1
00:00:04,080 --> 00:00:06,340
Hey, this is a good box.
2
00:00:06,450 --> 00:00:08,600
We got a bloody foot on a hook...
3
00:00:09,680 --> 00:00:11,740
... and a dissected alien...
4
00:00:12,590 --> 00:00:14,750
... and some tax returns.
5
00:00:14,850 --> 00:00:16,290
Oooooh!
6
00:00:16,390 --> 00:00:19,219
The IRS believes we have a home office.
7
00:00:19,220 --> 00:00:21,799
- Oooooh!
- Oooooh!
8
00:00:21,800 --> 00:00:23,890
Oh, my God! You guys are
not gonna believe it!
9
00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:25,860
I passed my driving test!
10
00:00:25,970 --> 00:00:28,660
Apparently, it's "pass everyone" day.
11
00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:30,980
Come on. I'm not that bad a driver.
12
00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:32,030
I let you drive home,
13
00:00:32,040 --> 00:00:34,570
and you made a garbage truck swerve.
14
00:00:34,670 --> 00:00:35,950
You don't see something that big
15
00:00:35,980 --> 00:00:38,380
up on two wheels every day.
16
00:00:38,840 --> 00:00:41,100
It's like he was
stopping at every house.
17
00:00:41,140 --> 00:00:43,010
That's what they do!
18
00:00:45,280 --> 00:00:46,520
And then, to finish up,
19
00:00:46,550 --> 00:00:48,950
you dragged a traffic cone
most of the way home.
20
00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:51,440
Luckily, that kid's
skateboard broke it loose.
21
00:00:51,460 --> 00:00:52,590
I need a drink.
22
00:00:52,600 --> 00:00:54,490
Becky, where do you keep the hard stuff?
23
00:00:54,590 --> 00:00:55,790
In Becky.
24
00:00:57,460 --> 00:00:59,860
So, can I use Grandma's old car now?
25
00:00:59,970 --> 00:01:00,970
Yeah.
26
00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:02,180
But not to drive.
27
00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:04,670
You can sit in it and play the radio
28
00:01:04,770 --> 00:01:06,370
and go, "Vroom, vroom!"
29
00:01:06,470 --> 00:01:09,510
Your imagination is a road to anywhere.
30
00:01:14,150 --> 00:01:16,780
Well, I really do need the job.
31
00:01:16,880 --> 00:01:18,750
And, boy, do I love housecleaning.
32
00:01:20,320 --> 00:01:21,720
It's topless?
33
00:01:21,820 --> 00:01:24,720
Well, that explains the $40 an hour.
34
00:01:24,820 --> 00:01:27,260
$40 an hour? Do they take men?
35
00:01:27,360 --> 00:01:29,380
'Cause I'll show off the girls for that.
36
00:01:30,300 --> 00:01:32,499
Um, I'm gonna have to pass.
37
00:01:32,500 --> 00:01:34,320
But I will give your
number to my sister.
38
00:01:34,420 --> 00:01:35,870
Thank you.
39
00:01:35,970 --> 00:01:38,890
All right, so, since I've
got you guys here together,
40
00:01:38,900 --> 00:01:40,940
I want to show you my costume.
41
00:01:42,260 --> 00:01:44,840
Disemboweled cheerleader.
42
00:01:44,940 --> 00:01:48,890
Ohhh! Look at you, all gory and sexy.
43
00:01:48,900 --> 00:01:50,800
Uh, I'm bringing a friend to the party,
44
00:01:50,860 --> 00:01:52,880
and it looks like it's
starting to be a thing,
45
00:01:52,990 --> 00:01:54,950
so I wanted to show off a little leg,
46
00:01:55,050 --> 00:01:56,220
a little intestine.
47
00:01:57,520 --> 00:01:58,680
Who's the lucky guy?
48
00:01:58,720 --> 00:02:00,060
His name's Peter.
49
00:02:00,160 --> 00:02:03,219
Oh! Peter!
50
00:02:03,220 --> 00:02:06,000
I want your opinion. I do
not want you teasing him.
51
00:02:06,180 --> 00:02:08,040
This family has a history of chasing off
52
00:02:08,060 --> 00:02:10,200
all the unstable men that
I bring into my life,
53
00:02:10,300 --> 00:02:12,740
but Peter's different.
54
00:02:12,820 --> 00:02:14,970
Oh! Peter!
55
00:02:15,070 --> 00:02:17,640
He's different!
56
00:02:17,740 --> 00:02:20,340
I'm serious... no teasing.
57
00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:22,026
Don't worry. We'll be good.
58
00:02:22,050 --> 00:02:24,720
Yeah, you haven't dated
anyone in, like, forever.
59
00:02:24,820 --> 00:02:27,470
We're not gonna mess with
whatever straggling animal
60
00:02:27,490 --> 00:02:29,350
you've picked off the back of the herd.
61
00:02:31,780 --> 00:02:36,780
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
62
00:03:07,860 --> 00:03:09,279
"The Conners" is recorded
63
00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:10,730
in front of a live studio audience.
64
00:03:10,830 --> 00:03:13,840
All right, everybody! Get in here!
65
00:03:13,880 --> 00:03:16,030
We got to get this photo in by 9:00.
66
00:03:17,940 --> 00:03:20,370
Napoleon Blown-Apart is 'ere...
67
00:03:23,980 --> 00:03:25,840
... at your service.
68
00:03:27,080 --> 00:03:29,280
So, what do we get if we
win this Instagram thing?
69
00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:31,720
The scariest family gets a case of beer
70
00:03:31,820 --> 00:03:33,740
and a 6-foot everything sub sandwich
71
00:03:33,760 --> 00:03:35,180
from Jack's Liquor & Deli.
72
00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:38,260
Ooh! La bibliothèque!
73
00:03:38,360 --> 00:03:41,560
Becky, um...
74
00:03:41,660 --> 00:03:44,520
not sure what's going
on here, but I love it!
75
00:03:45,330 --> 00:03:47,940
Sharknade... O'Conner.
76
00:03:50,740 --> 00:03:52,700
I nee... I need more than that.
77
00:03:53,340 --> 00:03:56,000
Sinéad O'Connor and "Sharknado."
78
00:03:56,040 --> 00:03:57,210
Ohhhh!
79
00:03:57,310 --> 00:04:00,040
Well, the important
thing is you had fun.
80
00:04:01,650 --> 00:04:04,280
Scary J. Blige, you're in the front.
81
00:04:04,380 --> 00:04:06,140
Show your fangs, sweetheart.
82
00:04:06,260 --> 00:04:07,640
I dropped them on the floor.
83
00:04:07,740 --> 00:04:09,220
Give me your fangs, sweetheart.
84
00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:12,040
Big game hunter, you're
behind the couch.
85
00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:13,520
Lizzie Boredom...
86
00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:16,220
sitting on the arm of the couch,
87
00:04:16,240 --> 00:04:17,490
staring at your phone.
88
00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:19,560
Really sell the boredom now.
89
00:04:19,670 --> 00:04:20,670
All right.
90
00:04:20,770 --> 00:04:22,470
Why don't you tell me about your day?
91
00:04:24,570 --> 00:04:25,900
Why aren't you in costume?
92
00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:28,820
Oh, I can't. I got a job
interview at McNasty's.
93
00:04:29,580 --> 00:04:31,740
That place where all the
waiters are rude to you?
94
00:04:31,840 --> 00:04:33,740
You are perfect for that.
95
00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:35,359
Mom!
96
00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:36,580
I just texted a picture
97
00:04:36,600 --> 00:04:38,580
of my Fortnite costume to Joey.
98
00:04:38,680 --> 00:04:41,420
He told me that since it's
based on a violent video game,
99
00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:43,920
they're not gonna let me
into the school carnival!
100
00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:46,419
Uh, okay, I'm sorry, honey.
I have to run.
101
00:04:46,420 --> 00:04:47,940
I promise you I will take care of this
102
00:04:47,990 --> 00:04:49,330
as soon as I get home.
103
00:04:49,430 --> 00:04:51,380
No! This is an emergency!
104
00:04:51,460 --> 00:04:52,976
They banned a whole bunch of costumes.
105
00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:54,700
You were supposed to get an e-mail.
106
00:04:54,740 --> 00:04:56,170
A-All right. Hold on.
107
00:04:58,440 --> 00:05:00,540
Oh. Damn it. Here it is.
108
00:05:00,640 --> 00:05:03,200
It was important. Don't
you check your e-mails?
109
00:05:03,220 --> 00:05:04,220
I-I missed it.
110
00:05:04,240 --> 00:05:06,439
It was hiding between
"Get in Shape Today"
111
00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:08,250
and "Your Breakfast May Be Killing You."
112
00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:10,740
Well, this is stupid.
113
00:05:10,750 --> 00:05:12,560
What kind of costumes are they banning?
114
00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:14,199
It says "No costumes
115
00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:16,789
that perpetuate negative
ethnic stereotypes
116
00:05:16,790 --> 00:05:20,110
or are scary, gory, or
anything that's saddening."
117
00:05:20,140 --> 00:05:21,160
Our whole family is saddening.
118
00:05:21,180 --> 00:05:23,460
Does that mean we can't go out anymore?
119
00:05:23,560 --> 00:05:25,440
It's Halloween for God's sake!
120
00:05:25,460 --> 00:05:28,200
24 hours without laws or rules!
121
00:05:29,320 --> 00:05:31,070
That's the "Purge" movies, Dad.
122
00:05:33,140 --> 00:05:35,140
Mom, this isn't fair.
123
00:05:35,300 --> 00:05:37,370
All right, well, don't worry.
It's gonna be fine.
124
00:05:37,380 --> 00:05:39,740
We still have two days to
come up with new costumes.
125
00:05:39,850 --> 00:05:41,880
None of us want to
offend anybody, right?
126
00:05:41,980 --> 00:05:44,310
It just has to be
something other than...
127
00:05:44,420 --> 00:05:48,020
a bandito, a geisha, zombie, ninja...
128
00:05:48,120 --> 00:05:51,620
Who's offended by a ninja costume?
129
00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:53,120
I've lived in Lanford my whole life
130
00:05:53,230 --> 00:05:56,100
and have yet to run into a ninja.
131
00:05:56,130 --> 00:05:57,630
Oh, they're out there.
132
00:05:59,530 --> 00:06:00,890
And by the time you do see them...
133
00:06:00,970 --> 00:06:02,500
pfft... it's too late.
134
00:06:04,140 --> 00:06:06,600
All right, uh, I got to go.
135
00:06:06,710 --> 00:06:08,410
Where are my damn keys?
136
00:06:08,510 --> 00:06:11,440
Look, Mark's your kid, but I know
137
00:06:11,460 --> 00:06:13,880
your mom and I would've fought
this thing tooth and nail.
138
00:06:13,980 --> 00:06:16,020
Look, I don't want to get
into it with these people.
139
00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:18,279
I already owe them money
for Mark's field trip
140
00:06:18,280 --> 00:06:20,050
to the dairy farm to
see how milk is made.
141
00:06:21,350 --> 00:06:22,670
Chinese kids are building robots.
142
00:06:22,750 --> 00:06:24,989
Our kids are confused
about what cows do.
143
00:06:24,990 --> 00:06:26,020
Wow.
144
00:06:27,190 --> 00:06:29,460
Look, if you don't want a
problem with the school,
145
00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:30,730
that's one thing,
146
00:06:30,830 --> 00:06:33,700
but tell your son this
is a bunch of P.C. crap.
147
00:06:33,820 --> 00:06:35,499
He ought to be able to
wear whatever he wants.
148
00:06:35,500 --> 00:06:38,520
At least this way, he'll know
he didn't do anything wrong.
149
00:06:38,560 --> 00:06:40,800
I know that you and Mom felt
that way, but maybe I don't.
150
00:06:40,910 --> 00:06:42,410
Some stuff does cross the line,
151
00:06:42,510 --> 00:06:45,340
and Mark will be completely
fine in a different costume.
152
00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:46,510
Now, I hate to be rude,
153
00:06:46,610 --> 00:06:48,910
but I have to go someplace and be rude.
154
00:06:52,080 --> 00:06:53,410
So, the food is good,
155
00:06:53,420 --> 00:06:56,280
the benefits are great,
and you eat free.
156
00:06:56,320 --> 00:06:57,919
But, you see, what makes us different
157
00:06:57,920 --> 00:07:00,990
is our servers make
fun of our customers.
158
00:07:01,140 --> 00:07:03,210
People come here just to get picked on.
159
00:07:03,310 --> 00:07:05,910
Oh. Well, that's
something I enjoy doing.
160
00:07:06,010 --> 00:07:07,779
Just ask my kids.
161
00:07:07,780 --> 00:07:11,050
Well, and I see you have serving
experience at the casino,
162
00:07:11,150 --> 00:07:13,420
and everything looks good, so, uh...
163
00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:15,290
let's see you insult me.
164
00:07:15,390 --> 00:07:17,750
Oh. Um... okay.
165
00:07:17,860 --> 00:07:20,089
Maybe... you should try
to order something.
166
00:07:20,090 --> 00:07:21,689
I think I can work with that.
167
00:07:21,690 --> 00:07:23,000
I'll have the tuna melt.
168
00:07:23,930 --> 00:07:25,960
O... kay. Uh, okay. Uh...
169
00:07:26,060 --> 00:07:28,930
Ours is mostly dolphin and sea trash.
170
00:07:30,460 --> 00:07:33,270
Don't insult the food.
171
00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:34,500
Insult the customers.
172
00:07:34,610 --> 00:07:36,140
Oh, sorry.
173
00:07:36,190 --> 00:07:38,830
Now, come on. Let me
have it here. Come on.
174
00:07:38,930 --> 00:07:41,190
I came here to be insulted.
175
00:07:41,300 --> 00:07:42,360
I love it!
176
00:07:42,460 --> 00:07:44,870
Uh, this is a little
harder than I thought.
177
00:07:44,970 --> 00:07:46,370
I've never had to do it on command.
178
00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:47,500
Yeah, yeah, but, you know,
179
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:49,116
just go with the flow,
you know what I mean?
180
00:07:49,140 --> 00:07:50,870
If you want, you could take your cues
181
00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:53,710
off my appearance or
something I'm wearing.
182
00:07:53,810 --> 00:07:55,680
Okay. Um...
183
00:07:55,780 --> 00:07:57,410
Bet when you were a kid,
184
00:07:57,510 --> 00:07:59,550
you thought you were gonna
grow up and be something,
185
00:07:59,620 --> 00:08:02,250
but you went and disappointed
everyone, didn't you, Gary?
186
00:08:05,320 --> 00:08:07,250
You're a little man in a big chair,
187
00:08:07,300 --> 00:08:09,359
and you're gonna spend the
rest of your life alone.
188
00:08:09,360 --> 00:08:10,760
Look at you!
189
00:08:13,460 --> 00:08:16,030
I'm not sure people
are gonna enjoy that.
190
00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:20,200
Oh. Am I missing something? I
thought it was pretty rude.
191
00:08:20,340 --> 00:08:21,970
Well, you see, there's rude,
192
00:08:22,070 --> 00:08:24,400
and then there's McNasty's fun rude.
193
00:08:24,410 --> 00:08:26,500
You know, everything all in fun.
194
00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:30,010
We're looking for something more like...
195
00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:31,950
"You call that a hat?"
196
00:08:33,550 --> 00:08:34,950
Ohhh! Okay.
197
00:08:35,050 --> 00:08:36,720
I-I get it now. I get it.
198
00:08:36,820 --> 00:08:39,550
Um, nice hat. Uh...
199
00:08:39,660 --> 00:08:41,590
Maybe you should pull it
down over your ugly face
200
00:08:41,690 --> 00:08:43,520
so people can keep their burgers down.
201
00:08:43,630 --> 00:08:44,720
Huh?
202
00:08:44,770 --> 00:08:46,110
Okay. Okay. You know what?
203
00:08:46,130 --> 00:08:48,430
I-I think that's enough for today.
204
00:08:48,470 --> 00:08:50,300
And, uh, we'll call you.
205
00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:52,590
Thank you. I really
appreciate your time.
206
00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:55,770
I need this job pretty bad,
and I know I can do it...
207
00:08:55,870 --> 00:08:57,140
Butt Face.
208
00:08:58,970 --> 00:09:00,840
It's not gonna happen.
209
00:09:00,940 --> 00:09:02,080
Just go.
210
00:09:03,680 --> 00:09:05,780
And my mother says I'm amazing!
211
00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:11,560
When do you start at McNasty's?
212
00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:12,960
I didn't get it.
213
00:09:13,020 --> 00:09:16,240
You didn't get a job insulting people?
214
00:09:16,280 --> 00:09:18,090
I was overqualified.
215
00:09:19,930 --> 00:09:22,460
All right, I know you're nervous
about letting me drive,
216
00:09:22,560 --> 00:09:23,930
but think about the benefits.
217
00:09:24,030 --> 00:09:25,380
Like, when one of you guys are drunk,
218
00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:27,930
I can come and pick you
up... no questions asked.
219
00:09:28,040 --> 00:09:30,080
Of course, the next day, we
will have a conversation
220
00:09:30,110 --> 00:09:31,920
about choices, but...
221
00:09:32,040 --> 00:09:34,740
Well, if it's okay with your
mom, it's okay with me.
222
00:09:34,820 --> 00:09:37,240
Mom, can I drive Grandma's old car?
223
00:09:37,350 --> 00:09:39,680
Oh, if it's okay with
Grandpa, it's okay with me.
224
00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:41,410
Grandpa?
225
00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:43,380
She says "Okay," I'm okay.
226
00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:46,440
But she's just gonna tell
me to come back to you.
227
00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:47,840
Yeah.
228
00:09:47,900 --> 00:09:51,120
It's been our experience that
kids tire out eventually.
229
00:09:51,620 --> 00:09:52,740
Mom?
230
00:09:52,860 --> 00:09:54,900
I'm in the kitchen. We got to get going.
231
00:09:54,930 --> 00:09:56,450
The carnival starts in a half an hour.
232
00:09:56,530 --> 00:09:58,100
Are you done with your new costume?
233
00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:02,880
Yep. Presenting one of the great
artists of the 20th century...
234
00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:11,310
I can't believe you
made that in two days!
235
00:10:11,410 --> 00:10:12,850
Frida Kahlo... you look just like
236
00:10:12,950 --> 00:10:14,450
that famous painting of her.
237
00:10:14,550 --> 00:10:16,750
Yeah, you got a mustache...
238
00:10:16,850 --> 00:10:19,400
and one up top there as a backup.
239
00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:22,120
I just really like her style.
240
00:10:22,220 --> 00:10:25,100
She was in that art book Mom
stole for me from the library.
241
00:10:26,290 --> 00:10:27,950
It was an art book in Lanford.
242
00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:29,660
Nobody'll even know it's missing.
243
00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:32,610
Hello.
244
00:10:32,620 --> 00:10:33,716
- Happy Halloween.
- Happy Halloween.
245
00:10:33,740 --> 00:10:35,360
- Hey!
- Do not fear.
246
00:10:35,370 --> 00:10:37,640
It is not the real Invisible Man.
247
00:10:37,740 --> 00:10:39,300
It is my son, Kazim.
248
00:10:39,980 --> 00:10:42,579
I don't see anybody. Where is he?
249
00:10:42,580 --> 00:10:43,760
I'm right here.
250
00:10:44,260 --> 00:10:46,310
I hear him, but I can't see him.
251
00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:49,180
Can I go inside now?
252
00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:51,890
You could already be
inside, for all I know.
253
00:10:53,690 --> 00:10:56,060
Thank you for inviting
us over for Halloween.
254
00:10:56,160 --> 00:10:58,460
We weren't so thrilled about Halloween
255
00:10:58,560 --> 00:11:01,760
because last year, you
people vandalized us.
256
00:11:01,900 --> 00:11:03,630
We did that to everybody.
257
00:11:04,930 --> 00:11:06,890
Well, yeah, we talked about
not doing your house,
258
00:11:06,940 --> 00:11:09,240
but we thought you might
feel discriminated against.
259
00:11:10,210 --> 00:11:12,370
♪ Toasted eyeballs drenched in... ♪
260
00:11:12,470 --> 00:11:14,370
So, Dan, I would like to introduce you
261
00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:16,120
to my new friend, Peter.
262
00:11:16,550 --> 00:11:18,580
Hey, man. Nice to meet you.
263
00:11:18,780 --> 00:11:21,210
Great... Two-Face costume.
264
00:11:21,320 --> 00:11:22,750
Oh, good to meet you, too.
265
00:11:22,850 --> 00:11:24,700
But, uh, tonight, I'm actually dressed
266
00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:27,290
as the mind/body dualism of Descartes.
267
00:11:28,220 --> 00:11:30,689
I've often ordered des carte.
268
00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:33,490
But, of course, you know,
it's more expensive that way.
269
00:11:36,020 --> 00:11:37,600
What?
270
00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:39,230
Dan, when you invited me,
271
00:11:39,270 --> 00:11:42,300
I dialed up a couple of fun
facts about Halloween,
272
00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:44,420
so hold on to your bicorn hat.
273
00:11:45,710 --> 00:11:47,520
More about that later.
274
00:11:47,580 --> 00:11:49,900
Did you know that Halloween came
275
00:11:49,910 --> 00:11:53,140
from the Celtic festival of Samhain?
276
00:11:53,820 --> 00:11:56,780
I heard that, but I didn't believe it.
277
00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:58,750
Right? It marked the end of the summer
278
00:11:58,850 --> 00:12:01,090
and the beginning of
the dark, cold winter,
279
00:12:01,190 --> 00:12:02,960
which they associated with death...
280
00:12:03,060 --> 00:12:05,560
ergo, ghosts and goblins.
281
00:12:05,660 --> 00:12:07,790
I'll be darned.
282
00:12:07,900 --> 00:12:10,500
Well, we got jello with
eyeballs in the fridge
283
00:12:10,520 --> 00:12:11,530
and beer if you want it.
284
00:12:11,550 --> 00:12:14,300
And Peter has a master's
in medieval culture,
285
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:15,570
among other things.
286
00:12:15,580 --> 00:12:17,080
Tell him the best part, honey.
287
00:12:17,140 --> 00:12:19,440
Oh, it gets better, honey?
288
00:12:19,660 --> 00:12:22,440
Repeating a word that was
said before... funny.
289
00:12:24,220 --> 00:12:26,549
But the best part is
that the Celts believed
290
00:12:26,550 --> 00:12:28,980
that the boundaries between
the world of the living
291
00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:31,850
and of the dead were
blurred on that day,
292
00:12:31,950 --> 00:12:34,390
so they wore costumes
to fool the demons,
293
00:12:34,490 --> 00:12:36,560
thus avoiding being dragged to Hell.
294
00:12:36,660 --> 00:12:40,290
Amazing. I could listen to
this man talk for hours.
295
00:12:40,350 --> 00:12:41,930
And I could let you.
296
00:12:44,030 --> 00:12:45,700
There's got to be kids at the door.
297
00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:47,630
Maybe the bell's on the fritz.
298
00:12:47,740 --> 00:12:49,970
Uh, sorry. I might be boring you.
299
00:12:50,070 --> 00:12:52,240
I guess you're more of
a... a football guy.
300
00:12:53,510 --> 00:12:56,060
Yeah, that's me... Joe Lunchpail.
301
00:12:56,900 --> 00:12:59,710
I read a book once, but
it was a comic book.
302
00:12:59,750 --> 00:13:01,560
I finished 'er, though.
303
00:13:02,620 --> 00:13:05,050
Comic books have a very storied history.
304
00:13:05,070 --> 00:13:08,120
Many of the archetypes come
from Anglo-Saxon myth,
305
00:13:08,140 --> 00:13:09,490
particularly Beowulf.
306
00:13:09,570 --> 00:13:12,390
I've heard this story,
but you know who hasn't?
307
00:13:12,490 --> 00:13:13,640
Becky.
308
00:13:21,560 --> 00:13:23,460
Ah. And what are you?
309
00:13:23,540 --> 00:13:26,440
I'm poor, back when poor was funny.
310
00:13:26,980 --> 00:13:28,840
Hey! Look at you!
311
00:13:30,550 --> 00:13:32,190
Listen, we love having
Mark at the school,
312
00:13:32,210 --> 00:13:34,100
but he can't come in wearing that.
313
00:13:34,180 --> 00:13:35,360
Why not?
314
00:13:35,500 --> 00:13:37,599
Your son dressed as Frida Kahlo
315
00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:39,519
could be perceived as offensive.
316
00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:41,166
Didn't you get the
e-mail three months ago?
317
00:13:41,190 --> 00:13:43,220
Three months?!
318
00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:44,330
Listen, I just found out
319
00:13:44,350 --> 00:13:45,770
I haven't had a mammogram in five years.
320
00:13:45,790 --> 00:13:46,800
I'm a little behind.
321
00:13:50,990 --> 00:13:52,520
I-I'm sorry, Mr. Swindell.
322
00:13:52,550 --> 00:13:54,660
What exactly is the
problem with his costume?
323
00:13:54,690 --> 00:13:56,890
He is dressed as an Hispanic woman.
324
00:13:56,990 --> 00:13:59,260
That falls under cultural appropriation.
325
00:13:59,330 --> 00:14:02,660
No, it's cultural appreciation.
He loves Frida Kahlo.
326
00:14:02,760 --> 00:14:04,560
The guidelines were clear.
327
00:14:04,660 --> 00:14:05,990
He has not experienced
328
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:08,800
what a person of that
ethnicity has experienced.
329
00:14:08,900 --> 00:14:10,940
Therefore, he does not have
a legitimate entitlement
330
00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:14,410
to use or wear any element
of their ethnic identity.
331
00:14:14,510 --> 00:14:17,440
Could you just let the
grapes go by, please?
332
00:14:17,540 --> 00:14:20,200
That's not a comment on
migrant workers, is it?
333
00:14:20,750 --> 00:14:22,510
All right, go ahead. Go ahead. Thanks.
334
00:14:24,480 --> 00:14:26,400
Now, please, I don't want
Mark to miss the carnival.
335
00:14:26,420 --> 00:14:28,890
Just lose the costume.
You can come right in.
336
00:14:28,990 --> 00:14:30,620
I worked hard on this costume.
337
00:14:30,650 --> 00:14:33,190
I made it especially for this carnival.
338
00:14:33,290 --> 00:14:35,290
Can't I please come in?
339
00:14:35,390 --> 00:14:38,000
Listen, I get what the
rule is for. I really do.
340
00:14:38,020 --> 00:14:39,900
But sometimes the good
intention of the rule
341
00:14:39,930 --> 00:14:42,170
gets taken a little
far, don't you think?
342
00:14:42,270 --> 00:14:44,670
Why don't you grow a
pair, Mr. Swine-dell?
343
00:14:44,770 --> 00:14:47,440
That's right... I came up with
that nickname 30 years ago.
344
00:14:47,540 --> 00:14:50,220
And start judging Mark
on an individual basis,
345
00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:54,140
instead of lumping him into
some category on a list.
346
00:14:54,280 --> 00:14:56,810
Okay, we just want to go
in there and spend $10...
347
00:14:56,920 --> 00:14:59,000
which I do not have... on the ring toss
348
00:14:59,020 --> 00:15:01,680
so I can win a goldfish
that will die in my car!
349
00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:04,040
Or we can stand here
350
00:15:04,060 --> 00:15:06,060
and continue traumatizing my child,
351
00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:08,800
which I know I'm not
helping by yelling at you!
352
00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:12,420
I know about the nickname, Dark-lene.
353
00:15:13,630 --> 00:15:15,850
But I'm sorry. Rules are rules.
354
00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:18,570
And by the way, don't you still
owe us money for the field trip?
355
00:15:18,670 --> 00:15:20,750
Uh, yes, I do, and I will get it to you
356
00:15:20,770 --> 00:15:21,970
as soon as I get a second job.
357
00:15:22,070 --> 00:15:24,780
Apparently, I'm not rude
in an entertaining way.
358
00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:26,960
Yeah, I think I'm gonna go
ahead and agree with that.
359
00:15:29,620 --> 00:15:30,950
God.
360
00:15:33,850 --> 00:15:35,470
I'm sorry I yelled at your principal.
361
00:15:35,490 --> 00:15:38,160
I mean, that is not the kind of
example I want to set for you.
362
00:15:38,260 --> 00:15:41,390
No. That's the coolest
thing I've ever seen.
363
00:15:41,490 --> 00:15:43,859
From now on, nobody's
gonna bully the kid
364
00:15:43,860 --> 00:15:46,400
with the psycho mom wearing a barrel.
365
00:15:46,500 --> 00:15:48,150
Well, we stood up for our principles,
366
00:15:48,180 --> 00:15:49,379
and we did the right thing,
367
00:15:49,380 --> 00:15:50,980
and so we should be proud of that.
368
00:15:51,720 --> 00:15:54,300
Now let's go find some
tall grass so I can pee.
369
00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:02,400
Aww! Aren't you a cute princess.
370
00:16:02,420 --> 00:16:03,780
Trick or Treat!
371
00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:05,220
Uh-oh.
372
00:16:05,320 --> 00:16:07,940
I see you have a king-size candy bar.
373
00:16:08,990 --> 00:16:10,500
Caught this just in time.
374
00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:12,360
These are full of cooties.
375
00:16:13,930 --> 00:16:15,620
I'll throw that out for you.
376
00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:19,600
And I'll give you two candy corns...
377
00:16:20,630 --> 00:16:24,230
and a popcorn ball we
found on the couch.
378
00:16:24,300 --> 00:16:25,620
Happy Halloween!
379
00:16:25,670 --> 00:16:27,200
She's adorable!
380
00:16:31,080 --> 00:16:32,640
You should be ashamed of yourself,
381
00:16:32,750 --> 00:16:34,680
taking candy from a child...
382
00:16:34,780 --> 00:16:36,450
and not giving me half.
383
00:16:38,480 --> 00:16:39,680
Here you go.
384
00:16:39,690 --> 00:16:42,950
I think you'll find the
shame makes it delicious.
385
00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:46,260
Hey, Grandpa.
386
00:16:46,330 --> 00:16:48,140
- Is this about the car again?
- No.
387
00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:49,470
I just wanted to let you know
388
00:16:49,500 --> 00:16:51,500
that I've been offered a
job at the Dairy Queen.
389
00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:52,900
Good for you.
390
00:16:53,060 --> 00:16:55,080
But how will I get there, you ask.
391
00:16:55,100 --> 00:16:57,230
I don't really care.
392
00:16:57,340 --> 00:16:59,940
Well, since you brought up the
car, let's talk about it.
393
00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:01,810
I can pay for insurance and gas.
394
00:17:01,910 --> 00:17:03,040
And I just have to say,
395
00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:04,820
you have the hair of
a man half your age.
396
00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:06,380
All right, stop.
397
00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:07,680
Here's the deal.
398
00:17:07,780 --> 00:17:09,420
You're gonna drive me
to work for a month,
399
00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:12,720
with me screaming in
your face every day.
400
00:17:12,820 --> 00:17:15,390
When I'm sure you're
not gonna hurt anyone,
401
00:17:15,490 --> 00:17:16,650
you can use the car.
402
00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:17,760
Yes! Thank you!
403
00:17:17,790 --> 00:17:20,120
I will do my best not to kill you.
404
00:17:22,730 --> 00:17:24,300
Why are you being so hard on her?
405
00:17:24,330 --> 00:17:25,980
I don't want her wrecking the car.
406
00:17:26,040 --> 00:17:28,129
Why are you worried? Just
put her on your insurance.
407
00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:29,330
I'm on there.
408
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:33,440
Yeah, sure you are.
409
00:17:37,210 --> 00:17:38,909
- Well?
- "Well" what?
410
00:17:38,910 --> 00:17:40,960
Come on. Come on. What do
you think about Peter?
411
00:17:40,980 --> 00:17:42,760
- He's nice.
- Nice?
412
00:17:43,020 --> 00:17:44,680
That's it?
413
00:17:44,780 --> 00:17:46,990
Before, I had my sister
around to vet my boyfriends
414
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:49,000
and tell me if I was
making a huge mistake.
415
00:17:49,020 --> 00:17:51,920
Can you do a little of
that... just be honest?
416
00:17:52,080 --> 00:17:55,140
Well, he does seem to know a lot,
417
00:17:55,180 --> 00:17:56,990
and he's not shy about sharing it.
418
00:17:57,100 --> 00:18:00,020
Okay. That's fair. What else?
419
00:18:00,100 --> 00:18:02,640
Uh, well, he... he's the kind of guy
420
00:18:02,660 --> 00:18:04,680
that even though you haven't
spent much time with him,
421
00:18:04,700 --> 00:18:06,596
it feels like you've spent
a lot of time with him.
422
00:18:06,620 --> 00:18:08,710
Sure. Sure.
423
00:18:08,810 --> 00:18:11,539
That's it, though?
Th-That's all you got?
424
00:18:11,540 --> 00:18:12,880
I just want you to be honest.
425
00:18:12,980 --> 00:18:15,410
Really dig deep, really find some flaws.
426
00:18:15,510 --> 00:18:16,830
Roseanne would tell me how she felt,
427
00:18:16,850 --> 00:18:19,100
and I'd blow up at her for meddling,
428
00:18:19,120 --> 00:18:20,480
but I'd hear it.
429
00:18:21,690 --> 00:18:24,390
I get it. Um, all right.
430
00:18:24,490 --> 00:18:26,780
Uh, I'm new at this, but here it goes.
431
00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:29,130
Uh, I-I think I might hate him,
432
00:18:29,230 --> 00:18:30,860
but I really need more time.
433
00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:32,360
See?
434
00:18:32,460 --> 00:18:34,230
That's a different perspective.
435
00:18:34,330 --> 00:18:35,560
Thank you.
436
00:18:35,660 --> 00:18:36,680
It is a little weird
437
00:18:36,700 --> 00:18:39,140
that Peter doesn't have
a job at 48 years old.
438
00:18:40,410 --> 00:18:43,140
I knew you'd try and destroy this.
439
00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:44,470
I don't know why I bother
440
00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:46,200
talking to anybody in this family.
441
00:18:46,220 --> 00:18:48,810
And by the way, do you
know how hard it is
442
00:18:48,910 --> 00:18:52,200
to find a single guy in
his 40s with a job?!
443
00:18:52,550 --> 00:18:55,090
He's a damn unicorn!
444
00:18:55,190 --> 00:18:56,940
That's what he is!
445
00:19:00,580 --> 00:19:01,600
Hey, Grandpa.
446
00:19:01,690 --> 00:19:03,490
Hey. How was the carnival?
447
00:19:03,500 --> 00:19:04,730
We didn't go.
448
00:19:04,830 --> 00:19:07,140
Mark and I wandered around
the creepy cemetery
449
00:19:07,170 --> 00:19:09,030
behind the old Lanford church.
450
00:19:09,130 --> 00:19:10,900
We found all these tombstones
451
00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:14,140
with Hortenses and
Ebenezers and Obediahs.
452
00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:16,360
How come they only lived
'til they were 40?
453
00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:19,580
Well, when people are constantly
making fun of your name,
454
00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:21,780
it's just too painful to go on.
455
00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:25,140
So, why'd you skip the carnival?
456
00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:26,820
They said I couldn't be Frida Kahlo
457
00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:28,260
because I'm not Mexican.
458
00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:29,720
And?
459
00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:32,180
Mom went crazy on the principal.
460
00:19:33,230 --> 00:19:35,160
- You really went after him, huh?
- I did.
461
00:19:35,390 --> 00:19:36,780
Way to go, Dark-lene.
462
00:19:38,830 --> 00:19:40,580
Look, you were still mostly wrong,
463
00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:42,500
but this guy was mostly wrong, too.
464
00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:44,800
So what have we learned? Men are wrong.
465
00:19:45,980 --> 00:19:47,500
Um, Mom, I'm a man.
466
00:19:47,610 --> 00:19:49,070
Yes, you are, son.
467
00:19:49,170 --> 00:19:50,940
Welcome to Wrong Island.
468
00:19:51,840 --> 00:19:54,090
Anyway, way to go,
469
00:19:54,100 --> 00:19:56,080
kicking the snot out of that principal.
470
00:19:56,180 --> 00:19:59,450
Well, he's a beaten old man,
and he's wildly underpaid,
471
00:19:59,550 --> 00:20:01,300
so, yeah, I'm pretty proud of myself.
472
00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:06,700
Slow down. School zone.
473
00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:08,590
I see it.
474
00:20:08,690 --> 00:20:10,620
Aah!
475
00:20:10,720 --> 00:20:12,980
Mary? Mary.
476
00:20:13,860 --> 00:20:16,760
Good prank, but the wrong time.
477
00:20:16,860 --> 00:20:18,200
Oh. Sorry.
478
00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:22,420
Aah!
479
00:20:22,540 --> 00:20:25,340
Mary, Mary, not a different time.
480
00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:27,200
I mean when somebody's not driving.
481
00:20:27,210 --> 00:20:28,510
Mailbox! Mailbox!!
482
00:20:30,150 --> 00:20:34,580
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --