1
00:00:02,043 --> 00:00:03,203
FIRE ROARS

2
00:00:03,203 --> 00:00:05,003
CRASH
Ah!

3
00:00:06,403 --> 00:00:09,323
Well, that's the end of that, then.

4
00:00:11,043 --> 00:00:14,283
Old place had a good innings,
I suppose. Hmm.

5
00:00:14,283 --> 00:00:16,483
The question is, what now?

6
00:00:45,443 --> 00:00:47,123
NOTIFICATION CHIME

7
00:00:47,123 --> 00:00:48,563
Mike!

8
00:00:48,563 --> 00:00:50,963
Mike, we did it.
We did it. We're five stars.

9
00:00:50,963 --> 00:00:53,443
What? You're joking. Look!

10
00:00:53,443 --> 00:00:55,243
Oh, you're joking. What?

11
00:00:55,243 --> 00:00:57,643
Well, that's still four stars.
No, no, look, look.

12
00:00:57,643 --> 00:00:59,963
There's one yellow pixel inside
the fifth star.

13
00:00:59,963 --> 00:01:03,323
"Which means with an average review
score of 4.13,

14
00:01:03,323 --> 00:01:05,523
"you have officially attained
mega-host status."

15
00:01:05,523 --> 00:01:08,563
We're mega-hosts. We actually
did it! We're 5-star hoteliers.

16
00:01:08,563 --> 00:01:12,523
Yeah. Well, we're actually 4.1 star
bed-and-breakfastiers.

17
00:01:12,523 --> 00:01:13,923
Same thing. Yeah. Same thing.

18
00:01:13,923 --> 00:01:16,723
I was thinking to celebrate,
we could go out and get...

19
00:01:16,723 --> 00:01:18,003
Wasted!

20
00:01:18,003 --> 00:01:22,923
OK. I was going to say new chairs
for in here.

21
00:01:22,923 --> 00:01:25,363
OK, well, no offence to you,
my wife,

22
00:01:25,363 --> 00:01:29,443
but my idea is brilliant
and your idea is terrible.

23
00:01:29,443 --> 00:01:32,043
I know, I know.
I know, but look at these.

24
00:01:32,043 --> 00:01:34,723
They don't exactly scream
country house.

25
00:01:34,723 --> 00:01:37,203
There's more chairs in the shed.
Yes, OK.

26
00:01:37,203 --> 00:01:40,563
And of course nothing says
five stars like shed chairs.

27
00:01:40,563 --> 00:01:44,803
But I've been browsing and these
are at an auction in Halliton.

28
00:01:44,803 --> 00:01:46,603
Oh, no, they are gorgeous.

29
00:01:46,603 --> 00:01:49,563
I love all that delicate
scroll work on the...

30
00:01:49,563 --> 00:01:51,043
You wanna go to the auction?

31
00:01:51,043 --> 00:01:53,163
Yeah, so bad.
I'm going to give it all this.

32
00:01:54,363 --> 00:01:56,363
All right. The estimate's 20 each,

33
00:01:56,363 --> 00:01:59,123
so no more than 100
for all four, OK?

34
00:02:00,923 --> 00:02:02,363
Is this our marriage now?

35
00:02:04,403 --> 00:02:07,123
WIND SWIRLS

36
00:02:07,123 --> 00:02:09,603
WEATHER VANE SQUEAKS

37
00:02:11,003 --> 00:02:13,403
Ooh, new game.

38
00:02:13,403 --> 00:02:15,083
Ooh.

39
00:02:17,403 --> 00:02:19,123
FIRE CRACKLES

40
00:02:19,123 --> 00:02:21,163
HE SNIFFS

41
00:02:23,883 --> 00:02:25,443
Not again!

42
00:02:32,843 --> 00:02:35,403
Ah! Were I alive... No.

43
00:02:35,403 --> 00:02:37,563
I was going to say I'd help you
make the bed.

44
00:02:38,483 --> 00:02:40,763
PHONE VIBRATES
Ooh.

45
00:02:41,843 --> 00:02:44,003
More bookings.

46
00:02:44,003 --> 00:02:46,203
That extra star makes all
the difference.

47
00:02:46,203 --> 00:02:47,923
Yes!

48
00:02:47,923 --> 00:02:49,203
I don't know what you mean.

49
00:02:49,203 --> 00:02:51,963
Oh, come on. There's a woman here
who said, under requests,

50
00:02:51,963 --> 00:02:53,443
"Looking forward to our stay.

51
00:02:53,443 --> 00:02:56,203
"Please arrange kennels
for four Afghan hounds."

52
00:02:56,203 --> 00:02:58,923
I am outraged on your behalf.

53
00:02:58,923 --> 00:03:02,163
Crumbs, they're all at it.
"What speed is the Wi-Fi?"

54
00:03:02,163 --> 00:03:04,403
"Hypoallergenic pillows, please."

55
00:03:04,403 --> 00:03:06,363
"We would like vegan breakfast"?!

56
00:03:06,363 --> 00:03:08,643
Oh, no actually,
OK, that is actually fair enough.

57
00:03:08,643 --> 00:03:10,883
Where is "Vega"?
What do they eat?

58
00:03:10,883 --> 00:03:13,843
No meat, no fish,
no dairy, no eggs.

59
00:03:15,323 --> 00:03:16,803
Those poor souls.

60
00:03:19,283 --> 00:03:21,483
You're back.
Did you get the chairs?

61
00:03:21,483 --> 00:03:23,963
No, sorry. They went up to 130.

62
00:03:23,963 --> 00:03:26,843
So I did one of those.
Which they also thought was a bid,

63
00:03:26,843 --> 00:03:30,643
But then someone went to 140
and I stayed really still.

64
00:03:30,643 --> 00:03:33,203
Oh, that's a shame. Well, I'll try
the ones in the shed.

65
00:03:33,203 --> 00:03:34,563
Yeah, yeah. But, but...

66
00:03:34,563 --> 00:03:36,403
I didn't come home empty handed. Oh.

67
00:03:36,403 --> 00:03:37,963
Bear with me.

68
00:03:44,563 --> 00:03:46,443
HE SNIFFS

69
00:03:48,723 --> 00:03:50,603
AHHHH!

70
00:03:51,843 --> 00:03:53,443
AHHH! AHHH! AHHHHHHH!

71
00:03:53,443 --> 00:03:57,523
No, so, I was saying "bear with me"

72
00:03:57,523 --> 00:04:00,083
because there's literally...

73
00:04:00,083 --> 00:04:01,563
A bear with me.

74
00:04:01,563 --> 00:04:03,123
I bought a bear.

75
00:04:04,603 --> 00:04:06,003
You really did.

76
00:04:06,003 --> 00:04:07,563
Fine, fine.

77
00:04:07,563 --> 00:04:11,283
Well, let's just call Birthmark Club
a partial success.

78
00:04:11,283 --> 00:04:13,483
Is bear in Breakfast Room!

79
00:04:13,483 --> 00:04:17,203
And I shall follow up on that rumour
on Lady B later.

80
00:04:17,203 --> 00:04:19,043
Left buttock.

81
00:04:19,043 --> 00:04:21,163
There's a bear in
the Breakfast Room.

82
00:04:21,163 --> 00:04:22,203
What?!

83
00:04:22,203 --> 00:04:25,963
Oh, interesting. A bear?
Very exciting... A real life bear?

84
00:04:25,963 --> 00:04:27,563
...for people with legs.

85
00:04:28,563 --> 00:04:30,443
It was a bargain. Guess how much.

86
00:04:30,443 --> 00:04:31,803
200 quid?

87
00:04:31,803 --> 00:04:33,723
Oh, could you...
Could you guess a bit more?

88
00:04:33,723 --> 00:04:35,843
Mike. It's terrifying.
It's a talking point.

89
00:04:35,843 --> 00:04:37,923
Oh, yeah. "Have you seen the giant
bear, darling?"

90
00:04:37,923 --> 00:04:39,363
"Yeah, it put me off my breakfast."

91
00:04:39,363 --> 00:04:41,523
Rubbish. It just needs,
like, sprucing up, you know?

92
00:04:41,523 --> 00:04:44,163
I'm telling you,
this thing is sick. What?

93
00:04:44,163 --> 00:04:47,963
Sick? I think it might be dead.
Should someone tell him?

94
00:04:47,963 --> 00:04:50,843
Er, no, he doesn't literally
mean sick, Kitty.

95
00:04:50,843 --> 00:04:54,043
It's a sort of American
street slang.

96
00:04:54,043 --> 00:04:55,883
You know, you say
something negative,

97
00:04:55,883 --> 00:04:58,203
when you mean
something positive.

98
00:04:58,203 --> 00:05:02,043
So one might say "Oh, man,
this modular hi-fi system is bad!"

99
00:05:02,043 --> 00:05:04,563
When really you mean it's
terribly good.

100
00:05:04,563 --> 00:05:08,123
So the opposite.
Er, sort of, yeah.

101
00:05:08,123 --> 00:05:10,763
Like when the Captain say
that you're morally bankrupt?

102
00:05:10,763 --> 00:05:13,683
Er... ye-eees.

103
00:05:13,683 --> 00:05:15,403
Ha. Wow. Haa.

104
00:05:15,403 --> 00:05:16,643
Do you like it?

105
00:05:16,643 --> 00:05:19,443
Oh, I think it's... bad.

106
00:05:19,443 --> 00:05:22,883
Yeah, OK. Good, me too.
Very, very bad.

107
00:05:22,883 --> 00:05:26,283
Well, try telling Mike that.
Oh, I would if I could.

108
00:05:26,283 --> 00:05:29,763
Morally bankrupt, eh?
I'm sorry?

109
00:05:29,763 --> 00:05:35,243
A little dicky bird tells me
you think I'm morally bankrupt.

110
00:05:35,243 --> 00:05:37,403
That's right.

111
00:05:37,403 --> 00:05:40,563
What?
We all do. What's that?

112
00:05:40,563 --> 00:05:43,723
Julian. Morally bankrupt.
Oh, Good Lord, yes.

113
00:05:43,723 --> 00:05:45,763
You can be a little, uh...

114
00:05:45,763 --> 00:05:49,283
Oh, right.
Thought you might try and deny it.

115
00:05:49,283 --> 00:05:52,043
Oh, I assumed you knew. You know,
because of everything you do.

116
00:05:52,043 --> 00:05:54,963
And say. Well, quite.

117
00:05:54,963 --> 00:05:56,603
Well. I'm no bleeding heart liberal.

118
00:05:56,603 --> 00:06:00,123
But I do care about things.

119
00:06:00,123 --> 00:06:03,603
People.
You know, I like to, erm...

120
00:06:03,603 --> 00:06:05,923
...help.

121
00:06:05,923 --> 00:06:09,043
LAUGHTER

122
00:06:09,043 --> 00:06:10,963
He almost done me there.

123
00:06:10,963 --> 00:06:12,883
Oh, very good. Carry On.

124
00:06:12,883 --> 00:06:17,683
Oh, dear. So was it in a cage?
No, it was on the stage. What?

125
00:06:19,883 --> 00:06:22,523
Hey. I'm calling him Bear Grills.

126
00:06:22,523 --> 00:06:24,403
But Grills spelt like how you cook
a breakfast.

127
00:06:24,403 --> 00:06:26,283
Mike, the bear has to go.

128
00:06:26,283 --> 00:06:29,043
It's ugly and it's scary and it's
going to freak out the guests.

129
00:06:29,043 --> 00:06:31,083
Well, I disagree, so...

130
00:06:31,083 --> 00:06:33,083
We've just clawed our way
to five stars,

131
00:06:33,083 --> 00:06:35,963
I'm not risking that
for some filthy animal.

132
00:06:35,963 --> 00:06:38,403
Me or the bear? Mike!

133
00:06:38,403 --> 00:06:40,883
Why is it that when it comes to
the running our business,

134
00:06:40,883 --> 00:06:43,763
my opinion seems to mean nothing?
That's not true.

135
00:06:43,763 --> 00:06:47,443
It's just you have a history of
buying mad stuff. Like what?

136
00:06:47,443 --> 00:06:49,923
Like the "Butt Ho" hoodie,
like the inflatable suits,

137
00:06:49,923 --> 00:06:51,483
like the giant bear.

138
00:06:51,483 --> 00:06:53,323
Well, at least I do stuff. Yeah?

139
00:06:53,323 --> 00:06:55,523
I don't just sit around all day
talking to my dead mates.

140
00:06:55,523 --> 00:06:58,203
Oh, sit around? Mike,
I do the books,

141
00:06:58,203 --> 00:07:00,643
I do the check-ins,
the adverts, the running repairs.

142
00:07:00,643 --> 00:07:02,603
And now I have to sort out all of
the chairs,

143
00:07:02,603 --> 00:07:04,923
and devise a five-star
vegan breakfast.

144
00:07:04,923 --> 00:07:07,403
Fine. I'll do the breakfast.
But the bear stays.

145
00:07:07,403 --> 00:07:09,963
Er, are you joking?
It stays.

146
00:07:09,963 --> 00:07:12,563
Not in here it doesn't. Ugh!

147
00:07:12,563 --> 00:07:14,123
Fine.

148
00:07:28,123 --> 00:07:32,323
"Ooh, look at me, I'm Alison.
I do everything."

149
00:07:32,323 --> 00:07:34,323
Well we'll see about that.

150
00:07:35,563 --> 00:07:38,083
OK.

151
00:07:38,083 --> 00:07:41,283
Ah. Veg-ann? Vegan.
What?

152
00:07:41,283 --> 00:07:44,763
No meat, no fish, no dairy.
Oh, right.

153
00:07:44,763 --> 00:07:47,243
Good luck to them, I say.

154
00:07:47,243 --> 00:07:51,763
Can't be easy going cold turkey on
luncheon meat and Billy Bear ham.

155
00:07:51,763 --> 00:07:54,403
And eggs. You what?

156
00:07:54,403 --> 00:07:56,523
Alison said they don't eat eggs.

157
00:07:56,523 --> 00:07:58,523
HE SNORTS

158
00:07:58,523 --> 00:08:00,523
What's wrong with 'em?

159
00:08:00,523 --> 00:08:03,123
I mean, what they having
with their chips?

160
00:08:03,123 --> 00:08:05,123
What are they dipping their
soldiers in?

161
00:08:05,123 --> 00:08:07,003
What they putting on top
of their gammon?

162
00:08:07,003 --> 00:08:09,043
They wouldn't have gammon.
Don't change the subject!

163
00:08:09,043 --> 00:08:10,883
What's wrong with eggs?
Nothing's wrong with eggs.

164
00:08:10,883 --> 00:08:12,283
Then why won't you let me have 'em?

165
00:08:12,283 --> 00:08:14,003
I am not saying that,
I'm just telling you.

166
00:08:14,003 --> 00:08:15,883
A man needs eggs to sustain himself!

167
00:08:15,883 --> 00:08:18,203
Well, fascinating.

168
00:08:18,203 --> 00:08:20,603
Vegan. Vegans.

169
00:08:20,603 --> 00:08:23,043
Veg-an? Veg, Ve-gans.

170
00:08:23,043 --> 00:08:24,763
AHH!

171
00:08:24,763 --> 00:08:27,283
Hey! Hey. Robin.

172
00:08:27,283 --> 00:08:28,923
What on earth are you doing
in there?

173
00:08:28,923 --> 00:08:31,323
Has it gone? Bear?

174
00:08:32,363 --> 00:08:36,043
Well, of course it's not gone. Ohh.
It can't go anywhere.

175
00:08:36,043 --> 00:08:38,763
It's just a big lump of sawdust
and fur.

176
00:08:38,763 --> 00:08:42,723
Honestly, what's the matter
with you?

177
00:08:42,723 --> 00:08:45,163
It just remind me of...

178
00:08:45,163 --> 00:08:47,803
...very bad day.

179
00:08:47,803 --> 00:08:50,163
THUNDER RUMBLES

180
00:08:57,603 --> 00:08:59,443
HE SNIFFS

181
00:09:03,883 --> 00:09:06,003
Oh. Uh.

182
00:09:06,003 --> 00:09:07,043
Uhh?

183
00:09:10,243 --> 00:09:11,763
Uh!

184
00:09:11,763 --> 00:09:13,283
Uh-yuh?

185
00:09:15,323 --> 00:09:17,443
Nuh-muh. Huh?

186
00:09:17,443 --> 00:09:19,323
Lah, "Wahhh!"

187
00:09:20,283 --> 00:09:21,683
Yuh!

188
00:09:35,803 --> 00:09:38,083
DEEP GROWL

189
00:09:44,843 --> 00:09:46,163
Wuh?

190
00:09:50,683 --> 00:09:52,843
GROWLING

191
00:09:59,563 --> 00:10:01,523
Um-deh...

192
00:10:07,603 --> 00:10:09,523
Huh?

193
00:10:10,763 --> 00:10:12,763
Yaaaa!

194
00:10:22,003 --> 00:10:24,003
Oh! I know.

195
00:10:24,003 --> 00:10:29,923
Oh, I have never seen such
a tasteless, mangy looking...

196
00:10:29,923 --> 00:10:32,283
Oh, it's a Gerrard.
A what?

197
00:10:32,283 --> 00:10:37,123
Gerrard & Sons. The undisputed
masters of taxidermy.

198
00:10:37,123 --> 00:10:40,563
They're the chaps who did Dante
for me. Oh.

199
00:10:40,563 --> 00:10:44,363
Oh, yes, yes. Now look at
the detail, Alison.

200
00:10:44,363 --> 00:10:48,803
Do you see how they've gathered the
hide into the pinch of the anus?

201
00:10:48,803 --> 00:10:50,443
Oh, OK. OK.

202
00:10:50,443 --> 00:10:54,123
I'm going to just go and think about
that sentence, forever. Tremendous.

203
00:10:54,123 --> 00:10:56,083
It just, uh, sawdust and fur.

204
00:10:56,083 --> 00:10:58,483
That's the spirit.
That's the spirit.

205
00:10:58,483 --> 00:11:01,043
OK... OK.

206
00:11:05,043 --> 00:11:07,643
Nothing but sawdust and fu...

207
00:11:07,643 --> 00:11:09,403
Huh?

208
00:11:11,563 --> 00:11:13,763
♪ Pom-bom-bom, bom... ♪

209
00:11:13,763 --> 00:11:16,523
Oh, dear. No, no, no,
that won't do.

210
00:11:16,523 --> 00:11:18,043
That won't do at all.

211
00:11:18,043 --> 00:11:19,923
Are you OK, Fanny?

212
00:11:19,923 --> 00:11:22,523
Anything I can HELP you with?

213
00:11:22,523 --> 00:11:24,763
Ah, well, it's the eye, you see.

214
00:11:24,763 --> 00:11:28,283
The left one.
His gaze is all askew.

215
00:11:28,283 --> 00:11:34,003
So it is. Well, let's see what we
can do with the old magic finger.

216
00:11:34,003 --> 00:11:35,723
Very well.

217
00:11:35,723 --> 00:11:37,963
Where bear?

218
00:11:39,083 --> 00:11:40,563
Oh...

219
00:11:46,403 --> 00:11:50,443
Oh, yes, pin's just
a little jammed in here.

220
00:11:50,443 --> 00:11:52,003
HE STRAINS

221
00:11:54,123 --> 00:11:56,683
HE ROARS WITH EFFORT

222
00:11:58,443 --> 00:12:01,043
ROARING CONTINUES

223
00:12:02,923 --> 00:12:05,083
AHHHHH!

224
00:12:05,083 --> 00:12:08,203
Oh, yes, yes, that's much better.

225
00:12:08,203 --> 00:12:09,523
Thank you, Julian.

226
00:12:09,523 --> 00:12:12,803
Not at all, happy to HELLLP.

227
00:12:28,083 --> 00:12:30,723
But what sort of craft?
Upcycling.

228
00:12:30,723 --> 00:12:34,163
Sounds exhausting. Yeah, well,
Mike blew all of our chair money,

229
00:12:34,163 --> 00:12:38,723
so we just have to make do
and mend. Ah, yes, there they are.

230
00:12:38,723 --> 00:12:40,363
Ah, OK.

231
00:12:40,363 --> 00:12:44,123
Well, not exactly five-star.

232
00:12:44,123 --> 00:12:49,203
What do you think?
Hmmm. They do look pretty...

233
00:12:49,203 --> 00:12:51,403
..."good"? Yeah?

234
00:12:51,403 --> 00:12:55,243
Well, the condition's
just "wonderful".

235
00:12:55,243 --> 00:12:59,323
And the legs are
all "sturdy".

236
00:13:00,443 --> 00:13:02,963
Hmmm. Maybe they're not so bad.

237
00:13:02,963 --> 00:13:05,643
Yes. Not BAD at all.

238
00:13:05,643 --> 00:13:07,883
OK, well, let's give it a go.

239
00:13:13,363 --> 00:13:16,443
You're shooting the messenger.
And I hate being shot.

240
00:13:16,443 --> 00:13:19,403
Well, then answer the question -
why can't I have my egg?

241
00:13:19,403 --> 00:13:21,323
I don't know.

242
00:13:21,323 --> 00:13:23,923
I suppose it's more about
the chicken than the egg.

243
00:13:23,923 --> 00:13:25,563
You what?

244
00:13:25,563 --> 00:13:28,923
Well, if only lady chickens
lay eggs,

245
00:13:28,923 --> 00:13:33,523
then what do you suppose happens
to all the boy chickens?

246
00:13:33,523 --> 00:13:36,563
Well, I suppose they all just go off

247
00:13:36,563 --> 00:13:39,283
into a field together.

248
00:13:39,283 --> 00:13:43,523
Or a nice barn until they get old.

249
00:13:43,523 --> 00:13:46,403
WHISPERS: Do you think that's
what happens?

250
00:13:46,403 --> 00:13:48,203
No.

251
00:13:48,203 --> 00:13:50,843
Hang on. What the heck is aquafaba?

252
00:13:50,843 --> 00:13:53,563
Oh, I'm going to have to go to
the shops.

253
00:13:53,563 --> 00:13:55,403
All those little chicks.

254
00:13:55,403 --> 00:13:59,083
Makes you think, doesn't it?
Really does.

255
00:13:59,083 --> 00:14:06,363
DRAMATIC MUSIC

256
00:14:07,483 --> 00:14:11,443
Ehh. And crisis averted.

257
00:14:11,443 --> 00:14:15,683
No, no, don't mention it.
I'm happy to help...

258
00:14:17,123 --> 00:14:18,923
Well, what's the point in being virtuous

259
00:14:18,923 --> 00:14:20,763
if there's no-one to witness it?

260
00:14:22,283 --> 00:14:24,443
Well, you're no good.

261
00:14:24,443 --> 00:14:27,883
HE SNUFFLES

262
00:14:31,043 --> 00:14:32,523
DRAMATIC MUSIC

263
00:14:32,523 --> 00:14:33,963
Oh, come on!

264
00:14:38,243 --> 00:14:43,923
Erm... Fire? Someone? Anyone?

265
00:14:43,923 --> 00:14:46,523
Well, you're no good.
Keys, keys, keys. Ah.

266
00:14:49,723 --> 00:14:51,843
Who put...?

267
00:14:51,843 --> 00:14:55,163
So, that's how we're playing,
is it? Fine.

268
00:14:55,163 --> 00:14:56,363
Oh.

269
00:14:56,363 --> 00:14:59,963
All right. Come on, mate.

270
00:15:02,123 --> 00:15:04,203
Yeah. Rub it in.

271
00:15:07,003 --> 00:15:10,563
Ooh. That would work. Yeah?

272
00:15:10,563 --> 00:15:11,963
Honestly, Alison.

273
00:15:11,963 --> 00:15:14,803
I thought these were GOOD
when we found them,

274
00:15:14,803 --> 00:15:17,963
but that looks so, SO BAD.

275
00:15:17,963 --> 00:15:21,683
Well, thank you for your honesty.

276
00:15:27,883 --> 00:15:29,523
HE STRAINS

277
00:15:29,523 --> 00:15:32,163
There. Pride of place.

278
00:15:33,923 --> 00:15:35,363
Whoa.

279
00:15:36,683 --> 00:15:38,643
There.

280
00:15:42,923 --> 00:15:46,043
Come on. Pull self together.

281
00:15:46,043 --> 00:15:47,763
You just tired.

282
00:15:47,763 --> 00:15:49,403
And dead.

283
00:15:49,403 --> 00:15:50,923
Dead tired.

284
00:15:56,603 --> 00:15:58,723
There nothing to be scared of.

285
00:16:02,003 --> 00:16:05,723
HE SCREAMS

286
00:16:05,723 --> 00:16:07,723
Hey.

287
00:16:11,043 --> 00:16:15,043
Hmm. Right, shop.

288
00:16:15,043 --> 00:16:17,883
Like I'm not already doing
everything round here.

289
00:16:17,883 --> 00:16:19,283
Oh.

290
00:16:21,923 --> 00:16:26,003
No. No. No. No. No. Mike?

291
00:16:26,003 --> 00:16:27,723
SHE SIGHS

292
00:16:29,083 --> 00:16:30,763
Come on.

293
00:16:30,763 --> 00:16:33,323
SHE STRAINS

294
00:16:33,323 --> 00:16:36,843
LOUD BANGS AND YELPS

295
00:16:38,323 --> 00:16:42,443
There's a bear.
There's a big bear. Huge bear.

296
00:16:42,443 --> 00:16:44,643
What's he say?
Said he saw a bear... bear...

297
00:16:44,643 --> 00:16:48,003
SOUND REVERBERATES

298
00:16:48,003 --> 00:16:50,323
THUNDER ROARS

299
00:16:50,323 --> 00:16:53,523
THEY PANT

300
00:16:56,403 --> 00:16:58,923
EERIE ANIMAL NOISES

301
00:17:00,123 --> 00:17:01,963
HE GRUNTS

302
00:17:05,683 --> 00:17:07,803
HE GRUNTS

303
00:17:07,803 --> 00:17:11,323
HEAVY BREATHING OFF-SCREEN

304
00:17:16,603 --> 00:17:18,043
THEY CHUCKLE

305
00:17:18,043 --> 00:17:19,803
HE YELPS

306
00:17:20,963 --> 00:17:23,203
ANIMAL ROARS

307
00:17:31,683 --> 00:17:36,363
ANIMAL GROWLS

308
00:17:36,363 --> 00:17:38,243
ANIMAL ROARS

309
00:17:38,243 --> 00:17:40,483
HE YELPS

310
00:17:40,483 --> 00:17:42,883
What did it look like, then? Eh?

311
00:17:42,883 --> 00:17:44,843
This bear you saw. Up there.

312
00:17:44,843 --> 00:17:46,243
It look like bear.

313
00:17:46,243 --> 00:17:49,043
Well, yeah, but what, brown bear,
grizzly bear, Kodiak bear?

314
00:17:49,043 --> 00:17:53,163
I don't know. If you see bear in
house, probably right bear.

315
00:17:53,163 --> 00:17:57,523
No offence, but what are you scared
of? You're already dead.

316
00:17:57,523 --> 00:17:59,603
So is bear.

317
00:17:59,603 --> 00:18:02,683
He's got a point. Oh, look, if I
could just be the voice of reason

318
00:18:02,683 --> 00:18:04,483
for a moment. Here she goes.

319
00:18:04,483 --> 00:18:06,963
As there hasn't been any dead bear
attacks in this house

320
00:18:06,963 --> 00:18:09,963
in the last 600 years,
I'm going to go out on a limb

321
00:18:09,963 --> 00:18:13,243
and say one is probably not about
to come crashing down the stairs.

322
00:18:13,243 --> 00:18:14,443
LOUD BANG

323
00:18:14,443 --> 00:18:18,043
THEY SCREAM

324
00:18:18,043 --> 00:18:19,163
ELECTRICS HUM

325
00:18:19,163 --> 00:18:22,123
THEY SCREAM

326
00:18:22,123 --> 00:18:25,643
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. No. No.
It's Alison. It's Alison.

327
00:18:25,643 --> 00:18:28,163
It's not even a bear. Not a bear.
It's not a bear.

328
00:18:28,163 --> 00:18:29,763
It's not a bear - it's Alison.

329
00:18:29,763 --> 00:18:32,523
What's she bringing
that down here for?

330
00:18:32,523 --> 00:18:34,203
I know, I know, it's awful.

331
00:18:34,203 --> 00:18:35,643
But can...

332
00:18:35,643 --> 00:18:38,043
It's just until Mike
forgets about it.

333
00:18:38,043 --> 00:18:39,963
Fine. Put it with the rest.

334
00:18:39,963 --> 00:18:41,403
Thanks, guys.

335
00:18:41,403 --> 00:18:45,843
SHE STRAINS

336
00:18:56,283 --> 00:18:57,963
Thanks.

337
00:18:57,963 --> 00:19:00,683
There you are.
Are we still doing our craft?

338
00:19:00,683 --> 00:19:03,563
Yeah, yeah,
I just got a bit waylaid.

339
00:19:03,563 --> 00:19:06,523
I'll tell you what, it's pretty big,
isn't it? It's massive.

340
00:19:06,523 --> 00:19:09,803
I think it's SICK.

341
00:19:09,803 --> 00:19:12,443
Let's hope it's not contagious.

342
00:19:15,483 --> 00:19:17,843
Still too soon?

343
00:19:17,843 --> 00:19:19,963
All right. Back to craft club.

344
00:19:19,963 --> 00:19:21,763
Spending all this time together.

345
00:19:21,763 --> 00:19:24,363
It's awful and I HATE it.
SHE CHUCKLES

346
00:19:24,363 --> 00:19:29,083
What? Ah, now, I might be able to
explain what's going on there.

347
00:19:29,083 --> 00:19:31,763
See, I may have mentioned,
in passing,

348
00:19:31,763 --> 00:19:34,403
that American youths now use
the word "bad"

349
00:19:34,403 --> 00:19:36,203
to describe something "good."

350
00:19:36,203 --> 00:19:39,523
Don't know if you've seen the LP
by the popular recording artist

351
00:19:39,523 --> 00:19:41,203
Michael Jackson?

352
00:19:41,203 --> 00:19:44,483
Erm... Anyway, seems Kitty has
rather taken the idea

353
00:19:44,483 --> 00:19:45,723
and run with it.

354
00:19:45,723 --> 00:19:47,803
Oh, right. Yeah, OK.

355
00:19:47,803 --> 00:19:51,003
Oh, that explains a lot.
Yeah. Yeah. Thanks, Julian.

356
00:19:51,003 --> 00:19:54,843
Oh, no, no, HAPPY TO HELP.

357
00:19:54,843 --> 00:19:56,683
SPREAD THE WORD! Mm?

358
00:19:57,683 --> 00:19:59,443
Ha.

359
00:19:59,443 --> 00:20:02,443
We're going to find her... Outside.
...and I tell you what...

360
00:20:02,443 --> 00:20:06,603
Ah, Alison. Glad we caught you.
Do you have any eggs in the house?

361
00:20:06,603 --> 00:20:09,003
I'm busy, Pat, and I don't like you
watching me eat.

362
00:20:09,003 --> 00:20:10,763
No, no, we want you to get rid of them.

363
00:20:10,763 --> 00:20:13,003
And any meat. Why?

364
00:20:13,003 --> 00:20:14,643
Because it's murder, Alison.

365
00:20:14,643 --> 00:20:18,163
Yeah. So we're giving it up,
aren't we? Mm-hm.

366
00:20:18,163 --> 00:20:19,323
You already gave it up.

367
00:20:19,323 --> 00:20:21,723
I mean, you've given up eating
everything. Oh!

368
00:20:21,723 --> 00:20:23,763
What you really want is for me
to give it up.

369
00:20:23,763 --> 00:20:26,203
No, this is not about you, Alison.

370
00:20:26,203 --> 00:20:28,003
This is about all those little animals.

371
00:20:28,003 --> 00:20:29,363
Innocent creatures.

372
00:20:32,003 --> 00:20:34,803
Chickpea water. Vegan breakfast.

373
00:20:34,803 --> 00:20:36,723
Right on, brother!

374
00:20:36,723 --> 00:20:38,123
What the...?

375
00:20:38,123 --> 00:20:39,843
Right, this isn't a game.
Where's my bear?

376
00:20:39,843 --> 00:20:42,803
Firstly, "where's my bear?" sounds
like a game. KITTY: Alison, come on!

377
00:20:42,803 --> 00:20:45,043
And secondly, I've put it somewhere
more appropriate.

378
00:20:45,043 --> 00:20:46,523
And don't bother trying to find it,

379
00:20:46,523 --> 00:20:48,323
cos you're never going to guess
where it is...

380
00:20:48,323 --> 00:20:50,443
In the cellar with my other stuff. No.

381
00:20:50,443 --> 00:20:53,003
No. Mike, wait. Just leave it.
Just leave it.

382
00:20:53,003 --> 00:20:56,443
It's tacky and ugly and it'll upset
my guests. Our guests.

383
00:20:56,443 --> 00:20:58,403
I bust a gut for this place just as
much as you do,

384
00:20:58,403 --> 00:21:00,483
I ask for one little thing
and you're acting like...

385
00:21:00,483 --> 00:21:01,803
It's a huge thing!

386
00:21:01,803 --> 00:21:04,563
It's a huge, ugly, snarling thing

387
00:21:04,563 --> 00:21:07,803
and I don't want it anywhere
in this house.

388
00:21:07,803 --> 00:21:09,963
Fine. Fine? Fine.

389
00:21:09,963 --> 00:21:11,123
Fine!

390
00:21:18,483 --> 00:21:20,683
Where is it? Where's Gerrard?

391
00:21:20,683 --> 00:21:22,323
Oh, he lives in the cellar now.

392
00:21:22,323 --> 00:21:23,923
What?! No! No, no, no.

393
00:21:23,923 --> 00:21:26,363
He should be out on display.
He's magnificent.

394
00:21:26,363 --> 00:21:28,363
Yes, he's totally ghastly.

395
00:21:28,363 --> 00:21:30,883
How dare you?! He's a masterpiece.

396
00:21:30,883 --> 00:21:35,723
I agree. He makes me want to do
a sick in my mouth.

397
00:21:35,723 --> 00:21:37,763
Kitty, you appear to be talking at

398
00:21:37,763 --> 00:21:40,083
slightly cross purposes
with... yourself.

399
00:21:40,083 --> 00:21:43,083
No, no. Julian explained that
young people today say

400
00:21:43,083 --> 00:21:44,803
the opposite of what they mean.

401
00:21:44,803 --> 00:21:48,723
Kitty, listening
to Julian is seldom a wise idea.

402
00:21:48,723 --> 00:21:52,003
You have a wonderful grasp
of the King's English

403
00:21:52,003 --> 00:21:54,883
and it would avoid a great deal
of confusion if you would revert

404
00:21:54,883 --> 00:21:57,803
to using it in
the traditional manner.

405
00:21:57,803 --> 00:22:01,083
Yes. Perhaps that's a... good idea.

406
00:22:01,083 --> 00:22:02,963
Yes, much better.

407
00:22:02,963 --> 00:22:04,563
Come on, then, Kitty.

408
00:22:04,563 --> 00:22:05,683
Coming!

409
00:22:09,363 --> 00:22:11,043
There we go.

410
00:22:12,563 --> 00:22:13,843
What do you think?

411
00:22:13,843 --> 00:22:17,563
I think it's garish and vulgar.

412
00:22:17,563 --> 00:22:19,363
Thank you, Kitty.

413
00:22:23,723 --> 00:22:26,163
MOCKINGLY: "I don't want it anywhere
in this house!"

414
00:22:26,163 --> 00:22:30,803
I'll get it out of the house,
all right.

415
00:22:30,803 --> 00:22:34,923
It's all in your head. It's all in
your head. It's in your head.

416
00:22:34,923 --> 00:22:38,083
Argh! Argh!

417
00:22:38,083 --> 00:22:40,443
Oh! Oh!

418
00:22:40,443 --> 00:22:42,083
Why he get so close?

419
00:22:44,323 --> 00:22:46,083
Hang on.

420
00:22:46,083 --> 00:22:50,603
How dead bear attack live man?

421
00:22:52,643 --> 00:22:55,003
Oh, that's right, buddy.

422
00:22:55,003 --> 00:22:57,043
We're putting the B in B&B.

423
00:22:57,043 --> 00:22:58,483
To the gatehouse.

424
00:23:00,683 --> 00:23:02,363
You so silly sometimes.

425
00:23:04,963 --> 00:23:06,283
HE SCREAMS

426
00:23:16,043 --> 00:23:19,043
THUNDER CRASHES, RAIN PATTERS

427
00:23:28,123 --> 00:23:29,163
Oh...

428
00:23:32,123 --> 00:23:35,163
LOW RUMBLING

429
00:23:45,923 --> 00:23:47,803
HE BREATHES SHAKILY

430
00:23:56,683 --> 00:23:57,723
THUNDER CRASHES

431
00:23:57,723 --> 00:23:58,923
HE BABBLES

432
00:24:17,043 --> 00:24:19,523
THUNDER RUMBLES
Oh, no, no, no, don't get it wet.

433
00:24:19,523 --> 00:24:20,723
Don't get it wet.

434
00:24:26,763 --> 00:24:28,483
You have got to be kidding me.

435
00:24:38,243 --> 00:24:39,563
What the hell is he...?

436
00:24:48,323 --> 00:24:49,723
Mike!

437
00:24:52,723 --> 00:24:54,283
Mike!

438
00:24:54,283 --> 00:24:56,843
Get away from the tree!

439
00:24:56,843 --> 00:25:00,323
HE ROARS

440
00:25:07,083 --> 00:25:08,763
THUNDER CRASHES

441
00:25:17,123 --> 00:25:19,283
Come on, then!

442
00:25:23,523 --> 00:25:24,683
THEY GASP

443
00:25:33,523 --> 00:25:35,563
Ah...

444
00:25:35,563 --> 00:25:37,603
Whoa.

445
00:25:43,003 --> 00:25:44,203
Mike!

446
00:25:45,683 --> 00:25:47,323
Alison...

447
00:25:52,363 --> 00:25:53,803
I'm so sorry. I'm sorry... I...

448
00:25:55,803 --> 00:25:58,483
Let's get back to the house.
Wait, the bear.

449
00:26:03,283 --> 00:26:04,403
Good.

450
00:26:04,403 --> 00:26:06,043
I thought lightning never strikes...

451
00:26:06,043 --> 00:26:07,283
Oh!

452
00:26:07,283 --> 00:26:08,843
WINDOWS SHATTER

453
00:26:08,843 --> 00:26:09,883
ALL: Oh...

454
00:26:22,043 --> 00:26:23,923
That's the end of that, then.

455
00:26:25,323 --> 00:26:28,523
Old place had a good innings,
I suppose.

456
00:26:28,523 --> 00:26:32,003
The question is, what now?

457
00:26:32,003 --> 00:26:36,043
Yeah. What now?

458
00:26:36,043 --> 00:26:39,963
I guess we put in a claim,
get some quotes.

459
00:26:39,963 --> 00:26:43,963
Rebuild, reopen.
Or we could, you know...

460
00:26:43,963 --> 00:26:45,483
...not.

461
00:26:45,483 --> 00:26:47,003
Not what?

462
00:26:47,003 --> 00:26:49,763
We worked so hard
to make this five stars,

463
00:26:49,763 --> 00:26:53,443
and for what? Even more work,
even more stress,

464
00:26:53,443 --> 00:26:55,283
and us at each other's throats.

465
00:26:55,283 --> 00:26:56,883
Yeah, that was about the bear.

466
00:26:56,883 --> 00:26:59,563
The bear was about the gatehouse.

467
00:26:59,563 --> 00:27:01,363
Yeah.

468
00:27:01,363 --> 00:27:03,763
This was supposed to be
the easy bit.

469
00:27:03,763 --> 00:27:05,563
Imagine the hotel. Yeah.

470
00:27:07,403 --> 00:27:10,323
What will we do for money?

471
00:27:10,323 --> 00:27:12,723
Honestly, I have no idea.

472
00:27:12,723 --> 00:27:14,883
SIRENS WAIL

473
00:27:16,003 --> 00:27:17,203
Hmm...

474
00:27:17,203 --> 00:27:19,283
SHE EXHALES

475
00:27:26,403 --> 00:27:28,403
Well, it's not exactly a bear, but...

476
00:27:28,403 --> 00:27:30,403
No, no, it's wonderful.

477
00:27:30,403 --> 00:27:32,803
Yeah, I prefer the duck.

478
00:27:32,803 --> 00:27:36,243
Do you see how the down tucks into
the posterior crevice?

479
00:27:36,243 --> 00:27:40,203
Now that is the hallmark of
a true Gerrard. Wonderful.

480
00:27:40,203 --> 00:27:43,443
Yeah, can't believe you found
another Gerrard.

481
00:27:43,443 --> 00:27:45,483
I didn't. It's just the duck from
the library,

482
00:27:45,483 --> 00:27:47,963
I just took the name plate
from the bear and stuck it on.

483
00:27:47,963 --> 00:27:49,243
Very resourceful. Yeah.

484
00:27:49,243 --> 00:27:51,403
Fraudulent, but resourceful.

485
00:27:51,403 --> 00:27:53,203
Well, it was Julian's idea.

486
00:27:53,203 --> 00:27:58,203
Well, if it puts a smile on their
faces, I'm happy to help.

487
00:27:58,203 --> 00:27:59,843
There's a heart in there somewhere.

488
00:27:59,843 --> 00:28:02,523
Reminds me of the time I sent
an actual pig's heart,

489
00:28:02,523 --> 00:28:05,443
in a box,
as a threat to a journalist.

490
00:28:05,443 --> 00:28:06,603
And there he is.

491
00:28:06,603 --> 00:28:09,483
Right. Boiled eggs for you. Yes!

492
00:28:09,483 --> 00:28:12,003
The murderer.
Beautiful murderer.

493
00:28:12,003 --> 00:28:15,283
And for me, Mike's vegan scramble.

494
00:28:15,283 --> 00:28:18,763
For which no chickens died, and it's
absolutely delic...

495
00:28:18,763 --> 00:28:20,763
Urgh.

496
00:28:20,763 --> 00:28:25,643
Oh, I think my aquafaba was
a bit heavy on the aqua.

497
00:28:25,643 --> 00:28:28,243
Well, five stars for effort.

498
00:28:28,243 --> 00:28:30,763
Mike... Mike.

499
00:28:30,763 --> 00:28:32,243
Yeah? Yeah.

500
00:28:32,243 --> 00:28:33,403
Mm!

501
00:28:37,443 --> 00:28:39,123
Ooh...

502
00:28:39,123 --> 00:28:41,563
I suppose, when you think about it,

503
00:28:41,563 --> 00:28:45,683
most people in this house haven't
eaten an egg in decades.

504
00:28:45,683 --> 00:28:47,123
Centuries. Yeah.

505
00:28:47,123 --> 00:28:50,963
And you could argue that, well,
we've done our bit

506
00:28:50,963 --> 00:28:54,203
as a household, and that perhaps

507
00:28:54,203 --> 00:28:58,203
the occasional egg could be
forgiven?

508
00:28:58,203 --> 00:29:00,523
To whatever comes next.

509
00:29:00,523 --> 00:29:01,843
To whatever's next.

510
00:29:08,123 --> 00:29:11,803
Huh-huh-huh...
I'm not dipping it again. Ooh!