1
00:00:03,545 --> 00:00:06,173
Jackie, where the hell
have you been?
2
00:00:06,173 --> 00:00:09,051
I had to ask Mark to come in
and help me wait on tables.
3
00:00:09,051 --> 00:00:10,260
And what's this?
4
00:00:10,260 --> 00:00:11,345
I'll tell you
where I've been.
5
00:00:11,345 --> 00:00:13,597
I was at Thai Palace yesterday.
6
00:00:13,597 --> 00:00:15,390
They had a lottery machine
that has a drawing
7
00:00:15,390 --> 00:00:16,767
every four minutes.
8
00:00:16,767 --> 00:00:18,852
There was a line of people
out the door
9
00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:20,687
waiting to eat and gamble.
10
00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:22,523
What were you doing
over there?
11
00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:24,733
I thought they had
a restraining order against you.
12
00:00:24,733 --> 00:00:26,235
That's
the schnitzel place.
13
00:00:26,235 --> 00:00:28,445
It's just a warning
at Thai Palace.
14
00:00:28,445 --> 00:00:30,322
So, anyway, I was looking
for a place to get a machine,
15
00:00:30,322 --> 00:00:33,408
and turns out
the closest is Ohio.
16
00:00:33,408 --> 00:00:35,702
So, I filled up the tank,
bought a bucket of chicken,
17
00:00:35,702 --> 00:00:39,748
put on a diaper,
and, uh, took a little trip.
18
00:00:39,748 --> 00:00:43,043
Okay, uh, I guess it'll draw
people when football is over,
19
00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:45,170
but how do winners get paid?
20
00:00:45,170 --> 00:00:47,172
Well, the small wins
I pay out of the till,
21
00:00:47,172 --> 00:00:48,423
and then for
the big payouts,
22
00:00:48,423 --> 00:00:51,009
they get a diaper
and directions to Ohio.
23
00:00:54,805 --> 00:00:56,765
Hey, Ms. Glen.
What are you doing here?
24
00:00:56,765 --> 00:00:58,809
I'm picking up my lunch.
25
00:00:58,809 --> 00:01:01,645
Believe it or not, Mark,
music teachers do not fold up
26
00:01:01,645 --> 00:01:03,814
and go into the cabinet
at the end of the day.
27
00:01:03,814 --> 00:01:05,857
We eat, we sleep,
28
00:01:05,857 --> 00:01:08,360
and after a day of listening
to my students play,
29
00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:10,862
I also drink.
30
00:01:10,862 --> 00:01:11,989
Let me get your order.
31
00:01:14,366 --> 00:01:16,034
Please make sure
this order is perfect.
32
00:01:16,034 --> 00:01:17,494
It's for my music teacher.
33
00:01:17,494 --> 00:01:19,788
She also picks who gets
into the chamber orchestra,
34
00:01:19,788 --> 00:01:21,623
and I just found out
that I'm competing
35
00:01:21,623 --> 00:01:23,083
for the one
contrabassoon seat
36
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:25,168
with another student
who just transferred.
37
00:01:25,168 --> 00:01:26,795
Don't worry.
38
00:01:26,795 --> 00:01:28,880
I've always been great
with teachers.
39
00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:30,173
I'll go sweet talk her.
40
00:01:33,218 --> 00:01:34,344
Here you go.
41
00:01:34,344 --> 00:01:35,429
Thank you.
42
00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:36,471
Ms. Glen, right?
43
00:01:36,471 --> 00:01:37,723
Yeah.
44
00:01:37,723 --> 00:01:39,808
I have heard so much
about you.
45
00:01:39,808 --> 00:01:41,810
Mark speaks very highly
of you.
46
00:01:41,810 --> 00:01:43,562
Does he?
47
00:01:43,562 --> 00:01:45,188
I'm surprised, because
I'm really not that nice.
48
00:01:46,815 --> 00:01:48,984
A lot of teachers try to make
friends with their students,
49
00:01:48,984 --> 00:01:52,112
but then it's hard when you have
to crush their dreams.
50
00:01:53,697 --> 00:01:55,532
Would you like
extra ketchup packets?
51
00:01:55,532 --> 00:01:56,867
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
52
00:01:56,867 --> 00:01:58,994
Supply chain problems.
53
00:01:58,994 --> 00:01:59,995
Packet shortage.
54
00:01:59,995 --> 00:02:01,580
If she wants extra ketchup,
55
00:02:01,580 --> 00:02:06,043
then she's welcome to squirt
some into a napkin.
56
00:02:06,043 --> 00:02:07,711
Jackie Harris.
Oh, my God.
57
00:02:07,711 --> 00:02:09,296
Holland Glen.
58
00:02:09,296 --> 00:02:10,797
Mark, remember I told you
I was a rifle twirler
59
00:02:10,797 --> 00:02:12,215
for the color guard?
60
00:02:12,215 --> 00:02:14,343
Well, Holland marched
right next to me.
61
00:02:14,343 --> 00:02:16,136
She was the drum major.
62
00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:19,723
Well, now,
isn't this fun?
63
00:02:19,723 --> 00:02:20,766
Hey, Ms. Glen.
64
00:02:20,766 --> 00:02:23,727
So you two know
each other?
65
00:02:23,727 --> 00:02:25,562
Yes, we do.
66
00:02:25,562 --> 00:02:28,815
Hey, Jackie, why don't you
throw in a slice of apple pie
67
00:02:28,815 --> 00:02:31,943
on the house for your
old friend, Ms. Glen, huh?
68
00:02:31,943 --> 00:02:34,112
That's not a bribe
because Mark's trying
69
00:02:34,112 --> 00:02:36,657
to get into
the chamber seat, is it?
70
00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:38,158
What? [ Chuckles ]
Of course not.
71
00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:39,451
That's ridiculous.
72
00:02:41,787 --> 00:02:43,413
We're out of pie.
73
00:02:43,413 --> 00:02:44,539
Would you like
a no-strings-attached
74
00:02:44,539 --> 00:02:45,624
piece of cake instead?
75
00:02:45,624 --> 00:02:47,209
No, thank you.
76
00:02:47,209 --> 00:02:51,213
I-I-I don't want to be beholden
to Jackie Harris for anything.
77
00:02:51,213 --> 00:02:53,965
She hit me in the head
with her rifle.
78
00:02:53,965 --> 00:02:57,469
That-- That was a very
unfortunate accident.
79
00:02:57,469 --> 00:02:59,054
No. It was because
you were
80
00:02:59,054 --> 00:03:01,181
an attention-deprived
so-and-so,
81
00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:03,433
always trying to
show me up.
82
00:03:03,433 --> 00:03:05,602
I'm spinning my drum,
twirling my sticks,
83
00:03:05,602 --> 00:03:07,562
and you tried to outdo me
by flipping your rifle
84
00:03:07,562 --> 00:03:08,730
20 feet in the air.
85
00:03:08,730 --> 00:03:09,731
Not true!
86
00:03:09,731 --> 00:03:11,024
True, true, true!
87
00:03:12,609 --> 00:03:14,361
And then you missed it
when it came down.
88
00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:16,113
It grazed my head,
bounced off my drum,
89
00:03:16,113 --> 00:03:18,573
and took out the flag girl!
90
00:03:18,573 --> 00:03:21,243
She was an exchange student
from Uruguay.
91
00:03:21,243 --> 00:03:25,622
Damn near set off a civil war
in the Model UN.
92
00:03:25,622 --> 00:03:27,582
Look, look, it was...
[ Sighs ]
93
00:03:27,582 --> 00:03:28,542
It was a very breezy day,
94
00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:30,168
the rifle got caught up
in the wind.
95
00:03:30,168 --> 00:03:31,962
I still write to Josefina.
96
00:03:31,962 --> 00:03:33,588
She's forgotten all about it.
97
00:03:33,588 --> 00:03:35,674
That's 'cause you gave her
a concussion!
98
00:03:39,177 --> 00:03:41,388
Has anyone ever met
a member of the Conner family
99
00:03:41,388 --> 00:03:42,389
and liked them?
100
00:03:42,389 --> 00:03:44,182
It was the wind!
101
00:03:44,182 --> 00:03:46,560
You and
your stupid rifle.
102
00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,562
Mark has been practicing
the contrabassoon
103
00:03:48,562 --> 00:03:51,481
for a year and half to get
a seat on the orchestra,
104
00:03:51,481 --> 00:03:53,817
and we have had to endure
that horrible racket
105
00:03:53,817 --> 00:03:55,986
day in and day out.
106
00:03:58,947 --> 00:04:00,657
It's a very difficult instrument.
107
00:04:00,657 --> 00:04:02,325
You play it beautifully.
108
00:04:04,411 --> 00:04:06,455
Look, I just hope she doesn't
hold it against Mark
109
00:04:06,455 --> 00:04:07,664
that she's upset with you.
110
00:04:07,664 --> 00:04:09,499
He needs that seat
on his transcript
111
00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:11,585
to have any shot
at a music scholarship.
112
00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:13,086
Okay.
Yeah, this is
our only chance
113
00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:14,254
to be able to afford
a good college.
114
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:15,380
Okay!
115
00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:16,715
How was I supposed to know
that something I did
116
00:04:16,715 --> 00:04:19,968
40 years ago was gonna
bite Mark in the ass?
117
00:04:19,968 --> 00:04:22,095
Because the Conners are
the founding fathers
118
00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:24,014
of generational failure.
119
00:04:24,014 --> 00:04:26,349
Some Conner way back when
discovered the wheel
120
00:04:26,349 --> 00:04:29,394
and traded it in
for the first beer.
121
00:04:29,394 --> 00:04:32,439
- Captions by VITAC--
122
00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:50,874
♪
123
00:04:50,874 --> 00:04:52,959
Carrying this thing
is killing me.
124
00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:55,337
Ugh!
125
00:04:55,337 --> 00:04:58,632
Uh, it might seem like a pain
lugging that thing around,
126
00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:00,258
but you're never gonna get
that chiseled
127
00:05:00,258 --> 00:05:03,470
summer contrabassoon bod
unless you put in the work.
128
00:05:04,846 --> 00:05:06,765
Ben, you're coming
to the recital, too?
129
00:05:06,765 --> 00:05:08,558
Of course I am.
130
00:05:08,558 --> 00:05:11,144
He's, uh, never heard you play
with other musicians,
131
00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:12,437
and this is your last performance
132
00:05:12,437 --> 00:05:14,147
before Ms. Glen
chooses the orchestra.
133
00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:16,024
We gotta cheer you on. Yeah.
134
00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:18,109
This is a big deal.
135
00:05:18,109 --> 00:05:21,613
You're playing
the post office bicentennial.
136
00:05:21,613 --> 00:05:25,367
We're celebrating 200 years of
stealing indigenous land
137
00:05:25,367 --> 00:05:27,118
and turning it into
a delivery system
138
00:05:27,118 --> 00:05:29,788
for aluminum siding coupons.
139
00:05:29,788 --> 00:05:31,748
Yes, but they are
making amends
140
00:05:31,748 --> 00:05:33,333
by giving everyone
who attends
141
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,085
a small book
of forever stamps
142
00:05:35,085 --> 00:05:37,170
honoring the life and times
of the "Peanuts" characters.
143
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:38,630
[ Chuckles ]
144
00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:40,674
I am such a Lucy.
145
00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:42,342
Hm.
146
00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:45,095
I'm more of
a Peppermint Patty guy.
147
00:05:45,095 --> 00:05:47,389
She wears sandals
in winter.
148
00:05:47,389 --> 00:05:48,056
Love that.
149
00:05:50,308 --> 00:05:52,936
Hey, uh, listen, I'm feeling
a little better,
150
00:05:52,936 --> 00:05:55,063
so I can pick Beverly Rose up
from school
151
00:05:55,063 --> 00:05:56,439
and watch her tonight,
if you want.
152
00:05:56,439 --> 00:05:58,483
Aww, that's very sweet.
153
00:05:58,483 --> 00:06:01,570
But I've decided to stop
burdening the family.
154
00:06:01,570 --> 00:06:04,114
I'm gonna bite the bullet
and hire a babysitter.
155
00:06:04,114 --> 00:06:05,866
They're just so damn
expensive now.
156
00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:08,118
They're like 10 bucks
an hour.
157
00:06:08,118 --> 00:06:09,536
What happened to the days
where you just got paid
158
00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:13,248
in Twinkies and rides home
with a hot dad?
159
00:06:13,248 --> 00:06:15,500
Maybe you'll hit the jackpot
on the new lottery machine
160
00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:16,751
at The Lunch Box.
161
00:06:16,751 --> 00:06:18,378
I played and I won 20 bucks.
162
00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:20,422
I don't know.
You need money to gamble.
163
00:06:20,422 --> 00:06:21,798
Yeah, well,
you never know.
164
00:06:21,798 --> 00:06:23,174
This guy at the tattoo shop
165
00:06:23,174 --> 00:06:24,843
spent 50 bucks
on a game like that,
166
00:06:24,843 --> 00:06:26,803
and he won 10 grand.
167
00:06:26,803 --> 00:06:28,555
Really?
Yeah.
168
00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:30,599
He got calf implants
and forearm implants,
169
00:06:30,599 --> 00:06:34,644
and now he plays Popeye
on Hollywood Boulevard.
170
00:06:34,644 --> 00:06:37,022
Dreams do come true, even if
they're stupid and weird.
171
00:06:38,565 --> 00:06:42,569
♪
172
00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:46,615
[ Sighs ] There are
no refreshments,
173
00:06:46,615 --> 00:06:48,867
and I forgot
my emergency Slim Jims.
174
00:06:48,867 --> 00:06:51,703
Thank you.
175
00:06:51,703 --> 00:06:53,997
Oh, unless that's a menu,
I'll pass.
176
00:06:57,334 --> 00:06:58,960
Let's find Mark's name
in the program.
177
00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:00,545
Yeah.
178
00:07:00,545 --> 00:07:02,464
Oh, look, here's that other
contrabassoon kid,
179
00:07:02,464 --> 00:07:04,174
Aiden Stokes.
180
00:07:04,174 --> 00:07:05,383
Mark is great.
181
00:07:05,383 --> 00:07:07,886
Why would they even need
two contrabassoon players?
182
00:07:07,886 --> 00:07:09,971
Well, it's like baseball.
183
00:07:09,971 --> 00:07:11,431
That guy's just a backup.
184
00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:13,892
If Mark blows too hard
and pulls his groin,
185
00:07:13,892 --> 00:07:15,310
that other kid
will take the field.
186
00:07:18,563 --> 00:07:20,565
[ Sighs ]
187
00:07:20,565 --> 00:07:23,109
Well, thank you all
for being here.
188
00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:27,614
The Lanford High music students
are very proud to help celebrate
189
00:07:27,614 --> 00:07:30,992
the bicentennial anniversary
of this post office
190
00:07:30,992 --> 00:07:34,829
with a program
of classical favorites.
191
00:07:34,829 --> 00:07:36,373
Favorites
are so played out.
192
00:07:38,041 --> 00:07:40,251
I know most of you
are here
193
00:07:40,251 --> 00:07:42,712
to collect the latest
"Peanuts" stamps.
194
00:07:42,712 --> 00:07:46,758
You know, Gershwin had to wait
50 years to get his.
195
00:07:46,758 --> 00:07:49,678
Let's give another one to
the bald, depressed cartoon kid
196
00:07:49,678 --> 00:07:50,804
who's not even real!
197
00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:52,931
[ Laughs ]
198
00:07:52,931 --> 00:07:55,225
Enough about that.
199
00:07:55,225 --> 00:07:57,435
Now, could the 10 musicians
that I've selected
200
00:07:57,435 --> 00:08:01,439
for today's performance
please come in?
201
00:08:01,439 --> 00:08:03,525
Like all of their fellow
music students
202
00:08:03,525 --> 00:08:06,111
who are here today,
these 10 young people
203
00:08:06,111 --> 00:08:08,822
are in contention
for this year's
204
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:11,116
Lanford High
chamber orchestra.
205
00:08:14,953 --> 00:08:16,579
Where's Mark?
206
00:08:16,579 --> 00:08:19,499
[ Orchestra tuning ]
207
00:08:27,132 --> 00:08:28,925
The restaurant's
all closed up.
208
00:08:28,925 --> 00:08:29,843
Here's your phone.
Oh, yeah.
209
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:31,136
Thanks. Sorry.
210
00:08:31,136 --> 00:08:32,595
I-I could've sworn
I left it here.
211
00:08:32,595 --> 00:08:36,433
You know, without my phone
as a distraction,
212
00:08:36,433 --> 00:08:39,227
I had a chance to...
213
00:08:39,227 --> 00:08:41,020
just sit here and think.
214
00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:43,982
Really?
215
00:08:43,982 --> 00:08:45,108
What were you
thinking about?
216
00:08:45,108 --> 00:08:46,609
How much I miss my phone.
217
00:08:48,319 --> 00:08:50,655
It's almost 9:00.
What took you so long?
218
00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:53,283
I was cleaning up, and I wanted
to do a thorough job.
219
00:08:53,283 --> 00:08:56,619
[ Laughs ] Oh, well, there's
a red flag right there.
220
00:08:56,619 --> 00:08:59,664
You weren't playing
that lottery machine, were you?
221
00:08:59,664 --> 00:09:01,332
'Cause you were on that thing
all day.
222
00:09:01,332 --> 00:09:04,836
Hey! I was not
on that thing all day.
223
00:09:04,836 --> 00:09:07,297
Sometimes I was on my phone,
I was studying,
224
00:09:07,297 --> 00:09:09,466
I was daydreaming.
225
00:09:09,466 --> 00:09:11,217
It's hard to avoid work
with the customers
226
00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:12,761
constantly nagging you.
Alright, alright.
227
00:09:12,761 --> 00:09:14,846
Just as long as you don't
get carried away
228
00:09:14,846 --> 00:09:16,097
playing the thing.
229
00:09:16,097 --> 00:09:17,098
Those machines are
for suckers--
230
00:09:17,098 --> 00:09:18,767
I mean
our valued customers.
231
00:09:21,978 --> 00:09:23,271
How was the recital?
Darlene: [ Sighs ]
232
00:09:23,271 --> 00:09:26,024
Well, we watched
somebody else's kid
233
00:09:26,024 --> 00:09:28,818
play the contrabassoon
for two-and-a-half hours.
234
00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:30,403
Ms. Glen pulled Mark.
235
00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:31,821
Oh, darn.
236
00:09:31,821 --> 00:09:34,115
Well, I gotta go.
237
00:09:34,115 --> 00:09:36,534
No, you're not going anywhere.
238
00:09:36,534 --> 00:09:38,328
Hey, Mark,
can you come down?
239
00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:41,456
I can't believe there was
another contrabassoon player.
240
00:09:41,456 --> 00:09:43,833
I didn't know there were
more losers stupid enough
241
00:09:43,833 --> 00:09:45,418
to want to play
that instrument.
242
00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:47,837
Mark!
243
00:09:47,837 --> 00:09:48,963
Is this important?
244
00:09:48,963 --> 00:09:50,340
I'm busy practicing.
245
00:09:50,340 --> 00:09:51,800
Now that the other kid's
the frontrunner,
246
00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:53,510
I gotta audition
to get my seat back.
247
00:09:53,510 --> 00:09:55,470
No, that--
that's not enough.
248
00:09:55,470 --> 00:09:57,222
We've gotta do
some damage control.
249
00:09:57,222 --> 00:09:59,474
I stayed after,
and I talked to your teacher,
250
00:09:59,474 --> 00:10:01,726
and I convinced her to come
for dinner on Tuesday night.
251
00:10:01,726 --> 00:10:03,228
Oh, God. Why?
252
00:10:03,228 --> 00:10:05,355
Because, before she makes
her final decision,
253
00:10:05,355 --> 00:10:07,982
I think she needs to know
that we are all dedicated
254
00:10:07,982 --> 00:10:10,026
to your classical music aspirations.
255
00:10:10,026 --> 00:10:11,820
And Aunt Jackie's gotta
apologize to her.
256
00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:12,821
Oh, God.
257
00:10:12,821 --> 00:10:14,614
Okay. I'll do it.
258
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:16,366
But you know how many people
get hit in the head with a gun
259
00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:17,492
and don't get an apology?
260
00:10:17,492 --> 00:10:18,618
A lot.
261
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:19,911
Wait.
262
00:10:19,911 --> 00:10:21,621
Wait, we're gonna say
this family
263
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,915
is dedicated
to classical music?
264
00:10:23,915 --> 00:10:26,209
It-- It won't hurt for her
to think we're a family
265
00:10:26,209 --> 00:10:28,211
that appreciates
the finer things.
266
00:10:28,211 --> 00:10:29,921
And what exactly
is gonna do that?
267
00:10:29,921 --> 00:10:31,464
The crystal chandeliers,
268
00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:33,633
the-- the gold leafing
on our dinner plates,
269
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:35,677
or Billy the Singing Bass
over the fireplace?
270
00:10:35,677 --> 00:10:37,095
O-- Okay. Alright.
271
00:10:37,095 --> 00:10:40,140
I-I-I have to say something.
272
00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:42,142
Anytime this family
tries to maintain
273
00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:45,645
that they have any class at all,
Billy Bass takes a hit.
274
00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:48,106
All he does is sing,
wiggle his tail a little bit.
275
00:10:48,106 --> 00:10:50,608
Suddenly, he's the poster fish
for stupid?
276
00:10:50,608 --> 00:10:53,444
I'm sorry, no!
277
00:10:53,444 --> 00:10:55,738
He makes me feel good,
and I love him!
278
00:10:56,948 --> 00:10:58,366
♪
279
00:10:58,366 --> 00:11:00,160
Come on, come on,
come on, come on.
280
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:01,119
[ Machine thumps ]
281
00:11:01,119 --> 00:11:02,745
Damn it.
282
00:11:02,745 --> 00:11:03,913
Lost again.
283
00:11:03,913 --> 00:11:05,081
Okay.
284
00:11:05,081 --> 00:11:06,624
I'm done.
285
00:11:09,836 --> 00:11:11,504
Okay, one more.
286
00:11:14,632 --> 00:11:16,134
[ Door shuts ]
287
00:11:16,134 --> 00:11:17,677
Aah!
288
00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:19,345
Godfrey Daniel!
289
00:11:19,345 --> 00:11:21,055
[ Laughs ]
It's midnight.
290
00:11:21,055 --> 00:11:22,390
What are you
still doing here?
291
00:11:22,390 --> 00:11:24,350
Actually, uh,
I couldn't remember
292
00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:26,978
whether I locked the front door,
so I ran over here.
293
00:11:26,978 --> 00:11:28,646
Um, I was just about
to leave.
294
00:11:28,646 --> 00:11:29,939
What are you doing here?
295
00:11:29,939 --> 00:11:32,734
Oh, I'm still having
trouble sleeping,
296
00:11:32,734 --> 00:11:36,404
so I told Jackie I'd come in
and clean out the air ducts.
297
00:11:36,404 --> 00:11:38,656
Ah, you haven't
kicked the insomnia, huh?
298
00:11:38,656 --> 00:11:42,660
Oh, no. I've been up watching
infomercials all night.
299
00:11:42,660 --> 00:11:44,829
I got excited about
a needlepoint kit,
300
00:11:44,829 --> 00:11:47,248
and I took that
as a warning sign.
301
00:11:47,248 --> 00:11:49,000
Hey! Is that
a lottery machine?
302
00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:51,419
I saw one of those
over at the Thai Palace.
303
00:11:51,419 --> 00:11:53,963
Don't tell your aunt
I was there.
304
00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:56,966
Yeah, Jackie saw it, too,
and she got one for here.
305
00:11:56,966 --> 00:11:58,718
Mm, you been playing?
306
00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:00,637
Oh, my God, no.
307
00:12:00,637 --> 00:12:02,764
These things are
for suckers.
308
00:12:02,764 --> 00:12:04,224
Must have been
our last customer.
309
00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:06,226
He also ordered
the fish soup.
310
00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:07,685
Some people are
just gamblers.
311
00:12:09,771 --> 00:12:11,522
So, how long are
you gonna be here?
312
00:12:11,522 --> 00:12:13,858
I'll be up in the crawl space
for about an hour.
313
00:12:13,858 --> 00:12:15,151
Um, I got
some stuff to do.
314
00:12:15,151 --> 00:12:16,527
I could wait for you.
315
00:12:16,527 --> 00:12:18,196
Are you sure?
316
00:12:18,196 --> 00:12:20,365
Shouldn't you
get some sleep?
317
00:12:20,365 --> 00:12:22,784
I had statistics class today.
I got some sleep.
318
00:12:25,119 --> 00:12:26,412
Let's have a milkshake
when I'm done.
319
00:12:26,412 --> 00:12:27,956
Oh, sounds good.
320
00:12:38,675 --> 00:12:39,550
Come on, come on, come on.
321
00:12:41,135 --> 00:12:43,513
[ Knocking on door ]
Oh, she's here.
322
00:12:43,513 --> 00:12:44,722
Let me answer it.
323
00:12:44,722 --> 00:12:46,683
Please, everyone,
try to be casual.
324
00:12:46,683 --> 00:12:49,185
Just pretend to be a nice,
ordinary family
325
00:12:49,185 --> 00:12:50,979
that had a genetic anomaly
and produced me.
326
00:12:53,523 --> 00:12:55,900
Hi, Ms. Glen.
Please, come in.
327
00:12:55,900 --> 00:12:57,110
Alright, thank you.
[ Ominous orchestral music
blares ]
328
00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:58,486
Ooh!
Interesting choice.
329
00:12:58,486 --> 00:13:00,113
[ Volume lowers ]
330
00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:01,781
You're not planning
on murdering me, are you?
331
00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:03,032
[ Laughs ]
332
00:13:03,032 --> 00:13:04,325
No.
333
00:13:04,325 --> 00:13:05,868
No, that's just
the kind of music
334
00:13:05,868 --> 00:13:07,078
I like to listen to
335
00:13:07,078 --> 00:13:08,955
when I unwind
at the end of the day.
336
00:13:08,955 --> 00:13:13,459
Oh. [ Chuckles ] I assume
you work in a slaughterhouse?
337
00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:16,296
Honestly, our-- our mother,
God rest her soul,
338
00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:17,714
encouraged us to believe
339
00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:20,008
that you don't have to be rich
to have refined taste.
340
00:13:20,008 --> 00:13:21,676
Oh, that's very true.
341
00:13:21,676 --> 00:13:22,677
And because of that,
342
00:13:22,677 --> 00:13:25,430
I'm raising my child
to have an open mind
343
00:13:25,430 --> 00:13:27,765
and not make fun of people
who like classical music,
344
00:13:27,765 --> 00:13:31,185
'cause let's face it,
it's just too easy.
345
00:13:31,185 --> 00:13:33,271
Is it?
346
00:13:33,271 --> 00:13:34,564
Come over here.
Let's find out.
347
00:13:36,441 --> 00:13:39,068
No, thank you.
I will be in the kitchen now.
348
00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:41,946
Oh, my.
Look at that.
349
00:13:41,946 --> 00:13:43,990
You've got
the singing fish!
[ Chuckles ]
350
00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:46,284
Does it also
have refined taste,
351
00:13:46,284 --> 00:13:49,871
or does it stick
to "Take Me to the River"?
352
00:13:49,871 --> 00:13:51,581
You know,
Becky had a great idea.
353
00:13:51,581 --> 00:13:52,915
Why don't we all go
sit in the kitchen?
354
00:13:59,130 --> 00:14:00,214
Oh. [ Sighs ]
355
00:14:00,214 --> 00:14:01,716
You're here.
356
00:14:01,716 --> 00:14:05,219
Uh, I just wanted a chance
to clear the air with you.
357
00:14:05,219 --> 00:14:07,555
Why don't we just leave
the air where it is?
358
00:14:07,555 --> 00:14:09,515
Oh, please.
359
00:14:09,515 --> 00:14:14,395
I just think that it's important
that, uh, I let you know
360
00:14:14,395 --> 00:14:18,649
that maybe I did twirl my rifle
a little higher that day.
361
00:14:18,649 --> 00:14:21,319
It's because I was
jealous of you, Holland.
362
00:14:21,319 --> 00:14:22,528
I was invisible.
363
00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:23,988
You were everybody's
favorite.
364
00:14:23,988 --> 00:14:26,407
The cool drummer girl.
365
00:14:26,407 --> 00:14:29,035
You were
Karen Carpenter.
366
00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:30,912
I get that a lot.
367
00:14:30,912 --> 00:14:35,666
So, um, just wanted you to know
that I'm really very sorry.
368
00:14:35,666 --> 00:14:36,667
Thank you.
369
00:14:41,672 --> 00:14:42,882
So what?
370
00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:44,550
You were insecure
in high school.
371
00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:46,177
We all were.
372
00:14:46,177 --> 00:14:47,887
But I didn't hit anybody
with a gun.
373
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:49,514
I take it all back.
374
00:14:49,514 --> 00:14:51,474
Jackie!
375
00:14:52,934 --> 00:14:54,602
Well, don't worry.
376
00:14:54,602 --> 00:14:57,647
Jackie isn't what's gonna affect
my decision about Mark.
377
00:14:57,647 --> 00:14:59,398
But you people trying
to impress me
378
00:14:59,398 --> 00:15:02,860
that you know anything about
the music I love isn't helping.
379
00:15:02,860 --> 00:15:03,945
Okay, you're right.
380
00:15:03,945 --> 00:15:06,280
Maybe we're trying
a little bit too hard.
381
00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:08,866
But we really do love
classical music.
382
00:15:08,866 --> 00:15:11,869
Come on, you're gonna
stick with that?
383
00:15:11,869 --> 00:15:13,704
Okay.
384
00:15:13,704 --> 00:15:14,997
Which do you like better--
385
00:15:14,997 --> 00:15:17,458
Beethoven's 11th symphony
or his 12th?
386
00:15:17,458 --> 00:15:19,001
Now, Mark, you know what
my favorite is,
387
00:15:19,001 --> 00:15:20,795
so don't say anything.
388
00:15:21,671 --> 00:15:24,298
I think there's only nine.
389
00:15:24,298 --> 00:15:26,592
Ben, don't make us
look stupid.
390
00:15:31,305 --> 00:15:32,765
I mean, 11. Yeah.
391
00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:34,183
Totally.
Yeah, that's what
I was gonna say, 11. Yeah.
392
00:15:34,183 --> 00:15:37,478
Yeah. We're all 11-heads
in this house.
393
00:15:37,478 --> 00:15:40,523
It's unusual, because...
394
00:15:40,523 --> 00:15:42,817
like Slaughterhouse Joe
over here,
395
00:15:42,817 --> 00:15:44,318
I've only heard nine.
396
00:15:44,318 --> 00:15:45,778
Well, you gotta listen
to 11.
397
00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:48,239
He really outdid himself.
398
00:15:48,239 --> 00:15:49,866
There is no 11th.
399
00:15:49,866 --> 00:15:51,242
There are only nine.
400
00:15:51,242 --> 00:15:54,203
Well, the one I heard
must've been a bootleg.
401
00:15:54,203 --> 00:15:56,789
Okay, ass-kissing period
is over.
402
00:15:56,789 --> 00:16:00,042
Just tell me
what's really going on.
403
00:16:00,042 --> 00:16:02,378
Okay, fine.
404
00:16:02,378 --> 00:16:05,089
Look, chamber orchestra
is the only way
405
00:16:05,089 --> 00:16:07,258
that Mark has a chance
at getting a scholarship
406
00:16:07,258 --> 00:16:08,801
that could get him
into a good college,
407
00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:12,388
and we really need that.
408
00:16:12,388 --> 00:16:13,890
Okay.
409
00:16:13,890 --> 00:16:15,349
Here's the deal.
410
00:16:15,349 --> 00:16:17,560
Mark, I let Aiden
play the recital
411
00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:18,978
because I know
what you can do,
412
00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:22,315
but I needed to
hear him under pressure.
413
00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:24,609
The orchestra seat
is gonna come down
414
00:16:24,609 --> 00:16:28,154
to who gives
the best audition.
415
00:16:28,154 --> 00:16:31,449
Thank you,
and goodnight.
416
00:16:31,449 --> 00:16:32,950
Are you sure you don't
want something to eat?
417
00:16:32,950 --> 00:16:34,410
We can pack you a bag.
418
00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:36,454
No, thanks.
I think I'm just gonna stop
419
00:16:36,454 --> 00:16:38,289
at the Thai Palace
on the way home.
420
00:16:38,289 --> 00:16:39,498
I love that place.
421
00:16:39,498 --> 00:16:40,917
Whoa.
422
00:16:40,917 --> 00:16:42,877
♪
423
00:16:45,713 --> 00:16:47,715
♪
424
00:16:47,715 --> 00:16:49,717
Hey.
425
00:16:49,717 --> 00:16:51,135
Hey!
426
00:16:51,135 --> 00:16:53,554
Uh, are you still working
on the air ducts?
427
00:16:53,554 --> 00:16:56,182
'Cause I just came--
Save it.
428
00:16:56,182 --> 00:16:58,726
I heard you took off
right after dinner,
429
00:16:58,726 --> 00:17:01,145
and I had a feeling this
is where you were going.
430
00:17:01,145 --> 00:17:02,897
Oh. [ Scoffs ]
I'm a grown woman.
431
00:17:02,897 --> 00:17:04,398
I don't have to stay
after dinner.
432
00:17:04,398 --> 00:17:06,275
I moved out of your house
when I was 47.
433
00:17:06,275 --> 00:17:09,237
I'm on my own now.
434
00:17:09,237 --> 00:17:12,365
So, where do I look for
the losing lottery tickets?
435
00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:13,991
In the trash can?
In your purse?
436
00:17:13,991 --> 00:17:14,742
How you wanna do this?
437
00:17:14,742 --> 00:17:16,535
Oh, come on, Dad.
438
00:17:16,535 --> 00:17:18,412
This isn't a big deal.
439
00:17:18,412 --> 00:17:20,122
I'm just trying to get
a little financial independence
440
00:17:20,122 --> 00:17:21,707
from the family.
441
00:17:21,707 --> 00:17:23,501
How much are you down?
442
00:17:23,501 --> 00:17:24,502
A couple bucks.
443
00:17:24,502 --> 00:17:25,920
I'm gonna ask you
one more time.
444
00:17:30,466 --> 00:17:31,759
I'm down a paycheck.
445
00:17:31,759 --> 00:17:34,387
Damn it, Becky.
446
00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:36,556
Other people can do this.
447
00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:39,642
They can lose and then
walk away, but you can't.
448
00:17:39,642 --> 00:17:43,354
You've got a history of
starting things you can't stop.
449
00:17:43,354 --> 00:17:46,023
Now, it's great that you
don't want to rely on us,
450
00:17:46,023 --> 00:17:48,067
but you're gonna rely on us
a lot more
451
00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:49,986
if you lose
all your money.
452
00:17:49,986 --> 00:17:55,074
Uh, this one kind of
snuck up on me.
453
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:57,243
I guess I just got hooked
on the hope
454
00:17:57,243 --> 00:17:59,495
that I could make
a couple big hits
455
00:17:59,495 --> 00:18:02,373
and-- and finally
get ahead.
456
00:18:02,373 --> 00:18:04,667
You think you can work here
with this thing?
457
00:18:04,667 --> 00:18:05,835
I don't know.
458
00:18:05,835 --> 00:18:07,211
I don't think Jackie's gonna
want to get rid of it.
459
00:18:07,211 --> 00:18:08,004
Yeah.
460
00:18:10,339 --> 00:18:12,091
It's a shame
it got stolen.
461
00:18:13,884 --> 00:18:16,512
[ Playing "Ode to Joy" ]
462
00:18:16,512 --> 00:18:25,730
♪
463
00:18:25,730 --> 00:18:27,440
You've grown a lot.
464
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:30,359
I know. I've had a freakish
growth spurt this year,
465
00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:31,777
and I'm worried
it's never gonna end
466
00:18:31,777 --> 00:18:32,862
and they're gonna
have to build
467
00:18:32,862 --> 00:18:34,322
a special house for me
and then...
468
00:18:36,032 --> 00:18:38,492
I'm not talking about that.
469
00:18:38,492 --> 00:18:41,746
Aiden Stokes is not
better than you.
470
00:18:41,746 --> 00:18:42,747
Thank you.
471
00:18:42,747 --> 00:18:44,290
But you're not
better than him.
472
00:18:44,290 --> 00:18:47,418
You're equally proficient.
473
00:18:47,418 --> 00:18:49,587
But I'm giving the seat
to Aiden.
474
00:18:49,587 --> 00:18:51,005
Why?
475
00:18:51,005 --> 00:18:53,132
Y-You said yourself
he's not better than me,
476
00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:55,509
and I-I was here first.
477
00:18:55,509 --> 00:18:59,639
Yes. But for him, it's about
his love of the instrument.
478
00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:02,558
Music is his life.
479
00:19:02,558 --> 00:19:03,934
You're a smart young man
480
00:19:03,934 --> 00:19:05,728
who just needs
to get to college,
481
00:19:05,728 --> 00:19:07,688
and you found a loophole
482
00:19:07,688 --> 00:19:10,483
you thought you could
squeeze through.
483
00:19:10,483 --> 00:19:14,070
I'm not in
the loophole business.
484
00:19:14,070 --> 00:19:17,698
But-- But I need to
get to college.
485
00:19:17,698 --> 00:19:21,077
Now you're just-- you're just
taking away my whole future.
486
00:19:21,077 --> 00:19:23,579
I'm not taking away
your future.
487
00:19:23,579 --> 00:19:26,290
I'm giving Aiden
the one he deserves.
488
00:19:26,290 --> 00:19:28,292
I am underfunded, underappreciated,
489
00:19:28,292 --> 00:19:32,421
but I am determined to give
dedicated young musicians
490
00:19:32,421 --> 00:19:35,758
a chance they are not
gonna get anywhere else.
491
00:19:35,758 --> 00:19:38,219
You? You're gonna
figure this out.
492
00:19:38,219 --> 00:19:42,473
I've never seen a kid
as smart as you not find a way.
493
00:19:42,473 --> 00:19:45,351
Thanks.
494
00:19:45,351 --> 00:19:47,228
If I knew I was gonna
get screwed,
495
00:19:47,228 --> 00:19:49,146
I would have done all this
with a piccolo.
496
00:19:49,146 --> 00:19:51,482
♪
497
00:19:51,482 --> 00:19:52,566
[ Door opens ]
498
00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:55,695
Oh, there he is.
499
00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:57,738
Okay, so, how'd it go?
500
00:19:59,365 --> 00:20:00,950
The way we hoped it would.
501
00:20:00,950 --> 00:20:01,951
Aiden didn't stand a chance.
502
00:20:01,951 --> 00:20:03,536
I got the seat.
Way to go!
503
00:20:03,536 --> 00:20:05,413
Oh! Thank God!
504
00:20:05,413 --> 00:20:06,997
Yes!
505
00:20:06,997 --> 00:20:08,749
So, when is
the first concert?
506
00:20:08,749 --> 00:20:13,254
Muffy and Biff will simply
be dying to know at the club.
507
00:20:13,254 --> 00:20:14,338
No concerts right now.
508
00:20:14,338 --> 00:20:15,881
I'll let you know when.
509
00:20:15,881 --> 00:20:17,341
Uh, okay, 'cause you know
the Conners
510
00:20:17,341 --> 00:20:18,801
are gonna be there
front row.
511
00:20:18,801 --> 00:20:20,302
I'll make sure everybody
wears shoes.
512
00:20:20,302 --> 00:20:21,762
Hey, you know what?
I'm gonna go tell Ben.
513
00:20:27,143 --> 00:20:30,771
You just lied to Mom,
didn't you?
514
00:20:30,771 --> 00:20:32,189
I-I couldn't tell her.
515
00:20:32,189 --> 00:20:33,649
She's got so much
on her plate right now,
516
00:20:33,649 --> 00:20:36,402
I don't want her worrying about
how to pay for college too.
517
00:20:36,402 --> 00:20:38,446
Man, I-I really thought
this was the way
518
00:20:38,446 --> 00:20:41,073
I was gonna get into
a four-year university.
519
00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:43,492
Now I gotta figure out
something else.
520
00:20:43,492 --> 00:20:45,244
But you better
figure something out,
521
00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:46,412
because it's gonna be
pretty obvious
522
00:20:46,412 --> 00:20:47,913
you didn't get
into college
523
00:20:47,913 --> 00:20:49,874
when we pack up your shower
caddy and your mattress pad
524
00:20:49,874 --> 00:20:51,542
and drop you off
in a field somewhere.
525
00:20:56,130 --> 00:20:58,299
What do you think?
I'm almost done.
526
00:20:58,299 --> 00:21:02,094
"I'm not a hot mess.
I'm a spicy disaster."
527
00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:04,138
It's you!
[ Laughs ]
528
00:21:04,138 --> 00:21:06,432
How's yours coming?
529
00:21:06,432 --> 00:21:08,809
"I'd rather be gambling."
530
00:21:08,809 --> 00:21:11,812
I think you're missing
the point of this exercise.
531
00:21:11,812 --> 00:21:13,189
[ Laughs ]
532
00:21:13,189 --> 00:21:15,691
I'm also working
on this bigger one.
533
00:21:15,691 --> 00:21:17,485
"I tried to be normal once.
534
00:21:17,485 --> 00:21:19,695
Worst two minutes
of my life."
535
00:21:20,905 --> 00:21:22,823
You know what's great
about that?
536
00:21:22,823 --> 00:21:25,534
It'd be a perfect gift
for anyone in this family.
537
00:21:25,534 --> 00:21:26,494
[ Laughs ]