1 00:00:01,752 --> 00:00:03,712 ♪ 2 00:00:03,712 --> 00:00:06,048 Wow. Oatmeal. Good for you. 3 00:00:06,048 --> 00:00:07,799 Yeah. 4 00:00:07,799 --> 00:00:10,219 It's a healthy delivery system for all the sugar, butter, 5 00:00:10,219 --> 00:00:11,970 and cream I need to start my day off right. 6 00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:15,599 That's weird. 7 00:00:15,599 --> 00:00:17,643 Robin wants to know how my job interviews are going 8 00:00:17,643 --> 00:00:18,936 since old man Wellman 9 00:00:18,936 --> 00:00:21,188 stopped giving me bad references last week. 10 00:00:21,188 --> 00:00:23,190 Apparently, he's too busy being deposed 11 00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:24,566 for polluting the groundwater. 12 00:00:24,566 --> 00:00:25,817 Well, that's great. 13 00:00:25,817 --> 00:00:28,070 Should make it easier for you to get a job. 14 00:00:28,070 --> 00:00:31,281 Yes, except I'm still getting shot down in my interviews, 15 00:00:31,281 --> 00:00:32,366 which means it's not Wellman. 16 00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:33,659 It's got to be something else. 17 00:00:33,659 --> 00:00:35,077 And I gotta figure this out quick 18 00:00:35,077 --> 00:00:36,620 'cause I've got a job interview later today 19 00:00:36,620 --> 00:00:37,996 and we're running out of money. 20 00:00:37,996 --> 00:00:41,166 You never know what's going on with interviewers. 21 00:00:41,166 --> 00:00:43,961 You could look like the guy's ex-wife. 22 00:00:43,961 --> 00:00:45,796 You could be talking, and he's sitting there thinking, 23 00:00:45,796 --> 00:00:48,590 "I worshipped you, but you took a bath with the gardener." 24 00:00:50,175 --> 00:00:52,552 Also, you're older and a woman. 25 00:00:52,552 --> 00:00:54,721 It's a full-on double hit. 26 00:00:54,721 --> 00:00:58,350 Yeah, or people are just intimidated by smart women. 27 00:00:58,350 --> 00:00:59,851 They just don't come out and tell you that. 28 00:00:59,851 --> 00:01:02,646 Tell me about it. Try being smart and having boobs. 29 00:01:04,606 --> 00:01:06,692 Yeah. I used to just be smart. 30 00:01:08,694 --> 00:01:10,487 Hey, Darlene. 31 00:01:10,487 --> 00:01:13,323 You free to pick up Beverly Rose today after school? 32 00:01:13,323 --> 00:01:15,075 Yeah. Unfortunately, I don't have 33 00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:17,202 any food deliveries lined up. 34 00:01:17,202 --> 00:01:19,454 Hey, if I drop her at your door 35 00:01:19,454 --> 00:01:22,749 still hot and properly wrapped, can I get a tip? 36 00:01:22,749 --> 00:01:24,668 You know, if you need cash, I could use some help 37 00:01:24,668 --> 00:01:26,962 at the store this week while Ben's out of town. 38 00:01:26,962 --> 00:01:28,839 Wow. Really? That would be great. 39 00:01:28,839 --> 00:01:30,549 You're hired! 40 00:01:30,549 --> 00:01:32,676 You realize, of course, I can't pay you as much 41 00:01:32,676 --> 00:01:35,012 because you're a smart old woman and you intimidate me. 42 00:01:36,847 --> 00:01:40,726 And you know that I could substitute a laxative 43 00:01:40,726 --> 00:01:43,228 for any one of your pills and you wouldn't know. 44 00:01:44,855 --> 00:01:46,231 Not right away. 45 00:01:46,231 --> 00:01:50,235 ♪ 46 00:01:50,235 --> 00:01:51,903 Becky, refill on table three. 47 00:01:51,903 --> 00:01:53,405 Becky: Okay. 48 00:01:53,405 --> 00:01:54,531 [ Cellphone chimes ] 49 00:01:54,531 --> 00:01:55,532 Oh. What's up? 50 00:01:55,532 --> 00:01:57,784 Oh. Oh. 51 00:01:57,784 --> 00:02:00,620 It's Beverly Rose's teacher. She wants to see me right away. 52 00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:01,830 Beverly Rose okay? 53 00:02:01,830 --> 00:02:04,166 Yeah, she's acting out again. 54 00:02:04,166 --> 00:02:06,084 I've been so busy with school and work, 55 00:02:06,084 --> 00:02:07,919 I haven't been spending any time with her. 56 00:02:07,919 --> 00:02:10,255 Well, you know, kids are resilient. 57 00:02:11,715 --> 00:02:14,009 Isn't that what you're supposed to say when you neglect them? 58 00:02:14,009 --> 00:02:16,428 [ Chuckles ] I don't neglect her. 59 00:02:16,428 --> 00:02:18,764 I'd love to be around her enough to neglect her. 60 00:02:19,514 --> 00:02:21,266 Ohh! Ow! 61 00:02:21,266 --> 00:02:24,311 Ooh! My God! Are you okay? 62 00:02:24,311 --> 00:02:26,313 I'm fine. I'm not hurt. Yeah. 63 00:02:26,313 --> 00:02:29,232 Good. Good. 'Cause you can't sue. 64 00:02:29,232 --> 00:02:31,777 Everybody enters this restaurant at their own risk! 65 00:02:31,777 --> 00:02:35,280 It says so right on the menu. 66 00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:37,324 You know, I almost wish that I was hurt. 67 00:02:37,324 --> 00:02:39,076 Then I could at least have some time off. 68 00:02:39,076 --> 00:02:41,953 Yeah. Well... Wait. 69 00:02:41,953 --> 00:02:43,497 What about workman's comp? 70 00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:45,540 What are you talking about? 71 00:02:45,540 --> 00:02:48,543 You pay for workman's comp, but you never use it. 72 00:02:48,543 --> 00:02:51,296 This way, I could take two paid weeks off, 73 00:02:51,296 --> 00:02:52,673 prepare for my finals, 74 00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:54,758 and spend more time with Beverly Rose! 75 00:02:54,758 --> 00:02:55,884 Becky, I don't know. 76 00:02:55,884 --> 00:02:57,302 Oh, please, Jackie. 77 00:02:57,302 --> 00:02:59,554 I can't afford it otherwise. 78 00:02:59,554 --> 00:03:02,015 Well, I don't-- I guess I'd be a little shorthanded, 79 00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:04,393 but maybe we could make it work. 80 00:03:04,393 --> 00:03:06,269 Thank you. [ Chuckles ] 81 00:03:06,269 --> 00:03:07,437 Could you help me up? 82 00:03:07,437 --> 00:03:09,022 Yeah. 83 00:03:10,232 --> 00:03:12,484 [ Grunts ] Aaah! 84 00:03:12,484 --> 00:03:13,777 Y'all saw that, right?! 85 00:03:13,777 --> 00:03:32,212 ♪ 86 00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:35,215 - Captions by VITAC-- 87 00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:36,425 "The Conners" is filmed 88 00:03:36,425 --> 00:03:39,010 in front of a live studio audience. 89 00:03:39,010 --> 00:03:41,304 I personally think that candy 90 00:03:41,304 --> 00:03:42,806 is the most important meal of the day, 91 00:03:42,806 --> 00:03:45,225 and I can prove that statement with my dental records. 92 00:03:46,476 --> 00:03:49,563 Heh. All dentures. [ Chuckles ] 93 00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:52,232 Anyway, I think this interview went very well, 94 00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:54,067 and I am definitely keeping you 95 00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:55,986 under consideration for this position. 96 00:03:55,986 --> 00:03:58,029 Ahh. I look forward to hearing from you. 97 00:03:58,029 --> 00:03:59,281 Thank you very much. 98 00:03:59,281 --> 00:04:01,324 Thanks for stopping by. 99 00:04:01,324 --> 00:04:02,492 Excuse me? 100 00:04:02,492 --> 00:04:04,161 Uh, thanks for stopping by. 101 00:04:04,161 --> 00:04:05,912 Oh, okay. "Thanks for stopping by" 102 00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:08,790 is basically code for saying, "We're never gonna hire you." 103 00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:10,250 [ Squeakily ] Oh, no! 104 00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:13,170 That is abso-- absolutely not true. 105 00:04:13,170 --> 00:04:15,881 I just thought it was very sweet 106 00:04:15,881 --> 00:04:17,549 that you decided to stop by. 107 00:04:19,009 --> 00:04:21,887 Now, you take care of yourself. 108 00:04:21,887 --> 00:04:23,513 Wait. "Take care of yourself"? 109 00:04:23,513 --> 00:04:26,308 That's even worse than "Thanks for stopping by." 110 00:04:26,308 --> 00:04:29,561 They sound pleasant enough. 111 00:04:29,561 --> 00:04:30,854 Okay. Look. 112 00:04:30,854 --> 00:04:33,607 This is my fourth rejection in two weeks, 113 00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:35,525 and, you know, I need work. 114 00:04:35,525 --> 00:04:37,736 You could really help me by just being honest 115 00:04:37,736 --> 00:04:39,279 and telling me why you won't hire me. 116 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:42,199 Ooh. I never said I wasn't gonna hire you. 117 00:04:42,199 --> 00:04:44,868 I said I was keeping you under consideration. 118 00:04:44,868 --> 00:04:47,704 And that's very good. 119 00:04:47,704 --> 00:04:50,540 Who would like a caramel chew for the ride home? 120 00:04:50,540 --> 00:04:52,083 I don't need a parting gift. 121 00:04:52,083 --> 00:04:53,335 I need a job. 122 00:04:53,335 --> 00:04:55,462 [ Chuckles ] I would hire you, 123 00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:58,298 but I've still got to talk to the guys upstairs. 124 00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:01,176 It's a one-story building. 125 00:05:01,176 --> 00:05:04,888 You are like a funny Terrier. 126 00:05:04,888 --> 00:05:07,432 I meant the people above me. 127 00:05:07,432 --> 00:05:09,184 But who's above you? It's Fudderman's Candy. 128 00:05:09,184 --> 00:05:10,560 You're Fudderman. 129 00:05:12,062 --> 00:05:14,356 You're forcing me to be blunt here, Darlene. 130 00:05:14,356 --> 00:05:17,901 I didn't want to come out and say this, but I will. 131 00:05:17,901 --> 00:05:22,614 You may or may not get a job here. 132 00:05:22,614 --> 00:05:24,407 Okay. Wait. So you're saying that there actually-- 133 00:05:24,407 --> 00:05:26,535 There is a chance that you would hire me. 134 00:05:26,535 --> 00:05:29,120 More than a chance. A possibility. 135 00:05:31,081 --> 00:05:33,667 ♪ 136 00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:35,043 Hey. You ready to go? 137 00:05:35,043 --> 00:05:39,673 This Red Robin Groupon is burnin' a hole in my pocket. 138 00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,383 I'm still watching Beverly Rose. 139 00:05:41,383 --> 00:05:43,009 I'm just waiting for Harris to take over. 140 00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:45,220 Oh. Okay. 141 00:05:45,220 --> 00:05:47,848 So, how was work today? Not good. 142 00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:50,141 Becky slipped and fell, so she's out for two weeks. 143 00:05:50,141 --> 00:05:52,227 Oh, my gosh! Is she hurt bad? 144 00:05:52,227 --> 00:05:54,729 Nah, she's just faking it to get a couple of weeks 145 00:05:54,729 --> 00:05:57,566 out of workman's comp so she can catch up on some personal stuff. 146 00:05:57,566 --> 00:06:01,111 But it's a pain in the ass! [ Sighs ] 147 00:06:01,111 --> 00:06:04,114 Yeah, and it's also insurance fraud. 148 00:06:05,740 --> 00:06:08,076 No, no, I'm just taking advantage of an insurance policy 149 00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:09,536 that I never use. 150 00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:10,996 [ Scoffs ] Okay. 151 00:06:10,996 --> 00:06:13,373 Workman's comp isn't a savings account 152 00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:16,543 that you can just dip into whenever you feel like it. 153 00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:19,004 If Becky gets caught, you both could get a huge fine 154 00:06:19,004 --> 00:06:20,255 and maybe even jail time. 155 00:06:20,255 --> 00:06:22,215 Oh, come on! 156 00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:24,509 I'm sure people do it all the time. 157 00:06:24,509 --> 00:06:26,678 Look. I've dealt with this at the animal clinic. 158 00:06:26,678 --> 00:06:28,305 If you're faking it, 159 00:06:28,305 --> 00:06:30,765 they can pull your insurance, shut you down, 160 00:06:30,765 --> 00:06:33,059 and pretty soon you're selling irregular jeans 161 00:06:33,059 --> 00:06:35,478 out of your trunk in a stadium parking lot. 162 00:06:35,478 --> 00:06:38,857 [ Gasps ] I gotta talk to Becky before she files that claim. 163 00:06:38,857 --> 00:06:42,235 If I get shut down, it's not gonna be for workman's comp! 164 00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:43,612 It's gonna be by the Feds 165 00:06:43,612 --> 00:06:46,865 for serving USBA certified beef. 166 00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:51,202 O-Okay. I don't think you should be-- 167 00:06:51,202 --> 00:06:53,079 You heard nothing! 168 00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:54,581 ♪ 169 00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:56,374 [ Bell jingles ] 170 00:06:56,374 --> 00:06:59,002 Welcome to Olinsky's. 171 00:06:59,002 --> 00:07:01,129 How'd yesterday's interviews go? 172 00:07:01,129 --> 00:07:05,383 Bad. Another man intimidated by an intelligent woman. 173 00:07:05,383 --> 00:07:06,676 Well, that sucks. 174 00:07:06,676 --> 00:07:07,802 Candy? 175 00:07:07,802 --> 00:07:09,262 Uh, don't. 176 00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:11,264 [ Bell jingles ] 177 00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:13,558 Hi. How can we help you? 178 00:07:13,558 --> 00:07:15,518 Well, I'm turning my basement into a she-shed 179 00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:17,437 and I need something to hang a couple of paintings 180 00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:19,189 that I made during Merlot-Paint night. 181 00:07:19,189 --> 00:07:23,109 More merlot than paint, if you know what I mean. 182 00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:24,736 I don't, so I'm gonna turn you over 183 00:07:24,736 --> 00:07:27,822 to our she-shed expert, Darlene. 184 00:07:27,822 --> 00:07:29,407 Alright. Um... 185 00:07:29,407 --> 00:07:32,243 Well, I have to admit I have never had a she-shed, 186 00:07:32,243 --> 00:07:35,163 but I can certainly get you a few hooks for your paintings. 187 00:07:35,163 --> 00:07:36,790 You gotta get a she-shed. 188 00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:41,336 It's like a man cave, but you can express your inner goddess. 189 00:07:41,336 --> 00:07:42,671 Got it. 190 00:07:42,671 --> 00:07:45,131 Um, but are you really a goddess 191 00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:47,467 if you can only express it in one room of the house? 192 00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:48,802 [ Chuckles ] 193 00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:51,680 Okay. Uh, so, how-- how heavy are these paintings? 194 00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:53,223 Oh. I don't know. 195 00:07:53,223 --> 00:07:56,518 They're about yea-by-yea. 196 00:07:56,518 --> 00:07:58,144 Okay, so, obviously you're not 197 00:07:58,144 --> 00:08:00,980 the goddess of weights and measures. 198 00:08:00,980 --> 00:08:03,274 Oh. Um... 199 00:08:03,274 --> 00:08:07,195 So, these hold anything up to 30 pounds. 200 00:08:07,195 --> 00:08:08,405 I'm sure they'll be fine. 201 00:08:08,405 --> 00:08:10,115 Oh, great. 202 00:08:10,115 --> 00:08:13,076 But there's three. I only need two. 203 00:08:13,076 --> 00:08:15,120 Why would I pay for three? 204 00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:19,791 Um, because they're only $1.19 205 00:08:19,791 --> 00:08:22,836 and you can save the extra one for the next time 206 00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:24,504 you need to drink and paint 207 00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:28,758 to rationalize why you're so proud of having your own shed. 208 00:08:28,758 --> 00:08:30,176 Is there a problem? 209 00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:32,011 Maybe I should just shop somewhere else. 210 00:08:32,011 --> 00:08:35,223 Oh, no! Then we'll lose out on a whole dollar! 211 00:08:35,223 --> 00:08:38,017 I'm sorry. Could I be of some assistance here? 212 00:08:38,017 --> 00:08:39,769 I don't think so. Thank you. 213 00:08:39,769 --> 00:08:41,646 [ Chuckles ] 214 00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:44,023 Oh, man. 215 00:08:44,023 --> 00:08:46,568 God. 216 00:08:46,568 --> 00:08:49,487 I'm gonna say something I hope you find constructive. 217 00:08:49,487 --> 00:08:50,864 Your professional demeanor 218 00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:54,284 is somewhat combative and condescending. 219 00:08:54,284 --> 00:08:56,411 No, I was just being honest 220 00:08:56,411 --> 00:08:58,872 and I was trying to be funny instead of just saying, 221 00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:02,167 "You're annoying and stupid, lady." 222 00:09:02,167 --> 00:09:05,962 Okay. Are you being "honest" and "funny" in your interviews? 223 00:09:05,962 --> 00:09:08,548 Yes. That's my thing. Why? 224 00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:11,509 Well, maybe your "thing" is keeping you unemployed. 225 00:09:11,509 --> 00:09:14,095 No, everything you read about going on interviews 226 00:09:14,095 --> 00:09:15,513 says to just be yourself. 227 00:09:15,513 --> 00:09:18,141 That's assuming "yourself" is pleasant. 228 00:09:18,141 --> 00:09:19,893 Hey, I have been working really hard 229 00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:21,686 on being a positive person. 230 00:09:21,686 --> 00:09:24,314 You can use positive words, but if the energy underneath 231 00:09:24,314 --> 00:09:27,358 is "put up your dukes," you're gonna put people off. 232 00:09:27,358 --> 00:09:29,527 You know, what you see as me "putting up my dukes" 233 00:09:29,527 --> 00:09:32,155 is just me speaking my mind and being forthright. 234 00:09:32,155 --> 00:09:34,491 You know what? At least my next interviewer is a woman, 235 00:09:34,491 --> 00:09:35,825 and so she'll respect that, 236 00:09:35,825 --> 00:09:37,577 and I'm sure it will go a lot better. 237 00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:40,872 I'm sorry I called you condescending and combative. 238 00:09:40,872 --> 00:09:43,958 I should have said petite and delusional. 239 00:09:43,958 --> 00:09:45,376 Men like you are the reason 240 00:09:45,376 --> 00:09:47,962 women paint, drink, and live in sheds. 241 00:09:48,963 --> 00:09:50,799 [ Air rushes ] 242 00:09:53,843 --> 00:09:56,096 So, Darlene, here at DriveAmerica Tire, 243 00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:57,722 we like to do things a little different. 244 00:09:57,722 --> 00:09:59,641 How do you feel about getting your hands dirty? 245 00:09:59,641 --> 00:10:02,519 I am not averse to getting a little terra firma 246 00:10:02,519 --> 00:10:05,480 under these fingernails if it helps the company 247 00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:08,942 achieve the fullest realization of its mission statement. 248 00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:11,528 You're smart. I like that. 249 00:10:11,528 --> 00:10:14,072 Yeah, you do. 250 00:10:14,072 --> 00:10:17,117 But our customers don't. They like plain talk. 251 00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:19,702 And I'm gonna be plain with you. 252 00:10:19,702 --> 00:10:21,121 I'm looking at your résumé, 253 00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:24,332 and I like that you worked in plastic for two years. 254 00:10:24,332 --> 00:10:28,461 Um, my only concern is that before that, 255 00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:32,423 you were a writer and you went to "art school." 256 00:10:32,423 --> 00:10:34,467 Well, that's why I'm looking for a job. 257 00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:37,428 Because I went to art school. 258 00:10:37,428 --> 00:10:39,013 Ha! Yeah, well, I can assure you-- 259 00:10:39,013 --> 00:10:41,850 nobody around here went to art school. 260 00:10:41,850 --> 00:10:44,894 Okay, yeah, but having a creative side 261 00:10:44,894 --> 00:10:47,230 doesn't mean I wouldn't be a good hire. 262 00:10:47,230 --> 00:10:48,773 I mean, I grew up working class, 263 00:10:48,773 --> 00:10:50,942 and I didn't start in management at Wellman. 264 00:10:50,942 --> 00:10:54,028 I started on the line, and eventually I moved up. 265 00:10:54,028 --> 00:10:57,282 Well, now we're working in the plus column! 266 00:10:57,282 --> 00:10:58,908 But we don't call it moving "up." 267 00:10:58,908 --> 00:11:01,035 We call it moving "over" to management. 268 00:11:01,035 --> 00:11:03,204 Because here, nobody's better than anybody else. 269 00:11:05,290 --> 00:11:10,003 Okay. But not everybody makes the same pay, right? 270 00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:12,881 Because I worked my ass off to excel in management, 271 00:11:12,881 --> 00:11:15,466 and so I think I deserve more than somebody who didn't. 272 00:11:15,466 --> 00:11:17,594 Yeah, well, there's no reason to get defensive about it, 273 00:11:17,594 --> 00:11:19,929 but, I mean, if this is all about the money for you, then-- 274 00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:21,181 No, I'm here because I love tires. 275 00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:23,099 Of course it's about the money! 276 00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:26,394 I-I gotta feed my kids. 277 00:11:26,394 --> 00:11:28,229 I'm not jumping through all these hoops 278 00:11:28,229 --> 00:11:30,106 so I can make less than I did. 279 00:11:30,106 --> 00:11:32,108 Okay. You're getting a little worked up here, Darlene. 280 00:11:32,108 --> 00:11:34,152 Well, no, I'm only responding this way 281 00:11:34,152 --> 00:11:35,904 because of the crazy thing you said 282 00:11:35,904 --> 00:11:38,615 about "moving over" instead of "moving up." 283 00:11:40,241 --> 00:11:41,701 [ Chuckles ] 284 00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,536 I think it's time you see yourself out. 285 00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:45,121 Oh. Really? 286 00:11:45,121 --> 00:11:47,916 Are you sure you don't mean see myself "under" or "around"? 287 00:11:47,916 --> 00:11:49,876 'Cause I'm not sure anybody understands directions 288 00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:51,294 around here. 289 00:11:56,382 --> 00:11:57,842 Yeah. You know what? 290 00:11:57,842 --> 00:11:59,385 I-I can see where maybe 291 00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:02,805 I got a little combative and condescending there. 292 00:12:02,805 --> 00:12:04,599 That's totally my bad. 293 00:12:04,599 --> 00:12:07,268 So, um... may we start again? 294 00:12:07,268 --> 00:12:09,729 [ Chuckles ] Thanks for stopping by. 295 00:12:12,649 --> 00:12:14,776 Yeah. That-- That sounds about right. 296 00:12:14,776 --> 00:12:18,655 ♪ 297 00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:22,325 [ British accent ] Here comes Tiny Tim! 298 00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:24,118 God bless us, everyone! 299 00:12:25,954 --> 00:12:28,498 Here you go. Look. I know I said it was okay, 300 00:12:28,498 --> 00:12:31,459 but we can't go through with this workman's comp claim. 301 00:12:31,459 --> 00:12:33,836 I could lose my insurance and go to jail. 302 00:12:33,836 --> 00:12:36,089 I can't go to jail. 303 00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:40,009 They'd pass me around like a cheap pack of cigarettes! 304 00:12:40,009 --> 00:12:41,469 But you own the business. 305 00:12:41,469 --> 00:12:43,304 You're the only person who would complain. 306 00:12:43,304 --> 00:12:44,722 No, the insurance companies 307 00:12:44,722 --> 00:12:46,307 seriously check these things out. 308 00:12:46,307 --> 00:12:47,475 It's not worth the risk. 309 00:12:47,475 --> 00:12:51,020 My kid and my future aren't worth the risk? 310 00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:57,860 Fine. Guess I better be getting back to work, then. 311 00:12:57,860 --> 00:13:01,114 Look! I'm healed! It's a miracle! 312 00:13:02,365 --> 00:13:05,118 It's a crime. What do you want me to do? 313 00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:08,162 Oh. No, no. I'm okay. 314 00:13:08,162 --> 00:13:12,000 I don't need a career or a daughter who loves me. 315 00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:13,459 I'm content 316 00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:16,129 just giving this gentleman a refill on his coffee. 317 00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:17,463 He's drinking tea! 318 00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:19,173 Well, he's gettin' coffee! 319 00:13:21,968 --> 00:13:23,928 Okay. 320 00:13:23,928 --> 00:13:28,057 You were right. I am putting people off with my attitude. 321 00:13:28,057 --> 00:13:31,185 God bless you for finally telling her. 322 00:13:31,185 --> 00:13:33,229 I told you. You gotta change what you're doing. 323 00:13:33,229 --> 00:13:35,481 How? I've got a job interview tomorrow. 324 00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:37,525 What am I supposed to do-- not be myself? 325 00:13:39,444 --> 00:13:40,945 You or me? 326 00:13:40,945 --> 00:13:43,239 Let me start. 327 00:13:43,239 --> 00:13:47,702 Mom, be as fake as possible! 328 00:13:47,702 --> 00:13:50,413 What? I have spent my entire life 329 00:13:50,413 --> 00:13:53,082 telling you kids, "Don't be ashamed of who you are. 330 00:13:53,082 --> 00:13:54,834 Don't change for anybody." 331 00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:56,919 You don't know how many times I had to grab a beer 332 00:13:56,919 --> 00:13:59,756 with some knucklehead just to get a drywall contract 333 00:13:59,756 --> 00:14:03,301 and tell him his wife looked like Farrah Fawcett 334 00:14:03,301 --> 00:14:06,012 when she looked more like an actual faucet. 335 00:14:07,263 --> 00:14:09,223 Well, I don't know how you did that. 336 00:14:09,223 --> 00:14:12,018 I did it because I needed the job 337 00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:13,978 more than I needed to be honest. 338 00:14:16,522 --> 00:14:18,649 Alright. Fine. 339 00:14:18,649 --> 00:14:20,610 Who's having coffee here? 340 00:14:20,610 --> 00:14:21,778 None of us. 341 00:14:21,778 --> 00:14:23,404 Well, you are now. 342 00:14:23,404 --> 00:14:26,949 ♪ 343 00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:31,329 Darlene, you're a very strong match 344 00:14:31,329 --> 00:14:34,040 for the job we're offering. 345 00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:35,625 Bless your heart. 346 00:14:38,294 --> 00:14:40,797 Let me tell you a little about The Chicago Can Company. 347 00:14:40,797 --> 00:14:44,717 We work hard here, but the key to our success is we work fun! 348 00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:47,970 For example, Fridays, we do improv games for team building! 349 00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:49,972 Yes, and... 350 00:14:49,972 --> 00:14:51,849 I love improv! 351 00:14:51,849 --> 00:14:55,019 The only thing I love more than improv is magic! 352 00:14:55,019 --> 00:14:58,940 Oh. Well, then you are going to love our Magic Mondays. 353 00:14:58,940 --> 00:15:02,276 What's that behind your ear? 354 00:15:02,276 --> 00:15:05,696 Oh! A 25% increase in productivity? 355 00:15:05,696 --> 00:15:08,366 [ Laughs ] Oh, that is so clever! 356 00:15:08,366 --> 00:15:09,951 Yeah. 357 00:15:09,951 --> 00:15:11,452 Uh, with all this fun, 358 00:15:11,452 --> 00:15:13,162 I can't believe you get any work done. 359 00:15:13,162 --> 00:15:14,872 Well, if we have to work weekends 360 00:15:14,872 --> 00:15:18,918 to ensure we have enough fun during the week, we do it! 361 00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:20,670 So, any questions for us? 362 00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:22,213 I don't think so. 363 00:15:22,213 --> 00:15:25,424 I mean, the salary is amazing. The benefits are fantastic. 364 00:15:25,424 --> 00:15:27,051 I certainly come from a family 365 00:15:27,051 --> 00:15:30,680 where cans are a big part of our diet. 366 00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:32,306 Darlene, you're a perfect fit. 367 00:15:32,306 --> 00:15:35,476 Oh, great. So when-- when can I start? 368 00:15:35,476 --> 00:15:37,145 Well, we're working this Saturday, 369 00:15:37,145 --> 00:15:39,063 so you may as well jump right in. 370 00:15:39,063 --> 00:15:41,107 But I warn you-- we haze the newbies. 371 00:15:41,107 --> 00:15:42,733 I hope you like really long hugs. 372 00:15:42,733 --> 00:15:46,112 [ Both laugh ] 373 00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:50,199 Finally the human connection I've been craving! 374 00:15:50,199 --> 00:15:52,160 Alright. I'll see you Saturday. 375 00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:53,286 Okay. 376 00:16:02,545 --> 00:16:05,173 Um, I'm sorry. 377 00:16:05,173 --> 00:16:08,426 Can we start again? You have not really met me. 378 00:16:08,426 --> 00:16:09,719 What do you mean? 379 00:16:09,719 --> 00:16:11,470 Uh, this is not me. 380 00:16:15,433 --> 00:16:17,143 This is me. 381 00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:18,603 Oh. 382 00:16:20,271 --> 00:16:22,773 Did something tragic happen the day they took your picture? 383 00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:25,610 Nope. 384 00:16:25,610 --> 00:16:27,987 I'm, uh-- I'm not a smiler. 385 00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:30,072 Yeah, and I'm-- I'm not fun. 386 00:16:30,072 --> 00:16:33,826 But I could be a great asset to this company 387 00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:35,828 and increase productivity. 388 00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:38,581 Honestly, I think your people would be much happier 389 00:16:38,581 --> 00:16:41,209 and work harder sacrificing the magic shows 390 00:16:41,209 --> 00:16:43,753 if they didn't have to work on the weekends. 391 00:16:43,753 --> 00:16:47,173 Wow. It took a lot of courage to say that. 392 00:16:47,173 --> 00:16:49,258 But, "Thanks for stopping by," right? 393 00:16:49,258 --> 00:16:51,385 Well, clearly, the job we're talking about 394 00:16:51,385 --> 00:16:53,304 isn't right for you. 395 00:16:53,304 --> 00:16:55,640 Yeah. I understand. Thank you for your time. 396 00:16:58,267 --> 00:16:59,685 Wait. 397 00:16:59,685 --> 00:17:01,771 But I do have a managerial position 398 00:17:01,771 --> 00:17:03,856 that starts next month in accounts receivable. 399 00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:05,399 I need someone who can be ruthless 400 00:17:05,399 --> 00:17:07,401 and no-holds-barred in collecting money. 401 00:17:07,401 --> 00:17:09,904 Really?! Oh, my God! 402 00:17:09,904 --> 00:17:12,448 I've been on the other end of those phone calls for years! 403 00:17:12,448 --> 00:17:15,660 I've been waiting for my turn! Yes! 404 00:17:15,660 --> 00:17:17,161 [ Laughs ] 405 00:17:17,161 --> 00:17:19,080 ♪ 406 00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:22,333 Uh, hey, Beck? 407 00:17:22,333 --> 00:17:24,210 I'm the one who told Jackie 408 00:17:24,210 --> 00:17:27,380 a fraudulent insurance claim was a bad idea. 409 00:17:27,380 --> 00:17:29,006 She was willing to do it, 410 00:17:29,006 --> 00:17:31,884 so if you want to be mad at somebody, be mad at me. 411 00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:33,761 I needed some help from my family, Neville. 412 00:17:33,761 --> 00:17:35,513 Is that too much to ask? 413 00:17:35,513 --> 00:17:38,766 Not at all, but you seem to ask a lot from them 414 00:17:38,766 --> 00:17:40,434 and you do it frequently. 415 00:17:40,434 --> 00:17:43,104 Everybody in this family does that! 416 00:17:43,104 --> 00:17:46,065 Darlene moved back home just like I did. 417 00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:49,652 I-- I get the family dynamic, 418 00:17:49,652 --> 00:17:51,988 but you're now living with Darlene, 419 00:17:51,988 --> 00:17:54,156 everyone helps with Beverly Rose, 420 00:17:54,156 --> 00:17:57,285 your aunt gave you a job, and now you're upset 421 00:17:57,285 --> 00:17:59,203 because she won't help you commit a felony? 422 00:17:59,203 --> 00:18:00,997 I do stuff for her. 423 00:18:00,997 --> 00:18:03,916 The other day, I opened The Lunch Box at 6:00 a. m.-- 424 00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:05,418 by myself! 425 00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:07,795 That's because you had class at 7:00 a. m. 426 00:18:07,795 --> 00:18:10,256 and wanted breakfast! 427 00:18:10,256 --> 00:18:11,882 And when Jackie got here, 428 00:18:11,882 --> 00:18:13,718 you were gone, the door was wide open, 429 00:18:13,718 --> 00:18:16,012 and there was a guy sleeping in the kitchen! 430 00:18:17,847 --> 00:18:20,391 Fine. I screwed up. 431 00:18:20,391 --> 00:18:22,268 But I'm overwhelmed. 432 00:18:22,268 --> 00:18:24,270 I have a kid and I'm going to school, 433 00:18:24,270 --> 00:18:26,314 and I'm doing it all sober. 434 00:18:28,316 --> 00:18:31,569 Becky, my late brother had a lot of substance problems, too, 435 00:18:31,569 --> 00:18:33,321 so I learned a lot about codependency, 436 00:18:33,321 --> 00:18:35,114 and it's not just substances. 437 00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:37,241 You can become overly dependent 438 00:18:37,241 --> 00:18:40,202 on just about anything, and that includes family. 439 00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:49,420 You know, when you make me realize I'm wrong so nicely, 440 00:18:49,420 --> 00:18:51,339 it's harder to imagine you being eaten 441 00:18:51,339 --> 00:18:53,174 by one of your big snakes. 442 00:18:55,885 --> 00:18:57,053 Thank you, sweetie. Okay. 443 00:18:57,053 --> 00:18:58,304 I'll see you at home. Okay. 444 00:19:02,558 --> 00:19:03,768 Hey, Jackie? 445 00:19:03,768 --> 00:19:06,437 Um, I really do appreciate 446 00:19:06,437 --> 00:19:07,980 everything that you've done for me. 447 00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:09,398 Thank you. 448 00:19:09,398 --> 00:19:11,525 It was stupid to ask you to do something illegal. 449 00:19:11,525 --> 00:19:13,736 Well, I just couldn't risk losing the business. 450 00:19:13,736 --> 00:19:15,404 It's my life. I know that. 451 00:19:15,404 --> 00:19:19,492 And I made the mistake of telling Dudley Do-Right. 452 00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:22,495 I love the guy, but he's such a straight arrow. 453 00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:24,330 He even took away my price gun 454 00:19:24,330 --> 00:19:26,666 that I like to take to T. J. Maxx. 455 00:19:26,666 --> 00:19:30,127 ♪ 456 00:19:30,127 --> 00:19:31,504 Hey. 457 00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:34,298 I don't know how you got in here, 458 00:19:34,298 --> 00:19:36,342 but I'm not gonna join your church. 459 00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:39,595 I did it. 460 00:19:39,595 --> 00:19:41,806 I became somebody completely different, 461 00:19:41,806 --> 00:19:43,099 and I got the job. 462 00:19:43,099 --> 00:19:45,017 Congratulations! 463 00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:47,770 And then I lost it because I couldn't imagine 464 00:19:47,770 --> 00:19:50,147 being that person every day for the rest of my life. 465 00:19:50,147 --> 00:19:51,524 That tracks. 466 00:19:53,067 --> 00:19:55,695 However, then I got another job 467 00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:58,572 because they need somebody in accounts receivable 468 00:19:58,572 --> 00:20:01,075 who is combative and condescending. 469 00:20:01,075 --> 00:20:03,661 That also tracks. 470 00:20:03,661 --> 00:20:07,581 So... I stopped and bought this to celebrate. 471 00:20:07,581 --> 00:20:09,166 Champagne. 472 00:20:09,166 --> 00:20:12,169 Ooh! Beer's high-falutin' French cousin! 473 00:20:14,588 --> 00:20:16,549 So how are you feeling? 474 00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:18,551 I feel good. 475 00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:20,636 Yeah, like I was tested, 476 00:20:20,636 --> 00:20:23,222 and I was totally ready to throw out everything I am 477 00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:25,474 to take care of my family, and then... 478 00:20:25,474 --> 00:20:27,810 I don't know. I just felt like I was lying to somebody. 479 00:20:27,810 --> 00:20:29,603 And when I told the truth, 480 00:20:29,603 --> 00:20:32,148 it paid off and I got a job anyway. 481 00:20:32,148 --> 00:20:34,358 So what you've learned is there's room for combative 482 00:20:34,358 --> 00:20:37,862 and condescending people in this world, too. 483 00:20:37,862 --> 00:20:40,030 Hey, at least I'm not a liar. 484 00:20:41,949 --> 00:20:44,744 Well, no, of course I lie all the time, but... 485 00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:47,580 not to this guy and not today, 486 00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:49,039 and that's what counts. 487 00:20:49,039 --> 00:20:50,708 Live for the moment, right? 488 00:20:50,708 --> 00:20:52,918 Cheers. 489 00:20:52,918 --> 00:20:55,087 Zut alors. Zut alors! 490 00:20:57,757 --> 00:21:00,050 - Uh, apple pie, please. - Slice of apple. 491 00:21:00,050 --> 00:21:02,178 Ahh! [ Chuckles ] I only have one piece left. 492 00:21:02,178 --> 00:21:04,930 Oh. You take it. 493 00:21:04,930 --> 00:21:07,683 Thank you, but it is yours, I insist. 494 00:21:07,683 --> 00:21:10,352 That is so kind, but I can't enjoy it 495 00:21:10,352 --> 00:21:12,146 with you sitting there wanting it. 496 00:21:12,146 --> 00:21:13,856 [ Chuckles ] Aren't you an angel. 497 00:21:13,856 --> 00:21:16,484 But, nope, I have cleared it from my mind. 498 00:21:16,484 --> 00:21:18,444 Well, we're gonna have more pie tomorrow, 499 00:21:18,444 --> 00:21:21,489 so see if you two can "polite it out" by then. 500 00:21:23,574 --> 00:21:25,201 What a bitch.