1
00:00:03,420 --> 00:00:05,079
- Hey!
- Hey, Dad.
2
00:00:05,080 --> 00:00:06,279
Hey, Dad.
3
00:00:06,280 --> 00:00:08,309
You coming with us to visit
Becky at the hospital?
4
00:00:08,310 --> 00:00:09,959
No, I can't. I'm on a break from work,
5
00:00:09,960 --> 00:00:12,119
but I got something for Becky,
if you'd give it to her.
6
00:00:12,120 --> 00:00:13,979
The store sells this really great
7
00:00:13,980 --> 00:00:16,517
Lanolin cocoa butter for stretch marks.
8
00:00:17,980 --> 00:00:19,269
Wow, that's sweet.
9
00:00:19,270 --> 00:00:21,599
After all she's been through,
it's nice to remind her
10
00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:23,519
she's all stretched out.
11
00:00:23,520 --> 00:00:25,639
I looked in our baby section.
12
00:00:25,640 --> 00:00:28,194
It was either that or something
for cracked nipples.
13
00:00:28,195 --> 00:00:29,947
They crack?
14
00:00:31,880 --> 00:00:34,669
I gotta go. My manager's
in a terrible mood.
15
00:00:34,670 --> 00:00:36,703
He tanked his SATs.
16
00:00:36,704 --> 00:00:37,989
Bye.
17
00:00:37,990 --> 00:00:40,019
If Becky's getting
something, we should bring
18
00:00:40,020 --> 00:00:41,479
something for Lil Bev.
19
00:00:41,480 --> 00:00:43,279
- Like a stuffed animal.
- Mm-hmm.
20
00:00:43,280 --> 00:00:44,779
I don't know. It's a preemie.
21
00:00:44,780 --> 00:00:46,279
A Beanie Baby that's
bigger than your kid...
22
00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:48,699
that's gonna be depressing.
23
00:00:50,130 --> 00:00:52,439
Darlene, it's your phone.
24
00:00:52,440 --> 00:00:54,679
It's Mark's school.
25
00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:55,769
Wow!
26
00:00:55,770 --> 00:00:57,689
Are you in trouble,
or does the pink-eye girl
27
00:00:57,690 --> 00:00:59,184
have lice now?
28
00:01:01,820 --> 00:01:03,319
Hello?
29
00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:05,357
Uh, hi, Principal Reynolds. How are you?
30
00:01:05,358 --> 00:01:07,400
Oh.
31
00:01:08,170 --> 00:01:10,309
Uh-huh.
32
00:01:10,310 --> 00:01:12,156
Okay, that's... that's not good.
33
00:01:12,157 --> 00:01:15,359
Um, yeah. We'll be there.
34
00:01:15,360 --> 00:01:16,760
What's he in trouble for?
35
00:01:16,770 --> 00:01:20,288
Spreading too much sunshine
everywhere he goes?
36
00:01:20,289 --> 00:01:23,167
Why don't you guys head out to
the car and give us a second?
37
00:01:24,940 --> 00:01:27,919
So, we have to go see
the principal tomorrow
38
00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:30,639
because your school has a "no PDA" rule
39
00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:32,929
and somebody posted a
picture of you kissing
40
00:01:32,930 --> 00:01:35,169
your friend Austin at school.
41
00:01:35,170 --> 00:01:37,869
He wins at everything,
and now he has a boyfriend?
42
00:01:37,870 --> 00:01:38,880
I hate you!
43
00:01:40,880 --> 00:01:43,339
So, Austin's your boyfriend?
44
00:01:43,340 --> 00:01:44,897
How come you didn't tell me?
45
00:01:44,898 --> 00:01:47,919
I don't know. I guess he's my boyfriend.
46
00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:49,799
When we found out they
were gonna start serving
47
00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:51,019
personal pizzas at lunch,
48
00:01:51,020 --> 00:01:53,020
we got so excited that we kissed.
49
00:01:54,490 --> 00:01:56,670
I get that.
50
00:01:57,701 --> 00:02:01,219
Well, there is a longer talk to come,
51
00:02:01,220 --> 00:02:04,123
but have you guys done
anything more than kiss?
52
00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:05,699
No, just the kiss.
53
00:02:05,700 --> 00:02:07,439
And that was the first time.
54
00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:09,379
He only told me he was gay last week.
55
00:02:09,380 --> 00:02:12,039
Is Austin the dark, brooding one
56
00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:15,419
or the kid that's always
smelling his hand?
57
00:02:15,420 --> 00:02:16,960
Neither, Grandpa.
58
00:02:18,097 --> 00:02:19,339
All right, well, we'll
deal with this tomorrow,
59
00:02:19,340 --> 00:02:21,519
but in the meantime, no more PDA.
60
00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:23,559
You're at school to
learn, not kiss, okay?
61
00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:25,240
Got it.
62
00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:30,608
So, you think you're ready for
a relationship, huh, pal?
63
00:02:30,609 --> 00:02:33,237
I think so. Is there
anything I should know?
64
00:02:33,238 --> 00:02:37,519
I'll just say, you're 12,
don't sign anything,
65
00:02:37,520 --> 00:02:40,368
and just treat him the way you'd
want to be treated, I guess.
66
00:02:40,369 --> 00:02:42,495
Austin says I don't listen enough.
67
00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:44,369
Does he also say you drink too much?
68
00:02:44,370 --> 00:02:45,749
'Cause that's coming.
69
00:02:48,627 --> 00:02:50,962
How are we doing?
70
00:02:50,963 --> 00:02:54,580
I've been trying to pump every
couple hours, but nothing.
71
00:02:55,718 --> 00:02:57,239
I've always been able
to count on my boobs,
72
00:02:57,240 --> 00:02:58,840
but they're betraying me.
73
00:03:00,472 --> 00:03:02,515
Have you tried to express
the milk by hand?
74
00:03:02,516 --> 00:03:03,749
Are you kidding?
75
00:03:03,750 --> 00:03:07,687
I've been squeezing myself
like an entitled frat boy.
76
00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:10,189
It takes some people longer.
77
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:11,733
Everything'll be okay.
78
00:03:11,734 --> 00:03:15,499
As Becky's life and birth coach,
79
00:03:15,500 --> 00:03:17,159
um, I need to inform you
80
00:03:17,160 --> 00:03:20,199
that your constant
reductive reassurances
81
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:21,699
are not appreciated.
82
00:03:21,700 --> 00:03:24,519
She understands that the
milk contains colostrum,
83
00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:26,080
which carries the antibodies
84
00:03:26,081 --> 00:03:28,109
that preemies need to fight disease.
85
00:03:28,110 --> 00:03:30,019
She knows that she's playing
with the baby's life.
86
00:03:30,020 --> 00:03:31,960
So just let her be, could ya?
87
00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:35,210
I got your back.
88
00:03:39,120 --> 00:03:40,219
Hey.
89
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:42,099
Hey! Did you see the baby?
90
00:03:42,100 --> 00:03:45,390
- Oh, yeah. Strong.
- She looks beautiful!
91
00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,599
Don't sugarcoat it.
92
00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:50,646
I've seen her. You can be honest.
93
00:03:50,647 --> 00:03:53,359
Okay, well, I've seen cuter
babies in jars at the fair.
94
00:03:54,651 --> 00:03:58,069
It's okay. Babies don't
always start out pretty.
95
00:03:58,070 --> 00:04:01,169
Darlene looked like Yoda.
You had Dumbo ears.
96
00:04:01,170 --> 00:04:02,320
And DJ...
97
00:04:03,260 --> 00:04:04,779
DJ did start out pretty,
98
00:04:04,780 --> 00:04:07,700
so... be careful what you wish for.
99
00:04:08,874 --> 00:04:11,739
Hey, Beck, you know,
you've been up for two nights.
100
00:04:11,740 --> 00:04:13,819
It's hard to make milk when
you're tired and stressed.
101
00:04:13,820 --> 00:04:14,829
You need to sleep.
102
00:04:14,830 --> 00:04:17,279
Geena's hospital...
they had a lactation specialist.
103
00:04:17,280 --> 00:04:18,508
Maybe you can get one of those.
104
00:04:18,509 --> 00:04:19,679
This is County.
105
00:04:19,680 --> 00:04:22,304
People pay their bills
here with chickens.
106
00:04:22,305 --> 00:04:24,597
We have chickens!
107
00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:27,269
You don't have chickens.
108
00:04:27,270 --> 00:04:29,186
I have chickens.
109
00:04:31,500 --> 00:04:36,499
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
110
00:05:07,630 --> 00:05:08,999
"The Conners" is recorded
111
00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:10,819
in front of a live studio audience.
112
00:05:10,820 --> 00:05:12,359
Darlene, I need to tell you something.
113
00:05:12,360 --> 00:05:13,880
What?
114
00:05:17,700 --> 00:05:19,259
What'd you need to tell me?
115
00:05:19,260 --> 00:05:20,654
That.
116
00:05:21,980 --> 00:05:23,379
Get back upstairs.
117
00:05:23,380 --> 00:05:24,867
That could be my dad or the kids.
118
00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:30,120
Mm, did I hear David?
119
00:05:31,580 --> 00:05:34,709
Yes. He slept over last night.
120
00:05:34,710 --> 00:05:37,359
Again? Oh, you're taking
some chances here.
121
00:05:37,360 --> 00:05:39,399
If the kids find out and tell Ben,
122
00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:41,990
your little sausage party is over.
123
00:05:46,220 --> 00:05:47,249
It's okay.
124
00:05:47,250 --> 00:05:49,199
We're quiet, and he knows
to stay in my room
125
00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:51,010
until my dad and the kids are gone.
126
00:05:55,220 --> 00:05:57,020
Oh, crap! It's Ben!
127
00:05:58,880 --> 00:06:01,340
Ben!
128
00:06:02,571 --> 00:06:05,032
Hey, uh, what... what the...
what are you doing here?
129
00:06:05,033 --> 00:06:06,799
Oh. That's funny.
130
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:08,369
In my head, you just said, "Hey, Ben,
131
00:06:08,370 --> 00:06:10,529
what a pleasant surprise."
132
00:06:10,530 --> 00:06:13,099
I'm sorry. I-I just
didn't ex-expect you.
133
00:06:13,100 --> 00:06:15,019
We're just about to leave
for the ho... for...
134
00:06:15,020 --> 00:06:16,319
So, thanks for coming!
135
00:06:16,320 --> 00:06:17,469
Thanks for the deli platter!
136
00:06:17,470 --> 00:06:20,129
Oh, wow. Wait, are you
rushing me out, or...
137
00:06:20,130 --> 00:06:23,132
No. Of course not.
Of course not. Come on in.
138
00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:25,230
Okay.
139
00:06:30,849 --> 00:06:34,389
Okay, say what you need to say.
140
00:06:34,390 --> 00:06:36,099
I was just in the neighborhood,
141
00:06:36,100 --> 00:06:37,939
and I thought you might like this
142
00:06:37,940 --> 00:06:40,639
'cause you probably don't have
time for cooking right now.
143
00:06:40,640 --> 00:06:43,519
And, uh, it's, uh...
144
00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:47,439
it's half vegan and... half delicious.
145
00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:51,039
Okay. Thank you! Kiss me and go!
146
00:06:51,040 --> 00:06:52,787
Okay.
147
00:06:52,788 --> 00:06:54,709
Wow, it's like "Casablanca."
148
00:06:56,208 --> 00:06:58,619
You, sir, have besmirched me daughter!
149
00:06:58,620 --> 00:07:00,119
Now you must marry her!
150
00:07:01,450 --> 00:07:04,400
And I accept your cold-cut dowry.
151
00:07:05,550 --> 00:07:07,927
Dan, shouldn't you be at work?
152
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:12,429
Oh, one of my crew guys peed on
some wires and we lost power.
153
00:07:12,430 --> 00:07:14,089
Blew him right out of his shoes.
154
00:07:15,100 --> 00:07:16,879
How you doing, Dan?
155
00:07:16,880 --> 00:07:19,522
Uh, he's great. Everything's great.
156
00:07:19,523 --> 00:07:22,316
Apparently, I'm great.
157
00:07:22,317 --> 00:07:23,739
All right, let's say
goodbye on the porch.
158
00:07:23,740 --> 00:07:25,020
It's on my way to seeing Becky.
159
00:07:32,510 --> 00:07:36,839
So, you know, the other day,
I-I told you that I thought
160
00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:38,499
you seemed stressed by the commute,
161
00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:41,699
but you seem just real anxious to me.
162
00:07:41,700 --> 00:07:46,500
Um, have you ever considered
talking to a therapist?
163
00:07:47,360 --> 00:07:49,259
Well, I have all that discretionary
164
00:07:49,260 --> 00:07:51,429
income lying around.
165
00:07:51,430 --> 00:07:54,473
Maybe I'll try therapy after
that Tuscan wine safari.
166
00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:56,359
Oh, come on.
167
00:07:56,360 --> 00:07:59,060
Most therapists charge
on a sliding scale.
168
00:07:59,062 --> 00:08:00,509
Something to think about.
169
00:08:00,510 --> 00:08:01,897
Bye, love-you-miss-you-mean-it.
170
00:08:01,898 --> 00:08:04,030
Oh.
171
00:08:09,530 --> 00:08:12,980
Yeah. Maybe twice a week to start.
172
00:08:14,244 --> 00:08:16,909
Look, Darlene. It's David.
173
00:08:16,910 --> 00:08:20,790
David, you can't be down here
like that. My dad's home.
174
00:08:20,792 --> 00:08:22,586
If he sees you in that robe,
he's gonna know we had sex.
175
00:08:22,587 --> 00:08:24,319
Sorry, I'm just washing some clothes.
176
00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:26,699
And I saw your father go in the
garage with a platter of meat.
177
00:08:26,700 --> 00:08:29,759
He's not coming out till spring.
178
00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:32,579
No, no, it's... it's half vegan.
179
00:08:32,580 --> 00:08:34,639
We've got like two minutes
until he hits broccoli
180
00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:36,380
and comes screaming out of there.
181
00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:40,559
You're making a big deal out of nothing.
182
00:08:40,560 --> 00:08:42,779
Get dressed. Now.
183
00:08:42,780 --> 00:08:45,330
But they're wet.
184
00:08:46,580 --> 00:08:50,479
Aah, and they're cold.
185
00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:51,480
Oh, yeah, I'm stuck.
186
00:08:51,481 --> 00:08:53,919
I'll help. You take left.
I'll take right.
187
00:08:53,920 --> 00:08:55,659
Okay. Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
188
00:08:55,660 --> 00:08:58,871
Wait. Just a... Let me do it.
189
00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:00,624
You don't know where everything goes.
190
00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:04,929
Okay, go. All right,
love you, and I'll see you
191
00:09:04,930 --> 00:09:06,179
at the principal's office at 4:00.
192
00:09:06,180 --> 00:09:07,830
- Don't forget. Bye.
- Yeah.
193
00:09:14,900 --> 00:09:17,019
You can't make me feel
worse about myself
194
00:09:17,020 --> 00:09:18,141
than I already feel right now.
195
00:09:18,142 --> 00:09:21,186
At least let me try.
196
00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:23,859
Look, I know it's wrong,
197
00:09:23,860 --> 00:09:26,639
but I-I love David and I love Ben.
198
00:09:26,640 --> 00:09:28,199
And I have to decide who I'm gonna spend
199
00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:30,109
the rest of my life with.
200
00:09:30,110 --> 00:09:33,239
Well, let's talk about it,
and maybe I can help you.
201
00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:34,825
Pick Ben.
202
00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:39,640
Ben challenges you.
He's financially stable.
203
00:09:39,650 --> 00:09:41,359
He'll be a fantastic partner.
204
00:09:41,360 --> 00:09:45,369
David is sweet, but you've
already gone down that road.
205
00:09:45,370 --> 00:09:48,339
But he's the father of my children,
206
00:09:48,340 --> 00:09:51,133
and he's really stepping
up and showing up for us.
207
00:09:51,134 --> 00:09:56,479
So buy him a "Number One Dad"
t-shirt as a parting gift,
208
00:09:56,480 --> 00:09:58,379
and then you go be with Ben.
209
00:09:58,380 --> 00:10:02,239
And the sex has gotta be fantastic.
210
00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:07,482
Get to... Get to rub that
beard all over your body.
211
00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:18,609
David is familiar and
soft and, you know,
212
00:10:18,610 --> 00:10:20,599
having sex with him is
like being with a nice,
213
00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:23,399
fluffy marshmallow.
214
00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:24,689
David has a beard.
215
00:10:24,690 --> 00:10:27,620
Mm, does he, though?
216
00:10:30,710 --> 00:10:33,059
Is Austin's mother going to join us?
217
00:10:33,060 --> 00:10:35,129
Well, she hasn't joined
us in eight years,
218
00:10:35,130 --> 00:10:37,220
so the odds are against it.
219
00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:39,659
Can we get this going?
220
00:10:39,660 --> 00:10:41,859
Yeah, I think we can take care
of this in a couple minutes.
221
00:10:41,860 --> 00:10:43,018
This whole thing's crazy.
222
00:10:43,019 --> 00:10:45,640
I'd just like to make an...
an opening statement.
223
00:10:45,650 --> 00:10:50,109
Um, well, as Mark's father,
I-I'm no longer taking
224
00:10:50,110 --> 00:10:53,199
a-a sidelines position
on his upbringing.
225
00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:57,323
I-I am now fully in the picture,
and... and as such,
226
00:10:57,324 --> 00:11:00,952
uh, I, too, think this
whole thing's crazy.
227
00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:03,779
I'm sorry, but we have rules
228
00:11:03,780 --> 00:11:05,959
about public displays of affection.
229
00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:08,959
Mark and Austin are getting
three days detention.
230
00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:11,359
What?! Is this because they're two boys?
231
00:11:11,360 --> 00:11:13,479
Because when I was here,
kids kissed all the time.
232
00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:14,919
My sister, Becky, kissed her teacher,
233
00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:16,843
and she didn't get detention.
She got an "A."
234
00:11:19,012 --> 00:11:21,597
We don't differentiate
on the basis of gender.
235
00:11:21,598 --> 00:11:23,739
Well, you're not punishing my grandson.
236
00:11:23,740 --> 00:11:26,685
Austin doesn't kiss boys.
Mark kissed him.
237
00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:29,147
Well, that's not what I heard.
Is that what Austin told you?
238
00:11:29,148 --> 00:11:30,149
Yes.
239
00:11:30,150 --> 00:11:32,349
That's not what happened.
240
00:11:32,350 --> 00:11:34,699
Yes, it is. I was just
in line for pizza,
241
00:11:34,700 --> 00:11:36,729
and you came up and kissed me.
242
00:11:36,730 --> 00:11:38,219
That's not true.
243
00:11:38,220 --> 00:11:40,089
Uh, Mark doesn't lie.
244
00:11:40,090 --> 00:11:41,929
That's not how he was raised.
245
00:11:41,930 --> 00:11:45,162
I-I wasn't there for a lot
of it, but I'm pretty sure.
246
00:11:45,163 --> 00:11:46,959
Who are you gonna believe?
247
00:11:46,960 --> 00:11:50,069
My kid or the boy with the nail polish?
248
00:11:50,070 --> 00:11:53,339
Hey, wearing nail polish
doesn't make you a liar.
249
00:11:53,340 --> 00:11:55,379
Now, Austin, I know this is hard,
250
00:11:55,380 --> 00:11:58,092
but you just got to tell the truth.
251
00:11:58,093 --> 00:11:59,679
Don't talk to him.
252
00:11:59,680 --> 00:12:02,089
I am telling the truth.
253
00:12:02,090 --> 00:12:04,640
No, you're not.
254
00:12:04,650 --> 00:12:06,642
Y-You said you liked me.
255
00:12:06,643 --> 00:12:08,227
Well, I don't.
256
00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:11,106
Austin, wait outside.
257
00:12:13,890 --> 00:12:16,309
You raise your kid however you want,
258
00:12:16,310 --> 00:12:18,859
but I've got enough on my plate
raising Austin by myself.
259
00:12:18,860 --> 00:12:20,829
I don't need your kid confusing him
260
00:12:20,830 --> 00:12:22,325
into thinking he's something he isn't!
261
00:12:22,326 --> 00:12:24,719
Hey, you know what?
It's not contagious, lady.
262
00:12:24,720 --> 00:12:26,839
Your kid's not gonna catch
being gay any more than
263
00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:29,708
he's gonna catch being a
cranky, old wench like you.
264
00:12:31,700 --> 00:12:32,909
I don't need to listen to this.
265
00:12:32,910 --> 00:12:34,539
No, yes, you do.
266
00:12:34,540 --> 00:12:36,279
Maybe you don't want to accept the fact
267
00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:38,179
that your grandkid might be gay,
268
00:12:38,180 --> 00:12:40,379
but you scaring him into denying it
269
00:12:40,380 --> 00:12:42,137
is just gonna ruin his life.
270
00:12:42,138 --> 00:12:46,969
Well, this feels like a
natural stopping point.
271
00:12:46,970 --> 00:12:49,219
Oh, maybe you can take
the progress you've made
272
00:12:49,220 --> 00:12:51,103
and continue over coffee somewhere.
273
00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:52,799
No, we're not going for coffee.
274
00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:54,899
We're very angry right now!
275
00:12:54,900 --> 00:12:55,941
Unless you wanted coffee.
276
00:12:55,942 --> 00:12:57,777
- No, I don't.
- Do you want... She doesn't!
277
00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:10,330
Hey, buddy.
278
00:13:11,708 --> 00:13:14,519
You ready to talk?
279
00:13:14,520 --> 00:13:17,588
Principal called.
No one's getting detention.
280
00:13:17,589 --> 00:13:19,716
Okay.
281
00:13:22,170 --> 00:13:23,761
Going for a new color?
282
00:13:23,762 --> 00:13:27,014
Nope. I'm not gonna wear
nail polish anymore.
283
00:13:27,015 --> 00:13:28,557
How come?
284
00:13:28,558 --> 00:13:31,394
Just tired of it. That's all.
285
00:13:32,480 --> 00:13:35,230
Today was, uh, really bad, huh?
286
00:13:35,231 --> 00:13:38,119
I can't believe Austin
said those things.
287
00:13:38,120 --> 00:13:40,110
He won't even talk to me now.
288
00:13:40,111 --> 00:13:42,179
Well, you know that's
because of his grandmother,
289
00:13:42,180 --> 00:13:43,329
not because of you.
290
00:13:43,330 --> 00:13:45,410
Yeah, and his grandma's old.
291
00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:49,779
I heard her coughing in the hallway.
292
00:13:49,780 --> 00:13:50,999
One more bad flu season,
293
00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:53,240
and you guys are back together again.
294
00:13:56,340 --> 00:13:58,309
Hey, don't be mad at Austin.
295
00:13:58,310 --> 00:14:00,381
He's caught in a really bad situation.
296
00:14:00,382 --> 00:14:02,979
I don't care. I am mad at him.
297
00:14:02,980 --> 00:14:04,177
And I'm mad at you.
298
00:14:04,178 --> 00:14:06,359
What? Why?
299
00:14:06,360 --> 00:14:08,159
You told me I shouldn't hide who I am,
300
00:14:08,160 --> 00:14:09,765
and look what happened.
301
00:14:09,766 --> 00:14:11,519
Yeah, but you shouldn't
hide who you are.
302
00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:12,599
Austin has to do that.
303
00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:14,686
You don't wanna live like that, right?
304
00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:18,023
My life would be so much
easier if I wasn't gay.
305
00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:20,129
Hey, stop it.
306
00:14:20,130 --> 00:14:23,099
This is not your problem.
This is their problem.
307
00:14:23,100 --> 00:14:24,919
Forget what I said about not being mad.
308
00:14:24,920 --> 00:14:26,699
Austin's a jerk for turning on you,
309
00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:29,039
and his grandma's a jerk
for not caring how much
310
00:14:29,040 --> 00:14:30,577
she's hurting the two of you.
311
00:14:30,578 --> 00:14:32,663
You should be mad,
and you should stay mad
312
00:14:32,664 --> 00:14:35,500
'cause you're amazing and
everybody else sucks!
313
00:14:36,940 --> 00:14:39,999
Is liking someone always
gonna be this hard?
314
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:42,479
Oh, you mean falling in love?
315
00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:45,089
Yeah, love is freakin' brutal.
316
00:14:45,090 --> 00:14:46,319
I mean, just take your dad.
317
00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:47,459
I thought he was my soul mate,
318
00:14:47,460 --> 00:14:50,431
and then he left for nine years.
319
00:14:50,432 --> 00:14:53,659
There's probably other examples.
320
00:14:53,660 --> 00:14:54,939
Yeah, but it's a good one.
321
00:14:54,940 --> 00:14:56,809
All right.
322
00:14:56,810 --> 00:14:58,519
I-I think we may have gotten off topic.
323
00:14:58,520 --> 00:15:02,869
W-What's important is
that someone wonderful
324
00:15:02,870 --> 00:15:04,599
will eventually come along.
325
00:15:04,600 --> 00:15:07,739
You know, I-I-I think the
hard part is that you know
326
00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:10,509
who you are at a very early age.
327
00:15:10,510 --> 00:15:12,649
And that's great.
328
00:15:12,650 --> 00:15:14,219
But until the other kids catch up,
329
00:15:14,220 --> 00:15:15,706
it might be a little lonely.
330
00:15:15,707 --> 00:15:17,499
Well, what do I do until then?
331
00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:19,759
Well, that is where you're lucky
332
00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:23,000
because you have a really fun family!
333
00:15:24,260 --> 00:15:26,759
Get off me, you weirdos!
334
00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:28,093
No!
335
00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:29,859
Do you feel better now?
336
00:15:29,860 --> 00:15:31,359
Yes, I love myself!
337
00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:32,590
I'm glad I'm gay!
338
00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:33,669
Leave me alone!
339
00:15:43,980 --> 00:15:46,040
We did it!
340
00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:47,619
We did it!
341
00:15:47,620 --> 00:15:49,099
Nice job, lefty!
342
00:15:49,100 --> 00:15:51,300
You were always my favorite!
343
00:15:52,540 --> 00:15:54,230
Nurse!
344
00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:04,309
Wow!
345
00:16:04,310 --> 00:16:06,109
Yeah, poor Mark, huh?
346
00:16:06,110 --> 00:16:07,599
No, I'm talking about us.
347
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:10,420
We just parented the
crap out of that kid.
348
00:16:11,320 --> 00:16:13,389
- Yeah, we did.
- Mm-hmm.
349
00:16:13,390 --> 00:16:16,389
We are kicking ass as parents.
350
00:16:16,390 --> 00:16:19,759
We're having great sex.
And we love each other.
351
00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:21,859
Let's go tell the kids we're
getting back together tonight.
352
00:16:21,860 --> 00:16:23,483
I know it'll cheer Mark up.
353
00:16:23,484 --> 00:16:25,640
Um, it's still too soon.
354
00:16:26,780 --> 00:16:30,419
Look we just told Mark
not to live a lie,
355
00:16:30,420 --> 00:16:33,209
and here we are sneaking and
hiding from our own family.
356
00:16:33,210 --> 00:16:34,660
This has gotta stop.
357
00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:37,039
Well, we're still working
on our relationship.
358
00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:38,706
You know, just don't
get ahead of yourself.
359
00:16:38,707 --> 00:16:40,119
If... If there's a reason
360
00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:41,619
we can't be back together, then say it.
361
00:16:41,620 --> 00:16:44,460
Otherwise, I want a decision now.
362
00:16:45,220 --> 00:16:47,659
Okay, um, all right.
363
00:16:47,660 --> 00:16:49,580
Uh, here we go.
364
00:16:50,710 --> 00:16:54,279
Um, there's something
I have to tell you.
365
00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:57,767
I-I... You need to go to therapy.
366
00:16:59,260 --> 00:17:00,599
Therapy? I...
367
00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:02,312
I thought we were doing great.
368
00:17:02,313 --> 00:17:04,769
No, I-I... Think about it.
It... It makes sense.
369
00:17:04,770 --> 00:17:07,509
I mean, we have issues.
We're on again, off again.
370
00:17:07,510 --> 00:17:09,529
You need professional help.
371
00:17:10,380 --> 00:17:13,825
Okay. I'll do whatever it
takes for us to be together.
372
00:17:13,826 --> 00:17:16,994
- Great.
- Well, you have to go, too.
373
00:17:16,995 --> 00:17:19,246
I'd rather not.
374
00:17:19,247 --> 00:17:20,999
If you don't go, I don't go,
375
00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:22,559
and we tell the kids
everything right now.
376
00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:24,710
Okay, fine. I-I'll go.
377
00:17:25,860 --> 00:17:27,279
Okay.
378
00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:29,059
I feel really good about this.
379
00:17:29,060 --> 00:17:30,300
Heck, yeah, you do.
380
00:17:32,210 --> 00:17:36,849
So... when you and David finish therapy
381
00:17:36,850 --> 00:17:40,889
and he moves in with you and Ben...
382
00:17:40,890 --> 00:17:43,339
are you and the rest of the Mormons
383
00:17:43,340 --> 00:17:45,815
gonna raise a barn in the backyard?
384
00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:49,401
You know what?
385
00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:50,949
I may have been forced into this,
386
00:17:50,950 --> 00:17:53,159
but it's probably the only way I'll know
387
00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:55,259
if David and I have a
chance of making this work.
388
00:17:55,260 --> 00:17:57,389
Yeah, here's the other
thing that's gonna happen.
389
00:17:57,390 --> 00:18:01,239
Um, after about three sessions,
that therapist is gonna know
390
00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:03,379
that you're lying your ass
off, and what you're doing
391
00:18:03,380 --> 00:18:05,959
is gonna be totally exposed to David.
392
00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:07,499
Huh.
393
00:18:07,500 --> 00:18:10,399
Well, that's not good.
394
00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:13,259
Well, maybe it'll at least
just buy me enough time
395
00:18:13,260 --> 00:18:16,069
to figure out which man
I'm gonna love forever
396
00:18:16,070 --> 00:18:18,539
and which man is never
gonna trust women again
397
00:18:18,540 --> 00:18:21,009
and probably die alone.
398
00:18:21,010 --> 00:18:24,679
Are you saying that if you pick David,
399
00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:26,099
Ben will die alone?
400
00:18:26,100 --> 00:18:28,519
Because I'm here to tell you
that there are a lot of women
401
00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:32,819
who would shamelessly throw
themselves at a guy like that.
402
00:18:32,820 --> 00:18:34,599
Just stop. It's not funny anymore.
403
00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:35,865
It's just creepy.
404
00:18:40,030 --> 00:18:42,119
You know what they say...
405
00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:45,415
a watched preemie never grows.
406
00:18:45,416 --> 00:18:47,249
I let her down.
407
00:18:47,250 --> 00:18:49,199
She's getting the nutrition she needs.
408
00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:50,671
That's all that matters.
409
00:18:50,672 --> 00:18:53,424
I finally got colostrum,
and I dropped it.
410
00:18:54,620 --> 00:18:59,549
She's not nursing, so we're not bonding.
411
00:18:59,550 --> 00:19:01,259
She probably won't even call me "Mom."
412
00:19:01,260 --> 00:19:05,060
She'll just be like, "Hey,
Becky, hand me that rattle."
413
00:19:08,300 --> 00:19:10,060
She's never gonna love me.
414
00:19:10,066 --> 00:19:12,025
What?
415
00:19:12,026 --> 00:19:15,610
You think your baby
isn't gonna love you?
416
00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:18,039
Hey.
417
00:19:18,040 --> 00:19:22,979
Do you know all the awful
things we did to you as a baby?
418
00:19:22,980 --> 00:19:25,359
Well, I remember you having Darlene.
419
00:19:25,360 --> 00:19:26,980
That was pretty bad.
420
00:19:28,240 --> 00:19:29,909
Once we left you on a bus,
421
00:19:29,910 --> 00:19:32,979
and you went all the way to Navy Pier.
422
00:19:32,980 --> 00:19:35,549
We used a stroller we found in an alley,
423
00:19:35,550 --> 00:19:38,319
and it folded up on you.
424
00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:41,764
And we laughed because we were high.
425
00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:47,470
The point is, you still
love us, don't you?
426
00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:54,489
Well, I'm gonna need a
little help with the baby,
427
00:19:54,490 --> 00:19:57,049
so I'll say yes.
428
00:19:57,050 --> 00:19:59,448
Thanks, Dad.
429
00:19:59,449 --> 00:20:01,529
Mm, so stop worrying.
430
00:20:01,530 --> 00:20:04,786
You're gonna fall short. Everybody does.
431
00:20:04,787 --> 00:20:07,499
And so what you had a preemie?
432
00:20:07,500 --> 00:20:11,377
Did you really want a super
healthy, strong kid?
433
00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:17,679
Puny, little kids are so
much easier to keep up with.
434
00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:20,428
And you're gonna need that
advantage 'cause you're old.
435
00:20:24,620 --> 00:20:27,030
I am old.
436
00:20:29,645 --> 00:20:32,979
We can play "Sleeping
Beauty." You be Aurora.
437
00:20:32,980 --> 00:20:34,649
I'll be Maleficent. I'll start.
438
00:20:34,650 --> 00:20:37,159
You jump in when you feel it.
439
00:20:37,160 --> 00:20:40,339
No, you will not be woken
440
00:20:40,340 --> 00:20:43,360
until you've been kissed
by a handsome prince.
441
00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:48,419
Hey, Jackie.
442
00:20:48,420 --> 00:20:50,199
- Uh, oh, hi, Ben.
- Hey.
443
00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:52,239
- You startled me.
- Oh, I'm so sorry.
444
00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:53,799
I just came to see the baby.
445
00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:56,544
I didn't mean to interrupt
your performance.
446
00:20:56,545 --> 00:20:59,382
- Oh, no, I was just amusing the baby.
- Oh.
447
00:20:59,383 --> 00:21:00,967
You mind if I sit with you?
448
00:21:00,968 --> 00:21:04,219
Well, no law against sitting.
449
00:21:07,660 --> 00:21:09,439
You know, if somebody
walked in right now,
450
00:21:09,440 --> 00:21:12,559
they'd think we were just two
parents looking at our baby.
451
00:21:14,310 --> 00:21:16,470
She does have your eyes.
452
00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:23,810
No, it's not right. I can't do it.
453
00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:30,520
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