:05:04,363 --> 00:05:07,163 No, simmer down, simmer down. Simmer. Simmer. 113 00:05:07,163 --> 00:05:08,883 Simmer. 114 00:05:08,883 --> 00:05:10,763 Now, this is, erm... 115 00:05:12,163 --> 00:05:13,963 Sorry, I don't actually know your name. 116 00:05:13,963 --> 00:05:15,283 Maddocks, sir. 117 00:05:15,283 --> 00:05:18,163 ALL: Maddocks! Maddocks... Maddocks? 118 00:05:18,163 --> 00:05:19,763 Ah, everyone, this is Maddocks. 119 00:05:19,763 --> 00:05:22,083 Maddocks, this is... everyone! Hello! 120 00:05:22,083 --> 00:05:24,443 How do, how do? Robin. 121 00:05:24,443 --> 00:05:27,963 Hey! And, erm, Maddocks died by, erm... 122 00:05:27,963 --> 00:05:30,403 Sorry, I didn't actually ask you anything, did I? 123 00:05:30,403 --> 00:05:32,723 Erm, I trod on a badger trap, sir. 124 00:05:32,723 --> 00:05:35,403 Ah! Oh! Oh. Oh, no. 125 00:05:35,403 --> 00:05:38,483 That's nasty. Yes, that's... Oh, you can see the bone! 126 00:05:38,483 --> 00:05:40,283 Oh, aye, you can, yeah. 127 00:05:40,283 --> 00:05:43,163 Here! Do I detect an accent? 128 00:05:43,163 --> 00:05:46,003 Sheffield lad, sir. Give over! 129 00:05:46,003 --> 00:05:47,643 I'm from Huddersfield! 130 00:05:47,643 --> 00:05:49,563 Neighbouring... fields! 131 00:05:49,563 --> 00:05:52,883 Well, er, we still are, sir. ALL LAUGH 132 00:05:52,883 --> 00:05:54,963 He's funny! He's funny! 133 00:05:54,963 --> 00:05:57,883 In't you funny? Oh, if it pleases you, sir. 134 00:05:57,883 --> 00:06:01,323 Aye, I come down this way looking for work. Gamekeeper. 135 00:06:01,323 --> 00:06:04,003 JULIAN: Feared as much. Working-class. 136 00:06:04,003 --> 00:06:07,243 Unless they're in a voting booth, there's very little point. 137 00:06:07,243 --> 00:06:09,083 So you worked for the Aspreys? 138 00:06:09,083 --> 00:06:11,003 Uh-huh. I knew Lady Asprey. 139 00:06:11,003 --> 00:06:12,523 We played bridge together. 140 00:06:12,523 --> 00:06:15,043 Well, I played. She cheated. Mm. 141 00:06:15,043 --> 00:06:17,243 Erm... 142 00:06:17,243 --> 00:06:19,483 Anyway, I should probably... ALL: Oh, no, no! 143 00:06:19,483 --> 00:06:20,923 OVERLAPPING PROTESTS 144 00:06:20,923 --> 00:06:22,363 Well, it's just, er... 145 00:06:23,523 --> 00:06:24,923 ...I don't like to linger here. 146 00:06:24,923 --> 00:06:27,883 This is where it happened. The trap. 147 00:06:27,883 --> 00:06:30,283 Nine hours to bleed out. 148 00:06:30,283 --> 00:06:31,883 Two weeks to find the corpse. 149 00:06:31,883 --> 00:06:33,763 I had to watch meself being eaten. 150 00:06:33,763 --> 00:06:35,163 Slowly. 151 00:06:35,163 --> 00:06:36,763 By badgers. 152 00:06:39,043 --> 00:06:42,963 Well, all the more reason to stay, then! 153 00:06:42,963 --> 00:06:45,483 New company, new memories. 154 00:06:45,483 --> 00:06:47,163 Perhaps, in time, 155 00:06:47,163 --> 00:06:50,483 this spot will remind you of us instead of, erm... 156 00:06:50,483 --> 00:06:51,683 Being eaten by badgers? 157 00:06:51,683 --> 00:06:53,363 Yes. 158 00:06:53,363 --> 00:06:56,563 Well, you must stay. You simply must! 159 00:06:56,563 --> 00:06:58,403 Oh, well, if I must, sir. 160 00:06:58,403 --> 00:07:00,763 Let's dispense with the formalities. 161 00:07:00,763 --> 00:07:02,403 Please, call me... 162 00:07:02,403 --> 00:07:05,203 MIKE: Fun. Fun. 163 00:07:05,203 --> 00:07:06,723 Ooh, yeah. 164 00:07:07,963 --> 00:07:10,803 Ah, there you are. Are you... busy? No, no. No. 165 00:07:10,803 --> 00:07:13,443 They've, erm, popped out to meet someone. 166 00:07:13,443 --> 00:07:16,203 Right, so, we've got all of this land and we've got guests 167 00:07:16,203 --> 00:07:18,283 who complain that there's "nothing to do". 168 00:07:18,283 --> 00:07:20,483 So I was thinking... 169 00:07:20,483 --> 00:07:22,363 £3,000? 170 00:07:22,363 --> 00:07:25,283 Mike, you've got to stop obsessing over that one review. 171 00:07:25,283 --> 00:07:26,363 Well, it's not just that. 172 00:07:26,363 --> 00:07:28,723 We've got to compete with other guest houses in the area. 173 00:07:28,723 --> 00:07:30,843 I mean, look at this one, right? It's 12 miles away. 174 00:07:30,843 --> 00:07:34,043 It's got pool-pool, table-table, tennis... 175 00:07:34,043 --> 00:07:36,123 Pool, pool table, table tennis. 176 00:07:36,123 --> 00:07:37,483 No-one using commas? 177 00:07:37,483 --> 00:07:39,883 Yeah, that would be really nice if we had the money, 178 00:07:39,883 --> 00:07:42,163 but right now, all we can afford is two Dan Browns 179 00:07:42,163 --> 00:07:44,323 and the board game of your choice. 180 00:07:44,323 --> 00:07:46,083 Board games. 181 00:07:47,683 --> 00:07:50,763 Oh! We could put the chess table... That gets more use than you'd think. 182 00:07:50,763 --> 00:07:52,683 HE SIGHS 183 00:07:55,243 --> 00:07:56,683 Hmm! 184 00:08:00,363 --> 00:08:02,443 It's a kind of a game. 185 00:08:07,043 --> 00:08:09,603 That was quick. Yeah, not really my type. 186 00:08:09,603 --> 00:08:12,283 Besides, couldn't get a word in edgeways. 187 00:08:12,283 --> 00:08:14,203 You know what they're like. Yeah! 188 00:08:17,203 --> 00:08:18,683 Yeah. 189 00:08:18,683 --> 00:08:20,923 EVERYONE TALKS AT ONCE 190 00:08:20,923 --> 00:08:22,283 Oh, Alison! Alison! 191 00:08:22,283 --> 00:08:24,443 Alison, Alison! Let me introduce you. 192 00:08:24,443 --> 00:08:28,603 Now, Alison is alive, but she can see dead people! 193 00:08:28,603 --> 00:08:31,083 Oh, congratulations, ma'am. 194 00:08:31,083 --> 00:08:34,323 Thank you...? I hope they're not bothering you. 195 00:08:34,323 --> 00:08:35,843 ALL EXCLAIM 196 00:08:35,843 --> 00:08:38,003 You cheeky ha'porth! 197 00:08:38,003 --> 00:08:40,083 I think we should probably go, guys. 198 00:08:40,083 --> 00:08:41,803 Your friend's looking a little bit tired. 199 00:08:41,803 --> 00:08:43,723 Kind of you to notice, ma'am. 200 00:08:43,723 --> 00:08:45,763 Erm, that's largely down to blood loss, so... 201 00:08:45,763 --> 00:08:46,963 Mm. 202 00:08:48,283 --> 00:08:49,603 Oh! 203 00:08:49,603 --> 00:08:51,563 The purple bit's a tendon. 204 00:08:51,563 --> 00:08:54,163 And the grey bit's the tibia! SHE GIGGLES 205 00:08:54,163 --> 00:08:56,563 Anyway, I think probably we'll just get going. 206 00:08:56,563 --> 00:08:59,763 Come on. Come on, everyone. You'll be back tomorrow, yes? 207 00:08:59,763 --> 00:09:02,603 Er, y-yes, ma'am. Yes, of course. 208 00:09:02,603 --> 00:09:04,803 Marvellous. See you tomorrow. Have a lovely evening. 209 00:09:04,803 --> 00:09:06,603 Come on. Getting late. Ta-ra, love. 210 00:09:06,603 --> 00:09:08,563 All the best. Carry on, Maddocks. Aye. Yes, sir. 211 00:09:08,563 --> 00:09:10,243 Actually, it is getting late. 212 00:09:10,243 --> 00:09:11,763 I wonder where our guests are. 213 00:09:14,283 --> 00:09:15,603 Hello? 214 00:09:15,603 --> 00:09:18,243 Hi, yeah, hi. It's Alison from the Gatehouse. 215 00:09:18,243 --> 00:09:21,003 I was just wondering what time you're planning to arrive, with... 216 00:09:21,003 --> 00:09:23,643 Oh, right, OK. I'll come and check you in. 217 00:09:23,643 --> 00:09:26,443 Oh! Oh, right. How did you get in? 218 00:09:26,443 --> 00:09:28,323 My husband? But he's... 219 00:09:30,203 --> 00:09:31,963 What did he look like? 220 00:09:33,603 --> 00:09:35,003 DOGS BARK 221 00:09:35,003 --> 00:09:36,403 Annabel! 222 00:09:36,403 --> 00:09:38,523 What the hell is this? It's a sign. 223 00:09:38,523 --> 00:09:41,203 Yes. My sign... that I found at the top of your drive 224 00:09:41,203 --> 00:09:42,803 with this arrow nailed to it. 225 00:09:42,803 --> 00:09:46,203 Well, don't look at me! It must have been local youths. 226 00:09:46,203 --> 00:09:48,323 I did warn you - the area's going to pot. 227 00:09:48,323 --> 00:09:50,203 So you didn't steal my guests? 228 00:09:50,203 --> 00:09:52,043 Absolutely not! 229 00:09:52,043 --> 00:09:55,163 Although, come to think of it, there was a couple 230 00:09:55,163 --> 00:09:58,243 who popped by earlier looking for a room for the night. 231 00:09:58,243 --> 00:10:00,163 I put them up in the old hunting lodge, 232 00:10:00,163 --> 00:10:01,763 out of the goodness of my heart. 233 00:10:01,763 --> 00:10:04,803 But they insisted on giving me £200. 234 00:10:04,803 --> 00:10:06,723 You said that was pin money. 235 00:10:06,723 --> 00:10:09,603 Well, it is, but everybody needs pins. 236 00:10:09,603 --> 00:10:12,123 You are the most unscrupulous... 237 00:10:12,123 --> 00:10:13,523 Sh... 238 00:10:13,523 --> 00:10:15,163 WHISPERS: I have guests! 239 00:10:15,163 --> 00:10:16,963 ALISON GASPS 240 00:10:16,963 --> 00:10:18,163 He did what?! 241 00:10:18,163 --> 00:10:20,283 He poached our guests. 242 00:10:20,283 --> 00:10:22,563 Delicious. And he doesn't even need the money! 243 00:10:22,563 --> 00:10:24,043 Like, it's just a game to him, 244 00:10:24,043 --> 00:10:26,563 whereas we have to count every single penny! 245 00:10:26,563 --> 00:10:29,723 Yeah. I'm not going to let him get away with this. 246 00:10:29,723 --> 00:10:31,803 Yeah, I'm going to fight fire with fire. 247 00:10:31,803 --> 00:10:34,403 Would that work? In what way? 248 00:10:34,403 --> 00:10:36,003 Julian, Julian, Julian, Julian. 249 00:10:36,003 --> 00:10:39,483 You were in politics. You must know a few dirty tricks. 250 00:10:39,483 --> 00:10:43,123 I'm afraid I don't recall any involvement in anything underhand 251 00:10:43,123 --> 00:10:45,443 whilst I was in office. What? 252 00:10:45,443 --> 00:10:47,763 Is what I tell the public inquiry! 253 00:10:47,763 --> 00:10:50,283 LAUGHTER 254 00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:51,443 No, I'd be happy to help. 255 00:10:51,443 --> 00:10:52,923 I know every trick in the book. 256 00:10:52,923 --> 00:10:54,283 I wrote the book! 257 00:10:54,283 --> 00:10:55,483 What is this? 258 00:10:56,563 --> 00:10:59,803 Oh! It like chess, but it huge! 259 00:10:59,803 --> 00:11:02,283 Ah, Alison, we need this. We need that. 260 00:11:02,283 --> 00:11:05,203 Mike, tell me you haven't just bought giant chess. 261 00:11:05,203 --> 00:11:06,843 I haven't bought giant chess. 262 00:11:06,843 --> 00:11:08,883 ROBIN GRUNTS IN FRUSTRATION I haven't! 263 00:11:08,883 --> 00:11:10,163 Come on, then. 264 00:11:10,163 --> 00:11:12,003 Step into my office. 265 00:11:13,923 --> 00:11:15,643 What have you got? 266 00:11:15,643 --> 00:11:18,283 What do you know about judo? 267 00:11:18,283 --> 00:11:21,643 ALISON: That's your plan? I fight Barclay? 268 00:11:21,643 --> 00:11:25,243 No, not actual judo. It's a tactic. 269 00:11:25,243 --> 00:11:27,803 Use your opponent's attack against them. 270 00:11:27,803 --> 00:11:29,683 He's taken your sign. 271 00:11:29,683 --> 00:11:32,043 Well, I took it back. No, no, no, no! 272 00:11:32,043 --> 00:11:35,323 If that's his move, let's use it. 273 00:11:35,323 --> 00:11:37,563 Let him keep the sign. 274 00:11:37,563 --> 00:11:40,123 In fact, how about we even... 275 00:11:40,123 --> 00:11:41,963 ...spruce it up a little? 276 00:11:41,963 --> 00:11:46,083 Can we do that?! 'Course you can. It's your sign. 277 00:11:47,763 --> 00:11:50,083 {\an8}Ohhh! Ah! 278 00:11:51,523 --> 00:11:54,043 CLOCK CHIMES 279 00:11:54,043 --> 00:11:56,563 SHE SCREAMS 280 00:12:08,043 --> 00:12:09,123 ANIMATED CHATTER 281 00:12:09,123 --> 00:12:10,643 THOMAS: I can see some movement! 282 00:12:10,643 --> 00:12:14,403 Ohhh... Oh! Another early bird. 283 00:12:14,403 --> 00:12:17,083 Yes, and no sign of the worm, so you can join the queue. 284 00:12:17,083 --> 00:12:20,043 Excuse me, sir, I was here first. Balderdash, sir! 285 00:12:20,043 --> 00:12:21,683 No, balderdash to you, sir! 286 00:12:21,683 --> 00:12:25,043 EVERYONE TALKS AT ONCE Please... Please! 287 00:12:26,883 --> 00:12:30,403 Now, I've had this before with our clubhouse. 288 00:12:30,403 --> 00:12:32,323 We had to share it with St John's, 289 00:12:32,323 --> 00:12:35,563 the Venture Scouts and the Sea Beavers! 290 00:12:35,563 --> 00:12:38,483 And there's only one thing that works. 291 00:12:38,483 --> 00:12:40,603 A rota. 292 00:12:40,603 --> 00:12:43,803 So, Lady Asprey wasn't averse to a restorative tonic, 293 00:12:43,803 --> 00:12:45,963 if you get my meaning, Maddocks. 294 00:12:45,963 --> 00:12:47,763 Is that game? Does that count as game? 295 00:12:47,763 --> 00:12:49,763 Well, anyway, it's a seagull, and I shot it. 296 00:12:49,763 --> 00:12:52,563 Of course, on my side of t'peaks, a ginnel's a snicket. 297 00:12:52,563 --> 00:12:55,243 And here's him calling it a twitten? Give over! 298 00:12:55,243 --> 00:12:58,843 So, prawn can move two square first go, but only vertical. 299 00:13:00,403 --> 00:13:02,243 Thomas? You're up. 300 00:13:02,243 --> 00:13:03,763 Yes! 301 00:13:06,723 --> 00:13:08,123 It's not without its problems. 302 00:13:08,123 --> 00:13:10,203 She's alive, I'm dead. 303 00:13:10,203 --> 00:13:12,123 But we make it work. 304 00:13:12,123 --> 00:13:13,923 And what's the brown stuff? 305 00:13:13,923 --> 00:13:15,963 Er, it's bone marrow. 306 00:13:15,963 --> 00:13:17,603 Ooh! 307 00:13:19,003 --> 00:13:21,083 I think he's got gangrene. 308 00:13:24,883 --> 00:13:27,963 Well, she called it a folly, but it was little more than a shed. 309 00:13:27,963 --> 00:13:31,323 Just room enough for a bridge table and a barrel of gin. 310 00:13:31,323 --> 00:13:34,163 It was just up here, beyond the orangery. 311 00:13:34,163 --> 00:13:35,843 WHISPERING: Hi. 312 00:13:35,843 --> 00:13:37,323 You're popular today. 313 00:13:37,323 --> 00:13:40,963 Oh, er, most attentive, ma'am. 314 00:13:40,963 --> 00:13:45,003 Yeah. I know they can be a lot, but when you get to know them... 315 00:13:45,003 --> 00:13:47,123 Have you booked a slot? Erm... 316 00:13:47,123 --> 00:13:51,243 No! That's what I thought. Honestly! No manners at all. 317 00:13:51,243 --> 00:13:55,083 Which reminds me of Lord Asprey and that infernal pipe. 318 00:13:55,083 --> 00:13:57,603 Honestly! Lord Ashtray, we used to call him. 319 00:13:57,603 --> 00:13:59,563 DRILLING IN DISTANCE Ah. Very good, ma'am. 320 00:13:59,563 --> 00:14:02,323 PNEUMATIC DRILLS ROAR 321 00:14:02,323 --> 00:14:06,123 Hey! Excuse me, what do you think you're doing? 322 00:14:07,923 --> 00:14:09,523 Annabel! 323 00:14:09,523 --> 00:14:11,403 Stop! DRILLS STOP 324 00:14:11,403 --> 00:14:14,643 Managed to call in a few favours down at the council. 325 00:14:14,643 --> 00:14:17,443 Thought I'd finally get those potholes sorted. 326 00:14:17,443 --> 00:14:20,723 What potholes? Well, cracks, really. 327 00:14:20,723 --> 00:14:24,003 But if the frost gets in there, better to nip it in the bud. 328 00:14:25,243 --> 00:14:27,363 They're completely blocking our driveway. 329 00:14:27,363 --> 00:14:28,603 What? 330 00:14:28,603 --> 00:14:31,443 Oh, yes, I suppose they are, a bit. 331 00:14:31,443 --> 00:14:34,363 Oh, well, they'll only be a few days. 332 00:14:34,363 --> 00:14:36,283 A week at the outside. A week?! 333 00:14:36,283 --> 00:14:39,443 Oh, yes, you probably have guests! 334 00:14:39,443 --> 00:14:43,483 Yes! Oh, well, there's always room down at my place. 335 00:14:43,483 --> 00:14:46,483 You can't miss it. There's a very handy sign. 336 00:14:48,083 --> 00:14:50,723 Barclay? I think you're a big... 337 00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:52,483 PNEUMATIC DRILL STARTS UP 338 00:14:52,483 --> 00:14:55,763 DRILL DROWNS OUT SPEECH 339 00:14:59,723 --> 00:15:01,963 He did what?! 340 00:15:01,963 --> 00:15:05,883 Yeah. I just had to bribe two guys not to fix a road. Oh! 341 00:15:05,883 --> 00:15:08,283 That's... brilliant! 342 00:15:08,283 --> 00:15:10,443 I mean... awful. You know. 343 00:15:10,443 --> 00:15:13,043 But in a way I really admire. 344 00:15:13,043 --> 00:15:14,243 So what are we going to do? 345 00:15:14,243 --> 00:15:16,443 Well, when he goes low... 346 00:15:16,443 --> 00:15:18,403 We go high. What? 347 00:15:18,403 --> 00:15:20,763 No? Oh. Oh, God, no. 348 00:15:20,763 --> 00:15:22,683 We go even lower. Erm... 349 00:15:22,683 --> 00:15:26,403 Ooh, hey, open up that CIA thing, you know, the, erm... 350 00:15:26,403 --> 00:15:27,963 ...road atlas from outer space? 351 00:15:27,963 --> 00:15:30,243 Erm... Oh, oh. 352 00:15:32,123 --> 00:15:34,723 That's it. Now, show me Barclay's place. 353 00:15:34,723 --> 00:15:36,603 Erm... 354 00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:39,203 Yeah. Now... B-b-b-b-b... 355 00:15:39,203 --> 00:15:42,443 HE CLEARS THROAT AND GRUNTS 356 00:15:42,443 --> 00:15:46,083 What are you doing? Looking for anything that falls foul of... 357 00:15:46,083 --> 00:15:48,923 STRAINS: ..planning... regulations. 358 00:15:48,923 --> 00:15:53,923 That type stays very rich by being very, very tight, 359 00:15:53,923 --> 00:15:57,843 which means somewhere, he's cut some corners. 360 00:15:57,843 --> 00:16:00,843 How do you know this? Because that's what I would have done. 361 00:16:00,843 --> 00:16:02,083 Aha! 362 00:16:03,283 --> 00:16:09,363 Hello! Oh, Barclay, you naughty, naughty boy! 363 00:16:09,363 --> 00:16:11,003 HE CHUCKLES 364 00:16:13,923 --> 00:16:17,683 Ah! Yeah, I think that's for me. 365 00:16:17,683 --> 00:16:20,003 Just need you to sign for it. Oh, sure. 366 00:16:22,083 --> 00:16:23,563 There you go, mate. Cheers. 367 00:16:29,443 --> 00:16:31,203 Ooh. 368 00:16:43,643 --> 00:16:46,403 HE LAUGHS DELIGHTEDLY Oh, yeah! 369 00:16:48,363 --> 00:16:49,763 Right! 370 00:16:51,403 --> 00:16:53,643 Money well spent! ALISON: Mike? 371 00:16:56,323 --> 00:16:58,043 Why is that...? 372 00:17:00,003 --> 00:17:01,763 What? No! 373 00:17:01,763 --> 00:17:03,723 Erm... 374 00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:11,923 Mike? 375 00:17:11,923 --> 00:17:14,603 PHONE BUZZES 376 00:17:14,603 --> 00:17:15,683 SHE GASPS 377 00:17:15,683 --> 00:17:17,803 BARCLAY OVER MOBILE: Annabel? Hello there! 378 00:17:17,803 --> 00:17:20,683 I've just had a visit from Building Control. 379 00:17:20,683 --> 00:17:22,443 Building Control? Yes. 380 00:17:22,443 --> 00:17:25,363 Turned up unannounced, poking in every nook and cranny. 381 00:17:25,363 --> 00:17:29,163 Said they'd had reports of irregularity. Oh! 382 00:17:29,163 --> 00:17:30,603 Oh, dear! 383 00:17:30,603 --> 00:17:32,203 Maybe it was your guests. 384 00:17:32,203 --> 00:17:34,443 I mean, if you will just let in people off the street... 385 00:17:34,443 --> 00:17:38,403 My guests had nothing to do with this, as well you know! 386 00:17:38,403 --> 00:17:41,043 SQUEAKING AND STRAINING 387 00:17:41,043 --> 00:17:42,963 CRASH! 388 00:17:46,283 --> 00:17:48,963 Well, I'm not sure what you're implying, Barclay. 389 00:17:48,963 --> 00:17:51,763 Oh, don't give me that. We both know that you... 390 00:17:51,763 --> 00:17:55,123 MAN: It's probably... What? No, it's within permitted development! 391 00:17:55,123 --> 00:17:58,483 If it's two metres... I've got to go. 392 00:17:58,483 --> 00:18:01,723 And... judo! Yes! 393 00:18:01,723 --> 00:18:04,683 Or whatever you say when you win at judo. 394 00:18:08,723 --> 00:18:10,163 Come on. 395 00:18:11,683 --> 00:18:13,163 Oh! 396 00:18:16,123 --> 00:18:17,883 Well, it was fun while it lasted. 397 00:18:29,163 --> 00:18:30,923 That'll do it. 398 00:18:50,283 --> 00:18:52,003 Whoa! 399 00:18:57,203 --> 00:18:59,403 HE GRUNTS IN FRUSTRATION 400 00:18:59,403 --> 00:19:00,563 EVERYONE TALKS AT ONCE 401 00:19:00,563 --> 00:19:02,363 Mike turn into giant mushroom! 402 00:19:02,363 --> 00:19:05,283 What I would say is that if you can... 403 00:19:05,283 --> 00:19:07,003 Kitty, is your turn. 404 00:19:07,003 --> 00:19:08,803 SHE SQUEALS I feel so alive! 405 00:19:08,803 --> 00:19:10,323 I haven't felt this alive since... 406 00:19:10,323 --> 00:19:11,883 Well, since I was alive. PHONE BUZZES 407 00:19:11,883 --> 00:19:14,443 Ooh, there's more. There's more, there's more. 408 00:19:14,443 --> 00:19:15,883 Hello, Planning Department? 409 00:19:15,883 --> 00:19:17,803 Yeah! Good one. You're funny. 410 00:19:17,803 --> 00:19:20,323 Ha, yes, very good. Lots of fun. 411 00:19:20,323 --> 00:19:23,803 Erm, I just wanted to apologise for my earlier outburst. 412 00:19:23,803 --> 00:19:26,083 Oh! Erm... 413 00:19:26,083 --> 00:19:27,203 OK. 414 00:19:27,203 --> 00:19:30,523 Yes, got myself in a bit of a stew when those chaps turned up. 415 00:19:30,523 --> 00:19:32,483 Storm in a teacup, luckily. 416 00:19:32,483 --> 00:19:36,003 Just have to move a boiler vent, and they'll be happy as Larry. 417 00:19:36,003 --> 00:19:37,603 Didn't even lose a day's business. 418 00:19:37,603 --> 00:19:39,643 Right, well... 419 00:19:39,643 --> 00:19:41,283 ...that's good news. Yes! 420 00:19:41,283 --> 00:19:43,323 Bit of a relief, because building regs 421 00:19:43,323 --> 00:19:45,923 can be an absolute minefield. 422 00:19:45,923 --> 00:19:47,763 So, yes... 423 00:19:47,763 --> 00:19:50,123 ...could have been worse. 424 00:19:50,123 --> 00:19:52,763 Much, much worse. 425 00:19:54,403 --> 00:19:56,763 He's got nothing! 426 00:19:56,763 --> 00:19:58,563 What special bond?! 427 00:19:58,563 --> 00:20:00,203 Well, we talk about chess. 428 00:20:00,203 --> 00:20:02,723 Oh, yeah, as if Mads is interested in... 429 00:20:02,723 --> 00:20:06,363 Oh! Mads, is it? Mads? 430 00:20:06,363 --> 00:20:09,203 Maybe when you get to know him a little better, 431 00:20:09,203 --> 00:20:10,683 nicknames will naturally occur. 432 00:20:10,683 --> 00:20:12,483 I think you'll find that I met him first. 433 00:20:12,483 --> 00:20:13,963 I met him before any of you. 434 00:20:13,963 --> 00:20:17,203 EVERYONE TALKS AT ONCE 435 00:20:28,283 --> 00:20:30,083 Nah. No good. 436 00:20:34,523 --> 00:20:36,363 HE GRUNTS 437 00:20:45,923 --> 00:20:48,163 Perfect! 438 00:20:48,163 --> 00:20:50,523 No, no. No, listen. Dib-dab, dib-dab, dib-dab, 439 00:20:50,523 --> 00:20:52,003 dib-dab, dib-dab, dab-dib. 440 00:20:52,003 --> 00:20:54,043 Let's settle this once and for all. 441 00:20:54,043 --> 00:20:56,723 Follow me. We'll ask him. 442 00:20:58,563 --> 00:21:00,043 Do it again. 443 00:21:02,003 --> 00:21:03,563 SQUELCHING AND SLAPPING 444 00:21:05,403 --> 00:21:08,043 SHE LAUGHS It sounds like it's clapping! 445 00:21:08,043 --> 00:21:10,043 EVERYONE TALKS AT ONCE 446 00:21:10,043 --> 00:21:11,363 KITTY SIGHS 447 00:21:11,363 --> 00:21:14,683 There's a very important question that I need to ask you. 448 00:21:14,683 --> 00:21:16,923 EVERYONE TALKS AT ONCE 449 00:21:16,923 --> 00:21:19,643 Worse than the badgers! 450 00:21:19,643 --> 00:21:22,283 Oh, please be open, please be open. 451 00:21:22,283 --> 00:21:23,923 HE EXHALES 452 00:21:23,923 --> 00:21:25,563 Come on. 453 00:21:31,643 --> 00:21:33,163 Oh! Yeah! 454 00:21:44,923 --> 00:21:47,163 I've got to get out of this. 455 00:21:47,163 --> 00:21:48,843 Erm... 456 00:21:48,843 --> 00:21:50,243 Oh! 457 00:21:55,883 --> 00:21:57,323 RINGING TONE OK. 458 00:21:58,643 --> 00:22:00,083 OVER PHONE: Hello! Obi! 459 00:22:00,083 --> 00:22:01,683 Obi, it's me. I need help. 460 00:22:01,683 --> 00:22:05,243 Can you hear me? Hello? Nooo! Mike, are you OK? 461 00:22:05,243 --> 00:22:07,403 No! Mate? 462 00:22:07,403 --> 00:22:08,683 FRANTIC GRUNTING 463 00:22:08,683 --> 00:22:11,203 Oh, my arm! Your arm?! 464 00:22:11,203 --> 00:22:12,763 GRUNTING 465 00:22:12,763 --> 00:22:15,323 Oh, no! Are you having a...? 466 00:22:15,323 --> 00:22:17,443 I told you, it's the fridge baps! 467 00:22:17,443 --> 00:22:20,123 OK, mate, just stay calm. 468 00:22:20,123 --> 00:22:22,683 Just stay calm. Help is on the w... 469 00:22:22,683 --> 00:22:25,323 LINE DISCONNECTS Oh, no! 470 00:22:25,323 --> 00:22:28,323 Obi! Obi, help! 471 00:22:30,243 --> 00:22:31,883 Missed a bit. 472 00:22:31,883 --> 00:22:33,243 You... 473 00:22:34,363 --> 00:22:35,563 What the...? 474 00:22:37,483 --> 00:22:41,523 EVERYONE TALKS AT ONCE 475 00:22:41,523 --> 00:22:43,283 That's enough! GHOSTS FALL SILENT 476 00:22:43,283 --> 00:22:44,923 That's enough! 477 00:22:44,923 --> 00:22:48,083 THOMAS: Then answer the question, damn your eyes! Yeah! 478 00:22:48,083 --> 00:22:49,883 Come on, who's your best friend... 479 00:22:49,883 --> 00:22:51,443 ...mate? 480 00:22:51,443 --> 00:22:54,763 Well, if you really want to know... 481 00:22:54,763 --> 00:22:56,963 ALL: Yes! 482 00:22:56,963 --> 00:22:58,443 ...none of you. 483 00:22:59,443 --> 00:23:02,123 Hmm? 484 00:23:02,123 --> 00:23:05,843 Mike? When you get this, come to the Gatehouse. Something's up. 485 00:23:08,723 --> 00:23:11,363 Excuse me, what are you...? Annabel! 486 00:23:11,363 --> 00:23:12,723 Here we go. 487 00:23:12,723 --> 00:23:15,043 Let's see what you got. There you are! 488 00:23:15,043 --> 00:23:17,083 I was just walking the dogs 489 00:23:17,083 --> 00:23:20,563 when I spotted something rather concerning 490 00:23:20,563 --> 00:23:23,723 in the rubble pile from your recent renovations. 491 00:23:25,203 --> 00:23:26,483 Hmph! 492 00:23:29,443 --> 00:23:31,443 Thought I'd better phone it in. 493 00:23:31,443 --> 00:23:34,403 You know, concerned local resident. 494 00:23:34,403 --> 00:23:36,483 Yep, it's asbestos all right. What?! 495 00:23:36,483 --> 00:23:38,483 Ohhh, he's good! 496 00:23:38,483 --> 00:23:40,803 You'll have to shut this place down for the foreseeable, 497 00:23:40,803 --> 00:23:42,603 get it surveyed, cleared, certified safe. 498 00:23:42,603 --> 00:23:43,923 No, wait, wait, wait, wait. 499 00:23:43,923 --> 00:23:45,243 That wasn't there before. 500 00:23:45,243 --> 00:23:47,283 It... He planted it! 501 00:23:47,283 --> 00:23:48,603 Annabel! 502 00:23:48,603 --> 00:23:49,723 Alison! 503 00:23:49,723 --> 00:23:53,883 That is a very serious accusation, and I can assure you... 504 00:23:53,883 --> 00:23:56,403 Judo! Use his move against him. 505 00:23:56,403 --> 00:23:59,803 If he brought that asbestos here, where did he get it from? Hmm? 506 00:23:59,803 --> 00:24:01,163 Ask him that. Go, go, go! 507 00:24:01,163 --> 00:24:03,963 ...let alone a dear friend and neighbour! 508 00:24:03,963 --> 00:24:06,603 Well... OK, I tell you what, 509 00:24:06,603 --> 00:24:09,043 why don't you search the buildings on his estate 510 00:24:09,043 --> 00:24:11,723 and see if any of them are missing a couple of roof tiles? 511 00:24:11,723 --> 00:24:14,723 Well, now... HE STAMMERS 512 00:24:14,723 --> 00:24:18,523 I-I-I-I think these good people are busy enough without, erm... 513 00:24:18,523 --> 00:24:20,483 Because, Barclay, that would be fly-tipping 514 00:24:20,483 --> 00:24:21,803 of a dangerous substance, 515 00:24:21,803 --> 00:24:24,563 which I think you'll find is against the law! 516 00:24:24,563 --> 00:24:27,603 I think you will find that. SIREN APPROACHES 517 00:24:27,603 --> 00:24:33,203 Wow! Erm, actually, that-that does look a bit familiar. 518 00:24:33,203 --> 00:24:35,843 No idea how it got here, but I'll gladly pay for removal. 519 00:24:35,843 --> 00:24:38,323 Let's just forget all this. Yes. 520 00:24:38,323 --> 00:24:41,883 You know, er, I'm actually getting out of the accommodation game, 521 00:24:41,883 --> 00:24:44,483 so no need to, erm... 522 00:24:44,483 --> 00:24:45,923 JULIAN: Bye! 523 00:24:45,923 --> 00:24:47,403 JULIAN CHUCKLES 524 00:24:51,163 --> 00:24:53,763 Mike Cooper? Yeah! 525 00:24:56,643 --> 00:24:58,203 I'm OK. 526 00:24:58,203 --> 00:24:59,963 What is going on? 527 00:24:59,963 --> 00:25:02,203 Oh, I don't know any more. 528 00:25:04,883 --> 00:25:09,323 I just find you all profoundly, profoundly annoying. 529 00:25:09,323 --> 00:25:12,243 Why do you need another friend? Hmm? 530 00:25:12,243 --> 00:25:16,563 I mean, look at you, stuck in that house with each other all this time. 531 00:25:16,563 --> 00:25:19,963 And yet here you all are, out here, together. 532 00:25:19,963 --> 00:25:23,203 How are you not sick of the sight of each other? 533 00:25:23,203 --> 00:25:24,843 Well, we are. 534 00:25:24,843 --> 00:25:26,843 ALL AGREE Give over! 535 00:25:26,843 --> 00:25:28,123 If I were any of you, 536 00:25:28,123 --> 00:25:31,443 I'd have been off living on me own in the woods years ago. 537 00:25:31,443 --> 00:25:34,443 I mean, I dunno what you call it, this, but, face it... 538 00:25:35,763 --> 00:25:37,363 ...you'd all be lost without it. 539 00:25:40,323 --> 00:25:42,723 He might have a point, y'know. Yeah. 540 00:25:42,723 --> 00:25:46,403 Well, we may not be each other's perfect cup of tea... 541 00:25:46,403 --> 00:25:47,843 ALL CHUCKLE 542 00:25:47,843 --> 00:25:50,243 ...but when the chips are down, we really have to... 543 00:25:50,243 --> 00:25:52,963 Oh! He... He go! Whoo! 544 00:25:52,963 --> 00:25:55,683 Huh? Where? 545 00:25:55,683 --> 00:25:57,563 Oh... 546 00:25:57,563 --> 00:25:59,923 He's gone to be with the rest of his foot. 547 00:25:59,923 --> 00:26:02,603 And so it goes. Can't be helped. What a shame. 548 00:26:02,603 --> 00:26:04,123 Now, er, what was I saying? 549 00:26:04,123 --> 00:26:06,083 Some old guff about a perfect cup of tea. 550 00:26:06,083 --> 00:26:08,283 EVERYONE TALKS AT ONCE 551 00:26:10,083 --> 00:26:13,363 PAT: Oh, aye, Little Miss Grumpy-Pants? 552 00:26:17,163 --> 00:26:18,483 Told you. 553 00:26:19,883 --> 00:26:22,243 Aye. They are a lot. 554 00:26:24,003 --> 00:26:26,803 Well... I'll see you Tuesday. 555 00:26:26,803 --> 00:26:29,363 Yeah, yeah, Tuesday. Tuesday, aye. 556 00:26:29,363 --> 00:26:32,323 ROBIN WHISTLES HAPPILY 557 00:26:33,963 --> 00:26:36,123 And, dooka-dooka! 558 00:26:36,123 --> 00:26:37,883 Barclay had to learn the hard way 559 00:26:37,883 --> 00:26:40,843 that you cannot outplay a grandmaster. 560 00:26:42,443 --> 00:26:43,803 Checkmate. 561 00:26:43,803 --> 00:26:45,323 Oh, damn and blast! 562 00:26:45,323 --> 00:26:47,483 MIKE AND ALISON LAUGH 563 00:26:49,643 --> 00:26:53,243 Ready? Go, go, go. 564 00:26:53,243 --> 00:26:56,283 Oh, my God, we should have bought these ages ago. 565 00:26:56,283 --> 00:26:59,043 Yeah. Wait, so, to get out of it, do you just, like...? 566 00:26:59,043 --> 00:27:00,643 Erm... CLASPS FALLS 567 00:27:00,643 --> 00:27:01,963 Oh, no. No, yeah, that happens. 568 00:27:01,963 --> 00:27:03,083 You've just got to be 569 00:27:03,083 --> 00:27:05,123 gentle with the cla... CLASPS FALLS 570 00:27:05,123 --> 00:27:07,283 Oh, no. 571 00:27:07,283 --> 00:27:08,883 BOTH: Oh, no.