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"The Conners" is once again
shot in front of
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a live studio audience.
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- Shh.
- My clothes are all wrinkled.
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My hair is messed up.
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Does it look like I just
had sex in the car?
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Eh, nobody will be able to
tell the difference.
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Uh, excuse me?
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Because you always
look carefree and windblown.
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I just gave you pleasure
for two minutes. Remember that.
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I am so excited
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to tell my family
that we're getting married.
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- They are gonna be blown away.
- [Breathes deeply]
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They don't even know
that we're back together.
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Yeah. Well, Becky's the only one
who even suspected anything.
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Oh, now I don't want to tell them
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- 'cause I don't want her to be right.
- [Chuckles]
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Well, we have to tell them.
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We won't get our presents unless we do.
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You're looking forward to
presents from my family?
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What is it that you still need
from the dollar store?
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Youse guys are late.
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We've already had the soup course
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and discussed the latest
fashions from Paris, so park it.
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Well, I know that we're late,
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but it doesn't matter
because there's big n...
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Okay, uh, now that we're all here,
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I have something important to say.
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Oh, my God! Neville's gonna propose!
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Oh, my God!
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- Jackie.
- Oh, there's a ring!
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He got a ring! Give me the ring!
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[Screams, laughs]
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Can I do some of this, please?
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Uh, Jackie...
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Yes, I'll marry you!
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[Laughs]
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I can't believe my baby
brother's getting married.
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I'm so happy for you guys.
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- Oh!
- Oh.
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- We're gonna be sisters!
- [Laughs]
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Well, you know, sisters-in-law.
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Let's just keep that barrier for safety.
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Dibs on flower girl for Beverly Rose.
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And she's dressing herself these days,
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so get ready for Baby Yoda
in a tutu coming down the aisle.
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How about we buy her a dress?
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Yeah, but she can still
wear the Baby Yoda head
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'cause it'll be funny.
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- Oh, you so deserve this, Aunt Jackie.
- Oh, thank you.
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That was so sweet and romantic.
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Well, if you think that is romantic...
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Harris, will you marry me?
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Are you serious?
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Neville just made the biggest
commitment a man can make.
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[Exhales sharply]
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I want to make that commitment to you.
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Will you take me?
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For better or worse,
till death do a spark?
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"Do a spark"?
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No, it's... it's "do us part."
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It's "till death do us part."
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Holy crap, that is so extreme!
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I love that.
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Will you marry me
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until the Grim Reaper nails one of us?
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- Yes!
- Yes!
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[Screaming]
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Now?
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Definitely not.
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Uh, okay, i-it seems
that we've gotten into
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some kind of marriage
mass hysteria here.
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Let's just slow down
and talk about this.
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I mean, what's there to talk about?
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Oh, my God, we're having two weddings!
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Or we can do a double wedding.
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Oh!
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I mean, that would be so romantic.
And totally cheaper.
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If it's cool with you guys, of course.
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I mean, I'm okay with it if Jackie is.
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Well, sure, if you're okay being
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the second most radiant bride there.
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Sure, as long as you're paying.
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- Well!
- Wait, you guys are paying?
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That is so cool!
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[Laughter]
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- Thank you, Uncle Neville!
- [Laughs]
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Thank you, Aunt Jackie.
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[Laughs]
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- Wow!
- Of course, the more the merrier.
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Oh, and that remin...
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We have to make this really quick
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because I do not want
my mom getting wind of this
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and showing up.
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I mean, I think we could get
this together in two weeks.
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Oh, fantastic.
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I can't wait to invite
some of my favorite patients
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from the clinic.
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And I'll let them
bring their humans, too.
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[Laughs]
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Wait, wait.
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Have you ever saved any cool
animals, like tigers?
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I'd love to have a tiger at my wedding.
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Well, I did a gastric bypass
on an obese feral cat.
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[Laughs] That is so cool!
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But I do need a tiger 'cause
when I deejay at the wedding,
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my cape is gonna be orange and black.
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Since we're off the rails,
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you know the only thing that's better
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than a double wedding?
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A triple wedding!
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- Yeah!
- No.
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You guys know that
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- you really love each other.
- JACKIE: Oh, my God.
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It takes three rings to make a circus.
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No, no, no, no!
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I-I just wish that Ben and I
were still a couple...
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- That's right.
- ...so that we could participate
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in this Burning Man of love
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you're throwing together here.
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But unfortunately,
we are no longer in love
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and the last thing I want
to do is marry this man.
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- Right, Ben?
- Mm-hmm. Yeah.
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Can't stand you, wouldn't have you,
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can't imagine a worse way to
spend a day of my life.
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[Sighs] Oh.
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Oh, there's a worse way.
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And we'll all be there to see it.
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And then when the tiger
drags off one of the guests,
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we'll watch it again on the news.
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[Laughter]
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04x19 - Three Ring Circus
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♪
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♪
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♪
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♪
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Aldo, I'll call,
and we'll set up a night
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to decide on the wedding plans.
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- Yes, that sounds great.
- Great.
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Hey, babe, we got to stop
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and pick up the kids on the way home.
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Dropped them off at a birthday party.
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Oh, they're finally making
some friends at school?
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Nah. We saw some balloons
tied to a mailbox,
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so I stopped and let them loose.
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Hey, the boys texted.
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They've got some presents,
and they're on the run.
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We gotta go.
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Well, now the family knows
what to get you
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for a wedding present.
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A brain!
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You made it easier
for Harris to marry Aldo.
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We don't want that.
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In Neville's defense,
he has very low self-esteem.
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He'll do anything
to get people to like him.
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Darlene, aren't you upset about Harris?
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Yeah, of course I am.
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She's way too young,
he's not the right guy,
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but I've tried to break them up twice,
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and it nearly destroyed
my relationship with her.
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Maybe you stop her from ruining her life
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and worry about the relationship later.
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This is what she wants, Dad,
and she's 20,
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so it's going to happen.
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And besides, I'd rather
have my daughter talking to me
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if she makes a mistake
than not talking to me.
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All right, let's just go clean up.
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Okay.
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I know why you can't tell
Harris not to marry Aldo.
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She has no respect for you
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and you screwed up her whole childhood.
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Let me try.
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I-I'm sorry if I caused a problem,
but the wedding
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- is still going to be fantastic.
- [Quacking ringtone plays]
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And now I have to go take a sock
out of a Labradoodle.
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If I come along,
can I put it on Instagram?
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I'll blur out the dog's face.
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Uh, maybe we should both talk to her.
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Becky, you could tell her that you went,
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you know, off the rails
and got married at 17.
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And then I can tell her
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that I waited
a reasonable amount of time,
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found the right man, and I'm happy.
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Or maybe something
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where you don't trampoline off my misery
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to be a hero.
186
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Aldo just texted me.
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He and Harris got engaged.
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Man, you're late for dinner,
and all hell breaks loose.
189
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What do you got to eat?
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He's your kid, Jesse.
191
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If you're really against this,
you got to take it to him.
192
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So all of a sudden,
my son is my responsibility.
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Hey, if I ruled the world,
once the kids hit 18,
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I'd burn my fingerprints off
and live on a beach in Mexico.
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Not gonna work, Dan.
196
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I'm not allowed in Mexico anymore.
197
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When you fill a water balloon
with alcohol,
198
00:08:01,898 --> 00:08:04,776
you cannot throw it into a fire pit,
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especially not at a quinceañera.
200
00:08:09,906 --> 00:08:12,075
Uh, meanwhile, back on Earth...
201
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We need to take Harris
out to "celebrate"
202
00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:18,039
her engagement and try to
talk her out of this.
203
00:08:18,164 --> 00:08:20,041
Yeah, and I'll work on Aldo.
204
00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:23,503
I've got a plan, but I'm gonna
need a lot of beer.
205
00:08:23,628 --> 00:08:26,715
Uh, half a chicken.
206
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:29,342
And the other half of the chicken.
207
00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:33,346
Jesse, how come your plans
always involve my beer?
208
00:08:33,471 --> 00:08:34,639
Well, wait a minute now.
209
00:08:34,764 --> 00:08:37,434
You're accusing me
of stealing your beer,
210
00:08:37,559 --> 00:08:40,854
but you're not accusing me of
stealing your chicken?
211
00:08:40,979 --> 00:08:42,564
That's interesting.
212
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♪
213
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All right, everybody is finally asleep.
214
00:08:50,739 --> 00:08:52,824
- Man, we dodged a bullet at dinner.
- [Sighs]
215
00:08:52,949 --> 00:08:54,784
- We got to be super careful.
- Mm.
216
00:08:54,909 --> 00:08:56,411
If anybody finds out
we're back together,
217
00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:58,788
I'm gonna end up riding
a unicycle up to the altar
218
00:08:58,913 --> 00:09:00,874
where you're standing
with your monkey best man.
219
00:09:00,999 --> 00:09:02,292
Mm.
220
00:09:02,417 --> 00:09:05,295
Don't get mad, but that
would be kind of cool.
221
00:09:05,420 --> 00:09:06,463
No.
222
00:09:06,588 --> 00:09:09,340
I say we keep us a secret
223
00:09:09,466 --> 00:09:12,385
and then after
the double wedding freak show,
224
00:09:12,510 --> 00:09:14,971
we say, "We were so inspired
by your love
225
00:09:15,096 --> 00:09:16,973
that we decided to get married, too."
226
00:09:17,098 --> 00:09:19,225
I don't know. I just...
227
00:09:19,350 --> 00:09:21,853
We've been through so much.
I don't want to wait.
228
00:09:21,978 --> 00:09:23,354
You know?
229
00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:26,691
It's gonna kill me to see them
get married before us.
230
00:09:26,816 --> 00:09:27,984
Let's just elope.
231
00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:31,613
- [Chuckling] I love that.
- Right?
232
00:09:31,738 --> 00:09:32,781
I don't want to wait either.
233
00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:34,783
Yeah, we'll drive to
South Haven tomorrow night.
234
00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:36,993
We'll spend the weekend
at a bed and breakfast.
235
00:09:37,118 --> 00:09:38,912
Okay, yeah.
236
00:09:39,037 --> 00:09:41,372
All right, we just have to come up
with a good cover story
237
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that explains why
we're both away, though.
238
00:09:43,458 --> 00:09:44,793
Right.
239
00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:46,086
Okay, I got it.
240
00:09:46,211 --> 00:09:48,004
I'll say I'm spending the weekend
241
00:09:48,129 --> 00:09:50,256
building a house
for Habitat for Humanity,
242
00:09:50,381 --> 00:09:53,259
and you heard that somebody was
having a good time somewhere
243
00:09:53,384 --> 00:09:55,386
and you had to smother it with a pillow.
244
00:09:57,305 --> 00:09:59,641
What are you two
doing in here this late?
245
00:09:59,766 --> 00:10:02,018
[Clears throat]
246
00:10:02,143 --> 00:10:03,978
I caught Ben stealing.
247
00:10:07,482 --> 00:10:10,527
I, uh...
248
00:10:10,652 --> 00:10:11,903
Well, I needed a chair.
249
00:10:13,029 --> 00:10:14,989
And, uh...
250
00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:20,286
I didn't know where else
to get one this time of night.
251
00:10:22,038 --> 00:10:23,832
This is why I can't be with you.
252
00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:25,625
You're sick.
253
00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:36,970
♪
254
00:10:37,095 --> 00:10:38,805
Oh, here's the bride-to-be.
255
00:10:38,930 --> 00:10:41,099
Hey. Check out my tiara.
256
00:10:41,224 --> 00:10:44,227
I wore this because I know
you old people like this stuff.
257
00:10:44,352 --> 00:10:46,187
Where's my mom and Aunt Jackie
and everybody?
258
00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:48,565
I figured all the old broads
would want to send me off.
259
00:10:48,857 --> 00:10:51,109
Well, you're not
really getting a sendoff,
260
00:10:51,234 --> 00:10:54,320
and we're the only
old broads you're getting.
261
00:10:54,445 --> 00:10:56,906
Yeah. Actually, we just wanted to spend
262
00:10:57,031 --> 00:10:59,826
some time with you to...
to tell you what it was like
263
00:10:59,951 --> 00:11:01,536
for us to get married.
264
00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:02,662
Okay.
265
00:11:02,787 --> 00:11:05,582
I was only 17 when I married Mark.
266
00:11:05,707 --> 00:11:08,543
I loved him so much, but I could've been
267
00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:11,212
out in the world, learning about myself
268
00:11:11,337 --> 00:11:13,715
and meeting interesting people
in faraway places,
269
00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:15,717
like Cincinnati or Newark.
270
00:11:17,385 --> 00:11:19,888
Now, I'll never know
what those people are like
271
00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:21,639
or how they live.
272
00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:24,475
Your dreams make me sad.
273
00:11:24,601 --> 00:11:27,145
Uh, you know, my experience with this
274
00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:28,605
is totally different.
275
00:11:28,730 --> 00:11:31,816
I dated a lot in my 20s and 30s.
276
00:11:31,941 --> 00:11:33,985
I mean, sometimes you just don't know
277
00:11:34,110 --> 00:11:37,447
what your favorite dish is
until you sample the buffet.
278
00:11:37,572 --> 00:11:40,825
Maybe you try a spicy chile relleno
279
00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:44,412
or a hearty bowl of borscht,
280
00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:46,080
which is great
281
00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:49,667
until you find it shaving
its back with your razor.
282
00:11:50,335 --> 00:11:52,170
Okay, this was all just a lame excuse
283
00:11:52,295 --> 00:11:54,255
to talk me out of marrying Aldo.
284
00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:55,715
Did my mom put you guys up to this?
285
00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:57,717
No, your mom had nothing to do with it.
286
00:11:57,842 --> 00:11:58,760
It was all Becky.
287
00:11:58,885 --> 00:12:00,637
Hey!
288
00:12:00,762 --> 00:12:04,098
We all agreed you were too young
to jump into marriage.
289
00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:05,350
That's right.
290
00:12:05,475 --> 00:12:07,352
Oh, what are you doing here?
291
00:12:07,477 --> 00:12:08,895
Well, I promise
292
00:12:09,020 --> 00:12:11,356
this is the only time
you're gonna hear this.
293
00:12:11,481 --> 00:12:13,358
My son is a man-baby
294
00:12:13,483 --> 00:12:16,986
who will ruin your life
if you stay with him.
295
00:12:17,111 --> 00:12:18,988
You said that the first time I met you.
296
00:12:19,113 --> 00:12:22,033
And how did that work for you?
297
00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:24,369
If you can't accept Aldo
as a part of the family,
298
00:12:24,494 --> 00:12:26,621
then maybe I don't want to be
a part of this family anymore.
299
00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:29,499
Okay, okay, we've said our piece.
300
00:12:29,624 --> 00:12:31,751
If this is what you really want,
301
00:12:31,876 --> 00:12:33,962
we will buckle in and support you, okay?
302
00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:35,255
Okay.
303
00:12:35,380 --> 00:12:37,632
The only upside is that
now you guys feel guilty enough
304
00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:39,384
to throw me a real bachelorette party
305
00:12:39,509 --> 00:12:41,135
with cut dudes shaking their junk.
306
00:12:41,261 --> 00:12:42,637
See ya.
307
00:12:45,056 --> 00:12:46,599
You're the single one, right?
308
00:12:47,934 --> 00:12:49,769
Yeah.
309
00:12:49,894 --> 00:12:52,146
Hey, uh, is Harris here?
310
00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:53,564
No, she left.
311
00:12:53,690 --> 00:12:55,692
W... Did you chase her away?
312
00:12:55,817 --> 00:12:57,193
I told you to stay out of it.
313
00:12:57,318 --> 00:12:58,569
No.
314
00:12:58,695 --> 00:13:00,196
I didn't chase her away,
315
00:13:00,321 --> 00:13:02,699
and I don't want to chase you away.
316
00:13:02,824 --> 00:13:05,159
How can I make things better?
317
00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:06,828
I know you're going to curse this union
318
00:13:06,953 --> 00:13:08,246
for the rest of your life.
319
00:13:08,371 --> 00:13:11,082
Uh, I just want your blessing.
320
00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:17,213
I'm against this
with every fiber of my being.
321
00:13:17,338 --> 00:13:19,590
And I give you my blessing.
322
00:13:21,676 --> 00:13:22,719
Thank you.
323
00:13:22,844 --> 00:13:25,638
I'm always proud of you, son.
324
00:13:25,763 --> 00:13:28,683
Just not of what you're doing
and who you are.
325
00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:33,855
Now you're gonna make me cry.
326
00:13:33,980 --> 00:13:36,649
Jesse, Aldo's got to go find Harris.
327
00:13:36,774 --> 00:13:38,192
How about I buy you a drink?
328
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:39,152
Cool!
329
00:13:39,277 --> 00:13:41,321
I'll teach you a drinking game.
330
00:13:41,446 --> 00:13:43,197
Step one, you have a drink.
331
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:45,950
Step two, you have another drink.
332
00:13:46,075 --> 00:13:49,037
Step three, go back to step one.
333
00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:53,499
So if my dad didn't chase Harris away,
334
00:13:53,624 --> 00:13:55,001
why isn't she here?
335
00:13:55,126 --> 00:13:56,753
Because we were telling her
to think twice
336
00:13:56,878 --> 00:13:58,504
about getting married at her age.
337
00:13:58,629 --> 00:14:00,882
[Sighs] You guys got to stop
doing that crap
338
00:14:01,007 --> 00:14:03,760
or you won't be invited
to the baby shower.
339
00:14:03,885 --> 00:14:05,053
Oh, my God.
340
00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:07,638
Harris is pregnant?
341
00:14:07,764 --> 00:14:09,640
That's why she feels
she has to marry you.
342
00:14:09,766 --> 00:14:12,602
She's terrified and desperate.
343
00:14:12,727 --> 00:14:16,105
No. She's not pregnant, but thank you.
344
00:14:17,398 --> 00:14:19,609
But we do need some baby stuff
345
00:14:19,734 --> 00:14:21,361
'cause we're gonna start
trying for a kid
346
00:14:21,486 --> 00:14:23,071
right after we get married.
347
00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:25,740
Harris is okay with having
a baby that fast?
348
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:27,200
Yeah, probably.
349
00:14:28,451 --> 00:14:30,370
Well, maybe you should
check in with your bride-to-be
350
00:14:30,495 --> 00:14:32,246
about the timing.
351
00:14:32,371 --> 00:14:34,457
Maybe she has plans for her uterus
352
00:14:34,582 --> 00:14:36,084
that you don't know about.
353
00:14:37,752 --> 00:14:39,796
You don't know what a uterus is, do you?
354
00:14:39,921 --> 00:14:41,798
[Scoffs] I... Well,
355
00:14:41,923 --> 00:14:43,716
I know we all have one.
356
00:14:48,262 --> 00:14:50,848
Hey, I'm just heading out
to my company retreat now.
357
00:14:50,973 --> 00:14:51,933
See ya Monday.
358
00:14:52,058 --> 00:14:53,434
Got a second?
359
00:14:53,559 --> 00:14:54,769
Uh, can I talk to you when I get back?
360
00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:57,230
Oh, sure, sure.
I just wanted to say thank you.
361
00:14:57,355 --> 00:14:59,816
When you bought a man's
wedding band today
362
00:14:59,941 --> 00:15:02,068
from the place
where I got Louise's ring,
363
00:15:02,193 --> 00:15:04,445
they e-mailed me a $25 gift certificate
364
00:15:04,570 --> 00:15:06,697
for the referral.
365
00:15:08,199 --> 00:15:10,159
Why do you need a wedding band?
366
00:15:10,284 --> 00:15:11,536
Um...
367
00:15:11,661 --> 00:15:12,912
Well, you know what they say.
368
00:15:13,037 --> 00:15:15,456
Uh, when you... when you
want something to happen,
369
00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:17,208
you have to manifest it.
370
00:15:17,333 --> 00:15:19,961
So hey, universe, I got the ring,
371
00:15:20,086 --> 00:15:21,587
now bring me a man!
372
00:15:23,047 --> 00:15:26,926
Apparently you bought a man's
and a woman's wedding band.
373
00:15:27,051 --> 00:15:29,637
Well, I-I do not want
the universe to think
374
00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:31,347
that I'm narrow-minded.
375
00:15:33,808 --> 00:15:35,810
Uh, it's... it's about
what's in somebody's heart,
376
00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:36,811
not what's in their pants.
377
00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:38,521
- I gotta go.
- Have a good trip.
378
00:15:38,646 --> 00:15:40,231
Oh, just one more thing.
379
00:15:40,356 --> 00:15:42,316
This is probably nothing.
380
00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:45,069
But it seems like you're
running off to get married,
381
00:15:45,194 --> 00:15:47,155
and it could really only be to Ben.
382
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:48,448
[Laughs]
383
00:15:48,573 --> 00:15:50,324
Oh, my God.
384
00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:52,326
Yeah, a wedding ring must mean
385
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:55,705
that I'm getting married,
and it could only be to Ben.
386
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,960
Please don't tell anybody.
387
00:16:04,547 --> 00:16:05,756
Hang on.
388
00:16:05,882 --> 00:16:08,509
After all you've put us
through with that relationship,
389
00:16:08,634 --> 00:16:10,052
you're going to run off and elope?
390
00:16:10,178 --> 00:16:13,973
Listen, I-I-I tried one wedding
with all of you guys there.
391
00:16:14,098 --> 00:16:16,142
Let me try one now with
nobody there, and if it sticks,
392
00:16:16,267 --> 00:16:17,977
I'll know that you people
are the problem.
393
00:16:18,102 --> 00:16:20,146
Okay? Bye.
394
00:16:20,271 --> 00:16:21,564
Not so fast.
395
00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:22,565
[Sighs]
396
00:16:22,690 --> 00:16:25,568
Come on. I've put Ben through
so much with this family.
397
00:16:25,693 --> 00:16:27,111
He and I just want a quiet ceremony.
398
00:16:27,236 --> 00:16:28,988
I don't think that's too much to ask.
399
00:16:29,113 --> 00:16:31,032
Is Ben waiting outside?
400
00:16:31,157 --> 00:16:32,366
Yes.
401
00:16:33,743 --> 00:16:35,161
Tell him to come in.
402
00:16:35,286 --> 00:16:36,454
[Sighs]
403
00:16:38,039 --> 00:16:39,165
Ben!
404
00:16:39,290 --> 00:16:41,792
BEN: I'm not here.
405
00:16:41,918 --> 00:16:45,546
No, my dad knows. It's okay. Come in.
406
00:16:45,671 --> 00:16:48,508
It's gonna take a second.
He's crouching behind a bush.
407
00:16:49,550 --> 00:16:52,512
[Sighs] This was not the plan.
408
00:16:52,637 --> 00:16:54,805
Listen, I know you've had issues
409
00:16:54,931 --> 00:16:57,683
with Darlene putting
this family before you.
410
00:16:57,808 --> 00:16:59,810
So if letting us be
a part of your special day
411
00:16:59,936 --> 00:17:03,022
is too much to ask, I get it.
412
00:17:03,147 --> 00:17:05,942
I just want to shake your hand
and say congratulations.
413
00:17:07,401 --> 00:17:09,570
Thanks, Dan. You're a good man.
414
00:17:09,695 --> 00:17:10,571
So are you.
415
00:17:10,696 --> 00:17:12,532
Become like a son to me.
416
00:17:12,657 --> 00:17:13,950
And even if I can't be there,
417
00:17:14,075 --> 00:17:15,826
just knowing that my daughter
is marrying you,
418
00:17:15,952 --> 00:17:17,286
that's all I need.
419
00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:20,122
I appreciate that.
420
00:17:20,248 --> 00:17:23,543
Maybe if you could remember,
you can take a picture
421
00:17:23,668 --> 00:17:25,503
so at least I could pretend I was there.
422
00:17:25,628 --> 00:17:26,462
Dad.
423
00:17:26,587 --> 00:17:28,798
And if I don't make it to tomorrow,
424
00:17:28,923 --> 00:17:31,759
I-I can pass knowing that
my daughter's in good hands.
425
00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:33,469
Oh, my God, stop.
426
00:17:33,594 --> 00:17:36,973
Now, this is pathetic, manipulative,
427
00:17:37,098 --> 00:17:38,432
and it's working.
428
00:17:39,767 --> 00:17:41,686
All right, look, Darlene and I will talk
429
00:17:41,811 --> 00:17:45,273
about joining your damn circus wedding.
430
00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:47,149
Only if you want to.
431
00:17:47,275 --> 00:17:49,694
Oh, shut up.
432
00:17:50,987 --> 00:17:52,655
- No, do not let him pull you in.
- [Sighs]
433
00:17:52,780 --> 00:17:54,323
We are walking out that door right now,
434
00:17:54,448 --> 00:17:55,449
and we're getting married.
435
00:17:55,575 --> 00:17:56,826
I may be reading between the lines,
436
00:17:56,951 --> 00:17:58,786
but it seemed like
a really big deal to your dad.
437
00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:01,247
Well, he's a grown man,
and he will get over it.
438
00:18:01,372 --> 00:18:04,959
It's okay, Ben.
I'm being a selfish old man.
439
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:08,170
I get why Darlene doesn't want
to be a part of this craziness.
440
00:18:08,296 --> 00:18:10,840
She doesn't owe anybody
in this family anything.
441
00:18:10,965 --> 00:18:14,051
You guys just... go do your thing.
442
00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:17,430
That is just another manipulation.
443
00:18:17,555 --> 00:18:19,307
He's coming back.
444
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:25,021
Do you think he meant it that time?
445
00:18:25,146 --> 00:18:27,315
[Sighs] I don't know. He might have.
446
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:30,651
Oh, God, my stomach hurts.
I feel horrible.
447
00:18:30,776 --> 00:18:31,652
I just want you to know,
448
00:18:31,777 --> 00:18:33,029
that wasn't being manipulative...
449
00:18:33,154 --> 00:18:35,114
That was real.
450
00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:38,492
Well, we're never gonna beat that.
451
00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:40,161
[Sighs]
452
00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:41,829
Okay, fine, we're staying!
453
00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:44,457
You win, you crafty old bastard!
454
00:18:46,417 --> 00:18:48,210
DAN: Only if you want to!
455
00:18:48,336 --> 00:18:50,254
[Laughs]
456
00:18:51,756 --> 00:18:53,174
Hey, um, real quick,
457
00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:55,092
before we go in, it's no big deal,
458
00:18:55,217 --> 00:18:57,136
but your Aunt Becky
thought I should tell you
459
00:18:57,261 --> 00:18:59,680
I want us to have a kid
right after we get married.
460
00:18:59,805 --> 00:19:01,724
- Wow.
- Yeah.
461
00:19:01,849 --> 00:19:04,810
Well, I-I mean, that's kind of big.
462
00:19:04,935 --> 00:19:06,395
We haven't really talked about that.
463
00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:07,563
Oh, yeah, yeah, we did.
464
00:19:07,688 --> 00:19:11,442
Uh, I said, "I want a kid,"
and you said, "Yeah."
465
00:19:12,318 --> 00:19:13,694
Right, right.
466
00:19:13,819 --> 00:19:15,905
We talked about maybe having a kid,
467
00:19:16,030 --> 00:19:19,408
but I thought we were talking
about, like, much, much later.
468
00:19:19,533 --> 00:19:20,493
Oh.
469
00:19:20,618 --> 00:19:22,370
You're already a dad. What's the rush?
470
00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:25,748
I'm not getting any younger,
and old sperm is dumb sperm.
471
00:19:25,873 --> 00:19:27,166
I want to get my swimmers in there
472
00:19:27,291 --> 00:19:29,126
while they still know which way to go.
473
00:19:29,251 --> 00:19:31,587
Well, that's beautiful and all, but...
474
00:19:31,712 --> 00:19:33,506
I know. I just love you so much.
475
00:19:33,631 --> 00:19:35,049
- [Scoffs]
- [Chuckles]
476
00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:37,885
We're gonna have the best babies.
477
00:19:42,431 --> 00:19:44,100
Okay, okay, there you guys are.
478
00:19:44,225 --> 00:19:46,018
Ben, Darlene, you don't have
to stay for this part.
479
00:19:46,143 --> 00:19:48,104
This is just for the couples
getting married.
480
00:19:48,229 --> 00:19:49,689
Oh.
481
00:19:49,814 --> 00:19:51,816
About that.
482
00:19:51,941 --> 00:19:54,235
Uh, Ben and I are going to
get married with you.
483
00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:55,528
No!
484
00:19:55,653 --> 00:19:56,862
Oh, my God!
485
00:19:56,987 --> 00:19:58,781
Oh, my God!
486
00:19:58,906 --> 00:20:00,783
Oh, my God!
487
00:20:00,908 --> 00:20:02,702
[Laughing]
488
00:20:02,827 --> 00:20:04,787
Aaaaah!
489
00:20:04,912 --> 00:20:07,873
Okay. We're collapsing my vertebrae.
490
00:20:07,998 --> 00:20:09,250
Time to stop.
491
00:20:09,375 --> 00:20:11,752
You guys are gonna be so happy
you decided to join us.
492
00:20:11,877 --> 00:20:13,367
Oh, my God, yes, you are.
493
00:20:13,429 --> 00:20:16,674
Okay, now, um, last time we talked,
494
00:20:16,799 --> 00:20:20,094
there were some
crazy ideas being thrown around
495
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:20,970
about the wedding.
496
00:20:21,095 --> 00:20:22,930
So imagine this.
497
00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:24,098
Oh, my God.
498
00:20:25,099 --> 00:20:26,976
The wedding march starts.
499
00:20:27,101 --> 00:20:29,895
We all walk in...
500
00:20:30,020 --> 00:20:33,149
covered in live butterflies.
501
00:20:33,274 --> 00:20:36,110
I think it would be so spectacular.
502
00:20:36,235 --> 00:20:40,364
We will, however, have to
coat ourselves in nectar.
503
00:20:41,824 --> 00:20:43,159
Bad idea.
504
00:20:43,284 --> 00:20:45,828
Tigers love nectar.
505
00:20:47,329 --> 00:20:50,082
Well, I hope so
'cause I want to go quick.
506
00:20:53,169 --> 00:20:55,337
Oh, Dan, can I talk to you?
507
00:20:55,463 --> 00:20:57,757
I guess we'll find out. Go ahead.
508
00:20:57,882 --> 00:21:01,302
I know how Jackie feels,
but I'm thinking
509
00:21:01,427 --> 00:21:04,054
of inviting her mother to the wedding.
510
00:21:04,180 --> 00:21:06,307
She's never had a good
relationship with her mom,
511
00:21:06,432 --> 00:21:09,018
and I think I can be
the salve on that wound.
512
00:21:09,143 --> 00:21:10,352
That's not a wound.
513
00:21:10,478 --> 00:21:12,438
That's a dead foot. Gotta cut it off.
514
00:21:13,731 --> 00:21:15,232
You may have blown it
a little out of proportion.
515
00:21:15,357 --> 00:21:18,027
I mean, what guy doesn't
hate his mother-in-law
516
00:21:18,152 --> 00:21:19,904
and have all kinds of stories?
517
00:21:20,029 --> 00:21:21,697
She's a human being like the rest of us.
518
00:21:21,822 --> 00:21:24,700
No, she can assume
the form of a human being.
519
00:21:24,825 --> 00:21:26,202
But it's just a trap.